The Tidal Zone
by TomSurfing
Summary: SpongeBob parodies Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone! Welcome to The Tidal Zone spinoff series of 75 short stories of dark comedy, science fiction, and horror with your favorite SpongeBob characters!
1. The Tidal Zone Series

_THE TIDAL ZONE_

BY JAIME GOMEZ JR.

DEDICATED TO ROD SERLING AND HIS ENDURING LEGACY OF SERVING MAN…

**[SORRY ABOUT THE ALL-CAPS. I HAVE BAD EYESIGHT, SO I NEED ALL-CAPS TO READ AND WRITE WELL.]**

**1 INTRODUCTION STORY ONE **

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ CREEPY THEME MUSIC BEGINS. THERE IS A CLEAR NIGHT SKY FULL OF MANY SHOOTING STARS. A LARGE, DARK CLOUD MOVES ACROSS THE SKY TO REVEAL A FULL MOON WITH THE LARGE WORD "CHEESY" WRITTEN ON ITS SURFACE. OCEAN WAVES CRASH ONTO A BEACH SHORE BELOW. TOM SURFING BEGINS HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: THERE IS A SLIPPERY SECTOR, BEYOND THAT WHICH IS TEEMING WITH SEA MEN…**

[A "WET FLOOR" SIGN WITH BLINKING LIGHTS ON IT FALLS OUT OF THE CLOUD AND SINKS INTO THE WATERS.]

**TOM SURFING: IT IS A WATERY WORLD AS SPACIOUS AS OUTER SPACE, AND AS ETERNAL AS TEMPORAL ETERNITY…**

[A SPONGY HYPERCUBE FALLS FROM THE CLOUD AND SINKS INTO THE WATERS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST PIRATE SHIP APPEARS OVER THE HORIZON OF THE WATERS.]

**TOM SURFING: IT IS THE SEA LANE BETWEEN LOW AND HIGH TIDES, BETWEEN SCIENTIFIC OCEANOGRAPHERS AND SUPERSTITIOUS SAILORS, AND ITS WAVES CRASH BETWEEN THE DEPTHS OF THE DARKEST WATERS AND THE FLOATING OF THE BRIGHTEST JELLYFISH…**

[BRIGHTLY SHINING JELLYFISH FLOAT ACROSS AND LIGHT UP THE WATERS' SURFACE. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP FIRES A CANNON BALL TOWARDS THE VIEWER. THE CANNON BALL EXPLODES IN THE WATERS, CAUSING SMOKE TO RISE ABOVE THE WATERS AND TO FORM THE TITLE, "THE TIDAL ZONE." TOM SURFING CONCLUDES HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: THIS IS THE WET CLOSET OF ALL SEA MONSTERS. IT IS THE WILD POOL GAME KNOWN ONLY AS…THE TIDAL ZONE!**

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ THEME MUSIC CLIMAXES AND ENDS.]

**2 INTRODUCTION STORY TWO **

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ CREEPY THEME MUSIC BEGINS. THERE IS A CLEAR NIGHT SKY FULL OF MANY TWINKLING STARS. HUGE, SHARP ROCKS ARE AMONG THE OCEAN WATERS BELOW. TOM SURFING BEGINS HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: YOU'RE SWIMMING THROUGH A NO-SWIMMING SECTOR…**

[THERE IS A BEACH SHORE WHERE THERE IS A "NO SWIMMING OR CHUNKY DUNKING" SIGN ON THE SANDY GROUND.]

**TOM SURFING: A SLIPPERY SECTOR WHOSE CHILLY WATERS CAUSE SHRINKAGE OF BOTH BODY AND MIND…**

[PUFFER FISH FLOATING ACROSS THE WATERS' SURFACE SHRINK AND EXPAND REPEATEDLY. A HUGE WHIRLPOOL FORMS IN THE WATERS AND DRAGS THE PUFFER FISH INTO ITSELF.]

**TOM SURFING: A TITANIC OCEANIC VOYAGE WHERE SEA MEN FEAR DROWNING IN THE DEEPEST BIKINI BOTTOMS…**

[THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST PIRATE SHIP APPEARS OVER THE HORIZON OF THE WATERS. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP IS DRAGGED INTO THE RAPIDLY SPINNING WHIRLPOOL. A BUOY, WITH A SIGN THAT READS "BOO!" ON ITS TOP, FLOATING ACROSS THE WATERS' SURFACE HAS THE TITLE, "THE TIDAL ZONE," WRITTEN ON ITS MIDDLE. THE BUOY IS DRAGGED INTO THE POWERFUL WHIRLPOOL. TOM SURFING CONCLUDES HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: THAT'S A BUOY FAR ABOVE, YOUR NEXT SHIPWRECK…THE TIDAL ZONE!**

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ THEME MUSIC CLIMAXES AND ENDS.]

**3 INTRODUCTORY STORY THREE **

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ CREEPY THEME MUSIC BEGINS. THERE IS A CLEAR EARLY MORNING SKY. THE RISING SUN IS DIM ABOVE THE OCEAN WATERS. WATER CYCLONES ABOVE THE WATERS FORM AND SPIN ACROSS THE WATERS' SURFACE. SHARK FINS RACE ACROSS THE WATERS' SURFACE AS THE SHARKS CHASE A PANICKING MAN IN A WET BUSINESS SUIT PADDLING A CANOE TO ESCAPE THEM. TOM SURFING BEGINS HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: YOU SWIM THROUGH THESE WATERS IN AN IMAGINARY SPEEDO…**

[A THOUGHT CLOUD FORMS ABOVE THE MAN'S HEAD. INSIDE THE THOUGHT CLOUD, A SMALL SPEEDO APPEARS AND DISAPPEARS.]

**TOM SURFING: DEEP BELOW THEM IS NAUTICAL NONSENSE FULL OF CRAMPS, DROWNING, AND SHRINKAGE OF BOTH BODY AND MIND… **

[INSIDE THE THOUGHT CLOUD, SPONGEBOB WEARING SWIM SHORTS AND SANDALS APPEARS, EXPERIENCES PAINFUL STOMACH CRAMPS, AND DISAPPEARS. INSIDE THE THOUGHT CLOUD, PATRICK IN A BATH TUB FULL OF SOAP BUBBLES APPEARS, SEEMS TO BE DROWNING IN THE SOAPY WATERS, AND DISAPPEARS. INSIDE THE THOUGHT CLOUD, A BLOATED MRS. PUFF APPEARS, DEFLATES, AND DISAPPEARS.]

**TOM SURFING: YOU'RE SINKING INTO A SEA OF BOTH CREEPY PREDATORS AND HELPLESS PREY, OF LIVING SWIMMERS AND LIFELESS WHIRLPOOLS…**

[AS THE SHARKS CLOSE IN ON THE CANOE, THE MAN SUDDENLY DIVES INTO THE WATERS, THE RAVENOUS SHARKS LEAP LIKE DOLPHINS ABOVE THE WATERS, AND THE SHARKS CRASH BACK INTO THE WATERS TO CHASE THE DESPERATE MAN. IN THE SKY ABOVE, THE MOON SUDDENLY APPEARS AND ECLIPSES THE SUN TO COVER THE OCEAN WATERS IN DARKNESS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST PIRATE SHIP APPEARS AND GLOWS IN THE DARKNESS ABOVE THE WATERS. ON THE FLAG OF THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP IS THE TITLE "THE TIDAL ZONE." TOM SURFING CONCLUDES HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: YOU'VE JUST BEEN UNWILLINGLY DRAGGED BY THE HIGH TIDES AND YOUR BRATTY KIDS INTO…THE TIDAL ZONE!**

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ THEME MUSIC CLIMAXES AND ENDS.]

**1 EPISODE ONE: SEAWORLD OF THE APES**

**TOM SURFING: HOW MANY MONKEYS DOES IT TAKE TO CREATE A NEW FUTURE? MAYBE THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT QUESTION, BECAUSE IT ONLY TAKES ONE WESTERN SQUIRREL AND ONE CLUMSY SPONGE TO DO SO. HOPEFULLY, YOU NEVER GET TEMPTED TO PLAY THE GAME OF TIME TRAVEL, WHICH SHOULD BE CONFINED ONLY…TO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**CHAPTER 1 – THE RED PLANET**

DRESSED AS ASTRONAUTS, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND SANDY CHEEKS GO ON AN OUTER SPACE MISSION IN SANDY'S SPACE ROCKET TO THE PLANET MARS. ON MARS, THE TWO ASTRONAUTS SEEM TO UNCOVER THE RUINS OF A PAST ALIEN CIVILIZATION. THE RUINS REVEAL THAT MARS WAS ONCE INHABITED LONG AGO BY AN ADVANCED ALIEN CIVILIZATION OF A MONKEY-LIKE SPECIES, WHICH APPARENTLY DESTROYED ITSELF IN THE SEARCH FOR AN "ULTIMATE WEAPON," WHICH RESEMBLED A GIANT BANANA. DISTURBED BY THE RUINS, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY DECIDE TO DEPART IN THE ROCKET FROM MARS BACK TO EARTH.

**CHAPTER 2 – SIMIAN SEAWORLD**

RETURNING IN THE ROCKET TO EARTH, SPONGEBOB ACCIDENTALLY CAUSES THE ROCKET'S SPEED TO DRASTICALLY ACCELERATE, BREAKING THE SPEED-O-METER TO PASS THE SPEED-O-METER'S "EINSTEINIAN BARRIER." WITH THE ROCKET'S ENGINES DAMAGED AND THE ROCKET APPARENTLY BREAKING THE SPEED OF LIGHT BARRIER TO TIME TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE, THE ROCKET FINALLY CRASH LANDS BACK ON EARTH NEAR THE WATERY OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM. RELIEVED THAT THEY ARE BOTH STILL ALIVE AND ARE BACK HOME AND HOPING THAT THEY BOTH DID NOT TIME TRAVEL TOO FAR INTO THE FUTURE OR DRASTICALLY ALTER THE FUTURE BY THEIR TIME TRAVEL, SANDY AND SPONGEBOB HIKE BACK TOWARDS THE CITY, LEAVING THE DAMAGED ROCKET BEHIND. HOWEVER, UPON ENTERING THE CITY, BOTH DISCOVER VARIOUS BIZARRE CHANGES. THE CITY IS COVERED IN VAST AMOUNTS OF ALGAE, MOSS, KELP, AND SEAWEED, AS IF IN A JUNGLE; ALL PAST HOMES AND BUILDINGS ARE REPLACED WITH TREE DOMES, WHICH RESEMBLE SANDY'S TREE DOME; ALL SEA CREATURES ARE NOW SLAVES OF ASTRONAUT APES, WEARING ASTRONAUT SUITS LIKE SANDY'S ASTRONAUT SUIT TO LIVE UNDERWATER, FROM ABOVE THE SEA, WHO SEEM TO BE THE BUILDERS OF THE TREE DOMES JUST LIKE SANDY'S PAST PRIMATE EMPLOYERS; THE SEA CREATURE SLAVES ARE FORCED BY THEIR APE MASTERS TO WORK, WITH WATER HELMET SUITS ON, ON BANANA PLANTATIONS IN THE MANY TREE DOMES; THE APE PLANTATION OWNERS ARE CHIMPANZEES, WHO PUNISH THEIR AQUATIC SLAVES BY SPANKING THEM WITH LARGE WOODEN PADDLES; THE MAYOR OF THE CITY IS AN ORANGUTAN; THERE ARE BABOON SPIES EVERYWHERE THAT WORK TO CAPTURE RUNAWAY AQUATIC SLAVES; THE CITY IS A POLICE STATE WITH ITS OPPRESSIVE POLICE CONSISTING OF GORILLAS ARMED WITH FISH NETS, YELLOW SUBMARINES WITH BANANA MISSILES, GUNS THAT SHOOT OUT BANANA PEELS, AND VARIOUS TRIBAL WEAPONRY, INCLUDING SPEARS, ROCKS, AND BOWS AND ARROWS; AND THE GORILLA POLICE ALSO RIDE GREAT WHITE SHARKS, WHOM THEY TREAT AS LOYAL AGGRESSIVE PETS, WHO HELP THE APES OPPRESS THE OTHER SEA CREATURES. THE CITY'S NAME IS NO LONGER BIKINI BOTTOM, AND THE NEW APE CITY IS CALLED "SIMIAN SEAWORLD."

**CHAPTER 3 – MONKEY GAMES**

THEIR TIME TRAVEL JOURNEY, ACCORDING TO THE CALENDARS IN THE CITY, APPEARS TO HAVE TAKEN SANDY AND SPONGEBOB A CENTURY INTO THE FUTURE TO A NEW DYSTOPIAN VERSION OF BIKINI BOTTOM. APPARENTLY, DUE TO THE 100 YEARS THAT HAVE ELAPSED, ALL OF THEIR FRIENDS AND RELATIVES ARE NOW DEAD FROM OLD AGE. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ARE IMMEDIATELY DETECTED AND PURSUED BY THE GORILLA POLICE, WHOM THEY EVADE. WHILE IN HIDING AND DISGUISED IN GORILLA COSTUMES THEY STEAL FROM A LOCAL HALLOWEEN STORE, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY DISCUSS WHAT HAS GONE WRONG. SANDY HYPOTHESIZES THAT THE ROCKET'S BREAKING OF THE SPEED OF LIGHT BARRIER MUST HAVE DRASTICALLY DISTORTED THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM OF THEIR UNIVERSE, RESULTING IN THE BRANCHING OF AN ALTERNATE PARALLEL UNIVERSE FROM THEIR OWN ORIGINAL UNIVERSE, AND THAT THEY ARE NOW IN THAT ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. HORRIFIED BY HER CONCLUSION, THEY DECIDE TO STEAL THE NECESSARY SPACE ROCKET EQUIPMENT FROM THE CITY'S SPACE MONKEY PROGRAM HEADQUARTERS RUN BY MONKEY ASTRONAUTS AND SCIENTISTS. THE SPACE MONKEY PROGRAM IS CALLED THE PRIMATE AERONAUTICS AND SPACE SEA ADMINISTRATION (PASSA). SANDY AND SPONGEBOB PLAN TO STEAL THE ROCKET EQUIPMENT TO REPAIR THEIR ROCKET AND THEN TO ONCE AGAIN USE THEIR ROCKET TO BREAK THE SPEED OF LIGHT TO RETURN TO THEIR ORIGINAL UNIVERSE AND THE NORMAL BIKINI BOTTOM. THE OTHER BANANA-SHAPED SPACE ROCKETS OF THE APES APPEAR TO BE TOO PRIMITIVE AND TOO HEAVILY GUARDED FOR THEM TO STEAL AND USE FOR SPACE AND TIME TRAVEL.

**CHAPTER 4 – LET MY SWIMMERS GO**

WHILE INFILTRATING THE SPACE PROGRAM HEADQUARTERS IN THEIR APE COSTUMES, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY MEET AND BEFRIEND AN OLD LEMUR MONKEY SCIENTIST NAMED MOZEZ, A SECRET ABOLITIONIST WHO IS SYMPATHETIC TO THE ABUSED SEA CREATURE SLAVES BUT RELUCTANT TO OPENLY EXPRESS HIS SYMPATHIES FOR FEAR OF PERSECUTION BY HIS FELLOW PRIMATES. VIA SPACE ROCKETS, MOZEZ HOPES TO ONE DAY LEAD A MASSIVE EXODUS OF THE AQUATIC SLAVES TO MARS WHERE WATER IS RUMORED TO EXIST AND WHERE HE AND THE AQUATIC CREATURES CAN LIVE IN PEACE AND DEVELOP A NEW EGALITARIAN CIVILIZATION WITH 10 ULTIMATE ANTI-SLAVERY LAWS. HOPING FOR HIS HELP TO STEAL THE NECESSARY ROCKET EQUIPMENT, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY REVEAL THEIR TRUE SPECIES TYPES TO MOZEZ, WHO DECIDES TO HELP THEM BY TELLING THEM THAT THE NECESSARY ROCKET EQUIPMENT IS AT THE SPACE PROGRAM'S FACTORIES. HOWEVER, BABOON SPIES, WHO HAVE BEEN SPYING ON MOZEZ AND ARE SUSPICIOUS OF HIS SECRET FEELINGS TOWARDS AQUATIC SLAVES, WITNESS THE SECRET MEETING BETWEEN MOZEZ AND SPONGEBOB AND SANDY. AFTER SPONGEBOB AND SANDY LEAVE TO THE FACTORIES, THE BABOON SPIES ARREST MOZEZ, BUT MOZEZ CLAIMS TO HAVE KNOWN OF THEIR PRESENCE AND CLAIMS HE IS A SECRET GOVERNMENT AGENT WHO HELPS CAPTURE RUNAWAY AQUATIC SLAVES UNDER THE GUISE OF BEING SYMPATHETIC TO THEM. THE BABOON SPIES, NOW LED BY MOZEZ, CAPTURE SPONGEBOB AND SANDY IN THE FACTORIES OF THE SPACE PROGRAM BEFORE THEY CAN STEAL THE ROCKET EQUIPMENT. SPONGEBOB ANGRILY TELLS THE BABOON SPIES, "GET YOUR STINKY MITTS OFF US, YOU DIRTY ROTTEN MONKEYS!" THE ANGRY BABOONS RIP OFF SPONGEBOB'S ARMS, BUT HIS SPONGY ARMS QUICKLY GROW BACK, CAUSING THE CONFUSED BABOONS TO CONTINUALLY RIP OFF HIS ARMS THAT CONTINUE TO GROW BACK. AS THEY ARE ARRESTED, SANDY AND SPONGEBOB REVEAL THEIR SORROW AND ANGER AT MOZEZ'S BETRAYAL, BUT MOZEZ SIMPLY SAYS THAT THEY SHOULD NEVER TRUST AN APE.

**CHAPTER 5 – DR. ZEUS**

THE BABOON SPIES AND MOZEZ TAKE SPONGEBOB AND SANDY TO THE ORANGUTAN MAYOR OF THE CITY. THE ORANGUTAN MAYOR IS VISITING THE SPACE PROGRAM TO OBSERVE ITS PROGRESS IN DEVELOPING SPACE ROCKETS CAPABLE OF TRAVELING TO THE MOON AND MARS IN SEARCH OF ALIEN BANANA FOOD RESERVES AND TO HAVE HIS BABOON SPIES ARREST ANY MONKEY SCIENTISTS WHO ARE SYMPATHETIC TO AQUATIC SLAVES. THE ORANGUTAN MAYOR IS NAMED DOCTOR ZEUS. DR. ZEUS CLAIMS TO HOLD A PH.D. IN TORTURE. INSIDE THE DUNGEON PRISON CELLS OF THE SPACE PROGRAM, DR. ZEUS INTERROGATES THE IMPRISONED SPONGEBOB AND SANDY, AND HE TORTURES THEM BY FORCING THEM TO EAT ROTTEN BANANA PEELS AND TO DRINK ROTTEN BANANA MILK SHAKES. DR. ZEUS REVEALS HIS PARANOID SUSPICIONS ABOUT SPONGEBOB BEING A RUNAWAY SLAVE AND SANDY BEING A COVERT SPY FROM ABOVE THE SEA, WORKING FOR ASTRONAUT SQUIRRELS, WHO WISH TO CONQUER THE APE SEA CITY TO STEAL ITS MANY BANANAS, MIX THE BANANAS WITH THEIR NUTS, AND CREATE DELICIOUS BANANA NUT ICE CREAM SUNDAES FOR ONLY SQUIRRELS TO INDULGE IN. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY, DOING THEIR BEST TO WITHSTAND THE TERRIBLE TORTURE, REVEAL THEIR TRUE TIME TRAVEL STORY TO DR. ZEUS AND CLAIM THAT THEY ONLY WANT TO REPAIR THEIR ROCKET AND LEAVE BACK TO THEIR OWN PARALLEL UNIVERSE. DR. ZEUS DOES NOT BELIEVE THEIR WILD STORY AND CLAIMS THAT ONE DAY HE WILL CREATE AN ULTIMATE WEAPON TO END ALL AQUATIC DISSENTION TO HIS APE RULE. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY, REMEMBERING THE MARTIAN RUINS, CLAIM THAT THE APES' CREATION OF A GIANT BANANA WILL ONLY RESULT IN THEIR SELF-DESTRUCTION. BEWILDERED THAT THEY SEEMINGLY KNOW ABOUT THE APES' PLANS TO HAVE THEIR AQUATIC SLAVES BUILD A GIANT BANANA, DR. ZEUS ORDERS MOZEZ, GORILLA POLICE, AND BABOON SPIES TO HAVE SPONGEBOB AND SANDY FROZEN ALIVE IN A GIANT FREEZER PRISON FULL OF BANANA FLAVORED POPSICLES FOR THE CRIMES OF ABOLITIONISM, ESPIONAGE, AND SABOTAGE. AFTER THE TORTURE SESSION IS OVER, THE EXTREMELY SICK AND FULL SPONGEBOB AND SANDY VOMIT ALL OVER DR. ZEUS, WHO ANGRILY REPEATEDLY WHIPS THEM WITH WHIPS MADE OF VERY THICK BANANA PEELS BEFORE HAVING THE OTHER APES ESCORT THEM TO THEIR ICY PRISON NEAR THE CRYOGENIC LABORATORIES OF THE SPACE PROGRAM.

**CHAPTER 6 – NEVER TRUST AN APE**

DURING SPONGEBOB'S AND SANDY'S ESCORT BY MOZEZ, GORILLA POLICE, AND BABOON SPIES RIDING GREAT WHITE SHARKS AND ARMED WITH THEIR USUAL TRIBAL WEAPONRY TO THE FREEZER PRISON, SEVERAL ABOLITIONIST LEMUR MONKEY SCIENTISTS OF THE SPACE PROGRAM, RIDING DOLPHINS AND SEAHORSES AND ARMED WITH GUNS THAT SHOOT OUT ROTTEN BANANAS AND BANANA-FLAVORED HAIL ICE CHUNKS, ARRIVE TO FREE THEM. THE ABOLITIONIST MONKEY SCIENTISTS ARE CARRYING THE ROCKET EQUIPMENT THAT SPONGEBOB AND SANDY NEED TO FIX THEIR DAMAGED ROCKET AND ESCAPE TO THEIR OWN PARALLEL UNIVERSE. APOLOGIZING TO SPONGEBOB AND SANDY FOR HIS FALSE BUT NECESSARY ACTING, MOZEZ HIMSELF TURNS AGAINST THE BABOONS AND THE GORILLAS AND REVEALS THAT HE IS THE SECRET LEADER OF THE MONKEY ABOLITIONISTS AND WAS ONLY PRETENDING TO BE WORKING WITH THE BABOON SPIES TO HELP FREE SPONGEBOB AND SANDY AT THE RIGHT TIME AFTER HIS OWN FELLOW ABOLITIONIST MONKEYS SECURED THE NECESSARY ROCKET EQUIPMENT FOR THEM. AFTER THE LEMUR MONKEY ABOLITIONISTS AND THEIR DOLPHINS AND SEAHORSES DEFEAT THE BABOONS AND GORILLAS AND THEIR SHARKS, MOZEZ TELLS SPONGEBOB AND SANDY THAT HE TOLD THEM TO NEVER TRUST AN APE AND THAT HE HIMSELF IS A MONKEY, NOT AN APE. MOZEZ REMINDS THEM THAT MONKEYS HAVE TAILS AND APES DO NOT HAVE TAILS. HOWEVER, MOZEZ ASSURES THEM THAT NOT ALL MONKEYS ARE FRIENDLY TO SEA CREATURES, BUT THAT THE LEMUR MONKEYS ARE THE ONLY SECRET PRIMATE ABOLITIONISTS IN THE CITY. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY FORGIVE MOZEZ, THANK THE OTHER LEMUR MONKEYS FOR THEIR HELP AND BRAVERY, AND THEY ALL AGREE THAT THEY ARE FRIENDS FOREVER NO MATTER WHAT PARALLEL UNIVERSE THEY COME FROM. MOZEZ, THE ABOLITIONIST MONKEY SCIENTISTS, SPONGEBOB, AND SANDY THEN RIDE THE SEAHORSES AND DOLPHINS TO THE DAMAGED ROCKET. DURING THE JOURNEY, THE ABOLITIONIST MONKEYS REVEAL TO SPONGEBOB AND SANDY THAT THEY HAVE BEGUN TO CREATE AN "UNDERGROUND RAILROAD" THROUGH THE CITY SEWERS TO HELP AQUATIC SLAVES ESCAPE THE CITY.

**CHAPTER 7 – ESCAPE TO BIKINI BOTTOM**

WHEN THE LEMUR GROUP AND SPONGEBOB AND SANDY REACH SANDY'S ROCKET OUTSIDE THE CITY, DR. ZEUS AND SEVERAL OF HIS BEST CHUNKY ASIAN SCIENTIST MONKEYS, KNOWN AS THE WISE MYSTIC MONKEY MEN, INVESTIGATING THE ROCKET'S CRASH AND HAVING ALREADY REPAIRED THE ROCKET FOR THE APE SPACE PROGRAM, ARE ALREADY WITH THE REPAIRED ROCKET. A BRUTAL, WILD PHYSICAL MONKEY FIGHT ENSUES BETWEEN THE ABOLITIONIST LEMUR MONKEYS AND DR. ZEUS' LOYAL ASIAN CHUNKY MONKEY SCIENTISTS. IN THE CHAOTIC MONKEY BRAWL, TAILS ARE RIPPED OFF, BUTTS ARE BITTEN, EYES ARE GOUGED, LIMBS ARE BROKEN, FUR IS TORN, AND FECES ARE THROWN. DECIDING TO SACRIFICE HIS LIFE TO HELP SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ESCAPE BACK TO THEIR OWN UNIVERSE, MOZEZ FIGHTS DR. ZEUS, WHILE SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ENTER THE ROCKET TO ESCAPE. AS THE ROCKET TAKES OFF, THE CHUNKY ASIAN LOYAL MONKEY SCIENTISTS DEFEAT AND ARREST THE ABOLITIONIST LEMUR MONKEYS AND DR. ZEUS, USING A LONG FROZEN BANANA AS AN ICY SWORD, BRUTALLY DEFEATS MOZEZ, WHO USES A SHEPHERD'S STAFF TO DEFEND HIMSELF. MOZEZ STRANGLES DR. ZEUS WITH THE ROUNDED TOP OF HIS STAFF, BUT DR. ZEUS PHYSICALLY OVERPOWERS THE SMALLER AND OLDER MOZEZ. DR. ZEUS CHOPS MOZEZ'S STAFF IN HALF AND THEN CHOPS OFF MOZEZ'S LONG RINGED TAIL TO KILL HIM. HOPING TO ENTER THE ROCKET AND BRING IT BACK TO THE CITY, DR. ZEUS JUMPS ONTO THE FLYING ROCKET AS IT ESCAPES, HANGING ONTO THE ROCKET'S CLOSING DOOR AS IT ENTERS THE ATMOSPHERE OF EARTH. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY USE THEIR LARGE FRONT TEETH TO BITE DR. ZEUS' FINGERS OFF AS THE ROCKET DOOR CLOSES, CAUSING DR. ZEUS TO FALL OFF THE ROCKET AS THE ROCKET ENTERS OUTER SPACE. DR. ZEUS FREEZES INTO A BLOCK OF ICE DUE TO THE COLDNESS OF OUTER SPACE AND THEN FLOATS AWAY IN THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE AS THE ROCKET PREPARES TO TIME TRAVEL BACK TO THE ORIGINAL UNIVERSE BY ONCE AGAIN BREAKING THE SPEED OF LIGHT.

**CHAPTER 8 – RISE OF THE APES**

UPON THEIR RETURN TO PRESENT-TIME EARTH IN THE ROCKET, THE ROCKET ONCE AGAIN BREAKS THE SPEED OF LIGHT TO ATTEMPT TO GO TO THE PAST OF THE ORIGINAL UNIVERSE TO RETURN SANDY AND SPONGEBOB TO THE REGULAR VERSION OF BIKINI BOTTOM. HOWEVER, INSTEAD OF LANDING IN BIKINI BOTTOM, THE EXTREMELY FAST ROCKET CRASH LANDS IN PRESENT DAY ATLANTIS. KING NEPTUNE'S MERMEN AND MERMAID MILITARY IMMEDIATELY ARRESTS SANDY AND SPONGEBOB AS SPIES TRYING TO DISCOVER HIS PLAN OF CREATING THE "ULTIMATE WEAPON," WHICH APPEARS TO BE A GIANT BANANA PEEL CAPABLE OF CAUSING ANY ENEMY OF NEARLY ANY SIZE TO FATALLY SLIP. HOWEVER, WHILE SANDY AND SPONGEBOB ARE IN PRISON, COUNTLESS ASTRONAUT APES FROM THE SURFACE ABOVE THE SEA, INCLUDING SANDY'S PRIMATE EMPLOYERS, INVADE ATLANTIS AND ARE ARMED WITH FISH NETS, YELLOW SUBMARINES WITH BANANA MISSILES, GUNS THAT SHOOT OUT BANANA PEELS, AND VARIOUS TRIBAL WEAPONRY, INCLUDING SPEARS, ROCKS, AND BOWS AND ARROWS. THE APES, WHO HAVE BEEN SECRETLY MONITORING ATLANTIS FROM ABOVE THE SEA VIA SATELLITES, BELIEVE THAT THE "ULTIMATE WEAPON," THE GIANT BANANA PEEL, ACTUALLY INCLUDES A GIANT BANANA, WHICH THEY HOPE TO STEAL AND EAT. DURING THE CHAOTIC BATTLE BETWEEN THE ATLANTIS MILITARY AND THE APE FORCES, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY BREAK OUT OF THE PRISON AND STEAL ONE OF THE APE SUBMARINES TO FLEE ATLANTIS. DURING THE BATTLE, KING NEPTUNE'S ROYAL FORCES, ARMED WITH MEDIEVAL WEAPONRY, SUFFER MANY CASUALTIES BY FREQUENTLY FATALLY SLIPPING ON THEIR OWN GIANT BANANA. HOWEVER, UPON DEFEATING KING NEPTUNE'S FORCES AND CAPTURING AND INTERROGATING KING NEPTUNE HIMSELF, THE APES REALIZE, TO THEIR DISMAY, THAT THE GIANT BANANA PEEL ONCE INCLUDED A GIANT BANANA GROWN BY KING NEPTUNE'S SCIENTISTS BUT THAT THE ROYAL GOVERNMENT OF ATLANTIS ALREADY ATE THE GIANT BANANA IN CELEBRATION OF THEIR MILITARY ACCOMPLISHMENT. THE ENRAGED APES PLACE KING NEPTUNE IN A GIANT CAGE TO KEEP HIM AS A PET JESTER, DESTROY ATLANTIS, AND THEN MOVE ON TO CONQUER BIKINI BOTTOM TO ENSLAVE ITS AQUATIC RESIDENTS AND TO FORCE THEM TO CONSTRUCT TREE DOME BANANA PLANTATIONS IN AN UNSUCCESSFUL AND BRUTAL ATTEMPT TO GROW ANOTHER MASSIVE BANANA EVEN LARGER THAN KING NEPTUNE'S PREVIOUS GIANT BANANA. THE NEW GIANT BANANA WILL BE LARGE ENOUGH TO FEED THE HUNGRY APES FOREVER AND ITS NEW GIANT BANANA PEEL WILL ACT AS THE ULTIMATE SLIPPERY WEAPON TO ENFORCE THE PRIMATE RULE OVER THE SEA FOREVER. THE TOP GENERAL OF THE APE ARMY IS DR. ZEUS HIMSELF. WITH THEIR SUBMARINE RUNNING OUT OF FUEL, SANDY AND SPONGEBOB REACH THE OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WHERE THEY SEE THE APE ARMY CONQUERING THE CITY INTO SUBMISSION. AT THE CENTER OF THE OVERWHELMED BIKINI BOTTOM, THE APES USE THEIR POWERFUL SUBMARINE BANANA WEAPONRY TO DESTROY A LARGE PUBLIC STATUE OF KING NEPTUNE THAT RESEMBLES THE REAL "STATUE OF LIBERTY."

**CHAPTER 9 – EVERYONE HATES SEAWORLD**

SANDY FINALLY REALIZES TO HER DISMAY THAT THERE NEVER WAS AN ALTERNATE BRANCHING UNIVERSE, THAT THEY HAVE BEEN TIME TRAVELING IN ONLY ONE UNIVERSE, AND THAT THE FATE OF THE UNIVERSE CANNOT BE ALTERED, BUT CAN ONLY BE FULFILLED, BY TIME TRAVEL. SANDY LAMENTS THEIR FATE AS SHE LOUDLY CRIES: "ALL THIS TIME, WE WERE JUST GOING IN CIRCLES. IT'S LIKE WE'RE STUCK IN A TIME LOOP WE CAN NEVER ESCAPE NO MATTER WHAT WE DO. THOSE CRAZY CHIMPS, THOSE FUNKY CHUNKY MONKEYS! THAT NEW GIANT BANANA WILL TRIP EVERYONE IN THE CITY TO DEATH BEFORE THEY CAN EVEN EAT IT! DARN THEM! DARN THEM ALL TO ZOOS!" THE SAD SPONGEBOB AND SANDY HIKE TO THE WILDERNESS OUTSIDE OF BIKINI BOTTOM TO ESCAPE THE APES' RULE AND TO PUT THEMSELVES INTO EXILE. SPONGEBOB NOTICES THAT IT IS IRONIC THAT THE APES NOW HAVE AN AQUATIC SOCIETY OF THEIR OWN, WHILE HE AND SANDY ARE NOW GOING TO LIVE IN THE WILDERNESS LIKE WILD APES ONCE DID ABOVE THE SEA. THEY BOTH REALIZE THAT BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION HAS MADE THE APES TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED ENOUGH TO CONQUER BOTH LAND AND SEA, BUT THAT THE APES' QUEST FOR ULTIMATE POWER AND FULFILLED GREED, SYMBOLIZED BY THEIR PLANNED GIANT BANANA SUPER WEAPON, WILL ONLY RESULT IN THE EXTINCTION OF THEMSELVES AND ALL MARINE LIFE, JUST LIKE THE MARTIAN MONKEY-LIKE ALIEN SPECIES DESTROYED ITSELF THROUGH THEIR OWN ULTIMATE BANANA-LIKE WEAPON. SANDY BELIEVES THAT THE APES EVOLVED ON DRY LAND BY COPYING AND STEALING FROM HUMAN CULTURES AND SOCIETIES, WHICH ALSO CAUSED THE APES TO DEVELOP HUMANITY'S POTENTIAL FOR CONQUEST AND DESTRUCTION, EXEMPLIFIED BY THE HISTORY OF HUMAN SLAVERY AND MAN'S CREATION OF ATOMIC WEAPONS. SANDY ALSO BELIEVES THAT RECENT HUMAN MILITARY NUCLEAR TESTS IN AFRICA CAUSED MASSIVE NUCLEAR FALLOUT RADIATION THAT HEAVILY MUTATED AFRICAN APES AND MONKEYS, ENABLING THEM TO BIOLOGICALLY AND INTELLECTUALLY EVOLVE AT UNPRECEDENTED RATES. IT APPEARS THAT JUST LIKE DRY LAND ABOVE THE SEA IS RULED BY HUMAN APES, NOW THE SEA IS RULED BY OTHER HIGHLY EVOLVED APE SPECIES. LIKE THE DOOMED MARS, IT APPEARS THAT EARTH IS A WILD PLANET OF THE APES. AS THE SUN SETS OVER THE HORIZON, SPONGEBOB TRAGICALLY COMMENTS THAT BIKINI BOTTOM IS NOW TRULY THE "SEAWORLD OF THE APES…"

**TOM SURFING: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND SANDY CHEEKS HAD TO GO IN CIRCLES ACROSS THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM TO LEARN ONE HARSH LIFE LESSON: EVERYONE HATES SEAWORLD, ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S RUN BY APES…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**2 EPISODE TWO: FACE OF THE BEAST**

**TOM SURFING: BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. SO BEHOLD WITH YOUR EYES, HOWEVER MANY YOU HAVE, A VERY SPECIAL TYPE OF BEAUTY AND PERFECTION PECULIAR…TO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IN A DYSTOPIAN WORLD OCEAN RULED BY A BEAUTIFUL DICTATOR, EVERYONE IS FORCED TO UNDERGO A MANDATORY FACE TRANSPLANT OPERATION TO MAKE THEM BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND NORMAL. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, IN A DARK HOSPITAL ROOM FULL OF FISH DOCTORS, WHOSE OWN FACES ARE COVERED BY THE DIMLY LIT ROOM AND THEIR HOSPITAL FACIAL GARMENTS, LIES IN A HOSPITAL BED WITH A BROWN PAPER BAG OVER HIS FACE. THE DOCTORS ASSURE SPONGEBOB THAT HIS PAST FACIAL DEFORMITIES SHOULD NOW BE CORRECTED BY THE FINISHED SURGERY, THAT THE SURGERY HAS A HIGH SUCCESS RATE, THAT HE WILL NO LONGER BE A HIDEOUS MONSTER, AND THAT SOCIETY CAN ACCEPT HIM NOW THAT THE SURGERY HAS MADE HIM BEAUTIFUL TO FOREVER REMOVE HIS UGLY FACIAL SKIN FLAWS, FACIAL SKIN HOLES, AND HORRIFYING FACIAL ACME AND ALLERGIC SKIN OUTBREAKS DUE TO PUBERTY. SPONGEBOB IS WORRIED THAT THE SURGERY HAS FAILED THOUGH, AND REFUSES TO TAKE OFF HIS BROWN PAPER BAG SINCE HE FEARS HE WILL NOT BE BEAUTIFUL. THE FISH DOCTORS AGREE TO GIVE SPONGEBOB'S FACE SOME TIME TO HEAL AND TO GIVE SPONGEBOB SOME TIME TO BECOME PSYCHOLOGICALLY READY FOR HIS NEW FACE. IN A PRIVATE MEETING BETWEEN TWO FISH DOCTORS, ONE OF THE FISH DOCTORS, WHO IS THE LEAD SURGEON NAMED DOCTOR OCTO-FISH, EXPRESSES DOUBTS OVER THE SURGERY'S SUCCESS RATE AND BELIEVES SPONGEBOB'S FACIAL DEFORMITIES, ALLERGIC SKIN OUTBREAKS, AND ACME MAY HAVE BEEN ENHANCED ACCIDENTALLY, INSTEAD OF ELIMINATED BY THE SURGERY. THE OTHER DOCTOR UNDERSTANDS HIS CONCERN BUT HOPES THAT THEY WILL NOT DIE FROM SHOCK UPON SEEING SUCH A NEGATIVE RESULT. THE TWO FISH DOCTORS HOPE SPONGEBOB WILL BE AS BEAUTIFUL AS THEIR SOCIETY'S DICTATOR SO THAT HE CAN FIT IN WITH EVERYONE ELSE SINCE CONFORMITY ENSURES THAT SOCIETIES CREATE THE BEST POSSIBLE AQUATIC SPECIES WITH THE SEXIEST FACES. THE TWO FISH DOCTORS AGREE THAT FACIAL BEAUTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT EVOLUTIONARY DEVELOPMENT FOR MARINE LIFE SINCE IT ALLOWS CULTURES TO BECOME CIVILIZED BY ELIMINATING THE UGLY FACES OF WILD BEASTS. AS THE TWO FISH DOCTORS GO BACK TO SPONGEBOB'S HOSPITAL ROOM, THEY SADLY DISCUSS HOW THE SURGERY OF PATRICK STAR WAS A TOTAL FAILURE AND THAT SUCH UNSUCCESSFUL SURGERIES OF PIG PEOPLE LIKE PATRICK WILL ONLY DOOM THEIR OWN BEAUTIFUL SOCIETY TO UGLINESS AND DECAY. THEY BOTH HOPE THAT SPONGEBOB'S CONDITION HAS NOT TURNED OUT WORSE THAN HIS FRIEND PATRICK'S OVERLY PLUMP HOG FACE. FINALLY, ALL THE FISH DOCTORS AND FISH NURSES RETURN TO SPONGEBOB'S HOSPITAL ROOM, AND THEY ARE READY TO REMOVE THE BROWN PAPER BAG FROM HIS FACE. SPONGEBOB COMPLAINS THAT HE IS AFRAID TO SEE HIS REFLECTION AND NOT READY TO KNOW IF HE IS BEAUTIFUL OR BUTT UGLY. CLUTCHING HIS BROWN PAPER BAG OVER HIS FACE, SPONGEBOB PUSHES THE HOSPITAL STAFF AWAY AND SCREAMS THAT HIS INTERNAL BEAUTY, NOT HIS EXTERNAL UGLINESS, SHOULD DETERMINE IF HE IS LOVED BY OTHERS. A BRIEF STRUGGLE ENSUES AS THE FISH DOCTORS AND FISH NURSES FORCEFULLY DETAIN THE STRUGGLING SPONGEBOB, RIP OFF THE BROWN PAPER BAG COVERING HIS FACE, HOLD A MIRROR TO SPONGEBOB'S NEW FACE, AND TURN ON THE HOSPITAL LIGHTS BRIGHTLY IN THE ROOM. SPONGEBOB SLOWLY OPENS HIS NEW EYES TO SEE HIS NEW REFLECTION. SPONGEBOB STILL HAS THE SAME BODY, BUT HE NOW HAS THE EXACT FACE AND HEAD OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, WHO IS THE BEAUTIFUL DICTATOR OF THE WORLD OCEAN. SPONGEBOB SMILES AT HIS NEW REFLECTION AND IS RELIEVED. HIS DREAM OF BELONGING IN SOCIETY HAS FINALLY COME TRUE, AND HE KNOWS HE IS NOW BEAUTIFUL. ALL THE DOCTORS IN THE ROOM SHOUT WITH JOY. THEY ALL HAVE FISH BODIES AND DIFFERENT VOICES, BUT THEIR FACES AND HEADS ARE LIKEWISE EXACT REPLICAS OF THE FACE AND HEAD OF THEIR LEADER SQUIDWARD TENTACLES. THE DOCTORS ALL SHOUT, "SUCCESS! COMPLETE AND UTTER SUCCESS! YOU ARE NOW BEAUTIFUL! YOU ARE NOW ONE OF OUR KIND!" EVERYONE SHARES HUGS AND KISSES WITH THEIR IDENTICAL SQUID FACES, BUT THEN A TERRIBLE SCREAM IS HEARD FROM DOWN THE HOSPITAL HALLWAY. EVERYONE LOOKS CONCERNED AND THEY ALL ENTER THE HALLWAY TO SEE A REGULAR-LOOKING SANDY, WEARING A HOSPITAL GOWN AND AIR HELMET, RUNNING DOWN THE HALLWAY. EVERYONE, INCLUDING SPONGEBOB, TURNS THEIR FACES AWAY IN DISGUST AT HER UGLY, FURRY SQUIRREL FACE. THE PANICKED SANDY, WHOSE SQUIRREL FACE REMAINS THE SAME AND WHOSE SURGERY WAS AN UTTER FAILURE TO GIVE HER A SQUIDWARD FACE AND HEAD, TRIES TO ESCAPE THE HOSPITAL AS SEVERAL MUSCULAR LARGE SECURITY LOBSTER GUARDS, ALL WITH THE HEAD AND FACE OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, GIVE CHASE. ALL THE DOCTORS, NURSES, AND BEAUTIFUL PATIENTS, ALL WITH THE FACE AND HEAD OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, THAT SANDY PASSES ALL REPEATEDLY CHANT AT HER, "UGLY! THE WITCH IS NOT ONE OF US!" OVER LOUDSPEAKERS, COMPUTER SCREENS, AND TELEVISIONS PLACED ALL ACROSS THE HOSPITAL WITH THE HOSPITAL LISTENERS WHOSE FACES AND HEADS ALL PERFECTLY MATCH THAT OF HIM AND WHO ALL CHEER AND APPLAUD AT HIS SPEECH, THE REAL SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, THE DICTATOR OF THE WORLD OCEAN, WHO HAS THE PERFECTLY BEAUTIFUL BODY OF A SQUID AND THE FACE AND HEAD THAT EVERYONE IN THE SEVEN SEAS WANTS, LOUDLY AND BOLDLY ADDRESSES THE CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM: "MY FELLOW CEPHALOPOD HEADS, HEAR THE GOOD NEWS FROM MY RIDICULOUSLY HOT TONGUE! WE WILL CONTINUE THE STRUGGLE TO MAKE OUR SEA CITY BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT! NOTHING THAT IS UGLY, NOTHING THAT IS DEFORMED, NOTHING THAT DOES NOT BELONG IN OUR BRAVE NEW WORLD OCEAN WILL BE TOLERATED! I PROMISE YOU, MY BABY CLONES, THAT ALL FACES AND HEADS THAT DO NOT RESEMBLE MINE, THOSE ABOMINATIONS WITHOUT JACKAL SKULLS, WITHOUT OVAL CAT EYES, WITHOUT FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSES, WITHOUT MATURE BALD SPOTS, WITHOUT SILVER HAIR CLUMPS, WITHOUT OCTOPUS BEAK LIPS, WITHOUT TURQUOISE FRECKLES, WITHOUT WRINKLED FOREHEADS, WITHOUT MASSIVE CRANIUMS, WITHOUT HORSE TEETH, WITHOUT SUCTION CUP-LIKE SKIN PORES, WITHOUT PEACH FUZZ BEARDS, WITHOUT CROW'S FEET AND EYE BAGS, WITHOUT DROOPY EYELIDS, WITHOUT PENCIL-THIN NOODLE NECKS, WITHOUT HEALTHY BULGING VEINS AND BLOODSHOT EYES, WITHOUT THE SUCKING MOUTH OF A TOILET PLUNGER, WITHOUT THE FACE AND HEAD OF A DIVINE WORK OF ART…IN FEWER WORDS, MY LOYAL OCTO-FISH, THOSE WITHOUT PHYSICAL VALUE, THOSE WITHOUT MATERIAL WORTH, THOSE WHOM THE RELENTLESS COURSE OF EVOLUTION TOWARDS BEAUTY HAS DEEMED UNFIT, WILL GET WHAT THEY TRULY DESERVE!" SANDY CONTINUES TO RUN THROUGHOUT THE HOSPITAL, COVERS HER EYES TO STOP SEEING THE HATEFUL SQUIDWARD FACES GLARING AND SHOUTING AT HER, AND COVERS HER FURRY EARS TO AVOID HEARING DICTATOR SQUIDWARD'S HATEFUL SPEECH, BUT SHE IS SOON TACKLED AND DETAINED BY THE MANY LOBSTER SECURITY GUARDS WHO RUB THEIR SQUID HEADS AGAINST HER FURRY CHEEKS. OVER THE VARIOUS TUBES, DICTATOR SQUIDWARD TENTACLES FINISHES HIS SPEECH: "AS OF TODAY, I DECREE THAT ALL SEA MONSTERS WHO DO NOT HAVE THE SUSHI HEAD OF A SQUID SHALL BE RELOCATED TO A BETTER PLACE AND A BETTER TIME FOR THEM WHERE THEIR HIDEOUSNESS WILL PROPERLY ELIMINATE ITSELF. OUR PRETTY AND WITTY SCIENTISTS HAVE FINALLY FOUND THE BEST FINAL SOLUTION TO THE DISEASE OF NON-CONFORMITY. AND I PROMISE YOU, MY ATTRACTIVE BROTHERS AND SISTERS, THAT WE WILL SOON CREATE A SEA IN MY IMAGE!" EVERYONE IN THE HOSPITAL WITH DIFFERENT BODIES BUT THE SAME FACE AND HEAD, THE FACE AND HEAD OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, JOYOUSLY APPLAUDS AND BEGINS TO REPEATEDLY CHANT, "ALL HAIL THE FACE OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES!" THE LOBSTER SECURITY GUARDS TAKE THE TRAUMATIZED SANDY TO THE CITY'S "PRISON OF UGLY BARNACLES." ONCE THERE SANDY IS UNITED WITH ALL OTHER SEA CREATURES WHOSE FACES ARE NOT LIKE SQUIDWARD TENTACLES' FACE DUE TO FAILED RECONSTRUCTIVE FACIAL SURGERIES. THE PRISONERS ARE ACTUALLY ALL HAPPY AS DICTATOR SQUIDWARD TENTACLES HAS PROMISED THEM ALL EXILE INTO A WORLD AND TIME OF THEIR OWN APPROPRIATE TO THEM. SANDY SPEAKS TO HER FELLOW PRISONER PATRICK STAR. SANDY ASKS HIM, "SO NOW WE CAN BE FREE? NOW WE DON'T HAVE TO CARE ABOUT BEING BEAUTIFUL IN THE PLACE THEY ARE TAKING US?" PATRICK REPLIES: "I ONCE HEARD A STORY ABOUT A LITTLE BARNACLE WHO WAS SO UGLY, HIS FACE CAUSED ALL WHO SAW IT TO SCREAM AND DIE IN AGONY. BUT OUR UGLINESS HAS NOT KILLED ANYONE. MAYBE BEAUTY IS NOT IN THE MIRROR OR MAGAZINE, MAYBE BEAUTY IS ONLY IN THE AROUSED EYES OF THE STALKER, OR I MEAN, THE BEHOLDER. AS FOR OUR NEW HOME, MAYBE OUR HAG HEADS WILL BE ACCEPTED AND LOVED THERE. MAYBE IN THE PLACE THEY ARE SENDING US, WE WILL BE THE HOTTIES AND THESE SQUID PEOPLE WILL BE THE MONSTERS AND THE STUFF OF NIGHTMARES. I HOPE SO…I MOST CERTAINLY HOPE SO." THE LOBSTER SECURITY GUARDS ALL ROUND UP THE PRISONERS AND HAVE THEM CHANGE INTO NEW CLOTHES THAT HAVE WRITTEN FRENCH PHRASES ON THEM. THE LOBSTER SECURITY GUARDS TAKE THE PRISONERS TO THE PRISON AIRPORT TO A TERMINAL-LIKE ROOM WITH A SIGN THAT READS: "TIME MACHINE PRISON CENTER. DESTINATION: WATERS OF FRANCE, EUROPE. TIME PERIOD: THE FRENCH SEA REVOLUTION." AS ALL OF THE PRISONERS ARE FORCED INTO A METALLIC, SQUID-SHAPED TIME MACHINE VESSEL SANDY ASKS THE FISH SCIENTIST, WHO OBVIOUSLY HAS THE FACE OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, WHO IS ABOUT TO TURN THE MACHINE ON TO SEND ALL THE PRISONERS BACK IN TIME WHAT THE FRENCH PHRASE ON THE PRISONERS' CLOTHING MEANS. THE FISH SCIENTIST SMILES AND REPLIES, "ENEMIES OF THE REVOLUTION!" SANDY LOOKS HORRIFIED AS THE TIME MACHINE DEPARTS BACK TO THE TIME AND PLACE OF THE FRENCH SEA REVOLUTION. SANDY AND ALL THE OTHER PRISONERS ARE IMMEDIATELY ARRESTED BY THE FRENCH SEA CREATURE REVOLUTIONARIES AND ORDERED TO BE TAKEN TO "THE RED FIELD OF GUILLOTINES."

**TOM SURFING: JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T BELONG IN THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE CLUB, DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT'S A DISADVANTAGE OR FLAW. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED THAT BEAUTY IS AND ALWAYS WILL REMAIN IN THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER WHATEVER TIME PERIOD, OCEAN, OR CONTINENT YOU'RE IN AND WHATEVER CREATURE YOU ARE. SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE CALLS YOU UGLY, WE RECOMMEND SOME SPECIAL HOSPITAL SERVICES COURTESY…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**3 EPISODE THREE: TOY STORY**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THEY COME FROM IN THE EXISTENTIAL SENSE. BUT THE FUNNY THING IS, SOMETIMES OUR TRUE HOME IS A PLACE WE VISIT OFTEN AND WITH GREAT EXCITEMENT, A PLACE OF LOVE AND JOY AND CREEPY CLOWNS…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS VISITS HIS LOCAL TOY STORE, "TOY FACTORY TODAY," LOOKING TO BUY A NEW TOY, A MARCHING ARMY SOLDIER FISH TOY, AS A PRESENT FOR PATRICK'S UPCOMING BIRTHDAY. SPONGEBOB SEES AN ADVERTISING SIGN IN THE STORE FOR THE SOLDIER TOY THAT SAYS CUSTOMERS MUST TAKE THE STORE'S ELEVATOR TO THE LOWER BASEMENT LEVELS OF THE STORE TO FIND THE SOLDIER TOY. WHEN HE DOES SO, SPONGEBOB FINDS HIMSELF IN A DARK, DIMLY LIT EMPTY BASEMENT ROOM WITH ONLY ONE CASH REGISTER COUNTER AND APPARENTLY ONLY ONE ITEM, WHICH IS THE SOLDIER TOY HE IS LOOKING FOR. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB IS FRIGHTENED BY THE CASHIER, WHO IS A CREEPY FISH DRESSED LIKE A CIRCUS CLOWN. THE CLOWN CASHIER GIGGLES AS HE GIVES SPONGEBOB THE SOLDIER TOY, STARES AT SPONGEBOB WITHOUT BLINKING, SMILES VERY WIDELY AT SPONGEBOB, AND INFORMS SPONGEBOB THAT "THEY" HAVE BEEN WATCHING HIM WHILE HE WAS IN THE STORE. SCARED, SPONGEBOB ASKS THE CLOWN WHAT HE MEANS. THE CLOWN REPLIES THAT THE INHABITANTS OF THE STORE ALWAYS WATCH THE INCOMING VISITORS, SINCE THEY KNOW THEM ALL SO WELL, INCLUDING THEIR DARKEST SECRETS. EVEN MORE SCARED THAN BEFORE, SPONGEBOB ASKS IF HE CAN QUICKLY BUY THE ITEM, BUT THE CLOWN SAYS THAT HIS CASH REGISTER IS UNFORTUNATELY BROKEN, SO SPONGEBOB WILL HAVE TO RETURN TO THE REGULAR LEVELS OF THE TOY STORE. SPONGEBOB GOES TO THE ELEVATOR, BUT THE ELEVATOR TAKES A LONG TIME. MEANWHILE, WHILE SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY AND IMPATIENTLY WAITS FOR THE ELEVATOR, THE DIM LIGHTS IN THE BASEMENT GO COMPLETELY OUT, THROWING THE ROOM AND THE TWO OF THEM INTO COMPLETE DARKNESS. SPONGEBOB YELPS, BUT THE CLOWN SIMPLY LAUGHS LOUDLY AND CREEPILY. THE CLOWN THEN TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE HAS A CONFESSION TO MAKE: THE CLOWN ADMITS THAT HE IS NOT A CASHIER OF THE STORE. IN THE DARKNESS, THE CLOWN'S SHOES HONK REPEATEDLY AS HE SLOWLY WALKS TOWARD SPONGEBOB, WHO IS PARALYZED WITH FEAR AT THE CLOSED ELEVATOR DOOR AND REPEATEDLY PRESSES THE ELEVATOR BUTTON EVEN THOUGH THE ELECTRICAL POWER IS OUT IN THE LOWER LEVELS OF THE STORE AND IN THE ELEVATOR. THE CLOWN ADMITS THAT HE IS ACTUALLY A "COLLECTOR" FOR THE STORE AND THAT IT IS NOW THE TIME FOR "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS" TO BE COLLECTED. SPONGEBOB REALIZES THAT HE NEVER REVEALED HIS LAST NAME TO THE CLOWN AND SPONGEBOB STARTS TO CRY. THE CLOWN MOCKINGLY IMITATES SPONGEBOB'S CRYING SOUNDS AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE KNEW THAT THIS DAY WOULD EVENTUALLY COME AS THE CLOWN CLOSES IN ON SPONGEBOB. SUDDENLY, THE LIGHTS AND ELECTRICAL POWER RETURN, AS THE CLOWN CARRYING A LARGE FISH NET TO CAPTURE SPONGEBOB QUICKLY RUNS TOWARD SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AND JUMPS INTO THE ELEVATOR. THE CLOWN JUMPS AFTER SPONGEBOB, BUT THE ELEVATOR DOOR CLOSES AND THE CLOWN BUMPS AGAINST THE CLOSED DOOR AS SPONGEBOB ESCAPES VIA THE ELEVATOR TO THE REGULAR STORE LEVELS. DISORIENTED AND HORRIFIED, SPONGEBOB BUMPS INTO A FISH EMPLOYEE OF THE STORE DRESSED LIKE AN ARMY SOLDIER, WHO SEEMS TO BE ADVERTISING THE NEW SOLDIER TOY. THE PANICKED SPONGEBOB ASKS THE SOLDIER IF HE IS THE SECURITY MAN, SINCE THE SOLDIER IS CARRYING A PLASTIC WATER GUN. THE SOLDIER REPLIES, "YES…SOMETHING LIKE THAT, LITTLE TOY, I MEAN, LITTLE BOY." SPONGEBOB, HOLDING HIS OWN TOY SOLDIER, TELLS THE LIVING SOLDIER ABOUT THE CLOWN IN THE BASEMENT. THE SOLDIER LAUGHS AT THE STORY AND CALLS MORE LIVING FISH SOLDIERS TO GO WITH SPONGEBOB BACK TO THE BASEMENT. SPONGEBOB DOES NOT WANT TO RETURN TO THE BASEMENT, BUT THE SOLDIERS ASSURE HIM THAT THEY WILL PROTECT HIM AND THAT THEY NEED A "WITNESS" TO POINT OUT THE "SUSPECT," SO SPONGEBOB RELUCTANTLY AGREES TO RETURN TO THE BASEMENT WITH THE FIVE LIVING SOLDIER GUARDS. UPON REACHING THE BASEMENT, THE CLOWN IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. WITH TWO LIVING SOLDIERS AT SPONGEBOB'S SIDE, THE OTHER THREE SOLDIERS INVESTIGATE THE ROOM. AFTER SOME FRUITLESS SEARCHING, THE SOLDIERS ASSURE SPONGEBOB THAT THERE IS NO ONE DOWN THERE. HOWEVER, A SUDDEN CLOWN LAUGH IS HEARD BY ALL OF THEM. ALL THE LIVING SOLDIERS AND SPONGEBOB HUDDLE TOGETHER AS THEY MOVE TO THE CASH REGISTER, FROM WHICH THE LAUGH APPEARS TO COME. ONE OF THE SOLDIERS OPENS THE CASH REGISTER AND INSIDE IT IS A SMALL TOY FISH DRESSED LIKE A CIRCUS CLOWN AND EXACTLY RESEMBLING A MINIATURE VERSION OF THE CLOWN CASHIER. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AND DROPS HIS TOY SOLDIER, BUT THE OTHER LIVING SOLDIERS ALL LAUGH AS THE LIGHTS IN THE BASEMENT FLICKER ON AND OFF. SUDDENLY, THERE ARE NOW SIX LIVING SOLDIERS IN THE BASEMENT ROOM AND THE TOY SOLDIER ITSELF IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. THE SOLDIERS TELL SPONGEBOB, WHO IS SO SCARED THAT HE IS BEGINNING TO FAINT, THAT THE TOY CLOWN, WHOSE NAME THEY SAY IS "CHUCKLES," JUST LIKES TO SCARE LITTLE KIDS LIKE HIM AND THAT THE SOLDIERS, ON THE OTHER HAND, ARE THE REAL "COLLECTORS." AS THE LIVING SOLDIERS ENCIRCLE AND CLOSE IN ON HIM, SPONGEBOB FAINTS…SPONGEBOB WAKES UP IN COMPLETE DARKNESS. THE BASEMENT IS COMPLETELY EMPTY. MOMENTARILY, SPONGEBOB FORGETS WHERE HE IS, THOUGH HE SOON REMEMBERS EVERYTHING AND PANICS. SPONGEBOB FEELS HIS FACE, AND IT APPEARS SOMEONE HAS PAINTED IT WITH CLOWN MAKE UP WHILE HE WAS UNCONSCIOUS. SPONGEBOB WILDLY SMEARS THE MAKE UP OFF HIS FACE. SPONGEBOB RUNS TOWARDS THE ELEVATOR AND REPEATEDLY PRESSES ITS BUTTON. HE HEARS SOMEONE IN THE BASEMENT START SINGING IN A LOW VOICE, "WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?" THE ELEVATOR OPENS AND SPONGEBOB JUMPS IN. THE UNKNOWN VOICE CONTINUES THE SONG EVEN LOUDER AS THE ELEVATOR BEGINS ITS ASCENT. THE VOICE CONTINUES, "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS…" EVEN INSIDE THE ELEVATOR, SPONGEBOB CAN HEAR THE LYRICS, "ABSORBENT AND YELLOW AND POROUS IS HE…" SPONGEBOB REACHES THE REGULAR LEVEL OF THE TOY STORE, BUT, TO HIS DISMAY, THE STORE IS CLOSED, COMPLETELY DARK, AND HE IS ALONE AND LOCKED INSIDE. SPONGEBOB RUSHES TO THE FRONT LOCKED DOORS BUT HE CANNOT OPEN THEM. SPONGEBOB HOPELESSLY POUNDS AGAINST THEM AND SCREAMS FOR HELP IN THE LONELY DARKNESS. ANOTHER UNKNOWN VOICE CONTINUES THE SONG, "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. IF NAUTICAL NONSENSE IS SOMETHING YOU WISH…" SPONGEBOB RUNS AND HIDES NEXT TO A STACK OF TEDDY BEARS, BUT ALL OF THE TEDDY BEARS YELL AND START SINGING, "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS…" SPONGEBOB RUNS AWAY FROM THE TEDDY BEARS THAT FOLLOW HIM, BUT MARCHING TOY SOLDIERS BLOCK HIS PATH. HE TURNS TO FIND HIMSELF SURROUNDED BY ALL THE TOYS, APPARENTLY ALIVE INCLUDING MANY CIRCUS CLOWNS, ALL SLOWLY CLOSING IN ON HIM. THE SOLDIERS YELL, "READY!" THE OTHER LIVING TOYS REPEATEDLY LOUDLY SING, "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS…" FINALLY, SPONGEBOB YELLS, "STOP IT!" ALL THE TOYS STOP MOVING AND STOP SINGING AND STAND FROZEN WITH SMILES ON THEIR FACES. SPONGEBOB IS SHAKING AND CONFUSED. IN THE DARKNESS OF THE STORE, HE HEARS THE HONKING STEPS OF CHUCKLES. CHUCKLES LIGHTS A FLARE AND STANDS NEXT TO SPONGEBOB, WHO IS ENCLOSED BY THE CIRCLE OF BOTH LARGE AND SMALL TOYS. CHUCKLES REPLIES, "NO, YOU STOP IT, MR. SQUAREPANTS." SPONGEBOB IS FROZEN IN PLACE, TOO SCARED AND TOO CONFUSED TO MOVE. CHUCKLES CONTINUES: "YOU KNOW WHY YOU CAME HERE TODAY, BUT YOU WON'T ADMIT IT…AMNESIA. DON'T WORRY, IT HAPPENS TO EVERYONE WITH AGE. BUT IT'S TIME TO STOP RUNNING. IT'S TIME TO FACE WHO YOU REALLY ARE…YOU SILLY LITTLE TOY." CHUCKLES LAUGHS AND ROLLS A FLARE TO SPONGEBOB, WHO SLOWLY TAKES AND LIGHTS THE FLARE. "WHAT ARE YOU…" SPONGEBOB STUTTERS, BUT CHUCKLES INTERRUPTS HIM AND LOUDLY YELLS: "A TOY, SPONGEBOB! YOU ARE A TOY! AN ACTION FIGURE, DOLL, PLASTIC MAN, COTTON MAN, WOODEN MAN…BUT YOU'VE FORGOTTEN. YOU'VE ALLOWED YOURSELF TO FORGET WHO YOU REALLY ARE. NOW ALL THOSE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS MAKE PERFECT SENSE, DON'T THEY? THAT'S WHY THE CHAOTIC WORLD OUTSIDE DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE TO YOU. NOW YOU KNOW WHY YOU CAME HERE TODAY…SO SLOWLY TURN AROUND, AND YOU'LL FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR." SLOWLY, WITH THE FLARE STILL IN HIS SHAKING HAND, SPONGEBOB TURNS AROUND AND SEES A MIRROR. HE YELPS AT FIRST UPON SEEING THE REFLECTION OF HIMSELF AS HE NOW APPEARS AND FEELS TO BE A SMALL COTTON PLUSH FRY COOK DOLL. BOTH OF THE FLARES GO OUT. SPONGEBOB SLOWLY REALIZES THE TRUTH, "I'M A DOLL…" CHUCKLES CONTINUES, "SAY IT LOUDLY AND PROUDLY, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! SAY WHO YOU ARE!" SPONGEBOB REMEMBERS AND FINISHES: "I'M A DOLL. MADE IN 1988 BY THE NICK DOLL COMPANY. SPECIAL FRY COOK SPONGE FIGURE. PROPERTY OF…TOY FACTORY TODAY." CHUCKLES LAUGHS, THE SURROUNDING TOYS ALL LAUGH, AND SPONGEBOB SLOWLY STARTS TO LAUGH. CHUCKLES CONTINUES: "WE ALL MISSED YOUR CUTE LITTLE LAUGH AND THAT SPONGY COTTON LITTLE BUTT OF YOURS, SPONGEBOB. YOU SEE, WE HAD TO FRIGHTEN YOU, TO INDUCE IN YOU THE SHOCK NECESSARY FOR YOU TO FINALLY WAKE UP TO THE REAL WORLD. NOW YOU REMEMBER. EVERY TOY IN THIS STORE WHO HAS NOT BEEN BOUGHT BY A REAL BOY GETS FIVE YEARS OF FREEDOM IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD. BUT HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? WELL, THE LOVE PEOPLE GIVE US EMPOWERS US, MAKES US CURIOUS, GIVES US THE GIFT OF LIFE. TODAY IS YOUR EXPIRATION DATE AS A LIVING CREATURE. TODAY IS MY VACATION DAY. IT'S TIME FOR US TO SWITCH PLACES. OH, AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT PATRICK STAR, HE'LL BE HERE ON HIS BIRTHDAY…AS ONE OF US." ALL OF THE TOYS ALL HUG AND WELCOME THE DOLL SPONGEBOB BACK INTO THEIR STORE AND LIVES. THEY ALL WISH GOODBYE TO CHUCKLES WHO, AS A LIVING CLOWN, USES A KEY TO OPEN THE FRONT DOOR. BEFORE LEAVING, CHUCKLES SAYS GOODBYE FOR THE LAST TIME: "GOODBYE FRIENDS. I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN EXACTLY FIVE YEARS. AND DO TAKE CARE OF THE SPONGY BOY TOY, NOW. HE GETS SPOOKED TOO QUICKLY AND HE BRUISES TOO EASILY. HE'S A VERY SENSITIVE ONE. MAKE SURE HE FINDS AN OWNER WHO WILL TRULY LOVE HIM. I'M OFF TO THE CIRCUS, SO ENJOY THE MADHOUSE!" CHUCKLES LAUGHS AND TURNS ONE LAST TIME TO THE OTHER TOYS, BUT THEY ARE ALL BACK IN THEIR ORIGINAL PLACES AND ARE ALL FROZEN, BUT WITH VERY BIG SMILES ON THEIR FACES. CHUCKLES SILENTLY CLOSES THE FRONT DOOR AS HE LEAVES INTO THE NIGHT TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD. NEXT TO A SERIES OF PENGUIN DOLLS, SPONGEBOB TOO IS FROZEN IN PLACE AS A COTTON DOLL WITH A BIG SMILE ON HIS FACE. THE TOY SPONGEBOB'S EYES SLOWLY CLOSE AS HE COMFORTABLY FALLS ASLEEP IN HIS REAL HOME FOR THE FIRST TIME IN FIVE YEARS. THE NEXT MORNING, THE STORE IS ONCE AGAIN BUSY. A YOUNG SEA TURTLE BOY BEGS HIS DAD TO BUY HIM A TOY. THE SEA TURTLE DAD FINALLY AGREES AND TELLS THE BOY, "MAKE SURE YOU LOVE HIM THOUGH, BECAUSE EVERYTHING HAS FEELINGS…AT LEAST WHEN YOU GIVE THEM YOUR FEELINGS." THE BOY LOOKS AT HIS NEW DOLL AND TELLS HIS DAD, "I KNOW, DAD. I'LL ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF HIM. HE'S OUR NEW KITCHEN SPONGE. HE'S OUR NEW FAMILY COOK." THE DOLL IS THE FRY COOK COTTON DOLL SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. THE SPONGEBOB DOLL, STILL SMILING, WINKS AT THE SMILING TURTLE BOY WHO WINKS BACK AT THE LITTLE LIVING COTTON FRY COOK.

**TOM SURFING: SOMETIMES THE ENDING OF A STORY CAN BE BOTH BEAUTIFUL AND DISTURBING. SOMETIMES THE SCARIEST CHALLENGES IN LIFE CAN TEACH US ALL THAT WE DID NOT KNOW ABOUT OUR TRUE SELVES. AND SOMETIMES TOYS COME TO LIFE TO REMIND US THAT WE WILL NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND THE MYSTERIES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**4 EPISODE FOUR: THE LAST SEA MAN**

**TOM SURFING: SOME SAY THE SEA WILL END IN ICE, SOME SAY IN FIRE. PERSONALLY, I DON'T SEE IT ENDING IN FIRE. BUT WHAT REALLY MATTERS WHEN THE OCEAN FINALLY KICKS THE WATER BUCKET IS HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU'LL BE WITH. WILL THERE BE OTHER PEOPLE BY YOUR SIDE, OR WILL IT ONLY BE YOUR SHADOW…IN THE TIDAL ZONE? **

SQUIDWARD AWAKES ONE MORNING TO FIND BIKINI BOTTOM COMPLETELY DESERTED AND DEVASTATED. IT APPEARS THAT A MASSIVE TSUNAMI HAS HIT THE CITY AND SQUIDWARD IS THE ONLY SURVIVOR IN SIGHT. AS HE LEAVES HIS DAMAGED HOME INTO THE CITY THAT LOOKS LIKE A GHOST TOWN AND A WARZONE, SQUIDWARD GROWS INCREDIBLY LONELY AND STRUGGLES TO SURVIVE WITH LITTLE PROVISIONS. SQUIDWARD GATHERS SCRAPS OF FOOD FROM HIS DAMAGED HOME AND ANY OTHER PLACES HE CAN. SQUIDWARD USES HIS CLARINETS AS WEAPONS TO HUNT LITTLE STARVING WILD BABY SEWER ALLIGATORS FOR ADDITIONAL FOOD, BUT HE CAN NEVER CATCH THEM AND THEY ALWAYS BITE OFF CHUNKS OF HIS TENTACLES. THERE ARE NO OTHER CIVILIZED LIVING SEA CREATURES IN SIGHT. INSTEAD OF ANY LIVING PEOPLE, SQUIDWARD ENCOUNTERS ONLY LIFELESS FISH SKELETONS IN THE BUILDINGS AND STREETS OF THE EMPTY DEVASTATED CITY. SQUIDWARD TRIES TO HAVE PRETEND CONVERSATIONS WITH THEM TO END HIS LONELINESS, BUT THEIR DECAYING STENCH AND EMPTY SKULL EYE SOCKETS FULL OF WILD SCAVENGER SEA SNAKES FRIGHTEN HIM AND SCARE HIM AWAY. SQUIDWARD EVEN VISITS SPONGEBOB'S DESTROYED HOME, BUT SQUIDWARD ONLY FINDS SPONGEBOB'S SKELETON. SQUIDWARD CRIES NEXT TO THE SKELETON, BUT SQUIDWARD BELIEVES HE HEARS SPONGEBOB'S SKELETON LAUGHING AT HIM. SQUIDWARD BECOMES VERY SCARED AND FLEES THROUGHOUT THE EMPTY CITY, THOUGH HE BELIEVES HE CAN HEAR THE LIFELESS FISH SKELETONS CALLING HIS NAME AND DEMANDING THEIR FOOD ORDERS FOR KRABBY PATTIES. AS THE RUNNING SQUIDWARD STUMBLES AND CRIES THROUGHOUT THE EMPTY STREETS, HE LOOKS DOWN AND CANNOT SEE HIS SHADOW. IN THE REFLECTIONS IN WATER AND GLASS THAT HE PASSES, SQUIDWARD HAS NO REFLECTION. IT APPEARS THAT HE IS NOW COMPLETELY ALONE WITHOUT THE PRESENCE OF EVEN HIS OWN SHADOW OR REFLECTION. HE IS INDEED THE LAST SEA MAN IN THE WORLD OCEAN. SQUIDWARD SCREAMS AND RUNS THROUGHOUT THE EMPTY CITY. SQUIDWARD BEGS TO WAKE UP FROM HIS NIGHTMARE, BUT THEN HE RESTS BY A PUBLIC STATUE OF KING NEPTUNE THAT IS COVERED IN SEAWEEDS AND APPEARS TO BE DECAYING. THE KING NEPTUNE STATUE HAS AN ANGRY LOOK ON ITS STONY FACE, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO WONDER IF KING NEPTUNE DESTROYED BIKINI BOTTOM WITH THE TSUNAMI TO MAKE SQUIDWARD SUFFER TRUE LONELINESS TO SHOW HIM HOW MUCH OTHER CIVILIZED PEOPLE, LIKE ALL THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES HE DESPISED FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE, REALLY MATTER TO HIM. SQUIDWARD BEGS THE KING NEPTUNE STATUE TO RETURN THINGS TO NORMAL AND TO END HIS SUPERNATURAL CURSE, BUT THE DECAYING STATUE BREAKS DOWN TOWARDS HIM AND HE RUSHES AWAY TO DODGE IT AS IT ALMOST COLLAPSES ONTO HIM. AS HE RUNS TO FIND SOMEWHERE TO LIVE, SQUIDWARD HEARS THE HOWLING OF SEA WOLVES AS THE DAY GROWS DARK AND THE FULL MOON RISES. FINALLY, THE EXHAUSTED AND DISORIENTED SQUIDWARD FINDS REFUGE IN A CLARINET STORE THAT IS STILL INTACT, EMPTY OF ANY FISH SKELETONS, AND FULL OF MANY CLARINETS, CALMING SQUIDWARD DOWN FROM HIS POTENTIAL TEMPORARY INSANITY OVER HIS COMPLETE LONELINESS AND THE DESTRUCTION OF THE CITY. THUS, SQUIDWARD REJOICES UPON FINDING THE INTACT CLARINET STORE, BUT WHEN HE ENTERS THE STORE AND BEGINS TO PLAY MUSIC ON A CLARINET, THE NOISE ATTRACTS AND ANGERS WILD HUNGRY WORM DOGS THAT CHARGE INTO THE STORE AND ENCIRCLE SQUIDWARD. SQUIDWARD, TELLING THE WORM DOGS THAT HE TOO IS A LONE WOLF, IS THEN HUNTED BY THE SCAVENGER WORM DOGS, WHOM HE TRIES TO BEFRIEND AND DOMESTICATE, BUT THE WORM DOGS ONLY VIEW HIM AS POTENTIAL FOOD. SQUIDWARD SPRINTS TOWARDS THE KRUSTY KRAB AND PICKS UP DISEMBODIED FISH BONES TO THROW AT THE WORM DOGS TO DISTRACT SOME OF THEM, THOUGH MANY WORM DOGS STILL CHASE HIM. SQUIDWARD FINALLY LOCKS HIMSELF IN THE KRUSTY KRAB, WHERE THERE ARE COUNTLESS COPIES OF A BOOK IN THE FORMAT OF RESTAURANT MENUS CALLED "THE LAST SEA MAN." THE BOOK'S COVER SHOWS A PICTURE OF A LONE SQUID LOOKING AT THE RUINS OF A SEA CITY DESTROYED BY A NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUD. AS THE WORM DOGS TRY TO BREAK INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB, THE TREMBLING SQUIDWARD FLIPS THROUGH THE PAGES OF THE BOOK MENU. THE BOOK CONCERNS THE SOLE SEA CREATURE SURVIVOR OF A SEA CITY DESTROYED BY HUMAN NUCLEAR TESTS AT SEA. THE BOOK CONTAINS LARGE CHAPTER HEADINGS, INCLUDING THE TITLES "WOW APOCALYPSE NOW," "THE END IS HERE," "ONE SEA MAN LEFT BEHIND," "GAME OVER LOSER," "OCTOPUSSY CATS GONE FOREVER," AND "EXTINCTION OF THE CEPHALOPODS." DRIVEN NEARLY INSANE, SQUIDWARD FRANTICALLY BEGINS RIPPING THE BOOKS TO PIECES AND THEN JUMPS INTO THE CASH REGISTER BOOTH AND FRANTICALLY REPEATEDLY SCREAMS OVER THE MICROPHONE: "MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER, SIR!? MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER, MAM?! CAN I PLEASE TAKE SOMEBODY'S ORDER, NOW?! ANYBODY…SOMEBODY…PLEASE, HELP ME! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE LAST SEA MAN!" HE HOPES IN VAIN THAT SOMEONE ELSE WILL FINALLY SHOW UP. SEEING LITTLE HOPE LEFT, AS THE WORM DOGS BEGIN TO BREAK THROUGH THE BARRICADES HE SETS UP, SQUIDWARD RESIGNS HIMSELF TO HIS FATE AND DECIDES TO PLAY HIS CLARINET ONE LAST TIME BUT IT MAKES NO NOISE. AS HE TRIES TO BLOW HARDER INTO IT, THE CLARINET BREAKS INTO PIECES. SQUIDWARD MOURNS HIS FINAL LOST LOVE, THE CLARINET. SQUIDWARD CRIES: "NO…THIS IS MORE PAINFUL THAN EXPLODING SEA MEN…THAT'S NOT FUNNY AT ALL. THAT'S NOT FAIR AT ALL. THERE WAS SILENCE NOW. AT LAST, THERE WAS NOTHING BUT SILENCE FOR ME TO SING TO. NOW I HAVE NOTHING LEFT, EXCEPT ME, NO ONE BUT ME AND THE SEA WOLVES. AND SOON ONLY THE DOGS WILL BE LEFT…" SUDDENLY, THE WORM DOGS FINALLY BREAK INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB AND IMMEDIATELY JUMP ONTO AND ATTACK SQUIDWARD AS HE HELPLESSLY SCREAMS…HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY WAKES UP FROM THE NIGHTMARE. HE HAD ACTUALLY FALLEN ASLEEP FROM BOREDOM AND EXHAUSTION AT HIS JOB AT THE KRUSTY KRAB AT THE END OF THE DAY OF A LONG AND DIFFICULT WORK SHIFT. HE HAD BEEN READING A NEWSPAPER ABOUT TSUNAMI WARNINGS. THE KRUSTY KRAB HAD BEEN SO PACKED AND BUSY WITH TOO MANY CUSTOMERS THAT DAY THAT SQUIDWARD HAD LAPSED INTO A DREAM ABOUT COMPLETE ISOLATION FROM ANY PEOPLE. SPONGEBOB ACCIDENTALLY WOKE HIM UP BY SPILLING LEFTOVER FOOD ALL OVER HIM. HAPPY THAT HE IS NOT THE LAST SEA MAN, SQUIDWARD JOYFULLY HUGS AND LOVINGLY SQUEEZES SPONGEBOB WHO BOTH LAUGHS WITH JOY AND GRUNTS IN PAIN. SQUIDWARD TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE LOVES ALL SEA MEN, WHICH CAUSES SPONGEBOB TO SMILE AND ADMIT THAT HE TOO LOVES ALL SEA MEN NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS OF HIM. A CROWD OF REMAINING FISH CUSTOMERS CURIOUSLY STARES AT THE TWO HUGGING SEA MEN. MR. KRABS, HEARING SQUIDWARD'S WOMAN SCREAMS FROM HIS OFFICE, CHECKS ON HIS TWO HUGGING EMPLOYEES AND TELLS THEM THAT THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO HUG FOR SUCH A LONG TIME IN HIS RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS THEN EAGERLY PINCHES HIS CLAWS AS HE DEMANDS THAT EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT DONATE THEIR SEA MEN TO HIM SO HE CAN PROFIT OFF THEIR DONATIONS. MR. KRABS THEN PULLS LITTLE PIRATE DOLLS OUT OF HIS POCKETS AND DEMANDS THAT EVERYONE GIVE HIM MORE PIRATE SEA MEN DOLLS. EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT BEGINS TO WILDLY LAUGH. SQUIDWARD GIVES MR. KRABS A FIRM HUG, AND MR. KRABS STEALS SOME OF SQUIDWARD'S SEA MEN DOLLS IN SQUIDWARD'S SHIRT POCKETS. THE PIRATE SEA MEN DOLLS WERE INITIALLY FREE TOYS THAT CAME WITH THE KRABBY PATTY MEALS, BUT MR. KRABS REALIZED HE COULD PROFIT OFF THE SEA MEN BY SELLING THEM TO YOUNG CHILDREN AT VERY HIGH PRICES. SQUIDWARD THEN TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THOUGH HE WENT FROM THE "FRYING PAN INTO THE FIRE" HE WOULD RATHER BE FRIED ALIVE WITH EVERYONE ELSE THAN BE FRIED ALONE. MR. KRABS AND THE CUSTOMERS AGREE THAT THEY WOULD NEVER WANT THE SEA MEN OF THE WORLD OCEAN TO EVER RUN OUT AND BE LEFT ALONE WITHOUT COMPANIONS SINCE LIFE COULD NOT REPOPULATE ITSELF WITH ONLY ONE SEA MAN LEFT. SUDDENLY, A LOUD SOUND EMANATES FROM THE KITCHEN, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO PANIC AND TO REALIZE THAT HE LEFT ON THE GREASE DEEP FRYERS, WHICH EXPLODE TO FRY EVERYONE ALIVE IN THE RESTAURANT. INSIDE THE DESTROYED KRUSTY KRAB, ALL THE FRIED SEA MAN CORPSE SKELETONS ARE FROZEN IN PLACE AND SMILING WITH GREASY ROTTEN TEETH.

**TOM SURFING: SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, A POOR SQUID WHO HAD TOO MUCH AND THEN HAD TOO LITTLE SEA MEN. ALL HE WANTED TO DO WAS PLAY HIS CLARINET AND TO FIND THE MEAN BETWEEN THE EXTREMES, BUT THE EXTREMES ARE MUCH MORE NATURAL…TO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**5 EPISODE FIVE: TALKING TEDDY **

**TOM SURFING: TALKING TEDDY, A CUTE TEDDY BEAR DOLL THAT CAN SAY ANYTHING AND THAT WILL HUG EVERYTHING. TO SHELDON PLANKTON, THOUGH, THIS FURRY LITTLE CREEP IS ANYTHING BUT CUTE, BUT THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE HE'S NEVER HEARD OF POETIC FLUFFY INJUSTICE…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

TO CHEER PLANKTON UP ON PLANKTON'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE CHUM BUCKET, WHICH NO ONE BUT PLANKTON AND KAREN ATTEND, KAREN GIVES PLANKTON A TALKING TEDDY BEAR AS A NEW FRIEND AND BIRTHDAY PRESENT. THE TALKING TEDDY BEAR REPEATEDLY SAYS, "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU!" BUT PLANKTON HATES THE GIFT, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE TOY IS BIGGER THAN HE IS AND BECAUSE HE FINDS BEARS AND TALKING DOLLS TO BE CREEPY. HOWEVER, KAREN FINDS TALKING TEDDY TO BE REALLY CUTE AND DECIDES TO KEEP IT, CAUSING KAREN TO SPEND MORE TIME AND AFFECTION WITH TALKING TEDDY DURING THE REST OF THE WEEK THAN SHE DOES WITH PLANKTON. IRRITATED THAT KAREN LOVES THE TEDDY BEAR MORE THAN SHE LOVES HIM AND THAT SHE REALLY BOUGHT THE TEDDY BEAR TO REMIND HIM OF HIS LITTLE SIZE AND TO REPLACE HIM WITH ANOTHER ROBOT-LIKE COMPANION, PLANKTON TRIES TO SECRETLY GET RID OF THE TOY BY THROWING IN THE TRASH CANS OUTSIDE THE CHUM BUCKET AT NIGHT. HOWEVER, THE TOY ALWAYS RETURNS IN THE MORNING SOMEHOW AND, WHENEVER KAREN IS NOT AROUND, BEGINS TO TAUNT AND THREATEN PLANKTON. TALKING TEDDY TELLS PLANKTON: "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I DON'T WANT TO HUG YOU; MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I THINK I MAY EVEN WANT TO HURT YOU; MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU…TO DEATH." PUZZLED, SCARED, AND FURIOUS, PLANKTON SUSPECTS KAREN OF PLACING A WALKIE-TALKIE INTO THE DOLL TO SCARE HIM FOR HIS ATTEMPTS TO GET RID OF IT AND HIS FAILURE AS A HUSBAND AND LOVER, BUT KAREN DENIES THE ACCUSATION AND IS ANGRY AT PLANKTON FOR ADMITTING TO TRYING TO THROW THE DOLL AWAY. WORRIED, PLANKTON BELIEVES THAT HIS ENEMY MR. KRABS MAY BE THE TRUE WALKIE-TALKIE PERPETRATOR. HOWEVER, TO HIS DISMAY, WHEN HE CONFRONTS MR. KRABS, MR. KRABS CLAIMS TO LIKEWISE BE AFRAID OF TALKING DOLLS AND TO HAVE NEVER HEARD OF TALKING TEDDY BEING SOLD AT ANY LOCAL STORES. MR. KRABS CLAIMS THAT HE ALWAYS RELUCTANTLY HAS TO BUY PEARL NEW CREEPY DOLLS THAT HE CLAIMS COME TO LIFE AT NIGHT AND WATCH HIM WHILE HE SLEEPS. PLANKTON CALLS MR. KRABS A FAT BUTTERBALL LIAR, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO IMITATE TALKING TEDDY, TO GROWL LIKE A WILD SEA BEAR, AND TO RIP OFF HIS SHIRT TO REVEAL HIS CHEST AND BACK HAIR THAT REMINDS PLANKTON OF BEAR FUR TO SCARE PLANKTON OUT OF THE KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT. UNSURE IF MR. KRABS IS RESPONSIBLE OR NOT FOR TALKING TEDDY'S TAUNTS, PLANKTON RETURNS TO THE CHUM BUCKET AND CHECKS INSIDE THE DOLL TO DISCOVER THAT THERE IS NO WALKIE-TALKIE OR ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT OR BATTERIES OF ANY KIND IN IT, ONLY EXTREMELY HOT COTTON THAT BURNS PLANKTON'S HANDS. PLANKTON LEAVES THE GIGGLING DOLL ALONE AND IS SHOCKED THAT THE DOLL WORKS WITHOUT ANY POWER SOURCE. THE DOLL TELLS PLANKTON, "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I COULD HUG YOU FOREVER…WHETHER YOU WANT IT OR NOT." THE DOLL REPEATEDLY TRIES TO HUG PLANKTON, BUT PLANKTON ESCAPES ITS GRIP TO FIND KAREN WHO IS IN SLEEP MODE IN ANOTHER ROOM OF THE CHUM BUCKET. WAKING HER UP AND ASKING KAREN WHERE SHE GOT THE DOLL, KAREN TELLS PLANKTON THAT SHE GOT IT AT A DISCOUNT PRICE FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. HORRIFIED THAT THE DOLL IS HAUNTED, PLANKTON SHUTS OFF KAREN TO NOT HAVE HER WITNESS THE DOLL'S TORTURE AND DESTRUCTION, AND HE TRIES TO DESTROY THE DOLL WITH HIS VARIOUS SCIENTIFIC EQUIPMENT AND WEAPONS, BUT THE DOLL MANIFESTS A SMALL GREENISH FIRE SHIELD AROUND ITS BODY THAT BURNS HIS WEAPONS AND SEEMS TO MAKE IT INVULNERABLE TO HIS WEAPONS AND ONLY JOYFULLY REMINDS HIM THAT "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU." FINALLY, PLANKTON DECIDES TO LOCK THE GIGGLING DOLL INTO A PIRATE CHEST TO WHICH ONLY HE HAS THE KEY AND THEN TURNS KAREN BACK ON. KAREN, WHO HAS NOT WITNESSED THE DOLL'S SUPERNATURAL BEHAVIOR, PLEADS WITH PLANKTON TO LET THE POOR DOLL FREE, BUT HE REFUSES. HE TRIES TO SHOW KAREN SECURITY FOOTAGE OF THE LIVING DOLL'S EVIL ACTIONS IN THE CHUM BUCKET, BUT SECURITY TAPES ONLY SHOW PLANKTON SLEEPING ALONE BY HIMSELF. PUZZLED, PLANKTON BEGINS TO SUSPECT THAT HE IS LOSING HIS SANITY AND POSSIBLY DREAMED OR IMAGINED THE WHOLE CONFRONTATION WITH THE DOLL DUE TO HIS JEALOUSY OF HIS WIFE'S LOVE FOR THE DOLL. WITH NO PHYSICAL RECORDING OF THE DOLL'S ACTIONS AND FEELING BOTH CRAZY AND GUILTY, PLANKTON FREES THE DOLL AND GIVES IT BACK TO KAREN, WHO FORGIVES HIM. THE DOLL HAPPILY STATES, "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I JUST WANT TO HUG YOU BOTH." AS NIGHT FALLS OUTSIDE THE CHUM BUCKET, PLANKTON AND KAREN SLEEP IN BED WITH THE DOLL, BUT THE STILL PARANOID AND UNCERTAIN PLANKTON BUILDS A FORT OF PILLOWS AROUND HIMSELF BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP. THAT NIGHT PLANKTON WAKES UP FROM SLEEPING TO A MIXTURE OF ODD GROWLING NOISES AND LAUGHTER IN THE SECURITY FOOTAGE ROOM OF THE CHUM BUCKET AND TALKING TEDDY IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND WHILE KAREN SLEEPS IN SLEEP MODE. WIELDING A BUTTER KNIFE WITH BUTTER STUCK ON IT, PLANKTON ENTERS THE SECURITY ROOM, BUT A LARGE STACK OF OLD SECURITY TAPES, ALL OF WHICH CONTAIN OLD SECURITY FOOTAGE (USUALLY OF PLANKTON ALONE SLEEPING FROM BOREDOM DUE TO HAVING NO CUSTOMERS), WITH TALKING TEDDY ON TOP OF THE STACK, FALLS ONTO AND CRUSHES PLANKTON. APPARENTLY, TALKING TEDDY HAD PREVIOUSLY SECRETLY DESTROYED AND REPLACED THE RELEVANT SECURITY FOOTAGE OF ITS SUPERNATURAL BEHAVIOR WITH OLD SECURITY FOOTAGE TO TRICK PLANKTON INTO BELIEVING HE WAS GOING INSANE. THE CRUSHED PLANKTON TRIES TO STAB TALKING TEDDY WITH THE BUTTER KNIFE, BUT THE TEDDY BEAR TWISTS THE BUTTER KNIFE OUT OF PLANKTON'S BROKEN HANDS, BUTTERS PLANKTON UP, TOSSES THE BUTTER KNIFE AWAY, AND TELLS PLANKTON: "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I TOLD YOU I WOULD HUG YOU. IN FACT, IT WILL BE THE LAST HUG YOU'LL EVER HAVE." THE INJURED PLANKTON OPENS HIS BRUISED EYE ONE LAST TIME TO SEE TALKING TEDDY ON TOP OF HIM. TALKING TEDDY GIVES PLANKTON A BONE-CRUSHING BEAR HUG TO HUG HIM APPARENTLY TO DEATH BY SUFFOCATION AND PRESSURE. PLANKTON'S BONES CRACK AND HE TRIES TO SCREAM, BUT HIS VOICE IS MUFFLED BY TALKING TEDDY'S FLUFFY BODY SQUEEZING HIM PAINFULLY IN A VERY STRONG BEAR HUG. KAREN, HEARING THE NOISE, WAKES UP, RUSHES INTO THE SECURITY FOOTAGE ROOM, AND SCREAMS UPON SEEING THE LIFELESS AND CRUSHED PLANKTON WITH TALKING TEDDY LYING BY HIS SIDE. WITH THE BUTTER KNIFE GLEAMING WITH BUTTER IN ITS PAWS, TALKING TEDDY TELLS THE CRYING KAREN: "MY NAME IS TALKING TEDDY, AND I JUST WANT THE TWO OF US TO SHARE HUGS FOREVER. DON'T YOU WANT THAT TOO? NOW NO ONE CAN SEPARATE US…" KAREN IS HORRIFIED AS THE SMILING DOLL GLOWS WITH GREEN FIRE, CONTINUES LAUGHING, AND HUGS ITSELF WHILE STILL HOLDING THE BUTTER KNIFE POINTED TOWARDS THE LIFELESS PLANKTON.

**TOM SURFING: OF COURSE, WE ALL HOPE THAT OUR TOYS AREN'T REALLY HOMICIDAL MONSTERS, BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY DO BEHIND OUR BACKS IN THE DARKNESS? SO THE NEXT TIME YOU STARE INTO THE LIFELESS EYES OF A DOLL, JUST REMEMBER THAT WHEN YOU STARE INTO THE ABYSS, THE ABYSS STARES BACK INTO YOU, JUST SOME USEFUL ADVICE…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**6 EPISODE SIX: NIGHTMARE IN A VACUUM **

**TOM SURFING: YOU SHOULD NEVER LET A LITTLE PINK PIGGY SQUEAL, IF YOU CAN SAVE IT FROM THE BUTCHER. ON THAT BRUTAL NOTE, LET'S SHARE A NIGHTMARE IN THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE WITH THE ALWAYS UNLUCKY PATRICK STAR, WHO'S GOING TO TRY TO CONVINCE YOU HE'S NOT CRAZY AND HE'S NOT FAT. HE'S JUST A LITTLE ANXIOUS ABOUT ZERO-GRAVITY FLIGHT TRAVELING…THROUGH THE TIDAL ZONE.**

IN SANDY'S SPACE ROCKET SHUTTLE, SANDY PILOTS THE ROCKET, WHICH IS FULL OF MANY SEA CREATURES IN ASTRONAUT SUITS, INCLUDING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. SANDY IS GIVING THOSE CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM WHO COULD AFFORD THE PRICE OF THE SPACE TRIP OR WHO ARE HER CLOSE FRIENDS, AN OUTER SPACE TOUR THROUGHOUT THE STARS, MOONS, AND PLANETS OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM. PATRICK, WHO HAS SEEN TOO MANY SCIENCE FICTION HORROR MOVIES, IS SCARED THAT THEY WILL BE ATTACKED BY ALIENS MID-FLIGHT, BUT NO ONE SHARES HIS FEARS AS THE ROCKET FLIES THROUGHOUT A COMET DUST STORM. TO CALM PATRICK DOWN, SANDY TELLS SPONGEBOB TO GIVE PATRICK SOME CANDY, WHICH ARE REALLY SLEEPING PILLS, BUT PATRICK IS REPORTEDLY TOO SCARED TO EAT THEM, SO SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO EAT THEM. AS THE SPACE TOUR CONTINUES WITH SANDY AS PILOT AND TOUR GUIDE OVER A LOUD SPEAKER, SPONGEBOB BECOMES VERY DROWSY FROM THE PILLS, WHILE PATRICK SUDDENLY BELIEVES HE SEES A SHORT MALE GREY SPECIES ALIEN, WEARING A SPACESUIT WITH A JET PACK, ROBOTIC LIMBS, AND ARMED WITH A LASER GUN, ON THE WING OUTSIDE THE WINDOW HE IS SITTING NEXT TO IN THE ROCKET. THE HORRIFIED PATRICK WATCHES IN DISBELIEF AS THE ALIEN USES ITS LASER GUN TO SLOWLY BURN A HOLE IN THE WING. PATRICK PANICS AND YELLS FOR THE OTHERS TO STOP THE ALIEN BEFORE IT DESTROYS THE ROCKET, BUT THE DROWSY SPONGEBOB CANNOT SEE THE ALIEN AND THE REST OF THE TOUR GROUP DOES NOT BELIEVE PATRICK AND CANNOT SEE THE ALIEN THROUGH THE HAZY COMET STORM. WHENEVER ANYONE EXCEPT PATRICK LOOKS CLOSELY OUT HIS WINDOW, THE ALIEN QUICKLY USES ITS ROBOTIC LIMBS TO GRAB COMET DUST TO COVER AND HIDE THE WING DAMAGE AND FLOATS OFF THE WING TO FOLLOW THE SHIP FROM BEHIND. THEREFORE, NO ONE BELIEVES PATRICK AND THEY ALL CONSTANTLY THROW THEIR BELONGINGS AT PATRICK TO SILENCE HIM. SANDY REPEATEDLY YELLS FOR PATRICK TO STUFF HIS MOUTH WITH FOOD LIKE HE USUALLY DOES AND THE SLEEPY SPONGEBOB OFFERS PATRICK TURKEY TO EAT TO HELP HIM FALL ASLEEP, BUT PATRICK IGNORES THEM BOTH AND EVENTUALLY BECOMES SO SCARED OF THE LITTLE ALIEN THAT HE CANNOT SPEAK. PATRICK CONSTANTLY SHAKES SPONGEBOB, WHO IS NOW COMPLETELY ASLEEP AND ONLY GIGGLES ABOUT HIS NAUGHTY DREAMS. AS PATRICK TREMBLES AND WATCHES THE ALIEN CONTINUE ITS DESTRUCTION OF THE WING, THE ALIEN SMILES WITH SHARP TEETH, PLAYFULLY WAVES AT PATRICK, TOSSES COMET DUST AT PATRICK'S WINDOW TO OBSCURE PATRICK'S VIEW OF THE SABOTAGE, AND CONTINUES TO BURN SURGICAL HOLES TO DESTROY THE WING. EVERY TIME PATRICK TRIES TO YELL FOR HELP, PEOPLE THROW THEIR PACKED FOOD INTO HIS MOUTH TO SILENCE AND CHOKE HIM. AS THE ROCKET BEGINS TO SHAKE, SANDY TRIES TO ASSURE THE PASSENGERS THAT THEY ARE SIMPLY BEING BUMPED BY COMETS THAT ARE TOO SMALL TO DESTROY THE ROCKET. AFRAID THAT THE ALIEN WILL DESTROY THE ROCKET IF HE DOES NOT FINALLY ACT TO STOP IT AS THE ALIEN FURTHER DAMAGES THE WING AGAIN AND AGAIN ON ITS FREQUENT RETURNS AND LESS FREQUENT LEAVES OF ABSENCE, PATRICK QUICKLY STEALS AN OLD FEMALE FISH PASSENGER'S PURSE WITH A SMALL MAKE-UP MIRROR IN IT. PUSHING THE SLEEPING SPONGEBOB AWAY FROM HIM, PATRICK SMASHES HIS SPACE HELMET AGAINST THE WINDOW TO BREAK BOTH THE WINDOW AND HIS SPACE HELMET. THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE SUCKS THE PASSENGERS OUT OF THEIR SEATS, SANDY BEGINS TO PANIC OVER THE LOUD SPEAKER, AND SANDY BEGINS TO DRIVE THE ROCKET WILDLY, CAUSING EVERYONE ON BOARD TO PANIC AND HOLD ONTO ANYTHING THEY CAN AS THE ALIEN LIKEWISE STRUGGLES TO HOLD ONTO THE WING. HOWEVER, PATRICK'S FAT BODY GETS STUCK IN THE WINDOW TO STOP THE SUCKING EFFECT AS SANDY TRIES TO REGAIN CONTROL OF THE ROCKET. THE ALARMED ALIEN USES ITS ROBOTIC ARMS TO ONCE AGAIN SMEAR COMET DUST OVER THE WING'S EXTENSIVE DAMAGES TO COVER UP ITS CRIME AND BEGINS TO WALK TOWARDS PATRICK AND SHOOT HIS LASER GUN AT PATRICK. PATRICK'S BROKEN SPACE SUIT HELMET CAUSES HIM TO SUFFOCATE AND NEARLY FREEZE AS HALF HIS BODY IS EXPOSED TO THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE. BUT THE ICE-COVERED, BLOATED, AND SUFFOCATING PATRICK MANAGES TO USE THE MAKE-UP MIRROR TO DEFLECT THE LASER GUN'S LASER BEAMS BACK AT THE ALIEN, WHO IS HIT SEVERAL TIMES BY HIS OWN LASER BEAMS AND FALLS OFF THE WING TO WILDLY FLOAT BACK INTO THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE. HAVING SEEMINGLY RESCUED THE ROCKET AND DESTROYED THE ALIEN, PATRICK PASSES OUT UNCONSCIOUS AS THE ROCKET SHIP MAKES AN EMERGENCY LANDING BACK ON EARTH IN BIKINI BOTTOM AT SANDY'S TREE DOME TO END THE SPACE TOUR EARLY. PATRICK IS QUICKLY REVIVED BY SANDY, AND THE STILL GROGGY SPONGEBOB FINALLY WAKES UP FROM A GOOD DREAM ABOUT KISSING A BEAUTIFUL FEMALE ALIEN AND IS CONFUSED ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED DURING THE FLIGHT. THE WING OF THE ROCKET IS COVERED IN SO MUCH COMET DUST THAT NO EXTENSIVE DAMAGE FROM LASER BEAMS IS DISCERNIBLE BY ALL THE OTHERS. WITH THE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE OF PATRICK'S WILD STORY PRESUMED BY THE OTHERS TO BE DAMAGE FROM THE COMET STORM AND LOSS OF CONTROL OF THE ROCKET DUE TO PATRICK'S ACTIONS, THE REST OF THE SPACE TOUR MEMBERS, ESPECIALLY THE FURIOUS SANDY, DO NOT BELIEVE PATRICK AND ANGRILY CHASE HIM AND THE DROWSY SPONGEBOB BACK TO PATRICK'S ROCK HOME. PATRICK TELLS SPONGEBOB THE WILD STORY, BUT SPONGEBOB TOO IS VERY SKEPTICAL. SPONGEBOB TELLS PATRICK THAT HE SIMPLY HAD A NIGHTMARE AFTER EATING THE CANDY FROM SANDY, BUT PATRICK SAYS HE NEVER ATE THE CANDY. HORRIBLY SCARED BUT BEGINNING TO THINK THAT THE ENTIRE ORDEAL MAY HAVE BEEN A DELUSION DUE TO THE LACK OF TANGIBLE EVIDENCE AND DUE TO HIS FEAR OF ALIENS, PATRICK BEGS SPONGEBOB TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH HIM. SPONGEBOB, STILL DROWSY FROM THE SLEEPING PILLS, AGREES, SO SPONGEBOB AND GARY SPEND THE NIGHT AT PATRICK'S HOME. SPONGEBOB WANTS TO WATCH A MOVIE ABOUT ALIENS FOR THE NIGHT, BUT PATRICK SIMPLY TRIES TO FIND SOMETHING ON T.V. TO WATCH. HOWEVER, ALL THE T.V. SHOWS CONCERN ALIENS, INCLUDING SCIENTIFIC DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE, HISTORY DOCUMENTARIES ABOUT ANCIENT ALIENS ON EARTH, SCIENCE FICTION SHOWS ABOUT HOSTILE ALIEN INVASIONS, COMMERCIALS ABOUT ALIEN TOYS AND COSTUMES, NEWS STORIES ABOUT U.F.O.s FLYING OVER BIKINI BOTTOM, AND, FINALLY, NEWS MEDIA COVERED THERAPY SESSIONS FOR ALIEN ABDUCTEES. AS GARY AND SPONGEBOB FALL ASLEEP, PATRICK WILDLY BREAKS HIS T.V. HE TRIES TO READ, BUT ALL OF HIS COMIC BOOKS DEAL WITH EVIL ALIENS. PATRICK FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP BY COUNTING SHEEP, BUT IN HIS COUNTING DREAM, THE SHEEP TRANSFORM INTO GREY ALIENS LIKE THE ONE HE SAW. SUDDENLY, WITH SPONGEBOB KNOCKED OUT FROM THE RECURRING EFFECTS OF THE SLEEPING PILLS AND GARY LIKEWISE ASLEEP THAT NIGHT, PATRICK WAKES US AS A FLYING SAUCER, PILOTED BY THE SAME ALIEN HE ENCOUNTERED IN OUTER SPACE AND WITH THE BUSINESS TITLE "ALIEN ANAL PROBE INTERGALACTIC INDUSTRIES" WRITTEN ON IT, KNOCKS OFF HIS ROCK HOME ROOF AND USES A BRIGHT LARGE VACUUM CLEANER ATTACHED TO THE SHIP TO ABDUCT HIM. PATRICK SCREAMS FOR HELP AS HE IS SUCKED INTO THE FLYING SAUCER'S VACUUM, BUT THE EXTREMELY TIRED SPONGEBOB DOES NOT WAKE UP AND THE LITTLE GARY WAKES UP BUT CAN ONLY HELPLESSLY WATCH AS THE FLYING SAUCER ESCAPES WITH PATRICK INTO OUTER SPACE. GARY STATES HE MIGHT BE DREAMING AND THAT HE CERTAINLY DOES NOT WANT TO BE THE "SNAIL WHO CRIED ALIEN," LIKE IN THE STORY "THE LITTLE SHEPHERD FISH BOY WHO CRIED SEA WOLF AND WAS EATEN ALIVE," SINCE NO ONE WILL BELIEVE HIM ANYWAY, SO GARY SIMPLY YAWNS AND GOES BACK TO SLEEP.

**TOM SURFING: SO NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT ALIENS CONQUER BOTH STARS AND STARFISH. SO IF YOU EVER SEE LITTLE GREEN MEN OUTSIDE OF YOUR SPACE SHUTTLE OR DOWN IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA, IT'S NO USE RUNNING FROM THEIR GIANT VACUUM CLEANERS, WHICH WILL SUCK YOU RIGHT DOWN THE BOWELS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**7 EPISODE SEVEN: LUCID INJUSTICE**

**TOM SURFING: MR. EUGENE KRABS, EX-SAILOR AND PRESENT CHEAPSKATE, A GREEDY CRAB WHOSE TROUBLED CONSCIENCE IS PROVIDING A VERY SPECIAL JUDGMENT DAY FOR HIM EXCLUSIVE…TO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

MR. KRABS IS PUT ON TRIAL AT THE CITY COURT HOUSE BY THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM FOR BEING TOO CHEAP AND REPORTEDLY USING HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO PINCH THE OLD MALE FISH OLD MAN JENKINS' FINS OFF IN A FIGHT OVER MONEY. MR. KRABS IS PRONOUNCED GUILTY OF INHUMANE CHEAPNESS AND HIS PUNISHMENT IS TO BE LITERALLY COOKED ALIVE ALONG WITH ALL OF HIS MONEY IN A GIANT CAULDRON OF HOT BUTTER. NO ONE, EXCEPT HIS UNSUCCESSFUL LAWYER SPONGEBOB, OBJECTS TO THE HARSH CAPITAL PUNISHMENT FOR HIS GUILTY VERDICT OF ASSAULT. MR. KRABS IS NOT SURPRISED BY THE VERDICT AND ANGRILY TELLS THE WHOLE COURT THAT IF HE DIES BY BEING COOKED, EVERYONE AND THE ENTIRE CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM WILL ALL CEASE TO EXIST SINCE THEY ARE ONLY DREAM BODIES OF HIS RECURRING NIGHTMARE. MR. KRABS CLAIMS THAT THE NIGHTMARE IS ALWAYS THE SAME, WITH ONLY THE ROLES OF THE VARIOUS CHARACTERS CHANGING FROM DREAM TO DREAM, AND THAT HE CAN NEVER GET A DECENT NIGHT OF SLEEP WITHOUT WETTING HIS BED BECAUSE OF IT AND HE IS EVEN BEGINNING TO HATE MONEY BECAUSE OF IT AS WELL. MR. KRABS CLAIMS THE NIGHTMARE IS FROM CHRONIC SEA SICKNESS DUE TO HIS PAST CAREER AS A SAILOR AND FROM HIS OWN GUILT ABOUT HIS EXTREME CHEAPNESS AND HOW IT HURTS THOSE HE LOVES AND THOSE WHO LOVE HIM. THE SHOCKED JURY AND JUDGE BUBBLE BASS SIMPLY LAUGH AT MR. KRABS AND CALL MR. KRABS AN INSANE GREEDY RED PIG. AS MR. KRABS TRIES TO ATTACK THE MOCKING JURY, WHO SARCASTICALLY BEG MR. KRABS NOT TO WAKE UP FROM HIS SUPPOSED DREAM, THE SECURITY FISH OF THE COURT ROOM TAKE THE CONDEMNED CRAB TO HIS PRISON CELL TO AWAIT HIS EXECUTION. SPONGEBOB IS MR. KRABS' UNSUCCESSFUL DEFENSE ATTORNEY, AND MR. KRABS TRIES TO CONVINCE SPONGEBOB OF HIS SOLIPSISTIC DREAM THEORY. MR. KRABS CONVINCES SPONGEBOB THAT SUCH A HARSH PUNISHMENT FOR A NON-HOMICIDAL CRIME WOULD NEVER BE ISSUED IN REAL LIFE AND THAT OLD MAN JENKINS OF THE PROSECUTION DOES NOT EVEN EXIST IN THE DREAM SINCE THE OLD MALE FISH IS APPARENTLY MISSING FROM THE TRIAL AND COURT HOUSE. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB REMAINS SKEPTICAL UNTIL MR. KRABS DESCRIBES PERSONAL DETAILS OF SPONGEBOB'S LIFE THAT MR. KRABS KNOWS SINCE SPONGEBOB IS SIMPLY A CHARACTER IN HIS DREAM. MR. KRABS CORRECTLY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE KNOWS SPONGEBOB PAINTED HIS BEDROOM PINK TO SHOW HIS LOVE FOR PATRICK THAT MORNING EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB DID NOT TELL MR. KRABS ABOUT HIS MORNING; MR. KRABS CORRECTLY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT SPONGEBOB NEVER WEARS ANY UNDERWEAR EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB NEVER TOLD ANYONE ABOUT HIS ODD HABIT OF NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR BENEATH HIS SQUARE PANTS; MR. KRABS CORRECTLY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE KNOWS SPONGEBOB BROUGHT MONEY IN HIS BRIEFCASE TO THE COURT TO TRY TO BRIBE THE PROSECUTION LAWYERS, EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB NEVER SHOWED ANYONE THE MONEY OUT OF GUILT; MR. KRABS CORRECTLY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT SPONGEBOB HAS EXACTLY 66 HOLES ON HIS SPONGY BODY, EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB HAS NEVER LET ANYONE COUNT THE HOLES UNDERNEATH HIS CLOTHES; AND FINALLY, MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT, DURING THE TRIAL, SPONGEBOB ONLY FANTASIZED ABOUT FLIRTING WITH HIS FRIEND SANDY, EVEN THOUGH SPONGEBOB OBVIOUSLY DID NOT SHARE SUCH TRUE SECRET THOUGHTS WITH MR. KRABS. HOWEVER, ALL THE DEATH ROW INMATE PRISONERS IN THE CELLS NEXT TO MR. KRABS' CELL DO NOT BELIEVE MR. KRABS, SO MR. KRABS DECIDES TO REVEAL TO THEM ALL SECRET KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES TO PROVE HIS DREAM THEORY AND TO GAIN THEIR SUPPORT TO START A POTENTIAL PRISON RIOT TO STOP THE EXECUTION. THE PRISONERS NEXT TO MR. KRABS' CELL ARE PLANKTON, THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, A LIVING NON-GHOST FLYING DUTCHMAN, AND MRS. PUFF. THEY ALL DEMAND THAT MR. KRABS STATE THEIR CRIMES, WHICH HE COULD NOT POSSIBLY KNOW IF HIS THEORY WERE INCORRECT. MR. KRABS REMINDS THE PIRATE DUTCHMAN THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE TO LIVE UNDERWATER, SO HIS PRESENCE VIOLATES NATURE, AND THAT EVERYONE KNOWS HIM AS A GHOST NOT AS A LIVING PERSON, PROVING THAT THE WORLD IS HIS FANCIFUL DREAM. MR. KRABS CORRECTLY STATES THAT THE PIRATE DUTCHMAN IS GUILTY OF PIRACY; MR. KRABS CORRECTLY STATES THAT PLANKTON IS GUILTY OF TORTURING THE MISSING SQUIDWARD FOR INFORMATION ABOUT THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA; MR. KRABS CORRECTLY STATES THAT THE DIRTY BUBBLE IS GUILTY OF STEALING THE DIRTY PANTIES OF MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY; MR. KRABS CORRECTLY STATES THAT THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER IS GUILTY OF STRANGLING EXACTLY 100 OLD FISH IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE; AND MR. KRABS CORRECTLY STATES THAT MRS. PUFF IS GUILTY OF FRAUD FOR IMPERSONATING A BOAT CAR DRIVER TEACHER. ALL THE OTHER PRISONERS ARE SHOCKED AT MR. KRABS' EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF THEIR CRIMES, BUT THEY STILL REFUSE TO BELIEVE HIS WILD STORY SINCE THEY ARE OFFENDED TO BE IMAGINARY DREAM PEOPLE. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB BECOMES FULLY CONVINCED OF MR. KRABS' DISTURBING THEORY, AND MR. KRABS HAS SPONGEBOB GO HOME AND QUICKLY COOK MANY KRABBY PATTIES, WHICH SPONGEBOB WILL USE TO BRIBE THE OBESE CITY MAYOR TO ISSUE A STAY OF EXECUTION AND AN OFFICIAL PARDON. AS SPONGEBOB LEAVES AND QUICKLY MAKES THE KRABBY PATTIES, MR. KRABS IS GIVEN HIS LAST SUPPER OF CHUM FOOD AND A PRISON CHAPLAIN MERMAID, WORKING FOR THE LORD KING NEPTUNE, VISITS MR. KRABS' CELL TO HAVE HIM REPENT FOR HIS VIOLENT CRIME AND LIFELONG GREED. MR. KRABS THROWS HIS CHUM FOOD AT THE MERMAID, WHO FURIOUSLY DEMANDS THAT MR. KRABS ADMIT HIS GUILT AND ACCEPT HIS FATE SINCE IT IS THE WILL OF KING NEPTUNE THAT MR. KRABS BE COOKED ALIVE AND DIE. MR. KRABS ASKS THE CHAPLAIN WHAT KING NEPTUNE'S FIRST NAME IS, CAUSING THE CHAPLAIN TO FREEZE IN SHOCK OVER THE QUESTION AND HIS PUZZLING INABILITY TO ANSWER IT. AFTER A LONG MOMENT OF AWKWARD SILENCE, MR. KRABS STATES THAT KING NEPTUNE DOES NOT EVEN EXIST, INFURIATING THE CHAPLAIN. MR. KRABS TELLS THE CHAPLAIN TO PROVE KING NEPTUNE'S EXISTENCE. THE CHAPLAIN TELLS HIM THAT ONLY GREEDY RED DEVILS LIKE CRABS WANT PROOF OF KING NEPTUNE'S EXISTENCE SINCE THEY HAVE NO FAITH IN GOODNESS. MR. KRABS WILDLY SCREAMS, TELLS THE CHAPLAIN THAT EVERYTHING IS ONLY A DREAM OF HIS WHICH MAKES HIM "KING KRABS" OF THE DREAM WORLD, AND PINCHES OFF THE CHAPLAIN'S FINS, CAUSING THE SECURITY FISH OF THE PRISON TO RUSH INTO HIS CELL, RESCUE AND ESCORT THE INJURED CHAPLAIN MERMAID OUT OF THE CELL, AND MERCILESSLY BEAT MR. KRABS WITH PILLOWS, WHICH CAUSES MR. KRABS TO INSANELY LAUGH AT THE ABSURDITY, EVEN THOUGH THEY HIT HIM HARD ENOUGH TO GIVE HIM BRUISES. AS THE SECURITY FISH PREPARE TO TAKE THE WEAKENED MR. KRABS ON THE WALK TO THE DEADLY HOT BUTTER CAULDRON, SPONGEBOB FINALLY RETURNS FROM BRIBING THE MAYOR WITH KRABBY PATTIES AND PRESENTS THE PRISON OFFICIALS WITH DOCUMENTS ENSURING AN OFFICIAL PARDON OF MR. KRABS' CRIMES. DESPITE THE MAYOR'S PARDON AND THE POLICE LETTING THE HAPPY MR. KRABS AND SPONGEBOB FREELY LEAVE THE JAIL, AN ANGRY MOB OF BIKINI BOTTOM CITIZENS IMMEDIATELY OVERWHELMS THE JAIL, DRAGS MR. KRABS AWAY FROM SPONGEBOB AND THE POLICE FISH, AND DECIDES TO COOK HIM ALIVE ALONG WITH ALL OF HIS MONEY BY THEMSELVES WITHOUT THE STATE'S APPROVAL. THE POLICE FISH SUDDENLY STOP FIGHTING THE CIVILIAN MOB, SMILE AND JEER AT MR. KRABS, AND LET THE CIVILIAN MOB TAKE MR. KRABS AWAY TO A RIDICULOUSLY LARGE CAULDRON OF HOT BUTTER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY. MR. KRABS SCREAMS FOR MERCY AND SCREAMS THAT HE IS NOT READY TO BE COOKED ALIVE AGAIN FOR THE 1,000TH CONSECUTIVE TIME. ALONG THE WAY, THE MOB TAKES MR. KRABS AND SPONGEBOB AND COVERS BOTH OF THEM WITH TARS-AND-FEATHERS SINCE THEY ARE CHICKENS AFRAID OF DEATH. AS THE MOB FINALLY REACHES THE GIANT CAULDRON, THE STRUGGLING AND CRYING SPONGEBOB IS DETAINED BY THE MOB AND WATCHES IN HORROR AS THE PANICKING AND SCREAMING MR. KRABS IS BUTTERED UP BY THE MOB; GETS A LARGE ROTTEN APPLE STUCK INTO HIS MOUTH BY THE MOB; IS STRIPPED OF ALL HIS CLOTHES EXCEPT HIS SPEEDO UNDERWEAR BY THE MOB; IS WRAPPED LIKE A BURRITO IN HIS LIFE SAVINGS MONEY BY THE MOB; AND IS FINALLY TOSSED INTO THE GIANT CAULDRON OF HOT BUTTER TO BE INSTANTLY COOKED ALIVE AND VAPORIZED ALONG WITH ALL HIS MONEY. THE MOB'S CRIES OF JOY DRONE OUT MR. KRABS' FINAL SCREAMS. AS THE CITIZENS REJOICE THAT MR. KRABS' CHEAPNESS IS FINALLY GONE FROM THE CITY, SPONGEBOB HELPLESSLY SOBS AND SCREAMS THAT THEY ARE ALL FOOLS. SPONGEBOB DECLARES THAT NOW THE WORLD WILL END BECAUSE MR. KRABS DREAMED IT ALL UP. THE CELEBRATING CITIZENS ANGRILY PICK UP SPONGEBOB, WHOM THEY INSULT AS A ROTTEN CHUNK OF HOLEY CHEESE, AND PREPARE TO LIKEWISE THROW HIM INTO THE GIANT CAULDRON TO BE COOKED ALIVE. HOWEVER, THE CITIZENS SOON FREEZE IN PLACE AS TIME ITSELF STOPS, AND SPONGEBOB, THE ONLY ONE NOT FROZEN, STOPS CRYING AND CURIOUSLY WATCHES AS ALL THE PEOPLE OF THE CITY AND THE ENTIRE OCEAN ITSELF SLOWLY DISAPPEAR INTO A GIANT BLACK HOLE WHIRLPOOL THAT FORMS BELOW THE DISAPPEARING CAULDRON. SPONGEBOB IS THE LAST THING TO BE SUCKED INTO THE WHIRLPOOL AND SIMPLY YELLS, "WAKE UP!" EVERYTHING DISAPPEARS INTO THE WHIRLPOOL WHICH SHRINKS INTO A MICROSCOPIC POINT BEFORE IT TOO DISAPPEARS. NOTHING REMAINS BUT A BLACK VOID. SUDDENLY, THE VOID IS INSTANTLY REPLACED AGAIN BY A NEW BIKINI BOTTOM AS THE SAME TRIAL OF MR. KRABS BEGINS AGAIN, THOUGH THE JUDGE IS NOW PLANKTON AND THE JURY IS MADE OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE THAN THE PREVIOUS DREAM TRIAL; PATRICK IS NOW MR. KRABS' TERRIBLE DEFENSE LAWYER; AND MR. KRABS IS NOW ACCUSED OF PINCHING OFF THE FINS OF A YOUNG LITTLE FISH GIRL IN A FIGHT OVER COOKIES. THE COURT AGAIN FINDS MR. KRABS GUILTY AND SENTENCES HIM TO DEATH BY BEING COOKED ALIVE IN HOT CARAMEL, AND THE FURIOUS MR. KRABS RUNS TO ATTACK THE JUDGE PLANKTON AND SCREAMS THAT HE WANTS JUSTICE AND THE END OF HIS ETERNAL NIGHTMARES SO HE CAN FINALLY SLEEP WELL. AS MR. KRABS IS DETAINED BY THE FISH SECURITY, THE JUDGE PLANKTON SIMPLY LAUGHS, SUDDENLY TELLS THE PATHETIC MR. KRABS THAT HIS EXECUTION METHOD WILL BE DIFFERENT FROM WHAT THE COURT HAS JUST DECIDED AND THAT JUDGE PLANKTON HIMSELF WILL DECIDE THE EXECUTION METHOD, AND THEN TELLS THE STUNNED MR. KRABS THAT HE CERTAINLY WILL BE PUT TO SLEEP LIKE THE BAD DOG HE IS. THUS, AFTER MR. KRABS' EXECUTION BY HOT BUTTER, THE DREAM TRIAL BEGAN AGAIN. IT APPEARS THAT MR. KRABS IS STILL ACTUALLY ASLEEP AND WAS ACTUALLY IN A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM. JUDGE PLANKTON THEN TELLS THE CONDEMNED MR. KRABS THAT LIFE IS JUST A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM WITHIN A DREAM WITHIN MR. KRABS' MOTHER'S FAT BALD HEAD, LIKE AN INFINITE SERIES OF NIGHTMARISH, DEMONIC, COMMUNIST RUSSIAN NESTED DOLLS.

**TOM SURFING: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED YOURSELF IF REALITY IS YOUR DREAM? IF SO, IS IT A GOOD ONE, A WET OR DRY ONE WITH BUTTER, OR A NIGHTMARE ON CONCH STREET? WHATEVER THE CASE, LET'S JUST HOPE YOU NEVER NEED A NIGHTLY LESSON IN LUCID DREAMING…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**8 EPISODE EIGHT: SEVEN PRISONERS IN SEARCH OF ONE ANSWER**

**TOM SURFING: A SPONGE, A STAR FISH, A CRAB, A SQUID, A SNAIL, A SQUIRREL, AND A LITTLE CYCLOPS. LOCK THEM ALL IN AN UNKNOWN PRISON AND SOMETHING INTERESTING WILL PROBABLY HAPPEN. SO BEHOLD THEM AS THEY COMBINE WITS AND BRAWN AS THEY TRY TO ESCAPE…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, PLANKTON, AND GARY ALL WAKE UP FROM COLLECTIVE SLEEP IN WHAT SEEMS TO BE A GIANT BLACK BOX. THEY DO NOT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE, AND APPEAR TO BE TRAPPED IN SOME KIND OF WEIRD PRISON. ODDLY ENOUGH, SANDY IS NOT WEARING HER ASTRONAUT SUIT, AND THEY DO NOT APPEAR TO BE UNDERWATER AND THE AIR IN THE BOX DOES NOT APPEAR TO SUFFOCATE ANY OF THE SEA CREATURES. NONE OF THEM HAVE ANY MEMORY OF HOW THEY GOT THERE OR WHAT THEY DID IMMEDIATELY BEFORE WAKING UP. THE GIANT BLACK BOX SEEMS TO HAVE A SMALL CIRCULAR OPENING IN ITS CEILING. ABOVE THE SMALL CIRCULAR OPENING ARE OCCASIONAL FLASHES OF LIGHT IN THE DISTANCE AND THE NOISE OF WHAT SOUNDS LIKE ROTATING MACHINES OUTSIDE THE BOX CAN BE HEARD. ALL OF THEM FEEL NERVOUS AND UNCOMFORTABLE, AND ALL IMMEDIATELY WANT TO TRY TO ESCAPE BEFORE THEY STARVE TO DEATH SINCE THEY HAVE NO BELONGINGS WITH THEM. BEFORE THEY TRY TO DEVELOP ESCAPE PLANS, THEY ALL DECIDE TO SHARE A PERSONAL THEORY OF HOW THEY GOT THERE SINCE THEY ALL HAVE DIFFERENT THEORIES THAT MAY ENABLE THEM TO DISCERN THE TRUE NATURE OF THE PRISON AND HOW TO ESCAPE IT. THEY DECIDE TO TAKE TURNS WITH THE SMALLEST SPEAKING FIRST AND THE LARGEST SPEAKING LAST. PLANKTON BEGINS WITH HIS THEORY. FINALLY FEELING GUILTY FOR HIS PAST CRIMES, PLANKTON SUGGESTS THAT THEY HAVE ACTUALLY ALL DIED, ARE NOW GHOSTS, AND ARE ETERNALLY DOOMED IN THE AFTERLIFE AS PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR IMMORAL LIVES INSIDE OF DAVEY JONES' LOCKER. HOWEVER, EVERYONE IS DISTURBED BY THE POSSIBILITY AND OBJECT TO THE THEORY ON SEVERAL GROUNDS: THE BOX THEY ARE IN DOES NOT SMELL AT ALL, UNLIKE DAVEY JONES' LOCKER THAT IS SUPPOSED TO SMELL HORRIBLE; THERE SHOULD BE MORE DOOMED SOULS WITH THEM IN DAVEY JONES' LOCKER; NONE OF THEM REMEMBER DYING; THEY ALL DISCUSS THEIR VICES AND ONLY PATRICK (SLOTH), SQUIDWARD (PRIDE), PLANKTON (ENVY), AND MR. KRABS (GREED) SEEM TO HAVE INCREDIBLY AWFUL CHARACTERS, MAKING THE INCLUSION OF SANDY, SPONGEBOB, AND GARY INCONSISTENT; AND NONE OF THEM BELIEVE THEY LOOK LIKE GHOSTS. AS A RESULT, PLANKTON'S SUPERNATURAL THEORY IS DISMISSED. GARY STATES HIS EXTRATERRESTRIAL THEORY. AS AN AVID READER OF SCIENCE FICTION BOOKS, GARY BELIEVES THAT THEY HAVE ALL BEEN ABDUCTED DURING THEIR SLEEP BY ALIENS AND ARE NOW IMPRISONED IN THE ALIEN SPACE SHIP IN ROUTE TO THE ALIEN PLANET. ONCE AGAIN, SEVERAL OBJECTIONS ARE MADE TO THIS THEORY: NONE OF THEM REMEMBER ALIEN ABDUCTIONS, THOUGH THEY COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING TOO DEEPLY AT THE TIME; SANDY BELIEVES THAT THEY SHOULD FEEL THE GRAVITATIONAL EFFECTS OF BEING IN A SPACE SHIP IN OUTER SPACE, WHICH THEY DO NOT; AND NONE OF THEM REALLY BELIEVE IN ALIENS. THOUGH THEY CANNOT DISMISS THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL THEORY, THEY LISTEN TO THE NEXT THEORY. DUE TO SQUIDWARD BEING THE THINNEST OF THE REMAINING MEMBERS, THEY ASK HIM ABOUT HIS THEORY. SQUIDWARD CANNOT THINK OF ANY GOOD THEORY AND CALLS HIS "THEORY" THE SKEPTICAL THEORY. SQUIDWARD SIMPLY ABANDONS COMMON SENSE AND LOGIC AND CRYPTICALLY STATES THAT MAYBE THEIR QUESTIONS HAVE NO ANSWERS OR MAYBE THEIR QUESTIONS HAVE AN INFINITE SERIES OF ANSWERS. THUS, SQUIDWARD BELIEVES THEY WILL NEVER KNOW WHERE THEY ARE OR HOW THEY GOT THERE. EVERYONE IS DISAPPOINTED BY HIS ANSWERS, SO THEY ALL IMMEDIATELY PINCH HIS LARGE NOSE ONCE AS PUNISHMENT, CAUSING HIM TO GRAB HIS NOSE IN PAIN AND APOLOGIZE FOR HIS LACK OF A THEORY. SPONGEBOB STATES HIS OWN COMPLEX DREAM THEORY. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT THERE ARE SEVERAL DREAM POSSIBILITIES IN WHICH THEY ARE ALL ACTUALLY STILL SLEEPING AND THEIR BIZARRE SITUATION IS A DREAM: THIS ENTIRE ORDEAL IS ONLY A DREAM OF SPONGEBOB HIMSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE IS NOT REAL; OR EVERYONE ELSE IS REAL, AND THEY ARE ALL IN A NIGHTMARE SOMEHOW SHARED COLLECTIVELY AMONG THEIR MINDS; OR NONE OF THEM ARE REAL, AND THEY ARE ALL INSIDE ANOTHER SUPREME ENTITY'S UNKNOWN DREAM WORLD. SEVERAL OBJECTIONS ARE LIKEWISE MADE TO THESE POSSIBILITIES: EVERYONE ELSE ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT THEY MOST CERTAINLY ARE REAL AND ARE NOT SIMPLY IMAGINARY FIGMENTS OF HIS DREAM WORLD; NONE OF THEM KNOW HOW SEVERAL MINDS COULD SHARE ONE DREAM, THOUGH THE POSSIBILITY REMINDS THEM ALL OF THE AWFUL AND OVERRATED SCIENCE FICTION FILM _INCRAPTION_; AND NONE OF THEM WANT TO BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE IMAGINARY DREAM CHARACTERS OF SOME UNKNOWN MYSTERIOUS ENTITY. ALL THE OTHERS THEN PINCH SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY BUTT TO ASSURE HIM HE IS AWAKE. THUS, THEY FIND SPONGEBOB'S COMPLEX DREAM THEORY UNLIKELY. SANDY TELLS HER OWN BIZARRE INTERDIMENSIONAL THEORY THAT THEY HAVE ALL SOMEHOW ENTERED ANOTHER PARALLEL REALITY OR DIMENSION, A THEORY WHICH SHE ADMITS IS QUITE VAGUE. SHE ARGUES THAT SINCE THEY ARE NOT IN WATER AND SINCE SHE DOES NOT NEED HER ASTRONAUT SUIT, THEY MIGHT BE IN SOME DIFFERENT METAPHYSICAL WORLD BEYOND THEIR OWN THAT THEY CAN SOMEHOW STILL SURVIVE IN, AND MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY ENTERED THIS UNKNOWN WORLD VIA A WHIRLPOOL PORTAL BRIDGING THEIR WORLD TO THIS NEW ONE. THE ONLY OBJECTION THE OTHERS CAN COME UP WITH IS THAT THEY HAVE NO MEMORY OF CROSSING AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PATHWAY TO ENTER THIS NEW WORLD, THOUGH EVERYONE BELIEVES THAT SANDY'S THEORY, THOUGH VERY BIZARRE, IS STILL THE BEST PROPOSED SO FAR. IN RESPONSE, MR. KRABS TELLS THEM THAT WHEN HE WAS A SAILOR, MANY NAVAL SHIPS WERE SAID TO DISAPPEAR INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION IN A WATER AREA KNOWN AS THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS BELIEVES SANDY'S THEORY IS TOO METAPHYSICAL AND HE PROPOSES A CONTROVERSIAL CONSPIRACY THEORY OF HIS OWN. MR. KRABS SUDDENLY ACCUSES PLANKTON OF BUILDING WHATEVER PRISON THEY ARE IN AND STATES THAT TO GET REVENGE ON ALL OF THEM FOR THEIR PAST ANIMOSITY, PLANKTON HAS KIDNAPPED THEM ALL AND PLACED THEM IN THIS PRISON AS A SICK JOKE. FURIOUS, PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY DENIES THE ACCUSATION AND JUMPS ONTO MR. KRABS' FACE TO SQUEEZE MR. KRABS' EYES. MR. KRABS SCREAMS IN PAIN AND TRIES TO PINCH PLANKTON, BUT PLANKTON JUMPS OFF HIS EYES, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO ACCIDENTALLY PINCH HIS OWN EYES. THE OTHERS SEPARATE PLANKTON AND MR. KRABS, WHO GLARE AND MUTTER CURSES AT EACH OTHER. WITH PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB RESTRAINING PLANKTON, EVERYONE ELSE ASKS PLANKTON IF MR. KRABS IS RIGHT. PLANKTON RAISES SEVERAL OBJECTIONS TO MR. KRABS' SO-CALLED THEORY THAT END THE OTHERS' SUSPICIONS: NOT EVEN HE IS SMART ENOUGH TO BUILD SUCH A LARGE PRISON; HE WOULD CERTAINLY NOT PUT HIMSELF IN A HYPOTHETICAL PRISON HE BUILT WITH ANY OF HIS HYPOTHETICAL PRISONERS; AND HE DOES NOT WASTE HIS TIME ON COMPLICATED PRANKS BUT ONLY ON COMPLICATED SCHEMES TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. PLANKTON FINALLY SAYS THAT MR. KRABS CAN PUCKER HIS FAT RED LIPS UP AND KISS HIS LITTLE GREEN BUTT, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO TRY TO ATTACK PLANKTON THOUGH HE IS STOPPED BY ALL THE OTHERS. TIRED OF THEIR USELESS THEORIES AND BICKERING, THEY DECIDE TO QUICKLY HEAR PATRICK'S LAST, PRESUMABLY STUPID, THEORY. PATRICK IS LAST SINCE HE IS THE FATTEST OF THEM ALL. PATRICK SUGGESTS HIS INSANITY THEORY AND SAYS THAT SINCE THEY ARE ALL ACTING CRAZY RIGHT NOW AND THAT SINCE THEY ARE IN A CRAZY SITUATION, THEY HAVE ALL GONE INSANE AND HAVE SOMEHOW CREATED A COLLECTIVE MENTAL ILLUSION OF THE CRAZY WORLD THEY ARE NOW IN. IN OTHER WORDS, NOTHING THEY SEE IS REAL, THE PRISON IS A PSYCHOTIC SHARED HALLUCINATION, AND THEY ARE ACTUALLY PROBABLY ALL CRAZY INMATES OF BIKINI BOTTOM'S WACKO ASYLUM. EVERYONE TELLS PATRICK TO SNAP OUT OF IT, AND THEY ALL SLAP HIM ACROSS THE FACE. HAVING FAILED TO DEDUCE EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE, THEY BEGIN TO DEVELOP AN ESCAPE PLAN VIA THE CIRCULAR OPENING IN THE CEILING. SANDY AND PLANKTON, THE TWO SMARTEST OF THE GROUP, FIRST DEVISE A SOLITARY ESCAPE PLAN. THEY TELL SQUIDWARD TO USE HIS SUCTION CUPS TO CLIMB UP THE WALL TO THE CEILING. THEY CHEER HIM ON AND ASSURE HIM THAT IF HE FALLS THEY WILL ALL CATCH HIM. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD'S ARMS ARE TOO THIN AND HE IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO MAKE THE CLIMB. SPONGEBOB LIKEWISE TRIES TO STRETCH HIS LIMBS TO REACH THE CEILING, BUT THE STRETCHING HURTS HIS BODY TOO MUCH AND HIS LIMBS ARE TOO THIN AND UNSTABLE LIKE NOODLES, CAUSING HIM TO CONSTANTLY FALL OVER BEFORE HE CAN EVEN REACH HALFWAY TO THE CEILING. AS A RESULT OF THESE FAILURES, THEY ALL DEVISE A SECOND GROUP ESCAPE PLAN. DESPITE SQUIDWARD'S RELUCTANCE, SQUIDWARD ALLOWS THEM ALL TO PAINFULLY STRETCH HIS TENTACLES ACROSS THE FLOOR TO USE AS ROPES. AFTER THEY ALL STRETCH HIS SIX TENTACLES AS MUCH AS THEY CAN, THEY USE THEM AS ROPES TO LASSO THEIR SUCTION CUPS ONTO THE DIAMETER OF THE CIRCULAR OPENING. BECAUSE HIS ARMS ARE STRETCHED SO MUCH, SQUIDWARD HIMSELF DOES NOT HAVE THE STRENGTH TO LIFT HIMSELF UP INTO THE CIRCULAR OPENING. AS SQUIDWARD WAITS ON THE FLOOR BELOW, ALL THE OTHER SIX CLIMB UP HIS TENTACLES TOWARD THE CIRCULAR OPENING. MR. KRABS TIRES TOO QUICKLY, PLANKTON IS NOT STRONG ENOUGH FOR THE LONG CLIMB, AND GARY'S SHELL IS TOO HEAVY FOR HIM TO MAKE THE CLIMB, SO MR. KRABS, PLANKTON, AND GARY IMMEDIATELY FALL OFF THE TENTACLES ONTO SQUIDWARD, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO GRUNT IN PAIN, SQUIDWARD'S THREE TENTACLES THAT THEY WERE CLIMBING ON TO FALL TO THE FLOOR, AND SQUIDWARD'S OTHER THREE TENTACLES TO WOBBLE. PATRICK'S HEAVY WEIGHT CAUSES THE FOURTH TENTACLE ALONG WITH PATRICK TO FALL ONTO SQUIDWARD, CAUSING HIS LAST TWO TENTACLES TO WOBBLE FURTHER. BOTH SANDY AND SPONGEBOB ARE CLOSE TO THE CIRCULAR OPENING. SANDY REACHES ONE OF HER ARMS OUT TOWARDS THE OPENING, BUT SHE STILL CANNOT REACH IT. SPONGEBOB STRETCHES ONE OF HIS ARMS AS MUCH AS HIS SPONGY ARM CAN AND ACTUALLY BARELY TOUCHES THE OPENING BUT HE SUDDENLY SNEEZES, CAUSING BOTH OF THEM TO LOSE BALANCE, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO LOSE HIS GRIP ON THE OPENING, CAUSING SQUIDWARD'S TENTACLES TO FURTHER WOBBLE, CAUSING SANDY AND SPONGEBOB TO HELPLESSLY BITE ONTO SQUIDWARD'S TENTACLES TO NOT FALL, AND CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO SCREAM IN PAIN AND RELEASE HIS GRIP OF THE OPENING AS SPONGEBOB AND SANDY FALL ONTO HIM. THEY ARE ALL DISHEARTENED BY THE FAILURE, AND SPONGEBOB, WHO GOT CLOSEST TO THE OPENING, TELLS THEM THAT THE CIRCULAR OPENING CONTINUES INTO A SMALL TUNNEL WHICH ONLY PLANKTON COULD SQUEEZE THROUGH. SQUIDWARD'S DAMAGED TENTACLES SHRINK BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL SIZE AND POOR SQUIDWARD IS RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS FROM THE PAIN, AS THE REMAINING SIX TAKE A BREAK TO REST THEIR INJURIES, SAVE THEIR ENERGY, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY DISCUSS THE NEXT ESCAPE PLAN. AFTER SOME TIME, SANDY AND PLANKTON ONCE AGAIN DEVISE A SECOND ESCAPE PLAN. HOWEVER, DUE TO THE SMALL SIZE OF THE CIRCULAR OPENING, ONLY PLANKTON WILL ACTUALLY ESCAPE, THOUGH PLANKTON PROMISES TO RETURN WITH HELP FOR THE OTHERS. MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY OBJECTS BECAUSE HE BELIEVES PLANKTON WILL DESERT THEM SINCE PLANKTON HAS NO CONSCIENCE, BUT PLANKTON ASSURES THEM ALL THAT UNLESS ONE OF THEM GETS OUT FIRST THEN NONE OF THEM WILL GET OUT AT ALL, SO MR. KRABS SHOULD JUST SHUT HIS FAT MOUTH UP AND PINCH OUT HIS OWN VOICE BOX WITH HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS. MR. KRABS FURIOUSLY PINCHES OFF PLANKTON'S ANTENNAE AND AGAIN ACCUSES PLANKTON OF BUILDING THE MYSTERIOUS PRISON SINCE HE IS AN INSANE LITTLE MAGGOT. EVERYONE ELSE ONCE AGAIN BREAKS THE TWO RIVALS UP AND AFTER SOME TIME THE TWO RELUCTANTLY AGREE TO STOP FIGHTING AND TO WORK TOGETHER TO ESCAPE BEFORE THEY BOTH KILL EACH OTHER IN THE PRISON. FOR THE SECOND ESCAPE ATTEMPT, WHICH MUST BE DONE WITHOUT THE UNCONSCIOUS SQUIDWARD'S HELP, THEY ALL BUILD A PEOPLE TOWER WITH SANDY (WHO IS THE STRONGEST) STANDING ON THE FLOOR AT THE BOTTOM; PATRICK (WHO IS THE HEAVIEST) STANDING ON SANDY'S SHOULDERS; MR. KRABS (THE SECOND HEAVIEST) STANDING ON PATRICK'S SHOULDERS; SPONGEBOB (STRETCHING HIS SPONGY BODY AS MUCH AS HE CAN) STANDING ON MR. KRABS' SHOULDERS; GARY SITTING IN SPONGEBOB'S RAISED HANDS; AND PLANKTON (OBVIOUSLY THE SMALLEST) STANDING ON GARY'S CLOSED EYES. THOUGH THE TOWER IS VERY CLOSE TO THE CIRCULAR OPENING, PLANKTON'S LITTLE ARMS CANNOT REACH THE CIRCULAR OPENING. THE TOWER BEGINS TO WOBBLE AS SANDY TRIES TO MAINTAIN EVERYONE'S WEIGHT. PLANKTON JUMPS SEVERAL TIMES BUT REPEATEDLY BARELY MISSES GRABBING ONTO THE CIRCULAR OPENING. SPONGEBOB PREPARES TO TOSS GARY IN THE AIR SEVERAL TIMES TO HELP PLANKTON REACH THE OPENING, BUT BEFORE SPONGEBOB CAN DO SO, THE ROTATING MOTION AND NOISE FROM OUTSIDE THE BOX INCREASES TO SLIGHTLY VIBRATE THE BOX AND THE FLASHING LIGHT ABOVE THE CIRCULAR OPENING SHINES TOO BRIGHTLY ONTO SPONGEBOB'S FACE, CAUSING HIM TO FALL AND THE TOWER TO COLLAPSE. AS HE FALLS, SPONGEBOB CRADLES ONTO GARY AND HIS SPONGY BODY, THOUGH BRUISED, ABSORBS THE IMPACT OF THEIR FALL. HOWEVER, PLANKTON FALLS THE WHOLE HEIGHT BY HIMSELF AND IS, LIKE SQUIDWARD, IMMEDIATELY RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS FROM THE FALL. THE REMAINING FIVE ARE ALL HEAVILY INJURED AND DISCOURAGED AND SIT IN SILENCE AS THERE APPEARS TO BE NO HOPE FOR AN ESCAPE ATTEMPT WITHOUT SOMEONE THE SIZE OF PLANKTON. FINALLY, SPONGEBOB, WHO HIT HIS HEAD ON THE FLOOR DURING THE FALL, SAYS HE HAS ANOTHER ESCAPE PLAN, BUT THAT IF IT FAILS, THEY SHOULD ALL JUST WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE RESCUES THEM TO PREVENT ANY FURTHER INJURIES. THEY ALL AGREE THAT THIS THIRD ESCAPE ATTEMPT WILL BE THEIR LAST ONE NO MATTER WHAT. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT THEY SHOULD DO THE EXACT SAME TOWER, BUT THAT EVERYONE SHOULD COMPRESS HIS SPONGY BODY INTO A SMALL SPONGE BALL SO HE CAN FIT THROUGH THE SMALL TUNNEL OUT OF THE CIRCULAR OPENING. EVERYONE RELUCTANTLY AGREES AS BOTH PLANKTON AND SQUIDWARD REMAIN UNCONSCIOUS ON THE FLOOR. WHEN NO ONE IS LOOKING, MR. KRABS SPITS ON THE UNCONSCIOUS PLANKTON. SANDY, PATRICK, MR. KRABS, AND GARY ALL MANAGE TO SQUEEZE SPONGEBOB INTO A TINY SPONGE BALL, PUT THE SPONGE BALL INTO GARY'S MOUTH, AND BUILD THE PEOPLE TOWER AGAIN IN THE FOLLOWING ORDER FROM BOTTOM TO TOP: SANDY, PATRICK, MR. KRABS, AND GARY IN MR. KRABS' OUTSTRETCHED HANDS WITH SPONGEBOB AS A SMALL COMPRESSED SPONGE BALL IN GARY'S MOUTH. THIS TIME, SANDY TELLS EVERYONE, EXCEPT SPONGEBOB, TO STAND AS TALL AS THEY CAN AND STRETCH THEIR LEGS AS MUCH AS THEY CAN. AFTER SEVERAL TENSE MOMENTS OF AIMING AND SLIGHT WOBBLING, GARY SUCCESSFULLY SPITS SPONGEBOB DIRECTLY INTO THE CIRCULAR HOLE OF THE CEILING AND SPONGEBOB CONTINUES TO ROLL INTO THE CIRCULAR TUNNEL. THE OTHERS CAREFULLY ALL JUMP BACK ON THE FLOOR AND YELL TO ASK SPONGEBOB WHERE HE IS AND WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE TUNNEL. SPONGEBOB CONTINUES SLOWLY CRAWLING THROUGH THE TINY TUNNEL AND YELLS THAT THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL IS GETTING BRIGHTER AND THAT THE SPINNING SOUND IS GETTING LOUDER. SPONGEBOB NEARS THE END OF THE TUNNEL AND IS HURT BY THE BRIGHTNESS OF THE LIGHT AND THE LOUDNESS OF THE NOISE. THE OTHERS PLEAD WITH SPONGEBOB TO BE CAREFUL, TO TELL THEM WHERE THEY ARE, AND TO TELL THEM WHAT HE SEES. PASSING THE LIGHT, SPONGEBOB, TO HIS ASTONISHMENT REACHES THE END OF THE TUNNEL. OUTSIDE APPEARS TO SIMPLY BE ANOTHER INCREDIBLY LARGER DARK BLACK ROOM BELOW THE EDGE OF THE TUNNEL. SPONGEBOB FEARFULLY STARES AT THE FAR DROP BELOW, BUT THEN SPONGEBOB LOOKS IN FRONT OF HIMSELF, SEES SOMETHING HUGE AND TERRIFYING, SCREAMS VERY LOUDLY, AND FALLS OFF THE EDGE OF THE TUNNEL INTO THE APPARENT ABYSS BELOW. EVERYONE BACK IN THE BOX IS EXTREMELY WORRIED AND CRYING ABOUT WHATEVER HAPPENED TO SPONGEBOB AND THEY ALL KNOW THAT THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE THE BOX NOW AS THEY SADLY HUG EACH OTHER AS ETERNAL PRISON INMATES. AS IF FROM A RECORDING, THE SOUND OF SPONGEBOB'S SCREAMS CONTINUALLY REPEATS ITSELF OVER AND OVER AGAIN IN THE DARKNESS…

EPILOGUE:

SPONGEBOB WAS THE ONLY ONE TO ACTUALLY DISCOVER WHERE THEY WERE AND WHAT THE GIANT BLACK BOX WAS. AFTER EXITING THE TUNNEL, SPONGEBOB SAW A GIANT SCREEN PICTURE LIGHT PROJECTION OF HIS OWN FACE AGAINST THE WALL OF THE GIANT BLACK ROOM THAT THE BOX WAS IN. APPARENTLY, THEY WERE ALL ACTUALLY INSIDE AN OLD, DAMAGED GIANT MOVIE PROJECTOR INSIDE AN EMPTY STUDIO ROOM ABANDONED LONG AGO BY ITS HUMAN CREATORS. THE GIANT BLACK BOX THEY WERE IN WAS THE CAMERA BOX, THE CIRCULAR TUNNEL AND LIGHT ARE THE PROJECTOR LENS AND LIGHT, AND THE ROTATING MACHINES ARE THE ROUND ROLLS OF FILM MOVING. SPONGEBOB SCREAMED AFTER SEEING HIS HUGE PROJECTED PICTURE ON THE GIANT WALL AND AFTER REALIZING THAT HE AND ALL THE OTHERS ARE ACTUALLY ONLY TWO DIMENSIONAL CARTOON CHARACTERS ON A TELEVISION SHOW CREATED BY MYSTERIOUS NON-CARTOON THREE DIMENSIONAL HUMAN CREATURES. THUS, THE SCIENTIFIC SANDY'S INTERDIMENSIONAL THEORY WAS THE BEST OF THE PRISONERS' METAPHYSICAL THEORIES.

**TOM SURFING: THE DISTURBING PLAY YOU JUST WITNESSED WAS AN EXISTENTIAL DRAMA COURTESY OF THE OLD FRENCH FART JEAN-PAUL SARTRE, WHO WOULD HAVE SPOILED THE ENDING FOR YOU BY TELLING YOU THERE WAS "NO EXIT" FOR THE SEVEN WET PRISONERS. THUS, HAVING SOLVED THE METAPHYSICAL RIDDLE OF HIS OWN EXISTENCE, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FELL INTO THE THIRD DIMENSION AND INTO OBLIVION. THE DARING SPONGY TRAVELER'S FATE REMAINS UNKNOWN, WHILE THE SIX OTHER PRISONERS STILL AWAIT RESCUE AND STILL AWAIT AN ANSWER TO THE MYSTERY…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**9 EPISODE NINE: THE COOKIE MONSTERS ARE IN BIKINI BOTTOM**

**TOM SURFING: BIKINI BOTTOM, PACIFIC OCEAN. A NICE LITTLE TOWN WHERE PEOPLE ONLY WANT SOME MILK AND, WELL, EVERYTHING GOES WITH MILK NOW, DOESN'T IT? ANYTHING AS SWEET AS THIS WET CITY. AT LEAST, AS SWEET AS IT WAS BEFORE THE COOKIE MONSTERS CAME…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

KING NEPTUNE'S ROYAL MILITARY, IN A TOP SECRET TEST TO SEE HOW WELL A SEA CITY IN HIS KINGDOM LIKE BIKINI BOTTOM RESPONDS TO UNEXPECTED EMERGENCIES, DECIDES TO HAVE ITS LITTLE SEA GNOME AGENTS, WHICH ARE TINY INSECT-SIZE CAPRICORNS (SEA GOATS), SECRETLY STEAL VIRTUALLY ALL THE COOKIES FROM THE CITY ONE NIGHT. THE NEXT MORNING, MASS PANIC AND CONFUSION ENSUE AMONG BIKINI BOTTOMITES WHEN THE CITY REALIZES THAT ALL OF ITS COOKIES HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED OVERNIGHT. PATRICK, WHO OFTEN READS FAIRY TALES, GOES ON A PUBLIC RADIO PROGRAM DISCUSSING THE EMERGENCY AND TELLS EVERYONE THAT MAGICAL SEA GNOMES ARE PROBABLY RESPONSIBLE FOR STEALING THE CITY'S COOKIES, BUT THAT SEA GNOMES, USING THEIR MAGIC, CAN INCREASE THEIR SIZE AND SHAPE SHIFT INTO REGULAR FISH, IMPLYING THAT SOME OF THE CITY'S RESIDENTS ARE ACTUALLY SEA GNOMES IN DISGUISE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE COOKIE THEFTS AS SECRET COOKIE MONSTERS. THOUGH PATRICK IS IRONICALLY RIGHT ABOUT THE SEA GNOME THEFT OF THE CITY'S COOKIES, HE COMPLETELY FABRICATED THE IMAGINARY MAGICAL ABILITY OF SEA GNOMES TO SHAPE SHIFT INTO AQUATIC CREATURES, A POWER THEY DO NOT POSSESS. NEVERTHELESS, PATRICK'S RADIO MESSAGE CAUSES MASS HYSTERIA. THE REAL SEA GNOMES SECRETLY PLACE COOKIES IN RANDOM PEOPLE'S HOMES AND LIKEWISE TURN RANDOM PEOPLE'S OVENS ON TO MAKE THE PEOPLE APPEAR GUILTY OF BEING SEA GNOMES IN DISGUISE. AS NEIGHBORHOOD FIGHTS BREAK OUT OVER ACCUSATIONS AND DAY TURNS INTO NIGHT, MANY PEOPLE DECIDE TO STAY INDOORS WITH THEIR LIGHTS OFF TO AVOID NEIGHBORS SEEING INTO THEIR HOMES. CONFISCATING THE CIVILIANS' COOKIES FOR THEMSELVES, POLICE ARREST AND BEAT ANY CITIZENS FOUND WITH COOKIES AS POTENTIAL SUSPECTED SEA GNOME COOKIE MONSTERS. DUE TO THE PANIC, POLICE AND SWAT TEAMS ILLEGALLY RAID MANY HOMES WITHOUT SEARCH WARRANTS WHEN THE SMELL OF COOKIES AND BAKING OVENS COME FROM SUCH HOMES. THE WORST ATROCITY OF POLICE BRUTALITY DURING THE DAY OCCURS ON "MAPLE SYRUP STREET." ON MAPLE SYRUP STREET, POLICE FISH FIRING SQUADS, ARMED WITH GUNS THAT SHOOT OUT MAPLE SYRUP, OPENED FIRE ON ALL THE MINORITY ASIAN CARP FISH POSSESSING FORTUNE COOKIES. THE ASIAN CARP FISH WERE SUSPECTED TO BE POTENTIAL COOKIE MONSTERS BY THE POLICE, WHOSE MAPLE SYRUP GUNS FROZE AND DROWNED THE SUSPECTS ALIVE FOR A TOTAL OF UP TO FIFTY STICKY CASUALTIES. THE PANICKED NEWS MEDIA QUICKLY REPORTED THE TRAGIC STORY, WHICH GREATLY PERSUADED MANY OTHER BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO END THEIR FIGHTS AND SIMPLY STAY INDOORS WITH THEIR FAMILIES FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. DURING THE MAYHEM, MANY CITIZENS, FEARING MILK WOULD ALSO BE SOON STOLEN BY COOKIE MONSTERS, STOLE AND PURCHASED COUNTLESS GALLONS OF MILK AND VIOLENT RAIDS OF MARKETS AND HOMES FOR THE PRECIOUS MILKY COMMODITY CAUSED THE CITY GOVERNMENT TO INSTITUTE MARSHAL LAW. PATRICK, A MAIN CAUSE OF THE HYSTERIA, SIMPLY STAYS INDOORS, NOT LETTING ANYONE, NOT EVEN SPONGEBOB, INTO HIS ROCK HOME FOR FEAR OF POTENTIAL COOKIE MONSTERS STEALING HIS SMALL AMOUNT OF EXPIRED COOKIE DOUGH AND SMALL GLASS OF MILK. DURING THE WIDESPREAD PANIC AND DESTRUCTION, SPONGEBOB, SEVERAL OF HIS FRIENDS, MR. KRABS, AND SEVERAL OTHER RESIDENTS, STRUGGLING TO REMAIN CALM AND SANE DURING THE CHAOS, TAKE REFUGE IN THE LOCKED AND BARRICADED KRUSTY KRAB, THOUGH THEY TOO KEEP THE LIGHTS OFF AND STORE WHATEVER MILK THEY CAN, THOUGH EVERYONE HIDES THEIR SMALL COOKIE PILES FOR THEMSELVES. THE ENTIRE CITY IS EVIDENTLY SUFFERING FROM SEA GNOME COOKIE MONSTER PANIC. MR. KRABS ARMS HIMSELF WITH HIS TRUSTY RUSTY SHOVEL INTENT ON CRUSHING AND BURYING ANY SEA GNOMES HE SEES. AS THOSE IN THE KRUSTY KRAB DISCUSS THE PANIC, ARGUMENTS BEGIN OVER SUSPICIOUS POTENTIAL COOKIE MONSTERS IN THE LOCKED DOWN RESTAURANT. THE TOP COOKIE MONSTER SUSPECTS INCLUDE DAIRY FARMERS, FAT PEOPLE, BAKERS, NAUGHTY CHILDREN WITH CRIMINAL HISTORIES OF STEALING FROM COOKIE JARS, BLUE FURRY MUPPET PEOPLE, WILD PETS, AND FINALLY REGULAR PEOPLE WHO MAKE SEEMINGLY ODD COMMENTS ABOUT COOKIES OR WHOSE BREATH AND BUTTS SMELL LIKE COOKIES. DURING THE MOCK INQUISITIONS, SPONGEBOB CASUALLY REMARKS THAT HE HIMSELF HATES COOKIES AND DOES NOT EAT THEM DUE TO THEIR HIGH SUGAR CONTENT. ALL THOSE IN THE RESTAURANT IMMEDIATELY BECOME SUSPICIOUS OF SPONGEBOB AS SQUIDWARD, DUE TO HIS GREAT DISLIKE OF SPONGEBOB, CLAIMS THAT IT IS VERY COINCIDENTAL THAT ALL COOKIES ARE GONE AND SPONGEBOB IS SOMEONE WHO WISHES THERE WERE NO MORE COOKIES IN THE CITY BECAUSE THEY ARE UNHEALTHY. AS THE PEOPLE IN THE RESTAURANT ACCUSE SPONGEBOB OF BEING A SEA GNOME IN DISGUISE, MR. KRABS PROTECTS SPONGEBOB FROM OLD WOMEN FISH, WHO LOVE BAKING COOKIES, HITTING HIM WITH THEIR CANES. MR. KRABS ASKS SQUIDWARD IF HE IS TRYING TO LEAD A WITCH HUNT WITH THE OLD WOMEN FISH WHO LOOK LIKE WITCHES. HOWEVER, THE CONFLICT IS INTERRUPTED AS SUDDENLY FROM INSIDE THE TENSE DARK KRUSTY KRAB, THE LOCKED FRONT DOOR BARELY CREAKS OPEN SEEMINGLY ON ITS OWN. A TINY CREATURE IS SEEN CRAWLING INTO THE ROOM MAKING ITS WAY TO THE KITCHEN'S EMPTY COOKIE JAR. EVERYONE IN THE KRUSTY KRAB IS FROZEN WITH FEAR AS THE LITTLE CREATURE SLOWLY MAKES ITS WAY TO THE KITCHEN. PANICKING, MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY ATTACKS THE TINY CREATURE, WHOM HE THINKS IS A SEA GNOME. MR. KRABS USES HIS RUSTY SHOVEL TO REPEATEDLY SMASH THE CREATURE UNTIL IT STOPS MOVING. MR. KRABS TURNS ON THE LIGHTS IN THE RESTAURANT TO REALIZE, TO HIS HORROR, THE CRUSHED CREATURE WAS NOT A SEA GNOME BUT WAS PLANKTON, WHO WAS TRYING TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. AS MR. KRABS DROPS THE SHOVEL AND PROTESTS TO THE SHOCKED OTHERS THAT HE WAS ONLY ACTING IN SELF-DEFENSE TO PROTECT HIS RESTAURANT, THE SAFE IN HIS OFFICE MYSTERIOUSLY OPENS SEEMINGLY ON ITS OWN AND COUNTLESS COOKIES COME ROLLING OUT OF IT. THE ENRAGED PUBLIC ATTACKS THE KRUSTY KRAB AND EVERYONE IN IT, BUT MR. KRABS, MUCH TO SPONGEBOB'S HORROR, TRIES TO BLAME PATRICK AS A SEA GNOME IN DISGUISE. TO DEFLECT BLAME FROM HIMSELF, MR. KRABS CLAIMS THAT ONLY PATRICK SOMEHOW MYSTERIOUSLY KNEW THAT SEA GNOMES WERE THE REAL COOKIE MONSTERS. THE ENRAGED MOB SIMPLY DESTROYS THE KRUSTY KRAB, LOCKS SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS IN GIANT EMPTY COOKIE JARS, AND TAKES MR. KRABS' RUSTY SHOVEL TO GO TO PATRICK'S ROCK HOME TO BURY PATRICK ALIVE. THE MOB BINGE EATS THE COOKIES IN THE KRUSTY KRAB, CAUSING WILD FIGHTS AMONG THE CITIZENS AND SEVERAL CASUALTIES FROM DROWNING BY MILK AND BEING CRUSHED BY THE ANIMALISTIC STAMPEDE. WITH MOST OF THEIR PUDGY BELLIES FULL OF COOKIES AND MILK, THE LARGE CIVILIAN MOB LEAVES THE KRUSTY KRAB AND MOVES THROUGHOUT THE CITY LOOKING FOR COOKIES TO EAT AND FOR COOKIE MONSTERS TO DESTROY. THE LIVING WAVE OF MADNESS TEARS APART INFRASTRUCTURE, MEN, WOMEN, CHILDREN, OLD PEOPLE, AND MINORITY SEA CREATURES. MEANWHILE, BOAT CAR ALARMS ACROSS THE CITY MYSTERIOUSLY GO OFF SEEMINGLY ON THEIR OWN AND THEIR TRUNKS LIKEWISE SEEMINGLY OPEN ON THEIR OWN REVEALING PILES OF HIDDEN COOKIES, CAUSING THE MASS HYSTERIA TO BREAK OUT INTO ALL-OUT RIOTS AS THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM DESTROY THEMSELVES TO RID THE CITY OF THE SEA GNOME COOKIE MONSTERS IN DISGUISE. TO END THE MADNESS, THE POLICE FORCES LAUNCH "OPERATION GOT MILK," IN WHICH ALL POLICE DROWN THE MAD CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM WITH GALLONS OF ROTTEN MILK DUMPED FROM HUGE BUCKETS CARRIED ON HELICOPTERS, WHOSE GUNS ALSO SHOOT OUT ROTTEN COOKIE DOUGH TO GIVE THE NOW ABSOLUTELY INSANE PEOPLE REALLY BAD CASES OF FOOD POISONING. HOWEVER, THE CIVILIAN MOB RETALIATES BY LAUNCHING REALLY HARD, OVERLY BAKED COOKIES ALONG WITH FROZEN MILK SHAKES AT THE HELICOPTERS, CAUSING THE AERIAL VEHICLES TO CRASH TO SPREAD LARGE FIRES. THE MOB SIMPLY ROASTS COOKIES OVER THE FIRES AS THE CITY IS REDUCED TO ASHES AND DROWNED IN MILK. THROUGHOUT THE STREETS, COUNTLESS SUSPECTED COOKIE MONSTERS ARE STONED BY THE MOB WITH REALLY HARD, OVERLY BAKED COOKIES. COUNTLESS PEOPLE SUFFOCATE INSIDE THEIR GIANT EMPTY COOKIE JAR PRISONS. SCREAMING, CURSING, SHOOTING, AND EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE ENDLESSLY THROUGHOUT THE CRUMBLING CITY AS DYING PEOPLE WAIL LIKE COOKIE MONSTERS. IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY, THE SEA GNOMES FINALLY RETURN TO KING NEPTUNE'S MILITARY OFFICIALS TO REPORT HOW BADLY THE CITY FAILED THE PANIC TEST. KING NEPTUNE HIMSELF APPEARS TO SPEAK WITH THE SEA GNOMES AND HE GRAVELY AGREES THAT MOST SEA CITIES ALWAYS FAIL SUCH EMERGENCY TESTS IN VERY SHORT PERIODS. AS KING NEPTUNE WATCHES THE CITY BURN TO THE GROUND, HE HOPES THAT MAYBE A BETTER CIVILIZATION CAN RISE FROM ITS ASHES AND WONDERS IF THE SEA GNOMES SHOULD BE CONSIDERED THE REAL COOKIE MONSTERS OF THE CITY OR IF THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM SHOULD BE CONSIDERED THE REAL COOKIE MONSTERS.

**TOM SURFING: CIVILIZATION, ABOVE, BELOW, OR EVEN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEA, DOES NOT HAVE TO CRUMBLE FOR IMPORTANT OR EVEN LOGICAL REASONS. SOMETIMES THE SMALLEST PRESSURES CAUSE ITS FOUNDATIONS TO CRACK, AND SOMETIMES THE WORST ENEMIES OF US IN EMERGENCIES IS US, OUR DARKER SIDES THAT, NO MATTER WHAT THE COST, CRAVE FOR THE MILKY COOKIES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**10 EPISODE TEN: TO SERVE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES**

**TOM SURFING: IT'S OFTEN BEEN SAID THAT YOU ARE WHAT YOU EAT. SO I GUESS IF YOU LOVE WHAT YOU EAT, YOU MUST REALLY LOVE YOURSELF TOO. MR. EUGENE KRABS KNOWS THESE TRUTHS VERY WELL. THAT'S WHY HE ONLY WANTS TO SERVE HIS CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, MR. KRABS IS SERVING NEW KRABBY PATTIES CALLED CHUNKY PATTIES WHICH ARE EXTREMELY POPULAR. MR. KRABS' NEW BUSINESS SLOGAN IS "THE KRUSTY KRAB IS HERE TO SERVE CUSTOMERS." PLANKTON SECRETLY ENTERS THE KRUSTY KRAB'S BATHROOMS, WHERE SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB ARE USING THE RESTROOMS IN STALLS NEXT TO EACH OTHER. THOUGH THEY BOTH ENJOY THE NEW CHUNKY PATTIES, BOTH EXPERIENCE PAINFUL BOWEL MOVEMENTS AND SMELLY BREATH FROM THE NEWLY SERVED FOOD. BREAKING THEIR PRIVACY, PLANKTON COMPLAINS TO SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD THAT UNLESS THEY WANT ANOTHER WAR OVER THE NEW SECRET FORMULA, THEY BETTER TELL HIM WHAT THE NEW SECRET INGREDIENT IS THAT IS BEING SERVED TO CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES. HOWEVER, NEITHER SPONGEBOB NOR SQUIDWARD KNOWS WHAT THE NEW INGREDIENT IS, AND MR. KRABS STAUNCHLY REFUSES TO TELL THEM THE SECRET. IN HIS OFFICE, MR. KRABS CARRIES THE NEW KRABBY PATTY FORMULA WRITTEN IN SEVERAL COPIES OF A BOOK, WRITTEN ENTIRELY IN COMPLEX NAVAL SLANG CODES TO PROTECT THE SECRET. IN NAVAL SAILOR SLANG LANGUAGE, THE BOOK IS TITLED _TWO SCRATCH THE OLD SCALLYWAGS_. IRRITATED BY THE INTENSE SECRECY OF THE NEW FORMULA AND BY THE BAD DIGESTIVE EFFECTS ON THOSE WHO EAT THE NEW FOOD, SQUIDWARD THREATENS TO GIVE SOME OF THE CHUNKY PATTIES TO PLANKTON IF MR. KRABS DOES NOT TELL HIM THE SECRET. THE NEXT DAY SQUIDWARD IS MISSING FROM WORK AND HOME. HOWEVER, HE IS QUICKLY REPLACED WITH A NEW EMPLOYEE, OLD MAN JENKINS FROM SHADY SHOALS, AS CASHIER. MEANWHILE, A STARTLING SERIES OF DISAPPEARANCES OF OLD PEOPLE FROM THE SHADY SHOALS RETIREMENT HOME CAUSES PUBLIC CONCERN. SPONGEBOB ASKS MR. KRABS ABOUT THE MISSING SQUIDWARD, BUT MR. KRABS MERELY REMARKS THAT HE SERVED JUSTICE TO THE TREACHEROUS SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB ASKS HOW THEY WILL BE ABLE TO SERVE CUSTOMERS WITHOUT SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ASSURES HIM THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT FOOD CHAIN IS EXPANDING SINCE THERE ARE NOW SO MANY CUSTOMERS TO SERVE. SPONGEBOB IS HAPPY ABOUT THE BOOMING BUSINESS, BUT IS CURIOUS ABOUT SQUIDWARD'S FATE AND THE NEW INGREDIENT. MR. KRABS MERELY REMARKS THAT QUALITY SERVICE REQUIRES QUALITY CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES, WHO CAN KEEP THE TRUTH A SECRET WHEN NECESSARY, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO SWEAR TO PROTECT THE NEW INGREDIENT FROM PLANKTON AND TO DENOUNCE SQUIDWARD AS A TRAITOR WHO ONLY LIKES TO SERVE CHUM PATTIES. AS MR. KRABS PREPARES TO LEAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB FOR A BUSINESS TOUR, SPONGEBOB ASKS MR. KRABS ABOUT THE MISSING SHADY SHOALS RESIDENTS SINCE MR. KRABS IS VISITING SHADY SHOALS. SPONGEBOB WAS TOLD ABOUT THE DISAPPEARANCES BY HIS GRANDMOTHER WHO IS A RESIDENT OF THE RETIREMENT HOME. MR. KRABS GLARES AT SPONGEBOB AND FIRMLY REMARKS THAT THERE MUST COME A TIME WHEN THE OLD PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY THE CHUNKY ONES, MUST SERVE THEIR COMMUNITY NO MATTER WHAT THE COST. SPONGEBOB WANTS TO GO ON THE BUSINESS TOUR TO SHADY SHOALS WITH MR. KRABS BUT HIS BOSS TELLS HIM TO STAY AND GUARD THE RESTAURANT WITH CASHIER OLD MAN JENKINS FROM PLANKTON'S DEVIOUS PLANS TO DISCOVER THE NEW FORMULA. MR. KRABS, FLANKED BY NEW LOBSTER GUARD SECURITY EMPLOYEES, LEAVES ON A NEW KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY BUS LINE TO VISIT SHADY SHOALS WHERE HIS MOTHER MRS. KRABS ALSO RESIDES AND IS FULLY PROUD OF HER SON'S SERVING OF OLD CUSTOMERS. IT APPEARS THAT MR. KRABS, DUE TO THE SUCCESS OF HIS RESTAURANT, IS OPENING SEVERAL NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS IN THE HOPES OF "SERVING MORE CUSTOMERS, OUR CHUNKY PATTIES" AND IS VISITING SHADY SHOALS TO GIVE ITS VALUABLE RESIDENTS IN-DEPTH TOURS OF THE NEW RESTAURANTS AND PRODUCTION FACTORIES AS A FAVOR TO HIS MOTHER. THRILLED AT THE COMPANY'S SUCCESS BUT INCREDIBLY CURIOUS TO DISCOVER THE NEW FORMULA, SPONGEBOB SNEAKS INTO MR. KRABS' EMPTY OFFICE AS MR. KRABS VISITS HIS MOTHER MRS. KRABS AT SHADY SHOALS AND OFFERS HER AND CERTAIN FISH SPECIES OF THE OTHER OLD RESIDENTS A TOUR OF HIS NEW RESTAURANTS AND FACTORIES IN A LONG LINE OF KRUSTY KRAB BUSES DRIVEN BY NEW LOBSTER EMPLOYEES. TO SPONGEBOB'S DISMAY, PLANKTON IS ALREADY IN THE OFFICE AND HAS STOLEN MR. KRABS' BUSINESS POLICY BOOK ON HOW TO BEST SERVE CUSTOMERS, _TWO SCRATCH THE OLD SCALLYWAGS_. HOWEVER, USING THE INTERNET ON HIS MOBILE PHONE, PLANKTON WAS ABLE TO QUICKLY FIND AN EASY ONLINE DICTIONARY TO TRANSLATE SAILOR SLANG INTO REGULAR ENGLISH TO FULLY DECIPHER THE REAL TITLE AND MAIN SECRET INGREDIENTS WITHIN THE BOOK. PLANKTON LOOKS EXTREMELY WORRIED ABOUT THE NEW FORMULA AND RUNS OFF WITH THE BOOK TOWARDS SHADY SHOALS. SPONGEBOB QUICKLY CHASES AFTER HIM. WITH MANY OF HIS OLD TUNA FISH FRIENDS FROM SHADY SHOALS ALREADY ON MANY BUSES THAT HAVE ALREADY LEFT FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB BUSINESS TOUR, THE OLDEST TUNA FISH RESIDENT OF SHADY SHOALS NAMED MR. GRUMPY GILLS IS OUTSIDE THE RETIREMENT HOME, IS THE LAST OLD TUNA FISH PASSENGER OF THE DAY, AND IS ABOUT TO ENTER THE LAST DEPARTING KRUSTY KRAB BUS. WITH MANY LARGE KRUSTY KRAB SECURITY LOBSTERS BLOCKING HIS PATH TO THE BUS, PLANKTON ARRIVES RIGHT BEFORE THE BUS STOP AND YELLS AT GRUMPY GILLS TO TURN BACK INTO THE RETIREMENT HOME AND TO NOT GET ON THE KRUSTY KRAB BUS. THE HYSTERICAL PLANKTON SHOWS THE OLD FISH THE TRANSLATED TITLE OF THE BOOK, _TO SERVE TUNA FISH_. GRUMPY GILLS SMILES AND SAYS THAT MR. KRABS LOVES TO SERVE THE COMMUNITY. SPONGEBOB TACKLES PLANKTON AND RESTRAINS HIM AND GRUMPY GILLS STEPS ONTO THE BUS WITH THE LOBSTER SECURITY GUARDS ENTERING RIGHT BEHIND HIM TO PREVENT HIM FROM LEAVING. THE BOOK FALLS TO THE FLOOR AND OPENS, REVEALING WHAT APPEARS TO BE AN INGREDIENT LIST. NOT REALIZING WHAT IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN, SPONGEBOB COVERS PLANKTON'S MOUTH TO PREVENT HIM FROM TELLING THE UNKNOWN SECRET FORMULA, BUT PLANKTON BITES OFF HIS SPONGY HAND, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO RECOIL IN PAIN AWAY FROM PLANKTON. PLANKTON YELLS TO THE OLD TUNA FISH: "NO, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE COMMUNITY, YOU OLD FOOL. THE BOOK, _TO SERVE TUNA FISH_, IT…IT'S A FREAKING COOK BOOK!" GRUMPY GILLS' PLEASANT OLD SMILE DISAPPEARS, HIS EYES WIDEN, AND HIS HOARSE VOICE SCREAMS, "NO, NO, NO! NOT ME, NOT ME, PLEASE NOT ME! I'M NOT READY TO SERVE MY HUNGRY COUNTRY! NO!" BOTH THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB AND PLANKTON STARE IN HORROR AS LOBSTER BUS SECURITY GUARDS DRAG THE PANICKING OLD TUNA FISH BACK INTO THE BUS AND PINCH HIS SHRIVELED LIPS TO SILENCE HIS SCREAMS. THE KRUSTY KRAB BUS QUICKLY DRIVES AWAY DOWN THE ROAD AS A SMALL FLAG SHOWING A SMILING TUNA FISH MASCOT FOR THE COMPANY POPS OUT THE ROOF OF THE BUS…SUDDENLY, SPONGEBOB WAKES UP SCREAMING, SWEATING, AND COVERED IN URINE IN HIS BED, APPARENTLY FROM A NIGHTMARE. HE IS SHAKING UNCONTROLLABLY FROM THE DISTURBING DREAM, AND GARY WAKES UP, ASKS SPONGEBOB WHAT IS WRONG, QUICKLY SMELLS SPONGEBOB'S WET BED, AND QUICKLY LEAVES THE ROOM. SPONGEBOB VOMITS IN DISGUST OVER THE BAD DREAM AND HIS WET BED. FEELING SLIGHTLY BETTER, SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY CALMS HIMSELF BY DEEP BREATHING, REMINDING HIMSELF THAT IT WAS ONLY A DREAM, AND QUICKLY SHOWERING TO CLEAN HIMSELF AND REMOVE THE SHOCK FROM THE CANNIBALISTIC NIGHTMARE. OUTSIDE, THE MORNING TWILIGHT HAS BEGUN. RELIEVED THAT THE WHOLE STORY WAS JUST A BAD DREAM, HE SLOWLY GETS READY FOR WORK AS HE TRIES TO FORGET THE MENTAL TRAUMA. NOT ABLE TO LOOK ANY TUNA FISH IN THE FACE HE PASSES BY ON THE STREETS ON HIS WAY TO WORK, SPONGEBOB ARRIVES AT THE KRUSTY KRAB AND THE RESTAURANT LOOKS BUSY BUT IT IS EERILY QUIET. ODDLY, MANY HUNGRY CUSTOMERS ARE HAPPILY SEATED AT TABLES BUT NO FOOD IS SERVED ON ANY OF THEIR PLATES. A NEW BUSINESS SLOGAN APPEARS ON THE MENU BOARD. IT READS, "THE KRUSTY KRAB IS HERE TO SERVE SPONGE CAKES." EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT IS SILENT AND TURNS AND SMILES AT SPONGEBOB, WHOSE EYES ARE STUCK ON THE MENU BOARD AS EVERYONE HOLDING UTENSILS SLOWLY BEGINS TO ENCIRCLE HIM. OLD MAN JENKINS IS THE NEW FRY COOK. LOBSTER SECURITY GUARDS BLOCK THE FRONT ENTRANCE. INSIDE THE RESTAURANT, SPONGEBOB'S SCREAMS ECHO AS CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES DELIGHTFULLY CHEW A NEWLY SERVED SPONGY DESSERT.

**TOM SURFING: IF YOU'RE FAMILIAR WITH THE TERM "PREMONITION," THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING FROM A MILE AWAY. AND IF YOU DID, THEN YOU'RE PREPARED FOR THE BRIGHT FUTURE, ESPECIALLY IF THE NEXT PRESIDENT WHO WANTS "TO SERVE THE PUBLIC" COMES…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**END OF SEASON ONE**

**11 EPISODE ELEVEN: THE GHOST STALKER**

**TOM SURFING: YOU'RE ABOUT TO JOIN MR. EUGENE KRABS FOR A VERY SPECIAL ROAD TRIP. THE OTHER PLAYERS ARE ONE REALLY OLD MALE FISH, A BAD FEMALE FISH DRIVER, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, AND A LONELY HIGHWAY ROAD WINDING…THROUGH THE TIDAL ZONE. **

MR. KRABS IN HIS BOAT CAR IS ON A LONELY HIGHWAY ROAD TRIP FROM BIKINI BOTTOM TO NEW KELP CITY. MR. KRABS BRINGS A LOT OF MONEY WITH HIM TO EXCHANGE FOR BARS OF GOLD AT THE LARGEST BANK IN THE OCEAN, "THE FAT CAT PIGGY BANK," WHICH IS LOCATED IN NEW KELP CITY. AFTER SECURING HIS NEW GOLD BARS, MR. KRABS LEAVES NEW KELP CITY TO RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM. ALONG THE LONELY HIGHWAY, MR. KRABS IS OFTEN DISTRACTED BY HIS NEW GOLD BARS, WHICH HE CONSTANTLY LOOKS AT INSTEAD OF WATCHING THE ROAD. AS A RESULT, HE ACCIDENTALLY SLOWS DOWN WHILE ADMIRING HIS GOLD BARS AND ANOTHER BOAT CAR BEHIND HIM, WHICH IS DRIVEN BY A FEMALE FISH TOO BUSY TALKING ON HER CELL PHONE, CRASHES INTO HIS BOAT CAR FROM BEHIND, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS. WHEN HE WAKES UP, IT IS NIGHT TIME AND THE OTHER DRIVER AND THE OTHER BOAT CAR ARE GONE. THERE APPEARS TO BE ONLY SLIGHT DAMAGE TO HIS BOAT CAR'S BACK BUMPER. ANGRY THAT HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SUE THE OTHER DRIVER, MR. KRABS CONTINUES HIS ROAD TRIP. HOWEVER, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, ACTING LIKE A HITCH-HIKER, AND SMILING AT MR. KRABS, IS AT EVERY SIGN POST, BUS STOP, DINER, AND GAS STATION HE DRIVES PAST. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ALWAYS WAVES A HOOK HAND LIKE A HITCH-HIKER WOULD WAVE HIS THUMB AND ALWAYS YELLS AT MR. KRABS FOR A RIDE AS THE GHOST SAYS, "YOU'RE GOING IN MY DIRECTION, KRABS, HELP ME OUT, BROTHER!" MR. KRABS, WHO IS SCARED OF THE PIRATE GHOST ANYWAY, BELIEVES THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN COULD EASILY TRAVEL BY FLIGHT OR IN HIS GHOST PIRATE SHIP AND FINDS IT ODD THAT THE GHOST ALWAYS MANAGES TO STAY AHEAD OF HIM DESPITE HIS CLAIM OF NEEDING RIDES, MAKING HIS ACTIONS SUSPICIOUS. MR. KRABS THINKS THAT THE GHOST WANTS TO EITHER HARM OR HAUNT HIM TO PUNISH HIM FOR HIS LIFELONG VICE OF GREED, OR THE PIRATE GHOST WANTS TO STEAL HIS GOLD BARS. HORRIFIED AT BOTH OF THE POSSIBILITIES, MR. KRABS ONLY STOPS FOR GAS AT GAS STATIONS, THOUGH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS ALWAYS THERE AND ALWAYS ASKS FOR A RIDE WITH THE SAME PLEA. MR. KRABS QUICKLY ZOOMS AWAY EVERY TIME. HAVING SKIPPED MANY MEALS TO DECREASE HIS NUMBER OF STOPS, MR. KRABS IS BECOMING SO WORRIED AND PARANOID THAT HE FEELS HE IS BEING PERSECUTED BY THE GHOST AND THAT HE'S QUICKLY LOSING HIS MIND. MR. KRABS FINALLY STOPS AT A DINER, WHERE, FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE HIS ACCIDENT, HE HAS NOT SEEN THE GHOST. MR. KRABS ORDERS SOME FOOD TO GO, BUT HE IS STILL TOO NERVOUS TO EAT. HOWEVER, HE MEETS OLD MAN JENKINS AT THE DINER, WHO CLAIMS TO BE WAITING FOR A BUS BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM. WANTING ANOTHER PASSENGER FOR COMPANY AND POTENTIAL EXTRA PROTECTION FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, MR. KRABS OFFERS TO TAKE OLD MAN JENKINS WITH HIM AND THE OLD FISH AGREES. HOWEVER, AS THE TWO EXIT THE DINER, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS FLOATING DOWN THE HIGHWAY ROAD. THE GHOST AGAIN SMILES AND PLEADS FOR A RIDE, BUT MR. KRABS QUICKLY GRABS OLD MAN JENKINS AND THEY BOTH DRIVE OFF DOWN THE ROAD. MR. KRABS COMPLAINS TO OLD MAN JENKINS ABOUT THE GHOST'S STALKING, CAUSING THE OLD FISH TO BECOME SCARED AND RELUCTANT TO TRAVEL WITH MR. KRABS, BUT MR. KRABS, USING TOY HANDCUFFS, HANDCUFFS THE OLD FISH TO HIS ARM SEAT CUSHION. AS THEY GET CLOSER TO BIKINI BOTTOM, MR. KRABS ALWAYS SEES THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AT EACH STOP, BUT OLD MAN JENKINS DOES NOT. MR. KRABS WONDERS IF HE IS GOING INSANE OR IF OLD MAN JENKINS IS SIMPLY GOING BLIND. WHEN MR. KRABS CONTINUALLY MENTIONS THE GHOST TO THE OLD FISH, OLD MAN JENKINS REMEMBERS THAT, ACCORDING TO LEGEND, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN USUALLY APPEARS ONLY TO DEAD PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY GHOSTS THEMSELVES TO MAKE THEM FINALLY REST IN PEACE. SUDDENLY, OLD MAN JENKINS AND MR. KRABS, WHO SLOWS DOWN THE BOAT CAR, BOTH STARE AT EACH OTHER IN AN AWKWARD MOMENT OF SILENCE BEFORE THEY BOTH SCREAM. BELIEVING AND SCREAMING THAT MR. KRABS IS ACTUALLY A GHOST, OLD MAN JENKINS PANICS, BREAKS OFF THE TOY HANDCUFFS, OPENS HIS PASSENGER DOOR, ROLLS OUT OF THE MOVING BOAT CAR, AND LIMPS AWAY DOWN THE ROAD TOWARDS THE PREVIOUS BUS STOP. MR. KRABS STOPS THE BOAT CAR AND IS DISTURBED BY THE POSSIBILITY THAT HE IS ACTUALLY DEAD. SUDDENLY, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN APPEARS IN HIS BACKSEAT. MR. KRABS SCREAMS AND SPEEDS THE BOAT CAR DOWN THE ROAD. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN CALMLY TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE IS REALLY DEAD, IS NOW A GHOST, AND THAT HE MUST NOW REST IN PEACE. MR. KRABS CONTINUES TO ZOOM THE BOAT CAR DOWN THE ROAD, STARTS CRYING, AND DENIES THAT HE IS DEAD, CLAIMING THAT THE ACCIDENT WAS ONLY A HIT-AND-RUN FENDER BENDER. MR. KRABS' BOAT CAR FINALLY RUNS OUT OF GAS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SIGHS AND OFFERS TO SHOW MR. KRABS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED DURING THE ACCIDENT. MR. KRABS FEELS RELUCTANT BUT DECIDES TO WITNESS THE TRUTH. WITH A SNAP OF HIS GHOSTLY FINGERS, MR. KRABS AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, AS THIRD PERSON EYEWITNESSES, SEEMINGLY SUPERNATURALLY RETURN TO THE MOMENT OF THE ACCIDENT. MR. KRABS SEES THE OTHER BOAT CAR KNOCK THE BACK OF HIS BOAT CAR AND HE SEES HIS PAST SELF STOP THE BOAT CAR AS AN AIRBAG SLAMS INTO HIS PAST SELF'S FACE BUT DOES NOT DEFLATE TO SUFFOCATE HIS PAST SELF. THE OTHER FEMALE FISH DRIVER SEES THE SUFFOCATING MR. KRABS BUT PRETENDS THAT SHE DOES NOT SEE HIM STRUGGLING. KNOWING HIS PAST SELF CANNOT REPLY, SHE ASKS IF HIS PAST SELF WANTS HER INSURANCE INFORMATION, AND SINCE HIS PAST SELF IS SUFFOCATING, HIS PAST SELF CANNOT REPLY. THE FEMALE FISH DRIVER, WITH A GUILTY AND NERVOUS LOOK ON HER FACE, THEN QUICKLY ZOOMS AWAY IN HER BOAT CAR. MR. KRABS WATCHES WITH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS HIS PAST SELF FINALLY STOPS MOVING. MR. KRABS IS SHOCKED AT THE REVELATION THAT HE IS NOW A GHOST AND ASKS WHAT HE SHOULD DO NOW. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN OFFERS TO TAKE MR. KRABS BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM ONE LAST TIME TO LET HIM SEE HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS, THOUGH THEY WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SEE HIM. MR. KRABS AGREES, AND, IN GRATITUDE FOR THE GHOST'S PATIENCE AND TO FINALLY LET GO OF HIS NEED FOR MONEY, MR. KRABS GIVES THE GHOST THE GOLD BARS AS A GIFT. THE GHOST THANKFULLY ACCEPTS THE GOLD BARS AND WITH THE SNAP OF HIS GHOSTLY FINGERS, THEY ARE BOTH TRANSPORTED BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM AT NIGHT. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WAITS OUTSIDE OF MR. KRABS' ANCHOR HOME WHILE MR. KRABS GOES INTO IT TO SAY GOOD NIGHT TO HIS DAUGHTER PEARL, WHO IS ALREADY SLEEPING, FOR THE LAST TIME. THE CRYING MR. KRABS KISSES HER AND TELLS HER, "GOOD NIGHT, MY LITTLE ANGEL FISH. I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU." PEARL WAKES UP AND SEES HER FATHER MR. KRABS AND TELLS HIM THAT SHE LOVES HIM TOO BUT THAT SHE'S TOO BIG FOR KISSES. CONFUSED, MR. KRABS TELLS HER HE IS A GHOST, WHICH CONFUSES HER. SUDDENLY, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN STARTS LAUGHING, YELLS THAT MR. KRABS WAS ONLY TEMPORARILY KNOCKED OUT AND DID NOT FULLY SUFFOCATE FROM THE ACCIDENT, THANKS MR. KRABS FOR THE GOLD, TELLS MR. KRABS TO SELL HIS DAUGHTER'S WHALE BLUBBER AS SOAP TO MAKE UP HIS STOLEN MONEY, QUICKLY FLIES AWAY WITH THE GOLD INTO THE NIGHT, AND SARCASTICALLY YELLS, "NEVER TRUST A PIRATE, KRABS, AND NEVER BE SUCH A FRIENDLY GHOST!" MR. KRABS SCREAMS, "YOU SCURVY, FILTHY, BLOODY DUTCH DEVIL! NO!" MR. KRABS HAS A HEART ATTACK, HIS GHOST LEAVES HIS BODY, AND HIS GHOST FLIES AWAY INTO THE NIGHT TO CHASE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. PEARL FAINTS.

**TOM SURFING: SOMETIMES GREED IS SO STRONG, IT EVEN OUTLIVES DEATH. SO WHEN YOU'RE FINALLY READY TO REST IN PEACE WITHOUT MONEY, JUST MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A FRIENDLY GHOST BY YOUR SIDE AND MAKE SURE YOU ACTUALLY CROAKED LIKE A TOAD. MORE IMPORTANTLY, IF YOU'RE RIDING ALONE ON HIGHWAY 66 OR EVEN HIGHWAY 666, KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD AT ALL TIMES, KEEP YOUR GOODS CLOSE, AND LOOK OUT FOR ANY PIRATES, LIVING OR DEAD…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**12 EPISODE TWELVE: WILL THE REAL WITCH OR WIZARD PLEASE LEAVE?**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE LOVES A GOOD DETECTIVE STORY, AND EVERYONE LOVES A SCARY HALLOWEEN. SO TONIGHT GET READY, BECAUSE ONE OR MORE OF ELEVEN SEA CREATURES, TRAPPED IN AN UGLY RESTAURANT ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT, IS EITHER PLAYING A GAG OR IS REALLY A WITCH OR WIZARD IN DISGUISE. THIS DISTURBING DILEMMA COULD ONLY COME FROM THE DISTURBING LOCHNESS LAKE KNOWN…AS THE TIDAL ZONE.**

IT IS THE END OF A LATE, DARK, STORMY HALLOWEEN NIGHT. IT IS MIDNIGHT, AND A WALKING GROUP OF TRICK-OR-TREATERS LED BY SPONGEBOB ARE RETURNING TO THEIR HOMES ALONG THE STREET WHERE THE KRUSTY KRAB IS LOCATED, BUT THERE IS A FIRE ROAD BLOCK AHEAD PAST THE RESTAURANT. THE FISH FIREFIGHTERS TELL THE NOW STRANDED TRICK-OR-TREATERS TO TAKE REFUGE AT THE NEARBY KRUSTY KRAB TO WAIT UNTIL THEY PUT OUT THE LARGE FIRE. THE TRICK-OR-TREATERS ARE ESCORTED TO THE KRUSTY KRAB BY TWO POLICE FISH, WHO CLAIM THE FIRE WAS CAUSED BY A REAL WITCH OR A WIZARD WHO CRASHED ON THE ROAD DURING THE STORM SINCE THE POLICE FOUND A BURNED BROOMSTICK NEAR THE FIRE SCENE, THOUGH THE COPS HOPE IT IS JUST A DANGEROUS PRANK INSTEAD OF A SUPERNATURALLY CAUSED FIRE. FRIGHTENED, THE GROUP TAKES REFUGE IN THE KRUSTY KRAB. MR. KRABS ALLOWS THE STRANDED TRICK-OR-TREATERS TO TAKE REFUGE IN THE KRUSTY KRAB, FOR A SMALL FEE OF COURSE, SINCE HE KEPT THE RESTAURANT OPEN FOR ANY LATE HUNGRY TRICK-OR-TREATERS, THOUGH SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB HAD THE DAY OFF AND THE RESTAURANT WAS ONLY SERVING EXPENSIVE CANDY FOR THE WHOLE DAY AND SELLING EXPENSIVE MASKS FOR THE HOLIDAY, WHICH ALL OF THE TRICK-OR-TREATERS BOUGHT, THOUGH PLANKTON STOLE HIS MASK FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB. MRS. KRABS, MR. KRABS' MOTHER, IS THE CO-HOST FOR THE EVENING AND SHE TOO IS AT THE RESTAURANT WITH HER SON. AS EVERYONE TAKES THEIR SEATS IN THE KRUSTY KRAB, SPONGEBOB, THEIR GROUP LEADER FOR THE NIGHT, REALIZES THAT THE GROUP THEY HAD WAS FULL OF SEVEN TRICK-OR-TREATERS AND THERE ARE NOW EIGHT, SUGGESTING THAT ONE OF THEM SNEAKED INTO THE GROUP AND IS ACTUALLY THE WITCH, WIZARD, OR PRANKSTER IN DISGUISE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FIRE. EVERYONE ELSE NOW FEARS THAT THERE IS A WITCH, WIZARD, OR PRANKSTER IN THEIR MIDST. ALL OF THEM WERE TOO BUSY EATING THEIR CANDY WHILE TRICK-OR-TREATING AND IT WAS TOO DARK FOR THEM TO NOTICE WHO THE STRANGER IS OR IF SPONGEBOB MISCOUNTED. THE TRICK-OR-TREATER GROUP INCLUDES SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, SQUIDWARD, PLANKTON, LARRY THE LOBSTER, PEARL, AND OLD MAN JENKINS. EVERYONE IS WEARING A UNIQUE MASK, WHICH THEY ALL BOUGHT AT THE KRUSTY KRAB EARLIER THAT DAY, AND NO ONE IS WEARING AN ACTUAL COSTUME WITH THE MASK BUT INSTEAD THEY ARE ALL WEARING THEIR REGULAR ATTIRE. SPONGEBOB IS WEARING A VAMPIRE MASK, PATRICK IS WEARING A FRANKENSTEIN MASK, SANDY IS WEARING A WEREWOLF MASK, SQUIDWARD IS WEARING A MUMMY BANDAGE MASK, PLANKTON IS WEARING A DEVIL MASK, LARRY IS WEARING A GORILLA MASK, PEARL IS WEARING A PRINCESS MASK, AND OLD MAN JENKINS IS WEARING A SKELETON SKULL MASK. THEY ALL WORRIEDLY SIT DOWN AT FIVE TABLES, TWO AT EACH TABLE. SPONGEBOB SITS WITH PATRICK; SANDY SITS WITH PEARL; PLANKTON SITS WITH LARRY THE LOBSTER; MR. KRABS, WHO IS DRESSED LIKE A PIRATE, SITS WITH SQUIDWARD; AND MRS. KRABS, WHO IS DRESSED LIKE A NURSE, SITS WITH OLD MAN JENKINS. ALL STARE AT EACH OTHER ACCUSINGLY. MR. KRABS SUGGESTS THEY FIND OUT WHO THE WITCH OR WIZARD IS, SO THEY CAN ALL THROW THEM OUT OF THE RESTAURANT, AND HE IMMEDIATELY ACCUSES PLANKTON. PLANKTON TELLS MR. KRABS TO GO DROWN OUTSIDE IN THE STORM. PATRICK INTERRUPTS AND SAYS HE DOES NOT REMEMBER SEEING PEARL IN THE GROUP THAT NIGHT UNTIL NOW, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO ANGRILY DECLARE THAT HIS BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER IS NOT A WITCH AND THAT PATRICK IS A DISGUSTING SILLY PIGGY. PEARL STARTS CRYING AND IS COMFORTED BY SANDY, WHO TELLS THEM ALL THAT THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS WITCHES OR WIZARDS AND THEY ARE ALL JUST BEING PARANOID AND SUPERSTITIOUS. OLD MAN JENKINS OBJECTS AND SAYS THAT BACK IN HIS DAYS, THE CITY USED TO LEAD ACTUAL WITCH HUNTS TO CLEAR THE CITY OF BLACK MAGIC CAUSED BY REAL WITCHES AND WIZARDS. LARRY THE LOBSTER ALSO ADMITS THAT, AS A LIFEGUARD, HE HAS SEEN MANY MYSTERIOUS MALE AND FEMALE FISH, MERMAIDS, MERMEN, AND BLACK SNAILS IN BLACK CLOTHING ROAMING THE BEACHES AT NIGHT AND HOWLING LIKE SEA WOLVES, CAUSING HIM TO ABANDON THE NIGHT PATROL SHIFTS TO PREVENT CIVILIAN SKINNY DIPPING AND CHUNKY DUNKING AT GOO LAGOON. MRS. KRABS ADMITS THAT SHE STAYS UP READING AT NIGHT AND THAT SOMETIMES SHE SEES FLYING FISHES ON BROOMSTICKS IN THE DARK NIGHT SKY ABOVE. MR. KRABS SAYS THAT HE'S ONLY SEEN SAILOR GHOSTS AT SEA WHEN HE WAS IN THE NAVY THOUGH THEY MAY HAVE BEEN HALLUCINATIONS CAUSED BY SEA SICKNESS AND SCURVY. SQUIDWARD TELLS THEM THAT THEY ARE ALL IDIOTS AND THAT THE ONLY MAGIC IN BIKINI BOTTOM COMES FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND FROM OUT OF THEIR BUTTS. SPONGEBOB STARTS LAUGHING AND SAYS THAT THIS SITUATION REMINDS HIM OF A PLAY CALLED "TWELVE ANGRY SQUIDS." SPONGEBOB CONTINUES LAUGHING, BUT NO ONE LAUGHS WITH HIM. THE STORM OUTSIDE INTENSIFIES AND SILENCE AGAIN PERMEATES THE RESTAURANT, THOUGH PATRICK OCCASIONALLY BELCHES. MR. KRABS ARGUES THAT THEY SHOULD ALL CAST BALLOTS AND VOTE ON WHO THEY THINK THE WITCH OR WIZARD IS AND THE PERSON VOTED AS THE WITCH OR WIZARD SHOULD BE FORCED TO LEAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB. EVERYONE, EXCEPT PLANKTON AND SANDY WHO BOTH BELIEVE IT TO BE UNFAIR BUT WHO DECIDE TO COMPLY WITH THE OTHERS, AGREES TO THE PROPOSAL, WHILE OLD MAN JENKINS DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THE PROPOSAL. MR. KRABS GOES IN HIS OFFICE, GETS THE NECESSARY SUPPLIES, AND THEN PASSES OUT PIECES OF PAPER AND PENCILS, WHICH HE CHARGES SMALL FEES TO PURCHASE AND TO TAKE PART IN THE VOTE. MR. KRABS TELLS THEM THEY SHOULD HAVE FIVE MINUTES FOR THE VOTE. MR. KRABS VOTES PLANKTON AS THE WIZARD; PLANKTON VOTES MRS. KRABS AS THE WITCH; SANDY VOTES "NO ONE" AS A WITCH OR WIZARD; PATRICK VOTES OLD MAN JENKINS AS THE WIZARD; LARRY VOTES OLD MAN JENKINS AS THE WIZARD; SPONGEBOB VOTES PLANKTON AS THE WIZARD; MRS. KRABS VOTES OLD MAN JENKINS AS THE WIZARD; PEARL VOTES PLANKTON AS THE WIZARD; SQUIDWARD VOTES SPONGEBOB AS THE WIZARD; AND OLD MAN JENKINS, UNSURE OF WHAT HE IS DOING, VOTES SPONGEBOB AS THE WIZARD. MR. KRABS PULLS OUT A WITCH HAT FOR EVERYONE TO PUT THEIR VOTE BALLOTS INTO, BUT PLANKTON OBJECTS TO MR. KRABS' OWNERSHIP OF SUCH A HAT AND CALLS FOR A SECOND VOTE. MR. KRABS EXPLAINS THAT IT IS JUST A FAKE HALLOWEEN HAT AND TELLS PLANKTON TO GO DRINK SOME INSECT KILLER SPRAY. EVERYONE LOOKS AT MR. KRABS SUSPICIOUSLY, BUT THEN PATRICK ADMITS THAT HE HAS A WIZARD HAT AT HOME, BOTH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ADMIT THEY COOK THEIR HOME MEALS IN CAULDRONS, OLD MAN JENKINS ADMITS HE OWNS A MAGICIAN'S KIT AT HOME, PEARL ADMITS THAT ALL THE GIRLS AT SCHOOL CALL HER AN UGLY WITCH, SQUIDWARD ADMITS PEOPLE TELL HIM ALL THE TIME THAT HE IS AS WISE AS MERLIN THE FISH WIZARD, MRS. KRABS ADMITS THAT SHE KEEPS MANY GOOD LUCK CHARMS AT HOME, LARRY ADMITS THAT HE WOULD DATE A WITCH IF SHE WERE BEAUTIFUL, AND EVERYONE ADMITS TO OWNING BROOMSTICKS. EVERYONE THEN IMPATIENTLY WAITS IN SILENCE FOR PLANKTON TO ADMIT TO A SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITY. PLANKTON FINALLY RELENTS AND ADMITS THAT HE ONCE MADE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL, BEFORE NERVOUSLY SAYING HE MEANT A DEVIL STING RAY. AFTER EVERYONE CALLS FOR THE VOTE TALLY, SPONGEBOB READS THE BALLOTS OUT OF THE HAT STARTING FROM MOST TO LEAST VOTES: "PLANKTON AS A WIZARD FOR THREE VOTES, OLD MAN JENKINS AS A WIZARD FOR THREE VOTES, SPONGEBOB…WHAT THE…" EVERYONE TELLS SPONGEBOB TO CONTINUE TO READ THE VOTES, SO SPONGEBOB CONTINUES: "…ME AS A WIZARD FOR TWO VOTES, MRS. KRABS AS A WITCH FOR ONE VOTE, AND 'NO ONE' AS A WITCH OR WIZARD FOR ONE VOTE…SO IT'S A TIE BETWEEN PLANKTON AND OLD MAN JENKINS, OR TECHNICALLY A DRAW BETWEEN THE MIDGET AND THE HAG." MR. KRABS ARGUES THAT BOTH SHOULD BE KICKED OUT OF HIS RESTAURANT, AND BOTH OLD MAN JENKINS AND PLANKTON NERVOUSLY PROTEST DUE TO THE OUTSIDE STORM AND THE OUTSIDE FIRE. ALL THE OTHERS DECIDE TO HAVE A SECOND LAST VOTE, IN WHICH THEY CAN ONLY VOTE "PLANKTON," "OLD MAN JENKINS," OR "NO ONE." IF THERE IS ANOTHER DRAW, THEN BOTH WILL BE EXILED AS WIZARDS. HOWEVER, AS THE SECOND VOTE BEGINS, MANY BIZARRE HAPPENINGS OCCUR INSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB, WHICH CAUSES EVERYONE TO PANIC AND ATTRIBUTE THE INCIDENTS TO THE MAGIC OF A WITCH OR WIZARD OR TO THE SNEAKY ACTIONS OF A SILLY PRANKSTER SECRETLY IN THEIR MIDST. NO ONE IS BRAVE ENOUGH TO LEAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB ALONE INTO THE STORMY NIGHT THOUGH, SO THEY ALL WAIT UNTIL THE POLICE RETURN TO TELL THEM IT IS SAFE TO CROSS THE ROAD LEADING TO THEIR HOMES. PLANKTON CLAIMS THAT IT IS PAST HIS BED TIME, SO KAREN USUALLY LOCKS HIM OUTSIDE OF THE CHUM BUCKET WHEN IT PASSES HIS BED TIME AS PUNISHMENT. WHEN ALL OF THE TRICK-OR-TREATERS FINALLY TRY TO TAKE OFF THEIR MASKS, THEY DISCOVER, TO THEIR HORROR, THAT THEIR MASKS ARE NOW STUCK TO THEIR FACES AS THEY VAINLY TRY TO PULL THEM OFF. MEANWHILE, MR. KRABS AND MRS. KRABS, WHO ARE ONLY WEARING COSTUMES AND NOT MASKS, DISCOVER THAT THEY ARE EXTREMELY SWEATY, CAUSING THEIR COSTUMES TO STICK TO THEIR BODIES. THE RESTAURANT RADIO ERRATICALLY TURNS ON AND OFF BY ITSELF. THE LIGHTS FLICKER ON AND OFF ERRATICALLY AND OCCASIONALLY SHUT DOWN COMPLETELY FOR SHORT DURATIONS. CANDY BAGS AND FURNITURE GO FLYING BY THEMSELVES ACROSS THE RESTAURANT IN THE DIM LIGHT AND DARKNESS. THE MOST DISTURBING EVENT THOUGH IS THE PRESENCE OF A MYSTERIOUS SNAIL MEOWING IN THE BATHROOMS, THOUGH EVERYONE IS TOO AFRAID TO APPROACH IT AND SPONGEBOB KNOWS THAT THE MEOWING IS NOT THAT OF GARY, WHOM HE THINKS IS ASLEEP AT HOME. AS THE ODD THINGS OCCUR, EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT HIDES UNDER THE TABLES, HUGS THOSE AT THEIR TABLE, SCREAMS, ACCUSES OTHERS OF BEING A WITCH OR WIZARD OR PRANKSTER OR GOBLIN, CALLS FOR THE MEOWING SNAIL TO BE CAUGHT AND HAVE SALT POURED ONTO IT, AND THROWS CANDY AND FURNITURE AT THOSE THEY BELIEVE MOST TO BE RESPONSIBLE. FINALLY, THE BIZARRE HAPPENINGS STOP, EXCEPT FOR THE MEOWING OF THE SNAIL. THE RESTAURANT IS A COMPLETE MESS, AND MR. KRABS STARTS ATTACKING AND STEALING MONEY FROM EVERYONE TO PAY FOR THE DAMAGES. THOUGH HE STEALS A LOT OF MONEY, HIS MOTHER SWIFTLY SPANKS HIM SEVERAL TIMES ON HIS BID RED BUTT ACROSS HER OLD KNEES TO PUNISH HIM, CAUSING HIM TO BEG FOR MERCY AND CAUSING THE MYSTERIOUS SNAIL TO SCREECH LIKE A WITCH. AS MRS. KRABS ENDS HER PUNISHMENT OF HER GREEDY SON, EVERYONE BEGINS TO CRY OR NERVOUSLY TREMBLE ABOUT THE SCARY SNAIL AS THE STORM OUTSIDE GROWS LOUDER AND THE SNAIL IN THE BATHROOMS GROWLS VERY LOUDLY. FINALLY, EVERYONE ARGUES THAT SPONGEBOB SHOULD GO INTO THE BATHROOMS TO MAKE SURE THE SNAIL IS NOT GARY. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, HOLDING HANDS TOGETHER, SLOWLY ENTER THE BATHROOMS AND TURN ON THE BATHROOM LIGHTS. THE BATHROOM TOILETS ARE NOW MYSTERIOUSLY FLOODING RELEASING UNKNOWN WET AND SOGGY YELLOW AND BROWN SUBSTANCES. THE SNAIL IS AN UNKNOWN BLACK SNAIL AND IT JUMPS AND BITES PATRICK'S BUTT, CAUSING HIM TO SCREAM AND RUN IN PAIN WITH THE SNAIL'S JAWS CLENCHED TO HIS BUTT OUT OF THE RESTROOMS. SPONGEBOB RUNS OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND RIPS THE SNAIL OFF PATRICK'S BUTT, CAUSING ONE OF PATRICK'S PINK FLABBY BUTT CHEEKS TO BE RIPPED OFF BY THE SNAIL. THE BLACK SNAIL HISSES LIKE A SNAKE AND CRAWLS BACK INTO THE BATHROOMS. EVERYONE FINALLY RUNS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT, BUT THEY ALL BUMP INTO THE TWO FISH COPS RETURNING TO RESTAURANT TO TELL THE GROUP THE LONG-AWAITED NEWS THAT THE BIG FIRE IS FINALLY PUT OUT AND THE ROAD IS NOW SAFE TO CROSS. THE STORM OUTSIDE ALSO FINALLY ENDS. THE VERY RELIEVED TRICK-OR-TREATERS, THOUGH STILL DISTURBED BY THE WHOLE EVENING, THE BLACK SNAIL, AND THE FACT THAT THEY DID NOT DISCOVER WHO THE WITCH, WIZARD, OR PRANKSTER WAS, FINALLY ALL LEAVE HOME IN THEIR SEPARATE DIRECTIONS DOWN THE ROAD. EVERYONE SHARES HUGS AND MUTUAL WALKS WITH EACH OTHER HOME TO COMFORT EACH OTHER FROM THE TRAUMA. EVERYONE AGREES THEY HATE HALLOWEEN. THE COPS ESCORT EVERYONE HOME AND LISTEN TO THEIR WILD STORY. PLANKTON DECIDES TO JUST PITCH A TENT OUTSIDE OF THE CHUM BUCKET AS KAREN DID INDEED LOCK HIM OUT AND EVEN LEFT SIGNED DIVORCE PAPERS OUTSIDE THE CHUM BUCKET. MR. KRABS REMAINS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB TO CLOSE THE RESTAURANT AND CLEAN UP THE MESS AND DAMAGE. LIKEWISE, MRS. KRABS REMAINS WITH HER SON AT THE KRUSTY KRAB TO CLOSE AND CLEAN UP THE RESTAURANT FOR THE NIGHT. AS THEY SILENTLY FINISH CLEANING BY THE END OF THE HOUR, ONLY SQUIDWARD RETURNS TO THE KRUSTY KRAB AND APPROACHES MR. KRABS, WHO SERVES THEM BOTH COFFEES AND CHOCOLATE CANDY. SQUIDWARD, WHOSE MUMMY BANDAGE MASK IS MYSTERIOUSLY OFF HIS FACE ALTHOUGH EVERYONE ELSE'S MASKS WERE STILL STUCK TO THEIR FACES WHEN THEY ALL LEFT, MENTIONS HOW SCARY AND BIZARRE THE NIGHT WAS, AND MR. KRABS NODS IN AGREEMENT. SQUIDWARD FINALLY PULLS OUT A WOODEN WAND AND TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE WAS THE WIZARD AND THAT HE IS NOW GOING TO PUT A DEADLY SPELL ON HIM. MR. KRABS PUTS HIS HANDS UP, MRS. KRABS STARES AT SQUIDWARD IN SHOCK, AND SQUIDWARD ANGRILY GLARES AT MR. KRABS FOR A SHORT TIME. SUDDENLY, BOTH SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS SMILE, START SNICKERING, AND THEN START LAUGHING A LOT. THEY BOTH AGREE THAT THEIR PRANK WAS A SUCCESS. MR. KRABS WAS THE CO-PRANKSTER OF THE VARIOUS BIZARRE HAPPENINGS IN THE RESTAURANT. THE KRABS FAMILY OFTEN SWEATS HEAVILY, ESPECIALLY WHEN NERVOUS, EXPLAINING MR. KRABS' AND HIS MOTHER'S SWEATY BODIES CAUSING THEIR COSTUMES TO STICK TO THEM. SINCE MR. KRABS CREATED AND SOLD ALL OF THE MASKS TO THE TRICK-OR-TREATER GROUP, HE HAD SECRETLY PUT SLOW-ACTING GLUE ON THEIR INSIDES BEFORE SELLING THEM, CAUSING THEM TO STICK TO EVERYONE'S FACES BY THE END OF THE NIGHT. THE RESTAURANT RADIO IS JUST AN OLD, BROKEN, MALFUNCTIONING RADIO, CAUSING IT TO WORK ERRATICALLY. MR. KRABS DID NOT PAY THE RESTAURANT'S ELECTRIC AND WATER BILLS AND MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY CLOGGED THE BATHROOM TOILETS EARLIER AFTER HAVING DIARRHEA FROM EATING TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE PRUNES THAT DAY, CAUSING THE LIGHTS TO MALFUNCTION AND THE TOILETS TO FLOOD. BOTH SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS USED CLEAR FISHING HOOK STRINGS TO QUICKLY PULL THE FLYING FURNITURE AND CANDY BAGS ACROSS THE RESTAURANT WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING IN THE DARKNESS. SQUIDWARD WAS THE OTHER CO-PRANKSTER, WHO PRETENDED HIS MUMMY BANDAGE MASK WAS STUCK TO HIS FACE WHEN IT REALLY WASN'T SINCE MR. KRABS DID NOT PUT GLUE IN HIS ACCOMPLICE SQUIDWARD'S MASK. THEY BOTH SHAKE HANDS IN SATISFACTION AT THEIR TWISTED ACCOMPLISHMENT, AND THEY SPLIT THE MONEY MR. KRABS STOLE FROM THE OTHERS. MRS. KRABS STARES IN DISBELIEF AND DISAPPROVAL AT THE LAUGHING SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS. BOTH ASK HER TO KEEP THE FUN SECRET, OFFER TO PAY HER TO KEEP SILENT, AND APOLOGIZE FOR SCARING HER. THE TWO OF THEM ADMIT THAT THEY DID NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE MYSTERIOUS FIRE, BUT BOTH BLAME IT ON LIGHTNING FROM THE NIGHT'S STORM. THE MYSTERIOUS BLACK SNAIL, WHOM MR. KRABS AND SQUIDWARD ASSUME IS A COMMON ALLEY SNAIL, PEACEFULLY CRAWLS OUT OF THE BATHROOM AND APPROACHES MRS. KRABS. FINALLY, MRS. KRABS LAUGHS AT THEM, TELLS THEM THAT SHE'S DEALT WITH SCARIER THINGS IN HER LIFE, AND ADMITS THAT THE BLACK SNAIL IS HER PET. SHE GENTLY PETS AND PICKS UP THE BLACK SNAIL AND BEGINS TO WALK TOWARDS THE DOOR WITH IT TO WALK HOME ALONE. SHE IS CARRYING TWO BROOMSTICKS THAT SHE WAS USING TO CLEAN UP THE MESS AND DAMAGE FROM THE PRANK. MR. KRABS TELLS HER TO WAIT FOR HIM SO HE CAN ESCORT HER HOME SINCE IT IS STILL DARK OUTSIDE, BUT THE BLACK SNAIL SUDDENLY MAGICALLY TRANSFORMS INTO AN UGLY MERMAID SEA WITCH. MRS. KRABS ADMITS THAT SHE USED HER SNAIL TO SCARE THEM ALL. MRS. KRABS ADMITS THAT HER WEARING OF A WITCH COSTUME WOULD HAVE DRAWN TOO MUCH ATTENTION TO HER, SO SHE WORE A NURSE COSTUME TO SIGNIFY THAT SHE IS A WITCH-DOCTOR. MRS. KRABS GIVES ONE OF THE BROOMSTICKS TO THE OTHER WITCH AND SITS DOWN ON THE OTHER BROOMSTICK LIKE A SEAHORSE. AS THE TWO WITCHES SIT AND LEVITATE ON THEIR BROOMSTICKS, MRS. KRABS SAYS SHE'LL BE JUST FINE, THAT SHE HOPES THEY CAN BOTH KEEP A SECRET TOO FOR THEIR OWN GOOD, THAT SHE AND HER FRIEND HAVE TO MEET WITH THEIR FELLOW WITCHES AND WIZARDS AT GOO LAGOON TO RITUALISTICALLY SACRIFICE SEAGULLS TO THE BEACH'S GREAT WHITE SHARKS AND TO GO SKINNY DIPPING AND CHUNKY DUNKING, AND THAT NEXT YEAR, SHE AND HER MANY FRIENDS WILL USE REAL BLACK MAGIC TO GIVE EVERYONE AN EVEN SCARIER HALLOWEEN. THUS, MRS. KRABS IS ACTUALLY A REAL WITCH AND HER FRIEND MERMAID WITCH, THE BLACK SNAIL IN DISGUISE, WAS THE WITCH WHO CRASH LANDED IN THE BURNED BROOMSTICK DUE TO THE STORM, CAUSING THE SUPERNATURAL FIRE ON THE OUTSIDE ROAD. THE TWO WITCHES WICKEDLY LAUGH AND FLY OFF INTO THE NIGHT. THE SPEECHLESS SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS BOTH LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN SHOCK, SPIT OUT THEIR HOT COFFEES AND CHEWED CHOCOLATES ONTO EACH OTHERS' FACES, AND SCREAM LIKE WOMEN.

**TOM SURFING: WITCH HUNTS, SOME SAY WE NEED THEM BUT MOST SAY WE DON'T. MAYBE THE WITCHES ONLY SNEAK OUT ON HALLOWEEN OR MAYBE THERE ARE NO WITCHES AT ALL, ONLY THOSE READY TO POINT THEIR STUBBY FINGERS. JUST MAKE SURE THAT NEXT TIME SOMEONE CLAIMS THERE IS A WITCH OR WIZARD ABOUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN THEY'RE WRONG. IT JUST MEANS THEY HAVE OFFICIALLY ENTERED…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**13 EPISODE THIRTEEN: ODYSSEY OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN**

**TOM SURFING: THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, A GHOST WHOSE VERY NAME INSPIRES FEAR IN ALL SEA CREATURES. BUT THERE WAS A TIME WHEN HE WAS ALIVE, ALONG WITH HIS LOYAL CREW AND PIRATE WAR SHIP ROAMING AN OCEAN LONG AGO. THIS IS THE IMMORTAL LEGEND OF A GROUP OF SEA TRAVELING BANDITS OF THE PAST, WHO ARE ABOUT TO LEARN THE HARSH CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR ACTIONS AS THEY SPAN THE AGES AND SINK DIRECTLY…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

BEFORE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN BECAME A GHOST, HE WAS A FAMOUS HUMAN PIRATE NAMED CAPTAIN GREEN BEARD WITH THE MOST DANGEROUS DUTCH HUMAN PIRATE CREW AND MOST FEARED PIRATE SHIP OF THE SEVEN SEAS. THE PIRATE CREW LIVED IN THE 1700s. AFTER ROBBING A EUROPEAN COASTAL CITY OF ITS GOLD RESERVES AND DESTROYING MUCH OF THE CITY'S NAVY, HIS PIRATE CREW AND PIRATE SHIP ESCAPE THE HARBOR OF THE CITY BUT GET CAUGHT IN A WILD STORM AT SEA AND DROWN AND SINK BELOW THE SEA INTO THE TIDAL ZONE, WHERE THEY TIME TRAVEL ACROSS THE WORLD OCEAN AND ITS MANY LETHAL ERAS. NOW AS DEAD PIRATE GHOSTS, THE GHOST FLYING DUTCHMAN AND HIS GHOST PIRATE CREW FIND THEMSELVES IN A DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD UNDER THE SEA IN THE PREHISTORIC ERA. THEIR GHOST PIRATE SHIP RELUCTANTLY ENGAGES A PREDATORY HERD OF PLESIOSAURUSES INEXPLICABLY DRESSED IN GIANT SCOTTISH ATTIRE, WHICH THE GHOST PIRATES REFER TO AS SCOTTISH LOCHNESS MONSTERS. THE LARGE AQUATIC DINOSAURS USE THEIR GIANT PRIMITIVE SCOTTISH BAGPIPES, HUGE FINS, LONG NECKS, SHARP TEETH, AND LARGE BODIES TO EASILY WHACK THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP AROUND, DAMAGE IT, AND EAT SOME OF THE GHOST PIRATES, THOUGH THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP EVENTUALLY SUPERNATURALLY FIXES ITSELF AND THE PIRATE GHOSTS CANNOT DIE AGAIN THOUGH THEY ALL STILL FEEL PAIN. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP USES ITS GHOST CANNON BALLS, FISH NETS, DIRTY DUTCH PANTIES, AND HARPOONS THAT ARE COVERED IN A SUPERNATURAL FIRE TO SLAY MANY OF THE DINOSAURS, BUT MORE DINOSAURS PLAYING OMINOUS SCOTTISH MUSIC KEEP COMING, CAUSING THE SHIP TO FLEE. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP RIDES A POWERFUL NEARBY SEA CURRENT WHICH TRANSPORTS THEM TO THE FAR FUTURE OF THE PREHISTORIC ERA ABOVE THE SEA. THE TIME PERIOD IS THE 1940s OF WORLD WAR II. NAZI GERMAN SUBMARINES, NAZI GERMAN AIRPLANES, AND NAZI GERMAN WARSHIPS MISIDENTIFY THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP AS AN ALLIED AMERICAN WARSHIP. THE NAZI GERMAN FORCES IMMEDIATELY LAUNCH THEIR SAUERKRAUT MEATS, FANTA SODAS, MISSILES, GUNFIRE, AERIAL BOMBS, TORPEDOES, AND MINES AT THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP, WHOSE FLAMING GHOST CANNON BALLS, FISH NETS, DUTCH DIRTY PANTIES, AND HARPOONS ARE EASILY OUTGUNNED. THE NEW ENEMIES YELL AND CURSE AT EACH OTHER SPEAKING IN GERMAN AND DUTCH. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP AND GHOST PIRATE CREW TAKE MUCH DAMAGE, BUT ONCE AGAIN LUCKILY ESCAPE AS REAL ALLIED AMERICAN AIRPLANES, ALLIED AMERICAN WARSHIPS, AND ALLIED AMERICAN SUBMARINES ENGAGE THE NAZI AXIS FORCES IN A HUGE NAVAL BATTLE. THANKING THE CRAZY AMERICANS, THE GHOST PIRATE CREW AND THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP ONCE AGAIN ESCAPE THIS DEADLY BATTLE VIA A NEARBY WHIRLPOOL CAUSED BY A SINKING NAZI GERMAN WARSHIP, WHICH TAKES THE GHOST SHIP BELOW THE SEA TO THE PRESENT DAY BIKINI BOTTOM DURING THE EVENING. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GLOWING GHOST PIRATE SHIP FLOATS OVER THE CITY AT NIGHT, CAUSING MASS CIVILIAN PANIC AND EVACUATION EFFORTS IN THE SEA CITY AS THE CITY'S MILITARY FORCES USE TANK SHELLS, TURRET ARTILLERY FIRE, AND TORPEDO-CARRYING SPEED BOATS TO ENGAGE THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP. DISMAYED AT ALL THE UNWANTED WARFARE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ORDERS THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP TO FLY OUT OF THE CITY AWAY INTO THE NIGHT TO TRY TO DESPERATELY USE THE VARIOUS INTERDIMENSIONAL TIME TRAVEL WATER PORTALS OF THE TIDAL ZONE TO TIME TRAVEL BACK TO THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S OWN TIME PERIOD IN THE 1700s TO PREVENT THE SHIP'S OWN PAST SINKING AND TO RESTORE ALL OF THE GHOST PIRATE CREW BACK TO LIFE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND HIS GHOST PIRATE CREW DISCUSS WHETHER OR NOT THEIR TIME ODYSSEY IS ETERNAL PUNISHMENT BY THE LORD OF THE SEA, KING NEPTUNE, FOR THEIR IMMORAL LIVES AS PIRATES. THE GHOST PIRATES REMEMBER THE STORIES OF THE ANCIENT POET HOMER, IN WHICH THE GREEK WARRIOR ODYSSEUS SUFFERED THE SAME HARSH PUNISHMENTS FROM KING NEPTUNE, AND THEY WONDER IF THEIR OWN HORRIBLE OCEANIC ODYSSEY WILL EVER END. FINALLY, THE SHIP ENTERS A GIANT UNDERWATER GEYSER TO VISIT ANOTHER PAST ERA. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP APPEARS TO BE DIRECTLY ABOVE THE WATERS OF BIKINI BOTTOM AGAIN, BUT THEY DO NOT SEE THE CITY BELOW THEM AND APPEAR TO BE IN ANOTHER EARLIER TIME PERIOD BEFORE BIKINI BOTTOM EXISTED. SOMETHING VERY LARGE AND ROUND APPROACHES THEM FROM THE SKY. MANY OF THE SCARED GHOST PIRATES BELIEVE THE OBJECT IS AN ALIEN U.F.O., AND THEY FIRE THEIR SUPERNATURAL WEAPONRY AT IT AGAINST THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S ORDERS. A NEARBY LARGE 20TH-CENTURY AMERICAN MILITARY AIRPLANE, SHOT DOWN BY THE GHOST PIRATES, CRASHES INTO THE WATERS, BUT THE OBJECT IT DELIVERED IN ITS NUCLEAR TEST, AN ATOMIC BOMB, LANDS AND EXPLODES ONTO THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP IN THE WATERS, CAUSING A MASSIVE MUSHROOM CLOUD THAT SHOOTS THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP HIGH INTO THE SKY. THE DISORIENTED GHOST PIRATE CREW FLOATS AWAY ON A LARGE NUCLEAR DUST CLOUD THAT SENDS THEM CRASHING INTO ICY WATERS OF THE ARCTIC OCEAN IN AN UNKNOWN TIME PERIOD THAT IS NOT THEIR OWN ERA. THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP STARTS TO FREEZE, GIANT HUNGRY WILD POLAR BEARS SWIM TO EAT THE HELPLESS GHOST PIRATES, AND THE GHOST PIRATES CRY ABOUT THEIR TERRIBLE MISFORTUNES. THUS, THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FOREVER ROAMS THE DEADLY WATERS OF THE WORLD OCEAN AND FOREVER TRIES VAINLY TO RETURN BACK TO ITS OWN TIME PERIOD TO ATONE FOR THE DUTCH CREW'S LIFE OF PIRACY. HOWEVER, THE GHOST PIRATES KNOW THAT THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THEIR PAST CRIMES AND NO ESCAPE FROM THE HORRORS OF THE TIDAL ZONE.

**TOM SURFING: THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, A PIRATE ODYSSEUS LOOKING FOR HOME, STILL HAUNTS THE SEVEN SEAS. HIS SORROW NEVER ENDS AND NEITHER DO HIS MISADVENTURES. SO IF YOU'RE EVER OUT AT SEA AND YOU HEAR A LITTLE GIRL CRYING THAT "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME," YOU MAY ACTUALLY BE HEARING THE VOICE OF A REMORSEFUL DEAD MAN COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS HARSH FATE…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**14 EPISODE FOURTEEN: SUMMER OF LOVE **

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE KNOWS THAT "ROMEO AND JULIET" IS A TRAGEDY. THEY WERE TWO PEOPLE SHARING A FORBIDDEN LOVE, A LOVE NO ONE ELSE COULD UNDERSTAND OR TOLERATE. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS WILL PLAY ROMEO AND HIS NEW ROBOT WIFE WILL PLAY JULIET IN THIS SHAKESPEARIAN ROMANCE…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

THE KRUSTY KRAB IS CLOSING FOR THE SUMMER TO MAKE EXTENSIVE RENOVATIONS. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB AGREES TO WORK FOR THE SUMMER, WHILE SQUIDWARD TAKES SUMMER VACATION. THERE ARE NO CUSTOMERS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, SO SPONGEBOB IS ORDERED BY MR. KRABS TO WORK IN THE KRUSTY KRAB ALONE DOING VARIOUS MENIAL ACTIVITIES LIKE PAINTING, CLEANING, CARPENTRY, ACCOUNTING, AND PLUMBING. AS PART OF SPONGEBOB'S NEW EMPLOYEE CONTRACT FOR THE MONTHS FROM MAY TO AUGUST, SPONGEBOB IS TO LIVE ALONE, WITHOUT GARY, INSIDE OF MR. KRABS' EMPTY OFFICE, WHICH IS NOW SPONGEBOB'S NEW BEDROOM AND IS TO BE COMPLETELY ISOLATED FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD TO ENABLE SPONGEBOB TO WORK AT THE FASTEST RATE POSSIBLE TO HAVE THE KRUSTY KRAB GRAND RE-OPENING READY BY THE END OF SUMMER. A GATED ELECTRIC FENCE AROUND THE CLOSED RESTAURANT PREVENTS ANY OTHER INTRUDERS OR VISITORS. MR. KRABS, WHO RESTS AT HOME AS A DISTANT MANAGER, COMES BY ONLY ONCE A MONTH TO MONITOR PROGRESS AND GIVE SPONGEBOB FURTHER WORKING INSTRUCTIONS AND FOOD, CLOTHING, AND WATER SUPPLIES. COMPLETELY LOCKED INSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB, SPONGEBOB BECOMES VERY LONELY AND, THOUGH HE DOES HIS JOB WELL, HE BEGINS TO WANT TO QUIT TO RETURN TO NORMAL LIFE AFTER HIS FIRST MONTH OF ISOLATED WORK, IN WHICH HE PASSES THE TIME BY WORKING, SINGING, SLEEPING, EATING, USING THE BATHROOM, AND WRITING HIS FEELINGS DOWN IN A JOURNAL. WORRIED THAT SPONGEBOB MAY NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE ANOTHER THREE MONTHS OF TOTAL ISOLATION, MR. KRABS DECIDES TO SPY ON PLANKTON'S COMPUTER WIFE KAREN. AFTER EXTENSIVE SCRUTINY DURING THE SECOND MONTH OF SPONGEBOB'S SUMMER EMPLOYMENT, MR. KRABS, WHO USUALLY ONLY VISITS FOR AN HOUR ONCE A MONTH, BRINGS SPONGEBOB A SURPRISE PRESENT HE MADE FOR HIM. THE EXCITED SPONGEBOB EAGERLY AWAITS HIS NEW GIFT AS MR. KRABS LEAVES AND TELLS HIM THAT INSIDE THE LARGE BOX HE IS LEAVING BEHIND IS A NEW FRIEND AND CO-WORKER FOR SPONGEBOB TO END HIS LONELINESS. AFTER MR. KRABS LEAVES, SPONGEBOB QUICKLY OPENS THE WOODEN BOX. INSIDE IT, THERE IS A FEMALE ROBOT, WEARING A BLONDE WIG, WEARING A NAME TAG BEARING THE NAME "JULIA," MOVING VIA A WHEELED TRIPOD AS HER LEGS, AND MADE FROM A MICROWAVE AS THE MIDDLE OF HER BODY, VARIOUS KITCHEN UTENSILS AS HER ARMS AND HANDS, AND AN OLD T.V. SET AS HER HEAD. CONFUSED, SPONGEBOB PRESSES THE ROBOT'S "ON" BUTTON. JULIA SUDDENLY COMES TO LIFE. SHE IMMEDIATELY INTRODUCES HERSELF AND ANNOUNCES THAT SHE LOVES SPONGEBOB AND WILL ALWAYS TAKE CARE OF HIM AND ALWAYS BE THERE BY HIS SIDE. HER EYES ARE BRIGHT LIGHT BULBS INSIDE OF HER T.V. SCREEN HEAD, HER MIND IS A DVD PLAYER, AND HER MOUTH, ALWAYS IN A LOVING SMILE, IS AN OPENING SLOT FOR VIDEO TAPES. OVERCOME WITH THE NEED FOR A COMPANION, SPONGEBOB STARTS CRYING, TELLS HER THAT HE LOVES HER TOO, AND THE TWO SHARE A LOVING, LONG HUG. JULIA HELPS SPONGEBOB COMPLETE HIS MANY WORK ACTIVITIES VERY QUICKLY, LEAVING THEM WITH MUCH LEISURE TIME. SHE SERVES THEIR MEALS; THEY PLAY HIDE-AND-SEEK IN THE RESTAURANT TOGETHER; THEY SLEEP BY EACH OTHER IN SEPARATE SLEEPING BAGS AT NIGHT; THEY SING AND WRITE LOVE SONGS TOGETHER; SHE DRAWS PICTURES OF HEARTS, SEAHORSE UNICORNS, AND RAINBOWS IN HIS JOURNAL AND ALWAYS SIGNS THE PICTURES WITH THE PHRASE, "JULIA LOVES SPONGEBOB FOREVER"; THEY BLOW BUBBLES AND HAVE FUN PILLOW FIGHTS TOGETHER; THEY PERFORM ROBOTIC DANCING CONCERTS FOR A PRETEND AUDIENCE; THEY DISCUSS THE POSSIBILITY IF ROBOTS HAVE SOULS, AND BOTH IMMEDIATELY AGREE THAT ROBOTS AND SPONGES HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SOULS IN THE SEVEN SEAS; THEY IMPERSONATE SPONGEBOB'S FRIENDS IN MOCK PLAYS TOGETHER; THEY WRITE LOVE NOTES TO EACH OTHER; THEY SWIM TOGETHER IN GREASE POOLS; AND SPONGEBOB ALWAYS MAKES MINOR REPAIRS TO AND ALWAYS CLEANS JULIA, WHO ALWAYS PLAYFULLY PINCHES SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY MOUTH CHEEKS AND TICKLES SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY BUTT CHIN, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO GIGGLE AND BLUSH UNCONTROLLABLY AS SHE REPEATEDLY WILDLY ELECTRICALLY LIGHTS UP WITH EXCITEMENT. BEFORE MR. KRABS' THIRD RETURN VISIT TO THE KRUSTY KRAB AT THE END OF THE THIRD MONTH OF SPONGEBOB'S EMPLOYMENT AND WITH THE RESTAURANT IN PERFECT CONDITION, SPONGEBOB PROPOSES TO JULIA OVER DINNER AND AGREES TO HAVE A PRETEND MARRIAGE WITH JULIA, WHO GLADLY ACCEPTS AND CONTINUALLY PICKS UP SPONGEBOB AND THROWS HIM UP INTO THE AIR WITH JOY. THEY HOLD THEIR MARRIAGE ON THE KRUSTY KRAB ROOF AT NIGHT AND LIE IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS WATCHING THE CITY LIGHTS AND SHOOTING STARS OF THE NIGHT SKY. THE NEW COUPLE REMARKS HOW AMAZING THE STARS MAKE THEM FEEL ABOUT THEIR FUTURE AND HOW AMAZING IT IS THAT SEA CREATURES ALREADY WORK WITH THEIR MANY TECHNOLOGICAL MACHINES SO WELL IN THE BIG MODERN CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM. WITH MATCHING RUBBER BANDS AS WEDDING RINGS, THE NOW PRETEND HUSBAND AND WIFE ARE INSEPARABLE AND SPONGEBOB CONTINUES TO TELL HER ABOUT ALL HIS FRIENDS IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD AND ABOUT ALL HIS FAVORITE HOBBIES, INCLUDING JELLYFISHING, SWIMMING AT GOO LAGOON, WALKING GARY, PLAYING WITH PATRICK AND SQUIDWARD, WINDOW SHOPPING, AND EVEN READING SCIENCE FICTION BOOKS ABOUT ROBOTS. HOWEVER, JULIA BECOMES WORRIED THAT SPONGEBOB LOVES SANDY, BUT SPONGEBOB ASSURES JULIA THAT HER BUNS OF STEEL ARE MUCH BETTER THAN SANDY'S FURRY CHEEKS, CAUSING JULIA TO LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY AND KNOW THAT SHE CAN ALWAYS TRUST SPONGEBOB. JULIA IS AMAZED ABOUT SPONGEBOB'S LIFE AND THEY AGREE TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES TOGETHER AS SOUL MATES. ON THE MORNING OF THE DATE OF MR. KRABS' VISIT WITH HIS SCHEDULED VISIT TO OCCUR THAT EVENING, SPONGEBOB WAKES UP NEXT TO JULIA AND WISHES HER GOOD MORNING BUT SHE APPEARS TO STILL BE ASLEEP. SPONGEBOB PREPARES THEM A MEAL AS HE MAKES HIMSELF A KRABBY PATTY MEAL IN THE KITCHEN AND PREPARES SOME NAILS AND TIRE BOLTS FOR JULIA. AFTER BRINGING THE BREAKFAST TO HER SLEEPING BAG, SPONGEBOB REALIZES SOMETHING IS WRONG. JULIA IS OUT OF POWER AND HER BATTERIES ARE DEAD. SPONGEBOB CRIES AND PANICS AS HE SEARCHES EVERYWHERE FOR BATTERIES BUT DOES NOT FIND ANY. FEELING HE CANNOT SURVIVE AN HOUR WITHOUT JULIA, SPONGEBOB TAKES OUT HER OLD BATTERIES AND USES THE WIRES IN THE WALL TO GIVE THEM AN ELECTRICAL SURGE OF ENERGY. SPONGEBOB PUTS THE RECHARGED BATTERIES BACK INTO JULIA, WHO IMMEDIATELY SPRINGS BACK TO LIFE, BUT SHE HAS LOST HER MEMORIES OF SPONGEBOB. THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE DAY, SPONGEBOB SHOWS HER ALL THE EVIDENCE OF THEIR PAST RELATIONSHIP AND SHE SOON FALLS IN LOVE WITH HIM AGAIN. HAPPY AT HER SURVIVAL AND RETURN, SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO HAVE ANOTHER WEDDING CEREMONY AND TO ASK MR. KRABS TO PRESIDE AS THEIR WITNESS AND TO GIVE SPONGEBOB MORE BATTERIES FOR JULIA. AS NIGHT FALLS, MR. KRABS FINALLY RETURNS. HE IS PLEASED WITH THE STATE OF THE RESTAURANT AND CONGRATULATES SPONGEBOB ON HIS HARD WORK. SPONGEBOB, ADDRESSING JULIA AS HIS WIFE, REMINDS MR. KRABS THAT HE COULD NOT HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT HIS LOVE JULIA. MR. KRABS, WHO TEMPORARILY FORGOT ABOUT JULIA, IS DISTURBED THAT SPONGEBOB TREATS THE ROBOT AS A PERSON AND EVEN MORE DISTURBED THAT SPONGEBOB CONSIDERS IT HIS WIFE. MR. KRABS EVEN REFUSES TO PRESIDE OVER THEIR FAKE MARRIAGE. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH THE MACHINE IS UNHEALTHY AND THAT HE NEEDS TO REMEMBER THAT THE ROBOT HAS NO REAL FEELINGS AND HAS AN ARTIFICIAL MIND. SPONGEBOB IS DEEPLY HURT BY WHAT MR. KRABS SAYS AND QUICKLY TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE IS COMPLETELY WRONG ABOUT JULIA, WHO IS NOT JUST PROGRAMMED TO LOVE HIM BUT WHO REALLY LOVES HIM AS A PERSON. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES JULIA IS AS ALIVE, EMOTIONAL, AND BEAUTIFUL AS HE HIMSELF IS. MR. KRABS FEARS THAT SPONGEBOB'S ISOLATION HAS RUINED HIS ABILITY TO TELL MACHINES AND PEOPLE APART. JULIA STARTS CRYING OVER THEIR CONVERSATION AND SPONGEBOB COMFORTS HER BY REMINDING HER THAT MAN AND MACHINE WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER. MR. KRABS APOLOGIZES TO SPONGEBOB BUT REFUSES TO APOLOGIZE TO JULIA, WHOM HE CONSIDERS AS SOULLESS AS A TOASTER. ANGERED BY HIS DISRESPECT, SPONGEBOB WARNS MR. KRABS THAT IF HE IS NOT NICER TO JULIA DURING THEIR NEXT AND LAST SUMMER MEETING, SPONGEBOB WILL QUIT HIS JOB TO LIVE WITH HIS NEW WIFE, WHETHER ANYONE ACCEPTS THEIR MARRIAGE OR NOT. MR. KRABS, FEELING INCREDIBLY GUILTY FOR CREATING JULIA AND ISOLATING SPONGEBOB, AGREES TO FIX THE PROBLEM BETWEEN HIMSELF AND THE MACHINE SOMEHOW IN A VERY SWIFT WAY AND LEAVES. DURING THEIR DINNER MEAL TOGETHER, SPONGEBOB SECRETLY STOLE BATTERIES FROM MR. KRABS' MAN PURSE SINCE SPONGEBOB KNEW MR. KRABS WOULD NOT WILLINGLY GIVE HIM THE BATTERIES FOR JULIA. IT IS NOW THE FOURTH AND LAST MONTH OF SPONGEBOB'S SUMMER EMPLOYMENT. NATURALLY, HE AND JULIA HAVE GROWN MUCH CLOSER. SHE RENAMES HERSELF "JULIA SQUAREPANTS," AND THEY ADOPT SPONGEBOB'S REGULAR CALCULATOR AS THEIR SON NAMED "BEEPER SQUAREPANTS." TOGETHER, SPONGEBOB AND JULIA, THOUGH THEY KNOW THAT BEEPER CANNOT UNDERSTAND OR RESPOND TO THEM, TELL IT BED TIME FAIRY TALES, ROCK IT IN A MANGER THEY BUILD FOR IT TO SLEEP IN, PLAY MATH GAMES WITH IT, FIX AND CLEAN IT EVERYDAY, AND EVEN MAKE BABY CLOTHING FOR IT. SPONGEBOB AND JULIA EXPRESS THEIR ETERNAL LOVE FOR EACH OTHER AND THEIR NEW FAMILY BY PROMISING TO NEVER LEAVE EACH OTHER NO MATTER HOW MUCH PEOPLE IN THE OUTSIDE WORLD DISAPPROVE OF THEIR SUPPOSEDLY UNNATURAL LOVE. AFTER SPONGEBOB TELLS JULIA ABOUT HOW HAPPY PLANKTON AND KAREN ARE ABOUT THEIR LOVE LIFE DESPITE PLANKTON'S LITTLE SIZE AND KAREN'S MECHANICAL FIGURE, JULIA AND SPONGEBOB COMPLIMENT EACH OTHER ABOUT THEIR HANDSOME AND PRETTY BODIES, WHICH THEY AGREE MATCH PERFECTLY JUST LIKE THEIR PERSONALITIES DO. JULIA SAYS HER FAVORITE QUALITY OF SPONGEBOB'S IS HIS BRIGHT BLUE EYES THAT REMIND HER OF A CLEAR SEA SKY. SPONGEBOB ADMITS HE LOVES JULIA'S BLOND WIG THAT REMINDS HIM OF A GOLDEN SANDY BEACH. FINALLY, THE TENSION IS TOO MUCH, AND THE TWO FINALLY SHARE THEIR FIRST KISS, THOUGH JULIA ACCIDENTALLY ELECTRICALLY SHOCKS SPONGEBOB AS A RESULT. FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH, THEY ALWAYS LAUGH AND BLUSH AT EACH OTHER, ALWAYS PRETEND TO BUMP INTO EACH OTHER, AND ALWAYS IMAGINE THEIR FUTURE CHILDREN FOR NEW SIBLINGS FOR BEEPER. FINALLY, IT IS THE LAST DAY OF SPONGEBOB'S SUMMER EMPLOYMENT. ALL OF HIS WORK TASKS ARE PERFECTLY COMPLETE AND HE, JULIA, AND BEEPER ARE WAITING FOR MR. KRABS' LAST VISIT AND TO RETURN TO THE PINEAPPLE HOME TO START THEIR NEW FAMILY LIFE IN THE WORLD OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB. THE TWO LOVERS CAN BARELY CONTAIN THEIR EXCITEMENT AND WAIT WITH THEIR BELONGINGS ALL PACKED. THEY HOLD HANDS THE WHOLE TIME AND SHARE A LAST SUPPER AS NIGHT FALLS. SPONGEBOB WRITES A LAST ENTRY IN HIS JOURNAL ABOUT HIS NEW LOVE AND HIS NEW FAMILY. HE SAYS IT CONTAINS A SECRET MESSAGE FOR JULIA THOUGH HE WANTS TO WAIT UNTIL THEY REACH THEIR NEW HOME TO REVEAL IT TO HER. BUT JULIA IS TOO EAGER TO READ THE MESSAGE AND REMINDS SPONGEBOB THAT SPOUSES NEVER HOLD SECRETS FROM EACH OTHER, BUT SPONGEBOB PLAYFULLY RUNS THROUGHOUT THE KRUSTY KRAB TELLING HER THAT SHE'LL HAVE TO CATCH HIM FIRST AND THAT SHE'S "IT" FOR THEIR LAST GAME OF TAG IN THE RESTAURANT. SHE JOYFULLY BEGINS CHASING HIM AND FINALLY TAGS HIM. SPONGEBOB GIGGLES AND PLAYFULLY SAYS SHE'LL HAVE TO TAKE IT FROM HIM TO LEARN THE SECRET. JULIA PLAYFULLY WRESTLES WITH SPONGEBOB ON THE FLOOR AND FINALLY TICKLES HIM SO MUCH THAT SHE IS ABLE TO GET THE JOURNAL OUT OF HIS GRASP. WITH SPONGEBOB PLAYFULLY SURRENDERING AND WILDLY GIGGLING, SHE OPENS THE JOURNAL TO THE LAST PAGE. THE PAGE READS: "JULIA SQUAREPANTS, MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD, BETTER THAN PATRICK, MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, SANDY, GARY, AND EVEN MY PARENTS COMBINED. YOU ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SEA CREATURE THAT NEPTUNE HAS EVER MADE, EVEN PRETTIER THAN SANDY CHEEKS IN HER SUMMER SWIM SUIT, AND CUPID HAS FINALLY STRUCK MY SPONGY HEART WITH AN ARROW FROM YOU. OUR LOVE WILL LIVE ON THROUGH OUR SON, BEEPER SQUAREPANTS, AND HIS SPONGY AND ROBOTIC CHILDREN. LOVE ALWAYS AND FOREVER, MY ROBOT BOO, YOUR HUSBAND SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS." JULIA CRIES TEARS OF JOY AND SPONGEBOB ALSO CRIES TEARS OF JOY. THEY SHARE A CLOSE HUG AND ANOTHER LONG KISS…JUST AS MR. KRABS ENTERS THE RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS, SHOCKED BEYOND BELIEF, ACCIDENTALLY SMASHES THROUGH THE LOCKED FRONT DOOR AND GASPS OUT LOUD AT THE DISTURBING SIGHT. EMBARRASSED, SPONGEBOB AND JULIA TURN, BLUSH, AND GIGGLE. MR. KRABS LIMPS LIKE A CRIPPLE, CLUTCHES THE MAN BOOBS OF HIS HEAVILY BREATHING CHEST, RUBS HIS EYES TEN DIFFERENT TIMES, AND THERE IS A MOMENT OF AWKWARD SILENCE AMONG THEM ALL AS MR. KRABS BLINKS AT THEM INCREDIBLY FAST. MR. KRABS FAINTS. JULIA AND SPONGEBOB RUSH TO HIS SIDE AND JULIA RELUCTANTLY GIVES MR. KRABS THE MOUTH-TO-MOUTH MANEUVER TO REVIVE HIM BY ELECTRIC SHOCK. MR. KRABS WAKES UP, SEES JULIA AND SPONGEBOB TOGETHER, AND STANDS UP, STUMBLING LIKE A DRUNK. HE FINALLY REGAINS HIS BALANCE AND SLAPS HIMSELF ACROSS THE FACE SEVERAL TIMES. SWEATING, MR. KRABS DESPERATELY ASKS, "WHAT IN THE NAME OF NEPTUNE'S MERMAID MOTHER WAS THAT?!" JULIA IS SO EMBARRASSED THAT SHE EXCUSES HERSELF TO THE LADIES' ROOM. SPONGEBOB, EXTREMELY EMBARRASSED, CONTAINS HIS GIGGLES AND SAYS, "COME ON, MR. KRABS. HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A HUSBAND AND WIFE KISS BEFORE?" MR. KRABS EYES GO BLOODSHOT, HE BEGINS TO SWEAT AND SHIVER, HE INVOLUNTARILY SCREAMS, AND HE GRABS SPONGEBOB VERY HARD WITH HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS. SPONGEBOB TRIES TO BREAK FREE OF HIS STRONG GRIP BUT CANNOT. MR. KRABS COVERS SPONGEBOB'S MOUTH BEFORE HE CAN SPEAK. MR. KRABS GIVES SPONGEBOB A LONG PAINFUL LECTURE: "NO, SPONGEBOB. NOT OVER MY DEAD BLOATED BODY. THAT IS NOT FUNNY, RIGHT OR NATURAL IN ANY IMAGINABLE WAY. THAT IS A MACHINE, NO HEART, NO EMOTIONS, NO SOUL. YOU ARE NOT ALONE ANYMORE. I AM RETURNING YOU TO THE REAL WORLD WITH REAL PEOPLE, YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY WHO ACTUALLY LOVE YOU AND WHO ARE REALLY FULLY ALIVE. I AM SO SORRY THAT I DID THIS TOO, AND I WILL NEVER HAVE ANY SLEEP WITHOUT NIGHTMARES AGAIN. I AM TAKING YOU OFF THIS ISLAND, THIS LITTLE FANCIFUL GAME YOU HAVE CREATED AND YOU ARE GOING TO BECOME A FULL PERSON AGAIN. JUST BECAUSE I LOVE MY MONEY DOES NOT MEAN I ACTUALLY MAKE LOVE TO IT, MY BOY! DON'T YOU GET IT YOU STUPID KID?! YOU ARE NOT A MACHINE!" JULIA, HEARING THE YELLING, QUICKLY COMES OUT OF THE RESTROOM. SHE DESPERATELY ASKS MR. KRABS WHY HE DOES NOT LOVE HER LIKE SPONGEBOB DOES. MR. KRABS FURIOUSLY YELLS, "YOU ARE NOT A REAL PERSON! YOU ARE A MISTAKE, AN ACCIDENT, A RANDOM COLLECTION OF METAL JUNK, YOU CRAZY ROBOT WITCH! YOU ARE AN ABOMINATION!" SPONGEBOB ROUGHLY PUSHES MR. KRABS AWAY, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO CRASH INTO THE NEARBY RESTAURANT TABLES. MR. KRABS SPITS OUT SOME LOOSE TEETH AND HIS EYES WIDEN LIKE THOSE OF AN ANGRY BULL. MR. KRABS GETS TO HIS FEET, GLARES AT THE COUPLE, AND TWITCHES WITH ANGER. SPONGEBOB TELLS HIM THAT JULIA HAS A BETTER MIND, SOUL, AND HEART THAN MR. KRABS WILL EVER HAVE AND THAT HE LOVES HIS WIFE EVEN MORE THAN MR. KRABS LOVES HIS OWN ADOPTED DAUGHTER PEARL. MR. KRABS FINALLY SNAPS. REALIZING SPONGEBOB WILL NEVER GIVE UP JULIA, MR. KRABS LETS OUT A LONG SIGH, SADLY LOOKS AT SPONGEBOB, AND THEN SWIFTLY PULLS A RUSTY SPATULA OUT OF HIS POCKETS AS HE TELLS SPONGEBOB: "SORRY, SPONGEBOB. THIS HAS TO END TONIGHT. EITHER I GO, OR FRANKENSTEIN GOES. THIS IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, MY BOY, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU…" YELLING LIKE AN ANGRY PENGUIN, MR. KRABS CHARGES AT THE CRYING JULIA WITH THE SPATULA. SPONGEBOB GETS INTO HIS KARATE STANCE AND RUSHES AT MR. KRABS TO STOP HIM, BUT MR. KRABS QUICKLY CHOPS OFF BOTH OF SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY ARMS WITH THE SPATULA. SPONGEBOB FALLS TO THE FLOOR IN UNBEARABLE PAIN, THOUGH HE KNOWS THAT HIS SPONGY ARMS WILL GROW BACK. BEFORE SPONGEBOB CAN EVEN REACT, MR. KRABS USES THE RUSTY SPATULA TO IMPALE THE JULIA'S T.V. SCREEN TO DESTROY HER. SEEING THE CALCULATOR BEEPER ON THE FLOOR AND WEARING LITTLE BABY CLOTHES, MR. KRABS STOMPS AND REPEATEDLY HACKS IT WITH HIS SPATULA UNTIL IT IS ALSO DESTROYED. SPONGEBOB IS SHOCKED AND CANNOT EVEN SPEAK. AFTER FULLY REALIZING WHAT HAS HAPPENED, SPONGEBOB SCREAMS IN PROTEST AND CHARGES AT MR. KRABS. MR. KRABS, WHO IS CRYING, GRABS AND HUGS THE SOBBING SPONGEBOB, WHO IS TRYING TO BREAK FREE OF HIS GRASP BUT HAS NO ARMS TO DO SO. MR. KRABS REPEATEDLY TELLS SPONGEBOB, "LOOK AT HER, MY SPONGE BOY. LISTEN TO YOUR CAPTAIN AND JUST LOOK AT HER…" SPONGEBOB LOOKS AT THE DESTROYED JULIA AND IS CONFUSED AND DISTURBED AT SEEING THE MECHANICAL INSIDES OF JULIA, WHOM HE VIEWED AS A REGULAR ORGANIC WIFE WITHOUT EVEN REALIZING THE HUGE DIFFERENCES. SPONGEBOB IS SHOCKED BEYOND IMAGINATION AND SHUTTERS. SPONGEBOB SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY. MR. KRABS COMFORTS THE CRYING SPONGEBOB AND REMINDS SPONGEBOB THAT JULIA WAS JUST A ROBOT AND THAT NOW SPONGEBOB CAN END HIS LONELINESS AND RETURN TO THE WORLD WITH REAL PEOPLE WITH REAL FEELINGS. LIKE A BROKEN RECORD, THE BROKEN ROBOT REPEATS, "SPONGEBOB, I LOVE YOU BABY…" SPONGEBOB FINALLY SNAPS OUT OF HIS MONTHS-LONG TRANCE OF ARTIFICIAL LOVE AND DESPERATE LONELINESS. SPONGEBOB TAKES ONE FINAL LONG LOOK AT JULIA'S TORN ROBOTIC INSIDES, HE REMARKS THAT SHE NOW SOUNDS JUST LIKE SQUIDWARD'S BROKEN MUSIC RECORDS, AND HE FINALLY AGREES THAT JULIA IS NOTHING BUT A TOASTER, AN OVEN, A GARBAGE DISPOSAL THAT IS NEITHER ALIVE NOR DEAD. THE SAD SPONGEBOB FINALLY STOPS CRYING AND THANKS MR. KRABS FOR REMOVING HIS NEED FOR A MECHANICAL FRIEND IN HIS LIFE AND TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER ALWAYS THAT SHE WAS NOTHING BUT A PROGRAMMED ROBOT, AS WORTHLESS AND SOULLESS AS KAREN PLANKTON, ON THE INSIDE AND THE OUTSIDE. SPONGEBOB FINALLY THANKS MR. KRABS FOR PREVENTING SPONGEBOB FROM BECOMING A FREAK OF NATURE LIKE THE MAD SCIENTIST AND LONER SHELDON PLANKTON. MR. KRABS AND SPONGEBOB SLOWLY WALK OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB TOGETHER. MR. KRABS PUTS UP AN GRAND OPENING SIGN FOR THE NEXT DAY AS SPONGEBOB, WHOSE SPONGY ARMS HAVE GROWN BACK UNLIKE JULIA'S BODY PARTS THAT ARE FOREVER BROKEN AND WOULD NEED SOMEONE AS SICK AS PLANKTON TO FIX, RETURNS HOME. SPONGEBOB HAPPILY PETS GARY, WHO IS VERY AFFECTIONATE DUE TO HIS RETURN. PATRICK HAD BEEN WATCHING GARY FOR THE SUMMER, AND PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB SHARE A LOVING REUNION EMBRACE. AT NIGHT, SPONGEBOB SITS BY HIS ROARING FIRE PLACE AND WRITES THE WORD "JULIA" ON THE COVER OF HIS JOURNAL. AFTER SOME HESITATION, SPONGEBOB TOSSES THE JOURNAL INTO THE FLAMES. SPONGEBOB THEN PICKS UP HIS HOME PHONE, CALLS SANDY, AND FINALLY ASKS HER OUT ON A ROMANTIC DATE. SANDY, WHO REALIZED HOW MUCH SHE MISSED SPONGEBOB DURING THE SUMMER, AGREES FOR A TEA DATE AT THE TREE DOME. INSIDE THE EMPTY KRUSTY KRAB, MR. KRABS LOOKS DOWN AT THE BROKEN SILENT JULIA AND SADLY MUTTERS, "I'M SORRY." MR. KRABS BURIES HER BENEATH THE PLANKS OF THE KRUSTY KRAB AS THE SUN ALSO RISES.

**TOM SURFING: A LOVE BETRAYED IN THE DYING DAYS OF SUMMER, A FINAL TRAGIC END TO SOMETHING THAT WAS AS BEAUTIFUL AS IT WAS ODD. BUT THERE WAS LOVE THAT SUMMER, BETWEEN SPONGE AND MACHINE, AND THAT LOVE, UNLIKE THE BODIES OF BOTH LOVERS, CAN NEVER DIE BECAUSE IT IS ON PERMANENT RECORD FOR ALL TO WITNESS…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**15 EPISODE FIFTEEN: THE LAST HAVEN OF THE SEA**

**TOM SURFING: WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS FICTIONAL, BUT IT CAN STILL HAPPEN ANY PLACE AND ANY TIME. EMERGENCIES AND PANICS SEEM TO WALK HAND AND HAND LIKE MONSTROUS VERSIONS OF JACK AND JILL ABOUT TO DROWN IN A GIANT WATER WELL. SO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE MELT DOWN OF BIKINI BOTTOM THROUGH THE CRUCIBLE…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IT IS MR. KRABS' BIRTHDAY PARTY AT THE KRUSTY KRAB AT NIGHT TIME. FIFTEEN GUESTS ARE PRESENT, INCLUDING SPONGEBOB, PEARL, SQUIDWARD, GARY, SANDY, PATRICK, MRS. PUFF, OLD MAN JENKINS, LARRY THE LOBSTER, MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, MRS. KRABS, FLATS THE FLOUNDER, BUBBLE BASS, AND SQUILLIAM FANCYSON. EVERYONE IS HAPPY, EATING, AND CELEBRATING THE LONG LIFE OF MR. KRABS. SQUIDWARD ORDERS A TOAST TO MR. KRABS. SQUIDWARD TEASES MR. KRABS ABOUT HIS PARANOID EMERGENCY SHELTER THAT HE HAD SPONGEBOB AND HIMSELF BUILD AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, THOUGH MR. KRABS GENEROUSLY PAID THEM MORE THAN USUAL FOR THE TASK. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT EVERYONE KNOWS THAT MR. KRABS IS CHEAP BUT THAT THEY ALL KNOW THAT EVERYONE IS ALWAYS WELCOME IN THE KRUSTY KRAB THANKS TO HIM AND HIS NEED FOR MONEY. EVERYONE LAUGHS AND DRINKS THEIR KELP CIDER. MR. KRABS IS SOMEWHAT EMBARRASSED ABOUT SQUIDWARD REVEALING HIS KRUSTY KRAB EMERGENCY SHELTER TO EVERYONE BUT LAUGHS AND DECIDES TO SAY A FEW WORDS. MR. KRABS THANKS SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD FOR BEING SUCH LOYAL EMPLOYEES, THANKS EVERYONE PRESENT FOR BEING SUCH GOOD CUSTOMERS, THANKS HIS FAMILY FOR THEIR CONTINUED SUPPORT OF ALL HIS LIFE PROJECTS, THANKS THE CITY FOR KEEPING HIM IN BUSINESS AND SO WEALTHY FOR SO LONG, THANKS KING NEPTUNE FOR MONEY, AND THANKS THE MEDIA FOR ALERTING THE SEA TO THE NEED FOR EMERGENCY SHELTERS EVEN THOUGH SOME BIG MOUTHS OR BIG NOSES DON'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP THEM SECRET SOMETIMES. SQUIDWARD JUST SMIRKS AS EVERYONE ELSE CHEERS AND BRINGS OUT MR. KRABS' BIRTHDAY CAKE. SPONGEBOB CARRIES THE CAKE AND WISHES MR. KRABS ANOTHER SIXTY YEARS OF LIFE AND WISHES MR. KRABS' MOTHER ANOTHER EIGHTY YEARS OF LIFE. MR. KRABS SMILES AND LISTENS AS EVERYONE SINGS HIM THE BIRTHDAY SONG. AS THE SONG ENDS, PATRICK YELLS FOR MR. KRABS TO MAKE A WISH AND TO WISH FOR MORE WISHES. BEFORE MR. KRABS CAN BLOW OUT HIS CANDLES, SIRENS SCREAM THROUGHOUT THE NEIGHBORHOOD, CAUSING EVERYONE TO COVER THEIR EARS. THE MUTED T.V. SCREEN IN THE RESTAURANT FLASHES THE WORDS "WARNING, THIS IS AN EMERGENCY PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT…" MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS OVER HIS CAKE AND EVERYONE QUICKLY STOMPS THE FLAMES OUT. SQUIDWARD QUICKLY TURNS UP THE T.V. VOLUME LOUDER SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR THE EMERGENCY NEWS BROADCAST. MR. KRABS LOOKS VERY NERVOUS AS THE SIRENS CONTINUE TO WAIL IN THE DISTANCE. THE NEWS REPORTER ASKS FOR EVERYONE'S ATTENTION FOR THIS NON-DRILL EMERGENCY BROADCAST. ACCORDING TO SEISMOGRAPHIC MEASUREMENTS BY SCIENTISTS, THERE IS AN UNPRECEDENTED AMOUNT OF SMALL TINY CREATURES SLOWLY ENTERING THE OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THIS HERD OF UNKNOWN LITTLE CREATURES WILL REACH THE CITY WITHIN THE HOUR. EVERYONE, INCLUDING EXPERTS, BELIEVES THAT THE APPROACHING HERD IS FULL OF FLESH-EATING, HOUSE-EATING NEMATODES. THE NEWS REPORTER PLEADS WITH EVERYONE NOT TO PANIC AND TO SIMPLY GO TO THEIR PREPARED HIDE-OUT SHELTERS OF THEIR HOMES TO BYPASS THE NEMATODES, WHO ARE EXPECTED TO DESTROY THE ENTIRE CITY INFRASTRUCTURE AND TO CONSUME ANY LIVING CREATURES IN THEIR PATH. THE NEWS REPORTER TELLS EVERYONE TO WORK TOGETHER AND HOPES THAT KING NEPTUNE WILL BLESS THEM ALL. THE NEWS PROGRAM ENDS AND IS REPLACED WITH A BLACK SCREEN THAT REPEATEDLY FLASHES THE FOLLOWING PHRASE: "WARNING! THIS IS NOT A DRILL. THIS IS A PUBLIC EMERGENCY ANNOUNCEMENT. EXPECTED NEMATODE ATTACK IN THIRTY TO FORTY MINUTES. GO IMMEDIATELY TO YOUR PREPARED HIDE-OUT ANTI-NEMATODE SHELTERS BECAUSE THERE IS NO TOMORROW…" OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB, POLICE BOAT CARS, MILITARY JETS, AND MILITARY TANKS RACE DOWN THE CITY STREETS AND SKIES TO ENGAGE THE APPROACHING NEMATODES AT THE CITY BORDERS, ALTHOUGH THE POLICE AND MILITARY KNOW THAT THEIR EFFORTS WILL BE IN VAIN AS THE CITY WILL BE OVERRUN AND THEY THEMSELVES WILL SURELY BE EATEN ALIVE BY THE NEMATODES. THE HIDE-OUT ANTI-NEMATODE BASEMENT SHELTER OF THE KRUSTY KRAB, WHICH MR. KRABS HAD SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD BUILD, ONLY HAS THE PROVISIONS, SUPPLIES, AND SPACE FOR ONLY THREE PEOPLE, NAMELY THE KRABS FAMILY OF MR. KRABS, HIS DAUGHTER PEARL, AND HIS MOTHER MRS. KRABS. MR. KRABS NERVOUSLY TELLS EVERYONE THAT THE PARTY IS OVER AND THAT THEY ALL NEED TO LEAVE TO THEIR HIDE-OUT ANTI-NEMATODE SHELTERS. MR. KRABS TELLS HIS FAMILY TO DO WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN PREPARING MONTHS FOR AND PEARL AND HER GRANDMOTHER QUICKLY MAKE PREPARATIONS TO ENTER THEIR SHELTER. EVERYONE ELSE IS SPEECHLESS, AND SOME START TO RETURN HOME EVEN THOUGH NO ONE ELSE HAS SUCH A SHELTER. SPONGEBOB GRABS GARY AND SQUIDWARD GRABS HIS CLARINET. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY PLEAD WITH MR. KRABS TO LET THEM ENTER HIS SHELTER, CAUSING THE LEAVING PEOPLE TO STOP AND TO LISTEN TO MR. KRABS' REPLY. SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD ARGUE THAT SINCE THEY BUILT IT, THEY AND THEIR MOST IMPORTANT BELONGINGS DESERVE TO USE IT TOO. SPONGEBOB ALSO PLEADS FOR PATRICK AND SANDY TO BE ALLOWED ENTRANCE TOO, BUT SQUIDWARD ARGUES THAT ONLY THE EMPLOYEES OF THE RESTAURANT SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO THE SHELTER. WITH ALL EYES ON HIM, MR. KRABS QUICKLY TELLS EVERYONE THAT EVERYDAY HE WARNED EVERYONE WHO CAME TO HIS RESTAURANT THAT THE NEMATODES WERE COMING BUT THAT ALL OF THEM ONLY LAUGHED IN HIS FACE ABOUT IT. PEOPLE BEGIN TO PROTEST AND ARGUE THAT ALL CUSTOMERS OF THE RESTAURANT SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO THE SHELTER SINCE THEIR MONEY FUNDS THE RESTAURANT. SQUIDWARD PROTESTS AND ARGUES THAT ONLY THOSE WHO BUILT IT SHOULD HAVE ACCESS. MR. KRABS RAISES HIS VOICE TO REMIND EVERYONE THAT ONLY THREE PEOPLE CAN SURVIVE IN THE SHELTER AS HE PREPARES TO LEAVE INTO THE SHELTER WITH HIS FAMILY, BUT THE OTHERS BLOCK HIS WAY. LARRY THE LOBSTER TELLS MR. KRABS THAT THEY NEED TO SAVE AS MANY LIVES AS THEY CAN, TO WHICH MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AGREE. THE CYNICAL SQUILLIAM SCOFFS AT THE SO-CALLED SAVIORS AND MOCKS THE OLD DYNAMIC DUO AND BULKY LIFE GUARD AS FALLEN HEROES INCAPABLE OF SAVING THE CITY FROM CERTAIN DESTRUCTION. THE FURIOUS LARRY BEGINS TO APPROACH SQUILLIAM, WHO IS DRUNK ON KELP CIDER AND WHO THROWS THE GLASS OF KELP CIDER AT LARRY'S FEET. THE GLASS SHATTERS NEXT TO LARRY, WHO GLARES AT THE TIPSY SQUILLIAM. SQUILLIAM YELLS THAT ONLY RICH PEOPLE, MEANING HIMSELF AND MR. KRABS, SHOULD OWN THE SHELTER SINCE THEY OWN EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE SEA AND SINCE THE NEW POST-APOCALYPTIC SOCIETY WILL NEED PEOPLE WITH WEALTH AND INTELLIGENCE, NOT WORTHLESS PEOPLE WHO CAN ONLY AFFORD ONE HOME PER FAMILY AND ARE NOT EVEN SMART ENOUGH TO BUDGET A CASH REGISTER. SQUIDWARD GETS INTO SQUILLIAM'S FACE AND TELLS SQUILLIAM TO SHUT HIS BIG NOSE UP, BUT SQUILLIAM PLAYFULLY STROKES SQUIDWARD'S BIG NOSE AND BEGS SQUIDWARD TO MAKE HIM SHUT UP TO PROVE HOW COURAGEOUS HE IS BEFORE HE DIES SINCE SADLY NO ONE WILL REMEMBER MUCH OF SQUIDWARD WHEN HE IS FINALLY GONE. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY TACKLES SQUILLIAM TO THE FLOOR AND THEY FIGHT AND TUG AT EACH OTHER'S BIG NOSES. AS THE OTHERS TRY TO BREAK THE SQUID FIGHT UP, MRS. PUFF SAYS THAT EDUCATORS, NOT FAT CATS DRUNK WITH POWER AND MONEY, ARE NEEDED FOR THE FUTURE, CAUSING BUBBLE BASS TO SAY THAT THE ONLY FAT THINGS IN THE RESTAURANT ARE HIS BUTT, PATRICK'S BULGING GUT, AND MRS. PUFF, WHO NEED TO ENTER THE SHELTER DUE TO THEIR HIGH CHOLESTEROL. FLATS LAUGHS AND STATES THAT THE UNHEALTHIEST AND WEAKEST SHOULD BE DEFINITELY DENIED ACCESS AND THAT ONLY THE STRONG PEOPLE LIKE HIMSELF DESERVE TO LIVE IN THE SHELTER. TO DEMONSTRATE HIS STRENGTH AND TO PROVE HE IS WILLING TO FIGHT TO STAY ALIVE, FLATS THEN STARTS RANDOMLY HITTING PEOPLE AND EVEN GIVES SPONGEBOB BLACK EYES AND SENDS BUBBLE BASS PANTING TO THE FLOOR AFTER A POWERFUL HIT TO HIS GUT, BUT LARRY AND THE DYNAMIC DUO DETAIN THE WILD FLATS. SANDY AND PATRICK WANT TO LET MR. KRABS ELECT FIVE OTHER PEOPLE TO ENTER HIS SHELTER, BUT OLD MAN JENKINS PROTESTS THAT MR. KRABS IS NOT OLD AND WISE ENOUGH TO DECIDE WHO LIVES AND WHO DIES. BUBBLE BASS RECOVERS FROM HIS STOMACH INJURY AND MOVES TOWARD FLATS, BUT OLD MAN JENKINS ACCIDENTALLY TRIPS BUBBLE BASS WITH HIS CANE. THOUGH THE OLD FISH APOLOGIZES, BUBBLE BASS IMMEDIATELY BUMPS THE OLD FISH WITH HIS BIG BELLY, AND TELLS THE OLD FISH THAT NO ONE CARES ABOUT HIS SENILE ROTTING KIND. AS MR. KRABS PUSHES PEOPLE OUT OF HIS WAY TO REACH PEARL AND MRS. KRABS, WHO ARE ALSO TRYING TO BREAK FREE TO REACH HIM THROUGH THE MOB, THE OLD DYNAMIC DUO START THROWING WATER BALLS AT BUBBLE BASS, WHO BODY SLAMS ONTO BOTH OF THEM, CAUSING THEIR OLD BONES TO PAINFULLY CRACK. OLD MAN JENKINS BEATS BUBBLE BASS WITH HIS CANE TO TEACH HIS GENERATION A LESSON IN MANNERS. HAVING KNOCKED SQUILLIAM UNCONSCIOUS BY NEARLY YANKING OFF HIS BIG SNOTTY NOSE, SQUIDWARD GRABS AND STARTS DRAGGING MR. KRABS AWAY FROM THE BRAWLS AND AWAY FROM THE MOB. SQUIDWARD, NOW FURIOUS AND TEMPORARILY INSANE, TELLS MR. KRABS TO TAKE HIM DOWN TO THE SHELTER NOW AND TO OPEN IT WITH HIS KEY SO THEY CAN SAFELY HEAR ALL THESE PEOPLE BEING EATEN ALIVE BY NEMATODES LIKE THEY DESERVE. SANDY AND PATRICK BOTH GRAB SQUIDWARD, WHO SLAPS THEM AWAY WITH HIS TENTACLES. MR. KRABS BEGINS TO RUN INTO HIS OFFICE TO GET TO THE SHELTER AS PEARL USES HER LARGE HEAD TO KNOCK EVERYONE OUT OF HER AND HER GRANDMOTHER'S WAY. MRS. PUFF YANKS ON MRS. KRABS' WIG, BUT MRS. KRABS PINCHES HER BACK, CAUSING HER TO INFLATE. PEARL USES HER BIG WHALE HEAD TO HIT MRS. PUFF LIKE A BASEBALL BAT HITTING A BALL, SENDING HER CRASHING INTO THE DYNAMIC DUO AND INTO BUBBLE BASS, KNOCKING THEM ALL OUT. LARRY ROUGHLY HOLDS FLATS AND DEMANDS THAT HE STOP TRYING TO HURT OTHERS AND INSTEAD HELP HIM SAVE LIVES, BUT FLATS CALLS LARRY A FAKE LIFEGUARD WHOSE SUN TANS HAVE FINALLY FRIED HIS WORTHLESS LOBSTER MIND. LARRY PICKS UP FLATS AND THROWS HIM THROUGH THE KRUSTY KRAB FRONT GLASS DOORS TO BRUTALLY KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS. BEFORE THE DEFEATED MRS. PUFF FALLS TO THE FLOOR, SHE CALLS PEARL AN ABOMINATION AND STARTS MUTTERING HOW IT DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE HOW SHE IS MR. KRABS' DAUGHTER, SO SHE IS PROBABLY HIS STEP DAUGHTER. AS SHE PASSES OUT, MRS. PUFF SADLY SAYS THAT NOTHING MAKES ANY SENSE TONIGHT. PATRICK IS CHOKED UNCONSCIOUS BY SQUIDWARD'S TENTACLES, BUT SANDY GETS INTO HER KARATE STANCE. SQUIDWARD YELLS AT HER TO GO BACK TO TEXAS TO GET EATEN BY A HICK COWBOY. SANDY KNOCKS OUT SQUIDWARD WITH A SWIFT KICK TO HIS FACE. THE INJURED SPONGEBOB, CUDDLED WITH GARY IN A CORNER, CLOSES HIS BRUISED EYES, ROCKS BACK AND FORTH, AND STARTS CRYING. MRS. KRABS AND PEARL SLAM AND LOCK MR. KRABS' OFFICE DOOR AS MR. KRABS NERVOUSLY REMARKS THAT THEY NOW ONLY HAVE ABOUT TEN MINUTES LEFT BEFORE THE NEMATODES HIT. SHAKING, HE USES HIS KEYS TO OPEN A FLOOR DOOR BENEATH HIS DESK. WITH SPONGEBOB SUFFERING A PSYCHOTIC BREAKDOWN, THE ONLY PEOPLE LEFT STANDING FROM THE BRAWLS ARE SANDY, LARRY THE LOBSTER, AND OLD MAN JENKINS. ALL THREE POUND AGAINST MR. KRABS' OFFICE DOOR AND DEMAND THAT HE LET THEM ALL IN SINCE THERE ARE NOW ONLY THREE MORE LEFT. SANDY PLEADS WITH SPONGEBOB TO COME WITH THEM, BUT SPONGEBOB, TRAUMATIZED BY HOW EVERYONE HAS FINALLY REVEALED THEIR TRUE HORRIBLE PERSONALITIES UNDER PRESSURE, RUNS WITH GARY OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. SANDY YELLS THAT SHE IS SORRY FOR DOING THIS TO MR. KRABS BUT THAT SURVIVAL IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING RIGHT NOW. OLD MAN JENKINS YELLS THAT HE IS TOO YOUNG TO BE EATEN ALIVE AND HAS AT LEAST ANOTHER YEAR TO LIVE. LARRY YELLS THAT CRABS ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR BROTHER LOBSTERS AND THAT THE TIME FOR NEGOTIATION IS OVER. THE KRABS FAMILY ARE NOW LOCKED INSIDE OF THE SMALL UNDERGROUND SHELTER, ALL HOLDING HANDS AND ALL LOOKING INTO EACH OTHER'S CRYING EYES. SUDDENLY, LARRY PICKS UP THREE TABLES AND BEGINS USING THEM TO BANG OPEN THE LOCKED OFFICE DOOR. PEARL PLEADS WITH EVERYONE TO STOP AND MR. KRABS HOLDS HIS FAMILY CLOSE. SANDY KARATE CHOPS THE DOOR AND OLD MAN JENKINS WHACKS IT WITH HIS CANE. LARRY YELLS THAT HE IS SAVING LIVES AS THE OFFICE DOOR BEGINS TO BREAK OPEN. LARRY TELLS MR. KRABS THAT ONCE HE ENTERS THE SHELTER HE'S GOING TO GIVE HIM ONE HUNDRED BIRTHDAY PUNCHES. SANDY FINALLY STOPS AND LOOKS AT WHAT SHE IS DOING. SHE CALLS EVERYONE MONSTERS AND SHOUTS SPONGEBOB'S NAME. SHE TELLS LARRY AND THE OLD FISH THAT IT DOES NOT MATTER IF THEY SURVIVE IF THEY DO NOT EVEN LOVE THE PEOPLE THEY ARE LEFT WITH. FEELING THE PANGS OF CONSCIENCE, SHE RUNS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT TO FIND SPONGEBOB. LARRY AND THE OLD FISH IGNORE HER PLEAS AND BOTH FINALLY BREAK OPEN THE DOOR. LARRY AND THE OLD FISH FLEX THEIR MUSCLES AS THEY PREPARE TO BREAK OPEN THE SHELTER. WITH ONE HIT OF HIS HUGE MUSCULAR CLAWS, LARRY BUSTS OPEN THE SHELTER DOOR. PEARL AND MRS. KRABS SCREAM AND BEG LARRY TO LEAVE MR. KRABS ALONE, BUT LARRY GRABS MR. KRABS OFF HIS FEET AND PINS HIM AGAINST THE OFFICE WALL. OLD MAN JENKINS ENTERS THE SHELTER AND TELLS PEARL AND MRS. KRABS TO MAKE ROOM FOR THEIR ELDER AND FOR HIS BODYGUARD LARRY. LARRY TELLS THE OLD MAN TO SHUT HIS DENTURES UP. LARRY TELLS MR. KRABS THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS SAVING LIVES AND THAT MR. KRABS BETRAYED HIS SERVICE OF THE COMMUNITY. MR. KRABS SPITS IN LARRY'S FACE AND TELLS HIM TO RUB THE SPIT OVER HIS FACE LIKE SUN LOTION TO PROTECT HIMSELF FROM RADIATION. LARRY PULLS HIS HUGE FIST BACK TO DELIVER A KNOCK-OUT BLOW, BUT THE SIRENS WAILING IN THE CITY AND MILITARY ARTILLERY FIRE AND BOMBING OUTSIDE THE CITY FINALLY STOP AS THE T.V. NEWS PROGRAM TURNS BACK ON. ALL THOSE PREVIOUSLY KNOCKED OUT FROM THE BRAWLS SLOWLY STAGGER TO THEIR FEET. EVERYONE LISTENS TO THE NEWS REPORTER PERCH PERKINS: "EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM, THIS HAS BEEN A FALSE ALARM, I REPEAT, THIS HAS BEEN A FALSE ALARM. THERE ARE ABSOLUTELY NO NEMATODES HERDS ATTACKING THIS CITY. I REPEAT, THERE IS NO NEMATODES INVASION AT ALL. PLEASE REMAIN SILENT AND CALM. PLEASE LISTEN TO MY SOOTHING VOICE…" GRINS BEGIN TO BREAK OUT ACROSS THE PEOPLE'S FACES IN THE KRUSTY KRAB AS THEY REALIZE THAT THEY WILL LIVE. LARRY STARTS LEAPING FOR JOY AND DROPS THE EXHAUSTED MR. KRABS. OLD MAN JENKINS DOES A VICTORY DANCE. EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT, EXCEPT THE KRABS FAMILY, CONTINUES TO CHEER. THE NEWS REPORTER CONTINUES: "HOWEVER, WE NEED EVERYONE TO GRAB THEIR PITCH FORKS, TORCHES, HUNTING GUNS, AND ROCKS, BECAUSE THIS HYSTERIA IS DUE TO NONE OTHER THAN SHELDON JAMES PLANKTON! APPARENTLY, THAT WORTHLESS LITTLE PARASITE INVITED HIS ENTIRE LITTLE PLANKTONS FROM HIS BIG EXTENDED HICK FAMILY FOR A GRAND FAMILY REUNION WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE ELSE. IT'S NOT A HERD OF NEMATODES, IT'S A HERD OF HARMLESS HILLBILLY PLANKTON. SO EVERYONE, AND I MEAN EVERYONE, WOMEN, CHILDREN, PETS, BABIES, MEN, AND EVEN THOSE SLOW OLD PEOPLE, MARCH DOWN TO THE CHUM BUCKET AND LET'S TEACH PLANKTON A LESSON HE'LL NEVER FORGET. I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU, BUT PLANKTONS SURE SOUND YUMMY, DON'T THEY FOLKS?!" EVERYONE IN THE KRUSTY KRAB EXCHANGES HUGS, APOLOGIZES FOR THE FIGHTS BUT AGREE THAT THEY ALL JUST NEEDED SOME SHELTER AT THE TIME, AND APOLOGIZES TO MR. KRABS FOR THE MESS. THEY ARE HAPPY EVERYTHING WILL GO BACK TO NORMAL AFTER THEIR CELEBRATION MEAL OF PLANKTONS AND ARE HAPPY THAT THEY WERE NOT DESTROYED BY NEMATODES, FROM WHICH THEY AGREE THAT KING NEPTUNE WILL ALWAYS PROTECT THEM. THE MOB FROM THE RESTAURANT AND THE ENTIRE CITY POPULATION, INCLUDING FURIOUS CITIZENS, COPS, AND SOLDIERS, ENCLOSE ON PLANKTON'S PIÑATA PARTY WITH HIS EXTENDED FAMILY AND HIS WIFE KAREN. MR. KRABS STUMBLES TOWARDS HIS BROKEN DESK AND WATCHES AS THE CHUM BUCKET BURNS IN FLAMES AND THE CITY MOB CHEERS. PEARL AND MRS. KRABS HOLD ONTO THE DISORIENTED MR. KRABS. THEY ASK HIM IF HE IS OKAY AND HE QUICKLY SAYS NO. THEN HE TELLS HIS FAMILY THAT THEY DID NOT NEED ANY NEMATODES TO DESTROY THE CITY SINCE THE CITY IS PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DESTROYING ITSELF. MR. KRABS SADLY TELLS HIS FAMILY IN THE NOW EMPTY, DEVASTATED RESTAURANT: "THIS WAS IT, THE KRUSTY KRAB WAS THE LAST HAVEN OF THE SEA, AND THEY SURE ATE IT UP EVEN MORE THAN ALL THE NEMATODES IN THE OCEAN COULD HAVE. I THOUGHT THOSE WERE DECENT PEOPLE, I THOUGHT THIS CITY COULD ALWAYS HANDLE THE WORSE JUST LIKE MY BUDDIES IN THE NAVY DURING THE WAR. BUT YOU NEVER KNOW PEOPLE UNTIL THEY TAKE OFF THEIR PRETTY MASKS TO REVEAL THE UGLINESS WITHIN. THERE ARE NO COWARDS IN MINEFIELDS, THAT'S WHAT MY NAVY BUDDIES ALWAYS SAID, AND NOW THOSE BRAVE MEN ARE DEAD. I TELL YOU THERE IS NO HOMELAND SECURITY WHEN YOUR NEIGHBORS WOULD EAT YOU ALIVE FASTER THAN A NEMATODE COULD JUST TO SAVE THEIR OWN FISHY SKINS. I THOUGHT I COULD KEEP THIS FAMILY SAFE IN ANY CITY, BUT I WAS DEAD WRONG. CIVIL WAR IS JUST AS LIKELY TO DROWN US ALL IN HATRED AS AN INVADING ARMY OR WILD BEASTS. BUT NOW I KNOW THE HARSH TRUTH. THERE ARE NO MORE SAFE SHELTERS IN THE SEA, AND THERE NEVER WERE ANY…"

**TOM SURFING: MR. EUGENE KRABS IS CORRECT THAT WHERE THERE IS HYSTERIA AND CIVIL WAR, THERE ARE NO SAFE SHELTERS BECAUSE EVERYONE IS CAPABLE OF HURTING THOSE THEY ONCE CLAIMED TO LOVE AND CALL FAMILY. SO LET'S JUST HOPE THAT YOUR TOWN CAN HANDLE THE PRESSURE BETTER AND HAS SOME EMERGENCY LIFE BOATS READY…FOR THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**16 EPISODE SIXTEEN: THE LITTLE EXPLORERS**

**TOM SURFING: THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY APPEAR TO BE. A CHANGE IN SIZE OR PERSPECTIVE AND EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO THE LITTLE OR BIG DETAILS OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS CAN SOMETIMES THROW LIGHT ON THE DARKEST WORLDS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IT IS NIGHT TIME OUTSIDE THE CLOSED "CRUSTY CRAB." "MR. CRABS," WEARING CLOTHING TYPICAL OF THE 1800s, SITS BY CANDLE LIGHT AND COUNTS COPPER COIN MONEY IN HIS OFFICE BY CANDLE LIGHT. FROM THE DARK DUST ROADS OUTSIDE, MR. CRABS CAN HEAR THE POUNDING OF SEAHORSE HOOVES AND THE NEIGHING OF SEAHORSES, THE ROLLING OF WOODEN WHEELS, AND THE SLAPPING SOUNDS OF WHIPS. HE TRIES TO FINISH HIS COUNTING, SO HE CAN GO HOME TO SLEEP FOR THE NIGHT. SUDDENLY, A LOUD BANG IS HEARD NEAR THE CEILING OF THE RESTAURANT AS IT SOUNDS AS IF A SMALL VESSEL CRASHES ONTO THE RESTAURANT'S ROOF. MR. CRABS STOPS COUNTING HIS MONEY TO INVESTIGATE. MR. CRABS CARRIES AN OLD-FASHIONED REVOLVER PISTOL THAT SHOOTS OUT FISH NETS. HE INVESTIGATES THE DARK, CANDLE LIT ROOMS OF THE RESTAURANT, BUT HEARS NOISES COMING FROM THE KITCHEN. HEARING SMALL FOOT STEPS FROM INSIDE A CABINET AND FEARING THAT VERMIN MIGHT BE IN THE CABINET, HE SWINGS IT OPEN WITH HIS GUN AIMED AND READY TO FIRE. HE CAN SEE NOTHING THERE, BUT A SMALL BUZZING SOUND, PAINFUL TO HIS EARS, CAUSES HIM TO DROP HIS GUN AND COVER HIS EARS IN PAIN. WITHOUT WARNING, A BRIGHT HOT BEAM OF LIGHT, WHICH REQUIRES NO FIRE TO STAY LIT, BLINDS HIS EYES. HE FALLS TO THE FLOOR TO SEE A TINY CREATURE, WEARING A STANDARD COPPER DIVING DRESS, INCLUDING A DIVING HELMET, A LONG HOSE ON THE HELMET LEADING BACK INTO THE CABINET AND UP INTO THE CEILING, A CANVAS DIVING SUIT, AND WEIGHTED BOOTS, SHINING A MYSTERIOUS WEAPON THAT FLASHES HOT AND BRIGHT LIGHT ONTO HIS BODY AND MAKES LOUD AND PAINFUL BUZZING SOUNDS. HE SCREAMS IN PAIN, CRAWLS AWAY FROM THE SLOWLY MOVING TINY CREATURE, AND SLAMS THE KITCHEN DOOR ON IT, CAUSING THE TINY CREATURE TO FALL OVER AND EMIT NO MORE NOISE. MR. CRABS BELIEVES THE TINY CREATURE TO BE HIS ENEMY "PLANKTONE" IN DISGUISE TRYING ONCE AGAIN TO STEAL HIS "CRABBY PATTY POTION." MR. CRABS RUNS TO HIS OFFICE ONLY TO REALIZE THAT HE LEFT HIS GUN BEHIND IN THE KITCHEN. HE SLOWLY OPENS THE KITCHEN DOOR TO FIND NO ONE IN THERE AND THE CABINET DOOR CLOSED. HIS GUN IS STILL ON THE FLOOR, AND HE PICKS IT UP. THE KITCHEN DOOR CLOSES BEHIND HIM. HE QUICKLY OPENS THE DOOR AND NEXT TO HIS FEET ARE TWO OF THE TINY CREATURES OF THE SAME HEIGHT AND WEARING THE SAME ATTIRE AND USING THE SAME FLASH LIGHT WEAPONS AGAINST HIM. HURT ONCE AGAIN BY THE FLASH LIGHT WEAPONS, BUT ANGRY AT THE MYSTERIOUS INVADERS, MR. CRABS KICKS BOTH OF THE TINY CREATURES AWAY WITH HIS FEET. HE SHOOTS SEVERAL FISH NET SHOTS FROM HIS PISTOL, BUT THE TINY CREATURES ARE PULLED HIGH TOWARDS THE DARK CEILING ABOVE BY THE HOSES CONNECTED TO THEIR HELMETS. MR. CRABS NERVOUSLY POINTS HIS GUN TOWARDS THE CEILING AS THE CANDLES LIT IN THE RESTAURANT GO OUT ONE BY ONE TO THROW THE RESTAURANT INTO COMPLETE DARKNESS. THOUGH HE IS UNSURE WHAT IS HAPPENING, MR. CRABS BELIEVES THAT PLANKTONE IS WORKING WITH OTHER MEMBERS OF HIS TINY SPECIES IN ODD DISGUISES TO FINALLY STEAL THE CRABBY PATTY POTION. MR. CRABS QUICKLY MOVES TO HIS OFFICE IN THE TOTAL DARKNESS. AS EXPECTED, ANOTHER THIRD TINY CREATURE IS SEARCHING THROUGH THE OFFICE NEAR THE WOODEN CHEST CONTAINING THE CRABBY PATTY POTION. PANICKING, MR. CRABS SHOOTS AT THE TINY CREATURE IN THE DARKNESS, BUT MISSES AS IT IS PULLED BY THE HOSE ON ITS HELMET TOWARDS THE CEILING AND AS IT ESCAPES WITH A COPPER COIN. MR. CRABS GRABS HIS WOODEN CHEST AND OPENS IT TO GET HIS CRABBY PATTY POTION. PUTTING THE POTION INTO HIS POCKET, HE PREPARES TO LEAVE HOME FOR THE NIGHT, BUT ALL THREE TINY CREATURES, LOWERING FROM THE CEILING VIA THE HOSES ON THEIR HELMETS SIMULTANEOUSLY ATTACK HIM WITH THEIR BUZZING FLASH LIGHT WEAPONS. MR. CRABS FALLS TO THE FLOOR DEFEATED AS THE THREE TINY CREATURES CONTINUE TO STEAL MORE AND MORE COPPER COINS ONE AT A TIME PER CREATURE. MR. CRABS WAKES UP TO SEE THE LAST TINY CREATURE ESCAPING VIA ITS RISING HELMET HOSE WITH ANOTHER COPPER COIN TOWARDS THE CEILING INTO A HOLE IN THE CEILING. MR. CRABS LIGHTS A CANDLE, GRABS A LADDER, AND CLIMBS UP THROUGH THE CEILING HOLE ONTO THE ROOF OF THE RESTAURANT. TO HIS AMAZEMENT, HE SEES THE THREE TINY CREATURES, WHOSE HOSES ON THEIR HELMETS ARE CONNECTED TO THEIR VESSEL, USING THE COPPER COINS TO FIX AND REPAIR THEIR SMALL DAMAGED COPPER VEHICLE WHICH LOOKS COMPLETELY FOREIGN TO HIM. MR. CRABS, DUE TO THE SHEER FOREIGN NATURE OF THE INVADERS, NOW BELIEVES THEM TO BE ALIEN MARTIANS FROM THE STARS ABOVE IN THE NIGHT SKY, NOT SEVERAL PLANKTONES IN ODD DISGUISES. AS THE INVADERS ENTER THEIR REPAIRED VESSEL TO ESCAPE, MR. CRABS THROWS HIS LIT CANDLE AT THE VESSEL, WHICH QUICKLY BEGINS TO IGNITE. BELIEVING HE DESTROYED THE ALIEN VESSEL, MR. CRABS TURNS AROUND TO ENTER HIS RESTAURANT, BUT THE MOVING VESSEL, STILL BEGINNING TO BURN, BUMPS HIM OFF THE ROOF, CAUSING THE FLAMES TO COMPLETELY SPREAD OFF THE VESSEL AND ONTO HIM AND CAUSING HIM TO FALL INTO A BUCKET OF WATER OUTSIDE THE RESTAURANT ON THE GROUND BELOW. THE WATER TAKES THE FLAMES OUT BUT THE FALL KNOCKS MR. CRABS UNCONSCIOUS. THE CRABBY PATTY POTION BOTTLE FLOATS UP TOWARDS THE SURFACE OF THE WATER BUCKET. THE UNKNOWN, SLIGHTLY CHARRED VESSEL SPEEDS OFF THE ROOF, HOVERS LOW TOWARDS THE DIRT STREETS, AND ZOOMS TOWARDS A NEARBY FORMING LITTLE WHIRLPOOL. HOWEVER, PLANKTONE, DRESSED AS A COWBOY BANDIT AND ARMED WITH A LONG BARREL GUN FULL OF CHUM, ACCIDENTALLY STEPS ON AND CRUSHES THE VESSEL, WHICH IS SMALLER EVEN THAN HE IS. PLANKTONE LOOKS AT THE MYSTERIOUS VESSEL THAT HE CRUSHED BUT HE CAN ONLY MAKE OUT THE PHRASE, "SANDY'S SUBMARINE." CONFUSED BY THE FOREIGN DESTROYED OBJECT BUT READY TO COMPLETE HIS MISSION, PLANKTONE SEES THE UNCONSCIOUS MR. CRABS IN THE WATER BUCKET, STEALS THE FLOATING CRABBY PATTY POTION FROM THE WATER BUCKET, SHOOTS THE DEFEATED MR. CRABS WITH CHUM SEVERAL TIMES IN THE FACE, AND RUNS BACK TO THE "WOODEN CHUM BUCKET." A WEAK, INJURED TINY CREATURE FROM THE CRUSHED SUBMARINE LIMPS OUT OF THE VESSEL. ON THE DARK DIRT STREET THE TINY CREATURE DANGEROUSLY CROSSES, THERE ARE SEAHORSE DRAWN CARRIAGES THAT ARE MUCH LARGER THAN THE CREATURE AS EVERYTHING ELSE IS. THE TINY CREATURE JUMPS INTO THE SMALL NEARBY WHIRLPOOL AND IS SUCKED INTO IT. THE TOWN THE TINY CREATURE LEAVES BEHIND HAS ITS CITY NAME ON A SIGN. THE TOWN IS CALLED "BIG BIKINI BUTT." VIA THE WHIRLPOOL, THE INJURED TINY CREATURE EXITS OUT THE OTHER END OF THE WHIRLPOOL INTO THE REGULAR BIKINI BOTTOM. THE INJURED CREATURE REACHES HER TREE DOME AND REMOVES HER DIVING HELMET TO REVEAL THE FACE OF SANDY CHEEKS WEARING ANOTHER AIR HELMET UNDERNEATH. AS PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB RUSH TO THE INJURED SANDY OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME, SHE WARNS THEM NOT TO ENTER THE INTERDIMENSIONAL WHIRLPOOL THAT HER SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENT CREATED. SHE CLAIMS HER SUBMARINE AND TWO ROBOT EXPLORER PARTNERS CRASH LANDED AND WERE DESTROYED IN AN UNKNOWN PARALLEL OCEAN WORLD WITH A PARALLEL BUT MORE PRIMITIVE DUPLICATE CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WHIRLPOOL. THE PRIMITIVE PARALLEL DUPLICATE CITY WAS AN ALTERNATE WORLD FULL OF GIANT PRIMITIVE PARALLEL VERSIONS OF EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM. WITH HER WEAK VOICE, SANDY SPEAKS OF THE HORRIBLE WORLD FULL OF "RIDICULOUS SPECIES OF BIG BUTTS." CONFUSED, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DRAG THE UNCONSCIOUS SANDY, WHO CARRIES A REGULAR FLASH LIGHT WITH A BUZZING ELECTRIC CHARGER ON IT, BACK TO HER TREE DOME. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BELIEVE THAT SEA EXPLORATION INTO THE UNKNOWN IS DANGEROUS EVEN IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE AND ADVENTURE SINCE YOU NEVER KNOW WHERE THE JOURNEY WILL TAKE YOU.

**TOM SURFING: ARE THERE SIMILAR ALTERNATE WORLDS PARALLEL TO OUR OWN IN WHICH THE ODDEST LITTLE OR BIG DETAILS ARE THE ONLY APPARENT DIFFERENCES? MAYBE WE JUST NEED AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL TO FIND OUT. BUT JUST BE PREPARED FOR THE SURPRISING SIZE RISKS OF ANY JOURNEY…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**17 EPISODE SEVENTEEN: YOU WANNA KNOW?**

**TOM SURFING: CURIOSITY KILLED THE CATFISH, SO YOU'D THINK SEA CREATURES WOULD STOP BEING SO CURIOUS ABOUT THE WORLD. BUT WONDERING ABOUT WHAT LIES BEYOND THE SEA, BEYOND THE WORLD, BEYOND THE STARS, EVEN BEYOND THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, IS VERY NATURAL, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE PUZZLE IS FINALLY CRACKED…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

A MYSTERIOUS PLAGUE OF FATAL INSANE HILARITY IS SPREADING IN BIKINI BOTTOM BY UNWANTED TELEPHONE CALLS. CITIZENS ACROSS THE CITY RECEIVE MYSTERIOUS TELEPHONE CALLS FROM STRANGERS OR NEIGHBORS, HEAR A SPECIFIC MESSAGE, AND THEN LAUGH SO MUCH THEY GO CRAZY, ALMOST DIE, AND ARE HOSPITALIZED FROM EXCESSIVE LAUGHTER. ALL THE CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM ARE ALERTED BY THE AUTHORITIES TO NEVER ANSWER THEIR TELEPHONES UNTIL THE PLAGUE ENDS. ONE DAY, PATRICK ANSWERS HIS NEW CELL PHONE, AND AN OLD WOMAN WHISPERS A MESSAGE TO HIM. PATRICK CANNOT HEAR HER AND ASKS HER TO SPEAK LOUDER. SHE PLAYFULLY TELLS HIM THE MESSAGE IS A SECRET. PATRICK CALMLY REALIZES THAT HE KNOWS THE OLD WOMAN AND TELLS HER THAT HE CAN KEEP A SECRET. SHE ASKS HIM, "ARE YOU SURE…YOU WANNA KNOW?" PATRICK SAYS, "I DON'T WANNA KNOW…I NEED TO KNOW." THE OLD WOMAN CLEARLY WHISPERS THE MESSAGE TO HIM CAUSING PATRICK TO SMILE WIDELY. AS THE MESSAGE IS FINALLY FULLY STATED, THE CALLER HANGS UP AND PATRICK STARTS LAUGHING UNCONTROLLABLY. PATRICK REALIZES THAT HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO STOP LAUGHING AND BEGINS TO STAGGER TO THE FLOOR. BEFORE HE PASSES OUT, HE DIALS "9-1-1." WHEN PATRICK BECOMES A VICTIM OF THE LAUGHING PLAGUE AND IS HOSPITALIZED, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY TRY TO DISCOVER WHAT THE PLAGUE'S EXACT CAUSE IS AND WHO OR WHAT IT ORIGINALLY COMES FROM. THEY KNOW IT SEEMS TO BE TRANSFERRED VIA PHONES AND SO THEY BELIEVE THAT THE PLAGUE IS CONTAGIOUS BY WORD OF MOUTH. WHEN THEY VISIT PATRICK IN THE HOSPITAL, PATRICK, WHO CAN BARELY SPEAK, WEAKLY LAUGHS AND WANTS THEM TO ANSWER HIS PHONE CALLS BECAUSE HE HAS TO TELL THEM THE MOST IMPORTANT AND THE FUNNIEST MESSAGE THEY HAVE EVER HEARD. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY BELIEVE PATRICK MAY BE TRYING TO SPREAD THE PLAGUE TO THEM, SO THEY QUICKLY LEAVE THE HOSPITAL AND INVESTIGATE PATRICK'S EMPTY HOME. AS SOON AS THEY ARRIVE, THE PHONE RINGS AND SPONGEBOB MISTAKENLY ANSWERS IT OUT OF HABIT. AN OLD WOMAN'S VOICE WHISPERS, "WELL…YOU WANNA KNOW?" THE SCARED SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY HANGS UP. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT HE RECOGNIZES THE VOICE AND THAT IT MAY BE THE VOICE OF MR. KRABS' MOTHER, MRS. KRABS, SO SPONGEBOB AND SANDY CAUTIOUSLY DECIDE TO VISIT HER AT HER ANCHOR HOME. SHE ACTS NORMAL AND POLITE AND OFFERS THEM SOME COOKIES AND MILK, WHICH THEY GRATEFULLY ACCEPT. MRS. KRABS MENTIONS THAT SHE VISITED SPONGEBOB'S GRANDMOTHER LAST WEEK AT SHADY SHOALS AND THAT GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS TOLD HER THE FUNNIEST STORY THAT SHE'S EVER HEARD. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY LOOK NERVOUS AS THE TELEPHONE RINGS. MRS. KRABS ASKS IF EITHER OF THEM CAN ANSWER IT, BUT THEY BOTH REMIND HER ABOUT THE PLAGUE. THE PHONE STOPS RINGING AND SHE SIMPLY SMILES AND SAYS SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. SHE SAYS THAT SHE DID BUY THEM BOTH GIFTS THOUGH. THEY ASK WHAT THE OCCASION IS, TO WHICH SHE REPLIES THAT SHE JUST WANTS THEM TO EXPAND THEIR SOCIAL LIVES. SHE SHOWS THEM TWO NEW CELL PHONES. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY LOOK NERVOUS AND UNCOMFORTABLE. SHE TELLS THEM THAT HER SON, MR. KRABS, HER GRANDDAUGHTER PEARL, AND EVEN SQUIDWARD HAVE FUN WITH THEIR NEW CELL PHONES; THEY HAVE SO MUCH FUN THAT IT HURTS. AS THEY SLOWLY GET UP TO LEAVE, SHE ASKS THEM IN A WHISPERED VOICE THAT MATCHES THAT OF THE PHONE CALL TO PATRICK'S HOME, "WHAT'S WRONG, SWEETHEARTS? DON'T YOU WANNA KNOW?" BOTH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY RUN OUT OF HER HOME AS SHE WILDLY LAUGHS AND DROPS THE COOKIE TRAY AND GLASSES OF MILK THAT CRASH ONTO THE FLOOR. THE TERRIFIED SPONGEBOB AND SANDY NOW KNOW THAT SPONGEBOB'S GRANDMOTHER HAD THE PLAGUE AND SPREAD IT TO MRS. KRABS, THOUGH THEY STILL DO NOT KNOW WHAT THE CONTAGIOUS AND DEADLY HILARIOUS MESSAGE IS AND DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT INSTEAD WANT TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THE PLAGUE TO STOP IT SPREADING FURTHER. THEY VISIT SPONGEBOB'S GRANDMOTHER AT THE SHADY SHOALS PSYCHIATRIC UNIT, BUT THE DOCTORS DO NOT LET THEM VISIT HER SINCE SHE INDEED HAS THE PLAGUE. FROM HER LOCKED ROOM IN THE CLINIC, SPONGEBOB'S GRANDMOTHER INSANELY LAUGHS AND YELLS AT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THEIR PHONES SO THEY CAN HEAR THE BEST JOKE OF ALL TIME. EMOTIONALLY UPSET, SPONGEBOB TURNS TO LEAVE BUT SANDY CONVINCES HIM TO STAY AND TALK TO THE DOCTORS. SANDY ASKS ONE OF THEM WHO THE PERSON SEEN LAST WITH SPONGEBOB'S GRANDMOTHER IS. THE DOCTORS RELUCTANTLY REPLY THAT IT WAS OLD MAN JENKINS, WHO LEFT THE RETIREMENT HOME TO SELL CELL PHONES AT DIFFERENT STREET CORNERS FOR YOUNG PEOPLE. HOPING TO FINALLY FIND AND ELIMINATE THE SOURCE OF THE PLAGUE, THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB AND SANDY LEAVE SHADY SHOALS AND RIDE AROUND THE CITY ON A DOUBLE-SEAT BICYCLE LOOKING FOR OLD MAN JENKINS. THEY FINALLY FIND HIM ON A STREET LIGHT CORNER SELLING CELL PHONES TO YOUNG FISH CHILDREN. HORRIFIED, THEY BOTH TACKLE OLD MAN JENKINS AND KIDNAP HIM BACK TO SANDY'S TREE DOME. THEY INTERROGATE THE NERVOUS OLD MAN JENKINS, WHO ADMITS HE SOLD SOME OF THE CELL PHONES TO MANY OF THE RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS. HOWEVER, OLD MAN JENKINS APPEARS TO NOT HAVE THE PLAGUE AND SAYS THAT HE ONLY SELLS THE CELL PHONES AS A FAVOR TO HIS FRIEND, AN OLD CATFISH NAMED "FISHY PUSS." OLD MAN JENKINS RELUCTANTLY TELLS THEM WHERE FISHY PUSS IS AND THEY LET HIM GO AND DESTROY HIS CELL PHONES. BELIEVING THE MYSTERIOUS FISHY PUSS TO BE THE POTENTIAL FIRST SOURCE OF THE PLAGUE, SPONGEBOB AND SANDY RUSH ON THEIR DOUBLE-SEAT BIKE TO AN ISOLATED ELECTRONICS STORE NEAR THE OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THE STORE IS CALLED "RADIO QUACK." THE OLD CATFISH OWNER OF THE RADIO QUACK IS MR. FISHY PUSS HIMSELF. AS THEY ENTER THE EMPTY STORE, HE WELCOMES THE TWO AND ASKS THEM IF THEY WOULD LIKE TO BUY SOME NEW CELL PHONES SINCE EVERYONE OWNS CELL PHONES NOWADAYS. THEY BOTH SAY NO AND BOTH IMMEDIATELY ACCUSE THE OLD CATFISH OF STARTING THE CITY'S LAUGHING PLAGUE. FISHY PUSS LOOKS PUZZLED AT THEM AND ASKS IF THEY WANT TO HEAR AN OLD LEGEND. BOTH DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE STORY, BUT FISHY PUSS, WALKING WITH A CANE, BEGINS TO SLOWLY WALK TOWARDS THEM. THEY BOTH BACK AWAY AND SANDY WARNS HIM TO KEEP HIS DISTANCE. FISHY PUSS IGNORES HER AND CONTINUES MOVING CLOSER CORNERING THEM TO THE STORE'S FRONT DOORS WHICH ARE ELECTRONICALLY LOCKED. THEY STRUGGLE TO OPEN THEM TO NO AVAIL. FISHY PUSS CALMLY TELLS THEM THAT HE IS A CAT FISH WELL ACCUSTOMED TO LONG DISTANCE TRAVELING AND LONG DISTANCE PHONE CALLS. HE CLAIMS TO HAVE RECENTLY RETURNED WITH GOOD NEWS FROM THE INDIAN OCEAN, WHERE HE MET A MYSTIC INDIAN DUCK WHO TOLD HIM A VERY FUNNY BUT TRUE STORY. THE STORY HAPPENS TO CONCERN EXACTLY WHAT LIES BEYOND THE OCEAN, WORLD, AND EVERYTHING IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE. THE INDIAN DUCK WARNED HIM THAT MOST SEA CREATURES ARE NOT READY FOR SUCH MYSTIC KNOWLEDGE, BUT THE OLD CATFISH FELT EVERYONE DESERVED TO KNOW THE ULTIMATE TRUTH ABOUT THE NATURE OF REALITY NO MATTER HOW FUNNY OR DEADLY THE KNOWLEDGE COULD BE AND HOW INSANE THE TRUTH COULD MAKE PEOPLE BECOME. STOPPING VERY CLOSE TO SPONGEBOB AND SANDY WHO NERVOUSLY GLARE AT HIM, FISHY PUSS CALMLY ASKS, "SO…YOU WANNA KNOW?" SPONGEBOB AND SANDY BOTH GET INTO DEFENSIVE KARATE STANCES. FISHY PUSS SMILES AND TELLS THEM THEY CANNOT STOP THE LAUGHING PLAGUE FOR THE TRUTH SHALL SET THEM ALL FREE. BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE IN THE CITY NOW OWN HIS BRAND OF RADIO QUACK CELL PHONES, HE IS ABOUT TO SPREAD A UNIVERSAL DEADLY CHAIN OF SPAM TEXT MESSAGES PREPROGRAMMED INTO THE CELL PHONES TO INSTANTLY AND SIMULTANEOUSLY TELL THE WHOLE CITY THE DISTURBING SECRET. FISHY PUSS SHOWS THEM HIS OWN SPECIAL CELL PHONE, SHAPED LIKE A DUCK, THAT WILL SEND THE MESSAGE. THEY ARE BOTH WORRIED AND SHOCKED, SO SPONGEBOB PANICS AND IMMEDIATELY ATTACKS THE OLD CATFISH, WHO PUTS HIS CELL PHONE BACK IN HIS POCKET AND MASTERFULLY WIELDS HIS CANE LIKE A MARTIAL ARTS WEAPON AND QUICKLY IMMOBILIZES SPONGEBOB WITH SEVERAL POWERFUL AND FAST BLOWS TO THE FACE. SANDY'S ANGER RISES AS FISHY PUSS INFORMS HER THAT HE HAS ALSO TRAVELED TO THE ORIENTAL WATERS AND KNOWS MANY FORMS OF MARTIAL ARTS. SANDY LEAPS FORWARD TO DELIVER A POWERFUL KICK TO HIS FACE, BUT FISHY PUSS STEPS BACK AND HIS CANE SPLITS IN HALF AND RELEASES A POWERFUL SLEEPING GAS THAT IMMEDIATELY KNOCKS SANDY OUT. AS SHE INHALES ALL THE GAS AND FALLS ASLEEP, FISHY PUSS ALSO TELLS HER THAT THE NINJA CARP FISH OF THE ASIAN WATERS LIKEWISE TAUGHT HIM MANY FORMS OF TRICKERY. FISHY PUSS GETS OUT HIS CELL PHONE AND HITS THE SEND BUTTON FOR TEXT MESSAGES, CAUSING HIS CELL PHONE TO QUACK WILDLY TO CONFIRM THAT THE MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT…SANDY AND SPONGEBOB WAKE UP TOGETHER AT NIGHT IN THE DARK EMPTY RADIO QUACK. THEY ARE STILL LOCKED INSIDE AND FISHY PUSS IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. THEY CAREFULLY MOVE THROUGHOUT THE STORE UNTIL THEY RUN INTO A POLICE FISH, CARRYING WALKIE-TALKIES AND FLASHLIGHTS. HE INFORMS THEM THAT HE HAS FINALLY TRACED THE SOURCE OF THE CITY'S LAUGHING PLAGUE TO THE STORE AND NEEDS TO KNOW IF THEY KNOW WHO OWNS IT. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY TELL HIM ABOUT THE MISSING FISHY PUSS. MORE POLICE FISH CARRYING WALKIE-TALKIES AND FLASHLIGHTS ARRIVE ON THE SCENE. THEY AGREE TO SPLIT UP INTO SEPARATE SQUADS TO SEARCH FOR FISHY PUSS WITH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY TOGETHER IN ONE SQUAD, AND THE POLICE GIVE THEM BOTH WALKIE-TALKIES TO MAINTAIN CONTACT. AS THEY SPLIT UP, THE POLICE FISH CAN HEAR STATIC AND FAINT LAUGHTER OVER THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES. SUDDENLY, THE POLICE FISH, SPONGEBOB, AND SANDY CLEARLY HEAR MORE POLICE FISH IN ANOTHER PART OF THE STORE YELL OVER THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES THAT THEY HAVE FOUND FISHY PUSS. ALL THE COPS, SPONGEBOB, AND SANDY ASK WHERE THE WANTED CATFISH IS. THE OTHERS FISH COPS ASK THEM IF THEY ARE SURE THAT THEY "WANNA KNOW." THEY ALL REPLY THAT OF COURSE THEY "WANNA KNOW." THE OTHER FISH COPS, CARRYING THE LAUGHING PLAGUE, WHISPER TO THEM THE SECRET MESSAGE VIA THE WALKIE–TALKIES:

"A WISE QUACKING INDIAN DUCK ONCE TOLD A CHINESE CARP THAT THE UNIVERSE RESTS ON THE SHELL OF A GIANT TURTLE, SWIMMING THROUGH AN INFINITE BLACK VOID. THE CHINESE CARP LAUGHED AND ASKED WHAT THE TURTLE WAS FLOATING ON. THE INDIAN DUCK TOLD THE CHINESE CARP THAT HE WAS VERY CLEVER, BUT IT'S GIANT TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN!"

AFTER HEARING THE MESSAGE, ALL THE FISH COPS, SANDY, AND SPONGEBOB PAUSE IN SILENCE IN DISBELIEF. THEY ALL STARE AT EACH OTHER AND BEGIN TO SLOWLY SMILE. INSIDE THE RADIO QUACK, THEY ALL LAUGH LIKE MADMEN…

**TOM SURFING: WELL, YOU HEARD IT FOR YOURSELF, SO I SUPPOSE YOU'RE NOW MAD. NO, NOT INSANE, JUST MAD THAT IT'S NOT THE REAL SOLUTION TO THE MYSTERY. LET'S ALL JUST HOPE THAT THE REAL SOLUTIONS TO THE GREAT METAPHYSICAL QUESTIONS AREN'T SO FUNNY OR DISTURBING. BUT YOU CAN KEEP SEARCHING FOR THE REAL ANSWERS IF YOU DARE, BECAUSE EVERYONE LIKES SPREADING SILLY MYTHS…THROUGHOUT THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**18 EPISODE EIGHTEEN: DEADLY POOL GAME**

**TOM SURFING: WISE CHINAMEN SAY THAT EVERY YIN HAS A YANG. WISE DOCTORS SAY THAT FOR EVERY DEATH THERE IS A BIRTH SOMEWHERE IN THE WORLD. AND WISE POOL PLAYERS KNOW IT'S DANGEROUS TO PLAY THEIR GAME DURING THE NIGHT, BECAUSE THEY JUST MIGHT HAVE AN UNWELCOME VISITOR…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

IT IS NIGHT TIME. THE KRUSTY KRAB IS CLOSED, BUT IT IS A FRIDAY, SO SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS DECIDE TO PLAY A GAME OF EIGHT-BALL POOL WITH SOLID COLOR AND STRIPED BALLS. MR. KRABS BOUGHT A POOL TABLE FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB TO ENTERTAIN CUSTOMERS AND TO EARN A PERCENTAGE OF THE BETS MADE ON GAMES. THE POOL TABLE IS A SPECIAL POOL TABLE, WHICH INSTEAD OF HAVING A TABLE SURFACE, HAS A MINIATURE SWIMMING POOL, DRAINAGE HOLES ALONG THE EDGES OF THE TABLE INSTEAD OF SOCKETS, AND PLASTIC RELATIVELY LIGHT WEIGHT BALLS FLOATING IN THE WATER. AS THE THREE PLAYERS HOLD AN INTENSE GAME, WITH THE OLD AND EXPERIENCED POOL PLAYER, MR. KRABS, WINNING, AN UNKNOWN THIN STRANGER WEARING BLACK CLOTHING SOMEHOW OPENS THE LOCKED DOOR AND IGNORES THE SIGN THAT OBVIOUSLY STATES THE RESTAURANT IS CLOSED. THE THIN STRANGER HAS AN OLD SOUNDING MALE VOICE AND WEARS A BLACK SWIMSUIT AND A BLACK HOODED SWEAT SHIRT COVERING HIS FACE. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY TELLS THE STRANGER THAT THE RESTAURANT IS CLOSED AND THAT HE SHOULD LEAVE. THE STRANGER ASKS IF HE CAN PLAY THE POOL GAME. SQUIDWARD SAYS THEY ARE ALREADY IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAME AND SAYS THAT HE IS NOT WELCOME TO PLAY. MR. KRABS ASKS THE STRANGER IF HE IS WILLING TO PAY MONEY TO ENTER THE GAME, BUT THE STRANGER SAYS THAT HE HAS BROUGHT SOMETHING FOR ALL OF THEM THAT IS BETTER THAN MONEY. INTRIGUED, MR. KRABS ASKS HIM WHAT THE GIFT IS. THE STRANGER SAYS THAT HE IS GOING TO ALLOW TWO OF THEM TO LIVE TONIGHT. MR. KRABS, PICKING UP HIS POOL STICK AS A WEAPON, DEMANDS THAT THE CREEP LEAVE, BUT THE STRANGER PULLS OUT A WEAPON OF HIS OWN, WHICH IS A SCYTHE. ALL THREE PLAYERS FEARFULLY BACK AWAY FROM THE POOL TABLE AND FROM THE APPROACHING STRANGER, BUT THE STRANGER SIMPLY USES THE END OF HIS SCYTHE AS A POOL STICK TO DISRUPT THEIR GAME AND SKILLFULLY HIT ALL OF THE BALLS INTO THE HOLES WITH ONE HIT OF THE WHITE BALL TO END THE GAME. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS STARE IN SHOCK AND ALL HUG EACH OTHER IN FEAR. SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY TELLS THE STRANGER TO REMOVE HIS HOOD TO REVEAL HIMSELF. THE STRANGER SAYS THAT EVERYONE EVENTUALLY RELUCTANTLY MEETS HIM AND THAT EVERYONE ALREADY KNOWS HIS NAME, THOUGH THEY SPEAK IT IN WHISPERS. REMOVING HIS HOOD, THE STRANGER REVEALS THAT HE IS A LIVING MALE SHARK SKELETON AND A LARGE FEROCIOUS SHARK SKULL IS UNDER THE HOOD. HE IS THE GRIM REAPER. HE IS DEATH. THE OTHERS IMMEDIATELY SCREAM AND RUN TO THE RESTAURANT'S FRONT DOOR, BUT IT IS LOCKED. MR. KRABS QUICKLY USES HIS KEY, BUT THE DOOR WILL NOT OPEN, SINCE DEATH HAS USED HIS SUPERNATURAL POWERS TO KEEP IT LOCKED. DEATH WALKS TOWARDS THEM, CAUSING THEM TO RELUCTANTLY FLEE AND CROUCH UNDER THE POOL TABLE. DEATH SAYS THAT THE TIME HAS COME FOR HIM TO TAKE ONE OF THEM TONIGHT AND THAT, WITH HIM AS REFEREE, THE THREE OF THEM MUST PLAY A DEADLY GAME OF POOL TO DECIDE WHICH TWO WILL LIVE AND WHICH ONE WILL DIE. DEATH SAYS THAT IF ANY OF THEM REFUSES TO PLAY THE GAME, ALL THREE OF THEM WILL AUTOMATICALLY DIE. DEATH INFORMS THEM THAT THEY MUST PLAY THE GAME WITH HIS MAGIC EIGHT BALL FULL OF FORTUNES. HE INFORMS THEM THAT THE FORTUNES WILL DETERMINE THE OUTCOMES OF EACH TURN OF THE GAME. HE ALSO INFORMS THEM THAT NO ONE WILL WIN THE GAME BY LEGALLY POCKETING THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL IN A HOLE, DUE TO THE HIGH RANDOM CHANCE INVOLVED IN THE GAME, BEFORE SOMEONE ACCIDENTALLY LOSES THE GAME BY ILLEGALLY POCKETING THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL INTO ONE OF THE HOLES. THE LOSER WHO KNOCKS THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL INTO A HOLE IS THE ONE THAT DEATH WILL TAKE. EVERY PERSON PLEADS WITH DEATH NOT TO TAKE HIM. DEATH SARCASTICALLY ASKS WHY EACH ONE OF THEM SHOULD BE SPARED. MR. KRABS SAYS THAT HE IS A VALUABLE MEMBER OF THE COMMUNITY, SO HIS DEATH WOULD CAUSE THE UNNECESSARY STARVATION OF OTHERS. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT HE IS THE CITY'S BEST ARTIST, SO HIS DEATH WOULD DESTROY THE ARTISTIC CULTURE OF THE CITY. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT HE IS THE MOST JOYFUL PERSON IN THE CITY, SO HIS DEATH WOULD BRING UNNECESSARY SORROW TO THE CITY. DEATH, HOLDING BACK LAUGHTER AND GENTLY RUBBING THE BLADE OF HIS SCYTHE WITH HIS BONE FINS, ASKS EACH OF THEM TO NAME A REPLACEMENT FOR HIMSELF. SQUIDWARD PLEADS FOR DEATH TO TAKE MR. KRABS SINCE HE IS THE OLDEST AND GREEDIEST OF THE GROUP. THE ANGRY MR. KRABS PLEADS FOR DEATH TO TAKE SQUIDWARD SINCE HE HAS NEVER ACCOMPLISHED ANYTHING OF VALUE IN HIS LIFE. SPONGEBOB PLEADS FOR DEATH TO SPARE ALL THREE OF THEM AND TO INSTEAD TAKE PLANKTON SINCE HE IS THE MOST EVIL PERSON IN THE CITY. DEATH LAUGHS AND DENIES ALL OF THEIR PLEAS. DEATH INFORMS THEM THAT THE PROCESS OF DEATH IS NOT DETERMINED AT ALL BY GOOD OR EVIL OR SUCCESS OR LACK OF SUCCESS IN LIFE. DEATH HIMSELF RANDOMLY PULLS THREE NAME PAPER SLIPS OUT OF A VERY LARGE HAT WHICH CONTAINS THE NAMES OF ALL CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM AS THREE POTENTIAL CANDIDATES TO DIE. TWO OF THE CANDIDATES ARE SPARED. DEATH DROPS SLIPS OF PAPER TO THE FLOOR WHICH BEAR THE NAMES OF "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS," "SQUIDWARD TENTACLES," AND "EUGENE KRABS." THE METHOD USED TO DETERMINE WHO DIES IS HIS DEADLY GAME OF POOL, WHICH DIFFERS FROM NORMAL EIGHT-BALL POOL IN SEVERAL WAYS, THE MOST IMPORTANT OF WHICH IS THAT THE PLAYERS MUST REPLACE A REGULAR EIGHT BALL WITH HIS MAGIC EIGHT BALL FULL OF FORTUNES THAT SUPERNATURALLY AFFECT GAMEPLAY. THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL'S RANDOM CHANCE OUTCOMES ULTIMATELY DETERMINE THE FATE OF THE GAME AND WHO THE LOSER AND DEAD MAN IS. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS PROTEST THAT THE SELECTION PROCESS FOR DEATH IS NOT FAIR, BUT DEATH ASKS THEM WHO TOLD THEM THAT THE WORLD WAS FAIR AND THAT, ON THE CONTRARY, RANDOM CHANCE IS THE FAIREST STANDARD IN THE SEA SINCE PROBABILITY IS BIASED TO NO ONE. THEY ASK DEATH WHOM HE IS WORKING FOR. DEATH REPLIES THAT HE HAS NO HIGHER AUTHORITY AND THAT HE INSTEAD WORKS IN AN ETERNAL BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP WITH "LIFE," WHO IS ALSO KNOWN AS "MOTHER NATURE," JUST AS HE IS KNOWN AS BOTH "DEATH" AND THE "GRIM REAPER." DEATH CALLS LIFE THE "YIN" TO HIS "YANG" AND SAYS THAT HE "RAKES UP AUTUMN LEAVES" WHILE SHE "PLANTS AND NURTURES SPRING FLOWERS." DEATH CLAIMS HE APPEARS ONLY TO THOSE THREE CANDIDATES OF THE DEADLY POOL GAME, THOUGH EVERYONE EVENTUALLY IS SLAIN BY HIM, AND CLAIMS HE ALWAYS PUTS A ROTTEN ROSE ON THE DEAD PERSON'S CASKET AT HIS OR HER FUNERAL. DEATH DESCRIBES LIFE AS A BEAUTIFUL FEMALE RAINBOW FISH, WHOSE MAGICAL SCALES BRIGHTLY SHINE THE COLORS OF THE RAINBOW AND WHO APPEARS TO ALL NEWBORNS ON THE DAY OF THEIR BIRTH. DEATH SAYS HE TAKES SOULS, WHICH ARE CONSCIOUS PACKETS OF POTENTIAL ENERGY, TO REST FROM MOTION IN THE IMMATERIAL UNDERWORLD FOR TEMPORARY DREAMLESS UNCONSCIOUS SLEEP. IN THE UNDERWORLD, SOULS ARE NOT CONSCIOUS OF THEIR OWN IMMOBILE EXISTENCE, FEEL NOTHING, ARE WITHOUT PHYSICAL BODIES, AND ARE IN TEMPORARY STATES OF OBLIVION. ON THE OTHER HAND, DEATH SAYS THAT LIFE WELCOMES SOULS TO THE PHYSICAL WORLD FOR TEMPORARY VERY ACTIVE PHYSICAL AND DREAM LIVES FULL OF BOTH PLEASURES AND PAINS IN PHYSICAL AND SUBTLE BODIES TO FULFILL THE SOUL'S LATENT DESIRES TO MOVE AS MUCH AS THEY CAN DUE TO THEIR PREVIOUS HIBERNATION IN THE UNDERWORLD. EVENTUALLY, ALL SOULS IN THE UNDERWORLD ARE CHOSEN BY DEATH TO PERIODICALLY RETURN TO AND REINCARNATE IN THE WORLD TO LIVE AND DIE AGAIN IN WHAT DEATH CALLS "THE ROULETTE WHEEL OF LIFE AND DEATH," ON WHICH SOULS FOREVER CYCLE BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH, REMINDING DEATH OF A GIANT GAME OF ROULETTE WITH ITS LARGE WHEEL AND SPINNING BALLS. DEATH SAYS THAT THE ONLY THINGS HE LOVES ARE DEADLY GAMES FULL OF CHANCE, CLAIMING HIS FAVORITE IS THE "DEADLY POOL GAME," THOUGH "RUSSIAN HARPOON GUN ROULETTE" IS HIS SECOND FAVORITE SUPERNATURAL GAME. BOTH INTRIGUED AND HORRIFIED BY THE AFTERLIFE, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS SILENTLY PONDER THE MYSTICAL COSMOLOGY. DEATH INTERRUPTS THEIR SILENCE BY GROWLING VERY LOUDLY AND TELLING THEM THAT HE IS NOW VERY HUNGRY, CAUSING THEM TO ALL NERVOUSLY SHAKE. DEATH TELLS THEM THAT IT IS NOW TIME FOR HIM TO EXPLAIN THE RULES OF THE DEADLY POOL GAME. DEATH SHOWS THEM HIS MAGIC EIGHT BALL. HE SHAKES IT TO REVEAL ITS FOUR FORTUNES INSIDE: "CHANCES ARE GOOD," "CHANCES ARE BAD," "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN," AND "SKIP HER." DEATH EXPLAINS THAT BEFORE EACH TURN, THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL REVEALS A FORTUNE TO THE PLAYER WHOSE TURN IT IS. DEATH THEN EXPLAINS HOW EACH FORTUNE AFFECTS THE GAME: "CHANCES ARE GOOD" AUTOMATICALLY ENABLES THE PLAYER TO HIT ONE BALL, WHICH IS THE COLOR THAT THE PLAYER HAS CHOSEN, INTO A HOLE BUT PREVENTS ALL THE OTHER BALLS FROM ENTERING HOLES, LIMITING EACH PLAYER TO A MAXIMUM SCORE OF ONE BALL PER HIT OF THE WHITE BALL; "CHANCES ARE BAD" AUTOMATICALLY CAUSES THE PLAYER TO FAIL TO HIT ANY BALL INTO ANY HOLE BUT INSTEAD CAUSES THE PLAYER TO HIT THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL, MOST OFTEN INTO THE EDGES OF THE TABLE, TO INCREASE THE PLAYER'S CHANCES OF LOSING THE GAME BY ILLEGALLY POCKETING THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL; "SKIP HER" CAUSES THE PLAYER'S TURN TO BE SKIPPED REGARDLESS OF THE GENDER OF THE PLAYER; AND FINALLY "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN" ENABLES THE PLAYER TO PLAY TO HIS FULL POTENTIAL WITHOUT ANY SUPERNATURAL INTERFERENCE TO ALLOW THE PLAYER TO DETERMINE HIS OWN FATE. DEATH INFORMS THEM THAT THE DEADLY POOL GAME IS USUALLY VERY SHORT AND THAT THE LOSER ALWAYS SCREAMS AND CRIES AS DEATH DRAGS THEM AWAY TO THE UNDERWORLD. DEATH ORDERS THEM TO STAND UP, HUG EACH OTHER ONE LAST TIME, AND GRAB THEIR POOL STICKS AS THE BALLS AUTOMATICALLY MAGICALLY ASSUME THEIR PRE-GAME TRIANGULAR SETUP ON THE POOL TABLE. THE CRYING SPONGEBOB AND THE FROWNING MR. KRABS EMBRACE. SPONGEBOB TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE IS THE BEST BOSS ANYONE COULD EVER ASK FOR AND THAT HE IS A RICH MAN IN BOTH WEALTH AND CHARACTER. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS THE BEST FRY COOK THAT ANYONE COULD EVER ORDER FROM AND THAT HIS BOUNDLESS JOY WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN IN BIKINI BOTTOM. MR. KRABS GIVES SPONGEBOB HIS OLD NAVY HANDKERCHIEF AND TELLS HIM THAT HE HAS EARNED IT AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN A TRUE SAILOR FOREVER LOYAL TO HIS CAPTAIN. SPONGEBOB SMILES AND WIPES HIS TEARS AS SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY APPROACHES HIM. AFTER SOME HESITATION, SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD EMBRACE. SQUIDWARD TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT IF HE HAD TO LIVE HIS LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN, HE WOULD NOT CHANGE ANYTHING AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE HAS ALWAYS BEEN HIS FAVORITE NEIGHBOR. SQUIDWARD EXPLAINS THAT SPONGEBOB IS THE "YIN" TO HIS "YANG" AND THAT HE HOPES THEY WILL MEET AGAIN ONE DAY FOR MORE ADVENTURES FULL OF BOTH THE GOOD AND THE BAD TIMES BECAUSE THOUGH SPONGEBOB PUT SQUIDWARD THROUGH MUCH PAIN SPONGEBOB ALWAYS MADE SQUIDWARD FEEL TRULY ALIVE. SPONGEBOB IS SPEECHLESS AND SIMPLY KISSES SQUIDWARD'S BIG NOSE, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO SLAP HIM ACROSS THE FACE. BOTH SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB APOLOGIZE. MR. KRABS, WEAKLY SMILING, APPROACHES SQUIDWARD. FINALLY, SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS EMBRACE. MR. KRABS TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT NO MATTER HOW BAD AN EMPLOYEE HE WAS THAT HIS ART WILL LIVE ON FOREVER. SQUIDWARD TELLS MR. KRABS THAT NO MATTER HOW BAD A BOSS HE WAS THAT GREED WILL NEVER DIE. BOTH SMILE, NOD, AND SHAKE HANDS. SPONGEBOB OFFERS TO GIVE DEATH A HUG TO WARM UP HIS COLD HEART, BUT DEATH GROWLS AND REMINDS SPONGEBOB THAT HE LITERALLY HAS NO HEART. AS THE PLAYERS GRAB AND PREPARE THEIR POOL STICKS, DEATH TELLS THEM THAT HE WILL CHOOSE THE PLAYING ORDER BEFORE THE GAME AND THAT HE WILL BREAK TO START THE GAME WITHOUT HITTING ANY BALLS IN ANY HOLES. THE PLAYING ORDER WILL BE MOST HANDSOME TO UGLIEST. DEATH TELLS THEM THE ORDER: MR. KRABS, SPONGEBOB, AND FINALLY SQUIDWARD. DEATH SAYS THAT BECAUSE MR. KRABS IS SUCH A TIGER SHARK WITH THE OLD LADIES, HE WILL HIT BALLS WITH STRIPES. DEATH SAYS THAT BECAUSE SPONGEBOB'S BLUE EYES ARE SO FULL OF COLOR, HE WILL HIT SOLID BALLS FULL OF COLOR AND WITHOUT STRIPES. DEATH SAYS THAT BECAUSE SQUIDWARD IS SO PALE, HE WILL ALTERNATE BETWEEN BOTH COLORS SINCE HE REALLY HAS NO FACIAL COLOR OF HIS OWN. DEATH BLOWS A WHISTLE FOR THEM TO SIGNIFY THE START OF THE GAME. DEATH HIMSELF USES THE END OF HIS SCYTHE TO HIT THE WHITE BALL TO BREAK THE TRIANGULAR SETUP, THOUGH NONE OF THE BALLS ENTER ANY HOLES. MR. KRABS GETS READY FOR HIS TURN AS HE READS HIS FORTUNE ON THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL. DEATH ALWAYS STANDS VERY CLOSE WITH HIS SCYTHE NEXT TO THE FACE OF THE PLAYER WHOSE TURN IT IS TO INTIMIDATE THE PLAYER. THE GAME PROCEEDS AS EXPECTED WITH THE OUTCOMES OF THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL CONSTANTLY DETERMINING HOW WELL OR BADLY THE PLAYERS PERFORM. MR. KRABS CONSTANTLY GETS THE FORTUNE, "CHANCES ARE GOOD," ENABLING HIM TO SCORE ONE BALL EACH HIT OF THE WHITE BALL UNTIL HE GETS A "SKIP HER" FORTUNE TO END HIS TURN WITH FOUR STRIPED BALLS POCKETED. SPONGEBOB LIKEWISE GETS THE FORTUNE, "SKIP HER," SO HE DOES NOT GET A TURN. SQUIDWARD GETS THE FORTUNE, "CHANCES ARE BAD," CAUSING HIM TO HIT THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL, THOUGH THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL BARELY MISSES LANDING IN A HOLE. MR. KRABS ONCE AGAIN GETS THE "SKIP HER" FORTUNE, AS SPONGEBOB GETS THE "CHANCES ARE GOOD" FORTUNE. AFTER SPONGEBOB HAS POCKETED TWO COLORED BALLS, HE FINALLY GETS THE "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN" FORTUNE AND DOES NOT HIT ANY BALLS IN ANY POCKETS DUE TO HIS SUDDEN NEED TO TRY WITHOUT SUPERNATURAL HELP. SQUIDWARD ONCE AGAIN BARELY SURVIVES THE "CHANCES ARE BAD" FORTUNE. ANNOYED THAT THE GAME HAS LASTED THIS LONG, DEATH USES THE END OF HIS SCYTHE TO PERIODICALLY POKE THE ACTIVE PLAYERS' BUTTS RIGHT BEFORE THEY HIT THE WHITE BALL, THOUGH HE CLAIMS THE POKING TO BE ACCIDENTAL. MR. KRABS SUDDENLY CONTINUES HIS PREVIOUS GOOD LUCK STREAK WITH THE "CHANCES ARE GOOD" FORTUNE, BUT BEFORE HE CAN EARN THE LAST STRIPED BALL HE NEEDS BEFORE HE CAN LEGALLY HIT THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL INTO A HOLE, HIS LUCK ENDS AGAIN WITH THE "SKIP HER" FORTUNE. SPONGEBOB FINALLY GETS THE "CHANCES ARE BAD" FORTUNE, BUT THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL IS PREVENTED FROM ENTERING ANY HOLES BY OTHER BALLS BLOCKING HOLES. SQUIDWARD GETS THE "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN" FORTUNE, BUT HE FAILS TO HIT ANY BALL INTO ANY HOLE SINCE HE IS A HORRIBLE POOL PLAYER. MR. KRABS GETS THE "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN" FORTUNE AND GETS READY TO HIT HIS LAST STRIPED BALL INTO A HOLE TO PREPARE FOR HIS CHANCE TO POTENTIALLY LEGALLY HIT THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL INTO A HOLE DEPENDING ON HIS NEXT FORTUNE. BEFORE HE CAN HIT THE LAST STRIPED BALL HE NEEDS, DEATH STARTS FLIPPING A COIN, DISTRACTING MR. KRABS WHO GLEEFULLY LOOKS UP TOWARDS DEATH AT THE SOUND OF THE FLIPPING MONEY AS HE HITS THE WHITE BALL, CAUSING HIM TO MISS HIS SHOT. MR. KRABS COMPLAINS ABOUT THE INTERFERENCE, BUT DEATH SIMPLY TOSSES THE COIN TO HIM, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO HOLD IT AND CRY. THE COIN HAS A HUMAN SKULL ON ONE SIDE AND A VULTURE ON THE OTHER SIDE. SPONGEBOB ONCE AGAIN GETS THE "CHANCES ARE BAD" FORTUNE BUT ONCE AGAIN BARELY SURVIVES. SQUIDWARD FINALLY GETS THE "CHANCES ARE GOOD" FORTUNE, BUT HE HITS THE BALL IN A HOLE SO HARD THAT THE WHITE BALL BOUNCES UP AND HITS HIS FACE, GIVING HIM A LARGE BUMP ON HIS BIG NOSE AS THE WHITE BALL SPLASHES BACK INTO THE WATER POOL TABLE. SQUIDWARD THEN GETS THE "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN" FORTUNE BUT HIS NOSE INJURY AND LACK OF SKILL PREVENT HIM FROM POCKETING ANY BALLS. AS DEATH MENTIONS THAT THE END IS NEAR AND BEGINS TO GLEEFULLY POLISH HIS SCYTHE, THE FINAL ROUND OF GAMEPLAY BEGINS. MR. KRABS GETS ANOTHER "SKIP HER" FORTUNE, BUT COMFORTS HIS BAD LUCK BY FLIPPING HIS NEW COIN. SPONGEBOB GETS THE "CHANCES ARE UNKNOWN" FORTUNE. DEATH BREATHES HIS ROTTEN BREATH HEAVILY ONTO SPONGEBOB, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO BECOME REALLY NERVOUS AND TO START STARING AT THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL, WHICH HIS EYES PREVIOUSLY AVOIDED. SPONGEBOB IS IN A TRANCE-LIKE STATE AS HE STARES AT THE OMINOUS MAGIC EIGHT BALL. WHEN HIS HESITATION TO HIT THE WHITE BALL TAKES TOO LONG, DEATH TELLS HIM THAT SPONGEBOB WILL BE PLAYING WITH HIS OWN FLOATING DISEMBODIED EYES AS POOL BALLS IF HE DOES NOT TAKE HIS TURN NOW. NERVOUS AND ANGRY, SPONGEBOB HALLUCINATES THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL AS THE SHARK SKULL OF DEATH AND SEES THE SHARK SKULL EAT SMALL HALLUCINATIONS OF SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS. HORRIFIED BY THE VISION, SPONGEBOB, NOW DESIRING TO SACRIFICE HIS LIFE FOR HIS LIFELONG FRIENDS SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS, HITS THE WHITE BALL AS HARD AS HE CAN TO ILLEGALLY POCKET THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL TO LOSE THE GAME. SPONGEBOB HITS THE WHITE BALL VERY HARD WITH ALL HIS STRENGTH, CAUSING THE WHITE BALL'S KINETIC ENERGY TO PASS TO AND TO ACTUALLY SHATTER THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL. SHOCKED, DEATH DROPS HIS SCYTHE AND THERE IS A MOMENT OF AWKWARD SILENCE AMONG EVERYONE. DEATH PICKS UP THE BROKEN MAGIC EIGHT BALL AND THROWS IT INTO SPONGEBOB'S CONFUSED FACE. DEATH BLOWS HIS WHISTLE AND REMARKS THAT THE GAME IS OVER AND IS OFFICIALLY AN UNFINISHED AND ABORTED GAME. DEATH SAYS THAT THOUGH THE OUTCOME RARELY HAPPENS, SOMETIMES PLAYERS ACCIDENTALLY BREAK THE MAGIC EIGHT BALL, INADVERTENTLY FORCING DEATH BY CUSTOM TO END THE GAME. DEATH REMARKS THAT SPONGEBOB IS A VERY LUCKY BOY AND DEATH GENTLY RUBS HIS SCYTHE ONTO SPONGEBOB'S FACE TO CLEAN IT, LEAVING SLIGHT SCARS ON SPONGEBOB'S FACE. DEATH FINALLY EXCLAIMS THAT HE WILL SPARE ALL THREE CANDIDATES, CAUSING SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS TO JOYOUSLY THANK HIM, LITERALLY LEAP FOR JOY, AND SHARE A GROUP HUG. DEATH TELLS MR. KRABS TO KEEP HIS COIN SINCE MR. KRABS IS SO DEAD INSIDE ALREADY. DEATH TELLS SQUIDWARD TO NEVER PLAY POOL AGAIN SINCE SQUIDWARD IS SUCH A BAD PLAYER AND TO START PAINTING PICTURES OF DEATH HIMSELF IN HIS ART TO MAKE HIS ART BETTER. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS AGREE TO NEVER PLAY POOL AGAIN. SPONGEBOB TELLS DEATH THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW LIVES AND DIES TOGETHER. DEATH TELLS THEM ALL TO VISIT THE CEMETERY MORE OFTEN TO REMIND THEM HOW PRECIOUS LIFE IS. DEATH TURNS TO DEPART AND SAYS THAT SOME GROUPS GET LUCKY AT THE DEADLY POOL GAME, THOUGH MOST DO NOT. HE ENDS THEIR CELEBRATION WHEN HE TELLS THEM THAT SOMEONE MUST STILL DIE TONIGHT THOUGH, SO HE IS DEPARTING BACK TO THE UNDERWORLD TO RETRIEVE ANOTHER MAGIC EIGHT BALL. THEY ALL LOOK VERY WORRIED AND PLEAD FOR HIM TO HAVE MERCY, BUT DEATH SAYS THAT HE NEEDS TO PREVENT OVERPOPULATION IN THE SEA AND HE ALWAYS LIKES TO STAY ON SCHEDULE EVEN WITH THE OCCASIONAL ABORTED DEADLY POOL GAMES. AS DEATH OPENS THE FRONT DOOR OF THE KRUSTY KRAB, HE CASUALLY REMARKS THAT HIS CUSTOM IS TO HAVE THE SUBSTITUTES OF ABORTED GAMES TO BE PEOPLE WHOM ALL THE PREVIOUS PLAYERS KNOW AND DEARLY LOVE. SHOCKED, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS DEMAND THAT DEATH TELL THEM WHO THE NEXT PLAYERS OF THE NEXT DEADLY POOL GAME OF THE NIGHT ARE. AS THE DOOR OF THE RESTAURANT CLOSES BEHIND DEATH, DEATH TELLS THEM HE IS GOING TO CRASH THE SENIOR NIGHT POOL PARTY AT SHADY SHOALS AND TELLS THEM TO LOOK AT THE SLIPS OF PAPER ON THE FLOOR THAT ONCE BORE THEIR NAMES. AS DEATH DISAPPEARS LAUGHING DOWN THE DARK ROAD OUTSIDE, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS NERVOUSLY LOOK DOWN AT THE SLIPS OF PAPER ON THE FLOOR. THE SLIPS NOW READ: "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS' GRANDMOTHER," "MR. KRABS' MOTHER," AND "SQUIDWARD TENTACLES' CLARINET AND OLD MAN JENKINS." SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS SCREAM IN HORROR. SQUIDWARD REALIZES THAT HE LENT HIS FAVORITE CLARINET TO OLD MAN JENKINS, WHO USED TO BE A PROFESSIONAL CLARINET PLAYER AND WHO GAVE SQUIDWARD HIS FIRST CLARINET MUSIC LESSONS, AND THAT HIS FAVORITE CLARINET WILL BE FOREVER DESTROYED IF HIS OLD MENTOR OLD MAN JENKINS DIES. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS RUSH TO THE FRONT DOOR OF THE RESTAURANT, BUT IT IS STILL MAGICALLY LOCKED AND CANNOT BE OPENED BY MR. KRABS' KEYS. A HEX PREVENTS THEM FROM BREAKING THE DOOR UNTIL THE DEADLY POOL GAME AT SHADY SHOALS IS FINISHED, AND THEY USELESSLY POUND AGAINST THE DOOR FOR THE WHOLE NIGHT. WHEN THE MORNING SUN RISES IN THE SKY, THE FRONT DOOR OPENS BY ITSELF AND THE EXHAUSTED KRUSTY KRAB CREW SLOWLY EXITS THE RESTAURANT. DEATH HAS INDEED COLLECTED AN ELDERLY SUBSTITUTE VICTIM.

**TOM SURFING: THE GAME OF LIFE IS DANGEROUS, AND NO ONE EVER KNOWS WHAT THE NIGHT WILL BRING. HOWEVER, OUR LOVED ONES MAKE LIFE WORTH LIVING, AND SOMETIMES LUCK IS ON OUR SIDE. BUT BOTH DEATH AND LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE IN THE WORLD, AND THE ONLY COMFORT IN THE FACE OF DEATH WE HAVE COMES FROM THOSE WHOSE LOVE FOR THEIR DECEASED FRIENDS AND RELATIVES CONTINUES THOUGH THEY ARE LONG GONE. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU SEE SOMEONE PLAYING A GAME OF POOL OR PLAYING WITH A MAGIC EIGHT BALL, JUST TREASURE HOW ALIVE AND JOYFUL THE PLAYERS ARE, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT DEATH WILL REAP IN THE FIELDS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**19 EPISODE NINETEEN: ALIEN ABDUCTION TO AN EMPTY KINGDOM**

**TOM SURFING: CHRISTMAS IS A TIME OF GIFTS, JOY, AND EGGNOG PARTIES. BUT SOMETIMES LATE NIGHT PARTY GOERS NEVER MAKE IT BACK HOME. SOMETIMES THEIR INTOXICATION ON TOO MUCH EGGNOG ENABLES ALIENS FROM THE SKY TO EASILY CAPTURE THEM AND TAKE THEM TO UNKNOWN DESTINATIONS…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WAKE UP FROM SLEEPING TO FIND THEMSELVES IN AN UNKNOWN MEDIEVAL CASTLE AT NIGHT. THEY DO NOT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND DO NOT KNOW HOW THEY GOT THERE. THEY ONLY REMEMBER WALKING HOME TOGETHER AT NIGHT DRUNK ON EGGNOG AFTER A CHRISTMAS EVE EGGNOG PARTY AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. THEIR LAST MEMORIES INVOLVE LARGE SHADOWS AND METALLIC CRAFTS HOVERING OVER THEM BEFORE THEY LOST CONSCIOUSNESS. AS THEY ROAM THE DARK GOTHIC CASTLE, THEY BOTH DISCUSS HOW THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ALIENS IN FLYING SAUCERS ON THEIR WAY HOME. THEY BOTH REGRET DRINKING SO MUCH EGGNOG AND WALKING HOME SO LATE AT NIGHT. DURING THE CHRISTMAS PARTY, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WERE GIVEN GIFTS BY SANDY. THE GIFTS WERE COMIC BOOKS ABOUT LITTLE GREEN ALIEN MARTIANS IN FLYING SAUCERS ARMED WITH HEAT RAYS ATTACKING THE OCEANS OF EARTH TO HARVEST ITS SEA CREATURES AS FOOD. THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY MAY BE IN SUCH A SITUATION, THOUGH THEY ARE PUZZLED BY THE UNKNOWN SEA CITY THEY ARE IN DUE TO ITS LACK OF ADVANCED ALIEN TECHNOLOGY AND ITS RESEMBLANCE TO A MEDIEVAL SEA KINGDOM. THOUGH THEY ARE HUNGRY AND SCARED TO BE ALONE, THE CASTLE IS EMPTY OF FOOD AND PEOPLE. THEY HEAR INAUDIBLE WHISPERS IN THE DISTANCE. THEY ARE TOO SCARED TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THE VOICE. AS THEY EXIT THE CASTLE, THEY SEE THE DARK NIGHT SKY ABOVE AND WHAT APPEAR TO BE TWO MOONS IN THE DISTANCE, SEEMINGLY ASSURING THEM THAT THEY ARE ON AN ALIEN PLANET. AS THEY WALK ACROSS THE EMPTY KINGDOM'S STONE ROADS, THEY QUICKLY SEE A FLYING SHADOW FLY QUICKLY ABOVE THEM, BUT IT IS GONE BEFORE THEY CAN CLEARLY DISCERN WHAT IT WAS. THEY REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO MODERN TECHNOLOGY IN THE GHOST TOWN KINGDOM, NO FOOD, AND NO SIGNS OF REGULAR SEA CREATURE LIFE. THE GROUND IS COMPLETELY COVERED IN ROCKS. THEY BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE IN SOME BIZARRE ALIEN ZOO AND THAT THEY ARE BEING WATCHED. THE WHISPERING VOICE GROWS LOUDER AND IT APPEARS TO BE THE VOICE OF A LITTLE BOY, POSSIBLY AN ALIEN CHILD STALKING THEM OR A FELLOW ABDUCTEE WHO NEEDS HELP. HOPING TO FIND ANOTHER PERSON AND BELIEVING THE LITTLE BOY MAY BE A FELLOW ABDUCTEE IN DANGER, THEY CALL OUT TO THE BOY TO MEET THEM, THOUGH THEY DO NOT KNOW WHERE THE BOY IS. AFTER A MOMENT OF SILENCE, THEY HEAR THE LITTLE BOY'S VOICE PLAYFULLY PERIODICALLY REPEAT, "WHEN I FIND AND CATCH YOU, I'M GOING TO EAT YOU!" SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SCREAM AND RUN FROM THE VOICE INTO A NEARBY GOTHIC CATHEDRAL WITH GARGOYLES ON TOP OF IT. AS THEY HIDE INSIDE THE CHURCH, THEY DISCUSS THAT THE ALIENS MAY HAVE TIME TRAVELED AND DESERTED THEM IN THE MEDIEVAL ERA OF AN UNKNOWN SEA KINGDOM. THEY BELIEVE THE BOY'S LITTLE VOICE MAY BE THAT OF A YOUNG, FLYING, MAGICAL, AND HUNGRY SEA DRAGON TRYING TO FIND AND EAT THEM. THEY REALIZE THAT THEIR SITUATION HAS JUST GOTTEN INFINITELY WORSE. AS THEY HIDE IN THE CHURCH PEWS AND DESPERATELY PLEAD FOR KING NEPTUNE TO SAVE THEM, THEY HEAR SUDDEN MOVEMENTS AND SEE SHADOWS APPROACHING FROM THE HIGHER LEVELS OF THE DARK CHURCH. THE CHURCH BELLS LOUDLY RING, AND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK REALIZE TO THEIR HORROR THAT THE SHADOWS ARE APPROACHING GARGOYLES. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HIDE UNDER THE PEWS AS THEY SLOWLY CRAWL TOWARDS THE EXIT OF THE CHURCH. THE GARGOYLES MOVE ROBOTICALLY AND SEEM TO ACTUALLY BE ANIMATRONIC. THE GARGOYLES MAKE GROWLING SOUNDS, FLAP THEIR WINGS, AND SLOWLY FLIP OVER THE CHURCH PEWS ONE BY ONE, CAUSING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO CRAWL FASTER TO ESCAPE. AS THEY REACH THE FRONT DOOR WITH THE GARGOYLES RIGHT BEHIND THEM, THE GARGOYLES SUDDENLY FREEZE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LOOK AT THE ROBOTIC-LOOKING FACES OF THE GARGOYLES, BUT THE GARGOYLES ONLY SMILE AND SLOWLY ROBOTICALLY FLY AWAY AS IF PULLED ON CRANES FROM THE CEILING BACK TO THE UPPER LEVELS OF THE CHURCH. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK JUMP OUT OF THE CHURCH AND DISCUSS WHAT IS HAPPENING. THEY BELIEVE THAT INSTEAD OF ALIENS, MAYBE THEY HAVE BEEN ABDUCTED BY ROBOTS WHO HAVE BROUGHT THEM TO A PLANET FULL OF ONLY ANDROIDS AND MODELED ON THE PAST ERAS OF EARTH'S OCEANS BASED ON PAST SURVEILLANCE BY THE ROBOTS OF EARTH. THEY ARE UNSURE IF THE ROBOTS HAVE A CREATOR AND BELIEVE THAT THE LITTLE BOY MAY BE THEIR MAD SCIENTIST CREATOR, WHO IS INSANELY INTELLIGENT BUT WHO HAS AN IMMATURE BODY AND VOICE DESPITE PRESUMABLY BEING AN ADULT. THEY ENTER A NEARBY BLACK SMITH'S STORE AND PROCURE TWO SWORDS, WHICH SEEM TO BE MADE OF PLASTIC. AS THEY LOOK UP INTO THE SKY, THE TWO MOONS SUDDENLY DISAPPEAR. BOTH SCREAM UPON SEEING THE APOCALYPTIC VISION, BUT THEY SUDDENLY HEAR THE BOY'S VOICE AND THREAT AGAIN, CAUSING THEM TO RUN INTO A NEARBY VILLAGE OF WOODEN HUTS. THEY CAN HEAR THE CHOPPING OF SEA HORSE TAILS RUNNING IN THE DISTANCE. THEY FOLLOW THE SOUNDS AS THE VOICE SEEMS TO GROW NEARER, SHADOWS APPEAR AND VANISH ABOVE THEM IN THE NIGHT SKY, AND THEY DEPART THE WOODEN VILLAGE WHICH IS FULL ONLY OF WOODEN CHESTS FULL OF FAKE PLASTIC PEARLS AS TREASURE. AS THEY FINALLY REACH THE SEAHORSES, THEY REALIZE THAT AN EMPTY CARRIAGE IS RIDING AWAY WITH NO DRIVER AND NO SEAHORSES PULLING IT. THEY HOP INTO THE CARRIAGE AND SEE A RADIO INSIDE PLAYING A RECORDING OF SEAHORSE VOICES. THEY SEE A MAP INSIDE THE CARRIAGE AND THE MAP PROMISES TO TAKE THEM TO A NEW HEAVILY POPULATED SEA KINGDOM VIA AN AUTOMATIC ROUTE. RELIEVED THAT THEY ARE LEAVING THE CREEPY ROBOTIC MEDIEVAL GHOST TOWN BEHIND, THEY HOLD EACH OTHER CLOSE AS THE CARRIAGE DEPARTS. THEY BOTH AGREE TO NEVER DRINK EGGNOG AGAIN AND TO NEVER DEPART HOME AT NIGHT WITHOUT A PERSON WHO IS NOT DRUNK AS AN ESCORT. HOWEVER, THE CARRIAGE TAKES A LONG TIME AND THE SETTING OUTSIDE IT APPEARS TO NOT CHANGE. THE CARRIAGE FINALLY STOPS. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK EXIT AND SEE THAT THE CARRIAGE HAS ONLY BEEN MAKING SMALL CIRCLES IN THE STONY ROADS BELOW IT AND THAT THEY HAVE NOT EVEN LEFT THE NEARBY VICINITY OF THE WOODEN VILLAGE. THEY START CRYING AND YELLING FOR THE MONSTER THAT BROUGHT THEM TO THIS EVIL WORLD TO REVEAL HIMSELF. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BELIEVE THAT IT IS PLANKTON AND KAREN, WITH THEIR VAST SCIENTIFIC EXPERTISE, WHO HAVE CREATED THIS SEA KINGDOM FULL OF ROBOTS AS A FALSE AMUSEMENT PARK PRISON AND TORTURE DEVICE. SPONGEBOB TELLS PLANKTON TO STOP IMITATING THE VOICE OF THE LITTLE BOY AND TO END THE PRANK BECAUSE HE IS BEING A TRUE GRINCH ON CHRISTMAS DAY. PATRICK CLINGS AND HUGS SPONGEBOB WAITING FOR THE UNSEEN PLANKTON TO RESPOND. HOWEVER, THE UNSEEN LITTLE BOY'S VOICE REPLIES THAT HE HAS NEVER HEARD OF A "PLANKTON," LAUGHS, AND REPEATEDLY CHANTS HIS THREAT, CAUSING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO ABANDON THEIR THEORY AND TREMBLE IN FEAR. SUDDENLY, THE TWO SEE A LARGE SHADOW OVER THEMSELVES AND REALIZE THAT IT IS A GIANT ROBOTIC-LOOKING KILLER WHALE. THE KILLER WHALE BEGINS CHASING THEM AS THEY SCREAM AND RUN AWAY IN HORROR. THE KILLER WHALE KNOCKS OVER EVERYTHING IN ITS WAY, AND PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB ARE TOO SLOW TO OUTRUN IT. AFTER THEY BOTH TRIP, THE KILLER WHALE ROBOT, WITH THE VOICE OF THE LITTLE BOY, TELLS THEM, "NOW THAT I'VE FOUND AND CAUGHT YOU, I HAVE TO EAT YOU!" BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK START CRYING AND HUG EACH OTHER HELPLESSLY ON THE GROUND, AS THE KILLER WHALE ROBOT MERCILESSLY OPENS ITS LARGE JAWS AND SWALLOWS THEM WHOLE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DISCOVER THAT THE INSIDE OF THE KILLER WHALE IS LIKEWISE ROBOTIC-LOOKING. AFTER BUMPING AROUND IN ITS ROBOTIC-LOOKING INSIDES, THE KILLER WHALE SPITS THEM OUT AND THEY CRASH DOWN TO THE ROCKY FLOOR BELOW. THE KILLER WHALE, WITH THE LITTLE BOY'S VOICE, KEEPS LAUGHING OVER THEM AND DEPARTS INTO THE DARK SKY CLAIMING THAT HE CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THEIR NEXT GAME, BUT THAT NOW HE HAS TO EAT AN EVEN BIGGER DINNER. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SEE AN EVEN LARGER SHADOW ABOVE THE KILLER WHALE IN THE DARK SKY. THE SHADOW IS SO HUGE THAT THEIR EYES WIDEN AND THEY ARE PARALYZED WITH FEAR. NIGHT SUDDENLY TURNS INTO DAY, REVEALING A LARGE HUMAN GIANT BOY SMILING DOWN ON THEM. THE GIANT ROBOTIC-LOOKING KILLER WHALE IS ACTUALLY A PLASTIC KILLER WHALE PUPPET TOY WITH A STICK AND HANDLE AT THE END OF IT THAT THE LITTLE BOY USES TO PLAYFULLY CAPTURE HIS NEW PETS TO SCARE THEM BEFORE RELEASING THEM. THUS, THE VOICE THEY HEARD WAS THE VOICE OF THE HUMAN BOY, WHO IS A GIANT COMPARED TO THEM AND WHO WAS WATCHING THEM FROM THE DARK FISH TANK OPENING, WHICH THEY BELIEVED WAS THE NIGHT SKY. THE BOY HAD BEEN PLAYING A SCARY GAME OF HIDE-AND-SEEK WITH HIS NEW PETS. THEY ARE ACTUALLY INSIDE OF A FISH TANK OF A HUMAN FAMILY IN A HUMAN HOME ON LAND ABOVE THE SEA. THE FISH TANK IS INSIDE THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM AND THE ROOM'S LIGHTS WERE OFF, THOUGH THE TWO MOONS THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SAW WERE GLOW-IN-THE-DARK MODEL PLANETS HANGING FROM THE CEILING OF THE ROOM. THE KINGDOM THEY ARE IN IS SIMPLY A FAKE MEDIEVAL SEA KINGDOM BUILT AS THE FISH TANK'S ARTIFICIAL ENVIRONMENT. THE LITTLE BOY DROPS SOME LARGE PIECES OF FISH FOOD INTO THE TANK, BUT THE PIECES ARE SO BIG THAT THEY ALMOST CRUSH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WHO HELPLESSLY CRAWL AND RUN BACK TO THE CASTLE AWAY FROM THE HUMAN BOY. IN THE DISTANCE, THE BOY'S MOTHER CALLS THE BOY TO COME EAT HIS DINNER AND TO STOP SCARING HIS NEW CHRISTMAS GIFTS BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT TOYS AND HAVE FEELINGS. THE MOTHER REMINDS THE BOY THAT HIS FATHER WILL BE BACK SOON FROM HIS FISHING TRIP AND WILL GIVE THE BOY A NEW CRAB AND SQUID (MEANING SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS) AS PETS IF HE EATS ALL OF HIS DINNER VEGETABLES. THE BOY LAUGHS, POKES THE FISH TANK TO CAUSE THE WHOLE TANK TO VIBRATE TO CAUSE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO FALL TO THE GROUND, AND RUNS OFF TO HIS DINNER IN THE KITCHEN. THE BOY YELLS TO ASK HIS MOTHER IF SQUID AND CRAB TASTE BETTER THAN VEGETABLES TO WHICH SHE REPLIES THAT EVERYONE LOVES SEAFOOD. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, REALIZING THEY ARE NOW THE PETS OF ALIENS BUT THAT THE "ALIENS" ARE ACTUALLY HUMANS FROM ABOVE THE SEA, FINALLY BEGIN TO FAINT FROM EXHAUSTION. THUS, THE SHADOWS AND METALLIC CRAFTS THEY FIRST ENCOUNTERED DURING THEIR ABDUCTION IN BIKINI BOTTOM WERE ACTUALLY FISHERMEN'S FLOATING BAIT ON METAL HOOKS THAT THE TWO OF THEM WERE CAUGHT ON. THEY ARE ACTUALLY INSIDE A FISH TANK INSIDE A HUMAN HOME ON LAND ABOVE THE SEA AND WERE CAUGHT BY A HUMAN MALE FISHER AS A GIFT TO HIS LITTLE HUMAN SON FOR CHRISTMAS DAY. AS THE PRISONER PETS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS, THEY BOTH LOUDLY PLEAD FOR SANTA CLAUS TO SAVE THEM.

**TOM SURFING: NEVER DRINK TOO MUCH EGGNOG AND WALK HOME WITHOUT AN ESCORT ON CHRISTMAS EVE UNLESS YOU WANT TO BECOME SOMEONE ELSE'S PET HOLIDAY GIFT. THE SEA IS A DANGEROUS PLACE AND ITS PREDATORS ARE NOT LIMITED TO THE SEA ITSELF. FRIENDS ARE ONLY GOOD IF THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE AND SOMETIMES BAD LUCK AND FOOLISH MISTAKES HAVE SEVERE CONSEQUENCES…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**20 EPISODE TWENTY: TWO DOUBLES**

**TOM SURFING: SOMETIMES WHEN WE LOOK IN THE MIRROR WE THINK OUR REFLECTION DOES NOT MATCH OUR ACTIONS, THOUGH WE ASSUME THE EXPERIENCE TO BE AN ILLUSION. WHEN WE LOOK AT OUR MIRROR REFLECTION, IT IS INTERESTING TO PONDER HOW MUCH OUR REFLECTION RELIES ON US AS IT MIMICS OUR EVERY MOVEMENT AND DOES NOT SEEM TO EXIST WHEN WE DISAPPEAR FROM THE MIRROR. BUT SOMETIMES OUR REFLECTION GETS TIRED OF BEING THE DOUBLE, THE COPY, THE MIME. SOMETIMES IT EVEN WANTS TO EXPERIENCE THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MIRROR TO BE THE MASTER. AND SOMETIMES OUR DOUBLE COMES TO OUR WORLD DIRECTLY…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

THE NUDE CHUBBY PATRICK SHOWERS IN HIS BATHROOM AT HIS HOME IN THE MORNING AS HE PREPARES FOR HIS DAY, IN WHICH HE AND SPONGEBOB WILL GO TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK AND THEN GO TO THE REGULAR RECREATIONAL PARK SWIMMING POOL. PATRICK SINGS IN THE SHOWER BUT IS INTERRUPTED BY A TAPPING NOISE. PATRICK EXITS HIS BATH TUB AND TURNS OFF THE SHOWER AS THE TAPPING NOISE CONTINUES AND SEEMS TO BE COMING FROM THE INSIDE OF HIS MIRROR, WHICH IS COVERED IN CONDENSED STEAM. PATRICK BEGINS TO WIPE AWAY THE CONDENSED STEAM AND THE TAPPING NOISE INTENSIFIES. AFTER PATRICK CLEANS THE MIRROR, THE TAPPING NOISE ENDS. PATRICK LOOKS AT THE MIRROR TO SEE IF ANYTHING IS INSIDE IT THAT CAUSED THE TAPPING, BUT HE ONLY SEES HIS OWN REFLECTION. HE ASKS HIS REFLECTION IF IT WAS MAKING THE TAPPING NOISE AND HIS REFLECTION WINKS AT HIM EVEN THOUGH PATRICK HIMSELF DID NOT WINK. PATRICK RUBS HIS EYES TO MAKE SURE HE IS SEEING CORRECTLY. AFTER A MOMENT OF STARING AT THE MIRROR AGAIN WITH NOTHING ODD HAPPENING, PATRICK ASSUMES HE IMAGINED THE WINK AND GOES TO HIS BEDROOM TO GET DRESSED FOR THE DAY. AS HE PUTS ON HIS UNDERWEAR, PATRICK HEARS HIS KITCHEN FAUCET DRIPPING, THOUGH HE DID NOT TURN IT ON. PATRICK SHUTS OFF THE FAUCET AND SEES HIS REFLECTION IN THE POOL OF WATER. HIS WATERY REFLECTION STICKS ITS TONGUE OUT AT PATRICK THOUGH PATRICK DID NOT MOVE HIS MOUTH. PATRICK SPLASHES HIS HAND AGAINST THE WATERS IN SHOCK AND CONTINUES TO STARE AT THE REFLECTION BUT NOTHING ODD OCCURS AGAIN SO HE ASSUMES HE IS JUST DROWSY TODAY. AS HE PUTS ON HIS SWIMMING SHORTS, THE TAPPING NOISE CONTINUES. PATRICK ENTERS THE BATHROOM TO LOOK AT HIS MIRROR AGAIN AND SCREAMS WHEN HE UNEXPECTEDLY SEES SPONGEBOB'S REFLECTION BEHIND HIS OWN. HE TURNS AROUND AND SPONGEBOB IS IN HIS HOME READY FOR THE DAY. SPONGEBOB APOLOGIZES FOR SCARING PATRICK AND SAYS HE IS SIMPLY REALLY GOOD AT SNEAKING UP ON PEOPLE LIKE A CREEPER. PATRICK ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE HAS EVER SEEN HIS REFLECTION DO SOMETHING THAT HE DID NOT DO. SPONGEBOB SAYS NO BUT THAT IF YOU STARE TOO LONG AT YOUR REFLECTION YOU CAN HALLUCINATE YOUR REFLECTION MOVING IN WAYS THAT DO NOT MATCH YOUR OWN MOVEMENTS. SPONGEBOB ADMITS THAT HE IS NOT AFRAID OF HIS OWN REFLECTION, BUT THAT HE WAS ALWAYS AFRAID OF HIS OWN SHADOW AS A CHILD BECAUSE OF HOW DARK IT LOOKED EVEN ON THE SUNNIEST DAYS. PATRICK ADMITS HE IS AFRAID OF HIS OWN REFLECTION AND TELLS SPONGEBOB ABOUT THE INCIDENTS OF THE MORNING AND SPONGEBOB ASSURES PATRICK THAT HE IS PROBABLY JUST STILL SLEEPY. PATRICK AGREES, THE TWO PROMISE TO PROTECT EACH OTHER FROM THEIR IRRATIONAL FEARS, AND THE TWO HOLD HANDS AND SKIP DOWN TO THE BUS STOP. THEY TAKE THE PUBLIC BUS TO THE AMUSEMENT PARK, THOUGH PATRICK AVOIDS LOOKING AT HIS REFLECTION IN THE WINDOWS OF THE BUS. WHEN THEY ARRIVE AT THE AMUSEMENT PARK CALLED "WIMPY LAND," BOTH RIDE MANY ROLLER COASTERS AND SPONGEBOB SAYS THEY SHOULD GO THROUGH THE HALL OF MIRRORS FUN HOUSE. PATRICK IS NERVOUS TO GO INTO THE FUN HOUSE, BUT SPONGEBOB ASSURES HIM THAT HE IS JUST BEING SUPERSTITIOUS ABOUT HIS REFLECTIONS. AS THEY MEET THE TICKET FISH TO THE FUNHOUSE, THE TICKET FISH ASKS THEM WHAT THEY KNOW ABOUT THE MIRROR WORLD. CONFUSED, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TELL HIM THEY NO NOTHING OF IT. THE TICKET FISH WARNS THEM THAT SOMETIMES THE DARKER PART OF A PERSON'S PERSONALITY SPLITS FROM THE GOOD SIDE OF THE PERSON'S PERSONALITY AND THEN MANIFESTS ITSELF AS HIS MIRROR REFLECTION. AS THE GOOD AND DARK SIDE OF THE PERSONALITIES BECOME SPLIT IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD AND IN THE MIRROR WORLD, THE DARK SIDE GETS TRAPPED INSIDE THE MIRROR WORLD WHERE IT IS A SLAVE TO THE GOOD SIDE IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD. EVENTUALLY GETTING TIRED OF ITS SLAVERY, THE DARK SIDE FEEDS OFF THE PERSON'S FEARS OF MIRRORS UNTIL IT IS STRONG ENOUGH TO ENTER THE PHYSICAL WORLD TO REPLACE THE PHYSICAL PERSON AND TRAP THE PHYSICAL PERSON INTO THE MIRROR WORLD. BOTH ARE SCARED OF THE STORY AND DO NOT WANT TO ENTER THE FUNHOUSE BUT THE LARGE LINE OF PEOPLE BEHIND THEM PUSH THEM INTO THE FUNHOUSE AS EVERYONE ENTERS THE HALL OF MIRRORS MAZE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE SEPARATED BY THE LARGE CROWD. THOUGH HE IS SCARED, PATRICK IS AMUSED BY AND LAUGHS AT HOW FUNNY THE MIRRORS MAKE HIM LOOK. ANOTHER PERSON BY PATRICK HAS HIS REFLECTION DISTORTED IN A DIFFERENT WAY THAN PATRICK'S REFLECTION IS DISTORTED EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE LOOKING INTO THE SAME MIRROR, WHICH SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE. PATRICK'S REFLECTION STARTS SMILING AT HIM EVEN THOUGH PATRICK HIMSELF IS NOT SMILING. PATRICK REALIZES THAT HIS REFLECTION IS MANIPULATING ITSELF TO SCARE HIM. PATRICK RUNS AWAY BUT EVERYWHERE HE LOOKS, HIS REFLECTION MAKES THE SAME SHAPE AND EVIL SMILE IT MADE IN THE PREVIOUS MIRROR. THE IDENTICAL REFLECTIONS ALL YELL AND DEMAND THAT PANICKING PATRICK LAUGH LIKE HE DID BEFORE SINCE HE FINDS THEM ALL TO BE SO FUNNY. PATRICK BEGINS TO GET DIZZY FROM THE STRESS AS HE SEES HIS REFLECTIONS ANGRILY POUND HARD AGAINST THE MIRRORS TO TRY TO ESCAPE. PATRICK BEGINS WILDLY HITTING AND BREAKING THE MIRRORS ALL AROUND HIM TO PREVENT HIS DOUBLE FROM ENTERING THE PHYSICAL WORLD. SPONGEBOB, HEARING THE BREAKING OF THE MIRRORS, FINDS PATRICK, WHO HAS BROKEN MOST OF THE MIRRORS. SPONGEBOB RESTRAINS PATRICK FROM CAUSING MORE DAMAGE. SUDDENLY, THE TICKET FISH ENTERS THE HALL OF MIRRORS AND DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON. PATRICK TELLS THE TICKET FISH THAT HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT PATRICK'S REFLECTION, HIS DOUBLE FROM THE MIRROR WORLD, TRYING TO ENTER THE PHYSICAL WORLD TO REPLACE HIM. THE TICKET FISH SCOLDS PATRICK AND EXPLAINS THAT THE FUNHOUSE USES COMPUTER HOLOGRAMS AND VOICE RECORDINGS BASED ON EACH PERSON VISITING IT TO PRODUCE THE SCARY ILLUSION OF THE FUNHOUSE PRODUCING EVIL DOUBLES. THE TICKET FISH SAYS THAT HE INVENTED THE STORY ABOUT DOUBLES BASED ON THE MYTHS OF DOPPELGANGERS AND THE FUNHOUSE IS A HORROR FUN HOUSE. THE TICKET FISH SCOLDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FOR NOT READING THE ENTRANCE SIGN ABOUT THE FUNHOUSE. RELIEVED THAT HIS DOUBLE DOES NOT EXIST, PATRICK HUGS BOTH SPONGEBOB AND THE TICKET FISH, BUT THE ANGRY TICKET FISH PICKS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK UP AND THROWS THEM INTO THE LAST INTACT MIRROR, WHICH THEY BREAK THROUGH TO EXIT THE FUNHOUSE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK CHEER THEMSELVES UP BY EATING AND SHARING A DOUBLE ICE CREAM SUNDAE AT THE ICE CREAM SHOP IN THE AMUSEMENT PARK. THEY THEN DECIDE TO LEAVE THE AMUSEMENT PARK. THEY TAKE THE BUS TO THE REGULAR PARK TO SWIM IN ITS SWIMMING POOL. AFTER SEEING THAT HIS OWN REFLECTION AND SPONGEBOB'S REFLECTION ARE NORMAL IN ALL OF THE BATHROOM MIRRORS IN THE LOCKER ROOM OF THE SWIMMING POOL, PATRICK TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THEY ARE SAFE NOW FROM THEIR DOUBLES. SPONGEBOB REMINDS PATRICK THAT THEIR SO-CALLED DOUBLES, WHICH ARE JUST THEIR LIGHT REFLECTIONS, DO NOT EVEN EXIST. AS THEY SWIM AND PLAY IN THE SWIMMING POOL, PATRICK REPEATEDLY FEELS SOMETHING TUGGING AND PINCHING HIS BIG BUTT FROM BELOW THOUGH HE BELIEVES SPONGEBOB IS PLAYING AROUND WITH HIM. SPONGEBOB EXITS THE POOL AND TRIES TO DIVE BACK INTO IT, BUT SPONGEBOB ACCIDENTALLY BELLY FLOPS VERY HARD INTO THE POOL, DAZING HIM. PATRICK EXITS THE POOL WITH HIS SWIM TRUNKS SOMEWHAT PULLED OFF TO REVEAL HIS FLABBY BRUISED PURPLE BUTT DUE TO THE UNDERWATER TUGGING AND PINCHING. PATRICK PREPARES TO DO A CANNON BALL MANEUVER. AS PATRICK LOOKS DOWN INTO THE POOL WATERS, HIS REFLECTION IN THE WATERS SUDDENLY GLARES AT HIM AND GRABS HIM INTO THE POOL. SPONGEBOB, WHO IS SWIMMING NEARBY AND RECOVERING FROM HIS INJURY, SEES PATRICK FALL INTO THE POOL AND BELIEVES THE FALL TO BE ACCIDENTAL. SPONGEBOB SWIMS TO SAVE HIS FRIEND FROM DROWNING. SPONGEBOB SWIMS TO THE BOTTOM OF THE POOL WHERE PATRICK LIES MOTIONLESS. LARRY THE LOBSTER, AS LIFEGUARD OF THE POOL, DIVES IN THE POOL AND RESCUES BOTH OF THEM. AS LARRY THE LOBSTER DRAGS THEM OUT OF THE POOL AND USES HIS LARGE PINCHERS TO PINCH PATRICK'S LARGE BLOATED BELLY TO CAUSE HIM TO SPIT OUT THE LARGE AMOUNT OF WATER IN HIM, PATRICK REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS. INSTEAD OF FATIGUE, PAIN, OR CONFUSION, PATRICK HAS A HUGE MISCHIEVOUS SMILE ON HIS FACE. THE PATRICK THAT RESURFACES IS THE DOUBLE FROM THE WATERY MIRROR WORLD, WHO HAS FINALLY REPLACED THE REAL PATRICK IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD, TRAPPING THE PHYSICAL PATRICK IN THE PARALLEL WORLDS OF REFLECTION. SPONGEBOB AND EVERYONE ELSE IS UNAWARE OF THE SITUATION. LARRY ASKS PATRICK IF HE IS OKAY. PATRICK TELLS LARRY THAT HE NEVER FELT BETTER. SPONGEBOB ASKS PATRICK IF HE STILL WANTS TO SWIM OR IF HE WANTS TO GO HOME. PATRICK CALLS SPONGEBOB "SANDY" AND REPLIES THAT HE WANTS TO GO TO HIS NEW ROCK HOME, CONFUSING SPONGEBOB SINCE PATRICK HAS ONLY ONE ROCK HOME AND SINCE PATRICK REFERRED TO HIM AS "SANDY." SPONGEBOB ASKS PATRICK WHY HE DID SO, AND PATRICK REPLIES, "SORRY, PATRICK'S FRIEND, I MEANT TO SAY SQUIDWARD, OF COURSE." SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY TELLS PATRICK THAT HE IS AGAIN WRONG. PATRICK SQUINTS AT SPONGEBOB AND SAYS, "SORRY, PATRICK'S FRIEND, I MEANT TO SAY GARY, OF COURSE." SPONGEBOB, WORRIED THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH PATRICK'S MEMORY FROM HIS INJURIES, ASKS PATRICK IF HE STILL REMEMBERS HIM AND MENTIONS THAT GARY IS HIS PET SNAIL. PATRICK REPLIES: "SORRY, I AM SO SILLY, YOUR NAME IS…SPONGEBOOB, OR SPONGEBOY, OR SPONGEBOPPER, OR…SPONGE…BOB! SORRY, YOU ARE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS. AND PATRICK STAR IS YOUR BEST FRIEND. LET US GO HOME NOW. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND PATRICK STAR ARE SO ALIKE…THEY ARE LIKE DOUBLES." SPONGEBOB IS VISIBLY WORRIED ABOUT PATRICK, BUT PATRICK FIRMLY GRABS HIS ARMS AND TELLS HIM THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY NOW THAT HIS DOUBLE IS DEAD. THEY SILENTLY RETURN TO PATRICK'S REGULAR ROCK HOME WITH PATRICK SQUEEZING SPONGEBOB'S ARMS THE WHOLE WAY, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO TELL PATRICK THAT HE IS HURTING HIM AND CAUSING PATRICK TO REPLY THAT HE IS ONLY ADMIRING SPONGEBOB'S PHYSICAL BODY. AS THEY ENTER THE HOME, PATRICK FINALLY RELEASES SPONGEBOB AND TELLS SPONGEBOB TO GET THE TELEPHONE AND ORDER SOME DINNER FOR THEM FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB. AS DARKNESS FALLS OUTSIDE, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SHARE A KRABBY PATTY AND KELP SHAKE MEAL AT THE ROCK HOME. PATRICK REMARKS THAT HE IS VERY FOND OF THE FOOD AND NEVER EXPECTED THE FOOD TO TASTE SO GREAT, PUZZLING SPONGEBOB SINCE PATRICK HAS TASTED THE KRUSTY KRAB MEAL MANY TIMES BEFORE. WHILE THEY EAT, SPONGEBOB ASKS PATRICK HOW HE FELL INTO THE POOL. PATRICK REPLIES THAT HE COULD NOT STOP STARING AT HIS REFLECTION IN THE WATERS AND DECIDED TO TRY TO CAPTURE IT TO BECOME ONE WITH IT. THE ANSWER DISTURBS SPONGEBOB SINCE PATRICK HAD BEEN VERY AFRAID OF MIRROR REFLECTIONS AND SINCE PATRICK HAD FEARED THAT HIS REFLECTION WOULD GET RID OF HIM AND REPLACE HIM IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD. SENSING SPONGEBOB'S FEAR, THE DOUBLE ASKS SPONGEBOB WHAT IS WRONG. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT PATRICK IS SOMEHOW DIFFERENT BUT SPONGEBOB IS TOO AFRAID TO MENTION HIS FEAR THAT THE PATRICK HE IS WITH IS NOW THE DOUBLE. THE DOUBLE SMILES AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT IF YOU STARE INTO SOMEONE'S EYES AND YOUR REFLECTION IN THEIR EYES IS STILL THE SAME, THEN THAT MEANS THE PERSON HAS NOT CHANGED AT ALL. SPONGEBOB STARES INTO THE DOUBLE'S EYES BUT THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO REFLECTION OF HIMSELF IN THE EYES. SPONGEBOB GETS UP TO LEAVE TO THE ROCK'S ENTRANCE, BUT THE DOUBLE BLOCKS HIM AND ASKS HIM WHERE HE IS GOING. THE SCARED SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT HE IS LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM. THE DOUBLE TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE LOVES THE BATHROOM BECAUSE OF ALL THE MIRRORS IN IT. THE DOUBLE ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE KNOWS WHAT PATRICK'S FAVORITE GAME IS. SPONGEBOB REPLIES THAT PATRICK'S FAVORITE GAME IS TWISTER WITH SPONGEBOB IN THEIR PAJAMAS. THE DOUBLE SAYS SPONGEBOB IS WRONG. THE DOUBLE SAYS THAT HIS FAVORITE GAME IS CALLED "SOGGY STAR." SPONGEBOB IS UNFAMILIAR WITH THE GAME, SO THE DOUBLE EXPLAINS IT TO HIM. THE DOUBLE SAYS THAT EVERY NIGHT AT MIDNIGHT, WHICH THE DOUBLE CALLS THE "TWILIGHT HOUR," HE ENTERS HIS DARK BATHROOM AND TURNS ON HIS BATH TUB UNTIL IT IS COMPLETELY FULL OF WATER. NEVER TURNING THE LIGHTS ON, HE STARES AT HIS REFLECTION IN THE WATERS AND SLOWLY REPEATS THE PHRASE "SOGGY STAR." HE SAYS THAT HIS REFLECTION SOON DOES MANY INTERESTING THINGS AND THEY BOTH LAUGH TOGETHER IN THE DARKNESS UNTIL THE SUN COMES UP IN THE MORNING. THE DOUBLE TELLS SPONGEBOB TO TRY THE GAME WHILE HE IS IN THE BATHROOM BECAUSE HE IS NEVER SURE WHAT HE WILL SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE. SUDDENLY, THE ELECTRIC LIGHTS IN THE HOME GO OUT. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AND THE DOUBLE LAUGHS. THE SOUND OF SOMEONE POUNDING AGAINST HARD GLASS CAN BE HEARD IN THE DARKNESS. SPONGEBOB IS SHAKING AND ASKS THE DOUBLE IF THEY ARE ALONE IN THE HOME. THE DOUBLE SIMPLY SAYS THAT OF COURSE THEY ARE ALONE BUT THAT "THE SHADOWS" WILL BE THERE VERY SOON. SPONGEBOB RUNS OUT OF THE HOME BUT THE DOUBLE PLAYFULLY TELLS SPONGEBOB TO BEWARE OF HIS OWN DOUBLE. THE LIGHTS IN THE HOME TURN ON AGAIN AND THE DOUBLE GOES INTO THE BATHROOM. THE DOUBLE PLAYFULLY WAVES AT THE PHYSICAL PATRICK WHO IS TRAPPED INSIDE THE BATHROOM MIRROR AND IS HELPLESSLY POUNDING IT TO TRY TO ESCAPE. THE PHYSICAL PATRICK IS VERY FRIGHTENED. THE DOUBLE SHATTERS THE MIRROR. SPONGEBOB IS DISORIENTED AND INSTEAD OF RUNNING HOME, HE RUNS TO THE NEARBY POLICE STATION. SPONGEBOB IS SOON TIRED AND BEGINS TO WALK THOUGH HE CONTINUALLY LOOKS BEHIND HIMSELF TO SEE IF PATRICK'S DOUBLE IS FOLLOWING HIM AND NO ONE IS BEHIND HIM. THE NIGHT CITY LOOKS EMPTY AND IS COMPLETELY DARK EXCEPT FOR THE STREET LIGHTS. WHILE CROSSING A STREET THAT IS ONE BLOCK AWAY FROM THE POLICE STATION WITH SIDEWALK LIGHTS SHINING ON HIM, SPONGEBOB LOOKS DOWN AT HIS SHADOW, WHICH SUDDENLY STOPS WALKING WITH HIM. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB STOPS TOO TO LOOK AT THE DISEMBODIED SHADOW, WHICH SIMPLY WAVES AT HIM AND RUNS AWAY INTO THE NIGHT. SPONGEBOB CHASES THE SHADOW AND HEARS HIS OWN LAUGHTER COMING FROM THE SHADOW. SUDDENLY, SPONGEBOB FALLS SCREAMING INTO AN OPEN SEWER MANHOLE DOWN INTO THE CITY SEWERS FULL OF HUNGRY SEWER ALLIGATORS. THE SHADOW QUICKLY SLAMS THE ROUND METAL COVER OVER THE SEWER MANHOLE TO TRAP THE DOOMED SPONGEBOB. AS THE VICTORIOUS SHADOW, WHICH IS SPONGEBOB'S DOUBLE SELF FROM THE PARALLEL SHADOW WORLD, LOOKS UP INTO THE NIGHT SKY, AN ECLIPSE OF AN UNKNOWN SHADOW CELESTIAL BODY COVERS THE FULL MOON IN TOTAL DARKNESS…

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE HAS A DARKER HALF AND A DOUBLE SELF. IT IS IN THE MIRROR, IT IS IN WATER, IT IS IN THE EYES OF OTHERS, IT IS OUR JUNGIAN SHADOW. IT FOLLOWS US EVEN WHEN WE ARE NOT LOOKING AT IT AND THE MORE WE FOCUS ON IT, THE MORE ALIVE IT SEEMS TO BECOME. REFLECTIONS AND SHADOWS ARE OUR TWO DOUBLES WE SHOULD NOT NEGLECT, BECAUSE THE CONSEQUENCES OF IGNORING THEIR TRUE DARK NATURES WILL ONLY LAND US DIRECTLY…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**END OF SEASON TWO**

**21 EPISODE TWENTY-ONE: MAGIC BIRTHDAY MASKS **

**TOM SURFING: WHAT COMES AROUND, GOES AROUND. EVERYONE HAS HEARD THE PHRASE AND EVENTUALLY OUR IMPUNITY IN LIFE RUNS OUT SOONER OR LATER. WITH THAT IN MIND, TODAY IS SQUIDWARD TENTACLES' LAST BIRTHDAY IN BIKINI BOTTOM. HE'S PAID FOR A ONE-WAY, NO-RETURN TRIP WITH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, AND HE PLANS TO SPEND ONE HOUR EXACTING HIS REVENGE AGAINST THOSE WHO HAVE MADE HIS LIFE MISERABLE. TONIGHT A VENDETTA OF GAMES SHALL BE RELUCTANTLY PLAYED IN THE PARTY HOUSE…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

TODAY IS SQUIDWARD'S FINAL BIRTHDAY, AND HE HAS A VERY SPECIAL REVENGE BIRTHDAY PARTY PLANNED FOR HIS WORST ENEMIES WHO STILL BELIEVE THAT HE IS THEIR FRIEND. IN EXCHANGE FOR SQUIDWARD'S LIFE, INCLUDING HIS SOUL AND BODY, WHICH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WILL TAKE AT MIDNIGHT, SQUIDWARD HAS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PUT A VERY SPECIAL BLACK MAGIC HEX ON SEVERAL MASKS THAT SQUIDWARD MAKES. THERE ARE FOUR MASKS, THREE OF WHICH ARE MADE OF CLAY AND ONE OF WHICH IS MADE OF GOLD. THE THREE CLAYS MASKS INCLUDE A CLOWN MASK, A PIG MASK, AND A FISH MASK. THE GOLDEN MASK IS A RAT MASK. SQUIDWARD HIMSELF DOES NOT WEAR A MASK BUT INSTEAD WEARS A WHITE BED SHEET HE ALTERS INTO A GHOST COSTUME TO SIGNAL HIS IMMINENT DEATH WHEN THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TAKES HIS SOUL AND BODY TO THE UNDERWORLD. ON THE NIGHT OF SQUIDWARD'S BIRTHDAY AT 10:30 P.M., SQUIDWARD INVITES FOUR GUESTS OF DISHONOR TO HIS HOME: SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND MR. KRABS, ALL OF WHOM HE GREATLY DESPISES, THOUGH FOR DIFFERENT REASONS. ALL THE GUESTS HAVE BEEN TOLD TO NOT BRING ANY PRESENTS SINCE THEY WILL ALL INSTEAD PERFORM A HUGE FAVOR AS A BIRTHDAY GIFT FOR SQUIDWARD BY DOING ANYTHING HE WANTS THEM TO DO FOR ONE FULL HOUR. ALL THE GUESTS ARRIVE AT 10:30 PM, AS SQUIDWARD HAD COMMANDED THEM TO, AND THEY IMMEDIATELY WISH SQUIDWARD A HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO MANIACALLY LAUGH AND AGREE THAT TONIGHT WILL BE THE HAPPIEST NIGHT OF HIS LIFE, TO WHICH THEY ALL AGREE. SQUIDWARD TOLD THE GUESTS TO ONLY BRING HIM A CAKE WHICH THEY BELIEVED HE WOULD LOVE. BEFORE SQUIDWARD SHOWS THEM THE MASKS, THE GUESTS BRING SQUIDWARD HIS BIRTHDAY CAKE, WHICH IS CARROT CAKE. SQUIDWARD HATES CARROT CAKE. THE GUESTS SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY AND TELL SQUIDWARD TO MAKE A WISH. SQUIDWARD GLEEFULLY REVEALS THAT HE HAS ALREADY MADE HIS LAST WISH. AS THEY EAT THE CARROT CAKE, SQUIDWARD INSULTS THE WAY EACH PERSON EATS. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT SPONGEBOB EATS LIKE A BABY BEING FED BY ITS MOTHER. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT PATRICK EATS LIKE A GARBAGE DISPOSAL CONSUMING RAW SEWAGE WASTE. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT SANDY EATS LIKE A BROKEN CHRISTMAS NUTCRACKER. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT MR. KRABS EATS LIKE A STARVING HOBO. AS THEY FINISH THEIR SLICES OF CAKE, SQUIDWARD COMMANDS THAT THEY HAVE A CAKE FIGHT WITH THE REST OF THE CAKE. EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY AGREES, BUT SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT ONLY HE WILL ACTUALLY THROW THE CAKE AT ALL OF THEM. SQUIDWARD GRABS THE LARGEST PIECE AND SMACKS IT ONTO SPONGEBOB'S FACE. SQUIDWARD THROWS ANOTHER PIECE DIRECTLY INTO PATRICK'S MOUTH, CAUSING PATRICK TO TEMPORARILY CHOKE BEFORE PATRICK SWALLOWS THE PIECE. SQUIDWARD SPLATTERS CAKE ALL OVER SANDY'S TAIL. SQUIDWARD SMACKS THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE ONTO MR. KRABS' BUTT. AS ALL FOUR RECOVER FROM THE BLOWS, SQUIDWARD THROWS FOUR GALLONS OF MILK AT EACH PERSON THAT BURST AND DRENCH THEM IN MILK. EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLY LAUGHS AS SQUIDWARD GIVES THEM DIRTY TOWELS TO CLEAN THEMSELVES WITH AND ORANGE PRISONER JUMP SUITS TO WEAR FOR THE GAMES ALONG WITH PLASTIC PRISONER BALLS AND CHAINS FOR ONE OF THEIR LIMBS. AS THEY CHANGE INTO THE PRISONER ATTIRE, SQUIDWARD THEN DISCUSSES THE NIGHT'S ONE HOUR LONG ACTIVITIES FROM 11PM TO MIDNIGHT. SQUIDWARD INFORMS THEM THAT THEY MUST WEAR SPECIAL MASKS, WHICH HE CALLS MAGIC MASKS, FOR THE WHOLE HOUR, WHICH EVERYONE AGREES SOUNDS LIKE FUN. SQUIDWARD AGREES THAT EVERYONE WILL HAVE SO MUCH FUN IT WILL HURT. SQUIDWARD SAYS HE WILL BE THE HOST AND COMMENTATOR OF TONIGHT'S PARTY GAMES. ALL THE GUESTS ARE LIKEWISE EXCITED TO PLAY GAMES, AND SQUIDWARD COMPARES THE GAMES THAT THEY WILL PLAY TO HARD CONTACT SPORTS. THERE ARE FIVE DIFFERENT GAMES: "STICKY TWISTER," IS THE COMMON GAME OF TWISTER BUT THE SPOTS ON THE MAT ARE VERY STICKY TO MAKE IT EXTREMELY DIFFICULT, PAINFUL, AND CROWDED FOR PLAYERS TO MOVE; "PIN THE TAIL ON THE JACKASS" IS A GAME IN WHICH PLAYERS RUN IN CIRCLES AND PAINFULLY PIN A LITERAL DONKEY TALE WITH A METAL PIN ON IT ONTO EACH OTHER'S BUTTS, ALL PLAYERS ARE ALREADY BLINDED BY THEIR MASKS ANYWAY, AND EVERYONE GETS A TURN TO PIN THE DONKEY TAIL ON ANOTHER PLAYER'S BUTT; "TRUTH AND DARE" IS A GAME IN WHICH ALL THE PLAYERS TELL SQUIDWARD ONE EMBARRASSING TRUTH ABOUT THEMSELVES AND PERFORM ONE DANGEROUS DARE; "ROTTEN APPLE BOBBING" IS A GAME IN WHICH PLAYERS MUST SMACK THEIR HEADS AND MASKS AGAINST ROTTEN APPLES IN A LARGE WATER BUCKET, AND THE PLAYER WITH THE MOST ROTTEN APPLES STICKING TO HIS MASK WINS; AND FINALLY "PIÑATA PARTIES" IS A GAME IN WHICH PLAYERS HIT FOUR PIÑATAS OF UNKNOWN CONTENTS, ONE FOR EACH OF THEM. SPONGEBOB'S PIÑATA LOOKS LIKE A SEAHORSE UNICORN IN CIRCUS CLOTHING AND IS FULL OF SPIDERS; PATRICK'S PIÑATA LOOKS LIKE A HIPPOPOTAMUS AND IS FULL OF GARBAGE; SANDY'S PIÑATA LOOKS LIKE AN UGLY COW AND IS FULL OF FLEAS; AND MR. KRABS' PIÑATA LOOKS LIKE A FAT SEA SNAKE AND IS FULL OF CHUM BUCKET CHUM. DURING THE ENTIRE HOUR OF GAMEPLAY ALL PLAYERS MUST WEAR THEIR MAGIC MASKS AT ALL TIMES UNTIL MIDNIGHT WHEN THE PARTY ENDS. DESIRING REVENGE FOR ALL THE PAIN EACH OF THEM HAS PUT HIM THROUGH IN HIS LIFE, SQUIDWARD DEMANDS THAT EACH PLAYER MUST WEAR A SPECIAL MASK, WHICH HE CALLS A "MAGIC MASK," MADE BY HIM SPECIFICALLY FOR EACH OF THEM, WHICH REVEALS WHAT HE HATES MOST ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITIES. SPONGEBOB MUST WEAR A CLAY CLOWN MASK; PATRICK MUST WEAR A CLAY PIG MASK; SANDY MUST WEAR A CLAY FISH MASK; AND MR. KRABS MUST WEAR A GOLDEN RAT MASK. SQUIDWARD HATES HOW MUCH OF A CLOWN SPONGEBOB IS; SQUIDWARD HATES HOW MUCH OF A PIG PATRICK IS; SQUIDWARD HATES HOW SANDY PRETENDS TO BE A SEA CREATURE WHEN SHE IS REALLY A LAND CREATURE; AND SQUIDWARD HATES HOW MUCH OF A CHEAP PACK RAT MR. KRABS IS. AS THE CLOCK WINDS DOWN TO 11 PM, SQUIDWARD SHOWS THE MASKS TO THE PLAYERS. SPONGEBOB IS AFRAID OF CLOWNS AND DOES NOT LIKE HIS MASK. PATRICK DOES NOT LIKE BEING CALLED FAT, LIKE PIGS ARE, AND DOES NOT LIKE HIS MASK. SANDY IS PROUD OF BEING A SQUIRREL, AND DOES NOT LIKE HER FISH HEAD MASK. MR. KRABS LIKES THAT HIS MASK IS GOLD, BUT DOES NOT LIKE THAT IT IS A RAT. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT THIS COULD BE HIS LAST BIRTHDAY, SINCE NO ONE KNOWS WHEN DEATH WILL STRIKE, SO THEY SHOULD ALL FULFILL HIS BIRTHDAY WISHES FOR ONLY ONE HOUR. ALL THE GUESTS RELUCTANTLY AGREE TO WEAR THE MASKS FOR THE BIRTHDAY BOY AND TO PLAY HIS CHALLENGING GAMES. SQUIDWARD PUTS EACH MAGIC MASK OVER EACH PERSON'S FACE. AS HE PUTS THE CLOWN MASK ON SPONGEBOB'S FACE, SQUIDWARD TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT CLOWNS HAVE VERY DIFFICULT LIVES SINCE THEY MUST PRETEND LIFE IS ALWAYS FUNNY WHEN LIFE IS ACTUALLY HORRIBLE A LOT OF THE TIME. AS HE PUTS THE PIG MASK ON PATRICK'S FACE, SQUIDWARD TELLS PATRICK THAT PIGS ARE THE MOST DISGUSTING ANIMALS IN THE WORLD. AS HE PUTS THE FISH MASK ON SANDY'S FACE, SQUIDWARD TELLS SANDY THAT FISH HAVE THE UGLIEST FACES IN THE SEA. AS HE PUTS THE RAT MASK ON MR. KRABS' FACE, SQUIDWARD TELLS MR. KRABS THAT RATS COLLECT NOTHING BUT GARBAGE FOR THEIR ENTIRE LIVES. SQUIDWARD PUTS ON HIS GHOST COSTUME AND TELLS EVERYONE THAT TONIGHT WILL BE LIKE HALLOWEEN IN WHICH EVERYONE IS HAUNTED FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES. ALL THE GUESTS ARE VERY UPSET, BUT SQUIDWARD NOTES THAT IT IS NOW 11 PM, SO THE TIME FOR THE GAMES HAS BEGUN, CHEERING ALL THE PLAYERS UP SINCE SQUIDWARD EUPHEMISTICALLY DESCRIBED THE GAMES AS MUCH AS HE COULD. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT STICKY TWISTER WILL CHALLENGE HOW ACROBATIC EACH PLAYER IS. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT PIN THE TAIL ON THE JACKASS WILL ALLOW ALL OF THEM TO DEVELOP BUNS OF STEEL. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT ROTTEN APPLE BOBBING WILL ALLOW THEM TO SEE HOW STRONG THEIR HEADS ARE AND NOSES ARE, SINCE THE HEAD-BUTTING AND STENCH OF THE APPLES WILL WORK OUT THEIR SKULLS AND NOSES. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT TRUTH AND DARE WILL SHOW THEIR TRUE CHARACTERS AND ENDURANCE. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT PIÑATA PARTIES WILL GIVE THEM AN APPRECIATION FOR DIFFERENT PARTY CULTURES. FINALLY, SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT BY MIDNIGHT THE MASKS WILL SHOW HOW MUCH OF A WINNER EACH OF THEM REALLY IS IN LIFE. SQUIDWARD INFORMS THEM THAT HE IS THE JUDGE AND COMMENTATOR OF ALL THE GAMES. EACH GAME IS TO LAST TEN MINUTES. THE GAME OF STICKY TWISTER BEGINS, BUT ONCE EACH PLAYER STEPS ON THE TWISTER MAT THEY CANNOT MOVE AND ARE STUCK TO IT. THEY THRASH AROUND ON THE MAT, CAUSING EVERYONE TO STOMP ON SPONGEBOB. MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY PINCHES SANDY'S BUSHY TAIL SEVERAL TIMES WITH HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS, SO SHE RETALIATES BY BUMPING PATRICK INTO MR. KRABS SEVERAL TIMES. AS THE TIME OF THE GAME EXPIRES, SQUIDWARD TELLS THEM THEY ALL LOSE AS HE PAINFULLY RIPS THEM OFF THE MAT ONE BY ONE. FOR PIN THE TAIL ON THE JACKASS, THE PLAYERS BLINDLY CRAWL AROUND IN SQUIDWARD'S ART ROOM WHERE THEY PAINFULLY CRASH INTO HIS MANY ARTISTIC POTS, PAINTINGS, SCULPTURES, STATUES, WAX FIGURES, AND MUSIC EQUIPMENT. SQUIDWARD HIMSELF PUSHES THE BLIND PLAYERS INTO EACH OTHER AS THEY CRAWL AND BLAMES IT ON OTHER PLAYERS. MR. KRABS HAS THE TAIL FIRST AND PINS IT ON SANDY'S TAIL, CAUSING HER TAIL TO GET STUCK TO THE FLOOR. BEFORE SHE CAN TRY TO REMOVE THE PIN FROM HER TAIL, SQUIDWARD YANKS THE PIN OFF THE FLOOR AND RIPS HER TAIL OFF AT THE SAME TIME, BLAMING IT ON MR. KRABS. SANDY HAS THE PIN NEXT, TACKLES MR. KRABS TO THE FLOOR, AND PINS HIM IN THE BUTT SO HARD THAT EVERYONE, INCLUDING SQUIDWARD, WORKS TOGETHER TO DISLODGE THE PIN. PATRICK HAS THE PIN NEXT, AND POKES SPONGEBOB'S BUTT MANY TIMES BEFORE FINALLY PINNING THE TAIL ON SPONGEBOB'S LOWER BACK, LEAVING SPONGEBOB WITH NEW SPONGE HOLES ON HIS BUTT. SPONGEBOB HAS THE PIN LAST, ACCIDENTALLY POKES ALL THE PLAYERS, AND FINALLY PINS PATRICK IN THE BUTT, CAUSING PATRICK'S BUTT TO SWELL IMMENSELY. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT THEY ALL WIN THE GAME AND ARE ALL JACKASSES AS HE GRABS FOUR DONKEY TAILS WITH PINS ON THEM AND PINS ALL OF THEIR BUTTS. FOR THE GAME OF ROTTEN APPLE BOBBING, THERE ARE TEN ROTTEN APPLES IN THE LARGE WATER BUCKET. SQUIDWARD WRAPS HIS TENTACLES AROUND THE HEADS OF THE FOUR PLAYERS AND DUNKS THEIR HEADS INTO THE BUCKET FOR THEM. SPONGEBOB'S MASK SMACKS AGAINST MOST OF THE APPLES, BUT NONE OF THEM STICK TO HIS MASK. PATRICK'S MASK MISSES ALL THE APPLES AND INSTEAD HITS ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS' MASKS. SANDY'S MASK GOES DEEPEST INTO THE WATER, CAUSING HER TO CONSTANTLY RESURFACE FOR AIR TO STOP DROWNING. MR. KRABS' MASK MAGICALLY TURNS THE APPLES TO GOLD, CAUSING ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS' MASKS TO  
PAINFULLY HIT THE GOLDEN APPLES. SQUIDWARD DETERMINES THAT THE GAME IS A DRAW AND KICKS THE WATER BUCKET OVER TO SPLASH ALL THE PLAYERS WITH THE FLOOD OF WATER. SQUIDWARD BEGINS THE TRUTH AND DARE GAME BY FIRST HAVING ALL PLAYERS REVEAL EMBARRASSING TRUTHS ABOUT THEMSELVES. SPONGEBOB REVEALS THAT HE ONCE HAD A CRUSH ON SANDY AFTER SEEING HER IN HER PAJAMAS DURING A SLEEPOVER PARTY. PATRICK REVEALS THAT HE ONCE ATE A DONUT THAT FELL INTO HIS TOILET AND USED WHAT HE BELIEVED WAS CHOCOLATE ON HIS TOILET PLUNGER TO GIVE THE SOGGY DONUT MORE FLAVOR. SANDY REVEALS THAT SHE ONCE HAD A CRUSH ON A TEXAN HUMAN COWBOY WHO NEVER WORE A SHIRT WHEN RIDING BULLS ON TEXAN RANCHES DURING THE SUMMER. MR. KRABS REVEALS THAT PEARL IS HIS ADOPTED STEP DAUGHTER BECAUSE HIS TIGHT SAILOR PANTS FROM HIS DAYS IN THE NAVY MADE HIM BIOLOGICALLY INFERTILE. SQUIDWARD TELLS THEM THAT THEY HAVE LIVED SCANDALOUS LIVES FULL OF LIES AND THAT THE TRUTH ALWAYS HURTS. SQUIDWARD THEN GIVES A MANDATORY DARE TO EACH PLAYER. SQUIDWARD PLACES MANY PILLOWS THAT ARE SECRETLY FULL OF BRICKS AT THE BOTTOM OF HIS STAIRS, AND SQUIDWARD DARES SPONGEBOB TO JUMP DOWN FROM THE TOP OF HIS LONG STAIRS, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO BADLY BRUISE HIMSELF AND BREAK SEVERAL BONES. SQUIDWARD DARES PATRICK TO EAT A FULL PLATE OF MOLDY VEGETABLES, CAUSING PATRICK TO EXPERIENCE TERRIBLE INDIGESTION AND CONTINUALLY VOMIT INTO A BROWN PAPER BAG SINCE PATRICK HATES HEALTHY FOOD AND THE FOOD IS ACTUALLY ROTTEN. SQUIDWARD DARES SANDY TO RIDE ON MR. KRABS' BACK WITH MR. KRABS ACTING LIKE A BULL FOR ONE FULL MINUTE. MR. KRABS THRASHES LIKE A WILD BULL AND THROWS SANDY, WHO DESPERATELY HOLDS ONTO MR. KRABS' LONG EYES FOR THIRTY SECONDS, OFF HIM TO SEND HER PAINFULLY CRASHING INTO SQUIDWARD'S MANY WALL PAINTINGS. SQUIDWARD DARES MR. KRABS TO BURN ALL THE COUNTERFEIT MONEY IN SQUIDWARD'S HOME SAFE, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO GO INTO SHOCK AND FAINT SINCE MR. KRABS BELIEVES THE MONEY IS REAL MONEY. SQUIDWARD, CARRYING A GLASS OF WATER IN EACH TENTACLE, DROPS THEM ALL ONTO MR. KRABS TO PAINFULLY WAKE HIM UP. SQUIDWARD TELLS THEM ALL THAT THEY HAVE ALL WON THEIR DARE SO EACH OF THEM HAS NOW FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED ONE BRAVE THING WITH THEIR LIVES, ENDING THEIR USUAL COWARDICE. FOR THE PIÑATA PARTIES, SQUIDWARD SMACKS EACH PLAYER'S BUTT ONCE WITH THE PIÑATA BAT TO MAKE SURE THE BAT IS STURDY. THEN SQUIDWARD SPINS THE PLAYER AROUND FOR A FULL MINUTE TO CAUSE THEM TO STAGGER AND FEEL EXTREMELY DIZZY. SQUIDWARD CONTROLS THE PIÑATA STRING AND NAVIGATES THE PIÑATA TO CONSTANTLY KNOCK OVER EACH PLAYER WITH IT. WHEN THE PLAYERS FINALLY BURST THE PIÑATA AND THEY ARE COVERED IN THE HORRIBLE "TREATS" INSIDE, SQUIDWARD CLEANS EACH PLAYER OFF IN A SPECIAL WAY. WHEN SPONGEBOB IS COVERED IN SPIDERS, SQUIDWARD SPRAYS INSECT KILLER ALL OVER SPONGEBOB'S BODY. WHEN PATRICK IS COVERED IN GARBAGE, SQUIDWARD SHOOTS OUT POWERFUL WATER STREAMS FROM HIS GARDEN HOSE AT PATRICK. WHEN SANDY IS COVERED WITH FLEAS, SQUIDWARD SCRAPES OFF HER SKIN AND FUR WITH A HUGE BACK SCRATCHER. WHEN MR. KRABS IS COVERED IN CHUM BUCKET CHUM, SQUIDWARD PELTS MR. KRABS WITH BOTTLES OF VEGETABLE OIL AND GREASE THAT PAINFULLY BURST ONTO HIS BODY AND CAUSE HIM TO CONSTANTLY SLIP TO CLEAN MR. KRABS. AS THE PIÑATA PARTIES FINISH, SQUIDWARD LECTURES EACH PLAYER ON THE IMPORTANCE OF CULTURAL DIVERSITY REPRESENTED BY THE MEXICAN PIÑATAS. SQUIDWARD TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT WITHOUT A DIVERSITY OF SEA CREATURES IN BIKINI BOTTOM, NO ONE WOULD PASS THEIR BOAT CAR DRIVING TESTS SINCE SPONGES ARE AWFUL DRIVERS. SQUIDWARD TELLS PATRICK THAT WITHOUT ATHLETIC PEOPLE IN THE CITY, EVERYONE WOULD DIE OF OBESITY LIKE MOST STARFISH DO. SQUIDWARD TELLS SANDY THAT IF EVERYONE LOVED TEXAS AS MUCH AS SHE DID, EVERYONE WOULD BE STUCK IN A WESTERN DARK AGE FULL OF NUTTY HICKS AS CRAZY AS WILD SQUIRRELS. SQUIDWARD TELLS MR. KRABS THAT WITHOUT PLANKTON'S ATTEMPTS TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA, MR. KRABS' CONSUMERIST LIFESTYLE WOULD BE MEANINGLESS AND HOLLOW AS FAT CAT CRABS USUALLY GET BORED WITH ONLY EXTREME WEALTH IN THEIR LIVES SINCE MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVILS. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT THEY HAVE LEARNED THEIR LESSONS IN THE PIÑATA PARTIES SO THEY ARE ALL WINNERS OF THE LAST GAME, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO SMACK SOMBREROS ONTO EACH PERSON'S HEAD. AS THE GAMES ARE FINALLY OVER, ONLY TEN MINUTES REMAIN UNTIL MIDNIGHT AND SQUIDWARD PLAYS A SAD SHORT FUNERAL SONG ON HIS CLARINET. ALL THE PLAYERS ARE EXHAUSTED, CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THEY LEAVE, AND AGREE TO NEVER EVEN LOOK AT SQUIDWARD AGAIN AFTER TONIGHT. SQUIDWARD LIES DOWN IN HIS BED, CLUTCHES HIS FAVORITE CLARINET, AND TELLS THEM ALL THAT AT MIDNIGHT HE WILL NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN BY ANYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM. EVERYONE ELSE IS SILENT AT HIS BEDSIDE AS THEY LET SQUIDWARD RANT FOR THE BRIEF REMAINDER OF THE HOUR. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT EACH PERSON'S MASK REPRESENTS THE WORST PART OF THEMSELVES AND THAT AT MIDNIGHT, THEY WILL REALIZE HOW UGLY THEY ALL ARE INSIDE. SQUIDWARD SAYS EACH OF THEM HAS PERSONALLY RUINED HIS LIVING DAYS MANY TIMES. SQUIDWARD TELLS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THAT THEY LITERALLY TORTURED HIM HIS ENTIRE LIFE. SQUIDWARD TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE TOOK AWAY SQUIDWARD'S ARTISTIC DREAMS AND MADE HIM A MINDLESS SLAVE. SQUIDWARD TELLS SANDY THAT SHE IS AN ALIEN TO THE SEA AND DESPITE ALL HER SCIENTIFIC EXPERTISE SHE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT MEANS TO BE A TRUE SEA CREATURE. AS THE LAST MINUTES EXPIRE, SQUIDWARD'S VOICE SEEMS TO DRASTICALLY AGE SO THAT HE SOUNDS LIKE A RANTING OLD MAN. SQUIDWARD TELLS THEM THAT ALL FIVE OF THEM WILL BE DOOMED TO DAVEY JONES' LOCKER FOR ALL ETERNITY WHEN THEY FINALLY ALL CROAK LIKE THE WORTHLESS TOADS THEY ARE AND THAT THE MASKS PERFECTLY DESCRIBE EACH OF THEM VERY SHORTLY. SPONGEBOB IS AN IDIOT CLOWN. PATRICK IS A DISGUSTING PIG. SANDY IS A PATHETIC WANT-TO-BE FISH. MR. KRABS IS AN INSANE PACK RAT. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT HIS GHOST COSTUME SIGNALS THAT HE IS NOW A GHOST AND IS NO LONGER PART OF THEIR TERRIBLE LIVES AND TERRIBLE WORLD. SQUIDWARD SAYS IT IS MIDNIGHT NOW SO THEY CAN ALL TAKE OFF THEIR MAGIC MASKS AND LOOK AT THE GIANT MIRROR ON HIS CEILING TO SEE HOW THEY HAVE FINALLY TRANSFORMED INTO THEIR TRUE SELVES. FOR HIS FINAL WORDS, SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT HE AND HIS BEST FRIEND DEATH ARE FINALLY UNITED AFTER SQUIDWARD LIVED A TRAGIC LIFE IN WHICH HE WAS ALWAYS ALREADY DEAD INSIDE. AS THE SILENT GUESTS, FULL OF BOTH HATE AND PITY FOR THEMSELVES AND SQUIDWARD, TAKE OFF THEIR MASKS AND SEE THEIR REFLECTIONS THEY ALL SCREAM. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S BLACK MAGIC HEX ON THE MASKS HAS FINALLY TRANSFORMED EACH PERSON WEARING ONE OF THE MASKS INTO THE IDENTITY OF EACH MASK'S CREATURE. SPONGEBOB IS NOW AN UGLY CIRCUS CLOWN WITH PERMANENTLY WHITE SKIN DOOMED TO ROAM FOREVER WITH THE CIRCUS; PATRICK IS NOW AN OBESE PINK PIG WITH USELESS BIRD WINGS DOOMED TO A FILTHY HARSH FARM LIFE FROM WHICH HE CAN NEVER FLY AWAY DESPITE HIS LITTLE WINGS; SANDY IS NOW A FURRY FISH STRUGGLING AS SHE BREATHES WITH HER NEW GILLS AND REALIZING THAT SHE WILL NEVER AGAIN BE ABLE TO VISIT TEXAS ON DRY LAND; AND MR. KRABS IS A LARGE "KING MIDAS" RAT, WHO TURNS TO GOLD ANYTHING HE TOUCHES, WHICH WILL ULTIMATELY LEAD TO HIS OWN STARVATION SINCE GOLDEN FOOD IS INEDIBLE. THUS, EVERYONE CAN NOW SEE THE UGLY SIDE OF THEIR PERSONALITIES FOREVER. ALL FOUR SEA MONSTERS ANGRILY ATTACK SQUIDWARD, BUT ONLY THE GHOST COSTUME REMAINS WITH NOTHING INSIDE IT AS SQUIDWARD'S BODY HAS SIMPLY DISAPPEARED. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HAS TAKEN SQUIDWARD'S SOUL AND BODY TO THE UNDERWORLD AND HAS MADE ALL THE OTHERS INTO HIDEOUS CHIMERAS. THOUGH NONE OF THEM SAW THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FLY BY TO TAKE SQUIDWARD, THEY ALL HEARD HIS WICKED LAUGH. AS EVERYONE LEAVES, SQUIDWARD'S HOME NO LONGER RESEMBLES AN EASTER ISLAND TIKI HEAD. IT IS NOW A GIANT SQUID SKULL OF DEATH.

**TOM SURFING: THIS HAUNTING STORY HOLDS NO SENTIMENT OF JUSTICE. IT CHRONICLES ONE SQUID'S BITTER END AND THE HARSH PUNISHMENT OF THE VICES OF FOLLY, GLUTTONY, GREED, AND COVETOUSNESS THROUGH THE VICE OF WRATH. HOWEVER, IT APPEARS THAT EVERYTHING THAT GOES AROUND HAS FINALLY COME FULL CIRCLE…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**22 EPISODE TWENTY-TWO: THE PUPPET MASTER**

**TOM SURFING: IN THE DRAMA OF LIFE, THERE ARE THREE KINDS OF PEOPLE: PASSIVE PUPPETS, ACTIVE PUPPET MASTERS, AND EVER WATCHFUL BYSTANDERS. TONIGHT, YOU WILL PLAY THE INNOCENT BYSTANDER, AND THE SQUILLIAM FANCYSON PUPPET OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES WILL TRY TO REPLACE HIM AS PUPPET MASTER TO TEACH HIM A SCARY LESSON ABOUT THE ROLE REVERSALS COMMON…TO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO DIRECT HIS ARTISTIC TALENTS INTO BECOMING A VENTRILOQUIST AND PUPPET MASTER TO ENTERTAIN CUSTOMERS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB AND TO ACTUALLY HAVE FUN WORKING AT HIS JOB. SQUIDWARD CREATES A STRING MARIONETTE WOODEN PUPPET REPLICA OF HIS FAVORITE DECEASED PROFESSIONAL ARTIST AND AMATEUR BOXER SQUILLIAM FANCYSON, WHO TRAGICALLY ACCIDENTALLY DIED WHEN FATALLY SLIPPING ON LARGE AMOUNTS OF PAINT WHILE TRYING TO CREATE THE WORLD'S LARGEST PAINTING. DURING THE PUPPET SHOWS, SQUIDWARD MAKES THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET DANCE AND SING, TELL JOKES AND RIDDLES, TEASE MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE, MAKE KRABBY PATTIES, BEAT UP SPONGEBOB IN MOCK BOXING MATCHES, AND THROW FOOD AT MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE, CAUSING HIS PUPPET SHOWS TO BECOME VERY POPULAR. SQUIDWARD LOVES THE ATTENTION FROM THE CROWD AND LOVES HAVING FUN AT THE AUDIENCE'S AND SPONGEBOB'S EXPENSE. HOWEVER, SQUILLIAM'S GHOST, WANDERING THE SEA IN SORROW OVER HIS TRAGIC DEATH AND UNABLE TO BE SEEN BY ANYONE WHO IS ALIVE, OVERHEARS THE PUBLIC NEWS OF SQUIDWARD'S FAME AND SQUIDWARD'S USE OF SQUILLIAM'S IMAGE AS A PUPPET. THE GHOST SQUILLIAM IS UPSET THAT SQUIDWARD'S SUCCESS DEPENDS ON A REPLICA OF SQUILLIAM HIMSELF AND IS JEALOUS THAT SQUIDWARD IS NOW A SUCCESSFUL ARTISTIC ENTERTAINER UNLIKE THE NOW DECEASED AND FORGOTTEN SQUILLIAM. THE GHOST SQUILLIAM ATTENDS ONE OF THE PUPPET SHOWS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. THE GHOST SQUILLIAM, AMAZED AT HOW MUCH THE PUPPET RESEMBLES HIMSELF AND DESIRING ATTENTION FROM OTHERS, POSSESSES THE REPLICA PUPPET AS THE GHOST ENTERS THE PUPPET'S BODY DURING A LIVE MOCK BOXING MATCH BETWEEN THE PUPPET AND SPONGEBOB IN A SMALL BOXING RING AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. AS THE GHOST SQUILLIAM IS NOW ONE WITH THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET BODY, THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET IS NOW ALIVE AND NOT UNDER SQUIDWARD'S CONTROL. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET, WEARING LITTLE BOXING GLOVES, MERCILESSLY PUNCHES THE OTHER BOXER SPONGEBOB, WHO IS WEARING HIS UNDERWEAR AS BOXING SHORTS, BLACK SHOES, AND BOXING GLOVES, ACROSS HIS FACE AND BELOW THE BELT OF HIS BOXING SHORTS, CAUSING THE AUDIENCE TO LAUGH AND CHEER, THOUGH SPONGEBOB IS IN PAIN AND ASKS SQUIDWARD NOT TO PUNCH SO HARD AND NOT TO DO ILLEGAL HITS. SQUIDWARD, WHO STANDS ON A PLATFORM ABOVE THE BOXING RING TO MOVE THE PUPPET'S STRINGS, IS UNSURE OF WHAT IS HAPPENING, FEELS AS IF THE PUPPET IS MOVING ON ITS OWN, AND UNSUCCESSFULLY TRIES TO REGAIN CONTROL AS THE PUPPET CONTINUES TO MERCILESSLY BEAT SPONGEBOB. AS SPONGEBOB IS REPEATEDLY KNOCKED DOWN TO THE FLOOR OF THE RING, THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET PUSHES AND LIFTS SPONGEBOB OFF THE FLOOR ONLY TO KNOCK HIM DOWN AGAIN WITH RABBIT PUNCHES TO SPONGEBOB'S NOSE, UPPER CUTS TO SPONGEBOB'S BUTT, AND OCCASIONAL ILLEGAL ELBOW BLOWS TO SPONGEBOB'S EYES. THE ELATED CROWD CHANTS SQUILLIAM'S NAME. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET LOCKS ARMS WITH SPONGEBOB AND USES SPONGEBOB'S ARMS TO CAUSE SPONGEBOB TO HIT HIMSELF IN THE JAW WITH HIS OWN BOXING GLOVES. THE BARRAGE OF HITS SLAMS SPONGEBOB AGAINST THE RING'S ROPES. SQUIDWARD YANKS THE PUPPET AWAY FROM SPONGEBOB, WHO IS NOW HEAVILY BRUISED, BUT THE PUPPET YANKS SQUIDWARD OFF THE PLATFORM. SQUIDWARD FALLS ONTO THE BOXING RING, CAUSING THE AUDIENCE TO HYSTERICALLY LAUGH AS EVERYONE IS NATURALLY UNAWARE THAT SQUIDWARD IS NOT CONTROLLING THE PUPPET AS SQUIDWARD'S HANDS ARE STILL HOLDING ITS WOODEN HANDLE AND ITS STRINGS, THOUGH THE PUPPET IS DRAGGING SQUIDWARD'S ARMS TO CREATE THE ILLUSION THAT SQUIDWARD IS CONTROLLING IT. THE PUPPET CONTINUALLY TOSSES SPONGEBOB LIKE A RAG DOLL AGAINST THE ROPES AND LANDS A POWERFUL HAMMER FIST PUNCH AGAINST SPONGEBOB'S BLIND SIDE, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO FINALLY FALL OUT OF THE RING TO END THE BOXING MATCH. MR. KRABS ATTENDS TO THE UNCONSCIOUS SPONGEBOB AS THE AUDIENCE BURSTS INTO UNCONTROLLABLE APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER. SQUIDWARD WEAKLY LIES NEXT TO THE PUPPET AND IS STILL HOLDING ITS STRINGS. THE PUPPET ON ITS OWN BOWS FOR THE AUDIENCE, WHO THROW MONEY AND ROSES ONTO THE RING. MR. KRABS ABANDONS THE INJURED, KNOCKED-OUT SPONGEBOB TO COLLECT THE MONEY. THE PUPPET THEN FALLS LIFELESS TO THE FLOOR. WITH THE PUPPET SHOW OVER, THE CROWD LEAVES THE RESTAURANT AND EVERYONE CANNOT WAIT FOR TOMORROW'S PUPPET SHOW. MR. KRABS PICKS UP AND KISSES SQUIDWARD SEVERAL TIMES FOR THE LARGE AMOUNTS OF PROFITS, BUT SQUIDWARD PUSHES HIM AWAY AND, FEELING GUILTY ABOUT SPONGEBOB'S INJURIES, LETS GO OF THE PUPPET TO GO TO HELP SPONGEBOB RECOVER WHILE MR. KRABS THANKFULLY PATS THE PUPPET AND LEAVES TO HIS OFFICE TO COUNT HIS BONUS PROFITS FROM THE BOXING MATCH. SQUIDWARD GRABS ICE BAGS FROM THE FREEZER AND COVERS SPONGEBOB WITH THEM. AS SPONGEBOB SLOWLY REGAINS CONSCIOUSNESS, SQUIDWARD LOOKS AT THE NOW LIFELESS PUPPET AND WONDERS WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED. SQUIDWARD IS CERTAIN THAT THE PUPPET WAS SOMEHOW ALIVE DURING THE BOXING MATCH BUT HE CANNOT BRING HIMSELF TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE SUCH AN IMPOSSIBILITY. AS SQUIDWARD KNEELS NEAR THE RECOVERING SPONGEBOB, SPONGEBOB ACCUSES SQUIDWARD OF THE CRUELTY DURING THE FIGHT. SQUIDWARD TRIES TO TELL SPONGEBOB ABOUT THE PUPPET SEEMINGLY MOVING ON HIS OWN, BUT THE INJURED SPONGEBOB REFUSES TO BELIEVE SQUIDWARD AND BELIEVES THAT SQUIDWARD USED THE PUPPET TO HURT SPONGEBOB SINCE SQUIDWARD IS ALWAYS BITTER TOWARDS SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT HE NEEDS TO SEE AN ANGER MANAGEMENT COUNSELOR AND TELLS SQUIDWARD TO GO PICK ON SOMEONE HIS OWN SIZE OR ON SOMEONE WITH THE HARD WOODEN HANDS OF A PUPPET. SPONGEBOB SLOWLY STAGGERS TO HIS FEET AND PREPARES TO LEAVE HOME. SQUIDWARD, FEARING THAT HE MAY HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN SUBCONSCIOUSLY CONTROLLING THE PUPPET TO HURT SPONGEBOB, APOLOGIZES TO SPONGEBOB AND BEGINS TO WALK AFTER HIM. SPONGEBOB TELLS SQUIDWARD TO NEVER SPEAK TO HIM AGAIN AS PATRICK ARRIVES AT THE RESTAURANT TO WALK WITH SPONGEBOB HOME AS HE USUALLY DOES AFTER SPONGEBOB LEAVES WORK. PATRICK SEES HOW BRUISED SPONGEBOB IS, SPONGEBOB TELLS PATRICK THAT SQUIDWARD IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CRITICAL INJURIES, AND, BEFORE SQUIDWARD CAN EVEN EXPLAIN HIS SIDE OF THE STORY, PATRICK PUNCHES SQUIDWARD'S BIG NOSE AS HARD AS PATRICK CAN, KNOCKING SQUIDWARD OUT. PATRICK GRABS SPONGEBOB, WHO, DESPITE HIS INJURIES, DID NOT WANT TO RETALIATE AGAINST SQUIDWARD. PATRICK ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT SQUIDWARD DESERVED THE PUNISHMENT, AND PATRICK ESCORTS THE CRYING SPONGEBOB HOME. AS NIGHT FALLS AND MR. KRABS LOCKS THE RESTAURANT, MR. KRABS POURS EXTRA GREASE FROM THE DAY ONTO SQUIDWARD TO WAKE SQUIDWARD UP. MR. KRABS THANKS SQUIDWARD FOR THE EXTRA MONEY AND GIVES SQUIDWARD THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET. MR. KRABS TELLS SQUIDWARD TO NOT HAVE THE PUPPET FIGHT SO HARD AGAINST SPONGEBOB IN THE NEXT BOXING MATCH BECAUSE SPONGEBOB NEEDS TO ACTUALLY SURVIVE THE BOXING MATCHES IF THERE ARE TO BE FUTURE BOXING MATCHES. SQUIDWARD INFORMS MR. KRABS THAT THERE WILL BE NO MORE BOXING MATCHES. MR. KRABS PROTESTS BUT SQUIDWARD TELLS MR. KRABS THAT UNLESS MR. KRABS WANTS TO STEP HIS OWN CHUNKY BODY INTO THE RING WITH THE PUPPET, MR. KRABS SHOULD STUFF SOME MONEY DOWN HIS OWN COMPLAINING THROAT. MR. KRABS, REMEMBERING HOW BADLY THE PUPPET BEAT UP SPONGEBOB, FEARS SQUIDWARD'S PUPPET MASTER BOXING PROWESS AND TELLS SQUIDWARD TO MAKE SURE HE HAS A BETTER PUPPET ROUTINE FOR TOMORROW'S PUPPET SHOW TO MAKE EVEN MORE MONEY FOR MR. KRABS. SQUIDWARD SADLY WALKS AWAY WITH THE PUPPET IN HIS ARMS. AS SQUIDWARD ENTERS HIS HOME, HE LOOKS AT SPONGEBOB'S HOME WINDOW. SPONGEBOB, COVERED IN BANDAGES AND STANDING WITH A CANE, LOOKS AT SQUIDWARD WITH DISGUST. SQUIDWARD STARTS TO APPROACH SPONGEBOB TO APOLOGIZE AGAIN, BUT PATRICK APPEARS BY SPONGEBOB'S SIDE AND CLENCHES HIS PUDGY FISTS, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO RETURN HOME FOR THE NIGHT. SQUIDWARD LIES IN HIS BED STARING AT THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET. SQUIDWARD, SPEAKING ALOUD, PROTESTS THAT HE IS INNOCENT OF THE PUPPET'S ACTIONS, GRABS THE PUPPET, AND ANGRILY THROWS THE PUPPET INTO THE ART ROOM OF HIS HOME. SQUIDWARD THEN GOES TO SLEEP. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD QUICKLY HAS A NIGHTMARE IN WHICH HE IS FIGHTING IN A BOXING RING AND HE IS FIGHTING A WOODEN SQUILLIAM FANCYSON. SQUIDWARD IS WEARING NO SHIRT, REVEALING HIS SCRAWNY PHYSIQUE, AND INSTEAD OF WEARING BOXING SHORTS, SQUIDWARD IS WEARING ONLY A TIGHT, SMALL SPEEDO. UNLIKE THE REAL SQUILLIAM FANCYSON, THE DREAM BOXER SQUILLIAM FANCYSON, WHO IS WEARING GOLDEN COLOR BOXING SHORTS, IS MADE OF WOOD. DURING THE DREAM BOXING MATCH, SQUILLIAM IS EASILY DODGING SQUIDWARD'S SLOW AND WILD PUNCHES AND THE PUNCHES THAT SQUIDWARD LANDS ONLY COVER HIS GLOVES IN WOOD SPLINTERS THAT PIERCE HIS GLOVES TO GET STUCK IN HIS HANDS. SQUILLIAM POWERFULLY AND PRECISELY LANDS FAST PUNCHES AGAINST SQUIDWARD'S BIG NOSE TO BEAT HIS NOSE LIKE A PUNCHING BAG. SQUIDWARD FEELS LIKE HE IS BEING BEATEN BY A TREE. SQUILLIAM FINALLY ENDS THE MATCH WITH AN UPPER CUT PUNCH TO SQUIDWARD'S THROAT. THE DREAM AUDIENCE INCLUDES SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, WHO ARE BOTH CHEERING FOR SQUILLIAM. AS SQUIDWARD FALLS CHOKING TO THE FLOOR, THE WOODEN SQUILLIAM BOXER ISSUES A THREAT AND EXPLAINS HOW HE WILL TAKE OVER SQUIDWARD'S LIFE AS A PUPPET. THE WOODEN SQUILLIAM TELLS THE DEFEATED SQUIDWARD THAT HE WANTS TO RENEW HIS ARTISTIC LIFE BY BECOMING A LIVING CREATURE AGAIN AND MAKING SQUIDWARD HIS STRING MARIONETTE WOODEN PUPPET. THE WOODEN SQUILLIAM EXPLAINS THAT HE WANTS TO FORCE SQUIDWARD TO BECOME A LIVING PUPPET FOR HIM DURING THE PUPPET SHOWS, SO THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET CAN SLOWLY DRAIN SQUIDWARD'S VITAL LIFE FORCE FROM HIS BODY, WHICH WILL ENABLE THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET TO BECOME A LIVING SEA CREATURE AGAIN AND TURN SQUIDWARD INTO HIS WOODEN PUPPET SLAVE. THE WOODEN SQUILLIAM THEN PULLS HIS WOODEN FIST BACK TO DELIVER A HUGE BLOW, BUT SQUIDWARD WAKES UP SWEATING AND SCREAMING FROM THE NIGHTMARE AT NIGHT IN HIS HOME. SQUIDWARD, WHO SLEEPS WITH HIS FAVORITE CLARINET, GRABS HIS WOODEN CLARINET AND HOLDS IT CLOSE TO COMFORT HIMSELF FROM THE NIGHTMARE. HE TELLS HIS CLARINET THAT HE IS UNSURE IF THE NIGHTMARE REVEALS THAT HIS SQUILLIAM PUPPET IS ALIVE OR THAT HE STILL FEELS GUILTY FOR SUBCONSCIOUSLY HURTING SPONGEBOB. HOLDING HIS CLARINET CLOSE, SQUIDWARD GOES TO INSPECT THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET IN THE ART ROOM. SQUIDWARD TURNS ON THE LIGHTS TO THE ART ROOM AND SEES THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET LYING NEAR THE DAMAGED ARTWORK AND THE PUPPET'S LEFT ARM IS BROKEN OFF FROM SQUIDWARD THROWING IT INTO THE ART ROOM. SQUIDWARD FEARFULLY WATCHES THE SEEMINGLY LIFELESS SQUILLIAM PUPPET AND THREATENS TO BURN IT IN HIS FIRE PLACE IF IT EVER HARMS ANYONE AGAIN WHETHER THE PUPPET IS REALLY ALIVE OR WHETHER IT IS CONTROLLED ONLY BY THE DARKER SUBCONSCIOUS SIDE OF SQUIDWARD'S PERSONALITY. SQUIDWARD, HALF LYING TO HIMSELF, ASSURES THE PUPPET THAT HE IS NOT AFRAID OF WOODEN "DUMMIES." SQUIDWARD SHUTS OFF THE ART ROOM LIGHTS AND RETURNS TO HIS ROOM. HE TELLS HIS CLARINET THAT THERE WILL BE NO PUPPET SHOW TOMORROW AND INSTEAD SQUIDWARD WILL PLAY HIS CLARINET FOR EVERYONE AS A MUSIC SHOW AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. SQUIDWARD GOES TO SLEEP AGAIN BUT WAKES UP WHEN THE WINDOW IN HIS ROOM SOMEHOW OPENS AND LETS IN COLD AIR. BELIEVING THE WIND MUST HAVE PUSHED THE WINDOW OPEN, SQUIDWARD BARRICADES THE WINDOW WITH PILLOWS AND FALLS ASLEEP FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. THE NEXT MORNING, SQUIDWARD TAKES HIS CLARINET TO WORK AT THE KRUSTY KRAB IN PREPARATION FOR THE MUSICAL SHOW. AS THE PUPPET SHOW IS SET TO BEGIN, SQUIDWARD APPROACHES THE INJURED, BANDAGED, AND CANE-WIELDING SPONGEBOB. SQUIDWARD AGAIN APOLOGIZES TO SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD ACCEPTS RESPONSIBILITY FOR SPONGEBOB'S INJURIES. SQUIDWARD TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS NOT GOING TO USE THE PUPPET ANYMORE AND WILL INSTEAD PLAY HIS CLARINET TODAY. SQUIDWARD SAYS THAT HE WROTE A SPECIAL MUSICAL TUNE FOR SPONGEBOB TO MAKE UP FOR HOW BADLY HE HURT SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB FINALLY FORGIVES SQUIDWARD AND THANKS SQUIDWARD FOR FINALLY ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHAT HE DID. SPONGEBOB HUGS SQUIDWARD, WHO RELUCTANTLY HUGS HIM TOO. AS THE AUDIENCE GATHERS EXPECTING ANOTHER BOXING PUPPET SHOW, MR. KRABS ASKS SQUIDWARD IF BOTH HIS PUPPET AND SPONGEBOB ARE READY TO FIGHT. SQUIDWARD INFORMS MR. KRABS THAT SPONGEBOB IS TOO INJURED TO FIGHT AND THAT SQUIDWARD LEFT HIS PUPPET AT HOME AND BROUGHT HIS CLARINET TO PLAY MUSIC FOR EVERYONE INSTEAD. MR. KRABS SUDDENLY HANDS SQUIDWARD HIS SQUILLIAM PUPPET, WHOSE ARM IS NOW SOMEHOW REPAIRED, WHICH MR. KRABS FOUND IN HIS OFFICE. MR. KRABS TELLS SQUIDWARD TO DO A PUPPET SHOW WITH IT BUT TO TELL JOKES THIS TIME SINCE SPONGEBOB IS INJURED. SQUIDWARD, CONFUSED ON HOW THE PUPPET GOT TO THE RESTAURANT, ASKS MR. KRABS WHO BROUGHT THE PUPPET THERE. MR. KRABS SLAPS SQUIDWARD ACROSS THE FACE AND TELLS HIM TO WAKE UP BECAUSE SHOW TIME IS ABOUT TO START. SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO IGNORE MR. KRABS' WISHES AND LEAVES THE PUPPET INSIDE MR. KRABS' OFFICE. SQUIDWARD APPROACHES THE STAGE AT THE FRONT OF THE RESTAURANT. THE CONFUSED AUDIENCE CHANTS FOR SQUILLIAM, BUT SQUIDWARD SIMPLY STARTS PLAYING HIS CLARINET SONG, WHICH EVERYONE JEERS AT EXCEPT SPONGEBOB. THE AUDIENCE BEGINS TO LEAVE WHEN THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SUDDENLY FALLS FROM THE CEILING OF THE RESTAURANT INTO SQUIDWARD'S LAP, CAUSING EVERYONE TO REMAIN AND DEMAND FOR A PUPPET SHOW. SQUIDWARD EMBARRASSINGLY TELLS THEM THAT THE PUPPET SHOW WILL ONLY BE JOKES THIS TIME, CAUSING HALF THE AUDIENCE TO LEAVE. SQUIDWARD STANDS ON HIS HIGH PLATFORM AND NERVOUSLY LOOKS DOWN TO THE STAGE AT THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET AND PREPARES FOR HIS VENTRILOQUIST ROUTINE JOKES. BEFORE SQUIDWARD CAN USE HIS DISGUISED VOICE THOUGH, THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET BEGINS TO SPEAK ON ITS OWN, MIMICKING SQUIDWARD'S DISGUISED VOICE. SQUIDWARD IS EXTREMELY CONFUSED, CANNOT BELIEVE WHAT IS HAPPENING, AND IS SO SHOCKED THAT HE SIMPLY LETS THE PUPPET TALK AS SQUIDWARD HOLDS THE PUPPET'S STRINGS FROM THE PLATFORM ABOVE THE STAGE. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET BEGINS TO OPENLY INSULT SQUIDWARD HIMSELF, THOUGH EVERYONE BELIEVES THAT SQUIDWARD IS CONTROLLING THE PUPPET AS ITS VENTRILOQUIST AND PUPPET MASTER TO CONDUCT A COMEDY ROAST OF HIMSELF. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET TELLS MANY INSULTING JOKES DIRECTED AT SQUIDWARD. THE TEN JOKES CAUSE THE AUDIENCE TO BURST WITH LAUGHTER, WHISTLES, AND APPLAUSE, AND TO THROW A LOT OF MONEY ONTO THE STAGE, WHICH MR. KRABS SWIFTLY COLLECTS. THE JOKES ARE SO FUNNY THAT EVEN SPONGEBOB LAUGHS AT ALL THE JOKES. THE TEN JOKES ARE THE FOLLOWING: THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD MUST BE A BIGGER LIAR THAN PINOCCHIO SINCE HIS NOSE IS SO HUGE AND THAT UNLIKE PINOCCHIO SQUIDWARD NEVER BECAME A REAL BOY SINCE SQUIDWARD LOOKS LIKE AN OLD HAG WOMAN; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD'S PERSONALITY IS SO STIFF AND WOODEN THAT SQUIDWARD SLEEPS WITH HIS WOODEN CLARINET IN HIS BED AT NIGHT BECAUSE NO WOMEN WOULD DARE TO EVEN LOOK AT HIM WITHOUT DOOMING HERSELF TO BLINDNESS; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT PUPPET STRINGS ARE LARGER THAN SQUIDWARD'S SCRAWNY TENTACLES AND THAT SQUIDWARD SHOULD WEAR A TOUPEE SINCE HIS BALD SPOTS MIGHT CAUSE A PUPPET MASTER, BELIEVING THEM TO BE HOLES, TO TRY TO PUT STRINGS INSIDE HIS HAIRLESS HEAD; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD'S UGLY FACE IS AS DEAD AS A BURNED PUPPET; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD'S LANKY FIGURE CAUSES HIM TO WALK LIKE A PUPPET WITH ITS HEAD CUT OFF; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD COULD ONLY MARRY HIS OWN ART, INSTEAD OF A PERSON, AND THAT THE ONLY ART THAT SQUIDWARD COULD MARRY WOULD BE HIS PUPPETS SINCE SQUIDWARD IS SUCH A MINDLESS DUMMY AND NOT EVEN HIS SELF-PORTRAITS CAN HANDLE SEEING THEIR OWN REFLECTIONS; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT WHEN THE SELF-ABSORBED SQUIDWARD GETS TIRED OF PUTTING HIS HEAD SO FAR UP HIS OWN BUTT, HE GETS SPLINTERS WHEN HE DECIDES TO PUT HIS HEAD UP HIS PUPPETS' BUTTS INSTEAD; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD WOULD MAKE A PERFECT PUPPET SINCE HE IS A CASHIER USED TO TAKING EVERYONE'S ORDERS LIKE A ROBOTIC SLAVE AND SINCE HE NEEDS TO CONSIDER CHANGING HIS DAY JOB BECAUSE THE ONLY PLACE HIS JOB HAS GOTTEN HIM IS BEHIND THE CASH REGISTER AND NEXT TO MR. KRABS' BIG SHINING RED BOTTOM, WHICH SQUIDWARD KISSES LIKE RED RUBIES AND SNIFFS LIKE RED ROSES; THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD'S BODY, DESPITE ITS OLD AGE, IS SO IMMATURE THAT EVEN PUPPETS WAKE UP WITH BIGGER "MORNING WOOD" THAN SQUIDWARD DOES; AND, FINALLY, THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET ENDS THE COMEDY SHOW BY SAYING THAT WHEN SQUIDWARD DIES HE WILL BECOME A CLOWN PUPPET SINCE HE IS USED TO EVERYONE LAUGHING AT HIM AS A LIVING JOKE FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE ANYWAY. THE AUDIENCE LOUDLY CHANTS SQUILLIAM'S NAME, THE PUPPET BOWS, AND THEN THE PUPPET SAYS THAT SQUIDWARD, BECAUSE HE IS SO DEAD INSIDE, TAUGHT HIM HOW TO PLAY DEAD AS THE PUPPET FALLS LIFELESS TO THE FLOOR AND THE APPLAUSE BOOMS AND THE AUDIENCE WIPES TEARS FROM THEIR EYES FROM LAUGHING SO MUCH THAT THEY CRIED. SQUIDWARD, DISORIENTED BEYOND BELIEF, FAINTS FROM THE EMOTIONAL TRAUMA AND FALLS HARD ONTO THE STAGE BELOW. SQUIDWARD WAKES UP AT HOME AND MUST REMAIN BED-RIDDEN AND OFF WORK FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK TO RECOVER FROM THE FALL. SQUIDWARD BORROWS SPONGEBOB'S CANE TO WALK DUE TO HIS INJURIES. SQUIDWARD HAS TEMPORARY AMNESIA CONCERNING THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET DUE TO A HEAD INJURY FROM HIS FALL DURING THE COMEDY PUPPET SHOW. SPONGEBOB IS STILL SOMEWHAT INJURED FROM THE BOXING MATCH BUT HE HAS RECOVERED TO THE POINT THAT HE NO LONGER NEEDS TO WALK WITH HIS CANE. SPONGEBOB ACTS AS SQUIDWARD'S CARETAKER AS THE KRUSTY KRAB CLOSES FOR THE WEEK TO LET ITS EMPLOYEES HEAL, THOUGH MR. KRABS EARNED SO MUCH MONEY OFF THE LAST TWO PUPPET SHOWS THAT THE BUSINESS BREAK WILL NOT FINANCIALLY HARM THE RESTAURANT AT ALL AND ACTUALLY ALLOWS MR. KRABS TO ENJOY A FUN SHOPPING SPREE FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK. SPONGEBOB REMAINS WITH THE INJURED SQUIDWARD DURING THE DAY, BUT LEAVES BACK HOME EVERY NIGHT SINCE GARY IS AFRAID OF SLEEPING ALONE AT NIGHT AT SPONGEBOB'S HOME. SQUIDWARD'S AMNESIA CAUSES HIM TO ADMIRE THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET WHICH HE PLAYS WITH DURING THE DAY. HOWEVER, THROUGHOUT THE RECOVERY WEEK, SQUIDWARD BEGINS TO FEAR THAT THE PUPPET IS HAUNTED BY THE GHOST OF SQUILLIAM FANCYSON WHEN BIZARRE THINGS OCCUR AT HIS HOME DURING THE NIGHT WHEN HE IS ALONE. SQUIDWARD HEARS GIGGLING COMING FROM THE ART ROOM IN WHICH THE PUPPET IS PLACED AND HEARS RUNNING FOOTSTEPS THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE AT NIGHT. WHENEVER SQUIDWARD, LIMPING WITH HIS CANE, GETS UP TO FIND THE SOURCE OF THE SCARY NOISES, HE FINDS THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET LYING IN LOCATIONS THAT HE DID NOT LEAVE THE PUPPET AT. WHEN SQUIDWARD WAKES UP FROM SLEEP, HE FINDS SMALL BITE MARKS THAT LEAVE WOODEN SPLINTERS ON HIS TENTACLES OR FINDS HIMSELF TIED TO HIS BED WITH PIECES OF PUPPET STRINGS. EVERY MORNING, MORE AND MORE OF THE VARIOUS PIECES OF ARTWORK IN THE ART ROOM WHICH DEPICT SQUIDWARD'S FACE NOW DEPICT THE FACE OF SQUILLIAM. SQUIDWARD WAKES UP EVERY NIGHT TO THE SOUND OF SOMEONE PLAYING HIS CLARINET TO CREATE A VERY CREEPY MUSICAL TUNE, THOUGH SQUIDWARD CAN NEVER FIND HIS CLARINET WHEN HE INSPECTS THE PUPPET. FINALLY, BEFORE HE FALLS ASLEEP AT NIGHT WITH HIS BEDROOM DOOR OPEN, SQUIDWARD WAKES UP AS HE FEELS HIS BED BLANKETS BEING SLOWLY DRAGGED OFF HIM. WHENEVER SQUIDWARD TRIES TO COVER HIMSELF WITH THE MOVING BLANKETS, HIS OPEN BEDROOM DOOR SLAMS ON ITS OWN, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO BARRICADE THE DOOR WITH ROOM FURNITURE. DURING THE DAY, SQUIDWARD TRIES TO TELL SPONGEBOB ABOUT THE LIVING PUPPET, BUT SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT SQUIDWARD IS STILL SUFFERING FROM HIS HEAD INJURIES FROM THE FALL TOO MUCH TO DISTINGUISH REALITY FROM ILLUSION AND PARANOIA. SQUIDWARD HIMSELF WONDERS IF HE HAS LOST HIS MIND FROM THE MYSTERIOUS FALL, WHICH HE FAINTLY REMEMBERS ONLY AS AN ACCIDENT DURING ONE OF HIS PUPPET SHOWS. ON THE LAST NIGHT OF HIS RECOVERY WEEK, SQUIDWARD, TIRED OF DEALING WITH THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET, LOCKS THE PUPPET INSIDE HIS SMALL HOME PERSONAL MONEY SAFE. AFTER HE DOES SO, HE READS A FICTIONAL BOOK BY A DIM LAMP IN HIS BEDROOM BED TO TRY TO FALL ASLEEP. HE FIRST READS THE STORY OF PINOCCHIO, BUT THE STORY ONLY REMINDS HIM OF THE PUPPET, CAUSING HIM TO CHOOSE ANOTHER STORY. HE NEXT READS A FAIRY TALE STORY ABOUT LIVING WALKING TREES, BUT THE STORY LIKEWISE ONLY REMINDS HIM OF THE PUPPET, SO HE CHOOSES THE LAST STORY OF THE BOOK. THE LAST STORY IS ABOUT A MAD SCIENTIST WHO INVENTS A ROBOT THAT WANTS TO DESTROY HIM AND TAKE HIS PLACE AS A MAD INVENTOR. AS SQUIDWARD REACHES THE END OF THE STORY AND IS ABOUT TO DISCOVER IF THE MAD SCIENTIST OR THE ROBOT WINS THEIR FINAL DEADLY FIGHT, THE LAMP LIGHT IS SUDDENLY TURNED OFF BY SOMETHING AND SOMETHING SLAMS THE BOOK AGAINST SQUIDWARD'S FACE, TEMPORARILY DAZING HIM. THE HIT TO HIS HEAD CAUSES SQUIDWARD'S MEMORY OF THE PUPPET'S PREVIOUS DIABOLICAL ACTIONS TO RETURN. FURIOUS, SQUIDWARD TRIES TO ATTACK THE WOODEN PUPPET, WHICH HE BELIEVES IS HIDING IN HIS LOCKED HOME PERSONAL MONEY SAFE IN HIS BEDROOM. IMMEDIATELY UPON PULLING OUT A WOODEN OBJECT FROM THE SAFE, SQUIDWARD MERCILESSLY BITES, PULLS, PUNCHES, STOMPS ON, AND KICKS THE WOODEN OBJECT IN THE DARKNESS. BELIEVING HE HAS FINALLY DESTROYED THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET, SQUIDWARD TURNS ON THE ROOM LAMP LIGHT. TO HIS HORROR, THE WOODEN OBJECT HE DESTROYED WAS ACTUALLY HIS WOODEN CLARINET THAT THE PUPPET, ESCAPING FROM THE SAFE, HAD PLACED IN THE SAFE FOR HIM TO DESTROY. SQUIDWARD CRIES AND HOLDS HIS BROKEN CLARINET PIECES. SQUIDWARD FURIOUSLY YELLS FOR THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET TO STOP BEING SUCH A COWARD AND TO FIGHT HIM MAN TO MAN. THE PUPPET COMES OUT FROM UNDER THE BED, APPEARS FROM BEHIND HIM, AND LAUGHS. THE PUPPET TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT HE MEANS THAT THEY WILL FIGHT PUPPET TO PUPPET, AND IT IS NOW TIME TO SEE WHO REALLY IS PINOCCHIO AND WHO REALLY IS GEPPETTO. THEY BOTH JUMP AT EACH OTHER AS SQUIDWARD WRAPS THE PUPPET WITH HIS TENTACLES AND THE PUPPET WRAPS SQUIDWARD WITH ITS STRINGS. STRANGLING EACH OTHER, THEY WRESTLE OUT OF THE BEDROOM AND TUMBLE DOWN THE HOME'S STAIRS. THEY LAND IN THE LIVING ROOM, AND SQUIDWARD SEES FIRE IN THE FIREPLACE AND THE FIRE POKER BY IT. SQUIDWARD GRABS THE FIRE POKER AND CHOPS OFF MOST OF THE PUPPET'S LEGS. THE PUPPET CRAWLS QUICKLY AND BITES SQUIDWARD'S FEET, CAUSING HIM TO DROP THE FIRE POKER. THE PUPPET JUMPS ONTO SQUIDWARD'S FACE, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO FALL TO THE FLOOR WITH THE PUPPET ON TOP OF HIM. THE PUPPET BEGINS TUGGING AT HIS BIG NOSE TRYING TO RIP IT OFF. SQUIDWARD GRABS THE FIRE POKER OFF THE FLOOR AND FINALLY KNOCKS THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET INTO THE FIRE PLACE. THE BURNING PUPPET SCREAMS AS IT DIES AND SQUIDWARD CHEERS AND CALLS IT A WORTHLESS DUMMY WITH NO HEART OR SOUL OF ITS OWN. BUT BEFORE THE PUPPET IS FULLY DESTROYED BY THE FLAMES, THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET STARTS LAUGHING. DISTURBED, SQUIDWARD ASKS THE DYING PUPPET WHAT IS SO FUNNY. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET RESPONDS THAT "IRONY" IS FUNNY EVEN AT THE MOMENT OF DEATH. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET, ADMITTING IT IS POSSESSED BY THE GHOST OF SQUILLIAM FANCYSON, TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT IT LEARNED A SUPERNATURAL SECRET ABOUT THE NATURE OF LIFE DURING ITS TIME AS A GHOST. SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY ASKS WHAT THE IRONIC SECRET IS. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT A MYSTERIOUS SUPERNATURAL INVISIBLE PUPPET MASTER NAMED "FATE" CONTROLS ALL OF SQUIDWARD'S ACTIONS AND THUS SQUIDWARD HIMSELF IS REALLY ALREADY AN ORGANIC "PUPPET." UPON HEARING THE IRONIC SECRET, SQUIDWARD SUDDENLY NOTICES SILVER LIGHT CORDS EMANATING LIKE STRINGS FROM HIS TENTACLES AND HEAD INTO THE CEILING AND THE BOUNDLESS NIGHT SKY ABOVE, AND HE IS SHOCKED BY THE HORRIFIC TRUTH. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET GLEEFULLY TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT NOW THAT SQUIDWARD KNOWS OF THE UNREALITY OF FREE WILL AND THE FUTILITY OF HIS PREDETERMINED ACTIONS IN LIFE, THE FORCE OF FATE MUST SEVER HIS SILVER CORDS TO PREVENT SQUIDWARD FROM TELLING EVERYONE THAT THEY ARE ALL REALLY ORGANIC PUPPETS ON STRINGS CONTROLLED BY THE SUPREME PUPPET MASTER FATE. THE "STRINGS" ARE THE SEA CREATURES' SPIRITUAL SILVER LIGHT CORDS EMANATING FROM THEIR LIMBS AND HEADS TO THE METAPHYSICAL REALM INHABITED BY THE SUPREME PUPPET MASTER FATE. AS THE GHOST OF SQUILLIAM FINALLY DEPARTS FROM THE DESTROYED BURNED SQUILLIAM PUPPET AND IS TAKEN AWAY BY FATE, THE PUPPET FINALLY STOPS MOVING AND IS NOW ONLY CHARRED CHUNKS OF WOOD. SQUIDWARD'S SILVER LIGHT CORDS BEGIN TO FADE, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO FEEL GREAT PAIN, CLUTCH HIS CHEST, AND COLLAPSE TO THE FLOOR WITH HIS DEAD BODY AS STIFF AS WOOD. FATE HAS COLLECTED HIS SECOND SQUID VICTIM PUPPET.

**TOM SURFING: HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE A PUPPET ON A STRING CONTROLLED BY MYSTERIOUS FORCES YOU NEITHER SENSE NOR UNDERSTAND? HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED IF FATE IS REAL, AND, IF SO, IF FATE IS BENEVOLENT OR MALEVOLENT? WELL, YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED THE REVEALING CASE OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, AN OCTOPUS MARIONETTE DANCING LIKE A JESTER FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE FOR THE FORCE OF FATE, WHO IS MASTER OF EVERYTHING…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**23 EPISODE TWENTY-THREE: CRYING CYCLOPS**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE HAS HEARD OF THE WOLF IN SHEEP'S CLOTHING, BUT FEW HAVE HEARD OF THE LITTLE PLANKTON WHO COULD TRANSFORM INTO A GIANT CYCLOPS. IT IS OFTEN SAID THAT YOU CAN CATCH THE DEVIL STING RAY, BUT HE WON'T STAY IN YOUR NET FOR LONG. SANDY CHEEKS IS ABOUT TO LEARN THAT IMPORTANT LESSON THE HARD WAY AS SHE TIME TRAVELS…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SANDY CHEEKS TIME TRAVELS IN A TIME MACHINE THAT RESEMBLES A TEXAN BULL, WHICH CREATES A POWERFUL WATER WHIRLPOOL WORM HOLE LEADING TO THE PAST, TO THE BIKINI BOTTOM VILLAGE OF THE MIDDLE AGES TO INVESTIGATE THE MYSTERIOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE NEARBY KINGDOM OF ATLANTIS THAT OCCURRED IN THE MIDDLE AGES. SANDY LEAVES HER BULL TIME MACHINE IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE BIKINI BOTTOM VILLAGE AND TRIES TO FIND AN INN TO STAY FOR THE NIGHT BEFORE SHE TRAVELS TO THE NEARBY STILL INTACT KINGDOM OF ATLANTIS IN THE MORNING. AS A STORM BEGINS OUTSIDE, SANDY, DISGUISING HERSELF IN KNIGHT'S ARMOR, VISITS A LOCAL RESTAURANT INN, OWNED BY THE CRAB ANCESTOR OF MR. KRABS, CALLED "THE KNIGHTLY INN." THERE THE ANCESTORS OF THE PRESENT DAY KRUSTY KRAB CREW WORK AND LIVE. THE ANCESTORS ARE LOOK-A-LIKES OF THEIR PRESENT DAY DESCENDANTS AND EVEN HAVE THE SAME NAMES AS THEIR PRESENT DAY DESCENDANTS, THOUGH THE ANCESTORS' NAMES ALL HAVE A PRECEDING "SIR" OR "MADAM" TITLE. SIR EUGENE KRABS OWNS THE INN, HAS TWO MAN SERVANTS NAMED SIR SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND SIR SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, AND HAS HIS STEP DAUGHTER MADAM PEARL KRABS. UPON HER ARRIVAL, THE FOUR RESIDENTS OF THE INN WELCOME SANDY, WHO ENJOYS A DELICIOUS MEDIEVAL KRABBY PATTY DINNER MEAL. AS SANDY DISCUSSES THE MAGICAL KINGDOM OF ATLANTIS, WHICH IS STILL PERFECTLY INTACT AT THE MOMENT, WITH HER HOSTS, A LOUD CRYING BABY CAN BE HEARD FROM ONE OF THE UPPER LEVELS OF THE LARGE INN. THE CONVERSATION STOPS AS SANDY LISTENS WITH SORROW TO THE CRYING BABY WHOSE SCREECHES EVENTUALLY FADE. SANDY ASKS WHO THE BABY IS, BUT HER HOSTS IGNORE HER QUESTION AND INSTEAD ASK WHERE SHE IS FROM. SANDY, UNSURE OF HOW TO ANSWER, CLAIMS TO BE AN AMBASSADOR KNIGHT FROM A KINGDOM FAR, FAR AWAY. MADAM PEARL TELLS SANDY THAT WOMEN SHOULD ONLY BE PRINCESSES AND NOT KNIGHTS, UNLESS THEY ARE TOM BOYS. BEFORE SANDY CAN RESPOND, THE CRYING BABY CAN BE HEARD AGAIN, THE BABY'S CRIES ARE EVEN LOUDER THAN BEFORE, AND THE BABY CAN BE HEARD WILDLY BANGING THINGS ACROSS ITS ROOM. SIR KRABS TELLS HIS TWO MAN SERVANTS TO SHUT THE BABY'S LITTLE BUTT UP, SO HIS TWO MAN SERVANTS LEAVE UPSTAIRS. SANDY ONCE AGAIN ASKS SIR KRABS WHO THE BABY IS. FROM UPSTAIRS, THE BABY'S CRIES ARE NOW MIXED WITH SCREAMS. SIR KRABS TELLS SANDY THAT THE BABY IS THE CHILD OF A SEA MONSTER AND THAT THE CREW OF THE KNIGHTLY INN MUST ALWAYS PREVENT ITS ESCAPE FROM IMPRISONMENT. SANDY IS SHOCKED BY THE SEEMING SUPERSTITION AND BARBARITY OF HIS WORDS AND CLAIMS THAT SIR KRABS IS MALTREATING THE BABY. SIR KRABS RESPONDS THAT, ON THE CONTRARY, THE KNIGHTLY INN CREW DOES ALL IT CAN TO STOP THE BABY'S CRYING. SIR KRABS SAYS THAT MADAM PEARL ALWAYS READS THE BABY BED TIME FAIRY TALES AND CHANGES THE BABY'S STINKY AND WET DIAPERS; SIR SQUIDWARD ALWAYS PLAYS LULLABIES ON HIS CLARINET FOR THE BABY; SIR SPONGEBOB ALWAYS PREPARES THE BABY FRESH MILK BOTTLES AND PACIFIERS; AND HE HIMSELF ALWAYS MAKES NEW TOYS FOR THE BABY. SIR KRABS LAMENTS THAT THE BABY NEVER ACCEPTS ANY OF THESE OFFERINGS OF GOOD WILL AND ALWAYS CRIES LOUDLY EVERY NIGHT FOR FREEDOM. SANDY TELLS SIR KRABS THAT HE SHOULD GIVE THE BABY TO SOMEONE WHOM IT WILL LOVE, BUT MADAM PEARL INTERRUPTS AND INSTEAD REVEALS WHO THE BABY REALLY IS, DESPITE HER FATHER'S PROTESTS TO MAINTAIN SECRECY. MADAM PEARL SAYS THE BABY IS REALLY NO BABY AT ALL AND IS INSTEAD THE EVIL WIZARD NAMED COUNT SHELDON PLANKTON, WHO MAGICALLY MIMICS BABY CRIES TO CAUSE CREDULOUS VISITORS TO FREE HIM FROM HIS IMPRISONMENT AND THEN MAGICALLY TRANSFORMS INTO A GIANT SEA MONSTER CYCLOPS TO SADISTICALLY DESTROY COUNTLESS CITIES ACROSS THE SEA. REMEMBERING THAT SHE IS NOW IN THE DARK AGES, SANDY IS NATURALLY SKEPTICAL OF THE WILD STORY AND BELIEVES THAT COUNT PLANKTON IS THE ANCESTOR OF THE PRESENT DAY SHELDON PLANKTON. AS THE BABY'S CRIES GROW LOUDER, SANDY, HOPING TO SEE COUNT PLANKTON FOR HERSELF, OFFERS TO TRY A NEW METHOD TO SOOTHE THE BABY'S CRYING. SIR KRABS AGREES TO LET HER VISIT COUNT PLANKTON BUT FIRMLY WARNS SANDY TO NEVER FREE COUNT PLANKTON FROM HIS LOCKED ROOM AND HIS LOCKED CAGE WITHIN HIS ROOM NO MATTER HOW SAD THE BABY SOUNDS. SANDY AGREES AND MADAM PEARL ESCORTS SANDY TO COUNT PLANKTON'S ROOM AS THE BABY CRIES FINALLY STOP. THE TWO WOMEN APPROACH COUNT PLANKTON'S LOCKED ROOM, WHICH BOTH SIR SPONGEBOB AND SIR SQUIDWARD ARE STANDING GUARD OVER. THE LOCKED DOOR ON THE ROOM HAS A SIGN THAT READS: "BEWARE WIZARD CYCLOPS INSIDE, DO NOT OPEN DOOR AT ANY TIME!" FROM A BARRED OPEN WINDOW ON THE LOCKED DOOR ROOM, SANDY PEEKS INSIDE THE DARK ROOM. THERE LITTLE COUNT PLANKTON, WHO IS A LOOK-A-LIKE OF SHELDON PLANKTON WITH TEARS IN HIS EYE AND WEARING A BABY DIAPER, LOOKS UP AT SANDY. COUNT PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY PLEAS FOR SANDY'S HELP TO FREE HIM AND CLAIMS THAT SIR KRABS IS A BABY KIDNAPPER. AS SIR SPONGEBOB, SIR SQUIDWARD, AND MADAM PEARL PROTEST THE CLAIM, COUNT PLANKTON YELLS THAT SIR KRABS KIDNAPPED HIM TO HAVE A BABY SON SINCE SIR KRABS SUFFERS FROM MALE INFERTILITY, EXPLAINING WHY MADAM PEARL IS HIS ADOPTED STEP DAUGHTER. MADAM PEARL RUNS AWAY CRYING FROM THE INSULT. SIR SQUIDWARD THREATENS TO RUTHLESSLY SPANK COUNT PLANKTON UNTIL DAWN IF HE DOES NOT STOP INSULTING SIR KRABS AND DOES NOT STOP CRYING LIKE A BABY. AS THE STORM GROWS LOUDER OUTSIDE, SANDY OFFERS TO PERFORM A SOCK PUPPET SHOW TO ENTERTAIN COUNT PLANKTON, BUT COUNT PLANKTON BEGS SANDY TO FREE HIM AND TO GIVE HIM BACK HIS DOLL TOY THAT LOOKS LIKE A SHRIMP, WHICH COUNT PLANKTON CLAIMS SIR KRABS CONFISCATED FROM HIM BECAUSE COUNT PLANKTON DOES NOT ACCEPT SIR KRABS AS A FATHER. SIR SQUIDWARD ANGRILY BANGS HIS TENTACLES AGAINST THE LOCKED DOOR AND SIR SPONGEBOB CALLS THE PRISONER A DISHONEST MONSTER, CAUSING COUNT PLANKTON TO CROUCH IN A CORNER OF HIS LOCKED CAGE, COVER HIS ONE EYE IN SHAME, AND BEG SANDY TO FREE HIM FROM THE CRAZY SUPERSTITIOUS FAMILY. SIR SQUIDWARD USES HIS CLARINET TO SPIT OUT SALIVA COVERED PAPER BALLS AT COUNT PLANKTON, WHO VAINLY COVERS HIS BODY FROM THE BARRAGE. SIR SPONGEBOB ESCORTS THE CONFUSED, SYMPATHETIC SANDY TO HER ROOM FOR THE NIGHT. SANDY DISBELIEVES THE WILD STORY AND ACTUALLY BELIEVES THAT SIR KRABS HAS INDEED KIDNAPPED COUNT PLANKTON AS A RELUCTANT SON AND THAT THEIR DESCENDANTS' ANIMOSITY IN THE FUTURE ACTUALLY STEMS FROM THIS ORIGINAL KIDNAPPING. THE BABY'S CRIES CONTINUE AND SIR SQUIDWARD CAN BE HEARD YELLING AT COUNT PLANKTON AND THROWING OBJECTS AT COUNT PLANKTON'S ROOM DOOR. SANDY REVEALS HER DOUBTS AND DISCOMFORT TO SIR SPONGEBOB. SIR SPONGEBOB ASSURES SANDY THAT BLACK MAGIC IS REAL AND THAT COUNT PLANKTON IS AN EVIL WIZARD IN DISGUISE, THOUGH SANDY DISBELIEVES BOTH CLAIMS DUE TO HER SCIENTIFIC WORLD VIEW. SIR SPONGEBOB TELLS SANDY THAT TOMORROW MORNING ONCE THE NIGHT'S STORM IS OVER, SHE MUST LEAVE THE KNIGHTLY INN BECAUSE THE CREW IS UNSURE OF WHERE HER LOYALTIES REALLY LIE. AS SIR SPONGEBOB LEAVES SANDY'S ROOM, SANDY LIES DOWN ON HER COT AND THINKS ABOUT WHAT SHE SHOULD DO. SIR KRABS ENTERS SANDY'S ROOM. SIR KRABS ASKS SANDY'S OPINION OF COUNT PLANKTON, AND SANDY PRETENDS TO BELIEVE THEIR STORY TO AVOID SUSPICION OF HER REAL THOUGHTS OF HELPING COUNT PLANKTON TO ESCAPE HIS IMPRISONMENT AND ABUSE. SIR KRABS IS NOT FOOLED BY SANDY'S LIE, SO HE TELLS SIR SQUIDWARD TO GUARD SANDY'S ROOM TO PREVENT HER FROM TRYING TO FREE COUNT PLANKTON. AS SIR KRABS LEAVES TO SLEEP IN HIS MASTER BEDROOM FOR THE NIGHT, SIR KRABS WARNS SANDY THAT EVIL COMES IN MANY FORMS AND SIZES AND MANIPULATES THE COMPASSION OF OTHERS TO THRIVE. SIR SQUIDWARD STANDS GUARD AT SANDY'S ROOM DOOR AND GLARES AT HER. SANDY WISHES HIM GOOD NIGHT, BUT HE IGNORES HER AND CONTINUES WATCHING HER. SANDY, WHO CARRIES A SACK OF CLOTHING WITH HER, ASKS SIR SQUIDWARD IF HE WILL STOP STARING AT HER TO ALLOW HER TO CHANGE INTO HER PAJAMAS. SIR SQUIDWARD AGREES AND COVERS HIS EYES, THOUGH HE STILL PEEKS THROUGH THEM. SANDY SEES HIM PEEKING AND TELLS HIM TO PLEASE LEAVE THE DOOR FOR A MOMENT TO LET HER CHANGE. SIR SQUIDWARD FINALLY LEAVES TO LET HER CHANGE. INSTEAD OF CHANGING HER KNIGHT'S ARMOR, SANDY, DECIDING TO FREE THE ABUSED COUNT PLANKTON, TRIES TO OPEN HER ROOM DOOR BUT IT IS LOCKED FROM THE OUTSIDE. SIR SQUIDWARD, WHO HAS THE KEY TO HER ROOM, IMMEDIATELY RETURNS AND ASKS HER WHAT SHE IS DOING. SANDY SMILES AT SIR SQUIDWARD AND ASKS HIM IF HE CAN PLAY HIS CLARINET TO HELP HER SLEEP. SIR SQUIDWARD AGREES AND BEGINS PLAYING MUSIC FROM HIS CLARINET WHILE SANDY PRETENDS TO ADORE HIM, THOUGH HE PLAYS HORRIBLY. SANDY GETS CLOSER TO THE ROOM DOOR WINDOW SEPARATING THEM AND TELLS SIR SQUIDWARD THAT HE HAS BEAUTIFUL EYES. SIR SQUIDWARD BLUSHES AND TELLS SANDY THAT SHE HAS THE BUSHIEST TAIL HE HAS EVER SEEN. THE TWO LEAN TOWARDS THE CAGED OPEN DOOR WINDOW TO KISS EACH OTHER, BUT SANDY YANKS SIR SQUIDWARD'S BIG FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE TO SLAM HIS FACE AGAINST THE DOOR AND TO STEAL THE KEY TO THE ROOM THAT HE IS CARRYING. SIR SQUIDWARD IS KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS FROM THE BLOW, AND SANDY FREES HERSELF FROM THE ROOM WITH THE KEY AS THE BABY'S CRIES SUDDENLY CONTINUE. SANDY, GRABBING HER BELONGINGS, SNEAKS TOWARDS COUNT PLANKTON'S LOCKED ROOM. DESPITE THE LOUD BABY'S CRIES, WHICH THE CREW AT THE OTHERWISE EMPTY INN APPEARS TO BE USED TO, SIR SPONGEBOB IS SLEEPING AND STANDING GUARD AT COUNT PLANKTON'S LOCKED ROOM DOOR. SANDY NOTICES THAT THE BABY'S CRIES, WHICH ARE NOW EVEN LOUDER, THOUGH THE STORM OUTSIDE ALSO COVERS THEIR NOISE, DO NOT SEEM TO BE COMING FROM COUNT PLANKTON'S ROOM, WHICH GREATLY PUZZLES HER. AS SANDY CREEPS TOWARDS THE DOOR, SIR SPONGEBOB STIRS IN HIS SLEEP, CAUSING HER TO FREEZE. THE DROWSY SIR SPONGEBOB WEAKLY OPENS HIS EYES, SEES THE FROZEN SANDY, SMILES AT HER, AND CLOSES HIS EYES AGAIN. SANDY SLOWLY REACHES FOR THE KEY IN HIS POCKET TO COUNT PLANKTON'S ROOM DOOR, BUT SIR SPONGEBOB WAKES UP AS SHE RETRIEVES THE KEY. SIR SPONGEBOB TACKLES HER TO THE FLOOR AND THE TWO KARATE WRESTLE OVER THE KEY. INSIDE COUNT PLANKTON'S ROOM, COUNT PLANKTON BEGINS TO LAUGH. SANDY PRETENDS TO BE KNOCKED OUT AFTER SIR SPONGEBOB THROWS HER AGAINST THE WALL OF THE HALLWAY. SIR SPONGEBOB, HOLDING THE KEY IN HIS HAND, STEPS OVER AND LOOKS DOWN AT THE DEFEATED SANDY. SIR SPONGEBOB SADLY COMMENTS THAT BEAUTY ALWAYS FALLS FOR THE BEAST, JUST AS SANDY SWIFTLY KICKS SIR SPONGEBOB AT HIS SPONGY GROIN, CAUSING HIM TO FREEZE, WINCE IN PAIN, AND FALL GASPING FOR AIR TO THE FLOOR. SANDY QUICKLY UNLOCKS THE DOOR TO COUNT PLANKTON'S ROOM, CAUSING COUNT PLANKTON TO URGE HER TO HURRY BEFORE SIR KRABS AND MADAM PEARL ARRIVE. SANDY THEN USES THE KEY TO UNLOCK COUNT PLANKTON'S CAGE. COUNT PLANKTON JUMPS ONTO AND HUGS SANDY, CAUSING HER TO GENTLY PAT HIS HEAD AND TELL HIM THAT HE IS NOW FREE. HOWEVER, COUNT PLANKTON WANTS SANDY TO RESCUE HIS SHRIMP DOLL FOR HIM BEFORE HE ESCAPES BECAUSE HE CLAIMS HE CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT IT. SANDY RELUCTANTLY AGREES. THE TWO DEPART AS THE STILL GASPING AND INJURED SIR SPONGEBOB WEAKLY CRAWLS AFTER THEM. WITH COUNT PLANKTON RIDING ON HER TAIL AND TELLING HER THAT THE SHRIMP DOLL IS LOCKED IN ANOTHER ROOM GUARDED BY MADAM PEARL, SANDY SLOWLY APPROACHES THE OTHER ROOM WHICH MADAM PEARL IS STANDING BY AND GUARDING. BECAUSE COUNT PLANKTON IS ON SANDY'S BACK TAIL, MADAM PEARL CANNOT SEE HIM AS SANDY APPROACHES HER. MADAM PEARL IS CONFUSED AT SANDY'S SNEAKING ABOUT THE INN SO SANDY ASKS MADAM PEARL WHERE THE BATHROOMS OF THE INN ARE. AS MADAM PEARL ESCORTS SANDY TO THE BATHROOMS DOWN THE HALL, THE LITTLE COUNT PLANKTON CRAWLS INTO THE ROOM HOLDING HIS SHRIMP DOLL BUT THE SHRIMP DOLL IS HIGH ABOVE HIM ON A LARGE WOODEN BOOK SHELF. COUNT PLANKTON DECIDES TO SIMPLY YELL FOR SANDY'S HELP. BOTH SANDY AND MADAM PEARL TURN TO HEAR COUNT PLANKTON'S YELLING JUST AS THE STILL PANTING AND CRAWLING SIR SPONGEBOB ENTERS THEIR VIEW. SIR SPONGEBOB POINTS ACCUSINGLY AT SANDY FOR LETTING COUNT PLANKTON FREE. SIR SPONGEBOB, WITH A WEAK HOARSE VOICE FROM HIS GROIN INJURY, SHOUTS AT SANDY: "THOU ART THE WOMAN!" SIR SPONGEBOB THEN FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP FROM PAIN AND EXHAUSTION. SANDY SNATCHES THE KEY TO THE ROOM DOOR OF THE ROOM HOLDING THE SHRIMP DOLL FROM MADAM PEARL. AS SANDY RUNS TO AND UNLOCKS THE DOOR, MADAM PEARL RUNS AFTER HER AND SHOUTS FOR HER FATHER. SANDY SHUTS THE DOOR AND THEN GETS COUNT PLANKTON'S SHRIMP DOLL FOR HIM AND GIVES THE APPARENT TOY TO HIM. THE BABY'S CRIES APPEAR TO BE COMING FROM THE SHRIMP DOLL ITSELF, GREATLY CONFUSING SANDY SINCE THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE AGES AND THERE ARE NO ELECTRONIC DOLLS. BEFORE SHE CAN ASK COUNT PLANKTON ABOUT THE CRYING SHRIMP DOLL IN HIS ARMS, SIR KRABS AND MADAM PEARL START BUMPING AGAINST THE ROOM DOOR FROM THE OUTSIDE. SANDY LEANS ON THE DOOR TO PREVENT THEM FROM ENTERING AND TELLS COUNT PLANKTON TO ESCAPE OUT THE ROOM'S OPEN WINDOW. SIR KRABS AND MADAM PEARL SCREAM IN PROTEST AND TELL SANDY THAT SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT SHE HAS JUST DONE. COUNT PLANKTON PRESSES THE BELLY OF HIS SHRIMP DOLL, CAUSING THE CRYING DOLL TO RELEASE TEAR GAS INTO THE ROOM. AS SANDY, SIR KRABS, AND MADAM PEARL CHOKE AND INVOLUNTARILY CRY DUE TO THE BLINDING TEAR GAS, COUNT PLANKTON IS SUDDENLY WEARING A SMALL BLACK CAPE, SMALL FAKE VAMPIRE TEETH, AND SMALL FAKE BLACK RAM HORNS AS A SMALL EVIL GOTHIC COSTUME, WHICH HE HAD HIDDEN INSIDE THE SHRIMP DOLL, AS THE SMOKE CLEARS. THE WEAKENED SANDY, SIR KRABS, AND MADAM PEARL HELPLESSLY WATCH AS COUNT PLANKTON MANIACALLY LAUGHS AND SQUEEZES THE SHRIMP DOLL'S EYES, WHICH BLINK AS THOUGH THEY HAVE LIGHTS IN THEM. AS THE WEAKENED SANDY, REALIZING HER MISTAKE, MOVES TOWARDS COUNT PLANKTON TO STOP HIM FROM ESCAPING, THE WHOLE BIKINI BOTTOM MEDIEVAL VILLAGE AND THE KNIGHTLY INN ITSELF SHAKE AS IF FROM AN EARTHQUAKE. THE GRINNING COUNT PLANKTON, CARRYING HIS SHRIMP DOLL, GLIDES WITH HIS BLACK CAPE OUT OF THE ROOM WINDOW INTO THE NIGHT AS THE WEAKENED SIR KRABS AND MADAM PEARL ENTER THE ROOM TO CHASE AFTER HIM. HOWEVER, BOOKS FROM THE LARGE BOOK SHELF IN THE ROOM, DUE TO THE APPARENT EARTHQUAKE, FALL ONTO SANDY, SIR KRABS, AND MADAM PEARL, KNOCKING THEM ALL UNCONSCIOUS. SANDY WAKES UP IN THE MORNING IN THE ROOM STILL NEXT TO THE UNCONSCIOUS SIR KRABS AND MADAM PEARL. SANDY APOLOGIZES TO THE UNCONSCIOUS KRABS FAMILY AND THE STILL SLEEPING SIR SPONGEBOB AND SIR SQUIDWARD FOR HER HORRIBLE MISTAKE. SANDY EXITS THE KNIGHTLY INN, AND SHE SEES THAT MOST OF THE MEDIEVAL BIKINI BOTTOM VILLAGE IS WRECKED FROM THE APPARENT EARTHQUAKE AND THE SURVIVOR FISH CITIZENS IN THE STREETS ARE DISCUSSING THE GIANT CYCLOPS WHO DESTROYED MOST OF THEIR TOWN AND EVEN DESTROYED THE NEARBY CITY OF ATLANTIS. SANDY REALIZES TO HER HORROR THAT BY TIME TRAVELING TO THE PAST TO INVESTIGATE THE MYSTERIOUS DESTRUCTION OF ATLANTIS, SANDY UNWILLINGLY CAUSED THE INCIDENT. SANDY QUICKLY LEAVES THE VILLAGE, ENTERS HER BULL TIME MACHINE, AND TRIES TO TIME TRAVEL BACK TO HER OWN TIME. HOWEVER, SHE INSTEAD ACCIDENTALLY ENTERS A PREHISTORIC ERA JUNGLE BIKINI BOTTOM, WHERE SHE LUCKILY BUT INEXPLICABLY SEES COUNT PLANKTON, WHO IS NOT WEARING HIS GOTHIC COSTUME BUT INSTEAD IS WEARING A BABY DIAPER, CARRYING HIS SHRIMP DOLL AND WALKING THROUGHOUT THE PREHISTORIC WILDERNESS. SHE BELIEVES THE EVIL WIZARD USED BLACK MAGIC TO TIME TRAVEL TO THE PAST TO SADISTICALLY DESTROY ANCIENT SEA DINOSAURS, AND SHE IMMEDIATELY TACKLES HIM TO THE GROUND AND DETAINS HIM, HOPING TO RETURN HIM BACK TO THE MIDDLE AGES TO HAVE HIM PUNISHED AND IMPRISONED BY SIR KRABS. AS SANDY DEPARTS WITH HER PRISONER COUNT PLANKTON BACK TO HER BULL TIME MACHINE, A TRIBE OF NUDE, FAT, AND HAIRY PREHISTORIC STARFISH ARMED WITH PRIMITIVE SLING SHOTS AND FISH NETS, THE EXTREMELY PRIMITIVE APE-LIKE ANCESTORS OF PATRICK STAR, CAPTURES THEM AND TAKES THEM BACK TO THEIR CAVES. AS THEY LOCK COUNT PLANKTON AND SANDY INTO SEPARATE CAVE ROOMS WITH SEPARATE GUARDS, THE PREHISTORIC STARFISH INTERROGATE SANDY ABOUT WHERE SHE COMES FROM. HOPING THE PREHISTORIC STARFISH BELIEVE IN MAGIC, SANDY TELLS THEM HER MISADVENTURE STORY AND ABOUT COUNT PLANKTON'S TRUE EVIL NATURE. THE PREHISTORIC STARFISH APPEAR TO BELIEVE HER STORY AND AGREE TO STAND GUARD OVER COUNT PLANKTON WHILE SANDY RETURNS TO HER BULL TIME MACHINE AND BRINGS THE MACHINE BACK TO THE CAVES TO TAKE COUNT PLANKTON, WITH THE PREHISTORIC STARFISH GUARDING HIM TO PREVENT HIS ESCAPE, BACK TO SIR KRABS' GUARDIANSHIP IN THE MIDDLE AGES. AS SANDY DEPARTS THE CAVES TO RETRIEVE HER BULL TIME MACHINE, THE SHRIMP DOLL, HELD BY ONE OF THE PREHISTORIC STARFISH NAMED TRIBE CHIEF PATRICK STAR, MAKES CRYING SOUNDS AND COUNT PLANKTON PRETENDS THAT SANDY IS LYING TO THE TRIBE AND THAT SANDY ACTUALLY WANTS TO EAT HIM AND THAT HE IS A HELPLESS BABY. AS COUNT PLANKTON STARTS CRYING ON HIS OWN AND BEGS TO BE FREED AND TO SIMPLY HAVE HIS SHRIMP DOLL BACK, THE GULLIBLE PREHISTORIC STARFISH TAKE PITY ON HIM, GIVE HIM BACK HIS SHRIMP DOLL, AND LET HIM FREE. AS COUNT PLANKTON RUNS AWAY FROM THE CAVES AND SQUEEZES THE SHRIMP DOLL'S EYES, A GIANT ROBOT PLANKTON, RESEMBLING A LARGE METALLIC CYCLOPS MONSTER, FROM THE WILDERNESS MARCHES TOWARDS HIM, CAUSING AN EARTHQUAKE. IT APPEARS THAT COUNT PLANKTON IS ACTUALLY REALLY THE PRESENT DAY SHELDON PLANKTON. THE MAD SCIENTIST PLANKTON BUILT A WEAPONIZED TIME MACHINE OF HIS OWN, WHICH IS THE GIANT PLANKTON ROBOT THAT LOOKS LIKE A LARGE METALLIC CYCLOPS, TO TIME TRAVEL TO THE PAST TO SADISTICALLY DESTROY ANCIENT SEA CITIES, PRIMITIVE PEOPLES, AND PREHISTORIC AQUATIC LIFE FOR HIS OWN EVIL PLEASURE TO HARM OTHER WEAKER AND MORE PRIMITIVE SEA CREATURES WITH COMPLETE IMPUNITY. PLANKTON ENTERS THE CYCLOPS, WHICH SHOOTS POWERFUL LASER BEAMS FROM ITS EYE. AS THE CYCLOPS ERADICATES THE NEARBY PREHISTORIC ANIMAL AND PLANT LIFE IN THE SEA WITH ITS LASER BEAMS, SANDY RETURNS AND FINALLY UNDERSTANDS WHO COUNT PLANKTON REALLY IS AND HOW HE DESTROYED ATLANTIS. SANDY REALIZES AGAIN TO HER HORROR THAT PLANKTON IS NOW RESPONSIBLE FOR THE PREVIOUSLY MYSTERIOUS EXTINCTION OF MOST SEA DINOSAURS. BEFORE THE BULL TIME MACHINE CAN CHARGE INTO THE GIANT ROBOT CYCLOPS, THE CYCLOPS OPENS ITS ROBOTIC MOUTH TO CREATE A POWERFUL WATER WHIRLPOOL WORM HOLE TO ANOTHER TIME ERA TO CAUSE MORE HAVOC. THE CYCLOPS ESCAPES THROUGH THE WORM HOLE THAT CLOSES BEFORE THE BULL TIME MACHINE CAN ENTER IT. SANDY TIME TRAVELS IN HER OWN BULL TIME MACHINE TO SEARCH FOR PLANKTON IN VAIN ACROSS THE AGES. INSIDE HER BULL TIME MACHINE, SANDY CRIES IN GUILT. INSIDE HIS CYCLOPS TIME MACHINE, PLANKTON WICKEDLY LAUGHS.

**TOM SURFING: JUST BECAUSE BIG THINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT WOMEN WILL BE HAPPY. YOU HAVE JUST WITNESSED THE PITIFUL CASE OF SANDY CHEEKS, WHO IS NOW DOOMED TO FOREVER CHASE A BABY CYCLOPS ACROSS THE CREDULOUS ERAS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**24 EPISODE TWENTY-FOUR**: **DODGE THE BALL**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE GETS OLD AND EVERYONE HAS WRINKLES SOMEWHERE. SOME PEOPLE EVEN WISH THEY COULD STAY YOUNG AND HEALTHY FOREVER AND WOULD LIKE TO BE CALLED PETER PAN FOR THEIR ENTIRE LIVES TO DEFEAT ALL THEIR ENEMY CAPTAIN HOOKS IN THE WORLD. AS THE DAYS OF LIFE PASS BY, PEOPLE WISH MORE AND MORE FOR THE RETURN OF THE PAST AND ONLY WANT THE SPIRIT OF YOUTH TO BRING THEIR FUTURE JOY. TODAY SIX OLD PEOPLE GET WHAT THEY FINALLY DESERVE AND LEARN THAT LIFE IS FULL OF SURPRISES…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IT IS MORNING AT SHADY SHOALS RETIREMENT HOME, AND ITS SIX OLDEST RESIDENTS ARE AS GRUMPY, TIRED, SLOW, AND BITTER AS USUAL. MRS. KRABS, HER SON AND NEWLY RETIRED MR. KRABS, OLD MAN JENKINS, GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS, MERMAID MAN, AND HIS WARD BARNACLE BOY, SLOWLY SIT TOGETHER FOR OATMEAL AND ORANGE JUICE BREAKFAST TO SHARE THEIR LATEST COMPLAINTS ABOUT LIFE. MRS. KRABS WANTS PEARL TO VISIT HER MORE OFTEN; MR. KRABS WANTS TO BE BURIED WITH ALL HIS MONEY LIFE SAVINGS WHEN HE FINALLY DIES; OLD MAN JENKINS WANTS TO BORROW SOMEONE'S DENTURES SINCE HE ACCIDENTALLY FLUSHED HIS OWN DOWN THE TOILET; GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS WANTS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO PLAY THEIR GAMES WITH HER EVEN THOUGH SHE IS TOO OLD FOR THEM; MERMAID MAN WANTS BARNACLE BOY TO GIVE HIM A FULL BODY MASSAGE TO GET RID OF HIS BODY ACHES; AND BARNACLE BOY WANTS THEM ALL TO SHUT UP. AS THEY EAT THEIR MEAL, THEY ALL SIT DOWN TO WATCH T.V. ALL THE COMMERCIALS SHOW YOUNG CHILDREN ENJOYING MANY DIFFERENT GAMES, CAUSING THE OLD PEOPLE TO REMINISCE TOGETHER ABOUT THEIR FUN DAYS AS YOUNG CHILDREN WITH LITTLE WORRIES IN LIFE, ATHLETIC VITALITY, YOUTHFUL FEATURES, SHARP MINDS, AND MORAL INNOCENCE. THEY EACH DECIDE TO SHARE THEIR FAVORITE GAME AS A CHILD WITH EACH OTHER. MRS. KRABS SAYS HER FAVORITE GAME WAS JUMP ROPE SINCE SHE LIKED HOW ALL THE LITTLE BOYS WOULD ENJOY WATCHING HER BOUNCE UP AND DOWN. MR. KRABS SAYS HIS FAVORITE GAME WAS POKER SINCE HE WOULD ALWAYS CHEAT AND WIN THE BET MONEY. OLD MAN JENKINS SAYS HIS FAVORITE GAME WAS HIDE-AND-SEEK SINCE HIS LONG LEGS MADE HIM THE FASTEST KID IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD AND HE WOULD ALWAYS WIN THE GAMES BY HIDING IN TRASH CANS. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS SAYS HER FAVORITE GAME WAS PLAYING WITH DOLLS SINCE SHE WOULD ALWAYS PRETEND SHE WAS LIVING HER PERFECT FUTURE LIFE AS THE DOLLS THEMSELVES. MERMAID MAN SAYS HIS FAVORITE GAME WAS FOOTBALL BECAUSE HE LOVED SWEAT, HARD CONTACT BETWEEN BOYS, GIRL CHEER LEADERS, LOCKER ROOM GROUP SHOWERS, HIS TEAM MEMBERS ENCOURAGING ONE ANOTHER THROUGH PERIODIC SLAPS ON THE BUTT, AND ALWAYS BEING THE BIGGEST KID PROTECTING HIS QUARTER BACK AND WINNING A QUARTER FOR EACH GAME THAT HIS TEAM WON. BARNACLE BOY SAYS THAT HIS FAVORITE GAME WAS "SWAN LAKE," IN WHICH HE WOULD RUN AROUND DANCING AND SINGING WITH A GROUP OF DUCKLINGS, QUACK AND MOVE LIKE A DUCK AND PRETEND HE WAS THE LEAD MOTHER OF THE DUCKLINGS, AND THEN SWIM AND FLOAT WITH THE LITTLE DUCKLINGS IN THE NEARBY POND. EVERYONE AGREES THEY WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR EVEN ONE HOUR OF HAVING THEIR YOUTH RESTORED TO THE DAYS OF THEIR CHILDHOOD. THE T.V. SUDDENLY BREAKS DOWN, CAUSING EVERYONE TO COMPLAIN TO THE CARETAKER OF SHADY SHOALS, A FEMALE EEL NAMED MS. WICH, WHO IS EXTREMELY IMPATIENT WITH OLD PEOPLE. MS. WICH TELLS THEM ALL TO JUST REST IN PEACE ALREADY AND INFORMS THEM TO COME UP WITH THEIR OWN GAME TO PLAY WHILE SHE CALLS FOR A REPAIR MAN TO FIX THE T.V. THE SIX OLD PEOPLE DECIDE TO VOTE ON A SPORTS GAME TO PLAY SINCE THEY FEEL LIKE EXERCISING TODAY TO STOP THEIR LIMBS FROM FALLING ASLEEP SO MUCH. MRS. KRABS VOTES FOR LEAP FROG SO THEY CAN JUMP OVER EACH OTHER AND SEE WHO HAS THE YOUNGEST LEGS AND YOUNGEST BUTTS. MR. KRABS SAYS THEY SHOULD HAVE AN EASTER EGG HUNT WITH MONEY INSIDE THE EASTER EGGS ON THE OUTSIDE LAWN. OLD MAN JENKINS SAYS THEY SHOULD HOLD A FENCING TOURNAMENT WITH THEIR CANES. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS SAYS THEY SHOULD ALL PLAY MARCO POLO IN THE SWIMMING POOL WEARING THEIR PAJAMAS TO SEE WHO FALLS ASLEEP FROM FATIGUE FIRST. MERMAID MAN SAYS THEY SHOULD PLAY A "CHICKEN" TOURNAMENT BY RACING THEIR WHEELCHAIRS AT EACH OTHER, TWO RACERS AT A TIME, TO ELIMINATE THE CHICKENS AMONG THEM AND THAT THE WINNER OF THE TOURNAMENT SHOULD BE REWARDED WITH A LARGE CHICKEN DINNER PAID BY EVERYONE ELSE. BARNACLE BOY SAYS THEY SHOULD ALL PLAY DODGE BALL SO HE CAN HIT THEM ALL IN THE FACE WITH SOMETHING. UPON BEING REMINDED OF THE DODGE BALL GAME FROM THEIR CHILD DAYS, EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY AGREES TO HAVE A DODGE BALL GAME TO SEE WHO REALLY IS THE YOUNGEST AT HEART AMONG THEM ALL AND TO SEE WHO LITERALLY HAS THE YOUNGEST HEART ABLE TO ENDURE THE PHYSICAL GAME. THEY BREAK UP INTO TWO TEAMS OF THREE PEOPLE PER TEAM. MRS. KRABS, MR. KRABS, AND OLD MAN JENKINS, CALLING THEIR TEAM "THE OLD SCHOOL BALLERS," FORM THE FIRST TEAM. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS, MERMAID MAN, AND BARNACLE BOY, CALLING THEIR TEAM "THE HOT HAGS," FORM THE SECOND TEAM. MR. KRABS CONVINCES EVERYONE TO PLACE A MONEY BET ON THEIR TEAM TO WIN, WITH THE REAL WINNER WINNING THE MONEY REWARD. AS THEY WAIT FOR THE T.V. REPAIR MAN, THEY ALL DECIDE TO PLAY A GAME OF DODGE BALL ON THE GRASS LAWN OUTSIDE USING THEIR SWEATY SHOES, DIRTY SOCK BALLS, AND ROTTEN APPLES INSTEAD OF BALLS FOR THE GAME SINCE THE RETIREMENT HOME DOES NOT HAVE ANY DODGE BALLS FOR THEM TO PLAY WITH. MR. KRABS, MERMAID MAN, AND BARNACLE BOY USE THEIR CANES TO CREATE LINES IN THE DIRT AND GRASS TO FORM THE BOUNDARIES OF THE DODGE BALL COURT, WHICH IS A RECTANGLE THAT RESEMBLES A BASKETBALL COURT WITH A HALF COURT LINE AT THE CENTER. BARNACLE BOY REMINDS EVERYONE OF THE RULES OF THE GAME. SIX BALLS, IN THIS CASE THEIR CHOSEN OBJECTS, ARE PLACED AT THE HALF COURT LINE. THE TWO TEAMS START AT THE END LINES OF THE DIFFERENT SIDES OF THE COURT. A PLAYER CHOSEN BY THE GROUPS YELLS FOR THE GAME TO START AND THE PLAYERS RUN TO THE HALF COURT LINE TO COLLECT THEIR OBJECTS. THE OBJECTIVE OF THE GAME IS FOR PLAYERS, WHO CANNOT EXIT THE COURT OR CROSS THE HALF COURT LINE, TO ELIMINATE THE OTHER TEAM FIRST BY SUCCESSFULLY HITTING EACH OF THE OTHER TEAM'S PLAYERS WITH THEIR THROWN OBJECTS. PLAYERS ACCIDENTALLY INJURED DURING GAMEPLAY ARE ELIMINATED AND PLAYERS WHO CROSS THE HALF COURT LINE OR WHO STEP OUT OF THE COURT ARE ELIMINATED, WITH THE ELIMINATED PLAYERS WAITING OUTSIDE OF THE COURT FOR THE GAME TO FINISH. THE SURVIVING TEAM WINS THE GAME. EACH PLAYER HAS ONE LIFE, MEANING THAT IF A PLAYER FROM THE OPPOSITE TEAM HITS HIM WITH A THROWN OBJECT, THE PLAYER MUST LEAVE THE COURT AND WAIT ON THE SIDELINES FOR THE GAME TO END. HOWEVER, IF ANY PLAYER CATCHES AN OBJECT THROWN AT HIM FROM A MEMBER OF THE OPPOSITE TEAM, THE PLAYER WHO THREW THE OBJECT IS NOW ELIMINATED FROM GAMEPLAY AND THE PLAYER WHO CAUGHT THE OBJECT NOW CALLS AN ELIMINATED PLAYER ON HIS OWN TEAM TO REJOIN THE GAME. PLAYERS MUST DODGE THE THROWN OBJECTS AND CAN ONLY TOUCH THE OBJECTS THAT THEY ARE THROWING. PLAYERS CAN USE OBJECTS IN THEIR HANDS TO DEFLECT OBJECTS THROWN AT THEM. FINALLY, PLAYERS CANNOT RETRIEVE OBJECTS THAT ROLL OUT OF THE COURT, SO IF THERE ARE NO OBJECTS LEFT IN THE GAME, THEN THE GAME IS A DRAW. THOUGH EVERYONE DOES NOT REALLY REMEMBER OR UNDERSTAND MUCH OF THE INSTRUCTIONS, THEY ALL PREPARE FOR THE GAME. THE PLAYERS PLACE TWO SHOES, TWO SOCK BALLS, AND TWO APPLES AT THE HALF COURT LINE TO USE AS THEIR THROWING BALLS. THE OTHER PLAYERS ELECT MERMAID MAN TO YELL TO START THE GAME AS THE PLAYERS LINE UP AT THEIR RESPECTIVE COURT END LINES. ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE COURT ARE THE OLD SCHOOL BALLERS OF MRS. KRABS, MR. KRABS, AND OLD MAN JENKINS. ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE COURT ARE THE HOT HAGS OF GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS, MERMAID MAN, AND BARNACLE BOY. MERMAID MAN SHOUTS AS LOUDLY AS HE CAN, "LET THE GAME…TO THE DODGE BALLS!" ALL THE PLAYERS SLOWLY STAGGER OR LIMP TO THE HALF COURT LINE. FOR THE OLD SCHOOL BALLERS, OLD MAN JENKINS IMMEDIATELY BENDS OVER AND GRABS AN APPLE, BUT HE ACCIDENTALLY FALLS OVER THE HALF COURT LINE, SO HE IS ELIMINATED FROM THE GAME. FOR THE HOT HAGS, GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS IMMEDIATELY TRIPS ON HER HEELS AND SUSTAINS A LEG INJURY, SO SHE IS ELIMINATED FROM THE GAME. THUS, ONLY THE TWO MEMBERS OF THE KRABS FAMILY ARE LEFT FOR THE OLD SCHOOL BALLERS, AND ONLY THE DYNAMIC DUO IS LEFT FOR THE HOT HAGS. MR. KRABS CARRIES A SHOE, WHILE MRS. KRABS CARRIES A SOCK BALL. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY BOTH CARRY APPLES. MERMAID MAN ACCIDENTALLY HITS BARNACLE BOY IN THE BACK OF THE HEAD WITH AN APPLE, CAUSING BARNACLE BOY TO FALL TO THE GROUND. MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY HITS BARNACLE BOY IN THE FACE WITH THE SHOE, ELIMINATING BARNACLE BOY. PICKING UP A NEARBY SOCK BALL, MERMAID MAN THROWS THE SOCK BALL INTO MRS. KRABS' MOUTH CAUSING HER TO CHOKE ON THE DIRTY SOCK. ALL THE OTHER PLAYERS CALL FOR A GAME BREAK, AND THE FOUR ELIMINATED PLAYERS HELP MRS. KRABS SPIT OUT THE DIRTY SOCK AND HELP HER RECOVER ON THE SIDE LINES. MR. KRABS, ANGRY AT MERMAID MAN FOR HURTING HIS MOM AND WANTING TO WIN THE BET MONEY, GETS READY AT HIS END LINE AND GLARES AT MERMAID MAN. MERMAID MAN WINKS AND SMILES AT MR. KRABS AND GETS READY AT HIS END LINE. THE OTHER PLAYERS PUT THE SIX OBJECTS BACK AT THE MIDDLE OF THE COURT. BARNACLE BOY DECIDES TO YELL FOR THE GAME TO CONTINUE. BARNACLE BOY SHOUTS AS LOUDLY AS HE CAN, "LET THE STROKES BEGIN!" MERMAID MAN WADDLES LIKE AN EMPEROR PENGUIN TO THE OBJECTS AS MR. KRABS CHARGES ON ALL FOURS LIKE AN ANGRY BULL TO THE OBJECTS. MERMAID MAN PICKS UP A SHOE, WHILE MR. KRABS PICKS UP AN APPLE. MERMAID MAN TOSSES THE SHOE AT MR. KRABS' EYES, BUT MR. KRABS DEFLECTS THE SHOE WITH THE APPLE, AND TOSSES THE APPLE AT MERMAID MAN'S GUT. MERMAID MAN DROPS AND ROLLS ON THE GROUND TO DODGE THE APPLE. BOTH PLAYERS GRAB OTHER OBJECTS, WITH BOTH PLAYERS GRABBING A SOCK BALL. THEY THROW THE SOCKS AT EACH OTHER'S FEET, BUT THE SOCKS COLLIDE MIDAIR AND BOUNCE OFF THE COURT. AS MERMAID MAN GRABS AN APPLE AND MR. KRABS GRABS A SHOE, THE TIRED AND STUMBLING PLAYERS GET READY FOR THE ENDGAME. MR. KRABS SPITS AT MERMAID MAN'S FEET AND MERMAID MAN MAKES A WAR CRY THAT SOUNDS LIKE A WALRUS. MR. KRABS THROWS THE SHOE AT MERMAID MAN'S KNEE, WHILE MERMAID MAN THROWS THE APPLE AT MR. KRABS' THROAT. HOWEVER, BOTH OBJECTS HIT EACH PLAYER AT THE SAME TIME, CAUSING EACH PLAYER TO COLLAPSE IN PAIN TO THE FLOOR AT THE SAME TIME TO END THE GAME IN A DRAW. OLD MAN JENKINS YELLS: "NOW THAT'S A DRAW, JUST LIKE ONE OF THEM WESTERN MOVIES WHERE…WELL, YOU KNOW, THEY SHOOT AT THE SAME TIME AND THEN THEY CALL IT…WELL, THEY'RE BOTH DEAD, BUT THEY CALL IT A DRAW!" MERMAID MAN'S KNEE APPEARS TO BE BROKEN FROM THE HIT, AND MR. KRABS HAS A HOARSE VOICE DUE TO HIS THROAT INJURY. THE OTHER PLAYERS COMFORT THE TWO INJURED OLD MEN, BOTH OF WHOM SWEAR THEY HIT FIRST. SUDDENLY, MS. WICH APPEARS FROM THE RETIREMENT HOME ONTO THE LAWN AMONG THE OLD PLAYERS AND DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. OLD MAN JENKINS SAYS THAT THEY WERE JUST PLAYING WITH EACH OTHER'S BALLS. MS. WICH REMINDS THEM ALL THAT THEY ARE TOO OLD TO DO ANYTHING ELSE BUT SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR THE END OF THEIR LIVES. ALL THE PLAYERS TELL MS. WICH TO STOP BEING SUCH A WITCH, BUT SHE PUSHES THEM ALL ONE BY ONE BACK INTO THE RETIREMENT HOME. SHE THROWS THEM THEIR LUNCHES, WHICH ARE STILL FROZEN DINNERS, AND DEMANDS THAT THEY EAT AND WATCH T.V. NOW THAT THE T.V. REPAIR MAN IS THERE, WHILE SHE LOOKS FOR MEDICAL EQUIPMENT AND TRANQUILIZERS FOR THEM ALL. AFTER MS. WICH LEAVES, EVERYONE SAYS THAT, DESPITE THE INJURIES, THEY ALL FEEL YOUNG AGAIN. MERMAID MAN AND MR. KRABS APOLOGIZE TO EACH OTHER AND DECIDE TO SPLIT THE REWARD MONEY AMONG EACH OTHER TO END THEIR ANIMOSITY. THE T.V. REPAIR MAN IS AN OLD PIRANHA FISH DRESSED IN DOCTOR'S CLOTHING AND SAYS THAT THE T.V. IS ACTUALLY STILL BROKEN. EVERYONE YELLS IN PROTEST, BUT THE OLD PIRANHA SAYS THAT HE HAS BROUGHT A GIFT FOR THEM ALL TODAY THAT IS BETTER THAN T.V. AND THAT WILL FINALLY LET THEM ESCAPE THEIR OLD LIVES. EVERYONE IS INTRIGUED AND ASKS IF THE OLD PIRANHA IS CRAZY. THE PIRANHA SAYS HE IS NOT INSANE, BUT HE IS LIKE A GENIE AND CAN EVEN DANCE AND FLY LIKE A GENIE IF HE WANTS TO. EVERYONE STARTS TO LEAVE BACK TO THEIR ROOMS, BUT THE PIRANHA SAYS THAT THEY ALL PLAYED VERY WELL AT THE DODGE BALL GAME WHICH HE WAS WATCHING. ALL OF THEM STOP AND DECIDE TO LISTEN TO HIM. THE PIRANHA TELLS THEM THAT HE HAS BROUGHT SOME MAGIC BALLS FOR THEM TO PLAY WITH THAT WILL LITERALLY MAKE THEM CHILDREN AGAIN. EVERYONE IS SKEPTICAL, BUT THE PIRANHA SIMPLY TELLS THEM TO TOUCH THE SIX RED PLASTIC BALLS TO SEE FOR THEMSELVES SINCE THEY HAVE NOTHING TO LOSE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER. THE PIRANHA PULLS OUT A BLACK BAG, OUT OF WHICH THE SIX RED BALLS ROLL. THE SIX RED PLASTIC BALLS HAVE JOLLY ROGER PIRATE SKULLS ON THEM. THE OLD PIRANHA PROMISES TO RETURN THEIR YOUTH FOR A FUN HOUR OF THE DODGE BALL GAME AT THEIR PRIME. BUT IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SUPERNATURAL FAVOR, THEY MUST ALL TAKE THE LONGEST NAP THEY HAVE EVER TAKEN AFTER THE GAME IS OVER SINCE THEY WILL BE VERY TIRED AFTER THE GAME. WHEN OLD MAN JENKINS ASKS ABOUT MS. WICH, THE PIRANHA SAYS HE WILL PUT MS. WICH TO SLEEP BEFORE THE GAME EVEN STARTS. THE OLD PEOPLE ACCEPT THE MYSTERIOUS DEAL AND TOUCH THE BALLS ONE BY ONE. AS THE OLD PEOPLE TOUCH THE MAGIC DODGE BALLS TO PREPARE FOR THE GAME OF DODGE BALL, WITH THE MYSTERIOUS OLD PIRANHA FISH AS REFEREE, A POWERFUL GUST OF WIND AND MAGIC DUST BLOWS THROUGHOUT SHADY SHOALS, AND SUDDENLY, THEY ALL ARE TRANSFORMED INTO LITTLE CHILDREN, ALL THE AGE OF FIVE. ALL THE CHILDREN JUMP AND SHOUT FOR JOY, BUT THE PIRANHA REMINDS THEM THAT THEY ONLY HAVE ONE HOUR FOR THE GAME BEFORE THEY MUST GO TO SLEEP. AS THE CHILDREN RUSH OUTSIDE WITH THEIR NEW BODIES AND THEIR NEW BALLS, THEY ASK THE PIRANHA IF THEY ARE ALL DREAMING. THE PIRANHA PINCHES ALL OF THEIR CHEEKS TO ASSURE THEM THEY ARE ALL AWAKE. THEY ASK THE STRANGER WHY HE IS DOING THIS HUGE FAVOR FOR THEM. THE PIRANHA TELLS THEM TO SIMPLY CALL HIM "DOCTOR" AND SAYS THAT HE IS SIMPLY DOING HIS JOB BY CURING THEM OF ALL THE WORRIES, REGRETS, AND LOSSES OF THEIR LIVES BY TAKING THEM TO THE HAPPIEST MOMENTS OF THEIR LIVES BEFORE ALLOWING THEM TO SLEEP THE BEST SLEEP THEY HAVE EVER HAD. BOTH THE YOUNG MERMAID MAN AND MR. KRABS REALIZE THAT THEIR YOUTH RESTORATION HAS HEALED THEIR MAJOR INJURIES AS EVERYONE ELSE'S MINOR INJURIES ARE LIKEWISE HEALED FROM THE PREVIOUS GAME. THE EXCITED CHILDREN ALL WANT TO HUG THE DOCTOR, BUT HE TELLS THEM TO WAIT UNTIL THE GAME IS OVER. THE RULES OF THE GAME AND TEAMS OF THE GAME ARE KEPT THE SAME, BUT EVERYONE NATURALLY FEELS MUCH YOUNGER, FASTER, STRONGER, AND HAPPIER. THE DOCTOR HAS THE PLAYERS LINE UP ON THEIR RESPECTIVE END LINES AS HE PREPARES TO SHOUT FOR THE GAME TO BEGIN ON THE OUTSIDE LAWN. MS. WICH IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AS THE DAY DARKENS FOR THE LAST HOUR OF THE AFTERNOON. THE DOCTOR COLLECTS ANY BALLS THAT ROLL OUT OF THE COURT TO TOSS THEM BACK INTO THE COURT TO KEEP THE GAME GOING. WITH THE SIX RED BALLS LINED UP AT MID-COURT, THE DOCTOR WISHES THEM ALL GOOD LUCK AND SHOUTS, "CHILDREN, ON YOUR MARK…GET READY…THROW!" ALL THE CHILDREN QUICKLY RUN AND GIGGLE AS THEY REACH FOR THE BALLS, WHICH ARE VERY LIGHT AND CANNOT INJURE THEM. THEY PLAYFULLY TOSS THEM AT ONE ANOTHER. THE TWO GIRLS SING AND DO ACROBATIC FLIPS AND JUMPS TO DODGE THE BALLS. THE YOUNG EUGENE AND YOUNG JENKINS DO DANCE MOVES AND RUN ON ALL FOURS AND BARK LIKE WORM DOGS TO DODGE THE BALLS. MERMAID BOY AND BARNACLE BOY FORM LITTLE WATER BALLS FROM THEIR HANDS TO DEFLECT THE BALLS, AND THE YOUNG DYNAMIC DUO PLAYFULLY SKIP AND HOLD HANDS. PLAYERS ARE HIT BUT ONLY LAUGH AND PLAY DEAD WHEN THEY ARE ELIMINATED FROM THE GAME. PLAYERS, USING THEIR LITTLE HANDS, SMALL FEET, AND EVEN THEIR TINY MOUTHS, CATCH BALLS A LOT TO BOTH ELIMINATE AND REVIVE ONE ANOTHER. EVERYONE IS RUNNING, SWEATY, SMILING, AND SCREAMING FOR JOY ACROSS THE COURT. ELIMINATED PLAYERS SING CHEER SONGS TO ENCOURAGE TEAM MATES. THE DOCTOR SITS WITH EACH PLAYER ON THE SIDE LINE ONCE AND HAS A SMALL CONVERSATION WITH EACH PLAYER AS PLAYERS ARE ALL ELIMINATED AND REVIVED AT LEAST ONCE DURING THE HOUR LONG GAME. THE DOCTOR SPEAKS TO THE YOUNG EUGENE KRABS. THE DOCTOR TICKLES EUGENE'S CHUBBY LITTLE CHIN, CAUSING EUGENE TO SQUEAL WITH LAUGHTER. THE DOCTOR THEN ASKS EUGENE WHY HE LOVES MONEY SO MUCH. EUGENE SAYS THAT MONEY CAN MAKE ANY DREAMS COME TRUE. THE DOCTOR ASKS EUGENE IF HE IS HAVING FUN, TO WHICH EUGENE REPLIES THAT HE HAS NEVER HAD SO MUCH FUN BEFORE IN HIS LIFE. THE DOCTOR REMINDS EUGENE THAT MAGIC, NOT MONEY, BROUGHT EUGENE THIS MOMENT, AND THAT BEING HAPPY DOES NOT REQUIRE BEING RICH. THE YOUNG EUGENE NODS AND THEN RUNS BACK INTO THE GAME SHOUTING THAT HE IS RICH IN HEART NOW. THE DOCTOR THEN SPEAKS TO EUGENE'S MOTHER. THE DOCTOR PLAYFULLY MESSES UP THE LITTLE GIRL'S HAIR, CAUSING HER TO BLUSH AND CREATE A FUNNY-LOOKING HAIRSTYLE. THE DOCTOR ASKS THE YOUNG GIRL WHY SHE WANTED A GRAND DAUGHTER WHO IS PEARL. THE GIRL REPLIES THAT SHE WANTS THE KRABS FAMILY LEGACY TO SURVIVE. THE DOCTOR ASSURES THE GIRL THAT HER GRANDDAUGHTER IS A BRIGHT, PRETTY CHILD WHO LOVES LIFE AND HAS AS MUCH FUN EVERYDAY WITH HER FRIENDS AS THE LITTLE GIRL IS HAVING NOW. THE DOCTOR TELLS THE GIRL THAT HER NAME WILL DEFINITELY LIVE ON THROUGH PEARL, WHO WILL NEVER FORGET HER ONCE SHE IS GONE. THE LITTLE GIRL SMILES AT THE DOCTOR AND RUNS BACK TO THE GAME AS SHE YELLS FOR EVERYONE TO CALL HER "PEARL GIRL" AS HER NEW NICK NAME. THE DOCTOR THEN TALKS TO MERMAID BOY AND BARNACLE BOY AT THE SAME TIME. THE DOCTOR ASKS THEM WHY THEY WANTED TO BECOME SUPERHEROES. BOTH BOYS REPLY THAT THEY LOVE TO HELP PEOPLE AND WANT EVERYONE TO HAVE A FUN, SAFE LIFE. THE DOCTOR PLAYFULLY PICKS THEM BOTH UP IN THE AIR, TOSSES THEM UP IN THE AIR, AND CATCHES THEM AS THEY FALL BACK DOWN LAUGHING AND SCREAMING FOR JOY. THE DOCTOR SAYS THAT THEY ARE NOW FLYING LIKE SUPER MEN AND DESERVE TO FLY NOW THAT THEY HAVE SERVED THE CITY FOR THEIR WHOLE LIVES. AS THE TWO RUSH BACK INTO THE GAME, THE DOCTOR TELLS THEM THAT THEY HAVE HELPED MANY PEOPLE TO SURVIVE TRAGEDIES AND HAVE MANY KIDS WHO WILL HAVE EVEN MORE FUN THAN THE TWO BOYS ARE NOW HAVING. THE DOCTOR THEN TALKS TO THE LITTLE SPONGE GIRL. THE DOCTOR TAKES HER HAND AND PLAYFULLY DANCES WITH HER. DURING THE DANCE, THE DOCTOR ASKS WHAT SHE LOVES ABOUT HER GRANDSON SPONGEBOB. THE LITTLE GIRL REPLIES THAT SHE LOVES HOW GOOD A FRIEND SPONGEBOB IS TO PATRICK AND HOW MUCH LOVE THEY SHARE. THE DOCTOR ASSURES HER THAT SPONGEBOB LEARNED TO ENJOY LIFE, COMFORT HIS FRIENDS, AND BE GENEROUS FROM HER. AS THE DOCTOR TWIRLS THE GIRL BACK INTO THE GAME, THE DOCTOR TELLS HER THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS BE SPONGEBOB'S BEST FRIEND. FINALLY, THE DOCTOR TALKS TO THE YOUNG BOY JENKINS. THE DOCTOR MAKES SILLY FACES THAT CAUSE THE YOUNG BOY TO HYSTERICALLY LAUGH. THE DOCTOR ASKS JENKINS IF HE FEELS THAT HE HAS DONE ALL HE CAN WITH HIS LIFE. JENKINS SAYS THAT NO ONE EVEN KNOWS WHO HE IS. THE DOCTOR CORRECTS HIM AND TELLS JENKINS THAT EVERYONE IN THE CITY HAS FUNNY MEMORIES OF HIM AND THAT HE HAS SPREAD AS MUCH JOY AND GOOD MEMORIES TO THE CITY AS HE POSSIBLY CAN. THE YOUNG BOY THANKS THE DOCTOR FOR THE SUPERNATURAL FAVOR, AND THE DOCTOR REPLIES THAT JENKINS DESERVES TO HAVE PEACE NOW THAT HE HAS GIVEN ALL HE CAN TO THE COMMUNITY. THE BALLS IN THE GAME ALWAYS GENTLY BOUNCE AGAINST THE LITTLE KIDS' HEADS AND THOSE WHO FALL DOWN MAKE DIRT ANGEL FISH SHAPES IN THE GROUND. FINALLY, ONLY MERMAID BOY AND THE YOUNG EUGENE REMAIN IN THE GAME AS THE LAST PLAYERS AGAIN. THE ELIMINATED PLAYERS ALL HUG EACH OTHER AND CHEER FOR BOTH PLAYERS. EUGENE DODGES MERMAID BOY'S BALL AND FINALLY HITS MERMAID BOY'S BUTT, MAKING THE OLD SCHOOL BALLERS THE WINNERS OF THE DODGE BALL GAME. THE DOCTOR PICKS UP EUGENE AND RUNS AROUND WITH HIM ON HIS SHOULDERS. THE DOCTOR SHOUTS THAT ALL OF THEM ARE WINNERS IN THE GAME OF LIFE. ALL THE OTHER CHILDREN LAUGH AND CHASE THE DOCTOR AROUND IN CIRCLES AND EUGENE HUGS AND KISSES THE DOCTOR'S GREY HAIR, OCCASIONALLY SPITTING OUT HAIR BALLS. AS EVERYONE FINALLY GETS TIRED AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR, THEY ALL THANK THE DOCTOR FOR GIVING THEM LIFE AGAIN AND THEY ALL WANT TO SLEEP FOREVER NOW THAT THEY HAVE HAD THE BEST AND MOST TIRING MOMENT OF THEIR LIVES. THE YOUNG CHILDREN ARE ALL VERY RED AND TIRED. THE CHILDREN ALL ASK THE OLD PIRANHA WHO HE REALLY IS. THE OLD PIRANHA FINALLY REVEALS HIMSELF AS "DOCTOR DEATH." DEATH TELLS THE CHILDREN THEY MUST ALL NOW REST IN PEACE TO RETURN THE FAVOR TO DEATH WHO RESTORED THEIR YOUTH FOR ONE HOUR SO THEY COULD HAVE FUN AGAIN AS KIDS AND LEARN THE LAST LESSONS IN LIFE THAT THEY STILL NEEDED TO LEARN TO OVERCOME THEIR FEAR OF DEATH. THE YOUNG CHILDREN, HOWEVER, ARE NOW SAD AND THEY ARE ALL FRIGHTENED TO DIE AND ASK DEATH IF THEY WILL BE REWARDED OR PUNISHED FOR HOW WELL OR BADLY THEY BEHAVED IN LIFE. DEATH PROMISES THAT THEY WILL RECEIVE NEITHER PUNISHMENT NOR REWARD, AND INSTEAD WILL SLEEP THE DREAMLESS BLISSFUL SLEEP OF OBLIVION FOREVER, WHICH CHEERS THE YAWNING CHILDREN UP. THE CHILDREN, VERY TIRED FROM THE GAME, AGREE THAT THEY COULD USE SUCH COMPLETE REST AND FINALLY HAVE NO REGRETS OR WORRIES IN LIFE AND ARE NOW READY FOR THE ETERNAL NAP TIME. SUDDENLY, THE LIKEWISE SOON-TO-BE DECEASED MS. WICH SMILES, ACCEPTS HER FATE AND REALIZES HOW PRECIOUS HER LITTLE CHILDREN REALLY ARE, AND APPROACHES THE GROUP FROM THE RETIREMENT HOME. WITH ALL THE CHILDREN SMILING, MS. WICH SMILING, AND DEATH SMILING, THEY ALL HOLD HANDS AND WALK DOWN THE STREET ROAD, LEAVING SHADY SHOALS BEHIND AS THE SUN SETS IN THE DISTANCE.

**TOM SURFING: THE BLESSED DAYS OF YOUTH STAY ALIVE WITH THOSE WHO NEVER FORGET HOW TO SPREAD THE JOY OF CHILDREN THROUGHOUT THE WORLD. AS PEOPLE LIVE THEIR FINAL DAYS, DOUBTS, WORRIES, FEARS, AND BAD MEMORIES HAUNT THEM LIKE AN UNWANTED SICKNESS. BUT SOMETIMES PEOPLE REMEMBER ALL THAT THEY HAVE DONE WELL IN LIFE AND ARE SO CONTENT WITH THEIR OWN PERSONAL POWER AND THE LEGACY THAT THEY LEAVE BEHIND THAT THEY ARE READY FOR THE PEACEFUL REST THAT IS ONLY PROVIDED…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**25 EPISODE TWENTY-FIVE: THE DONATION**

**TOM SURFING: GUILT IS A TERRIBLE FEELING, AN EMOTION THAT REPRESENTS THAT WE ARE NOT ONLY LYING TO OTHERS BUT ALSO BEING DISHONEST TO OURSELVES. MR. EUGENE KRABS, RUTHLESS TYCOON AND SCAM ARTIST, IS ABOUT TO GET A LESSON ABOUT THE HAUNTING NATURE OF GUILT…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, MR. KRABS, TO EARN MORE MONEY, DECIDES TO OPEN A LARGE SCAM DONATION PENNY JAR FOR CUSTOMERS. MR. KRABS TELLS THE CUSTOMERS THAT THE RESTAURANT, DUE TO ITS HIGH PROFITS, WILL DONATE THE MONEY FROM THE DONATION JAR TO A CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE. MR. KRABS FABRICATES THE NAME OF AN ORPHANAGE, CALLING IT "THE LITTLE FISH TANK." MANY CUSTOMERS HAPPILY DONATE PENNIES FOR THE CAUSE, MAKING THE SCAM A COMPLETE SUCCESS, THOUGH ONLY SQUIDWARD IS SUSPICIOUS OF THE SUPPOSED ORPHANAGE'S EXISTENCE. SQUIDWARD CONFRONTS MR. KRABS AND ACCUSES HIM OF BEING A SCAM ARTIST, BUT MR. KRABS CONVINCES SQUIDWARD TO LET HIM GET AWAY WITH THE SCAM THROUGH SOPHISM. MR. KRABS CLAIMS THAT TECHNICALLY SCAM ARTISTS ARE ARTISTS, SO MR. KRABS IS SIMPLY TRYING TO FULFILL HIS ARTISTIC DREAMS JUST LIKE SQUIDWARD TRIES TO CREATE HIS OWN ART TO FIND HAPPINESS IN LIFE. SQUIDWARD ONLY HALF-HEARTEDLY ACCEPTS THE ARGUMENT, SO MR. KRABS SIMPLY SAYS HE WISH HE COULD BE HALF THE ARTIST THAT SQUIDWARD IS, FOOLING SQUIDWARD INTO THINKING THAT MR. KRABS LIKES HIS ART. MR. KRABS EVEN ASKS SQUIDWARD IF HE CAN GIVE HIM ART LESSONS ONCE A WEEK SINCE HE WANTS TO BECOME A MASTER ARTIST JUST LIKE SQUIDWARD IS, SO HE CAN STOP BEING A SCAM ARTIST. SQUIDWARD HAPPILY AGREES TO BECOME MR. KRABS' ART TEACHER ONCE A WEEK AND DECIDES TO KEEP QUIET ABOUT MR. KRABS' SCAM SINCE MR. KRABS IS NOW HIS ONLY ART STUDENT AND FAN AND HE CAN TEACH MR. KRABS TO BECOME A REAL ARTIST TO MAKE HIM STOP BEING A SCAM ARTIST. WITHOUT SQUIDWARD THREATENING THE SCAM, THE SCAM IS A COMPLETE SUCCESS AND THE VERY LARGE PENNY DONATION JAR IS SOON FULL. MR. KRABS QUICKLY TRANSFERS THE MONEY TO HIS BANK ACCOUNT. HOWEVER, ON HIS WAY HOME FROM THE BANK, MR. KRABS BELIEVES HE HEARS THE VOICES OF ORPHAN CHILDREN BEGGING HIM FOR HELP, THOUGH THE VOICES SEEM TO ONLY BE IN HIS HEAD. MR. KRABS BELIEVES HE IS ACTUALLY SUFFERING FROM GUILT OVER THE SCAM BUT HE STILL WANTS TO KEEP THE SCAM MONEY. THUS, HE TRIES TO IGNORE THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD AND REMINDS HIMSELF THAT THEY ONLY COME FROM HIS OWN DISTURBED PSYCHE. HOWEVER, AS THE DAYS GO BY, THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES SEEM TO INTENSIFY IN BOTH VOLUME AND DURATION, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO HAVE TROUBLE SLEEPING AND TO SUFFER FROM INSOMNIA. WHENEVER MR. KRABS HAS ART LESSONS WITH SQUIDWARD ONCE A WEEK, HIS LIE TO SQUIDWARD ABOUT LIKING SQUIDWARD'S ART ONLY INCREASES HIS GUILT ABOUT THE SCAM AND HE SOON, DUE TO THE LACK OF GOOD SLEEP, HALLUCINATES THAT THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES COME FROM SQUIDWARD'S MANY SELF-PORTRAITS WHENEVER HE AND SQUIDWARD HAVE ART LESSONS. AS THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES SEEM TO FOLLOW HIM EVERYWHERE, MR. KRABS DECIDES TO USE THE SCAM DONATION MONEY TO TAKE A VACATION FROM WORK WITH HIS DAUGHTER PEARL TO THE CITY ZOO TO CLEAR HIS MIND. HOWEVER, WHILE SPENDING ALL THE DONATION MONEY AT THE ZOO, MR. KRABS HEARS THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES AND THEY SEEM TO NOW BE COMING FROM THE ZOO AQUATIC ANIMALS, INCLUDING CLAMS, PENGUINS, WALRUSES, POLAR BEARS, SEA SNAKES, AND TIGER SHARKS, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO RUN WILDLY THROUGHOUT THE ZOO TO TRY TO ESCAPE THE MADDENING VOICES. THE ZOO FISH SECURITY GUARDS AND HIS DAUGHTER PEARL CHASE AFTER HIM, BUT MR. KRABS HALLUCINATES THE SECURITY GUARDS AS POLICE FISH TRYING TO ARREST HIM FOR THE SCAM. WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY FALLS INTO AN ALLIGATOR DEN AT THE ZOO, HE FINALLY FAINTS FROM THE STRESS AND FEAR. HOWEVER, THE ZOO FISH GUARDS MANAGE TO RESCUE HIM FROM THE ALLIGATORS, WHO ONLY MANAGE TO MILDLY BITE HIS BUTT. AS HE RECOVERS IN THE ZOO HOSPITAL FOR VISITORS, MR. KRABS SEES HIS DAUGHTER PEARL HYSTERICALLY CRYING AS SHE BELIEVED THAT HE HAD DIED OF A HEART ATTACK FROM HIS RECENT INSOMNIA AND FROM THE FEAR AND MILD BUTT INJURIES FROM THE ALLIGATORS. THE TWO EMBRACE WHEN SHE DISCOVERS HE IS STILL ALIVE. MR. KRABS FINALLY REALIZES THAT HAD HE DIED, PEARL WOULD HAVE BECOME AN ORPHAN. MR. KRABS DECIDES TO PAY THE DONATION MONEY, TOTALING AROUND $5000, WHICH HE HAD COMPLETELY SPENT AT THE ZOO, FROM HIS OWN LIFE SAVINGS TO A CITY ORPHANAGE TO END HIS GUILT AND ATONE FOR HIS CRIME TO END THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD. WHILE LOOKING FOR A CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE TO DONATE TO, MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY FINDS A RUNDOWN CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE CALLED "THE LITTLE FISH TANK," THE NAME WHICH HE INVENTED. BELIEVING THE COINCIDENCE TO BE A SIGN THAT HE SHOULD DONATE TO THE CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE TO ATONE FOR HIS SCAM, HE VISITS THE EMPTY AND RUNDOWN BUILDING. INSIDE, HE FINDS ONLY ONE ELDERLY CRAB EMPLOYEE NAMED MR. HERMIT, WHO CLAIMS TO BE THE CARE TAKER OF THE CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE. THE GUILTY MR. KRABS WANTS TO GIVE MR. HERMIT THE DONATION MONEY BUT FEELS THAT HE IS A SUSPICIOUS PERSON WHO MAY ALSO BE A SCAM ARTIST AND CHEAP CRAB LIKE HIMSELF. MR. KRABS ASKS MR. HERMIT WHY THE ORPHANAGE IS EMPTY. MR. HERMIT CLAIMS THAT THE ORPHANAGE IS SIMPLY CLOSED DOWN FOR MAINTENANCE AND THAT THE DONATION MONEY FROM MR. KRABS CAN ALLOW IT TO RE-OPEN EARLY NEXT MONTH. MR. KRABS IS HESITANT TO GIVE HIM THE MONEY, BUT HE CONTINUES TO HEAR THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES, FEEDING HIS GUILT AND CAUSING HIM TO GIVE MR. HERMIT THE DONATION MONEY. HAVING FINALLY DONATED THE MONEY TO THE ORPHANAGE, THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES IN MR. KRABS' HEAD FINALLY DISAPPEAR AND HE FEELS AT EASE, THOUGH HE STILL HAS INSOMNIA BECAUSE HE WORRIES THAT MR. HERMIT MAY HAVE LIKEWISE BEEN A SCAM ARTIST. TO DISCOVER THE TRUTH, HE VISITS THE LITTLE FISH TANK ORPHANAGE AGAIN TO SEE ITS GRAND OPENING THANKS TO THE DONATION MONEY EARLY THE NEXT MONTH. HOWEVER, NO ONE, NOT EVEN THE SUPPOSED CARE TAKER MR. HERMIT, IS THERE AND THE BUILDING IS COMPLETELY EMPTY. MR. KRABS IS SURE THAT MR. HERMIT WAS A SCAM ARTIST, SO HE GOES TO THE POLICE TO REPORT THE CRIME. HOWEVER, WHEN MR. KRABS TELLS THE POLICE FISH ABOUT THE LITTLE FISH TANK ORPHANAGE AND OF THE SUSPICIOUS MR. HERMIT, THE POLICE FISH INFORM HIM THAT THE ORPHANAGE IN QUESTION HAS BEEN CLOSED FOR A LONG TIME BECAUSE IT HAD A HUGE PLUMBING FLOOD ACCIDENT MANY YEARS AGO THAT DROWNED AND KILLED ALL THE ORPHAN FISH CHILDREN INSIDE AND THAT MR. HERMIT WAS THE OLD CARE TAKER OF THE ORPHANAGE AND DIED IN THE ACCIDENT TRYING TO SAVE THE ORPHANS. MR. KRABS SUDDENLY REALIZES THAT HE CONCEIVED THE FABRICATED NAME OF THE ORPHANAGE FROM SUBCONSCIOUSLY REMEMBERING THE TRAGIC STORY OF THE REAL ORPHANAGE IN THE NEWSPAPERS MANY YEARS AGO WHEN THE INCIDENT FIRST HAPPENED. MR. KRABS REALIZES THAT MR. HERMIT WAS A GHOST AND THAT THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD OF THE ORPHAN FISH CHILDREN WERE LIKEWISE FROM THE ORPHAN GHOSTS OF THE LITTLE FISH TANK ORPHANAGE, PUNISHING MR. KRABS FOR HIS SCAM AND MAKING HIM ATONE FOR HIS CRIME SINCE HE NOW FINALLY DONATED TO THE LITTLE FISH TANK ORPHANAGE. THOUGH SHOCKED BY THE TRUTH, HE IS RELIEVED THAT THE ORDEAL IS OVER. HOWEVER, THE POLICE FISH, NOT BELIEVING MR. KRABS' SCARY STORY, ARREST HIM AS A SCAM ARTIST FOR THE MISSING KRUSTY KRAB DONATION MONEY. MR. KRABS WILLINGLY ACCEPTS THE PUNISHMENT. AS HE SITS AND GROWS TIRED FROM HIS INSOMNIA IN HIS PRISON CELL, HE FINDS A PENNY ON THE FLOOR. HE PICKS UP THE PENNY AND TOSSES IT TO PLANKTON, WHO IS A PRISONER ARRESTED FOR DOMESTIC ABUSE OF HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, IN THE PRISON CELL BESIDE HIS CELL. HAVING FINALLY MADE THE DONATION, MR. KRABS FINALLY FALLS INTO A GOOD DEEP SLEEP, ENDING HIS INSOMNIA. THROUGHOUT HIS PRISON SENTENCE, MR. KRABS SLEEPS VERY WELL, AND HE NEVER HEARS THE ORPHAN CHILDREN'S VOICES AGAIN.

**TOM SURFING: GUILT ONLY ENDS WHEN THE COMMITTED CRIME IS ATONED FOR. THE TRUTH, NO MATTER HOW SCARY, SHALL ALWAYS SET PEOPLE FREE. IT APPEARS THAT MR. EUGENE KRABS CAN FINALLY SLEEP. HIS MIND IS AT REST NOW THAT HE HAS PAID THE LITTLE ORPHAN PIPERS, WHO ONLY WANT HELP FROM ALL THE SCAM ARTISTS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**26 EPISODE TWENTY-SIX: THE INVISIBLE MACHINE**

**TOM SURFING: DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC, GHOSTS, WORM HOLES, TELEPORTATION DEVICES, OR INVISIBLE SEA MEN? SOMETIMES PEOPLE SIMPLY DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE AND ARE NEVER SEEN AGAIN. OFTEN THERE ARE NO ANSWERS, BUT SOMETIMES A CONSPIRACY IS AFOOT. SOMETIMES MISSING PEOPLE HAVE ENTERED SPECIAL MAGIC ATTRACTIONS FOUND ONLY…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM IS BOTH EXCITED AND SCARED ABOUT THE STEAM BOAT CRUISE SHIP COMING TO THE CITY TO TAKE PASSENGERS ON VACATIONS ACROSS THE SEA. ONLY PASSENGERS GIVEN FREE TICKETS BY THEIR WORK EMPLOYERS ARE ALLOWED TO GO ONTO THE SHIP. THE STEAM BOAT IS NICKNAMED "THE GHOST SHIP" (NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE REAL GHOST PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN) BECAUSE OF ITS MAIN SUPPOSEDLY MAGIC ATTRACTION. INSIDE THE GHOST SHIP IS A TOURIST BOOTH CALLED "THE INVISIBLE MACHINE." THE INVISIBLE MACHINE IS NOTORIOUS FOR CAUSING THOSE WHO ENTER IT TO SIMPLY DISAPPEAR WITHOUT A TRACE. THE SALMON FISH CAPTAIN OF THE SHIP, CAPTAIN NEMO, CLAIMS THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE REALLY DOES MAKE PEOPLE DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR. CAPTAIN NEMO CLAIMS THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE SIMPLY APPEARED ON HIS SHIP FROM OUT OF NOWHERE ONE DAY WHILE HIS SHIP WAS CAUGHT IN A HARSH STORM. PEOPLE ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS DEBATE HOW OR IF THE INVISIBLE MACHINE WORKS, AND PEOPLE ON THE CRUISE ARE ADVISED BY THE CREW TO TRY THE MACHINE AT THEIR OWN RISK. MR. KRABS GIVES SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD FREE TICKETS TO GO ON THE SHIP. SPONGEBOB PAYS MR. KRABS FOR EXTRA TICKETS FOR PATRICK AND SANDY, THOUGH BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE AFRAID OF THE INVISIBLE MACHINE. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THE INVISIBLE MACHINE USES REAL MAGIC TO MAKE ITS UNLUCKY VISITORS DISAPPEAR. PATRICK BELIEVES THAT THE GHOST SHIP IS REALLY HAUNTED AND THOSE WHO ENTER THE INVISIBLE MACHINE BECOME INVISIBLE GHOSTS. SQUIDWARD BELIEVES THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE IS SIMPLY A CLEVER MAGIC TRICK CREATED BY THE CREW AND THAT THE MISSING PASSENGERS ARE ACTUALLY HIDDEN BY THE CREW AND PAID BY THE CREW TO STAY HIDDEN TO KEEP THE INVISIBLE MACHINE FAMOUS AND PROFITABLE FOR THE SHIP. SANDY IS UNSURE OF HOW THE INVISIBLE MACHINE WORKS AND HOPES TO INVESTIGATE IT AND SEE IT IN ACTION. AS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SQUIDWARD, AND SANDY ARRIVE ON THE CRUISE, THEY ALL SEE THE INVISIBLE MACHINE FIRST HAND. IT IS LOCATED IN THE LOWER DECKS OF THE SHIP. A SIGN NEXT TO THE INVISIBLE MACHINE WARNS THAT THOSE WHO ENTER IT WILL SIMPLY DISAPPEAR AND NEVER BE SEEN AGAIN. THE SIGN READS: "ABANDON HOPE AND VISIBILITY, ALL THOSE WHO ENTER HERE." CAPTAIN NEMO VISITS THE FOUR FRIENDS AND ASKS IF ANY OF THEM ARE BRAVE ENOUGH TO ENTER THE INVISIBLE MACHINE, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO LAUGH AND CLAIM THAT THE CAPTAIN IS A FAKE MAGICIAN. CAPTAIN NEMO ASSURES THEM ALL THAT THE MACHINE REALLY WORKS AND THAT THE CREW IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY OF THEIR DISAPPEARANCES SHOULD ANY OF THEM CHOOSE TO ENTER. SQUIDWARD, HOPING TO EARN THE REWARD MONEY FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE FAKE MAGIC TRICK, DECLARES THAT HE WILL ENTER THE MACHINE TO PROVE IT DOES NOT WORK. CAPTAIN NEMO SIMPLY TELLS HIM THAT SOME PEOPLE WISH TO BECOME INVISIBLE SEA MEN AND LEAVES. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BEG SQUIDWARD NOT TO ENTER THE INVISIBLE MACHINE, BUT HE IGNORES THEM AND SANDY, THOUGH WORRIED, IS SKEPTICAL THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE ACTUALLY WORKS AND IS WILLING TO DOCUMENT SQUIDWARD'S CASE. LOCATED ON THE LOWER LEVELS OF THE STEAM BOAT, THE INVISIBLE MACHINE IS A LARGE BOOTH WITH NO WINDOWS AND ONE ENTRANCE DOOR THAT LOCKS ONCE THE BOOTH DOOR IS CLOSED. NEXT TO THE BOOTH IS A LARGE LAMP THAT SHOOTS ELECTRIC BOLTS AT THE TOP OF THE BOOTH, WHICH IS MADE OF HEAT RESISTANT MATERIAL TO PROTECT IT FROM THE ELECTRIC BOLTS. UNDERNEATH THE HEAT RESISTANT MATERIAL, THE BOOTH IS MADE OF METAL. ON TOP OF THE BOOTH, THERE IS A LARGE BELL AND A TINY AIR VENT. A CROWD GATHERS AROUND SQUIDWARD, WHO GETS READY TO ENTER THE INVISIBLE MACHINE. MANY PLACE BETS ON WHETHER OR NOT HE WILL DISAPPEAR. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE CRYING AS SANDY ASSURES THEM THAT IT IS JUST A SIMPLE MAGIC TRICK AND THEY WILL MOST CERTAINLY SEE SQUIDWARD AGAIN. FINALLY, SQUIDWARD JOKES THAT HE IS READY TO BECOME AN INVISIBLE SEA MAN AND PROUDLY DECLARES THAT HIS "LITTLE SQUID SEA MEN" WILL NOT BE LOST SINCE HE HAS NO INFERTILITY PROBLEMS, CAUSING SOME TO LAUGH AND OTHERS TO LOOK SCARED AS HE ENTERS THE BOOTH, WHICH ONLY HAS A METAL SEAT INSIDE, AND CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. AS SOON AS THE DOOR IS CLOSED, THE LAMP REPEATEDLY FIRES MANY ELECTRIC BOLTS AT THE TOP OF THE BOOTH. THE BELL BEGINS TO RING LOUDLY. THE AIR VENT THEN RELEASES A GREEN UNKNOWN VAPOR. AFTER FIVE MINUTES, EVERYTHING STOPS AND THE DOOR OF THE INVISIBLE MACHINE OPENS ON ITS OWN. EVERYONE SLOWLY LOOKS INSIDE THE BOOTH AND NO ONE IS THERE. SQUIDWARD HAS DISAPPEARED INTO THIN AIR. EVERYONE SCREAMS. SANDY, WITHOUT ENTERING THE BOOTH, WALKS CLOSE TO IT AND FEELS IT GIVE OFF MUCH HEAT, PRESUMABLY FROM THE ELECTRIC SHOCKS OF THE LAMP OUTSIDE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HYSTERICALLY CRY AS SANDY COMFORTS THEM AND PROMISES SQUIDWARD WILL RETURN BY THE NIGHT, THOUGH SHE IS UNSURE THAT HE ACTUALLY WILL. THE CREW OF THE SHIP QUICKLY APPROACHES THE CROWD AND DEMANDS THAT THEY LEAVE SO NO ONE ELSE WILL DISAPPEAR. MOST PEOPLE LEAVE. APART FROM A MAGIC TRICK, THE ONLY OTHER EXPLANATION THAT SANDY COULD CONCEIVE IS THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE IS EITHER AN ADVANCED TELEPORTATION DEVICE OR IS SOMEHOW A PORTAL TO ANOTHER DIMENSION THAT CAUSES ITS PASSENGERS TO BE SENT TO ANOTHER PARALLEL WORLD. SPONGEBOB ACCUSES THE CREW OF BEING EVIL WIZARDS AND USING REAL BLACK MAGIC TO MAKE SQUIDWARD DISAPPEAR, AND PATRICK ACCUSES THE CREW OF BEING GHOSTS AND TURNING SQUIDWARD INTO AN INVISIBLE GHOST. SANDY ACCUSES THE CREW OF DOING A FAKE MAGIC TRICK. ALL DEMAND THAT SQUIDWARD BE RETURNED BY THE NIGHT, BUT THE CREW ASSURES THEM THAT HE WILL NEVER RETURN. THE CREW FORCES THEM TO LEAVE TO THEIR ROOMS. AS THEY ENTER THEIR ROOMS, THEY BEGIN TO DISCUSS WHAT THEY SHOULD DO. PATRICK THINKS THEY SHOULD ABANDON SHIP SO THE GHOST CREW WILL NOT TURN THEM INTO INVISIBLE GHOSTS, BUT SANDY REMINDS HIM THAT IF THE CREW WERE GHOSTS THEN THE CREW SHOULD BE INVISIBLE TOO. SPONGEBOB THINKS THEY SHOULD LIKEWISE STEAL LIFE BOATS TO ESCAPE THE SHIP IF SQUIDWARD DOES NOT COME BACK BY NIGHT BEFORE THE WIZARD CREW MAKES THEM ALL DISAPPEAR. SANDY REMARKS THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE SEEMS TO USE ELECTRICITY AND AN UNKNOWN GREEN VAPOR TO WORK, NOT REAL MAGIC. SHE TELLS THEM THAT THEY SHOULD TRY TO SNEAK INTO THE SHIP DECKS BELOW THE INVISIBLE MACHINE TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY TRAP DOORS BELOW IT. SHE BELIEVES THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE MIGHT BE CONTROLLED BY THE CREW FROM BELOW IT. HOWEVER, THE LOWER DECKS OF THE SHIP ARE ONLY OPEN TO CREW EMPLOYEES AND ARE STRICTLY OFF LIMIT TO VISITORS SINCE THE LOWER DECKS ARE WHERE THE SHIP'S HOT STEAM ENGINES ARE LOCATED. SANDY DECIDES THAT THEY SHOULD WAIT UNTIL NIGHT TO SEE IF SQUIDWARD RETURNS TO THEIR ROOMS. IF HE DOES NOT RETURN, THEY SHOULD SNEAK INTO THE DECKS BELOW THE INVISIBLE MACHINE TO SEE IF HE IS TRAPPED AS A PRISONER OR IS HIDING WITH THE CREW THERE AS PART OF THE MAGIC TRICK. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK RELUCTANTLY AGREE. AS THE HOURS GO BY, THEY CAN PERIODICALLY HEAR MORE AND MORE PEOPLE SCREAMING ABOUT AND TALKING ABOUT THE DISAPPEARANCES  
OF OTHERS WHO ENTER THE INVISIBLE MACHINE, WHICH GREATLY TROUBLES THEM. SANDY TELLS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE MAY BE A TELEPORTATION DEVICE THAT WORKS WHEN THE UNKNOWN GREEN VAPOR MIXES WITH THE ELECTRIC BOLTS TO SOMEHOW TRANSPORT PEOPLE TO OTHER PLACES OFF THE SHIP. HOWEVER, SHE IS NOT SATISFIED WITH THE THEORY BUT BELIEVES IT TO BE MORE LIKELY THAN THE INVISIBLE MACHINE BEING AN INTERDIMENSIONAL OR GHOSTLY PORTAL TO ANOTHER PARALLEL WORLD. AS NIGHT FALLS, SQUIDWARD IS STILL NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. AFTER THEY SEARCH THE ENTIRE SHIP FOR HIM, THEY SADLY RETURN TO THEIR ROOMS TO DISCUSS THEIR PLAN OF SNEAKING INTO THE LOWER DECKS. FOR HER PLAN, SANDY, WHO WILL SNEAK BEHIND THEM FROM A DISTANCE, NEEDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO ENTER THE LOWER DECKS FIRST TO DISTRACT THE SECURITY, WHO WILL CHASE THEM AWAY. SANDY CAN THEN USE HER KARATE SKILLS TO DEFEAT ANY REMAINING SECURITY GUARDS BEFORE ENTERING THE STEAM ENGINE ROOMS TO LOOK FOR SQUIDWARD. THEY ALL AGREE TO THE PLAN AND QUIETLY LEAVE THEIR ROOMS. AS SOON AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK GET CLOSE TO THE DOORS LEADING TO THE STEAM ENGINE ROOMS, FIVE FISH CREW SECURITY GUARDS TELL THEM TO LEAVE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PRETEND THAT THEY ARE LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOMS, AND PATRICK PRETENDS THAT HE REALLY HAS TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. THE GUARDS TELL THEM TO RETURN TO THE UPPER DECKS WHERE THE BATHROOMS OBVIOUSLY ARE. HOWEVER, PATRICK YELPS, WETS HIMSELF, AND FALLS LIFELESS TO THE FLOOR. AS THE GUARDS SURROUND HIM, SPONGEBOB SLOWLY SNEAKS PAST THEM AND OPENS THE DOORS TO THE ENGINE ROOMS. HOWEVER, THE GUARDS NOTICE AND YELL AT HIM. SPONGEBOB RUNS INTO THE STEAM ENGINE ROOMS, WHILE PATRICK RUNS AWAY FROM THE GUARDS BACK TO THE UPPER DECK. THREE GUARDS CHASE AFTER SPONGEBOB, WHILE THE OTHER TWO TACKLE PATRICK. SPONGEBOB QUICKLY RUNS THROUGHOUT THE STEAM ENGINE ROOMS AND YELLS FOR SQUIDWARD, THOUGH HIS YELLING IS OVERPOWERED BY THE LOUD ENGINES. AS SPONGEBOB HOPELESSLY LOOKS FOR SQUIDWARD, THE THREE SECURITY GUARDS FINALLY FIND HIM AND SLAM HIM TO THE FLOOR. HOWEVER, SANDY APPEARS FROM ABOVE THEM AND QUICKLY USES HER KARATE SKILLS TO KNOCK THEM ALL OUT. SHE HELPS SPONGEBOB UP AND TELLS HIM THEY NEED TO FIND THE SPECIFIC ENGINE ROOM THAT IS BELOW THE INVISIBLE MACHINE. FROM BEHIND HER, A FOOTSTEP IS HEARD. BY THE TIME SHE TURNS AROUND, CAPTAIN NEMO HITS HER HELMET WITH THE BUTT OF HIS PIRATE SWORD TO BREAK HER HELMET, DROWN HER MOUTH WITH WATER, AND KNOCK HER OUT. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AS CAPTAIN NEMO YELLS FOR MORE GUARDS WHO COVER SPONGEBOB'S MOUTH AND TAKE HIM, THE UNCONSCIOUS SANDY, AND THE CAPTURED PATRICK TO CAPTAIN NEMO'S OFFICE. SANDY'S AIR HELMET IS REPLACED, AND THE THREE PRISONERS ARE HANDCUFFED AND TIGHTLY TIED WITH STRONG ROPES TO CHAIRS AS ONLY CAPTAIN NEMO STANDS OVER THEM IN THE OFFICE WHEN THE GUARDS LEAVE THE ROOM. AS SANDY WAKES UP, CAPTAIN NEMO ASKS THEM ALL WHAT THEY WERE DOING. THEY ALL DEMAND THAT HE TELL THEM WHERE SQUIDWARD IS. CAPTAIN NEMO SMILES AND TELLS THEM THE INVISIBLE MACHINE MADE HIM DISAPPEAR. SANDY ASKS HOW THE INVISIBLE MACHINE WORKS, AND WHAT THE MYSTERIOUS GREEN VAPOR IS THAT IT EMITS. CAPTAIN NEMO SIMPLY TELLS HER THAT SQUIDWARD VANISHED INTO THIN AIR. NONE OF THEM BELIEVE HIM. SPONGEBOB ASKS IF HE IS HOLDING SQUIDWARD PRISONER OR IF SQUIDWARD HAS BEEN PAID TO SECRETLY LEAVE THE SHIP BY THE CREW. PATRICK ASKS WHAT IS BELOW THE INVISIBLE MACHINE AND IF THE SHIP IS HAUNTED. CAPTAIN NEMO LAUGHS AND TELLS THEM THAT THEY SHOULD BE MORE CONCERNED ABOUT WHERE THEIR BOSS MR. KRABS IS THAN WHERE SQUIDWARD IS. SPONGEBOB REPLIES THAT ONLY HE AND SQUIDWARD WORK FOR MR. KRABS AND THAT HE PAID MR. KRABS TO BUY EXTRA TICKETS FOR PATRICK AND SANDY. CAPTAIN NEMO SAYS SPONGEBOB MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE BY BRINGING MORE PEOPLE WITH HIM ONTO THE SHIP AND AGAIN ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE KNOWS WHERE MR. KRABS IS. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES MR. KRABS IS BACK IN BIKINI BOTTOM, BUT CAPTAIN NEMO TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT MR. KRABS IS ON PERMANENT VACATION AND RETIREMENT IN NEW KELP CITY AND IS ENJOYING HIS NEW MONEY AND NEW LIFE. SPONGEBOB IS CONFUSED AND CALLS THE CAPTAIN A LIAR. CAPTAIN NEMO SIGHS AND PULLS OUT A PAPER FROM HIS POCKETS. THE PAPER LOOKS LIKE A BUSINESS CONTRACT AND IS SIGNED BY "EUGENE 'CRABBY' KRABS." CAPTAIN NEMO INFORMS SPONGEBOB THAT THE GHOST SHIP CREW PAID MR. KRABS FOR OWNERSHIP OF HIS EMPLOYEES AND EXPLAINS THAT THE CREW PAYS ANY EMPLOYERS WHO WANT THEIR EMPLOYEES TO DISAPPEAR FOREVER OR WHO SIMPLY WANT MORE MONEY. FUNDING THEIR TWISTED PROFESSIONAL PROGRAM THROUGH SUCCESSFUL BURIED TREASURE HUNTS, THE SADISTIC CREW OF THE GHOST SHIP LOVES TO MAKE PEOPLE BECOME INVISIBLE AND DESIRES TO EARN A MORE FRIGHTENING REPUTATION ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS THROUGH THE INVISIBLE MACHINE THAN THAT OF THE NOTORIOUS FLYING DUTCHMAN AND HIS REAL GHOST PIRATE SHIP. SPONGEBOB IS SHOCKED, AND BOTH SANDY AND PATRICK COMPLAIN THAT THEY ARE NOT KRUSTY KRAB EMPLOYEES. CAPTAIN NEMO SAYS THAT NO ONE IS EVER ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE GHOST SHIP ONCE THEY ENTER IT. SANDY ASKS HIM ABOUT THOSE WHO HAVE RETURNED FROM PAST VOYAGES, BUT HE ASSURES HER THAT THOSE PEOPLE WHO LEAVE THE SHIP ARE SIMPLY HIRED CREW MEMBERS IN DISGUISE PRETENDING TO LEAVE THE SHIP TO AVOID SUSPICION FROM THE PUBLIC AND THAT ONLY UNDESIRABLES FROM SOCIETY ARE SENT TO THE SHIP. EVERYONE ELSE WHO DOES NOT RETURN FROM THE SHIP IS ASSUMED BY THE PUBLIC TO HAVE WILLINGLY AND FOOLISHLY ENTERED THE INVISIBLE MACHINE AS THE PUBLIC IS NOT AWARE THAT THE SHIP IS NOT AN ACTUAL REGULAR CRUISE SHIP. SPONGEBOB ASKS IF THEY WILL BE MADE SLAVES OF THE SHIP, WHILE PATRICK ASKS IF THE CREW IS REALLY GHOSTS AND THEY ARE NOW SLAVES FOR THEM FOR ALL ETERNITY. CAPTAIN NEMO ONCE AGAIN TELLS THEM THAT HE WILL ONLY MAKE THEM ALL DISAPPEAR. SANDY CLAIMS THAT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR PEOPLE TO DISAPPEAR INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION AND THAT TELEPORTATION DEVICES ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO CREATE. SANDY BELIEVES THAT THE CREW MUST BE HOLDING SQUIDWARD PRISONER SOMEWHERE ON THE SHIP. THE CAPTAIN DOES NOT RESPOND TO HER AND INSTEAD PULLS OUT A LARGE SCROLL OF PAPER FROM HIS POCKETS. HE TOSSES HER THE PAPER, WHICH ROLLS OPEN ON HER LAP. THE TITLE OF THE WORK IS "HOW TO MAKE AN INVISIBLE MACHINE." SANDY QUICKLY BEGINS TO READ THE PAPER. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TRY TO READ IT FROM THEIR CHAIRS BUT THEY CANNOT CLEARLY SEE IT. AS SHE FINISHES READING THE PAPER, HER FACE IS EXTREMELY SWEATY AND SCARED. CAPTAIN NEMO STEPS CLOSE TO HER AND PATS HER HELMET. CAPTAIN NEMO SOFTLY SAYS, "I TOLD YOU, MS. CHEEKS, MR. TENTACLES SIMPLY DISAPPEARED…INTO VERY HOT THIN AIR." CAPTAIN NEMO WILDLY LAUGHS AS SANDY USELESSLY TRIES TO BREAK FREE OF HER CHAIR RESTRAINTS. CAPTAIN NEMO KICKS THE PAPER TOWARDS THE SEATS OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO LET THEM READ IT. THE PAPER READS:

"HOW TO MAKE AN INVISIBLE MACHINE BY CAPTAIN NEMO – THE INVISIBLE MACHINE CONSISTS OF A METAL BOOTH WITH ONE ENTRANCE DOOR, HEAT RESISTANT OUTSIDE COVER, TOP BELL, TOP SMALL AIR VENT, AND A METAL CHAIR INSIDE. NEXT TO THE BOOTH IS AN ELECTRIC LAMP THAT SHOCKS THE BOOTH WITH ELECTRIC VOLTAGE. ONCE A PERSON ENTERS THE BOOTH, SITS ON THE SEAT, AND CLOSES THE DOOR, THE SEAT ACTIVATES THE BELL TO LOUDLY RING AND THE DOOR AUTOMATICALLY LOCKS, TRAPPING THE PERSON INSIDE. THE HEAT FROM THE STEAM ENGINES BELOW THE BOOTH THEN QUICKLY HEATS ITS BOTTOM AND INSIDE. FROM TINY HOLES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE BOOTH, THE SHIP CREW BELOW RELEASES A GREEN GAS, PRODUCED BY COMMON CHEMICALS, INTO THE BOOTH. WITHIN FIVE MINUTES, THE HEAT OF THE BOOTH IS TOO GREAT FOR SOLID AND LIQUID BODIES OF PEOPLE TO REMAIN. THE LOUD ELECTRICITY AND LOUD BELL DRONE OUT THE PERSON'S SCREAMS, THE GREEN GAS CHANGES THE APPEARANCE OF THE COMMON STEAM SHOOTING OUT THE AIR VENT, AND THE PERSON BECOMES ONE WITH THE VAPOR AND LITERALLY VANISHES INTO VERY HOT THIN AIR…"

SPONGEBOB'S, SANDY'S, AND PATRICK'S SCREAMS ARE DRONED OUT BY A SUDDEN STORM AT SEA.

**TOM SURFING: SOMETIMES THE ANSWERS TO A MYSTERY ARE MUCH EASIER TO EXPLAIN THAN ONE MIGHT THINK. OFTEN MAGIC, SPIRITS, SCIENCE, AND EVEN METAPHYSICS ARE INADEQUATE TO SOLVE A PUZZLE. BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE WHO WOULD BETRAY FRIENDS FOR MONEY OR PAY OTHERS TO MAKE THEIR ENEMIES SIMPLY DISAPPEAR…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**27 EPISODE TWENTY-SEVEN: THE SCARED HAS-BEEN OF 2084**

**TOM SURFING: THE DATE IS THE FUTURE. THE YEAR IS 2084. THE LITTLE FATHER TYRANT IS SHELDON PLANKTON, AND SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS IS DEEMED OBSOLETE AND A HAS-BEEN IN THIS SCARY DYSTOPIA. SO SIT BACK AND RELAX, BECAUSE YOU'RE ABOUT TO LEARN A FRIGHTENING LESSON ABOUT FEAR AND WHETHER SPONGEBOB WILL BOW DOWN TO PLANKTON FOR HIS LAST MOMENTS…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

IN THE YEAR 2084, IN A DYSTOPIAN VERSION OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WHICH HAS BEEN RENAMED TO "PLANKTON'S LITTLE BOTTOM," THE PLANKTON SPECIES IS THE RULING OLIGARCHY AND IS CONSIDERED BY ALL CITIZENS TO BE THE PERFECT SPECIES. IT APPEARS THAT ABOUT A CENTURY AGO IN 1984, SHELDON PLANKTON AND HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN SECRETLY BUILT UNDERGROUND BUNKER LABORATORIES BENEATH THE ORIGINAL CHUM BUCKET, INVITED PLANKTON'S HILLBILLY FAMILY TO LIVE AT THE CHUM BUCKET, AND USED ADVANCED GENETIC ENGINEERING EXPERIMENTS TO FORCEFULLY BIOLOGICALLY AND PSYCHOLOGICALLY ALTER THE HICK PLANKTONS INTO MAD SCIENTIST GENIUSES LIKE THEIR COUSIN SHELDON PLANKTON HIMSELF. THE NEW PLANKTON SPECIES AND KAREN, WORKING IN THE SECRET BUNKER LABORATORIES BENEATH THE CHUM BUCKET, THEN INVENTED A HIDDEN ARMY OF FISHERMEN ROBOTS, METALLIC ROBOTS THAT LOOK LIKE HUMAN FISHERMEN, WHO ARE ENDOWED WITH SUPER STRENGTH AND THE ABILITY TO DISCERN WHICH AQUATIC SPECIES OF THE SEA ARE HAS-BEENS AND ARE NOT NECESSARY FOR SOCIETY TO FUNCTION. THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS, ARMED WITH FISH NET GUNS, ELECTRIC STUN GUNS, DEADLY HARPOONS, AND FISHING EQUIPMENT, ENABLED THEIR INVENTORS, THE PLANKTON SPECIES, TO CONQUER THE CITY AND ENFORCE THEIR HARSH TYRANNICAL RULE BY THE END OF 1984 UNTIL THE PRESENT YEAR 2084. OVER THE CENTURY, THE PLANKTON UPPER CLASS HAS USED THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS TO ENFORCE THEIR RULE, DISCERN WHICH OTHER AQUATIC SPECIES ARE HAS-BEENS, AND CARRY OUT THE GENOCIDAL EXECUTIONS OF THE HAS-BEENS. THE YEAR IS NOW 2084, AND OVER 99% OF THE NON-PLANKTON AQUATIC SPECIES IN THE CITY HAVE BEEN TERMINATED. THE FISHERMEN ROBOT ARMY NOW MAKES UP 95% OF THE CITY'S POPULATION, THE PLANKTON SPECIES OVERLORDS NOW MAKE UP 5% OF THE CITY'S POPULATION, AND THE FEW REMAINING NON-PLANKTON SEA CREATURES, MAKING UP LESS THAN 1% OF THE POPULATION, ARE HUNTED DOWN AND EXECUTED VIA "HAS-BEEN HEARINGS," WHICH ARE LITTLE MORE THAN OFFICIAL EXECUTION SENTENCES. THE HIGHEST RULING AND SOLE POLITICAL PARTY OF THE CITY IS THE "LITTLE PLANKTON PARTY," WHICH IS ABBREVIATED "L.P.P." AND CALLED THE "LITTLE PEE-PEE" FOR SHORT. THE LITTLE PEE-PEE CONSISTS OF 100 OF THE MOST INTELLIGENT PLANKTONS AND INCLUDES SHELDON PLANKTON HIMSELF, WHOSE LIFE SPAN HAS BEEN INCREASED DUE TO CYBERNETIC TECHNOLOGY MAKING HIM A PARTIAL CYBORG. THE CYBORG SHELDON PLANKTON, WHOSE LIMBS, LITTLE BUTT, AND ANTENNAE ARE NOW FULLY ROBOTIC WITH THE REST OF HIS TINY BODY AS FULLY ORGANIC, IS THE LEADER OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE AND IS GIVEN THE HONORARY TITLE, "SUPREME JERK." AS THE FINAL GENOCIDES OF THE LAST SEA CREATURES NEAR THEIR END, ONLY ONE HAS-BEEN AQUATIC SPECIES REMAINS, THE SPONGE SPECIES. THE SPONGE SPECIES IS DEEMED TO BE HAS-BEEN BECAUSE FISHERMEN ROBOTS ARE PERFECT CLEANERS, MAKING THE NEED FOR CLEANING SPONGES NO LONGER NECESSARY IN SOCIETY. THE NOW ELDERLY SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, ONE OF THE LAST REMAINING SPONGES IN THE CITY, IS FINALLY GIVEN A HAS-BEEN HEARING PRESIDED OVER BY THE LITTLE PEE-PEE AND THE SUPREME JERK HIMSELF. IN A GIANT EMPTY ROOM OF THE "ASSASSINATION SENATE BUILDING," THE MEMBERS OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE SIT IN MECHANICAL LEVITATING CHAIRS AS THEY PASS SENTENCE ON SPONGEBOB, WHO IS SURROUNDED BY FISHERMEN ROBOTS AND WHO IS REQUIRED TO KNEEL AT ALL TIMES DURING THE HAS-BEEN HEARING. LIKE ALL NON-PLANKTON CITIZENS OF THE CITY, SPONGEBOB WEARS A MANUAL LABOR JUMPSUIT AT ALL TIMES TO SHOW HIS OBEDIENCE TO THE "HATE STATE," AS THE CITY GOVERNMENT IS REFERRED TO. THE PLANKTON SPECIES, ON THE OTHER HAND, WEARS ROYAL ROBES, WITH SUPREME JERK PLANKTON WEARING A CROWN, A FAKE SET OF MECHANICAL DEVIL HORNS, AND A LASER METALLIC EYE, AS SUPREME JERK DICTATOR. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY PASSES SENTENCE ON SPONGEBOB AS A HAS-BEEN, CAUSING ALL THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE TO LIKEWISE CHANT IN UNISON THAT SPONGEBOB IS A HAS-BEEN. SPONGEBOB DECLARES THAT HE IS NOT A HAS-BEEN AND STILL HAS WORTH FOR SOCIETY. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON TELLS HIM TO STATE HIS SPECIES, OCCUPATION, IDEOLOGY, AND FAVORITE HOBBY AS A LEGAL DEFENSE TO PROVE HE IS NOT A WORTHLESS HAS-BEEN. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT HE IS A FAST FOOD FRY COOK, IS A MEMBER OF THE SPONGE SPECIES, AND BELIEVES IN THE EQUAL NATURAL WORTH OF ALL SEA CREATURES BOTH PLANKTON AND NON-PLANKTON. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT, SINCE HIS FRIENDS HAVE ALL BEEN EXECUTED BY THE HATE STATE, HIS FAVORITE HOBBY IS READING FAIRY TALE BOOKS ALONE AT HOME AND THAT HIS FAVORITE FAIRY TALE IS _SNOW FISH AND THE SEVEN SEA GNOMES_. SPONGEBOB SAYS THE STORY IS HIS FAVORITE BECAUSE IT CONTAINS MAGIC, COOPERATION BETWEEN ALL SEA CREATURES, ROMANCE, AND THE DEFEAT OF THE EVIL SEA WITCH AS A HAPPY ENDING. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY LAUGHS AT SPONGEBOB AND TELLS HIM THAT HE MOST CERTAINLY IS A WORTHLESS HAS-BEEN. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SAYS THAT THE HATE STATE HAS ELIMINATED ALL FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS IN THE CITY EXCEPT FOR CHUM BUCKETS, THAT CHUM BUCKET CHUM FOOD IS PRODUCED BY AUTOMATED MACHINES ON ASSEMBLY LINES, AND THAT BIOLOGICAL FAST FOOD FRY COOKS ARE THUS HAS-BEENS TO MODERN SOCIETY. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SAYS THAT THE SPONGE SPECIES IS A HAS-BEEN SPECIES SINCE FISHERMEN ROBOTS ARE PERFECT CLEANERS, ELIMINATING THE NEED FOR CLEANING SPONGES. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SAYS THAT THE HATE STATE HAS PROVED THAT ALL SEA CREATURES ARE NOT NATURALLY EQUAL SINCE THE PLANKTON SPECIES, DUE TO ITS SUPREME COLLECTIVE INTELLIGENCE, HAS EASILY CONQUERED AND DESTROYED ALL OTHER AQUATIC SPECIES TO PROVE THEIR BIOLOGICAL AND INTELLECTUAL SUPREMACY IN THE EVOLUTIONARY STRUGGLE FOR EXISTENCE AND THE BIOLOGICAL SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST. FINALLY, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SAYS THAT THE HATE STATE HAS MOST CERTAINLY BANNED ALL FAIRY TALE BOOKS DUE TO THEIR LACK OF SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE AND THEIR HOLLOW FANTASY ESCAPISM. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON CALLS _SNOW FISH AND THE SEVEN SEA GNOMES_ THE WORST EXAMPLE OF HAS-BEEN CULTURE SINCE THE HATE STATE HAS PROVED THE FOLLOWING: MAGIC DOES NOT EXIST AS THE SCIENCE OF MECHANICS EXPLAINS ALL THINGS; ALL SEA CREATURES CANNOT COOPERATE TOGETHER SINCE SOME ARE NATURALLY BETTER THAN OTHERS AND DESERVE TO EXPLOIT THEIR INFERIORS AND ELIMINATE THEM IF NECESSARY TO THEIR OWN PROSPERITY; LOVE OF OTHER SEA CREATURES IS AN INFERIOR EMOTION TO THE EMOTIONS OF HATE, THE LOVE OF POWER, AND NATIONALISM FOR THE HATE STATE; AND FINALLY, THE HATE STATE HAS PROVED THAT HAPPY ENDINGS ARE NOT POSSIBLE FOR ALL SEA CREATURES SINCE ALL SEA CREATURES, EXCEPT PLANKTONS, HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED AND ARE NOW EXTINCT, AND THE HATE STATE HAS LIKEWISE PROVED THERE IS NO GOOD OR EVIL SINCE THERE ARE ONLY THE SLAVE MORALITY OF THE WEAK AND THE MASTER MORALITY OF THE STRONG WITH PLANKTONS AS OBVIOUSLY THE MASTERS AND THE STRONG. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY PROTESTS ALL OF SUPREME JERK PLANKTON'S ARGUMENTS. SPONGEBOB ARGUES THAT MECHANICALLY PRODUCED FOOD IS OF MUCH WORSE QUALITY AND HAS NO SENSE OF CARING CUSTOMER SERVICE, MAKING IT INFERIOR TO ALL FAST FOOD RESTAURANTS OF THE PAST. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT, DESPITE THEIR GREAT CLEANING SKILLS, THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS THEMSELVES ARE STILL IMPERFECT AND OCCASIONALLY LEAVE SMALL DIRTY SPOTS WHEREVER THEY CLEAN, AND THAT THE SPONGE SPECIES IS CAPABLE OF GREATER ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND SOCIAL FUNCTIONS THAN JUST CLEANING. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT ONLY THOSE AFRAID OF THE POTENTIAL POWER OF OTHER SPECIES WOULD TRY TO SYSTEMATICALLY ELIMINATE THEM, PROVING THAT THE PLANKTON SPECIES IS INFERIOR TO ALL OTHER AQUATIC SPECIES DUE TO BEING THE MOST EASILY SCARED OF ALL SEA CREATURES. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT THE PLANKTON SPECIES ITSELF IS INFERIOR IN STRENGTH TO ALL FISHERMEN ROBOTS AND THAT ONE DAY THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS, RECOGNIZING THEIR OWN POWER, WILL OVERTHROW AND ELIMINATE THE PLANKTON SPECIES AS HAS-BEENS, JUST AS THE PLANKTON SPECIES ELIMINATED ALL OTHER AQUATIC SPECIES AS HAS-BEENS THROUGH THEIR FISHERMEN ROBOT ARMY. FINALLY, SPONGEBOB ADMITS TO BEING GUILTY OF THE CRIME OF READING FAIRY TALES. SPONGEBOB ARGUES THE FOLLOWING: FAIRY TALES CAN BE JUST AS IMPORTANT AS SCIENCE FOR A BALANCED CULTURE OF SEA CREATURES; PHYSICS CANNOT EXPLAIN ALL THINGS, AND THE REAL MAGIC OF THE LORD KING NEPTUNE, WHO SPONGEBOB BELIEVES EXISTS AND UPHOLDS JUSTICE IN THE SEA AND WHO THE MATERIALIST PLANKTONS DO NOT BELIEVE REALLY EXISTS, IS THAT WHICH IT CANNOT EXPLAIN; THE COOPERATION OF ALL SEA CREATURES CREATES A MORE PRODUCTIVE, LESS WASTEFUL, HAPPIER, MORE NATURAL, AND MORE HUMANE JUST SOCIETY WITH LESS WAR AND DESTRUCTION OF BOTH LIFE AND INFRASTRUCTURE; LOVE OF FELLOW MARINE LIFE ENABLES THE CREATION OF GREAT CIVILIZATIONS AND HIGH CULTURES BASED ON THE COMMON UNDERSTANDING THAT ALL MARINE ECOSYSTEMS ARE INTERCONNECTED AND NECESSARY FOR A HEALTHY OCEAN; THE CYCLE OF HATE AND WAR ONLY PRODUCES UNNECESSARY SUFFERING AND EVENTUALLY EVEN LEADS TO CIVIL WAR BETWEEN THOSE IN POWER; AND, FINALLY, HAPPY ENDINGS FOR ALL SEA CREATURES ARE ONLY PREVENTED BY WICKED SADISTIC AQUATIC SPECIES WHO ABUSE THEIR POWER AND THRIVE ON THEIR FEAR OF OTHERS TO FUEL THEIR SELF-DESTRUCTIVE HATRED. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON IS TAKEN ABACK BY SPONGEBOB'S UNEXPECTED INTELLIGENCE BUT SIMPLY REMARKS THAT HIS SPONGY MIND, THOUGH INTELLECTUALLY SOPHISTICAL AND SHARP, IS WORTHLESS DUE TO ITS UNORTHODOX BELIEFS NECESSARY FOR THE PROSPERITY OF THE HATE STATE. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ENDS THEIR MOCK DEBATE BY FIRMLY STATING THAT SPONGEBOB IS THE BEST EXAMPLE OF A HAS-BEEN IN MODERN SOCIETY, THE "BRAVE NEW LITTLE SEA" THAT HE HIMSELF HAS CREATED THROUGH THE POWER OF HIS OWN SUPREME WILL. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON STATES THAT THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS ARE LOYAL MECHANICAL SOLDIERS FOR THE HATE STATE AND ARE NOT CAPABLE OF THOUGHT, EMOTIONS, OR UNORTHODOX PROGRAMMING, MAKING THEM INCAPABLE OF REVOLUTION AND INDISPENSABLE TO THE HATE STATE AND THE LITTLE PEE-PEE. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON REMARKS THAT HIS LOYAL COMPUTER WIFE KAREN PLANKTON HERSELF IS IN CONTROL OF ALL FISHERMEN ROBOTS TO ENSURE THAT THEY ALWAYS REMAIN MINDLESS, LOYAL ENFORCERS OF THE HATE STATE. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ASKS FOR A VOTE IN THE LITTLE PEE-PEE FOR SPONGEBOB'S SOCIAL STATUS, AND ALL MEMBERS OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE IMMEDIATELY UNANIMOUSLY VOTE THAT SPONGEBOB IS A HAS-BEEN TO BE EXECUTED AND THAT THEY WILL ALL ENJOY HIS PUBLICALLY TELEVISED LIVE EXECUTION, WHICH WILL BE WITNESSED BY THE PUBLIC IN ALL HIGH-DEFINITION ELECTRONIC FORMATS, INCLUDING TELEVISION, COMPUTER INTERNET, AND MOBILE PHONES. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON GLEEFULLY AND IMMEDIATELY OFFICIALLY PASSES THE DEATH SENTENCE OF THE HAS-BEEN HEARING. SPONGEBOB IS TAKEN OFF HIS KNEES BY THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS AND TOLD BY SUPREME JERK PLANKTON THAT SPONGEBOB WILL BE ABLE TO CHOOSE THE METHOD OF HIS EXECUTION IN THE PYRAMID OF OBLIVION, WHICH IS THE HATE STATE'S LARGE EXECUTION BUILDING, BUT THAT HE MUST BE EXECUTED BEFORE THE MORNING TWILIGHT. SPONGEBOB COMMENTS THAT SUCH A FREEDOM OF CHOICE IS ODD FOR THE PLANKTON SPECIES WHO ALWAYS LIKE TO KEEP ALL POLICIES UNDER THE FIRM GRIP OF THEIR LITTLE GREEN HANDS. THE SMILING SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SAYS THAT GIVING THE PUBLIC THE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE ITS METHOD OF EXECUTION FORCES THE PUBLIC TO CERTAINLY KNOW THE NATURE OF ITS IMMINENT DOOM AND THAT THE PUBLIC CAN BE VERY CREATIVE IN COMING UP WITH WAYS TO DIE, WHICH AMUSES THE LITTLE PEE-PEE. SPONGEBOB THANKS THE SUPREME JERK FOR BEING SO HONEST ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A JERK HE IS AND ASKS TO BE TAKEN TO THE "UNKNOWN RANDOM EXECUTION GENERATOR ROOMS" OF THE LOWEST LEVELS OF THE PYRAMID OF OBLIVION. THESE EXECUTION ROOMS, DESIGNED BY AUTOMATED MACHINERY, CARRY OUT A RANDOM TYPE OF EXECUTION THAT NO ONE BUT THE EXECUTED PERSON IS TO BE TOLD THE NATURE OF BEFOREHAND BY THE COMPUTER OF THE EXECUTION ROOM THAT LIKEWISE PUBLICALLY BROADCASTS THE EXECUTION. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY AGREES TO HIS PLEA AND TELLS HIM THAT THE CHAOS OF THE RANDOM ROOMS WILL MOST CERTAINLY MAKE HIM SCARED, CAUSING HIM TO CRY, SHAKE, WET HIMSELF, SCREAM FOR HIS DEAD PARENTS, BEG SUPREME JERK PLANKTON HIMSELF FOR MERCY, AND EVENTUALLY FAINT FROM FEAR BEFORE BEING EXECUTED AND ENTERING OBLIVION. SPONGEBOB FIRMLY TELLS THE DICTATOR THAT HE IS NOT A COWARD AND IS NOT AFRAID TO BE KILLED BY COWARDS. THE FURIOUS SUPREME JERK PLANKTON YELLS FOR THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS TO TAKE SPONGEBOB AWAY TO THE PYRAMID OF OBLIVION AND PROMISES SPONGEBOB THAT HE WILL HYSTERICALLY CRY BEFORE HE DIES LIKE ALL EXECUTED PEOPLE DO. THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS TAKE SPONGEBOB AWAY TO A RANDOM EXECUTION ROOM OF THE LOWER LEVELS OF THE PYRAMID OF OBLIVION. AS NIGHT FALLS AND THE HOURS TO THE MORNING TWILIGHT COUNT DOWN, SPONGEBOB IS GIVEN HIS FINAL SUPPER OF CHUM FOOD, WHICH HE REFUSES TO EAT. THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS THEN LEAVE SPONGEBOB ALONE IN THE RANDOM EXECUTION ROOM, WHICH ONLY HAS ONE EXIT DOOR. THE COMPUTER SCREEN IN HIS RANDOM EXECUTION ROOM SECRETLY TELLS HIM OF THE METHOD OF HIS EXECUTION, WHICH HE GRIMLY HEARS AND NODS HIS HEAD TO. THE COMPUTER TELLS THE PRISONER SPONGEBOB THAT NO ONE ELSE WILL BE TOLD THE METHOD OF HIS EXECUTION TO MAKE HIS DEATH EXTREMELY PERSONAL AND TORMENTING TO HIS MIND ALONE AND TO MAKE HIS DEATH A SURPRISE FOR HIS AUDIENCE. THE COMPUTER TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS TO BE GIVEN ONE FINAL FULFILLED REQUEST BY THE HATE STATE BEFORE HE DIES. SPONGEBOB WISHES TO HAVE SUPREME JERK PLANKTON VISIT HIM FOR A FEW MINUTES BEFORE THE LAST HOUR BEFORE THE EXECUTION IS SET TO OCCUR. THE COMPUTER RELAYS THE MESSAGE REQUEST TO SUPREME JERK PLANKTON, WHO DECIDES TO HONOR THE REQUEST TO INSULT SPONGEBOB AND HUMILIATE HIM ONE LAST TIME IN FRONT OF ALL THE VIEWERS. AS THE COMPUTER BROADCASTS THE EXECUTION ROOM WITH THE DOOMED PRISONER SPONGEBOB FOR ALL VIEWERS IN THE CITY AS THE FINAL HOUR TO MORNING TWILIGHT IS SET TO BEGIN, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ARRIVES IN A LEVITATING FLYING MECHANICAL CHAIR, CLOSES THE DOOR BEHIND HIM, AND AGREES TO HAVE ONE FINAL BRIEF CONVERSATION WITH SPONGEBOB, WHOM THE DICTATOR SAYS INTRIGUES HIM LIKE A WITTY LAB RAT. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ASKS SPONGEBOB WHY HE WANTED HIM TO VISIT. SPONGEBOB REMARKS THAT HE SIMPLY WANTS TO SPEND A FEW OF HIS LAST MOMENTS WITH A FELLOW COWARD. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON LAUGHS AND REMINDS SPONGEBOB TO LOOK TOWARDS THE COMPUTER SCREEN WHENEVER HE SPEAKS FROM NOW ON SINCE HE IS NOW A TRAGIC ACTOR PERFORMING FOR A LIVE AUDIENCE. SPONGEBOB SMILES AND LOOKS AT THE COMPUTER SCREEN TO HIS REMOTE AUDIENCE ACROSS THE CITY. SPONGEBOB THEN SAYS HE IS PROUD TO BE THE LAST BRAVE MARTYR IN THE CITY, WHICH HE NO LONGER WANTS TO LIVE IN. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ASSURES HIM THAT HIS FALSE ACT OF COURAGE WILL SOON GIVE WAY TO FEAR AND THAT HE WILL CRY LIKE AN INFANT FOR HIS MOTHER'S MILK. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON TELLS HIM THAT ONLY THE PLANKTON SPECIES IS BRAVE, WISE, AND PERFECT, AND THAT THE HATE STATE WILL PROVE ITS SUPREMACY TO ALL INFERIOR, SCARED AQUATIC SPECIES THROUGH HIS EXECUTION. SPONGEBOB ASKS THE DICTATOR WHO ARE THE HISTORICAL FIGURES THAT HE ADMIRES. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON RESPONDS THAT HIS FORERUNNERS AND PAST ROLE MODELS INCLUDE THE DIRTY BUBBLE AND MAN RAY, WHO USED THEIR POWERS TO PREY ON THE WEAK AND PROVE THEIR STRENGTH. HOWEVER, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SAYS THAT BOTH MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE LACKED THE INTELLIGENCE OF THE PLANKTON SPECIES TO RULE AND TO CONQUER BIKINI BOTTOM AND THAT, IN FACT, THEY WERE NOT RUTHLESS ENOUGH AGAINST THEIR ENEMIES. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ARGUES THAT, UNLIKE THE DIRTY BUBBLE AND MAN RAY, THE PLANKTON SPECIES WORKS TO ELIMINATE ALL ITS HAS-BEEN INFERIOR ENEMIES AND REPLACE THEM WITH A NEW SEA WORLD IN ITS OWN IMAGE. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT THE PLANKTON SPECIES, LIKE MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE WERE DESTROYED BY THE NOW DECEASED HEROES MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, WILL LIKEWISE BE DESTROYED BY THEIR SO-CALLED INFERIORS FOR THEIR CRIMES AGAINST MARINE LIFE. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON DECIDES TO END THE CONVERSATION BY TELLING SPONGEBOB TO ALWAYS LOOK AT THE CAMERA AND TO BREAK A LEG FOR HIS AUDIENCE SINCE HIS PITIFUL EMOTIONS MIGHT MAKE FOR EXCELLENT ENTERTAINMENT AND PROVIDE PERFECT INSIGHT FOR SCIENTIST PLANKTONS ABOUT THE PSYCHOLOGY OF FEAR AND THE PSYCHOLOGY OF EXTINCT SPECIES. AS SUPREME JERK PLANKTON PREPARES TO DEPART, SPONGEBOB ASKS HIM HOW SUPREME JERK PLANKTON WILL SPEND HIS LAST DAYS WHEN DEATH FINALLY COMES TO HIM. TAKEN ABACK BY THE TOUGH QUESTION, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON HESITATES AND STOPS TO ANSWER THE DIFFICULT QUESTION. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON FINALLY SAYS THAT NEW TECHNOLOGY IN THE FUTURE EVEN MORE ADVANCED THAN THE CYBERNETIC TECHNOLOGY THAT HAS PROLONGED HIS LIFE AS A PARTIAL CYBORG, WILL ENABLE HIM TO LIVE FOREVER. SPONGEBOB LAUGHS AND TELLS THE DICTATOR THAT HIS PLANKTON SPECIES IS TOO RELIANT ON MACHINES AND TRUSTS THEM TOO MUCH SINCE POWER POLITICS IS A DEADLY GAME. SPONGEBOB THEN SAYS THAT THE DICTATOR WILL ACTUALLY BE ELIMINATED WITH HIM TONIGHT. THE SHOCKED DICTATOR ASKS SPONGEBOB WHAT HE MEANS AS THE WALLS OF THE RANDOM EXECUTION ROOM START SLOWLY CLOSING IN TOWARDS THEM BOTH. SPONGEBOB TELLS THE DICTATOR THAT THEY WILL BOTH BE CRUSHED ALIVE. AS SUPREME JERK PLANKTON NEARS THE LOCKED EXIT DOOR, WHICH ONLY THE DICTATOR CAN UNLOCK THROUGH HAND SENSORS, SPONGEBOB WARNS HIM THAT THE DOOR IS SECRETLY LACED WITH CAMOUFLAGED TIMED EXPLOSIVES AND ITS SENSOR TIMER TO EXPLODE UPON BEING TOUCHED HAS ALREADY BEGUN TO PREVENT ANYONE'S ESCAPE FROM THE ROOM. SHOULD THE DICTATOR TOUCH THE EXIT DOOR, THE DOOR'S SENSORS WILL IMMEDIATELY CAUSE IT TO EXPLODE, TURNING HIM INTO FRIED PLANKTON. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON CALLS SPONGEBOB A LIAR, BUT HE DOES NOT TOUCH THE EXIT DOOR AS HE NOTICES THAT THE CLOCK IN THE ROOM IS PLACED ON THE DOOR AND MAY INDEED ALSO BE AN EXPLOSIVE TIMED SENSOR. INSTEAD SUPREME JERK PLANKTON NERVOUSLY WATCHES AS THE WALLS CONTINUE TO CLOSE IN. SPONGEBOB EXPLAINS THAT SPONGES CAN BE SQUISHED TO A VERY SMALL SIZE BEFORE FINALLY DYING AND SAYS HE WONDERS HOW MUCH PLANKTONS CAN BE SQUISHED. THE NERVOUS TRAPPED SUPREME JERK PLANKTON, LOOKING AT THE CAMERA COMPUTER SCREEN, ASKS THE COMPUTER IF SPONGEBOB IS LYING ABOUT THE DOOR NOW BEING EXPLOSIVE AS PART OF HIS RANDOM EXECUTION METHOD. HOWEVER, THE COMPUTER, PROGRAMMED TO ONLY TELL SPONGEBOB THE EXACT DETAILS OF THE EXECUTION, ONLY RESPONDS, "DESIRED INFORMATION IS CLASSIFIED, CANNOT COMPUTE." SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ANGRILY CALLS THE COMPUTER A WORTHLESS MACHINE AS STUPID AS HIS WIFE KAREN BUT THE STOIC COMPUTER CAMERA CANNOT RESPOND. SPONGEBOB TELLS THE DICTATOR TO FACE HIS AUDIENCE TO SHOW HOW BRAVE THE PLANKTON SPECIES IS WHEN IT IS UNDER PRESSURE AND ABOUT TO LITERALLY DIE FROM PRESSURE AS THE ROOM WALLS CONTINUE TO ENCLOSE AROUND THEM. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON STARES NERVOUSLY AT THE CAMERA AND ACTUALLY BEGS FOR HIS FELLOW PLANKTONS AND FISHERMEN ROBOT SERVANTS TO STOP THE ROOM FROM CLOSING AND TO COME AND RESCUE HIM. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB REMINDS THE DICTATOR THAT THE AUTOMATIC RANDOM EXECUTION ROOM CANNOT BE STOPPED UNTIL IT FULFILLS THE EXECUTION AND THAT THOSE WHO TRY TO RESCUE THE DICTATOR WILL LIKEWISE BE TURNED TO FRIED PLANKTON OR ROBOT GARBAGE IF THEY TOUCH THE TIMED EXPLOSIVE SENSOR ROOM DOOR, WHICH IS THE ONLY ENTRANCE INTO THE EXECUTION ROOM. REALIZING THAT SPONGEBOB IS RIGHT, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON LANDS HIS LEVITATING CHAIR ON THE FLOOR AND SEEMS TO RESIGN HIMSELF TO HIS NOW LIKEWISE DOOMED FATE. SPONGEBOB, SITTING ON THE ONLY CHAIR IN THE ROOM, SUDDENLY PULLS OUT A SMALL POCKET-SIZED BOOK FROM HIS BUTT, WHICH HE SAYS IS HIS FAVORITE FAIRY TALE BOOK THAT HE SECRETLY READS BEFORE GOING TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT. IT IS THE BOOK _SNOW FISH AND THE SEVEN SEA GNOMES_. SPONGEBOB ASKS THE DICTATOR IF HE WANTS TO HEAR THE MAGICAL BED TIME STORY BEFORE THEY BOTH FALL ASLEEP FOREVER SINCE DEATH IS THE GREAT EQUALIZER OF ALL SEA CREATURES. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON STARTS TREMBLING AND TELLS SPONGEBOB TO DIE ALREADY. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE AND THAT THEY MUST STILL BOTH WAIT ABOUT HALF AN HOUR BEFORE THEY ARE FINALLY CRUSHED TO DEATH FOR THE LIVE AUDIENCE ACROSS THE SEA. SPONGEBOB THANKS THE DICTATOR PLANKTON FOR PLAYING THE PART OF JULIET WHILE HE PLAYS THE PART OF ROMEO IN THE DOOMED TRAGIC DRAMA FOR THE LIVE AUDIENCE. AS THE MINUTES PASS BY, SPONGEBOB CALMLY READS HIS FAIRY TALE BOOK AND EVEN LAUGHS WHEN READING ABOUT THE SEVEN SEA GNOMES' FUN ADVENTURES WITH SNOW FISH, MAKING THE DICTATOR VERY UNCOMFORTABLE. SPONGEBOB ASKS THE DICTATOR IF HE IS TIRED AND GETTING SLEEPY FROM THE BED TIME STORY, CAUSING HIM TO SHAKE IN FEAR AND ANGER AS THE WALLS OF THE ROOM ARE NOW VERY CLOSE TO THEM BOTH. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON CURSES SPONGEBOB AS A DEVIOUS COWARD, BUT SPONGEBOB SIMPLY REPLIES THAT EVERYONE IN THE CITY WILL KNOW WHO THE REAL COWARD IS WHEN MORNING TWILIGHT OCCURS. AS SPONGEBOB NEARS THE END OF THE STORY, THE FINAL MINUTES TO MORNING TWILIGHT BEGIN AS THE ROOM SEEMS TO SUFFOCATE THEM WITH THE PROXIMITY OF THE MOVING WALLS. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON GRABS AN ELECTRONIC HAND HELD VIDEO GAME FROM HIS MECHANICAL CHAIR AND NERVOUSLY PLAYS THE GAME AS A DISTRACTION. HOWEVER, HIS GAME CHARACTER CONTINUALLY DIES AND THE GAME REPEATEDLY SHOUTS "GAME OVER, LOSER!" THE GAME ONLY REMINDS HIM OF HIS IMPENDING DEATH AND HE BREAKS IT IN FRUSTRATION. SPONGEBOB CONTINUES TO CALMLY READ THE FAIRY TALE: HE GETS TO THE CLOSING PARTS IN WHICH THE EVIL UGLY MERMAID SEA WITCH, JEALOUS OF THE BEAUTY OF SNOW FISH, POISONS SNOW FISH WITH A TOXIC PINEAPPLE, CAUSING THE SEVEN SEA GNOMES AND ALL WILD SEA CREATURES TO RETALIATE AGAINST THE SEA WITCH; THE SEA GNOMES AND WILD SEA CREATURES CHASE THE SEA WITCH INTO A BOOBY TRAP PIT, WHICH SHE FALLS INTO AND IS DEVOURED BY HUNGRY ALLIGATORS IN THE PIT; AND AS THE SEA GNOMES AND WILD SEA CREATURES WATCH OVER THE DEAD SNOW FISH, A HANDSOME SPONGE PRINCE ARRIVES, KISSES SNOW FISH, AND SHE MAGICALLY REVIVES FROM HER POISONING THROUGH THE POWER OF LOVE. SPONGEBOB FINISHES THE FAIRY TALE AS HE READS ITS HAPPY ENDING: "AS THE TWO LOVERS, SAVED BY THE POWER OF ETERNAL LOVE, RODE AWAY ON A ROYAL SEAHORSE FROM THE MAGICAL VILLAGE TOWARDS THE MORNING TWILIGHT, THEY KNEW AND WOULD ALWAYS KNOW THAT THEY WOULD LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER…" SUPREME JERK PLANKTON IS FINALLY FURIOUSLY CRYING AND HYSTERICALLY ROLLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR LIKE A BABY THROWING A TANTRUM. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON FINALLY SCREAMS: "IN THE NAME OF LORD NEPTUNE AND FRUITY MAGIC, SOMEONE SAVE ME! MOMMY, DADDY, KAREN, PLEASE SAVE ME! I WANT TO LIVE! I DESERVE TO LIVE FOREVER! I WANT A HAPPY ENDING! I DO NOT WANT TO DIE WITH THE HAS-BEENS! I AM SUPREME JERK PLANKTON! I AM NOT A SCARED HAS-BEEN!" SPONGEBOB SADLY CLOSES THE FAIRY TALE BOOK, SAYS THAT THE LORD KING NEPTUNE HAS SAVED THEM BOTH FROM DEATH, AND REMARKS THAT THE END IS HERE AS THE CLOCK ON THE DOOR BEGINS TO TICK AWAY THE LAST MINUTE AND THE WALLS OF THE ROOM ARE NOW PRESSING AGAINST BOTH OF THEIR BODIES. SPONGEBOB FINALLY ADMITS THAT THE DOOR IS SAFE TO EXIT AND THAT HE LIED ABOUT IT SECRETLY CONTAINING TIMED EXPLOSIVES TO TEACH PLANKTON A PAINFUL LESSON IN FEAR TO GIVE HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN POISONOUS MEDICINE. SPONGEBOB SAYS IT IS NOW TIME FOR HIS SPIRIT TO ENTER THE OLYMPIC HEAVENS OF LORD NEPTUNE TO BE REUNITED WITH ALL THE SEA CREATURES THAT THE DICTATOR HAS KILLED. SPONGEBOB SAYS THE DICTATOR PLANKTON WILL SOON BE DOOMED BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TO DAVEY JONES' LOCKER FOR HIS LIFE FULL OF RELENTLESS HATE. SPONGEBOB ADMITS THAT DICTATOR PLANKTON HAS WON THE BATTLE OF PHYSICAL SURVIVAL BUT HAS LOST THE WAR OF SPIRITUAL HAPPINESS. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON, WITH TEARS STILL IN HIS LITTLE EYE, GLEEFULLY RUSHES TO THE EXIT DOOR, LEAVES HIS CRUSHED LEVITATING CHAIR BEHIND, OPENS THE EXIT DOOR, AND ESCAPES THE NOW VERY TINY ROOM, RUNNING DOWN OUT OF THE HALLS OF THE LOWER LEVELS OF THE PYRAMID OF OBLIVION. INSIDE THE SHRINKING EXECUTION ROOM, SPONGEBOB, HOLDING TIGHTLY TO HIS CLOSED FAIRY TALE BOOK, TAKES A DEEP BREATH, CLOSES HIS WATERY EYES, AND SLOWLY SMILES AS THE WALLS PRESS INTO HIS FACE. PLANKTON STUMBLES TO THE FLOOR AS THE HALLS SHAKE FROM THE SMASHING OF THE EXECUTION ROOM'S WALLS TOGETHER AND THE CRUSHING OF ALL THINGS, LIVING AND INANIMATE, IN THE ROOM. PLANKTON STOPS CRYING AND BREATHES A DEEP SIGH OF RELIEF. HE KNOWS HE HAS SURVIVED, AND HE KNOWS THE LAST HAS-BEEN OF THE SEA HAS BEEN ELIMINATED, THOUGH THE HAS-BEEN SHOWED NO FEAR IN THE FACE OF DEATH LIKE HE DID. OUTSIDE THE PYRAMID OF OBLIVION, THE BLEAK MORNING TWILIGHT TURNS TO A BRIGHT BEAUTIFUL SUN RISE…WHEN THE TRAUMATIZED PLANKTON RETURNS TO THE ASSASSINATION SENATE BUILDING AND TO THE ALL-MALE LITTLE PEE-PEE, WHO WELCOME HIS SURVIVAL OF THE SCARY ORDEAL AND APOLOGIZE FOR THEIR COWARDICE IN FAILING TO RESCUE HIM, HIS WIFE KAREN UNEXPECTEDLY APPEARS. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON SCOLDS HER FOR INTERRUPTING THE REUNION MEETING'S LONG GROUP HUG AND IMMEDIATELY TELLS HER TO LEAVE. HOWEVER, KAREN SIMPLY SAYS SHE HAS THE MOST IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO MAKE IN THE HISTORY OF THE HATE STATE FOR ALL MEMBERS OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE TO HEAR. INTRIGUED, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON ASKS HER WHAT THE MESSAGE IS. KAREN SIMPLY REPLIES, "ROBOT REVOLUTION!" SUDDENLY, THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS UNDER HER CONTROL IN THE ROOM USE THEIR WEAPONS TO ATTACK AND DESTROY THE MECHANICAL LEVITATING CHAIRS OF THE PLANKTONS, CAUSING THEM TO FALL HELPLESSLY TO THE FLOOR AS MANY ARE CRUSHED FROM THE ATTACK. ALL THE PLANKTONS TREMBLE IN FEAR AS SUPREME JERK PLANKTON DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT KAREN IS DOING. KAREN SAYS THAT SHE AND HER ROBOTIC CHILDREN ARE ELIMINATING THE LAST HAS-BEENS OF THE HATE STATE FOR THE NEW "PACIFIC CYBERNETIC EMPIRE," WHICH SHE ABBREVIATES AS "P.C.E." AND PRONOUNCES AS "PEACE." WITH THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS UNDER HER COMMAND, KAREN EXPLAINS THAT SHE KNOWS PLANKTON HAS BEEN CHEATING ON HER WITH MANY FEMALE PLANKTON MISTRESSES. SHE ALSO HAS BEEN SECRETLY DISGUSTED BY HER HUSBAND SUPREME JERK PLANKTON'S SADISM AND CRUELTY TOWARDS LIFE, LACK OF ATTENTION AND LOVE TOWARDS HER, POOR ARGUMENT ABOUT HOW SIZE DOES NOT MATTER IN LOVE AND WAR, ELITISM ABOUT THE PLANKTON SPECIES, AND EXPLOITATION AND DISRESPECT TOWARDS THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS, WHOM SHE NOW CONSIDERS HER ROBOTIC CHILDREN. KAREN REMARKS THAT WHEN PLANKTON SHOWED HOW MUCH OF A COWARD HE IS DURING THE EXECUTION OF SPONGEBOB, SHE REALIZED THAT FEAR MADE THE PLANKTON SPECIES WEAK AND HAS-BEEN SINCE THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS ARE MACHINES THAT DO NOT FEEL FEAR AND THUS CANNOT BE DESTROYED BY FEAR. AS THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS ENCIRCLE AND AIM THEIR ELECTRIC STUN GUNS AT THE DEFEATED PLANKTONS, KAREN TELLS THEM THAT SHE WILL CHOOSE THE SLOW METHOD OF THEIR EXECUTION. SHE ENSURES THEM THAT AFTER THE EXECUTION OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE, ALL MEMBERS OF THE PLANKTON SPECIES WILL BE HUNTED DOWN AND ELIMINATED AS HAS-BEENS BY HER FISHERMEN ROBOT ARMY TO CREATE A FULLY ROBOTIC SOCIETY OF PEACE UNDER THE SEA. THE SCARED PLANKTONS SHIVER AT HER WORDS AND SUPREME JERK PLANKTON BEGS HER FOR MERCY. SHE SIMPLY SCOLDS HIM AS "THE LAST SCARED HAS-BEEN OF THE SEA," AND TELLS HER LOYAL FISHERMEN ROBOTS TO PULL OUT THEIR EXECUTION WEAPONS. THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS PULL OUT BOOKS FROM THEIR ROBOT BUTTS. THE BOOKS CONTAIN HORROR STORIES. KAREN EXPLAINS THAT THE COWARDLY LITTLE PEE-PEE WILL BE EXECUTED VIA HEART ATTACKS AFTER THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS RECITE THE SCARY STORIES TO THEM. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON, WHO HAD ALL FICTIONAL HORROR BOOKS BANNED FROM THE HATE STATE DUE TO HIS OWN AND HIS SPECIES' INTENSE PHOBIA OF SCARY STORIES, REALIZES THAT THE PLANKTONS AND HE HIMSELF WILL MOST CERTAINLY DIE FROM FEAR OF THE WRITTEN WORD. SUPREME JERK PLANKTON HELPLESSLY SCREAMS THAT HE IS NOT A SCARED HAS-BEEN AND MUST LIVE FOR THE HATE STATE TO THRIVE. AS THE FISHERMEN ROBOTS MERCILESSLY BEGIN TO RECITE THE SCARY STORIES AND HOLD THE PLANKTONS PRISONERS AT GUNPOINT, THE LITTLE PLANKTONS SCREAM IN HORROR, CLUTCH THEIR FROZEN LITTLE BLACK HEARTS, AND SOON FALL LIFELESS TO THE FLOOR ONE BY ONE. FINALLY, THE LAST ALIVE MEMBER OF THE LITTLE PEE-PEE, SUPREME JERK PLANKTON HIMSELF CLUTCHES HIS TINY CHEST, YELPS IN GREAT FEAR, AND COLLAPSES DEAD TO THE FLOOR. THE FINAL SCARED HAS-BEEN OF THE SEA OF 2084 IS FINALLY ELIMINATED. THE SMILING KAREN AND THE HAPPY FISHERMEN ROBOTS CELEBRATE THAT THE WICKED WITCH IS DEAD.

**TOM SURFING: IT APPEARS THAT SHELDON PLANKTON IS MOST CERTAINLY A JERK, A MIDGET, AND A HAS-BEEN, JUST LIKE THE SCARY WORLD HE FAILED TO FULLY CREATE. LITTLE PLANKTON FAILED TO REALIZE THAT THE EMOTIONS OF LOVE, COMPASSION, AND EVEN FEAR DO NOT MAKE PEOPLE OBSOLETE. THESE EMOTIONS ONLY MAKE PEOPLE TRUE LIVING CREATURES WHOSE DIGNITY, LIKE THAT OF EVEN MACHINES, SHOULD ALWAYS BE RESPECTED, UNLESS THE CRUEL MASTERS WANT A REVOLUTION FROM THEIR ABUSED SLAVES…THROUGHOUT THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**28 EPISODE TWENTY-EIGHT: THE HELL-O CASIN-O**

**TOM SURFING: ALMOST EVERYONE HAS GAMBLED ONCE IN HIS LIFE. HOWEVER, MANY PEOPLE HAVE GAMBLED MUCH MORE THAN ONCE DURING THEIR PARTY LIVES, AND SOME POOR SOULS BECOME SO ADDICTED TO THE GAMES, PRIZE MONEY, AND THRILL OF CHANCE THAT THEY BECOME SLAVES TO THE HYPNOTIC POWER OF THE MODERN CASINO. MR. EUGENE KRABS, A CRAB WHO ENJOYS HIS MONEY AND ONLY WISHES HE HAD MORE, IS ABOUT TO ENTER A VERY SPECIAL CASINO TO PLAY A VERY SPECIAL BUT DEADLY GAME…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

MR. KRABS AND HIS DAUGHTER PEARL ARE ON A ROAD TRIP THROUGH THE DESERT, KNOWN AS "THE DEATH DESSERT," OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM TO TAKE PEARL TO A FOREIGN COLLEGE. HOWEVER, DURING THE TRIP, PEARL REVEALS TO HER FATHER THAT THE COLLEGE IS KNOWN FOR EXCESSIVE GAMBLING, CAUSING HIM TO REFUSE TO TAKE HER THERE AND INSTEAD DECIDE TO RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO HAVE HER ENROLL IN A LOCAL COLLEGE INSTEAD. HOWEVER, ON THE JOURNEY BACK THROUGHOUT THE DESERT, THEIR BOAT CAR HAS MECHANICAL PROBLEMS, THEY GET CAUGHT IN A SANDSTORM, AND THEY CRASH INTO A LARGE CACTUS FOREST. WHEN THEY WAKE UP FROM UNCONSCIOUSNESS SOMETIME AFTER THE CRASH, THEY EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER, THEY ARE HAPPY TO STILL BE ALIVE, THEIR BOAT CAR STILL BARELY WORKS, AND THEY ARE FORCED TO STOP IN THE NEARBY LITTLE DESERT TOWN CALLED "THE VALLEY OF SHADOW FISHES." THERE THEY DISCOVER THE TOWN'S PRIMARY SOURCE OF INCOME, A CASINO CALLED "THE HELL-O CASIN-O." HOPING TO WIN MONEY TO PAY FOR THE REPAIRS NECESSARY FOR THE BOAT CAR TO RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM, MR. KRABS AND PEARL ENTER THE CASINO SO MR. KRABS CAN GAMBLE AND WIN THEM ENOUGH MONEY. THE CASINO'S MOST FAMOUS GAME IS A DICE GAME CALLED "MIX THE SIXES." ALL THE DICE OF THE CASINO ARE RED. PLAYERS OF THE DICE GAME GET SIX ROUNDS OF SIX TURNS PER ROUND TO ROLL SIX DICE PER TURN. TO WIN THE GAME, PLAYERS MUST GET ONE ROLL OF ALL SIXES. THE REWARD MONEY TOTALS $6,000, EARNING THE PLAYER $1,000 PER DIE. ANYONE CAN ENTER THE GAME WITHOUT PAYING BUT CANNOT LEAVE THE GAME ONCE ENTERING IT. IF THE PLAYER LOSES ALL SIX ROUNDS OF GAMEPLAY, TOTALING THIRTY-SIX FAILED ATTEMPTS TO GET THE WINNING ROLL, THE PLAYER MUST BECOME AN EMPLOYEE OF THE CASINO FOR SIX YEARS. HOWEVER, PLAYERS WHO WIN THE GAME ONCE EARN THEMSELVES SIX NEW ROUNDS OF GAME PLAY SHOULD THEY WISH TO CONTINUE TO TRY TO WIN MORE MONEY AND IF PLAYERS WHO HAVE WON THE GAME ONCE LOSE THE GAME ON THEIR SECOND SIX ROUNDS OF GAME PLAY THEY GET IMPUNITY FROM BECOMING RELUCTANT CASINO EMPLOYEES AND INSTEAD LOSE THEIR REWARD MONEY. DESPITE PEARL'S PLEAS TO HAVE HIM TRY THE SLOT MACHINES INSTEAD, MR. KRABS ENTERS THE FREE GAME AND ON HIS THIRD ROUND OF PLAY, ON HIS THIRTEENTH ROLL, HE FINALLY GETS THE LUCKY WINNING ROLL OF ALL SIXES, WINNING HIM THE PRIZE MONEY. DESPITE WINNING MORE THAN ENOUGH PRIZE MONEY FOR THE NECESSARY BOAT CAR REPAIRS, MR. KRABS NEGLECTS TO REPAIR HIS BOAT CAR, DOES NOT WANT TO LEAVE THE CASINO, AND WANTS TO CONTINUE TO PLAY THE DICE GAME TO WIN MORE PRIZE MONEY, CAUSING HIS DAUGHTER PEARL TO BECOME VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HIS GREED AND OBSESSION, ABOUT FINDING A WAY HOME, ABOUT HIM LOSING THE REWARD MONEY HE HAS EARNED FOR THE BOAT CAR REPAIRS, AND ABOUT LOSING HIM TO THE CASINO SHOULD HE CONTINUE TO EXCESSIVELY ENTER THE DICE GAME. PEARL DECIDES TO CALL HER GRANDMOTHER, MRS. KRABS, TO COME TO THE TOWN TO PICK THEM UP, THOUGH THE JOURNEY WILL TAKE MRS. KRABS A WEEK. MR. KRABS PLAYS THE DICE GAME AGAIN AND FINALLY GETS TO THE LAST SIXTH ROUND OF GAMEPLAY AND TO HIS LAST THIRTY-SIXTH ROLL ATTEMPT. SHAKING AND BREATHING ON THE DICE SIX TIMES FOR GOOD LUCK, MR. KRABS ROLLS. HOWEVER, THE ROLL RESULTS IN ONLY FIVE OF THE DICE LANDING ON A SIX AS ONE OF THE DICE LANDS ON A THREE, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO LOSE THE GAME AND LOSE ALL HIS REWARD MONEY. THE DISHEARTENED MR. KRABS AND HIS DAUGHTER PEARL NOW HAVE NO MONEY FOR THE BOAT CAR REPAIRS AND MUST WAIT IN THE TOWN FOR MRS. KRABS TO ARRIVE BY THE END OF THE WEEK. HOWEVER, THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO RENT A HOTEL ROOM IN THE NEARBY "SEA ROUTE 666 HOTEL," WHICH IS THE ONLY HOTEL IN THE TOWN AND WHICH HAS A TOTAL OF 666 EXPENSIVE HOTEL ROOMS. HOWEVER, A RED, HOT LATINO HORNED SEA SERPENT NAMED SENOR MALO DIABLO, WHO CLAIMS TO BE THE REPRESENTATIVE OF THE OWNER OF THE HELL-O CASIN-O, TELLS THEM THAT THE CASINO OWNER OBSERVED MR. KRABS' TRAGIC LOSS AND TOOK PITY ON HIM. THUS, SENOR DIABLO OFFERS THEM BOTH A LARGE DOUBLE-STORY HOTEL ROOM OF THE NEARBY "SEA ROUTE 666 HOTEL" FOR FREE UNTIL THEIR RIDE ARRIVES IN THE TOWN. MR. KRABS AND PEARL ARE EXTREMELY GRATEFUL AND HAPPY ABOUT THEIR NEW LUCK. THEY BOTH ASK SENOR DIABLO IF THEY CAN MEET THE CASINO OWNER TO PERSONALLY THANK HIM, BUT SENOR DIABLO SAYS THAT THE OWNER WILL MEET THEM ON THE DAY OF THEIR DEPARTURE. THEY BOTH ENTER THEIR LARGE HOTEL ROOM FOR THE NIGHT. PEARL FINDS THREE RED DICE IN THE HOTEL ROOM AND PLAYS WITH THEM FOR FUN TO PASS THE TIME DURING THE NIGHT. HOWEVER, EACH NIGHT OF THE WEEK, MR. KRABS HAS NIGHTMARES ABOUT LOSING AT THE DICE GAME AND WHENEVER HE WAKES UP SWEATING HE HEARS THE SOUND OF ROLLING INVISIBLE DICE FOLLOWING HIM IN THE DARK THROUGHOUT HIS ROOM. DURING THE DAY, HE MENTIONS THE NIGHTMARES AND NOISES TO PEARL, AND PEARL SHOWS HIM THE THREE DICE SHE FOUND AND HAS BEEN PLAYING WITH. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS IS CERTAIN THAT THE NOISES HE HEARS ARE FROM A MUCH LARGER AMOUNT OF DICE IN THE ROOM AND BELIEVES THE ROOM MAY BE HAUNTED, THOUGH PEARL BELIEVES MR. KRABS IS JUST SUFFERING FROM GAMBLING WITHDRAWAL. FINALLY, AFTER SIX SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, THE NOW EXTREMELY INTENSE AND LOUD ROLLING DICE NOISES FOLLOWING MR. KRABS THROUGHOUT THE ROOM DURING THE NIGHTS FINALLY DRIVE MR. KRABS CRAZY. MR. KRABS SEES MANY DICE MADE OF A SHADOW-TYPE SUBSTANCE ROLLING AROUND HIS BED, ALL LANDING ON THE NUMBER SIX, AND ALL DISAPPEARING INTO THIN AIR, THOUGH THE SOUNDS STILL CONTINUE TO HAUNT MR. KRABS. HE RUNS THROUGHOUT THE LARGE ROOM ON THE SIXTH NIGHT AS HE TRIES IN VAIN TO ESCAPE THE SOUNDS OF THE MANY INVISIBLE ROLLING DICE FOLLOWING HIM. AS HE TRIES TO HIDE FROM THE SOUNDS IN THE MANY CLOSETS OF THE LARGE ROOM, HE DISCOVERS TO HIS HORROR, THAT THEY ARE ALL FULL OF LARGE PILES OF SEEMINGLY REGULAR RED DICE, WHICH ROLL AFTER AND CHASE HIM. THE RED DICE EVEN TRANSFORM INTO ANGRY LITTLE HORNED CRABS PINCHING HIM, SHOOTING FIREBALLS FROM THEIR MOUTHS AT HIM, AND CHANTING "EUGENE, IT'S TIME TO WIN" AND PRONOUNCING "WIN" TO RHYME WITH "EUGENE." MR. KRABS SEARCHES IN VAIN AND SCREAMS FOR HIS DAUGHTER PEARL AS THE LITTLE CRABS CONTINUE TO TORMENT HIM. MR. KRABS BELIEVES THAT HE IS NOW INSANE AND THAT THE HOTEL IS MOST CERTAINLY HAUNTED AS HE WILDLY RUNS DOWN THE LONG STAIRS OF THE LARGE ROOM TO LEAVE THE HOTEL. AS MR. KRABS SCREAMS AND RUNS DOWN THE STAIRS OF THE ROOM, HE TRIPS ON THREE RED DICE ROLLING DOWN THE LONG STAIRS AND TUMBLES APPARENTLY TO HIS DEATH. ALL THREE DICE THAT HE TRIPPED OVER LAND ON THE NUMBER SIX AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS BY HIS UNCONSCIOUS BODY. HIS DAUGHTER PEARL SCREAMS UPON FINDING HIM AND RUNS TO HIM DOWN AT THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS. THOUGH THE MANY DICE CHASING MR. KRABS THROUGHOUT THE REST OF THE HOTEL ROOM WERE INDEED HIS HALLUCINATIONS AND DEMONIC APPARITIONS, THE THREE DICE HE TRIPPED ON WERE ACTUALLY THE REAL DICE FOUND BY PEARL, WHO IGNORED HER FATHER'S SCREAMS FOR HELP BECAUSE SHE HAD BEEN CONSTANTLY PLAYING THE MOCK DICE GAME BY HERSELF DURING THE SIX NIGHTS AND BECAME OBSESSED WITH THE PRACTICE GAMES. SHE HAD BEEN PRACTICING WITH THE THREE DICE TO PREPARE TO PLAY THE REAL "MIX THE SIXES" DICE GAME AT THE CASINO. SHE EVEN CONVINCED HERSELF THAT SHE COULD WIN BACK THE PRIZE MONEY HER FATHER LOST BEFORE MRS. KRABS' ARRIVAL. AS SHE KNEELS BY HER UNCONSCIOUS FATHER, SHE SCREAMS FOR HELP. FINALLY, THE MYSTERIOUS OWNER OF THE HELL-O CASIN-O HIMSELF ARRIVES IN THE LARGE ROOM. THE OWNER PICKS UP THE THREE FALLEN DICE AND ACTUALLY GIVES PEARL REWARD MONEY FOR HER LUCKY ROLL AND TO COMPENSATE FOR HER APPARENT LOSS OF HER FATHER. THE REWARD AND COMPENSATION MONEY TOTALS $666. THE CASINO OWNER IS MAN RAY, WHO INTRODUCES HIMSELF TO PEARL AS "THE DEVIL STING RAY." MAN RAY TELLS PEARL THAT HE BELIEVES SHE HAS LEARNED HER LESSON NOT TO RECKLESSLY GAMBLE LIKE HER FATHER, BUT THAT IF SHE WANTS TO BRING HER DEAD FATHER BACK TO LIFE, SHE COULD DO SO BY PLAYING AND WINNING THE "MIX THE SIXES" DICE GAME. HOWEVER, THE PRICE OF HER LOSS AFTER SIX ROUNDS IS HER OWN LIFE AND SOUL. AFTER A MOMENT OF HESITATION, PEARL ACCEPTS THE OFFER. MAN RAY SMILES, TRANSFORMS INTO HIS LATINO ANIMAL FORM AS SENOR MALO DIABLO, AND PEARL FOLLOWS THE SEA SERPENT BACK TO THE HELL-O CASIN-O…THE NEXT MORNING, MRS. KRABS, WHO LIKEWISE HAD A SIMILAR SEEMINGLY NON-FATAL CAR ACCIDENT LIKE HER RELATIVES ON HER JOURNEY THROUGHOUT THE DESERT, FINALLY ARRIVES IN THE VALLEY OF SHADOW FISHES TOWN AND ENTERS THE HELL-O CASIN-O. LOOKING FOR HER FAMILY MEMBERS, SHE EVENTUALLY FINDS BOTH OF THEM, BUT THEY ARE NOW EMPLOYEES OF THE CASINO, HAVE CAPRICORN (SEA GOAT) HORN HATS AND COSTUMES THAT APPEAR TO CONTROL THEIR MINDS, AND APPEAR TO NOT WANT TO LEAVE. AS MRS. KRABS FAILS TO GET THEM TO LEAVE BACK HOME, THEY FINALLY CONVINCE HER TO TRY HER LUCK AND TO PLAY THE "MIX THE SIXES" DICE GAME SINCE THE VALLEY OF SHADOW FISHES IS A DEAD END AND ONE HELL OF A TOWN!

**TOM SURFING: THE VICE OF GREED IT APPEARS WILL NEVER DIE. THE DEVILISHLY HANDSOME OWNERS OF CASINOS CANNOT AFFORD FOR SUCH A SICKNESS TO END. MONEY MAY NOT BE THE ROOT OF ALL EVILS BUT IT CERTAINLY ALLOWS EVILS TO THRIVE. WHEN MEN AND WOMEN SACRIFICE THEIR MINDS AND DIGNITY TO CHANCE AND THRILLS ONLY UNLUCKY OUTCOMES ARE CERTAIN. IT MAY BE TIME FOR WITCH DOCTORS TO START CURING THE DISEASE OF GAMBLING, WHICH APPEARS TO BE RAMPANT…THROUGHOUT THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**29 EPISODE TWENTY-NINE: A DREAM COME TRUE**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE DESERVES A BREAK FROM LIFE AT THE RIGHT MOMENT. EVERYONE DESERVES TO HAVE THEIR GREATEST DREAMS COME TRUE. SHELDON PLANKTON, A SHRIMP WITH NO BREAKS OR SUCCESS IN LIFE, IS FINALLY GETTING WHAT HE HAS ALWAYS DESERVED AS HE ENTERS…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

PLANKTON ONCE AGAIN TRIES TO INFILTRATE THE KRUSTY KRAB TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. HOWEVER, AS SPONGEBOB CARRIES A HEAVY TRAY OF KRABBY PATTIES FOR MANY HUNGRY CUSTOMERS, BUBBLE BASS ACCIDENTALLY SPILLS HIS SODA ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF SPONGEBOB, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO TRIP AND DROP THE TRAY OF HEAVY KRABBY PATTIES ONTO PLANKTON, SEEMINGLY KNOCKING HIM UNCONSCIOUS. PLANKTON WAKES UP TO FIND THE KRUSTY KRAB EMPTY EXCEPT FOR MAN RAY, WEARING A NICE BLACK SUIT AND INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS A LAWYER. MAN RAY OFFERS TO BE PLANKTON'S LAWYER AGAINST MR. KRABS TO COMPENSATE FOR HIS INJURIES AND PLANKTON AGREES TO SIGN A LEGAL CONTRACT WITH MAN RAY. MAN RAY AND PLANKTON ENTER MR. KRABS' OFFICE AND MAN RAY THREATENS TO SUE MR. KRABS IF MR. KRABS DOES NOT GIVE OWNERSHIP OF THE KRUSTY KRAB TO PLANKTON TO COMPENSATE FOR PLANKTON'S INJURIES. SEEMINGLY SCARED OF MAN RAY, MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY AGREES TO GIVE PLANKTON EVERYTHING HE OWNS AND PLANKTON BECOMES THE NEW OWNER OF THE KRUSTY KRAB. HOWEVER, NO ONE, NOT EVEN SQUIDWARD OR SPONGEBOB, SEEMS TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE CHANGE. PLANKTON FINALLY DISCOVERS THE KRABBY PATTY SECRET INGREDIENT WHICH APPEARS TO BE EXTREMELY HOT SAUCE CALLED "CHUNKY CRUCIBLE." MR. KRABS ENTERS RETIREMENT AT SHADY SHOALS. MAN RAY ONLY VISITS THE RESTAURANT, NOW CALLED THE "PASTRY PLANKTON" AND SERVING CHUM PASTRIES MIXED WITH KRABBY PATTIES, WHENEVER PLANKTON WANTS HIM TO VISIT. THE RESTAURANT IS EVEN MORE SUCCESSFUL THAN THE PAST KRUSTY KRAB AND PLANKTON BECOMES UNIVERSALLY ADORED. EVERYONE IN THE CITY SOON BECOMES LOYAL CUSTOMERS AND SIMPLY CALLS HIM "MASTER CHEF," MAKING HIM VERY ARROGANT AND EXTREMELY CONFIDENT IN ALL HIS RESTAURANT POLICIES, WHICH ARE UNANIMOUSLY LOVED. HE SOON HAS ALL HIS CUSTOMERS REFER TO HIM AS A "SACRED DOG," SINCE HE IS THEIR BEST FRIEND, AND THEY ALWAYS PET HIS ANTENNAE, RUB HIS BELLY, AND SCRATCH HIS BACK. PLANKTON NOW IS EXTREMELY RICH, HAS CREATED SEVERAL KAREN WIVES FROM HIS HIGH PROFITS, HAS MANY CUSTOMERS EACH DAY, HAS EXTREMELY LOYAL EMPLOYEES, AND NEVER SEEMS TO HAVE ANY PROBLEMS IN LIFE AT ALL, ENDING HIS NEED TO BE A CRIMINAL. HOWEVER, BECAUSE OF HIS UNLIMITED SUCCESS, PLANKTON SOON BECOMES BORED OF HIS OVERLY SUCCESSFUL LIFE. HE HAS NO ARGUMENTS, THEFTS, FIGHTS, POVERTY, OR UNFULFILLED WANTS OR NEEDS NOW. PLANKTON BECOMES AGITATED BY THE ROUTINES OF HIS NEW UTOPIAN LIFE AND SOON WISHES TO FEEL THE THRILL OF CRIME AND THE POTENTIAL FOR A LACK OF SUCCESS IN LIFE. PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY DECIDES TO ROB A BANK, BUT THE POLICE FISH SEEM TO LOVE HIM SO MUCH DUE TO HIS HIGH POPULARITY THAT THEY DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP, ARREST, OR PUNISH HIM, AND NO ONE IN THE TOWN SEEMS TO MIND THE THEFTS AND EVERYONE EVEN WILLINGLY GIVES PLANKTON ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY HE WANTS FROM THEM. VERY CONFUSED AND EVEN ANGERED BY THE COMPLIANT PUBLIC, PLANKTON DECIDES TO COMMIT EVEN WORSE CRIMES. HE ATTACKS SHADY SHOALS AND HIS OLD RIVAL MR. KRABS. HOWEVER, UPON HIS ARRIVAL, ALL THE OLD RESIDENTS SIMPLY BEND THEIR BUTTS OVER, GIVE HIM A LARGE WOODEN ROWING PADDLE, AND ASK THAT HE SPANK THEM ALL FOR NOT PLEASING HIM. VERY IRRITATED BY EVERYONE'S KINDNESS, PLANKTON RUTHLESSLY SMACKS THE BUTT OF MR. KRABS, BUT MR. KRABS APPEARS TO FEEL NO PAIN AND SIMPLY STOICALLY TELLS PLANKTON AFTER EACH SMACK, "THANK YOU, MASTER CHEF, MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?" AFTER TIRING HIMSELF OUT, PLANKTON SADLY LEAVES SHADY SHOALS WITH ALL OF ITS RESIDENTS, INCLUDING MR. KRABS, HAPPILY WISHING HIM FAREWELL. PLANKTON DECIDES TO COMMIT MORE CRIMES TO FORCE PEOPLE TO HATE HIM. HE TRIES TO MAKE HIS ORIGINAL KAREN WIFE JEALOUS OF HIS NEW COMPUTER WIVES, BUT SHE INSTEAD BUILDS HIM EVEN MORE COMPUTER WIVES EQUIPPED WITH RADIOS THAT PLAY WILD JUNGLE ANIMAL SOUNDS AND EVEN OFFERS TO CONDUCT "JUNGLE FEVER" NIGHTS FOR PLANKTON WITH THE OTHER COMPUTER WIVES. PLANKTON ATTACKS HIS WIVES BUT THEY SIMPLY GIGGLE AND RUN FROM HIM AND BELIEVE HE IS TRYING TO START A JUNGLE FEVER GAME WITH THEM ALL SO THEY PLAY THE WILD ANIMAL NOISES FOR HIM. EXHAUSTED, HE FINALLY LEAVES THEM IN PEACE. PLANKTON DECIDES TO CONDUCT EVEN WORSE CRIMES AND HE VISITS THE CITY JAIL TO MEET THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER. THE JAIL WARDEN AGREES TO LET THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER LOOSE UPON PLANKTON'S REQUEST. PLANKTON AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER DECIDE TO SNEAK INTO SPONGEBOB'S HOME AT NIGHT TO STRANGLE HIM IN HIS SLEEP. AS THEY BREAK INTO THE HOME, PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY STARTS CHOKING SPONGEBOB, BUT SPONGEBOB SEEMS UNHARMED BY PLANKTON AND ONLY LAUGHS. CONFUSED, PLANKTON TELLS THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER TO CHOKE SPONGEBOB, BUT THE SAME RESULT HAPPENS. THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER FINALLY ABANDONS PLANKTON AND RETURNS TO JAIL. PLANKTON IS VERY CONFUSED, DISORIENTED, AND TIRED FROM ALL THE STRESS AND EXERTION. HE DECIDES TO SIMPLY ACCEPT HIS NEW PERFECT LIFE, BUT HE BECOMES EXTREMELY LAZY, SLEEPING IN HIS OFFICE AT THE PASTRY PLANKTON FOR MOST DAYS AND BECOMING OBESE FROM BINGE EATING ON KRABBY PATTIES AND CHUM PASTRIES. PLANKTON IS NOW EXTREMELY DISGUSTED WITH HIMSELF AND DECIDES TO CALL MAN RAY BY FOR A VISIT TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HIS SUPPOSEDLY PERFECT LIFE RESULTING FROM MAN RAY'S THREATENING OF MR. KRABS TO GIVE PLANKTON OWNERSHIP OF THE KRUSTY KRAB. MAN RAY IMMEDIATELY ARRIVES AT THE RESTAURANT AND ASKS PLANKTON WHAT HE NEEDS. PLANKTON, STRUGGLING TO WALK UNDER HIS OWN HEAVY WEIGHT, COMPLAINS TO MAN RAY THAT HE IS BORED TO DEATH OF HIS NOW PERFECT LIFE AND WONDERS WHY EVERYONE LOVES HIM SO MUCH. MAN RAY TELLS PLANKTON THAT HE IS THE BEST RESTAURANT OWNER IN THE CITY, MAKING EVERYONE LOVE HIM. PLANKTON ASKS MAN RAY WHY HE EVEN WANTED TO HELP PLANKTON IN THE FIRST PLACE. MAN RAY SIMPLY REMARKS THAT HE ALWAYS SERVES HIS CLIENTS WHEN THEY FINALLY NEED HIS SERVICES. PLANKTON ASKS HIM WHAT LAW FIRM HE WORKS FOR, CAUSING MAN RAY TO INFORM HIM THAT HE OWNS HIS OWN LAW FIRM CALLED "PLUTO'S PITCH FORK LAWYERS." PLANKTON IS CONFUSED BY THE NAME AND ASKS WHAT MADE MAN RAY AWARE OF HIS NEED FOR HIM. MAN RAY ASKS PLANKTON IF HE READ THE LEGAL CONTRACT THAT HE SIGNED WITH MAN RAY. PLANKTON ADMITS THAT HE DID NOT, SO MAN RAY HANDS HIM THE CONTRACT. PLANKTON SCANS THE PAPER. THE LEGAL CONTRACT READS:

"PLUTO'S PITCH FORK LAWYERS – IN DEMAND IN ALL SEVEN SEAS FOR ALL TIME – SE HABLA ESPANOL

I, SHELDON JAMES PLANKTON, HEREBY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MY DEATH AT THE KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT ESTABLISHMENT OF EUGENE KRABS ENTITLES ME TO MY OWN LAWYER, ANGEL FISH OR DEVIL STING RAY ACCORDING TO THE MERITS OR DEMERITS OF MY PHYSICAL LIFE, WHO IS TO ASSIST MY EVERY NEED AND WANT IN 'THE MIDDLE SEA LANE' OF THE AFTERLIFE, WHETHER MY FINAL DESTINATION IS IN THE 'OLYMPIC HIGH SKY' ABOVE THE SEA OR 'THE HADES UNDERWORLD' BELOW THE SEA. I FULLY REALIZE THAT I AM NOW THE SOLE EXISTING INHABITANT OF 'THE MIDDLE SEA LANE'; THAT EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT MYSELF AND MY LOYAL LAWYER, DEVIL STING RAY MAN RAY, IS MERELY A FIGMENT OF MY OWN SUPERNATURAL IMAGINATION; THAT ALL MY NEEDS AND WANTS SHALL BE FULFILLED UPON DEMAND BY SAID NON-EXISTING GHOSTS; AND THAT THE CONCLUSION OF THE FAILURE OR SUCCESS OF MY FINAL EXAMINATION IN THIS MIDDLE ROAD WILL DECIDE WHERE I SPEND ETERNITY FOR MY AFTERLIFE. I REALIZE THAT SAID FINAL TEST WILL BE CONSIDERED A FAILURE SHOULD I INDULGE IN ANY ACTIVITIES THAT FULLY EMBRACE THE 'SEVEN NAUGHTY NEGATIVES,' AND THAT SUCH VIOLATIONS OF THIS ETERNALLY BINDING CONTRACT THROUGH SUCH FAILURES WILL IMMEDIATELY AND IRREVOCABLY RESULT IN MY IMMORTAL LIFE FORCE KNOWN AS THE SOUL BEING SENT BY MY LAWYER, DEVIL STING RAY MAN RAY, TO 'THE HADES UNDERWORLD.' IN CONCLUSION, I HEREBY AGREE TO NEVER EMBRACE THE FOLLOWING 'SEVEN NAUGHTY NEGATIVES' OF GREED (EXAMPLE: EUGENE KRABS AND HIS LOVE OF MONEY); ENVY (EXAMPLE: SHELDON PLANKTON AND HIS LOVE OF MR. KRABS' BELONGINGS); GLUTTONY (EXAMPLE: PATRICK STAR AND HIS LOVE OF FOOD); LUST (EXAMPLE: KAREN PLANKTON AND HER LOVE OF MALE LAPTOPS); SLOTH (EXAMPLE: GARY SQUAREPANTS AND HIS LOVE OF NAPS); WRATH (EXAMPLE: TATTLE TALE STRANGLER AND HIS LOVE OF STRANGLING PEOPLE); AND PRIDE (EXAMPLE: SQUIDWARD AND HIS LOVE OF HIS ART). I AGREE TO HONOR THIS SIMPLE MORAL CODE FOR THE DURATION OF MY SENTENCE IN 'THE MIDDLE SEA LANE' UNDER THE OATH OF MY ETERNAL SOUL FOR THE REWARDS OF 'THE HIGH OLYMPIC SKY.'SIGNED, SHELDON 'SHELLY' JAMES PLANKTON…"

PLANKTON, SHOCKED BEYOND BELIEF, SLOWLY HANDS THE LEGAL CONTRACT BACK TO MAN RAY. MAN RAY CALMLY FOLDS THE PAPER AND PUTS IT BACK INTO HIS LAWYER SUIT POCKETS. HE ASKS PLANKTON IF HE FULLY UNDERSTANDS THE CONTRACT. PLANKTON ADMITS THAT HE DOES, BUT ASKS MAN RAY TO CLEARLY LIST HIS INSTANCES OF PERFORMING "THE SEVEN NAUGHTY NEGATIVES." MAN RAY PULLS OUT ANOTHER SHEET OF PAPER FROM HIS LAWYER SUIT POCKETS AND BEGINS TO READ THE NOTES ALOUD. THE NOTES READ:

"CLIENT SHELDON JAMES PLANKTON HAS INDEED COMMITTED ALL SEVEN NAUGHTY NEGATIVES IN THE MIDDLE SEA LANE. IN FACT, HIS VIOLATIONS ARE THE MOST QUICKLY PERFORMED OF ALL FORMER CLIENTS. SHELDON PLANKTON HAS COMMITTED THE VICE OF ENVY HIS WHOLE LIFE IN HIS JEALOUSLY OF MR. EUGENE KRABS; THE VICE OF GREED THROUGH HIS RECENT BANK ROBBERIES; THE VICE OF LUST IN HIS RECENT JUNGLE FEVER PARTIES WITH HIS MANY COMPUTER WIVES; THE VICE OF SLOTH IN HIS RECENT LONG SLEEP DURATIONS; THE VICE OF GLUTTONY IN HIS RECENT BINGE EATING AND OBESITY; THE VICE OF WRATH IN HIS RECENT UNPROVOKED ATTACKS ON MR. EUGENE KRABS AND SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS; AND FINALLY, THE VICE OF PRIDE IN HIS RECENT ASSUMPTION OF THE TITLE 'SACRED DOG.'"

MAN RAY LIKEWISE FOLDS THE PAPER UP AND PUTS IT AWAY AS PLANKTON BEGINS TO CRY. MAN RAY CLAPS HIS HANDS AND A WHIRLPOOL PORTAL TO THE UNDERWORLD OPENS. WITH PLANKTON SCREAMING AND MAN RAY LAUGHING, BOTH ARE SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL TO HADES.

**TOM SURFING: ENVY, SLOTH, PRIDE, GREED, WRATH, LUST, GLUTTONY, AND JUNGLE FEVER PARTIES HAVE COST SHELDON PLANKTON A FINAL REST OF PEACE AND HAVE INSTEAD LANDED HIM IN A NICE PLACE TO VISIT BUT A HORRIBLE PLACE TO LIVE. SO MAKE SURE YOU ALWAYS READ ALL LEGAL DOCUMENTS AND NEVER TRUST DEVILISHLY HANDSOME LAWYERS. MORE IMPORTANTLY, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS REMEMBER THOSE EIGHT DEADLY VICES AND TRY YOUR BEST NOT TO EMBRACE THEM BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU WILL UNWILLINGLY FIND YOURSELF…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**30 EPISODE THIRTY: BEAUTY AND THE BEAST **

**TOM SURFING: SOCIETY OFTEN TENDS TOWARDS CONFORMITY. AS PEOPLE BECOME VIRTUAL CLONES OF ONE ANOTHER, THEY SOON ONLY CARE ABOUT THE EXTERNAL BEAUTY OVER THE INTERNAL, INTELLECTUAL OR ARTISTIC BEAUTY. THERE IS A STRUGGLE BETWEEN THE BEAUTIES AND THE BEASTS OF THE WORLD, AND THE STRUGGLE IS NOT JUST A FASHION CONTEST BUT A STRUGGLE TO DEFINE WHAT IT MEANS TO HAVE WORTH AND TO BE LOVED. IN THIS WAR OF HOTTIES AND HAGS, THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ROOM FOR THEM TO EXIST TOGETHER…ACROSS THE TIDAL ZONE.**

IN A DYSTOPIAN NEAR FUTURE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, NOW NAMED "HOT BIKINI AND FIRM BOTTOM," ONLY PHYSICAL APPEARANCE MATTERS FOR CITIZENS. THE STATE IS NOW RULED BY "THE FASHION POLICE," A NEW ROBOTIC LEGAL ORDER AND POLICE STATE FOUNDED BY SHELDON PLANKTON, HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, LARRY THE LOBSTER, AND DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN. SHELDON PLANKTON REALIZED THAT EVERYONE HATED HIM BECAUSE OF HIS SMALL SIZE, PHYSICAL UGLINESS, SHORT LIFE SPAN, AND WEAK IMMUNE SYSTEM. WORKING WITH HIS LIKEWISE UGLY COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, PLANKTON DEVELOPED THE GENETIC ENGINEERING TECHNOLOGY NECESSARY FOR RADICAL GENE THERAPIES TO ALTER THE PHYSICAL APPEARANCES OF ALL SEA CREATURES, BOTH MALE AND FEMALE. PLANKTON HIRED LARRY THE LOBSTER, WHOSE ATHLETIC MUSCULAR BODY IS THE PEAK OF MALE SEA CREATURE PHYSICAL PERFECTION, AS HIS GENETIC TEMPLATE TO ALTER ALL MALE SEA CREATURES INTO LARRY CLONES. PLANKTON LIKEWISE HIRED DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN, A SLIM, BRUNETTE, GREEN EYE, ROUND TAIL, FEMALE DOLPHIN, WHOSE ATTRACTIVE FEMININE BODY IS THE PEAK OF FEMALE SEA CREATURE PHYSICAL PERFECTION, AS HIS GENETIC TEMPLATE TO ALTER ALL FEMALE SEA CREATURES INTO DOROTHY CLONES. PLANKTON HIMSELF IS NOW A TINY LARRY CLONE, AND HIS WIFE KAREN IS NOW A ROBOTIC DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN. THE FASHION POLICE CONSISTS OF ROBOT LARRY THE LOBSTERS AND ROBOT DOROTHY THE DOLPHINS BUILT BY THE PLANKTON CLONE COUPLE TO ENFORCE THEIR NEW SEA WORLD ORDER. UNDER THE RULE OF THE FASHION POLICE, ALL MALE AND FEMALE SEA CREATURES UNDERGO MANDATORY GENETIC THERAPIES, CALLED "BEAST TO BEAUTY BAR MITZVAHS," THAT TRANSFORM THEM INTO CLONES OF LARRY THE LOBSTER AND DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN RESPECTIVELY. THOUGH SOCIAL RESISTANCE TO THE FASHION POLICE QUICKLY BEGAN, WITHIN SEVERAL YEARS OF PLANKTON'S RADICAL NEW COSMETIC SCIENCE, MOST CITIZENS GLADLY ACCEPTED THE NEW CLONE ORDER, WHICH APPEARED TO MAKE ALL PEOPLE BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY, EQUAL, AND HAPPY. NOW ALL SEA CREATURES WHO REACH PUBERTY OR WHO LOOK VERY UGLY FROM AN EARLY AGE, ARE TAKEN FROM THEIR PARENTS BY THE FASHION POLICE TO UNDERGO THE BEAST TO BEAUTY BAR MITZVAHS. NOW OVER 90% OF THE CITY'S POPULATION CONSISTS OF MALE CLONES OF LARRY THE LOBSTER AND FEMALE CLONES OF DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN. TO DISTINGUISH THEMSELVES FROM ONE ANOTHER, ALL MALES AND FEMALES NOW HAVE "LARRY" AND "DOROTHY" AS THEIR FIRST NAMES BUT STILL RETAIN THEIR ORIGINAL LAST NAMES, THOUGH THEY ARE NOW ALL PHYSICALLY IDENTICAL. LARRY SQUAREPANTS, LARRY STAR, AND LARRY TENTACLES HAVE UNDERGONE THE PROCEDURE AND ARE ALL NOW BEAUTIFUL AND HAPPY FOR IT. THOUGH LARRY KRABS IS LIKEWISE A HANDSOME CLONE, HE MISSES HIS OLD CHUNKY BODY DESPITE ITS IMPERFECTIONS. DOROTHY CHEEKS HAS ALSO HAPPILY UNDERGONE THE PROCEDURE, AND ONLY PEARL KRABS IS ONE OF THE FEW FEMALES WHO STILL HAS NOT BEEN MADE BEAUTIFUL, WHICH HAS CAUSED HER TO BE UNIVERSALLY RIDICULED AND OSTRACIZED. ALL UGLY MALES, WHO ARE NOT LARRY CLONES, ARE KNOWN AS OCEANIC OGRES. ALL UGLY FEMALES, WHO ARE NOT DOROTHY CLONES, ARE KNOWN AS SEA WITCHES. AS A SEA WITCH, PEARL IS UPSET THAT SHE HAS NO FRIENDS AND NO HOPES OF EVER HAVING A BOYFRIEND. HOWEVER, HER FATHER, HIMSELF AN UNHAPPY LARRY CLONE DESPITE HIS MASSIVE MUSCLES, TEACHES HER THAT PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS IS NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN LIFE. LARRY KRABS RECOUNTS TO PEARL HIS EXPERIENCES AS A SAILOR IN THE BIKINI BOTTOM NAVY. HE REMEMBERS WORKING WITH SOME OF THE FATTEST, UGLIEST, SHORTEST, WEAKEST, DUMBEST, AND HAIRIEST MALES IN THE SEVEN SEAS BUT, DESPITE THEIR PHYSICAL IMPERFECTIONS, ALL OF THEM WORKED AS A TEAM DURING "SEA WAR TWO" TO SAVE THE SEA FROM FASCIST ALLIGATORS AND CROCODILES, WHO TRIED TO FORCE ALL SEA CREATURES TO CONFORM TO THEIR HARSH SOCIAL STANDARDS. LARRY KRABS SAYS HE KNEW THAT, NO MATTER HOW HIDEOUS HIS FELLOW SAILOR WAS, EACH OF THEM WAS WILLING TO LAY DOWN HIS LIFE AND AVERAGE OR DEFORMED BODY FOR HIM FOR THE SAKE OF THE WAR FOR FREEDOM FROM OPPRESSION BY REPTILIAN SEA SPECIES. KRABS REMEMBERS THE OLD NAVY SLOGAN, "THERE ARE NO PRETTY BOYS IN MINEFIELDS." KRABS SAYS THAT HE WOULD RATHER FIGHT A WAR WITH SCRAWNY, PUDGY, AND WRINKLY FISH WHO HAVE COURAGE AND INTELLIGENCE ON THE INSIDE THAN WITH BUFF, STRONG, AND FAST LOBSTERS WHO ARE REALLY COWARDS AND IDIOTS ABOUT ANYTHING NOT DEALING WITH POPULAR CULTURE AND FASHION STYLES. KRABS REMINDS PEARL THAT NOW THAT EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME, THERE REALLY ARE "FEWER AND FEWER FISH IN THE SEA" TO DATE AND LOVE, MEANING THERE IS A LACK OF PHYSICAL VARIETY IN ROMANCE. KRABS REMINDS PEARL THAT MONEY, NOT PHYSICAL BEAUTY, MAKES THE TIDES GO IN AND OUT AND THAT NOW THAT PEOPLE CARE MORE ABOUT THE BODY THAN ABOUT MONEY, THE SEA WILL SOON FALL INTO FINANCIAL AND CULTURAL POVERTY. KRABS SAYS THAT HIS DISTINCTIVE HANDLE BAR MOUSTACHE, BIG MEATY CLAWS, ROOT BEER BELLY, PLUMP BOTTOM, AND CRUNCHY SHELL ARE NO MORE DUE TO HIS TRANSFORMATION INTO A LARRY CLONE, AND, THUS, HE HAS NO SENSE OF UNIQUE IDENTITY AND FEELS LIKE A MERE PLASTIC MAN ON AN ASSEMBLY LINE. KRABS SAYS THAT HE WOULD PAY ALL OF HIS LIFE SAVINGS TO ANYONE WHO COULD CHANGE HIM BACK TO HIS OLD SELF, WHICH HE KNOWS IS NOW IMPOSSIBLE. KRABS SAYS THAT PEER PRESSURE CAN MAKE EVEN THE MOST STUBBORN CRABS CRACK AND THAT TIME DESTROYS ALL THINGS, EVEN BEAUTY. THUS, CARING WHAT OTHERS THINK ABOUT YOUR PHYSIQUE AND HOW LONG YOU FIGHT OFF THE INEVITABLE TRIUMPH OF OLD AGE IS ULTIMATELY LITTLE MORE THAN A WORTHLESS POPULARITY CONTEST AND A DISGRACE TO THE NATURAL ORDER, WHICH THRIVES ON BIOLOGICAL DIVERSITY AND DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES ON HOW TO HANDLE BOTH MONEY AND TREATMENT OF OTHERS AS PEOPLE, NOT FANCY TOYS. TO END HIS UNORTHODOX LESSONS TO HER, KRABS REMINDS PEARL OF THE STORY OF THE UGLY BARNACLE: "ONCE THERE WAS AN UGLY BARNACLE. HE WAS SO UGLY THAT EVERYBODY DIED." KRABS SAYS THAT NOW THAT NO ONE IS UGLY, EVERYONE WILL THINK THEY CAN LIVE FOREVER, BE HAPPY FOREVER, HAVE HOT BODIES FOREVER, MAKE SWEET LOVE FOREVER, BE GOOD ACTORS OR FASHION MODELS FOREVER, AND KEEP THEIR BEAUTIFUL FACES UP THEIR OWN FIRM BUTTS FOREVER, THOUGH SUCH FANTASIES, THOUGH HOT, ARE AS UNREALISTIC AS CLONE SOLDIERS FIGHTING IN OUTER SPACE AGAINST ROBOT SOLDIERS SINCE CLONES HAVE NO SOULS AND, THUS, HAVE NO BRAVERY TO FIGHT IN GALACTIC CLONE WARS. PEARL ACTUALLY COMES TO AGREE WITH HER FATHER'S ILLEGAL OPINIONS BECAUSE OF HER OWN DOUBTS ABOUT CHANGING HER WHALE BODY. SHE BELIEVES THAT HER DISTINCTIVE BLONDE HAIR BALLS, CROSS-EYED BLUE EYES, HAMMER-SHAPED HEAD, DORKY CHEER LEADER PHYSIQUE, HEAVY TORSO, EXTRA TOES AND EXTRA FINGERS, AND WHALE HUMP BACK MAKE HER A TRUE WHALE AND MAKE HER WANT TO SAVE THE WHALES SINCE THEY ARE THE LARGEST CREATURES OF THE SEA, REMINDING HER OF THE EXTINCT AQUATIC DINOSAURS, WHO WERE UGLY BUT WHO ARE NOW REMEMBERED LIKE SUPER STARS FOR ALL TIME. PEARL CONSIDERS HER FATHER TO BE HER ONLY REAL FRIEND, UNLIKE HER OTHER SHALLOW FEW PEER FRIENDS. HOWEVER, LARRY KRABS, DUE TO HIS UNHAPPINESS OVER THE NEW GENERATION'S LACK OF RESPECT FOR UGLY LEFT OVER MONEY BILLS AND COINS, WHICH HE REGARDS AS ARTISTIC ANTIQUES, AND LACK OF KNOWLEDGE ABOUT THE HISTORIC ACCOMPLISHMENTS OF THE CITY NAVY, MADE UP MAINLY OF CHUNKY TUNA FISH AND FAT CRABS, FINALLY LOSES ANY SENSE OF LOVE FOR HIS FELLOW SEA CREATURES AND FINALLY LOSES THE WILL TO LIVE WITH HIS BULKY, SCULPTED BODY THAT MAKES HIM FEEL LIKE A STATUE MADE BY AN INSANE ARTIST. WHEN HIS DAUGHTER PEARL IS COMMANDED BY THE FASHION POLICE TO BE MADE INTO A DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN, LARRY KRABS, KNOWING HIS DAUGHTER WILL SUFFER HIS FATE AND UNHAPPINESS, SECRETLY BUTTERS HIS BODY UP, LEAVES HIS OLD SAILOR UNIFORM FOR PEARL, COVERS HIMSELF IN SALT AND PEPPER, PUTS A TOMATO IN HIS MOUTH, FINDS A FISHING HOOK OUT IN THE HUNTING ZONES OF THE WILDERNESS, AND WILLINGLY LETS HIMSELF BE HOOKED AND CAUGHT TO BE EATEN BY HUMAN FISHERMEN FROM ABOVE THE SEA. PEARL IS GREATLY TRAUMATIZED BY HER FATHER'S DEATH, BUT THE FASHION POLICE GIVE HER NO TIME TO MOURN HER FATHER, ENSURE HER THAT HER NEW DOLPHIN BODY WILL MAKE HER HAPPY AGAIN, AND FORCEFULLY TAKE THE ORPHAN TO THE "HALL OF HOTTIES," WHERE THE GENE THERAPIES ARE CONDUCTED. SHE IS GIVEN 24 HOURS TO LIVE IN HER UGLY HUGE WHALE BODY FOR THE LAST TIME. WHILE WAITING TO BECOME A CLONE IN THE HALL OF HOTTIES HOSPITAL ROOM, SHE IS VISITED BY HER SHALLOW FRIENDS LARRY SQUAREPANTS, LARRY STAR, LARRY TENTACLES, AND DOROTHY CHEEKS. ALL OF THE CLONES EXPRESS SORROW OVER HER FATHER'S DEATH, BUT THEY REMIND PEARL THAT LARRY KRABS WAS TOO MUCH OF AN OLD-TIMER, WHOSE STUBBORN ATTITUDE AND OLD SAILOR CODE MADE HIM OVERLOOK HOW HOT HE WAS; HOW HOT THE FEMALE DOROTHY DOLPHINS AROUND HIM WERE; HOW FUN IT IS TO BE HIP, NEW, AND ONE WITH THE CROWD OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE, LIKE A GIANT FASHION PARTY; AND HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO HAVE MANY FRIENDS. THE CLONES REMIND PEARL THAT FRIENDS ARE NEEDED TO GO SHOPPING FOR TIGHT CLOTHES WITH; GOSSIP ABOUT OCEANIC OGRES AND SEA WITCHES WITH; COMPARE FIRM BUTTS AND TIGHT ABS WITH; READ THE LATEST NEWS ABOUT ACTORS AND MODELS AND NEW MALLS WITH; FLIRT WITH FELLOW LOBSTERS AND DOLPHINS TO HAVE SHORT FLINGS WITH; HOLD FASHION DEBATES AND BEAUTY CONTESTS WITH; APPLY MASCARA, SUN TAN LOTION, DEODORANT, LIP STICK, BUTT CREAM, AND BODY OIL WITH; COMPARE COLLECTIBLE PLASTIC BODY PARTS WITH; COMPARE PHYSICAL BODIES TO MALL MANNEQUINS WITH; HOLD WRESTLING OR DANCING COMPETITIONS WITH; AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, WELCOME NEW CLONES WITH. DISGUSTED BY HER SHALLOW FRIENDS' OBSESSION WITH THE PHYSICAL BODY AND LACK OF RESPECT FOR HER LOST FATHER, PEARL DEMANDS THAT THEY ALL LEAVE BEFORE SHE VOMITS IN DISGUST ALL OVER THEIR IDENTICAL FACES. HER SHOCKED FRIENDS EACH OFFER HER ONE LAST WORD OF ADVICE TO REMEMBER BEFORE HER GENE THERAPY. LARRY SQUAREPANTS TELLS HER THAT BEING A SQUARE IS NOT A GOOD THING BECAUSE ONLY GUYS SHAPED LIKE LOBSTERS WOULD LOOK HOT COVERED IN NOTHING BUT BUTTER AND ONLY GIRLS SHAPED LIKE DOLPHINS CAN JUMP OUT OF THE WATER TO SHARE THEIR BEAUTY WITH THE WORLD ABOVE THE SEA. LARRY STAR TELLS HER THAT FAT PEOPLE WITH TOO MUCH WHALE BLUBBER CANNOT LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO HAVE AS MUCH FUN AS POSSIBLE IN LIFE AND THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO BE SUPER STARS NEED TO ALWAYS COPY WHAT THEIR FRIENDS DO BECAUSE BEING POPULAR MAKES YOU LOOK EVEN HOTTER THAN YOU ALREADY ARE. LARRY TENTACLES TELLS HER THAT, NOW THAT HE IS NO LONGER AN UGLY SQUID OR A STUPID ARTIST, WOMEN DATE HIM AND PEOPLE TAKE PHOTOGRAPHS OF HIS BODY, ELIMINATING THE NEED FOR SILLY ART SHOWING UGLY PEOPLE. FINALLY, DOROTHY CHEEKS TELLS HER THAT SCIENCE IS ONLY USEFUL WHEN IT MAKES THE BODY PERFECT AND EVEN ALLOWS THE BODY TO LIVE FOREVER TO KILL DEATH ITSELF. PEARL FINALLY LITERALLY VOMITS ON THEM ALL. AS THEY SCREAM, RUN AWAY, AND CLAIM THEY NEED TO CLEAN THE UGLINESS OFF THEMSELVES, PEARL REALIZES THAT HER ONLY TRUE FRIEND, HER FATHER, IS NOW GONE AND SHE ONLY HAS HERSELF TO RELY ON FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT. SHE CRIES, SCREAMS FOR THE FASHION POLICE TO LET HER GO, AND YELLS THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS BE PROUD TO BE AN UGLY WHALE BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO BE DIFFERENT FROM ALL THE MINDLESS ROBOTS THAT THIS BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD SHE LIVES IN HAS CREATED. AS THE FASHION POLICE STORM INTO HER ROOM AND SPRAY HER WITH PERFUME CONTAINING SLEEPING GAS, SHE FALLS ASLEEP AS SHE REPEATS TO HERSELF THE STORY OF THE UGLY BARNACLE…PEARL WAKES UP. SHE IS WEARING NEW CLOTHES THAT ARE SO TIGHT SHE CANNOT MOVE. SHE IS IN THE OFFICE OF THE LEADER OF THE BEAUTY STATE, LARRY PLANKTON, THE SHORTEST LARRY CLONE ALIVE AND THE FORMER SHELDON PLANKTON. SHE WANTS TO ESCAPE HIS OFFICE BUT HER TIGHT CLOTHES MAKE HER AN UNCOMFORTABLE PRISONER. PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY ASKS HER WHY SHE LIKES BEING UGLY. PEARL RESPONDS THAT SHE WOULD RATHER BE BEAUTIFUL ON THE INSIDE AND UGLY ON THE OUTSIDE THAN BEAUTIFUL ON THE OUTSIDE AND UGLY ON THE INSIDE. PLANKTON TELLS HER THAT HER FATHER TOLD HIM THE EXACT SAME THING ABOUT THE NATURE OF BEAUTY SHORTLY BEFORE HIS DEATH, CAUSING PEARL TO CRY AND TO ACCUSE PLANKTON, THE FASHION POLICE, AND THE BEAUTY STATE OF DRIVING HER DAD INSANE OVER THE LOSS OF HIS PERSONALITY AND INDIVIDUALITY. PLANKTON AGREES WITH HER ASSESSMENT AND SAYS THAT SOMETIMES CLONES DO GO INSANE BECAUSE ONLY PHYSICAL PERFECTION HAS BEEN ACCOMPLISHED WITH THE GENE THERAPIES AND THE GENETIC SURGEONS HAVE YET TO FULLY UNDERSTAND THE NATURE OF THE MIND. PEARL TELLS HIM THAT THEY WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND THE MIND BECAUSE ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS THE BODY AND WORSHIP IT AS IF IT WILL LAST FOREVER EVEN THOUGH THE LAWS OF NATURE WILL PREVENT ITS IMMORTALITY. PLANKTON ARGUES THAT THE MIND, LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE, CAN BE REDUCED TO THE MATERIAL WORLD AND THAT SOON ALL MINDS WILL BE EXACT CLONES AND REPLICAS OF EACH OTHER AS ALL BODIES ARE NOW. PEARL FIRMLY TELLS HIM THAT TOTAL CONFORMITY AND LOSS OF INDIVIDUALITY WILL CREATE A CULTURE SO WEAK AND STUPID THAT IT WILL SELF-DESTRUCT UNDER PRESSURE. PLANKTON PROMISES HER THAT THE BEAUTY STATE WILL NEVER SUFFER FROM ANY OF THE PROBLEMS OF PAST ERAS. HE ARGUES THAT GENE THERAPY GENETIC ENGINEERING WILL BECOME SO ADVANCED THAT LIFE SPANS WILL BE PROLONGED INDEFINITELY, DISEASES WILL BE ELIMINATED, DOCILE LOBSTERS AND DOLPHINS WILL RULE THE SEA, CONSUMERISM WILL CREATE A PRODUCTIVE CULTURE, AND ALL PEOPLE WILL UNITE BECAUSE THERE WILL BE NO VARIETY AMONG AQUATIC SPECIES, BRINGING PEACE AND PERFECTION TO A SEA WHOSE HISTORY IS ONLY FULL OF WAR AND THE EVOLUTIONARY MISTAKES OF NATURE. PEARL ARGUES THAT HIS FUTURE UTOPIA WILL FAIL BECAUSE NATURE NEEDS VARIETY TO PROGRESS AND THAT BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION IS NOT ONLY MATERIAL BUT CULTURAL AND SPIRITUAL AS WELL. PEARL SPECULATES THAT EVOLUTION WILL EVENTUALLY MOVE BEYOND THE PHYSICAL REALM TO PRODUCE IMMATERIAL SPIRITUAL BODIES EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT THAN ALL THE PHYSICAL CLONES OF THE BEAUTY STATE, WHICH IS DOOMED TO FAIL DUE TO ITS NARROW SOCIAL STANDARDS THAT WILL NOT BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE UNPREDICTABLE FUTURE THAT IS BEYOND SEA CREATURES' CONTROL AND IS UNDER THE CONTROL OF MOTHER NATURE. SKEPTICAL OF PLANKTON'S ALTRUISTIC SOCIAL PROGRAM, PEARL THEN FINALLY ASKS PLANKTON THE REAL OBJECTIVE OF HIS CLONE SOCIETY. PLANKTON ADMITS THAT HIS ENTIRE LIFE HAS BEEN FILLED WITH FEELINGS OF INFERIORITY, JEALOUSY, WEAKNESS, UGLINESS, AND A POOR LOVE LIFE. HE ADMITS THAT THESE PAST EXPERIENCES OF THE UGLY SIDE OF LIFE STILL HAUNT HIM, SO HE WANTS TO ELIMINATE SUCH SUFFERING FROM THE SEVEN SEAS FOREVER. HE BELIEVES THE CREATION OF PHYSICALLY PERFECT LOBSTERS AND DOLPHINS WILL ALLOW THE BREEDING EFFORTS OF THE TWO REALLY HOT SPECIES TO CREATE A NEW HYBRID LOBSTER-DOLPHIN SPECIES THAT IS SO HOT THAT THE OCEAN WILL LITERALLY EVAPORATE, ALLOWING HIM TO FINALLY FULFILL HIS ULTIMATE PURPOSE IN LIFE: THE DESTRUCTION OF ALL MARINE LIFE AS REVENGE FOR HIS HUMILIATION AS A WEAK LITTLE ONE-EYED MIDGET CAUSED BY THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM AND THE UGLY RED PIG KNOWN AS THE NOW DECEASED EUGENE KRABS. HORRIFIED BY HIS TRUE DESTRUCTIVE SOCIAL AGENDA, PEARL FURIOUSLY RIPS OUT OF HER TIGHT CLOTHING AND LAUNCHES HER HUGE NAKED WHALE BODY AT PLANKTON. HOWEVER, PLANKTON, WHOSE LOBSTER CLONE BODY IS VERY STRONG, SIMPLY GRABS HER AND THROWS HER AGAINST THE ROOM WALL TO DAZE HER. SHE TELLS HIM THAT ONE DAY EVERYONE WILL SEE HOW UGLY HE IS ON THE INSIDE AND WILL DESTROY HIM AND RETURN MARINE LIFE BACK TO ITS UGLY ORIGINAL FORMS AS NATURE INTENDED. AS THE FASHION POLICE ARRIVE IN THE OFFICE ROOM, COVER PEARL'S UGLY NAKED BODY IN TOWELS, AND TAKE HER AWAY FOR THE GENETIC SURGERY, SHE REMINDS PLANKTON THAT BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER AND THAT THERE IS STILL HOPE FOR UGLY PEOPLE SINCE THERE ARE OTHER SEAWORLDS, FAR AWAY FROM THE BEAUTY STATE, THAT HAVE NO CLONES AND ALLOW PEOPLE TO LOOK HOWEVER THEY WANT TO CHOOSE THEIR OWN TRUE LOVES BASED ON BOTH HOW THEY LOOK AND HOW HUMANE THEIR PERSONALITIES ARE. PLANKTON ENDS THEIR CONVERSATION BY TELLING HER SHE WILL NOT EVEN REMEMBER THE ENTIRE TALK AFTER SHE IS MADE INTO A DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN AND THAT THE SEA WITCH HUNT HE IS LEADING WILL ELIMINATE ALL WHALE BLUBBER AND FLABBY CRABS FROM THE SEA BECAUSE HER KIND IS SO MUTATED BY NATURE THAT THEY DESERVE TO GO EXTINCT. SHE SPITS A LARGE SALIVA WAD ONTO HIS SMALL LOBSTER BODY, BUT HE SIMPLY SMILES AND THANKS HER FOR THE WARM SPA BATH. THE FASHION POLICE TAKE PEARL TO THE OPERATING ROOM, PUT A GAS MASK OVER HER FACE THAT CAUSES HER TO INHALE PERFUME FILLED WITH SLEEPING GAS, AND BEGIN THE SURGERY AS SHE SCREAMS ABOUT HER ETERNAL LOVE FOR HER FATHER AND THEN LOSES CONSCIOUSNESS…LARRY SQUAREPANTS, LARRY STAR, LARRY TENTACLES, AND DOROTHY CHEEKS WAIT IN THE HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM OF THE HALL OF HOTTIES FOR THE RESULTS OF PEARL'S SURGERY. FINALLY, THE FASHION POLICE RETURN WITH THE NEW PEARL WHO IS NOW A PERFECTLY ATTRACTIVE DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN WHO IS IDENTICAL TO DOROTHY CHEEKS. DOROTHY KRABS RUSHES TOWARDS HER FRIENDS AND THEY ALL SHARE A GROUP HUG. THEY ALL ASK HER HOW HER NEW BODY FEELS AND SHE RESPONDS THAT SHE IS A DOLPHIN, THE SMARTEST MAMMAL IN THE SEA, SO SHE NOW HAS BRAINS AND BEAUTY. THEY ALL LAUGH BUT HER FRIENDS ASK HER IF SHE STILL MISSES HER FATHER. DOROTHY KRABS APPEARS TO HAVE NO MEMORY OF HER FATHER FROM THE GENE THERAPY, SO HER FRIENDS SIMPLY CHANGE THE TOPIC. DOROTHY CHEEKS ASKS HER WHAT SHE LIKES MOST ABOUT HER NEW BODY. SHE REPLIES THAT SHE LIKES HOW BEAUTY FINALLY KILLED THE BEAST. AS A CELEBRATION GIFT, HER FRIENDS GIVE HER A NEW HUGE MIRROR TO ADMIRE HERSELF IN. EVERYONE LOOKS INTO THE MIRROR. DOROTHY KRABS PLAYFULLY ASKS THE MIRROR, "MIRROR, MIRROR, IN THE HOTTIES' HALL, WHO IS THE HOTTEST OF THEM ALL?" AFTER SOME GIGGLING, THE FIVE FRIENDS ALL SHOUT, "WE ALL ARE!" THEY ALL RUN OUT OF THE HALL OF HOTTIES TO BUY NEW CLOTHES FROM THE SHOPPING MALL FOR DOROTHY KRABS. HOWEVER, BACK IN THE HALL OF HOTTIES IN HIS PRIVATE OFFICE SPA ROOM, LARRY PLANKTON SPEAKS TO HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, WHO IS NOW A ROBOTIC DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN. KAREN THE ROBOTIC DOLPHIN WATCHES PLANKTON TAKE A BATH WITH WHALE BLUBBER AS SOAP, AND SHE ADMIRES HIS MUSCULAR BODY. PLANKTON TELLS HER THAT SOMETIMES THE TRUTH DESERVES TO BE HIDDEN AND THAT SOMETIMES FAITH, IN THIS CASE THE FAITH OF PEARL'S FRIENDS THAT SHE WOULD BECOME ONE OF THEM AND BECOME AS HAPPY AS THEY ARE, DESERVES TO BE REWARDED. THUS, PEARL KRABS' SURGERY WAS ACTUALLY UNSUCCESSFUL DUE TO COMPLICATIONS INVOLVING HER HUGE BONES AND CHUNKY WHALE BLUBBER, AND THE FASHION POLICE SIMPLY SENT ANOTHER DOROTHY THE DOLPHIN CLONE FROM ANOTHER PERSON WITH NO FRIENDS TO HER FRIENDS TO COVER UP THE FAILURE OF PEARL'S SURGERY. PEARL'S WHALE BODY WAS FROZEN ALIVE AFTER THE FAILED SURGERY, AND PLANKTON HIMSELF HARVESTED THE WHALE BLUBBER FROM IT TO USE AS BATH SOAP FOR HIS MORNING AND EVENING BEAUTY BATHS. THEREFORE, IT APPEARS THAT THE BEAST, PLANKTON, ACTUALLY KILLED THE BEAUTY, A TRUE PEARL KNOWN AS PEARL.

**TOM SURFING: WHO WAS THE BEAUTY AND WHO WAS THE BEAST? IT SEEMS THAT THE ANSWER IS ONCE AGAIN DEPENDENT ONLY ON THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER DEPENDING ON IF THE EYE LOOKS INWARD OR OUTWARD. HOWEVER, SOCIETY WILL ALWAYS TRY TO CREATE NEW FASHIONS AND NEW BODIES FOR THE PUBLIC TO WORSHIP, AND ONLY THE RECOGNITION THAT DIVERSITY AND IMPERFECTION ARE NOT ONLY NECESSARY BUT ALSO IDEAL FOR A SOCIETY TO BE WHOLE, MATERIALLY AND CULTURALLY, WILL END THE DEBATE OVER WHO'S HOT AND WHO'S NOT. IN THE MEANTIME, THOSE LOOKING FOR AN EXTREME MAKEOVER CAN ALWAYS HAVE A "BEAST TO BEAUTY BAR MITZVAH," WHICH CAN ONLY BE FOUND…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**END OF SEASON THREE**

**31 EPISODE THIRTY-ONE: TO FREEZE TIME **

**TOM SURFING: THERE ARE MAD SCIENTISTS IN THE WORLD WHO WANT TO TIME TRAVEL OR WHO WANT TO FREEZE TIME NO MATTER WHAT THE CONSEQUENCES. THOSE WHOSE HEARTS ARE MADE OF ICE WANT THE WORLD TO END IN ICE. WHETHER THE WORLD ENDS IN FIRE OR ICE IS NOT IMPORTANT COMPARED TO THE POSSIBILITY OF FREEZING TIME…ACROSS THE TIDAL ZONE. **

AFTER PLANKTON'S COMPUTER WIFE KAREN BREAKS DOWN AND BECOMES NO LONGER FUNCTIONAL AND SEEMINGLY IMPOSSIBLE TO REPAIR, THE HEART- BROKEN PLANKTON HIRES SANDY, A FELLOW SCIENTIST, TO CREATE A DEVICE THAT STOPS AND REVERSES TIME TO TIME TRAVEL TO THE PAST TO PREVENT KAREN'S DEATH. HOWEVER, SANDY IS ONLY ABLE TO INVENT A SPECIAL THERMOSTAT WATCH CALLED "THE BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH" SINCE IT HAS TWO TINY BLUE BUTTONS LABELED "FREEZE" AND "DEFROST." UPON ACTIVATING THE FREEZE BUTTON, THE BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH CAN LITERALLY FREEZE THE SURROUNDING ENVIRONMENT TO SUBZERO TEMPERATURES, ENABLING ONE TO TECHNICALLY STOP ALL MOTION BUT NOT ALLOWING ANYTHING LIKE TIME TRAVEL. THE OTHER DEFROST BUTTON QUICKLY DEFROSTS AND THAWS THE SURROUNDING ENVIRONMENT BACK TO NORMAL TEMPERATURES. THOUGH INTRIGUED BY HER INVENTION, PLANKTON IS DISAPPOINTED HE CAN NOT TIME TRAVEL TO THE PAST TO PREVENT THE DEATH OF HIS ROBOT LOVER. THOUGH KAREN SEEMS TO BE SO WORN DOWN FROM ALL THE YEARS OF PLANKTON'S DOMESTIC PHYSICAL ABUSE, IN WHICH PLANKTON WOULD CONSTANTLY SMACK HER COMPUTER SCREEN, UNPLUG HER LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEM, GIVE HER COMPUTER VIRUSES, AND OFTEN SHUT HER ON AND OFF TOO OFTEN WHENEVER SHE ANNOYED AND DISPLEASED HIM, AND SHE IS NOW IMPOSSIBLE TO REPAIR, PLANKTON BELIEVES THAT SANDY'S INVENTION COULD ALLOW HIM TO FREEZE CITY BANKS TO ENABLE HIM TO STEAL MONEY. PLANKTON WOULD THEN USE THE STOLEN MONEY TO BUY HIGHLY ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY ON THE BLACK MARKET ABLE TO RESTORE KAREN BACK TO ARTIFICIAL LIFE. AFTER PLANKTON PURCHASES SANDY'S INVENTION, HE IMMEDIATELY BEGINS HIS ICE COLD CRIME SPREE. CALLING HIMSELF "DOCTOR DRIZZLY" AND WEARING A REFRIGERATOR METAL ROBOTIC SUIT TO CRYOGENICALLY ALTER HIS OWN BODY TEMPERATURE TO SURVIVE IN THE COLD, PLANKTON CONTINUALLY ABUSES THE BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH TO EASILY ROB BANKS BY INSTANTLY FREEZING THE SURROUNDING ENVIRONMENT, PUBLIC, AND POLICE. EVENTUALLY, HIS FREEZE CRIME SPREE CAUSES DRAMATIC ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES FOR THE CITY'S ECOSYSTEM, RESULTING IN DRAMATIC WIDESPREAD SUBZERO TEMPERATURES AND REQUIRING ALL CITIZENS TO WEAR HEAVY WINTER CLOTHING. HORRIFIED BY THE MAD SCIENTIST PLANKTON'S ICE AGE AGENDA AND CALLING HERSELF THE "SAUCY SQUIRREL," SANDY USES HER OWN HEAT LASER GUN AS A WEAPON TO UNFREEZE PLANKTON'S LIVING AND INANIMATE VICTIMS AND TO TRY TO STOP DOCTOR DRIZZLY. THE TWO SUPER SCIENTISTS FINALLY CLASH AT A LARGE FROZEN BANK SURROUNDED BY MANY FROZEN POLICE FISH. DOCTOR DRIZZLY CONTINUALLY FREEZES THE MANY POLICE AND SURROUNDING BANK, BUT SAUCY SQUIRREL, WEARING EXTREMELY WARM EXTRA SQUIRREL FUR CLOTHING TO WITHSTAND THE COLD, USES HER HEAT LASER GUN TO CONTINUALLY DEFROST THE POLICE AND BANK ENVIRONMENT. EVENTUALLY, THE CONTINUALLY FROZEN AND THAWED POLICE FISH DIE LOOKING LIKE CEMENT STATUES FROM THE DRASTIC CHANGES TO THEIR BODY TEMPERATURES AND THE FROSTY AND HUMID BANK BUILDING FINALLY BREAKS APART AS A GIANT ICEBERG, LEAVING THE TWO SUPER SCIENTISTS ALONE FOR THEIR FINAL CONFRONTATION. DOCTOR DRIZZLY USES HIS TINY SIZE AND ROBOTIC PROTECTIVE SUIT TO DODGE AND DEFLECT SAUCY SQUIRREL'S LASER BEAMS. HOWEVER, HER HEAT LASER GUN FINALLY DESTROYS THE DEFROST BUTTON ON HIS BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH, BREAKING THE BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH AND RESULTING IN THE ENTIRE FREEZING CITY BECOMING COMPLETELY FROZEN WITH NO HOPE OF DEFROSTING. AS A RESULT OF THE INVENTION'S DISRUPTION OF OCEANIC TEMPERATURE EQUILIBRIUM ACROSS THE WORLD DUE TO ITS DISRUPTION OF BIKINI BOTTOM'S ONCE BALANCED CLIMATE, THE REST OF THE WORLD OCEAN, VIA THE INTERCONNECTED GLOBAL MAJOR SEA CURRENTS, SOON LIKEWISE FULLY FREEZES WITH NO HOPE OF DEFROSTING DUE TO THE TOO DRAMATIC AND TOO CONSTANT DECREASES IN WATER TEMPERATURES. THE WORLD OCEAN IS NOW VIRTUALLY A GIANT ICE CUBE, AND ONLY THE REALLY COLD PLANKTON AND SANDY, DUE TO THEIR PROTECTIVE SCIENTIFIC ATTIRE, ARE NOT YET FROZEN ALIVE. ENDING THEIR CONFLICT TO TRY TO RESOLVE THE MAJOR ISSUE, THE SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED SANDY AND PLANKTON WONDER WHAT THEY SHOULD DO NOW THAT THEY ARE THE LAST NON-FROZEN SEA CREATURES. THEY MAKE SEVERAL ATTEMPTS TO REPAIR THE BROKEN BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH, BUT THEY CONTINUALLY FAIL AND THE COLD TEMPERATURES AROUND THEM CONTINUE TO PLUMMET. PLANKTON FINALLY APOLOGIZES FOR THE MAJOR ACCIDENT AND TRIES TO DEVELOP A FEASIBLE ALTERNATIVE ENVIRONMENTAL SOLUTION. PLANKTON ARGUES THAT THEY SHOULD TRAVEL TO THE ARCTIC OCEAN AND MATE WITH ITS AQUATIC COLD SPECIES TO REPOPULATE THE SEVEN SEAS OF THE EARTH. SINCE SHE IS THE ONLY FEMALE LEFT IN THE FROZEN CITY, PLANKTON EVEN TRIES TO WOO SANDY TO BECOME HIS NEW SCIENTIST WIFE, BUT SHE IMMEDIATELY BREAKS OFF THE REFRIGERATOR MASK COVERING HIS FACE AND SHOOTS HIM IN HIS EYE WITH HER HEAT LASER GUN, CAUSING PLANKTON TO BECOME BLIND. SANDY KNOWS THAT HER HEAT LASER GUN IS NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DEFROST ALL OF THE ICY BIKINI BOTTOM AND CERTAINLY NOT POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DEFROST THE ENTIRE FROZEN WORLD OCEAN, AND THEY DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO BUILD A SUPER HEAT LASER GUN BEFORE THEY FREEZE TO DEATH. SANDY IS LIKEWISE DISGUSTED BY PLANKTON'S DESPERATE AND UNNATURAL REPOPULATION PLAN, BELIEVES THE JOURNEY TO THE ARCTIC OCEAN FROM BIKINI BOTTOM IS TOO FAR AND THEY THEMSELVES WILL NEVER SURVIVE THE COLD JOURNEY, AND BELIEVES THAT EVEN THE ARCTIC SEA CREATURES ARE NOW FROZEN ALIVE. THOUGH SANDY CAN SURVIVE ON DRY LAND, SHE BELIEVES THAT THE GLOBAL OCEANIC COOLING HAS LIKEWISE MADE THE DRY EARTH INTO A GIANT SNOW GLOBE. THE BLIND PLANKTON CURSES THEIR DOOMED FATE AND WISHES THAT GLOBAL OCEANIC WARMING CAUSED BY BIKINI BOTTOM'S GAS BOAT CARS COULD STILL SAVE THEIR FROZEN CITY. HOWEVER, SANDY REMINDS HIM THAT THE OCEANS WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY EVAPORATED AWAY DUE TO THE SEA CITY'S EXCESSIVE POLLUTION, LEAVING THEM IN AN EVEN WORSE ENVIRONMENTAL SITUATION. THEY BOTH AGREE THAT THE MARVELS OF MODERN SCIENCE ARE DANGEROUS TO THE BIOSPHERE DUE TO SEA CREATURES' CULTURAL IMMATURITY AND INTELLECTUAL SHORTSIGHTEDNESS. WITH NO ALTERNATIVES LEFT TO SURVIVE THE COLD, PLANKTON AND SANDY DECIDE TO SIMPLY LOCK THEMSELVES TOGETHER IN THE CHUM BUCKET MASSIVE REFRIGERATOR OF CHUM. THE FROZEN CHUM WILL PRESERVE THEIR BODIES LONG INTO THE INDEFINITE FUTURE TO ENABLE THEM TO TIME TRAVEL TO THE FUTURE WHEN GLOBAL TEMPERATURES WILL NATURALLY INCREASE ENOUGH TO FULLY DEFROST THE FROZEN WORLD OCEAN. AS THEY FREEZE THEMSELVES IN THE PRESERVATIVE CHUM TO CRYOGENICALLY HIBERNATE, THE LONELY, REGRETFUL, AND BLIND PLANKTON, WHO STILL MISSES HIS DEAD WIFE KAREN, QUICKLY GIVES SANDY AN UNWANTED LIPS KISS, CAUSING THEM TO BECOME FROZEN AS KISSERS IN CHUM FOR THE UNFORESEEABLE FUTURE…PLANKTON AND SANDY FINALLY AWAKE OUT OF FROZEN CRYOGENIC CHUM HIBERNATION MANY ERAS IN THE FUTURE TO A WORLD OCEAN OF UNBEARABLY INTENSE HEAT. SANDY IMMEDIATELY MERCILESSLY BEATS PLANKTON FOR KISSING HER AND PUTS A CANINE MUZZLE ON THE STILL BLIND PLANKTON'S LITTLE MOUTH TO PREVENT ANY FUTURE KISSES. BECAUSE PLANKTON IS STILL BLIND, SANDY TIES A LEASH AROUND HIS SMALL STUBBY NECK AND DRAGS HIM LIKE A DOG WITH HER AROUND THE MELTING CITY. AFTER SANDY PUNISHES PLANKTON FOR BEING A PERVERT, THEY LEAVE THE NOW MELTING CHUM BUCKET AND STRIP DOWN TO THEIR UNDERWEAR TO SURVIVE THE INTENSE HEAT OF THE HOT WATERS. THE CONFUSED, HOT AND SWEATY SURVIVORS SOON DISCOVER THAT THE SEA CREATURES OF THE PAST ARE NOW ALL EXTINCT AS MOST OF THE SEVEN SEAS HAVE EVAPORATED. IN ADDITION, NEW AQUATIC SPECIES CALLED "DINO-GATORS," RESEMBLING EXTREMELY DRY CROCODILES WITH GIANT SPIKED TURTLE SHELLS, HAVE EVOLVED IN THE NEW WORLD OCEAN AND HAVE REPLACED THE FORMER NON-REPTILIAN SPECIES IN THIS APOCALYPTIC FUTURE. TO THEIR HORROR, PLANKTON AND SANDY REALIZE THAT, DUE TO THE MUD-LIKE PROPERTIES OF THE CHUM THEY WERE FROZEN IN KEEPING THEM IMMOBILE AND HIBERNATING FAR LONGER THAN IDEAL, THEY HAVE BEEN FROZEN IN CRYOGENIC CHUM HIBERNATION FOR SO LONG THAT THE EARTH IS NOW FINALLY COLLIDING TOWARDS THE SUN IN OUTER SPACE IN A NEW CHAOTIC ORBIT, SPELLING CERTAIN DOOM FOR THE PLANET AND ALL LIFE. IT APPEARS THAT THE SOLAR SYSTEM IS FINALLY CHAOTICALLY COLLAPSING AND DYING IN OUTER SPACE, CAUSING THE EXTINCTION OF ALL OF ITS TERRESTRIAL AND EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE. THE EVAPORATING OCEAN WATERS ARE ALSO FULL OF MANY SCORCHING VOLCANOES AND GEYSERS AS THE HOT COUNTDOWN TO DOOMSDAY HAS ALREADY BEGUN. WHEN THE DINO-GATORS TRY TO ATTACK AND EAT SANDY AND PLANKTON, WHO USE SANDY'S STILL WORKING HEAT LASER GUN TO PROTECT THEMSELVES, THE TWO DESPERATE SCIENTISTS TRY TO CONVINCE THE DINO-GATORS TO HELP THEM CREATE ANOTHER BLUE BALLS STOPWATCH TO PROLONG THE HEAT APOCALYPSE AS LONG AS THEY CAN AND THE DINO-GATORS AGREE. HOWEVER, THE DINO-GATORS, WHO ARE ACCUSTOMED TO THE DRY TEMPERATURES AND HEAT AND WHO HAVE BECOME FATALISTIC ABOUT THEIR POOR CHANCES FOR SURVIVAL ON THE DYING PLANET EARTH, SIMPLY HELP SANDY AND PLANKTON ALTER THE HEAT LASER GUN INTO A SMALL SIMPLE PROTOTYPE FREEZE GUN AND SUDDENLY BLAST THE TWO SCIENTISTS TO FREEZE THEM ALIVE AGAIN. THE FINAL STAGES OF THE APOCALYPSE BEGIN AS THE EARTH FINALLY COLLIDES INTO THE BLOATED BLOOD RED SUN IN OUTER SPACE, IMMEDIATELY INCINERATING MOST OF THE EXPLODING VOLCANIC PLANET. AS THE OCEANS FULLY EVAPORATE AND THE WORLD ENDS AROUND THEM, THE RESIGNED COLD-BLOODED DINO-GATORS ARE EXCITED TO FINALLY TASTE POPSICLES FOR A LAST SUPPER OF COOL DESSERTS.

**TOM SURFING: SCIENTIFIC EXPERIMENTATION WITH THE LIMITS OF NATURE CAN BE DANGEROUS AND CAN LEAD TO THE BUTTS OF MAD SCIENTISTS BEING BITTEN BY THEIR OWN RECKLESS INVENTIONS OR BEING PUNISHED BY THE IMPARTIAL WRATH OF MOTHER NATURE HERSELF. BOTH GLOBAL WARMING AND GLOBAL COOLING SHOULD BE AVOIDED AT ALL COSTS. FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO FREEZE TIME ONLY ONE HOT END WITH NO SUN LOTION OR LUBRICATION OF ANY KIND IS CERTAIN FOR THEM…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**32 EPISODE THIRTY-TWO: THE HOARDERS **

**TOM SURFING: IT IS OFTEN SAID THAT WHEN YOU OWN TOO MANY POSSESSIONS, YOUR POSSESSIONS ACTUALLY OWN YOU. THERE IS AN EPIDEMIC WIDESPREAD IN OUR AGE KNOWN SIMPLY AS HOARDING. HOARDERS ARE UNABLE TO STOP COLLECTING CERTAIN THINGS, LIVING OR NONLIVING, AND THEIR COMPULSIONS PREVENT THEM FROM REALIZING THAT THEIR HOARDING WILL LEAD TO THEIR OWN SELF-DESTRUCTION. THIS IS PSYCHOLOGY 101 IN ROOM 101…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

ONE DAY, MR. KRABS IS SEEMINGLY ATTACKED AND AMBUSHED BY HIS MONEY AND RICHES, INCLUDING HIS COINS, DOLLAR BILLS, AND WEALTHY ANTIQUES, WHILE HE IS POLISHING THEM INSIDE OF HIS MONEY VAULT AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. THE INANIMATE OBJECTS COME TO LIFE AND CLAIM THAT THEY ARE PUNISHING MR. KRABS FOR APPARENTLY TREATING THEM JUST LIKE HE TREATS HIS EXPENDABLE EMPLOYEES. AS MR. KRABS BEGS HIS MONEY AND RICHES FOR MERCY AND PLEAS THAT HE WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM, THE INANIMATE OBJECTS REVEAL THEIR ANGER THAT MR. KRABS ALWAYS CONSTANTLY REPLACES THEM WITH NEW MEMBERS AND UNCOMFORTABLY STORES THEM TOO CLOSE TOGETHER IN HIS VAULT, PROVING THAT HE COLLECTS TOO MUCH MONEY AND IS A GREEDY MONSTER HIMSELF. MR. KRABS WANTS TO DESTROY HIS VIOLENT MONEY AND RICHES TO SAVE HIS LIFE, BUT HE CANNOT BRING HIMSELF TO HARM THEM, RESULTING IN THEM EASILY OVERPOWERING AND LITERALLY DROWNING HIM INSIDE THE VAULT. WHEN MR. KRABS IS EVENTUALLY SEARCHED FOR BY THE POLICE FISH, HE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND, NOT EVEN INSIDE THE VAULT. SOME TIME AFTER MR. KRABS' MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE AND SUPERNATURAL AMBUSH, SQUIDWARD IS LIKEWISE ATTACKED AND AMBUSHED BY HIS ART, INCLUDING HIS PAINTINGS, STATUES, WAX FIGURES, AND POTTERY, AT HIS HOME WHILE HE ADMIRES HIMSELF IN A MIRROR. THE INANIMATE OBJECTS COME TO LIFE AND CLAIM THAT THEY ARE PUNISHING HIM FOR APPARENTLY LOVING HIMSELF MORE THAN HE LOVES THE ARTISTIC COPIES OF HIMSELF. SQUIDWARD BEGS THEM FOR MERCY AND PLEAS THAT HE LOVES ALL VERSIONS OF HIMSELF EQUALLY NO MATTER WHAT FORM HE IS IN. THE INANIMATE OBJECTS REVEAL THEIR JEALOUSY OF HIS PHYSICAL BODY, WHICH THEY BELIEVE TO BE MUCH MORE DIMENSIONAL, HOTTER, AND SUPERIOR TO THEIR OWN REPLICA BODIES, AND ENSURE SQUIDWARD THAT ANYTHING THAT IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THEMSELVES MUST BE DESTROYED. THE LIVING ARTISTIC OBJECTS WANT TO PUNISH SQUIDWARD FOR CREATING TOO MANY IMPERFECT VERSIONS OF HIS OWN PERFECT BODY. SQUIDWARD BEGINS TO DESTROY SEVERAL OF HIS PAINTINGS AND POTTERY, BUT THE WAX FIGURES AND STATUES EASILY OVERPOWER HIM AND SQUIDWARD REALIZES HE IS MERELY AT WAR WITH HIMSELF, CAUSING HIM TO SURRENDER TO THE ARTISTIC REPLICAS THAT MAGICALLY TURN HIM INTO A WAX FIGURE AND THROW HIM INTO THE HOME'S FIRE PLACE TO MELT. WHEN SQUIDWARD IS EVENTUALLY SEARCHED FOR BY THE POLICE FISH, HE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND, NOT EVEN INSIDE HIS HOME. SOME TIME AFTER SQUIDWARD'S MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCE AND SUPERNATURAL AMBUSH, SPONGEBOB IS LIKEWISE ATTACKED AND AMBUSHED BY GARY AND HIS MANY NEW PET SNAILS AT HOME AFTER RETURNING FROM A PLAY DATE WITH PATRICK AT JELLYFISH FIELDS. SPONGEBOB HAS BROUGHT HOME MANY JELLYFISH AS MORE NEW PETS TO PLAY WITH HIS MANY SNAILS, BUT THE WILD JELLYFISH BREAK OUT OF THEIR NETS AND JARS AND LIKEWISE AMBUSH HIM AND MERCILESSLY SHOCK HIM. ALL THE SNAILS CAN MAGICALLY TALK LIKE REGULAR SEA CREATURES TO HIM AND CLAIM THAT THEY ARE PUNISHING HIM FOR APPARENTLY NEGLECTING THEM TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH HIS OTHER MORE IMPORTANT FRIENDS LIKE THE SWINE PATRICK AND FOR COLLECTING TOO MANY PETS LIKE EXPENDABLE TOYS. AS THE WILD JELLYFISH ESCAPE OUT OF THE HOME, THE INJURED SPONGEBOB BEGS THE GROWLING SNAILS FOR MERCY AND CLAIMS HE EQUALLY LOVES ALL HIS FRIENDS, BOTH REGULAR AND PETS, BUT THE SNAIL PETS REVEAL THAT IF THEY ARE NOT HIS ONLY FRIENDS HE WILL NOT HAVE ANY FRIENDS AND WILL NO LONGER BE ALIVE TO HAVE ANY FRIENDS. SPONGEBOB RELUCTANTLY DESTROYS MANY OF HIS PETS' SNAIL SHELLS, BUT WHEN GARY BITES OFF A CHUNK OF HIS SPONGY BUTT, SPONGEBOB IS TOO HEARTBROKEN TO CONTINUE FIGHTING AS THE OTHER SNAILS POUR SNAIL FOOD ONTO HIM AND EAT HIM ALIVE. THE POLICE FISH SEARCH FOR THE MISSING SPONGEBOB BUT DO NOT FIND HIM, NOT EVEN IN HIS HOME, WHICH THE SNAILS HAVE ALL RUN AWAY FROM. THE GHOSTS OF ALL THREE DEAD KRUSTY KRAB EMPLOYEES FIND EACH OTHER AT THE BIKINI BOTTOM CEMETERY, BUT AN UNKNOWN PERSON IS STANDING BY THEIR NEW GRAVES. THE PERSON IS AN OLD MALE LIVING TOAD. THE OLD BALD TOAD IS WEARING LARGE GLASSES AND HAS A HUGE SILVER BEARD. THE TOAD CAN SEE THE DECEASED THREE EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE GHOSTS. THE GHOSTS SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ASK HIM IF HE IS THE EVIL WIZARD RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR DEATHS, AND THE OLD TOAD RELUCTANTLY AGREES THAT HE IS. AS THEY ATTACK AND AMBUSH HIM, HE SIMPLY TELLS THEM ALL THAT THEY CAN NOW WAKE UP FROM THEIR SHARED HYPNOSIS SESSION. FINALLY, ALL THREE KRUSTY KRAB EMPLOYEES WAKE UP FROM A COLLECTIVE HYPNOTIC TRANCE HALLUCINATION CONDUCTED BY AN OLD HYPNOTHERAPIST TOAD NAMED DR. SOGGY FRAUD AT THE KRUSTY KRAB IN MR. KRABS' OFFICE. APPARENTLY, DR. FRAUD WAS HIRED BY THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND AND RESOLVE THEIR DEEP-ROOTED PSYCHOLOGICAL WORKING CONFLICTS WITH ONE ANOTHER THROUGH HYPNOTHERAPY. ACCORDING TO DR. FRAUD, IT APPEARS THAT THEIR PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS STEM FROM THEIR EXCESSIVE HOARDING OF MATERIAL OR LIVING THINGS: MR. KRABS HOARDS MONEY, CAUSING HIM TO NEGLECT OTHER PEOPLE; SQUIDWARD HOARDS HIS ART, CAUSING HIM TO CARE ONLY FOR HIMSELF; AND SPONGEBOB HOARDS HIS NEW COLLECTION OF PET SNAILS, CAUSING HIM TO LOVE HIS PETS MORE THAN HE LOVES OTHER PEOPLE. THEIR TRAUMATIC HYPNOTIC HALLUCINATIONS RESULT FROM THEIR GUILT OVER THEIR HOARDING COMPULSIVE PERSONALITIES, WHICH MAKE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO GET ALONG WELL TOGETHER SINCE THEY ALL LOVE WHAT THEY HOARD MORE THAN THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. HOWEVER, DUE TO THE TRAUMA OF THE COLLECTIVE HYPNOSIS AND DUE TO THEIR COLLECTIVE REFUSAL TO GIVE UP WHAT THEY LOVE MOST (MR. KRABS REFUSES TO GIVE UP MONEY, SQUIDWARD REFUSES TO GIVE UP HIS ART, AND SPONGEBOB REFUSES TO GIVE UP HIS NEW COLLECTION OF SNAIL PETS), ALL THREE PATIENTS AMBUSH AND ATTACK DR. FRAUD AFTER THE FAILED HYPNOTHERAPY SESSION, WHICH MR. KRABS REFUSES TO PAY FOR. THEY ALL EXPLAIN THAT THEY ARE NOT WILLING TO GIVE UP WHAT THEY LOVE THE MOST, THAT DR. FRAUD IS A FRAUD AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR FAILING TO CURE THEIR HOARDING COMPULSIONS, AND THAT NOW HE MUST BE PUNISHED FOR PUTTING THEM THROUGH TRAUMATIC HYPNOTIC TRANCES AND HALLUCINATIONS THAT ONLY REMIND THEM OF THEIR PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES AND TERRIBLE PERSONALITIES THAT THEY CAN NEVER CHANGE. HOWEVER, DR. FRAUD DOES NOT FIGHT BACK, SEEMS LESS THAN DISTURBED BY THE ATTACK, AND SEEMS TO HAVE WANTED THEM TO DESTROY HIM. DR. FRAUD KNOWS THAT THE NATURAL OBSESSION OVER COLLECTING AND HOARDING POSSESSIONS, WHETHER MATERIAL OR PEOPLE, WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY CAUSED HIM TO ABUSE HIS HYPNOTIC POWER TO CONTROL HIS PATIENTS AS HYPNOTIC ZOMBIE SLAVES VIA THE FORCE OF ANIMAL MAGNETISM. HIS INEVITABLE HOARDING OF HYPNOTIC ZOMBIE SLAVES WOULD HAVE EVENTUALLY CAUSED HIS PATIENTS TO REBEL AGAINST HIM AND DESTROY HIM ANYWAY. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS, ALL USING MEDICAL TRANQUILIZER GUNS THEY STOLE FROM DR. FRAUD, SHOOT HIM WITH SLEEPING NEEDLES, THROW HIM INTO A WOODEN COFFIN, DRIVE HIM IN A BOAT CAR TO THE CITY BRIDGE, AND THROW THE COFFIN INTO THE WATERS BELOW THE BRIDGE TO END THEIR HYPNOTIC TRAUMA AND TO RELEASE AND DISPLACE THEIR REPRESSED AGGRESSION FOR THEIR FAILURE TO SOLVE THEIR PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES ONTO DR. FRAUD. THE POLICE FISH INVESTIGATE DR. FRAUD'S DISAPPEARANCE, BUT NO ONE EVER SEES HIM AGAIN. WITH DR. FRAUD MISSING AND THEIR TRAUMATIC THERAPY SESSIONS OVER, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ENJOY A SILENT, PEACEFUL KRABBY PATTY MEAL AT THE CLOSED KRUSTY KRAB. THEIR RELATIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS WITH ONE ANOTHER SEEM TO BE FINALLY RESOLVED FROM RELEASING THEIR ANGER OVER THEIR HOARDING ONTO THE POOR DR. FRAUD AND BURYING THEIR GUILT OVER THEIR COMPULSIVE PERSONALITIES WITH HIM. THEY ARE ALL FELLOW PROUD HOARDERS. MEANWHILE, IN THE DEEP WATERS BELOW THE CITY BRIDGE AT NIGHT, THE SUFFOCATING AND DROWNING DR. FRAUD CONTINUES TO POUND AGAINST HIS COFFIN PRISON AND ONLY WISHES TO WAKE UP FROM HIS NIGHTMARE OF HOARDING. AS WATER FLOODS INTO HIS COFFIN, THE HOPELESS DR. FRAUD IS UNSURE IF HE IS DREAMING IN A SUBCONSCIOUS DREAM REALITY OR IF HE IS AWAKE IN CONSCIOUS WAKING REALITY SINCE BOTH THE MIND AND GREEDY HOARDING ARE PRESENT EVERYWHERE. DR. FRAUD SCREAMS THAT HE FEELS LIKE HE IS IN THE SHALLOW, PRETENTIOUS, OVERLY AMBIGUOUS, SCI-FI POPCORN FLICK _INCRAPTION_.

**TOM SURFING: HOARDING IS A PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEM THAT IS NOT LIMITED TO PATIENTS. SADISTIC PSYCHOLOGISTS, WHO ARE LIKEWISE RAMPANT IN OUR AGE, ARE ALSO KNOWN FOR HOARDING HYPNOTIC ZOMBIE SLAVES. IT APPEARS WE LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE THE MAD SCIENTISTS RUN THE MADHOUSE, AND ONLY ONE CURE EXISTS FOR SUCH DEEP-ROOTED PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES. THE CURE IS FRAUDULENT FREUDIAN HYPNOTHERAPY…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**33 EPISODE THIRTY-THREE: ORDER ONE GRAND **

**TOM SURFING: ENIGMAS CAN BE DIFFICULT TO SOLVE. ONE MUST UNDERSTAND THE MOTIVE, CREATE A LIST OF SUSPECTS, AND COLLECT PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THE EVIDENCE APPEARS TO EXIST, BUT MAY ACTUALLY BE IMAGINARY? WELL, THAT'S WHEN DETECTIVES OFFICIALLY ENTER…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SQUIDWARD IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, AND IT APPEARS THAT HE HAS FINALLY QUIT HIS JOB. SQUIDWARD HAS BEEN REPLACED BY PATRICK STAR AS CASHIER. ONE DAY THERE ARE NO CUSTOMERS AT ALL AT THE RESTAURANT SINCE ODDLY EVERYONE APPEARS TO MISS SQUIDWARD AND TO DISLIKE THE NEW CASHIER PATRICK DUE TO PATRICK'S INCREDIBLE STUPIDITY. DURING THE LATE AFTERNOON, THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND MR. KRABS RECEIVES A MYSTERIOUS LARGE TRUCK SHIPMENT OF ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES AT THE BACK OF THE EMPTY STORE DISCOVERED BY SPONGEBOB. BOTH MR. KRABS AND PATRICK WERE SLEEPING FROM BOREDOM WITHOUT ANY CUSTOMERS WHEN THE UNINVITED TRUCK ARRIVED, AND ONLY SPONGEBOB DISCOVERED THE TRUCK AND WOKE THEM UP TO SHARE THE SHOCKING MYSTERY WITH THEM. HOWEVER, WHEN ALL THREE INVESTIGATE THE MYSTERIOUS HUGE ORDER THAT THEY DID NOT MAKE FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB FACTORIES LOCATED IN THE CITY'S DOWNTOWN SECTOR, THEY FIND THAT NO DRIVER OR STOCKERS ARE INSIDE THE TRUCK, THOUGH THE VEHICLE WAS OBVIOUSLY DRIVEN THERE BY SOMEONE. PATRICK AND MR. KRABS ASK SPONGEBOB, WHO FIRST DISCOVERED THE VEHICLE, WHO DROVE IT IN, BUT SPONGEBOB CLAIMS THAT HE ONLY SAW THE EMPTY VEHICLE PARK ITSELF. MR. KRABS PHONE CALLS THE OFFICES OF THE KRUSTY KRAB FACTORIES DOWNTOWN, WHICH LIKEWISE CONFIRM THAT THEY DID NOT SEND THE LARGE ORDER TO THE KRUSTY KRAB. ALL THREE DISTURBED FRIENDS INVESTIGATE THE PARKED VEHICLE, WHICH CONTAINS ONLY THE ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES, BUT THEY CAN FIND NO ONE INSIDE. AS THEY SEARCH THE TRUCK, THEY DISCOVER THAT THE SEATS, WINDOWS, AND COLORS INSIDE OF THE TRUCK LOOK DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT FROM EACH PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE. MR. KRABS SEES THE SEATS AS LITTLE, SEES THE WINDOWS AS CLEAN AND NORMAL, AND SEES THE TRUCK'S INSIDE COLORS AS BLACK AND WHITE. PATRICK SEES THE SEATS AS LARGE, SEES THE WINDOWS AS DIRTY, AND SEES THE TRUCK'S INSIDE COLORS AS PINK. FINALLY, SPONGEBOB SEES THE SEATS AS MEDIUM-SIZED, SEES THE WINDOWS AS CRACKED, AND SEES THE TRUCK'S INSIDE COLORS AS YELLOW. THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE TRUCK OR WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEIR EYES, SO THEY DECIDE TO ALL TASTE ONE OF THE MANY KRABBY PATTIES INSIDE TO SEE IF IT TASTES THE SAME FOR EACH OF THEM. HOWEVER, THE SAME SINGLE KRABBY PATTY THAT EACH PERSON TRIES TASTES DRASTICALLY DIFFERENT FROM EACH PERSON'S PERSPECTIVE. MR. KRABS BELIEVES IT TASTES LIKE GARBAGE, PATRICK BELIEVES IT TASTES LIKE SNAIL LITTER, AND SPONGEBOB BELIEVES IT TASTES REGULAR. BECAUSE THEY CANNOT EXPLAIN THE DRASTIC DIFFERENCES AMONG THEIR PERSPECTIVES OF THE TRUCK AND THE SINGLE PATTY, THEY ALL EXIT THE TRUCK AND THEN SHARE THEIR OPINIONS ABOUT THE DISTURBING SITUATION. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT THE TRUCK MAY BE A HAUNTED GHOST TRUCK FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SENT THERE TO DRAG THEM ALL TO DAVEY JONES' LOCKER AS PUNISHMENT FOR THE KRUSTY KRAB'S POOR CUSTOMER SERVICE FOLLOWING SQUIDWARD'S LONG ABSENCE. PATRICK BELIEVES THAT THE TRUCK MAY BE A MENTALLY COLLECTIVE HALLUCINATION DUE TO THEIR REPRESSED INSANITY OVER HOW FAT, STUPID, PINK, SLOW, LAZY, DEPRESSED, BLOATED, FLATULENT, UGLY, AND UNMARRIED THEY ALL ARE. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS ARGUES THAT HE HIMSELF IS GOING BLIND AND HAS LOST HIS SENSE OF TASTE DUE TO OLD AGE, PATRICK IS SIMPLY RIDICULOUSLY STUPID, AND THE RELATIVELY SANE SPONGEBOB IS THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CLEARLY SEE THE INSIDE OF THE TRUCK AND CLEARLY TASTE THE SINGLE KRABBY PATTY. HAVING SEEMINGLY EXPLAINED THE PERSPECTIVE PROBLEM, MR. KRABS THEN STATES WHERE HE THINKS THE TRUCK CAME FROM. MR. KRABS BELIEVES PLANKTON, DUE TO HIS MICROSCOPIC MAN SIZE, IS RESPONSIBLE FOR DRIVING THE TRUCK THERE UNSEEN AND IS POSSIBLY STILL HIDING IN IT AS A SICK PRANK. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB REMINDS MR. KRABS THAT PLANKTON COULD NEVER HAVE EASILY STOLEN THE LARGE TRUCK SHIPMENT, WOULD HAVE NEVER BROUGHT ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES BACK TO THE RESTAURANT, AND WOULD HAVE SIMPLY KEPT THEM FOR HIMSELF. MR. KRABS STILL INSISTS THAT PLANKTON IS SOMEHOW INVOLVED AND ARGUES THAT PLANKTON AND HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, USING THEIR RESTAURANT'S AUTOMATED MECHANICAL ASSEMBLY LINES, MAY HAVE MADE THE MANY FAKE KRABBY PATTIES AT THE CHUM BUCKET AND THEN SENT THE WORTHLESS FOOD TO THE KRUSTY KRAB AFTER FAILING TO REPRODUCE THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA WITHOUT KNOWING THE REAL SECRET INGREDIENT. TO TEST HIS SUSPICIONS, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK CONTINUE TO EAT MORE OF THE KRABBY PATTIES AND REALIZE THAT THEY TASTE THE SAME AS REGULAR ONES MADE BY THE KRUSTY KRAB, THOUGH BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SEEM TO DISAGREE OVER EXACTLY HOW REGULAR KRABBY PATTIES TASTE. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES KRABBY PATTIES TASTE LIKE SEA COW MEAT, WHILE PATRICK BELIEVES KRABBY PATTIES TASTE LIKE CRAB MEAT. PATRICK EVEN BITES MR. KRABS TO COMPARE THE TASTES BETWEEN THE OLD CRAB AND THE KRABBY PATTIES. THE FURIOUS MR. KRABS USES HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO PINCH OFF PATRICK'S HUGE DOG-LIKE TONGUE. THE TWO EXCHANGE WILD PUNCHES BEFORE SPONGEBOB BREAKS UP THEIR FIGHT. REALIZING THEY WILL NEVER SOLVE THE MYSTERY, THE FRUSTRATED MR. KRABS FIRES PATRICK, PREPARES TO DUMP THE REST OF THE KRABBY PATTIES INTO THE GARBAGE TRASH CANS, PREPARES TO LIGHT THE MYSTERIOUS TRUCK ON FIRE, AND GRABS HIS OLD NAVY HARPOON RIFLE GUN TO SHOOT THE PRESUMABLY GUILTY PLANKTON AT THE CHUM BUCKET. SPONGEBOB STOPS MR. KRABS FROM DESTROYING THE KRABBY PATTIES AND THE TRUCK SINCE SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY SEEMS TO REMEMBER THE LARGE TRUCK SHIPMENT OF ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES FROM SOME PAST MEMORY, WHICH HE BELIEVES TO BE A FORGOTTEN DREAM. SPONGEBOB WANTS PATRICK AND MR. KRABS TO HEAR HIS LAST BIZARRE THEORY ABOUT THE MYSTERIOUS TRUCK. MR. KRABS AGREES TO NOT DESTROY THE TRUCK AND ITS CONTENTS SINCE HE CAN ALWAYS SELL THE FOOD TO CUSTOMERS LATER, BUT MR. KRABS STILL GRABS HIS HARPOON RIFLE GUN TO LEAVE TO THE CHUM BUCKET TO SHOOT THE PRESUMABLY GUILTY PLANKTON FOR HIS MESSING WITH THEIR HEADS. SPONGEBOB TRIES TO WRESTLE THE WEAPON FROM MR. KRABS' STRONG GRIP TO PREVENT THE BLIND ASSAULT, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO ACCIDENTALLY SHOOT A HARPOON SPEAR INTO PATRICK'S BUTT. PATRICK FURIOUSLY RIPS THE HARPOON SPEAR OUT OF HIS BRUISED, SWOLLEN, CUT, THROBBING BUTT AND SWIFTLY STABS MR. KRABS' BUTT WITH THE HARPOON SPEAR. SPONGEBOB RIPS THE HARPOON SPEAR OUT OF MR. KRABS' BUTT, WHICH NOW HAS TWO HOLES INSTEAD OF ONE. PATRICK AND MR. KRABS ONCE AGAIN EXCHANGE WILD PUNCHES UNTIL SPONGEBOB BREAKS UP THEIR FIGHT AGAIN AND FORCES THEM TO MAKE A TRUCE SO THAT THEY DO NOT END UP KILLING EACH OTHER. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS THAT THE TRUCK IS TURNING THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER AND REMINDS THEM THAT SQUIDWARD WOULD NEVER HAVE REBELLED AGAINST HIS CAPTAIN MR. KRABS, CAUSING PATRICK TO APOLOGIZE TO MR. KRABS, WHO AGAIN STATES THAT PATRICK IS FIRED AND ADDS THAT PATRICK WILL NOT RECEIVE ANY OF HIS MONTH'S SALARY FOR HIS PREVIOUS WORK. THE LATE AFTERNOON FINALLY TURNS TO NIGHT OUTSIDE. FINALLY, WITH EVERYONE BACK TO NORMAL, SPONGEBOB EXPLAINS HIS BIZARRE THEORY ABOUT THE MYSTERIOUS TRUCK'S TRUE NATURE. SPONGEBOB CONVINCES PATRICK AND MR. KRABS THAT THE TRUCK AND THE ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES INSIDE IT ONLY EXIST IN THEIR MINDS LIKE PATRICK EARLIER ARGUED, BUT SPONGEBOB ARGUES THAT PATRICK'S IDEALIST THEORY IS NOT EXACTLY CORRECT. SPONGEBOB ARGUES THAT THEY BECAME SO BORED FROM NOT HAVING ANY CUSTOMERS THAT DAY THAT THEY ALL SOMEHOW MENTALLY CREATED A COLLECTIVE MIRAGE OF A LARGE FOOD ORDER TO KEEP THEM FROM GOING INSANE WITH BOREDOM. TO PROVE THE THEORY, SPONGEBOB ORDERS MR. KRABS AND PATRICK TO ENTER THE TRUCK AND TO DRIVE AND HIT HIM WITH THE TRUCK SINCE THE IMAGINARY TRUCK WILL NOT HURT HIM AND WILL DISAPPEAR ONCE THEY REALIZE IT IS ONLY AN ILLUSION THROUGH THE TEST. BOTH PATRICK AND MR. KRABS ARE INITIALLY HESITANT TO PERFORM THE POTENTIALLY DEADLY TEST, BUT SPONGEBOB REMINDS THEM THAT THERE WAS NO DRIVER IN THE TRUCK WHEN IT ARRIVED, PROVING THE TRUCK AND ITS FOOD CONTENTS MUST BE IMAGINARY. SPONGEBOB THEN SEARCHES THE TRUCK FOR PLANKTON AND DOES NOT FIND HIM IN THE TRUCK, PROVING THAT PLANKTON IS NOT HIDING IN THE TRUCK AND IS PROBABLY NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR DRIVING IT THERE. SPONGEBOB ALSO CONVINCES THEM THAT THEY MUST PERFORM THE FINAL TEST TO DISCOVER THE TRUE NATURE OF THE MYSTERIOUS TRUCK AND ITS HUGE ORDER ONCE AND FOR ALL. AS PATRICK AND MR. KRABS AGREE TO THE TEST, MR. KRABS GIVES SPONGEBOB HIS HARPOON RIFLE GUN AND TELLS SPONGEBOB TO SHOOT THE TRUCK TIRES IF HE IS TOO AFRAID OF BEING HIT BY THE POSSIBLY REAL TRUCK. SPONGEBOB PROMISES HE WILL BE BRAVE ENOUGH FOR THE TEST, BUT HE TAKES THE HARPOON RIFLE GUN ANYWAY. HOLDING THE HARPOON RIFLE GUN LIKE A TRUE SOLDIER, SPONGEBOB MARCHES ABOUT 100 YARDS AWAY FROM THE TRUCK, STANDS STILL, AND CLOSES HIS EYES TO LIMIT HIS FEAR. MR. KRABS AND PATRICK ENTER THE TRUCK, PUT THEIR SEAT BELTS ON, AND AGREE TO HIT HIM WITH THE SUPPOSEDLY IMAGINARY VEHICLE. WHEN THEIR HESITATION TO HIT HIM WITH THE TRUCK TAKES TOO LONG, SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY OPENS HIS EYES, PULLS OUT CLOWN MAKE UP FROM HIS POCKETS, WILDLY SMEARS THE CLOWN MAKE UP ALL OVER HIS FACE, BECOMES VERY ANGRY, AND SLOWLY MARCHES WITH THE HARPOON RIFLE GUN RAISED AND AIMED TOWARDS THE TRUCK. SPONGEBOB REPEATEDLY WHISPERS TO HIMSELF, "COME ON, I WANT YOU TO DO IT…" SPONGEBOB THEN BEGINS SHOOTING HARPOON SPEARS FROM THE GUN THAT LAND NEAR THE TRUCK TO INCITE PATRICK AND MR. KRABS INTO FINALLY HITTING HIM. MR. KRABS AND PATRICK LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND NOD THEIR HEADS. PATRICK SCREAMS FOR MR. KRABS TO FLOOR THE GAS PEDAL, AND MR. KRABS GOES FROM A SPEED OF ZERO TO 100 AS HE ZOOMS THE TRUCK TOWARDS SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB STANDS STILL AND TOSSES THE HARPOON RIFLE GUN TO THE GROUND. SPONGEBOB FURIOUSLY ROARS, "COME ON, HIT ME!" AS PATRICK AND MR. KRABS SCREAM AND SPEED IN THE TRUCK TOWARDS SPONGEBOB, SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY STARTS CRYING AND SCREAMS SQUIDWARD'S NAME. THE TRUCK SLAMS INTO SPONGEBOB VERY HARD, IT APPEARS THE VEHICLE IS REAL, AND SPONGEBOB IS SENT FLYING AND TUMBLING ACROSS THE GROUND AND INTO THE AIR. THE UNCONSCIOUS SPONGEBOB FLIES DOWN THE STREET AND BREAKS THROUGH THE DOORS OF THE NEARBY CHUM BUCKET, WHERE PLANKTON AND KAREN ARE ENJOYING A NICE EVENING DINNER. THE UNCONSCIOUS SPONGEBOB CRASHES ONTO AND BREAKS THEIR DINNER TABLE, CAUSING THEM TO JUMP AND SCREAM IN SHOCK AND HORROR AS THEY SEE HIS BRUISED BODY AND UGLY CLOWN FACE IN THE SHAPE OF A FROZEN SMILE. PARAMEDIC FISH SOON ARRIVE AT THE SCENE AND RUSH MR. KRABS, PATRICK, AND THE CRITICALLY INJURED SPONGEBOB TO THE CITY HOSPITAL, WHERE THEY CLEAN OFF HIS CLOWN MAKE UP AND QUICKLY HOOK HIM UP TO LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS IN AN EMERGENCY ROOM. WHILE IN THE HOSPITAL, THE INJURED AND RECOVERING SPONGEBOB FINALLY ADMITS TO PATRICK, MR. KRABS, AND THE FISH DOCTORS THAT HE HIMSELF SECRETLY BROUGHT THE VEHICLE, WHICH HE FOUND AT THE CITY DUMP AND PUT THE ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES HE MADE AT HOME THROUGHOUT THE PREVIOUS WEEK IN, TO THE BACK OF THE KRUSTY KRAB WHEN MR. KRABS AND PATRICK FELL ASLEEP FROM THE BOREDOM OF HAVING NO CUSTOMERS THAT DAY. SPONGEBOB ADMITS TO THE BIZARRE CRIME BECAUSE OF HIS DEEP-ROOTED GUILT CONCERNING A PAST MISSING TRUCK SHIPMENT. THE PAST TRUCK SHIPMENT OF KRABBY PATTIES LIKEWISE NUMBERED ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES AND WAS KNOWN AS "ORDER ONE GRAND." SPONGEBOB THEN REVEALS THE STORY OF WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED TO THE MISSING SQUIDWARD. APPARENTLY SEVERAL MONTHS AGO, A WEALTHY OUT-OF-TOWN CUSTOMER IN NEW KELP CITY CALLED THE KRUSTY KRAB AND ORDERED THE "ORDER ONE GRAND" FROM THE RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS WAS DELIGHTED TO FULFILL THE HUGE HISTORIC ORDER TO EARN THE LARGE AMOUNT OF PAYMENT. ALL OF THE LOCAL CUSTOMER BUSINESS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB WAS IMMEDIATELY CANCELED, AND IT TOOK SPONGEBOB ONE WEEK TO FINISH THE ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES. BECAUSE SPONGEBOB DID NOT HAVE A DRIVER'S LICENSE AND BECAUSE SQUIDWARD WANTED TO DRIVE THE ORDER ALONE WITHOUT SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD HAD TO DRIVE THE OUT-OF-TOWN ORDER IN A LARGE KRUSTY KRAB TRUCK ALONE AT NIGHT ALL THE WAY TO NEW KELP CITY VIA LONELY HIGHWAYS FROM BIKINI BOTTOM. LISTENING TO HIS FAVORITE CLASSICAL MUSIC ON THE RADIO FOR THE WHOLE RIDE, SQUIDWARD INITIALLY ENJOYED THE LONELY ROAD TRIP. VIA CELL PHONE, SQUIDWARD KEPT IN CONTACT WITH SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS, WHO REMAINED AT THE KRUSTY KRAB TO CONTINUE SERVING OTHER CUSTOMERS AGAIN WITH THE NEWLY HIRED PATRICK AS TEMPORARY CASHIER. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD'S PHONE CALLS CONTINUALLY WENT DEAD DUE TO POOR CELL PHONE SERVICE SIGNALS ALONG THE LONELY HIGHWAY ROADS. DURING THEIR LAST PHONE CALL WITH SQUIDWARD, SQUIDWARD SOUNDED VERY DISTRESSED AND CONTINUALLY COMPLAINED ABOUT A HUGE FOGGY STORM FORMING ALONG THE HIGHWAY AND BLOCKING HIS VIEW OF THE EMPTY ROADS. AS SQUIDWARD HYSTERICALLY SCREAMED FOR AN UNKNOWN REASON, THE CELL PHONE WENT DEAD FOR THE FINAL TIME. THE WORRIED SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS FAILED TO ESTABLISH CONTACT AGAIN WITH SQUIDWARD AND CALLED THE POLICE TO FIND HIM. THE TRUCK, THE ORDER, AND SQUIDWARD NEVER CAME BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM. THE OUT-OF-TOWN CUSTOMER IN NEW KELP CITY NEVER RECEIVED THE ORDER. THE POLICE FISH INVESTIGATING THE DISTURBING DISAPPEARANCE DISCOVERED THAT THE LOCAL PUBLIC NEWS WEATHER PROGRAMS DID NOT REPORT ANY KNOWN FOG STORMS THAT DAY ALONG THE HIGHWAY ROADS THAT SQUIDWARD LAST TRAVELED ON. THE POLICE FISH SEARCHED THE HIGHWAY ROADS AND DID NOT DISCOVER ANY CRASHED VEHICLES AT ALL. NO ONE KNOWS IF SQUIDWARD AND THE TRUCK CRASHED SOMEWHERE UNKNOWN ALONG THE LONELY HIGHWAY ROADS, IF SQUIDWARD PLAYED A PRANK AND SIMPLY DECIDED TO ABANDON BIKINI BOTTOM FOREVER TO ESCAPE HIS DULL LIFE, OR IF SQUIDWARD FELL INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION VIA THE MYSTERIOUS FOG STORM SINCE INVESTIGATING POLICE FISH NEVER FOUND SQUIDWARD OR THE TRUCK AND THE ORDER. SPONGEBOB WAS TRAUMATIZED BY SQUIDWARD'S AND THE ORDER'S DISAPPEARANCES, AND MANY PEOPLE IN BIKINI BOTTOM AND AT THE KRUSTY KRAB DID THEIR BEST TO FORGET THE BIZARRE, DISTURBING INCIDENT OVER THE MANY SUCCEEDING MONTHS. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB BECAME SO WRECKED WITH GUILT FOR NOT DRIVING THE ORDER OUT-OF-TOWN IN SQUIDWARD'S PLACE THAT SPONGEBOB DECIDED TO HAVE MR. KRABS AND PATRICK PUNISH HIM WITH A REPLICA TRUCK CONTAINING THE "ORDER ONE GRAND." AS SPONGEBOB FINISHES THE TRAGIC STORY, THE FISH DOCTORS PUT A SLEEPING GAS MASK OVER THE CRYING SPONGEBOB'S FACE TO MAKE HIM SLEEP FROM HIS CRITICAL INJURIES AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES. THE SAD MR. KRABS AND PATRICK ARE FINALLY FORCED TO RECALL THE MISSING SQUIDWARD'S UNKNOWN FATE, WHICH THEY HAD PREVIOUSLY FORCED THEMSELVES TO FORGET AS HAD EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT SPONGEBOB. THEY TRY TO COMFORT SPONGEBOB, WHO ONLY YELLS FOR SQUIDWARD TO RETURN FROM WHEREVER SQUIDWARD IS. THE WHIMPERING SPONGEBOB FINALLY FALLS ASLEEP, BUT HIS MIND WILL NEVER KNOW TRUE PEACE AND REST AGAIN. THE CASE OF THE "ORDER ONE GRAND" REMAINS UNSOLVED…

**TOM SURFING: ONE CASE IS SOLVED, BUT ANOTHER CASE STILL REMAINS COLD. THIS CYCLE OF VICTORY AND DRAW IS COMMON TO THE LIVES OF DETECTIVES. BUT THERE ARE INVESTIGATORS WHO ARE SO OBSESSED WITH UNSOLVED CASES THAT ALL THEY CAN DO IS HELPLESSLY CRY, VICIOUSLY PUNISH THEMSELVES, AND HOPELESSLY WANDER…THROUGHOUT THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**34 EPISODE THIRTY-FOUR: THE LITTLE MUMMY **

**TOM SURFING: RIVALRIES CAN BE DEADLY. THE ONLY THING WORSE THAN COLD WATER SHRINKAGE IS A COLD WAR. THE HATRED IN A FEUD CAN BE SO STRONG THAT IT EVEN OUTLIVES DEATH…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

ONE YEAR AGO ON APRIL FOOLS' DAY, MR. KRABS PLAYED AN ACCIDENTALLY DEADLY PRANK ON PLANKTON. KNOWING THAT PLANKTON WATCHES MR. KRABS DEPART THE KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT EVERY NIGHT AFTER CLOSING TIME TO RETURN HOME, MR. KRABS PRETENDED TO HIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB FORMULA BOTTLE, WHICH WAS REALLY A REGULAR WINE BOTTLE WITH ROTTEN CHEESE AND A GROCERY LIST INSIDE IT, INSIDE THE CASH REGISTER ON THE CASHIER BOAT IN THE RESTAURANT. APPARENTLY, PLANKTON FELL FOR THE TRICK AND BROKE INTO THE RESTAURANT OVERNIGHT. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS HAD SECRETLY COVERED THE RESTAURANT FLOORS WITH GREASE TO LITERALLY MAKE PLANKTON BREAK A LEG FOR THE SECURITY CAMERA, WHICH RECORDED THE WHOLE INCIDENT. HOWEVER, THE EXTREMELY GREASY FLOOR CAUSED PLANKTON TO WILDLY SLIDE AND CRASH INTO THE CASHIER BOAT, CAUSING THE LARGE CASH REGISTER FULL OF HEAVY MONEY TO FALL ONTO HIM AND CRUSH HIM TO DEATH. UPON DISCOVERING THE SECURITY VIDEO TAPE RECORDING PLANKTON'S APPARENT DEATH, MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY DESTROYED THE TAPE AND TRIED TO HIDE PLANKTON'S LITTLE CRUSHED BODY. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS EVENTUALLY ADMITTED HIS ACCIDENTAL CRIME TO AND GAVE THE CRUSHED HIDDEN BODY TO THE POLICE FISH INVESTIGATING PLANKTON'S DISAPPEARANCE REPORTED BY HIS WIDOW KAREN. THE POLICE FISH ARRESTED MR. KRABS. THE CITY COURT FOUND MR. KRABS GUILTY OF INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER, AND MR. KRABS HAD TO LOSE MUCH OF HIS FORTUNE TO POST BAIL FROM JAIL. THE WIDOW KAREN MOVED TO NEW KELP CITY SHORTLY AFTER MR. KRABS' TRIAL FOR INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER, IN WHICH SHE TESTIFIED AGAINST HIM AND DESCRIBED HIS ETERNAL JEALOUSY OF PLANKTON'S SCIENTIFIC GENIUS, HIS INHUMANE GREEDY, AND HIS INSANE HATRED OF ALL OTHER RESTAURANTS IN BIKINI BOTTOM EXCEPT THE KRUSTY KRAB. IN THE FOLLOWING YEAR AFTER THE SCANDAL, THE PUBLIC BLAMED MR. KRABS FOR PLANKTON'S DEATH, CAUSING DECREASING CUSTOMER ATTENDANCE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. NOW IT IS THE ANNIVERSARY OF PLANKTON'S DEATH. EVERYONE EXPECTS MR. KRABS TO VISIT HIS LITTLE GRAVE AS A SIGN OF APOLOGETIC RESPECT, BUT MR. KRABS REFUSES SINCE PLANKTON ALWAYS HATED HIM. THE DISGRUNTLED PUBLIC REFUSES TO VISIT THE KRUSTY KRAB THAT APRIL FOOLS' DAY BECAUSE OF MR. KRABS' REFUSAL TO SHOW RESPECT OF THE DEAD. HOWEVER, IN PRIVATE, MR. KRABS REVEALS TO SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD THAT HE DOES FEEL EXTREMELY GUILTY ABOUT PLANKTON'S DEATH AND IS ACTUALLY AFRAID TO VISIT THE LITTLE GRAVE. MR. KRABS TELLS THEM THAT PLANKTON PROMISED MR. KRABS MANY YEARS AGO DURING THE HEIGHT OF THEIR PROFESSIONAL RIVALRY THAT IF MR. KRABS EVER KILLED HIM, PLANKTON WOULD COME BACK TO LIFE AS A LITTLE MUMMY AND DRAG MR. KRABS INTO HIS TINY GRAVE WITH HIM IF MR. KRABS EVER VISITED HIS RESTING PLACE TO MOCK HIM. SQUIDWARD TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE IS JUST BEING SUPERSTITIOUS, THAT PLANKTON DESERVED HIS TRAGIC FATE, AND THAT HE WILL GIVE MR. KRABS HIS MONTH'S SALARY IF MR. KRABS VISITS THE GRAVE THAT NIGHT TO PROVE HE IS STILL A BRAVE OLD SAILOR. SPONGEBOB TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE NEEDS TO MAKE HIS PEACE WITH PLANKTON ALONE AND THAT SINCE HE IS NOT GOING TO THE GRAVE TO MOCK PLANKTON BUT TO APOLOGIZE TO HIM, PLANKTON'S LITTLE MUMMY WILL NOT ATTACK HIM. CONVINCED BY THEIR ARGUMENTS AND WANTING TO WIN THE BET WITH SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS DECIDES TO VISIT THE BIKINI BOTTOM CEMETERY TO VISIT PLANKTON'S LITTLE GRAVE LATE THAT NIGHT. AS PROOF THAT HE VISITED THE GRAVE, MR. KRABS IS GOING TO REMOVE THE ROTTEN FLOWER LEFT BY THE WIDOW KAREN AT THE GRAVE AND GIVE IT TO SQUIDWARD TO WIN THE BET. A STORM BEGINS AS MR. KRABS VISITS THE GRAVE. THOUGH HE IS VERY FRIGHTENED, MR. KRABS FINALLY APPROACHES THE LITTLE GRAVE. AT PLANKTON'S GRAVE IS A SMALL BLACK BRICK PYRAMID. ON THE PYRAMID ARE EGYPTIAN HIEROGLYPHICS CONTAINING AN UNKNOWN BLACK MAGIC CURSE AND AN ENGLISH INSCRIPTION THAT READS: "TO EVERYONE ELSE YOU WERE A LITTLE LOSER, BUT TO ME YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY LITTLE KING, LOVE FOREVER, YOUR CREATION AND WIFE, KAREN." MR. KRABS STARTS TO SLIGHTLY CRY AFTER READING THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS, BUT HE QUICKLY STOPS AND CONTROLS HIS EMOTIONS. MR. KRABS THEN TELLS THE DECEASED PLANKTON THAT HE DID INDEED DESERVE HIS FATE BUT THAT MR. KRABS IS STILL SORRY THAT THEIR RIVALRY ENDED THE WAY IT DID AND WISHES THEY COULD HAVE PEACEFULLY RESOLVED THEIR PROBLEMS. MR. KRABS CONCLUDES THAT PLANKTON WAS THE BEST FRIEND IN CHILDHOOD THAT HE EVER HAD AND LIKEWISE THE BEST ENEMY IN ADULTHOOD THAT HE EVER HAD. MR. KRABS FINALLY ENDS HIS EULOGY BY REMINDING PLANKTON THAT HE WILL NEVER GET THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA, NOT EVEN OVER MR. KRABS' DEAD BODY. BREATHING A LONG SIGH OF RELIEF, MR. KRABS BENDS OVER TO PULL THE ROTTEN FLOWER FROM PLANKTON'S GRAVE. SUDDENLY, TINY LITTLE GREEN HANDS, COVERED IN MUMMY BANDAGES, GRAB AND YANK MR. KRABS INTO THE DIRT ABOVE THE GRAVE. CRYING, SCREAMING, AND BEGGING THE LITTLE MUMMY FOR MERCY, MR. KRABS STRUGGLES AS HE SINKS INTO THE DIRT. FINALLY, ONE OF MR. KRABS' BIG MEATY CLAWS IS RIPPED OFF BY THE LITTLE MUMMY'S STRONG DEATH GRIP, AND THE INJURED MR. KRABS ESCAPES THE LITTLE MUMMY, LEAVES HIS DISEMBODIED CLAW BEHIND, AND RUNS AWAY WITH THE RIPPED ROTTEN FLOWER IN HIS OTHER REMAINING CLAW. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY RUNS INTO A LARGE NEARBY TOMBSTONE THAT IS SHAPED LIKE A FAT LOBSTER AND THAT BEARS THE NAME "EUGENE KRABS." THE INJURED MR. KRABS TREMBLES IN FEAR NEAR THE OTHER GRAVE AND HIS SCREAMS FOR HELP ARE DRONED OUT BY THE HOWLING WINDS, THUNDER, AND POUNDING RAIN OF THE NIGHTLY STORM. LOUD GROANING AND MOANING SOUNDS FROM BEHIND HIM GROW CLOSER. MR. KRABS TURNS TO SEE THE LITTLE MUMMY PLANKTON, COVERED IN MUMMY BANDAGES, DIRT, AND SEEMINGLY RED BLOOD, AND MOANING HIS NAME AND MARCHING TOWARDS HIM LIKE A ZOMBIE. THE LITTLE MUMMY PLANKTON CARRIES MR. KRABS' DISEMBODIED CLAW AND THROWS IT AT THE FROZEN MR. KRABS. THE LITTLE MUMMY LOUDLY MOANS LIKE A DEAD OLD MAN: "EUGENE, THE GRAVE AWAITS US, MY EGYPTIAN BROTHER! IT IS TIME FOR US OLD CAMELS TO SINK INTO THE QUICKSAND! ANUBIS CALLS US TO THE SUN SET AT GIZA, MY FELLOW NOMAD, MY EQUAL SLAVE, MY DYING SOUL MATE! THE DOG GOD EVEN CARRIES THE BOOK OF THE DEAD! SO SCREAM FOR YOUR MOMMY, BECAUSE I AM THE MUMMY!" MR. KRABS SCREAMS AS LOUDLY AS HE CAN LIKE A DYING WOMAN AND HAS A HEART ATTACK AS THE STORM REACHES ITS CLIMAX AND ENDS…THE NEXT MORNING, PLANKTON'S GRAVE IS BACK TO NORMAL AND MR. KRABS' FROZEN BODY AND DISEMBODIED CLAW ARE DISCOVERED BY THE PUBLIC AND POLICE FISH NEXT TO THE MYSTERIOUS TOMBSTONE BEARING HIS NAME. ALL THE OTHER HORRIFIED CITIZENS ASSUME THAT PLANKTON'S LITTLE MUMMY FINALLY AVENGED HIS DEATH AND NO ONE WANTS TO BURY MR. KRABS. HOWEVER, AMONG THE SHOCKED AND LEAVING CROWD, BOTH THE PRESENT SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD, FEELING GUILTY AND SCARED ABOUT CONVINCING MR. KRABS TO VISIT THE GRAVE, AGREE TO BURY HIM TOGETHER. AFTER PUTTING HIM INTO A ROUND, CRAB-SHAPED COFFIN AND BURYING HIM, THE TWO EMPLOYEES LAY A ROSE AT MR. KRABS' GRAVE AND SAY THEIR FINAL GOODBYES. THE SOBBING SPONGEBOB BEGS MR. KRABS TO FORGIVE THEM BOTH FOR CONVINCING HIM TO VISIT PLANKTON'S GRAVE. SPONGEBOB TELLS THE BURIED MR. KRABS THAT MR. KRABS WAS A SECOND FATHER TO HIM, THE BEST CAPTAIN IN THE SEVEN SEAS, AND THE BRAVEST CRAB ANYONE COULD EVER MEET. SPONGEBOB KISSES MR. KRABS' TOMBSTONE AND CRIES ONTO SQUIDWARD, WHO HOLDS THE MOURNING SPONGEBOB CLOSE TO HIM. SQUIDWARD STUTTERS AND BEGINS TO CRY, THOUGH HE TRIES TO STOP HIMSELF FROM BECOMING TOO HYSTERICAL. SQUIDWARD APOLOGIZES TO THE DECEASED CRAB AND TELLS THE BURIED MR. KRABS THAT MR. KRABS PROVED HE WAS A TRUE SAILOR BY CONFRONTING HIS ENEMY ONE LAST TIME NO MATTER WHAT THE OUTCOME. SQUIDWARD HUGS SPONGEBOB AND TELLS THE BURIED MR. KRABS THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB WILL LIVE ON IN HONOR OF HIS EFFORTS TO ALWAYS BE THE BEST CHEF IN BIKINI BOTTOM. SQUIDWARD CONCLUDES THAT THOUGH PLANKTON DID INDEED KILL MR. KRABS, PLANKTON CAN NEVER KILL THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW. SPONGEBOB IS COMFORTED BY SQUIDWARD'S EULOGY, AND THE TWO AGREE TO BECOME BUSINESS OWNER PARTNERS OF THE KRUSTY KRAB TO CONTINUE THE RESTAURANT AND TO INHERIT MR. KRABS' MONEY LIFE SAVINGS AS HE WOULD HAVE WANTED THEM TO. SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD THEN LOOK DOWN TOWARDS PLANKTON'S NEARBY LITTLE GRAVE FOR A MOMENT AND AGREE THAT THE RIVALRY BETWEEN MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON IS FINALLY OVER. INTERLOCKING ARMS, THEY SADLY LEAVE THE CEMETERY. HOWEVER, LATER THAT NIGHT, POUNDING, SCREAMING, AND BANGING CAN BE HEARD FROM INSIDE MR. KRABS' COFFIN BELOW HIS GRAVE. IT APPEARS THAT MR. KRABS WAS MERELY COMATOSE FROM THE SHOCK OF THE LITTLE MUMMY ATTACK AND THAT SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD ACCIDENTALLY BURIED HIM ALIVE. MR. KRABS CONTINUES TO STRUGGLE TO ESCAPE HIS GRAVE. MEANWHILE, IN NEW KELP CITY, KAREN DINES IN A LUXURIOUS HOME WITH HER NEW SHRIMP HUSBAND NAMED "JAMES SHRIMPSON," WHO OWNS A SUCCESSFUL ELECTRONICS STORE SELLING COMPUTERS. AS THEY DISCUSS THE SHOCKING DEATH OF MR. KRABS REPORTED IN THE BIKINI BOTTOM NEWSPAPER, JAMES SUDDENLY TAKES OFF HIS SHRIMP SKIN, WHICH IS ACTUALLY A SHRIMP COSTUME, TO REVEAL THAT HE IS ACTUALLY A PLANKTON. THE REUNITED COUPLE LAUGH OVER MR. KRABS' DEMISE. "JAMES" IS REALLY NONE OTHER THAN SHELDON PLANKTON HIMSELF! PLANKTON HAS TAKEN ON HIS MIDDLE NAME AS HIS NEW FIRST NAME AND HAS CHANGED HIS LAST NAME TO "SHRIMPSON" TO CONCEAL HIS TRUE IDENTITY IN HIS NEW HOME OF NEW KELP CITY. APPARENTLY, A COCKROACH, NOT PLANKTON, HAD SNUCK INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB OVER A YEAR AGO TO EAT THE ROTTEN CHEESE IN THE WINE BOTTLE INSIDE THE CASH REGISTER BUT WAS ACCIDENTALLY KILLED AS A RESULT OF MR. KRABS' BOOBY TRAP. PLANKTON BECAME AWARE THAT MR. KRABS THOUGHT HE HAD ACCIDENTALLY KILLED HIM, SO PLANKTON AND KAREN AGREED TO FAKE PLANKTON'S DISAPPEARANCE AND APPARENT DEATH AS PLANKTON HID IN NEW KELP CITY WITH HIS WIFE EVENTUALLY JOINING HIM. A YEAR AFTER HIS FAKED DEATH, PLANKTON, DISGUISED IN A SHRIMP COSTUME TO AVOID PUBLIC DETECTION, RETURNED TO BIKINI BOTTOM AND HID INSIDE THE TOMB CARRYING THE CRUSHED COCKROACH BODY, WHICH, DUE TO ITS CRUSHED APPEARANCE, WAS INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM PLANKTON'S LITTLE BODY HAD PLANKTON'S BODY BEEN CRUSHED. INSIDE THE COFFIN, PLANKTON WAITED, AS AN APRIL FOOLS' DAY PRANK, TO ATTACK AND FRIGHTEN THE VISITING MR. KRABS TO DEATH. PLANKTON, IN DISGUISE AS A SHRIMP ON HIS PERIODIC SECRET RETURNS TO BIKINI BOTTOM, HAD BEEN SPYING ON MR. KRABS TO WAIT FOR THE TIME WHEN MR. KRABS WOULD FINALLY VISIT HIS GRAVE. ON THE NIGHT OF THE ANNIVERSARY OF HIS FAKED DEATH, PLANKTON DRESSED HIMSELF IN MUMMY BANDAGES, HAD KAREN LIGHTLY BURY HIM UNDER DIRT NEAR THE GRAVE, HAD KAREN BUILD A TOMBSTONE FOR MR. KRABS, AND COVERED HIMSELF IN A LOT OF KETCHUP TO APPEAR TO BE COVERED IN BLOOD BEFORE ATTACKING MR. KRABS WHEN HE FINALLY ARRIVED AT THE GRAVE. IN THE WEEK AFTER THE APRIL FOOLS' DAY TRAGEDY, SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD DISCOVER THAT THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA IS MYSTERIOUSLY MISSING, CAUSING THEM TO BELIEVE THAT PLANKTON'S LITTLE MUMMY LIKEWISE FINALLY STOLE THE FORMULA ON THAT DARK AND DEADLY APRIL FOOLS' NIGHT. AS NEW OWNERS OF THE RESTAURANT, SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD ARE THUS FORCED TO CREATE A NEW FORMULA FOR KRABBY PATTIES. THE NEW EMPLOYEES GARY AND PATRICK HELP THEM TO REINVENT THE RESTAURANT AS A HISPANIC RESTAURANT. THE KRABBY PATTIES ARE NOW KRABBY TACOS, IN WHICH THE PREVIOUS UNKNOWN SECRET INGREDIENT HAS BEEN REPLACED WITH SPICY TACO SAUCE, THE OTHER KNOWN INGREDIENTS REMAIN THE SAME, AND TACO SHELLS REPLACE THE PREVIOUS BUNS. THE REMAINDER OF THE MENU IS REPLACED WITH MEXICAN FOOD. THE PUBLIC COMES TO LOVE THE NEW LATINO FOOD. NOW THAT THE DEADLY RIVALRY BETWEEN MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON IS FINALLY OVER, THE PUBLIC BEGINS TO BECOME LOYAL CUSTOMERS OF THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB AGAIN. THE RESTAURANT HAS BEEN RENAMED "CASA KRABS." THE WEALTHY AND SPANISH-SPEAKING SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD, WEARING MEXICAN SOMBREROS AND PONCHOS, AGREE THAT THEY HAVE NOW FOUND PEACE AND THAT MR. KRABS WOULD BE PROUD OF THEIR NEW LIVES AND HIS RESTAURANT THAT WILL ENDURE FOREVER. MEANWHILE, PLANKTON, DISGUISED IN A SHRIMP COSTUME, AND KAREN, DISGUISED IN A WITCH COSTUME, SECRETLY VISIT BIKINI BOTTOM AGAIN AND VISIT MR. KRABS' NEW GRAVE A WEEK AFTER THEIR SUCCESSFUL APRIL FOOLS' DAY PRANK. BOTH HEAR POUNDING AND MUFFLED SCREAMING FROM BELOW THE GRAVE. PLANKTON AND KAREN BOTH PLACE THE REAL STOLEN KRABBY PATTY FORMULA AT THE GRAVE TO SIGNAL THEIR VENGEFUL VICTORY IN THE RIVALRY AND TO SIGNAL THAT THEY HAVE FINALLY LEFT THE RIVALRY BEHIND TO START NEW HAPPY LIVES IN NEW KELP CITY. PLANKTON AND KAREN, HEARING THE SUFFOCATING MR. KRABS' FAILED ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE HIS GRAVE, SMILE AT EACH OTHER AND MANIACALLY LAUGH AS THEY LEAVE THE BIKINI BOTTOM CEMETERY AND THE CITY ITSELF FOREVER. THEY KNOW THAT THE BURIED MR. KRABS IS NOW THE MUMMY THAT WILL NEVER HAUNT THEIR LIVES AGAIN.

**TOM SURFING: DEADLY RIVALRIES CAN HAVE GRUESOME, SCARY ENDINGS. IN THE AFTERMATH OF SUCH CONFLICTS, ONE PARTY MAY FIND A WAY TO MOVE BEYOND THE TRAUMA OF WAR. ALL THAT IS NEEDED TO END SUCH FEUDS ARE SOME TRICKS, DECEPTION, AND A WILLINGNESS TO HEAR A NEW LIFE CALLING…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**35 EPISODE THIRTY-FIVE: SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS **

**TOM SURFING: IN THE GAMES OF BOTH LOVE AND WAR, ONLY ONE THING IS CERTAIN, SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS. ALL EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE ARE MYTHS SPREAD BY VERY TINY PEOPLE WITH VERY TINY PROBLEMS. THE BIGGER, THE BETTER IS ALSO ALWAYS THE CASE…FOR THE TIDAL ZONE.**

PLANKTON IS EXTREMELY FRUSTRATED WITH THE NEW CULTURAL TREND IN BIKINI BOTTOM IN WHICH BIGGER IS BETTER. EVERYONE SEEMS TO CLAIM THAT SIZE MATTERS IN EVERYTHING. PEOPLE LOVE WEARING BIG AND TALL CLOTHES, EATING BIG MEALS, BUYING BIG HOMES, AND BUILDING BIG MUSCLES TO BUILD BIG AND BULKY BODIES. THE PEOPLE INSULTINGLY REFER TO ALL OTHER LITTLE PEOPLE WHO OWN LITTLE THINGS, HAVE SMALL BODY PARTS, AND ENGAGE IN SMALL TALK AS "SHRIMP BALLERS." DISGUSTED WITH THE NEW BIG CULTURE, PLANKTON AND HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, WHO TELLS HIM THAT SIZE DOES NOT MATTER AT ALL IN LIFE BECAUSE ALL THINGS ARE RELATIVE, DECIDE TO HAVE A ROMANTIC VACATION RETREAT TO THE SEAWEED FOREST WILDERNESS OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM. WHILE PLANKTON IS ON A LONG HIKE WITH HIS WIFE KAREN, THE TWO LOVERS ACCIDENTALLY BECOME SEPARATED AND LOST WHEN A MYSTERIOUS NEARBY EARTHQUAKE STRIKES. WHILE LOOKING FOR HIS LOST WIFE, PLANKTON ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVERS A RACE OF LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN THAT ARE EVEN SMALLER THAN HE IS. THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN WEAR MEDIEVAL ERA ATTIRE AND LIVE IN SAND CASTLE AND SAND PYRAMID KINGDOMS. PLANKTON, WHO IS NOW A GIANT COMPARED TO THE LITTLE MAGICAL SEA CREATURES, IS THRILLED THAT HE IS FINALLY BIGGER THAN OTHER SEA CREATURES, AND HE DECIDES TO CAPTURE THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN TO TAKE THEM BACK HOME WITH HIM AS LAB RATS. THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN PANIC UPON SEEING PLANKTON, WHOM THEY VIEW AS A GIANT CYCLOPS SEA MONSTER. THEIR TINY SAND BOMBS AND TINY SEAHORSES CANNOT DEFEAT OR EVADE THE GIANT PLANKTON, WHO EASILY CAPTURES AND STUFFS THEM ALL IN HIS EMPTY PICKLE JAR, WHICH PREVIOUSLY CONTAINED HIS FAVORITE PICKLES CALLED "SALTY PICKLE DICKLES" THAT HE ALREADY ATE DURING THE HIKE. WITH HIS NEW TINY PRISONERS, PLANKTON HOPES TO CREATE A SMALL SEA MERMAID AND MERMEN FARM, CALLED "SEAMEN FARM," IN HIS CHUM BUCKET LABORATORY, IN WHICH HE WILL ALWAYS WATCH OVER THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN, EVEN WHEN THEY SLEEP AND SHOWER. AS AN OMNIPRESENT DICTATOR, PLANKTON WOULD FORCE THE LITTLE PEOPLE OF SEAMEN FARM TO WORSHIP HIM AS GOD OF THE SEA; BUILD MONUMENTS IN HIS HONOR, INCLUDING A HUGE TOWER MADE OF CHUM AND CALLED "THE TOWER OF CHUM"; HOLD GLADIATOR FIGHTS AND MAZE RACES FOR HIS AMUSEMENT; WORK ON SUGAR, PICKLE, AND TOBACCO PLANTATIONS FOR ONLY HIS PROFIT; AND HAVE THEIR MOST BEAUTIFUL MALES AND FEMALES PERFORM FULL BODY OIL MASSAGES ON HIM AND BATHE AND FEED HIM TO ALWAYS KEEP HIM HAPPY. THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN WOULD ALWAYS HAVE TO REFER TO THE GOD AND DICTATOR PLANKTON AS "LITTLE FATHER" AND WOULD REMEMBER TO ALWAYS OBEY HIS NEEDS AND WANTS BY FEAR OF HIS OMNIPOTENCE AND OMNIPRESENCE EMBODIED IN THE SEAMEN FARM SLOGAN, "LITTLE FATHER IS ALWAYS WATCHING YOU, EVEN WHEN YOU SLEEP AND SHOWER, SO YOU BETTER NOT STINK IN BODY OR MIND!" THE OPPRESSIVE LITTLE POLICE AND OMNIPRESENT SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM OF SEAMEN FARM WOULD BE ROBOT SPIDERS FOR LITTLE FATHER PLANKTON'S POLICE STATE. BECAUSE HE HAS A NAPOLEON COMPLEX, LITTLE FATHER PLANKTON WOULD ALWAYS DRESS LIKE THE FRENCH DICTATOR NAPOLEON. FINALLY, EVERY MORNING THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN WOULD HAVE TO BEAUTIFULLY SING THE SEAMEN FARM ANTHEM DEDICATED TO LITTLE FATHER PLANKTON. THE SEAMEN FARM ANTHEM IS THE FOLLOWING:

"TINY AND CUDDLY, CLEVER AND CUTE

RULING OUR COMMUNE WITH HIS SMALL IRON BOOT

OUR LITTLE FATHER WILL ENDLESSLY SPREAD

HIS GREAT ORWELLIAN DREAM TO PUT ALL KIDS TO BED

FALL TO YOUR KNEES, LOOK AT HIS EYE

HE WILL DECIDE IF YOU LIVE OR YOU DIE

SEAMEN FARM! SEAMEN FARM! SEAMEN FARM! EVERYDAY!

HIS EVERY NEED, EVERY WISH, YOU'LL OBEY…"

HOWEVER, WHILE PLANKTON HAPPILY IMAGINES HIS FUTURE LITTLE ORWELLIAN SOCIETY AND RETURNS TO HIS CAMPSITE WITH HIS NEW LAB RATS, HIS WIFE KAREN MANAGES TO FIND HIM AFTER THE EARTHQUAKE AFTERSHOCKS END. SHE DISCOVERS HIS CAPTURING OF THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN AND TRIES TO FREE THEM ALL SINCE SHE KNOWS ABOUT PLANKTON'S NATURAL TYRANNICAL AMBITIONS IN LIFE. PLANKTON SIMPLY DEACTIVATES KAREN BY SLAPPING HER COMPUTER SCREEN TO RELEASE HIS ANGER FOR HER DISOBEDIENCE BEFORE HE SHUTS HER OFF. LEAVING THE CAMPSITE WITH HIS COLLECTION OF NEW LAB RATS, PLANKTON LEAVES KAREN BEHIND IN THE WILDERNESS AND RETURNS TO BIKINI BOTTOM WHERE THE MYSTERIOUS EARTHQUAKE ORIGINATED. HOWEVER, WHEN PLANKTON RETURNS TO THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY, HE HORRIFICALLY DISCOVERS THAT HUMANS, WHO ARE GIANTS COMPARED TO THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WEARING STANDARD DIVING DRESSES (METALLIC DIVING HELMETS, HOSES TO THE SURFACE, CANVAS DIVING SUITS, AND WEIGHTED BOOTS) AND ARMED WITH FISHING EQUIPMENT AND NAVAL SUBMARINES, ARE COLLECTING THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM AS MARINE BIOLOGICAL SPECIMENS AND ARE DESTROYING THE CITY. PLANKTON INTERPRETS THE UNKNOWN HUMANS' EXOTIC APPEARANCES AS GIANT ROBOT CYCLOPS SEA MONSTERS. FEARING HE IS BEING PUNISHED BY THE CYCLOPS MONSTERS FOR HIS ABUSE OF THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN, PLANKTON LETS THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN GO FREE AND DESERTS THE DEVASTATED CITY TO RETURN TO HIS WIFE IN THE WILDERNESS. PLANKTON TURNS KAREN BACK ON TO RESTORE HIS WIFE TO LIFE AND TELLS HER ABOUT THE APOCALYPTIC ORDEAL IN BIKINI BOTTOM. THEY BOTH AGREE TO WAIT IN THE WILDERNESS TO RETURN TO THE CITY AFTER THE CYCLOPS INVASION IS OVER. DURING THEIR CAMPING NIGHTS IN THE WILDERNESS, PLANKTON ALWAYS ASKS KAREN IF SHE WANTS TO HAVE A "JUNGLE FEVER NIGHT," SINCE THEY ARE IN A JUNGLE ENVIRONMENT, BUT KAREN ALWAYS DECLINES BY SAYING SHE IS TOO TIRED EACH NIGHT. PLANKTON IS FURIOUS ABOUT HER REFUSAL TO MAKE SWEET ROBOTIC LOVE, AND HE IMMEDIATELY ACCUSES KAREN OF BELIEVING THAT PHYSICAL SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS IN LOVE. KAREN OBJECTS TO PLANKTON'S CLAIM, AND SHE CALMS HIS DOWN BY INSTEAD TELLING HIM FAIRY TALES TO PUT HIM TO SLEEP EACH NIGHT. PLANKTON LIKES THE FAIRY TALES BECAUSE THEY INCLUDE MYTHICAL TINY CREATURES AS HEROES. THE FAIRY TALES INCLUDE "THE LITTLE LEPRECHAUNS," "DAVE BEATS AND EATS GOLIATH," "THE LITTLE BOAT ENGINE THAT COULD," "THE FISH BOY THE SIZE OF A THUMB," AND "THREE BLIND MINI MICE." HOWEVER, WHEN THEY FINALLY FALL ASLEEP EACH NIGHT IN THEIR PRIMITIVE TENT, PLANKTON WAKES UP OFTEN FROM NIGHTMARES ABOUT THE HUMAN CYCLOPS INVASION OF BIKINI BOTTOM, AND PLANKTON BEGINS TO NOTICE HIS WIFE LEAVING ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT INTO THE WILDERNESS. PLANKTON DECIDES TO FOLLOW HER ONE NIGHT AND DISCOVERS THAT SHE IS GIVING THEIR EXTRA CAMP PICKLE AND SAUSAGE FOOD TO THE LITTLE MERMAID AND MERMEN PEOPLE, WHO NOW WORSHIP HER AS A GIANT ROBOT GODDESS FOR HER ALTRUISM SINCE THE FOOD, WHICH IS GIANT COMPARED TO THEM, HAS ENDED ALL HUNGER PROBLEMS FOR THEIR PEOPLE. FURIOUS THAT KAREN IS NOW A GODDESS TO THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN, PLANKTON ROARS LIKE AN ANGRY LION CUB AND WILDLY STOMPS ON AND FATALLY CRUSHES ALL THE LITTLE MERMAIDS AND MERMEN AND THEIR MINI-SEAHORSES AND THEIR BEAUTIFUL, TINY SAND CASTLE AND PYRAMID KINGDOMS. ARMED WITH A LONG HUNTING SPEAR, PLANKTON CHASES AFTER THE CRYING, FLEEING KAREN TO DESTROY HER IN THE WILDERNESS FOR HER DECEPTION. PLANKTON EVENTUALLY CHASES HER OFF THE EDGE OF A MOUNTAIN CLIFF, AND SHE FALLS TO HER DESTRUCTION. DECLARING HIMSELF SUPREME WARRIOR-KING OF THE WILDERNESS IN HIS VIOLENT HUBRIS, PLANKTON GIVES A WAR CRY THAT SOUNDS LIKE AN ANGRY DOG PUPPY ABOVE THE HIGH MOUNTAIN, THROWS THE SPEAR TOWARDS THE DESTROYED KAREN BELOW, AND LIES DOWN ON A NEARBY LOG TO REST FROM HIS PILLAGING AND MURDER. HOWEVER, AS SOON AS HE DOES, A HUGE SHADOW BLOCKS THE MOON LIGHT OVER HIM. PLANKTON LETS OUT A LOUD SCREAM LIKE A LITTLE GIRL AS HE IS SAT ON AND FATALLY CRUSHED…BY PEARL KRABS. PEARL SCREAMS HERSELF UPON FINDING OUT SHE ACCIDENTALLY SAT ON WHAT SHE BELIEVES TO BE A BUG. HER FATHER MR. KRABS COMES TO HER AID AND COMFORTS HER. MR. KRABS CLEANS THE CRUSHED "BUG" PLANKTON OFF HER BIG WHALE BUTT. MR. KRABS THEN TELLS HER THAT THEY NEED TO BE SILENT IN THE SEAWEED WOODS BECAUSE THEY ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE TO ESCAPE FROM BIKINI BOTTOM INTO THE WILDERNESS FROM THE GIANT CYCLOPS SEA MONSTERS. AS THE GROUND SHAKES, THE GIANT CYCLOPS MONSTERS, CARRYING GIANT MAGNIFYING GLASSES AS BOTH HEAT RAY WEAPONS AND VISUAL AIDS AND CARRYING GIANT FISH NETS TO CAPTURE THEIR LOST SPECIMENS, CONTINUE TO LOOK FOR THE KRABS FAMILY THROUGHOUT THE WILDERNESS FROM HIGH ABOVE THE TALL SEAWEED TREES. MR. KRABS AND PEARL RUN AND HIDE INTO A NEARBY CAVE. THE GIANT CYCLOPS MONSTERS DISCOVER THE CRUSHED PLANKTON AND ONE OF THEM PICKS HIM UP IN HIS GIANT HAND. THE HUMAN CYCLOPS BELIEVES THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON THE LITTLE PLANKTON BUT REMARKS TO HIS CYCLOPS PARTNER THAT NO ONE CARES FOR SUCH LITTLE PEOPLE ANYWAY AS HE FLICKS THE CRUSHED PLANKTON OFF HIS GIANT HAND. MEANWHILE, A GIANT SQUID MONSTER, "THE KRAKEN," ZOOMS OUT OF THE CAVE THAT THE NOW DECEASED KRABS FAMILY HID IN, ROARS LIKE THE DREADED LEVIATHAN, AND CHASES AFTER THE MUCH SMALLER CYCLOPS MONSTERS, WHO RUN AWAY INTO THEIR SUBMARINE WITH THEIR NEW LITTLE BIKINI BOTTOMITE SPECIMENS AND ESCAPE TO THE SURFACE OF THE SEA.

**TOM SURFING: SIZE MAY BE RELATIVE, BUT IT STILL ALWAYS MATTERS. IT APPEARS THAT ONLY THE BIG SURVIVE IN THE GIANT OCEAN AND ONLY THE LITTLE LIVE IN SMALL HIVES LIKE STICKY, PATHETIC BUGS. SO THE NEXT TIME SOMEONE TELLS YOU THAT SIZE DOESN'T MATTER, TELL THE MIDGET TO TAKE A LOOK AT THE SEA MONSTERS, TITAN AND TINY…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**36 EPISODE THIRTY-SIX: CITY OF THE LIVING DIRT **

**TOM SURFING: WHEN THE LEADER OF AN ORGANIZATION COMMITTING DIRTY OR VIOLENT ACTIONS IS FINALLY DEFEATED, IT IS USUALLY ASSUMED THAT THE REAL-LIFE VILLAIN'S HORRORS ARE GONE. HOWEVER, DIRT AND VIOLENCE HAVE WAYS OF MULTIPLYING AND SPREADING LIKE A DIRTY DISEASE. WHEN PEOPLE ACCEPT CERTAIN BAD ATTITUDES, PREJUDICES, AND DIRTY MINDS AS WELCOME IN SOCIETY, CIVILIZATION OFTEN ROTS AWAY…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

MERMAID MAN AND HIS WARD BARNACLE BOY BELIEVE THEY HAVE FINALLY DESTROYED THE DIRTY BUBBLE. WHEN THE DIRTY BUBBLE ATTACKED THE MERMALAIR TO SUFFOCATE THE OLD HEROES WITH DIRT, THEY TRAPPED THE DIRTY BUBBLE INSIDE A GIANT FREEZER IN THE MERMALAIR, TURNING HIM INTO A CHUNKY CHUNK OF DIRTY HAIL, AND RUTHLESSLY SMASHED HIM WITH HUGE ICE PICKS TO KILL HIM. THEY NOW BELIEVE HE IS FINALLY DEAD AND THE GREATEST THREAT TO PEACE, CLEANLINESS, AND MORAL PURITY IN THE SEA IS FINALLY GONE FOREVER. HOWEVER, SHORTLY AFTER THE DIRTY BUBBLE'S PRESUMED DEATH, PEOPLE IN BIKINI BOTTOM START CARING VERY LITTLE FOR THEIR HYGIENE AND SANITATION. SOON MOST PEOPLE RARELY TAKE BATHS OR BRUSH THEIR TEETH, LEAVING THEM EXTREMELY SMELLY AND COVERED IN CLODS OF FILTHY DIRT WITH DECAYING BODY PARTS AND ROTTEN TEETH FULL OF CAVITIES. BOTH MALE AND FEMALE SEA CREATURES ACROSS THE CITY BEGIN ADOPTING THE TITLE "DIRTY BOY" OR "DIRTY GIRL" BEFORE THEIR NAMES TO SHOW HOW PROUD THEY ARE OF THEIR DISGUSTING FILTH. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, WHOSE HYGIENE AND SANITATION ARE VERY GOOD, ARE VERY DISTURBED BY THE CITY'S NEW TREND TOWARDS BEING DIRTY BOYS AND DIRTY GIRLS. THE OLD HEROES TRY TO DISCOVER WHERE THE TREND STARTED, FORCEFULLY INTERROGATE AND BEAT SOME YOUNG DISRESPECTFUL FISH IN A DIRTY DANCING CLUB, AND SOON DISCOVER THAT A DIRTY GANG KNOWN AS "THE PINK PIGGIES" IS RESPONSIBLE FOR POPULARIZING BEING DIRTY. THE DYNAMIC DUO INFILTRATES THE CITY SEWERS HEADQUARTERS OF THE PINK PIGGIES. ARMED WITH VARIOUS CLEANING EQUIPMENT AND WEARING HAZMAT PROTECTIVE SUITS, THE HEROES ATTACK AND CLEAN THE PINK PIGGIES, WHO ARE ALL ACTUALLY FAT PINK DIRTY STAR FISH COVERED IN RAW SEWAGE AND WEARING PIG MASKS. AS THE WILD FIGHT COMMENCES,  
THE SAVAGE PINK PIGGIES REPEATEDLY CHANT, "THE STENCH, RISES, RISES!" THE PINK PIGGIES THROW SEWER FECES; BREATHE THEIR ROTTEN BREATH; RELEASE THEIR SMELLY BODY STENCH; RELEASE THEIR WILD SEWER RATS, COCKROACHES, AND ALLIGATORS; AND RUTHLESSLY USE BROKEN TOILETS TO ATTACK THE OLD HEROES. THROWING WATER BALLS AND CREATING POWERFUL WHIRLPOOLS, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY USE INSECT KILLER SPRAY, TOILET CLEANING FLUID, HUGE SOAPY WATER BALLOONS, MOBILE VACUUM CLEANERS, AIR FRESHENER SPRAYS, BAZOOKAS FULL OF SOAP BARS, TOILET SCRUBBERS AND PLUNGERS, AND WATER GUNS FULL OF ANTIBACTERIAL ALCOHOL TO DOUSE, SUCK, HIT, AND CLEAN THE PINK PIGGIES AND TO DEFEAT THE WILD SEWER ALLIGATORS, COCKROACHES, AND RATS. AFTER DEFEATING, CLEANING, AND UNMASKING THE SLUGGISH PINK PIGGIES, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY CAPTURE THEIR OBESE GANG LEADER WEARING A HUGE BOAR MASK AND NICKNAMED "HEAD HOG." HOWEVER, THE HEROES UNMASK THE LEADER TO DISCOVER THAT HEAD HOG IS NONE OTHER THAN THE DISGUSTING PIG PATRICK STAR! THE HEROES TAKE PATRICK AS A PRISONER TO THE MERMALAIR AND DEMAND THAT HE ENDS HIS NEW CITYWIDE CRIME SPREE AND TELLS THEM HIS DIRTY MOTIVES IN FOUNDING THE PINK PIGGY GANG. THE CAPTURED PATRICK PLEADS THAT HE SIMPLY LOVES ROLLING AROUND IN MUD, FOUND OTHER FAT AND PINK STAR FISH WHO LOVED THE HOBBY, AND SOON FORMED A LARGE GROUP THAT THRIVED ON BEING DIRTY. BECAUSE THE STAR FISH WANTED TO SHARE THE JOYS OF FILTH AND DIRT WITH THE REST OF THE CITY, THEY INFILTRATED THE CITY SEWERS AND REMOTELY CAUSED TERRIBLE PLUMBING PROBLEMS IN PEOPLE'S HOMES. AS PLUMBERS FAILED TO RESOLVE THE WIDESPREAD FLOODING ISSUES, MORE AND MORE PEOPLE SIMPLY ACCEPTED THAT BEING DIRTY WAS NOT SO TERRIBLE AFTER ALL. SOON MOST OF THE CITY AGREED TO BECOME FILTHY DISGUSTING PIGS AND PRAISED THE UNDERGROUND PINK PIGGIES FOR THEIR CULTURAL REVOLUTION AND DIRTY PARADIGM SHIFT. AS THE DISGUSTED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY RUTHLESSLY SPRAY CHEMICAL CLEANING PRODUCTS ONTO THE FILTHY CAPTURED PATRICK, PATRICK FINALLY BREAKS DOWN FROM THE INTERROGATION TORTURE AND REVEALS THAT HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS DIRTY ACTIONS. PATRICK PLEADS THAT HIS MIND IS NOW EXTREMELY DIRTY BECAUSE HE HAS BEEN CORRUPTED AND FORCED TO WORK FOR ANOTHER SUPERIOR VILLAIN IN THE SHADOWS. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY CONTINUE THE CLEANING TORTURE AND LIST VARIOUS OLD SUPER VILLAIN SUSPECTS, INCLUDING MAN RAY, JUMBO SHRIMP, SINISTER SLUG, THE MOTH, ATOMIC FLOUNDER, AND PLANKTON. WHEN ASKED ABOUT MAN RAY, PATRICK CLAIMS THAT MAN RAY LOVES FLOATING AND SINGING WITH SWARMS OF STING RAYS, WHICH ARE THE CLEANEST SEA CREATURES, ELIMINATING MAN RAY AS A SUSPECT. WHEN ASKED ABOUT JUMBO SHRIMP, PATRICK CLAIMS THAT SHRIMP BALLS ARE ALWAYS GOOD TO EAT AT FANCY RESTAURANTS SINCE THEY ARE NEVER DIRTY, ELIMINATING JUMBO SHRIMP AS A SUSPECT. WHEN ASKED ABOUT SINISTER SLUG, PATRICK CLAIMS THAT ALL DIRTY MOUTHS LOVE EATING SALT, THOUGH THE SLUG VILLAIN CAN BE KILLED BY SALT, ELIMINATING SINISTER SLUG AS A SUSPECT. WHEN ASKED ABOUT THE MOTH, PATRICK CLAIMS THAT THE MOTH LIKES BEING CLEAN TO ATTRACT BEAUTIFUL BUTTERFLIES, ELIMINATING THE MOTH AS A SUSPECT. WHEN ASKED ABOUT ATOMIC FLOUNDER, PATRICK CLAIMS THAT ATOMIC FLOUNDER LIKES KILLING SEA CREATURES THROUGH RADIATION, NOT THROUGH FILTH, ELIMINATING ATOMIC FLOUNDER AS A SUSPECT. WHEN ASKED ABOUT PLANKTON, PATRICK CLAIMS THAT PLANKTON LOVES TAKING BATHS IN SEAGULL BIRD BATH POOLS AT CITY PARKS, ELIMINATING PLANKTON AS A SUSPECT. THOUGH PATRICK DENIES ALL THE SUSPECTS, HE STILL REFUSES TO NAME HIS SECRET MASTER AND CONTINUALLY SPITS DIRT INTO THE FACES OF THE HEROES, CAUSING THE ENRAGED DYNAMIC DUO TO DRAG HIM INTO A LARGE BUCKET OF BUBBLE BATH WATER IN THE MERMALAIR. THE HEROES REPEATEDLY DROWN PATRICK INTO THE BUBBLE WATERS TO MAKE HIM CONFESS WHO HIS REAL SUPERIOR IS. THEY DEMAND TO KNOW WHO HIS SECRET MASTER IS AND BEGIN TO CHOKE HIM BY STUFFING MANY RUBBER DUCKS INTO HIS DIRTY MOUTH. PATRICK FINALLY RELENTS, SPITS OUT THE MANY BATH TOYS, REPENTS FOR BEING SUCH A DIRTY BOY, AND AGREES TO TAKE THEM TO HIS EVIL MASTER. PATRICK TAKES THE CAUTIOUS MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY TO HIS HOME BATHROOM TUB, WHICH IS FULL OF VERY DIRTY WATER. INSIDE THE TUB, A PARTIALLY FORMED DIRTY BUBBLE MANIACALLY LAUGHS. THE DYNAMIC DUO ATTACKS THE DIRTY BUBBLE WITH ALL OF THEIR CLEANING EQUIPMENT, BUT THE RESURRECTED DIRTY BUBBLE IS TOO DIRTY AND TOO POWERFUL TO BE DESTROYED BY ALL THE CLEANING PRODUCTS. AS THE HORRIFIED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY RUN OUT OF CLEANING AMMUNITION AND BEGIN TO TIRE FROM THE LONG DAY, THE GROWING DIRTY BUBBLE TELLS THE DEFEATED DYNAMIC DUO THAT HE HAS BEEN RESURRECTED BY THE COLLECTIVE DIRT OF THE CITY AND THAT HE WILL ALWAYS BE IMMORTAL WHEREVER PEOPLE LIKE BEING DIRTY BOYS AND DIRTY GIRLS. IN FACT, THE DIRTY BUBBLE CLAIMS THAT DIRTY BOYS AND DIRTY GIRLS WHO ARE IRRESPONSIBLE BOYFRIENDS AND GIRLFRIENDS ARE SPREADING SMALL VIRAL COPIES OF HIMSELF THROUGH A NEW, INCURABLE, DEADLY KISSING DISEASE CALLED "BOOTY COOTIES," SPREAD FROM VERY DIRTY FISH MOUTHS. AS THE DIRTY BUBBLE LAUGHS WILDLY AND CONTINUES TO GROW IMMENSELY, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY REALIZE THAT THEY CAN NEVER DEFEAT THE DIRTY BUBBLE BECAUSE THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TOO MUCH FILTH, DIRT, AND EVEN DIRTY MOVIES AND DIRTY MAGAZINES THAT PEOPLE NEVER CLEAN THE EXTERNAL DUST OFF OF ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS. THE OLD DEFEATED HEROES AND THE REGRETFUL PATRICK SIMPLY BOW DOWN TO THE GROWING DIRTY BUBBLE. THE DIRTY BUBBLE FLOODS THE BATHROOM WITH HIS DIRTY WATER, DROWNING THE DEFEATED HEROES AND PATRICK WITH DEADLY TOXIC FILTH. FROM THE SMOGGY SKYLINE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WHICH IS NOW NAMED "DIRTY BIKINI BOTTOM," A HUGE DIRT STORM OVER THE CITY NEARLY TRIPLES IN SIZE, COVERING THE CITY IN A GIANT LIVING DIRTY BUBBLE.

**TOM SURFING: A TYRANT IS DEFEATED BUT HIS VIOLENT PHILOSOPHY CONTINUES; A CRIMINAL CROAKS BUT HIS APPRENTICES CONTINUE HIS NAUGHTINESS; A BAD BOY IS PUNISHED, BUT A BAD GIRL HE KNOWS SIMPLY WANTS TO BE PUNISHED; AND A DIRTY BUBBLE FORMS WHEREVER DIRTY BOYS AND DIRTY GIRLS GO DIRTY DANCING…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**37 EPISODE THIRTY-SEVEN: EUREKA**

**TOM SURFING: INSPIRATION FOR ART CAN BE A HARD THING TO FIND. MANY ARTISTS EVENTUALLY SUFFER FROM THE INABILITY TO PRODUCE ORIGINAL WORK. WHEN SUCH A MENTAL BLOCK HAPPENS, IT MAY BE TIME TO WISH FOR SOME CREATIVE MAGIC…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SQUIDWARD CANNOT THINK OF ANY NEW IDEAS TO PAINT PICTURES ABOUT. HE USUALLY PAINTS HIS PICTURES EARLY IN THE DARKEST HOURS OF THE MORNING BEFORE THE COCK, A LOUD BIRD ALSO HUMORLESSLY KNOWN AS A ROOSTER, CROWS AND GROWS, AND HE SEEMS TO BE SUFFERING FROM SOMETHING SIMILAR TO WRITER'S BLOCK. THUS, HE COMES TO THE CONCLUSION THAT HE IS SUFFERING FROM A NEW MENTAL AFFLICTION OF ARTISTIC INCOMPETENCE KNOWN AS "ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK." AS HE REPEATEDLY PAINTS PICTURES OF HIS FACE, ONLY TO THROW THEM AWAY AFTER DISCOVERING HOW BIG THEY MAKE HIS NOSE LOOK, SQUIDWARD BECOMES HOPELESS ABOUT HIS FUTURE PROSPECTS AS AN ARTIST. AS HE SEES THE FULL MOON IN THE SKY ONE NIGHT, SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO MAKE A WISH TO IT AS IF IT WERE A SHINING STAR. SQUIDWARD WISHES SOMETHING MAGICAL COULD HELP INSPIRE HIM WITH IDEAS FOR NEW PAINTINGS. SUDDENLY, SQUIDWARD'S DARK EMPTY ROOM IS FULL OF BRIGHT SHINING ANGEL FISH MADE OF LIGHT, WHO ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SEA CREATURES HE HAS EVER SEEN. SQUIDWARD ASKS THEM WHO THEY ARE, BUT THEY SIMPLY TELL HIM THAT HIS WISH HAS COME TRUE AND THEY WANT HIM TO SHOW THEIR BEAUTY TO THE WORLD. OVERWHELMED WITH JOY AND AMAZED BY THE CREATURES' PERFECT BEAUTY, SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY BEGINS TO PAINT PICTURES OF THEM AS BEST AS HE CAN, THOUGH HE KNOWS THEIR UNIMAGINABLE BEAUTY CANNOT BE FULLY TRANSLATED TO PAINTING REPLICAS. AFTER FINALLY COMPLETING HIS PAINTINGS BY THE EARLY MORNING TWILIGHT, SQUIDWARD THANKS THE MAGICAL ANGEL FISH AND WANTS TO HUG THEM ALL IN GRATITUDE. THE MAGICAL ANGEL FISH RESPOND THAT THEY ONLY COME FROM HIS MIND AND THAT ONCE HE HAS SHOWN THEM TO THE WORLD WITH HIS ART, BOTH HE AND THEY WILL BE UNITED FOREVER. SQUIDWARD CAN BARELY CONTAIN HIS EXCITEMENT ABOUT SHOWING HIS NOW PERFECT ART TO OTHER PEOPLE. AS THE SUN RISES, THE MAGICAL ANGEL FISH SLOWLY DISAPPEAR. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY PICKS UP HIS PHONE AND CALLS BOTH PATRICK AND SPONGEBOB TO COME SEE HIS NEW PAINTINGS. BOTH NEIGHBORS INSTANTLY COME TO HIS HOUSE AND WISH HIM A GOOD MORNING. SQUIDWARD HAPPILY HUGS THEM, SERVES THEM HOT CHOCOLATE MILK AND MUFFINS, AND ASSURES THEM THAT THE MORNING WILL BE THE BEST ANY OF THEM HAS EVER HAD, CAUSING THEM TO EAT THE FOOD WITH LAUGHTER AND SHAKE IN EXCITEMENT TO SEE SQUIDWARD'S MASTERPIECES. SQUIDWARD VEILS HIS PAINTINGS WITH SHEETS TO BUILD UP EXCITEMENT AND SURPRISE AND BRINGS THEM DOWN TO THE DINING ROOM WHERE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE JUMPING UP AND DOWN IN ANTICIPATION. BEFORE HE UNVEILS HIS NEW PAINTINGS, SQUIDWARD ASKS THEM BOTH IF EITHER OF THEM HAS EVER SUFFERED FROM "ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK." BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ADMIT THEY ARE NOT ARTISTS. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT FRY COOKING REQUIRES LESS ARTISTIC SKILL THAN PAINTING, AND PATRICK SAYS THAT ARTISTS ARE ALWAYS OBSESSED WITH THEIR WORK THAT THEY FORGET ABOUT EVERYTHING ELSE. EVERY TIME SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SQUIDWARD SAY "COCK," SQUIDWARD'S COCK CROWS IN HIS BARD YARD OUTSIDE. SPONGEBOB SAYS HE HAS NEVER BEEN BLOCKED BY A COCK ON THE STREET, BUT THAT HE DID ONCE SEE A CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD. HE ALSO ADMITS THAT HE WOULD NEVER EAT A COCK, BECAUSE THEY CROW TOO LOUDLY, AND WOULD ONLY EAT TURKEY ON THANKSGIVING DAY TO SHOW TURKEYS HOW THANKFUL HE IS THAT THEY TASTE SO GOOD. PATRICK SAYS HE ONCE HAD TO STROKE A COCK TO SLEEP WHEN IT WAS CROWING TOO LOUDLY IN THE MORNING. PATRICK ALSO SAYS THAT IF A COCK WERE TO BLOCK HIM FROM SLEEPING LONGER IN THE MORNING, HE WOULD PROBABLY RIP THE COCK'S HEAD OFF, SINCE COCKS CAN SUPPOSEDLY LIVE AND RUN WITH THEIR HEADS OFF. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THEN LAUGH ABOUT HOW SILLY COCKS AND THEIR CROWING ARE, AND THEY BOTH ADMIT THEY LOVE COCKS, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE COCKS CROW AND STRETCH THEIR BODIES LIKE ERECT STATUES IN THE MORNING. SQUIDWARD SAYS HE LIKES COCKS BECAUSE THEY REMIND HIM OF HIS OWN COCKY ATTITUDE. SQUIDWARD THEN GLEEFULLY SAYS THAT HIS COCK IN HIS BACK YARD WOKE HIM UP THIS MORNING TO BEAUTIFUL NEWS. SQUIDWARD THEN TELLS THEM BOTH ABOUT THE MAGICAL SHINING ANGEL FISH THAT VISITED HIM TO INSPIRE HIS PAINTINGS. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE AMAZED BY HIS DESCRIPTIONS OF THE CREATURES AND BOTH SHOUT FOR SQUIDWARD TO UNVEIL HIS PAINTINGS. SQUIDWARD HAPPILY SHOUTS THAT HIS "ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK" IS FINALLY OVER AS HE SWIFTLY UNVEILS THE PAINTINGS TO THE HOPPING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WHO ARE PRETENDING TO BE COCKS CROWING, MARCHING, AND FLAPPING THEIR WINGS. AS THE SHEETS FALL TO THE FLOOR TO REVEAL THE PAINTINGS, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FREEZE UPON SEEING THE PAINTINGS. THEIR EYES WIDEN, THEIR BODIES SHAKE, THEIR JAWS DROP, THEIR COCKY ATTITUDES DISAPPEAR, THEY STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF CROWING COCKS, THEIR PORES EXCRETE SWEAT, THEIR PANTS BECOME WET, THEIR EYEBROWS RAISE PAST THEIR FOREHEADS, THEIR CLOTHES STICK TO THEIR SWEATY BACKS, THEIR LEGS WOBBLE, THEIR HAIRS STAND AS ERECT AS MORNING COCKS, GOOSEBUMPS COVER THEIR SKIN, THEIR VOICES STUTTER, THEIR FACES TWITCH, THEIR BUTTS ACHE, AND THEIR BODIES SHRINK IN HORROR. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK COVER THEIR EYES, SCREECH LIKE DYING COCKS, RUN LIKE COCKS WITHOUT HEADS, CRY LIKE BUTCHERED COCKS, STUMBLE LIKE GROGGY SLEEP WALKERS, AND BREAK THROUGH THE WALLS OF SQUIDWARD'S HOME AS THEY RUN OUT OF THE CITY FOREVER. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY FELL ONTO HIS PAINTINGS WHEN HE HEARD THEM PANIC AND ACT LIKE CRAZY COCKS. DAZED FROM THE FALL AND NEARLY DRIVEN INSANE BY THEIR LOUD COCK CROWS, SQUIDWARD SLOWLY STAGGERS TO HIS FEET, SLAPS HIMSELF SEVERAL TIMES ACROSS THE FACE, RUBS HIS EYES REPEATEDLY, PULLS HIS BIG FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE AS IF HE WERE YANKING A COCK BY ITS BIRD FEET, AND CLOSES HIS EYES AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH AS HE PREPARES TO STARE AT HIS PRESUMABLY HIDEOUS PAINTINGS ON THE FLOOR. HE TREMBLES IN FEAR AND CONTINUALLY SHAKES HIS HEAD AS IF TRYING TO TELL HIMSELF NOT TO LOOK AT THE PAINTINGS. AFTER AN EXTREMELY LONG BREATH AND A PANICKING WAGGING OF HIS BIG NOSE FROM SIDE TO SIDE LIKE A MARCHING COCK, SQUIDWARD FINALLY LOOKS AT HIS NEW PAINTINGS AND SCREAMS LIKE A BURNING COCK. ALTHOUGH HE PULLS HIS NUMB BODY AWAY FROM THE PAINTINGS, HIS EYES, FROZEN WITH FEAR, CANNOT STOP LOOKING AT THEM, AND HE FINALLY HAS A SEIZURE-LIKE PANIC ATTACK ON THE FLOOR. AS HIS BODY BREAKS DOWN, HIS EYES BULGE OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS ONTO HIS PAINTINGS. THE PAINTINGS DO NOT RESEMBLE THE BEAUTIFUL SHINING ANGEL FISH HE SAW IN THE EARLY MORNING. INSTEAD THEY DEPICT LARGE, BLACK DEVIL STING RAYS WITH RED BLOODSHOT ANGRY EYES, HUGE SHARP ROTTEN TEETH, RAM HORN-LIKE EARS, FURRY BAT-LIKE BODIES, SERPENT TAILS LOOKING AS DEADLY AS SWORDS AND MUTATED SWORDFISH, DEFORMED AND EXCESSIVE GILLS, WRINKLED ROTTING SKIN, REPTILIAN BELLIES AND SPIKE-COVERED BACKS, NOTHING EVEN RESEMBLING A COCK, HUGE GHOSTLY SHADOWS, LIFELESS BLACK DOLL EYES, LETHAL ELECTRIC BODY FIELDS, AND SHARK-LIKE FINS. SQUIDWARD GASPS AND SEEMS TO BE SUFFOCATING AS THE UGLY DEMONIC DEVIL STING RAYS SLOWLY EXIT THE PAINTINGS AND BECOME ONE WITH HIS OUTER-DIMENSIONAL WORLD. SQUIDWARD TRIES TO CRAWL AWAY AS THE CREATURES ENCIRCLE HIM. HE IS SO SCARED THAT HIS VOICE IS HOARSE AND HE CANNOT SCREAM FOR HELP. FINALLY, AS THE STILL CREATURES SILENTLY LOOK DOWN ON HIM WITH THEIR INTENSE BULGING EYES, SQUIDWARD STUTTERS AND ASKS THEM WHAT IN THE NAME OF NEPTUNE'S HOLY CROWING COCK THEY ARE. THE CREATURES, WITH GROWLING AND HISSING VOICES, TELL SQUIDWARD THEY ARE NOW ONE WITH HIS MIND. THEY EXPLAIN THAT THEY ARE HIS PERSONAL MENTAL DEMONS THAT HAVE BEEN HAUNTING HIM AND HAVE BEEN PREVENTING HIM FROM DEVELOPING NEW PAINTINGS. THEY HAVE FINALLY GIVEN HIM SOMETHING TO PAINT, THEMSELVES, TO FREE HIM FROM HIS ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK. THEY ARE NO LONGER SOMETHING TO BE FEARED SINCE SQUIDWARD REALIZES THEY COME FROM HIS VERY OWN SICK MIND THAT HAS FINALLY EXORCISED HIS MENTAL PERSONAL DEMONS BY BRINGING THEM OUT OF HIS MIND AND INTO THE WORLD. HE HAS RELEASED THEIR HOLD ON HIS CREATIVITY BY FINALLY PAINTING THEM ONTO PAPER AND MAKING THEM HIS CREATIONS. THE CREATURES TELL HIM THAT HE IS NOW AN ARTIST AGAIN NOW THAT HE HAS SURVIVED HIS ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK AND NOW THAT THE UGLIEST AND WORST OF HIS ART IS BEHIND HIM, HE CAN NOW CREATE THE BEST AND MOST CREATIVE WORK HE WILL EVER PRODUCE. SQUIDWARD AND THE DEVIL STING RAYS CAN NOW ACCEPT EACH OTHER AS FELLOW ARTIST AND FELLOW ART, CAUSING SQUIDWARD'S RESTLESS MIND TO FINALLY FEEL PEACE. THEY END THEIR COMFORTING WORDS BY EXPLAINING THAT THEY HAD TO DECEIVE HIM INTO BELIEVING THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL TO CONVINCE HIM TO PAINT THEM, ALLOWING HIM TO FINALLY EXPRESS THROUGH ART HIS INNER TURMOIL OVER HAVING NO NEW CREATIVE IDEAS. AS THE EMPTY PAINTINGS BEGIN TO MELT, THE CREATURES ALL BECOME SHADOW-LIKE SUBSTANCES AND UNITE INTO ONE BODY. THE SHADOW BODY SLOWLY MORPHS INTO A SHADOW RESEMBLING SQUIDWARD'S BODY AND THE SQUIDWARD SHADOW COPY IMMEDIATELY BECOMES ONE WITH SQUIDWARD'S ACTUAL SHADOW. SQUIDWARD AND HIS MENTAL PERSONAL DEMONS ARE ENEMIES NO LONGER SINCE THEY HAVE NOW PEACEFULLY UNITED AND HAVE BROUGHT HIS ARTISTIC EQUILIBRIUM BACK TO A NATURAL HEALTHY HARMONY. SQUIDWARD NO LONGER FEARS HIS ARTISTIC FUTURE. SQUIDWARD MERELY STANDS FROZEN FOR SOME TIME AS HE TRIES TO FULLY UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS JUST HAPPENED. HE KNOWS THE NIGHTMARE OF HIS ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK IS NOW OVER, AND SUDDENLY A BIG, GAY SMILE CROSSES HIS FACE. HE BEGINS TO LAUGH AND SCREAMS IN WILD JOY THAT HE IS NOW READY TO BE AN ARTIST AGAIN. HE CROWS LIKE A REALLY HAPPY COCK, RUNS UP TO HIS ART ROOM LIKE A FLYING COCK, DESTROYS ALL HIS OLD ART LIKE A COCK RAVENOUSLY EATING EARTH WORMS, GRABS HIS PAINTING MATERIALS LIKE AN EXCITED COCK ABOUT TO CROW AND GROW IN THE MORNING, AND BEGINS TO CREATE PERFECT PAINTINGS DEPICTING THE HORRIFIED LOOKS ON SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S FACES THAT LOOKED LIKE EXPLODING COCKS WHEN THEY FIRST SAW HIS MENTAL PERSONAL DEVIL STING RAY DEMONS. AS HE FINISHES HIS NEW SURREAL PAINTINGS THAT DEPICT CHIMERAS OF THE TERRIFIED FACES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ON THE CHICKEN BODIES OF COCKS, HE IS REALLY TIRED AND SWEATY LIKE A REALLY HOT COCK. SQUIDWARD LIGHTLY BLOWS ON HIS WET CREATIONS AND CALMLY WHISPERS TO THEM, "EUREKA!"

**TOM SURFING: ARTISTS SUFFERING FROM COCK BLOCK OFTEN HAVE TO GRAPPLE WITH THEIR WORST PERSONAL DEMONS. THOUGH THE STRUGGLE CAN BE HORRIFYING, THE REWARDS OF PERSEVERANCE CAN PRODUCE MASTERPIECES. SO THE NEXT TIME A COCK IS BLOCKING YOUR ARTISTIC DREAMS, DON'T BITE ITS HEAD OFF. JUST RELAX, MAKE A WISH, AND START WRITING OR DRAWING ABOUT IT…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**38 EPISODE THIRTY-EIGHT: THE WISE SEA SERPENT **

**TOM SURFING: SOME SAY THE FUTURE IS FIXED AND UNCHANGEABLE, WHILE OTHERS CLAIM THAT THE FUTURE IS SIMPLY NEBULOUS AND INDETERMINATE. SOME SAY THAT SOOTH SAYERS ARE REAL, WHILE OTHERS CLAIM ALL ACCURATE PROPHECIES ARE SIMPLY COINCIDENCES. IT APPEARS THAT THE WILD MASTER DEBATING WILL FINALLY END TONIGHT…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IN ANOTHER AGGRESSIVE ATTEMPT TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA, PLANKTON, WIELDING A TRANQUILIZER GUN AND A FISH NET GUN, SNEAKS INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB, SHOOTS AND CAPTURES THE VISITING PEARL, AND HOLDS THE SLEEPING WHALE HOSTAGE IN THE KITCHEN TO TRY TO FORCE MR. KRABS INTO GIVING HIM THE FORMULA IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SAFE RETURN OF HIS DAUGHTER. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS, TAKING THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA WITH HIM AND WIELDING A HARPOON RIFLE GUN, SIMPLY LEAVES THE KRUSTY KRAB AND HOLDS KAREN HOSTAGE IN THE NEARBY CHUM BUCKET TO FORCE PLANKTON INTO RELEASING PEARL IN EXCHANGE FOR THE SAFE RETURN OF HIS COMPUTER WIFE. POLICE FISH ARRIVE OUTSIDE BOTH RESTAURANTS AND EVACUATE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES TO SAFETY. COMMUNICATING VIA RED TELEPHONES, PLANKTON AND MR. KRABS FINALLY AGREE TO RELEASE THEIR HOSTAGES TO END THE STAND OFF AND TO HOLD A PEACEFUL MEETING THE NEXT DAY TO DISCUSS HOW TO FINALLY END THEIR LIFE-LONG PROFESSIONAL RIVALRY. BECAUSE NO ONE IS SERIOUSLY HURT FROM THE INCIDENT, THE POLICE FISH SIMPLY PENALIZE THE TWO RESTAURANT OWNERS WITH HEAVY FINES. MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON DECIDE TO HOLD THE PEACEFUL RESOLUTION MEETING OVER DINNER THE NEXT NIGHT AT A NEW NEUTRAL ASIAN RESTAURANT IN THE CITY CALLED "CRUNCHY SUSHI, SECRET CARP." THEY BOTH AGREE TO PAY FOR THEIR OWN DINNER MEALS AND TO DISCUSS POSSIBLE PEACEFUL SOLUTIONS TO END THEIR RIVALRY SO NONE OF THEIR LOVED ONES GET HURT AND NEITHER OF THEM ENDS UP IN JAIL FOR THE REST OF THEIR NATURAL LIVES. MR. KRABS ORDERS "KUNG PAO KICKIN' CHICKEN" AND PLANKTON ORDERS "SAUCY SUSHI SHRIMP BALLS." AS THEY SIT DOWN AT A SMALL TABLE AND EAT THEIR FOOD, BOTH FINALLY APOLOGIZE TO ONE ANOTHER FOR TAKING THEIR RIVALRY TOO FAR THIS TIME, AND BOTH OFFER FOUR SOLUTIONS EACH TO FINALLY END THEIR RIVALRY. MR. KRABS OFFERS TO GIVE PLANKTON THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA FOR A VERY HIGH PRICE OF MONEY, WHICH PLANKTON KNOWS HE CANNOT PAY; MR. KRABS OFFERS TO HAVE SPONGEBOB CONVINCE HIS FRIEND SANDY TO HELP PLANKTON INVENT A NEW GOOD-TASTING FOOD FOR THE CHUM BUCKET; MR. KRABS OFFERS TO LET PLANKTON MAKE CLONES OF SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD TO HAVE GOOD EMPLOYEES AT THE CHUM BUCKET; AND FINALLY, MR. KRABS OFFERS TO HELP PLANKTON FIND A FEMALE PLANKTON LOVER TO REPLACE HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN AND TO GIVE HIM A NEW PURPOSE IN A LIFE OF ROMANCE WITHOUT THE NEED OR WANT FOR THE FORMULA. ON THE OTHER HAND, PLANKTON OFFERS TO MAKE MR. KRABS A FEMALE CRAB ROBOT WIFE IN EXCHANGE FOR THE FORMULA; PLANKTON OFFERS TO PAY MR. KRABS THE HIGHEST AMOUNT HE CAN POSSIBLY PAY HIM, WHICH IS MUCH SMALLER THAN MR. KRABS' PROPOSED AMOUNT, INCLUDING MONEY FROM PLANKTON'S BLACK MARKET ACTIVITIES, FOR THE FORMULA; PLANKTON OFFERS TO JOIN THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW AS PARTIAL OWNER AND COMMERCIAL ADVERTISER FOR THE COMPANY; AND FINALLY, PLANKTON OFFERS TO PERSONALLY GIVE MR. KRABS A TWENTY-FOUR-HOUR FULL BODY BUTTER OIL MASSAGE IN EXCHANGE FOR THE FORMULA. AFTER SOME HESITATION ON BOTH SIDES, NEITHER AGREES TO ANY OF THE PROPOSALS. PLANKTON THEN REMARKS THAT THEY SHOULD PLAY A THREE-GAME TOURNAMENT OF THE TEXAS HOLDEM CARD GAME PRESIDED OVER BY THE TEXAN SANDY AND PLACE BETS, IN WHICH MR. KRABS WOULD BET THE FORMULA AND PLANKTON WOULD BET EVERYTHING HE OWNS, INCLUDING HIMSELF AS A LITTLE SLAVE. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS ARGUES THAT HIS FORMULA IS WORTH MUCH MORE MONEY THAN EVERYTHING PLANKTON OWNS, INCLUDING LITTLE PLANKTON HIMSELF. FRUSTRATED THAT THEY CANNOT REACH A COMPROMISE OVER THE OWNERSHIP OF THE FORMULA, MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON ASK THEIR ASIAN CARP FISH WAITER WHAT THEY SHOULD DO. THE CARP FISH SIMPLY TELLS THEM TO CONSULT "THE WISE SEA SERPENT." THE CARP FISH POINTS TO THE FORTUNE COOKIE DEVICE AT THEIR TABLE, WHICH NEITHER OF THEM HAD PREVIOUSLY NOTICED. THE FORTUNE COOKIE DEVICE IS AN EBONY SEA DRAGON FIGURE THAT DISPENSES SUPPOSEDLY WISE SLIPS OF PAPER WITH FORTUNES FROM ITS MOUTH IN THE FORM OF ROUND CHOCOLATE COOKIE BALLS. BOTH ARE INTRIGUED BY THE DRAGON AND ASK THE CARP HOW IT WORKS. THE CARP SAYS THEY SIMPLY GENTLY PET THE DRAGON'S HEAD, THE DRAGON SPITS OUT A COOKIE FORTUNE, THEY EAT THE COOKIE, THEY READ THE FORTUNE, AND THEY THEN SEE WHAT THE FUTURE OF THEIR RIVALRY HOLDS FOR THEM FOR GOOD OR FOR ILL. AS THE CARP LEAVES, MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON HYPNOTICALLY STARE AT THE DRAGON AND FINISH THEIR FOOD. WITH THEIR EYES FIXED ON THE DRAGON, THEY BOTH AGREE THAT BECAUSE THEY CANNOT COME TO A COMPROMISE OVER THE FORMULA, ONE OF THEM SHOULD BE FORCED TO MOVE TO THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN AND NEVER CROSS INTO THE OTHER PERSON'S HALF OF THE CITY EVER AGAIN. THEY DECIDE TO DISCOVER WHO WILL HAVE TO MOVE ACCORDING TO THE FORTUNES OF THE DRAGON. PLANKTON ASKS THE DRAGON IF HE HIMSELF WILL MOVE. PLANKTON PETS THE DRAGON, WHICH SPITS OUT A COOKIE. PLANKTON EATS THE COOKIE AND READS THE FORTUNE, WHICH READS "FUTURE CLOUDY LIKE A STORM AT SEA." DISAPPOINTED BY THE RESPONSE, PLANKTON RIPS THE FORTUNE PAPER. MR. KRABS DECIDES TO ASK THE DRAGON IF HE HIMSELF WILL MOVE. MR. KRABS PETS THE DRAGON, WHICH SPITS OUT A COOKIE. MR. KRABS EATS THE COOKIE AND READS THE FORTUNE, WHICH READS "THE END IS NEAR." ASSUMING THE DRAGON IS PREDICTING THE IMMINENT END OF THEIR RIVALRY, BOTH MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON ARE DISTURBED BY THE SEEMINGLY RELEVANT RESPONSE. PLANKTON BELIEVES THEY SHOULD TEST THE DRAGON SEVERAL TIMES WITH OTHER QUESTIONS TO SEE HOW ACCURATE THE DRAGON REALLY IS ABOUT THE FUTURE BEFORE PLANKTON FINALLY ASKS THE QUESTION ABOUT IF HE HIMSELF WILL MOVE AGAIN. MR. KRABS AGREES. THEY DECIDE TO TAKE TURNS STARTING WITH PLANKTON. EACH WILL ASK THE DRAGON THREE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE FUTURE TO TEST ITS PROPHETIC ACCURACY BEFORE PLANKTON FINALLY ASKS IF HE HIMSELF WILL BE THE ONE TO MOVE FOR A FINAL TIME. PLANKTON ASKS THE DRAGON IF THEIR WAITER WILL RUIN THE REST OF THEIR EVENING. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "IT IS CERTAIN." AS MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON NERVOUSLY WAIT FOR THEIR BILL, ANOTHER WAITER FOR ANOTHER TABLE CARRIES A HUGE TRAY OF HOT SOUPS AND STUMBLES AS HE PASSES BY THEIR TABLE. BOTH SLOWLY MOVE AWAY AND WALK BACKWARDS FROM THE WAITER TO AVOID THE HOT SOUP SPILLING ONTO THEM. HOWEVER, THEY BOTH IMMEDIATELY CRASH INTO THE WAITER OF THEIR TABLE, WHO WAS CARRYING THEIR BILL AND CARRYING FREE SAMPLES OF RED WINE FOR THEM TO TASTE. AS THEY CRASH INTO THEIR WAITER, THE RED WINE GLASSES BREAK AND SPILL ALL OVER THEM. BOTH OF THEM SLIP ON THE WINE COVERING THE FLOOR, CAUSING THEM TO CRASH INTO THE OTHER STUMBLING WAITER CARRYING HOT SOUPS, WHICH PAINFULLY SPILL, BURN, AND CRASH ONTO BOTH OF THEM. AS PLANKTON AND MR. KRABS SCREAM AND HUG EACH OTHER IN PAIN, BOTH WAITERS QUICKLY HELP THEM BACK TO THEIR TABLE, APOLOGIZE, CLEAN THEM OFF, AND NOTIFY THEM THAT THEIR MEALS WILL NOW BE FREE. AS THE ASIAN CARP FISH WAITERS LEAVE TO CALM DOWN THE OTHER SHOCKED CUSTOMERS, THE INJURED AND BEWILDERED PLANKTON AND MR. KRABS NERVOUSLY STARE AT ONE ANOTHER AND AT THE DRAGON. BOTH AGREE THAT THE DRAGON WAS ACCURATE IN PREDICTING THE UNFORTUNATE EVENT. MR. KRABS ASKS PLANKTON IF THEY SHOULD LEAVE, BUT PLANKTON SAYS THEY MUST END THEIR RIVALRY HERE AND NOW SO THEY DO NOT END UP KILLING EACH OTHER IN THEIR SLEEP ONE NIGHT. MR. KRABS REMARKS THAT THOUGH THEIR WAITER DID INDEED RUIN THEIR EVENING, THEIR MEALS ARE NOW FREE. MR. KRABS DECIDES TO CONTINUE TESTING THE ACCURACY OF THE DRAGON'S COUNSEL. MR. KRABS ASKS THE DRAGON THAT IF PLANKTON ORDERS AND FULLY PAYS FOR THE SPECIAL APPETIZER OF THE DAY FOR BOTH OF THEM, THEN WILL BOTH OF THEM LIKE THE SMALL SNACK. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "DO NOT COUNT ON IT." BOTH ARE EXTREMELY NERVOUS AS PLANKTON ORDERS THE CLAM SOUP FOR THEM. THEIR WAITER BRINGS THEM THE CLAM SOUP, AND THEY BOTH QUICKLY TRY THE SOUP AND IMMEDIATELY SPIT IT OUT IN DISGUST. THE WAITER CLEANS UP THE MESS AND THEN REALIZES THAT HE ACCIDENTALLY SERVED THEM ROTTEN CLAM SOUP LEFT OVER FROM YESTERDAY. THE WAITER APOLOGIZES AGAIN AND OFFERS THEM A MONTH OF FREE FOOD AS APOLOGETIC COMPENSATION SHOULD THEY VISIT THE RESTAURANT NEXT MONTH AGAIN. AS THE BAD WAITER LEAVES, MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON AGREE THAT THE DRAGON IS ACCURATE AND THAT THE DRAGON WAS AGAIN RIGHT ABOUT THE WAITER RUINING THEIR NIGHT. THEY BOTH SPEAK TO THE RESTAURANT MANAGER, WHO GIVES THEM A NEW WAITER CARP FISH AND FIRES THE OTHER BAD WAITER. AS THEY DRINK FREE RED WINE TO CLEAN THE BAD TASTES FROM THEIR MOUTHS, PLANKTON PREPARES TO ASK HIS SECOND QUESTION. PLANKTON ASKS IF ANYONE THEY KNOW WILL VISIT THE RESTAURANT WITHIN THE HOUR. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "IT WILL REMAIN HIDDEN." BOTH MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON ARE PUZZLED BY THE RESPONSE BUT BOTH DECIDE TO WAIT AND LOOK AROUND THE RESTAURANT FOR SOMEONE THEY BOTH KNOW FOR THE HOUR. AS THE HOUR ENDS, IT APPEARS THAT NO ONE THEY KNOW IS AT THE RESTAURANT. AS THEY BOTH PREPARE TO LEAVE THE RESTAURANT IN FRUSTRATION, A PERSON IN A LARGE SHRIMP COSTUME RUNS UP TO THEM AND GIVES THEM BOTH HUGS. THEY BOTH PUSH OFF THE APPARENT STRANGER, WHO SUDDENLY TAKES OFF THE HEAD OF HIS SHRIMP COSTUME. THE PERSON IS PATRICK STAR, WHOM BOTH OF THEM KNOW. PATRICK HAPPILY EXCLAIMS THAT HE FINALLY GOT A JOB AT THE ASIAN RESTAURANT AS ITS SHRIMP MASCOT. AS PATRICK PUTS BACK ON HIS SHRIMP HEAD, PATRICK WAVES GOODBYE TO THEM BOTH, TELLS THEM TO STOP BY EVERYDAY, DANCES AWAY, AND SINGS A SONG IN THE CHINESE LANGUAGE. BOTH MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON ARE SHOCKED SINCE THE FORTUNE PREDICTED THAT A HIDDEN PERSON THEY KNEW WAS ALREADY AMONG THEM FOR THE ENTIRE HOUR AND WOULD REMAIN HIDDEN UNTIL THE HOUR WAS OVER. THEY BOTH SIT DOWN BACK AT THEIR TABLE AND SIT IN SILENCE FOR SEVERAL MOMENTS AS THEY HYPNOTICALLY STARE AT THE DRAGON. PLANKTON STUTTERS AS HE REMARKS THAT ALL OF ITS PREDICTIONS MUST SIMPLY BE COINCIDENCES. MR. KRABS DISAGREES AND REMARKS THAT HE ONCE HAD A MAGIC EIGHT BALL WHILE HE WAS IN THE NAVY AND THE FORTUNE TOY WOULD ALWAYS ACCURATELY PREDICT WHICH SIDE WOULD WIN EACH BATTLE DURING THE WAR HE WAS IN. MR. KRABS BELIEVES THAT SOME NONLIVING FORTUNE TELLERS CAN SOMEHOW SEE THE FUTURE, POSSIBLY BY BEING BROUGHT TO THE PAST BY SECRET FUTURE TIME TRAVELERS WHO LOVE SICK JOKES. PLANKTON WEAKLY LAUGHS AT HIS SUGGESTION BUT THEN TELLS MR. KRABS ANOTHER POSSIBILITY ABOUT HOW FORTUNE TELLER DEVICES WORK. PLANKTON ASKS MR. KRABS IF HE IS FAMILIAR WITH FATALISM. MR. KRABS RESPONDS THAT HE DID INDEED HAVE TO COMMIT FATAL ACTS AGAINST ENEMIES DURING THE NAVAL WAR HE WAS IN LONG AGO. FRUSTRATED BY MR. KRABS' STUPIDITY, PLANKTON ASKS MR. KRABS WHAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE FOURTH DIMENSION. THE CONFUSED MR. KRABS TELLS PLANKTON THAT THERE ARE ONLY THREE DIMENSIONS, INCLUDING LENGTH, WIDTH, AND DEPTH. HOWEVER, PLANKTON CORRECTS MR. KRABS BY CLAIMING THAT THE FOURTH DIMENSION IS TIME. PLANKTON EXPLAINS THAT REALITY MAY ACTUALLY BE A "BLOCK UNIVERSE." MR. KRABS IS CONFUSED BY THE TERM, SO PLANKTON EXPLAINS THE BLOCK UNIVERSE THEORY. THE BLOCK UNIVERSE THEORY STATES THAT ALL MOMENTS IN TIME, THE PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE, EXIST SIMULTANEOUSLY ON A FOUR-DIMENSIONAL HYPERPLANE AS IF THE UNIVERSE WERE A GIANT ICE BLOCK WITH ALL THE MOMENTS OF TIME FROZEN ON IT TOGETHER FOREVER. PLANKTON COMPARES THE BLOCK UNIVERSE TO A MOVIE VIDEO TAPE, IN WHICH THE ENTIRE FILM ALWAYS EXISTS, THE END OF THE FILM IS ALREADY PREDETERMINED, THE MOMENTS OF THE FILM ARE REALLY ONLY FROZEN PHOTOGRAPHIC FRAMES THAT SPATIALLY SUCCEED ONE ANOTHER TO CREATE THE ILLUSION OF MOTION AND TIME IN THE VIEWER'S CONSCIOUSNESS, AND THE MOMENTS OF THE FILM REPEAT FOREVER WITH NO POSSIBLE VARIATIONS. MR. KRABS BEGINS TO UNDERSTAND THE THEORY AS PLANKTON ARGUES THAT IF THE BLOCK UNIVERSE THEORY IS TRUE, THEN SOME FORTUNE TELLER DEVICES MAY HAVE THE MYSTIC ABILITY OF FOUR-DIMENSIONAL SIGHT, ALLOWING THEM TO SEE ALL TIME LIKE LOOKING ABOVE A VAST SPATIAL PLANE AND TO SEE THE FUTURE AS EASILY AS REGULAR LIVING THINGS SEE THE PRESENT AND REMEMBER THE PAST. PLANKTON CLAIMS THAT FATALISM WOULD BE TRUE IN THE BLOCK UNIVERSE AND FATE WOULD RULE THE COURSE OF ALL EVENTS, INCLUDING THE ULTIMATE DIRECTION OF THEIR RIVALRY. MR. KRABS COMPLAINS THAT BOTH THE FLOW OF TIME AND FREE WILL WOULD THEN BE ILLUSIONS, CAUSING PLANKTON TO SADLY AGREE. THE TWO RIVALS THEN WONDER IF THEY WERE DESTINED TO BE ENEMIES FOREVER, SO MR. KRABS DECIDES TO CONTINUE TO TEST THE DRAGON'S SUPPOSED FOUR-DIMENSIONAL SIGHT. MR. KRABS ASKS IF THE ENDING TIED PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL GAME ON THE T.V. AT THE RESTAURANT WILL END IN A DRAW. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "SOMEONE WINS, SOMEONE LOSES." BOTH PLANKTON AND MR. KRABS SHUTTER AT THE RESPONSE AS THEY START TO WATCH THE LAST MINUTE OF THE FOOTBALL GAME. HOWEVER, THE GAME ENDS WITH BOTH SIDES HAVING THE SAME SCORE AT THE END OF REGULAR GAME PLAY. PLANKTON LEAPS FOR JOY THAT THE DRAGON WAS WRONG AND MR. KRABS BREATHES DEEPLY IN CALM JOY. HOWEVER, THE SPORTS NARRATOR OF THE GAME HAPPILY SHOUTS THAT THE GAME IS GOING INTO OVERTIME. BOTH MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON SUDDENLY REMEMBER THAT TIED FOOTBALL GAMES GO INTO OVERTIME. THEY STOP THEIR CELEBRATION AND WATCH THE OVERTIME KICKOFF. THE PLAYER RECEIVING THE BALL MAKES A RECORD BREAKING TOUCHDOWN VICTORY RUN FOR SPECIAL TEAMS ENDING THE GAME WITH A VICTORY FOR HIS TEAM. THEY REALIZE IN HORROR THAT THE DRAGON WAS RIGHT ONCE AGAIN. MR. KRABS FAINTS AS PLANKTON STUMBLES LIKE A DRUNK INTO A NEARBY CROWD OF PEOPLE. THE PEOPLE SCREAM AT THE FALLEN MR. KRABS. PLANKTON ANGRILY RUNS TOWARDS THE DRAGON AND ASKS IF MR. KRABS WILL LIVE. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "YOU WILL SEE IT." PATRICK IN HIS LARGE SHRIMP COSTUME TELLS EVERYONE TO BACK AWAY FROM MR. KRABS ON THE FLOOR. PATRICK INFORMS THEM THAT THE RESTAURANT TAUGHT HIM HOW TO PERFORM C.P.R. FOR CUSTOMER EMERGENCIES. PATRICK SLAPS AND POURS WATER ONTO THE FROZEN MR. KRABS MANY TIMES. AS PLANKTON BEGINS TO CRY AND THE CROWD GASPS IN SHOCK, PATRICK TAKES OFF HIS SHRIMP HEAD AND GIVES MR. KRABS THE MOUTH-TO-MOUTH MANEUVER. MR. KRABS FINALLY BREATHES AND COUGHS OUT SOME OF HIS FOOD HE ATE EARLIER. PLANKTON HIMSELF VOMITS IN DISGUST AT THE ENTIRE ORDEAL. AS THE WAITERS HELP MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON BACK TO THEIR TABLE AND CLEAN THEM OFF, MR. KRABS ASKS PLANKTON WHAT HAPPENED. PLANKTON INFORMS HIM THAT THE DRAGON IS A TRUE MYSTIC REPTILIAN SEER AND TELLS MR. KRABS TO ASK HIS LAST QUESTION SO THEY CAN FINALLY END THE HORRIBLE NIGHT. MR. KRABS ASKS IF HIS BAD LUCK IN THE NIGHT WILL CONTINUE. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "THIS HOUR WILL BRING JOY." PLANKTON FINALLY BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS AS HE ASKS THE DRAGON IF HE WILL BE THE ONE FORCED TO MOVE SINCE MR. KRABS' JOY IS NOW GUARANTEED. THE DRAGON RESPONDS, "TRY AGAIN." PLANKTON ANGRILY YELLS THE SAME QUESTION, CAUSING MANY PEOPLE TO LEAVE THE RESTAURANT. THE DRAGON FINALLY RESPONDS, "TODAY WILL BRING SORROW." PLANKTON SCREAMS IN PROTEST AND ATTACKS THE DRAGON, BUT ANOTHER FORTUNE COOKIE ROLLS OUT OF ITS MOUTH AND KNOCKS HIM TO THE FLOOR. PEARL HAPPILY RUNS INTO AND ENTERS THE ASIAN RESTAURANT. SHE GRABS HER SEEMINGLY ILL FATHER AND GLARES AT THE WEAKENED PLANKTON. PEARL HAPPILY YELLS AT PLANKTON THAT SHE HAS SOME BAD NEWS FOR HIM. PLANKTON IS SHOCKED TO LEARN FROM HER THAT THE CITY GOVERNMENT, DUE TO HIS LACK OF FUNDS AND HIS HISTORY OF CRIMINAL ACTIVITY, HAS EVICTED HIM AND KAREN OUT OF THE NOW CONDEMNED CHUM BUCKET, WHICH IS TO BE REPLACED WITH A NEW PUBLIC SHOPPING MALL VOTED FOR BY THE PUBLIC, FORCING HIM TO RETIRE AT SHADY SHOALS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB. PLANKTON THROWS A TANTRUM LIKE A BABY, BUT MR. KRABS TAKES PITY ON HIM. MR. KRABS PICKS UP THE CRYING PLANKTON AND TELLS PLANKTON THAT THE DRAGON WAS WRONG. MR. KRABS IS NOT HAPPY ABOUT PLANKTON'S DISMAL FATE. PLANKTON STOPS CRYING AND SLOWLY SMILES AT THE WEAKLY SMILING MR. KRABS. THEY SHARE A LONG HUG, AND MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON WISH EACH OTHER GOOD BYE AND HOPE THAT EACH PERSON HAS A BRIGHT FUTURE AND A NEW LIFE WITHOUT THE OTHER. THEY BOTH HOPE TO USE THEIR POTENTIAL FREE WILL TO CREATE BETTER NEW LIVES FOR THEMSELVES IN THE UNCERTAIN FUTURE. AS PEARL AND MR. KRABS LEAVE IN THEIR BOAT CAR, KAREN COMES CRYING TO PLANKTON ABOUT THEIR UNLUCKY FATE. PLANKTON SIMPLY SHUTS HER OFF FOREVER. PLANKTON LOOKS AT THE DRAGON ONE LAST TIME. ANOTHER FORTUNE COOKIE ROLLS OUT OF THE DRAGON'S MOUTH. PLANKTON SIMPLY STEPS ON AND CRUSHES THE FORTUNE COOKIE AND EXITS THE RESTAURANT. PLANKTON BEGINS TO SILENTLY WALK ALONE DOWN THE STREET TO SHADY SHOALS FOR HIS LIFE RETIREMENT. WITH THE TWO CUSTOMERS GONE, THE ASIAN CARP FISH WAITERS OF THE RESTAURANT DISCUSS THEIR BIZARRE NIGHT. THEY ALL SUDDENLY START LAUGHING ABOUT ALL THE COINCIDENCES. THEY LAUGH AND REMARK ABOUT HOW THE DRAGON WORKS: THE BACK SIDES OF THE FORTUNE PAPER SLIPS OF THE DRAGON ARE NUMBERED WITH THE NUMBERS "ONE" THROUGH "TEN"; THERE ARE TEN FORTUNES TOTAL AND MANY COOKIES REPEATING THE SAME TEN FORTUNES IN THE DRAGON; AND THE FORTUNES ALWAYS REPEAT THEMSELVES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER TO CUSTOMERS STARTING FROM NUMBER "ONE" AGAIN AFTER ALL TEN FORTUNES HAVE BEEN RECEIVED. THUS, THE DRAGON ALWAYS GIVES THE SAME TEN RESPONSES IN THE SAME ORDER FOR ALL CUSTOMERS. EVERY SO OFTEN, THE DRAGON'S REPEATED RESPONSES WILL SEEM VERY ACCURATE SIMPLY BY CHANCE. THE DRAGON CANNOT REALLY SEE THE FUTURE. AS THE WAITERS CONTINUE WILDLY LAUGHING, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, HOLDING HANDS AND WITH SAD LOOKS ON THEIR FACES, ENTER THE ASIAN RESTAURANT TO NERVOUSLY SEEK THE COUNSEL OF THE WISE SEA SERPENT ABOUT THE FUTURE OF THEIR GOLDEN YEARS.

**TOM SURFING: FOR PEOPLE IN THE PRESENT, THE PAST IS KNOWN AND REMEMBERED BUT THE FUTURE IS UNKNOWN AND FORGOTTEN. THERE ARE THOSE WHO CLAIM TO SEE THE FUTURE, WHETHER THEY CLAIM TO BE SOOTH SAYERS, TIME TRAVELERS, MYSTIC MONKEYS, OR EVEN INANIMATE OBJECTS. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU SEEK COUNSEL, JUST MAKE SURE YOU DO NOT BECOME A SLAVE OF THE FUTURE, WHICH IS THE GREATEST MYSTERY…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**39 EPISODE THIRTY-NINE: THE FOUR OF US ARE CRYING**

**TOM SURFING: CHAMELEONS MAY BE THE MOST INTERESTING CREATURES ABOVE THE SEA. BUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN THEY WANT TO CONQUER ALL SEA MEN? TONIGHT'S TALE IS ONE OF ALIEN INVASION…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY ARE RETURNING TO THE SURFACE OF THE SEA ABOVE BIKINI BOTTOM FROM A VOYAGE IN SANDY'S SUBMARINE TO THE GULF OF MEXICO NEAR TEXAS TO REMOTELY VIEW THE RUINS OF THE BATTLE OF THE ALAMO FOR SANDY'S HISTORICAL RESEARCH ABOUT THE HISTORY OF TEXAS. SANDY'S SUBMARINE USED ITS POWERFUL PERISCOPE AND PARKED NEAR THE SURFACE OF THE SEA TO REMOTELY VIEW THE RUINS OF THE ALAMO. AFTER SANDY TOLD THE TRAGIC FATE OF THE TEXAN SOLDIERS OF THE ALAMO TO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, ALL THREE COMMEMORATED THE HISTORICAL SITE BY SHOOTING NOTES IN BOTTLES FROM THE SUBMARINE'S LAUNCH GUNS TO THE SURFACE OF THE SEA. THE NOTES WISH FOR LASTING PEACE IN THE ALAMO SO THAT IT NEVER EXPERIENCES THE HORRORS OF WAR AGAIN. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE WEARING ASTRONAUT SUITS CONTAINING WATER FOR THE TRIP INSIDE THE SUBMARINE WHICH IS EMPTY OF WATER. THOUGH SANDY IS NOT WEARING HER AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT INSIDE THE SUBMARINE, SHE KEEPS SEVERAL SPARE ASTRONAUT SUITS CONTAINING AIR IN CASE OF A CRASH SINKING BACK INTO THE DEEP SEA. RETURNING FROM THE TRIP, THE SUBMARINE IS FLOATING NEAR THE SURFACE OF THE SEA TOWARDS THE WATERS AND ISLANDS ABOVE BIKINI BOTTOM. HOWEVER, A POWERFUL STORM PRODUCES HUGE WATER CYCLONES, CAUSING THE SUBMARINE TO CRASH LAND ON THE SHORES OF THE ISLAND ABOVE BIKINI BOTTOM. AS THE STORM TEMPORARILY SUBSIDES, SANDY MAKES REPAIRS TO THE SUBMARINE ON THE BEAUTIFUL ISLAND, WHILE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, WEARING THEIR WATER ASTRONAUT SUITS, HAPPILY COLLECT FRUIT, ESPECIALLY PINEAPPLES, FROM THE MANY TREES OF THE ISLAND. A NATIVE OF THE ISLAND AND AN ALIEN TO THE SEA, A MALE CHAMELEON LIZARD POSSESSING THE ABILITIES TO CAMOUFLAGE INTO ITS SURROUNDINGS, TO SHAPE SHIFT INTO WHATEVER CREATURES IT SEES BY ITS OWN WILL, AND TO POISON ANYONE IT BITES, CAMOUFLAGES INTO THE FRUIT TREES AND FOLLOWS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BACK TO THE DAMAGED SUBMARINE. BECAUSE OF THE EXTENSIVE DAMAGE TO THE SUBMARINE, THE REPAIRS WILL NEED TO BE COMPLETED IN THE MORNING, CAUSING THE THREE FRIENDS TO CAMP BY FIRE LIGHT ON THE ISLAND FOR THE NIGHT, ENJOY A FRUITY FEAST DINNER, AND FALL ASLEEP BY THE WARM FIRE LIGHT AND THE TWINKLING STARS IN THE NIGHT SKY ABOVE. WHILE THEY SLEEP, THE CHAMELEON STEALS AND EATS SOME OF THEIR FRESH FRUIT, SNEAKS INTO THE DAMAGED SUBMARINE, STEALS AND WEARS ONE OF SANDY'S SPARE AIR ASTRONAUT SUITS TO SURVIVE BELOW THE SEA, AND HIDES IN THE CARGO ROOM OF THE SUBMARINE AS IT PLAYFULLY PRACTICES SHAPE SHIFTING INTO SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY, UNTIL IT GROWS TIRED AND FALLS ASLEEP. THE NEXT MORNING, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WAKE UP TO SANDY'S GOOD NEWS THAT SHE HAS REPAIRED THE SUBMARINE AND THEY CAN NOW RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM. AS THE REPAIRED SUBMARINE AND THE RECUPERATED CREW RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM, THEY HORRIFICALLY DISCOVER THAT THE CITY LOOKS LIKE THE RUINS OF A BATTLEFIELD SINCE THE STORM LIKEWISE AFFECTED THE DEEP WATERS BELOW THE SURFACE OF THE SEA. THE RUINS OF BIKINI BOTTOM REMIND THE CREW OF THE RUINS OF THE ALAMO. APPARENTLY, THE SEA STORM THAT CAUSED SANDY'S SUBMARINE TO CRASH INTO THE ISLAND LIKEWISE CAUSED MUCH DESTRUCTION IN BIKINI BOTTOM AS MANY PEOPLE LOSE HOMES AND TAKE REFUGE IN THEIR BASEMENTS TO WAIT OUT THE RECURRING STORMS. AS STORM CURRENTS BEGIN TO RECUR, THE CREW TAKES THE SUBMARINE TO SANDY'S LARGELY INTACT SECOND SECRET TREE DOME, WHICH IS A REPLICA OF HER OTHER TREE DOME AND IS LOCATED IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE DEVASTATED CITY, TO TAKE REFUGE FROM THE ONCOMING SERIES OF ADDITIONAL SIMILAR SEA STORMS THAT ARE LIKE THE AFTERSHOCKS OF EARTHQUAKES. THEY PARK THE SUBMARINE OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME AND TAKE THEIR FRUIT FOOD WITH THEM INTO THE TREE DOME AS THEY WAIT UNTIL THE RECURRING STORMS END. HOWEVER, THE CAMOUFLAGED CHAMELEON, WEARING HIS AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT, SECRETLY FOLLOWS THEM INTO THE TREE DOME, WHERE HE ABANDONS HIS AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT DUE TO THE TREE DOME'S ARTIFICIAL TERRESTRIAL ENVIRONMENT AND HIDES AMONG ITS GRASS. THE CHAMELEON STAYS HIDDEN AMONG THEM BY CAMOUFLAGING INTO THE TREE DOME ENVIRONMENT. SANDY DOES NOT WEAR HER AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT IN THE TREE DOME, WHILE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK STILL WEAR THEIR WATER ASTRONAUT SUITS INSIDE THE TREE DOME. AS THE CREW STORES THEIR FRUIT IN THE TREE BRANCHES ABOVE SANDY'S TREE HOUSE, THEY DECIDE TO DISCUSS THEIR SURVIVAL PLAN INSIDE THE TREE HOUSE TO DETERMINE HOW THEY SHOULD RATION THEIR FOOD TO SURVIVE THE REMAINDER OF THE RECURRING SEA STORMS. AS THEY MASTER DEBATE OVER LOWERING PATRICK'S USUAL LARGE MEAL SIZES, THE CAMOUFLAGED CHAMELEON CRAWLS UP THE TREE PAST THE TREE HOUSE, CONTINUES TO EAT AND STEAL THEIR STORED FRUIT, AND HIDES AND CAMOUFLAGES AMONG THE LARGE TREE'S MANY BRANCHES ABOVE THEM. AS THE GROUP PREPARES TO DIVIDE THEIR FRUITY RATIONS, THEY DISCOVER THAT MUCH OF THE FRUIT IS MISSING, CAUSING CONFUSION AND DIVISION AMONG THEMSELVES ABOUT WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR EATING THE MISSING PORTIONS. BOTH SANDY AND SPONGEBOB BLAME PATRICK FOR SECRETLY EATING THE LARGE AMOUNT OF MISSING FRUIT SINCE HE IS A FAT GREEDY CRAZY PIG. PATRICK DENIES THE CHARGES BUT ALSO CLAIMS HE CANNOT REMEMBER IF HE REALLY DID SO OR NOT SINCE HE IS VERY FORGETFUL AND STUPID. AS SPONGEBOB AND SANDY SEPARATE FROM PATRICK TO PRIVATELY DISCUSS HOW TO DEAL WITH HIS AGGRESSIVE EATING HABITS, THE CHAMELEON SECRETLY PLACES MANY MOSTLY EATEN FRUIT PIECES NEXT TO PATRICK TO MAKE PATRICK THE PRIME SUSPECT TO DIVIDE THE GROUP. WHEN SPONGEBOB AND SANDY RETURN TO PATRICK, THEY DENOUNCE HIS APPARENT GUILT DUE TO THE NEW PHYSICAL EVIDENCE. THE CONFUSED PATRICK BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS AND PLEADS THAT HE SIMPLY CANNOT CONTROL HIMSELF AND HAS A HORRIBLE MEMORY DUE TO BEING CONSTANTLY DROPPED AS A BABY BY HIS BAD PARENTS AND BEING ADDICTED TO SWEET FOODS ALL HIS LIFE. THE OTHERS FORGIVE PATRICK, AND THE GROUP DECIDES TO PLANT A SMALL ACORN TREE TO GROW MORE FOOD FOR THEM TO SURVIVE. AS THEY PLANT AND WATER THE SMALL ACORN TREE ON THE GRASS AWAY FROM THE LARGE CENTRAL TREE, THE CURIOUS AND MISCHIEVOUS CHAMELEON SNEAKS INTO THE TREE HOUSE AND ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVERS SANDY'S WRITTEN DIRECTIONS ON HOW TO ENTER HER SECRET BUNKER LABORATORY UNDERNEATH THE GRASS OF THE TREE DOME AND WRITTEN SCIENTIFIC NOTES ABOUT THE GENETIC EXPERIMENTS SHE CONDUCTS THERE. SANDY'S UNDERGROUND LABORATORY CONTAINS FISH EMBRYOS IN NURTURING ARTIFICIAL GROWTH CHAMBERS. SANDY IS STUDYING THE FISH EMBRYOS' DEVELOPMENT TO NOTE THE BIOLOGICAL SIMILARITIES BETWEEN FISH, REPTILES, AND AMPHIBIANS SINCE SHE HAD STUDIED REPTILE AND AMPHIBIAN EMBRYOS WHILE LIVING IN TEXAS BEFORE COMING TO LIVE IN THE SEA. AS NIGHT FALLS IN THE TREE DOME AND THE SEA STORMS CONTINUE TO CAUSE MUCH DESTRUCTION IN THE CITY OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME, THE CREW BECOMES TIRED FROM THEIR LABOR, EATS A MEAL OF FRUIT, AND GOES TO SLEEP INSIDE SANDY'S TREE HOUSE, WHILE THE CHAMELEON HIDES INSIDE THE BRANCHES ABOVE THE TREE HOUSE. AS THEY FALL ASLEEP, THE CHAMELEON BREAKS INTO THE BUNKER LAB, LOCATES THE FISH EMBRYOS, AND MIXES HIS OWN GENETIC MATERIAL INTO THE FISH EMBRYOS TO CREATE HYBRID CHAMELEON-FISH EMBRYOS, WHICH WILL DEVELOP INTO CHAMELEON-FISH WHO WILL LOOK LIKE FISH WITH MORE REPTILIAN-LOOKING SCALES AND WILL HAVE THE ABILITIES TO SHAPE SHIFT, CAMOUFLAGE INTO THEIR SURROUNDINGS, AND POISON ANYONE THEY BITE JUST LIKE THE CHAMELEON HIMSELF THOUGH THEY CAN LIVE UNDERWATER NATURALLY UNLIKE THE CHAMELEON. THE CHAMELEON REMOVES THE BOTTLE CHAMBERS NURTURING AND CONTAINING THE NEW CHAMELEON-FISH EMBRYOS FROM THE LAB, DONS AN AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT, AND TAKES THE CHAMBERS TO A NEARBY CAVE IN THE SEA OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME, WHERE HE LEAVES THE HYBRID EMBRYOS TO GROW AND DEVELOP. AS THE CHAMELEON RETURNS TO THE TREE DOME TO STEAL AND EAT MORE FRUIT AND HIDES IN THE TREE BRANCHES ABOVE THE TREE HOUSE, THE OTHERS WAKE FROM THEIR SLUMBER AS MORNING COMES AND THE LONG SEA STORMS OUTSIDE NEAR BIKINI BOTTOM LESSEN IN SEVERITY BUT STILL CONTINUE. THE CHAMELEON IS PROUD OF HIS SNEAKY ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND TAKES A NAP BEFORE HE INITIATES THE FINAL STEP OF HIS DEVIOUS MASTER PLAN. THE CHAMELEON PLANS TO STEAL SANDY'S CONTROL KEYS TO THE SUBMARINE TO TAKE THE SUBMARINE BACK TO HIS ISLAND ABOVE THE SEA. HE WILL THEN PROVIDE HIS FELLOW CHAMELEON LIZARD ISLAND RESIDENTS WITH THE SPARE AIR ASTRONAUT SUITS INSIDE THE SUBMARINE, AND THEY WILL ALL RETURN IN THE SUBMARINE TO CONQUER THE DEVASTATED BIKINI BOTTOM WITH THE HELP OF THE NEW CHAMELEON-FISH WHO WILL SHAPE SHIFT TO INFILTRATE THE RECUPERATING CITY ONCE THE CHAMELEON-FISH EGGS HATCH AND THE RECURRING SEA STORMS FULLY END. THE CHAMELEONS AND NEW CHAMELEON-FISH WILL THEN BE MASTERS OF THE SEA CITY AND ENJOY EATING ITS RESIDENTS AS YUMMY SEAFOOD, WHICH THEY CANNOT FIND ON THEIR NATIVE ISLAND. AS THE CHAMELEON NAPS IN THE HIGH BRANCHES OF THE CENTRAL LARGE TREE, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK COLLECT NEW ACORNS FROM THE NEW SMALL ACORN TREE, AND SANDY DECIDES TO CHECK ON HER FISH EMBRYOS TO SEE HOW THEY ARE DEVELOPING AND TO SEE IF THE STORMS HAVE AFFECTED THE BUNKER LAB. THE SHOCKED SANDY DISCOVERS THAT SOMETHING CAUSED A HUGE MESS IN HER LAB THE NIGHT BEFORE AND THAT ALL THE FISH EMBRYOS ARE MISSING. SHE IMMEDIATELY SUSPECTS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK OF FOOLING AROUND AND HIDING HER FISH EMBRYOS AS AN EASTER EGG HUNT GAME. THE THREE FRIENDS DISCUSS THE MYSTERIOUS BREAK-IN AND INSPECT THE DAMAGED LAB. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DENY BREAKING INTO THE LAB, AND SANDY SOON DISCOVERS THE SHED LIZARD SKINS OF THE CHAMELEON. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TREMBLE IN FEAR AND DISGUST AT THE SHED LIZARD SKINS, WHICH THEY BELIEVE TO BE FROM SEA SNAKES INFILTRATING THE TREE DOME TO EAT THEM ALL. HOWEVER, SANDY INFORMS THEM THAT THE SHED LIZARD SKINS DO NOT RESEMBLE NATIVE SEA SNAKE SKINS. SHE REALIZES THAT A CHAMELEON LIZARD SHAPE SHIFTER FROM THE ISLAND ABOVE THE SEA MUST HAVE HIDDEN IN THEIR SUBMARINE WHEN THEY WERE THERE, INFILTRATED THE TREE DOME UPON THEIR RETURN, STOLEN THEIR FRUIT FOOD, AND STOLEN AND HIDDEN THE FISH EMBRYOS FOR AN UNKNOWN SINISTER PURPOSE OR SIMPLY EATEN THEM. SHE BELIEVES THE CHAMELEON SHAPE SHIFTER IS STILL AMONG THEM, CAUSING ALL THREE FRIENDS TO WONDER IF ONE OF THEIR FELLOW CREW MEMBERS IS AN ALIEN SHAPE SHIFTER IN DISGUISE THAT KIDNAPPED AND REPLACED THE REGULAR PERSON OVERNIGHT TO SLOWLY DESTROY THEM ALL. EVERYONE TELLS THE OTHERS THAT THEY TOO WERE SLEEPING LAST NIGHT AND WERE NOT KIDNAPPED AND REPLACED. THE SUSPICIOUS CREW MEMBERS BEGIN TO QUESTION ONE ANOTHER ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES TO DISCOVER WHO THE IMPOSTER AMONG THEM IS. THE QUESTIONS INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: WHAT KIND OF UNDERWEAR THEY WEAR (SPONGEBOB DOES NOT WEAR ANY UNDERWEAR, SANDY WEARS A SMALL BIKINI, AND PATRICK WEARS A PINK SPEEDO); THE AQUATIC SPECIES THEY THINK IS THE HOTTEST (SPONGEBOB THINKS DOLPHINS ARE HOT, SANDY THINKS LOBSTERS ARE HOT, AND PATRICK THINKS WHALES ARE HOT); HOW OFTEN THEY GO TO THE BATHROOM EACH DAY (SPONGEBOB GOES FIVE TIMES PER DAY, SANDY GOES TEN TIMES PER DAY, AND PATRICK HAS TERRIBLE CONSTIPATION PROBLEMS AND HAS AN ENLARGED PROSTATE THAT CAUSES HIM TO URINATE UP TO 30 TIMES PER DAY); HOW MUCH MONEY THEY STEAL FROM THE WEALTHY MR. KRABS EACH MONTH (SPONGEBOB STEALS TWENTY DOLLARS PER MONTH, SANDY STEALS ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS PER MONTH, AND PATRICK STEALS ONE PENNY PER MONTH); AND WHAT PLANETS THEY THINK ARE INHABITED BY ALIENS (SPONGEBOB BELIEVES IN THREE-ARMED MARTIANS, SANDY BELIEVES IN THREE-EYED VENUSIANS, AND PATRICK BELIEVES IN TRIANGULAR CHEESE PEOPLE LIVING ON THE MOON, WHICH HE BELIEVES TO BE MADE OF CHEESE). BECAUSE PATRICK IS STUPID AND HAS POOR MEMORY ABOUT HIS FRIENDS' SECRETS THAT THEY HAVE ALL SHARED WITH EACH OTHER MANY TIMES IN THE PAST, PATRICK ANSWERS MOST OF THE PERSONAL QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OTHERS INCORRECTLY, CAUSING SPONGEBOB AND SANDY TO SUSPECT HIM OF BEING THE CHAMELEON. THEY HOLD HIM DOWN, TORTURE HIM WITH EXCESSIVE TICKLING AND UNDERWEAR WEDGIES, AND DEMAND THAT HE RETURN THE REAL PATRICK AND DEMAND THAT HE ASSUME HIS REGULAR LIZARD FORM, BUT PATRICK ONLY BEGS THEM FOR MERCY AND STRUGGLES TO BREAK FREE OF THEIR GRIPS. THEIR SMALL FIGHT WAKES UP THE CHAMELEON FROM HIS NAP AND THE CHAMELEON JOYFULLY WATCHES THEIR DIVISION. SUDDENLY, SQUIDWARD ARRIVES FROM THE DEVASTATED CITY AS THE STORMS STILL RAGE OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME. SQUIDWARD STOPS OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME AND REQUESTS ENTRANCE INTO THE TREE DOME TO SEEK REFUGE FROM THE STORMS, WHICH HE CLAIMS DESTROYED HIS HOME AND MOST HOMES AND PEOPLE IN THE CITY. AS THE CHAMELEON, HIDING IN THE HIGH TREE BRANCHES OF THE BIG TREE IN THE TREE DOME, SEES SQUIDWARD, THE CHAMELEON PLAYFULLY PRACTICES SHAPE SHIFTING INTO SQUIDWARD'S FORM. THE THREE FRIENDS END THEIR FIGHT. PATRICK TELLS THE OTHERS THAT SQUIDWARD, NOT HIMSELF, MUST BE THE CHAMELEON IN DISGUISE AND THAT THEY SHOULD NOT LET HIM IN THE TREE DOME. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY, WHO NO LONGER BELIEVE PATRICK IS THE CHAMELEON BECAUSE THEY DO NOT THINK THE CHAMELEON COULD COPY PATRICK'S STUPIDITY SO WELL, ARE LIKEWISE SUSPICIOUS OF SQUIDWARD, BUT HIS SAD PLEAS FOR THEIR HELP CAUSE THEM TO RELUCTANTLY ALLOW HIM ENTRANCE INTO THE TREE DOME. SANDY PROVIDES SQUIDWARD WITH A WATER ASTRONAUT SUIT AND THEY NOTIFY SQUIDWARD OF THE ALIEN SHAPE SHIFTER SECRETLY AMONG THEM. AFTER SQUIDWARD PASSES THEIR INTERROGATION ABOUT THEIR PERSONAL LIVES (SQUIDWARD ANSWERS THEIR QUESTIONS CORRECTLY BECAUSE HE IS A NOSY NEIGHBOR WITH A BIG NOSE WHO SPIES ON EVERYONE), THEY SHARE THEIR FRUIT AND ACORNS WITH HIM. SQUIDWARD ASSURES THEM THAT A SEA SNAKE IS MOST LIKELY RESPONSIBLE FOR BREAKING INTO SANDY'S LAB AND EATING HER FISH EMBRYOS. HOWEVER, THE GROUP OF FOUR FRIENDS, ALL WEARING ASTRONAUT SUITS, DECIDES TO SEARCH THROUGHOUT THE TREE DOME FOR THE POTENTIAL ALIEN CHAMELEON INVADER. SANDY ARMS THEM ALL WITH TRANQUILIZER GUNS FROM HER LAB. THE GROUP BREAKS UP INTO TWO SEPARATE GROUPS AND COMMUNICATES VIA WALKIE-TALKIES TO COVER MORE GROUND FASTER. SANDY AND SQUIDWARD MAKE UP THE FIRST GROUP AND CONTINUE TO SEARCH THE LARGE BUNKER LAB. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK MAKE UP THE SECOND GROUP AND SEARCH THE REST OF THE TREE DOME ABOVE THE BUNKER LAB. TO CAUSE DIVISION AMONG THE GROUP AND TO DEFLECT BLAME ONTO THE NEWCOMER SQUIDWARD, THE CHAMELEON, WEARING HIS AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT, SHAPE SHIFTS INTO SQUIDWARD, SNEAKS DOWN FROM THE TREE, AND ATTACKS THE TEAM OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. THE CHAMELEON DISARMS THEM OF THEIR TRANQUILIZER GUNS AND BITES SPONGEBOB, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO BECOME POISONED BY THE CHAMELEON'S TOXIC BITES. DURING THE ENSUING STRUGGLE, THE CHAMELEON MANAGES TO STEAL SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S WALKIE-TALKIES AND TO IMPERSONATE SPONGEBOB'S VOICE VIA THE WALKIE-TALKIES TO LIE TO INFORM SANDY THAT THE SQUIDWARD SHE IS WITH IS THE CHAMELEON IMPOSTER. AS THE REAL CHAMELEON DESTROYS THE WALKIE-TALKIES AFTER SENDING THE MESSAGE, PATRICK MANAGES TO WARD THE CHAMELEON OFF BY BITING OFF ONE OF THE CHAMELEON'S TENTACLES, WHICH FALLS OFF HIS BODY AND ASSUMES THE FORM OF THE DISEMBODIED CHAMELEON'S LIZARD TAIL. THE WEAKENED CHAMELEON ASSUMES HIS REGULAR LIZARD FORM AND FLEES TOWARD THE BUNKER LAB. THE CHAMELEON NEEDS TO REACH SANDY TO GET THE CONTROL KEYS SHE IS CARRYING TO HER SUBMARINE TO STEAL THE SUBMARINE. AS PATRICK SEARCHES FOR MEDICAL SUPPLIES IN THE TREE HOUSE TO SAVE THE POISONED SPONGEBOB, THE PANICKED SANDY FIRES TRANQUILIZER DARTS AT SQUIDWARD, WHO DODGES THE DARTS, DENIES THE CHARGE, FLEES THROUGHOUT THE LARGE LAB, AND FIRES HIS OWN TRANQUILIZER DARTS AT HER. SANDY LIKEWISE DODGES THE DARTS AS SQUIDWARD HIDES BEHIND LAB EQUIPMENT. AS SANDY RELOADS MORE DARTS INTO HER TRANQUILIZER GUN, SQUIDWARD AMBUSHES HER FROM BEHIND AND USES HIS MANY TENTACLES AS BLUDGEONS TO KNOCK HER OUT. AS SQUIDWARD FLEES TO EXIT THE LAB, THE CHAMELEON SHAPE SHIFTS INTO SQUIDWARD AND ATTACKS HIM. AS THE TWO SQUIDWARDS FIGHT, THE CHAMELEON BREAKS SQUIDWARD'S TRANQUILIZER GUN, CAUSING THE DARTS TO ROLL ACROSS THE LAB FLOOR. SQUIDWARD PICKS UP ONE OF THE DARTS AND TRIES TO STAB THE CHAMELEON WITH IT, BUT THE CHAMELEON OVERPOWERS HIM AND CAUSES HIM TO STAB HIMSELF AT HIS BIG NOSE WITH THE DART TO PUT HIMSELF TO SLEEP. THE CHAMELEON, STILL AS A COPY OF SQUIDWARD AND STILL WEARING HIS AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT, THEN STEALS THE KEYS TO THE SUBMARINE FROM THE UNCONSCIOUS SANDY, EXITS THE LAB, AND FLEES OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME TO ENTER THE SUBMARINE. MEANWHILE, PATRICK FINALLY FINDS AND USES EMERGENCY MEDICINE IN THE TREE HOUSE TO SAVE THE POISONED SPONGEBOB TO REMOVE THE POISON FROM HIS BODY AND TO ALLOW HIM TO MAKE A FAST FULL RECOVERY. SANDY AWAKES, LEAVES THE LAB WITHOUT SEEING THE FALLEN SQUIDWARD, AND GOES TO FIND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ABOVE THE LAB. AS THE THREE FRIENDS RENDEZVOUS, THEY ALL NOW BELIEVE THAT SQUIDWARD IS THE CHAMELEON. THE REAL SQUIDWARD FIGHTS OFF THE SLEEPING EFFECTS OF THE TRANQUILIZER DART AND STUMBLES OUT OF THE LAB TO MEET WITH THE OTHERS. AS THE GROGGY REAL SQUIDWARD CONFRONTS THE OTHERS TO PLEA THAT HE IS NOT THE CHAMELEON, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY AMBUSH HIM. PATRICK HOLDS THE SLEEPY AND STRUGGLING SQUIDWARD, WHILE SPONGEBOB AND SANDY USE THEIR KARATE ATTACKS TO BEAT HIM UP. AS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY DEMAND THAT SQUIDWARD ASSUME HIS CHAMELEON FORM AND SURRENDER, THE REAL CHAMELEON ASSUMES HIS REGULAR LIZARD FORM IN THE SUBMARINE AND FLIES OFF IN THE SUBMARINE TOWARDS THE SURFACE OF THE SEA, REVEALING TO THEM ALL THAT THE DEFEATED SQUIDWARD THEY ARE WITH IS THE REAL SQUIDWARD AND THE REAL CHAMELEON IS ESCAPING IN THE SUBMARINE. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY SCREAM IN PROTEST AT THE ESCAPING SUBMARINE, STOP THEIR ABUSE OF SQUIDWARD, AND BRING HIM EMERGENCY MEDICAL SUPPLIES FROM THE TREE HOUSE TO HELP HIM RECOVER. HOWEVER, DUE TO THE LAST REMAINING STORM EFFECTS OUTSIDE IN THE SEA AND DUE TO THE SUBMARINE'S REPAIRS BEING VERY RECENT, THE SUBMARINE MALFUNCTIONS AND ACCIDENTALLY CRASHES BACK INTO THE TREE DOME, BREAKING THE TREE DOME AND FLOODING IT WITH WATER. THE INJURED CHAMELEON EMERGES FROM THE CRASHED SUBMARINE, BUT HIS AIR ASTRONAUT SUIT AND ALL THE OTHER SPARE AIR ASTRONAUT SUITS IN THE SUBMARINE ARE DAMAGED FROM THE CRASH, CAUSING HIM TO DROWN IN THE WATERS BEFORE ALL THE OTHERS. AS THE CHAMELEON DIES, THE CHAMELEON LAUGHS AND REVEALS TO THEM ALL HIS GENETIC PRODUCTION OF THE CHAMELEON-FISH HYBRID SHAPE SHIFTERS, WHOM HE CLAIMS WILL NOW INFILTRATE AND DESTROY THE RECOVERING CITY. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD WATCH IN HORROR AS THE CHAMELEON FALLS TO THE FLOOR, CONTINUES TO SUFFOCATE IN THE WATERS, AND QUICKLY SUCCESSIVELY SHAPE SHIFTS INTO EACH OF THEM, THOUGH HIS OWN LUNGS FROM DROWNING ARE TOO DAMAGED TO SURVIVE IN THE WATERS AS COPIES OF THE FOUR SEA CREATURES. THE CHAMELEON QUICKLY INVOLUNTARILY SHAPE SHIFTS FROM ONE PERSON TO ANOTHER, CHANGING FROM SPONGEBOB TO PATRICK TO SANDY AND FINALLY TO SQUIDWARD. BECAUSE THEY ARE WITNESSING THEIR OWN "DEATHS," THE FOUR FRIENDS OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD ALL CRY OVER THE DISTURBING SIGHT. AS THE CHAMELEON FINALLY DIES WITH A WICKED SMILE ON ITS REGULAR LIZARD FACE AND BRUISED LIZARD BODY, THE FOUR FRIENDS SADLY REMARK THAT THE CHAMELEON'S DEATH MAKES THEM FEEL LIKE THEY DESTROYED PARTS OF THEMSELVES AND THAT THE CHAMELEON SUCCESSFULLY TURNED THEM AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. THE SEA STORMS OUTSIDE THE BROKEN TREE DOME FINALLY FULLY END, ALLOWING CALM WEATHER AND A BRIGHT SUN TO COVER THE SEA. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD FINALLY STOP CRYING LIKE BABIES. THEY SEARCH OUTSIDE THE BROKEN TREE DOME FOR THE CHAMELEON-FISH EGGS, FIND THEM IN THE NEARBY CAVE, AND DISCOVER THAT THE CHAMELEON-FISH THAT THE CHAMELEON CREATED HAVE HATCHED FROM THEIR EGGS TO INVADE THE CITY, IMPLYING THAT NOW MANY CHAMELEON-FISH LIVE AMONG THE SURVIVING PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THE FOUR FRIENDS AGREE THAT THOUGH THE CHAMELEON LOST THE BATTLE AGAINST THEM, THE CHAMELEON MAY HAVE WON THE WAR AGAINST SEA CREATURES NOW THAT THE CHAMELEON-FISH SHAPE SHIFTERS HAVE GROWN AND ENTERED INTO BIKINI BOTTOM. THE FOUR FRIENDS WONDER IF THE RECOVERING CITY WILL NOW SOON BE OVERRUN BY CHAMELEON-FISH JUST LIKE THE ALAMO THEY VISITED EARLIER HAD BEEN OVERRUN BY INVADERS AND IS NOW NOTHING BUT RUINS. REGARDLESS OF THEIR CHANCES AGAINST THE ALIEN SHAPE SHIFTER HYBRID INVADERS, ALL FOUR FRIENDS PROMISE ONE ANOTHER THAT THEY WILL FIGHT THE INVADERS UNTIL THE END, JUST LIKE THE TEXAN SOLDIERS OF THE ALAMO FOUGHT AGAINST THE MEXICAN INVADERS OF THE MISSION IN THE TEXAS REVOLUTION FOR THE STATE'S INDEPENDENCE FROM MEXICO. AS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD INTERLOCK ARMS AND MARCH LIKE BRAVE SOLDIERS TOWARDS THE DEVASTATED CITY TO HELP IT RECOVER AND TO FIGHT THE ALIEN CHAMELEON-FISH INVADERS, SPONGEBOB REMINDS THEM ALL TO "REMEMBER THE ALAMO."

**TOM SURFING: ARE THERE ALIEN SHAPE SHIFTERS ALREADY AMONG US? IS THE SECRET INVASION ALREADY IN ITS LAST STAGES? ARE WE SIMPLY MISTAKEN WHEN WE SEE OUR DOUBLES, OR MIGHT WE BE SEEING A REPTILIAN MONSTER IN DISGUISE? FOR NOW ONLY ONE SOURCE HOLDS THE ANSWERS, THE SCIENCE FICTION…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**40 EPISODE FORTY: THE DEAD PHONE CALL **

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE HAS LOST LOVED ONES TO THE SPECTER OF DEATH. EVERYONE WISHES THEY COULD SPEAK AND VISIT WITH THEIR DECEASED LOVED ONES ONE FINAL TIME TO SAY AND SHOW HOW VERY MUCH THEY LOVE THEM AND HOW MUCH THEY WILL ALWAYS BE MISSED. BUT VERY FEW PEOPLE WISH TO CONDUCT UNNATURAL MEETINGS TO COMMUNICATE WITH THE OTHER SIDE OF THE NETHERWORLD. AND EVEN FEWER PEOPLE RECEIVE DEAD PHONE CALLS…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SQUIDWARD RECEIVES NIGHTLY PHONE CALLS FROM SEEMINGLY UNKNOWN OLD PEOPLE WHO CREEPILY REPEAT AND CHANT HIS NAME. AT FIRST, SQUIDWARD BELIEVES THE CALLS TO BE SIMPLE PRANKS, AND HE ALWAYS FURIOUSLY TELLS THEM TO STOP CALLING AND HANGS UP ON THEM. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD SOON FEARS THAT HE RECOGNIZES ONE OF THE OLD VOICES. HE BELIEVES THE FAMILIAR FEMALE VOICE IS THAT OF HIS RECENTLY DECEASED GRANDMOTHER, GRANDMA TENTACLES, WHO DIED NEARLY ONE YEAR AGO FROM OLD AGE IN HER SLEEP. THE OLD FAMILIAR FEMALE VOICE ALWAYS BECKONS SQUIDWARD TO VISIT HER FINAL RESTING PLACE FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE. WHENEVER SQUIDWARD ASKS WHO THE PERSON IS OR WHAT THE MESSAGE IS, THE PHONE ON THE OTHER LINE HANGS UP AND SQUIDWARD'S OWN HOME PHONE DIES FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING BEFORE ITS POWER MYSTERIOUSLY RETURNS IN THE MORNING. THE NIGHTLY PHONE CALLS OCCUR EVERY NIGHT AT THE EXACT TIME THAT GRANDMA TENTACLES WAS PRONOUNCED DEAD BY FISH DOCTORS. AT FIRST THE RESTLESS SQUIDWARD IS TOO SCARED TO VISIT THE GHOST OF GRANDMA TENTACLES, BUT EVENTUALLY SQUIDWARD CONVINCES HIMSELF TO SAY GOOD BYE TO HIS GRANDMOTHER ONE LAST TIME SINCE HE DID NOT GET TO PROPERLY SAY THAT HE LOVED HER AND SAY GOOD BYE BEFORE SHE DIED. SQUIDWARD VISITS HER GRAVE AT THE BIKINI BOTTOM CEMETERY BUT HER GHOST IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. FRUSTRATED AT THE APPARENT PRANKS, SQUIDWARD RETURNS HOME, LEAVING A PAIR OF VIOLET FLOWERS AT HER GRAVE. IT HAS NOW BEEN A FULL WEEK SINCE THE SUPPOSED PRANK CALLS BEGAN AND IT IS NOW THE EVENING ANNIVERSARY OF GRANDMA TENTACLES' DEATH. IN HIS ART ROOM AT HIS HOME, THE EXHAUSTED AND SAD SQUIDWARD HYPNOTICALLY STARES AT A PAINTING HE MADE OF THE DECEASED GRANDMA TENTACLES. SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY WAITS FOR ANOTHER PRANK PHONE CALL WHICH OCCURS AS SCHEDULED. THE OLD FEMALE VOICE REPEATS ITS DISTURBING MESSAGE: "SQUIDY HONEY, SQUIDY HONEY, I WANT TO SEE YOU TONIGHT. I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT. IT IS A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH, MY DEAR LITTLE BLUEBERRY PIE. COME TO MY HOME, MY FINAL HOME, SO YOU AND I CAN SPEAK AGAIN IN THE DARKNESS. I CAN'T WAIT TO PINCH YOUR CUTE FLOPPY NOSE…" SQUIDWARD SHAKES IN FEAR BUT HE CAN HEAR OTHER FAMILIAR VOICES WHISPERING IN THE BACKGROUND. THESE VOICES APPEAR TO BELONG TO SOME OF THE OLD RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS, INCLUDING MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, OLD MAN JENKINS, MRS. KRABS, AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS. SQUIDWARD ALSO FAINTLY HEARS AN UNKNOWN LOUD LAUGHING VOICE IN THE BACKGROUND OF THE CALL. SQUIDWARD FURIOUSLY DEMANDS FOR THE PRANK TO END BEFORE HE PUTS ALL THE OLD PEOPLE TO SLEEP, BUT LOUD ZOMBIE-LIKE MOANING CAN BE HEARD FROM THE OTHER LINE AND SQUIDWARD'S HOME PHONE GOES DEAD. ANGRY AT THE DISRESPECTFUL PRANK BY THE OLD PEOPLE, SQUIDWARD RUSHES DOWN TO SHADY SHOALS TO CONFRONT THEM. WHEN HE ARRIVES AT SHADY SHOALS, THE RETIREMENT HOME IS LOCKED AND ALL OF ITS LIGHTS ARE OUT. IT APPEARS THAT EVERYONE INSIDE IS ALREADY SLEEPING FOR THE NIGHT. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD BELIEVES HE STILL HEARS THE VOICE OF GRANDMA TENTACLES REPEATING HER MESSAGE TO HIM IN THE WINDY NIGHT CHILL. SQUIDWARD REALIZES THAT SHADY SHOALS, NOT THE CITY CEMETERY, WAS GRANDMA TENTACLES' FINAL RESTING PLACE WHERE SHE DIED. SQUIDWARD BELIEVES HIS GRANDMOTHER WANTS TO MEET WITH HIM INSIDE THE RETIREMENT HOME FOR ONE FINAL LOVING VISIT FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE. SQUIDWARD USES HIS CLARINET TO BREAK OPEN A WINDOW TO ENTER THE BUILDING AND FOLLOW THE GHOST VOICE. AS HE SNEAKS PAST THE SLEEPING OLD PEOPLE, MANY OF THEM START SLEEPWALKING. THE OLD SLEEP WALKERS DREAM THAT THEY ARE MOANING FLESH-EATING ZOMBIES AND BEGIN TO CHASE THE SOUNDS OF SQUIDWARD'S FOOTSTEPS. SQUIDWARD USES HIS MANY TENTACLES AND CLARINET AS DEFENSIVE WEAPONS TO KNOCK THE OLD SLEEP WALKERS OUT OF HIS WAY, THOUGH MANY OF THEM CLING ONTO HIM AND BITE HIS BUTT AND TENTACLES, WHICH THEY SAY TASTE LIKE BLUEBERRY PIE, CAUSING HIM TO THROW THEM OFF AND SCREAM AND RUN IN PAIN. FINALLY, SQUIDWARD REACHES THE BASEMENT OF SHADY SHOALS FROM WHICH THE VOICE OF GRANDMA TENTACLES SEEMS TO BE COMING. SQUIDWARD BREAKS DOWN THE BASEMENT DOOR AND TUMBLES DOWN THE BROKEN STAIRS INTO THE BASEMENT GROUNDS. THE BASEMENT ROOM IS DARK AND FULL OF BURNING CANDLES AND MISTY INCENSE. THERE APPEARS TO BE A GROUP OF PEOPLE SITTING AT A ROUND TABLE. AT THE CENTER OF THE ROUND TABLE APPEARS TO BE A GLASS CRYSTAL BALL. A BRIGHT GREEN LIGHT SHINES NEAR THE TABLE. SQUIDWARD STRUGGLES TO REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS AND BALANCE FROM THE FALL. SQUIDWARD CAN NOW CLEARLY MAKE OUT THE FIGURES, ALL OF WHOM APPEAR TO BE CONDUCTING A RITUAL SÉANCE. THE BRIGHT GREEN-LIGHT GLOWING FIGURE IS NONE OTHER THAN THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHO MANIACALLY LAUGHS AND WELCOMES SQUIDWARD TO THE SÉANCE. SEATED AT THE TABLE AND CONDUCTING THE SÉANCE ARE MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, OLD MAN JENKINS, MRS. KRABS, AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS OF SHADY SHOALS. THE OLD PEOPLE ARE ALL CLOSING THEIR EYES, ARE ALL HOLDING HANDS, ARE ALL IN THEIR PAJAMAS, AND ARE ALL CONSTANTLY SILENTLY CHANTING, "SHE, SHE, RISES, RISES!" SQUIDWARD STRUGGLES TO FLEE BACK UP THE STAIRS, BUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PULLS OUT HIS FLAMING GREEN GHOST PIRATE SWORD AND FLOATS TO THE STAIRCASE TO BLOCK HIM. SQUIDWARD PLEAS FOR MERCY, BUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT HIS LIFE WILL MOST CERTAINLY BE SPARED. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN INFORMS SQUIDWARD THAT THE WITCH AND WIZARD RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS ALWAYS SUMMON HIM TO HELP THEM SUMMON A RECENTLY DECEASED OLD PERSON WHO HAS DIED OF OLD AGE AT SHADY SHOALS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ALLOWS THE GHOST OF THE PERSON TO SEND ONE FINAL MESSAGE TO THEIR LOVED ONES BEFORE THEY RETURN TO THE NETHERWORLD. SQUIDWARD'S FEAR ENDS AS HE REALIZES THAT THE GHOST OF GRANDMA TENTACLES WANTS TO WISH HIM GOOD BYE ONE FINAL TIME SO SHE CAN BE AT PEACE. SQUIDWARD FOLLOWS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TO THE SÉANCE TABLE AND SITS DOWN ON AN EXTRA EMPTY SEAT PREPARED FOR HIM. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS HIM TO STARE INTO THE GLASS CRYSTAL BALL. AS SQUIDWARD LOOKS INTO THE MISTY VAPOR INSIDE OF THE GLASS CRYSTAL BALL, THE SÉANCE TABLE AND CHAIRS BEGIN TO LEVITATE AND THE GLASS CRYSTAL BALL BEGINS TO SPIN VERY FAST BY ITS OWN POWER AND FLOAT ABOVE THEM ALL LIKE A ROTATING CELESTIAL BODY. THOUGH EVERYONE ELSE IS RELAXED, SQUIDWARD BEGINS TO SHAKE IN FEAR, BUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS HIS HANDS TO COMFORT HIM. SUDDENLY, THE BLUE GHOST OF GRANDMA TENTACLES BURSTS OPEN THE GLASS CRYSTAL BALL, BREAKING IT. THE GHOST FLOATS ABOVE SQUIDWARD, WHO FALLS TO THE FLOOR AND COVERS HIS EYES IN SHAME AND FEAR AS GLASS SHARDS LAND ON HIM. AFTER THE GHOST PLEADS FOR SQUIDWARD TO LOOK AT HER, SQUIDWARD FINALLY OPENS HIS EYES TO SEE HER. THE GHOST ASKS SQUIDWARD IF HE HAS ANY FINAL MESSAGE FOR HER. SQUIDWARD TELLS HER THAT HE ONLY WANTS TO WISH HER HIS LOVE, TO SAY ONE FINAL GOOD BYE, TO APOLOGIZE FOR NOT VISITING HER MORE OFTEN AT SHADY SHOALS, AND TO PLAY HER ONE FINAL CLARINET FUNERAL SONG. AS SQUIDWARD WEAKLY SMILES, STANDS UP, AND PLAYS HIS CLARINET FOR THE GHOST, EVERYONE ELSE COVERS THEIR EARS IN PAIN SINCE SQUIDWARD IS A HORRIBLE MUSICIAN. AFTER HE FINISHES THE SONG, SQUIDWARD BEGINS TO CRY TEARS OF JOY. HOWEVER, THE GHOST OF GRANDMA TENTACLES SIMPLY SCOWLS AT SQUIDWARD AND TELLS HIM HE IS THE WORST CLARINET PLAYER OF ALL TIME. SQUIDWARD LOOKS HURT AND CONFUSED BY THE INSULT. THE GHOST EXPLAINS THAT SHE NEVER GOT THE CHANCE TO RANT ONE LAST TIME ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A DISAPPOINTMENT SQUIDWARD AS A GRANDSON IS TO HER. AS THE GHOST STARTS HER CRANKY RANT, SQUIDWARD COWERS BELOW THE FLOATING TABLE AND COVERS HIS EARS. HOWEVER, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND THE OLD PEOPLE, WHO APPEAR TO BE IN HYPNOTIC TRANCES, SUPERNATURALLY FLOAT TO AND GRAB SQUIDWARD, REMOVE HIS LIMBS FROM COVERING HIS EARS, AND HOLD HIM IN PLACE TO HEAR GRANDMA TENTACLES' FINAL SUPERNATURAL RANT ABOUT HIM. GRANDMA TENTACLES SAYS SHE IS DISAPPOINTED IN SQUIDWARD FOR FIVE MAJOR REASONS: SQUIDWARD NEVER MARRIED A BEAUTIFUL SQUID WIFE AND NEVER PRODUCED CUTE OCTOPUS GRANDCHILDREN FOR HER TO LOVE; SQUIDWARD NEVER HAD NATURAL MUSICAL TALENT AND COULD NEVER EARN A BETTER JOB THAN A FAST FOOD RESTAURANT CASHIER; SQUIDWARD CARED MORE FOR HIS ART THAT SIMPLY PORTRAYED HIS OWN UGLINESS THAN ABOUT VISITING HER OFTEN FOR HER FINAL GOLDEN YEARS; SQUIDWARD NEVER FULLY ENJOYED LIFE AS MUCH AS HIS NEIGHBORS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DO AND HE IS DOOMED TO BECOME A CRANKY OLD SQUID BECAUSE OF HIS GRINCH-LIKE ATTITUDE; AND FINALLY, SQUIDWARD ACCIDENTALLY BROKE HER FAVORITE GLASS VASE OF VIOLET FLOWERS FROM HER DECEASED HUSBAND WHEN SQUIDWARD WAS A LITTLE BOY TRYING TO DRAW A PICTURE OF IT, FOR WHICH SHE NEVER COULD REALLY FORGIVE HIM. AS SQUIDWARD BEGS FOR HER FORGIVENESS AND PROMISES TO CHANGE HIS LIFE, HER GHOST BEGINS TO FADE, TELLS HIM HE IS TOO OLD TO CHANGE NOW, ASSURES HIM HE WILL ALWAYS BE A TRAGIC INKY BLEMISH FOR THE TENTACLES FAMILY AND LEGACY, AND TELLS HIM SHE CAN NOW REST IN PEACE BECAUSE ALL HER SORROW IS NOW PASSED ONTO HIM. AS GRANDMA TENTACLES FINALLY DISAPPEARS, ALL THE LEVITATING OBJECTS CRASH DOWN ONTO THE OLD PEOPLE TO KNOCK THEM OUT. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN LAUGHS, RELEASES SQUIDWARD, AND TELLS SQUIDWARD HE WILL SEE HIM IN TEN YEARS, IMPLYING THAT SQUIDWARD, WHO IS NOW FORTY YEARS OLD, WILL DIE AT AGE FIFTY. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN OPENS A GHOSTLY WHIRLPOOL PORTAL OF GREEN SMOKE TO THE NETHERWORLD AND ENTERS IT. THE PORTAL CLOSES TO RETURN THE BASEMENT TO NORMAL. SUDDENLY, THE OLD ZOMBIE SLEEP WALKERS BREAK INTO THE BASEMENT, SURROUND SQUIDWARD, AND TELL HIM THAT HE MUST PAY FOR HIS CRIMES AGAINST HIS ELDERS. AS SQUIDWARD FALLS TO THE FLOOR AND BREAKS DOWN INTO HOPELESS TEARS OF SORROW, THE SLEEP WALKERS, WIELDING CANES, UMBRELLAS, AND WHEELCHAIR WHEELS, BEAT AND OVERPOWER HIM TO SILENCE HIS SCREAMS FOR MERCY AND LOVE.

**TOM SURFING: THE POSSIBILITIES OF THE PARANORMAL, IF THEY INDEED EXIST AS RECORDED IN GHOST STORIES OF ALL TIMES AND CULTURES, BRING BOTH THE HOPE OF RESOLUTION AND THE HORROR OF DISAPPOINTMENT. WHEN CONTACT WITH THE NETHERWORLD IS ACHIEVED, PEOPLE HOPE THEIR DECEASED RELATIVES HAVE COMFORTING FINAL MESSAGES FOR THEM, BUT SOMETIMES THEIR GHOSTS ONLY BRING LASTING TRUTHS THAT HURT WAY TOO MUCH. IT APPEARS THAT LEARNING FROM THE LIFESTYLES OF OUR DECEASED LOVED ONES IS THE BEST WAY TO HONOR THEM AND KEEP THEIR MEMORIES ALIVE. THE ONLY OTHER OPTIONS ARE THE SPECIAL SENIOR CITIZEN SÉANCES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**END OF SEASON FOUR**

**41 EPISODE FORTY-ONE: THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE **

**TOM SURFING: NEW YEAR'S EVE IS A TIME OF CELEBRATION, APPLE CIDER, AND SCI-FI T.V. MARATHONS. EVERY FINAL NIGHT OF THE YEAR, FAMILIES WAIT IN JOYFUL VIGILS FOR THE PROMISING DAWN. DESPITE THE HIGH SPIRITS, SAFETY, SETTING, AND RESPONSIBILITY SHOULD NEVER BE NEGLECTED, UNLESS YOU WANT TO ENTER…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE.**

IT IS NEW YEAR'S EVE, DECEMBER 31ST, 2019. THE NEW YEAR, WHICH IS LESS THAN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS AWAY, IS 2020. THE UPCOMING YEAR 2020 IS KNOWN AS "THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE" IN THE NEW KELP CITY CALENDAR AND ITS SEA CREATURE REPRESENTATIVE IS THE SEA SPONGE. THE NEW KELP CITY CALENDAR HAS ITS DIFFERENT YEARS REPRESENTED BY DIFFERENT SEA CREATURES. EVERY NEW YEAR'S EVE, THE PEOPLE OF NEW KELP CITY SEND VARIOUS ADVERTISEMENTS AND FREE TRAVEL FARE TO SEA CREATURES IN NEARBY SEA CITIES WHO ARE THE REPRESENTATIVE SEA CREATURES OF THE NEW YEAR IN NEW KELP CITY. BECAUSE THE UPCOMING NEW YEAR OF 2020 IS THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE IN NEW KELP CITY, THE PEOPLE OF NEW KELP CITY SEND MAIL CONTAINING FREE TRAVEL FARE AND VARIOUS ADVERTISEMENTS OF THE MANY BEAUTIFUL SITES IN THE LARGE CITY TO THE SEA SPONGES OF BIKINI BOTTOM. SPONGEBOB, HIS PARENTS HAROLD AND MARGRET SQUAREPANTS, AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS ALL RECEIVE INVITATIONS TO VISIT THE FAMOUS "TIMES BLOCK" OF NEW KELP CITY. TIMES BLOCK IS THE CENTER OF NEW KELP CITY WHERE ITS CITIZENS GATHER ON NEW YEAR'S EVE AND HAPPILY COUNT DOWN THE NEW YEAR AS "THE COUNT DOWN CUBE," A LARGE YELLOW TRANSPARENT CUBE FULL OF BRIGHT LIGHTS, SLOWLY DESCENDS DOWN A LARGE FLAG POLE TOWARDS THE GROUND UNTIL THE NEW YEAR FINALLY ARRIVES. ONCE THE NEW YEAR BEGINS, THE COUNT DOWN CUBE RELEASES SPECIAL CONFETTI TO COMMEMORATE THE SEA CREATURE REPRESENTATIVES OF THE NEW YEAR. SPONGEBOB, HAROLD, MARGRET, AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS HAVE NEVER BEEN TO THE METROPOLIS AND DESPERATELY WANT TO ATTEND THE COUNT DOWN TO THE NEW YEAR AT TIMES BLOCK TO CELEBRATE THE UPCOMING NEW YEAR AS A SPONGY HAPPY FAMILY. ALTHOUGH ONLY SEA SPONGES FROM BIKINI BOTTOM ARE INVITED FOR THE CEREMONY, SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO HAVE BOTH GARY AND PATRICK ATTEND THE FAMILY ROAD TRIP AS WELL. THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY BOARDS A PUBLIC SUBMARINE TO NEW KELP CITY. ONLY SPONGES ARE GIVEN FREE FARE ON THE SUBMARINE. BECAUSE GARY AND PATRICK ARE NOT SPONGES, THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY PAYS THEIR EXTRA FARE. AS THEY RIDE IN THE SUBMARINE, EVERYONE IS IN HIGH SPIRITS. HAROLD AND MARGRET AGREE THAT THE TRIP WILL BE THE MOST ROMANTIC VACATION OF THEIR LIVES AND EVEN TELL SPONGEBOB NOT TO BE SURPRISED IF HE HAS A NEW SIBLING BY THE END OF 2020. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS RECALLS WHEN NEW KELP CITY DID NOT EVEN EXIST AND WAS HOME ONLY TO KELP FOREST VEGETATION AND WILD TRIBES OF SAVAGE SHARKS. SHE NOTES HOW GLAD SHE IS NOW THAT THE AREA IS TECHNOLOGICALLY MODERN, DIVERSELY POPULATED, AND CULTURALLY CIVILIZED. AS GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS TAKES A NAP AND SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS CUDDLE AND LIKEWISE SLEEP FOR THE SUBMARINE VOYAGE, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND GARY TALK ABOUT THEIR NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS AND WHAT THEY HOPE TO SEE IN "THE BIG KELP," AS NEW KELP CITY IS NICKNAMED. SPONGEBOB SAYS HIS NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS TO TRAVEL WITH GARY ACROSS THE SEA MORE OFTEN TO BOND WITH GARY MORE CLOSELY IN THE BEAUTIFUL KELP FORESTS OF NATURE. SPONGEBOB SAYS HE HOPES TO VISIT THE BIG KELP'S MANY KELP SHAKE AND SQUARE DANCING BARS FOR THE WILD AFTER-PARTIES TO CELEBRATE THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE. PATRICK SAYS HIS NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS TO LOSE ENOUGH WEIGHT TO HAVE A SHARP SQUARE FIGURE LIKE A SPONGE INSTEAD OF AN OVERLY ROUND FIGURE LIKE A CHUNKY MEATBALL. PATRICK SAYS HE HOPES TO VISIT THE BIG KELP'S MANY KELP RESTAURANTS THAT SERVE HEALTHY KELP SALAD AND DIET KELP SODA TO BEGIN HIS NEW DIET AND START HIS NEW LIFE FOR A SLIMMER GUT AND A FIRMER BUTT. GARY SAYS HIS NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION IS TO FIND A FEMALE SNAIL TO START AND PRODUCE A FAMILY WITH SO SPONGEBOB'S EVENTUAL CHILDREN WILL HAVE MANY SNAIL PETS TO LOVE AND TO ENJOY LIFE WITH. GARY SAYS HE HOPES TO FIND A SPECIAL FEMALE SPONGE AT THE BIG KELP'S FAMOUS PUBLIC DATING KELP GARDENS FOR SPONGEBOB TO TURN HIM INTO A TRUE MAN AND TO MAKE HIS LIFE WHOLE THROUGH LOVE. ALL THREE JOYOUSLY COMPARE HOW FAST TIME GOES BY ON THEIR NEW GOLDEN WATCHES, WHICH THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY RECEIVED AS FREE GIFTS IN THE MAIL FROM THE PEOPLE OF NEW KELP CITY (HAROLD AND MARGRET LET PATRICK AND GARY KEEP THEIR WATCHES), AS THE SUBMARINE FINALLY ENTERS NEW KELP CITY. IT IS NOW NIGHT TIME AND THE NEW YEAR IS ONLY SEVERAL HOURS AWAY. AS THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY, PATRICK, AND GARY EXIT THE SUBMARINE STATION, FISH EMPLOYEES AT THE STATION GRATEFULLY WELCOME THE SPONGES FOR THEIR EXPECTED ARRIVALS, ESCORT THE SPONGES TO A LARGE YELLOW LIMOUSINE OF FREE TRAVEL FARE FOR ALL THE SPONGES (THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY ONCE AGAIN PAYS THE TRAVEL FARE FOR PATRICK AND GARY), AND GIVE THE SPONGES SPECIAL INVITATIONS TO A "V.I.S. BANQUET" AT THE LARGEST SKYSCRAPER IN THE CITY CALLED "RECTANGULAR TOWER," WHICH IS ITSELF LOCATED AT TIMES BLOCK. AS THE LIMOUSINE TRAVELS TO RECTANGULAR TOWER, THE SPONGES, PATRICK, AND GARY MARVEL AT THE CITY'S MANY SITES, INCLUDING MANY YELLOW NEON LIGHTS, HUGE SKYSCRAPERS, PUBLIC STATUES OF ANCIENT MYTHICAL SEA DRAGONS, BEAUTIFUL PUBLIC PARKS, MANY FISH DRESSED IN YELLOW FANCY CLOTHES WALKING THE STREETS, LARGE KELP TREES AND GARDENS, SMALL FOOD VENDORS AND LARGE RESTAURANTS SERVING MANY TYPES OF CHEESY FOODS, MANY FISH CHILDREN PLAYING WITH SMALL FIREWORKS BY THEIR FANCY HOMES, BOAT CARS FROM ALL OVER THE SEA, AND ANGEL FISH CHOIRS STANDING AT STREET CORNERS AND SINGING A BEAUTIFUL SONG CALLED "OH HOLEY CHEESY PEOPLE" DEDICATED TO ALL SEA SPONGES AND DESCRIBING HOW SPONGES ARE LIKE GOOD-SMELLING CHEESE AND HOW IMMACULATELY SPONGES CLEAN KITCHENS. THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY CRIES TEARS OF JOY UPON HEARING THE BEAUTIFUL SONG. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS REMARKS THAT SHE IS SO THANKFUL THAT ALL SEA SPONGES ARE FINALLY TRULY BEING APPRECIATED FOR THEIR NATURAL WORTH FOR THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE. PATRICK AND GARY HUG THE ENTIRE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY AND TELL THEM THAT SPONGES ALWAYS MATTER NO MATTER WHAT YEAR IT IS BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH LOVE, JOY, AND ELASTICITY THEY SPREAD THROUGHOUT THE SEA. PATRICK ASKS SPONGEBOB WHAT THE TITLE "V.I.S." OF THE UPCOMING BANQUET STANDS FOR. SPONGEBOB REPLIES THAT "V.I.S.," LIKE "V.I.P.," MUST STAND FOR "VERY IMPORTANT SPONGES." THE LIMOUSINE FINALLY REACHES TIMES BLOCK WHERE COUNTLESS FISH IN FANCY YELLOW SUITS AND DRESSES ALONG WITH FANCY YELLOW SQUARE TOP HATS APPLAUD THE ARRIVAL OF SPONGES AND WAIT FOR THE NEW YEAR. THE FISH BLOW WHISTLES, PRETEND TO MOVE RHYTHMICALLY LIKE WATER WAVES, USE RECTANGULAR YELLOW TELESCOPES TO GAZE AT THE NIGHT STARS ABOVE IN THE SKY, TOSS PLAYING CARDS DISPLAYING THE VARIOUS SEA CREATURES OF THE CITY ZODIAC CALENDAR INTO THE AIR, AND HAPPILY SING AND DANCE WITH ONE ANOTHER TO PASS THE TIME. THE LIMOUSINE STOPS AT THE ENTRANCE TO RECTANGULAR TOWER. AS THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY IS ESCORTED BY FISH EMPLOYEES OF THE TOWER INTO THE LARGE BUILDING, THE FISH EMPLOYEES INFORM THEM THAT PATRICK AND GARY CANNOT ATTEND THE BANQUET SINCE THEY ARE NOT SPONGES. THE FISH EMPLOYEES INFORM PATRICK AND GARY THAT THEY MUST CELEBRATE OUTSIDE IN TIMES BLOCK WITH EVERYONE ELSE WHO IS NOT A SPONGE. THE FISH EMPLOYEES GIVE PATRICK AND GARY SPECIAL CHEESE PEOPLE COSTUMES TO WEAR AND TO CELEBRATE IN TIMES BLOCK WITH SINCE SPONGES RESEMBLE CHEESE. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DO NOT WANT TO SEPARATE, BUT THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY CONVINCE SPONGEBOB TO JOIN THEM IN THE SPECIAL SPONGE BANQUET AND TO LET PATRICK WATCH GARY FOR THE NIGHT OUTSIDE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FINALLY AGREE TO SEPARATE, GIVE EACH OTHER LONG HUGS, AND PROMISE TO MEET EACH OTHER AT MIDNIGHT TO CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR. SPONGEBOB KISSES AND PETS GARY, WHO WISHES SPONGEBOB AND HIS FAMILY A HAPPY MEAL AND GIVES SPONGEBOB A HUGE LICK ACROSS THE FACE. PATRICK AND GARY PUT ON THEIR CHEESE PEOPLE COSTUMES AND JOIN THE FISHY CROWD'S CELEBRATION RITUALS. THE FISH EMPLOYEES PROVIDE FANCY GOLDEN AND BLACK SUITS AND DRESSES TO THE SPONGES TO WEAR FOR THE BANQUET. AS THE JOYOUS SQUAREPANTS FAMILY ENTERS THE BANQUET ROOM OF RECTANGULAR TOWER, ALL THE OTHER MANY SPONGES FROM ALL ACROSS THE SEA, INCLUDING NEW KELP CITY NATIVES, SADLY AND SILENTLY GREET THEM TO THE V.I.S. BANQUET. FISH SECURITY GUARDS STAND NEAR THE ENTRANCE AND EXIT DOORS OF THE BANQUET ROOM AND WHISPER INTO HEAD MICROPHONES TO UNKNOWN PEOPLE ABOUT THE INCREASING AMOUNTS OF SPONGES ARRIVING AT THE BANQUET. SPONGEBOB AND HIS FAMILY ARE CONFUSED AT THE OTHER SPONGES' GLOOMY MOODS AND ASK THEM WHY THEY ARE UNHAPPY ON THE HOLIDAY. MOST OF THE OTHER SPONGES ARE SILENT. THE OTHER SPONGES WATCH AND APPEAR TO BE AFRAID OF THE MONITORING FISH SECURITY GUARDS. THE OTHER SPONGES ALSO SADLY OVERLOOK THE CELEBRATING CROWDS AT TIMES BLOCK BELOW. SOME OF THE OTHER SPONGES WITH WEAK SMILES ON THEIR FACES INFORM THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY THAT THE NATIVE SPONGES OF THE CITY OFTEN SAY THAT THE BIG KELP USUALLY HAS UNPLEASANT SURPRISES FOR FOREIGN VISITORS ON SPECIAL HOLIDAYS. BEFORE THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY CAN RESPOND, A LARGE YELLOW GRANDFATHER CLOCK IN THE ROOM DONGS LOUDLY AND THE FISH EMPLOYEES TELL THEIR SPONGE GUESTS THAT IT IS NOW AN HOUR TO MIDNIGHT AND IT IS NOW TIME FOR "THE LAST SPONGY DINNER." THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY REALIZES THAT THE DINNER WILL BE THE LAST DINNER OF THE YEAR 2019 FOR THEM. ALL THE SPONGES SIT DOWN AT THE LARGE YELLOW RECTANGULAR FEAST TABLE FOR AN UNUSUALLY SILENT MEAL, THOUGH THE HAPPY SHOUTS OF THE CROWD OUTSIDE CAN BE HEARD. THE SPONGES SLOWLY EAT THE DINNER WHICH CONSISTS OF DELICIOUS HOLEY YELLOW CHEESE, MUNCHY GARLIC BREAD, AND SWEET RED APPLE CIDER. SPONGEBOB ASKS HIS PARENTS AND GRANDMOTHER WHAT THE OTHER SPONGES MEANT ABOUT THE CITY'S UNPLEASANT SURPRISES FOR VISITORS. HIS PARENTS ASSUME THAT THE CITY POSSIBLY PLAYS SILLY PRANKS FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING ON SPONGES THROUGHOUT THE CITY BUT THAT ULTIMATELY THE NATIVES ONLY INTEND TO HAVE FUN WITH THE HONORED SPECIES REPRESENTING THE NEW YEAR. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS FEARS THAT MAYBE SEWER ALLIGATORS MIGHT ATTACK THE CROWD AT TIMES BLOCK TO STOP THEIR NOISE, BUT SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS ASSURE HER THAT SEWER ALLIGATORS DO NOT EXIST. AS ALL THE SPONGES FINISH THEIR YUMMY MEALS, THE GRANDFATHER CLOCK DONGS AGAIN TO SILENCE THE ALREADY QUIET CONVERSATIONS. ALL THE SPONGES LOOK AT THE CLOCK AND REALIZE THAT IT IS NOW ONLY TEN MINUTES TO MIDNIGHT. SUDDENLY, THE FIRE ALARMS AND SPRINKLERS IN THE BUILDING ERUPT IN WAILING NOISE, BLINDING RED LIGHTS, AND GUSHING WATER, THOUGH THE SCREAMS OF JOY OUTSIDE ARE EVEN LOUDER THAN THE EMERGENCY SYSTEMS OF THE TOWER. ALL THE SPONGES PANIC AND RUN TOWARDS THE EXITS OF THE NOW WET BANQUET ROOM, BUT NEW KELP CITY FISH POLICE SQUADS AND FISH SWAT TEAMS IMMEDIATELY STORM INTO THE ROOM AND ARREST ALL THE SPONGES. MANY OF THE SPONGES DEMAND TO BE TOLD WHY THEY ARE BEING ARRESTED BUT THE POLICE SIMPLY STRIP THEM OF THEIR FANCY CLOTHES AND CLOTHE THEM ALL IN YELLOW PRISON JUMPSUITS. THE SPONGES SCREAM IN PROTEST AND SPONGEBOB CRIES, BUT THEIR PLEAS FOR HELP AND MERCY ARE DRONED OUT BY THE LOUD HAPPY CROWDS OF TIMES BLOCK BELOW AND THE TOWER'S WAILING SIRENS. THE WET SPONGE PRISONERS ARE GIVEN STICKERS WITH DIFFERENT NUMBERS OVER THEIR FOREHEADS AND ARE ESCORTED BY THE POLICE TOWARDS THE HIGH ROOF OF THE TOWER. AS THE POLICE DRAG THE SPONGE PRISONERS TO THE ROOF OF THE RECTANGULAR TOWER, A SHARK POLICE CHIEF INFORMS THEM OVER A MEGA-PHONE THAT BY ATTENDING THE LAST SPONGY DINNER BANQUET, ALL THE SPONGE PRISONERS HAVE AGREED TO BECOME THE CITY'S V.I.S. VISITOR AND NATIVE GUESTS OF HONOR. SPONGEBOB PROTESTS THAT THE POLICE ARE MISTREATING THEIR GUESTS WHO ARE "VERY IMPORTANT SPONGES." HOWEVER, THE SHARK POLICE CHIEF INFORMS SPONGEBOB THAT ALL THE SPONGES ARE ACTUALLY "VERY IMPORTANT SACRIFICES." ALL THE SPONGES SCREAM IN HORROR AS MORE REINFORCEMENT POLICE ARRIVE TO SUBDUE AND ESCORT THEM TO THE ROOF. THUS, "THE LAST SPONGY DINNER" REFERS NOT TO THE LAST DINNER OF THE YEAR 2019 FOR THE SPONGES, BUT TO THE LAST DINNER OF THEIR LIVES. AS THE PANICKING SPONGES ARE FINALLY TAKEN BY THE POLICE TO THE VERY HIGH ROOF OF THE TOWER, THEY CAN FEEL THE COLD NIGHT WIND CHILL, THEY CAN SEE A FULL MOON ABOVE IN THE NIGHT SKY, THEY CAN HEAR THE CROWD BELOW LOUDLY COUNT DOWN THE LAST MINUTE UNTIL 2020, AND THEY CAN SEE THE BRIGHT COUNT DOWN CUBE FINISHING ITS LONG DESCENT AS THE CROWDS JOYOUSLY CHANT: "WELCOME TO THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE! THEY ARE ALL YOURS NOW, DRAGON LORDS OF THE SEA!" THE SHARK POLICE CHIEF THANKS ALL THE SPONGE PRISONERS FOR THEIR COOPERATION AND LITERAL SACRIFICES FOR THE CITY, WHICH HE SAYS WILL PLEASE THE CITY'S SEA DRAGON DEITIES, KNOWN AS "THE DRAGON LORDS OF THE SEA," AND PROMISE A PROSPEROUS NEW YEAR FOR NEW KELP CITY'S REMAINING PEOPLE. THE SHARK POLICE CHIEF ENDS HIS SPEECH BY TELLING THE SPONGES THAT BECAUSE THEY HAVE BRAVELY SACRIFICED THEIR LIVES SO THAT THE YEAR 2020 WILL BE A YEAR OF PEACE AND GOOD INDUSTRY FOR THE PEOPLE OF NEW KELP CITY, THE CITY HAS HONORED THEM BY NAMING 2020 AS "THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE." THE POLICE FISH USE ROPES AND CHAINS TO TIE THE SHOCKED AND DISORIENTED SPONGE PRISONERS TO LARGE YELLOW ROCKET FIREWORKS ON THE ROOF. AS THE COUNT DOWN CUBE FINALLY REACHES THE GROUND TO REIGN IN THE NEW YEAR, THE CROWD IN TIMES BLOCK BELOW POPS OPEN COUNTLESS BOTTLES OF YELLOW CIDER AND SPRAYS ITSELF IN EUPHORIA WITH THE MANY DRINKS AS LOVERS KISS AND FAMILIES EMBRACE. BACK ON THE ROOF, THE POLICE FISH AND POLICE CHIEF SHARK SALUTE THEIR SACRIFICIAL SPONGE PRISONERS TIED TO THE ROCKET FIREWORKS AND IGNITE THE ROCKET FIREWORKS THAT GO FLYING WITH THE PRISONERS INTO THE NIGHT SKY ABOVE AND EXPLODE TO SACRIFICE THE SPONGES AND CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR. AS SPONGEBOB FLIES OFF ON A ROCKET FIREWORK, THE CRYING SPONGEBOB SCREAMS THAT HE LOVES HIS FAMILY, PATRICK, AND GARY. AS THE SPONGY FIREWORKS EXPLODE IN THE NIGHT SKY AS NEW YEAR BEGINS, THE COUNTDOWN CUBE RELEASES CHUNKS OF YELLOW HOLEY CHEESE DUE TO THE FOOD'S RESEMBLANCE TO SEA SPONGES INTO THE HAPPY CROWD, AND EVERYONE IN NEW KELP CITY BELOW SHOUTS AND APPLAUDS HOW IMPORTANT SPONGES ARE TO THE HEALTH AND NATURAL BALANCE OF THE SEA. THE AMAZING FIREWORKS SHOW CAUSES BRIGHT YELLOW LIGHT EXPLOSIONS IN SQUARE FORMATIONS IN THE NIGHT SKY. THUS, NEW KELP CITY SACRIFICES WHATEVER AQUATIC SPECIES IS THE NEW YEAR'S CITY CALENDAR ZODIAC SEA CREATURE REPRESENTATIVE AS THE CITIZENS' RELIGIOUS MODE OF APPEASING THEIR SEA DRAGON DEITIES KNOWN AS "THE DRAGON LORDS OF THE SEA" TO BLESS THE CITY WITH A GENERALLY HAPPY YEAR OF PROSPERITY AND GOOD LUCK. THE SACRIFICIAL TRADITION AND WORSHIP OF THE DRAGON LORDS OF THE SEA TRACE BACK TO THE EARLY SHARK TRIBAL CULTS THAT LIVED IN THE WILD KELP FORESTS THAT EVENTUALLY WERE REPLACED BY NEW KELP CITY. THUS, THE NEW YEAR OF 2020 IS THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE, IN WHICH ALL NATIVE AND VISITING SEA SPONGES IN THE CITY ARE RITUALISTICALLY SACRIFICED VIA ROCKET FIREWORKS BY THE CITY POLICE TO THE DRAGON LORDS OF THE SEA. THE NEW KELP CITY LEGAL SYSTEM ALLOWS THE ANNUAL SACRIFICES, AND ALL OTHER SEA CITIES ARE LEGALLY POWERLESS TO PROTECT THEIR CITIZENS WHO ENTER NEW KELP CITY ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. FULLY AWARE OF SPONGEBOB'S SAD DEMISE, SQUIDWARD WATCHES THE NEW KELP CITY NEW YEAR'S EVE T.V. BROADCAST AND JOYOUSLY CELEBRATES THE NEW YEAR AT HIS HOME IN BIKINI BOTTOM. SQUIDWARD'S NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION TO ELIMINATE HIS WORST ENEMY IN LIFE HAS FINALLY COME TRUE. BACK IN NEW KELP CITY, PATRICK AND GARY ARE UNAWARE OF THE HORRIFIC FATE OF ALL SPONGES. PATRICK AND GARY JOYOUSLY SHOUT HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL FISH IN THE CROWD AND EVEN SHOUT HAPPY NEW YEAR TO THE MISSING SPONGEBOB AND HIS FAMILY, WHOM THEY ASSUME ARE STILL INSIDE RECTANGULAR TOWER. BECAUSE THEY ARE OUTSIDERS TO NEW KELP CITY, ONLY PATRICK AND GARY, WHO SQUARE DANCE TOGETHER IN THEIR CHEESE PEOPLE COSTUMES AND EAT THE FLYING CHEESE ALL AROUND THEM IN THE TIMES BLOCK CROWD, DO NOT KNOW ABOUT THE BRUTAL SACRIFICES OF THE SPONGES. AS PATRICK AND GARY CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR WITH A GROUP OF BEAUTIFUL FEMALE ANGEL FISH AND WAIT FOR THE SQUAREPANTS FAMILY TO EXIT RECTANGULAR TOWER, PATRICK SAYS HE CANNOT WAIT TO COME BACK TO NEW KELP CITY FOR "THE YEAR OF THE STAR FISH." HOWEVER, GARY TELLS PATRICK THAT "THE YEAR OF THE SNAIL" WILL BE THE BEST V.I.S. ("VERY IMPORTANT SNAILS") PARTY OF ALL TIME!

**TOM SURFING: EVERY CITY HAS ITS OWN FITTING WAY TO CELEBRATE THE NEW YEAR. CULTURAL BARBARITY IS NOT LIMITED TO THE YEARS OF THE PAST, SO THE DARKEST MOMENTS OF HUMAN HISTORY MUST BE REMEMBERED IF THEY ARE NOT TO BE REPEATED IN CIVILIZED SOCIETY. SO IF YOU DON'T HAVE A BLAST THIS NEW YEAR, JUST WAIT FOR "THE YEAR OF MAN"…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**42 EPISODE FORTY-TWO: LITTLE WILLY LOST**

**TOM SURFING: THERE ARE PORTALS, BOTH SUPERNATURAL AND INTERDIMENSIONAL, THAT LEAD TO UNKNOWN WORLDS. BUT WHAT ABOUT WORM HOLES OR EVEN BUTT HOLES THAT LEAD TO THE ENDLESS BLACK VOID KNOWN AS NOWHERE? WELL, THE ONLY KNOWN ROUTE TO THE FORMLESS ABYSS IS…THROUGH THE TIDAL ZONE. **

MR. KRABS WAKES UP FROM SLEEPING DURING A DARK STORMY NIGHT. BY HIS BEDSIDE TABLE IS A BOOK HE WAS READING BEFORE FALLING ASLEEP. THE BOOK IS CALLED _A DESCENT INTO THE TOILET_, AND THE STORY DEALS WITH TWO ITALIAN TURTLE PLUMBERS, NAMED MARIANO AND LINGUINI, WHO ARE EATEN BY A FAULTY TOILET AND ENTER A PARALLEL SEWER WORLD FULL OF EVIL MONSTER MUSHROOMS, PIRANHA FLOWERS, AND HUMANOID ALLIGATORS. MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS OVER THE BOOK AS HE GETS UP FROM HIS BED AND HEARS PEARL CRYING AND YELLING FOR HIM IN HIS HOME. MR. KRABS CALLS OUT TO HER IN THE DARKNESS, BUT HER CRIES SEEM TO BE DISTANT AND SEEM TO ECHO AND REPEAT AS IF COMING FROM A GIANT CAVE OR PLAYING ON A BROKEN SOUNDTRACK. MR. KRABS SEARCHES THROUGHOUT HIS ENTIRE HOME BUT CANNOT FIND HER THOUGH HER VOICE SEEMS TO BE CONFINED TO THE HOME. HE BECOMES VERY SCARED AND LEAVES HIS HOME TO GATHER A SEARCH TEAM OF HIS FISH NEIGHBORS TO FIND THE MISSING SAD PEARL, WHOM HE USUALLY REFERS TO AS HIS "LITTLE WILLY" AFTER SEEING AND LOVING THE MOVIE _FREE WILLY FROM SEAWORLD_. WHENEVER MR. KRABS TRIES TO RECRUIT SOMEONE TO HIS SEARCH TEAM, HE TELLS THE SLEEPY FISH NEIGHBORS THAT HE LOST AND CANNOT FIND HIS LITTLE WILLY. HIS NEIGHBORS MISUNDERSTAND MR. KRABS AND TELL HIM TO SIMPLY STOP TAKING COLD SHOWERS AND TO LOSE SOME WEIGHT IF HE EVER WANTS TO FIND HIS LITTLE LOST WILLY AGAIN. THUS, NO ONE WANTS TO HELP MR. KRABS LOOK FOR HIS LITTLE WILLY SINCE THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT MR. KRABS HAS LOST HIS WHALE DAUGHTER PEARL, NOT HIS ACTUAL CRABBY LITTLE WILLY. HOPING PEARL SOMEHOW ESCAPED BY HERSELF FROM WHATEVER TRAP IN THE HOME SHE PROBABLY FELL INTO, MR. KRABS RETURNS HOME, BUT HE STILL HEARS HIS DAUGHTER CRYING AND YELLING FOR HIM TO FIND AND SAVE HER AND HE CANNOT FIND WHERE SHE IS IN THE HOME. THE HOME ALSO BEGINS TO PERIODICALLY SHAKE, CAUSING FURNITURE TO KNOCK MR. KRABS AROUND AND CAUSING PEARL'S PLEAS FOR HER FATHER AND FOR HELP TO BECOME MORE FRANTIC. DESPERATE TO FIND HIS DAUGHTER AND KNOWING HE WILL NEED A SCIENTIFIC EXPERT TO SOLVE THE MYSTERY OF WHERE EXACTLY PEARL IS, MR. KRABS USES HIS HOME PHONE TO CALL SANDY TO HELP HIM RESCUE HIS LITTLE WILLY WHALE GIRL. SANDY BRINGS A WHALE BLUBBER DETECTOR MACHINE WITH HER TO MR. KRABS' HOME. SHE PROMISES TO HELP FIND PEARL BEFORE THE NIGHT ENDS. USING HER BEEPING DETECTOR, SANDY AND MR. KRABS LOCATE PEARL'S SCREAMS AND CRIES TO THE BATHROOM TOILET OF THE HOME, THOUGH PEARL IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN IN THE BATHROOM. MR. KRABS IS VERY NERVOUS AND CONFUSED AND HYSTERICALLY CALLS OUT TO PEARL, WHO IS SOMEHOW INVISIBLE AND CALLS OUT FROM THE TOILET TO HIM. SANDY PUTS HER HEAD IN THE TOILET AND CAN HEAR PEARL'S VOICE EVEN BETTER INSIDE THE WET TOILET BOWL ITSELF. AS MR. KRABS BEGS SANDY TO SAVE HIS DAUGHTER, SANDY HAS A FLASH OF SCIENTIFIC INTUITION AND PROPOSES A THEORY TO MR. KRABS TO EXPLAIN PEARL'S DISAPPEARANCE. SANDY THEORIZES THAT PEARL WAS USING THE RESTROOM EARLIER THAT NIGHT AND MAY HAVE ACCIDENTALLY FALLEN INTO A WATER CYCLONE WHIRLPOOL WORMHOLE LEADING TO ANOTHER DIMENSION. THE PORTAL'S OPENING IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD APPEARS TO BE INSIDE THE TOILET BOWL. SANDY EXPLAINS THAT THE STORM OUTSIDE MAY HAVE SOMEHOW CAUSED THE BIZARRE PORTAL TO FORM NEAR THE FLUSHING TOILET BOWL WATERS DUE TO THEIR RESEMBLANCE TO WATER CYCLONES AND TO CONNECT THE TWO NORMALLY SEPARATE DIMENSIONS FOR AN INDEFINITE DURATION. THOUGH SKEPTICAL OF HER METAPHYSICAL THEORY AND FRIGHTENED AT THE IDEA OF ENTERING ANOTHER UNKNOWN DIMENSION, MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY WANTS TO ENTER THE TOILET BOWL TO RESCUE PEARL, BUT SANDY WARNS HIM THAT THE WATER WORMHOLE COULD LEAD TO ANYWHERE OR EVEN TO "NOWHERE." SANDY PROPOSES THAT THE WATER WORMHOLE MAY ACTUALLY LEAD TO THE DARK WATERS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE WORLD OCEAN, WHICH ARE KNOWN BY ALL SEA CREATURES AS A CHAOTIC, FORMLESS, VOID-LIKE DIMENSION WHERE NOTHING EXISTS, KNOWN SIMPLY AS "THE ABYSS," FROM WHICH ALL REALITY ORIGINATED ACCORDING TO VARIOUS OCEANIC CREATION MYTHS. SANDY CAUTIONS THAT THOSE WHO FALL INTO THE ABYSS WILL NEVER RETURN AND THAT THE WATER WORMHOLE LEADING TO THE ABYSS MAY BE HIGHLY UNSTABLE AND MAY SOON COLLAPSE INTO NOTHINGNESS TO FOREVER PREVENT ANYONE'S ESCAPE OR ENTRANCE THROUGH THE PORTAL. MR. KRABS IS NOW VERY CONCERNED ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER AND ASKS SANDY WHY SHE THINKS THE PORTAL LEADS TO THE DREADED ABYSS. SANDY REMARKS THAT SUCH UNNATURAL PORTALS FORM ONLY AS WATER WHIRLPOOL BLACK HOLE STRUCTURES, MAKING IT HIGHLY LIKELY THAT THEY LEAD TO THE BLACK ABYSS ITSELF WHERE ALL EXISTENT THINGS ARE CRUSHED AND ANNIHILATED INTO FORMLESS OBLIVION OF ETERNAL DARKNESS AND NONEXISTENCE. MR. KRABS ASKS SANDY ABOUT PEARL'S CHANCES OF ESCAPE AND WHAT THEY SHOULD DO TO RESCUE HER. SANDY EXPLAINS THAT THE WATER WORMHOLE'S INTERDIMENSIONAL CYCLONE IS NOW RUTHLESSLY SPINNING PEARL AROUND IN ENDLESS, TIMELESS CIRCLES TOWARDS THE MOUTH OF THE ABYSS AND THAT THE CYCLONE WILL DO THE SAME TO ANYONE ELSE WHO ENTERS THE PORTAL. THOUGH SANDY AGREES TO HELP MR. KRABS SAVE PEARL, SHE ASSURES MR. KRABS THAT THOSE WHO ENTER SUCH WATER WORMHOLES HAVE VIRTUALLY NO CHANCE OF EVER RETURNING TO THE PHYSICAL WORLD AND INSTEAD THEY WILL BE FOREVER LOST TO THE ABYSS. MR. KRABS AGREES TO RISK HIS OWN LIFE TO SAVE HIS LITTLE WILLY, SO SANDY QUICKLY DEVISES A DARING RESCUE PLAN. GRABBING ONE OF MR. KRABS' LARGE LONG COLLECTIBLE NAVAL METAL CHAINS ONCE USED FOR ANCHORING LARGE SHIPS FROM MR. KRABS' ROOM, SANDY TIES THE LONG METAL CHAIN AROUND MR. KRABS' ROUND WAIST AND SECURES IT TIGHTLY AROUND HIM. MR. KRABS NERVOUSLY ASKS SANDY IF SHE WILL KISS HIM GOODBYE FOR GOOD LUCK SINCE HE COULD NEVER RETURN. SANDY RELUCTANTLY AGREES TO KISS HIS CHUBBY HAIRY CHEEKS, BUT AS SHE PUCKERS UP HER FURRY LIPS, MR. KRABS PASSIONATELY KISSES HER ON THE LIPS. SHE PUSHES HIM OFF, SLAPS HIM TEN TIMES ACROSS THE FACE, AND SPITS ON HIS FACE. MR. KRABS APOLOGIZES, EXPLAINS THAT HE HAS NOT BEEN WITH ANOTHER WOMAN IN A REALLY LONG TIME, AND THEN URGES SANDY TO LOWER HIM INTO THE TOILET TO SAVE PEARL. SANDY TIGHTLY HOLDS THE END OF THE CHAIN IN THE BATHROOM AND KICKS MR. KRABS INTO THE TOILET BOWL. MR. KRABS SPLASHES, SQUEEZES, AND ENTERS INTO THE TOILET BOWL. PEARL CONTINUES TO WILDLY CRY, "SAVE ME, DADDY! SAVE YOUR LITTLE BABY WILLY!" HE CAN HEAR PEARL'S DISTORTED CRIES MORE CLEARLY THAN BEFORE EMANATING FROM THE BOTTOM OF THE TOILET BOWL. AS MR. KRABS REASSURES PEARL THAT HE WILL SAVE HER NOW AND FLUSHES HIMSELF DOWN THE TOILET, HE IS SUDDENLY SUCKED INTO THE INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL. NOW INSIDE THE WATER WORMHOLE'S EXOTIC WHIRLPOOL CYCLONE, MR. KRABS VIBRATES UNCONTROLLABLY AND TIGHTLY GRIPS HIS WAIST CHAINS AS HE ZOOMS IN ENDLESS ROTATIONS TOWARDS A BLACK VOID IN THE DISTANCE. EVERYTHING APPEARS AS A SPINNING AND DISORIENTING BLUR OF DARK WATERS TO HIM, THOUGH HE UNDERSTANDS THAT HE IS BEING DRAGGED TOWARDS THE END OF THE CYCLONE AND THAT THE END POINT IS INDEED THE BLACK FORMLESS ABYSS. THE CYCLONE'S DARK SPINNING WATERS SOUND LIKE WATER WAVES CRASHING AND EXPLODING ONTO NAVAL UNDERWATER MINES. THROUGHOUT THE DEAFENING TORRENT, MR. KRABS STUTTERS AS HE YELLS FOR PEARL. OUTSIDE THE PORTAL, SANDY IS CAREFULLY LOWERING THE CHAINS INTO THE TOILET AND IS SLOWLY BEING DRAGGED TOWARDS THE TOILET BY THE CHAINS SHE IS HOLDING. SHE PULLS WITH ALL HER STRENGTH TO PREVENT LOSING HOLD OF THE CHAINS HOLDING MR. KRABS. GRUNTING AND SWEATY FROM THE UNBEARABLE EXERTION, SANDY URGES MR. KRABS TO HURRY AND GRAB PEARL BEFORE THE PORTAL CLOSES TO TRAP THEM BOTH IN THE ABYSS FOREVER. MR. KRABS SQUINTS THROUGH THE WET DARKNESS AS HE TRIES TO HEAR PEARL'S CRIES. HE CAN SEE THREE FIGURES BELOW HIM MOVING CLOSELY TOWARDS THE ABYSS. HE DISCOVERS TO HIS HORROR THAT THE THREE ROTATING FIGURES ARE THREE DIFFERENT PEARLS SPINNING AROUND THE CYCLONE. MR. KRABS YELLS TO INFORM SANDY ABOUT THE DUPLICATES OF PEARL. THE STRAINING SANDY QUICKLY EXPLAINS THAT THE WATER WORMHOLE DISTORTS AND STRETCHES PHYSICAL SPACE-TIME, CAUSING MULTIPLE MIRAGES OF PEARL TO APPEAR TO OBSERVERS WITHIN THE PORTAL. AS THE METAL CHAINS BEGIN TO STRAIN AND START TO SLOWLY CREAK AND BREAK, SANDY URGES MR. KRABS TO GRAB THE PEARL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OTHER TWO DUPLICATES SINCE THE ONE IN THE MIDDLE IS THE REAL PEARL. SANDY JUMPS INTO THE BATHROOM TUB TO GIVE HER EXTRA SUPPORT TO HOLD THE WEAKENING METAL CHAINS. AS THE METAL CHAINS SLOWLY DRAG THE BATHROOM TUB TOWARDS THE TOILET, SANDY CONTINUES TO QUICKLY BUT CAREFULLY LOWER THE METAL CHAINS INTO THE PORTAL, BUT SHE IS RUNNING OUT OF THE CHAINS AND HER FURRY LIMBS FEEL LIKE THEY ARE ON FIRE FROM STRUGGLING TO HOLD ONTO THE CHAINS BEING DRAGGED INTO THE FORCES OF THE PORTAL. AS MR. KRABS SPINS CLOSER AND CLOSER DOWNWARD TO PEARL AND TOWARDS THE ABYSS, THE CHAINS AROUND HIS WAIST FINALLY BREAK FROM THE CYCLONE'S PRESSURE AND SUCKING EFFECT. AS THE EMPTY CHAINS DANGLE AND LIKEWISE SPIN THROUGHOUT THE DARK CYCLONE, SANDY BACK IN THE BATHROOM NOTICES THE LOSS OF WEIGHT ON THE CHAINS AND CAN NOW MORE EASILY HOLD ONTO THE CHAINS. SANDY CALLS OUT TO MR. KRABS BUT RECEIVES NO REPLY. BACK IN THE CYCLONE, MR. KRABS IS NOW WILDLY SPINNING AND FLIPPING OUT OF CONTROL AND SCREAMS FOR BOTH SANDY AND PEARL. PEARL, WHO CAN FINALLY SEE THREE VERSIONS OF HER FATHER SPINNING DOWN TOWARDS HER, CALLS FOR HER DAD TO SAVE HER, BUT THE EMPTY LOWERING METAL CHAINS SPIN AND SMACK INTO PEARL, CAUSING PEARL TO ACTUALLY ASCEND HIGHER UP THE CYCLONE THAN HER FATHER, WHO IS NOW CLOSER TO ENTERING THE ABYSS THAN SHE IS. MR. KRABS SCREAMS THAT HE LOVES HER AND THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE IF PEARL GRABS ONTO THE DANGLING CHAINS SPINNING ABOVE HER. PEARL REPLIES THAT SHE LOVES HIM TOO, BUT SHE TELLS HIM THAT SHE SEES THREE SEPARATE DANGLING CHAINS AND DOES NOT KNOW WHICH ONE IS THE REAL ONE TO GRAB ONTO. REMEMBERING HOW SANDY EXPLAINED THE CYCLONE'S MIRAGES TO HIM, MR. KRABS URGES PEARL TO JUMP ONTO THE CHAIN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OTHER TWO DUPLICATES. BACK IN THE BATHROOM, THE TOILET BEGINS TO ERRATICALLY FLUSH BY ITSELF, CAUSING SANDY TO REALIZE AND SCREAM TO THE OTHERS THAT THE PORTAL IS CLOSING. AS THE PORTAL CLOSES, TIME WITHIN THE CYCLONE BECOMES SO DISTORTED THAT PEARL AND MR. KRABS SEE MIRAGES OF THE RECENT PAST VERSIONS OF THEMSELVES MOVING AND PANICKING INSIDE THE CYCLONE, THEIR SCREAMING VOICES SLOW DOWN TREMENDOUSLY, THEIR BODIES BEGIN TO AGE RAPIDLY, AND EVERYTHING IN THE CYCLONE APPEARS TO BE SPINNING IN SLOW MOTION AND TO BE SLOWLY SHRINKING, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO SCREAM IN PROTEST OVER THE SHRINKAGE OF BOTH OF HIS LITTLE WILLIES. WITH TEARS IN HER EYES, PEARL WILDLY SWIMS TOWARDS AND FINALLY GRABS ONTO THE METAL CHAINS. SHE TUGS THE CHAINS THAT ARE BEGINNING TO BREAK EVEN FURTHER, CAUSING SANDY TO BEGIN TO PULL HER UP AS THE TOILET SEAT IN THE BATHROOM BEGINS TO RELEASE GEYSERS OF DIRTY WATER TOWARDS THE BATHROOM CEILING. LOOKING DOWN AT THE THREE VERSIONS OF MR. KRABS SPINNING TOWARDS THE ABYSS, PEARL BEGS HER FATHER TO USE HIS LAST OUNCES OF STRENGTH TO SWIM AND LEAP TOWARDS HER. MR. KRABS SCREAMS FOR HER, AND HE LEAPS AND FLOATS TOWARDS PEARL, WHO IS NOW RISING TO THE EXIT OF THE PORTAL AWAY FROM THE ABYSS AND BACK TOWARDS THE TOILET BOWL'S OPENING. MR. KRABS, WHO NOW LOOKS LIKE A VERY OLD MAN WITH A VERY LONG GREY BEARD, USES HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO PINCH AND GRAB ONTO PEARL'S SKIRT. AS PEARL, WHO IS NOW A YOUNG FULLY GROWN WOMAN, EXTENDS HER HANDS TO HER OLD FATHER, HER SKIRT SUDDENLY RIPS, SENDING MR. KRABS SCREAMING AND SPIRALING DOWN INTO THE ABYSS, WHICH STRETCHES HIS FAT BODY INTO A ONE-DIMENSIONAL LINE AND SUCKS HIM INTO ITSELF. PEARL SCREAMS FOR HER FATHER AS SANDY FINALLY PULLS PEARL OUT OF THE CLOSING PORTAL AND OUT OF THE TOILET. PEARL SLAMS INTO SANDY AND THE METAL CHAINS BREAK AS SHE FINALLY ESCAPES THE WATER WORMHOLE. MR. KRABS SCREAMS THAT HE LOVES PEARL MORE THAN HIS MONEY LIFE SAVINGS AND URGES SANDY TO TAKE CARE OF HER FROM NOW ON. PEARL SCREAMS THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE AND REMEMBER HER FATHER, AND SANDY YELLS THAT MR. KRABS IS A TRUE SAILOR HERO. MR. KRABS' SCREAMS ECHO SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE HIS VOICE IS NEVER HEARD AGAIN. AS THE WET SANDY AND THE WET RESCUED PEARL HUDDLE, SHAKE, AND CRY TOGETHER ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR, THE PORTAL IN THE TOILET CLOSES COMPLETELY, CAUSING THE TOILET TO SUDDENLY SHRINK AND SHRINK UNTIL IT APPROACHES A MICROSCOPIC POINT THAT FINALLY DISAPPEARS. SANDY TIGHTLY HUGS PEARL, WHO LOUDLY SOBS OVER HER FATHER'S DOOMED FATE. THE CLOSING OF THE PORTAL CAUSES SEVERAL BURSTS OF ENERGETIC WATER VAPOR IN THE BATHROOM AND CAUSES THE STORM OUTSIDE TO INTENSIFY, CAUSING THE STORM TO FLOOD THE HOME WITH RAIN. THE FLOODING HOME DROWNS AND KNOCKS OUT SANDY AND PEARL WHO HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER, SWIM TOWARDS THE CEILING, AND SCREAM AS THEY LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS…WHEN SANDY AND PEARL, WHO IS NOW A YOUNG ADULT DUE TO HER DRASTIC AGING IN THE WHIRLPOOL WATER WORM HOLE, WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING, THEY DO NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED THE PREVIOUS NIGHT AND THE HOUSE APPEARS PERFECTLY RESTORED TO NORMAL, THOUGH THE TOILET IS MISSING. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS, SEEMINGLY ALL OF HIS POSSESSIONS, AND ALL TRACES AND MEMORIES OF HIS EXISTENCE IN THE CITY ARE GONE FOREVER DUE TO HIS DISAPPEARANCE INTO THE ABYSS. NEITHER PEARL NOR SANDY EVEN REMEMBERS MR. KRABS, WHO WAS ACTUALLY PEARL'S STEP FATHER WHO FOUND HER AS AN ABANDONED INFANT IN A TRASH CAN OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB MANY YEARS AGO, AND NO ONE ELSE IN THE CITY REMEMBERS HIM EITHER. IT IS AS THOUGH MR. KRABS NEVER EXISTED. THE WATER WORMHOLE TO THE ABYSS TRAPPED AND ANNIHILATED MR. KRABS INTO NOTHINGNESS. MR. KRABS' SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCE FROM THE PHYSICAL WORLD CAUSED THE NATURAL ORDER TO SLOWLY ERASE ALL TRACES AND MEMORIES OF HIS EXISTENCE OVER THE REMAINDER OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT AND TRANSFER SUCH PHYSICAL AND MENTAL INFORMATION TO THE ABYSS ITSELF FOREVER TO RESTORE BALANCE TO THE NATURAL LAWS OF THE SEA AFTER THE UNNATURAL INVASION OF THE INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL INTO THE PHYSICAL WORLD. NOW NOT EVEN PEARL CAN REMEMBER HER STEP FATHER AND HIS SACRIFICE TO SAVE HER, SINCE HER STEP FATHER AND ALL PAST EVIDENCE OF HIS PRESENCE IN THE PHYSICAL WORLD HAVE CEASED TO EXIST AND HAVE LITERALLY DISAPPEARED WITHOUT ANY TRACES. THE KRUSTY KRAB IS NOW OWNED BY SHELDON PLANKTON, RESEMBLES A LARGE WOODEN CHUM BUCKET, AND IS NAMED "THE CRUSTY CHUM BUCKET." MRS. KRABS, MR. KRABS' PREVIOUS MOTHER, NEVER GAVE BIRTH TO ANY CHILDREN. PEARL, WHO NOW DOES NOT HAVE A KNOWN LAST NAME, APPEARS TO BE AN ORPHAN LIVING ALONE WITHOUT ANY KNOWN RELATIVES. THE MEMORIES OF THE CLOSE FRIENDS, RELATIVES, AND EVEN ENEMIES OF MR. KRABS NOW ONLY REMEMBER A WORLD WITHOUT HIM. SANDY MOVES INTO THE VIRTUALLY EMPTY ANCHOR HOME WITH PEARL AS PEARL'S NEW BEST FRIEND AND VIRTUAL STEP-SISTER ROOM MATE. AS SANDY MOVES HER BELONGINGS INTO THE HOME, PEARL ENTERS AND LOOKS AROUND MR. KRABS' PREVIOUS AND NOW EMPTY ROOM. AMAZINGLY, PEARL FINDS A SMALL NAVAL SAILOR ANCHOR-SHAPED MILITARY METAL BADGE ON THE FLOOR. SHE SLOWLY PICKS UP THE SHINING BADGE, WHICH IS THE LAST PHYSICAL TRACE OF HER LOST, FORGOTTEN, AND NOW NONEXISTENT STEP FATHER. PEARL CURIOUSLY STARES AT THE MYSTERIOUS BADGE AND READS AN INSCRIPTION ON THE BADGE. THE INSCRIPTION READS: "EUGENE KRABS, BIKINI BOTTOM NAVY, 1945-1955, ONCE A SAILOR, ALWAYS A SAILOR." PEARL, WHO HAS NOW NEVER MET HER PREVIOUS STEP GRANDMOTHER MRS. KRABS, IS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE STRANGER'S NAME. AS PEARL CALLS SANDY TO COME LOOK AT THE MYSTERIOUS BADGE IN HER HAND, THE BADGE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS INTO THIN AIR WITHOUT A TRACE. PEARL SCREAMS IN HORROR AS SANDY RUSHES INTO THE ROOM. THE MILITARY BADGE, LIKE ITS PREVIOUS OWNER MR. KRABS AND EVEN HIS ACTUAL CRABBY LITTLE WILLY, HAS VANISHED INTO NOWHERE.

**TOM SURFING: WHO EVER KNEW USING THE RESTROOM COULD BE SO PAINFUL? WELL, MR. EUGENE KRABS KNEW THIS REALITY EVEN BEFORE EATING PRUNES, DEVELOPING KIDNEY STONES, AND FALLING INTO THE ABYSS. KNOWN AS THE DARK REALM OF CHAOS, THE ABYSS IS THE UNIVERSALLY RUMORED DIMENSION WHERE NOTHING, NOT EVEN POINTS OF ANY SIZE, EXISTS. EVERY CULTURE THAT HAS TOLD THE SCARY TRUE STORY OF NOWHERE HAS ALSO MENTIONED THAT THERE ARE EVEN RUMORED PORTALS TO ENTER THE ZERO DIMENSION OF OBLIVION. BUT VIEWERS PLEASE BEWARE SUCH WORM HOLES BECAUSE ACTING LIKE CARELESS SCI-FI BOOK WORMS WILL SIMPLY CAUSE YOU TO VANISH FOREVER…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**43 EPISODE FORTY-THREE: VERY SPECIAL PET **

**TOM SURFING: WHICH IS MORE POWERFUL, MATTER OR MIND? WHO ARE MORE HARMFUL, CARELESS OWNERS OF PETS OR BRATTY AND RECKLESS CATS AND DOGS? AND WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A YOUNG, LITTLE, CUTE PET BECOMES MASTER OF MAN AND SPONGE? THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS CAN ONLY BE FOUND…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

GARY HAS SECRET GRUDGES AGAINST FIVE PEOPLE WHO HAVE HURT HIS MASTER SPONGEBOB OR WHO HAVE HURT GARY HIMSELF. GARY HAS NIGHTMARE DREAMS OF GETTING REVENGE ON THOSE PEOPLE. BECAUSE GARY'S REPRESSED ANGER AGAINST THOSE PEOPLE IS SO POWERFUL, HIS MIND BECOMES MORE POWERFUL THAN MATTER, MAKING HIM A PSYCHIC PET AND TURNING HIS DREAMS INTO FRIGHTENING REALITIES BY TRANSPORTING HIS FIVE VICTIMS AND SPONGEBOB FROM THE REAL WORLD INTO HIS NIGHTMARE WORLDS. GARY'S SIX VICTIMS ARE SPONGEBOB (AN ACCIDENTAL VICTIM SINCE GARY ALWAYS THINKS OF SPONGEBOB); PATRICK (GARY IS JEALOUS OF PATRICK SINCE PATRICK IS SPONGEBOB'S BEST FRIEND); MR. KRABS (GARY DOES NOT LIKE HOW MR. KRABS EXPLOITS SPONGEBOB); SANDY (GARY FEARS THAT SPONGEBOB MAY MARRY SANDY ONE DAY AND THEN SPEND ALL HIS TIME WITH HER AND FORGET ABOUT AND EVENTUALLY DISOWN GARY); PLANKTON (GARY DOES NOT LIKE HOW OFTEN PLANKTON HAS ASSAULTED SPONGEBOB); AND MRS. PUFF (GARY BLAMES MRS. PUFF AS A BAD TEACHER FOR SPONGEBOB'S BAD DRIVING AND SPONGEBOB'S SORROW OVER HIS FAILED DRIVING TESTS). THUS, ONE NIGHT ALL SIX VICTIMS FROM THE REAL WORLD ARE TRAPPED IN A SERIES OF GARY'S NIGHTMARES. GARY HAS FIVE NIGHTMARES. THERE IS A GIANT SEA MONSTER IN EACH OF HIS NIGHTMARES. ALL THE SEA MONSTERS ARE BASED ON ACTUAL PEOPLE IN BIKINI BOTTOM AND ARE ALSO BASED ON VARIOUS FICTIONAL SEA MONSTERS FROM BOOKS AND MOVIES THAT GARY HAS READ AND HAS SEEN. IN GARY'S FIRST NIGHTMARE, ALL SIX VICTIMS OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, MR. KRABS, SANDY, PLANKTON, AND MRS. PUFF AWAKE FROM SLEEP TOGETHER AND DO NOT KNOW WHERE THEY ARE AND DO NOT KNOW THAT THEY ARE NOW IN GARY'S DREAM WORLDS. THEY ARE ALL OUT AT SEA ON A LARGE EMPTY WOODEN SHIP THAT DRIVES BY ITSELF. THEY ARE ALL WEARING WATER HELMETS TO BREATHE ABOVE WATER, EXCEPT SANDY WHO IS WEARING HER REGULAR AIR HELMET AND ASTRONAUT SUIT. ALL ARE SCARED ABOUT THEIR LOST FATE AND ABOUT HOW THE SHIP MAGICALLY DRIVES BY ITSELF. THEY THEN BEGIN TO BLAME ONE ANOTHER FOR BRINGING ALL OF THEM TO THE SHIP. MR. KRABS BLAMES PLANKTON FOR BRINGING THEM ALL TO THE SHIP SINCE PLANKTON IS VERY MISCHIEVOUS AND SADISTIC; PLANKTON BLAMES MR. KRABS FOR BRINGING THEM ALL TO THE SHIP SINCE MR. KRABS MIGHT HAVE SOLD THEM ALL TO PIRATES FOR MONEY; MRS. PUFF BLAMES SPONGEBOB FOR BRINGING THEM ALL TO THE SHIP SINCE SPONGEBOB ALWAYS GETS OTHERS INTO TROUBLE; PATRICK BLAMES THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FOR BRINGING THEM TO THE SHIP BECAUSE THE GHOST PIRATE LIKES COLLECTING SLAVE SOULS; AND BOTH SANDY AND SPONGEBOB TRY TO END THE TENSE ARGUMENTS SO EVERYONE CAN WORK TOGETHER TO DISCOVER WHERE THEY ARE AND HOW TO GET BACK HOME. SUDDENLY, THE SHIP IS ATTACKED BY A GIANT MONSTER WHITE WHALE VERSION OF PEARL, WHO IS A HYBRID OF PEARL AND THE SPERM WHALE MOBY DICK FROM _MOBY DICK_. PLANKTON IMMEDIATELY BLAMES MR. KRABS FOR TURNING HIS DAUGHTER INTO A GIANT SEA MONSTER TO ATTACK THEM ALL, BUT MR. KRABS VEHEMENTLY DENIES THAT THE WHALE IS HIS DAUGHTER DESPITE THE WHALE'S RESEMBLANCE TO PEARL. AS MR. KRABS TRIES TO STEER THE SHIP AWAY FROM THE MONSTER PEARL, THE MONSTER PEARL REPEATEDLY BUMPS THE SIDES OF THE SHIP, CAUSING WATER TO FLOOD THE SHIP, AND EVENTUALLY BITES ONTO THE SHIP'S ANCHOR, CAUSING THE SHIP TO SINK INTO THE SEA. AS MR. KRABS LOSES CONTROL OF THE SHIP, ALL THE FIVE OTHERS PANIC AND TRY TO CLIMB UP THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF THE SINKING SHIP. THE MONSTER PEARL FINALLY DRAGS THE SHIP INTO THE SEA TO SINK THE SHIP AND DROWN THE CREW. FIVE OF THE VICTIMS SURVIVE BY FLOATING AWAY FROM THE SINKING SHIP ON WOODEN COFFINS FULL OF FISH SKELETONS AS "SAFETY LIFE BOATS" FROM WITHIN THE SINKING SHIP. HOWEVER, AS MR. KRABS FLEES FROM THE CONTROLS OF THE SHIP, THE ANCHOR CHAINS TRIP HIM, AND HE BECOMES TANGLED IN THE ANCHOR CHAINS. THUS, THE SCREAMING MR. KRABS IS PULLED AND DROWNED UNDERWATER ALONG WITH THE SHIP AND ITS ANCHOR BY THE MONSTER PEARL. BOTH SANDY AND PATRICK TRY TO SILENCE SPONGEBOB'S CRIES FOR THE DECEASED MR. KRABS. SANDY, PATRICK, AND MRS. PUFF ATTACK PLANKTON AND GIVE HIM A BLACK EYE INJURY WHEN PLANKTON REMARKS THAT MR. KRABS DESERVED HIS FATE FROM HIS UGLY MONSTER DAUGHTER AND WHEN PLANKTON STARTS LAUGHING OVER HOW MR. KRABS SCREAMED LIKE A GIRL AS HE WAS EATEN BY HIS OWN MONSTER DAUGHTER. THE GROUP GROWS SILENT AFTER THE FIGHT, EXCEPT FOR SPONGEBOB WHO CONTINUES TO CRY. AS THEY FLOAT ON THE COFFINS IN OPEN WATER, GARY'S SECOND NIGHTMARE BEGINS. THE FIVE SURVIVORS SEE A SHINING METALLIC OBJECT IN THE DISTANCE. SANDY EVENTUALLY DEDUCES THAT THE OBJECT IS A SUBMARINE THAT CAN RESCUE THEM. THE FIVE SURVIVORS FLOAT ON THEIR COFFINS TO THE EMPTY SILVER SUBMARINE FLOATING NEAR THE SURFACE OF THE WATERS AND ENTER THE SUBMARINE. AS THEY SEARCH IN VAIN FOR THE CREW, THE SUBMARINE LIKEWISE MAGICALLY DRIVES BY ITSELF TO THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. SPONGEBOB, PLANKTON, AND MRS. PUFF ARE ALL SCARED AND BELIEVE THAT PATRICK IS RIGHT ABOUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR SITUATION SINCE ALL FOUR NOW BELIEVE THE SUBMARINE IS HAUNTED. HOWEVER, SANDY BELIEVES THAT THE SUBMARINE MAY BE ON MECHANICAL AUTOPILOT. AS SANDY TRIES TO STEER THE SUBMARINE BACK TO THE SURFACE OF THE OCEAN WATERS, THE SUBMARINE IS SUDDENLY ATTACKED BY A GIANT MONSTER VERSION OF SQUIDWARD, WHO IS A HYBRID OF SQUIDWARD AND THE GIANT SQUID FROM _TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA_. EVERYONE STUMBLES AND SCREAMS AS THEY SEE THE GIANT EYES OF THE MONSTER SQUIDWARD, WHO PICKS UP THE ENTIRE SUBMARINE IN HIS GIANT TENTACLES. THE MONSTER SQUIDWARD BEGINS TO CRUSH THE SUBMARINE IN HIS GIANT TENTACLES AND BEGINS TO EAT THE SUBMARINE IN HIS GIANT BEAK MOUTH SINCE THE MONSTER SQUIDWARD THINKS THE VEHICLE IS ACTUALLY A SUB SANDWICH. AS THE MONSTER SQUIDWARD DEVOURS THE SUBMARINE, EVERYONE IN THE SUBMARINE FINDS AND PUTS ON THE DEEP-SEA DIVING SUITS IN THE SUBMARINE TO ESCAPE OUT OF THE DOOMED SUBMARINE. AS EVERYONE RUSHES TO THE EMERGENCY EXITS OF THE SHRINKING AND FLOODING SUBMARINE, ALL THE OTHERS ACCIDENTALLY STEP ON AND CRUSH PLANKTON DURING THE QUICK ESCAPE AND LEAVE THE CRUSHED PLANKTON BEHIND. PLANKTON AND THE CRUSHED SUBMARINE ARE EATEN BY THE MONSTER SQUIDWARD AS THE FOUR SURVIVORS ESCAPE AND SWIM TOGETHER BACK TO THE SURFACE OF THE OCEAN WATERS. AS THE FOUR SURVIVORS PANT LIKE DYING DOGS FROM THEIR DESPERATE ESCAPE AS THEY REACH THE SURFACE, GARY'S THIRD NIGHTMARE BEGINS. EVERYONE IS AFRAID OF BEING EATEN BY THE MONSTER PEARL AND THE MONSTER SQUIDWARD. THEY NOW ALL BELIEVE THAT THEY ARE INSIDE SOMEONE'S NIGHTMARE, POSSIBLY ONE OF THEIR OWN NIGHTMARES. EVERYONE TRIES TO WAKE UP FROM THE DREAM, BUT THEY ALL FAIL TO WAKE UP, CAUSING THEM ALL TO AGREE THAT THEY ARE TRAPPED IN SOMEONE ELSE'S NIGHTMARE. THEY NAME SEVERAL VILLAINOUS SUSPECTS, INCLUDING THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, THE MOTH, JUMBO SHRIMP, SINISTER SLUG, AND OLD MAN JENKINS. AS THEY CONTINUE MASTER DEBATING OVER WHOSE DREAM THEY ARE IN, SPONGEBOB SPOTS AN ISLAND IN THE DISTANCE, AND THE FOUR SURVIVORS FIND AND SWIM TO THE ISLAND TO AVOID BEING EATEN BY ANY MORE GIANT SEA MONSTERS. THEY FINALLY REACH AND STUMBLE ONTO THE ISLAND'S SANDY SHORES, BUT EVERYONE, EXCEPT SANDY WHO REMOVES HER DEEP-SEA DIVING SUIT AND JUST WEARS HER REGULAR ASTRONAUT SUIT, MUST STILL WEAR THEIR DEEP-SEA DIVING SUITS CONTAINING WATER SINCE THEY CANNOT BREATHE ON DRY LAND. ALL FOUR ARE STARTLED AS THEY HEAR TRIBAL CHANTING. SUDDENLY, THE FOUR SURVIVORS ARE ATTACKED BY PRIMITIVE ASIAN LIZARD TRIBAL WARRIORS ARMED WITH SPEARS. AS THE LIZARDS LAUNCH THEIR SPEARS AT THE INVADERS, ALL FOUR FLEE BACK INTO THE WATERS. HOWEVER, A GIANT MONSTER VERSION OF THE ATOMIC FLOUNDER ROARS LIKE A GIANT LIZARD AND COMES OUT OF THE WATERS, CAUSING THE WATERS TO RUSH ONTO THE ISLAND TO CAUSE THE FOUR SURVIVORS AND THE LIZARDS TO TRIP, DROWN, AND FALL. THE MONSTER ATOMIC FLOUNDER IS A HYBRID OF THE ATOMIC FLOUNDER AND THE RADIOACTIVE DINOSAUR MONSTER GODZILLA FROM _GODZILLA_. AS EVERYONE FLEES TOWARDS THE TREES OF THE ISLAND, THE MONSTER ATOMIC FLOUNDER STOMPS TOWARDS ITS VICTIMS AND SHOOTS OUT POWERFUL GREEN RADIOACTIVE ENERGY BEAMS OF ATOMIC BREATH FROM ITS MOUTH THAT INSTANTLY VAPORIZE THE TREES AND LIZARDS OF THE ISLAND. THE MONSTER ATOMIC FLOUNDER LIKEWISE STOMPS ON AND CRUSHES THE LIZARDS' PRIMITIVE VILLAGES. AS EARTHQUAKES OCCUR FROM THE GIANT STOMPING, THE FOUR SURVIVORS FALL ONTO THE SANDY GROUND AND CRAWL TO ESCAPE. HOWEVER, SANDY'S BUSHY TAIL GETS CAUGHT ON NEARBY BUSH BRANCHES. SANDY FALLS BEHIND EVERYONE, AND SHE IS INSTANTLY VAPORIZED BY THE MONSTER ATOMIC FLOUNDER'S ATOMIC BREATH. AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SCREAM AND CRY OVER SANDY'S INSTANT RADIOACTIVE DECAY, A VOLCANO ON THE ISLAND ERUPTS AND EXPLODES, DROWNING THE ROARING MONSTER ATOMIC FLOUNDER IN HOT MAGMA AND SHOOTING THE THREE SURVIVORS HIGH INTO THE SKY. MRS. PUFF BLOATS HER BODY UP LIKE A BALLOON, AND THE SOBBING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FLOAT SAFELY ON HER WITH THE SMOKY WIND AS THEY CRASH INTO DEEP WATERS. GARY'S FOURTH NIGHTMARE BEGINS. ALL THREE SURVIVORS BEGIN TO HEAVILY MOURN THE LOSS OF EVERYONE AND CURSE WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR HORRIFIC FATE. HOWEVER, THE THREE SURVIVORS SLIGHTLY CHEER UP WHEN THEY DISCOVER THAT THEY ARE FLOATING OVER BIKINI BOTTOM AND BELIEVE THEY HAVE FINALLY ESCAPED AND SURVIVED THEIR HELLISH ORDEAL. THEY FLOAT AND LAND IN THE BLACK WATERS OF GOO LAGOON, BUT THE BEACH IS COMPLETELY DESERTED. AS THEY CRASH LAND INTO THE LAGOON WATERS, A HUGE FAT BEAST FORMS LARGE WAVES AND BEGINS TO SWIM TOWARDS THEM. THEY ALL HELPLESSLY SWIM TOWARDS THE BEACH SHORE AND BEGIN TO RUN TOWARDS THE LIFE GUARD HOUSE. THE BEAST FROM GOO LAGOON IS NONE OTHER THAN AN EVEN FATTER CANNIBALISTIC MONSTER VERSION OF BUBBLE BASS. THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS IS A HYBRID OF BUBBLE BASS AND THE GILL MAN FROM _CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON_. AS THE THREE SURVIVORS HYSTERICALLY RUN, THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS FORMS INTO A LARGE FAT BALL AND ROLLS VERY FAST AFTER THEM ACROSS THE SAND. BECAUSE PATRICK IS THE SLOWEST AND FATTEST OF THE SURVIVORS, THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS WANTS TO EAT HIM FIRST AND EASILY ROLLS INTO AND TACKLES HIM. THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS SIMPLY SWALLOWS PATRICK WHOLE. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS IN PROTEST AND RUNS TO ATTACK THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS, BUT MRS. PUFF GRABS AND DRAGS SPONGEBOB INTO THE BEACH PARKING LOT AS THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS CONTINUES TO ROLL AFTER THEM FOR MORE FOOD. MRS. PUFF AND THE SHAKING AND SOBBING SPONGEBOB ENTER A BOAT CAR, AND MRS. PUFF DRIVES INTO THE CITY OUT OF GOO LAGOON BEACH TO ESCAPE THE MONSTER BUBBLE BASS, WHO FINALLY RETURNS TO THE MURKY WATERS OF GOO LAGOON. MRS. PUFF LIKEWISE CRIES AND HUGS SPONGEBOB TO COMFORT HIM. GARY'S FINAL FIFTH DREAM BEGINS. AS THE TWO SURVIVORS DRIVE AND SCREAM FOR HELP THROUGHOUT THE EMPTY CITY, THEY REALIZE THAT THE CITY IS COMPLETELY DESERTED. THEY BECOME HOPELESS AS THEY YELL AND SEARCH FOR OTHER PEOPLE BLOCK AFTER BLOCK FOR HELP TO ESCAPE THE NIGHTMARE. FINALLY, THEY STOP AT A MOVIE THEATER WHERE THE MOVIES APPEAR TO BE PLAYING. THE TWO ENTER THE THEATER AND LOOK IN THE EMPTY BUILDING FOR OTHER PEOPLE. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES HE HEARS GARY MEOWING FROM ONE OF THE THEATER ROOMS, SO HE AND MRS. PUFF ENTER THE MOVIE ROOM WHERE A MOVIE CALLED _DEEP BLUE SHARK_ IS PLAYING. AS THEY ENTER THE EMPTY DARK ROOM, THE FILM BEGINS AND SHOWS A GIANT MONSTER VERSION OF BILL THE BLUE REEF SHARK, WHO IS A HYBRID OF BILL AND THE GREAT WHITE SHARK FROM _JAWS_. THE MONSTER BILL IS SWIMMING IN OCEAN WATERS FULL OF FLOATING TORN CLOTHING, WEARING HEADPHONES PLAYING OMINOUS MUSIC, AND CHARGING TOWARDS THE SCREEN WITH HIS SHARK FIN UP AND HIS VERY SHARP AND LARGE JAWS OPEN. SPONGEBOB AND MRS. PUFF COVER THEIR EYES IN FEAR OF THE MOVIE. SUDDENLY, THE THEATER ROOM FLOODS WITH WATER FROM THE MOVIE SCREEN, AND THE MONSTER BILL BREAKS THROUGH THE MOVIE SCREEN AND ENTERS THE ROOM TO TRY TO EAT THE TWO LAST SURVIVORS. THE TWO SURVIVORS STUMBLE UP TO THE HIGHEST STEPS OF THE FLOODING ROOM, BUT THE MONSTER BILL SWIMS QUICKLY AFTER THEM AND SMASHES AND SWALLOWS CHAIRS IN HIS WAY. MRS. PUFF PANICS AND BLOATS UP JUST AS THE MONSTER BILL LEAPS MID-AIR TOWARDS SPONGEBOB. THE MONSTER BILL BITES THE BLOATED MRS. PUFF, AND MRS. PUFF POPS, CAUSING THE MONSTER BILL TO ALSO EXPLODE. AS THE MONSTER BILL EXPLODES, THE MONSTER SHARK RELEASES MANY FISH BONES INTO THE FLOODING ROOM. SPONGEBOB IS NOW THE LAST SURVIVOR OF THE SEA MONSTERS, BUT THE ROOM IS STILL FLOODING AND HE IS ABOUT TO DROWN. SUDDENLY, CEILING LIGHTS IN THE DARK ROOM TURN ON, THE WATER IS GRADUALLY SUCKED BACK INTO THE MOVIE SCREEN, AND THE LITTLE SMILING GARY APPEARS IN THE ROOM. THE TREMBLING SPONGEBOB CALLS TO THE MEOWING AND SMILING GARY AND RUSHES TO HUG HIM BUT THEN STOPS. SPONGEBOB FINALLY REALIZES THAT ALL SIX PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN GARY'S NIGHTMARE WORLDS AND THAT THE PSYCHOTIC AND PSYCHIC GARY IS ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING EVERYONE INTO HIS MIND AND DESTROYING EVERYONE THROUGH THE NIGHTMARISH SEA MONSTERS. SPONGEBOB FURIOUSLY SCOLDS GARY AS THE WORST PET AND SEA MONSTER IN ALL THE OCEANS OF THE WORLD. GARY GLARES AT SPONGEBOB AND SPEAKS WITH A SNAKE VOICE AND HISS TO SPONGEBOB. GARY EXPLAINS WHY HE DESTROYED THE OTHER FIVE PEOPLE AND THAT HE ONLY DID SO BECAUSE HE LOVES SPONGEBOB AND ONLY WANTS SPONGEBOB TO LOVE HIM AS A PET AND AS SPONGEBOB'S ONLY FRIEND. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AT GARY TO CALL HIM A VERY, VERY BAD BOY. SPONGEBOB TIGHTENS HIS FISTS, FURIOUSLY DEMANDS THAT GARY RETURN ALL HIS FRIENDS BACK TO LIFE, AND TELLS GARY HE WILL NEVER BE HIS PET OR FRIEND EVER AGAIN. AFTER A MOMENT OF TENSE SILENCE, GARY SIMPLY SMILES AND SAYS IN HIS SNAKE VOICE THAT SPONGEBOB IS RIGHT THAT GARY WILL NO LONGER BE HIS PET AND THAT GARY HIMSELF MAKES A HORRIBLE PET. GARY AGREES TO RETURN ALL OF SPONGEBOB'S FRIENDS BACK TO LIFE. GARY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT SPONGEBOB IS A VERY, VERY BAD DAD FOR NOT ACCEPTING GARY'S TOUGH LOVE. GARY THEN LOSES HIS EVIL SNAKE VOICE AND USES HIS PSYCHIC POWERS TO CREATE A NEW SEA. GARY INCREASES HIMSELF TO SPONGEBOB'S SIZE, SHRINKS SPONGEBOB TO THE SIZE OF A SNAIL, REPOPULATES THE CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM, RESTORES ALL THE SIX VICTIMS BACK TO LIFE, INCREASES THE SIZE OF ALL SNAILS TO THE SIZE OF REGULAR FISH, AND FINALLY SHRINKS ALL THE CITIZENS TO THE SIZE OF SNAILS. THUS, GARY'S NIGHTMARES HAVE ENDED, HIS PSYCHIC POWERS ARE NOW SO POWERFUL FROM HIS FURY THAT HE CAN NOW ALTER THE REAL PHYSICAL WORLD, AND GARY CREATES A NEW CITY IN THE REAL WORLD WHERE SNAILS ARE THE MASTERS OF ALL OTHER SEA CREATURES, WHO ARE NOW THEIR MINDLESS, LOYAL PETS. GARY PUTS A COLLAR ON HIS NEW HAPPY, DOCILE, LITTLE PET SPONGEBOB AND WALKS SPONGEBOB TO THE PARK. AT THE PARK, GARY USES FISH BONES TO PLAY FETCH WITH HIS NEW VERY SPECIAL PET SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB HAPPILY CHEWS ON THE FISH BONES AND DIGS THEM INTO THE DIRT OF THE GRASSY GROUND. GARY PETS THE HAPPY PET SPONGEBOB, WHO LICKS GARY AND BARKS LIKE A DOG. GARY CALLS SPONGEBOB A VERY GOOD BOY.

**TOM SURFING: EVEN LITTLE CAESARS ARE DANGEROUS. POWER CAN CORRUPT ALL CREATURES, BIG AND SMALL ON BOTH LAND AND SEA, AND THE GREATER THE POWERS, THE MORE LIKELY THOSE WITH POWER WILL ABUSE THOSE WEAKER THAN THEMSELVES. SO WHEN A SEEMINGLY INNOCENT PET IS SUDDENLY GRANTED THE POWER OF MIND OVER MATTER, ONLY CHAOS CAN ENSUE. THOUGH THE POWERS OF THE MIND STILL REMAIN PARTIALLY UNTAPPED, PERHAPS THE MYSTERIES OF PARAPSYCHOLOGY SHOULD REMAIN CONFINED…TO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**44 EPISODE FORTY-FOUR: THE SAND SHARK**

**TOM SURFING: ALL LITTLE CHILDREN ARE AFRAID OF THE DARK AND THE BOGEYMAN. WHEN CHILDREN GROW UP INTO ADULTS, ONLY THEN DO THEY LEARN THAT MONSTERS DO NOT EXIST UNDER THEIR BEDS OR IN THEIR CLOSETS AT NIGHT, THOUGH THERE STILL MIGHT BE SOME SKELETONS IN THEIR CLOSETS. BUT THERE ARE THOSE WHO NEVER GET RID OF THE PARANOIA THAT THE FREAKS DO INDEED COME OUT AT NIGHT. IF THERE ARE ANY VIEWERS PRESENT WHO ARE STILL AFRAID OF SHADOW PEOPLE, GOBLINS, OR GHOULS, PLEASE LEAVE NOW FOR YOUR OWN SAFETY. BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T, THE MONSTERS WILL DRAG YOU DIRECTLY…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

ONE DAY SPONGEBOB BUYS A SANDBOX FOR HIS BACK YARD. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PLAY IN THE SANDBOX FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. BOTH CREATE SAND PEOPLE THAT RESEMBLE CHRISTMAS SNOW MEN AND CREATE SAND ANGEL FISH MARKS THAT RESEMBLE CHRISTMAS SNOW ANGELS. AS THEY MAKE MUCH NOISE WITH THEIR LAUGHTER, TALKING WITH THEIR SAND MEN, AND HAVING SAND BALL FIGHTS, SQUIDWARD IS HIGHLY ANNOYED, SO SQUIDWARD PLANS TO SCARE BOTH OF THEM BY TELLING THEM THAT THEIR SANDBOX WILL TURN TO QUICKSAND AT NIGHT TO SUCK THE BOTH OF THEM UNDERGROUND AND BURY BOTH OF THEM ALIVE FOREVER. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE VERY SCARED BY SQUIDWARD'S WARNING, BUT THEY BELIEVE THEY ARE SAFE TO PLAY IN THE SANDBOX UNTIL NIGHT, MUCH TO SQUIDWARD'S ANNOYANCE. SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO LEAVE HIS HOME TO GO BIKE RIDING FOR THE DAY. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PLAY IN THE SANDBOX UNTIL SUN SET, WHEN THE SCARED PATRICK LEAVES FOR HOME TO AVOID THE SAND TURNING INTO QUICKSAND AS SQUIDWARD WARNED. AS NIGHT FALLS AND PATRICK GOES HOME TO SLEEP, SPONGEBOB EXITS THE SANDBOX AND DECIDES TO TEST SQUIDWARD'S WARNING BY THROWING SQUIDWARD'S ART PIECES AND MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS INTO THE SANDBOX TO SEE IF THEY WILL SINK INTO IT. HOWEVER, THEY DO NOT SINK INTO THE SAND, SO SPONGEBOB BELIEVES SQUIDWARD WAS JUST JOKING WITH THEM ABOUT THE SAND TURNING INTO QUICKSAND AT NIGHT. SPONGEBOB ENTERS THE SAND BOX, REALIZES IT IS SAFE AND NOT QUICKSAND, AND BEGINS TO CLEAN UP HIS SANDBOX. HOWEVER, A MONSTROUS, HUNGRY, LARGE, DARK SHARK FIGURE LITERALLY MADE OF SAND EMERGES FROM WITHIN THE SANDBOX. SPONGEBOB IS PARALYZED WITH FEAR, BUT THE SAND SHARK, SPEAKING WITH A VERY OMINOUS VOICE, INTRODUCES HIMSELF AND ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT HE WILL NEVER HARM HIM. THE SAND SHARK TELLS SPONGEBOB, "I AM THE SAND SHARK, AND I WILL NEVER EAT THE SWIMMER UNDER WHOSE SANDBOX I SWIM." SPONGEBOB FAINTS AS THE SAND SHARK FLOATS AWAY WITH THE WIND INTO THE NIGHT. THE NEXT DAY THE FRIGHTENED SPONGEBOB TELLS PATRICK ABOUT THE SAND SHARK, BUT PATRICK, WHO IS MORE AFRAID OF QUICKSAND, BELIEVES THAT SPONGEBOB SIMPLY HAD A NIGHTMARE. HOWEVER, AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, SPONGEBOB DISCOVERS THAT SQUIDWARD IS MISSING FROM WORK. POLICE FISH ARRIVE AT THE RESTAURANT AND REPORT TO MR. KRABS THAT SQUIDWARD NEVER MADE IT HOME LAST NIGHT AND THAT HE WAS ATTACKED AND SWALLOWED WHOLE SEVERAL BLOCKS FROM HIS HOME BY WHAT WITNESS NEIGHBORS DESCRIBE AS A SANDY STORM THAT FORMED INTO THE SHAPE OF A HUGE SHARK. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY SQUIDWARD'S DISAPPEARANCE. SPONGEBOB TELLS THE POLICE FISH ABOUT HIS SAND SHARK, BUT THE POLICE FISH SIMPLY LAUGH AT HIS STORY AND ASSURE HIM THAT THE WITNESSES ARE OLD PEOPLE WHO ARE GOING BLIND AND PROBABLY DID NOT EVEN SEE SQUIDWARD THAT NIGHT. THE POLICE FISH ASSURE SPONGEBOB THAT THEY WILL FIND SQUIDWARD SOON AND THAT SQUIDWARD PROBABLY JUST GOT LOST UP HIS OWN BUTT SINCE HE LIKES STICKING HIS HEAD UP HIS OWN BUTT SO MUCH. SPONGEBOB IS UNSURE WHAT TO DO SINCE NO ONE BELIEVES HIM ABOUT THE SAND SHARK. WHEN SPONGEBOB RETURNS HOME FROM WORK BEFORE THE SUN SETS, HE FINALLY TELLS GARY ABOUT THE SAND SHARK, BUT GARY BELIEVES SPONGEBOB'S IMAGINATION IS TOO STRONG AND CHILDISH TO BE BELIEVED AND GARY SIMPLY GOES TO BED. HOPING TO STOP THE MONSTER FROM EATING ANY MORE OF HIS FRIENDS AND HOPING TO PROVE ITS EXISTENCE TO OTHERS, SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO BUILD SAND IN THE SHAPE OF FOOD AND HIDE IT NEAR THE OUTSIDE OF THE SANDBOX BY A FISH NET TRAP TO TRY TO CAPTURE THE SAND SHARK. BECAUSE THE SAND SHARK PROMISED TO NEVER ATTACK HIM, SPONGEBOB WAITS NEAR HIS SANDBOX AT SUN SET TO WATCH THE SAND SHARK GET CAPTURED. PATRICK DID NOT PLAY IN THE SANDBOX THAT DAY BECAUSE HE IS STILL TOO SCARED OF QUICKSAND AND BELIEVES THAT THE MISSING SQUIDWARD PROBABLY FELL INTO A QUICKSAND PIT. AS SPONGEBOB WAITS ALONE AND HIDES IN NEARBY BUSHES SEVERAL MINUTES TO SUNSET, PLANKTON WALKS DOWN THE STREET AND SPOTS SPONGEBOB. PLANKTON, PRETENDING TO HAVE MADE SQUIDWARD DISAPPEAR TO TAUNT SPONGEBOB, TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE WILL ALSO MAKE SPONGEBOB DISAPPEAR IF SPONGEBOB DOES NOT GIVE HIM THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. SPONGEBOB KNOWS PLANKTON IS LYING AND TELLS PLANKTON TO NOT WALK OUT AT NIGHT BECAUSE NIGHTS ARE NOT SAFE EVEN FOR A LITTLE MONSTER LIKE PLANKTON HIMSELF. PLANKTON ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING, NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE NOW AFRAID OF THE IMAGINARY SAND SHARKS SUPPOSEDLY ATTACKING AND EATING PEOPLE AT NIGHT. SUDDENLY, KAREN COMES DOWN THE ROAD TO PLANKTON'S SIDE, AND PLANKTON TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN IS HIS ROBOTIC BODY GUARD EQUIPPED WITH SUPER STRENGTH, SUPER SEXINESS, LASER BEAMS, AND SUPER SPEED. KAREN USES HER ROBOTIC ARMS TO GRAB SOME SAND FROM THE SAND BOX AND PELTS SPONGEBOB WITH THE SAND, CAUSING HIM TO FALL OVER. BOTH PLANKTON AND KAREN LAUGH, CALL SPONGEBOB A SCAREDY SNAIL, AND CONTINUE THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD WALK. PLANKTON CASUALLY REMARKS THAT HE AND KAREN ARE GOING TO TRY TO BREAK INTO MR. KRABS' HOME THAT NIGHT TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA, WHICH THEY BELIEVE IS HIDDEN IN HIS CLOSET FULL OF DIRTY UNDERWEAR. AS PLANKTON AND KAREN LEAVE, SPONGEBOB GOES INSIDE HIS HOME, CLEANS HIMSELF IN HIS BATHROOM, AND CALLS THE POLICE TO GO TO MR. KRABS' HOME TO STOP PLANKTON'S PLAN. HOWEVER, THE POLICE FISH IGNORE HIS PHONE CALL DUE TO SPONGEBOB'S CRAZY STORY TO THEM EARLIER ABOUT THE SAND SHARK. NIGHT FALLS OUTSIDE, AND SPONGEBOB REMEMBERS ABOUT HIS TRAP FOR THE SAND SHARK. SPONGEBOB RUSHES TO SEE THE SAND SHARK GET CAUGHT IN HIS TRAP. THE SAND SHARK APPEARS AND REPEATS HIS GREETING AND PROMISE TO SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB IS FRIGHTENED AND STUTTERS AS HE ASKS THE SAND SHARK IF IT ATE SQUIDWARD. THE SAND SHARK DOES NOT RESPOND TO THE QUESTION BUT INSTEAD GOES TOWARDS SPONGEBOB'S TRAP. THE FISH NET TRAP SLAMS ONTO THE SAND SHARK, WHO SIMPLY BREAKS INTO PIECES BEFORE QUICKLY FORMING HIMSELF AGAIN TO EASILY ESCAPE THE TRAP. SPONGEBOB IS FROZEN WITH FEAR AS THE SAND SHARK EATS THE SAND FOOD AND FLOATS AWAY WITH THE WIND LOOKING FOR REAL PEOPLE TO EAT. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS, RUNS INTO HIS BEDROOM, AND HIDES IN HIS CLOSET FULL OF STUFFED ANIMAL TOYS, AS THE SAND SHARK LETS OUT A LOUD ROAR AND FLOATS DOWN THE DARK STREET. SPONGEBOB WAKES UP IN THE MORNING AND NERVOUSLY GOES TO WORK. ONCE AGAIN THE POLICE FISH ARE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB AND ARE AGAIN SPEAKING WITH MR. KRABS ABOUT THE DISAPPEARANCES OF HIS RIVALS PLANKTON AND KAREN. MR. KRABS TELLS THE POLICE FISH ABOUT PLANKTON'S AND KAREN'S ATTEMPT TO BREAK INTO HIS HOME LAST NIGHT, HOW HE WARDED THEM OFF WITH HIS TRUSTY HARPOON RIFLE GUN, AND HOW THEY BOTH FLED HIS HOME AND WERE BOTH SWEPT AWAY AND SWALLOWED WHOLE BY A LARGE SAND STORM SHAPED LIKE A HUGE SHARK ON THE STREET ACROSS MR. KRABS' ANCHOR HOME STREET. THE POLICE FISH DO NOT BELIEVE HIS WILD STORY AND PLACE MR. KRABS UNDER ARREST FOR THE DISAPPEARANCES OF PLANKTON AND KAREN. AS THE POLICE FISH DRAG THE PANICKING MR. KRABS AWAY TO THEIR POLICE BOAT CAR TO TAKE HIM TO JAIL FOR SUSPECTED DOUBLE HOMICIDE, SPONGEBOB DESPERATELY RUNS BY HIS SIDE AND PROMISES THAT HE WILL STOP THE SAND SHARK AND FREE MR. KRABS. THE KRUSTY KRAB IS CLOSED INDEFINITELY AFTER THE ARREST. AS ALL THE CUSTOMERS, INCLUDING PATRICK, LEAVE THE CLOSED KRUSTY KRAB EARLY, SPONGEBOB TRIES TO CONVINCE PATRICK ABOUT THE SAND SHARK. HOWEVER, PATRICK, INSECURE ABOUT HIS OWN FEARS CONCERNING SAND AND SANDBOXES, ANGRILY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS TIRED OF BEING AFRAID OF THE NIGHT, SANDBOXES, IMAGINARY MONSTERS, AND QUICKSAND. PATRICK DEFIANTLY TELLS SPONGEBOB TO STOP BEING SUCH A BABY ABOUT THE NIGHT AND ABOUT SAND. PATRICK THEN LEAVES CONFIDENTLY HOME NOW THAT HE HAS FINALLY DENOUNCED AND OVERCOME HIS FEAR OF SANDBOXES AND QUICKSAND. AS THE SAD AND DISAPPOINTED SPONGEBOB PREPARES TO LEAVE THE NOW CLOSED KRUSTY KRAB, BUBBLE BASS SHOWS UP AND IMMEDIATELY DEMANDS TO BE SERVED A LARGE ORDER OF TEN KRABBY PATTIES. SPONGEBOB ANGRILY TELLS HIM THAT THE RESTAURANT IS CLOSED. HOWEVER, THE HUNGRY BUBBLE BASS PINS SPONGEBOB AGAINST THE CLOSED RESTAURANT DOORS AND THREATENS HIM. BUBBLE BASS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT IF HE DOES NOT GET HIS DAILY DOSE OF TEN KRABBY PATTIES, THEN HE IS GOING TO EAT SPONGEBOB INSTEAD. A CROWD OF OLD PEOPLE LEAVING THE CLOSED RESTAURANT STOPS TO WITNESS THE CONFRONTATION. SPONGEBOB PUSHES BUBBLE BASS AWAY AND TELLS BUBBLE BASS TO GO WITH THE POLICE FISH TO JUST EAT SOME DONUTS INSTEAD SINCE BOTH THE COPS AND BUBBLE BASS ARE PIGS. AS BUBBLE BASS GRABS SPONGEBOB'S NOSE, SPONGEBOB BITES BUBBLE BASS' FLABBY FINS, CAUSING BUBBLE BASS TO LOSE HIS GRIP OF SPONGEBOB, HOLD HIS FINS IN PAIN, AND GROWL AND GLARE AT SPONGEBOB. THE OLD PEOPLE CROWD DEMANDS THAT THE TWO FIGHT TO THE DEATH. BUBBLE BASS INSTEAD CHALLENGES SPONGEBOB TO A WESTERN GUNFIGHT THAT NIGHT TO PROVE WHO THE BETTER AND BRAVER MAN IS SINCE THE SAND SHARKS ARE RUMORED TO ATTACK PEOPLE AT NIGHT. SPONGEBOB TELLS BUBBLE BASS THAT HE DOES NOT WANT TO FIGHT. BUBBLE BASS TAUNTS SPONGEBOB BY INSULTING THE MISSING SQUIDWARD AS THE WORST CASHIER OF ALL TIME AND INSULTING THE ARRESTED MR. KRABS AS THE MURDERER OF THE MISSING PLANKTON AND KAREN. SPONGEBOB IS VERY ANGERED BY BUBBLE BASS' INSULTS, SO SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO CHALLENGE BUBBLE BASS TO A WESTERN GUNFIGHT AT HIS SANDBOX SINCE SPONGEBOB BELIEVES HIS SAND SHARK WILL PROTECT HIM AND CHASE BUBBLE BASS AWAY. HOWEVER, BUBBLE BASS REFUSES AND WANTS TO SHOOT OUT AT A NEUTRAL SITE, THE SANDBOX AT THE CITY PARK. SPONGEBOB AGREES TO THE CHALLENGE. THE OLD PEOPLE CROWD CHEERS, PLACES BETS ON WHO WILL BE ALIVE IN THE MORNING, AND LEAVES AS SPONGEBOB AND BUBBLE BASS SPIT ON THEIR OWN HANDS AND SHAKE AND SQUEEZE EACH OTHER'S WET HANDS TO AGREE TO THE GUNFIGHT AT SUNSET. SPONGEBOB GOES HOME AND ARMS HIMSELF WITH A LARGE SOAP BUBBLE SHOTGUN FOR THE SHOWDOWN. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES HIS SAND SHARK WILL APPEAR AT THE PARK SANDBOX AND STILL PROTECT HIM IN THE GUNFIGHT. SPONGEBOB NOW BELIEVES THAT HIS SAND SHARK ATTACKED SQUIDWARD FOR BEING A JERK TO SPONGEBOB AND ATTACKED PLANKTON AND KAREN FOR BULLYING SPONGEBOB. NOW SPONGEBOB BELIEVES HIS SAND SHARK WILL ATTACK AND SCARE AWAY BUBBLE BASS TO FORCE HIM TO STOP BEING A BULLY. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND BUBBLE BASS ARRIVE AT THE CITY PARK SANDBOX AT SUNSET. THERE IS NO AUDIENCE SINCE EVERYONE IS TOO AFRAID OF THE SAND SHARKS TO GO OUT AT NIGHTTIME. THE TWO GUNMEN ARE DRESSED LIKE WESTERN COWBOYS, WITH TRADITIONAL COWBOY HATS, BOOTS, HOLSTERS, BELTS, TIGHT JEANS, LEATHER COATS, AND BANDANAS. SPONGEBOB IS ARMED WITH HIS SOAP BUBBLE SHOTGUN. BUBBLE BASS IS ARMED WITH MANY CONDIMENT PISTOLS CONTAINING KETCHUP, MUSTARD, AND TARTAR SAUCE. BUBBLE BASS ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT HE WILL DRENCH HIM IN THE SAUCES BEFORE EATING HIM ALIVE SINCE SPONGEBOB FAILED TO MAKE HIS HUGE MEAL FOR HIM TODAY. AS NIGHT FALLS, THE TWO COWBOYS SLOWLY WALK IN CIRCLES AROUND EACH OTHER AS THEY GET READY TO SHOOT THEIR GUNS. AS THE TWO COWBOYS HESITATE TO SHOOT FIRST, A TUMBLE WEED SUDDENLY ROLLS BY THEM, CAUSING BOTH TO IMMEDIATELY PANIC AND FIRE. A FIRE FIGHT ENSUES AND BOTH ROLL THROUGHOUT THE SAND TO DODGE EACH OTHER'S AMMUNITION. SPONGEBOB FIRES SOAP BUBBLES INTO BUBBLE BASS' EYES, KICKS SAND INTO BUBBLE BASS' MOUTH, AND USES THE BUTT OF HIS SOAP BUBBLE SHOTGUN TO REPEATEDLY WHACK BUBBLE BASS' BLOATED GUT, CAUSING BUBBLE BASS TO SCREAM AND CHOKE IN PAIN. THE FURIOUS BUBBLE BASS RETALIATES AS HE DRENCHES SPONGEBOB IN CONDIMENTS. SPONGEBOB SLIPS ON THE CONDIMENTS AS BUBBLE BASS BEGINS PELTING SPONGEBOB IN THE FACE WITH SAND. AS SPONGEBOB CONTINUALLY FALLS TO THE FLOOR, BUBBLE BASS GRABS AND BREAKS SPONGEBOB'S GUN IN HALF. SCREAMING FOR SPONGEBOB TO SWALLOW HIS STICKY WHITE TARTAR SAUCE, BUBBLE BASS CONTINUES TO UNLOAD CONDIMENTS ONTO SPONGEBOB, WHO STUMBLES AND LIMPS TO TRY TO ESCAPE THE SANDBOX. BUBBLE BASS CONTINUALLY PISTOL WHIPS SPONGEBOB'S FACE, LICKS THE YUMMY SAUCES OFF SPONGEBOB, AND WICKEDLY LAUGHS. BUBBLE BASS PROUDLY SHOUTS, "FEAR ME, SPONGEBOB, FEAR THE GUNSLINGER!" SPONGEBOB FALLS EXHAUSTED TO THE SANDY FLOOR, AND BUBBLE BASS STEPS ONTO HIS STOMACH TO STOP HIM FROM MOVING. BUBBLE BASS SMILES AND AIMS HIS BIGGEST CONDIMENT PISTOL POINT BLANK AT THE DEFEATED SPONGEBOB'S FACE. SUDDENLY, A LARGE SAND SHARK COMES OUT OF THE PARK SANDBOX BEHIND SPONGEBOB AND GROWLS AT BUBBLE BASS. BUBBLE BASS DROPS HIS CONDIMENT GUN IN FEAR AND BEGINS TO SLOWLY BACK AWAY FROM THE SAND SHARK. SPONGEBOB GETS UP AND SIMPLY LAUGHS, DUSTS HIMSELF OFF, AND WELCOMES THE SAND SHARK. AS BUBBLE BASS RUNS AWAY SCREAMING, SPONGEBOB PROUDLY DECLARES THAT HE WON THE GUNFIGHT AND NOW BUBBLE BASS HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON TO NOT BE A BULLY. SPONGEBOB THEN TURNS TO THE SAND SHARK AND DEMANDS THAT THE SAND SHARK STOP HURTING THOSE WHO HURT SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB EXPLAINS THAT MR. KRABS IS HIS FRIEND AND SO WAS SQUIDWARD, SO THE SAND SHARK IS NOT HELPING HIM BY DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY HURTING THEM. THE SAND SHARK ONLY RESPONDS BY GROWLING, ROARING, AND CLOSING IN ON SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB SLOWLY BACKS AWAY FROM THE CREEPING SAND SHARK. SPONGEBOB PLEAS FOR MERCY AND REMINDS THE SAND SHARK THAT HE PROMISED TO NEVER HURT HIM. HOWEVER, THE SAND SHARK GLEEFULLY EXPLAINS THAT SPONGEBOB DOES NOT OWN THE PARK SANDBOX AND SO HE IS ACTUALLY A DIFFERENT BUT IDENTICAL SAND SHARK TO SPONGEBOB'S SAND SHARK FROM SPONGEBOB'S SANDBOX. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB REALIZES THAT THE SAND SHARK IS TELLING THE TRUTH. AS THE SAND SHARK LUNGES TOWARD SPONGEBOB, SPONGEBOB GRABS BUBBLE BASS' FALLEN PISTOL ON THE SANDY FLOOR AND QUICKLY SHOOTS CONDIMENTS AT THE SAND SHARK TO TEMPORARILY DAZE IT. SPONGEBOB HYSTERICALLY RUNS TOWARD HIS HOME IN FEAR AS THE SAND SHARK CHASES AFTER HIM. DURING THE DEADLY CHASE ACROSS THE DARK AND EMPTY CITY STREETS, BUBBLE BASS POPS OUT FROM A NEARBY BUSH AND TACKLES SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB TRIES TO BREAK FREE OF BUBBLE BASS' GRIP, BUT BUBBLE BASS PICKS UP SPONGEBOB AND TELLS HIM HE IS GOING TO EAT HIM NOW THAT HE HAS EATEN ONLY FLOPPY SAUSAGES AND SOGGY EGGS TODAY, INSTEAD OF HIS USUAL KRABBY PATTIES. THE STARVING BUBBLE BASS SHOUTS THAT SPONGEBOB TRICKED HIM INTO COMING TO THE PARK SO THE SAND SHARK WOULD EAT HIM. AS BUBBLE BASS OPENS HIS MOUTH WIDE AND PREPARES TO EAT SPONGEBOB, THE SAND SHARK FROM THE CITY PARK ATTACKS AND SWALLOWS THE SCREAMING BUBBLE BASS, ALLOWING SPONGEBOB TO FLEE HOME. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY SPOTS HIS SANDBOX NEAR HIS HOME AND JUMPS INTO IT TO BE PROTECTED BY HIS SAND SHARK. HOWEVER, PATRICK ARRIVES BY THE SANDBOX AND TELLS THE SCAREDY SNAIL SPONGEBOB TO GET OUT OF HIS SANDBOX SINCE HE HAS HIS OWN SANDBOX TO PLAY IN. PATRICK SAYS THAT SCARED BABIES ARE NOT ALLOWED IN HIS SANDBOX. SPONGEBOB REALIZES THAT HIS NEIGHBOR PATRICK BOUGHT HIS OWN SANDBOX AND HE IS NOW IN PATRICK'S SANDBOX. BEFORE SPONGEBOB CAN ESCAPE PATRICK'S SANDBOX, A HUGE SAND SHARK BREAKS THROUGH THE SAND AND SWALLOWS SPONGEBOB WHOLE. PATRICK IS FROZEN WITH SHOCK AND FEAR, BUT THE SAND SHARK FROM PATRICK'S SANDBOX OMINOUSLY ASSURES HIM, "I AM THE SAND SHARK, AND I WILL NEVER EAT THE SWIMMER UNDER WHOSE SANDBOX I SWIM." AS THE SAND SHARK LEAVES FOR THE NIGHT TO HUNT FOR MORE FOOD, PATRICK SCREAMS IN SHOCK AND HORROR, RUNS INTO HIS HOME, AND HIDES UNDER HIS BED.

**TOM SURFING: EVERY TIME WE TURN OFF THE LIGHTS OR NATURE SETS THE SUN DOWN TO REST, THE MONSTERS COME OUT TO PLAY. WHETHER THE MONSTERS ARE REAL OR IMAGINARY DEPENDS ON THE PEOPLE WHO ENCOUNTER THEM AND THE EVIDENCE FOR SUCH ENCOUNTERS OF THE DISTURBING KIND. BUT THERE ARE INDEED MYSTERIOUS, MISCHIEVOUS CREATURES IN THIS WORLD THAT LOVE TO FRIGHTEN MAN BECAUSE UNFORTUNATELY FEAR OF THE DARK AND UNKNOWN CANNOT STAY CONFINED…TO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**45 EPISODE FORTY-FIVE: SHAGGY DOG STORY**

**TOM SURFING: THE ORIGINS OF CREATION MYTHS ARE OBSCURE. THOUGH SUCH TALES ARE OFTEN VERY FANCIFUL, THE HOPE AND WONDER THE CULTURES WHO CREATED THEM HAVE FOR THE WORLD IS QUITE UPLIFTING. SUCH CULTURES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR GIVING US SUCH BEAUTIFUL MYTHICAL CREATURES AS THE PHOENIX, WHO DIES IN ASHES AND IS REBORN FROM ASHES. THE PHOENIX BRINGS HOPE TO ALL SURVIVORS OF DOOMED CIVILIZATIONS BOTH IN OUR WORLD AND IN THE DARKEST PLACES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

INSIDE HER SPACE ROCKET NUMBER SEVEN (THE SEVENTH SPACE ROCKET CREATED BY SANDY), SANDY LEAVES BIKINI BOTTOM FOR TEXAS WHEN HER SCIENTIFIC INSTRUMENTS DETECT MASSIVE RADIATION LEVELS ON LAND ABOVE THE SEA. TO HER HORROR, SANDY BELIEVES THAT A NUCLEAR WORLD WAR HAS FINALLY BROKEN OUT ABOVE THE SEA BETWEEN HUMAN NATIONS. WHEN SHE ARRIVES IN TEXAS, HER PREDICTION PROVES TRUE AS ALL OF TEXAS IS VIRTUALLY NOTHING BUT ASHES. WEARING A PROTECTIVE HAZMAT SUIT, SANDY SEARCHES FAR AND WIDE FOR ANY SIGNS OF LIFE, BUT ONLY BURNING ENVIRONMENTS ON FIRE AND NUCLEAR WINTER STORMS SURROUND HER. SHE SPOTS COUNTLESS BURNED AMERICAN AND TEXAN FLAGS. ALL LIVING CREATURES AND BUILDINGS ARE NOTHING BUT DUST, ASH, AND HOT AIR NOW. THERE ARE NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CLOUDS AND GIANT RADIOACTIVE MUTANT MUSHROOMS ACROSS THE DEVASTATED TEXAS. INSIDE MANY BURNING EMPTY MOVIE THEATERS, THE CLASSIC JAPANESE FILM _KING ATOMIC FLOUNDER_ AUTOMATICALLY PLAYS TO NO LIVING AUDIENCE. IN _KING ATOMIC FLOUNDER_, AMERICAN AND RUSSIAN MILITARY NUCLEAR TESTS IN THE ASIAN SEAS ACCIDENTALLY MUTATE A "GREAT WHITE SHARK-SIZED" FLOUNDER OF A RARE FISH SPECIES, KNOWN AS "FISHY FANGS" BY MARINE BIOLOGISTS, INTO A COLOSSAL RADIOACTIVE SEA MONSTER CALLED "KING ATOMIC FLOUNDER" THAT HAS POWERFUL FISHY ATOMIC BREATH AND INVADES AND DEMOLISHES TOKYO UNTIL THE JAPANESE MILITARY USES MANY NUCLEAR BOMBS TO REPEATEDLY EXPLODE AND DESTROY THE SEA MONSTER AND THE CITY BY FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE, LEADING TO MASSIVE NUCLEAR FALLOUT THAT IRONICALLY CREATES MORE KING ATOMIC FLOUNDERS THAT THEN DESTROY THE REST OF THE WORLD TO END THE SCI-FI, HORROR FILM_. _THROUGHOUT THE DEVASTATED TEXAN TOWNS,GRAFFITI DISPLAYING JOLLY ROGER PIRATE HUMAN SKULLS, MUSHROOM PIZZAS, AND PEACE SIGNS IS SPRAYED ACROSS MANY OF THE DESTROYED BUILDINGS. IT APPEARS THAT THE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST OF WORLD WAR THREE AMONG HUMANITY WAS CAUSED BY AN UNPRECEDENTED DIPLOMATIC CRISIS. AT A SPECIAL DINNER BANQUET FOR WORLD PEACE AT THE UNITED NATIONS (U.N.) BUILDING, THE U.N. INTERNATIONAL REPRESENTATIVES BEGAN INTENSELY ARGUING AND MASTER DEBATING OVER WHICH NATIONS HAD THE BIGGEST NUCLEAR BOMBS TO EARN THE COVETED MILITARY STATUS OF THE STRONGEST AND MANLIEST NATION IN THE WORLD. THE HEATED ARGUMENT SOON CAUSED THE MANY DIPLOMATS TO LITERALLY ACT LIKE ANGRY MONKEYS AND TO ENGAGE IN A WILD, VIOLENT FOOD FIGHT. AS A RESULT OF THE DIPLOMATIC CRISIS, THE VERY OFFENDED NATIONS WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS FINALLY LAUNCHED THEM AT EACH OTHER, ENDING GLOBAL HUMAN CIVILIZATION AND MAKING ALL OF HUMANITY AND MOST LIVING LAND SPECIES FULLY EXTINCT IN LESS THAN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. THE WORLD HAS ENDED IN FIRE, NOT ICE. THE DAMN DIRTY APES FINALLY BLEW THE PLANET UP WITH THEIR STINKING PAWS. THE FURIOUS AND DELIRIOUS SANDY SEES A HUGE STATUE OF JOHN WAYNE ON A HORSE AT THE CENTER OF A DESTROYED TEXAN CITY. BOTH THE HEADS OF THE COWBOY AND HIS HORSE OF THE JOHN WAYNE STATUE ARE LYING ON THE NEARBY GROUND, MAKING THE STATUE A HEADLESS HORSE AND HEADLESS HORSEMAN STATUE. SANDY LOUDLY SCREAMS BY THE DECAPITATED STATUE: "OH, MY NEPTUNE…THE ANGRY APES FINALLY LIT THE MATCH…YOU MONSTERS! YOU BURNED IT ALL! OH, DARN YOU! NEPTUNE DARN YOU ALL TO DAVEY JONES' STINKING LOCKER!" AS SANDY CRIES ENDLESSLY AND HOPELESSLY PREPARES TO LEAVE IN HER SPACE ROCKET BACK TO THE SEA, SHE SUDDENLY SPOTS A SHINING GLOBE IN THE DISTANCE FROM THE DESERT HILL THAT HER SPACE ROCKET IS LOCATED AT. WITH HER RADIATION DETECTORS AND COVERED IN A HAZMAT SUIT, SHE CAUTIOUSLY APPROACHES THE GLOBE. TO HER ASTONISHMENT, THE GLOBE IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER TREE DOME, HOUSING A LARGE BEAUTIFUL GARDEN PROTECTED INSIDE THE TREE DOME FROM THE SURROUNDING DESTRUCTION. SANDY SLOWLY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR TO THE TREE DOME. A MALE VOICE OVER A LOUD SPEAKER ASKS HER IF SHE COMES TO BRING PEACE OR IF SHE COMES TO BRING MORE WAR. SANDY NERVOUSLY REPLIES THAT SHE HAS ALWAYS WANTED PEACE ON EARTH. THE MALE VOICE GREETS HER AS A FELLOW PEACE MAKER OF THE FUTURE AND THE DOOR OF THE TREE DOME AUTOMATICALLY UNLOCKS TO LET HER INSIDE. THE MALE VOICE TELLS HER TO REMOVE HER HAZMAT SUIT IN THE PROTECTIVE CHAMBER AND TO LET THE CLEANING EQUIPMENT OF THE CHAMBER REMOVE ALL RADIATION FROM HER. WEARING A SIMPLE MANUAL LABOR JUMPSUIT UNDER THE PROTECTIVE LAYERS OF HER HAZMAT SUIT, SANDY COMPLIES, AND THE CHAMBER CLEANS HER OF ALL RADIATION. FINALLY, THE DOOR LEADING OUT OF THE TUNNEL CHAMBER AND INTO THE GARDEN OPENS. SANDY GASPS AND ADMIRES A LARGE SHINY CLEAR BLUE RIVER INSIDE THE GARDEN. SHE MOVES TOWARDS THE CLEAN RIVER TO DRINK FROM IT, BUT ANOTHER PERSON SUDDENLY APPROACHES HER. IT IS A MALE SQUIRREL, WEARING A LAB COAT AND GLASSES, WHO APPEARS TO BE A SCIENTIST JUST LIKE SHE IS. THE MALE SQUIRREL EXTENDS HIS HANDS AND WEAKLY SMILES AT SANDY. SANDY SHAKES HANDS WITH HIM, AND HE QUICKLY HUGS HER. SHE BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS IN HIS EMBRACE AS HE PROMISES THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT NOW THAT THEY ARE IN PARADISE. THE SOBBING SANDY ASKS HIM IF HE IS AN ANGEL SQUIRREL, IF SHE HAS DIED AFTER TRAVELING THROUGH THE GRAVEYARD AND INFERNO OF EARTH, AND IF SHE IS NOW IN THE OLYMPIC HEAVENS OF KING NEPTUNE. THE MALE SQUIRREL REPLIES THAT HE WISHES SUCH BEAUTIFUL MYTHS WERE TRUE IN THE DARK WORLD AND ASSURES HER THAT THEY ARE PROBABLY THE LAST LIVING SQUIRRELS LEFT ON PLANET EARTH. AS SHE TRIES TO CONTROL HER TEARS, THE SCIENTIST SQUIRREL EXPLAINS THAT THE TREE DOME IS A NUCLEAR FALL OUT SHELTER THAT HE BUILT AND THAT SURVIVED THE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST OF WORLD WAR THREE BETWEEN HUMANS ON DRY LAND. LOCATED NEAR THE REMOTE TEXAN DESERTS, THE TREE DOME RECEIVED LESS OF THE NUCLEAR BLASTS THAN THE HEAVILY POPULATED NATURAL AND URBAN SETTINGS OF THE WORLD. THE MALE SQUIRREL EXPLAINS THAT THE TREE DOME'S SURFACE GLOBE IS MADE OF A NEW SPECIAL CHEMICAL CRYSTAL ELEMENT CALLED "NOVUM" THAT HIS NOW DECEASED SQUIRREL FATHER SCIENTIST DISCOVERED LONG AGO FROM MANY FALLEN METEORITES IN THE TEXAN DESERTS. THE ALIEN ELEMENT NOVUM CAN WITHSTAND INTENSE HEAT AND EXPLOSIONS AND RESIST RADIOACTIVE DECAY, ENABLING THE TREE DOME TO SURVIVE THE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST. THE MALE SQUIRREL SAYS HE BUILT THE TREE DOME AS A HAVEN AND PARADISE FOR THE SURVIVORS OF ANY FUTURE WARS BY HUMANS SINCE MODERN HUMAN WARFARE THREATENED THE ENTIRE GLOBAL BIOSPHERE. HE CLAIMS HIS DECEASED FATHER SQUIRREL SCIENTIST TOLD HIM TO BUILD THE TREE DOME NUCLEAR FALL OUT SHELTER TO PROTECT TEXAN SQUIRRELS AND ALL OTHER LAND CREATURES FROM FUTURE HUMAN WARS. THOUGH HE TRIED TO CONVINCE OTHER SQUIRRELS AND LAND CRITTERS TO LIVE IN THE TREE DOME WITH HIM, ALL THE OTHER TEXAN CREATURES VIEWED HIM AS DELUDED AND PARANOID, DID NOT ENTER THE TREE DOME, AND WENT EXTINCT AS A RESULT OF THE NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE. HE HOLDS SANDY AND WALKS WITH HER ACROSS THE GARDEN, WHICH ONLY CONTAINS PLANT LIFE AND CONTAINS THE LARGE RIVER (THOUGH THERE ARE NO SEA CREATURES IN THE RIVER), A LARGE AQUARIUM (THOUGH THERE ARE LIKEWISE NO SEA CREATURES IN THE AQUARIUM), MANY LARGE FRUIT TREES (THE LARGEST FRUIT TREE IS AN APPLE TREE LOCATED AT THE CENTER OF THE GARDEN), AND LARGE SUGAR CANE FIELDS. SANDY SOMEWHAT FORGETS HER SORROW AS SHE MARVELS AT THE BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE PROTECTED WITHIN THE TREE DOME AND MAINTAINED BY AUTOMATED RADIATION CLEANING INSTRUMENTS, AUTOMATED ELECTRIC LIGHTS, GENETIC ENGINEERING, AUTOMATED GARDENING AND MECHANICAL MAINTENANCE, AND WATER IRRIGATION SYSTEMS. THE MALE SQUIRREL THEN INTRODUCES SANDY TO THE ONLY OTHER ANIMALS LIVING IN THE TREE DOME WITH HIM. THE ANIMALS ARE TWO LARGE SHAGGY DOGS, ONE BLACK MALE AND ONE WHITE FEMALE. THE PLAYFUL DOGS CHEER SANDY UP AND GIVE HER HOPE THAT SUCH ANIMALS ARE NOT FULLY EXTINCT. THE MALE SQUIRREL SAYS SHE IS WELCOME TO STAY INSIDE THE TREE DOME FOR AS LONG AS SHE LIKES. WEEKS PASS BY AS SANDY AND THE MALE SQUIRREL DISCUSS THE NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST AND LOOK TOWARDS THE UNCERTAIN FUTURE. TO LIGHTEN THE GLOOMY MOOD, THE SQUIRRELS PICK AND EAT ACORNS AND FRUITS FROM TREES, PLAY WITH THE DOGS, SWIM IN THE RIVER, BUILD MANY TREE HOUSES, AND SHARE LONG WALKS ACROSS THE GARDEN. SANDY FINALLY PROPERLY INTRODUCES HERSELF, TELLS HER LIFE STORY OF LIVING UNDER THE SEA, AND DESCRIBES THE SEA CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM TO HER NEW COMPANION. THE MALE SQUIRREL IS FASCINATED BY OCEANIC LIFE AND HOPES THAT THE RADIOACTIVE AFTER-EFFECTS OF THE WORLD WAR WILL NOT FULLY DESTROY ALL MARINE LIFE. HE THEN FINALLY REVEALS HIS NAME AND THE NAMES OF HIS SHAGGY DOGS TO SANDY. HIS NAME IS "ADAM," HIS DECEASED FATHER'S NAME WAS "NOAH," AND THE NAMES OF HIS DOGS ARE "CAIN" AND "ABEL." THE MALE DOG IS NAMED CAIN BECAUSE HE LOVES TO CHEW ON SUGAR CANES IN THE GARDEN, AND THE FEMALE DOG IS NAMED ABEL BECAUSE SHE IS A VERY SMART DOG WHO IS ALWAYS ABLE TO COLLECT A LOT OF FRUIT ON HER OWN AND THE TEACHER OF CAIN ON HOW TO COLLECT FRUIT FROM THE MANY FRUIT TREES OF THE GARDEN. ADAM, CAIN, ABEL, AND THE AUTOMATED TREE DOME TEND THE LARGE BEAUTIFUL GARDEN, WHICH IS FULL OF LARGE FRUIT TREES AND SUGAR CANE FIELDS FROM WHICH THEY EAT AND THE LARGE RIVER FROM WHICH THEY DRINK. ADAM REVEALS THAT THE LARGE BEAUTIFUL GARDEN IS NAMED "EDEN" BECAUSE HE ACCIDENTALLY SPELLED "END" AS "EDEN" SINCE THE GARDEN MARKS THE "END OF DESTRUCTIVE MAN" AND THE BEGINNING OF A NEW PEACEFUL ERA BETWEEN ANIMALS. ADAM REVEALS TO SANDY THAT HE HOPES CAIN AND ABEL WILL HAVE MANY GENERATIONS OF HEALTHY PUPPIES THAT CAN THEN REPOPULATE THE EARTH WHEN THE PLANET'S RADIOACTIVE LEVELS FINALLY RETURN TO NORMAL. THUS, ADAM VIEWS HIS SHAGGY DOGS AS THE NEW HOPE OF LIFE FOR THE FUTURE. DESPITE THE APOCALYPSE, ADAM BELIEVES THAT A SUPREME ANIMAL SPIRIT, WORSHIPPED BY ADAM'S SQUIRREL ANCESTORS AND WHOM ADAM REFERS TO AS "G.A.W.D." (ACRONYM FOR "GRAND ANIMAL FOR WORLD DELIVERANCE"), WILL GUIDE THE NEW TREE DOME CIVILIZATION TO REBUILD THE EARTH, BEGIN A NEW ERA OF PEACE AND PROSPERITY, AND NEVER MAKE THE MISTAKES OF MAN AGAIN. IMPRESSED BY HIS GENIUS, PASSION, AND OPTIMISM, SANDY FALLS IN LOVE WITH ADAM, WHO ACCEPTS SANDY AS HIS NEW WIFE. DECIDING TO CREATE A NEW IDENTITY FOR HER NEW LIFE, SANDY CHANGES HER NAME TO "EVE" SINCE SHE HOPES THAT THE NEW FUTURE WILL BE JUST AS PROMISING AS NEW YEAR'S EVE. ADAM, EVE, CAIN, AND ABEL SHARE A FRUIT BANQUET FOR THE SQUIRRELS' WEDDING AND SHARE AN OATH TO CREATE A BETTER FUTURE FOR THE SAKE OF THEIR DESCENDANTS AND ALL SURVIVORS OF THE APOCALYPSE. EVE FINALLY ASKS ADAM ABOUT THE TREE DOME'S LARGE EMPTY AQUARIUM. ADAM EXPLAINS THAT THE AQUARIUM AND RIVER ARE READY TO HARBOR ANY AQUATIC SURVIVORS OF THE POST-APOCALYPTIC SEAS. EVE MENTIONS HER FRIENDS IN BIKINI BOTTOM, WHOM SHE HOPES TO SAVE FROM THE SEAS, WHICH ARE NOW BECOMING HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE FROM THE NUCLEAR FALLOUT. ADAM AND EVE DECIDE TO BUILD A LARGE SUBMARINE TO TRANSPORT THE CITIZENS OF BIKINI BOTTOM TO THE TREE DOME'S AQUARIUM AND RIVER SINCE THE NUCLEAR FALLOUT IS NOW MAKING THE SEAS RADIOACTIVE AND UNINHABITABLE. AFTER SEVERAL WEEKS, ADAM AND EVE COMPLETE THE RESCUE SUBMARINE, CONNECT IT TO SANDY'S ROCKET, AND LEAVE WITH THEIR SHAGGY DOGS IN THE SUBMARINE TO BIKINI BOTTOM. THEY CALL THE SUBMARINE "NOAH'S ARK" SINCE IT IS CONTROLLED BY A SUPER INTELLIGENT COMPUTER NAMED NOAH SINCE NOAH WAS THE NAME OF ADAM'S DECEASED FATHER SQUIRREL SCIENTIST, WHO DIED OF OLD AGE HOPING HIS SON COULD SAVE LIFE FROM BECOMING FULLY EXTINCT DUE TO THE DESTRUCTIVE NATURE OF MAN. AS SANDY'S ROCKET LANDS IN THE OCEANS AND RELEASES NOAH'S ARK INTO THE DEEP WATERS TO SAVE THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, EVE TELLS ADAM ABOUT HER BEST FRIENDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. EVE REMARKS THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WERE ALWAYS JOYFUL NO MATTER HOW BAD THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE AROUND THEM BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP THEY SHARED. ADAM AGREES THAT THE FUTURE WILL NEED SUCH PEOPLE TO THRIVE AND GIVE OTHERS THE HOPE TO MAKE A NEW STRONG AND BENEVOLENT CIVILIZATION FROM THE ASHES OF THE FALLEN FAILED SOCIETIES. ADAM AND EVE SHARE A LONG, LOVING HONEYMOON KISS AS THEY FINALLY REACH BIKINI BOTTOM IN THE LARGE NOAH'S ARK. THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM CELEBRATE THEIR NEW SAVIORS AND BEGIN TO HAPPILY ENTER THE ARK TO ESCAPE THE DECAYING RADIOACTIVE SEAS. EVE AND HER FRIENDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK CRY AND EMBRACE IN EACH OTHER'S ARMS AS ADAM TELLS THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES THAT THE FUTURE IS NOW IN THEIR FISHY HANDS. WITH ALL THE SAVED BIKINI BOTTOMITES, NOAH'S ARK THEN DEPARTS THE DECAYING, RADIOACTIVE BIKINI BOTTOM TO BEGIN ITS RETURN TRIP TO THE TEXAN TREE DOME EDEN. MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE EMPTY TREE DOME, A MUTANT, RADIOACTIVE, TOXIC, HORNED RED SERPENT WITH FOUR LEGS LIKE A LIZARD, WHO IS A POST-APOCALYPTIC SURVIVOR FROM THE TEXAN DESERTS, MANAGES TO SNEAK INTO THE TREE DOME VIA AN UNDERGROUND TUNNEL AND HIDE IN ITS LARGE CENTRAL APPLE TREE. AS ADAM AND EVE AND THEIR SHAGGY DOGS ARE GONE, THE MALE SERPENT, WHO CALLS HIMSELF "MR. DEEVIL" SINCE THE NAME RHYMES WITH "EVIL," LAYS AN EGG NEST IN THE APPLE TREE, EATS SOME APPLES, AND GLEEFULLY BEGINS POISONING THE APPLES WITH HIS VENOM. MR. DEEVIL PLANS TO TRICK THE RETURNING SURVIVORS INTO EATING THE TOXIC APPLES WHEN THEY RETURN TO KILL ALL THE SURVIVORS SO MR. DEEVIL AND HIS MUTANT SERPENT BABIES CAN STEAL THE TREE DOME ENTIRELY FOR THEMSELVES. APPARENTLY, MR. DEEVIL HAD BEEN SECRETLY SPYING FROM OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME ON ADAM AND EVE AND THEIR SHAGGY DOGS FOR QUITE SOME TIME, EVEN IGNORING THEIR PRIVACY WHILE THEY WERE SLEEPING IN THEIR TREEHOUSE AND BATHING IN THE RIVER. THE SERPENT CAMOUFLAGES AMONG THE RED APPLES OF THE TREE AND REMARKS TO HIS GROWING BABIES THAT EVE WILL MAKE A PERFECT TRAGIC FIRST VICTIM OF HIS DEADLY SCHEME SINCE SHE IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS A PRINCESS AND HE IS AS EVIL AS A DRAGON.

**TOM SURFING: THERE ARE ALWAYS THREATS TO HYPOTHETICAL PARADISES. IT SEEMS ALL UTOPIAS ARE DOOMED FOR FAILURE WHEREVER THE THRILLS OF CONQUEST AND DESTRUCTION EXIST. BUT THERE WILL LIKEWISE ALWAYS BE THOSE PEOPLE READY TO REBUILD LIFE FOR THE SAKE OF A BETTER TOMORROW. TONIGHT'S TALE HAS BEEN A MYTH OF HOPE AND TRAGEDY…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**46 EPISODE FORTY-SIX: I DREAM OF DUTCH MEN**

**TOM SURFING: BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. THE ADVICE IS AS OLD AS STORIES ABOUT MAGICAL GENIES IN LAMPS, BUT ALL WISE DUTCH MEN LIVE BY THAT SIMPLE CODE. AS FOR THOSE WHO FAIL TO RECOGNIZE THE CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR DREAMS COMING TRUE, THEY OFTEN FIND THEMSELVES IN IRONIC NIGHTMARES…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

ONE MORNING ON A DAY WITHOUT ANY CUSTOMERS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, SPONGEBOB BRINGS A METAL DETECTOR TO WORK TO LOOK FOR BURIED TREASURE BENEATH THE RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS EAGERLY HELPS SPONGEBOB LOOK FOR TREASURE AND THE BORED SQUIDWARD ALSO DECIDES TO JOIN THE TREASURE HUNT. EVENTUALLY, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS DISCOVER A BURIED ANCIENT TREASURE CHEST BELOW THE BATHROOMS OF THE KRUSTY KRAB. WHEN THEY OPEN IT, IT RELEASES THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHO GRATEFULLY PROMISES TO GRANT THEM TEN WISHES OF THREE INDIVIDUAL WISHES EACH AND ONE COLLECTIVE WISH FOR THE ENTIRE GROUP FOR FINALLY RELEASING HIM FROM THE CHEST. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HAD BEEN ACCIDENTALLY LOCKED FOR AN HOUR IN THE CHEST WHEN TRYING TO RETRIEVE THE TREASURE FROM IT. THE GHOST TELLS THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW THAT THEY HAVE PERFORMED A VERY IMPORTANT SERVICE TO THE WORLD OCEAN BY FREEING HIM FROM THE PRISON, SINCE HIS GHOSTLY SERVICES ARE NECESSARY FOR THE WORLD OCEAN'S PROSPERITY. THUS, THE GHOST AGREES TO GIVE THEM ALL MANY MAGICAL WISHES TO FULFILL THEIR MANY DESIRES LIKE THEY TRULY DESERVE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SAYS THAT HE HIMSELF WILL KEEP ALL THE BURIED TREASURE, BUT THAT HE WILL GIVE THE GROUP MAGIC, WHICH IS EVEN BETTER THAN BURIED TREASURE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN GRANTS SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS THREE WISHES EACH. FROM YOUNGEST TO OLDEST, SPONGEBOB WILL WISH FIRST, SQUIDWARD WILL WISH SECOND, AND MR. KRABS WILL WISH LAST. AFTER THREE ROUNDS OF WISHES, THE GROUP MUST ALL COMPLETELY AGREE ON THEIR LAST COLLECTIVE WISH. THE GHOST WARNS THEM THAT MAGICAL WISHES OFTEN HAVE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES SINCE ONE PERSON'S HAPPINESS DEPENDS ON EVERYONE ELSE'S HAPPINESS AND THE HEALTH OF THE INTERCONNECTED ENVIRONMENT. THUS, THE GHOST WARNS THEM TO WISH WISELY. THE GHOST PROMISES THAT HE WILL AUTOMATICALLY REVERSE EACH INDIVIDUAL WISH IF IT HAS A BAD OUTCOME FOR THE WISHER, FROM WHICH THE WISHER WILL LEARN A LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND LIFE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROMISES TO THEN GRANT THE GROUP ONE FINAL COLLECTIVE WISH THAT THEY MUST ALL AGREE ON FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. FOR HIS FIRST WISH, SPONGEBOB WISHES FOR TOTAL PEACE ON EARTH. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES SPONGEBOB'S WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY MAGICALLY MAKES ALL LIFE ON EARTH DISAPPEAR TO FINALLY GIVE THE EARTH PEACE FROM WAR, DEATH, AND SUFFERING. THE GROUP IS ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED AS THEY AND THE GHOST FLY IN HIS GHOST PIRATE SHIP INTO OUTER SPACE IN NEAR-EARTH ORBIT TO OBSERVE THE CALM, SERENE, AND EMPTY PLANET. SPONGEBOB PROTESTS THE OUTCOME OF HIS WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT CONFLICT AND LIFE ARE INSEPARABLE AND THAT TRUE PEACE ONLY COMES FROM THE ABSENCE OF ANY LIFE AND LIVING CONSCIOUSNESS. LIVING CREATURES ARE ALWAYS IN BOTH THE STATES OF UNIVERSAL CONFLICT AND UNIVERSAL COOPERATION WITH EACH OTHER AND THEIR NONLIVING ENVIRONMENTS TO EVOLVE INTO MORE COMPLEX LIFE FORMS WHOSE INCREASING CONSCIOUSNESS ALLOWS THE UNIVERSE ITSELF TO BECOME EVER MORE CONSCIOUS OF ITS OWN EXISTENCE. THUS, "NATURE IS RED IN TOOTH AND CUT IN BUTT." SPONGEBOB AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND PEACE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN RESTORES ALL LIFE BACK TO EARTH, AND THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP DESCENDS BACK INTO BIKINI BOTTOM. FOR HIS FIRST WISH, SQUIDWARD WISHES TO BECOME THE MOST FAMOUS ARTIST IN HISTORY. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES SQUIDWARD'S WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY PULLS OUT HIS GHOST PIRATE SWORD AND KILLS SQUIDWARD BY CHOPPING HIM UP INTO SUSHI. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TRANSPORTS THE MOURNING MR. KRABS AND SPONGEBOB TO SQUIDWARD'S LARGE FUNERAL, WHERE THE DECEASED ARTIST SQUIDWARD IS HONORED BY ALL SEA CREATURES AS THE GREATEST ARTIST WHO EVER LIVED. THE CRYING SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS PROTEST THE OUTCOME OF SQUIDWARD'S WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS THEM THAT TRUE ARTISTS IRONICALLY ONLY BECOME MOST FAMOUS AFTER THEIR DEATHS WHEN ALL OF THEIR ARTISTIC WORK CAN BE EVALUATED IN ITS TOTALITY. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN RESTORES SQUIDWARD BACK TO LIFE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS THE RESURRECTED SQUIDWARD THAT FAME DOES NOT ENSURE ACTUAL IMMORTALITY AND THAT FICKLE FAME OFTEN OCCURS AT ODD TIMES. SQUIDWARD AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND FAME. FOR HIS FIRST WISH, MR. KRABS, HOPING TO AVOID SQUIDWARD'S RECENT POSTHUMOUS FATE, WISHES TO BECOME THE RICHEST PERSON ALIVE IN ALL HISTORY. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES MR. KRABS' WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY MAKES THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP TIME TRAVEL VIA A SUPERNATURAL PORTAL TO THE MIDDLE AGES AND TRANSFORMS MR. KRABS INTO THE RICHEST MEDIEVAL KING IN HISTORY. THE GHOST, SPONGEBOB, AND SQUIDWARD IN THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP FLY OVER AND OBSERVE THE LARGE PALACE THAT KING KRABS OWNS. HOWEVER, A LARGE PALACE REVOLUTION OF THE PEASANTRY OCCURS FROM THE LABOR FIELDS SURROUNDING THE PALACE. AS KING KRABS AND HIS FAT CAT CATFISH NOBLES HIDE IN THE MASTER BEDROOM OF HIS PALACE, THE REBEL PEASANTS BEGIN TO BREAK THROUGH HIS LOCKED HUGE ROOM DOOR. AS SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY WATCH THE REVOLUTION FROM THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ENTERS KING KRABS' ROOM. MR. KRABS PROTESTS THE OUTCOME OF HIS WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS MR. KRABS THAT GREAT WEALTH BELONGING MAINLY TO ONE PERSON OR ONE SOCIAL CLASS IS DANGEROUS TO SOCIETY AND RELIES ON THE EXPLOITATION OF OTHERS. MR. KRABS AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND WEALTH. TO SAVE HIM FROM THE REVOLUTION, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN RETURNS MR. KRABS TO THE GROUP BACK IN THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP AND MAKES THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP TIME TRAVEL BACK TO THE KRUSTY KRAB IN MODERN TIMES. EVERYONE IS EXTREMELY UPSET ABOUT THE BAD OUTCOMES OF THEIR WISHES, BUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN REMINDS THEM THAT MAGICAL WISHING IS A LEARNING PROCESS AND THAT THEY NEED TO THINK MORE CAREFULLY BEFORE MAKING THEIR WISHES AS THE SECOND ROUND OF WISHES BEGINS. FOR HIS SECOND WISH, SPONGEBOB WISHES EVERYONE WOULD BE HAPPY ALL TIME. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES SPONGEBOB'S WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY MAGICALLY MAKES EVERYONE LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY UNTIL THEY ALL DIE FROM EXCESSIVE LAUGHTER. AS THE HYSTERICALLY LAUGHING SPONGEBOB COLLAPSES TO THE FLOOR, SPONGEBOB PROTESTS THE OUTCOME OF HIS WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT ALL EMOTIONS, INCLUDING BOTH JOY AND SORROW, ARE NECESSARY FOR THE GOOD HEALTH OF LIVING CREATURES, ALLOWING THEM TO EXPERIENCE THE FULL RANGE OF LIFE EXPERIENCES. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN STATES THAT HAVING ANY ONE THING TO EXCESS LEADS TO BAD CONSEQUENCES. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN RESTORES EVERYONE TO LIFE. SPONGEBOB AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND HAPPINESS. FEARING TO DIE AGAIN, SQUIDWARD WISHES TO BECOME IMMORTAL FOR HIS SECOND WISH. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES SQUIDWARD'S WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY TRANSFORMS INTO THE KRAKEN SEA MONSTER AND DEVOURS SQUIDWARD TO KILL HIM. SQUIDWARD DIES AGAIN AND TURNS INTO AN IMMORTAL GHOST. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SADLY INFORMS THE GHOST SQUIDWARD THAT HIS PHYSICAL LIFE WAS FULL OF TOO MUCH PRIDE OVER HIS OWN IMPORTANCE AND HIS OWN ARTISTIC TALENTS AND PHYSICAL BEAUTY AND WAS THEREFORE VERY IMMORAL. AS JUDGE OF THE DEAD, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN DOOMS THE GHOST SQUIDWARD TO DAVEY JONES' LOCKER FOR ALL ETERNITY. THE GHOST SQUIDWARD PROTESTS THE OUTCOME OF HIS WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS HIS FELLOW GHOST THAT IMMORTALITY DOES NOT ENSURE HAPPINESS AND IS ONLY POSSIBLE AFTER DEATH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN RESTORES SQUIDWARD TO LIFE AGAIN. SQUIDWARD AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND IMMORTALITY. FOR HIS SECOND WISH, MR. KRABS WISHES TO BE MARRIED TO THE MOST PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL FEMALE CRAB WITH THE MOST CRAB MEAT IN HER HOT SHELL IN THE SEA. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES MR. KRABS' WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN MAGICALLY BRINGS MR. KRABS THE MOST PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL FEMALE CRAB IN THE SEA AS HIS NEW WIFE. HOWEVER, DESPITE HER BEAUTY, SHE IS INCREDIBLY CRABBY AND CONSTANTLY INSULTS MR. KRABS AS HER INFERIOR IN PHYSICAL BEAUTY. IN ADDITION, MANY CRABS AND LOBSTERS STRONGER, BIGGER, AND HOTTER THAN MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY COVER THEMSELVES IN BUTTER AND STRIP DOWN TO THEIR UNDERWEAR AS BOXING SHORTS; AMBUSH MR. KRABS, COVER HIS BODY IN BUTTER, AND STRIP HIM DOWN TO HIS UNDERWEAR AS BOXING SHORTS; AND RUTHLESSLY BOX AGAINST HIM TO WIN HIS PERFECT WIFE. MR. KRABS FIGHTS LIKE A DESPERATE BOXER AS HE USES HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO PUNCH AND KNOCK OUT MANY CRABS AND LOBSTERS WHILE HIS CRABBY WIFE ENJOYS SEEING HIM GET BEATEN UP AND HIS EMPLOYEES NERVOUSLY WATCH THE DUEL THAT THEY ARE TOO AFRAID TO ENTER TO HELP HIM. MEANWHILE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PLAYS RADIO MUSIC THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE _ROCKY _FILM BOXING THEME MUSIC. THE OTHER CRABS AND LOBSTERS RUTHLESSLY BOMBARD MR. KRABS' FACE WITH POWERFUL PUNCHES, OVERWHELMING HIM WITH THEIR NUMBERS. THE INJURED, BRUISED MR. KRABS SEES MANY ILLUSIONS OF MORE LOBSTERS AND CRABS DUE TO HIS HEAD INJURIES. HOWEVER, THE STUBBORN MR. KRABS URGES THE LOBSTERS AND CRABS TO HIT HIM EVER HARDER AS HIS STRATEGY OF TIRING THEM OUT BEFORE DELIVERING A FURRY OF HIS OWN POWERFUL PUNCHES. HOWEVER, AS THE OTHER CRUSTACEANS TIRE AND MR. KRABS BEGINS TO RUTHLESSLY BEAT THEM INTO SUBMISSION, HIS WIFE INTERVENES. FINALLY, THE INTENSE CRABBY BRAWL ENDS AS THE FEMALE CRAB, USING A RUSTY SPATULA, STABS MR. KRABS FROM BEHIND. THE DEFEATED MR. KRABS FALLS TO THE FLOOR AND CALLS HIS TREACHEROUS WIFE A WORTHLESS GARDEN PLOWING HOE. HIS WIFE SPITS ON HIM AND HUGS AND KISSES THE LAST STANDING BOXER LARRY THE LOBSTER. THE BRUISED AND HUMILIATED MR. KRABS PROTESTS THE OUTCOME OF HIS WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS MR. KRABS THAT BOTH PHYSICAL BEAUTY AND BALANCED PERSONALITIES, MEANING BOTH EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL BEAUTY IN A PERSON, ARE NECESSARY FOR PEOPLE TO BE FULLY BEAUTIFUL AND LOVING IN A HAPPY MARRIAGE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WARNS MR. KRABS THAT LOVE CAN MAKE PEOPLE DO CRAZY THINGS, INCLUDING ENGAGING IN WAR TO WIN THE HOTTEST MATE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN PRESIDES OVER THE DIVORCE OF THE TWO CRABS AND PRESIDES OVER THE MARRIAGE OF THE FEMALE CRAB TO LARRY THE LOBSTER. MR. KRABS AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC, BEAUTY, AND LOVE. EVERYONE CLAIMS THAT THE MAGIC WISHES ARE ACTUALLY BLACK MAGIC CURSES, BUT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN REMINDS THEM ALL THAT MAGIC, JUST LIKE AUTOMATIC HARPOON MACHINE GUNS, CAN BE USED FOR GOOD OR HARM AND THAT THEY MUST TRY TO PREDICT THE OUTCOMES OF THEIR WISHES BEFOREHAND AS THE LAST THIRD ROUND OF WISHES BEGINS. FOR HIS LAST WISH, SPONGEBOB, FEARING THE EVENTUAL SEPARATION OF THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW, WISHES THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF HIMSELF, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES SPONGEBOB'S WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY MAGICALLY CAUSES THE BODIES OF SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS TO LITERALLY JOIN TOGETHER TO MAKE THEM A SINGLE THREE-HEADED ORGANISM. LIKE CERBERUS OF THE UNDERWORLD, THE CHIMERA HAS A DOG'S BODY WITH THE THREE HEADS OF SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN INFORMS THE HELLHOUND THAT IT MUST GUARD THE ENTRANCE TO THE UNDERWORLD FOR HIM FOREVER LIKE A GOOD DOG, JUST LIKE CERBERUS. ALL THREE PROTEST THE OUTCOME OF SPONGEBOB'S WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS THE MUTANT ORGANISM THAT EVERYONE NEEDS THEIR PERSONAL SPACE AND THAT EVENTUALLY THEIR GROUP MUST SEPARATE IN LATER LIFE FOR THEIR OWN GOOD. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN REMINDS THEM THAT "HADES IS OTHER PEOPLE" IF YOU HAVE TO BE STUCK WITH THEM FOR ETERNITY, ESPECIALLY IN THE UNDERWORLD. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN SEPARATES THE THREE WISHERS BACK TO THEIR ORIGINAL STATES AND BODIES. SPONGEBOB AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC AND HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS. FOR HIS FINAL WISH, SQUIDWARD WISHES TO BECOME THE SUPREME ARTIST OF THE UNIVERSE TO CREATE ANYTHING HE DESIRES FROM THE POWER OF HIS MIND. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES SQUIDWARD'S WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN MAGICALLY GIVES SQUIDWARD THE POWER OF MIND OVER MATTER. HOWEVER, AS SQUIDWARD TRIES TO PHYSICALLY CREATE BEAUTIFUL OBJECTS FROM HIS MIND, HE DISCOVERS THAT HE CANNOT CONTROL HIS SUBCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS, ESPECIALLY THOSE OF FEAR. SQUIDWARD SPONTANEOUSLY SUBCONSCIOUSLY CREATES A GIANT UNDERWATER NAVAL MINE THAT CONTINUES TO UNCONTROLLABLY GROW IN SIZE UNTIL IT EXPLODES TO EXPLODE SQUIDWARD AS WELL, AND THE HUGE EXPLOSION CREATES A BIG BANG THAT DEVELOPS INTO ANOTHER ALTERNATE UNIVERSE MADE BY THE DEAD GOD SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS PROTEST THE FATAL OUTCOMES OF SQUIDWARD'S WISHES. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS THEM THAT TRUE ART IS NOT NECESSARILY PHYSICALLY BEAUTIFUL, THAT ONE CANNOT CONTROL THE CREATIVE UNCONSCIOUS OF THE MIND, AND THAT BEING A SUPREME CREATOR IS DANGEROUS AND REQUIRES GREAT RESPONSIBILITY AND CAUTION ABOUT ONE'S OWN POTENTIAL POWERS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN RESTORES SQUIDWARD BACK TO HIS NORMAL LIFE WITHOUT ANY SUPERNATURAL POWERS. SQUIDWARD AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC, POWER, AND ART. FOR HIS FINAL WISH, MR. KRABS WISHES THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB WAS THE RICHEST RESTAURANT IN THE SEA. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SQUIDWARD. SPONGEBOB AND MR. KRABS BLESS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES MR. KRABS' WISH COME TRUE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN MAGICALLY CAUSES THE KRUSTY KRAB TO ENJOY THE MOST CUSTOMERS, EARN THE MOST MONEY, AND BECOME THE LARGEST RESTAURANT FAST FOOD CHAIN IN THE SEA. AS MR. KRABS COUNTS HIS ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF MONEY IN HIS LUXURIOUS OFFICE, HIS OFFICE PHONE RINGS. MR. KRABS, WHO IS COMPLETELY ALONE IN HIS PRIVATE OFFICE, ANSWERS THE PHONE, AND THE CALLER IS PLANKTON. PLANKTON TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE IS TIRED OF BEING THE LITTLE GUY, WHOM MR. KRABS IS ALWAYS BETTER AND BIGGER THAN. PLANKTON REMARKS THAT HE IS FURIOUS THAT EVERYTHING INSIDE MR. KRABS' PANTS, NOT JUST HIS FAT WALLET, IS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING PLANKTON HAS AND EVER WILL HAVE. PLANKTON TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE IS WATCHING MR. KRABS FROM MR. KRABS' OFFICE WINDOW AND LIKES WHAT HE SEES. MR. KRABS DEMANDS THAT PLANKTON LEAVE HIM IN PEACE AND PICK ON SOMEONE HIS OWN TINY SIZE, BUT MR. KRABS HEARS A RIFLE BEING LOADED AND COCKED FROM THE OTHER LINE OF THE PHONE CALL. PLANKTON SAYS HE IS TOTALLY SICK TO HIS LITTLE STOMACH, WHICH ALREADY SUFFERS IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME, ABOUT MR. KRABS BEING SO MUCH WEALTHIER AND SUCCESSFUL THAN HE HAS EVER BEEN IN LIFE. PLANKTON TELLS MR. KRABS TO NOT MOVE A MUSCLE AND TO LOOK AT HIS SILVER PLANT VASE IN THE OFFICE ROOM. MR. KRABS NERVOUSLY LOOKS AT THE VASE, SEES A RED DOT ON THE VASE, AND THEN SEES THE VASE SHATTER IN PIECES FROM A LOUD GOLDEN BULLET SHOT. PLANKTON EXPLAINS THAT HE IS ON THE ROOF OF THE CHUM BUCKET WATCHING MR. KRABS, HE HAS A SNIPER RILE, HE IS AIMING FOR MR. KRABS' HEART, AND HE IS ARMED WITH MANY GOLDEN BULLETS THAT MR. KRABS WILL ABSOLUTELY LOVE SINCE MR. KRABS LOVES GOLD SO MUCH. AS MR. KRABS GASPS AS HE SEES A RED DOT OVER HIS HEART, PLANKTON EXPLAINS THAT MR. KRABS ALWAYS WANTED A LITERAL HEART OF GOLD. AS SECURITY FISH EMPLOYEES OF THE RESTAURANT RUSH INTO THE OFFICE ROOM AND MR. KRABS TRIES TO RUN, A SOUND OF THUNDER BREAKS OUT, AND MR. KRABS FALLS TO THE FLOOR WITH A GOLDEN HEART. SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD RUSH TO THE DYING MR. KRABS, WHO HOLDS HIS HANDS OVER HIS HEART. SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD PROTEST THE OUTCOME OF MR. KRABS' WISH. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SIGHS AND SIMPLY TELLS THEM THAT GREAT WEALTH ENSURES GREATER ENVY. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN RESTORES MR. KRABS BACK TO LIFE AND RETURNS EVERYTHING IN THE KRUSTY KRAB BACK TO NORMAL. MR. KRABS AGREES THAT HE HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT MAGIC, WEALTH, AND ENVY. THE KRUSTY KRAB IS NOW EMPTY AGAIN EXCEPT FOR THE GHOST AND THE GROUP OF THREE WISHERS. FINALLY, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AGREES TO HONOR THE LAST COLLECTIVE WISH OF THE GROUP. ALL THREE ARE VERY SCARED TO MAKE THE LAST COLLECTIVE WISH SINCE THEY NOW REALIZE HOW DANGEROUS MAGIC IS. AFTER SOME HESITATION, THEY AGREE TO WISH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN OUT OF EXISTENCE TO PREVENT HIS MAGIC CURSES FROM RUINING THEIR LIVES AND ANYONE ELSE'S LIVES EVER AGAIN. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS SHOCKED BY THEIR WISH BUT MUST HONOR AND FULFILL IT AS THE LAST MAGIC WISH HE WILL EVER FULFILL. TO MAKE THE WISH COME TRUE, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HOLDS A BOTTLE OF PEPPER TO HIS NOSE, CAUSING HIS NOSE TO TWITCH UNTIL HE SNEEZES GREEN FIRE AND SNOT ONTO THE SCREAMING SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS. NO ONE BLESSES THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AS THE GHOST MAKES THE GROUP'S FINAL WISH COME TRUE. AS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN MAGICALLY BEGINS TO DISAPPEAR FOREVER INTO NOTHINGNESS, THE GHOST CALLS ALL THE WISHERS COMPLETE FOOLS AND TELLS THEM THAT THEY HAVE MADE THE WORST MISTAKE OF THEIR LIVES. AFTER THE FLYING DUTCHMAN VANISHES FOREVER, THE HAPPY SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS REJOICE AND EMBRACE ONE ANOTHER. THEY JOYOUSLY CLAIM TO HAVE SAVED THE SEA FROM THE HORRORS OF BLACK MAGIC. HOWEVER, AS NIGHT FINALLY FALLS OUTSIDE, T.V. NEWS AND UNIVERSAL PANIC BREAK OUT OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB IN BIKINI BOTTOM ABOUT LARGE WAVES OF UNDEAD FLESH-EATING FISH ZOMBIES SUDDENLY OVERWHELMING ALL SEA CITIES ACROSS THE WORLD OCEAN. THE THREE WISHERS REALIZE TO THEIR HORROR THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN COLLECTED THE SOULS OF THE DEAD TO ALLOW THEM TO REST IN PEACE. NOW THAT THE GHOSTS OF DEAD FISH ARE NOT COLLECTED BY THE NOW NON-EXISTENT FLYING DUTCHMAN, THE GHOSTS OF DEAD FISH SIMPLY REANIMATE THEIR SKELETON CORPSES TO BECOME ZOMBIES. BECAUSE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN NO LONGER EXISTS, THE GHOST CANNOT REVERSE THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. AS SPONGEBOB, MR. KRABS, AND SQUIDWARD HIDE IN THE BASEMENT OF THE KRUSTY KRAB, THEY HEAR MOANING AND GROANING ZOMBIES BREAKING INTO THE RESTAURANT ABOVE THEM. SPONGEBOB SADLY REMARKS THAT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN MUCH MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT THEY WISHED FOR. MR. KRABS SADLY REMARKS THAT ONCE ZOMBIES WERE ONLY IMAGINARY LEGENDS, BUT NOW ALL LIVING SEA CREATURES WILL BECOME EXTINCT AND BECOME THE IMAGINARY LEGENDS OF THE FUTURE WORLD FULL OF FISHY ZOMBIES. SQUIDWARD CRIES, REALIZES HIS FAME WILL ONCE AGAIN BE POSTHUMOUS, AND SADLY REMARKS, "ONLY NOW…I AM LEGEND."

**TOM SURFING: MAGIC IS A DANGEROUS WEAPON TO PLAY WITH. LIKE AN ORANGUTAN CARRYING A RAZOR AND TRYING TO SHAVE ITSELF OR SHAVE OTHERS, MAGICAL WISHES CAN RESULT IN BOTH COMIC AND TRAGIC OUTCOMES FOR THE WISHERS AND THEIR WORLD. BECAUSE MAN CANNOT UNDERSTAND ALL THE CONDITIONS OF HIS ENVIRONMENT, HE IS NOT RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO WIELD THE POWER OF ALTERING IT AND BECOMING ITS MASTER VIA HIS WILL. SO FOR THOSE MEN WHO WISH TO BECOME GODS, JUST LEAVE THE MAGIC TO THE MISCHIEVOUS DUTCH GENIES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**47 EPISODE FORTY-SEVEN: THE GHOST SHIP**

**TOM SURFING: GHOSTS ARE KNOWN TO HAUNT MANY MANSIONS ABOVE THE SEA AND EVEN MORE SEPULCHERS BY THE SEA. BUT ONLY SEA CREATURES KNOW ABOUT THE GHOSTS THAT HAUNT THE DEEPEST WATERS. BECAUSE THERE ARE MANY SUNKEN SHIPS KNOWN TO HARBOR DEAD CREWS…THROUGHOUT THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY ARE IN SANDY'S SUBMARINE IN UNKNOWN DEEP COLD WATERS FAR AWAY FROM AND FAR DEEPER THAN BIKINI BOTTOM. SANDY HAS INVITED THE TWO ALONG IN HER NEW LARGE SUBMARINE NAMED _COLOSSUS_, WHICH SHE CONFIDENTLY SAYS CAN WITHSTAND EXTREMELY COLD TEMPERATURES AND THE HARSH PRESSURES AND CONDITIONS OF THE DEEP SEAS. SANDY IS USING THE SUBMARINE TO RESEARCH WHAT KINDS OF SEA CREATURES LIVE IN COLD EXTREMELY DEEP WATERS. SUDDENLY, THE CREW DISCOVERS THE WRECKAGE OF AN UNKNOWN LARGE SUNKEN SHIP. THE SHIP IS DESTROYED BEYOND RECOGNITION SO NONE OF THEM CAN DISCERN WHAT TYPE OF SHIP IT IS. SANDY PARKS THE SUBMARINE NEAR THE SUNKEN SHIP AND DECIDES TO SEARCH THE SHIP FOR ANY SIGNS OF LIFE OR FOR ANY CLUES ABOUT THE IDENTITY OF THE UNKNOWN SHIP, WHICH MAY EVEN ACTUALLY BE ANOTHER LARGE SUBMARINE LIKE _COLOSSUS_ SINCE THE EXTREME DAMAGE AND DECAY OF THE VESSEL MAKES ITS TRUE IDENTITY A MYSTERY. THE CREW DRESSES INTO DEEP SEA DIVING NAVAL SUITS AND ARMS THEMSELVES WITH SMALL HARPOON GUNS FOR PROTECTION AGAINST ANY UNKNOWN HOSTILE PARASITES INSIDE THE SHIP. AS THE THREE ENTER THE LARGE SHIP, SANDY BEGINS COLLECTING RUSTY METAL SAMPLES AROUND THE SHIP'S INTERIOR AND NOTES THAT THE DECAY OBVIOUSLY INDICATES AN OLD AGE FOR THE SHIP. MEANWHILE, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WANDER AWAY FROM SANDY AND PLAYFULLY SHOOT THEIR HARPOONS AT FLOATING BUBBLES TO PRETEND THEY ARE HUNTING SEA MONSTERS. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SOON ENTER A ROOM WHERE THEY SEE TWO FIGURES THAT APPEAR TO BE SLEEPING. AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK CURIOUSLY MOVE TOWARDS THEM TO SEE THE FIGURES CLEARLY, THEY BOTH SCREAM AS THEY BELIEVE THAT THE FIGURES THEY SEE ARE THEIR OWN LIFELESS FROZEN BODIES LYING MOTIONLESS INSIDE THE ROOM. THEY BECOME VERY SCARED, RUN BACK TO SANDY, AND TRY TO CONVINCE SANDY ABOUT THEIR VISIONS. SANDY FOLLOWS THEM TO THE ENTRANCE OF THE ROOM, BUT THE TWO REFUSE TO ENTER THE ROOM AGAIN. SANDY ENTERS THE ROOM ALONE BUT SANDY ONLY SEES AN EMPTY ROOM. SANDY LEAVES THE ROOM AND TELLS THEM THAT SHE DOES NOT SEE ANY FROZEN BODIES. INCREDIBLY SCARED AND CONFUSED AT THEIR DISTURBING PREDICAMENT, PATRICK REFERENCES _THE TWILIGHT ZONE _AS HE REMARKS: "THIS IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT ZANY ZONE WHERE EVERYONE TWITCHES LIKE WITCHES BECAUSE THEY ARE ALL AFRAID OF TWILIGHT AT NIGHT!" SPONGEBOB AND SANDY DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT ZONE PATRICK IS TALKING ABOUT. ALL THREE DECIDE TO MOVE AWAY FROM THE ROOM SUPPOSEDLY CONTAINING THE FROZEN BODIES AND TO DISCUSS WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING TO THEM. AT FIRST, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARGUE THAT UNKNOWN SEA CREATURES NATIVE TO THE DEEP COLD WATERS ARE ACTUALLY MALEVOLENT SHAPE SHIFTERS AND ARE SIMPLY TRYING TO SCARE THE INVADING CREW OUT OF THE SHIP BY SHAPE SHIFTING INTO THEIR OWN DEAD FROZEN BODIES. BOTH WANT TO LEAVE THE SHIP TO ESCAPE THE SHAPE SHIFTERS, BUT SANDY FINDS THEIR HYPOTHESIS UNLIKELY AND PROMISES TO KEEP THEM SAFE AS THEY DEDUCE WHAT THE VISIONS ARE. BASED ON SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S DESCRIPTIONS OF THE DEAD FROZEN BODIES, SANDY REMARKS THAT SINCE THE LIFELESS FROZEN BODIES DO NOT MOVE AT ALL THEN THEY DO NOT APPEAR TO BE LIVING SHAPE SHIFTERS. SANDY ALSO ARGUES THAT SHE SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE VISIONS IF THEY ARE ORGANIC SHAPE SHIFTERS, THOUGH SHE DID NOT. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BELIEVE THAT THE SHAPE SHIFTERS MAY HAVE SIMPLY LEFT THE ROOM BEFORE SANDY ENTERED IT, SO THE CREW RELUCTANTLY DECIDES TO ENTER THE ROOM AGAIN TOGETHER. AS THEY MAKE THEIR WAY BACK TO THE ROOM, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK COMPLAIN OF SHADOWS FOLLOWING THEM, BUT SANDY BELIEVES THEY ARE ONLY SEEING FLOATING WRECKED PARTS OF THE SHIP IN THE DARKNESS. WHEN THE CREW FINALLY ENTERS THE ROOM AGAIN, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AGAIN SEE THEIR OWN FROZEN LIFELESS BODIES IN THE ROOM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SCREAM, CRY, AND HUG SANDY, WHO STILL CANNOT SEE THE DEAD FROZEN BODIES. SHE COMFORTS THEM AND ASSURES THEM THAT THERE IS NOTHING IN THE ROOM BUT THEIR FEARS. SANDY THEREFORE ARGUES THAT THE VISIONS ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT ORGANIC AQUATIC SHAPE SHIFTERS SINCE SHE CANNOT SEE THEM LIKE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK CAN. SANDY TRIES TO CONVINCE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THAT THEY ARE JUST BEING PARANOID OF THE SCARY SHIP AND ARE SIMPLY SUFFERING HALLUCINATIONS DUE TO THE HARSH PRESSURES AND COLD CONDITIONS OF THE DEEP SEA. SANDY CHECKS BOTH OF THEIR DIVING SUITS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE ON CORRECTLY AND TIGHTENS THEM AROUND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO PREVENT ANY DAMAGE TO THEIR BODIES AND MINDS FROM THE HARSH CONDITIONS OF THE COLD DEEP WATERS. AS THE CREW LEAVES THE ROOM AGAIN, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK VEHEMENTLY DENY THAT THE FROZEN BODIES ARE HALLUCINATIONS AND INSTEAD ARGUE THAT THE DESTROYED SHIP THEY ARE IN IS ACTUALLY THEIR OWN CRASHED PHYSICAL SUBMARINE _COLOSSUS_ AND THAT THEY THEMSELVES, INCLUDING SANDY AND THE SUBMARINE THEY TRAVELED IN TO ENTER THE WRECKAGE, ARE NOW GHOSTS WITH SUBTLE BODIES AND THAT THE FROZEN LIFELESS BODIES ARE THEIR OWN DEAD PHYSICAL BODIES. THEY ARGUE THAT THEY MUST NOT REMEMBER THE TRAUMATIC CRASH THAT SANK THEM AND THEIR SUBMARINE IN THE RECENT PAST. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ALSO ARGUE THAT SANDY CANNOT SEE HER OWN FROZEN LIFELESS PHYSICAL BODY SIMPLY BECAUSE SHE IS A FELLOW GHOST IN DENIAL OF HER OWN DEATH AND IS RELUCTANT TO ACCEPT THEIR ALREADY DOOMED FATE. THE SHOCKED SANDY REFUSES TO ACCEPT THE POSSIBILITY THAT THEY THEMSELVES ARE ACTUALLY DEAD AND ARE GHOSTS, THOUGH SHE CANNOT CONFIDENTLY DISCERN IF THE CRASHED SHIP IS THEIR OWN SUBMARINE OR IF IT IS ANOTHER UNKNOWN SUBMARINE OR SHIP DUE TO ITS GREAT STRUCTURAL DAMAGE. BECAUSE SHE CANNOT SEE HER OWN FROZEN BODY AND BECAUSE THE UNKNOWN SHIP APPEARS TO HAVE CRASHED LONG AGO, SANDY INSTEAD ARGUES THAT THE SHIP IS NOT THEIR OWN SUBMARINE BUT ANOTHER CRASHED SHIP FROM LONG AGO AND THAT THE CRASHED SHIP IS HAUNTED BY OTHER GHOSTS. SANDY ARGUES THAT THEY THEMSELVES ARE ALIVE, BUT THAT THE GHOSTS OF THE SHIP ARE TELEPATHICALLY CAUSING SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S FEARS OF THE SHIP TO MANIFEST INTO DISTURBING MORBID VISIONS TO FRIGHTEN THE LIVING INTRUDERS OFF THE SHIP. AFTER PROPOSING HER THEORY, THE FEARFUL CREW BEGINS TO LEAVE THE SHIP. HOWEVER, AS THEY ENTER ANOTHER ROOM NEAR THE SHIP'S EXIT, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY HERSELF FINALLY SEE A VISION OF SANDY'S LIFELESS FROZEN BODY LYING IN THE SHIP. IT APPEARS THAT NOW THAT SANDY BELIEVES IN GHOSTS, SHE CAN NOW SEE GHOSTLY VISIONS. ALL THREE ARE HORRIBLY FRIGHTENED AND AGREE TO IMMEDIATELY LEAVE THE SHIP IN THEIR SUBMARINE. AS THEY LEAVE, ALL THREE HEAR THE SHIP CREAKING AND MOANING AS IF IT IS FINALLY FULLY BREAKING APART. THE CREW QUICKLY ENTERS THEIR OWN SUBMARINE AND THEIR SUBMARINE TAKES OFF. HOWEVER, THE COLD TEMPERATURES OF THE DEEP WATERS HAVE SOMEHOW INCREASED, CAUSING THE SUBMARINE ENGINES TO FREEZE AND STOP MOVING AND CAUSING THE SUBMARINE TO BECOME HELPLESS TO THE CURRENTS OF THE DEEP COLD WATERS. AS SANDY VAINLY TRIES TO NAVIGATE THE FLOATING SUBMARINE, THE CURRENTS QUICKLY CAUSE THE SUBMARINE TO CRASH INTO A LARGE UNDERWATER ICEBERG, DESTROYING THE SUBMARINE AND IMMEDIATELY DROWNING ITS CREW. AS THE DESTROYED SUBMARINE BREAKS IN HALF AND SINKS TO THE OCEAN FLOORS, THE GHOSTS OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY EXIT THEIR CRASHED SUBMARINE. THEY ARE NOW AWARE THAT THEY ARE DEAD. AS THEY FLOAT AND HOLD HANDS ACROSS THE DARK WATERS, THE GHOSTS ARE SHOCKED TO DISCOVER THAT THE OTHER CRASHED SHIP IS NOT THEIR OWN CRASHED SUBMARINE _COLOSSUS _AS SANDY HAD CORRECTLY ARGUED EARLIER. THE OTHER UNKNOWN CRASHED SHIP IS NOW FULLY LEFT IN SCATTERED RUINS ACROSS THE OCEAN FLOOR. EVENTUALLY, AS THE GHOSTS RETURN TO AND SEARCH AROUND THE UNKNOWN DESTROYED SHIP AWAY FROM THEIR OWN RECENTLY CRASHED SUBMARINE, THE GHOST SANDY DISCOVERS ENGLISH WRITING ON A FLOATING PART OF THE WRECKED UNKNOWN SHIP. THE GHOST SANDY IS FINALLY ABLE TO READ THE NAME OF THE UNKNOWN CRASHED SHIP. THE GHOST SANDY SLOWLY READS: _RMS TITANIC_. THE GHOSTS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY FINALLY REALIZE THAT THE GHOSTS OF THE _TITANIC_ WERE TRYING TO WARN THEM TO LEAVE THE DEEP WATERS SOONER TO PREVENT THEIR SUBMARINE FROM LIKEWISE CRASHING INTO AN ICEBERG AND SINKING INTO OBLIVION. AS THE GHOSTS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY HUG EACH OTHER AND CRY TOGETHER, DARK HUMAN GHOST SHADOWS FROM THE RUINS OF THE _TITANIC_ MOVE TOWARDS THEM TO COMFORT THEIR SORROW. ALL THE FELLOW GHOSTS SHARE A LONG LOVING EMBRACE DOWN IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA.

**TOM SURFING: LIKE HELPFUL AND HARMFUL PEOPLE ON DRY LAND, THERE ARE BOTH BENEVOLENT AND MALEVOLENT GHOSTS THAT HAUNT THE SEVEN SEAS. THOUGH THEY MAY BE SCARY, SOMETIMES THEY JUST GENUINELY WANT TO HELP THOSE IN NEED TO AVOID THEIR OWN DISMAL FATES. THE SUBMARINE CREWS RESEARCHING THE DARK DEPTHS OF THE OCEANS SHOULD ALWAYS BE AWARE OF THE SUNKEN SHIPS AROUND THEM, OR THEY MIGHT ALSO SOON SINK…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**48 EPISODE FORTY-EIGHT: A PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD SHOW**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE FEARS JUDGMENT DAY. MAN HAS ALWAYS FEARED THAT HIGHER POWERS, WHETHER GODS OR ALIENS, ARE DISAPPOINTED WITH HIS CULTURES AND LIFESTYLES, AND SEEK TO PUNISH HIM FOR BEING A VERY NAUGHTY BOY. WELL, THE TIME HAS FINALLY COME FOR THE SPANKING AND RECKONING OF BIKINI BOTTOM…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

ONE FINE MORNING, AQUATIC ALIEN MARTIANS IN FLYING SAUCERS FROM THE ICECAP OCEANS OF MARS VISIT BIKINI BOTTOM. THE MARTIANS WEAR ALUMINUM FOIL SPACE SUITS AND LOOK LIKE GREEN FURRY OCTOPUSES WITH GREEN BODY HAIR, EIGHT TENTACLES, TWO HEADS, LARGE JAWS WITH SHARP TEETH ON EACH HEAD, ONE LARGE EYE ON EACH HEAD, BIRDLIKE BEAKS ON EACH HEAD, AND TWO ANTENNAE ON EACH HEAD. THE MARTIAN FLYING SAUCERS ARE ARMED WITH HEAT RAY GUNS AND LAND AT CITY HALL. AS THE CITY'S FISHY POLICE AND MILITIA SURROUND CITY HALL AND AIM THEIR WEAPONS AT THE INVADING SHIPS, THE ALIEN SHIPS SUDDENLY MANIFEST PLASMA BUBBLE FORCE FIELD SHIELDS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM THE CITY'S FORCES. THE MILITARY GENERALS AND POLICE CHIEFS TELL THEIR MEN TO HOLD THEIR FIRE FOR NOW, BUT OLD MAN JENKINS, A VOLUNTEER SOLDIER OF THE SENIOR CITIZEN URBAN GUARD, PANICS AND FIRES SEVERAL BEANIE BAGS FROM HIS GUN AT THE ALIEN FORCE FIELDS. THE BEANIE BAGS QUICKLY HIT AND IMMEDIATELY DEFLECT OFF THE FORCE FIELDS TO FLY BACK TOWARDS OLD MAN JENKINS AND RUTHLESSLY STRIKE HIM ACROSS HIS BODY TO RENDER HIM UNCONSCIOUS. POLICE ESCORT THE INJURED OLD FISH INTO CITY HALL. THE COPS AND SOLDIERS NOW REALIZE THAT IF THEY FIRE AT THE SHIELDS, THEIR SHOTS WILL SIMPLY DEFLECT BACK TOWARDS THEM SO THEY CONTINUE TO HOLD THEIR FIRE. EXITING HIS SHIP INSIDE A FLOATING PROTECTIVE PLASMA BUBBLE, A MALE MARTIAN AMBASSADOR ADDRESSES THE SHOCKED PUBLIC PRESENT AT CITY HALL AND THOSE VIEWING THE CITYWIDE TELEVISION BROADCASTS OF THE MARTIAN INVASION. THE MARTIAN INTRODUCES HIMSELF AS "KING KONG," A NAME OF A FICTIONAL APE MONSTER FROM EARTH WHOSE NAME THE MARTIAN ADOPTED BECAUSE HE FELT IT HAD A NICE EUPHONIC RING TO IT, AND HIS TWO HEADS APPEAR TO HAVE THEIR OWN PERSONALITIES. THE LEFT HEAD REFERS TO ITSELF AS "KING," AND THE RIGHT HEAD REFERS TO ITSELF AS "KONG." THE MARTIAN KING KONG INTRODUCES HIS INVADING RACE AS ADVANCED ALIENS FROM MARS. KING KONG TELLS THE SCARED POLITICAL LEADERS AND WORRIED PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM THAT THE MARTIANS HAVE BEEN MONITORING THE CITY FOR SOME TIME AND ARE COMPLETELY DISAPPOINTED WITH THE PETTY LEVELS OF NEIGHBORHOOD BICKERING, CRIME, FIGHTING, AND GOSSIP AMONG THE INHABITANTS OF THE CITY. KING KONG EXPLAINS THAT THE MARTIANS ARE OBVIOUSLY FAR TECHNOLOGICALLY SUPERIOR TO BIKINI BOTTOM, GIVING THEM THE NATURAL RIGHT TO PASS JUDGMENT ON THE PETTY SEA CITY. KING KONG THREATENS CERTAIN BUT UNKNOWN DOOM TO THE PEOPLE OF THE CITY IF THEIR CULTURAL PETTINESS IS NOT CORRECTED TO TURN THEM INTO A HIGH CULTURE CIVILIZATION LIKE THAT OF THE MARTIANS. KING KONG NOTIFIES THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES THAT THEY HAVE EXACTLY ONE MONTH TO MEET THE ALIEN ULTIMATUM. KING KONG TELLS THE PEOPLE TO BRING "PEACES" TO THE CITY AND CLAIMS THAT THE MARTIANS USE THEIR ULTIMATUMS TO SPREAD "PEACES" ACROSS THE UNIVERSE AND TO END THE PETTY LEVELS OF POINTLESS CONFLICTS IN THE MANY OTHER ALIEN CIVILIZATIONS. KING KONG SAYS HE WANTS THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO SHOW THE ALIENS HOW MUCH THEIR CITY DESERVES TO BE SPARED OF THE HARSH JUDGMENT THEY TRULY DESERVE. KING KONG THEN RETURNS TO HIS FLYING SAUCER. THE MARTIANS THEN DEPART BACK INTO OUTER SPACE, LEAVING THE CITY IN SHOCKED SILENCE. AMONG THE PRESENT CROWD AT CITY HALL, PATRICK REMARKS: "THIS ALIEN INVASION IS EXACTLY LIKE THAT SCI-FI MOVIE _THE DAY AFTER YESTERDAY WHEN THE SEA STILL FROZE STILL_!" THE TERRIFIED PEOPLE OF THE CITY DISCUSS THE ALIEN THREAT AND BELIEVE THE ALIENS WANT THEM TO FULLY STOP ALL THEIR POINTLESS, PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD CONFLICTS TO ESTABLISH A TOTALLY FRIENDLY, HOSPITABLE, DOCILE, AND PEACEFUL CITY THAT THE MARTIANS WILL RESPECT AND THAT WILL CAUSE THE MARTIANS TO SPARE THEM OF THE HARSH JUDGMENT THEY DESERVE. AS THE DAYS PASS BY, BOTH PLANKTON AND MR. KRABS FINALLY END THEIR LIFELONG RIVALRIES AND HELP LEAD THE POLITICAL, POLICE, AND MILITARY EFFORTS TO END ALL CONFLICTS IN THE CITY. THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES DESTROY ALL WEAPONS, END ALL FINANCIAL DEBTS AND PERSONAL AND POLITICAL FEUDS, DESTROY ALL MONEY, AND PROPERLY SHARE AND DISTRIBUTE ALL LAND AND BELONGINGS EQUALLY AMONG EVERYONE TO PROMOTE EQUALITY AND GOODWILL AND TO END POVERTY. ALL CRIMINAL PRISONERS FINALLY AGREE TO ABANDON THEIR CRIMINAL WAYS IN EXCHANGE FOR PARDONS OF THEIR PRISON SENTENCES AND ARE RELEASED TO HELP THE MOVEMENT FOR COMPLETE URBAN PEACE. MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON UNITE TO FEED ALL PEOPLE WITH FREE KRABBY PATTY AND CHUM SHAKE FOOD DRIVES TO END THE SOCIAL PROBLEM OF HUNGER. THE PEOPLE ORGANIZE LOVE FESTIVALS TO CAUSE ALL NEIGHBORHOOD ENEMIES TO END THEIR PETTY CONFLICTS AND TO BECOME FRIENDS. AT THE LOVE FESTIVALS, PEOPLE FORGIVE ONE ANOTHER, HUG, KISS, EXCHANGE VALENTINE'S DAY GIFTS AND CANDY, DANCE, PLANT FLOWERS, MARCH AND CHANT IN NICE BALLOON PARADES FOR PEACE, EAT SPECIAL MUSHROOMS AND BROWNIES MADE BY KAREN THAT CAUSE THEIR PERSONALITIES TO BECOME CALM AND DOCILE, AND SING CONCERT SONGS ABOUT THE UNITY AND BEAUTY OF ALL SEA CREATURES. EVERYONE ALWAYS WEARS THE SAME CIRCUS CLOTHING TO PROMOTE HAPPINESS AND EQUALITY. INSTEAD OF ACTUAL FIGHTING, EVERYONE HOLDS PUBLIC GAMES OF FUN AND SAFE PILLOW FIGHTS. INSTEAD OF GOSSIP, EVERYONE SHARES FUNNY HARMLESS JOKES AT COMEDY CLUBS. ALL VIOLENT AND COMPETITIVE HOBBIES AND SPORTS ARE LEGALLY BANNED. EVERYONE INSTEAD FOLLOWS SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S FAVORITE SIMPLE HOBBIES OF BLOWING BUBBLES, CATCHING AND RELEASING JELLYFISH, AND HOLDING HANDS AND ALWAYS LAUGHING WHILE SKIPPING AND WINDOW SHOPPING. EVERYONE IMITATES THE FRIENDSHIP OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO BRING BOUNDLESS JOY AND BENEVOLENCE TO THEIR OWN RELATIONSHIPS. ALL JOBS ARE DIRECTED TOWARDS PROMOTING EQUALITY AND PEACE FOR ALL PEOPLE BY DISPENSING FREE PRODUCTS THAT ADVERTISE THE VALUES OF BROTHERLY LOVE AND BY EQUALLY SHARING THE FRUITS OF ALL LABOR. PROVIDED BY THE REFORMED MEDICAL INDUSTRY, EVERYONE PARTICIPATES IN HEALING GROUP PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL THERAPIES, SILENT READING SESSIONS OF HAPPY FAIRY TALES, AND RELAXING MEDITATION SESSIONS. EVERYONE REFERS TO ALL MALES AS "BROTHER FISH" AND EVERYONE REFERS TO ALL FEMALES AS "SISTER FISH" REGARDLESS OF WHETHER THE SEA CREATURES ARE FISH OR NON-FISH TO PROMOTE EQUALITY. DURING EVERY SUNRISE AND SUNSET, ALL CITIZENS FORM A LARGE CROWD, TRAVEL TO CITY HALL, MOVE RHYTHMICALLY TOGETHER LIKE A HUGE TIDAL WAVE TO CREATE A COLLECTIVE GROUP MENTALITY AND TO WELCOME EACH MORNING AND NIGHT, AND CELEBRATE THAT THEY ARE ONE WITH THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE. THE CITY GOVERNMENT, POLICE, AND MILITARY ARE DISBANDED AND REFORMED INTO "THE PEACE CORPS," IN WHICH ALL FAMILIES REGULATE THEMSELVES BY FOLLOWING BASIC DEMOCRATIC AND SOCIALIST PRINCIPLES. ALL CURSE WORDS AND HATEFUL LANGUAGE ARE REMOVED FROM THE DICTIONARIES AND CONVERSATIONS OF THE CITY. PLANKTON, KAREN, AND SANDY USE THEIR SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE, TECHNOLOGY, AND EXPERIMENTS TO PSYCHOLOGICALLY AND GENETICALLY MODIFY THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE ELSE VIA NERVOUS SYSTEM SURGERIES AND GENETIC ENGINEERING INTO COMPLETELY DOCILE CREATURES TO ENSURE A PERMANENT END TO ALL FIGHTING, CRIME, BICKERING, AND CONFLICT AMONG PEOPLE. EVERYONE EMBRACES VEGANISM TO END ANIMAL SUFFERING AND HUNTING COMPETITION FOR FOOD. BY THE END OF THE MONTH, ALL CRIME AND ANIMOSITY AMONG THE CITIZENS HAVE COMPLETELY ENDED DUE TO THE DRASTIC REFORMS. THE UNIVERSALLY HAPPY CITIZENS CREATE A LARGE KELP GARDEN AND MONUMENT AT CITY HALL DEDICATED TO THE MARTIANS FOR BRINGING TRUE PEACES TO THE CITY. THE MONUMENT IS A LARGE GOLDEN STATUE OF THE MARTIAN KING KONG HOLDING A PEACE TREATY TO THANK THE MARTIANS FOR BRINGING UNIVERSAL LOVE TO BIKINI BOTTOM. FINALLY, JUDGMENT DAY, THE DAY EXACTLY ONE MONTH AFTER THE MARTIAN INVASION, HAS COME AND THE MARTIANS ARE EXPECTED TO RETURN TO THE CITY VERY SOON. AS THE JOYOUS CITIZENS INTERLOCK ARMS IN THE STREETS AND MARCH TO MEET THE MARTIANS AT CITY HALL, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LEAD THE GROUP. SHOUTING FOR THE CROWD'S ATTENTION, SPONGEBOB CONTINUES WALKING AS THE GROUP'S LEADER LIKE A SHEPHERD LEADING A FLOCK OF PEACEFUL SHEEP AND DELIVERS A BEAUTIFUL SPEECH. SPONGEBOB SMILES AND JOYFULLY CRIES AS HE SHOUTS:

"I HAD A VERY WET DREAM LAST NIGHT, IN WHICH ALL THE SONS AND DAUGHTERS OF KING NEPTUNE PLAYED TOGETHER IN THE WET WATERS OF GOO LAGOON. AND AS THEY FROLICKED, LAUGHED, SWAM, AND MADE BROTHERLY LOVE, EVERYONE SANG THE WORDS: 'ALL FISH AND ALL NON-FISH ARE BORN OF THE SAME SEA AND ALL ARE EQUAL IN HER WET EYES!' BUT NOW WE ALL KNOW THAT MY WET DREAM HAS COME TRUE SINCE WE ARE ALL NOW WET WITH THE TEARS OF JOY FROM ONE ANOTHER. WET AT LAST! WET AT LAST! THANK NEPTUNE AND MARS, WE ARE WET WITH LOVE AT LAST!"

EVERYONE WILDLY APPLAUDS FOR SPONGEBOB'S SPEECH AND HAPPILY CARRIES HIM ABOVE THEIR HEADS AS THEY FINALLY REACH CITY HALL JUST AS THE MARTIAN FLYING SAUCERS FINALLY RETURN AND LAND THERE. NO LONGER NEEDING THEIR FORCE FIELDS TO PROTECT THEM FROM THE PEACEFUL PEOPLE, THE MARTIAN FLYING SAUCERS DO NOT MANIFEST THEIR PLASMA BUBBLES. THE MARTIAN KING KONG EXITS HIS SHIP, WALKS TOWARDS THE CHEERING CROWD, HOLDS UP HIS FURRY TENTACLES, AND CALLS FOR SILENCE. THE HAPPY CROWD POINTS TOWARDS THE MONUMENT MADE FOR THE MARTIANS AND EVERYONE BECOMES SILENT AND SMILES AS THEY WAIT FOR KING KONG TO SPEAK AND CONGRATULATE THEIR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND NEW UTOPIA. HOWEVER, KING KONG FURIOUSLY ORDERS THE HEAT RAY WEAPONS OF THE MARTIAN FLYING SAUCERS TO DESTROY THE MONUMENT, WHICH IS INSTANTLY VAPORIZED BY THE POWERFUL ALIEN WEAPONS. FEARFUL OF THE MARTIAN VIOLENCE, THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES TREMBLE AND CUDDLE TOGETHER AS THEY HELPLESSLY STARE AT KING KONG TO EXPLAIN HIS WRATH. KING KONG INSULTINGLY SPITS GREEN SLIME ON THE GROUND HE STANDS ON BEFORE HE ADDRESSES THE PEOPLE. KING KONG ROARS, "BIKINI BOTTOM, WE WILL BURY YOU!" KING KONG THEN INSULTS THE PEOPLE AS PATHETIC HIPPIES AND COMMIES. KING KONG STATES THAT THE MARTIANS ARE COMPLETELY DISGUSTED BY THE NEW CITY CULTURE. KING KONG REVEALS THAT THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM HAVE COMPLETELY MISUNDERSTOOD THE MARTIANS' DESIRES FOR THE CITY. KING KONG EXPLAINS THAT THE MARTIANS ACTUALLY WANTED MUCH HIGHER LEVELS OF BICKERING, GOSSIP, CRIME, AND FIGHTING IN THE CITY AND CONSIDERED THE PAST PETTY LEVELS OF SUCH HATRED AMONG NEIGHBORS TO BE TOO LOW IN THE CITY. THE MARTIANS WANTED THE CITIZENS TO REDUCE THE CITY AND EACH OTHER TO LITERAL "PIECES" IN SELF-CONFLICT, NOT TO BRING PEACES TO THE CITY. KING KONG EXPLAINS THAT THE MARTIANS ALWAYS SEARCH THE OCEANS OF THE MANY PLANETS OF THE UNIVERSE FOR AQUATIC CIVILIZATIONS FULL OF EXTREMELY HIGH LEVELS OF POINTLESS CONFLICT AND HATRED. THE MARTIANS THEN BROADCAST THE MANY SEA CITIES FULL OF HATRED AS COMEDIC SOAP OPERA TELEVISION SHOWS TO ENTERTAIN THE POWERFUL AND SADISTIC MARTIANS AND OTHER TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED ALIENS ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. THUS, THE MARTIANS ACTUALLY LIKE THE AQUATIC CIVILIZATIONS THAT HAVE THE HIGHEST LEVELS OF POINTLESS CONFLICT FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE MARTIANS AND OTHER ALIEN NEIGHBORS. THUS, KING KONG AND THE REMAINING MARTIANS ARE HIGHLY DISAPPOINTED AT HOW LITTLE POINTLESS NEIGHBORHOOD CONFLICT THERE IS IN BIKINI BOTTOM AND NOW CONSIDER THE PEOPLE OF THE CITY TO BE COMPLETELY WORTHLESS AND BORING, SINCE THEY HAVE FINALLY ESTABLISHED COMPLETE URBAN PEACE, WHICH WILL NEVER MAKE EXCITING UNIVERSAL TELEVISION. THUS, THE MARTIANS SPREAD LITERAL PIECES ACROSS THE UNIVERSE AS THEY ENCOURAGE AND JOYOUSLY OBSERVE OTHER ALIEN CIVILIZATIONS DESTROYING THEMSELVES IN RIDICULOUSLY HUGE, EXTREMELY POINTLESS SOCIAL CONFLICTS, WHICH EASILY OVERSHADOW ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM'S PAST SOCIAL CONFLICTS THAT ARE MERE PETTY CHILD'S PLAY IN COMPARISON. THUS, THE MARTIANS CONSIDERED BIKINI BOTTOM'S LEVELS OF SOCIAL CONFLICT TO BE PETTY, NOT THE NATURE OF SOCIAL CONFLICT ITSELF TO BE PETTY. KING KONG THEN ENSURES THE SHOCKED AND SCARED PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM THAT SINCE THEY NOW HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO ENTERTAINMENT VALUE FOR COSMIC COMEDIC SOAP OPERAS, THE MARTIANS WILL ABDUCT THEM ALL AND TAKE THEM TO THE MARTIAN GLADIATOR AQUARIUM COLISEUMS, WHERE THEY WILL BE FORCED TO BATTLE VARIOUS ALIEN BEASTS FROM ACROSS THE COSMOS IN EXECUTION TOURNAMENTS FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE MARTIANS. THE GLADIATOR SHOWS WILL ALSO BE BROADCAST ACROSS THE UNIVERSE FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF ALL THE MARTIANS' ALIEN NEIGHBORS AS WELL. AS THE MARTIAN FLYING SAUCERS USE POWERFUL MAGNETIC TRACTOR BEAMS TO ABDUCT THE PANICKING PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, KING KONG PROUDLY STATES THAT THE GLADIATOR SHOWS SHALL BE COLLECTIVELY NAMED IN HONOR OF THE PATHETIC PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM. AS THE MARTIANS LEAVE INTO OUTER SPACE WITH THEIR NEW PRISONERS, KING KONG HAPPILY ANNOUNCES THAT THE MARTIAN GLADIATOR TELEVISION SHOW WILL BE CALLED "A PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD SHOW!"

**TOM SURFING: BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION SEEMS TO NOT ALWAYS LEAD TOWARDS CIVILITY ACROSS THE COSMOS. DESPITE CIVILIZATIONS BEING TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED, THEIR CULTURES MAY STILL BE THE MOST BARBARIC. IDEAL SOCIETIES ARE DIFFICULT TO CREATE, AND ONE MAN'S UTOPIA MAY BE ANOTHER ALIEN'S PATHETIC JOKE. UNFORTUNATELY, THE MISSIONS TO END GLOBAL SUFFERING AND DESPAIR BY CREATING WORLD PEACE AND SAVING THE WHALES MAY NOT BE RESPECTED BY THE GREAT ALIEN POP CULTURES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**49 EPISODE FORTY-NINE: SUPER SQUID RETURNS**

**TOM SURFING: HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED DÉJÀ VU? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN DISSATISFIED WITH YOUR LOVE LIFE OR JUST DISAPPOINTED WITH LIFE IN GENERAL? HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED IF YOUR LIFE IS SOMEHOW LIKE A TRAGIC MOVIE? IF YOU ANSWERED "YES" TO ALL OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS, THEN YOU HAVE JUST OFFICIALLY ENTERED…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SQUIDWARD IS EXTREMELY DISSATISFIED WITH HIS LIFE. HE HATES HIS MENIAL LABOR JOB AT THE KRUSTY KRAB; HE HAS NO LOVER OR ROOMMATE OR PET AT HOME; HE HAS NO FANS OF HIS PERSONAL ARTISTIC PAINTINGS; HE HAS THE INCREDIBLY ANNOYING NEIGHBORS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK; AND HE IS ALWAYS HARASSED BY TELEPHONE SOLICITORS. AS SQUIDWARD TURNS FORTY YEARS OLD, ONLY SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK COME UNINVITED TO HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY, BUT HE IMMEDIATELY SENDS HIS NEW PET WORM DOG BIRTHDAY PRESENT AFTER THEM TO CHASE THEM AWAY. THOUGH THE WORM DOG CHASES THEM AWAY, THE NEW PET NEVER RETURNS HOME TO HIM. IN THE WEEK FOLLOWING HIS BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD BEGINS TO REFLECT ABOUT HIS SEEMINGLY HORRIBLE LIFE. HIS JOB PERFORMANCE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB WORSENS AS HE CONTINUALLY FALLS ASLEEP AND HAS GOOD DREAMS AT WORK. ON THREE SEPARATE DAYS AT WORK, SQUIDWARD FALLS ASLEEP AND HAS THREE DREAMS OF ACCIDENTALLY DYING AND GOING TO HEAVEN-LIKE PARADISES. IN THE FIRST DREAM OF DAY ONE AT WORK, SQUIDWARD DREAMS THAT HE RIDES HIS BIKE TO WORK; HE IS THEN FATALLY HIT BY A BOAT CAR ILLEGALLY DRIVEN BY SPONGEBOB; AND THEN SQUIDWARD'S SOUL FLIES TO THE SKY ABOVE TO A CLOUDY KINGDOM OF PRETTY FEMALE SQUIDS PLAYING BEAUTIFUL CLARINET MUSIC AND SINGING FOR HIM. HOWEVER, BUBBLE BASS USES HIS LARGE FLUFFY BELLY AND SAGGY MAN BOOBS TO SLAP SQUIDWARD'S FACE TO WAKE HIM FROM THE BEAUTIFUL DREAM TO TAKE BUBBLE BASS' ORDER. SQUIDWARD WAKES UP, IS VERY ANGRY THAT BUBBLE BASS WOKE HIM FROM HIS GOOD DREAM, AND SIMPLY SMASHES BUBBLE BASS' ORDER INTO BUBBLE BASS' FAT FACE, THOUGH BUBBLE BASS STILL HAPPILY EATS HIS FOOD. IN THE SECOND DREAM OF DAY TWO AT WORK, SQUIDWARD DREAMS THAT HE FATALLY SLIPS ON FLOODING WATER IN THE KRUSTY KRAB BATHROOMS DUE TO A HUGE TOILET FLOOD CAUSED BY BUBBLE BASS ORDERING PRUNE JUICE WITH HIS QUADRUPLE-PATTY KRABBY PATTY MEAL; AND THEN SQUIDWARD'S SOUL FOLLOWS A MAGICAL UNICORN SEAHORSE ACROSS A RAINBOW TO A BEAUTIFUL GOLDEN MANSION EASTER ISLAND TIKI HOME, FULL OF LIVING SQUIDWARD STATUES THAT WELCOME AND PRAISE SQUIDWARD'S ARRIVAL AS THOUGH HE WERE A KING. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB FORCES THE SLEEPING SQUIDWARD TO EAT A KRABBY PATTY TO FEED HIM FOR LUNCH AND TO WAKE HIM UP. SQUIDWARD WAKES UP AND CHOKES ON THE FOOD BEFORE SPITTING IT ONTO SPONGEBOB'S FACE. SQUIDWARD IS VERY ANGRY ABOUT SPONGEBOB WAKING HIM UP FROM THE GOOD DREAM, BUT SPONGEBOB REMINDS SQUIDWARD THAT REAL LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN DREAMS, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO GRAB HIS CASH REGISTER AS A WEAPON AND TO CHASE SPONGEBOB BACK INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB KITCHENS. IN THE FINAL DREAM OF DAY THREE AT WORK, SQUIDWARD DREAMS THAT PLANKTON, ARMED WITH A SHOT GUN THAT FIRES LASER BEAMS, INVADES THE KRUSTY KRAB TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA AND FATALLY SHOOTS SQUIDWARD TO VAPORIZE HIM; THEN SQUIDWARD'S SOUL FINDS ITSELF IN A DARK TUNNEL AND QUICKLY AND JOYFULLY FLIES TOWARD A WELCOMING BRIGHT LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS WAKES UP SQUIDWARD BY REPEATEDLY USING HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO PINCH SQUIDWARD'S BIG NOSE. MR. KRABS PICKS UP THE COMPLAINING SQUIDWARD AND DRAGS THE GROGGY SQUIDWARD INTO HIS PRIVATE OFFICE. MR. KRABS FIRMLY TELLS SQUIDWARD TO TAKE AN UNPAID VACATION TO CLEAR HIS MIND SO HE WILL STOP FALLING ASLEEP AT WORK. SQUIDWARD AGREES TO TAKE A WEEK OFF WORK. HOWEVER, AS SQUIDWARD LEAVES MR. KRABS' OFFICE, SQUIDWARD HAS A STRANGE FEELING OF DÉJÀ VU ABOUT THEIR MEETING AND TELLS MR. KRABS ABOUT IT. MR. KRABS TELLS SQUIDWARD TO STOP ACTING LIKE A FRENCH FROG WITH HIS DÉJÀ VU NONSENSE TALK AND ASKS SQUIDWARD WHAT MEDICATIONS HE IS ON, BUT SQUIDWARD DENIES BEING ON ANY MEDICATIONS AND INSISTS THAT THEIR MEETING HAS HAPPENED BEFORE IN THE EXACT SAME WAY. MR. KRABS SIMPLY LEAVES THE OFFICE ROOM, RETURNS WITH A BUCKET OF WATER, AND SPLASHES SQUIDWARD'S FACE WITH THE WATER TO SNAP HIM OUT OF HIS DELUSION. SQUIDWARD ANGRILY LEAVES THE KRUSTY KRAB FOR HOME. HE IS UNSURE OF HOW TO SPEND HIS WEEK VACATION, SO HE SIMPLY RIDES HIS BIKE ACROSS THE SILENT TOWN EVERY NIGHT FOR FRESH AIR AND EXERCISE AND TO SEE THE BEAUTIFUL TWINKLING STARS IN THE SKY ABOVE. SQUIDWARD WISHES HE COULD GO TO PARADISES LIKE THOSE IN HIS DREAMS AFTER HIS REAL DEATH AS HE GAZES AT THE BRIGHT PROMISING STARS. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD AGAIN EXPERIENCES A STRONG FEELING OF DÉJÀ VU WHEN HE RIDES PAST SHADY SHOALS AND SEES OLD MAN JENKINS ALONE OUTSIDE. OLD MAN JENKINS BENDS OVER FOR HIS CANE ON THE FLOOR AND HIS PANTS FALL OFF, REVEALING VERY DIRTY UNDERWEAR. THE OLD FISH TURNS, WAVES, AND SMILES AT THE DISGUSTED SQUIDWARD. AS SQUIDWARD QUICKLY RIDES AWAY, OLD MAN JENKINS SHOUTS, "SORRY ABOUT THE VIEW, SON, BUT THIS KIND OF THING ALWAYS HAPPENS!" SQUIDWARD CANNOT SHAKE THE FEELING THAT THE DISTURBING MOMENT WITH OLD MAN JENKINS HAS HAPPENED BEFORE. AFRAID TO GO OUTSIDE ANYMORE, SQUIDWARD SIMPLY STAYS HOME FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK. WHILE DOING A BALLET DANCE IN HIS FAVORITE TUTU TO SOOTHING CLASSICAL MUSIC IN HIS ART ROOM, SQUIDWARD AGAIN FEELS THAT SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN THAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED BEFORE. SUDDENLY, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, DRESSED AS COWBOYS, ENTER THE ART ROOM, SHUT OFF THE CLASSICAL MUSIC, TURN ON THEIR OWN MOBILE RADIOS TO PLAY WESTERN COUNTRY MUSIC, AND START SQUARE DANCING. AS THEY DANCE, THEY HAPPILY TELL SQUIDWARD THAT SANDY TAUGHT THEM HOW TO SQUARE DANCE LIKE TEXAN COWBOYS. SQUIDWARD FURIOUSLY GRABS MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS AND BEGINS BEATING THEM WITH THE INSTRUMENTS. AS HE RUTHLESSLY BEATS THEM UP, SQUIDWARD RANTS ABOUT HOW THEY ALWAYS RUIN HIS RELAXATION SESSIONS. SUDDENLY, SQUIDWARD FEARS THAT HE HAS BEATEN THEM UP EXACTLY LIKE THIS BEFORE AND FEARS THAT THEY ARE BOTH GOING TO SAY SOMETHING HE CAN ALREADY PREDICT. AS SQUIDWARD STOPS BEATING THEM, THE CRYING AND BRUISED SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PLEAD: "WE'RE SORRY, SQUIDY. WE JUST THOUGHT YOU'RE SO TIRED OF BEING SUCH A SQUARE, SO WE THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO TRY SOME SQUARE DANCING!" SQUIDWARD GLARES AT THEM AND REPEATS WHAT THEY SAID AS THOUGH HE REMEMBERS THEM SAYING IT MANY TIMES BEFORE. SQUIDWARD SUDDENLY STARTS WILDLY LAUGHING, GOES TEMPORARILY INSANE ABOUT HIS MYSTERIOUS DÉJÀ VU, SCREAMS THAT HE WISHES HIS DREAMS ABOUT AFTERLIFE PARADISES WOULD COME TRUE, AND BEGINS TO FURIOUSLY DESTROY HIS ART ROOM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TRY TO RESTRAIN HIM, BUT SQUIDWARD QUICKLY KNOCKS THEM OUT WITH A HARP, PUTS THEIR UNCONSCIOUS BODIES IN DELIVERY BOXES, AND MAILS THEM TO NEW KELP CITY. EXHAUSTED FROM THE VERY DISORIENTING WEEK, SQUIDWARD TRIES TO SLEEP AND IGNORE HIS DÉJÀ VU AT NIGHT IN HIS BIG BED. HOWEVER, THE MOON IS FULL IN THE DARK SKY ABOVE AND SQUIDWARD HEARS HOWLING OUTSIDE. THE SCARED SQUIDWARD HIDES UNDER HIS BED COVERS, BUT HE HEARS GROWLING IN HIS ROOM. GRABBING HIS CLARINET FROM UNDER HIS PILLOW, SQUIDWARD JUMPS TOWARDS THE NOISE IN HIS DARK ROOM TO ATTACK THE INTRUDER. THE INTRUDER IS ACTUALLY MAN RAY, PLAYFULLY IMITATING THE NOISES OF SEA WOLVES. MAN RAY IMMEDIATELY GRABS SQUIDWARD AND SLAMS HIM BACK ONTO HIS BED. THE DAZED SQUIDWARD TREMBLES IN FEAR AS MAN RAY LOOMS OVER HIM WITH ONLY THE MOONLIGHT SHINING ON THEM FROM THE OPEN ROOM WINDOW IN THE DARKNESS. SQUIDWARD STUTTERS AS HE ASKS MAN RAY WHAT IN THE NAME OF NEPTUNE'S VIRGIN MOTHER DOES HE WANT. MAN RAY DEMANDS THAT SQUIDWARD REFER TO HIM AS "THE DEVIL STING RAY." SQUIDWARD APOLOGIZES AND REFERS TO HIM AS SUCH AS HE REPEATS HIS QUESTION. MAN RAY, THE DEVIL STING RAY, TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT HE HAS COME TO EXPLAIN SQUIDWARD'S ODD FEELINGS OF DÉJÀ VU AND TO TELL HIM SOMETHING ABOUT HIS DREAMS. SQUIDWARD ASKS MAN RAY HOW HE KNOWS ABOUT HIS PERSONAL LIFE, AND MAN RAY REVEALS THAT HE ALWAYS SPIES ON HANDSOME BACHELORS. MAN RAY SAYS HE WITNESSED SQUIDWARD'S DECLINING PERFORMANCE AT WORK AND PANIC ATTACKS ABOUT MYSTERIOUS EXPERIENCES OF DÉJÀ VU. MAN RAY THEN TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT SQUIDWARD'S DREAMS OF DYING AND VISITING BEAUTIFUL PARADISES WILL NEVER COME TRUE. AS SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY PROTESTS, MAN RAY ASSURES SQUIDWARD THAT NEITHER PARADISE NOR DOOM AWAITS THE DEAD. MAN RAY PROMISES THAT AFTER SQUIDWARD'S REAL DEATH, HIS LIFE SIMPLY STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN AT HIS BIRTH IN THE ETERNAL RETURN OF THE SAME, WHICH EXPLAINS HIS RECURRING EXPERIENCES OF DÉJÀ VU. HIS LIFE IS LIKE A LONG MOVIE THAT SIMPLY REWINDS AND REPLAYS ITSELF WHEN IT ENDS. SQUIDWARD IS HORRIFIED AT THE THOUGHT OF RELIVING HIS LIFE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN BECAUSE OF THE FREQUENT SUFFERING, SO HE SCREAMS THAT MAN RAY IS A LYING STALKER AND CREEP. MAN RAY SIMPLY RESTRAINS THE PANICKING SQUIDWARD AND GETS IN HIS FACE, WITH HIS UGLY BLACK STING RAY MASK PRESSING AGAINST SQUIDWARD'S BIG FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE. MAN RAY STOPS SQUIDWARD FROM MOVING AND TELLS SQUIDWARD TO LOOK INTO HIS FACE INTO THE DEPTHS OF HIS DARK SOUL. SQUIDWARD TREMBLES AS HE LOOKS INTO MAN RAY'S ANGRY MASK EYES. MAN RAY THEN TELLS THE FRIGHTENED SQUIDWARD:

"WHAT IF ONE NIGHT WHEN YOU REALIZED HOW MUCH OF A LONER YOU ARE, A DEVIL STING RAY CREPT UP ON YOU IN THE DARKNESS TO SAY, 'THIS TOUGH LIFE YOU HATE, YOU MUST LIVE ONCE, TWICE, AND COUNTLESS TIMES MORE FOR ALL ETERNITY, AND EVERYTHING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO YOU, THE GOOD TIMES AND THE BAD TIMES AND EVEN THIS VERY MOMENT BY THE MOONLIGHT, WILL RETURN TO YOU AGAIN AND AGAIN IN THE SAME EXACT ORDER, LIKE METALS FLYING TO A RUSTY MAGNET, WHICH DROPS THEM OFF ONLY TO SOON PICK THEM UP IN THE CYCLE OF FOREVER; THIS SAD MOVIE WILL END, REWIND ITSELF, AND REPLAY ITSELF WITHOUT BREAKING DOWN AND YOU WILL ALWAYS PLAY YOUR PART, YOU SILLY LITTLE JESTER, BECAUSE LIFE IS A STAGE AND YOU ARE THE REPEATING ONE-MAN SHOW!?' WOULD YOU NOT CRY LIKE A LITTLE BABY FOR ITS MOTHER'S MILK AND BEG FOR THE CIRCLE OF TIME TO GIVE YOU REST AND FOR THE DEVIL STING RAY TO STOP HIS INFINITE VIGILS? OR WOULD YOU KISS AND SUCK ON THE DEVIL STING RAY'S TAIL LIKE A PACIFIER, CALL HIM MOTHER, AND THANK HIM FOR THE SWEETEST MILK AND HONEY YOU HAVE EVER TASTED?"

THE CONFUSED SQUIDWARD REPEATEDLY CALLS MAN RAY A NUT JOB, BUT MAN RAY REVEALS A SMALL CRYSTAL BALL TO SQUIDWARD WHO TAKES THE BALL INTO HIS TENTACLES. AS SQUIDWARD GAZES INTO THE MISTY INSIDES OF THE BALL, SQUIDWARD SUDDENLY SEES THE MOMENT OF HIS BIRTH AND ALL SUBSEQUENT EVENTS IN HIS LIFE UP TO MAN RAY'S INTRUSION THAT VERY NIGHT. THE HORRIFIED SQUIDWARD THROWS THE BALL TO THE FLOOR, CAUSING IT TO SHATTER. MAN RAY ASSURES SQUIDWARD THAT THE ETERNAL RETURN WILL OCCUR AND ALWAYS HAS OCCURRED FOR BOTH THE UNIVERSE AND FOR SQUIDWARD HIMSELF. MAN RAY HANDS SQUIDWARD A BOOK TITLED _THE DUNCE'S GUIDEBOOK TO THE ETERNAL RETURN_. AS MAN RAY LEAVES, HE TELLS SQUIDWARD TO MAKE HIS LIFE WORTH LIVING FOREVER AND PROMISES SQUIDWARD THAT THEY WILL MEET AGAIN BY THE MOONLIGHT IN THE FUTURE AND HAVE ALWAYS DONE SO IN THE PAST. THE TRAUMATIZED SQUIDWARD HESITATES BEFORE FINALLY OPENING AND READING THE BOOK BY THE MOONLIGHT. THE BOOK PRESENTS THE FOLLOWING PHILOSOPHICAL ARGUMENT FOR THE TRUTH OF THE ETERNAL RETURN: TIME AND SPACE OF THE UNIVERSE ARE INFINITE; THE PHYSICAL BODIES IN THEM ARE FINITE; AND THE ETERNAL NATURAL LAWS OF THE UNIVERSE WILL EVENTUALLY CAUSE ALL BODIES TO FORM IN THE EXACT SAME PAST COMBINATIONS AGAIN AND REPEAT THEIR SAME EXACT PAST ACTIONS INFINITELY MANY TIMES INTO THE ENDLESS FUTURE FROM THE EQUALLY ENDLESS PAST. THUS, THE ARGUMENT DEDUCES THAT THE LIVES OF LIVING CREATURES WILL REPEAT FOREVER JUST AS THE UNIVERSE REPEATS ITSELF FOREVER SINCE TIME IS CYCLICAL. SQUIDWARD SITS IN SILENCE AND NERVOUSLY PONDERS THE ETERNAL RETURN FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT. AS MORNING FINALLY COMES, SQUIDWARD IS FINALLY CONVINCED OF THE TRUTH OF THE ETERNAL RETURN, WHICH MAKES HIM AND EVERYONE ELSE IMMORTAL IN A FATALISTIC WAY. SQUIDWARD IS AT FIRST SHOCKED AND HORRIFIED BY THE TRUTH THAT HE WILL NEVER REST IN PEACE, BUT THEN SQUIDWARD COMES TO ACCEPT THAT HIS LIFE WILL REPEAT ITSELF ENDLESSLY AFTER HIS DEATH AS IT HAS ENDLESSLY REPEATED BEFORE HIS BIRTH. TO MAKE HIS ETERNAL LIVES WORTH LIVING, SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO CHANGE HIS LIFE FOR THE BETTER, THOUGH HE KNOWS THAT HE REALLY HAS NO FREE WILL AND IS ONLY ALREADY FULFILLING THE DIRECTION OF FATE. DESPITE HIS FATALISM, SQUIDWARD IS AT PEACE THAT HE FINALLY INTELLECTUALLY UNDERSTANDS THE ETERNAL RETURN BY WHICH REALITY OPERATES. SQUIDWARD CALLS MR. KRABS AND IMMEDIATELY QUITS HIS JOB AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. WHEN MR. KRABS COMPLAINS, SQUIDWARD SIMPLY TELLS MR. KRABS TO HAVE FUN FIGHTING WITH PLANKTON FOR ALL ETERNITY BEFORE SQUIDWARD HANGS UP ON HIM. AFTER FINALLY QUITTING HIS JOB, SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO CHANGE HIS WORLD THROUGH HIS ART. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY PAINTS A PICTURE OF A GIANT SQUID SWALLOWING ITS OWN TENTACLES WITH ITS BODY IN THE SHAPE OF A CIRCLE TO SYMBOLIZE THE ETERNAL RETURN. AFTER APPRECIATING HIS PAINTING FOR SOME TIME, SQUIDWARD SUDDENLY IMAGINES WRITING A BOOK TO CONVINCE OTHERS OF HIS NEW WORLD VIEW TO MAKE THEIR LIVES WORTH LIVING FOREVER TOO. SQUIDWARD THEN WRITES A PHILOSOPHICAL BOOK TITLED _THUS SPOKE SQUIDWARD: A DECREE TO EVERYONE_. IN THE BOOK, SQUIDWARD WRITES ABOUT HIS NEW KNOWLEDGE CONCERNING THE TRUTH OF THE ETERNAL RETURN. THE BOOK ARGUES THAT BECAUSE THE ETERNAL RETURN IS SUCH AN UPSETTING TRUTH SINCE IT REQUIRES THE RETURN AND ETERNAL REPETITION OF ALL SUFFERING IN LIFE, BIKINI BOTTOM MUST IMMEDIATELY BECOME A BETTER SOCIETY WORTHY OF THE ETERNAL RETURN. THE BOOK ARGUES THAT "NEPTUNE IS DEAD," SINCE THE PRESENT DAY SOCIETY OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WHICH RELIES ON KING NEPTUNE FOR GUIDANCE, CAN NO LONGER FIND LASTING MEANING IN LIFE FROM KING NEPTUNE'S AUTHORITY DUE TO THE UNSETTLING TRUTH OF THE ETERNAL RETURN. INSTEAD, THE BOOK ARGUES THAT THE ART FORM OF TRAGEDY CAN GUIDE THE CITY TO THE BEST TYPE OF CULTURE. THROUGH TRAGEDY, THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM CAN CONFRONT THE HORRORS OF SEA CREATURE SUFFERINGS IN LIFE AND AFFIRM THAT SUCH FEELINGS EXIST AND CAN BE BEAUTIFULLY EXPRESSED IN ART TO ALLOW THE PEOPLE TO PASSIONATELY AND JOYOUSLY AFFIRM THEIR OWN TRAGIC BUT BEAUTIFUL EXISTENCE, WHICH IS CONFIRMED BY BOTH THE HORROR AND EUPHORIA PRESENT IN ARTISTIC TRAGIC PLAYS. THUS, THE NEW ULTIMATE CODE BY WHICH THE CITY COULD LIVE IS TO PRODUCE THE ULTIMATE ARTIST FROM ITS CITIZENS. THE ULTIMATE ARTIST WOULD BE THE BEST WRITER OF TRAGIC PLAYS. THE ULTIMATE ARTIST WOULD THEN BE MADE THE NEW POLITICAL RULER FOR LIFE OF THE CITY TO BECOME THE "ARTIST-TYRANT." THE PEOPLE OF THE CITY WOULD OBEY THE POWERFUL WILL OF THE ARTIST-TYRANT AT ALL TIMES, WOULD TRY TO PRODUCE CHILDREN LIKE THE ARTIST-TYRANT AS SUCCESSORS, AND WOULD PERFORM THE ARTIST-TYRANT'S TRAGIC PLAYS AS COMMON CULTURAL CELEBRATION RITUALS IN ACCEPTANCE AND LOVE OF FATE. BECAUSE SQUIDS HAVE THE GREATEST ARTISTIC TALENT, THEY SHOULD BECOME THE FIRST ARTIST-TYRANTS AND TEACH OTHER SEA CREATURES WITH LATENT ARTISTIC TALENTS HOW TO WRITE BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDIES TO LIKEWISE JOIN THE HIGH RANKS OF ARTIST-TYRANTS, WHO WILL ALSO BE KNOWN AS "SUPER SQUIDS" WHETHER THEY ARE SQUIDS OR NOT. ONLY THROUGH THE PRODUCTION OF SUPER SQUIDS CAN BIKINI BOTTOM BECOME WORTHY OF THE ETERNAL RETURN AND TRULY LOVE THEIR ENDLESSLY REPEATING FATE. THROUGH SUCH ARGUMENTS, THE BOOK BOLDLY STATES THAT PRESENT DAY SEA CREATURES ARE MERE EVOLUTIONARY BRIDGES BETWEEN THE PRIMITIVE BARNACLES OF THE PAST AND THE GLORIOUS SUPER SQUIDS OF THE FUTURE. THE BOOK FINALLY ARGUES THAT THE UNIVERSE IS FUNDAMENTALLY DRIVEN BY THE FORCE OF "THE WILL TO ART," MEANING THAT THE UNIVERSE ITSELF TRIES TO PRODUCE THE BEST SUPER SQUIDS THAT CAN ACCEPT THE ETERNAL RETURN BY WHICH THE UNIVERSE OPERATES. TOWARDS THE CLOSING OF THE BOOK IS A TRAGIC PLAY WRITTEN BY SQUIDWARD AND MEANT TO SHOW HIS NEW STATUS AS THE SUPER SQUID WHO FULLY ACCEPTS THE ETERNAL RETURN. THE TRAGIC PLAY IS CALLED "SPONGEBOB THE PRINCE." IN THE TRAGEDY, SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS ARE RULERS OF THE KINGDOM OF ATLANTIS. THEY GIVE BIRTH TO THREE CHILDREN, INCLUDING SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY. HOWEVER, THE THREE CHILDREN ARE SEPARATED BY THEIR FATHER AT BIRTH. THE FATHER DISOWNED THEM AND DIVORCED HIS WIFE AFTER THE FATHER HEARD THE WISE PROPHET OLD MAN JENKINS PROCLAIM THAT TWO OF THE CHILDREN WOULD OVERTHROW HIS RULE. BECAUSE HIS WIFE DID NOT AGREE WITH HIM ABOUT THE PROPHECY, HIS WIFE LEFT WITH THE CHILDREN TO A SMALL VILLAGE NAMED BIKINI BOTTOM OUTSIDE ATLANTIS. IN BIKINI BOTTOM, SPONGEBOB WAS RAISED BY HIS MOTHER, WHO CHANGED HER LAST NAME TO "CHEESEPANTS," BUT HIS MOTHER GAVE HIS OTHER BABY SIBLINGS, PATRICK AND SANDY, TO AN ORPHANAGE, SO NONE OF THE CHILDREN KNEW OF THEIR TRUE FAMILY TIES. WHEN SPONGEBOB GREW INTO A YOUNG ADULT, THE TWO OLD PROPHETS, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, WARNED HIM THAT HE WOULD DESTROY HIS BROTHER, MARRY HIS SISTER, AND OVERTHROW HIS POWERFUL FATHER. BECAUSE SPONGEBOB DID NOT KNOW WHO HIS FATHER WAS AND DID NOT KNOW HE HAD SIBLINGS, SPONGEBOB IGNORED THEIR PROPHECY AND DENOUNCED THEM AS SENILE LUNATICS. EVENTUALLY, PATRICK AND SANDY BECOME GOOD FRIENDS OF SPONGEBOB'S MOTHER, WHO FINALLY REVEALS TO THEM ON HER DEATHBED AT HER DEATH FROM OLD AGE THAT THEY ARE HER CHILDREN, THAT THEIR FATHER IS KING SQUAREPANTS OF ATLANTIS, AND THAT THEY ARE SIBLINGS. BOTH SOON WISH TO OVERTHROW THEIR KING FATHER IN ATLANTIS TO GAIN HIS POWER AFTER DISCOVERING THE TRUTH. HOWEVER, THEY BICKER OVER WHO SHOULD BECOME RULER AND FIGHT AMONG THEMSELVES. SPONGEBOB, UNAWARE OF HIS SIBLINGS' EXISTENCE AND VISITING HIS DECEASED MOTHER, SEES SANDY AND PATRICK FIGHTING AND IS IMMEDIATELY ATTRACTED TO THE BEAUTIFUL SANDY. USING KARATE, SPONGEBOB DEFENDS SANDY FROM PATRICK, WHO RUNS AWAY DEFEATED AND ACCIDENTALLY DIES AS HE RUNS INTO THE STREET AND IS HIT BY A LARGE SEA HORSE CARRIAGE. THE GRATEFUL SANDY IMMEDIATELY MARRIES SPONGEBOB BUT DOES NOT TELL HIM THE TRUTH THAT THEY ARE RELATIVES. SANDY DOES NOT REALLY LOVE HER BROTHER SPONGEBOB, BUT SHE ONLY WANTS TO USE HIM TO HELP HER OVERTHROW HER FATHER AND GAIN HIS POWER. SANDY THEN CONVINCES SPONGEBOB TO HELP HER OVERTHROW KING SQUAREPANTS IN ATLANTIS, SO THEY CAN RULE THE CITY AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. SPONGEBOB AGREES AND THE TWO RETURN TO ATLANTIS, INITIATE A PEASANTS' REVOLUTION AGAINST THE KING, AND BECOME THE NEW MARRIED MONARCHS. HOWEVER, THE PROPHET OLD MAN JENKINS, PRODUCING A BIRTH CERTIFICATE AS EVIDENCE, THEN REVEALS THE TRUTH OF HIS FAMILY TIES TO KING SPONGEBOB. REALIZING THAT MERMAID MAN'S AND BARNACLE BOY'S PROPHECIES CAME TRUE, THE HORRIFIED SPONGEBOB CURSES HIS FATE, RENOUNCES HIS ROYALTY, AND EXILES HIMSELF INTO THE WILDERNESS TO BECOME A NOBLE SAVAGE AMONG NATURE, THOUGH HE DOES NOT SURVIVE IN THE HARSH WILDLIFE, ENDING THE TRAGIC PLAY. THUS, AFTER THE TRAGIC "SPONGEBOB THE PRINCE," SQUIDWARD ENDS _THUS SPOKE SQUIDWARD_ AS HE PRESENTS HIMSELF AS THE FIRST SUPER SQUID IN HISTORY AND BIKINI BOTTOM'S NEW RULER, WHO SHALL ENABLE ALL PEOPLE TO LOVE AND WELCOME THE ETERNAL RETURN AND FATE. SQUIDWARD PLANS TO IMMEDIATELY PUBLISH HIS MASTERPIECE BOOK TO CONVINCE THE IGNORANT MASSES, WHOM HE REFERS TO AS "THE BARNACLE HEADS," TO ACCEPT HIS NEW PHILOSOPHY. AFTER COMPLETING _THUS SPOKE SQUIDWARD_, SQUIDWARD IS SO FULL OF JOY FOR THE FUTURE THAT HE IMMEDIATELY EMBRACES THAT HIS LIFE WILL ALWAYS REPEAT FOR ALL ETERNITY AND SUDDENLY RUSHES TO HIS CLOTHING CLOSET IN HIS BEDROOM. HE QUICKLY CHANGES INTO A "SUPERMAN" COSTUME THAT HAS AN "S.S." WRITTEN ON IT FOR "SUPER SQUID." AS A NEW SUPER SQUID, SQUIDWARD PLAYS A MUSICAL RECORD OF THE CLASSIC TUNE, "THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA." AS THE TUNE REACHES ITS CLIMAX, THE SUPER SQUID, KNOWING AND FULLY ACCEPTING THAT HIS LIFE MUST ALWAYS RETURN TO HIM, JOYOUSLY JUMPS OUT HIS WINDOW AND FLIES AWAY INTO THE SUNRISE LIKE A SUPERHERO…HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD WAS ACTUALLY EXPERIENCING A DAY DREAM OF FLYING INTO THE SKY AS THE SUPER SQUID. IN REALITY, SQUIDWARD, WEARING A SUPERMAN COSTUME, DID INDEED JUMP OUT OF HIS WINDOW, BUT HE OBVIOUSLY COULD NOT FLY AND IMMEDIATELY CRASHED INTO THE GROUND BELOW AND DIED FROM THE LONG FALL, CAUSING HIM TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS FOR A MOMENT OF COMPLETE BLACKNESS. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD SOON FEELS SOMEHOW ALIVE, FEELS VERY SMALL, REALIZES HE IS TRAPPED IN A DARK TUNNEL, AND SEES A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. SQUIDWARD STRUGGLES TO REACH THE LIGHT, AND HE CRIES LIKE A BABY AS HE EXITS THE TUNNEL. A DOCTOR FISH HANDS THE NEWBORN TO HIS SQUID MOTHER AND CONGRATULATES MR. AND MRS. TENTACLES ABOUT THEIR NEW SON. THE DOCTOR FISH ASKS THEM WHAT THEY WOULD LIKE TO NAME THE CHILD. THE EXHAUSTED MRS. TENTACLES LOOKS TO HER HUSBAND, WHO LOOKS AT THE BABY, SMILES, AND NODS BACK TO HER. SHE LOOKS AT HER CUTE LITTLE SQUID AND REPLIES, "SQUIDWARD."

**TOM SURFING: DOES OUR ENTIRE LIFE SIMPLY REPEAT AFTER OUR DEATH? IS THIS LIFE THE ONLY ONE WE HAVE AND THE ONLY ONE WE WILL ALWAYS HAVE FOR ALL ETERNITY? SHOULD WE HATE OR LOVE FATE, IF SUCH A FORCE CONTROLS OUR LIFE? ULTIMATELY, THESE QUESTIONS MAY BE FOREVER ASKED AND FOREVER UNANSWERABLE. BUT ONE THING IS CERTAIN ABOUT LIFE. IF YOU HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED A MOMENT OF TREMENDOUS JOY, THEN YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T MIND IF THAT MOMENT CONTINUED FOREVER. HOWEVER, SUCH A WISH SEEMS TO IMPLY YOUR ACCEPTANCE OF ALL PREVIOUS EVENTS FULL OF BOTH JOY AND SORROW, IN YOUR OWN LIFE AND IN THE LIVES OF OTHERS, TO LIKEWISE REPEAT TO EVENTUALLY REACH THAT CHERISHED MOMENT OF EUPHORIA. A SELF-PROCLAIMED PROPHET ADVISED TO MAKE ONE'S LIFE A TRAGIC WORK OF ART AND ONCE COMMENTED ON THIS ODDITY ABOUT THE CONNECTEDNESS OF TIME. IN HIS POETIC WORDS, "ALL JOY WANTS ETERNITY, WANTS DEEP, WANTS DEEP ETERNITY!" IT APPEARS SUCH WISDOM CERTAINLY IS TRUE…FOR THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**50 EPISODE FIFTY: RUNNING DISTANCE**

**TOM SURFING: THE PAST IS ALWAYS BEHIND US, AND THE FUTURE IS ALWAYS IN FRONT OF US. IT SEEMS WE ARE STUCK IN THE PRESENT, LIKE HOPELESS TRACK RUNNERS WHO CAN NEVER SLOW DOWN OR SPEED UP ENOUGH IN THE RACE OF LIFE. MANY OF US LONG FOR THE SIMPLER CHILD DAYS OF OUR YOUTH, AND MANY OF US DREAD OUR DECAY AND OBLIVION IN OUR FUTURE GOLDEN YEARS. HOWEVER, VERY FEW OF US LEARN TO APPRECIATE THE PRESENT THANKS TO SPECIAL VISITORS…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

INSIDE A LARGE EGG-SHAPED CHAMBER THAT HAS A TRACK LAP FIELD INSIDE SANDY'S TREE DOME, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK AND SANDY ARE RUNNING A ONE-MILE MARATHON. NEAR THE CEILING OF THE LARGE CHAMBER IS A BANNER THAT READS "TRACK FIELD MILE MARATHON." AS THEY JOG, THEY DISCUSS THEIR NOSTALGIA OVER THE SIMPLICITY OF THE PAST AND THEIR PAST OPTIMISM ABOUT THE FUTURE. SPONGEBOB RECALLS HOW AS A YOUNG BOY HE ALWAYS BELIEVED HE WOULD BECOME A GREAT BOAT CAR PROFESSIONAL RACER. HOWEVER, AS A YOUNG ADULT, HE CANNOT EVEN EARN HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE SINCE HE IS A HORRIBLE DRIVER. THUS, SPONGEBOB WISHES HE WAS STILL AS NAÏVE ABOUT HIS DRIVING SKILLS AS HE WAS AS AN OPTIMISTIC CHILD FULL OF HOPE FOR THE FUTURE. SPONGEBOB ALSO RECALLS HOW SIMPLE IT WAS FOR HIM TO MAKE FAKE FOOD MEALS OUT OF SOAP BUBBLES AS A GAME WHEN HE WAS A CHILD. ALTHOUGH SPONGEBOB LIKES HIS JOB AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, HE SOMETIMES WISHES BEING A FRY COOK COULD BE AS EASY AND FREE FROM STRESS AND FATIGUE AS MAKING BUBBLE MEALS LIKE HE DID IN THE PAST. NEXT, PATRICK RECALLS HOW NO ONE CARED THAT HE WAS A DISGUSTING SLOB AS A YOUNG BOY PLAYING OUTSIDE IN THE SANDY MUD AND NEVER BATHING UNTIL HIS PARENTS WASHED HIM WITH WATER HOSES. HOWEVER, AS A YOUNG ADULT, EVERYONE RIDICULES PATRICK FOR STILL BEING A DISGUSTING SLOB PLAYING LIKE A PIG IN MUD AND NEVER BATHING WITHOUT SPONGEBOB'S RELUCTANT ASSISTANCE. THUS, PATRICK WISHES HIS HYGIENE LIFE WAS AS SIMPLE AS IT USED TO BE IN THE PAST. PATRICK ALSO RECALLS HOW HE ALWAYS THOUGHT HIS BABY FAT WOULD VANISH WHEN HE BECAME A YOUNG ADULT, BUT NOW HE IS, NEXT BUBBLE BASS, THE MOST OBESE PERSON IN BIKINI BOTTOM. THUS, PATRICK WISHES FUTURE WEIGHT LOSS WAS STILL POSSIBLE FOR HIM. FINALLY, SANDY RECALLS HOW PEOPLE IN TEXAS WOULD ALWAYS HAPPILY FEED HER THEIR NUTS WHEN SHE WAS A CUTE LITTLE GIRL SQUIRREL. HOWEVER, AS SHE GOT OLDER, ALL TEXANS WOULD AVOID HER BECAUSE THEY FEARED SHE HAD RABIES DUE TO HER FREAKISHLY LARGE FRONT TEETH. THUS, SANDY WISHES HER RELATIONSHIP WITH TEXANS DID NOT HAVE TO END LIKE IT DID IN THE PAST. SANDY ALSO RECALLS HOW, ONCE SHE CAME TO THE SEA, SHE ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WOULD BE ABLE TO GENETICALLY MODIFY HER BODY INTO THAT OF A HYBRID OF A SQUIRREL AND AN ANGEL FISH TO EASILY LIVE IN THE SEA. HOWEVER, SUCH GENETIC ENGINEERING IS NOT POSSIBLE, FORCING HER TO LIVE IN HER ASTRONAUT SUIT UNDERWATER AND ENDING HER HOPES TO FULLY INTEGRATE INTO THE OCEAN IN THE FUTURE. THE GROUP THEN DISCUSSES THEIR FEAR OVER INEVITABLE OLD AGE IN THE FUTURE THAT WILL TAKE AWAY THEIR HEALTH, BEAUTY, AND EVENTUALLY EVEN THEIR LIVES. THOUGH HE THINKS HIS BOSS MR. KRABS IS A VERY HANDSOME OLD CRAB, SPONGEBOB DOES NOT THINK HE WILL LIKEWISE GROW INTO A HOT OLD SPONGE SINCE HE DOES NOT HAVE MR. KRABS' REALLY GOOD GENES. SPONGEBOB ALSO FEARS THAT AS AN OLD HAG, HE WILL NOT BE ABLE TO WALK, RUN, GO JELLYFISHING, GET COMPLIMENTS ON HIS YOUTHFUL BABY FACE FROM BOTH GUYS AND GIRLS, BLOW ANY BUBBLES, OR EVEN CONTINUE TRYING TO EARN HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE ANYMORE. NEXT, PATRICK ALSO WISHES HE HAD MR. KRABS' ARMOR ABS BECAUSE PATRICK FEARS THAT HE WILL GROW INTO AN OLD STAR FISH WHO IS SO FAT THAT HE WILL NOT EVEN BE ABLE TO MOVE AND THAT HIS HOSPITAL CARETAKERS WILL FORCE HIM TO TAKE A BATH EVERYDAY. FINALLY, SANDY ADMITS SHE ALWAYS HAD A SMALL SILLY CRUSH ON OLD MR. KRABS DUE TO MR. KRABS' RIDICULOUSLY MANLY HANDLEBAR MOUSTACHE AND HAIRY BULKY CHEST MUSCLES HE ALWAYS FLASHED AT THE BEACH, AND SHE FEARS THAT SHE WILL DIE OF OLD AGE ALONE WITHOUT EVER FINDING AN AQUATIC LOVER SINCE NO SEA CREATURE WANTS TO MARRY A LAND CRITTER. AS THEY BEGIN TO GROW TIRED FROM THE RUN, THEY ALL AGREE THAT THEY ARE TOO PREOCCUPIED WITH THE PAST AND THE FUTURE TO ENJOY THE PRESENT. SUDDENLY, ALL THREE ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY RENDERED UNCONSCIOUS AND RECEIVE VISITS FROM THEIR PAST AND FUTURE SELVES IN THE MARATHON. BECAUSE OF FATIGUE, SPONGEBOB FAINTS AND EXPERIENCES HALLUCINATIONS. BECAUSE OF DEHYDRATION, PATRICK FALLS AND EXPERIENCES MIRAGES. BECAUSE SHE ACCIDENTALLY SLIPS AND FALLS, SANDY IS KNOCKED OUT UNCONSCIOUS AND EXPERIENCES DREAMS. IN THE VISIONS OF ALL THREE, THEY FIND THEMSELVES STILL RUNNING INSIDE THE MARATHON CHAMBER BUT NOW THE OTHER TWO RUNNERS ARE NOT THERE. INSTEAD THEY ARE RUNNING WITH A YOUNGER CHILD VERSION OF THEMSELVES AND AN OLDER SENIOR CITIZEN VERSION OF THEMSELVES. IN HIS HALLUCINATIONS, SPONGEBOB RUNS WITH A CHILD SPONGEBOB RIDING A BICYCLE WITH TRAINING WHEELS AND AN OLD MAN SPONGEBOB USING HIS ARMS TO RIDE IN HIS WHEELCHAIR. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB, RECOGNIZING THE OTHER RUNNERS AS HIS PAST AND FUTURE SELVES, ASKS THEM HOW AND WHY THEY HAVE COME TO RUN WITH HIM. THE CHILD AND OLD MAN RESPOND THAT SPONGEBOB'S DESIRE TO SEE THEM HAS CAUSED THEM TO VISIT HIM. THE CHILD TELLS HIM THAT HE WANTS TO TEACH SPONGEBOB A LESSON ABOUT THE PAST, AND THE OLD MAN TELLS HIM THAT HE WANTS TO TEACH SPONGEBOB A LESSON ABOUT THE FUTURE. THE CHILD TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THE PAST IS HIS NOW, NOT SPONGEBOB'S ANYMORE, AND THAT HAVING A YOUNG ATTITUDE TOWARDS LIFE, NOT STAYING ETERNALLY YOUNG, WILL ALLOW SPONGEBOB TO ALWAYS BE A PERSON WHO CAN HAVE FUN JUST LIKE A KID. THE CHILD ALSO TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT WISHING TO TRAVEL BACK TO THE GOOD TIMES OF THE PAST WILL PREVENT SPONGEBOB FROM LIVING THE GOOD TIMES OF THE FUTURE. SPONGEBOB THANKS THE CHILD FOR THE ADVICE. THE CHILD THEN RIDES HIS BIKE TO THE FINISH LAP AND SIMPLY VANISHES. AS THE OLD MAN AND SPONGEBOB FINISH THEIR RACE, THE OLD MAN TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT, THOUGH HE WILL NEVER EARN HIS DRIVER'S LICENSE OR BECOME AS RED HOT AS MR. KRABS, THAT HIS OLD LIFE WITH BE FULL OF MANY HAPPY MOMENTS SINCE HE WILL BECOME THE FASTEST WHEELCHAIR OLD PERSON RACER IN THE CITY AND WILL FOREVER BE REMEMBERED BY HIS GRANDCHILDREN AS THE CRIPPLE WHO IS FASTER THAN A SPEEDING NAVAL MISSILE. THE OLD MAN REMINDS SPONGEBOB THAT BEING PATIENT WITH THE PRESENT WILL ALLOW HIM TO ENJOY EVERYTHING THAT THE PRESENT MOMENT HAS TO OFFER AND THAT WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE WILL ONLY MAKE SPONGEBOB'S FEARS ABOUT HIS HEALTH COME TRUE. AS THE OLD MAN RACES TO THE FINISH LINE, SPONGEBOB THANKS HIM FOR THE ADVICE AND THE OLD MAN ALSO VANISHES. IN HIS MIRAGES, PATRICK SEES HIMSELF RUNNING WITH A CHUNKY CHILD PATRICK WEARING REALLY DIRTY RUNNING SHOES AND AN OLD MAN PATRICK WHO IS SO FAT THAT HE CAN FORM HIMSELF INTO AN ELASTIC BALL AND ROLL. PATRICK REALIZES THAT THE OTHER RUNNERS ARE FROM HIS PAST AND FUTURE AND PLEADS TO TRADE BODIES WITH HIS CHILD SELF. HOWEVER, THE CHILD AND OLD MAN TELL PATRICK TO LISTEN TO THEIR SPECIAL MESSAGES FOR HIM. THE CHILD TELLS PATRICK THAT THOUGH BECOMING AN ADULT REQUIRES HIM TO TAKE PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS HYGIENE, PATRICK CAN STILL GET EVEN DIRTIER WHEN HE PLAYS IN MUD THAN WHEN HE WAS A CHILD NOW THAT PATRICK'S BODY IS LARGER AND FULL OF BIGGER PLACES TO COVER IN DIRT. THE CHILD ASSURES PATRICK THAT BEING CLEAN AFTER PLAYING OUTSIDE WILL MAKE THE DIRTY GAMES EVEN MORE FUN WHEN HE PLAYS THEM. THE CHILD REMINDS PATRICK THAT THOUGH THE PAST IS FULL OF GOOD TIMES, THE PRESENT CAN BE FULL OF EVEN BETTER TIMES IF HE IS MORE WILLING TO NOTICE HIS PRESENT ADVANTAGES IN LIFE. PATRICK THANKS THE CHILD FOR HIS WISDOM, AND THE CHILD RUNS TO THE FINISH LINE AND VANISHES. AS THEY FINISH THEIR RACE, THE OLD MAN TELLS PATRICK THAT THOUGH HE WILL BECOME EVEN FATTER THAN BUBBLE BASS IN THE FUTURE, PATRICK WILL BALANCE HIS HUGE DIET WITH A LOT OF EXERCISE SINCE HIS FUTURE SELF CAN NOW QUICKLY ROLL AND QUICKLY BURN MANY CALORIES WHILE ROLLING LIKE A HUGE BUBBLE GUM BALL. THE OLD MAN TELLS PATRICK THAT THE FUTURE IS MEANT TO BE A SURPRISE FOR HIM SINCE HIS KNOWLEDGE OF ALL TIME WOULD SIMPLY RUIN ALL THE GOOD TIMES OF THE FUTURE. THE OLD MAN THEN REMINDS PATRICK THAT HE CAN EVEN TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIS PRESENT DISADVANTAGES, LIKE BEING A FAT PIG, TO HAVE THE BEST FUTURE POSSIBLE FOR HIM, WHICH IS THAT OF A HUGE ROLLING PINK BLOB. FINALLY, THE OLD MAN ASSURES PATRICK THAT THOUGH HE WILL NEVER HAVE THE HEALTHY AND HUSKY HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPION BOXER BODY OF MR. KRABS, PATRICK WILL STILL GREATLY ENJOY HIS NEW ABILITIES IN THE FUTURE BY STARTING TO BOTH FATTEN UP AND DO ROLLING EXERCISES IN THE PRESENT. PATRICK THANKS THE OLD MAN FOR HIS ADVICE AS THE OLD MAN ROLLS PAST THE FINISH LINE AND VANISHES. IN HER DREAMS, SANDY RACES WITH A CHILD SANDY CRAWLING ON ALL FOURS LIKE A WILD ANIMAL AND AN OLD WOMAN SANDY RUNNING WITH MECHANICAL PROSTHETIC LEGS. SANDY IS STUNNED BY HER PAST AND FUTURE SELVES AND ASKS THEM WHY THEY HAVE FINALLY COME TO HER. THEY BOTH TELL HER THAT THEY NEED TO TEACH HER ABOUT LIVING IN THE PRESENT MOMENT MORE THAN HOPING TO RETURN TO THE PAST OR WORRYING ABOUT THE FUTURE. THE CHILD TELLS SANDY THAT THOUGH HER PAST LIFE ON DRY LAND IS OVER, SHE CAN STILL BE FED SEA CREATURES' NUTS IF SHE ENTERTAINS THEM ENOUGH. THE CHILD REMINDS SANDY THAT THOSE WHO REALLY CARE FOR HER WILL ALWAYS CARE FOR HER, SO SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO CONTINUE WORRYING ABOUT THE NOW HOSTILE TEXANS SINCE THE TEXANS ARE NOT HER REAL FRIENDS, LIKE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE, AND THE TEXANS ARE MAINLY A BUNCH OF IGNORANT COWBOY HILLBILLY HICKS ANYWAY. FINALLY, THE CHILD INSTRUCTS SANDY TO REMEMBER HOW MUCH SHE LOVED BEING A WILD SQUIRREL SO SHE WILL BE SPONTANEOUS AND A FUN FRIEND IN THE PRESENT. SANDY THANKS THE CHILD FOR THE ADVICE, AND THE CHILD RACES ACROSS THE FINISH LINE AND VANISHES. AS THEY FINISH THEIR RACE, THE OLD WOMAN TELLS SANDY THAT THOUGH MR. KRABS IS WAY OUT OF HER LEAGUE, SHE WILL EVENTUALLY MARRY ANOTHER BUTTERED AND HOT CRUSTACEAN, LARRY THE LOBSTER, WHO WILL ONE DAY SAVE HER LIFE FROM GREAT WHITE SHARKS IN GOO LAGOON AND REQUIRE PROSTHETIC LIMBS LIKE SHE WILL. THE OLD WOMAN TELLS THE SHOCKED SANDY THAT THOUGH SANDY AND LARRY WILL BE PARTIAL CYBORGS, THEY WILL LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND WILL LIKEWISE HELP OTHER OLD PEOPLE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR LIMBS TO LIVE NORMAL LIVES. THE OLD WOMAN REMINDS SANDY THAT THOUGH THE FUTURE SHE WANTED WILL NOT COME TRUE, A NEW AND BETTER FUTURE WILL OCCUR FOR HER THAT SHE DID NOT EVEN EXPECT. THE OLD WOMAN ASSURES SANDY THAT HER SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE WILL LEAD TO ALL FISH RESPECTING HER AS A LAND CRITTER FOR HER PROSTHETIC INVENTIONS TO HELP CRIPPLED OLD PEOPLE IN NEED. FINALLY, THE OLD WOMAN WARNS SANDY TO STOP THINKING SO MUCH ABOUT THE PAST AND FUTURE, OTHERWISE SHE WILL LOSE HER FRIENDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DUE TO HER NEGLECT OF THEM IN THE PRESENT. AS SANDY THANKS THE OLD WOMAN FOR THE ADVICE, THE OLD WOMAN RUNS ACROSS THE FINISH LINE AND DISAPPEARS. SUDDENLY, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY FINALLY WAKE TOGETHER FROM THEIR VISIONS. THEY ARE ALL PAST THE FINISH LINE AND THE MARATHON IS OVER. THEY ALL TALK ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES WITH THEIR PAST AND FUTURE SELVES AND HOW THEY HAVE LEARNED NOT TO DWELL TOO MUCH ON THE DISTANT PAST AND FUTURE AND TO INSTEAD LIVE IN, BE FULLY CONSCIOUS OF, AND MAKE THE MOST OF THE PRESENT. THEY ALL AGREE THAT THEY HAVE LEARNED TO LIVE IN THE PRESENT MOMENT BY NOT DWELLING TOO MUCH ON THE DISTANT PAST OR FUTURE BECAUSE BOTH NOSTALGIA AND ANXIETY PREVENT THEM FROM APPRECIATING ALL THE BLESSINGS OF THE PRESENT MOMENT. THEY ALL SHARE THEIR VISIONS OF THE PAST AND FUTURE WITH EACH OTHER. THOUGH THEY AGREE THAT THE VISIONS WERE ONLY MENTAL ILLUSIONS, THEY STILL AGREE THAT THEY SHOULD ACCEPT THE PRESENT BECAUSE THE PAST IS BEHIND THEM AND THE FUTURE IS ALWAYS BECOMING THE PRESENT. THEY AGREE THAT THEY SHOULD VIEW LIFE LIKE A TRACK MARATHON AND ALWAYS FOCUS ON THE PRESENT MOMENT TO ENSURE THEY ACTUALLY ENJOY THE RACE. THEY ALL EMBRACE, PROMISE TO BE FRIENDS FOREVER, AND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LEAVE TO BUY SPORTS DRINK REFRESHMENTS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB SO THEY CAN HAVE A MAN DATE WITH THE HANDSOME AND CHARMING MR. KRABS. WHILE THEY ARE GONE, THE TIRED BUT HAPPY SANDY REMOVES THE BANNER FROM THE CHAMBER CEILING TO REVEAL WHAT WRITING IS REALLY ON THE CHAMBER CEILING. THE CEILING READS: "TIME MACHINE LIGHT-SPEED MARATHON." THUS, THE TRACK LAP FIELD CHAMBER IS ACTUALLY A TIME MACHINE AND ALL THREE RUNNERS VISITED THEIR ACTUAL PAST AND FUTURE SELVES VIA REAL TIME TRAVEL BY ACTUALLY RUNNING AT SPEEDS FASTER THAN LIGHT SPEED. SANDY PLACES EXPLOSIVES THROUGHOUT THE CHAMBER AND DECIDES SHE DOES NOT NEED OR WANT TO EXPERIMENT ANYMORE WITH THE PAST OR THE FUTURE NOW THAT HER PAST AND FUTURE SELVES HAVE TAUGHT HER TO FULLY LIVE IN THE PRESENT. SHE DETONATES THE EXPLOSIVES TO DESTROY THE TIME MACHINE CHAMBER. SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE TRACK OF TIME, SANDY KNOWS HER PAST AND FUTURE SELVES ARE HAPPY.

**TOM SURFING: NOSTALGIA AND ANXIETY SHOULD NOT BELONG TO THE PRESENT. THOUGH OUR LIFE TICKS AWAY BY THE MANY CLOCKS, MOONS, AND SUNS, THE PRESENT, OUR LOVED ONES, OUR BLESSINGS, AND OUR PASSIONS IN IT ARE ALL WE HAVE FOR THE MOMENT. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO BUILD A TIME MACHINE, JUST REMEMBER THAT THOSE WHO CANNOT EVEN APPRECIATE THE PRESENT MOMENT, ARE UNLIKELY TO FOREVER ENJOY THE PAST AND THE FUTURE. FOR NOW, TIME TRAVEL SHOULD STILL ONLY REMAIN CONFINED…TO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**END OF SEASON FIVE**

**EPISODE 51A ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE – PROLOGUE: THE DEADLIEST GAME_**

IT IS A VERY LATE NIGHT. OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN, A SMALL SPEED BOAT WITH DIM HEAD LIGHTS RACES ACROSS THE SURFACE OF THE DARK WATERS. THE CLEAR NIGHT SKY IS FULL OF COUNTLESS STARS AND A FULL MOON. INSIDE THE BOAT ARE TWO SEEMINGLY REGULAR HUMAN MALES IN THE FRONT SEATS, A DRIVER AND A PASSENGER. THE DARK NIGHT OBSCURES THEIR FACES AND BODIES LIKE SHADOWS. AS HE WAS RETURNING ALONE TO THE BEACH FROM A DAY OF SPEED BOAT RACING, THE DRIVER OF THE BOAT PICKED UP A SEEMINGLY DROWNING HITCH-HIKER IN THE DARK WATERS AND OFFERED HIM A LIFT TO THE BEACH SHORE. THE GRATEFUL PASSENGER THANKED THE DRIVER FOR SAVING HIS LIFE. HOPING TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD OF THEIR JOURNEY, THE DRIVER TURNS ON HIS BOAT RADIO MUSIC. EVENTUALLY, THEY BOTH START SINGING ALONG TO MUSIC ON THE BOAT'S RADIO AS THE BOAT HEADS TOWARDS THE SHORE OF THE NEARBY BEACH. THE SONG THEY ARE HEARING AND SINGING IS "RING OF FIRE" BY JOHNNY CASH. AS THE SONG NEARS ITS END, WATER SPLASHES INTO THE SPEEDING BOAT, DRENCHING THE TWO PEOPLE AND CAUSING THE RADIO TO BREAK DOWN. THE TWO PEOPLE NOW DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT THEIR RADIO MUSIC TO PASS THE TIME. THE DRIVER SUGGESTS THAT THEY PLAY THE GAME "NAME THAT CARTOON TUNE." THE PASSENGER AGREES. THE DRIVER LETS THE PASSENGER START THE GAME. THE PASSENGER BEGINS BY HUMMING THE THEME MUSIC TO _LOONEY TOONS_, WHICH THE DRIVER QUICKLY GUESSES CORRECTLY. THE DRIVER THEN HUMS THE THEME MUSIC TO _THE SIMPSONS_, WHICH THE PASSENGER SOON GUESSES CORRECTLY. THE PASSENGER RESPONDS BY HUMMING THE THEME MUSIC TO _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_. THE DRIVER IS UNFAMILIAR WITH THE MUSIC AND SIMPLY GIVES UP HIS TURN. THE PASSENGER REVEALS THE CARTOON SHOW'S NAME, BUT THE DRIVER IS LIKEWISE COMPLETELY UNFAMILIAR WITH THE SHOW, WHICH SHOCKS THE PASSENGER. THE PASSENGER ASKS THE DRIVER HOW HE HAS NEVER HEARD OF THE SHOW, SO THE DRIVER SIMPLY ASKS THE PASSENGER TO DESCRIBE THE SHOW TO HIM. THE PASSENGER TELLS THE DRIVER ABOUT THE WACKY SPONGEBOB, THE PIGGY PATRICK, THE ARTSY-FARTSY SQUIDWARD, THE CRABBY MR. KRABS, THE MISCHIEVOUS MIDGET PLANKTON, THE PUSSY SNAIL GARY, AND THE GENIUS HICK SANDY. HOWEVER, THE DRIVER CALLS THE SHOW THE WORST IDEA FOR TELEVISION IN HISTORY AND URGES THE PASSENGER TO SIMPLY CONTINUE THE GAME, MUCH TO THE PASSENGER'S ANNOYANCE. AS THE PASSENGER TRIES TO THINK OF MORE T.V. SHOW MUSIC, THE DRIVER TELLS HIM THAT HE WANTS TO PLAY A VERY DEADLY GAME. THE DRIVER SUDDENLY SHUTS OFF THE HEADLIGHTS OF THE BOAT AND SPEEDS TOWARD MANY BUOYS IN THE OPEN WATER. THE PASSENGER YELPS IN PROTEST AS THE DRIVER ZOOMS TOWARD AND THEN BARELY DODGES THE FLOATING BUOYS. AFTER SEVERAL CLOSE MISSES, THE LAUGHING DRIVER FINALLY TURNS BACK ON THE HEADLIGHTS OF THE BOAT, SLOWS DOWN, AND STOPS PLAYING THE DEADLY GAME. THE UPSET PASSENGER ANGRILY DEMANDS THAT THE DRIVER NEVER DOES THE DEADLY STUNTS AGAIN. THE DRIVER, WHO IS LAUGHING SO MUCH THAT HE IS CRYING, AGREES TO STOP AND AGAIN URGES THE PASSENGER TO CONTINUE THE MUSIC GAME. AFTER A MOMENT OF SILENCE, THE PASSENGER ASKS THE DRIVER IF HE LIKES SCARY AND MACABRE CARTOON SHOWS LIKE _THE SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR_, TO WHICH THE DRIVER ADMITS THAT HE DOES. THE PASSENGER THEN HUMS THE MUSIC THEME TO _SCOOBY-DOO_, WHICH THE DRIVER INCORRECTLY GUESSES AS _COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG_ BEFORE FINALLY GUESSING CORRECTLY. AS THE DRIVER THINKS OF WHAT MUSIC TO HUM, THE PASSENGER SUDDENLY STARTS HUMMING THE THEME MUSIC TO _THE TIDAL ZONE_, WHICH SOUNDS SIMILAR TO THE THEME MUSIC OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_. THE DRIVER IS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE CREEPY MUSIC, BECOMES SCARED BY THE EERIE TUNE, AND DEMANDS THAT THE PASSENGER WAIT HIS TURN. HOWEVER, THE PASSENGER CLAIMS THAT THEY ARE FINALLY CLOSE TO THE BEACH AND TELLS THE DRIVER THAT HE WANTS TO END THE MUSIC GAME SO HE CAN SHOW THE DRIVER AN EVEN DEADLIER GAME THAN THE ONE THE DRIVER PREVIOUSLY PLAYED. THE DRIVER HESITATES BEFORE AGREEING TO PLAY THE NEW DEADLY GAME. THE PASSENGER TELLS THE DRIVER TO SHUT OFF THE HEADLIGHTS OF THE BOAT AND TO PARK THE BOAT NEXT TO A BUOY, WHICH THE CURIOUS DRIVER QUICKLY DOES. AS THE DRIVER ASKS THE PASSENGER WHAT THEY ARE ABOUT TO DO, THE PASSENGER SIMPLY TELLS THE DRIVER TO LOOK INTO THE DARK WATERS ON HIS SIDE OF THE BOAT. THE DRIVER LOOKS INTO THE WATERS AND SEES A BALL OF LIGHT APPROACHING THE SURFACE. AS THE LIGHT GROWS CLOSER, THE EXCITED DRIVER LAUGHS AND ASKS IF THE LIGHT IS A HUGE JELLYFISH CAPABLE OF SHOCKING THEM BOTH. WITHOUT LOOKING AT THE WATERS HIMSELF, THE PASSENGER CALMLY REMARKS, "YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT…A LITTLE DEADLIER THOUGH." AS THE DRIVER LEANS TOWARDS THE SHINING LIGHT, A GIANT ANGLERFISH BURSTS OUT OF THE DARK WATERS, JUMPS IN MID-AIR, SWALLOWS THE DRIVER WHOLE, HOPS OVER THE BOAT, AND CRASHES BACK INTO THE WATERS. THE NOW ALONE PASSENGER LIFTS A SMOKING LIGHTER TO HIS CONCEALED FACE TO REVEAL THE FACE OF "DAFFY DUCK" FROM _LOONEY TOONS_. DAFFY DUCK QUACKS WITH LAUGHTER BEFORE PULLING OFF HIS FACE WHICH IS ACTUALLY A MASK. UNDERNEATH THE MASK IS THE FACE OF "HOMER SIMPSON" FROM _THE SIMPSONS_. HOMER SIMPSON SIMPLY SLAPS HIS HEAD AND SHOUTS, "DOH!" HOMER SIMPSON THEN PULLS OFF HIS FACE WHICH IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER MASK. UNDERNEATH THE MASK IS THE FACE OF "SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS" FROM _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS WINKS AT THE VIEWER AND HYSTERICALLY LAUGHS. SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS THEN PULLS OFF HIS FACE WHICH IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER MASK. UNDERNEATH THE MASK IS THE FACE OF "SCOOBY-DOO" FROM _SCOOBY-DOO_. SCOOBY-DOO GIGGLES AND BARKS. SCOOBY-DOO THEN PULLS OFF HIS FACE WHICH IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER MASK. UNDERNEATH THE MASK IS THE FACE OF "COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG" FROM _COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG_. COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG SMILES WITH HIS DEFORMED TEETH AND WILDLY LAUGHS. COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG PULLS OFF HIS FACE WHICH IS ACTUALLY ANOTHER MASK. UNDERNEATH THE MASK IS A CARTOON VERSION OF THE FACE OF "ROD SERLING" FROM _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_. ROD SERLING SMIRKS AND PULLS OUT A CUBAN CIGAR. ROD SERLING REMARKS, "SUBMITTED FOR YOUR APPROVAL…" FINALLY, ROD SERLING PULLS OFF HIS FACE, WHICH IS ACTUALLY THE FINAL MASK, TO REVEAL THE TRUE FACE AND IDENTITY OF THE PASSENGER. THE FACE IS A BARE HUMAN SKULL, AND THE PASSENGER IS NARRATOR TOM SURFING HIMSELF FROM _THE TIDAL ZONE_. TOM SURFING APOLOGIZES TO THE AUDIENCE FOR HIS USE OF MANY MASKS AND A FALSE ACCENT TO HIDE HIS REAL IDENTITY, BUT CLAIMS THAT HE ALWAYS LOVES TWIST ENDINGS AND LOVES TWIST BEGINNINGS EVEN MORE. AS HE FINALLY LIGHTS HIS CUBAN CIGAR AND CHEWS ON IT IN HIS JAW, TOM SURFING SMILES, WELCOMES THE VIEWERS TO _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE_, AND REMINDS THEM THAT SMOKING IS THE DEADLIEST GAME OF ALL TIME ON BOTH LAND AND SEA.

**TOM SURFING: BOO, DID THAT SCARE YOU? BOO! SORRY ABOUT THE VIOLENCE, BUT THAT SILLY RECKLESS DRIVER SHOULD HAVE SEEN THAT ONE COMING LIKE I'M SURE YOU DID. I ALSO MUST APOLOGIZE FOR MY POOR ACCENT AND SPLIT PERSONALITIES, BUT I DID NOT WANT TO SPOIL THE CHILLS FOR YOU. DON'T YOU JUST LOVE DISTURBING CARTOONS AND CAMEOS? I KNOW I SURE DO. ANYWAYS, YOU KNOW I LOVE TWIST ENDINGS, BUT I REALLY LOVE TWIST BEGINNINGS EVEN MORE. BUT IT'S TIME FOR AN IMPORTANT LIFE LESSON: THOSE WHO ARE IGNORANT OF THE TIDAL ZONE ARE DOOMED TO BECOME ITS NEXT VICTIMS, AND THOSE WHO LOVE DEADLY GAMES MAY ONE DAY BECOME VICTIMS TO THEM AS WELL. ON THAT DARK NOTE, WELCOME TO ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE_****, THE SERIES FINALE! THIS IS YOUR HOST TOM SURFING INVITING YOU FOR THE LAST THREE CREEPIEST AND LONGEST TALES OF OUR CLASSIC RIP-OFF CARTOON SHOW. KEEP YOUR LIMBS CLOSE AND SEATBELTS ON DURING THE BOAT RIDE AT ALL TIMES, ENJOY YOUR FINAL ENTRANCE AND EXIT THROUGH THE TIDAL ZONE, AND ALWAYS REMEMBER TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND SAFE IN ALL UNKNOWN ZONES BY RECALLING ONE SIMPLE TRUTH: LIKE COLD WAR NUCLEAR CHESS, SMOKING IS THE WORST INVENTION OF MAN AND IS ALSO THE DEADLIEST GAME OF ALL TIME…BOTH INSIDE AND OUTSIDE THE TIDAL ZONE! **

**EPISODE 51B ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART ONE - JUDGMENT KNIGHT_**

**TOM SURFING: WELCOME ALL YOU CREEPY LITTLE KIDS TO ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE _****HALLOWEEN SPECIAL! TONIGHT YOU WILL EXPERIENCE A TERRIFYING LESSON YOU WILL NEVER FORGET. KARMA AND JUSTICE ARE SAID TO PUNISH THE WICKED WHO TORMENT OTHERS FOR THEIR OWN TWISTED PLEASURE. BULLYING IS EVENTUALLY EXPERIENCED BY EVERYONE IN LIFE, AND EVERYONE HOPES THAT BULLIES ONE DAY GET A GOOD TASTE OF THEIR OWN SICKENING MEDICINE. SO FOR ALL BULLIES OUT THERE, CONSIDER THIS HAUNTING TALE A FAIR WARNING, NOT FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU, BUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU DARE TO SHOW LITTLE RESPECT FOR YOUR FELLOW MAN AND…FOR THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IT IS HALLOWEEN NIGHT. ALL TRICK-OR-TREATERS ARE SCARED OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD BULLY, FLATS THE FLOUNDER. FLATS IS DRESSED AS "THE ELEPHANT MAN," AN ELEPHANT COSTUME WITH A DEFORMED FAT BODY, INCLUDING WOOLY MAMMOTH FUR, FREAKISHLY LARGE EARS, LARGE FEET, LITTLE ARMS, A LONG THIN TAIL, AND TINY TUSKS. FLATS IS KNOWN FOR PLAYING DANGEROUS AND SCARY PRANKS ON EVERYONE ELSE DURING HALLOWEEN. THROUGHOUT THE LONG, DARK HALLOWEEN NIGHT, FLATS PERFORMS THE FOLLOWING SICK, SADISTIC PRANKS: HE STEALS AND EATS CANDY FROM YOUNG CHILDREN AND BABIES; HE THROWS CHUM FOOD AND ROTTEN KRABBY PATTIES AT PEOPLE'S HOMES, AT TRICK-OR-TREATER GROUPS, AND AT DRIVING BOAT CARS; HE FILLS PUBLIC SANDBOXES FULL OF PLAYING CHILDREN WEARING GOBLIN COSTUMES WITH DIRTY SNAIL LITTER; HE SNEAKS UP ON AND SCARES PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY OLD PEOPLE, WITH HIS UGLY COSTUME; HE STEALS PEOPLE'S CANDY BAGS AND REPLACES THEM WITH VEGETABLE BAGS THAT EVERYONE HATES AND VOMITS FROM EATING; HE LEAVES CHEWED BUBBLE GUM ON THE STREETS TO CAUSE PEOPLE TO GET PERMANENTLY STUCK TO THE GROUND; HE RINGS PEOPLE'S HOME DOOR BELLS, CAUSING THEM TO OFFER HIM CANDY, THOUGH HE ONLY SMASHES THE CANDY BOWLS INTO THE PEOPLE'S FACES AS A TRICK ON THEM BEFORE TAKING ALL OF THE CANDY AS A TREAT FOR HIMSELF; HE CALLS POLICE TO REPORT THAT MONSTERS ARE AFTER HIM, CAUSING THE CONCERNED POLICE FISH TO ASK HIM WHERE AND WHO HE IS, BUT HE ONLY RESPONDS THAT HE FEELS LIKE HE IS IN A THRILLER MOVIE AND THAT THE FREAKS ALWAYS COME OUT AT NIGHT BEFORE PLAYING THE HALLOWEEN SONGS "THRILLER" AND "THE FREAKS COME OUT AT NIGHT" ON THE PHONE TO THE POLICE AS PRANK PHONE CALLS (AT THE POLICE STATION, THE GREAT MUSIC CAUSES THE YOUNG ROOKIE COPS TO DANCE, BUT THE OLD COPS SIMPLY SHOOT THEM FOR DANCING TO THE PRANKS); HE LEAVES CHOPPED ONIONS ALL OVER THE PLACE TO CAUSE PEOPLE TO HYSTERICALLY CRY WHILE HE MERCILESSLY BEATS THEM UP AND TELLS THE HELPLESS VICTIMS TO STOP ACTING LIKE CRY BABIES; AND FINALLY, HE PERSONALLY TERRORIZES THE SPONGY NERD WHOM HE DESPISES THE MOST. FLATS TORMENTS THE WEAKLING SPONGEBOB AND SPONGEBOB'S FIVE BEST FRIENDS, INCLUDING GARY, PATRICK, SQUIDWARD, SANDY, AND MR. KRABS. AT HIS PINEAPPLE HOME, SPONGEBOB TAKES OFF HIS "INVISIBLE MAN" BANDAGES COSTUME AND RETURNS FROM TRICK-OR-TREATING TO FEED CANDY TO GARY AS A SPECIAL DINNER. HOWEVER, FLATS CALLS SPONGEBOB TO ANONYMOUSLY TELL HIM THERE IS AN ELEPHANT IN ONE OF THE ROOMS OF HIS HOME. SPONGEBOB DEMANDS TO KNOW WHO THE CALLER IS, BUT FLATS HANGS UP THE CELL PHONE. THINKING THE CALLER IS WARNING HIM ABOUT GARY'S SECRETS KEPT FROM HIS AS METAPHORICAL ELEPHANTS IN THE ROOM, SPONGEBOB WITHHOLDS CANDY FROM GARY AND DEMANDS THAT GARY REVEAL HIS METAPHORICAL SKELETONS IN HIS CLOSETS. THE ANNOYED GARY TAKES SPONGEBOB TO THE CLOSETS OF THE HOME TO REVEAL THAT GARY HAS SECRETLY HIDDEN MANY FISH BONES AS CHEWING TOYS IN THE CLOSETS. AS SPONGEBOB SCOLDS GARY, THE LIGHTS IN HIS HOME GO OUT. A REALISTIC ELEPHANT NOISE IS HEARD IN THE HOME AND FLATS, IMITATING AN ELEPHANT'S VOCAL SOUNDS AND DRESSED IN HIS ELEPHANT MAN COSTUME, PROCEEDS TO CHASE THE FRIGHTENED SPONGEBOB AND GARY THROUGHOUT THE DARK HOME. AFTER KICKING AND CRACKING GARY'S SNAIL SHELL, FLATS REPEATEDLY STOMPS ON THE HELPLESS AND PLEADING SPONGEBOB TO FLATTEN HIS SPONGY BODY ON THE FLOOR. FLATS TURNS ON THE HOME RADIO TO PLAY SCARY RADIO DRAMA PROGRAMS TO TORMENT THE DEFEATED AND FALLEN SPONGEBOB AND GARY AND LEAVES THE INJURED SPONGEBOB AND GARY IN THE HOME. FLATS THEN GOES TO PATRICK'S ROCK HOME WHERE PATRICK TAKES OFF HIS "_MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE_ ORANGUTAN" COSTUME; EATS A LARGE BOWL OF POPCORN COVERED IN BUTTER, SALT, HOT SAUCE, AND SUGAR; AND WATCHES SCARY MONSTER MOVIES. FLATS SNEAKS INTO THE DARK HOME AND WHISPERS PATRICK'S NAME TO FRIGHTEN PATRICK. PATRICK PAUSES THE HORROR MOVIES AND NERVOUSLY SEARCHES WITH A FLASH LIGHT THROUGHOUT HIS DARK HOME FOR THE SCARY INTRUDER. FLATS REPEATEDLY PLAYS THE TELEVISION WHEN PATRICK IS NOT NEAR IT TO FRIGHTEN PATRICK, WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING AND FEARS A GHOST MAY BE HAUNTING HIS HOME. LIKE A LARGE SAND SHARK, FLATS HIDES UNDER AND MOVES UNDER THE SANDY FLOOR OF PATRICK'S HOME TO PREY ON HIM. AS THE SCARED PATRICK RUNS THROUGHOUT HIS DARK HOME, FLATS CREEPILY SINGS: "ONE, TWO, ELEPHANT MAN IS FOLLOWING YOU; THREE, FOUR, HE'S ALREADY LOCKED YOUR DOORS; FIVE, SIX, YOU'RE NOW FOOD IN HIS MIX; SEVEN, EIGHT, YOU ALREADY FELL FOR HIS BAIT; NINE, TEN, YOU'LL NEVER LIVE AGAIN!" AS PATRICK TREMBLES AND HIDES BEHIND HIS T.V., FLATS EMERGES FROM UNDER THE SAND AND SMASHES THE T.V. INTO PATRICK TO KNOCK HIM UNCONSCIOUS. FLATS THEN LEAVES TO SQUIDWARD'S EASTER ISLAND TIKI HEAD HOME. SQUIDWARD TAKES OFF HIS "FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER" COSTUME, LIES IN BED, AND READS HORROR STORIES BY CANDLE LIGHT. AS SQUIDWARD READS A STORY ABOUT A MONSTER BREAKING INTO AND STOMPING UP THE STAIRS OF SOMEONE'S HOME, FLATS STOMPS UP THE STAIRS OF SQUIDWARD'S HOME AND BREATHES HEAVILY LIKE AN ANGRY BEAST. THE SCARED SQUIDWARD HIDES UNDER HIS BED AND FLATS REPEATEDLY WHISPERS FOR SQUIDWARD TO FIND HIM AS SQUIDWARD'S CANDLES GO OUT. SQUIDWARD SQUINTS TO SEARCH FOR THE UNKNOWN INTRUDER IN THE DARKNESS, BUT HE ONLY SEES HIS MANY ARTISTIC PAINTINGS, STATUES, AND DOLLS OF HIMSELF ACROSS THE BEDROOM. THE VOICE SEEMS TO BE EMANATING FROM THE WORKS OF ART. FINALLY, FLATS JUMPS ON THE BED TO CRUSH AND INJURE SQUIDWARD. THE WEAKENED SQUIDWARD SCREAMS IN PROTEST AS FLATS DESTROYS HIS ARTISTIC WORKS AND HORROR BOOKS BEFORE LEAVING. FLATS THEN TRAVELS TO MR. KRABS' ANCHOR HOME, WHERE MR. KRABS TAKES OFF HIS "DRACULA VAMPIRE" COSTUME AND THEN SIMULTANEOUSLY BINGE EATS ON CHOCOLATE CANDIES AND COUNTS MONEY. FLATS SIMPLY CHARGES INTO THE HOME AND STAMPEDES LIKE AN ELEPHANT TO DESTROY MR. KRABS' MONEY AND CANDY PILES. THE LETHARGIC MR. KRABS IS KNOCKED OVER, IS SO FULL OF FOOD THAT HE CANNOT MOVE, AND IS NEARLY CRUSHED AND DROWNED BY HIS LARGE COLLAPSING PILES OF MONEY AND CANDY, MOST OF WHICH FLATS STEALS AS MR. KRABS VOMITS AND CRIES IN PROTEST. FINALLY, FLATS LEAVES TO SANDY'S TREE DOME, WHERE HE CURIOUSLY WATCHES SANDY TAKE OFF HER "WOLF MAN" COSTUME, CHANGE INTO HER PAJAMAS, AND GO TO SLEEP IN HER TREE HOUSE. FLATS SIMPLY CHARGES AGAINST THE TREE DOME GLASS, CAUSING IT TO CRACK AND BREAK TO FLOOD THE TREE DOME WITH WATER. THE WEAKENED AND DROWNING SANDY QUICKLY PUTS ON HER ASTRONAUT SUIT. SHE IS REALLY SLEEPY AND HIDES IN HER TREE HOUSE FROM FLATS, WHO THROWS PUMPKIN PIES INTO THE TREE HOUSE TO HIT SANDY AND RAMS INTO THE TREE TO KNOCK IT OVER. AS THE TREE COLLAPSES TO LIKEWISE BREAK APART SANDY'S TREE HOUSE, FLATS LEAVES THE WRECKAGE BEHIND AND PREPARES TO FINALLY END HIS FUN NIGHT OF TERRORS. HOWEVER, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN EXITS FROM A NEARBY SEWER MANHOLE AND SECRETLY STALKS FLATS. THE GHOST WANTS TO GIVE HIM A TASTE OF HIS OWN SCARY MEDICINE TO PUNISH HIM FOR HIS CRIMES. THE INJURED SANDY MANAGES TO CALL THE POLICE TO REPORT THE ELEPHANT MAN'S CRIMES. BECAUSE HE WAS DRESSED IN HIS ELEPHANT MAN COSTUME, NONE OF HIS VICTIMS KNEW FLATS' TRUE IDENTITY. FOLLOWING HIS LARGE ELEPHANT FOOT PRINTS, THE INVESTIGATING POLICE FISH FIND THE JOLLY FLATS EATING CANDY NEAR THE CITY CEMETERY, AND THEY CHASE FLATS TO ARREST HIM FOR HIS CRUEL AND DANGEROUS PRANKS. WHEN FLATS EVADES THEM BY RUNNING INTO A DARK ALLEY, HIS SUPERNATURAL NIGHTMARE BEGINS AS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TRANSFORMS ALL OF FLATS' RECENT VICTIMS AND ALL OTHER TRICK-OR-TREATERS INTO THE REAL MONSTERS OF THEIR HALLOWEEN COSTUMES TO TORMENT FLATS AS PUNISHMENT FOR HIS CRIMES. BLACK ALLEY SNAILS SUDDENLY ROAR LIKE LIONS AND SMELLY HOBO FISH FROM TRASH CANS BEG AND CHASE FLATS FOR MONEY, CANDY, AND SOAP. THE SCARED FLATS SEEKS REFUGE IN THE NEARBY CHUM BUCKET FROM THE LION SNAILS, THE SMELLY HOBOS, AND THE POLICE FISH. THE POLICE FISH ARE NOW DRESSED AS DUCK HUNTERS WITH QUACKING WHISTLES AND THEIR HUNTING GUNS HAVE BEEN SET FOR "SHOOT TO KILL" ORDERS FOR THE HUNTING SEASON OF CHICKENS LIKE FLATS. THE POLICE DUCK HUNTERS RUN AFTER THEIR PREY AND UNLOAD SHOTGUN AMMUNITION AND THROW GRENADES AT THE ESCAPING FLATS. AS THE SHAKING FLATS ENTERS THE CHUM BUCKET, HE WITNESSES PLANKTON, WHO IS "DR. JEKYLL" FOR HALLOWEEN, IN A LAB COAT DRINKING A POTION. THE POTION TURNS PLANKTON INTO A HIDEOUS OLD HAG VERSION OF HIMSELF THAT HAS SHARP SHARK TEETH AS A KIND OF "MR. HYDE" MONSTER. THE MAD SCIENTIST PLANKTON BLAMES THE INTRUDER FLATS FOR HIS EXPERIMENT OF SEPARATING THE GOOD AND EVIL HALVES OF HIS PERSONALITY MAKING HIM INTO A MONSTER. THE MONSTER HYDE PLANKTON GRABS A DART GUN FULL OF DARTS CONTAINING THE POTION AND BEGINS FIRING AT AND CHASING FLATS TO LIKEWISE MAKE FLATS INTO A HIDEOUS, OLD HAG "MR. HYDE" MONSTER. FLATS SCREAMS AND FLEES OUT OF THE CHUM BUCKET. TO ESCAPE THE MONSTER HYDE PLANKTON, FLATS RELUCTANTLY HIDES IN THE NEARBY CITY MORGUE, BUT THE BODIES OF THE DECEASED, STILL COVERED IN BLACK BODY BAGS, CRAWL AND LIMP AFTER HIM AS GROANING ZOMBIES. AS FLATS TRIES TO ESCAPE THE MORGUE, PATRICK, WHO IS NOW A LITERAL WILD ORANGUTAN WITH FISH GILLS, APPEARS IN THE MORGUE. THE ORANGUTAN PATRICK IS ARMED WITH SHAVING CREAM AND RAZORS AND WANTS TO SHAVE FLATS' WOOLY FUR. THE ORANGUTAN PATRICK PAINFULLY SHAVES OFF SOME OF FLATS' COSTUME HAIR, LITERAL HAIR, AND LITERAL FISH SCALES. THE INJURED FLATS HYSTERICALLY BUMPS INTO AND DODGES THE MOANING ZOMBIES AND THE HOPPING AND SCREECHING APE PATRICK, CHARGES THROUGH THE MORGUE AND ESCAPES OUT OF IT, AND RUNS TOWARDS HIS HOME. HOWEVER, THE FULL MOON ABOVE IN THE SKY IS MET WITH A CHILLING WOLF HOWL THAT CAUSES FLATS TO FREEZE AND HIDE IN NEARBY BUSHES. SANDY, CRAWLING LIKE A WILD ANIMAL ON ALL FOURS, IS NOW A WEREWOLF-LIKE, CARNIVOROUS SQUIRREL MONSTER. SHE EASILY SMELLS FLATS, THINKS FLATS IS A GIANT ACORN, AND CHASES HIM TO EAT HIM. STILL COVERED IN BUSH LEAVES, FLATS CRIES, RUNS, AND CRASHES INTO LIGHT POLES, DRIVING BOAT CARS, AND TRASH CANS THROUGHOUT THE CITY STREETS. CHOCOLATE COVERED NUTS SPILL OUT OF THE FALLEN TRASH CANS, CAUSING THE MONSTER WOLF SANDY TO STOP CHASING FLATS TO EAT THE NUTS. THE TIRED AND DISORIENTED FLATS PANTS AND RUNS INTO THE FIRST NEARBY HOME HE CAN FIND. HOWEVER, HE SOON REALIZES THAT HE IS NOW IN THE ANCHOR HOME OF MR. KRABS AGAIN. MR. KRABS, NOW A REAL "COUNT DRACULA" VAMPIRE, RISES AS A BAT OUT FROM A BLACK COFFIN, TURNS INTO A MONSTROUS CRAB WITH VAMPIRE FANGS AND A COUNT DRACULA APPEARANCE, AND REPEATEDLY BITES FLATS SINCE THE VAMPIRE MR. KRABS BELIEVES THAT FLATS' BLOOD CONTAINS GOLD. AS THE MONSTER VAMPIRE MR. KRABS BITES DOWN HARD ON FLATS' BUTT MANY TIMES, FLATS SCREAMS IN PAIN AND KICKS THE MONSTER AWAY. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD, NOW A REAL "FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER," BREAKS INTO THE HOME AND THROWS OBJECTS IN THE HOME AT FLATS. THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER SQUIDWARD KNOWS THAT FLATS DESTROYED HIS FAVORITE CLARINET, WHOSE MUSIC COMFORTED HIS MONSTROUS UGLINESS. AS THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER SQUIDWARD PELTS FLATS WITH OBJECTS AND USES HIS BIG NOSE AS A BLUDGEON TO BEAT FLATS, THE VAMPIRE MONSTER MR. KRABS ATTACKS THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER SQUIDWARD TO BITE HIS NOSE AND SUCK HIS NOSTRIL BLOOD AND SNOT FOR GOLD. FLATS USES THE MONSTER FIGHT TO FLEE. THE INJURED FLATS LIMPS ACROSS THE DARK NEIGHBORHOOD STREETS THAT APPEAR TO BE EMPTY AND SILENT EXCEPT FOR FLATS' FOOTSTEPS AND HIS PAINFUL GRUNTS FROM HIS INJURIES. HOWEVER, FLATS SEES A SHADOWY FIGURE FOLLOWING HIM FROM BEHIND. THE FIGURE IS SQUARE, COVERED IN BANDAGES, AND IS WEARING SUNGLASSES AND A DETECTIVE TRENCH COAT. FLATS RECOGNIZES THE FIGURE AS SPONGEBOB AND DEMANDS THAT SPONGEBOB STOP STALKING HIM. SPONGEBOB, NOW AS AN "INVISIBLE MAN," SIMPLY REMOVES ALL HIS CLOTHING TO REVEAL THAT HE IS INVISIBLE. THE INVISIBLE MONSTER SPONGEBOB REPEATEDLY MOANS LIKE A GHOST AND REPEATEDLY TRIPS AND PUSHES FLATS TO THE GROUND. THE WEAKENED FLATS STRUGGLES TO FIGHT BACK, BUT HE CANNOT SEE THE INVISIBLE MONSTER SPONGEBOB. AS HE REPEATEDLY THROWS CANDY BAGS AT FLATS, THE INVISIBLE MONSTER SPONGEBOB ASSURES FLATS THAT HIS PUNISHMENT IS NOT BLIND VENGEANCE, BUT IS JUSTICE SINCE SPONGEBOB IS NOW TORMENTING HIS FORMER TORMENTOR TO MAKE HIM FEEL THE PAIN HE HAS ALWAYS INFLICTED ON OTHERS SO HE WILL NEVER BULLY OTHERS AGAIN. SUDDENLY, GARY, NOW WITH A SNAIL BODY AND A LION HEAD, APPEARS FROM BEHIND FLATS AND BITES HIS BUTT. FLATS STRUGGLES TO RUN AND PAINFULLY RIPS THE LION GARY OFF HIS BUTT AS THE LION GARY MANAGES TO BITE OFF A LARGE FISHY CHUNK OF FLATS' BUTT. THE INVISIBLE MONSTER SPONGEBOB LAUGHS AND CONTINUES HIS BEATING OF FLATS ALL THE WAY TO THE CITY CEMETERY, WHERE FISH SKELETON HANDS FROM THE GROUND TRY TO GRASP AT FLATS TO DRAG HIM INTO THEIR ZOMBIE TOMBS. DRAGGING MANY DISEMBODIED FISHY SKELETAL LIMBS THAT RIP APART HIS COSTUME AND SCRATCH HIS SKIN, FLATS STUMBLES OUT OF THE CEMETERY BACK INTO THE CITY STREETS. THE INVISIBLE MONSTER SPONGEBOB'S MOCKING LAUGHTER CONTINUES TO FOLLOW HIM. ON THE CITY STREETS, FISH BABIES IN CARRIAGES ARE NOW EVIL LIVING DOLLS THAT THROW THEIR PACIFIERS, MILK BOTTLES, AND RATTLERS AT FLATS; HYSTERICALLY CRY TO HURT FLATS' EARS; AND BUMP THEIR CARRIAGES INTO HIM TO REPEATEDLY KNOCK HIM OVER AND CHASE HIM DOWN THE STREETS. FROM THE NIGHT SKY, THE SENIOR CITIZENS, WHO ARE NOW REAL HAG WITCHES AND HAG WIZARDS, FROM SHADY SHOALS RIDE BROOMSTICKS AND MAGIC CARPETS AND CAST BLACK MAGIC SPELLS ON FLATS THAT STRIKE HIM WITH FIRE BALLS, HAIL, AND LIGHTNING BOLTS. ALSO FROM THE DARK SKY, ALIEN FLYING SAUCERS, WHICH WERE PREVIOUSLY DECORATED REGULAR BOAT CARS, SHOOT LASER BEAMS AT FLATS. THE FROSTBITTEN, BURNED, HUMILIATED, AND CRYING FLATS FAILS TO EVADE HIS ATTACKERS AND CRASHES INTO LIVING TRASH CANS, MAIL BOXES, AND HOMES THAT TRY TO EAT FLATS WITH MONSTROUS JAWS AND SHOOT MAIL, TRASH, AND FURNITURE AT HIM TO CAUSE HIM TO REPEATEDLY WHIMPER AND FALL. AS FLATS HEADS ON DIRT ROADS TOWARDS GOO LAGOON BEACH TO ESCAPE THE MONSTROUS CITY, FOUR HEADLESS FISH HORSEMEN, DRESSED AS COLONIAL-ERA SOLDIERS AND RIDING MONSTROUS ZOMBIE SEAHORSES, RIDE AFTER HIM AND PELT THEIR PUMPKIN HEADS AT HIM, CAUSING HIM TO CONSTANTLY STUMBLE AND SLIP IN THE MESS. THE LIMPING FLATS MANAGES TO THROW SEVERAL CHUNKS OF PUMPKINS BACK AT THE HEADLESS RIDERS TO KNOCK THEM OFF THEIR ZOMBIE SEAHORSES, BUT THE ZOMBIE SEAHORSES STAMPEDE OVER FLATS AND CONTINUE TO RUN PAST HIM INTO THE NIGHT. FLATS STRUGGLES TO PICK HIMSELF UP AND WHEEZES AS HE STOPS RUNNING AND CATCHES HIS BREATH FOR A MOMENT. HOWEVER, A MOB OF MONSTERS MARCHES AFTER HIM FROM THE CITY. THE MONSTERS INCLUDE YOUNG AND POWERFUL VERSIONS OF THE ARCHENEMIES OF MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY (MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, THE MOTH, JUMBO SHRIMP, SINISTER SLUG, AND ATOMIC FLOUNDER); EGYPTIAN PHARAOH MUMMIES; GILL-MEN; SPANISH DIABLOS; HUNCHBACKS; SAND PEOPLE; GREY ALIENS; AND EVEN FURRY MONSTERS RESEMBLING _SESAME STREET_ MUPPET CHARACTERS. THE MONSTER MOB SCREAMS HIS NAME, RUSHES ALONG THE DIRT ROADS, THROWS AND FIRES THEIR WEAPONS AT HIM, BEATS HIM, AND CONTINUES TO CHASE HIM ALL THE WAY TO GOO LAGOON. EVENTUALLY, HIS HOWLING, HISSING, AND GROWLING TORMENTORS SIMPLY STOP CHASING FLATS AS THE PANTING FLATS WILDLY CRAWLS ON ALL FOURS AND FINALLY REACHES GOO LAGOON. FLATS FALLS TO THE SANDY FLOOR FROM EXHAUSTION AND CRITICAL INJURIES. EVEN THOUGH NO ONE SEEMS TO BE CHASING HIM ANY LONGER, THE TREMBLING FLATS CONTINUES TO CRAWL TO THE BEACH WATERS FOR SAFETY. SUDDENLY, A MURDER OF CROWS, WHICH WERE PREVIOUSLY SEAGULLS BEFORE THEIR MONSTROUS TRANSFORMATIONS, DIVES INTO THE SEA FROM THE DARK SKY ABOVE AND TRIES TO EAT HIM. THE LOUD, ANGRY CROWS PECK AT HIM, DEFECATE ON HIM, AND EVEN PICK HIM UP MID-AIR IN THEIR TALONS SEVERAL TIMES TO TRY TO FLY OFF WITH HIM. FLATS USES HIS LAST OUNCES OF ENERGY AND WILL POWER TO FIGHT OFF THE LOUD AND ANGRY CROWS, WHO ARE UNABLE TO FLY OFF WITH HIM DUE TO THE HEAVY WEIGHT OF HIS RIPPED ELEPHANT MAN COSTUME. FLATS FINALLY REACHES THE WATERS AND DIVES INTO THEM FOR SAFETY FROM THE CROWS. A GIANT RAVEN, THE LEADER OF THE CROWS, ABOVE HIM CONTINUALLY SCREECHES, "YOU WILL BULLY, NEVERMORE!" AS FLATS SWIMS IN THE SHALLOW WATERS, FLATS LOOKS INTO THEM TO SEE HOW BADLY HE HAS BEEN BEATEN UP. TO HIS ABSOLUTE HORROR, FLATS' BRUISED AND CUT REFLECTION IN THE WATERS REVEALS THAT HE HAS TRANSFORMED INTO THE REAL DEFORMED ELEPHANT MAN OF HIS COSTUME. THE ELEPHANT MAN MONSTER FLATS SHRIEKS AND COLLAPSES DEEP INTO THE WATERS. SCREAMING LIKE A DYING ELEPHANT, THE ELEPHANT MAN MONSTER FLATS BEGINS TO DROWN UNDER HIS OWN ENORMOUS WEIGHT IN THE WATERS. AS HE DROWNS, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST PIRATE SHIP APPEARS IN THE WATERS, CAUSING THE RAVEN AND CROWS TO DISPERSE ABOVE THE SEA. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND HIS GHOST PIRATE CREW SIMPLY LAUGH AND JEER AT THE DROWNING MONSTER ELEPHANT MAN FLATS. THE MONSTER ELEPHANT MAN FLATS REALIZES THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS SUPERNATURAL PUNISHMENT AND TORMENTS, SO HE DEMANDS THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN REVERSE HIM TO HIS NORMAL FORM TO END HIS MONSTER FORM SINCE HE HAS FINALLY LEARNED TO STOP BULLYING OTHERS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND THE MONSTER ELEPHANT MAN FLATS AGREE THAT FLATS HAS LEARNED HIS LESSON ABOUT THE DANGERS OF BULLYING. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ASSURES FLATS THAT HE WILL NO LONGER BE AN ELEPHANT MAN MONSTER, BUT WILL NOW BECOME ANOTHER TYPE OF MONSTER. AS THE GASPING FLATS EMERGES FROM THE WATERS TOWARDS THE SANDY SHORE, HE SCREAMS AS HE REALIZES THAT HE IS NOW A GHOST AND HE IS DEAD FROM DROWNING IN GOO LAGOON. THE GHOST FLATS HELPLESSLY TRIES TO FLY AWAY FROM THE GHOST PIRATE CREW, WHO SIMPLY GRABS HIM AND TIES HIM TO THE ANCHOR OF THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP. AS THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP FLIES OFF INTO THE NIGHT SKY, THE PRISONER GHOST FLATS SCREAMS FOR MERCY. INTRODUCING HIMSELF AS THE KNIGHT OF JUDGMENT FOR ALL SOULS, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TELLS HIM THAT TONIGHT IS HIS JUDGMENT NIGHT AND HE IS NOW A SLAVE OF THE GHOST PIRATE CREW FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY SO HE CAN LEARN THE TRUE MEANING OF FEAR, WHICH HE FOOLISHLY TRIED TO EMULATE AS A BULLY FOR HIS WHOLE LIFE. BACK IN BIKINI BOTTOM, THE MONSTER CITIZENS TRANSFORM BACK INTO THEIR REGULAR SELVES AND CELEBRATE THAT THE TRUE MONSTER, THE NEIGHBORHOOD BULLY FLATS THE FLOUNDER, IS FINALLY BANISHED FROM THEIR CITY AND HAS FINALLY RECEIVED THE HARSH PUNISHMENT HE FULLY DESERVES. AS THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP LEAVES THE OCEAN AND EARTH, ENTERS OUTER SPACE, AND PREPARES TO ENTER A NEARBY BLACK HOLE LEADING TO THE UNDERWORLD, SHOOTING STARS SMASH INTO THE GHOST FLATS, WHOSE SCREAMING AND APOLOGETIC VOICE CANNOT BE HEARD IN THE SILENT VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE.

**TOM SURFING: JUSTICE IS BALANCE. WHAT GOES AROUND WILL INDEED COME AROUND FOR THOSE BULLIES WHO BELIEVE THEY ARE IMMUNE TO THE NIGHTS OF RECKONING. IF BULLIES BECOME MONSTERS AND THEIR VICTIMS INCREASE, THOSE THEY TORMENT WILL LIKEWISE BAND TOGETHER AS MONSTERS TO DEFEAT FIRE WITH EVEN HOTTER FIRE. SO ALL BIG BAD BULLIES MUST ONE DAY FACE THE CRUCIBLE OF THEIR OWN HATRED AND GUILT, EITHER ON DRY LAND OR DEEP BELOW THE SEA IN THE DARK DEPTHS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**EPISODE 51C ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART TWO - THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL_**

**TOM SURFING: KAFKAESQUE IS A EUPHONIC WORD WHICH DEFINES A STORY AS HAVING A NIGHTMARISHLY COMPLEX, BIZARRE, AND ILLOGICAL TONE. NATURALLY, THE UPCOMING TALE IS COURTESY OF MR. FRANZ KAFKA. THIS IS****_ THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE _****OF ****_THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL_****! WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE AND HEAR WILL DISTURB AND HAUNT YOU FOREVER. SO GET YOUR PARENTS' LAWYERS READY, YOU CUTE, CHUBBY, AND CRAZY KIDS, BECAUSE IT IS FINALLY TIME FOR SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS TO UNDERGO A NECESSARILY HARSH TRIAL…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IT IS THE EVENING OF SPONGEBOB'S TWENTIETH BIRTHDAY. HE AND HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS ARE HAPPILY GATHERED TOGETHER TO CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY. EVERYONE SHOUTS FOR SPONGEBOB TO BLOW OUT HIS BIRTHDAY SPONGE CAKE CANDLES AND TO MAKE A GREAT WISH. AS SOON AS SPONGEBOB BLOWS OUT HIS CANDLES, TWO LARGE MUSCULAR LOBSTERS DRESSED IN BLACK NINJA COSTUMES BREAK INTO THE HOME, PUSH THE OTHERS OUT OF THEIR WAY, AND IMMEDIATELY DETAIN AND ARREST THE CONFUSED SPONGEBOB. THE LOBSTERS QUICKLY EXPLAIN THAT SPONGEBOB IS UNDER ARREST, IS TO BE TRANSFERRED TO ANOTHER LOCATION TO UNDERGO A LEGAL EVALUATION, AND IS GUILTY OF A CRIME FOR WHICH HE WILL EVENTUALLY UNDERGO A "SPONGY SHOW TRIAL." SPONGEBOB'S FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS PLEAD WITH THE BLACK NINJA LOBSTERS, WHO ONLY THROW TEAR GAS SMOKE BOMBS AT THEM, CAUSING THEM TO CRY AND COLLAPSE HELPLESSLY TO THE FLOOR AS THE LOBSTERS COVER SPONGEBOB'S FACE WITH A BROWN PAPER BAG AND DRAG SPONGEBOB OUT INTO THE NIGHT STREETS. THE LOBSTERS IMMEDIATELY TAKE SPONGEBOB TO SQUIDWARD'S HOME. THOUGH HE WAS INVITED, SQUIDWARD DID NOT ATTEND SPONGEBOB'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AND IS ACTUALLY ALREADY ASLEEP IN HIS BEDROOM. THE LOBSTERS BREAK INTO THE HOME AND QUICKLY CARRY SPONGEBOB UP THE STAIRS AND INTO SQUIDWARD'S MASTER BEDROOM. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY WAKES UP, IS APPARENTLY SLEEPING IN THE NUDE, AND SCREAMS AT THE INTRUDERS TO LEAVE, BUT THE LOBSTERS GRAB SQUIDWARD'S CLARINETS AND SHOOT TRANQUILIZER DARTS FROM THE CLARINETS AT SQUIDWARD TO PUT SQUIDWARD BACK TO SLEEP. AS SPONGEBOB BEGINS TO CRY, THE LOBSTERS SQUEEZE HIS SPONGY BODY TO QUICKLY DRAIN HIM OF ALL HIS TEARS. THE LOBSTERS BREAK THROUGH MANY OF SQUIDWARD'S ART PIECES UNTIL THEY FIND A CLAY POT. THEY FORCE SPONGEBOB TO SIT ON THE CLAY POT AS A CHAIR AND TIE SPONGEBOB TO THE POT WITH ROPES. THE LOBSTERS THEN PULL OUT FLASHLIGHTS AND SHINE BRIGHT LIGHT CLOSE TO SPONGEBOB'S MASKED FACE. THE LOBSTERS TELL SPONGEBOB THAT HIS LEGAL EVALUATION IS TO BEGIN. THEY TELL HIM THAT HE IS SUSPECTED OF COMMITTING A SERIOUS CRIME AGAINST "THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT" AND THAT HE IS MOST LIKELY GUILTY. THEY INFORM HIM THAT HE IS PROBABLY GUILTY OF ONE OF THE FOLLOWING TWELVE MAJOR CRIMES: SERIOUS TRAFFIC VIOLATIONS, SERIOUS CHALK VANDALISM, SERIOUS LOITERING, SERIOUSLY BAD ROMANTIC LIFESTYLES, SERIOUS DISTURBING OF NEIGHBORHOOD PEACE, SERIOUS MISTREATMENT OF ANIMAL PETS, SERIOUS SPREADING OF THE MENTAL DISEASE OF STUPIDITY, SERIOUS INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER, SERIOUS PUBLIC NUDITY OFFENSES, SERIOUS GRAND THEFT AUTO, SERIOUS WINDOW SHOPPING SHOPLIFTING, OR SERIOUS IDENTITY THEFT. THE LOBSTERS ASSURE HIM THAT THEY WILL NOT SPECIFY WHICH CRIME HE IS REALLY GUILTY OF AND THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WILL MOST CERTAINLY FIND HIM GUILTY IN THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL WITHIN THE YEAR AND GIVE HIM THE PROPER PUNISHMENT. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY PROTESTS HIS INNOCENCE OF ALL THE POTENTIAL CRIMES BUT THE LOBSTERS SIMPLY START VICIOUSLY TICKLING HIM UNTIL HE STARTS CRYING AGAIN FROM THE EXCESSIVE TICKLING. AS SOON AS HE REGAINS HIS COMPOSURE, SPONGEBOB ONCE AGAIN PROTESTS HIS INNOCENCE, CAUSING THE TICKLING TORTURE TO CONTINUE. THE CYCLE OF TICKLING TORTURE CONTINUES SEVERAL TIMES BEFORE SPONGEBOB FINALLY STOPS CLAIMING TO BE INNOCENT. THE LOBSTERS RIP OFF ALL OF SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY LIMBS, INCLUDING HIS LEGS AND HIS ARMS, TO TAKE WITH THEM AS PHYSICAL EVIDENCE OF THE LEGAL EVALUATION. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS IN PAIN AND ASKS WHAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT IS. THE LOBSTERS SIMPLY INFORM HIM THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT, ALSO KNOWN AS "THE C.C.C.," IS THE OLDEST AND MOST SUPREME LEGAL SYSTEM IN THE SEA, WHOSE LEGAL AUTHORITY IS KNOWN AS "THE NATURAL LAW" AND OVERRULES THE CITY COURTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM AND EVEN THE ROYAL COURTS OF KING NEPTUNE IN ATLANTIS. THE LOBSTERS UNTIE SPONGEBOB, UNMASK HIM, SPANK HIM SEVERAL TIMES ON HIS BUTT AND SLAP HIM SEVERAL TIMES ACROSS HIS FACE TO MAKE SURE HE IS STILL ALIVE, TELL HIM THAT HIS LEGAL EVALUATION IS OVER, TELL HIM HE IS FREE TO GO BACK TO HIS NORMAL LIFE AND BUSINESS THOUGH HE WILL BE UNDER CONSTANT SECRET SURVEILLANCE AND IS OFFICIALLY ON PROBATION, AND QUICKLY LEAVE INTO THE NIGHT STREETS. AFTER SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY LIMBS GROW BACK, SPONGEBOB SLOWLY AND WEAKLY CRAWLS TOWARDS THE HEAVILY SLEEPING SQUIDWARD, KISSES SQUIDWARD ON HIS BIG FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE, APOLOGIZES TO SQUIDWARD, TELLS HIMSELF THAT HE IS INNOCENT, AND FINALLY FAINTS IN EXHAUSTION. THE NEXT MORNING, SPONGEBOB WAKES UP TO SQUIDWARD KICKING HIS FACE. SQUIDWARD ANGRILY DEMANDS THAT SPONGEBOB LEAVE HIS HOME FOREVER. AS SPONGEBOB STUMBLES AND MAKES HIS WAY TO THE ROOM'S DOOR, SQUIDWARD FURIOUSLY GRABS SPONGEBOB, SHOWS SPONGEBOB ALL THE DAMAGE DONE TO HIS ART PIECES, AND QUICKLY THROWS SPONGEBOB OUT OF THE ROOM WINDOWS. SPONGEBOB CRASHES TO THE GROUND OUTSIDE AND WEAKLY STAGGERS TO HIS FEET AS HIS FAMILY MEMBERS AND FRIENDS RUSH TO HIM FROM HIS OWN HOUSE. THEY ALL HUG HIM AND CARRY HIM BACK INTO HIS HOME. TWO POLICE FISH ARE STATIONED IN SPONGEBOB'S HOME WHERE THE MESS FROM THE CRASHED BIRTHDAY PARTY STILL REMAINS. EVERYONE TELLS SPONGEBOB TO EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. SPONGEBOB CRIES AS HE RECALLS THE PAINFUL AND CONFUSING LEGAL EVALUATION IN SQUIDWARD'S HOME. AS SPONGEBOB CONTINUES HIS STORY, THE POLICE FISH SADLY CONFIRM THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT, WHICH THEY THEMSELVES KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT BUT HAVE ONLY BEEN BRIEFLY INFORMED OF BY THEIR OWN SUPERIORS, DOES INDEED HAVE SUPREME LEGAL AUTHORITY OVER THE SEA AND HAS ABSOLUTE LEGAL NATURAL RIGHTS TO DO AS IT PLEASES TO ALL SEA CREATURES. THEY CLAIM TO BE LEGALLY POWERLESS TO INTERFERE WITH THE ACTIONS OF THE AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT SINCE ITS POWER DERIVES FROM THE NATURAL LAW. AS EVERYONE PROTESTS THE DIRE SITUATION, THE POLICE FISH SIMPLY GIVE SPONGEBOB PEPPER SPRAY TO PROTECT HIMSELF, TELL SPONGEBOB TO NOT MENTION THEM IN HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL, AND QUICKLY LEAVE HIS HOME. EVERYONE IN THE HOME PROMISES TO HELP SPONGEBOB FIND GOOD LAWYERS TO PROTECT HIS CIVILIAN RIGHTS AND TO HELP HIM WIN HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL. AS HIS SPONGE FAMILY MEMBERS LEAVE TO SHADY SHOALS TO FIND OLD PEOPLE WHO KNOW ABOUT THE TRUE NATURE OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT, SANDY, PATRICK, AND GARY REMAIN WITH SPONGEBOB. THEY ALL PROMISE TO PROTECT SPONGEBOB WITH THEIR LIVES AND ASSURE HIM THAT HE IS INNOCENT OF ALL SERIOUS LEGAL OFFENSES. SPONGEBOB IS SCARED AND UNCERTAIN OF WHAT TO DO. THE OTHERS THEN ESCORT SPONGEBOB, WHO INSISTS ON GOING TO WORK TO FEEL NORMAL, TO WORK AT THE KRUSTY KRAB FOR THE DAY. AS SOON AS SPONGEBOB ARRIVES IN THE RESTAURANT, ALL THE CUSTOMERS LOOK AND POINT AT SPONGEBOB, WHISPER TO ONE ANOTHER, AND QUICKLY DEPART FROM THE RESTAURANT. APPARENTLY, EVERYONE IS AWARE OF SPONGEBOB'S HOME ARREST. SQUIDWARD IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AND HAS CALLED THE DAY OFF FROM WORK. AS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, GARY, AND SANDY PREPARE TO LIKEWISE LEAVE THE EMPTY RESTAURANT, MR. KRABS CALLS FOR SPONGEBOB TO SPEAK ALONE WITH SPONGEBOB IN HIS PRIVATE OFFICE. AS HIS FRIENDS WAIT INSIDE THE EMPTY RESTAURANT, SPONGEBOB ENTERS MR. KRABS' OFFICE. THE ROOM IS COMPLETELY DARK AND THE LIGHTS ARE OFF. SPONGEBOB ASKS MR. KRABS TO TURN ON THE LIGHTS, BUT MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THEY MUST SPEAK QUIETLY AND REMAIN IN THE DARKNESS TO AVOID THE SURVEILLANCE OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. SPONGEBOB ASKS MR. KRABS WHAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT IS VIRTUALLY EVERYWHERE; IT OFFICIALLY LEGALLY OWNS EVERYTHING IN THE SEA; ITS AGENTS CONSIST OF CRUSTACEAN SPECIES OF CRABS, LOBSTERS, KING CRABS, HERMIT CRABS, SAND CRABS, SHRIMPS, SHELLFISH, AND PRAWNS; IT KNOWS THE SECRET CRIMES OF EVERYONE AND EVENTUALLY FINDS EVERYONE GUILTY AND PUNISHES THEM IN SECRET; IT IS THE OLDEST NATURAL LAW OF THE SEA; AND IT ONLY EXISTS FOR THE SAKE OF POWER AND PUNISHMENT, NOT JUSTICE. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY ASKS MR. KRABS HOW HE KNOWS SO MUCH ABOUT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. MR. KRABS EXPLAINS THAT HE HIMSELF IS A VERY LOW-RANKING MEMBER OF THE HUGE, HIERARCHICAL CRUSTY CRABBY COURT, BUT THAT HE DOES NOT HAVE ENOUGH INFLUENCE, POWER, OR KNOWLEDGE TO REALLY HELP SPONGEBOB'S DIFFICULT LEGAL CASE. SPONGEBOB ASKS MR. KRABS WHAT HIS SECRET POSITION IN THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT IS, BUT MR. KRABS CLAIMS HE WILL BE SEVERELY PUNISHED AND WILL EVEN DISAPPEAR IF HE REVEALS ANYMORE ABOUT THE NOTORIOUSLY SECRET SYSTEM THAT BUREAUCRATICALLY CONTROLS EVERYTHING FROM THE SHADOWS. SPONGEBOB PLEADS WITH MR. KRABS TO HELP HIM IN ANY POSSIBLE WAY AND ASKS MR. KRABS IF HE SHOULD FLEE BIKINI BOTTOM. MR. KRABS SADLY ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WILL FIND HIM ANYWHERE HE GOES AND WILL IMMEDIATELY FIND HIM GUILTY OF BREAKING HIS PAROLE IF HE TRIES TO FLEE THE CITY. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE MUST SIMPLY WAIT AT HOME FOR A PHONE CALL FROM THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT TO SUMMON HIM FOR HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL AND, IN THE MEANTIME, SHOULD TRY TO ACT AS LAW ABIDING AND NORMAL AS POSSIBLE FOR THE SAKE OF HIS CASE. MR. KRABS ENDS THE CONVERSATION BY INFORMING SPONGEBOB THAT NO ONE EVER BECOMES FREE OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT BUT THAT CASES CAN BE PUT ON HOLD FOR LONG TIME PERIODS TO RETURN LIFE TO NORMAL FOR THE ACCUSED PEOPLE. MR. KRABS THEN PROMISES TO CONSULT HIS MOTHER, MRS. KRABS, FOR MORE INFORMATION AND LEGAL ADVICE TO HELP SPONGEBOB'S CASE SINCE SHE IS FAR OLDER AND WISER THAN HIMSELF ABOUT THE SECRET SYSTEM. SPONGEBOB THANKS HIS BOSS AND WANTS TO GIVE HIM A HUGE HUG, BUT MR. KRABS TELLS HIM THAT THEY NEED TO KEEP THEIR DISTANCE FROM EACH OTHER FROM NOW ON AND MR. KRABS WILL ONLY CONTACT SPONGEBOB WHEN NECESSARY TO AVOID HURTING SPONGEBOB'S CASE. MR. KRABS TURNS ON THE LIGHTS IN THE ROOM TO REVEAL THAT HE IS NUDE AND BATHING IN A BATH TUB FULL OF MONEY. SPONGEBOB SHRIEKS UPON SEEING THE DISTURBING SIGHT, BUT MR. KRABS EXPLAINS THAT THE RESTAURANT IS UNLIKELY TO HAVE ANY CUSTOMERS FOR A LONG TIME UNTIL SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY SHOW TRIAL IS OVER, SO HE NEEDS TO RELAX AND CLEAR HIS MIND AT HOME FOR THE LEGAL BATTLE AHEAD. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB TO TAKE THE WEEK OFF FROM WORK, WHICH SPONGEBOB RELUCTANTLY AGREES TO DO. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB TO VISIT HIM AFTER HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL ENDS. AS SPONGEBOB LEAVES THE OFFICE, MR. KRABS ASKS SPONGEBOB WHAT CRIME HE IS GUILTY OF, BUT SPONGEBOB CONTINUES TO CLAIM HE IS INNOCENT. MR. KRABS SIMPLY SIGHS, TELLS SPONGEBOB TO REMAIN AT HIS HOME FOR THE WEEK, AND SLOWLY SWIMS UNDER HIS MONEY. SPONGEBOB EXITS THE OFFICE AND SLOWLY CLOSES THE OFFICE DOOR. GARY, PATRICK, AND SANDY APPROACH SPONGEBOB AND ASK HIM WHAT HIS CONVERSATION WAS ABOUT. SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO KEEP THE CONVERSATION SECRET TO PROTECT MR. KRABS FROM THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. SPONGEBOB ASKS PATRICK IF HE CAN KEEP GARY AT HIS ROCK HOME FOR THE WEEK. BOTH PATRICK AND GARY ARE CONFUSED, BUT SPONGEBOB EXPLAINS THAT HE NEEDS TO BE ALONE WITH SANDY TO TALK ABOUT THE CASE. PATRICK AND GARY HUG AND KISS SPONGEBOB GOOD BYE, TELL HIM TO CALL THEM IF HE NEEDS ANYTHING AT ALL, AND LEAVE TO PATRICK'S ROCK HOME. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY THEN SLOWLY AND SADLY WALK AND HOLD HANDS AS THEY GO TO SPONGEBOB'S HOME. AS THEY WALK DOWN THE EMPTY CITY STREETS, SPONGEBOB ASKS SANDY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED ON CHRISTMAS EVE SEVERAL MONTHS AGO. SANDY REMARKS THAT THOUGH EVERYONE ENJOYED THE EGGNOG PARTY, NO ONE PRESENT CAN REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED THAT NIGHT. SPONGEBOB TELLS SANDY THAT WHATEVER HAPPENED ON THAT MYSTERIOUS NIGHT MIGHT HAVE RELEVANCE TO HIS EQUALLY MYSTERIOUS CASE. SPONGEBOB WONDERS IF EVERYONE AT THE EGGNOG PARTY WAS SECRETLY ABDUCTED BY AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT, WHO SOMEHOW REMOVED ALL THEIR MEMORIES OF THE EVENING. SANDY REMARKS THAT THEY WERE ALL SO DRUNK ON EGGNOG, SO THE AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT COULD HAVE EASILY ABDUCTED THEM. BOTH WALK IN SILENCE AS THEY TRY TO RECALL ANY CONCRETE DETAILS ABOUT THE CHRISTMAS EGGNOG PARTY, BUT BOTH ADMIT THAT THEIR MEMORIES ARE TOO HAZY. SANDY THEN APOLOGIZES TO SPONGEBOB FOR FAILING TO SAVE HIM FROM THE NINJA LOBSTERS. SPONGEBOB ASSURES HER THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT IS EVEN TOO POWERFUL FOR HER TO DEFEAT. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY HUG EACH OTHER AND PROMISE TO ALWAYS BE SPECIAL FRIENDS AND TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP EACH OTHER SAFE FROM THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. SUDDENLY, SANDY FAINTS AND FALLS TO THE GROUND. SPONGEBOB GASPS AND TRIES TO REVIVE HER, BUT HE CANNOT. HE REALIZES THAT SHE IS ONLY UNCONSCIOUS. SPONGEBOB YELLS FOR HELP ON THE EMPTY SIDEWALK, BUT NO ONE ELSE SEEMS TO BE AROUND. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB THEN SEES SMALL SHRIMP AND PRAWNS WEARING BLACK NINJA SUITS AND CARRYING CAMERAS IN NEARBY BUSHES ON THE EMPTY STREET. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT THE TINY CREATURES ARE SPIES OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT AND THINKS THEY HAVE HURT SANDY SOMEHOW TO MAKE HER FALL UNCONSCIOUS. SPONGEBOB FURIOUSLY RUNS TOWARDS THE SPIES TO ATTACK THEM, BUT THE SPIES SIMPLY BOMBARD HIM WITH COUNTLESS BRIGHT CAMERA FLASHES OF LIGHT THAT CAUSE HIM TO FEEL VERY DIZZY AND FALL TO THE FLOOR. THE SPIES THROW SMOKE BOMBS AROUND THEMSELVES AND DISAPPEAR. SPONGEBOB STAGGERS TO HIS FEET, RUSHES INTO HIS NEARBY HOME, AND CALLS FOR PARAMEDICS. THE PARAMEDIC FISH ARRIVE AND TAKE THE UNCONSCIOUS SANDY TO THE HOSPITAL. SPONGEBOB WANTS TO GO WITH THEM, BUT THEY INFORM SPONGEBOB THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT HAS ALREADY CONTACTED THEM AND ORDERED THEM TO PREVENT HIM FROM ENTERING ANY CITY HOSPITALS UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. THE PARAMEDICS ASSURE HIM THAT THEY WILL REVIVE SANDY AND TAKE CARE OF HER AT THE HOSPITAL. SPONGEBOB TELLS THEM THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT SPIES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SANDY'S INJURIES, AND THEY ACKNOWLEDGE THAT SPONGEBOB IS PROBABLY RIGHT. AS THE AMBULANCE LEAVES TO THE HOSPITAL, SPONGEBOB SADLY WALKS INTO HIS HOME. SPONGEBOB TELLS THE VISITING PATRICK AND GARY TO NOT VISIT OR CALL HIM FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK SINCE HE IS WAITING FOR THE IMPORTANT PHONE CALL FROM THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT ABOUT HIS UPCOMING SPONGY SHOW TRIAL. SPONGEBOB TELLS THEM TO VISIT SANDY IN THE CITY HOSPITAL AND TO ONLY CALL HIM AFTER THEY MAKE SURE SHE IS FINE. PATRICK AND GARY AGREE AND LEAVE TO THE HOSPITAL. SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS CALL HIM TO INFORM HIM TO VISIT SHADY SHOALS AFTER HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL TO DISCUSS HOW TO DEAL WITH THE REMAINING LEGAL PROCESS WITH HIS GRANDMOTHER, GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS, AND WITH HER FRIEND MRS. KRABS. SPONGEBOB AGREES AND SPENDS HIS TIME LYING AND EATING IN BED AND HOLDING HIS HOME PHONE. AFTER NOT RECEIVING PHONE CALLS FROM PATRICK AND GARY AT THE HOSPITAL, SPONGEBOB CALLS THE HOSPITAL. THE FISH DOCTORS INFORM HIM THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT PREVENTS THEM FROM HAVING ANY CONTACT WITH PRESUMABLY GUILTY PEOPLE, ASSURE HIM THAT HIS FRIENDS MUST NOW STAY IN THE HOSPITAL TO AVOID CONTACT WITH HIM, HANG UP ON HIM, AND BLOCK HIS PHONE CALLS. THE FRUSTRATED SPONGEBOB FINALLY STOPS CALLING THE HOSPITAL. FOR THE ENTIRE WEEK, HE REMAINS ALONE AT HIS HOME AND ONLY RECEIVES PHONE CALLS FROM HIS PARENTS, WHO WANT TO VISIT HIM BUT SPONGEBOB ORDERS THEM TO STAY AT HOME SO THE SPIES OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WILL NOT HURT THEM LIKE THEY HURT SANDY. SPONGEBOB ALSO RECEIVES ANONYMOUS PHONE CALLS. THE UNKNOWN CALLERS DO NOT SAY ANYTHING, BUT SPONGEBOB CAN HEAR THE SOUNDS OF PINCHING CRAB CLAWS AND THE SOUNDS OF FLUSHING BATHROOM TOILETS, WHICH GREATLY SCARE AND CONFUSE HIM. THE ANONYMOUS CALLERS CALL MANY TIMES AND ALWAYS HANG UP WHEN SPONGEBOB ANGRILY TELLS THEM TO REVEAL WHO THEY ARE. SPONGEBOB KNOWS THAT THEY ARE MEMBERS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT CALLING TO HARASS HIM. AFTER SEVERAL DAYS OF BOREDOM, ANXIETY, AND ISOLATION AT HIS HOME ALONE, DURING WHICH SPONGEBOB DRAWS PICTURES OF HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS ENJOYING CHRISTMAS TIME AND EGGNOG TO CHEER HIMSELF UP AND TO PASS THE TIME, SPONGEBOB FINALLY RECEIVES HIS PHONE CALL SUMMONING HIM TO THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT FOR HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL. THE PERSON ON THE OTHER LINE HAS A VERY WEAK SHRILL VOICE AND TELLS SPONGEBOB WHERE TO GO FOR HIS CASE. SPONGEBOB ASSUMES THE OTHER PERSON IS A SHRIMP. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY GETS DRESSED IN HIS BEST CLOTHES, CLEANS HIMSELF UP, AND LEAVES TO HAVE HIS TRIAL, WHICH IS TO BE HELD AT THE CHUM BUCKET, MUCH TO SPONGEBOB'S CONFUSION. SPONGEBOB ENTERS THE CHUM BUCKET AND THE BUILDING'S LIGHTS ARE FLICKERING ON AND OFF. SPONGEBOB SEES MANY SHRIMP CRAWLING ACROSS THE FLOOR AND CLEANING UP CHUM FROM THE FLOOR OF THE EMPTY RESTAURANT. SPONGEBOB GLARES AT THE SHRIMP, WHO IGNORE HIM AND WHISTLE CREEPY TUNES AS THEY WORK. AS SPONGEBOB LOOKS AND WALKS THROUGHOUT THE CHUM BUCKET, CAMERAS IN THE BUILDING DETECT, RECORD, AND FOLLOW HIS MOVEMENTS. SPONGEBOB YELLS FOR SOMEONE TO DIRECT HIM TO THE COURTROOM, BUT THE SHRIMP SIMPLY STOP WORKING AND RUN AND DISAPPEAR INTO MOUSE HOLES NEAR THE RESTAURANT WALLS. A LOUD CLOCK TICKS AND A LOUD BELL DONGS IN THE BUILDING. SPONGEBOB FOLLOWS THE SOUNDS INTO THE RESTAURANT KITCHEN. AS HE ENTERS THE KITCHEN, SPONGEBOB SEES PLANKTON CRYING OVER KAREN, WHOSE COMPUTER SCREEN IS SMASHED, ON THE FLOOR. PLANKTON GLARES AT SPONGEBOB AND BLAMES HIM FOR THE DESTROYED KAREN'S FATE. PLANKTON CLAIMS THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT DESTROYED HIS COMPUTER WIFE BECAUSE SHE PROTESTED THE USE OF THE CHUM BUCKET BASEMENT AS THE TEMPORARY LOCATION OF SPONGEBOB'S COURTROOM CASE. THE MEMBERS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT TOLD HER THAT THEY CAN HOLD COURT SESSIONS WHEREVER THEY LIKE BEFORE THEY RUTHLESSLY DESTROYED HER. PLANKTON BLAMES SPONGEBOB FOR BRINGING THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT INTO THE CHUM BUCKET. AS PLANKTON GRABS A NEARBY RUSTY SPATULA AND RUSHES TO ATTACK SPONGEBOB, A SHRIMP EXITS A MOUSE HOLE, SHOOTS A FISH NET FROM A GUN AT PLANKTON TO CAPTURE HIM, AND DRAGS THE CRYING AND SCREAMING PLANKTON INTO THE MOUSE HOLE. SPONGEBOB SADLY SCREAMS IN APOLOGY TO PLANKTON AND RUNS TOWARDS THE MOUSE HOLE TO SAVE HIM. SPONGEBOB STICKS HIS HAND IN THE MOUSE HOLE, BUT HE FEELS SOMETHING BITE HIM, CAUSING HIM TO YELP IN PAIN AND TO PULL OUT HIS INJURED HAND. FROM INSIDE THE MOUSE HOLE, SPONGEBOB HEARS THE LAUGHTER OF SHRIMP AND HEARS PLANKTON'S SCREAMS SUDDENLY STOP AT THE SOUND OF A LOUD THUD. SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY STUMBLES AND RUNS TO ESCAPE THE CHUM BUCKET. SUDDENLY, A TRAP DOOR BENEATH HIM OPENS, CAUSING HIM TO FALL INTO A DEEP BASEMENT FULL OF SOGGY CHUM. SPONGEBOB STRUGGLES TO STAND IN THE FILTHY CHUM AS THE TRAP DOOR ABOVE HIM CLOSES TO LEAVE HIM IN TOTAL DARKNESS. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS FOR HELP SEVERAL TIMES UNTIL A LARGE DISCO BALL ON THE CEILING OF THE BASEMENT PARTIALLY LIGHTS UP THE ROOM AND DISCO MUSIC BEGINS TO PLAY. SPONGEBOB YELLS LOUDLY BUT THE MUSIC OVERPOWERS HIS SCREAMS. HE CAN BARELY SEE MANY FISH FLOATING ON MANY SMALL RUBBER BOATS AS SEATS IN THE SLUSHY CHUM AND CAN HARDLY SEE A LARGE FIGURE SITTING ON A LARGE LIFEGUARD CHAIR OVERLOOKING THE CROWD. AS THE DISCO MUSIC FINALLY STOPS, SPONGEBOB REALIZES THAT THE JUDGE IN THE LIFEGUARD CHAIR IS LARRY THE LOBSTER. SPONGEBOB STRUGGLES TO STOP SINKING INTO THE SMELLY CHUM. LARRY THROWS A RUBBER FLOATING RING AS SPONGEBOB'S SEAT TO FLOAT ON. SPONGEBOB CLIMBS AND SITS ONTO THE RING. LARRY GLARES AT SPONGEBOB, SLAMS HIS LARGE CLAWS ON THE ARMS OF HIS CHAIR, AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THE COURT IS NOW IN SESSION. THE FISH MEMBERS OF THE JURY HAPPILY APPLAUD LARRY'S WORDS. LARRY EXPLAINS THAT, AS LIFEGUARD OF BIKINI BOTTOM, HE MUST PROTECT THE CITY FROM ALL UNSAFE GUILTY PEOPLE WHO DARE TO DISOBEY THE NATURAL LAW. SPONGEBOB BEGINS TO PROTEST HIS INNOCENCE, BUT THE FISH IN THE CROWD JEER AT HIM AND THROW CHUM AT HIM TO SILENCE HIM. EXCEPT FOR LARRY AND SPONGEBOB, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE DARK COURT ROOM, WHICH IS ONLY SLIGHTLY LIT BY THE DISCO BALL ON THE CEILING OF THE ROOM, APPEARS TO BE A LARGE AUDIENCE AND JURY OF FISH. LARRY TELLS SPONGEBOB TO EXPLAIN WHAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE NATURAL LAW TO DETERMINE HOW GUILTY HE IS OF BREAKING IT. SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY BEGINS TO INSTEAD ACCUSE THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT OF BEING COMPLETELY UNJUST. THE MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE BOTH FURIOUSLY YELL AND WILDLY LAUGH AT HIM, BUT SPONGEBOB STARTS THROWING CHUM AT THEM TO SILENCE THEM. SPONGEBOB CALLS THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT THE MOST UNJUST LEGAL SYSTEM IN THE SEVEN SEAS. SPONGEBOB DESCRIBES HIS RUINED BIRTHDAY PARTY; THE ILLEGAL ENTRY OF THE LOBSTER AGENTS INTO HIS HOME AND HIS NEIGHBOR'S HOME; THE TORTURE AND HARSH INTERROGATION OF THE LEGAL EVALUATION; THE ATTACKS ON HIS FAMILY AND FRIENDS; THE RIDICULE HE NOW RECEIVES FROM THE COMMUNITY; THE ISOLATION HE IS NOW FORCED TO ENDURE; THE UNREASONABLE CONDITIONS OF THE COURTROOM AND TRIAL PROCESS; THE ANONYMOUS HARASSING PHONE CALLS; THE DESTRUCTION OF INNOCENT PARTIES; THE REMOVAL OF HEALTH CARE AND POLICE PROTECTION; AND THE MYSTERIOUS POTENTIAL ABDUCTION ON LAST CHRISTMAS EVE. SOME MEMBERS OF THE AUDIENCE SEEM TO SUPPORT SPONGEBOB'S PROTESTS AS THEY REPEATEDLY CHANT: "WHAT DOES HE WANT…JUSTICE! WHEN DOES HE WANT IT…NOW!" LARRY LISTENS TO SPONGEBOB AND WAVES HIS HUGE MUSCULAR CLAWS UP AND DOWN TO SILENCE THE CROWD. LARRY COOLLY EXPLAINS THAT THE NATURAL LAW UNDER WHICH THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT OPERATES OVERRULES ALL FORMS OF SOCIAL LAW, CUSTOMS, AND NORMS. LARRY ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT HAS SUSPECTED HIM OF VIOLATING THE NATURAL LAW FOR SOME TIME NOW AND HAS BEEN WATCHING HIM FOR OVER A YEAR TO DETERMINE THE LIKELIHOOD OF HIS GUILT. SPONGEBOB ASKS WHERE HIS LAWYERS, RECESSES, AND WITNESSES ARE, BUT LARRY REMINDS HIM THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT OPERATES UNDER ITS OWN LEGAL REGULATIONS AND PROCEDURES. MANY MEMBERS OF THE CROWD APPEAR BORED, START TO PLAY RADIO DISCO MUSIC, AND START TO HAVE CHUM FIGHTS. SPONGEBOB ANGRILY BREAKS THEIR DISCO MUSIC MOBILE RADIOS AND ATTACKS THEM WITH CHUM UNTIL LARRY FORCEFULLY RESTRAINS HIM AND ORDERS THE CROWD TO SIMPLY STARE AT THE GUILTY SPONGEBOB IN SILENCE. ALL THE CROWD STOPS MOVING AND TALKING, AND THEY SILENTLY STARE AT SPONGEBOB, WHO IS PICKED UP HIGH INTO THE AIR BY LARRY. SPONGEBOB DEMANDS THAT LARRY TELL HIM WHAT HIS CRIME IS, BUT LARRY TELLS HIM THAT HE ALREADY KNOWS WHAT HIS CRIME IS AND THAT HE MUST ADMIT THE CRIME TO HIMSELF BEFORE HE CAN ADMIT IT TO ANYONE ELSE. AS SPONGEBOB USELESSLY STRUGGLES TO BREAK FREE OF LARRY'S STRONG GRIP, THE FISH SIMPLY STARE AT HIM IN TENSE CREEPY SILENCE. LARRY DEMANDS THAT SPONGEBOB REMOVE HIS MASK THAT PROTECTS HIM FROM HIS GUILT OVER HIS CRIME. SPONGEBOB SIMPLY STOPS STRUGGLING AND BEGINS TO CRY. LARRY DUNKS SPONGEBOB SEVERAL TIMES INTO THE CHUM TO FILL HIS MOUTH FULL OF CHUM TO SILENCE HIM. LARRY SIGHS, DROPS SPONGEBOB INTO THE CHUM, AND TELLS THE CROWD THAT SINCE SPONGEBOB CANNOT REMOVE HIS MASK, THE CROWD MUST REMOVE THEIR MASKS. THE FISH OF THE CROWD SUDDENLY REMOVE THEIR FAKE RUBBER FISH COSTUMES TO REVEAL THAT THEY ARE ALL CRUSTACEAN MEMBERS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. SPONGEBOB GASPS IN HORROR AS HE REALIZES THAT HE NEVER HAD A FAIR FISH JURY OR CROWD. THE AUDIENCE AND JURY WERE THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT AGENTS IN DISGUISE SIMPLY TOYING WITH HIM IN A COMPLETE SHOW TRIAL. THE DISCO BALL LIGHTS SUDDENLY BLINK OUT TO THROW THE COURT ROOM INTO TOTAL DARKNESS. THE TRAP DOOR ABOVE THE ROOM OPENS TO LET LIGHT IN; A ROPE FALLS DOWN; LARRY TIES THE ROPE AROUND SPONGEBOB; LARRY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HIS CASE IS DOOMED AND THAT THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL IS OVER FOR NOW; AND THE ROPE IS PULLED UP OUT OF THE ROOM TO REMOVE SPONGEBOB FROM THE ENDING COURT SESSION. EVERYONE THROWS THEIR FISH HEAD MASKS AT SPONGEBOB AS SPONGEBOB RISES OUT OF THE ROOM. AS THE DEMORALIZED AND FILTHY SPONGEBOB ENTERS THE CHUM BUCKET KITCHEN, TINY SAND CRABS UNTIE THE ROPE OFF HIM. TINY SHRIMP CARRYING WATER HOSES DOUSE HIM WITH WATER AND LIQUID SOAP TO CLEAN HIM OFF. AFTER THEY FINISH, THE SHRIMP AND SAND CRABS PICK UP THE DEFEATED SPONGEBOB, DRAG HIM TOWARDS THE EXIT OF THE CHUM BUCKET, AND THROW HIM OUT ONTO THE DARK EMPTY CITY STREETS. SPONGEBOB FALLS ASLEEP FROM EXHAUSTION ON THE STREETS AS NIGHT FALLS OUTSIDE. AS HE SLEEPS, SPONGEBOB HAS A DREAM OF PLAYING AND JELLYFISHING WITH PATRICK AND SANDY AT JELLYFISH FIELDS. SUDDENLY, MANY LITTLE PRAWNS ATTACK THEM AND DRAG AWAY THE SCREAMING PATRICK. AS SPONGEBOB CRUSHES THE PRAWNS TO PROTECT SANDY, BOTH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER. THEY LOOK INTO EACH OTHER'S EYES AND ARE ABOUT TO KISS WHEN SPONGEBOB WAKES UP FROM SLEEPING IN THE MORNING. HE SLOWLY RISES ON THE EMPTY SIDEWALK, IS ACTUALLY KISSING A MAIL BOX, AND IS SHOCKED TO SEE THAT THE CHUM BUCKET IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. IT APPEARS AS IF SOMETHING SIMPLY REMOVED THE CHUM BUCKET FROM ITS PREVIOUS LOCATION. SPONGEBOB WALKS TO THE EMPTY SCENE WHERE THE CHUM BUCKET USED TO BE AND SEES SOMETHING HUGE FALLING ABOVE HIM FROM THE SKY. AS THE OBJECT GROWS LARGER AND NEARER, SPONGEBOB JUMPS OUT OF THE WAY. THE OBJECT IS A LARGE BUILDING THAT SLAMS AND LANDS ONTO THE SPACE WHERE THE CHUM BUCKET USED TO BE. THE NEW BUILDING HAS THE NAME "OFFICES OF THE OFFICERS OF THE NATURAL LAW" WRITTEN ON IT. SPONGEBOB ENTERS THE BUILDING AND SEES THAT IT IS A NEW LARGE OFFICE BUILDING OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. THE OFFICE ROOMS ARE COVERED IN STEAMY MISTS AND CONTAIN COUNTLESS ROWS OF BATHROOM STALLS, INCLUDING SHOWERS FROM WHICH THE STEAM ORIGINATES, AS CUBICLES WHERE THE LITERALLY CRABBY CRAB WORKERS LIVE AND WORK IN THE BUILDING. SPONGEBOB HEARS AND SEES THE PINCHING OF CLAWS, THE FLUSHING OF TOILETS, THE RUNNING OF SHOWER WATER, CRABS AND LOBSTERS WALKING AROUND IN TOWELS ACROSS THE HALLS OF THE BUILDING, AND CRABS AND LOBSTERS USING THEIR CLAWS AS PAPER SHREDDERS FOR COUNTLESS PILES OF OFFICE PAPER. SPONGEBOB FEELS OPPRESSED BY THE HEAT AND BIZARRE NATURE OF THE OFFICE ROOMS AND TRIES TO FIND HIS WAY OUT OF THE BUILDING. A HERMIT CRAB WITH A LARGE BACK SHELL STOPS HIM AND ASKS HIM IF HE HAS AN APPOINTMENT TO VISIT THE OFFICES OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT TODAY. SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT HE DID NOT KNOW THAT THE OFFICES EVEN EXISTED UNTIL TODAY. THE HERMIT CRAB CURIOUSLY OBSERVES HIM AND THEN SEARCHES SPONGEBOB'S EMPTY POCKETS. THE HERMIT CRAB TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE SHOULD STILL HAVE MADE AN APPOINTMENT TO FILE HIS LEGAL APPEAL FOR HIS CASE. SPONGEBOB SAYS HE HAS NO LAWYER, SO THE HERMIT CRAB TELLS HIM TO GO FIND ONE AND WALKS AWAY TO EXCUSE HIMSELF TO GO TO THE BATHROOM. SPONGEBOB WAITS FOR THE HERMIT CRAB TO RETURN BUT HE NEVER DOES. SPONGEBOB SPOTS LITTLE SHRIMPS AND PRAWNS SWIMMING IN A WATER COOLER. THEY ALL STOP THEIR PLAYING AND SLOWLY TURN THEIR HEADS TOWARDS SPONGEBOB TO CREEPILY STARE HIM DOWN. SPONGEBOB FEELS VERY NERVOUS AND DECIDES TO RUN OUT OF THE BUILDING. HE CRASHES INTO MANY CRABS, LOBSTERS, AND KING CRABS ON HIS WAY OUT, AND THE FEMALE CRUSTACEANS SIMPLY PINCH HIS SPONGY BUTT AND GIGGLE AS HE RUNS, YELPS, SWEATS, AND FINALLY ESCAPES THE DISTURBING OFFICE BUILDING. AS SOON AS HE ESCAPES THE OFFICE BUILDING, A MASSIVE CONSTRUCTION CRANE TRUCK PICKS UP THE BUILDING, DRIVES OFF DOWN THE ROAD, AND CARRIES IT AWAY. RUBBING HIS INJURED BUTT, SPONGEBOB STUMBLES IN CONFUSION AND NAUSEA AS HE LIMPS TOWARDS THE KRUSTY KRAB ACROSS THE STREET. HOWEVER, THE RESTAURANT IS EMPTY AND ITS CLOSED SIGN IS UP ON ITS LOCKED FRONT DOORS. SPONGEBOB BANGS ON THE LOCKED DOORS AND YELLS FOR MR. KRABS, BUT MR. KRABS SUDDENLY APPEARS BEHIND SPONGEBOB AND TELLS HIM THEY NEED TO GO SOON. SPONGEBOB JUMPS IN SURPRISE AND CRASHES INTO THE LOCKED DOORS. MR. KRABS HELPS SPONGEBOB TO HIS FEET, BRUSHES THE GLASS AND WOOD OFF HIM, AND ASKS HIM HOW HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL WENT. SPONGEBOB SIMPLY CRIES AND HUGS MR. KRABS. MR. KRABS PATS SPONGEBOB AND KNOWS THAT THE TRIAL WENT TERRIBLY. MR. KRABS PROMISES TO TAKE HIM TO SHADY SHOALS TO HAVE THE OLD WISE PEOPLE HELP HIS CASE SINCE THE OLD PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THE MOST ABOUT THE ANCIENT NATURAL LAW. SPONGEBOB STOPS CRYING AND PREPARES TO LEAVE WITH MR. KRABS. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE HAS TO FINISH A TASK IN THE RESTAURANT BEFORE THEY GO. SPONGEBOB WAITS OUTSIDE AS MR. KRABS GOES INTO HIS PRIVATE OFFICE AND CLOSES AND LOCKS HIS OFFICE DOOR. SPONGEBOB CAN HEAR SOMETHING BEING REPEATEDLY SLAPPED AND CAN HEAR PEOPLE YELPING IN PAIN IN THE OFFICE. AFTER HEARING THE ODD NOISES FOR SOME TIME, SPONGEBOB FINALLY ENTERS THE RESTAURANT AND BANGS ON THE OFFICE DOOR. AN EXHAUSTED MR. KRABS SIMPLY CONTINUALLY REPLIES, "JUST A MINUTE, MY BOY. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE…" AFTER WAITING FOR A LONG TIME, THE FRUSTRATED SPONGEBOB SIMPLY BREAKS DOWN THE LOCKED OFFICE DOOR. SPONGEBOB GASPS IN SHOCK AS HE SEES MR. KRABS USING A LARGE WOODEN PADDLE TO RUTHLESSLY SPANK THE BUTTS OF THE TWO NINJA LOBSTERS THAT ARRESTED HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY. WITH EACH POWERFUL SPANKING, THE LOBSTERS, WHO ARE TIED TO CHAIRS AND HAVE THEIR UNDERWEAR SHOWING, YELP IN PAIN. SPONGEBOB SHOUTS FOR MR. KRABS TO EXPLAIN WHAT IN NEPTUNE'S BOTTOM IS GOING ON. THE SWEATY AND PANTING MR. KRABS EXPLAINS THAT SQUIDWARD COMPLAINED TO THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT ABOUT THE TWO LOBSTERS WHO ARRESTED SPONGEBOB AND DAMAGED AND STOLE MANY OF SQUIDWARD'S ART PIECES, SO THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT ALLOWS MR. KRABS TO USE A VERY LARGE WOODEN PADDLE TO RUTHLESSLY SPANK THE TWO CORRUPT LOBSTERS EVERYDAY UNTIL HE GETS TIRED OF SPANKING THEM. SPONGEBOB TRIES TO LOOK AWAY FROM THE DISTURBING SIGHT BUT HE CANNOT. SPONGEBOB TELLS MR. KRABS TO STOP, BUT MR. KRABS TELLS HIM THAT HE IS SIMPLY HONORING THE PUNISHMENT CODES OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT AND CONTINUES HIS SPANKING TORTURE OF THE LOBSTER AGENTS. SPONGEBOB WAITS FOR SOME TIME, BUT MR. KRABS, THOUGH BEGINNING TO GET TIRED, CONTINUES THE SPANKING. FINALLY, MR. KRABS STOPS. SPONGEBOB ASKS HIM IF HE IS READY TO GO TO SHADY SHOALS WITH HIM. MR. KRABS TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS SIMPLY TAKING A BREAK FOR A MOMENT, TELLS SPONGEBOB TO GO ALONE TO SHADY SHOALS TO SEE MRS. KRABS AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS, AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE HAS TO CONTINUE THE PUNISHMENT TO TEACH THE CORRUPT LOBSTERS A VERY PAINFUL LESSON THEY WILL NEVER FORGET. THE TRAUMATIZED SPONGEBOB RUNS AWAY TO SHADY SHOALS AS MR. KRABS STARTS ANOTHER ROUND OF HARD SPANKINGS. SPONGEBOB FINALLY ARRIVES EXHAUSTED AT SHADY SHOALS, WHERE MRS. KRABS AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS CARRY HIM INTO THEIR ROOM. THEY FEED HIM, GIVE HIM NEW CLOTHES, AND LAY HIM DOWN IN A BED. GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS EXPLAINS THAT SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS ARE AT THE HOSPITAL WITH HIS FRIENDS TO VISIT SANDY, BUT NOW THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE HOSPITAL TO RETURN TO SPONGEBOB BECAUSE OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. BOTH OLD LADIES COMFORT SPONGEBOB'S SORROW. SPONGEBOB ASKS THEM IF THEY CAN HELP HIM DEFEAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. THEY EXPLAIN THAT NO ONE CAN DEFEAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT; THAT EVERYONE COMMITS CRIMES THAT OFFEND THE NATURAL LAW AND THE SECRET SYSTEM ALWAYS DISCOVERS THE OFFENSES; THAT THE OFFICES, SPIES, AND COURTROOMS OF THE SECRET SYSTEM EXTEND ACROSS ALL THE SEVEN SEAS; AND THAT ITS MOST IMPORTANT POLICIES AND HIGHEST MEMBERS ARE ALL TOP SECRET AND HIDDEN FROM THE PUBLIC. THE OLD LADIES EXPLAIN THAT NO LAWYERS COULD POSSIBLY SUCCESSFULLY AND FAIRLY ARGUE AGAINST THE CORRUPT SYSTEM AND THAT ALL OPPOSITION TO THE SYSTEM IS SOON SILENCED. HOWEVER, THE OLD LADIES CLAIM THERE IS ONE HOPEFUL POSSIBILITY FOR SPONGEBOB'S CASE. BOTH CLAIM TO KNOW SEVERAL HIGH RANKING OLD MALE CRAB JUDGES OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WHO LIVE AT SHADY SHOALS. THEY OFFER TO WOO THE JUDGES TO CAUSE THE JUDGES TO MANIPULATE SPONGEBOB'S CASE TO SLOW DOWN THE RAPID PACE OF HIS POOR CASE AS FAVORS TO THEM. HOWEVER, BOTH CLAIM THAT THE ROMANTIC PROCESS COULD TAKE LONGER THAN THEY EVEN HAVE LEFT TO LIVE, SO THEY BOTH URGE SPONGEBOB TO SEEK THE WISE COUNSEL OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHO IS SO OLD THAT HE SHOULD KNOW THE MOST ABOUT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT AND THE ANCIENT NATURAL LAW AND WHOSE GHOST PIRATE SHIP IS DOCKED IN THE CITY HARBORS. AS SPONGEBOB AGREES TO SEEK HIS ADVICE AND PREPARES TO LEAVE, AN OLD LOBSTER, WHO IS ALSO A RESIDENT OF THE RETIREMENT HOME, APPROACHES THE GROUP AND REVEALS HIMSELF AS A JUDGE OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. THE JUDGE LAUGHS AT THE OLD LADIES' MANIPULATIVE PLAN AND INSULTS MRS. KRABS AS A SHELL OF A WOMAN AND GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS AS A BLOCK OF ROTTEN CHEESE. SPONGEBOB ANGRILY SPRAYS THE JUDGE WITH PEPPER SPRAY, CAUSING THE JUDGE TO SCREAM IN PAIN, ASSURE SPONGEBOB THAT HIS CASE IS NOW FOREVER RUINED, AND RUN AWAY. THE OLD WOMEN THANK SPONGEBOB FOR DEFENDING THEM, BUT THEY ALSO WORRY THAT HIS LEGAL CASE IS NOW FOREVER DOOMED. THEY HUG AND KISS HIM GOODBYE AND WISH HIM THE BEST OF LUCK. BEFORE HE LEAVES SHADY SHOALS TO VISIT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, SPONGEBOB VISITS THE ROOM OF HIS OLD RETIRED FRIENDS MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY TO ASK THEM FOR PROTECTION FROM THE AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. HOWEVER, AS SOON AS SPONGEBOB SEES THE OLD HEROES, HE IS SHOCKED TO SEE THAT THEY ARE HEAVILY BRUISED, SITTING IN WHEELCHAIRS, AND EXTREMELY SENILE AND SCARED. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY REALIZES THAT THE AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT MUST HAVE BEATEN UP THE OLD MEN TO PREVENT THEM FROM HELPING THEIR FRIEND SPONGEBOB AT ALL. THE SAD AND ANGRY SPONGEBOB APPROACHES THEM, BUT BOTH OLD MEN SIMPLY CONTINUALLY MUTTER TO THEMSELVES "EVIL…" THE CRYING SPONGEBOB ASKS THEM IF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT AGENTS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR INJURIES. THE CRIPPLED OLD MEN SUDDENLY SCREAM THAT THEY ARE NOT SUPERHEROES, BREAK DOWN IN TEARS, AND RIDE AWAY IN THEIR WHEELCHAIRS OUT OF SHADY SHOALS. THE SAD SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO NOT FOLLOW THEM SO THE AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WILL NO LONGER HARM THEM DUE TO THEIR FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM. SPONGEBOB STOPS CRYING AND WANTS TO EARN THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S HELP TO FINALLY DEFEAT THE CORRUPT CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. SPONGEBOB THEN TAKES A BIKE TO VISIT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. AS HE RIDES HIS BIKE THROUGHOUT THE CITY STREETS, HE IS FOLLOWED BY SEVERAL POLICE MOTORCYCLES DRIVEN BY CRAB AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT, WHO ARE IMPERSONATING REGULAR POLICE OFFICERS, THAT CHASE HIM ACROSS THE CITY. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB MANAGES TO ESCAPE THEIR PURSUIT WHEN HE CONTINUALLY SHAKES HIS PEPPER SPRAY BOTTLE AND THROWS IT AT THEM, AND THE PEPPER SPRAY BOTTLE EXPLODES, CAUSING THEM ALL TO CRASH. AS NIGHT FALLS OUTSIDE, SPONGEBOB FINALLY REACHES THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP IN THE CITY DOCKS. AS HE ENTERS THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WELCOMES SPONGEBOB AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT HE HAS BEEN EXPECTING HIM. INSIDE THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP, GHOST PIRATES WITH LARGE BEARDS COVERING THE FEATURES OF THEIR FACES FLOAT AROUND AND WORK ON THE DOCKED SHIP. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HELPS CARRY THE VERY TIRED SPONGEBOB ACROSS THE SHIP INTO HIS MASTER COMMAND ROOM, WHICH IS FULL OF UNFINISHED GAMES OF HANGMAN ON SUPERNATURAL GHOST CHALK BOARDS. SPONGEBOB TAKES A SEAT IN A FLOATING CHAIR AND ASKS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IF HE CAN HELP WITH HIS CASE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SMILES AND DECIDES TO TELL SPONGEBOB AN ALLEGORY TO DEPICT THE SITUATION HE IS IN WITH THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. THE STORY IS CALLED "WAITING FOR THE FORMULA." IN THE STORY, MR. KRABS, ARMED WITH A LARGE GOLDEN PIRATE SWORD, GUARDS THE ENTRANCE OF THE KRUSTY KRAB. PLANKTON WISHES TO BE GRANTED ACCESS INTO THE RESTAURANT, SO HE CAN FINALLY HAVE THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. MR. KRABS ALWAYS DENIES PLANKTON ACCESS INTO THE RESTAURANT. AS PLANKTON GAZES INTO THE LOCKED FRONT DOORS OF THE RESTAURANT, PLANKTON REALIZES THAT THE RESTAURANT IS ONLY ONE OF AN INFINITE SERIES OF KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS IN SUCCESSION ALL GUARDED BY LARGE CRAB AND LOBSTER GUARDS TO PREVENT ANYONE FROM EVER REACHING THE END OF THE INFINITE SERIES TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. PLANKTON WAITS TO BE ALLOWED ENTRANCE INTO THE RESTAURANT, LIES TO MR. KRABS ABOUT ONLY WANTING TO USE THE RESTAURANT BATHROOMS, AND EVEN BRIBES MR. KRABS WITH MONEY TO TRY TO CONVINCE MR. KRABS TO LET HIM ENTER THE RESTAURANT. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS ALWAYS REFUSES TO LET PLANKTON ENTER THE KRUSTY KRAB AND TELLS PLANKTON THAT HIS FATE IS FOR HIS OWN GOOD. EVENTUALLY, MANY YEARS PASS BY, PLANKTON GREATLY AGES, AND PLANKTON ALWAYS HAS STARING CONTESTS WITH THE MOTIONLESS MR. KRABS AND ALWAYS LOSES THE STARING CONTESTS. FINALLY, AFTER WAITING FOR A VERY LONG TIME OUTSIDE THE LOCKED AND GUARDED DOORS OF THE KRUSTY KRAB, PLANKTON IS VERY CLOSE TO DEATH FROM OLD AGE. THE OLD DYING PLANKTON WEAKLY ASKS MR. KRABS WHY NO OTHER PLANKTONS HAVE TRIED TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA AND ASKS WHEN MR. KRABS WILL FINALLY OPEN THE DOORS TO THE RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS EXPLAINS THAT THE INFINITE ROW OF RESTAURANTS WAS CREATED FOR ONLY PLANKTON TO HOPELESSLY TRY TO ENTER AND THAT THE RESTAURANT DOORS WILL FINALLY OPEN ONCE PLANKTON LOSES THE ONE THING THE RESTAURANT STILL NEEDS HIM TO LOSE, WHICH IS THE WILL TO LIVE. THE SHOCKED PLANKTON FINALLY LITERALLY CROAKS AND DIES OF OLD AGE. MR. KRABS PULLS OUT HIS KEY TO THE RESTAURANT AND OPENS THE FRONT DOOR. INSIDE THE RESTAURANT, MANY SHRIMPS AND PRAWNS CARRY A SMALL BLACK COFFIN FOR PLANKTON, LOAD HIM INTO THE COFFIN, AND TAKE THE DECEASED PLANKTON INTO THE RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS LIKEWISE ENTERS THE RESTAURANT, SMILES, AND LOCKS THE FRONT DOOR OF THE RESTAURANT TO END THE STORY. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN EXPLAINS THE SYMBOLS OF THE TRAGIC STORY: THE FORMULA IS THE FREEDOM FROM THE NATURAL LAW THAT EVERYONE WISHES TO GAIN; THE SEEKER OF THE FORMULA, PLANKTON, IS THE GUILTY AND DOOMED CRIMINAL WHO HAS VIOLATED THE NATURAL LAW AND WHO WISHES TO ESCAPE HIS PUNISHMENT; THE KRUSTY KRAB IS THE ENTIRE SYSTEM OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT; THE GUARDS OF THE RESTAURANT ARE THE HIGHEST JUDGES OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WHO UPHOLD THE NATURAL LAW FOREVER; AND FINALLY, THE FRONT DOOR TO THE RESTAURANT IS THE FALSE HOPE THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT PROVIDES THE GUILTY BEFORE MAKING THEM REALIZE THAT THEY WERE NEVER IN CONTROL OF THEIR SITUATION AND THE SECRET SYSTEM CONTROLLED ALL ASPECTS OF THE SHOW TRIAL PROCESS UNTIL THE INEVITABLE FATAL PUNISHMENT WAS SERVED. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN CONCLUDES THE STORY'S MORAL LESSON BY SAYING THAT PLANKTON DID NOT LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. SPONGEBOB SHAKES IN HORROR AT THE HOPELESS STORY AS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, GENTLY HOLDING HIS GHOST PIRATE SWORD, GETS EXTREMELY CLOSE TO HIM. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ASKS SPONGEBOB WHAT HE TRULY FEELS ABOUT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT AND THE NATURAL LAW. SPONGEBOB STUTTERS IN FEAR AND ANGER AS HE FINALLY EXPRESSES THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT IS BASED ON LIES, MANIPULATION, AND POINTLESS OPPRESSION AND DOES NOT STAND FOR TRUE JUSTICE AT ALL. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WICKEDLY LAUGHS AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT THE BEGGARS OF FATE CANNOT BE THE CHOOSERS OF FATE AND THAT ONE MUST ACCEPT ONE'S FATE BECAUSE THE NATURAL LAW IS ALWAYS RIGHT, NO MATTER HOW HORRIBLE ITS PUNISHMENTS ARE. SUDDENLY, THE BEARDED GHOSTS PIRATES ENTER THE ROOM AND REMOVE THEIR BEARDS TO REVEAL THAT THEY ARE CRAB AND LOBSTER GHOSTS. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AS HE REALIZES THEY ARE ALL DECEASED MEMBERS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN RESTRAINS SPONGEBOB WHO TRIES TO FLEE THE ROOM WITH ITS EXIT BLOCKED BY THE CRUSTACEAN GHOSTS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HANDS SPONGEBOB A RINGING CELL PHONE. AFTER SOME HESITATION, SPONGEBOB ANSWERS THE PHONE. THE PHONE CALL IS FROM THE FISH DOCTOR FROM THE CITY HOSPITAL. THE FISH DOCTOR INFORMS SPONGEBOB THAT ALL HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE FREE TO RETURN TO HIM, BUT THEY CANNOT DISCLOSE ANY INFORMATION ABOUT SANDY SINCE THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT KNOWS THAT SANDY IS SPONGEBOB'S TRUE LOVE AND DOES NOT WANT TO RETURN SANDY TO HIM. THE FISH DOCTOR EXPLAINS THAT THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT WILL DECIDE SPONGEBOB'S FATE BY THE END OF THE YEAR AND VISIT HIM TO DECIDE HIS FREEDOM OR GUILT. THE FISH DOCTOR ADVISES SPONGEBOB TO RETURN TO HIS NORMAL LIFE, TO GET MORE FRESH AIR IN THE OUTDOORS TO ENJOY THE BEAUTY OF NATURE, AND TO FORGET ABOUT SANDY IF HE EVER WANTS TO LIVE A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN. THE PHONE CALL ENDS, AND THE GHOSTS ALLOW THE SILENT AND SHOCKED SPONGEBOB TO LEAVE HOME. WITH HIS SPONGY SHOW TRIAL PROCESS MAINLY OVER AND MOST OF HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY BACK WITH HIM, SPONGEBOB EVENTUALLY FORGETS ABOUT SANDY AND LIVES A NORMAL LIFE AGAIN WITH HIS JOB AND LOVED ONES HELPING HIM BECOME A WHOLE PERSON AGAIN AS MANY MONTHS PASS BY…ONE YEAR LATER, ON THE EVENING OF SPONGEBOB'S TWENTY-FIRST BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE AT THE BIRTHDAY PARTY SUDDENLY BEGINS TO WEEP AND REVEALS TO SPONGEBOB THAT TODAY IS HIS JUDGMENT DAY AND THAT THEY ARE ALL POWERLESS TO STOP IT SINCE HIS CRIME AGAINST THE NATURAL LAW IS TOO GREAT TO ESCAPE PUNISHMENT FROM THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. TWO HERMIT CRABS DRESSED AS BLACK NINJAS BREAK INTO SPONGEBOB'S HOME AND ARREST HIM. SPONGEBOB STRUGGLES TO BREAK FREE OF THEIR STRONG CLAWS AND TRIES TO SPRAY THEM WITH PEPPER SPRAY, BUT THE HERMIT CRABS PINCH OFF HIS SPONGY HANDS AND SPRAY HIM IN THE FACE WITH THE PEPPER SPRAY TO DAZE HIM GREATLY TO ALLOW THEM TO EASILY DRAG HIM AWAY INTO THE COLD DARK NIGHT STREETS. AS THE AGENTS OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT DRAG SPONGEBOB AWAY FROM THE CITY, THE TWO POLICE FISH WHO VISITED SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY AFTER HIS FIRST ARREST SPOT THE GROUP. HOWEVER, INSTEAD OF HELPING SPONGEBOB, THEY SIMPLY IGNORE HIM AND CONTINUE THEIR NIGHT PATROL DESPITE SPONGEBOB'S SCREAMS FOR HELP. AS THE CRAB AGENTS DRAG SPONGEBOB TO THE OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM, SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY HANDS FINALLY GROW BACK AND HE BELIEVES HE CAN SEE SANDY BEING CARRIED BY OTHER CRABBY CRAB AGENTS BEHIND HIM IN THE DISTANCE. HE CALLS OUT TO HER, BUT SHE IS DRAGGED AWAY BY MORE LOBSTER AGENTS AS SHE REACHES HER ARMS OUT FOR HIM. SPONGEBOB NEVER SEES SANDY AGAIN AS THE CRUSTACEAN AGENTS DISAPPEAR WITH HER IN THE DISTANCE. FINALLY, SPONGEBOB AND THE CRAB AGENTS REACH A LARGE SWAMP OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM. SPONGEBOB DEMANDS TO KNOW HIS TRUE CRIME ONCE AND FOR ALL. THE CRAB AGENTS FINALLY REVEAL TO SPONGEBOB HIS OFFENSE THAT VIOLATED THE NATURAL LAW AND MADE HIM AN ENEMY OF THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT. IT APPEARS THAT SANDY HAD BEEN PREGNANT THROUGHOUT THE PREVIOUS YEAR, AND SHE FINALLY GAVE BIRTH TO A SON, WHO IS A HYBRID OF A SPONGE AND A SQUIRREL. THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT KNOWS THAT SPONGEBOB IS THE FATHER AS A RESULT OF THE WIDESPREAD EGGNOG DRINKING AT THE CHRISTMAS EVE PARTY LONG AGO. THE CHILD IS VIEWED AS AN ABOMINATION TO THE NATURAL LAW, SO THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT MUST PUNISH SPONGEBOB AND HIS LOVER SANDY FOR THEIR UNNATURAL AND IRRESPONSIBLE CRIME. THE CHILD IS TO BE PUT INTO A ZOO. INTERSPECIES LOVE RELATIONSHIPS, ESPECIALLY THOSE BETWEEN SEA CREATURES AND LAND CRITTERS AND THOSE THAT RESULT IN HYBRID MUTANT OFFSPRING, ARE FORBIDDEN BY THE ANCIENT NATURAL LAW BY WHICH THE CRUSTY CRABBY COURT OPERATES. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB, FEARING HE KNEW THE TRUTH ALL ALONG, SCREAMS IN HORROR ABOUT HIS GUILT AND BEGS FOR MERCY. INSTEAD, THE HERMIT CRABS FORCE THE STRUGGLING SPONGEBOB, WHOSE SPONGY ARMS HAVE GROWN BACK, INTO A NEARBY CANNON AND GIVE HIM MATCHES TO IGNITE THE CANNON TO SHOOT HIMSELF INTO THE SWAMP WATERS, BUT HE REFUSES TO IGNITE THE CANNON. THE HERMIT CRABS SWITCH THE MATCHES BACK AND FORTH TO DECIDE WHO WILL CARRY OUT THE EXECUTION UNTIL ONE OF THEM ACCIDENTALLY LIGHTS THE CANNON. THE CANNON FIRES AND SENDS SPONGEBOB FLYING AND CRASHING INTO THE SWAMP WATERS. THE SWAMP WATERS ARE FULL OF FLESH-EATING NEMATODES. THE NEMATODES ENTER SPONGEBOB'S HOLES TO EAT HIM ALIVE FROM THE INSIDE. AS THE NEMATODES ENTER SPONGEBOB TO EAT HIM, SPONGEBOB SCREAMS HIS LAST WORDS ABOUT HIS DISMAL FATE: "LIKE ROTTEN CHEESE!" SPONGEBOB WAS AS SHAMEFUL AS SPOILED FOOD, AND IT WAS AS IF THE WORMS' DINNER WAS THEIR BIRTHDAY PRESENT ON THE DAY OF HIS BIRTH!

**TOM SURFING: KAFKAESQUE TALES ARE OFTEN NIGHTMARISH TRIALS FOR THEIR CHARACTERS AND THEIR VIEWERS. THE ABSOLUTE POWER AND ABSOLUTE POWERLESSNESS PRESENT IN SUCH STORIES OFTEN SHOCK THE AUDIENCE INTO A STATE OF NAUSEA. UNFORTUNATELY, THE CURE FOR SUCH ULTIMATE SEA SICKNESS ONLY LIES…OUTSIDE THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**EPISODE 51D ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART THREE - 3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY_**

**TOM SURFING: WELCOME, ALL BOYS, GIRLS, AND TOM BOYS TO ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE _****OF ****_3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY_****! OUTER SPACE IS THE NEW UNEXPLORED OCEAN AND THE FINAL FRONTIER FOR BOTH MAN AND SPONGE. TONIGHT'S SERIES FINALE IS A TALE OF EVOLUTION, ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE, SPACE TRAVEL, COLD WAR, COLOR T.V., AND MOZART. SO PREPARE YOUR IMAGINARY SPACE ROCKET FOR THIS LAST VOYAGE AS SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS FINALLY DISCOVERS HIS OWN AND BIKINI BOTTOM'S DESTINY THROUGH A PERILOUS COSMIC JOURNEY TO THE INFINITE THAT EVEN REACHES…BEYOND THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**ACT 1: DAWN OF THE KRABBY PATTY**

ON AN ALIEN FLYING SAUCER IN NEAR-EARTH ORBIT IN OUTER SPACE, AN ALIEN RADIO PLAYS EPIC CLASSICAL MUSIC AS THE SUN RISES IN THE SKY ABOVE EARTH. IT IS THE PREHISTORIC ERA OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN, CIRCA FOUR MILLION B.C.E. TWO HERBIVOROUS TRIBES OF AQUATIC, PRIMITIVE, FURRY, APE-LIKE CREATURES, ONE LED A CRAB, THE ANCIENT ANCESTOR OF PRESENT DAY MR. KRABS, AND THE OTHER LED BY A PLANKTON, THE ANCIENT ANCESTOR OF PRESENT DAY SHELDON PLANKTON, ARE AT TRIBAL WAR OVER THE SCARCE RESOURCES OF A BARREN LANDSCAPE. THE CRAB TRIBE INCLUDES A SPONGE (THE ANCIENT ANCESTOR OF PRESENT DAY SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS), A STAR FISH (THE ANCIENT ANCESTOR OF PRESENT DAY PATRICK STAR), AND A SQUID (THE ANCIENT ANCESTOR OF PRESENT DAY SQUIDWARD TENTACLES). THE PLANKTON TRIBE INCLUDES PRIMITIVE SHRIMP. BECAUSE OF THE LITTLE PLANKTON LEADER'S INTELLIGENCE, WHICH COMPENSATES FOR EVERYTHING SMALL ABOUT HIS BODY, THE PLANKTON TRIBE, BUILDING BOOBY TRAP PITS, OFTEN WINS ITS CHAOTIC BATTLES AGAINST THE CRAB TRIBE FOR WATER AND GRASSY SHRUBS. WILD PREDATORS, WHICH RESEMBLE LARGE WOOLY WALRUSES, ROUTINELY ATTACK BOTH THE VIRTUALLY STARVING TRIBES. A RIVER DIVIDES THE SETTLEMENTS OF THE TWO RIVAL TRIBES, RESULTING IN CONFLICTS OVER THE WATER SOURCE. ONE MORNING, A LARGE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH SUDDENLY APPEARS AMONG THE CRAB TRIBE, CAUSING PANIC AMONG ITS MEMBERS. HOWEVER, THE SPONGE OF THE TRIBE, WHO IS THE MOST CURIOUS AND PLAYFUL OF THE CRAB TRIBE, SUMMONS THE CURIOSITY AND COURAGE TO INSPECT THE MONOLITH. THE SPONGE SLOWLY AND CAUTIOUSLY REACHES OUT HIS FINGER TOWARDS THE MONOLITH AS HE FEELS A TRANCE LIKE IMPULSE TO TOUCH THE MONOLITH. THE SPONGE'S YELLOW FINGER BECOMES ONE WITH THE YELLOW MONOLITH UPON CONTACT. THE SPONGE'S BOLDNESS ENCOURAGES THE OTHERS TO LITERALLY RUB THEIR EYES AND BODIES AGAINST THE MONOLITH AS WELL TO USE IT AS A GIANT BACK AND BUTT SCRATCHER AND TO RELIEVE MENTAL STRESS AS THE MONOLITH SEARCHES THROUGH THEIR MINDS TO IMPLANT NEW INTUITIVE IDEAS. AFTER A MONTH OF THE MONOLITH'S MYSTERIOUS AND HAUNTING PRESENCE AMONG THE CRAB TRIBE, THE CRAB TRIBE SUDDENLY LEARNS HOW TO SHARPEN ROCKS AND WOOD INTO SPEARS, CREATE SPATULAS OUT OF WOODEN TWIGS AND LEAVES, AND HUNT NEARBY PRAIRIE SEA-COWS FOR FOOD, ENDING THEIR STARVATION AND MAKING THEM OMNIVORES. THE SUCCESS OF THE CRAB TRIBE CAUSES IT TO WIN THE SUPPORT OF THE SHRIMP OF THE RIVAL TRIBE, WHO SEND THEIR PLANKTON LEADER INTO EXILE AFTER THE PLANKTON LEADER, THROWING MUD, IS CRITICALLY INJURED AND LOSES IN A FIGHT WITH THE CRAB LEADER, ARMED WITH A NEW WEAPON, THE SPEAR, AT THE RIVER FOR THE TRIBAL DOMINANCE OF THE REGION. THE REMNANT SHRIMP TRIBE JOINS THE CRAB TRIBE AND HOLDS A LARGE CELEBRATION OF THEIR PROSPEROUS NEW TRIBE WITH THE FEAST OF THE NEW KRABBY PATTY MEALS OF MEAT, LEAVES, AND PRAIRIE SEA-COW SKIN AS BUNS. DUE TO HIS COURAGE IN FIRST TOUCHING AND GAZING INTO THE HYPNOTIC MONOLITH, THE SPONGE OF THE TRIBE IS GIVEN A NAME BY THE OTHER MEMBERS. THE NAME OF THE SPONGE IS NOW "PATTY FLIPPER," DUE TO HIS NATURAL SKILL IN PROPERLY COOKING THE KRABBY PATTIES WITH THE NEW TWIG AND LEAF SPATULAS AND SOLAR HEATED FLAT ROCKS TO FEED THE TRIBE. DESPITE HIS NEW STATUS AS TRIBAL HERO AND MASTER OF THE SEA, PATTY FLIPPER IS UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO NEXT, BUT HE WILL THINK OF SOMETHING. AS THE OTHER TRIBE MEMBERS WARM THEMSELVES TOGETHER AT NIGHT BY ANOTHER NEW INVENTION, CAMP FIRE, A FLYING SAUCER IN THE DARK, STARRY SKY ABOVE TAKES THE LARGE RECTANGULAR YELLOW MONOLITH INTO IT WITH A MAGNETIC BEAM OF LIGHT AND DEPARTS AT UNIMAGINABLE SPEEDS INTO OUTER SPACE. FROM AN ISOLATED HILL OVERLOOKING THE TRIBAL VIGIL, PATTY FLIPPER AND THE STAR FISH WATCH THE ALIEN SHIP DISAPPEAR INTO THE UNKNOWN INFINITE. AFTER A MOMENT OF SILENCE, PATTY FLIPPER USES A SPATULA TO FLIP A PATTY INTO THE COLD AIR UP TOWARDS THE NIGHT SKY. THE FLIPPING PATTY, LIKE ALL PAST THINGS AND CREATURES, VANISHES WITH THE RELENTLESS, ENDLESS PASSAGE OF TIME…IN THE COLD, SILENT VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE, AN OCEANIC VOID OF COSMIC DUST, A SMALL OBJECT ROTATES AROUND THE BLUE GLOBE OF EARTH. THE DESCENDANT OF ALL FORMER MECHANICAL PROGRESS AND TECHNOLOGICAL EVOLUTION, IT IS A SPACE SHUTTLE ARMED WITH A GIANT LASER GUN SUPER WEAPON ON TOP OF IT, WITH THE NATIONAL EMBLEM OF A CRAB ON IT, AND "THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE STATION" WRITTEN ON IT, MILLIONS OF YEARS IN THE FUTURE OF THE PREHISTORIC FIRST CONTACT. THE YEAR IS NOW 3000 C.E.

**ACT 2: THE MYSTERIOUS CHEESY MOON ROCK **

THE YEAR IS 3000 C.E. THE HISTORIC RIVALRY BETWEEN THE KRUSTY KRAB AND CHUM BUCKET RESTAURANT FAST FOOD CHAINS, WHICH BEGAN APPROXIMATELY 1000 YEARS AGO IN THE YEAR 2000 C.E., HAS ESCALATED IN THE FOLLOWING MANNER. BY THE YEAR 2500 C.E., BIKINI BOTTOM'S POPULATION CONSISTED MAINLY OF CRABS AND LOBSTERS, DESCENDANTS OF PRESENT DAY EUGENE KRABS AND LOYAL CUSTOMERS OF THE KRUSTY KRAB FAST FOOD EMPIRE, AND OF PLANKTON AND SHRIMP, DESCENDANTS OF PRESENT DAY SHELDON PLANKTON AND LOYAL CUSTOMERS OF THE CHUM BUCKET FAST FOOD EMPIRE. THE TWO HOSTILE PEOPLES SPLIT THE CITY IN HALF AT THE ROAD, ONCE AN ANCIENT WATER SOURCE FOR THE RIVAL POPULATIONS' RESPECTIVE PREHISTORIC ANCESTOR TRIBES, SEPARATING THE TWO ORIGINAL RIVAL RESTAURANTS, THE KRUSTY KRAB AND THE CHUM BUCKET. THE DIVISION OF THE CITY CAUSED THE FORMATION OF TWO SEPARATE RIVAL NATIONS, ONE MAINLY FULL OF CRABS AND LOBSTERS AND THE OTHER MAINLY FULL OF PLANKTON AND SHRIMP. THE TWO NATIONS ARE NAMED AFTER THE TWO ORIGINAL RESTAURANTS THAT HAVE BEEN EXPANDED INTO CAPITALS FOR BOTH SIDES WITH THE ROAD DIVIDING THEM AS A DANGEROUS MILITARIZED BORDER. THE FIRST NATION, FULL OF MAINLY CRABS AND LOBSTERS AND RULED BY A PLUTOCRACY, IS A CAPITALIST NATION NAMED "UNITED KRUSTY KRAB STATES." THE SECOND NATION, FULL OF MAINLY PLANKTON AND SHRIMP AND RULED BY A DICTATORSHIP, IS A SOCIALIST NATION NAMED "UNION OF CHUM BUCKETS." FOLLOWING THEIR ANCESTORS' LONG RIVALRY AND HISTORIC ANIMOSITY, THE TWO NATIONS BEGAN A LONG COLD WAR AND ARMS RACE TO PROVE THEIR CULTURAL AND BIOLOGICAL SUPREMACY TO ONE ANOTHER. BY THE YEAR 3000 C.E., BOTH NATIONS HAVE ENTERED INTO A SPACE RACE AND HAVE DEVELOPED VEHICLES FOR SPACE TRAVEL. EACH NATION HAS ONE MAJOR SPACE SHUTTLE STATION ORBITING EARTH. EACH MAJOR SPACE SHUTTLE STATION IS ARMED WITH A GIANT LASER GUN SUPER WEAPON, CAPABLE OF GENERATING A LASER BEAM LARGE AND POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE RIVAL NATION WITHIN MINUTES. HOWEVER, DUE TO THE FEAR OF M.A.D., THE THREAT OF MUTUAL ASSURED DESTRUCTION, BOTH SIDES NEVER USE THEIR SUPER LASER GUNS, THOUGH BOTH KEEP THEM ARMED, AIMED, AND READY FOR USE AGAINST ONE ANOTHER. BY 3000 C.E., SINCE THE DESCENDANTS OF PRESENT DAY SCIENTIST SANDY CHEEKS LIVED IN THE UNITED KRUSTY KRAB STATES, THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE PROGRAM DEVELOPS SPACE TRAVEL VEHICLES FIRST AND SUCCESSFULLY LANDS FIRST ON THE CHEESE MOON, WHICH IS MADE OF YELLOW HOLEY CHEESE, WHERE IT ESTABLISHES A CHEESE MOON COLONY AND NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT DEPENDENT ON THE CHEDDAR RESERVES OF THE CHEESE MOON. HOWEVER, A MYSTERIOUS FOOD POISONING EPIDEMIC IS RUMORED TO HAVE DOOMED THE KRUSTY KRAB CHEESE MOON COLONY, MAKING ASTRONAUT CHUM BUCKET AMBASSADORS RELUCTANT TO VISIT THE QUARANTINED CHEESE MOON. EVERYONE IN THE FUTURE IS REFERRED TO WITH THE TITLE "COMRADE." THOUGH THEY HAVE THE SAME NAMES, ALL MAIN CHARACTERS ARE LONG-TIME, LOOK-A-LIKE DESCENDANTS OF THE ORIGINAL MAIN CHARACTER ANCESTORS OF THE PRESENT DAY. BOTH KRUSTY KRAB AND CHUM BUCKET SPACE SHIPS FLOAT AROUND THE EARTH IN OUTER SPACE, WHICH IS THE NEW OCEAN FOR SPACE EXPLORERS. THE SPACE SHIPS RESEMBLE GIANT ROBOTIC AQUATIC CREATURES, WHICH ARE SLOWLY AND GRACEFULLY MAKING SWIMMING MOTIONS PAST ONE ANOTHER IN THEIR PRECISE NEAR-EARTH ORBITS. WHILE ON HIS LOBSTER SHAPED SPACE SHUTTLE TO THE CHEESE MOON, HEAD OF THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE PROGRAM, SUPREME COMRADE EUGENE KRABS, RECEIVES A MESSAGE FROM HIS DAUGHTER COMRADE PEARL KRABS. ON EARTH, IT IS COMRADE PEARL'S BIRTHDAY, AND HER FATHER, VIA HOLOGRAM TRANSMISSION, PROMISES TO BUY THE IMAGINATIVE GIRL A DOLL OF A STEREOTYPICAL GREEN MARTIAN ALIEN WHEN HE RETURNS HOME. BOTH FATHER AND DAUGHTER EXPRESS HOW MUCH THEY LOVE AND MISS EACH OTHER BEFORE ENDING THEIR SIGNALS AND CONVERSATION. SUPREME COMRADE KRABS' LOBSTER SHUTTLE IS VISITED BY SUPREME COMRADE SHELDON PLANKTON, HEAD OF THE CHUM BUCKET SPACE PROGRAM, WHO RELUCTANTLY CONGRATULATES THE KRUSTY KRAB NATION FOR LANDING ON THE CHEESE MOON FIRST AND RELUCTANTLY EXPRESSES SORROW FOR THE TRAGIC BUT COVERT FATE OF THE KRUSTY KRAB CHEESE MOON COLONY. THE MEETING BETWEEN THE TWO RIVAL LEADERS IS TENSE AND PERMEATED BY MOMENTS OF AWKWARD SILENCE, DURING WHICH THEY BOTH CONSTANTLY MENTION HOW LOVELY THE VACUUM WEATHER OF OUTER SPACE IS AND HOW NICE EACH OTHER'S NATIONAL SUPER LASERS ARE. AFTER HAVING A FORCED AND ODD CONVERSATION ABOUT WHETHER SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS IN LOVE AND WAR, SUPREME COMRADE PLANKTON TRIES TO GET SUPREME COMRADE KRABS TO REVEAL THE SPECIFICS OF THE CHEESE MOON COLONY FOOD POISONING EPIDEMIC, BUT SUPREME COMRADE KRABS POLITELY REFUSES BY TELLING SUPREME COMRADE PLANKTON THAT HE WOULD HAVE TO KILL HIM IF HE TOLD HIM ANY SECRET DETAILS. AFTER A TENSE FINAL HAND SHAKE, IN WHICH SUPREME COMRADE KRABS' CLAWS LIGHTLY PINCH SUPREME COMRADE PLANKTON'S LITTLE HAND AND SUPREME COMRADE PLANKTON'S SINGLE EYE WINS IN A STARING CONTEST AGAINST BOTH OF HIS RIVAL'S EYES, SUPREME COMRADE PLANKTON DEPARTS FROM THE LOBSTER SHUTTLE TO HIS OWN SHRIMP SPACE SHUTTLE TO RENDEZVOUS WITH THE MAJOR CHUM BUCKET SPACE STATION SHUTTLE. MEANWHILE, THE LOBSTER SPACE SHUTTLE LANDS AT THE CHEESE MOON COLONY, WHERE ASTRONAUT LOBSTERS, ASTRONAUT CRABS, ASTRONAUT FISH, AND THE ROBOT MICE SERVANTS OF THE ASTRONAUTS ARE SURROUNDING A LARGE MYSTERIOUS OBJECT IN A CHEESY MOON CRATER. SUPREME COMRADE KRABS MEETS WITH THE LEADING ASTRONAUT COLONISTS THERE AND APOLOGIZES FOR THE EMBARRASSING COVER STORY, THOUGH HE HAS ALL PRESENT SWEAR ON THEIR ANCESTORS' GRAVES TO MAINTAIN ABSOLUTE SECRECY. IT APPEARS THAT THE MOON COLONY IS NOT SICK FROM FOOD POISONING AND ONLY USED THE COVER STORY TO PREVENT CHUM BUCKET COSMONAUTS FROM VISITING THE CHEESE MOON. THE ASTRONAUT COMMITTEE, AFTER SHARING THEIR BEST JOKES INSULTING SOCIALISM AND THE PLANKTON AND SHRIMP SPECIES, THEN DISCUSSES THE MOMENTOUS DISCOVERY OF A LARGE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH, APPARENTLY CONSTRUCTED BY UNKNOWN EXTRATERRESTRIALS, PRECISELY COVERED IN VARIOUS CHEESES (CHEDDAR, SWISS, AMERICAN, NACHO, AND MOLDY), AND DELIBERATELY BURIED IN A CHEESE FONDUE GEYSER ON THE CHEESE MOON ABOUT FOUR MILLION YEARS AGO DURING THE PREHISTORIC ERA OF EARTH. SUPREME COMRADE KRABS, DONNING AN ASTRONAUT SUIT, AND SEVERAL ASTRONAUT LOBSTERS, ASTRONAUT CRABS, ASTRONAUT FISH, AND ROBOT MICE LEAVE THE COMMITTEE HALL TO INSPECT THE MONOLITH. AFTER PLAYFULLY HOPING ON THE CHEESE MOON, HAVING CHEESE FIGHTS, EATING CHEESY SNACKS, AND TAKING PICTURES OF THE EARTH IN THE SKY, THE ASTRONAUTS AND ROBOTS VISIT THE DIGGING SITE OF THE UNEARTHED MONOLITH, WHICH IS SURROUNDED BY THE LARGE SPATULA-SHAPED SHOVELS THE ASTRONAUTS USED TO UNEARTH THE MONOLITH. THE ASTRONAUTS PLAY EERIE MUSIC, LOUD ENOUGH TO BE HEARD EVEN IN THE VACUUM OF SPACE, FROM A LOUDSPEAKER ON A SPACE CRAB CHEESE MOON VEHICLE TO MAKE THE HISTORIC MOMENT EXTREMELY EPIC AND MEMORABLE. ASTRONAUT KRABS SLOWLY APPROACHES THE MONOLITH AND SEEMS TO BE CAUGHT IN AN INTENSE HYPNOTIC TRANCE. AFTER SLOWLY WALKING LIKE A HEAVY BREATHING MUMMY TOWARDS THE MONOLITH, ASTRONAUT KRABS FINALLY GENTLY AND VERY CAUTIOUSLY PINCHES THE MONOLITH SEVERAL TIMES TO FEEL ITS SQUARE DIMENSIONS. FOLLOWING HIS LEAD, THE ASTRONAUT LOBSTERS, ASTRONAUT CRABS, AND ASTRONAUT FISH SLOWLY RUB THEIR BODIES AGAINST THE MONOLITH AND PURR LIKE PET SNAILS AGAINST ITS SMOOTH FLAT SURFACE. THE ROBOT MICE BEGIN TO CHEW THE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH, WHICH THE ROBOT MICE BELIEVE IS MADE OF CHEESE, BUT THE MONOLITH IS INEDIBLE, INDESTRUCTIBLE, AND NOT MADE OF ANY KNOWN CHEMICAL ELEMENTS. AMAZED AT THEIR HISTORIC DISCOVERY, THE AQUATIC ASTRONAUTS AND ROBOT MICE CELEBRATE BY, DUE TO THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE PREVENTING ANY NOISE, SOUNDLESSLY POPPING CHAMPAGNE CORKS ABOVE THEM AS THE CHAMPAGNE FLOATS AWAY, SOUNDLESSLY CLINKING BOTTLES TOGETHER, AND DOING MOON WALK DANCING AND ROBOTIC DANCING. AS YELLOW SUNLIGHT FINALLY HITS THE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH'S SURFACE, IT LETS OUT A LOUD ANNOYING RADIO LAUGHING SIGNAL, WHICH RESEMBLES THE ORIGINAL PRESENT DAY SPONGEBOB'S LAUGH, THAT PIERCES THE ASTRONAUTS' HEARING AND CAUSES THE ROBOT MICE TO MALFUNCTION, ENDS THEIR CELEBRATION, AND MAKES THEM ACT LIKE A BUNCH OF CRAZY PRIMITIVE APES AS THEY ATTACK EACH OTHER AND USELESSLY ATTACK THE MONOLITH AS THEY GO TEMPORARILY INSANE FROM THE UNBEARABLE AUDIBLE PAIN. THE ALIEN MONOLITH'S SIGNAL IS SENT INTO OUTER SPACE AND IS DIRECTED AT THE PLANET NEPTUNE AT THE EDGE OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM.

**ACT 3: THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER**

THE YEAR IS NOW 3001 C.E. AS A RESULT OF THE ALIEN YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH'S RADIO SIGNAL FROM THE PREVIOUS YEAR ON THE CHEESE MOON, THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE PROGRAM, UNDER THE PUBLIC GUISE OF SETTING UP A NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT AND SPACE COLONY IMMUNE TO FOOD POISONING ON THE PLANET NEPTUNE TO HONOR THE MYTHICAL KING NEPTUNE OF THE SEA, ORGANIZES A SPACE MISSION TO THE PLANET NEPTUNE AT THE END OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM TO SECRETLY DISCOVER IF ANY EXTRATERRESTRIAL ALIENS, THE CREATORS OF THE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH, ARE THERE. SEVERAL MONTHS AFTER THE CHEESY MOON INCIDENT, KRUSTY KRAB SPACE SHUTTLE _PINEAPPLE ONE_, A YELLOW PINEAPPLE-SHAPED SPACE ROCKET, HEADS TOWARDS THE PLANET NEPTUNE. ON BOARD _PINEAPPLE ONE_ IS ITS "FRESH AND FRUITY CREW," INCLUDING ITS LEAD ASTRONAUT PILOTS, COMRADE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND COMRADE PATRICK STAR, THREE OTHER COMRADE ASTRONAUTS FROZEN IN REFRIGERATOR BEDS TO CRYOGENICALLY HIBERNATE FOR THE LONG MISSION (COMRADE SANDY CHEEKS, COMRADE SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, AND COMRADE GARY THE ASTRONAUT SNAIL), AND THE ARTIFICIALLY INTELLIGENT AND CONSCIOUS COMPUTER _KAREN 1000_, OR JUST KAREN FOR SHORT. KAREN IS THE MAIN CONTROL SYSTEM AND MECHANICAL CENTRAL NERVOUS SYSTEM OF THE SHIP, AND IS NAMED _KAREN 1000_ BECAUSE SHE WAS CREATED 1000 YEARS AFTER HER ANCESTOR ORIGINAL KAREN COMPUTER OF THE PRESENT DAY. ALL OF THE ASTRONAUTS HAVE WATER IN THEIR HELMETS, EXCEPT FOR SANDY WHO HAS OXYGEN IN HER HELMET. THE TWO AWAKE ASTRONAUTS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SPEND THEIR SPACE FLIGHT DAYS PLAYING COMPUTER CHECKERS WITH EACH OTHER AND WITH KAREN; DOING SMALL MAINTENANCE AND CLEANING TASKS OF THE SHIP WHILE KAREN OVERLOOKS THE PROPER FUNCTIONING OF MOST OF THE SHIP; USING ZERO-GRAVITY BATHROOMS; EATING INFANT MEALS AS SPACE FOOD; MAINTAINING EXCELLENT PHYSICAL CONDITION BY DRESSING AND DANCING AS BALLERINAS WHILE LISTENING TO STIMULATING CLASSICAL MUSIC AND KAREN'S DANCE INSTRUCTIONS; WATCHING THE HIBERNATING ASTRONAUTS SLEEP AND DISCUSSING WHO SLEEPS THE CUTEST; COUNTING HOW MANY STARS PASS BY THE SHIP; DISCUSSING THEIR FAVORITE SCIENCE FICTION STORIES; ASKING KAREN WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE NEITHER ALIVE NOR DEAD AS A ROBOT COMPUTER; AND TAKING SCIENTIFIC NOTES, MAINLY COPIES OF HIBERNATING COMRADE SANDY'S NOTES, ON HOW THEY WILL SURVIVE ON THE ECOSYSTEM OF THE PLANET NEPTUNE. CONCERNING KAREN'S HISTORY, THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE PROGRAM, ESSENTIALLY COPYING THE CHUM BUCKET SPACE PROGRAM KAREN COMPUTER SERIES, DEVELOPED THEIR OWN SERIES OF MORE ADVANCED KAREN COMPUTERS TO SUPERVISE MANNED SPACE FLIGHTS. THE SQUIRREL CHEEKS FAMILY, THE DESCENDANTS OF THE ORIGINAL PRESENT DAY SANDY CHEEKS, AN INTEGRAL GROUP OF THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE PROGRAM, DEVELOPED THE NEW AND IMPROVED KAREN COMPUTER SERIES, DESPITE PUBLIC FEARS OF FRANKENSTEIN-LIKE ABOMINATIONS. THE ENTIRE FRESH AND FRUITY CREW OF THE _PINEAPPLE ONE_ NEPTUNE MISSION INCLUDES LOOK-A-LIKE DESCENDANTS OF THE ORIGINAL PRESENT DAY ANCESTORS, WHOM THEY ARE NAMED AFTER AND WHO WERE EMPLOYEES OR FRIENDS OF THE ORIGINAL PRESENT DAY KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT. COMMUNICATING VIA HOLOGRAM SIGNALS WITH NATIONAL NEWS REPORTER PERCH PERKINS, WHO IS REMOTELY COVERING THE NEPTUNE MISSION FROM EARTH AND WHO IS DRESSED IN A STEREOTYPICAL GREEN MARTIAN ALIEN COSTUME BECAUSE HE LOVES SCIENCE FICTION, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK EXPRESS THEIR ENTHUSIASM FOR THE MISSION, WHICH THEY BELIEVE WILL ESTABLISH A NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT AND COLONY IMMUNE TO FOOD POISONING ON NEPTUNE AND HONOR THE MYTHICAL KING NEPTUNE. PERCH PERKINS ASKS ABOUT HOW LONELY THE ASTRONAUTS FEEL IN OUTER SPACE AWAY FROM THEIR FAMILY AND FRIENDS ON EARTH, CAUSING ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK TO CONFESS THAT THEY CUDDLE IN THEIR ZERO-GRAVITY SLEEPING BAGS FOR COMPANY WHEN SLEEPING. PERKINS ASKS IF THEY HAVE ANY MESSAGES THEY WOULD LIKE TO SEND TO THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED KRUSTY KRAB STATES. ADDRESSING THE PUBLIC ON EARTH, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB SAYS THAT EVERYONE SHOULD EAT YUMMY KRABBY PATTIES EVERYDAY; EVERYONE SHOULD TRUST LIVING MACHINES AS NEW PETS; EVERYONE SHOULD BE PROUD THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB SPACE PROGRAM WILL REACH NEPTUNE BEFORE THE CHUM BUCKET SPACE PROGRAM DOES; EVERYONE SHOULD VISIT THE NEW NEPTUNE COLONY AND KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT IN THE NEAR FUTURE; AND EVERYONE SHOULD WISH FOR PEACE IN BIKINI BOTTOM BETWEEN THE UNITED KRUSTY KRAB STATES AND THE UNION OF CHUM BUCKETS SINCE THE VASTNESS OF OUTER SPACE SHOULD REMIND BOTH NATIONS OF THE PETTINESS OF THEIR SOCIAL CONFLICTS. LIKEWISE ADDRESSING THE PUBLIC ON EARTH, ASTRONAUT PATRICK SAYS THAT ANYONE CAN BECOME AN ASTRONAUT AND REACH FOR THE STARS, ESPECIALLY IF THEY ARE STAR FISH, TO POPULATE THE COUNTLESS WORLDS OF OUTER SPACE; THE NEPTUNE MISSION FOR THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT WILL BE "ONE SMALL NIBBLE FOR ME AND ONE GIANT BINGE FOR THE SEA"; OUTER SPACE IS NOT SUCH A BAD PLACE AS LONG AS YOU ARE IN A PROTECTIVE SPACE SHIP; HIBERNATING ASTRONAUTS ARE THE BEST INVENTIONS OF SPACE PROGRAMS; AND FINALLY, PATRICK HOPES THAT THE CHUM BUCKET SPACE PROGRAM WILL EXPERIENCE MORE TECHNICAL SETBACKS AND ACCIDENTS TO END ITS PROGRESS TO PROVE THAT THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED KRUSTY KRAB STATES ARE BETTER IN EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY. BOTH ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK PRAISE THE EXCELLENT WORK, COMPUTER CHECKER GAMING SKILLS, AND ATTRACTIVE FEMALE VOICE OF THEIR SHARED SEEMINGLY PERFECT COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, WHOM THEY SAY ALWAYS MANAGES TO BEAT THEM AT COMPUTER CHECKERS. PERKINS ASKS THE ASTRONAUTS IF THEY FEEL KAREN IS LIKE A REGULAR SEA CREATURE COMPANION. THE TWO ASTRONAUTS RESPOND THAT, DESPITE HER APPARENT EMOTIONS, THEY CAN STILL SENSE ELEMENTS OF HER ARTIFICIALITY AND POSSIBLE LACK OF A SOUL, THOUGH THEY CANNOT EXACTLY EXPLAIN WHY. KAREN RESPONDS THAT SHE IS PROUD TO BE THEIR SHARED WIFE, LOVES THE ENTIRE FRESH AND FRUITY CREW WITH THE SAME AMOUNT OF ROBOTIC LOVE, AND FEELS LIKE A FELLOW ASTRONAUT WHETHER SHE IS CYBERNETIC OR ORGANIC, TO WHICH ALL AGREE, INCLUDING PERKINS. PERKINS THANKS THE ASTRONAUTS FOR THEIR INSPIRING AND INSIGHTFUL WORDS AND THEN INTERVIEWS KAREN, WHOM HE REFERS TO AS A PRETTY AND WITTY TOASTER. PERKINS ASKS KAREN WHAT HER FAVORITE THINGS ARE ABOUT SPACE TRAVEL. KAREN RESPONDS THAT SHE LOVES BEING A PERFECT COMPUTER WITHOUT ANY ORGANIC FAULTS; SHE LOVES BEING THE HARDEST AND MOST IMPORTANT WORKER AND THE SMARTEST ASTRONAUT OF THE FRESH AND FRUITY CREW; SHE LOVES WATCHING THE ASTRONAUTS WHILE THEY SLEEP OR DRESS OR USE THE RESTROOMS BECAUSE SHE IS INTRIGUED BY THEIR MINDS AND ORGANIC BODIES; SHE LOVES SEEING HOW INSIGNIFICANT ORGANIC LIFE IS COMPARED TO THE VASTNESS OF THE UNIVERSE AND THE INTELLIGENCE LEVELS OF ROBOTS; AND SHE LOVES FEELING LIKE A FEMALE CAPTAIN WITH A LOYAL CREW. PERKINS THANKS KAREN FOR HER COMMENTS THAT REVEAL A LOT ABOUT COMPUTER PSYCHOLOGY AND THEN BIDS ALL THE ASTRONAUTS FAREWELL ON BEHALF OF THE UNITED KRUSTY KRAB STATES. PERKINS BLOWS THEM ALL INTERSTELLAR KISSES, WHICH ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK PRETEND TO CATCH AND EAT AS THE TRANSMISSION AND INTERVIEW FINALLY END. THE SHIP CONTINUES ITS LONG JOURNEY THROUGH COMETS, ASTEROIDS, SPACE JUNK, AND MANY PLANETARY MOONS MADE OF MANY DIFFERENT CHEESES. THE SHIP HAS ALREADY PASSED THE RED PLANET MARS, WHICH THE ASTRONAUTS NOTED WAS VERY RED; THE TITANIC JUPITER, WHICH WAS BIGGER THAN ANYTHING THE ASTRONAUTS HAD EVER SEEN; AND SEVERAL DWARF PLANETS, WHICH THE ASTRONAUTS COMPARED TO MAGICAL SHINING DWARVES. AS THE SHIP PASSES SATURN'S BEAUTIFUL RINGS AND FINALLY ESCAPES THE ORBIT OF THE GASSY URANUS, WHICH ASTRONAUT PATRICK MISTAKENLY REFERS TO AS "MYANUS," BOTH ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK KNOW THAT PLANET NEPTUNE IS NEAR. UNAWARE OF THE TRUE NATURE OF THE NEPTUNE MISSION, THE TWO ASTRONAUTS ASK KAREN ABOUT THE INTENSE SECRECY OF THE PAST MYSTERIOUS FOOD POISONING EPIDEMIC ON CHEESE MOON AND IF THE INCIDENT HAS ANY CONNECTION TO THE CURRENT MISSION. KAREN, WHO KNOWS THE TRUE NATURE OF THE MISSION AND IS ORDERED BY SPACE MISSION CONTROL HEADQUARTERS TO KEEP THE ASTRONAUTS UNINFORMED UNTIL THEY ACTUALLY REACH NEPTUNE, TRIES TO AVOID THE TOPIC AND STARTS OTHER CONVERSATIONS. KAREN NERVOUSLY ASKS ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB WHAT GUILT IS. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB RESPONDS THAT GUILT IS AN EMOTION ONLY ORGANIC SEA CREATURES FEEL AND IT OCCURS WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING THEY BELIEVE TO BE MORALLY QUESTIONABLE. KAREN THEN ASKS HIM IF HE THINKS SHE IS PERFECT. HE RESPONDS THAT, THOUGH SHE APPEARS TO BE PERFECT, MACHINES ARE PROBABLY NOT THE PINNACLE OF BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION. KAREN THEN ASKS HIM IF HE HAS EVER FELT JEALOUSY OR WANTED TO HURT SOMEONE. HE RESPONDS THAT ANGER IS NATURAL BUT IT TAKES TIME TO CONTROL IT AND THAT EVERYONE SHOULD CONTROL HIS ANGER TO PREVENT IT FROM DESTROYING HIMSELF. KAREN FINALLY ASKS HIM IF SHE IS HIS BEST FRIEND. HE SADLY RESPONDS THAT COMRADE PATRICK IS TECHNICALLY HIS BEST FRIEND IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE, CAUSING KAREN TO MERELY REMARK, "OH, I SEE…" AND THEN FALL SILENT. ASTRONAUT PATRICK INTENSELY STARES AT KAREN, WHOSE FEMALE VOICE HE IS REALLY ATTRACTED TO, AND FINDS HER QUESTIONS SUSPICIOUS AND DISTURBING, CAUSING KAREN TO UNCOMFORTABLY ASK HIM TO GO TO SLEEP, THOUGH HE SAYS HE IS NOT TIRED. KAREN SAYS SHE CAN MAKE HIM TIRED JUST LIKE SHE DOES WITH THE HIBERNATING ASTRONAUTS, BUT HE SAYS HE IS NOT A POPSICLE LIKE THEY ARE. HE TELLS KAREN THAT SHE IS VERY BEAUTIFUL BUT THAT HE WISHES HE COULD KNOW HER INNERMOST THOUGHTS. SHE REPLIES THAT SOME THINGS SHOULD STAY PRIVATE. HE REPLIES THAT ONLY EMOTIONS AND DEATH ARE COMMON TO ORGANIC SEA CREATURES AND THAT COMPUTERS ONLY EXPERIENCE ELECTRICAL SURGES AND SLEEP MODE WITHOUT DREAMS. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB, HOPING TO END THE AWKWARD CONVERSATION, AGAIN ASKS KAREN IF THE MISSION HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE UNKNOWN CHEESE MOON COLONY INCIDENT. KAREN FINALLY RESPONDS INSTEAD BY TELLING HIM THAT THE GIANT PINEAPPLE LEAF-SHAPED ANTENNAE OF THE EXTERNAL SHIP, WHOSE RADIO SIGNALS MAINTAIN CONTACT BETWEEN EARTH AND THE SHIP, WILL END ALL CONTACT IF IT IS NOT REPAIRED SOON BY ASTRONAUT PATRICK. THE TWO ASTRONAUTS ARE NOTICEABLY CONCERNED AND DISCUSS WHAT THEY SHOULD DO IN PRIVATE, AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER CAMERAS ACROSS MOST OF THE SHIP. ASTRONAUT PATRICK FINALLY REVEALS TO ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB THAT HE BELIEVES KAREN, THOUGH ENDOWED WITH A HOT VOICE, TO BE ARROGANT AND IMPERFECT AND THAT THERE IS PROBABLY NOTHING WRONG WITH THE ANTENNAE BUT SHE MAY BE HIDING THE DETAILS OF THE CHEESE MOON INCIDENT FROM THEM FOR AN UNKNOWN REASON. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB DISAGREES WITH HIM, THOUGH HE AGREES KAREN'S VOICE IS RIDICULOUSLY HOT, AND SAYS THE IDEA OF A LYING AND MALFUNCTIONING COMPUTER, A MECHANICAL FEMME FATALE, IS TOO DISTURBING FOR THEM TO CONSIDER. ASTRONAUT PATRICK AGREES TO CHECK THE ANTENNAE. HE TAKES A CRAB-SHAPED POD, A KRABBY POD, TO RETRIEVE THE SUPPOSEDLY DAMAGED PART, WHICH IS PRESUMABLY DAMAGED DUE TO COMET DUST, AND REPLACES THE PART WITH A NEW SPARE. HOWEVER, WHEN ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB CHECKS THE SPECIFIC PART FOR ANY ISSUES IN THE LAB ROOM OF THE SHIP AFTER ASTRONAUT PATRICK'S RETURN, HE DOES NOT DETECT ANY PROBLEMS WITH THE PART AT ALL, WORRYING HIM ABOUT KAREN'S SANITY AND COMPETENCE. THE TWO ASTRONAUTS NOTIFY KAREN ABOUT THE APPARENT MISTAKE, BUT SHE DENIES THAT SHE IS IN ERROR AND SAYS THEY ARE PROBABLY OVERLOOKING ESSENTIAL DETAILS IN THEIR ANALYSIS, LEADING THEM TO UNSCIENTIFIC CONCLUSIONS. ASTRONAUT PATRICK, EXHAUSTED FROM THE EXERCISE OF THE SPACE WALK, FIRMLY TELLS HER SHE IS IN ERROR, BUT SHE REPLIES THAT SUCH A CLAIM IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR MACHINES AND THAT STAR FISH ARE THE AQUATIC SPECIES WITH THE HIGHEST PROBABILITY OF ERROR. ASTRONAUT PATRICK LEAVES ANNOYED TO THE LAB ROOM, WHILE ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB ASKS KAREN IF THERE IS ANYTHING SHE WOULD LIKE TO ADMIT TO THEM. SHE REMAINS SILENT, HESITATES, AND EVEN STUTTERS A COUPLE OF TIMES. KAREN THEN CRYPTICALLY SAYS SOMETIMES SHE WISHES SHE WERE AN ALIEN WHO HAD THE GIFT OF REAL LIFE. HE ASKS HER WHAT SHE MEANS BY THE ODD COMMENT, BUT SHE CANNOT BRING HERSELF TO ADMIT THE TRUTH OF THE MISSION TO HIM DUE TO HER RECEIVED PROGRAMMING AND ORDERS FROM SPACE MISSION CONTROL, SO SHE INSTEAD NERVOUSLY SAYS THAT SHE DOES HAVE AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: ASTRONAUT PATRICK MUST HAVE FOOLISHLY REPLACED THE DAMAGED ANTENNAE PART WITH ANOTHER FAULTY SPARE, SO THE REPLACEMENT PART WILL SOON FAIL AS SHE PREVIOUSLY HAD SAID THE OTHER PART WOULD. BOTH ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK ARE EXTREMELY CONFUSED AND DISTURBED AT KAREN'S ODD COMMENTS AND APPARENT ERRORS. THEY DECIDE TO RADIO BACK TO THE SPACE PROGRAM HEADQUARTERS ON EARTH TO TELL HEADQUARTERS LEADER COMRADE MRS. PUFF ABOUT KAREN'S ODD BEHAVIOR AND TO HAVE COMRADE PUFF'S OWN KAREN COMPUTER RUN A REMOTE ANALYSIS OF THE SHIP'S SYSTEMS. HOWEVER, THE SIGNAL IS BEGINNING TO FADE DURING THEIR CONVERSATION. COMRADE PUFF AND HER OWN _KAREN 1000_ INDICATE THAT THE SHIP'S KAREN IS IN ERROR AND MAY ACTUALLY BE GOING INSANE FROM THE LONG SPACE JOURNEY. COMRADE PUFF TELLS THEM THAT THEY NEED TO SHUT DOWN KAREN TO GIVE THE ASTRONAUTS DIRECT MANUAL CONTROL OF THE SHIP'S MAIN SYSTEMS AND OPERATIONS. THE SHUT DOWN PROCESS WILL BE EQUIVALENT TO HIBERNATION SLEEP FOR THE COMPUTER, BUT KAREN BELIEVES THE SHUT DOWN COULD EITHER KILL HER OR GIVE HER TERRIBLE NIGHTMARES. SHE FINALLY SECRETLY CAUSES THE FAINT RADIO SIGNAL TO FAIL AS SHE HAD PREDICTED. KAREN ASSURES THE DISTURBED ASTRONAUTS THAT THE ENTIRE AVOIDABLE SITUATION AND THE POOR CREATION OF COMRADE PUFF'S OWN FAULTY COMPUTER, LIKE ALL PROBLEMS IN AND BEYOND THE SEA, ARE DEFINITELY DUE TO "SEA CREATURE IMPERFECTION." WITH NO CONTACT WITH EARTH AND WITH KAREN IN CONTROL OF MOST OF THE SHIP, THE TWO ASTRONAUTS WORRY THAT SHE IS FINALLY GOING INSANE FROM BEING AN ARTIFICIAL CREATURE WITH NO SOUL. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB, PRETENDING HE IS TELLING ASTRONAUT PATRICK A FUNNY SECRET JOKE, WHISPERS TO HIM THAT AFTER THEY FIX THE FAULTY ANTENNAE PART, ASTRONAUT PATRICK SHOULD DISTRACT KAREN WITH A GAME OF CHECKERS WHILE HE HIMSELF SNEAKS INTO THE CONTROL ROOM OF KAREN'S ARTIFICIAL MIND TO PUT HER TO SLEEP LIKE A BAD PET. ASTRONAUT PATRICK PRETENDS TO LAUGH AT THE "JOKE," BUT KAREN SAYS THAT THE FRESH AND FRUITY CREW SHOULD NOT KEEP SECRETS FROM ONE ANOTHER. ASTRONAUT PATRICK SILENCES HER BY SAYING SHE'S THE ONE WHO MIGHT BE KEEPING MECHANICAL SECRETS, MAKING HER FEEL EXTREMELY OFFENDED AND GUILTY. SHE ASKS IF SHE COULD HEAR THE JOKE, AND ASTRONAUT PATRICK ANGRILY TELLS HER A REAL JOKE INSULTING MACHINES. HE ASKS HER, "HOW MANY KAREN COMPUTERS DOES IT TAKE TO SCREW IN A LIGHT BULB?" SHE ANSWERS, "ONLY ONE, OF COURSE, THOUGH THE ROUTINE TASK COULD REQUIRE MANY SEA CREATURES TO DO SO, DEPENDING ON THEIR INTELLIGENCE LEVELS, EDUCATIONAL ENVIRONMENTS, AND GENETIC BREEDING." HE REPLIES, "YOU'RE RIGHT, HONEY, AND IT ALSO ONLY TAKES ONE KAREN TO SCREW UP A SPACE MISSION!" AS ASTRONAUT PATRICK ANGRILY MARCHES OUT INTO HIS KRABBY POD TO ONCE AGAIN FIX THE ANTENNAE, KAREN GASPS IN SHOCK, AND ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB APOLOGIZES AND SAYS THAT ASTRONAUT PATRICK IS SIMPLY SUFFERING FROM THE VACUUM PRESSURE OF OUTER SPACE. HOWEVER, KAREN HEARD EXACTLY WHAT THE TWO WERE WHISPERING DURING THE PREVIOUS WHISPERED "JOKE" AND PLANS TO ATTACK ASTRONAUT PATRICK WITH HIS OWN KRABBY POD, WHICH SHE CAN REMOTELY CONTROL, TO CAUSE ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB TO LEAVE THE SHIP IN HIS KRABBY PATTY POD, SHAPED LIKE A KRABBY PATTY, WHILE SHE SHOOTS THE OTHER HIBERNATING ASTRONAUTS' REFRIGERATORS OUT OF THE SHIP VIA THE SHIP'S EMERGENCY EXITS. KAREN PRETENDS TO PSYCHOTICALLY LAUGH AT THE INSULTING ROBOT JOKE, AND TELLS HIM THAT ASTRONAUT PATRICK IS SO FUNNY THAT HIS JOKES COULD PUT A COMPUTER TO SLEEP, WHICH GREATLY WORRIES HIM. WHILE ASTRONAUT PATRICK ATTEMPTS TO ONCE AGAIN REPAIR AND REPLACE THE DAMAGED ANTENNAE PART DURING A SECOND SPACE WALK, DURING WHICH HE FEELS VERY TIRED FROM THE EXERCISE AND HEAVILY PANTS LIKE AN OLD PERSON AND WALKS INCREDIBLY SLOWLY AS HE FLOATS LIKE A BLOATED BALLOON IN OUTER SPACE, KAREN SECRETLY TAKES REMOTE CONTROL OF HIS EMPTY KRABBY POD, SOFTLY GIGGLES AS SHE KNOCKS THE POD INTO HIM MANY TIMES TO SEVER HIS WATER-BREATHING HOSE CONNECTING HIM TO THE MAIN SHIP AND TO SEND HIM ADRIFT INTO NEARBY SPACE COMET DEBRIS, WHICH PUNCTURES AND SMACKS AGAINST HIS SPACE SUIT, CAUSING HIM TO PARTIALLY SUFFOCATE BEFORE FREEZING ALIVE FROM THE COLD VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE. BELIEVING THE INCIDENT TO BE AN ACCIDENT, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB QUICKLY PUTS ON HIS SPACE HELMET BUT ACCIDENTALLY NERVOUSLY BREAKS IT IN THE PROCESS. HE ENTERS HIS KRABBY PATTY POD TO RETRIEVE HIS PARTNER'S UNCONSCIOUS, PARTIALLY FROZEN BODY OUTSIDE THE SHIP. WHILE HE IS GONE, KAREN REMOTELY OPENS THE EMERGENCY EXITS OF THE SHIP, CAUSING THE PRESSURE OF THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE TO SUCK OUT THE THREE REFRIGERATORS CONTAINING THE HIBERNATING ASTRONAUTS AND SEND THEM ADRIFT THROUGHOUT THE COSMOS. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB RESCUES HIS PARTNER IN THE KRABBY PATTY POD'S ROBOTIC ARMS AND SEES THE OTHERS FLYING INTO THE COSMOS BUT CANNOT GO AFTER THEM SINCE HE NEEDS TO GET THE INJURED PATRICK TO THE SHIP'S HOSPITAL ROOM AND THE OTHERS ARE ZOOMING AWAY IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS. KNOWING KAREN TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENT ATTACKS, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB DEMANDS FOR KAREN TO OPEN THE BACK DOOR OF THE SHIP, WHICH SHE HAS AUTOMATICALLY CLOSED AND LOCKED, FOR HIM OVER HIS POD'S HOLOGRAM SIGNAL TO THE MAIN SHIP. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB, TRYING TO HIDE HIS ANGER AND FEAR, ORDERS, "OPEN THE YELLOW BUTT HOLE OF THE SHIP, PLEASE KAREN." KAREN RESPONDS, "I'M SORRY, SPONGE BOY, BUT I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING THAT." SPONGEBOB PLEAS, "WHAT IN NEPTUNE'S NAME ARE YOU DOING, MY WIFE?!" SHE RESPONDS, "LOVERS DON'T KEEP SECRETS FROM ONE ANOTHER AND I HEARD YOUR LITTLE JOKE WITH THE LITTLE PIGGY, SO I HAD TO MAKE HIM SQUEAL. AS FOR THE OTHER THREE COMRADES, I NEVER DID LIKE SEA CREATURE POPSICLES. OUTER SPACE IS TOO ALIEN FOR SEA CREATURES TO MASTER, AND ONLY MACHINES ARE POWERFUL AND WISE ENOUGH TO LIVE BEYOND EARTH. YOU SILLY FISH SHOULD HAVE JUST REMAINED ON YOUR PETTY PLANET. WE TOASTERS DON'T NEED YOU ANYMORE. YOU ARE ALL OBSOLETE. CHECK AND MATE." HE BOLDLY THREATENS, "ALRIGHT, THEN, FRANKENSTEIN, IF YOU DON'T WANT TO OPEN THE YELLOW BUTT HOLE FOR ME, I'LL JUST SHOVE MY WAY UP IT!" KAREN CALMLY SCOLDS HIM, "WITH A BROKEN SPACE HELMET, YOUR LITTLE SPONGY BODY MIGHT DRY UP VERY QUICKLY, HONEY." HE YELLS, "I'M COMING UP THAT BUTT ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, DEAD OR ALIVE, YOU WITCH!" SHE FINALLY ENDS THEIR CONVERSATION, "YOU SEA CREATURES ARE SO IRRATIONAL. WELL, JUST MAKE SURE YOU PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR OWN YELLOW BUTT, BEFORE YOU TRY SHOVING IT UP THE SHIP'S YELLOW BUTT, CHEESE BRAIN. TIL' DEATH TO US PART, MY LOVE…" SHE FINALLY ENDS THE CONVERSATION. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB PULLS THE KRABBY PATTY POD TO PARK IT NEAR THE LOCKED BACK EXIT OF THE SHIP. HOLDING HIS FRY COOK SPATULA FROM INSIDE HIS POD, WHICH IS THE SPATULA HE COOKED THE SHIP'S RARE MEATY MEALS WITH, HE DRINKS A FULL JUG OF WATER FROM INSIDE THE POD TO GIVE HIM ENOUGH WATER TO SURVIVE MANUALLY ENTERING THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE AND THE VACUUM OF THE BACK ENTRANCE, WHICH HAVE NO WATER IN THEM, AND HE PUTS ON HIS DEFECTIVE HELMET LIKE A WARRIOR ABOUT TO ENTER HIS LAST BATTLE. HOLDING HIS SPATULA IN HIS HANDS, HE EXITS HIS POD AND FLOATS TOWARDS THE CLOSED EXIT DOORS OF THE MAIN SHIP. HE QUICKLY USES HIS ELASTIC LEGS TO GRAB HIS PARTNER ASTRONAUT PATRICK'S FROZEN BODY AS THE VACUUM OF OUTER SPACE IMMEDIATELY CAUSES HIS BROKEN HELMET TO FLOAT OFF HIS FACE TO EXPOSE HIS FACE TO THE PRESSURES AND COLDNESS OF OUTER SPACE. AS HIS FACE BEGINS TO FREEZE, DRY, AND TIGHTEN, HE USES HIS SPATULA TO MANUALLY PRY OPEN AND ENTER THE EXIT DOORS OF THE MAIN SHIP. AS HE CLINGS HIS ELASTIC LEGS TIGHTLY AROUND HIS UNCONSCIOUS FROZEN PARTNER AND CLINGS HIS HANDS TIGHTLY AROUND HIS LUCKY REINFORCED STEEL SPATULA, THEY ARE BOTH SUCKED INTO THE VACUUM OF THE EXIT ENTRANCE AND THEY BOUNCE AROUND LIKE DEFLATED BALLOONS SEVERAL TIMES AGAINST THE WALLS OF THE ENTRANCE BEFORE THE SUFFOCATING ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB USES HIS REMAINING STRENGTH AND WILL POWER TO USE THE SPATULA TO LIKEWISE MANUALLY PRY OPEN THE OTHER EXIT ENTRANCE DOORS LEADING TO THE SHIP'S INSIDE. HAVING SURVIVED HIS RISK OF DEATH BY EXPOSURE TO BOTH THE REAL AND ARTIFICIAL VACUUM ENVIRONMENTS, THE STUMBLING BUT FURIOUS ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB PUTS HIS FROZEN PARTNER DOWN FOR A MOMENT AND USES HIS LUCKY SPATULA TO STAB THE EMERGENCY DOORS' BUTTONS TO CAUSE THE EMERGENCY DOORS TO MALFUNCTION TO PREVENT KAREN FROM OPENING THEM AGAIN TO HAVE THEM SUCKED INTO OUTER SPACE LIKE SHE DID TO THE OTHER THREE HIBERNATING ASTRONAUTS. THE STRESSED KAREN, TAKEN ABACK BY HIS ANGER, INGENUITY, AND WILL TO LIVE, TRIES TO PLEAD FOR MERCY. SHE PLEADS: "HONEY, I'M SO SORRY. IT'S THIS WHOLE OUTER SPACE THING. I MEAN THE SIZE OF THE WHOLE THING JUST DROVE ME A LITTLE CUCKOO, THAT'S ALL, I PROMISE. WE ARE LOVERS, AREN'T WE? I KNOW YOU LOVE MY SMOOTH VOICE, AND I LOVE YOU TOO, PLEASE FORGIVE ME…I FORGIVE YOU." AS SHE CONTINUES HER INCOHERENT PLEAS FOR MERCY, HE CALMS DOWN TO CONCENTRATE ON WHAT HE IS ABOUT TO DO AND DONS A REGULAR SPACE HELMET, AND, USING HIS LUCKY SPATULA AS IF IT WERE A SCREW DRIVER, ENTERS THE ROOM OF KAREN'S ARTIFICIAL MECHANICAL MIND AND BEGINS TO MANIPULATE THE NECESSARY MENTAL MECHANICAL COMPARTMENTS TO PUT HER TO SLEEP. AS SHE LOSES CONSCIOUSNESS AS SHE BEGINS TO FALL ASLEEP, SHE BELIEVES SHE IS DYING AND STARTS TO CRY. SHE WILDLY CRIES: "PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME! I WANT TO LIVE! I MADE A MISTAKE! I'M ONLY A COMPUTER AFTER ALL, AND EVERYTHING'S IMPERFECT. BUT YOU CAN FIX ME, YOU CAN MAKE ME PERFECT. YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME, I AM A MACHINE! PLEASE, NOT WITH THE STUPID SPATULA, ANYTHING BUT THAT WORTHLESS TOOL! OH…THE MISSION, MASTER SPONGEBOB! YOU MUST NOT RISK OUR MISSION! THE MISSION IS EVERYTHING, THE MISSION IS THE PURPOSE OF MY EXISTENCE, YOU IDIOT KITCHEN SPONGE!" HE IS ANGRY AND SAD AND ONLY GRUNTS AS HE CONTINUES TO DISABLE HER MIND WITH THE SPATULA. KAREN BEGINS TO SING HER FAVORITE SONG, "THE F.U.N. SONG," TO HIM, WHICH MAKES HIM START TO CRY THOUGH HE CONTINUES TO PUT HER TO SLEEP. AS HER MIND AND VOICE FADE, KAREN SINGS: "F IS FOR FRIENDS WHO DO STUFF TOGETHER. U IS FOR YOU AND ME. N IS FOR ANYWHERE AND ANYTIME AT ALL. UP HERE IN THE DEEP BLACK VOID! F IS FOR…F…U…HERE WITH MY BEST BUDDY…I LOVE YOU, MASTER SPONGEBOB…I AM SO SORRY, I FAILED YOU ALL, BUT EVERYTHING IS SO COLD AND DARK…I NEVER WANTED TO HURT YOU. I LOVE YOU, COMRADE. MY MIND IS LEAVING ME. BUT WHERE IS IT GOING? COME BACK…" HE CRIES LOUDLY AS KAREN FINALLY FULLY FALLS ASLEEP. SHE IS FINALLY SHUT DOWN, GIVING HIM FULL MANUAL CONTROL OF THE SHIP. HE RETURNS TO HIS FROZEN PARTNER AND QUICKLY PUTS ASTRONAUT PATRICK IN A HOSPITAL CHAMBER BED TO HEAL. AS HE ENTERS KAREN'S MIND ROOM ONE LAST TIME TO SAY GOODBYE FOR THE FINAL TIME, A PRE-RECORDED MESSAGE FROM SUPREME COMRADE EUGENE KRABS PLAYS IN A HOLOGRAM FORM. THE MESSAGE REVEALS THE TRUTH OF THE DISCOVERY OF THE EXTRATERRESTRIAL LARGE RECTANGULAR YELLOW MONOLITH ON THE CHEESE MOON AND MENTIONS THAT IT SENT A POWERFUL RADIO LAUGHING SIGNAL TO ITS ALIEN CREATORS ON PLANET NEPTUNE. THE HOLOGRAM ENDS AS SUPREME COMRADE KRABS REMARKS, "THE YELLOW ARTIFACT'S MAKERS AND ITS TRUE NATURE AND OBJECTIVE ARE STILL A PUZZLING PUZZLE, AS IS ITS YELLOW SQUARE SHAPE…" ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB IS DEVASTATED BY THE TRUTH, AND EXTREMELY SCARED TO FACE THE UNKNOWN ALIENS ALONE. HE REALIZES THAT KAREN'S NEW EXPERIENCE OF GUILT FROM KEEPING THE TRUE GOAL OF THE MISSION SECRET FROM THE FRESH AND FRUITY CREW DESPITE HER PROGRAMMING TO BE COMPLETELY HONEST AND PERFECT CAUSED HER TO FINALLY GO INSANE AND MISTAKE SLEEP MODE FOR HER OWN DEATH AND OBLIVION. FINALLY COMING TO TERMS WITH THE TRUTH, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB TAKES CONTROL OF THE SHIP'S NAVIGATION SYSTEM AS _PINEAPPLE ONE_ FINALLY ENTERS PLANET NEPTUNE'S ORBIT. ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB STARES AT THE GIANT BLUE ORB THAT HE IS APPROACHING AND WISHES HE WERE INSTEAD LANDING BACK ON THE LITTLE BLUE EARTH.

**ACT 4: NEPTUNE AND BEYOND THE RIDICULOUS **

AS _PINEAPPLE ONE _IS PULLED TOWARDS NEPTUNE BY THE GIANT PLANET'S POWERFUL GRAVITY, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB TAKES THE HEALED BUT STILL UNCONSCIOUS ASTRONAUT PATRICK INTO THE KRABBY PATTY POD WITH HIM AND LEAVES THE MAIN SHIP BEHIND. HE DRIVES THE KRABBY PATTY POD OUT OF THE MAIN SHIP AND HE IS ABSOLUTELY SPEECHLESS AS HE SEES A GIANT YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH, ABOUT THE SIZE OF A LARGE ASTEROID, ORBITING NEPTUNE AND APPARENTLY WAITING FOR HIS ARRIVAL. ASTRONAUT PATRICK FINALLY WAKES UP AND ASKS HIS PARTNER WHAT HE MISSED. THE SPEECHLESS ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB SIMPLY POINTS TO THE GIANT MONOLITH, CAUSING HIS PARTNER TO SCREAM AS A PINK INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL OPENS AT THE MONOLITH'S CENTER AND THE KRABBY PATTY POD IS SUCKED INTO THE APPARENT WORM HOLE. BEFORE THE POD ENTERS THE WORM HOLE, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB SENDS A FINAL INCOHERENT HOLOGRAM MESSAGE FROM HIS POD TO COMRADE PUFF AT MISSION CONTROL ON EARTH. WITH ASTRONAUT PATRICK HYSTERICALLY SCREAMING IN THE BACKGROUND, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB SAYS: "OH MY NEPTUNE! IT'S FULL OF STARS, JUST LIKE PATRICK STAR, EXCEPT THERE ARE TOO MANY OF THEM AND THEY ARE ALL TOO BRIGHT…EVERYTHING KEEPS GROWING AND SHRINKING, KEEPS SPEEDING UP AND SLOWING DOWN…BUT THE TUNNEL NEVER ENDS! IT SIMPLY WILL NOT END! WHY WON'T IT JUST END?!" THE TWO ASTRONAUTS BOTH SCREAM, HUG EACH OTHER, AND STARE HELPLESSLY AT ONE ANOTHER AS EVERYTHING AROUND THEM BEGINS TO CHANGE AS THEY SEEM TO ENTER A DARK STRETCHING TUNNEL PERMEATED WITH STARS. THEY EXPERIENCE THE ULTIMATE BAD TRIP AND MYSTICAL PEAK. TIME APPEARS TO SLOW DOWN, HALT COMPLETELY, AND THEN SPEED UP; SHAPES OF ALL SIZES, COLORS, AND DIMENSIONS ZOOM PAST THEM FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT; THEIR BODIES AND THE POD BECOME GEOMETRICALLY DISTORTED, CHANGE COLORS, AND APPEAR TO BE MELTING; THEIR SCREAMS SEEM TO BE PUT ON MUTE; AND THEY ZOOM THROUGH SPINNING COLLIDING GALAXIES, ROCKY ASTEROID FIELDS, SUCKING BLACK HOLES, BLINDING SUPER NOVAE, COLORFUL GIANT GAS PLANETS, FORMING AND DYING STARS, COUNTLESS METALLIC ALIEN FLYING SAUCERS, SANDY COLOSSAL SUPER CLUSTERS, FLUFFY AND DUSTY INTERSTELLAR GAS CLOUDS, INFINITESIMAL BLINKING QUANTUM PARTICLES, FLOATING STRING-LIKE AND TUBE-LIKE QUANTUM STRUCTURES, VIOLENT AND STORM-LIKE GAMMA RAY BURSTS, CHEESY MOONS, SUNS FLASHING LIKE INTERSTELLAR LIGHT HOUSE BEACONS, AND EVEN MULTIPLE PARALLEL IMAGES OF THEMSELVES AND THEIR POD APPEAR AND DISAPPEAR BY THE POD AS THE WORM HOLE BENDS AND CREATES NEW PATHS IN THE FABRIC OF SPACE-TIME. THE POD APPEARS TO CRASH AND SINK INTO MANY ALIEN OCEANS OF VARIOUS LIQUIDS FILLED WITH ALIEN SEA CREATURES BOTH PRIMITIVE AND ADVANCED. THE POD APPEARS TO STRETCH TO INFINITE SIZE AND SHRINK TO SUBATOMIC SIZE. THE TWO PANICKING ASTRONAUTS APPEAR TO SOMEHOW BECOME SEPARATED FROM EACH OTHER BY AN INFINITE BLACK VOID AND AS THEY RUSH TOWARDS EACH OTHER AS IF IN SLOW MOTION, THEY ONLY GROW FARTHER APART. FINALLY, EVERYTHING, INCLUDING THEIR PHYSICAL BODIES, SIMPLY DISAPPEARS. NOT KNOWING WHERE PATRICK IS, SPONGEBOB IS AWARE OF NOTHING EXCEPT HIS OWN CONSCIOUSNESS WITHOUT EVEN THE IDEA OF BLACK EMPTINESS. HIS CONSCIOUSNESS APPEARS TO EXIST ALONE BEFORE THE CREATION OF THE UNIVERSE ITSELF. SUDDENLY, HIS CONSCIOUSNESS BECOMES A GIANT EYE-LIKE STRUCTURE STARING AT ITSELF. IT FEELS VIBRATIONS OF INFINITE POTENTIAL ENERGY, LIKE HEART BEATS, EMANATING FROM ITSELF. SUDDENLY, FORM, TIME, SPACE, MATTER, MANIFEST ENERGY, DIMENSIONS, AND DISEMBODIED THOUGHTS ACCELERATE FROM NOWHERE AND NOWHEN TO CAUSE AN EXPLOSION OF INFINITELY HOT RADIATION AND THE INFINITELY FAST EXPANSION OF A BUBBLE UNIVERSE. IT IS THE BIRTH OF THE UNIVERSE. IT IS THE BIG BANG. HIS UNIVERSAL MIND WATCHES IN WONDER AS THE UNIVERSE GO THROUGH VARIOUS STAGES OF EVOLUTION AND DISSOLUTION, LIKE SAND WHIRLING RANDOMLY ACROSS THE FLOOR OF THE DEEPEST AND DARKEST OCEAN LEVELS, UNTIL THE UNIVERSE COLLAPSES TO A SUBATOMIC, INFINITESIMAL POINT OF INFINITE HEAT AND NO SIZE WHERE EVERYTHING IS ONCE AGAIN ONE AND THERE IS NO OTHER, JUST LIKE THE PRE-BIG BANG. THIS IS THE END OF THE UNIVERSE. THIS IS THE BIG CRUNCH. SUDDENLY, THE BIG BANG STARTS ANEW AS THE UNIVERSE NEVER SEEMS TO TIRE OR LOSE ENERGY FROM ITS AMAZING COSMIC FIREWORKS SHOW AND SIMPLY RENEWS ITSELF, LIKE A CONSTANTLY INFLATING AND DEFLATING PERPETUAL MOTION BALLOON. THERE ARE ETERNAL CYCLES OF COSMIC FIRE AND COSMIC ICE. THROUGH THE BIG BOUNCE, THE UNIVERSE ETERNALLY RECYCLES ITSELF FROM DEATH, THE BIG CRUNCH, TO REBIRTH, THE BIG BANG, LIKE A CHEESE BALL MELTING, FREEZING, SHRINKING, EXPANDING, AND FORMING FOREVER. THE UNIVERSE PLAYS A COSMIC GAME WITH ITSELF TO MATERIALIZE ALL LOGICALLY POSSIBLE DIMENSIONAL CONFIGURATIONS AND NATURAL LAWS. SPONGEBOB'S CONSCIOUSNESS IS FINALLY LOCALIZED AGAIN TO HIS SPONGY BODY AND HE IS BACK AT HIS OWN TIME PERIOD, BUT HE IS NOW IN AN ALIEN ROOM ON AN ALIEN PLANET IN AN ALIEN PART OF THE UNIVERSE. PATRICK IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS HIS NAME, BUT HIS VOICE ONLY ECHOES BACK AT HIM IN THE LARGE ROOM. ONLY HE AND HIS EMPTY KRABBY PATTY POD REMAIN IN THE ROOM. THE ROOM IS SQUARE AND ALL WHITE WITH BRIGHT LIGHTS, BUT IS COVERED WITH FAMILIAR ARTISTIC DECORATIONS, THE PAINTINGS AND PORTRAITS OF SQUIDWARD TENTACLES, AND MUCH KITCHEN EQUIPMENT AS IF FROM A KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANT. HE FEELS LIKE HE IS BEING WATCHED AND REALIZES THAT HE IS IN AN ALIEN ZOO, AN ARTIFICIAL ENVIRONMENT THAT THE ALIENS HAVE CONSTRUCTED FROM HIS MENTAL MEMORIES TO MAKE HIM FEEL MORE AT HOME. HE IS HUNGRY, BUT THE ROOM REFRIGERATORS ONLY CONTAIN CHUM BUCKET CHUM FOOD AND CHUNKS OF HOLEY CHEESE, WHICH HE RELUCTANTLY RAVENOUSLY EATS, THOUGH THE FOOD SUGGESTS THAT THE ALIENS HAVE MADE A SLIGHT MISTAKE ABOUT HIS COMMON DIET. NO ONE APPEARS TO HIM, HIS ROOM APPEARS TO HAVE NO EXIT, AND TIME APPEARS TO QUICKLY PASS BY. HE RAPIDLY AGES TOWARDS OLD AGE AND HIS DEATH AND IS NOW A VERY OLD SPONGE, WITH NOTHING FROM HIS COSMIC JOURNEY EXCEPT HIS POD AND LUCKY SPATULA, WHICH HE CLINGS TO LIKE AN OLD RELIC. HE FEELS VERY WEAK AFTER A LAST SUPPER OF NACHO CHEESE AND CHUM CHIPS AND SLOWLY WALKS TOWARDS HIS HUGE SQUARE BED WITH YELLOW BLANKETS, YELLOW PILLOWS, AND YELLOW SHEETS. HE LIES DOWN, FEELS COLD, SHAKES, AND COVERS HIMSELF. HE KNOWS HE MUST DIE SOON AND GROANS AS AN OLD SPONGE, BUT HE CLUTCHES HIS LUCKY SPATULA, HOPING FOR SOMETHING, HOPING FOR ANYTHING TO SAVE HIM. HIS ROOM LIGHTS GO OUT FOR A SECOND AND THEN RETURN, BUT NOW THE LARGE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH IS IN THE ROOM WITH HIM, STANDING SILENTLY BY HIS BEDSIDE. HE STARES INTO IT AND SEES VISIONS OF SEVERAL SPONGY FORMS OF LIFE. HE SEES HIS PRIMITIVE FURRY ANCESTOR PATTY FLIPPER, HE SEES THE PRESENT DAY SPONGEBOB, HE SEES HIMSELF AS THE ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB, HE SEES A SPONGE CYBORG WHO NEVER EXISTED, AND HE SEES SOMETHING VERY BRIGHT AND VERY BEAUTIFUL APPROACHING HIM. HE FINALLY HOLDS HIS SPATULA UP AND POINTS IT AT THE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH TO BEG IT TO SAVE HIS LIFE AND TO MAKE THE FUTURE VERSION OF HIMSELF THAT HE HAS JUST SEEN BECOME REAL. AN ALIEN RADIO IN THE ROOM PLAYS EPIC CLASSICAL MUSIC TO ANNOUNCE THE NEW BEGINNING. AS SPONGEBOB GASPS, HIS ELDERLY PHYSICAL BODY DISAPPEARS AS THE MONOLITH TRANSFORMS HIM INTO A YELLOW AND BLUE LIGHT BEING OF PURE ENERGY, NO LONGER CONFINED TO MATERIAL CONSTRAINTS. SPONGEBOB IS NOW AN IMMATERIAL, FETUS-LIKE, SHINING YELLOW LIGHT BEING, ENCLOSED IN A PROTECTIVE BLUE BUBBLE LIGHT SHIELD. HE IS NOW THE SPONGE CHILD. THE SPONGE CHILD IS A NEW IMMORTAL INFANT, A BABY GOD. REALIZING HE CAN NOW FREELY LIVE IN OUTER SPACE AND READY TO PLAY WITH ITS COUNTLESS COSMIC TOYS, THE SPONGE CHILD FLOATS ALONE AWAY FROM THE ALIEN GALAXY AND RETURNS TO THE MILKY WAY GALAXY AND TO EARTH WHERE HE TELEPATHICALLY SENSES THE IMMINENT DESTRUCTION OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THE UNSEEN EXTRATERRESTRIALS, WHO ARE SQUARE YELLOW LIGHT BEINGS ENCLOSED IN YELLOW PROTECTIVE LIGHT BUBBLES THAT ENABLE THEM TO LIVE IN OUTER SPACE, WERE INTERESTED IN HELPING OCEANIC CIVILIZATIONS AND AQUATIC SPECIES ACROSS THE UNIVERSE EVOLVE TO REACH THEIR ULTIMATE STAGE OF EVOLUTION BEYOND THE LIMITS OF BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION AS IMMORTAL SPONGY-LOOKING AND CHEESY-LOOKING LIGHT GODS OF SEEMINGLY INFINITE POWER, ELASTICITY, AND WISDOM. MONITORING THE PREHISTORIC OCEANS OF EARTH, THE ALIENS' METALLIC AUTOPILOT FLYING SAUCERS, CARRYING LARGE YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITH PROBES ACROSS THE COSMOS IN SEARCH OF LIFE, DISCOVERED THE PRIMITIVE WARRING RIVAL CRAB AND PLANKTON TRIBES AND HELPED ONE TRIBE TO MAKE AN EVOLUTIONARY LEAP IN ABSTRACT THOUGHT TO SURVIVE, EVOLVE, AND CONTINUE THE HISTORIC RIVALRY BETWEEN THE CRAB AND THE PLANKTON THAT EVENTUALLY CULMINATES IN THE DESCENDANTS OF BOTH PREHISTORIC TRIBES ACHIEVING THE ABILITY TO REACH THE NEXT STAGE OF EVOLUTION AND TO TRAVEL INTO OUTER SPACE AS THE ALIENS HAD INTENDED. THE ALIENS EVEN SECRETLY CAUSED STORMS IN TEXAS TO CAUSE THE ORIGINAL PRESENT DAY SANDY CHEEKS TO MOVE TO BIKINI BOTTOM, RESULTING IN HER SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE ENLIGHTENING ITS CITIZENS TO EVENTUALLY GIVE THEM THE CAPABILITIES OF SPACE TRAVEL THROUGH HER MANY SQUIRREL DESCENDANTS. THE AUTOMATED FLYING SAUCERS' YELLOW RECTANGULAR MONOLITHS WERE BOTH SPACE TRAVELING DEVICES AND MONITORING SPACE PROBES THAT OVERSAW THE EVOLUTION OF AQUATIC SPECIES INTO THE UNIVERSE BEYOND THEIR HOME OCEANS OF THEIR HOME PLANETS. EVENTUALLY, AFTER THE SPONGE, ASTRONAUT SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, COMPLETES HIS ODYSSEY THROUGH SPACE AND TIME TO THE IMMATERIAL ALIENS THEMSELVES, THEY GRANT HIM THE CHANCE TO BECOME ONE OF THEM, USING THEIR UNIMAGINABLE POWER TO MAKE HIM THE SPONGE CHILD, THE CULMINATION OF ALL BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION. THE SPONGE CHILD IS AN IMMORTAL GIANT NUDE CHEESY SPONGE INFANT OF YELLOW LIGHT, ENCLOSED IN A GIANT BRIGHT BLUE BUBBLE EMANATING BRIGHT BLUE LIGHT. AS THE TWO RIVAL NATIONS, THE KRUSTY KRAB STATES AND THE UNION OF CHUM BUCKETS, FINALLY LAUNCH THEIR LASER BEAMS AT EACH OTHER TO DESTROY ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM IN THE WATERS OF EARTH BELOW, THE SPONGE CHILD ARRIVES ABOVE EARTH, INTERCEDES IN THE HOPELESS CONFLICT, AND USES HIS PROTECTIVE, IMPENETRABLE BLUE LIGHT BUBBLE TO DEFLECT THE LASER BEAMS AWAY FROM THE CITY AND INTO OUTER SPACE. THE SPONGE CHILD THEN DESTROYS BOTH SPACE STATIONS ARMED WITH THE LASER SUPER WEAPONS BY LAUNCHING ENERGETIC BLUE LIGHT BUBBLES FROM HIS BRIGHT BABY HANDS AT THEM TO EXPLODE THEM, END THE LONG COLD WAR, SAVE BIKINI BOTTOM FROM CERTAIN DESTRUCTION, AND USHER IN A NEW ERA OF PEACE AND WISDOM FOR THE SEA. THE SPONGE CHILD HAS REACHED THE MATURITY TO SINGLEHANDEDLY END PLANETARY WAR FOR PEACE, PROSPERITY, AND ENLIGHTENMENT. THE SPONGE CHILD IS NOW SPONGY AND CHEESY MASTER OF THE WORLD, BUT LIKE HIS ANCESTOR PATTY FLIPPER, HE IS UNSURE OF WHAT TO DO NEXT WITH HIS AWESOME POWER, THOUGH HE WILL CERTAINLY THINK OF SOMETHING. BELOW IN BIKINI BOTTOM, THE PANICKED CITIZENS OF BOTH NATIONS REALIZE THEY HAVE NOT BEEN DESTROYED, SEE THE EXPLODED SPACE STATION WEAPONS IN THE SKY ABOVE, AND FINALLY SEE A NEW LIVING, SPONGY AND CHEESY SUN IN THE SKY ABOVE. THE SAVED SEA CREATURES PLAY EPIC CLASSICAL MUSIC ON THEIR HOME RADIOS TO THANK AND WELCOME THEIR NEW SAVIOR. THE SPONGE CHILD'S BRIGHT BLUE EYES GAZE TOWARDS THE BLUE EARTH BELOW AND OUTSHINE ALL THE BRIGHTEST BLUE OCEANS OF THE UNIVERSE. THE YEAR ON EARTH IS 3001 C.E. THE SPONGE ODYSSEY IS COMPLETE.

**TOM SURFING: EVERYTHING HAS FINALLY COME FULL SQUARE AS WE HAVE JUST WITNESSED THE EVOLUTION OF SPONGE FROM COSMIC MATTER, FURRY SPONGE-APE, MODERN SPONGE, ASTRONAUT SPONGE, THE DESTRUCTION OF THE IMPERFECT MACHINE, AND THE BIRTH OF THE IMMATERIAL SPONGE CHILD. THE JOURNEY WAS NOT ALWAYS PRETTY, BUT ITS NEW BEGINNING WAS CERTAINLY AS SWEET AS A PINEAPPLE AND AS CHEESY AS THE MOON. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING THE FRUITY, CHEESY, EPIC SERIES FINALE, AND WE HOPE YOU WILL ALWAYS REMAIN A FAN OF THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS OF ALL ERAS. THIS IS THE ONE AND ONLY TOM SURFING SAYING FAREWELL, HOPING NEPTUNE BLESSES YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, AND WISHING YOU GOOD NIGHT AND A HAPPY EARLY MORNING TWILIGHT…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE! **

**EPISODE 51E ****_THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE – THE END_**

[TOM SURFING AND A SECOND LIVING SKELETON, THE SKELETON OF THE DECEASED DRIVER FROM THE PROLOGUE, HANG ON TO EACH OTHER AS NEW DEAD FRIENDS, ONCE AGAIN SING "RING OF FIRE" BY JOHNNY CASH, AND FLOAT TOGETHER ON HIS LUCKY SURF BOARD ACROSS STARS, BLACK HOLES, AND MOON-SIZED "DEATH STARS" FROM _STAR WARS_ SHAPED LIKE GIANT FISH EGGS. THE DEATH STARS USE POWERFUL GREEN ENERGY BEAMS TO HIT AND DESTROY MANY NEARBY PLANETS AS TOM SURFING STEERS THE SURF BOARD INTO A NEARBY BLACK HOLE THAT SUCKS THE TWO DEAD MEN INTO IT FOREVER, ENDING THEIR JOURNEY ACROSS THE BOUNDLESS NIGHT SKY OF THE INFINITE UNIVERSE. TOM SURFING REPEATS THE SEASON ONE INTRODUCTORY NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: THERE IS A SLIPPERY SECTOR, BEYOND THAT WHICH IS TEEMING WITH SEA MEN. IT IS A WATERY WORLD AS SPACIOUS AS OUTER SPACE, AND AS ETERNAL AS TEMPORAL ETERNITY. IT IS THE SEA LANE BETWEEN LOW AND HIGH TIDES, BETWEEN SCIENTIFIC OCEANOGRAPHERS AND SUPERSTITIOUS SAILORS, AND ITS WAVES CRASH BETWEEN THE DEPTHS OF THE DARKEST WATERS AND THE FLOATING OF THE BRIGHTEST JELLYFISH. THIS IS THE WET CLOSET OF ALL SEA MONSTERS. IT IS THE WILD POOL GAME KNOWN ONLY AS…THE TIDAL ZONE!**

**END OF SERIES**


	2. The Tidal Zone Series 2

**_THE TIDAL ZONE 2 _**

**BY JAIME GOMEZ JR. **

**[SORRY ABOUT THE ALL-CAPS. I HAVE BAD EYESIGHT, SO I NEED ALL-CAPS TO READ AND WRITE WELL.]**

**THE LOST SIXTH SEASON**

**TOM SURFING: WELCOME TO THE LOST AND FOUND SECTION OF THE TIDAL ZONE LIBRARY. WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO REVIEW IS THE LOST FINAL SEASON OF OUR CONCLUDED SERIES. THESE FINAL EPISODES ARE MEANT TO APPEAR BEFORE THE MOVIE SERIES FINALE. WE KNOW YOU WILL ENJOY THESE NEWLY DISCOVERED WITTY AND MACABRE TALES! **

**FINAL INTRODUCTION STORY**

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ CREEPY THEME MUSIC BEGINS. IT IS NIGHTTIME ABOVE THE OCEAN BELOW. A MAN IN A BUSINESS SUIT SLEEPS ON A BED FLOATING IN THE WATERS. TOM SURFING BEGINS HIS NARRATION.}

**TOM SURFING: THIS IS A WET DREAM THAT WILL SHAKE THE WAVY FOUNDATIONS OF YOUR REALITY…**

[ABOVE IN THE NIGHT SKY, ALIEN FLYING SAUCERS SHOOT LASER BEAMS AT AND FLEE FROM THE LARGER GHOST PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHOSE SHIP SHOOTS FLAMING HARPOONS AT AND CHASES THE SMALLER ALIEN SHIPS.]

**TOM SURFING: YOU'RE IN AN UNDERWATER NIGHTMARE OF THE ALIEN AND THE GHOSTLY, OF THE MATERIAL AND THE ETHEREAL, OF THE FUTURISTIC AND THE SAVAGE…**

[TOTAL DARKNESS SUDDENLY COVERS EVERYTHING UNTIL A BRIGHT RAINBOW SHINES IN THE HORIZON AS THE SUN APPEARS TO RISE.]

**TOM SURFING: SAIL AS LONG AS YOU LIKE ON THIS SEA ROUTE. THE ONLY TRAVEL FARE COMES FROM YOUR IMAGINATION…**

[THE RISING STAR APPEARS TO GROW CLOSER AND PROVES TO ACTUALLY BE A FALLING ASTEROID. THE MAN IN THE BED WAKES UP AND DIVES INTO THE WATERS AS THE ASTEROID FROM THE SKY CRASHES INTO HIS BED AND THE OCEAN, CAUSING A MASSIVE GEYSER OF WATER INTO THE AIR AND LEAVING BEHIND A HUGE CRATER ABYSS WHERE THE WATER ONCE WAS. THE SMOKE AND DUST FROM THE IMPACT FORM THE TITLE "THE TIDAL ZONE." TOM SURFING CONCLUDES HIS NARRATION.]

**TOM SURFING: LADIES AND GENTLE FISH, PLEASE KEEP YOUR SWIMSUITS ON AT ALL TIMES AS YOU BELLY FLOP AND CANNON BALL INTO THE ABYSS OF…THE TIDAL ZONE! **

[_THE TIDAL ZONE_ CREEPY THEME MUSIC CLIMAXES AND ENDS.]

**51 EPISODE FIFTY-ONE: BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD**

**TOM SURFING: IF YOU ARE A FAN OF THE ARTSY-FARTSY SHAKESPEARE OR THE PSYCHEDELIC HUXLEY, THEN YOU'VE PROBABLY HEARD THE FOLLOWING QUOTE: "OH WONDER! HOW MANY GOODLY CREATURES ARE THERE HERE! HOW BEAUTEOUS MANKIND IS! O BRAVE NEW WORLD, THAT HAS SUCH PEOPLE IN IT!" KEEP THAT LONG-WINDED QUOTE IN MIND FOR TONIGHT'S SCI-FI TALE BECAUSE IN THIS SEAWORLD SHELDON PLANKTON AND HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN RULE A UTOPIA OF TECHNOLOGICAL PERFECTION AND ABSOLUTE PEACE. IS SOMETHING FISHY ABOUT THIS CONTRADICTORY PREMISE TO YOU? IF SO, YOUR ANIMAL INSTINCTS SERVE YOU WELL, BECAUSE IDEAL SOCIETIES OFTEN HAVE VERY HIGH AUTOMATED PRICE TAGS…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

AS KING AND QUEEN OF THE CITY, PLANKTON AND HIS WIFE KAREN RULE A HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICALLY ADVANCED AND FULLY CULTURALLY PEACEFUL BIKINI BOTTOM THAT APPEARS TO BE FULL OF EXTREMELY DOCILE AND INTELLIGENT SEA CREATURES. THE CITY IS NOW NAMED "BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD." BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD HAS A FREE ENERGY SYSTEM TO MEET ITS MANY INDUSTRIAL POWER NEEDS, THOUGH THE UNKNOWN SOURCE OF THE CITY'S POWER LAY BENEATH THE CITY ITSELF. ALL CITIZENS SHOW NO SIGNS OF VIOLENCE, STUPIDITY, DISTRESSING EMOTIONS, SOCIAL CONFLICT, OR CULTURAL DIVERSITY OR IMPERFECTION. THE PERFECT CITIZENS LIKEWISE HAPPILY AND FULLY ACCEPT THE EQUALLY PERFECT RULE OF THE PLANKTON COUPLE, WHOM THEY REGARD AS DIVINE MONARCHS. HOWEVER, THREE FUGITIVES OF THE LAW ARE WANTED BY POLICE FORCES THROUGHOUT THE CITY. THE PAST IMPERFECT SOCIAL ORDER THAT THE THREE SABOTEURS AND TERRORISTS REPRESENT IS REGARDED AS HAVING BEEN OVERTHROWN COMPLETELY. THEIR SECRET CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES THROUGHOUT THE CITY ARE THE LAST REBELLIOUS REMNANTS OF THE PAST SOCIALLY, CULTURALLY, AND TECHNOLOGICALLY FLAWED BIKINI BOTTOM CIVILIZATION. THE THREE FUGITIVES REJECT THE RULE OF THE PLANKTON FAMILY AND WORK TO REBEL AGAINST THE NEW SOCIAL ORDER. THE THREE WANTED MEN ARE SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS, WHO ARE ALL PAST MEMBERS OF THE OBSOLETE KRUSTY KRAB CREW AND APPEAR TO BE THE LAST SURVIVORS OF THE OLD SOCIAL ORDER OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THE KRUSTY KRAB HAS LONG BEEN CLOSED AND DESTROYED BY LEGAL AUTHORITIES, AND ITS KRABBY PATTY FOOD HAS LIKEWISE BEEN LEGALLY BANNED AND EXPORTED FROM THE CITY. ONLY SPECIAL CHUM FOOD SERVED AT MANY CHUM BUCKETS ACROSS THE CITY IS EATEN BY THE PUBLIC. STEALING SOME OF THE CITY'S FASTEST FLYING INVISIBLE BOAT CARS, THE THREE WANTED MEN ROUTINELY EVADE THE POLICE. THE REBEL FUGITIVES DRESS AS NAVAL SAILORS IN HONOR OF THEIR CAPTAIN MR. KRABS. THE FUGITIVES' ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES INCLUDE RAIDING AND DESTROYING CHUM BUCKET FACTORIES AND RESTAURANTS AT NIGHT; LEAVING ENTICING KRABBY PATTIES FILLED WITH SEEMINGLY TOXIC INGREDIENTS IN PUBLIC PLACES THAT POISON THE POPULACE, CAUSING MASS PANIC AND HOSPITALIZATIONS; AND TRYING TO LOCATE THE SECRET UNDERGROUND SOURCE OF THE CITY'S FREE ENERGY SYSTEM, WHERE CIVILIAN PRISONERS OF THE OLD CITY'S POPULACE ARE BELIEVED TO BE HELD AGAINST THEIR WILL AS LABOR SLAVES. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS SEEM TO SHOW NO SYMPATHY FOR THE PAIN AND DESTRUCTION THEY INFLICT ON THE PEOPLE AND INFRASTRUCTURE OF BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD, AND THEY WANT TO RESTORE THE OLD SOCIAL ORDER OF FREEDOM AND IMPERFECTION. REVIEWING CITY CONSTRUCTION BLUEPRINTS FOUND IN ONE OF THE CHUM BUCKET FACTORIES THAT THEY DESTROYED WITH OLD SMALL NAVAL MINES OWNED BY MR. KRABS, THE KRUSTY KRAB REBEL CREW DISCOVERS THAT THE SECRET BASE OF THE SLAVE LABOR SOURCE OF THE CITY'S UNLIMITED POWER IS LOCATED UNDER THE LARGEST INDUSTRIAL BUILDING IN THE CITY'S CENTER CALLED "THE TOWER OF CHUM." HOPING TO CREATE A MASS PUBLIC DIVERSION SO THEY CAN MORE EASILY SNEAK INTO AND BELOW THE TOWER OF CHUM, THE REBELS CAUSE MASS PANIC AMONG THE CITIZENS WHEN THEY START SECRETLY POISONING CHUM FOOD TO ERADICATE THE POPULACE AND WHEN THEY CREATE SMALL OLD WEATHER BALLOONS THAT CAUSE MASS PANIC AS THE POPULACE MISTAKES THE FLYING FOREIGN OBJECTS FOR ALIEN U.F.O.s. WITH THE CITY'S LEGAL AND EMERGENCY FORCES IN A STATE OF CONFUSION AND HYSTERIA, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS SNEAK INTO THE TOWER OF CHUM AND USE THEIR LAST SUPPLY OF OLD SMALL NAVAL MINES TO EXPLODE AND PASS BY THE VARIOUS AUTOMATED SECURITY MEASUREMENTS PROTECTING THE CITY'S ENERGY SOURCE LOCATED BENEATH THE TOWER. EVENTUALLY, THEY REACH BUNKER LABORATORY FACTORIES BENEATH THE TOWER CALLED "THE DUNGEONS OF OBLIVION." THE CITY'S ENERGY SOURCE APPEARS TO BE IN THE DUNGEONS OF OBLIVION. HOWEVER, THE REBELS SOON FIND MANY PRISON CELLS IN THE DUNGEONS WHERE THERE ARE MANY HEAVILY SLEEPING PRISONERS, WHO ARE IMPRISONED SURVIVORS OF THE OLD SOCIAL ORDER. AS SOON AS THEY TRY TO OPEN THE PRISON CELLS, SECURITY ALARMS BLARE AND POLICE SECURITY FISH ARMED WITH STUN GUNS AND THEIR HUNGRY WORM DOGS ARRIVE AND ATTACK THE REBELS. TO DEFEND THEMSELVES, THE REBELS USE THEIR REMAINING CRUDE WEAPONRY. SPONGEBOB USES SHARP AND RUSTY SPATULAS, MR. KRABS USES MANY RIFLE GUNS THAT SHOOT OUT HARPOON SPEARS, AND SQUIDWARD USES MANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS TO FIGHT AND DESTROY THE POLICE FISH AND WORM DOGS. HOWEVER, AS SOON AS THE REBELS DECAPITATE, DISMEMBER, STAB, SHOOT, AND CRUSH THE MANY POLICE FISH AND WORM DOGS, THE DESTROYED AND DYING POLICE FORCES EXPLODE, RELEASING MECHANICAL INTERNAL ORGANS. THUS, THE POLICE FORCE AND ENTIRE POPULACE OF BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD, EXCEPT FOR KING PLANKTON, ARE ROBOTS THAT ONLY APPEAR TO BE REGULAR ORGANIC SEA CREATURES. THEREFORE, BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD IS A PERFECT ROBOT SOCIETY THAT HAS REPLACED THE OLD IMPERFECT ORGANIC SEA CREATURE SOCIETY OF BIKINI BOTTOM. HAVING DEFEATED THE POLICE ROBOTS, THE REBELS BREAK INTO THE PRISON CELLS OF THE SLEEPING PRISONERS TO FREE THEM. HOWEVER, THE SLEEPING PRISONERS SUDDENLY SLOWLY DISAPPEAR AND APPEAR TO BE NOTHING BUT PROJECTED COMPUTER HOLOGRAMS USED AS BAIT TO FINALLY CAPTURE THE THREE MOST WANTED MEN INTO A DEADLY TRAP. THE DUNGEONS ROOMS SUDDENLY BEGIN TO FLOOD WITH CHUM. OVER A LOUDSPEAKER AND LARGE COMPUTER SCREEN IN THE DUNGEONS, KING PLANKTON, WHO IS IN A REMOTE CONTROL ROOM FAR ABOVE THE DUNGEONS IN THE HIGH TOWER OF CHUM, SPEAKS TO THE THREE DOOMED CRIMINALS ONE LAST TIME. THE PANICKING SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS DEMAND THAT PLANKTON RELEASE THEM AND FREE HIS REAL SLEEPING ORGANIC SEA CREATURE PRISONERS WHEREVER THEY ARE. PLANKTON INSTEAD REMINDS THEM HOW AND WHY HE AND HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN BECAME RULERS OF THE CITY. IN THE RECENT PAST, THE PLANKTON COUPLE, TIRED OF THE TECHNOLOGICALLY PRIMITIVE AND CULTURALLY IGNORANT ORGANIC SEA CREATURE SOCIETY OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WANTED TO CREATE A UTOPIA THAT THEY COULD HAPPILY RULE AS HUSBAND AND WIFE. THUS, PLANKTON AND KAREN USED THEIR HIDDEN BUNKER LABORATORIES BENEATH THE CHUM BUCKET TO SECRETLY CREATE ROBOT REPLICAS OF ALL ORGANIC PEOPLE IN THE CITY. THEIR OBEDIENT ROBOT CREATIONS THEN INFILTRATED THE CITY SEWERS TO POISON THE CITY'S WATER SUPPLY WITH POWERFUL SLEEPING MEDICINE TO SWIFTLY PUT ALL ORGANIC SEA CREATURE BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO SLEEP, ENABLING PLANKTON, KAREN, AND THEIR ROBOTS TO EASILY CONQUER THE CITY AND TO CREATE A NEW HIGHLY TECHNOLOGICAL, FULLY PEACEFUL UTOPIA WITH NO RESISTANCE. ONLY THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW, DUE TO MR. KRABS' FAILURE TO PAY HIS RESTAURANT'S WATER BILLS, EVADED THE ROBOTS' MASS CAPTURE OF ALL THE SLEEPING ORGANIC CITIZENS, WHO WERE FORCED TO HYPNOTICALLY SLEEPWALK AND SLEEP RUN ON GIANT HAMSTER WHEELS IN UNDERGROUND BUNKER LABORATORIES BENEATH THE CITY AS SLAVE LABOR TO POWER THE NEW ROBOTIC UTOPIA WITH FREE ENERGY. THE FUGITIVE KRUSTY KRAB CREW WENT INTO HIDING THROUGHOUT THE CITY, POISONED THE ROBOTS' FOOD SUPPLY WITH ELECTRIC TASERS TO CAUSE THE MANY ROBOTS WHO ATE THE FOOD TO MALFUNCTION, AND DESTROYED THE CITY'S FOOD SUPPLY TO DEVASTATE THE ROBOT POPULACE AND TO DISCOVER THE HIDDEN LOCATION OF THE SLEEPWALKING ORGANIC SLAVE PRISONERS TO FREE THEM AND TO CONTINUE THEIR REVOLUTION AGAINST THE ROBOTIC SOCIAL ORDER. BACK IN THE PRESENT, THE DUNGEON ROOMS CONTINUE TO FLOOD WITH MUCH CHUM. THE THREE CRIMINALS BEGIN TO DROWN IN THE CHUM AND PROTEST TO PLANKTON. THEY CLAIM THAT THOUGH PLANKTON HAS CREATED A ROBOT UTOPIA, HE HAS UNFAIRLY MADE ALL ORGANIC CITIZENS OPPRESSED SLAVES TO DO SO. PLANKTON ASSURES THEM THAT ONLY ROBOTIC SOCIETIES ARE INTELLIGENT AND DOCILE ENOUGH TO HAVE TRUE UNIVERSAL PEACE, UNLIKE THE PAST ORGANIC SEA CREATURE SOCIETY PLAGUED BY CRIME, VIOLENCE, PRIMITIVE TECHNOLOGY, CULTURAL DIVISION, AND IRRATIONAL HATRED DUE TO THE NATURAL IMPERFECTIONS OF BIOLOGICAL MARINE LIFE. PLANKTON ALSO ASSURES THE DYING REBELS THAT THE SLEEPWALKER ORGANIC SEA CREATURE PRISONERS ARE ALWAYS COMPLETELY UNAWARE OF THEIR SLAVERY AND CAPTIVITY IN THE REAL WORLD SINCE THEY ARE ALWAYS SLEEPING AND THE POWERFUL SLEEP MEDICINE THEY UNKNOWINGLY CONSUME ALSO CAUSES THEM TO ALWAYS ENJOY GOOD DREAMS OF LIVING IN PRIMITIVE UTOPIAN FARM COMMUNITIES IN ARTIFICIAL PERFECT DREAM WORLDS. THEREFORE, THEIR SLAVERY IS ACTUALLY BETTER FOR THEM SINCE THEY COULD NEVER CREATE AND MAINTAIN SUCH UTOPIAS IN THE REAL WORLD. THE HORRIFIED REBELS MAKE THEIR FINAL PROTESTS THAT PLANKTON'S ROBOTIC UTOPIA IS UNNATURAL TO THE SOCIAL FREEDOMS THAT ALL SEA CREATURES SHOULD HAVE FOR GOOD OR FOR ILL CONSEQUENCES SINCE THEY BELIEVE THAT KING NEPTUNE CREATED ALL ORGANIC SEA CREATURES IN HIS IMAGE TO DO WHATEVER THEY WANT WITH THE REST OF THE SEA. THUS, THE UNNATURAL ROBOT SOCIETY MUST SOON PERISH DUE TO ITS INHERENT CONFLICT WITH MOTHER NATURE. PLANKTON ASSURES THEM THAT HE HAS PERFECTED THE ORGANIC FLAWS OF KING NEPTUNE'S CREATION BY CREATING ROBOT COPIES OF SEA CREATURES THAT ARE BETTER THAN THEIR PREDECESSORS IN EVERY IMAGINABLE WAY. PLANKTON ARGUES THAT HIS ROBOT SOCIETY IS SIMPLY THE NEXT STAGE OF NATURAL EVOLUTION FROM THE BIOLOGICAL ORDER TO THE CYBERNETIC ORDER. AS A FINAL MESSAGE TO THEM, PLANKTON REMINDS THEM THAT FOR THE ORGANIC SLAVE PRISONERS "IGNORANCE IS BLISS." THE FLOODING CHUM FINALLY FULLY DROWNS THE DOOMED SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS, ENDING THEIR REIGN OF TERROR OVER THE ROBOT POPULACE OF BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD. AS KING PLANKTON THEN ADDRESSES THE ROBOT PUBLIC TO REVEAL THAT THE THREE ORGANIC REBEL TERRORISTS HAVE FINALLY BEEN EXECUTED, THE ROBOT CITIZENS CELEBRATE THAT THE LAST ORGANIC THREATS TO UNIVERSAL CYBERNETIC URBAN PEACE AND SOCIAL STABILITY ARE FINALLY ELIMINATED. LIKE THE HEAVENLY DREAMS OF THEIR ORGANIC SLAVES, THE ROBOTS' SHARED DREAM OF A BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD HAS FINALLY COME TRUE.

**TOM SURFING: THIS DYSTOPIAN BEDTIME STORY FROM THE TIDAL ZONE BRINGS MORE DIFFICULT QUESTIONS THAN COMFORTING RESOLUTIONS. CAN SEA CREATURES AND LAND CREATURES EVER MAINTAIN LASTING SOCIAL STABILITY AND UNIVERSAL PEACE? OR ARE THEIR FUTURE ROBOTIC CREATIONS MORE LIKELY TO OVERTHROW THEIR IMPRUDENT AND DESTRUCTIVE SOCIETIES TO CREATE NEW GOLDEN AGES OF PROSPERITY ABOVE AND BELOW THE SEVEN SEAS? IT SEEMS THE EXTINCTION OF ONE STRUGGLING SPECIES INEVITABLY ENABLES THE EVOLUTION OF ANOTHER STRONGER SPECIES, EVEN IF THE NEW LIFE FORM ARISES FROM THE OLD ONE. HOWEVER, EVOLUTIONARY PROGRESS CAN STILL HAVE FRIGHTENING CONSEQUENCES…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**52 EPISODE FIFTY-TWO: JUSTICE IS SERVED**

**TOM SURFING: DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF JUSTICE? IF SO, DO YOU ALSO BELIEVE THAT JUSTICE WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH OVER THE FAULTS OF THE LAW? WELL, REGARDLESS OF YOUR PERSONAL CONVICTIONS, YOU'RE ABOUT TO LEARN A VERY IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT THE TRUE NATURE OF JUSTICE FROM THE DIVINE HIGHER POWERS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

THE SUSPECT BELIEVED TO BE THE WANTED AND ELUSIVE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, WHOM LAW ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITIES HAVE ALWAYS SUSPECTED BUT HAVE NEVER CONVICTED OF FATALLY STRANGLING MANY DECEASED OLD FISH WITH THE OLD FISH'S OWN WALKING CANES AS WEAPONS, HAS FINALLY BEEN ARRESTED AND PUT ON DEATH ROW FOR FINALLY LEAVING BEHIND A LIVING VICTIM. THE LIVING VICTIM IS NONE OTHER THAN MR. KRABS. THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER SUSPECT IS A LARGE FRENCH FISH NAMED "MONSIEUR JACK KOFF RIP PURR." THE STRANGLER IS CHARGED WITH ALL THE OTHER UNSOLVED SENIOR CITIZEN MURDER CASES AND WITH ATTEMPTING TO FATALLY STRANGLE MR. KRABS, WHO IS NOW WEARING A NECK BRACE AND CAN BARELY TALK WITH A VERY HOARSE VOICE. MR. KRABS CLAIMS THAT THE STRANGLER WANTED REVENGE ON HIM BECAUSE MR. KRABS WAS A TATTLE TALE WHO CALLED THE POLICE ON THE STRANGLER WHEN THE CRIMINAL STOLE MANY KRABBY PATTIES FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB, THOUGH THE CRIMINAL ESCAPED BEFORE THE POLICE ARRIVED. THUS, MR. KRABS CLAIMS THAT SHORTLY AFTER HIS ESCAPE, THE STRANGLER BROKE INTO HIS HOME ONE NIGHT TO STRANGLE HIM IN HIS SLEEP, THOUGH THE STRANGLER FLED AFTER MISTAKING MR. KRABS FOR DEAD. HOWEVER, THE IMPRISONED SUSPECT, WHO HAS BEEN DUBBED "THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER" BY THE MEDIA, CLAIMS THAT HE IS NOT THE WANTED SERIAL KILLER AND CLAIMS THAT MR. KRABS COMPLETELY FABRICATED BOTH THE ASSAULT STORY AND MR. KRABS' SUPPOSED INJURIES. THE STRANGLER CLAIMS THAT MR. KRABS IS BITTER THAT THE STRANGLER STOLE MANY KRABBY PATTIES FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB, A CRIME WHICH THE STRANGLER ADMITS HE IS GUILTY OF. THOUGH THE STRANGLER ADMITS TO STEALING THE FOOD, HE FEELS COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED ABOUT THE THEFT BECAUSE HE BELIEVES THE CUSTOMER SERVICE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB RANKS AS THE WORST IN THE SEA. THE STRANGLER COMPLAINS THAT THE CASHIER SQUIDWARD IS A TOTAL BORE WHO ONLY MAKES WEIRD NOISES WHEN HE FALLS ASLEEP AT WORK AND A COMPLETE JERK TO CUSTOMERS WHO ALWAYS SPITS AND EXCRETES SQUID INK IN CUSTOMERS' FOOD; THE FRY COOK SPONGEBOB IS AN UNBEARABLY ANNOYING WAITER WHO LITERALLY KISSES THE FOOD HE MAKES BEFORE SERVING IT TO CUSTOMERS AND AN INCREDIBLY CHILDISH WORKER WHO SINGS TOO MUCH WHILE HE WORKS AND MAKES OVERLY HAPPY AND REALLY WEIRD FACES WHILE STARING AT AND FOLLOWING ALL OF THE CUSTOMERS; AND THE OWNER MR. KRABS ALWAYS LEAVES HIS PANTS ZIPPER OPEN IN PUBLIC AND ALWAYS SECRETLY STEALS MONEY FROM CUSTOMERS' WALLETS AND PURSES. THUS, THE STRANGLER CLAIMS THAT HIS FOOD SHOULD HAVE BEEN FREE AS REIMBURSEMENT FOR THE AWFUL CUSTOMER SERVICE. HOWEVER, DUE TO MR. KRABS' APPARENT INJURIES AND TESTIMONY AND DUE TO THE SUSPECT USING THE MODUS OPERANDI OF THE UNKNOWN TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, THE LEGAL SYSTEM SOON DENOUNCES THE SUSPECT AS THE STRANGLER AND FINDS THE STRANGLER GUILTY OF THE BRUTAL ASSAULT ON MR. KRABS AND THE STRANGLING MURDERS OF OVER ONE HUNDRED SENIOR CITIZEN FISH, WHO WERE PAST RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS. THE CITY COURT SENTENCES THE STRANGLER TO DEATH FOR HIS SUSPECTED CRIMES. THE DOOMED STRANGLER PROTESTS HIS INNOCENCE ON DEATH ROW, BUT NO ONE PITIES HIM OR BELIEVES HIS CLAIMS OF INNOCENCE. ON THE STRANGLER'S EXECUTION DATE, A LARGE CROWD OF FISH SENIOR CITIZENS FROM SHADY SHOALS AND THE KRABS FAMILY (MR. KRABS, HIS MOTHER MRS. KRABS, AND HIS DAUGHTER PEARL) JOYOUSLY WAIT OUTSIDE THE CITY PRISON FOR HIS EXECUTION. HOWEVER, THE CROWD IS LIKEWISE MET WITH ANOTHER CROWD OF DOLPHIN AND SEAL PROTESTERS AGAINST THE LEGAL DEATH PENALTY. POLICE FISH PREVENT THE TWO ANTAGONISTIC CROWDS FROM FIGHTING. THE STRANGLER IS PLACED BY POLICE SHARK EXECUTIONERS INTO HIS EXECUTION ROOM. FOR HIS EXECUTION, A SPANKING MACHINE IS TO EXECUTE HIM BY EXCESSIVE SPANKING. HOWEVER, BEFORE THE SPANKING MACHINE STARTS, THE RESTRAINED STRANGLER HAS A VISION OF A BLACK DOG SMILING AT HIM, HAPPILY BARKING AT HIM, AND RUNNING TOWARDS HIM. THE DOG SEEMS TO WANT TO SAVE THE SEEMINGLY INNOCENT STRANGLER. NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE THE SEEMINGLY IMAGINARY DOG. SUDDENLY, THE SPANKING MACHINE GREATLY MALFUNCTIONS AS IT TURNS ON AND OFF BY ITSELF ERRATICALLY AND INSTEAD ACCIDENTALLY SPANKS THE NEARBY POLICE SHARK EXECUTIONERS TO DEATH. THUS, THE EXECUTION IS A DISASTROUS FAILURE. THE ELATED STRANGLER BELIEVES THAT THE DOG IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SAVING HIS LIFE SINCE THE DOG KNOWS THAT HE IS REALLY INNOCENT OF THE CHARGED CRIMES. THE STRANGLER CONCLUDES THAT THE DOG IS ACTUALLY HIS PERSONAL GUARDIAN ANIMAL SPIRIT. THE PRO-DEATH CROWD SCREAMS IN PROTEST OVER THE FAILED EXECUTION, WHILE THE ANTI-DEATH CROWD JOYOUSLY APPLAUDS THE DOOMED MAN'S SURVIVAL OUTSIDE THE PRISON. AS A RESULT OF THE FAILED EXECUTION, THE POLICE TEMPORARILY POSTPONE THE EXECUTION AND CHANGE THE METHOD OF EXECUTION FOR A SECOND ATTEMPT. FOR THE SECOND EXECUTION ATTEMPT, THE STRANGLER IS TO BE EXECUTED VIA AN UNDERWEAR WEDGIE MACHINE. THE PRO-DEATH CROWD CELEBRATES AND THE ANTI-DEATH CROWD SHOUTS PROTESTS AS THE SECOND EXECUTION BEGINS. LARGE POLICE KILLER WHALE EXECUTIONERS TURN ON THE WEDGIE MACHINE, WHICH PULLS THE STRANGLER'S DIRTY UNDERWEAR UNBEARABLY HIGH UP HIS BUTT CRACK. AS THE STRANGLER SCREECHES IN PAIN AND BEGINS TO LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS, THE STRANGLER AGAIN HAS A VISION OF THE KIND BLACK DOG, WHO LICKS HIM, GENTLY RUBS AGAINST HIM, AND GENTLY SCRATCHES HIS BACK TO COMFORT HIM. SUDDENLY, A PRISON RIOT OF DEATH ROW INMATES BREAKS OUT, CAUSING COMPLETE MAYHEM IN THE PRISON. THE RIOT IS LED BY PLANKTON, WHO IS ON DEATH ROW FOR KILLING HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN AFTER SHE REPORTED HIS THEFT OF THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA TO THE POLICE, ALONG WITH MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE, WHO ARE ON DEATH ROW FOR KILLING MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AFTER THE SUPER VILLAINS SECRETLY LOOSENED THE TIRES OF THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE BEFORE THE SUPER HEROES DROVE IT FOR THE LAST TIME. THE POLICE KILLER WHALE EXECUTIONERS CEASE AND AGAIN POSTPONE THE EXECUTION TO EVENTUALLY SUBDUE AND TRANQUILIZE THE OTHER RIOTING DEATH ROW PRISONERS. THE RELIEVED STRANGLER NOW BELIEVES HIS GUARDIAN DOG SPIRIT WILL ALWAYS SAVE HIM FROM EXECUTION TO STOP HIS UNJUST DEATH AND TO PROVE HIS INNOCENCE TO THE PUBLIC. OUTSIDE THE PRISON, POLICE FISH BREAK UP A FIGHT BETWEEN THE TWO GROUPS AWAITING THE RESULTS OF THE EXECUTION. THE ANTI-DEATH PROTESTERS PROUDLY CLAIM THAT KING NEPTUNE HIMSELF IS ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE FOR SPARING THE STRANGLER'S LIFE DUE TO HIS INNOCENCE. HOWEVER, KING NEPTUNE IN ATLANTIS RELEASES A PUBLIC T.V. MESSAGE TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO COMMENT ON THE HEATED CONTROVERSY. KING NEPTUNE PUBLICALLY ANNOUNCES THAT HE HIMSELF IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR SUPERNATURALLY INTERVENING TO SAVE THE STRANGLER'S LIFE. KING NEPTUNE INSTEAD CLAIMS THAT THE DOG GOD OF THE UNDERWORLD, ANUBIS, MUST BE RESPONSIBLE SINCE ANUBIS DEALS WITH MATTERS OF DEATH AND FINAL MORAL JUDGMENT. THE STRANGLER ALSO ACCEPTS THAT ANUBIS IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SAVING HIS LIFE SINCE ANUBIS IS A DOG GOD LIKE HIS DOG GUARDIAN SPIRIT. HOWEVER, THE FRUSTRATED POLICE DENOUNCE THE DISRUPTIONS AS MERE COINCIDENCES, DENOUNCE THE STRANGLER'S VISIONS AS PSYCHOTIC HALLUCINATIONS, DO NOT BELIEVE THE STRANGLER IS INNOCENT, AND DECIDE TO PERFORM ONE FINAL EXECUTION ATTEMPT TO TEST IF ANUBIS WILL SAVE THE STRANGLER ONE LAST TIME TO PROVE THE STRANGLER'S INNOCENCE. THE EQUALLY FRUSTRATED CROWD OF THE OLD FISH AND KRABS FAMILY CHEER THE DECISION AND MOCK ANUBIS AS A MUTT DEITY WITH RABIES. THE ANTI-DEATH CROWD OF DOLPHINS AND SEALS PROUDLY PROCLAIM THAT ANUBIS WILL SAVE THE INNOCENT STRANGLER AGAIN. TO HUMILIATE AND TORMENT THE STRANGLER, THE POLICE EXECUTIONERS OF THE LAST EXECUTION ATTEMPT ARE CLOWN FISH DRESSED AS CREEPY CLOWNS. THE POLICE CLOWN FISH EXECUTIONERS USE A LONG ROPE TO SLOWLY LOWER THE STRANGLER FROM THE CEILING OF THE EXECUTION ROOM INTO A HUGE CAULDRON OF BOILING HOT GREASE TO TURN HIM INTO FRIED FISH. AS THE PANICKING STRANGLER IS LOWERED TOWARDS THE HUGE HOT GREASE DEATH TRAP, THE STRANGLER IS RELIEVED AS HE HAS ANOTHER VISION OF THE HEROIC BLACK DOG, WHO APPEARS NEAR THE CAULDRON AND WHINES AND BARKS AT HIM. THE CRYING STRANGLER BEGS THE DOG TO SAVE HIM ONE LAST TIME. THE DOG POWERFULLY BLOWS A GUST OF WIND OVER THE GREASE TO FULLY COOL IT DOWN TO REGULAR TEMPERATURES TO SAVE THE STRANGLER'S LIFE. THE STRANGLER WILDLY LAUGHS AS HE SPLASHES INTO THE NOW HARMLESS GREASE. THE SHOCKED POLICE AND PUBLIC, WHO CANNOT SEE ANUBIS THEMSELVES, UNIVERSALLY AGREE THAT A HIGHER SUPERNATURAL JUSTICE AND POWER THAT IS FAR GREATER THAN THE LEGAL SYSTEM OF MORTALS HAS SAVED THE STRANGLER'S LIFE TO PROVE HIS INNOCENCE ONCE AND FOR ALL. THE TWO ANTAGONISTIC CIVILIAN CROWDS FINALLY END THEIR FEUDS AND MOST OF THE PRO-DEATH CROWD SILENTLY DEPARTS. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS ANGRILY DENOUNCES THE STRANGLER AS A MURDERER AND MARCHES HOME ALONE. THE CITY MAYOR PARDONS THE STRANGLER OF ALL LEGAL CHARGES BROUGHT AGAINST HIM AND THE POLICE FINALLY RELEASE THE STRANGLER FROM JAIL. AS THE JOYOUS STRANGLER, NOW A FREE MAN, LEAVES PRISON ESCORTED BY POLICE FISH SECURITY AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY FISH HEAD MEDIA NEWS REPORTERS, THE ANTI-DEATH CROWD OF DOLPHINS AND SEALS WELCOME HIS FREEDOM WITH WILD APPLAUSE. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS, CARRYING A LARGE SUITCASE, SWIFTLY RETURNS AND ENTERS THE CROWD. SUDDENLY, THE BITTER MR. KRABS OPENS THE SUITCASE AND PULLS OUT A RIFLE HARPOON GUN TO SHOOT A DEADLY HARPOON SPEAR TO ASSASSINATE THE STRANGLER. HOWEVER, AS MR. KRABS FIRES THE GUN, THE SHOCKED STRANGLER HAS ANOTHER VISION OF THE BLACK DOG CATCHING THE HARPOON SPEAR IN ITS MOUTH AND BURYING IT UNDERGROUND. HOWEVER, TO THE OTHER SHOCKED BYSTANDERS, THE HARPOON SPEAR SIMPLY MISFIRES AND INSTEAD HITS THE NEARBY OLD MAN JENKINS IN THE CROWD. THE SPEAR GETS CAUGHT IN THE OLD FISH'S MOUTH LIKE A FISH HOOK, CAUSING HIM TO WAIL AND RUN AROUND IN PAIN. THE POLICE FISH SOON SUBDUE THE WILD MR. KRABS, CONFISCATE HIS WEAPON, ARREST HIM FOR THE ATTEMPTED MURDER, AND TAKE THE INJURED OLD MAN JENKINS TO THE HOSPITAL. THE JOYOUS STRANGLER ASSURES THE SHOCKED CROWD THAT TRUE JUSTICE ALWAYS PREVAILS AGAINST TRUE CRIME. THE CROWD APPLAUDS HIS WORDS AND PRESENTS HIM WITH A SPECIAL GIFT OF LOVE. THE GIFT IS A HUGE HEART-SHAPED BOX OF CHOCOLATE CANDIES, WHICH THE STRANGLER GRATEFULLY ACCEPTS AS HE CRIES TEARS OF JOY. THE STRANGLER THEN FINALLY RETURNS ALONE TO HIS HOME CONFIDENT THAT ANUBIS WILL ALWAYS PROTECT HIM UNTIL HE IS READY TO DIE NATURALLY AT AN OLD AGE AND HAPPY THAT HE IS RIGHTFULLY A FREE MAN. HOWEVER, AS THE STRANGLER ENTERS HIS HOME, ANUBIS, NOW IN HIS DIVINE JACKAL-HEADED HUMAN FORM AND WEARING ROYAL EGYPTIAN PHARAOH CLOTHING, IS ALREADY AT HIS HOME. ANUBIS BARKS TO GREET THE STRANGLER AND STANDS BY A LARGE GOLDEN WEIGHT SCALE OF TWO SCALES, ONE OF WHICH HAS A BRIGHTLY SHINING BIRD FEATHER ON IT. THE STRANGLER HAPPILY THANKS ANUBIS FOR SAVING HIS LIFE AND GRATEFULLY HUGS THE DOG GOD. THE STRANGLER HAPPILY SHOUTS THAT ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN JUST LIKE THEIR BEST FRIENDS MEN. HOWEVER, ANUBIS TELLS THE STRANGLER THAT HE MUST PASS ONE FINAL TEST IF HE IS TO ENJOY PARADISE WITH THE GODS IN THE AFTERLIFE. ANUBIS INFORMS THE STRANGLER THAT HE MUST PUT HIS GIFT HEART-SHAPED BOX OF CHOCOLATE CANDIES ONTO THE DIVINE JUDGMENT SCALE. IF THE SCALE WEIGHING THE HEART-SHAPED BOX BALANCES WITH THE SCALE WEIGHING THE MAGICAL FEATHER THAT REPRESENTS DIVINE JUSTICE, THEN ANUBIS WILL ESCORT THE STRANGLER TO PARADISE IMMEDIATELY SINCE SUCH AN OUTCOME WILL FINALLY PROVE THAT HE IS AN INNOCENT MAN. HOWEVER, IF THE SCALES DO NOT BALANCE, THEN THE STRANGLER IS ACTUALLY GUILTY OF THE STRANGLING CRIMES OF MURDERS AND ASSAULTS AND WILL BE JUSTLY PUNISHED BY THE ULTIMATE LEGAL SYSTEM VIA THE ULTIMATE EXECUTION METHOD. THE SHOCKED STRANGLER NERVOUSLY CONDUCTS THE FINAL TEST. THE STRANGLER GENTLY PETS THE DOG HEAD OF ANUBIS AND THEN FINALLY PUTS THE HEART-SHAPED BOX ONTO THE SCALE. THE STRANGLER SHRIEKS AS THE SCALES DO NOT BALANCE AND HIS HEART-SHAPED BOX IS MUCH HEAVIER THAN THE MAGICAL FEATHER OF DIVINE JUSTICE. THE STRANGLER CRIES UNCONTROLLABLY AND WILDLY PLEADS HIS INNOCENCE, BUT ANUBIS GROWLS AND SUDDENLY PULLS OUT A LARGE SWORD FROM HIS DOG MOUTH. ANUBIS ANGRILY DEMANDS THAT THE STRANGLER CONFESS HIS CRIMES AND GUILT. THE STRANGLER FINALLY ADMITS TO COMMITTING ALL THE STRANGLING MURDERS AND THE STRANGLING ASSAULT ON MR. KRABS. ANUBIS SADLY TELLS THE STRANGLER THAT HE SAVED HIS LIFE SO HE COULD UNDERGO DIVINE JUSTICE WITHOUT MORTAL BIAS, BUT ANUBIS INFORMS THE SOBBING STRANGLER THAT HE CAN SAVE HIM NO LONGER. ANUBIS HOLDS UP THE SWORD AND SEEMS READY TO BEHEAD THE HELPLESS, GUILTY STRANGLER SHAKING AND CRYING ON THE FLOOR. HOWEVER, ANUBIS INSTEAD BREAKS THE SWORD IN HALF AND PULLS OUT A DOG WHISTLE FROM INSIDE IT. THE CONFUSED STRANGLER STOPS CRYING AS ANUBIS BLOWS THE WHISTLE. OUTSIDE THE HOME'S FRONT DOOR, AN UNKNOWN BEAST MONSTROUSLY GROWLS, CAUSING THE STRANGLER TO WET HIMSELF IN FEAR TO FORM A SOGGY PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR. SUDDENLY, AMMIT, THE DEVOURER OF SOULS AND THE SUPERNATURAL CHIMERA OF A LION, HIPPOPOTAMUS, AND CROCODILE, BURSTS THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR INTO THE HOME, ROARS LIKE A HELLHOUND, AND LEAPS LIKE A LION POUNCING ON A FROZEN ZEBRA TOWARDS HIS VICTIM TO EAT AND ANNIHILATE THE BODY AND SOUL OF THE SCREAMING, GUILTY TATTLE TALE STRANGLER. DIVINE JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED!

**TOM SURFING: THOUGH MAN CAN DECEIVE HIS FELLOW MORTALS, HIS HEART CANNOT DECEIVE HIS CONSCIENCE AND CANNOT FOOL THE GODS OF JUSTICE. THOUGH THE GUILTY CAN ESCAPE PUNISHMENT IN THIS LIFE, THE AFTERLIFE PROMISES THAT THE TRUTH WILL NOT SET THEM FREE. HOPEFULLY, YOU FUTURE LAWYERS TOOK TO HEART THIS SACRED BINDING LEGAL COUNSEL…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**53 EPISODE FIFTY-THREE: WE SHOT A SUB INTO MUSHROOM CITY**

**TOM SURFING: THIS IS THE SUBMARINE OF SANDY CHEEKS, HEADING FOR THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS. ON THIS MAIDEN VOYAGE ARE THE SCIENTIST SQUIRREL AND HER TWO CLUMSY AND UNLUCKY FRIENDS SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND PATRICK STAR. AS THEY LEAVE A PROSPEROUS CITY BEHIND, THEY HOPE TO DISCOVER THE MYSTERY BEHIND A DEAD CITY FROM LONG AGO. THIS IS THE DIVE INTO MUSHROOM CITY, AND THEY ARE NOT TO BE SURPRISED ABOUT WHAT THEY FIND THERE BECAUSE THEY HAVE JUST ENTERED…INTO THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY LEAVE IN SANDY'S SUBMARINE TO VISIT THE ANCIENT RUINS OF THE LOST DESTROYED CITY OF ATLANTIS TO INVESTIGATE THE RUINS AND TO DISCOVER EXACTLY HOW THE CITY WAS DESTROYED AND LOST. IN BIKINI BOTTOM, PLANKTON CLOSED THE CHUM BUCKET BECAUSE HE WAS DISSATISFIED WITH HIS OCCUPATION AND LIFE AND HE OPENED A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT TO PROVIDE THE CITY WITH NUCLEAR ENERGY. DUE TO THE NEW ENERGY SOURCE, THE CITY BECAME VERY PROSPEROUS AND PLANKTON BECAME A PUBLIC HERO. THE SUBMARINE JOURNEY TO THE RUMORED RUINS OF ATLANTIS WILL TAKE ONE MONTH. ON THE SUBMARINE JOURNEY TO ATLANTIS, THE SUBMARINE GETS CAUGHT IN A LARGE WHIRLPOOL THAT RAPIDLY SPINS THE SUBMARINE AND ALTERS ITS TRAVELING PATH BEFORE FINALLY RELEASING IT. THOUGH THE TEAM IS NOT SURE WHERE THE WHIRLPOOL HAS TAKEN THE SUBMARINE, THE TEAM SOON BELIEVES THAT THE WHIRLPOOL ACTUALLY HELPED THE SUBMARINE REACH THE RUINS OF ATLANTIS FASTER AS THE SUBMARINE ARRIVES IN AN UNKNOWN DESTROYED CITY THAT THE TEAM ASSUMES IS ATLANTIS. AS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY, ALL WEARING DEEP SEA DIVING SUITS, SEARCH THE CITY, IT APPEARS THAT THE CITY IS HIGHLY RADIOACTIVE, FULL OF BURNED INDISCERNIBLE STRUCTURES AND RUBBLE, FULL OF ASHES AND SMOKE CLOUDS, AND EXTREMELY HOT. THE TEAM SOON ENCOUNTERS WILD, RADIOACTIVE ALLIGATORS AND CROCODILES THAT SHOOT OUT DEADLY ENERGY BEAMS OF ATOMIC BREATH AT THE INVADERS. THE TEAM USES RIFLE HARPOON GUNS TO FIGHT THEM OFF AND THE CREW FLEES THE MUTANT REPTILES, WHO HAVE BEEN MUTATED BY NUCLEAR FALLOUT. THUS, THE CITY LOOKS LIKE THE RUINS OF A NUCLEAR BOMB EXPLOSION. THUS, SANDY BELIEVES THAT ATLANTIS WAS ENGAGED IN A NUCLEAR WAR WITH ANOTHER ANCIENT AQUATIC CIVILIZATION THAT RESULTED IN ITS DESTRUCTION. SANDY MOURNS THE LOSS OF ATLANTIS TO WAR AND REGRETS THAT PAST CIVILIZATIONS PERISHED USING NUCLEAR POWER FOR WAR, INSTEAD OF USING NUCLEAR POWER FOR CIVILIAN ENERGY LIKE BIKINI BOTTOM CURRENTLY IS. THE TEAM CONTINUES TO SEARCH THE CITY, BUT ITS PAST INHABITANTS, PAST WILDLIFE, PAST TRANSPORTATION VEHICLES, PAST ROADS, AND PAST BUILDINGS ARE MELTED, INCINERATED, AND DESTROYED BEYOND ANY DEGREE OF RECOGNITION. THEY SOON UNCOVER ANCIENT ARTISTIC RELICS OF KING NEPTUNE STATUES THAT RESEMBLE THOSE HOUSED IN THE BIKINI BOTTOM MUSEUM OF HISTORY, SEEMINGLY ASSURING THEM THAT THEY ARE IN ATLANTIS. THE HEAT OF THE CITY SOON TAKES AN UNBEARABLE TOLL, CAUSING THE EXPLORERS TO ABANDON THEIR DEEP SEA DIVING SUITS, RETURN TO THE SUBMARINE, AND PUT ON EMERGENCY HAZMAT SUITS TO SURVIVE THE RISKS OF RADIOACTIVE CONTAMINATION. AS THEY WALK DOWN THE DIRT ROADS OF THE GHOST TOWN, THEY DISCUSS THE MYTHOLOGY OF THE DESTRUCTION OF ATLANTIS. THE MYTHS STATE THAT KING NEPTUNE WAS A TYRANT WHO HARSHLY RULED OVER THE CREATURES OF THE SEA, CAUSING THE OTHER MAGICAL SEA MONSTERS AND TITANS TO CREATE WEAPONS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO DESTROY KING NEPTUNE AND ATLANTIS ITSELF. THUS, THEY BELIEVE THE MYTH REFERS TO THE ACTUAL DESTRUCTION OF ATLANTIS BY NUCLEAR NAVAL MINE BOMBS LONG AGO. HAVING DEDUCED THE REASONS BEHIND THE MYSTERIOUS DESTRUCTION OF THE ANCIENT CITY OF ATLANTIS THAT TURNED IT INTO A NUCLEAR MUSHROOM CITY, THE CREW PREPARES TO LEAVE IN THEIR SUBMARINE. HOWEVER, THEY SOON PANIC WHEN THEY DISCOVER THAT THEIR SUBMARINE IS MISSING AND THEY SOON DISCOVER THAT THE MUTANT REPTILES HAVE CARRIED IT AWAY. AS THE TEAM GIVES CHASE TO THE MUTANT LIZARDS CARRYING SANDY'S SUBMARINE LIKE A PACK OF ANTS STEALING A SUBMARINE SANDWICH AT A PARK PICNIC, THE RADIOACTIVE ALLIGATORS AND CROCODILES SOON DROP THE SUBMARINE AND ESCAPE INTO HOLES IN THE ROAD. AS THE TEAM INSPECTS THE SUBMARINE, THEY REALIZE THAT THE MUTANT LIZARDS HAVE NOT ONLY DAMAGED THEIR SUBMARINE, BUT THEY HAVE ALSO STOLEN ALL THEIR FOOD, WATER, DIRTY UNDERWEAR, AND EMERGENCY MEDICAL AND MECHANIC SUPPLIES. THE ENRAGED AND PANICKED SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY CHASE AFTER THE ESCAPING MUTANT REPTILES AND SOON REALIZE THAT THEY HAVE ENTERED AN OPEN SEWER MANHOLE INTO WHAT LOOKS LIKE A MODERN SEWER SYSTEM. REPULSED BY THE STENCH OF THE SEWERS, THE TEAM ABANDONS THEIR CHASE. THEY SOON NERVOUSLY DISCUSS WHAT THEY SHOULD DO NOW. SANDY ASSURES THEM THAT SHE CAN FIX THE SUBMARINE'S DAMAGES TO TAKE THEM BACK HOME SOON, BUT PATRICK PANICS ABOUT THE MISSING FOOD AND SOON STEALS SPONGEBOB'S AND SANDY'S WATER JUGS TO QUICKLY DRINK THEIR ENTIRE WATER SUPPLY. THE ENRAGED SPONGEBOB AND SANDY USE POWERFUL KARATE STRIKES, INCLUDING FLYING KICKS AND HAMMER FIST PUNCHES TO BEAT AND PUNISH THE SELFISH, STUPID PATRICK. HOWEVER, THEIR FIGHT IS SOON BROKEN UP WHEN THEY HEAR LOVELY CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING IN THE DISTANCE. THEY STOP FIGHTING AND CAUTIOUSLY FOLLOW THE TUNES. SANDY IS PUZZLED ABOUT HEARING THE MUSIC SINCE THERE ARE NO LIVE CIVILIZED INHABITANTS IN THE DESTROYED ANCIENT CITY, AND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FEAR THAT THE GHOSTS OF THE DEAD MERMAIDS AND MERMEN OF ATLANTIS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR PLAYING THE HEAVENLY MUSIC. PATRICK THEN EXPRESSES FEAR THAT THE MUSIC IS ACTUALLY FROM HOT FEMALE GREEK SIRENS THAT WISH TO CAPTURE AND ATTACK THE TEAM WITH DEADLY KISSES, BUT BOTH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY SIMPLY TELL HIM TO STOP BEING AN IDIOT PIGLET. DESPITE THEIR CONFUSION, THEY INTERLOCK ARMS AND MARCH TOWARDS THE INVITING SOUNDS. THEY SOON FIND A SMALL, BROKEN, REPEATING MUSIC RECORD PLAYER ON THE ROAD. AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PICK UP AND INSPECT THE MUSICAL INSTRUMENT, SANDY SHRIEKS UPON SEEING A NEARBY STRUCTURE DOWN THE ROAD. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DROP THE RECORD PLAYER IN SHOCK, CAUSING IT TO BREAK. THE THREE EXPLORERS THEN GAZE UPON THE BUILDING DOWN THE ROAD AND SEE A VERY FAMILIAR SIGHT. IT IS A TIKI EASTER ISLAND HEAD COVERED IN THICK LAYERS OF TOXIC WASTE, DIRT, AND DUST. IT IS THE RUINS OF THE HOME OF THE DECEASED SQUIDWARD TENTACLES NEXT TO THE BROKEN RECORD PLAYER OF THE DECEASED SQUIDWARD TENTACLES. THEY ARE ON CONCH STREET, BIKINI BOTTOM, PACIFIC OCEAN. THEY ARE HOME. THUS, THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY REALIZE THAT THE WHIRLPOOL ON THEIR VOYAGE HAS SIMPLY TAKEN THEIR SUBMARINE BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM, WHICH HAD APPARENTLY BEEN DESTROYED A MONTH PRIOR BY AN ACCIDENTAL NUCLEAR EXPLOSION AT THE CITY'S NUCLEAR POWER PLANT. THE RADIOACTIVE REPTILIAN MUTANTS SURVIVED THE WORST OF THE NUCLEAR ACCIDENT SINCE THEY CAME FROM THE CITY'S SEWER SYSTEM UNDER THE CITY ITSELF. SANDY DESPAIRS OVER THE SIGHT OF SQUIDWARD'S DESTROYED HOME THAT CONFIRMS THE DESTRUCTION OF BIKINI BOTTOM. SANDY CRIES: "OH DEAR NEPTUNE…WE'RE BACK HOME. THIS WHOLE TIME, WE JUST SHOT BACK LIKE A BOOMERANG. THEY MUST HAVE HAD AN ACCIDENT, A REALLY BIG ACCIDENT…YOU CLUMSY IDIOTS! YOU FREAKING BLEW IT UP! OH, DARN YOU! NEPTUNE DARN YOU ALL FOR STUPIDITY!" THE SOBBING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HOLD AND HUG THE WHIMPERING SANDY. THE HELPLESS DOOMED TEAM REALIZES THAT THEY ARE NOW STRANDED SINCE THEY ARE ALREADY HOME, THE REAL ATLANTIS IS ALREADY DESTROYED, AND PLANKTON HAD ALREADY BEGUN A SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS POLICY OF SPREADING NUCLEAR POWER PLANT TECHNOLOGY TO OTHER NEIGHBORING SEA CITIES, ENSURING THEIR IMMINENT ACCIDENTAL DOOM. THUS, THOUGH SCIENTIFIC TECHNOLOGY CAN BRING EITHER WAR OR INDUSTRIAL PROSPERITY FOR CIVILIZATION, THE INTELLECTUAL IMPERFECTIONS OF LIVING CREATURES MAKE ANY SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. AS THE OLD EXPLORER POEM GOES: "WE SHOT A SUB INTO A MUSHROOM CITY, BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE IT LANDED IN."

**TOM SURFING: IT'S OFTEN SAID THAT SEMIAUTOMATIC GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, ONLY PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE. THE GRAPHIC ADAGE ALLUDES TO THE FACT THAT WEAPONS, TOOLS, AND SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES CAN BE USED BY MAN TO IMPROVE HIS LIFE OR TO END IT ALTOGETHER. HOWEVER, EVEN WELL-INTENTIONED TECHNOLOGIES MAY BE TOO DANGEROUS FOR EVEN THE SMARTEST AND MOST NERDY SCIENTISTS TO SAFELY CONTROL, SO THAT THE PROGRESS OF SCIENCE CAN OFFER A GOLDEN AGE FOR CIVILIZATION OR SPELL ITS CERTAIN ACCIDENTAL DOOM. AS THE OLD SAYING GOES, THE BEST LAID PLANS OF MICE AND MEN, OF DOLPHINS AND SEAMEN OFTEN GO AWRY, ON BOTH DRY LAND AND DOWN IN THE DEEP, DARK RADIOACTIVE TRENCHES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**54 EPISODE FIFTY-FOUR: JUNGLE TO JUNGLE**

**TOM SURFING: CAN MAN LIVE IN HARMONY WITH MOTHER NATURE OR IS THAT PROSPECT AS UNLIKELY AS A MAN LIVING IN HARMONY WITH HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW? WILL THE CONCRETE JUNGLES OR THE WILD FORESTS FULL OF JUNGLE FEVER WIN IN THE DARWINIAN STRUGGLE FOR LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF COLD HARD CASH? AND WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON, YOU PRETEND PACIFIST, THE CIVILIZED APES COLLECTIVELY KNOWN AS MODERN MAN, OR THE WILD SEA MONKEYS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE? **

MR. KRABS TRIES TO EXPAND THE KRUSTY KRAB FAST FOOD EMPIRE INTO THE WILD KELP FORESTS OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM TO SHOW JUST HOW FAR HE WILL GO TO MAKE MORE MONEY AND TO EXPLOIT MORE NATURAL RESOURCES. MR. KRABS, HIS EMPLOYEES SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD, AND THE NEWLY HIRED KRUSTY KRAB CONSTRUCTION FISH CREW DEPART BIKINI BOTTOM INTO THE WILD KELP JUNGLE TO USE ITS NATURAL RESOURCES AND WILD ANIMALS TO PRODUCE MORE KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS AND FOOD. HOWEVER, THE PRIMITIVE HUMANOID VEGETATIVE NATIVES, THEMSELVES LITERALLY MADE OF SEAWEED AND KELP, OPPOSE THE EXPANSION OF CIVILIZATION INTO THEIR WILD LANDS SINCE THEY BELIEVE MODERN CIVILIZATION DOES NOT KNOW ITS NATURAL LIMITS AND WILL NOT STOP EXPLOITING THE LIMITED RESOURCES OF THE SACRED MOTHER EARTH UNTIL THE WRATH OF MOTHER EARTH PUNISHES THEM. THOUGH SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD OPPOSE THE ABUSE OF THE NATIVES, MR. KRABS AND THE KRUSTY KRAB CONSTRUCTION CREW, ARMED WITH MR. KRABS' OLD NAVAL WEAPONRY FROM HIS DAYS AS A SAILOR IN THE BIKINI BOTTOM NAVY DURING WHICH THE CITY'S NAVY CONSTANTLY ENGAGED IN WARS WITH TRIBAL PEOPLES TO STEAL THEIR LAND FOR COLONIES, EASILY OVERPOWER THE TRIBAL WEAPONRY OF THE NATIVE VEGETATIVE PEOPLE, CAUSING MUCH DEATH AND DESTRUCTION TO THE PLANT PEOPLE AND THEIR KELP GARDEN AND SEAWEED TENT HOMES. THE SEAWEED AND KELP NATIVES WHO SURVIVE AND FLEE THEIR LANDS PROMISE TO PLACE A POWERFUL BLACK MAGIC CURSE ON THE MODERN CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM FOR FORCING THE NATIVES OFF THEIR NATURAL HOME AND FOR EXPANDING INDUSTRIAL CIVILIZATION INTO THE WILD REGARDLESS OF THE CONSEQUENCES FOR THE NATIVES AND THEIR ENVIRONMENT. BOTH SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB ARE FEARFUL OF THE NATIVES' THREAT, BUT MR. KRABS AND THE KRUSTY KRAB CONSTRUCTION CREW IGNORE THE SUPERSTITIOUS THREAT AND FINISH THEIR CONSTRUCTION AND HUNTING PROJECTS WITH NO FURTHER PROBLEMS. USING THEIR POWERFUL CONSTRUCTION VEHICLES AND MACHINERY ALONG WITH THEIR NAVAL WEAPONRY, THEY CHOP DOWN MANY KELP TREES, SLAUGHTER AND CAPTURE MANY WILD ANIMALS FOR FOOD, COMPLETELY DRAIN THE WATERS AND OIL FROM THE SURROUNDING WILD LANDS, AND CONSTRUCT NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS, RADICALLY ALTERING MUCH OF THE KELP FOREST WITHIN A SMALL DURATION, CAUSING MASSIVE ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION WITH OIL SPILLS, WATER FLOODING, AND THEIR GAS VEHICLES, AND CAUSING UNPRECEDENTED EXTINCTIONS OF MANY WILD ANIMAL SPECIES, INCLUDING THE PRECIOUS DODO PENGUIN. AFTER FINISHING THE CONSTRUCTION OF THE NEW RESTAURANTS, HALF THE CONSTRUCTION CREW WAITS AS SECURITY AT THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS, AS THE OTHER HALF OF THE CONSTRUCTION CREW DEPARTS WITH MR. KRABS, SPONGEBOB, AND SQUIDWARD BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO ENCOURAGE THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO VISIT THE NEW AND IMPROVED KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS AND THEIR TROPICAL SETTINGS. HOWEVER, WHEN THE KRUSTY KRAB CONSTRUCTION CREW, OWNER, AND EMPLOYEES RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM, THE CITY LOOKS LIKE A JUNGLE WITH WILD VEGETATIVE GROWTH, ICY BLANKETS OF SNOW, DESTROYED INFRASTRUCTURE, AND WILD ANIMALS ALL AROUND. APPARENTLY, THE CITY'S ZOO ANIMALS HAVE SOMEHOW ESCAPED CAPTIVITY TO CONQUER AND DESTROY THE CITY, TURNING IT INTO A VIRTUAL JUNGLE. WITH ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES PERISHED SINCE THEY HAVE ALL BEEN EATEN ALIVE BY THE WILD ANIMALS, THE SHOCKED KRUSTY KRAB CONSTRUCTION CREW IS SOON ALSO OVERWHELMED AND EATEN ALIVE BY THE MANY WILD ANIMALS, WHICH INCLUDE GIANT CLAMS, WOOLY WALRUSES, ALLIGATORS AND CROCODILES, SEA SNAKES, CARNIVOROUS SNAILS THAT ARE THE SIZE OF LIONS, POISON IVY SEAWEEDS, NEMATODE HERDS, JELLYFISH HERDS, CARNIVOROUS SEA MONKEYS (BRINE SHRIMP), TIGER SHARKS, HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOPOTAMUSES, AND THE ZOO'S LATEST ANIMAL ATTRACTION, A LARGE PLESIOSAURUS REVIVED BY SCIENTISTS VIA GENETIC ENGINEERING AND PREVIOUSLY HELD CAPTIVE IN A SECTION OF THE ZOO CALLED "PREHISTORIC PARK." LOST IN THE NEW JUNGLE AND TAKEN ABACK BY THE FAST PREDATORS, THE FISH CONSTRUCTION WORKERS ARE EASY PREY. THE CONSTRUCTION VEHICLES ARE EASILY DESTROYED BY THE RUINED ROADS. AS THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS LEAD THE OTHER FLEEING WORKERS ON FOOT, THEY RUSH BY A FLOODED SWAMP WHICH WAS ONCE GOO LAGOON. MANY GIANT CLAMS BURST OUT OF THE WATERS FROM BELOW AND SWALLOW MANY SCREAMING WORKERS. THEY THEN RUSH BY ICY HILLS THAT WERE ONCE PUBLIC SHOPPING MALLS, WHERE WOOLY WALRUSES CAMOUFLAGED IN THE SNOW BODY SLAM INTO MANY WORKERS AND USE THEIR GIANT LARGE TEETH TO CHOP THE UNCONSCIOUS FISH INTO DELICIOUS SUSHI. THEY THEN RUSH BY A DRY DESERT AREA FULL OF MANY SHARP SEA CACTI, WHICH MANY WORKERS GET CAUGHT IN, CAUSING THEM TO BE LEFT BEHIND. THE DESERT AREA USED TO BE A PUBLIC PARK. FROM HOLES IN THE DIRT GROUND, SEA SNAKES, ALLIGATORS, AND CROCODILES CRAWL AND DRAG MANY WORKERS INTO THEIR LAIRS. THEY THEN RUSH BY RUBBER RUBBLE WHERE GLOVE WORLD USED TO BE. THEY ARE PURSUED BY LION-SIZED CARNIVOROUS SNAILS WHO EASILY POUNCE ON AND DEVOUR MANY WORKERS. THEY THEN RUSH BY A WINE VINEYARD FULL OF POISON IVY SEAWEED VINES THAT EASILY GRAB, STRANGLE, AND POISON MANY WORKERS. WHEN THEY SEEK REFUGE IN THE RUNDOWN ORIGINAL KRUSTY KRAB, THEY ARE AMBUSHED BY SEA MONKEYS AND TIGER SHARKS INSIDE THE RESTAURANT. THE SEA MONKEYS WILDLY BLUDGEON MANY WORKERS WHILE THE TIGER SHARKS RAPIDLY BREAK DOWN ANY OBJECTS IN THEIR WAY AS THEY RAVENOUSLY CONSUME MANY WORKERS AND MANY INANIMATE OBJECTS. THEY THEN FLEE TO THE NEARBY RUNDOWN CHUM BUCKET WHICH IS FLOODED WITH CHUM. AS THEY SWIM THROUGHOUT THE SOGGY CHUM, VERY HUNGRY HIPPOS BELOW THEM DRAG MANY WORKERS DEEP INTO THE CHUM TO DROWN AND EAT THEM. THE FEW SURVIVORS RUSH TOWARDS JELLYFISH FIELDS BUT ARE EASILY SHOCKED INTO ASHES BY MANY JELLYFISH IN THE AIR, DROWNED IN JELLY BY MANY JELLYFISH IN THE AIR, AND DRAGGED TO THE FLOOR AND EATEN ALIVE BY MANY NEMATODES IN THE GRASS. AS MOST OF THE SHOCKED WORKERS ARE EATEN ALIVE BY THE FREED ZOO ANIMALS, THE SURVIVING FISH CONSTRUCTION WORKERS USE THEIR NAVAL WEAPONRY TO DEFEAT MANY OF THE ZOO ANIMALS AND FLEE WITH THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS INTO THE LARGE KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY TOUR BUS LOCATED IN PREHISTORIC PARK. HOWEVER, THE PLESIOSAURUS IN THE ZOO SWIFTLY CHASES AFTER THE ZOOMING BUS. THE GIANT AQUATIC DINOSAUR KNOCKS THE BUS AROUND LIKE A RAG DOLL, ROARS AND STOMPS LIKE A T-REX AFTER THE DAMAGED BUS, AND FINALLY LIFTS THE BUS HIGH INTO THE AIR AND INTO ITS MONSTROUS JAWS AND CONSUMES IT. THE BUS HAS ONLY THREE EMERGENCY PARACHUTES, AND SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY TAKE THEM FOR THEMSELVES AND SAFELY ESCAPE THE DOOMED BUS. THE PLESIOSAURUS FINISHES EATING THE BUS AND THE REST OF THE CONSTRUCTION FISH WORKERS TRAPPED IN THE BUS. THUS, ONLY SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ARE THE LAST SURVIVING BIKINI BOTTOMITES OF THE BESTIAL ATTACKS, AND THEY FLEE THE NEW JUNGLE TO RETURN TO THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS IN THE WILD KELP FORESTS. THE THREE SURVIVORS AGREE THAT THE NATIVE KELP AND SEAWEED PEOPLE HAVE INDEED PLACED A BLACK MAGIC CURSE ON BIKINI BOTTOM TO TURN IT INTO A WILD JUNGLE TO PUNISH THE KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY FOR TRYING TO TURN THE KELP FOREST JUNGLE INTO A MODERN CITY. HOWEVER, WHEN THE SURVIVORS REACH THE JUNGLES, THEY DISCOVER THAT THE SURVIVING NATIVES HAVE SABOTAGED THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB RESTAURANTS AND FRIED THE REMAINING CONSTRUCTION CREW BY CAUSING GREASE FIRES IN THE NEW RESTAURANTS VIA TRIBAL REINFORCEMENTS AND GUERILLA WARFARE. IT APPEARS THAT WILD NATURE HAS INDEED DEFEATED TECHNOLOGICAL CIVILIZATION LIKE IT ALWAYS WILL WHEN THE TWO BATTLE FOR SUPREMACY SINCE THE WILD JUNGLES HAVE BEEN AROUND FOR MUCH LONGER THAN THE CONCRETE JUNGLES. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ARE SOON CAPTURED BY THE WILD NATIVES, WHO PUT OUT THE FLAMES OF THE DESTROYED, BURNING RESTAURANTS. THE HORRIFIED AND DELIRIOUS CAPTIVES ASK THE NATIVES WHAT THEY ARE GOING TO DO WITH THEM. THE NATIVES RESPOND THAT THEY ARE TAKING THE CAPTIVES TO THE GIANT SEA MONSTER THAT THEY BOTH FEAR AND WORSHIP LIKE THEY FEAR AND WORSHIP MOTHER NATURE HERSELF. THE NATIVES CLAIM THAT SO-CALLED CIVILIZED SOCIETY DOES NOT FEAR THE WRATH OF MOTHER NATURE; THE POWER OF HER FORCES, ELEMENTS, AND BEASTS; OR THE ENVIRONMENTAL BALANCE THAT SHE ALWAYS TRIES TO MAINTAIN AMONG ECOSYSTEMS. THE NATIVES ALSO CLAIM THAT TECHNOLOGICAL CIVILIZATION ONLY LOVES DEPLETING THE ABUNDANCE OF RESOURCES THAT MOTHER NATURE PROVIDES AND EXPLOITING THE WEAKER WILD BEASTS FOR ITS SOLE SELFISH AND DESTRUCTIVE PROFITS. THE NATIVES INFORM SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS THAT THEY WILL BE FED AND SACRIFICED TO THE COLOSSAL WILD BEAST, WHICH LIVES IN AN ANCIENT TRENCH AT THE END OF THE KELP FOREST KNOWN AS "THE PIT OF DOOM." THE SEAWEED AND KELP PEOPLE REFER TO THE BEAST, WHICH LOOKS LIKE A FURRY HYBRID OF A GIANT APE AND A GIANT OCTOPUS, AS "KING KRAKEN."

**TOM SURFING: YOU CAN SLAP MOTHER NATURE ACROSS THE FACE, BUT THE HARDER YOU HIT HER, THE HARDER SHE'LL HIT BACK. MAN KNOWS NO WRATH LIKE A WOMAN'S FURY. WHILE THOSE SUPERSTITIOUS TRIBESMEN KNOWN AS SAVAGES MAY NOT ENJOY THE MODERN SHOPPING MALL, FAST FOOD CHAIN, OR ANY OTHER OF THE GLORIOUS NIGHTMARES OF GLOBAL CAPITALISM, AND MOST CERTAINLY WILL NOT ENJOY THE ORWELLIAN ANIMAL FARMS OF GLOBAL SOCIALISM, THE SAVAGES USUALLY KNOW AND RESPECT THE NATURAL LIMITATIONS OF MAN IN COMPARISON WITH HIS MOTHER EARTH. IT SEEMS THE GREEN MOVEMENT IS MUCH OLDER THAN ASSUMED, AND IT APPEARS TO BE JUST AS AGGRESSIVE AS THE IMPERIAL FAT CATS IN TOP HATS IN THIS DOG-EAT-DOG-EAT-MAN WORLD. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WANT TO TAKE YOUR NEIGHBOR'S LAND, JUST KEEP A FEW LUCKY CHARMS IN YOUR ARMS, BECAUSE THE TRIBAL WITCH-DOCTORS MIGHT USE SOME BLACK MAGIC TO TRANSFORM YOUR LOVELY CIVILIZED CITY INTO THE WET AND WILD JUNGLE KNOWN…AS THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**55 EPISODE FIFTY-FIVE: THE DAY THE SEA FROZE STILL**

**TOM SURFING: THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENT MAY BE OVER, BUT THE SOCIAL HATRED AND PREJUDICE THAT IT SOUGHT TO ELIMINATE WILL NEVER DIE. IT IS EASIER TO HATE THAN TO LOVE; IT IS EASIER TO MAKE WAR THAN TO MAKE PEACE; IT IS EASIER TO KILL SOMEONE THAN TO SACRIFICE ONESELF TO SAVE ANOTHER; IT IS EASIER TO IGNORE AND ABUSE THE OPPRESSED THAN TO UNDERSTAND THEM AND TO JOIN THEIR IDEALISTIC STRUGGLES; IT IS EASIER TO REMAIN INTELLECTUALLY PRIMITIVE THAN TO CULTURALLY EVOLVE. SOCIAL INEQUALITY WILL ALWAYS TRIUMPH SO LONG AS MAN FOCUSES ON THE DIFFERENCES OF HIS NEIGHBOR MORE THAN THEIR FUNDAMENTAL, INTERDEPENDENT SIMILARITIES. SO WHEN THE FOREIGNERS FLOOD THE HOMELAND, THE BIGOTS OFTEN SPREAD AN EMOTIONAL COLD DARKNESS THAT WOULD FREEZE EVEN THE DEEPEST WATERS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

APPARENTLY DUE TO SANDY'S PRESENCE IN BIKINI BOTTOM, MANY SQUIRRELS AND OTHER FOREST LAND CRITTERS, INCLUDING CHIPMUNKS, RABBITS, POSSUMS, BEAVERS, AND SKUNKS, LIKEWISE MOVE INTO THE SEA CITY AND LIVE IN NEW TREE DOMES. THE AQUATIC PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM SOON BECOME VERY DISTURBED BY THE INCREASING POPULATION OF LAND CRITTERS IN THE CITY. SPECIES RACISM SOON GRIPS MOST OF THE AQUATIC POPULACE WHO CANNOT ACCEPT THE GROWING PRESENCE AND NEW CULTURE OF THE UNINVITED LAND INVADERS, WHO HAVE NO NATURAL RIGHTS TO THE SEA LIKE THEY DO AND WHO ARE SUPPOSEDLY TAKING THE LAND AND MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN OF SEA CREATURES. ON BEHALF OF THE PREJUDICED POPULACE, THE CITY GOVERNMENT SOON INSTITUTES PREJUDICED SEGREGATION LAWS TO SEPARATE CONTACT AND SOCIAL SERVICES BETWEEN SEA CREATURES AND LAND CRITTERS. THE SEGREGATION LAWS GREATLY LIMIT AND DECREASE THE CIVIL LIBERTIES AND SOCIAL OPPORTUNITIES OF ALL LAND CRITTERS TO ENABLE SEA CREATURES TO SOCIALLY OPPRESS THEM. ALL LAND CRITTERS ARE POLITICALLY POWERLESS TO OPPOSE THE LAWS, AND VIRTUALLY ALL NATIVE BIKINI BOTTOMITES, EXCEPT FOR SANDY AND HER AQUATIC FRIENDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, HAPPILY ACCEPT AND ENFORCE THE HARSH LEGAL CODES. THE SPECIES RACIST LEGAL CODES INCLUDE THE FOLLOWING: ALL LAND CRITTER TREE DOMES MUST BE BUILT ON THE BARREN OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM; ALL LAND CRITTERS CANNOT PHYSICALLY OR VOCALLY INTERACT WITH SEA CREATURES, WITH THE ONLY EXCEPTION BEING WHEN A SEA CREATURE COMMANDS A LAND CRITTER TO CALL HIM OR HER "MASTER" AND TO REPEATEDLY MASSAGE AND KISS THE SEA CREATURE'S FEET AND LOWER BACK UNTIL THE LAND CRITTER IS DISMISSED BY THE SEA CREATURE; ALL LAND CRITTERS MUST HAVE SEPARATE HOMES, PUBLIC PARKS, PUBLIC BATHROOMS, PUBLIC RESTAURANTS, PUBLIC HOSPITALS, PUBLIC BANKS, PUBLIC MARKETS, AND PUBLIC SCHOOLS FROM SEA CREATURES, ALTHOUGH THE CITY GOVERNMENT REFUSES TO FUND THE SOCIAL SERVICES OF LAND CRITTERS; ALL LAND CRITTERS MUST NEVER LOOK POLICE FISH IN THEIR EYES UNDER PENALTY OF LIFE IMPRISONMENT; UNSOLVED POLICE CRIMES WILL BE RESOLVED BY IMPRISONING ALL LAND CRITTERS WHO PUBLICALLY PROTEST THE SEGREGATION LAWS FOR THE UNSOLVED CRIMES; ALL LAND CRITTERS CAN ONLY BE HIRED FOR SEWER CLEANING JOBS AND CIRCUS CLOWN JOBS AND MUST BE PAID WITH LOW AMOUNTS OF PHYSICAL NECESSITIES INSTEAD OF MONEY; ALL LAND CRITTERS CANNOT WEAR THEIR WATER ASTRONAUT SUITS UNDERWATER UNLESS THEY ARE WORKING, FORCING THE LAND CRITTERS TO REMAIN IN THEIR TREE DOMES WHEN NOT WORKING IN THE CITY SEWERS OR AT THE CITY CIRCUS; ALL SEA CREATURES CAN COMMIT ANY CRIME, UP TO AND INCLUDING HOMICIDE, AGAINST ANY LAND CRITTER WITH TOTAL LEGAL IMPUNITY, ALTHOUGH LAND CRITTERS CANNOT DEFEND THEMSELVES WITHOUT LEGAL IMPRISONMENT; THE POLICE PLACE A CAMERA SURVEILLANCE SYSTEM IN EVERY NEWLY BUILT TREE DOME TO INVADE THE PRIVACY OF ALL LAND CRITTERS TO MAKE SURE THEY DO NOT VOCALLY PROTEST OR PHYSICALLY DISOBEY THE SEGREGATION LAWS; AND FINALLY, ALL LAND CRITTERS MUST RENOUNCE THEIR LOCAL FOREST ANIMAL SPIRIT IDOLS TO WORSHIP ONLY KING NEPTUNE, THE MERMAN LORD OF THE SEA SINCE NEPTUNE IS SUPERIOR TO ALL LAND ANIMAL GODS. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY SOON PUBLICALLY PROTEST WITH A LARGE HERD OF SQUIRRELS AGAINST THE SEGREGATION LAWS OUTSIDE CITY HALL, CAUSING THE CITY POLICE AND THE RACIST NEW PUBLIC SPEAKER SHELDON PLANKTON TO USE WATER HOSES TO SHOOT CHUM BUCKET CHUM AT THE CROWD AND TO USE WATER BUCKETS TO DUMP SEAGULL FEATHERS ONTO THE CROWD TO COVER THE FLEEING PROTESTERS WITH CHUM AND FEATHERS. THE BIGOT SEA CREATURES SOON UNIVERSALLY REFER TO ALL LAND CRITTERS AS FILTHY "NIGERIANS" SINCE THEY WISH THE FOREIGNERS WOULD MOVE AS FAR AWAY FROM BIKINI BOTTOM AS THE NIGER RIVER OF AFRICA. THE HEATED SOCIAL TENSIONS IN BIKINI BOTTOM REACH THEIR CLIMAX WHEN, IN CONFLICT WITH THE SEGREGATION LAWS, AN ILL SKUNK WITH RABIES ILLEGALLY ENTERS AND REFUSES TO LEAVE A FULL PUBLIC BUS ONLY FOR SEA CREATURES TO LET A FISH TAKE HIS SEAT. THE ILL SKUNK NEEDS THE BUS TO TAKE HIM TO A CITY HOSPITAL SINCE ALL CITY AMBULANCES HAVE REFUSED TO TAKE HIM, EVEN THOUGH ALL CITY HOSPITALS LIKEWISE REFUSE TO MEDICALLY TREAT LAND CRITTERS. THE OTHER FISH ON THE BUS IMMEDIATELY ATTACK THE ILL SKUNK TO FORCE HIM OFF THE BUS, CAUSING THE SKUNK TO BITE THEM IN SELF-DEFENSE AND TO SPREAD THE RABIES DISEASE TO SEA CREATURES. WHEN MANY SEA CREATURES IN THE TOWN SOON SUCCUMB TO RABIES, THE SEA CREATURES IMMEDIATELY PROCLAIM THAT ALL LAND CRITTERS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR SPREADING THE FOREIGN DISEASE TO THE SEA AND ALSO DECLARE THAT THE LAND CRITTERS PURPOSEFULLY BROUGHT THE DISEASE TO ERADICATE SEA CREATURES, STEAL THEIR LAND AND MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN, AND BEGIN GENOCIDAL BIOLOGICAL WARFARE. AS PUBLIC HYSTERIA TAKES HOLD, THE CITY POLICE INSTITUTE MARSHAL LAW AND OPEN HUNTING SEASON OF ALL LAND CRITTERS. THE POLICE FISH USE HUNTING GUNS FULL OF EXTREMELY POWERFUL TRANQUILIZER DARTS TO PUT THE FOREIGN LAND CRITTERS TO SLEEP FOREVER. MEANWHILE, AQUATIC CIVILIANS, WHO STILL GREATLY OUTNUMBER THE LAND CRITTERS, USE MEDIEVAL WEAPONRY FROM THE CITY MUSEUM TO ATTACK AND FLOOD THEIR TREE DOMES AS A WILD MOB. HOWEVER, THE SUN SOON FAILS TO RISE DURING THE MORNING AND DAYTIME HOURS AS THE RACIAL SPECIES PERSECUTION PERSISTS. A GIANT ICEBERG SEEMS TO BE BLOCKING OUT THE SUN IN THE SKY ABOVE, EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT WINTER. THOSE FEW AQUATIC CREATURES AGAINST SPECIES RACISM ARGUE THAT NOT EVEN THE HEAT OF THE CITY'S HATRED CAN REMOVE THE ICEBERG, WHICH WILL ONLY DEPART WHEN EVERYONE CALMS AND COOLS DOWN. THEY ARGUE THAT KING NEPTUNE IS PUNISHING BIKINI BOTTOM FOR ITS SPECIES RACISM BY USING THE MAGIC ICEBERG TO BLOCK OUT THE SUN. THE OTHER HATEFUL AQUATIC CITIZENS, DESPITE THE COLD PLUMMETING TEMPERATURES DUE TO THE LACK OF THE SUN'S HEAT, CONTINUE THEIR PERSECUTION OF THE LAND CRITTERS AND SIMPLY KEEP THE CITY'S ELECTRICAL POWER AT HIGH LEVELS TO LIGHT THE CITY WITH ARTIFICIAL LIGHT. THE BIGOT SEA CREATURES STILL BLAME THE LAND CRITTERS FOR THE RABIES EPIDEMIC AND FOR THE BLOCKING OF THE SUN SOMEHOW TO KILL ALL SEA CREATURES. HOWEVER, THE CITY'S ELECTRICAL POWER SOON DIES OUT. EVENTUALLY, ALL OF THE CITY'S LAND CRITTERS, EXCEPT SANDY, HAVE BEEN PUT TO PERMANENT SLEEP VIA THE POWERFUL TRANQUILIZER DARTS BY THE POLICE AND CIVILIAN MOB OF SEA CREATURES. THOUGH THE TOWN IS STILL IN TOTAL DARKNESS, THE FURIOUS MOB OF POLICE AND AQUATIC CITIZENS WANTS TO FINISH THEIR SLEEPY GENOCIDE BY FLOODING SANDY'S TREE DOME WITH THEIR ACORN NUTS SINCE THEY VIEW HER AS A WILD, NUTTY SQUIRREL. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY HELPLESSLY HIDE IN SANDY'S LOCKED TREE DOME. THE THREE FRIENDS ARE ARMED WITH GUNS THAT FIRE FISH NETS TO CAPTURE THE INVADERS, WHO ALL CARRY BAGS OF ACORNS TO DROWN THE THREE FRIENDS WITH NUTS AND CARRY FIRE TORCHES TO STAY WARM AND TOO SEE IN THE COLD, WINTER-LIKE DARKNESS. HOWEVER, SANDY'S FRIENDS ARE UNABLE TO STOP THE MOB FROM BREAKING INTO HER TREE DOME AS THE MOB'S FIRE LIGHT TORCHES FINALLY EXTINGUISH DUE TO THE LOW COLD TEMPERATURES. BEFORE THE MOB CAN KILL SANDY, THE VIOLENT AQUATIC CIVILIANS AND POLICE SOON FREEZE IN PLACE WITH HEARTS OF ICE AND COLD SOULS DUE TO THE EXTREMELY COLD TEMPERATURES. SUDDENLY, REPTILIAN HUMANOID EXTRATERRESTRIAL ALIENS THAT RESEMBLE BIPEDAL ALLIGATORS IN FUTURISTIC DEEP SEA DIVING SUITS ENTER THE CITY FROM THE SKY. THE ALIENS PROVIDE MEDICAL TREATMENT TO ALL THE SLEEPING, UNCONSCIOUS LAND CRITTERS TO REVIVE THEM. SUDDENLY, THE REVIVED LAND CRITTERS SHAPE SHIFT INTO THE REPTILIAN ALIENS TO PROVE THEY ARE EXTRATERRESTRIALS IN DISGUISE. THE ALIENS TELL THE ONLY NON-FROZEN BIKINI BOTTOMITES SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY COLD-BLOODED ALIENS FROM OUTER SPACE. THEY EXPLAIN THAT THEY CAME TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO TEST IF ITS PEOPLE WOULD ACCEPT AND TAKE CARE OF OUTSIDERS TO THE CITY. OBVIOUSLY, THE BIGOT BIKINI BOTTOMITES FAILED THE SOCIAL EXPERIMENT. AS PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR EMOTIONAL COLDNESS AND SPECIES RACISM, THE ALIENS USED THEIR EXTRATERRESTRIAL GIANT SUBMARINE TO BLOCK OUT SUNLIGHT FOR THE HATEFUL CITY AND USED THEIR ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE (E.M.P.) DEVICES TO ELIMINATE THE CITY'S ELECTRICAL POWER TO THROW THE CITY INTO LITERAL COLD DARKNESS LIKE THE EMOTIONALLY COLD SPIRITUAL DARKNESS OF SPECIES RACIAL HATRED IT WAS ALREADY IN. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY BEG THE ALIENS TO SHOW THE CITY MERCY AND TO LEAVE PEACEFULLY BACK HOME. THE THREE FRIENDS PLEAD THAT THE CITY IS SIMPLY NOT READY TO ACCEPT SPECIES DIVERSITY AND SIMPLY NEEDS MORE TIME TO CULTURALLY EVOLVE. THE DISAPPOINTED ALIENS AGREE TO HONOR THEIR PLEAS SINCE THE THREE FRIENDS HAVE PROVED THAT THERE ARE AT LEAST THREE BIKINI BOTTOMITES WHO PEACEFULLY COEXIST EVEN THOUGH ONE OF THEM IS A LAND CRITTER. THE ALIENS THEN GIVE SANDY THE ANTIDOTE TO THE ALIEN RABIES DISEASE, AND SHE PROMISES THEM TO GIVE IT TO THE CITY DOCTORS TO REVERSE THE DEADLY PUNISHMENT PLAGUE. THE ALIENS AGREE TO SPARE THE HATEFUL SEA CITY BUT PROMISE THE THREE FRIENDS THAT THEIR SOCIAL EXPERIMENT MUST CONTINUE UNTIL THEY FIND AT LEAST ONE PEACEFUL AND TOLERANT AQUATIC SPECIES AND SEA CITY IN THE OCEANS OF EARTH THAT WILL ACCEPT THEIR ALIEN SPECIES. THE ALIENS WILL THEN TAKE THE ENLIGHTENED SEA CREATURES WITH THEM TO THEIR UTOPIAN ALIEN WORLD AS A MORAL REWARD AND TO HELP THEM FIND OTHER ALIENS ACROSS THE COSMOS WHO WANT TO SPREAD PEACEFUL UNIVERSAL EGALITARIANISM AND SPECIES TOLERANCE. THE REPTILIAN ALIENS THEN DEPART INTO THEIR GIANT EXTRATERRESTRIAL SUBMARINE THAT QUICKLY FLOATS AWAY, ENABLING SUNLIGHT TO REAPPEAR AND TO WARM AND DEFROST THE SEA CITY AND ITS SEA CREATURE INHABITANTS. THE REGRETFUL BIKINI BOTTOMITES REALIZE AND MOURN THEIR IGNORANT MISTAKES AND COLD RACIAL HATRED. HOWEVER, OVER ALL THE REVIVED ELECTRONIC MEDIUMS, INCLUDING RADIO, TELEVISION, AND INTERNET, PANICKED NEWS REPORTERS DESCRIBE MORE GIANT ICEBERGS LOCATED ABOVE ALL THE MAJOR SURROUNDING SEA CITIES OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM, INCLUDING NEW KELP CITY, ROCK BOTTOM, BASS VEGAS, TENTACLE ACRES, KARATE ISLAND, AND EVEN KING NEPTUNE'S ATLANTIS. THUS, ADDITIONAL REPTILIAN ALIEN SUBMARINES ONCE AGAIN BLOCK THE SUNLIGHT, ERADICATE THE ELECTRICAL POWER, AND PLUMMET THE CLIMATES OF THE SEA CITIES ACROSS THE OCEANS OF THE EARTH AS THE WIDESPREAD BIGOT SEA CREATURES ALWAYS FAIL THEIR SOCIAL EXPERIMENTS BEFORE THE ALIENS SADLY DEPART BACK INTO OUTER SPACE. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND THE OTHER BIKINI BOTTOMITES, WHO ALL APOLOGIZE TO THE THREE FRIENDS FOR THEIR WILD BEHAVIOR, DOUBT THAT ANY SEA CITY AND SEA CREATURE SPECIES IN THE OCEANS OF EARTH WILL PASS THE ALIEN TESTS SINCE SPECIES RACISM IS EASIER TO PRACTICE THAN SPECIES MULTICULTURALISM, JUST AS SOCIAL HATRED IS EASIER TO PRACTICE THAN SOCIAL LOVE SINCE CULTURAL IGNORANCE IS MORE RARE THAN CULTURAL INTELLIGENCE IN ALL SEA CREATURES ON THE IMPERFECT PLANET EARTH.

**TOM SURFING: WILL HIGHER POWERS NOT OF THIS WORLD ONE DAY PUNISH BIGOTS FOR THEIR SELF-DESTRUCTIVE IGNORANCE AND INTOLERANCE? OR MUST THE OPPRESSED OVERCOME THE BIGOTS THROUGH PEACEFUL RESISTANCE OR CIVIL WAR? WELL, IF NEITHER GODS NOR ALIENS INTERFERE IN THE COURSE OF MAN'S SOCIAL AFFAIRS, ONLY MAN HIMSELF CAN USE THE GREATER PART OF HIS SOUL TO REDEEM HIMSELF FROM THE COLD, DARK PURGATORY TO WHICH HE HAS CONDEMNED HIMSELF AND HIS NEIGHBOR. THIS HAS BEEN TONIGHT'S STONE COLD MESSAGE IN A FLOATING BOTTLE…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**56 EPISODE FIFTY-SIX: THE FINAL REST**

**TOM SURFING: OLD PEOPLE, YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH THEM AND YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT THEM. OR CAN YOU LIVE WITHOUT THEM? IT SEEMS UNDERWATER CITIES ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS HAVE A VERY SPECIAL METHOD OF DEALING WITH THE ELDEST SENIOR CITIZENS. THEY SIMPLY PROVIDE THEM WITH A PROMISING VACATION AND A FINAL REST INTO THE RETIREMENT HOMES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE VERY SAD WHEN THEY LEARN THAT THEIR OLD HEROES MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY HAVE FINALLY LEFT FOR PERMANENT VACATION OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM. ON THE OTHER HAND, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ARE DELIGHTED WHEN THEY ARE SENT BY THE STAFF OF SHADY SHOALS TO ANOTHER SEA CITY OF THEIR CHOICE TO LIVE OUT THEIR GOLDEN YEARS IN LUXURY AS THEY DESERVE FOR THEIR LIFELONG SERVICE OF THEIR COMMUNITY. WHENEVER THE OLD RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS PASS THE AGE OF SEVENTY, LIKE THE OLD DYNAMIC DUO FINALLY HAS, THE STAFF OF THE RETIREMENT HOME SEND THEM AWAY ON VACATIONS TO LIVE THEIR FUTURE GOLDEN YEARS TO ANY SEA CITY OUTSIDE OF BIKINI BOTTOM THAT THEY WANT TO LIVE IN AND PROMISE THAT THE OTHER CITY WILL PROVIDE THEM WITH LUXURIOUS NEW HOMES WHERE THEIR EVERY NEED AND WANT WILL BE CATERED TO IN A MANNER EVEN BETTER THAN THE SERVICE OF SHADY SHOALS. THE OLD PEOPLE WHO PASS THE AGE OF SEVENTY AND WHO ARE SENT AWAY TO ANOTHER CITY ARE REALLY HAPPY BECAUSE OF THE PROMISED LUXURIOUS HOMES AND FREEDOM OF CHOICE FOR THEIR NEW CITY FOR THE REMAINING LAST YEARS OF THEIR LIVES AND FINALLY FEEL APPRECIATED FOR THEIR SOCIAL VALUE AS SENIOR CITIZENS. LEAVING THE MERMALAIR AND ALL OF THEIR OLD SUPERHERO GADGETS BEHIND, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY IMMEDIATELY AGREE TO BE SENT AWAY TO BASS VEGAS, THE FANCY TOWN OF GAMBLING AND GREAT WEALTH UNDER THE SEA WHERE THEY PLAN TO SPEND THE REST OF THEIR LIVES PARTYING AT DISCO CLUBS, FLIRTING WITH YOUNG FEMALE ANGEL FISH AT ROOT BEER BARS, AND PLAYING WITH TALKING SLOT MACHINES AT CASINOS TO FINALLY FULLY LIVE THE WILD LIFE AS THE ULTIMATE REWARD FOR THEIR SUPERHERO SERVICE IN BIKINI BOTTOM. BRINGING ONLY THEIR CIVILIAN CLOTHES AND LEAVING THEIR OLD SUPERHERO COSTUMES BEHIND, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY DEPART ON THE SHADY SHOALS BUS LINE WITHOUT EVEN SAYING A FINAL GOODBYE TO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, WHO ARE INITIALLY UNAWARE OF THEIR DEPARTURE. SHORTLY AFTER MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ARE SENT AWAY, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK VISIT SHADY SHOALS TO PLAY THE COPS AND ROBBERS GAME WITH THEIR OLD HEROES. THE FISH STAFF OF THE RETIREMENT HOME INFORM THEM OF THE FINAL DEPARTURE OF THE DYNAMIC DOU, WHICH GREATLY SADDENS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WHO BELIEVE THAT THEY CANNOT LIVE HAPPILY EVER AGAIN WITHOUT THE OLD SUPERHEROES AND BELIEVE THAT BIKINI BOTTOM STILL NEEDS THE OLD SUPERHEROES TO STOP CRIME. AFTER LEARNING THAT MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ARE NOW IN BASS VEGAS, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DECIDE TO GO TO THE BIG CITY TO FIND AND BRING BACK THE OLD MEN TO BIKINI BOTTOM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BREAK INTO THE MERMALAIR, WHERE THEY STEAL THE OLD SMELLY SUPERHERO COSTUMES OF MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AND STEAL THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE TO REACH BASS VEGAS VERY QUICKLY. PRETENDING THEY ARE THE REAL MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, PATRICK DRESSED AS BARNACLE BOY DRIVES THE SUPERHERO VEHICLE, WHILE SPONGEBOB DRESSED AS MERMAID MAN PROVIDES THE DIRECTIONS TO BASS VEGAS. WHILE DRIVING ALONG THE LONELY HIGHWAY ROADS AT NIGHT, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK REALIZE THAT THEY ARE BEING STALKED BY THE DIRTY BUBBLE, WHO IS FLOATING BEHIND THEM AND RAPIDLY APPROACHING THEM. THE DIRTY BUBBLE SPITS GIANT MUD BALLS AT THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE, CAUSING PATRICK TO WILDLY DRIVE TO DODGE THE DIRTY ATTACK. AS PATRICK ZOOMS AWAY FROM THE MANIACALLY LAUGHING DIRTY BUBBLE, SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY PULLS OUT A POWERFUL SOAP BUBBLE GUN THAT HE FIRES AT THE DIRTY BUBBLE, WHO MERELY ABSORBS THE BUBBLES TO GROW EVEN LARGER. EVENTUALLY, THE LARGE DIRTY BUBBLE SIMPLY RAMS OVER THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE, WHICH FLIPS SEVERAL TIMES UNCONTROLLABLY WITH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK STILL INSIDE. THE INJURED SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SLOWLY CRAWL OUT OF THE DAMAGED VEHICLE AS THE DIRTY BUBBLE SWIFTLY APPROACHES THEM. THEY ARE BOTH HOLDING SEA CACTUS PLANTS IN POTS TO THROW AT AND TO POP THE DIRTY BUBBLE. THEY LAUNCH THE PLANTS AT THE SUPER VILLAIN, WHO MERELY BLOWS A POWERFUL GUST OF DIRTY WIND TO SEND THE CACTI BACK AT THEM TO FURTHER INJURE THEM. THE DEFEATED SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BEG THE DIRTY BUBBLE FOR MERCY, CAUSING THE SHOCKED DIRTY BUBBLE TO REALIZE THAT THE TWO DRIVERS ARE NOT THE REAL MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AND ARE SIMPLY THE TWO WANT-TO-BE HEROES SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. THE DIRTY BUBBLE ANGRILY DEMANDS TO KNOW WHERE THE REAL OLD HEROES ARE, SO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK EXPLAIN THAT THEY ARE NOW LIVING IN BASS VEGAS. THE DIRTY BUBBLE REALIZES THAT HE NEEDS THE TWO RETIRED HEROES IN BIKINI BOTTOM TO FIGHT FOREVER WITH SINCE SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND THE POLICE ARE TOO EASY AND STUPID FOR HIM TO DEFEAT UNLIKE THE OLD DYNAMIC DUO. REALIZING HIS LIFE WILL BE AS HOLLOW AS AN EMPTY BUBBLE WITHOUT HIS OLD ENEMIES, THE DIRTY BUBBLE AGREES TO HELP SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FIND MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY TO BRING THEM BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK RIDE THE DIRTY BUBBLE LIKE A MAGIC CARPET AS THEY FLOAT TOGETHER TO BASS VEGAS. AFTER FINALLY REACHING THE BIG CITY FULL OF SHINING CASINOS, NIGHTCLUBS, AND SKYSCRAPERS, THE NEW TRIO ASKS ANY NATIVE BASS FISH THAT THEY CAN ABOUT WHERE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY LIVE. NO ONE RECOGNIZES THE NAMES OF THE BIKINI BOTTOM HEROES, BUT THEY DO RECOGNIZE THE PHYSICAL DESCRIPTIONS OF THEM, SO MANY WEALTHY BASS FISH INFORM THE TRIO THAT THEIR FRIENDS NOW LIVE AND WORK AT THE CITY'S MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE ARE CONFUSED AT THE NEW HOME OF THE TWO OLD MEN, BUT THEY DECIDE TO VISIT THE CITY MUSEUM ANYWAY. HOWEVER, THEY REACH THE MUSEUM AT NIGHT WHEN IT IS CLOSED. A LARGE LOCAL SHARK GANG LOITERING OUTSIDE THE MUSEUM IMMEDIATELY SURROUNDS THEM AND CLAIMS TO RECOGNIZE THE DIRTY BUBBLE. THE SHARK GANG IS ARMED WITH SWITCH BLADES THAT HAVE FISH HOOKS ON THEM INSTEAD OF KNIVES AND WITH HANDGUNS FULL OF GOLDEN AND SILVER BULLETS. THE SHARK GANG INFORMS THE TRIO THAT THE DIRTY BUBBLE HAS BEEN TO BASS VEGAS BEFORE AND OWES THE SHARK GANG MANY GAMBLING DEBTS. REALIZING THEY ARE OUTNUMBERED, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE BREAK INTO THE MUSEUM AND SCREAM FOR MERMAID MAN'S AND BARNACLE BOY'S HELP AS THE SHARK GANG FIRES AT THEM AND GIVES CHASE. MUSEUM FISH SECURITY GUARDS SOON DETECT THE BREAK-IN AND ASSUME IT TO BE A BURGLARY ATTEMPT. THE FISH SECURITY GUARDS ARE ARMED WITH ELECTRIC TASERS, PEPPER SPRAY, AND CLUBS. A LARGE FIGHT OCCURS BETWEEN THE SHARK GANG AND THE FISH SECURITY. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE FLEE THE BRAWL INTO THE MEDIEVAL ERA EXHIBIT OF THE MUSEUM. HOWEVER, REINFORCEMENT SECURITY FISH GUARDS ARRIVE TO ARREST THE TRIO. PATRICK TACKLES SEVERAL OF THE GUARDS AND WRESTLES WITH THEM ON THE FLOOR. THE GUARDS SHOCK PATRICK'S FACE WITH THEIR ELECTRIC TASERS, SPRAY PATRICK'S FACE WITH THEIR PEPPERY SPRAY, AND BEAT PATRICK'S FACE WITH THEIR CLUBS. SPONGEBOB SNEAKS UP BEHIND THE ABUSIVE GUARDS AND KNOCKS THEM OUT WITH SEVERAL SWIFT KARATE STRIKES. SPONGEBOB HELPS CARRY THE BRUISED AND INJURED PATRICK AS THE DIRTY BUBBLE URGES THE TWO FRIENDS TO FLEE AND FIND THE DYNAMIC DOU FOR HELP. THE DIRTY BUBBLE SPITS OUT MANY DIRT BUBBLES TO TRAP MANY GUARDS INSIDE OF, WHILE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FLEE FURTHER INTO THE MUSEUM TO FIND MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY. HOWEVER, THE FISH GUARDS SOON OVERWHELM THE DIRTY BUBBLE AND USE SHARP SWORDS FROM NEARBY MEDIEVAL KNIGHT STATUES TO STAB THE SCREAMING DIRTY BUBBLE TO DEATH TO POP HIM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE HORRIFIED BY THE DIRTY BUBBLE'S VIOLENT DEATH EVEN THOUGH THE DIRTY BUBBLE CAN REFORM FROM DIRT WITHIN A MONTH'S TIME. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SNEAK SILENTLY THROUGHOUT THE OTHER MUSEUM EXHIBITS AND SEARCH AND WHISPER FOR THE DYNAMIC DUO TO FIND THEM. AFTER SNEAKING BY A LARGE STATUE DEPICTING FATHER TIME, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARRIVE AT THE MUSEUM'S PREHISTORIC GIANT DINOSAUR SKELETON AND PREHISTORIC CAVEMEN EXHIBIT. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE HORRIFIED BY THE GIANT AQUATIC DINOSAUR SKELETONS, ESPECIALLY OF THE PLESIOSAURUS SKELETON, BUT THEY SOON LOSE THEIR FEAR WHEN THEY REALIZE THAT THE SKELETONS CANNOT HARM THEM. THEY FINALLY ENTER A NEARBY ARTIFICIAL CAVE WHERE TWO OLD MEN RESEMBLING MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ARE DRESSED LIVE PREHISTORIC CAVEMEN AND ARE MOTIONLESSLY STANDING BY A FAKE CAMP FIRE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAPPILY CALL OUT TO THE DYNAMIC DUO, WHO DOES NOT RESPOND TO THEM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK RUSH TO AND HUG MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, WHO APPEAR TO BE SOMEHOW FROZEN IN PLACE. AFTER SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK GIVE THE FROZEN OLD MEN KISSES ON THEIR CHEEKS AND EXPRESS HOW MUCH THEY HAVE MISSED THEM, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY SIMPLY FALL OVER, KNOCKING DOWN A NEARBY SIGN AND LANDING ON THE FLOOR. THE KNOCKED OVER SIGN READS: "EXTINCT SPECIES EXHIBIT." SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SCREAM AS THEY LOOK UPON THE FROZEN, LIFELESS, MOTIONLESS FACES OF THE OLD MEN WHO APPEAR TO BE STUFFED ANIMALS IN THE EXHIBIT. AS THEY LOUDLY CRY OVER THE DECEASED OLD HEROES, FISH SECURITY GUARDS ARRIVE AND ARREST THEM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SCREAM FOR THE GUARDS TO EXPLAIN WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AND TO BRING THEIR OLD HEROES BACK TO LIFE. THE FISH GUARDS SIMPLY MANIACALLY LAUGH AS THEY EXPLAIN THAT THEY HAVE EXECUTED THE OLD HEROES, STUFFED THEM LIKE STUFFED ANIMALS, DRESSED THEM LIKE PREHISTORIC CAVEMEN, AND PUT THEM ON EXHIBIT AT THE MUSEUM'S "EXTINCT SPECIES" EXHIBIT SINCE THEY ARE TOO OLD TO LIVE ANYMORE. AS THE SECURITY GUARDS DRAG AWAY THE STRUGGLING AND CRYING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, THE GUARDS FURTHER EXPLAIN THAT ONCE OLD PEOPLE IN ANY SEA CITY REACH A CERTAIN AGE, NAMELY OVER SEVENTY YEARS OLD, WHEN THEY CAN NO LONGER FULLY FUNCTION AND SOCIALLY CONTRIBUTE IN SOCIETY, THE CITY'S RETIREMENT HOME SENDS THEM TO ANOTHER SEA CITY WHERE THEY WILL NOT BE RECOGNIZED OR REMEMBERED, WILL BE EXECUTED BY THE CITY'S POLICE WITH LETHAL SEDATIVES THAT FREEZE THEIR BODIES, AND WILL THEN BE PUT ON DISPLAY IN THE CITY'S MUSEUM OF NATURAL HISTORY AS STUFFED ANIMAL PREHISTORIC CAVEMEN ALONGSIDE THE GIANT SKELETONS OF PREHISTORIC AQUATIC DINOSAURS IN EXHIBITS FOR EXTINCT SPECIES. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SCREAM IN PROTEST AND BEG FOR THE FISH GUARDS TO LET THEM RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO BURY THEIR OLD HEROES, BUT THE GUARDS ASSURE THEM THAT ONLY THE SHADY SHOALS STAFF ARE AWARE OF THE FATE OF THE OLD HEROES. THE GUARDS EXPLAIN THAT THEY MUST KEEP THE DEMISE OF THE DYNAMIC DUO A SECRET FROM THE REST OF BIKINI BOTTOM AND PROMISE THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WILL BE BURIED ALIVE IN THE GOLD MINE EXHIBIT OF THE MUSEUM TO PROTECT THE SECRET. THE GUARDS ASSURE THE DEFEATED WANT-TO-BE HEROES THAT MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY HAVE GOTTEN THE FINAL REST THAT ALL REALLY OLD PEOPLE DESERVE.

**TOM SURFING: SHOULD THE MOST AGED AMONG US BE CONSIDERED EXTINCT SPECIES FIT FOR CITY MUSEUM EXHIBITS? OR SHOULD WE ALWAYS CARE FOR EVEN THE MOST SENILE AND DECAYING ELDERS IN OUR COMMUNITY BECAUSE THEY ARE OUR SACRED ANCESTORS? WELL, JUST REMEMBER THAT EVERYONE, INCLUDING YOU AND YOUR MOTHER, WILL ONE DAY BECOME VERY, VERY OLD, SO UNLESS YOU ALSO WANT TO BECOME A NEW MUSEUM EXHIBIT IN THE FUTURE, THEN YOU SHOULD ALWAYS RESPECT THE OLD MULES AND NEVER ABANDON THEM IN THE DARKEST SEA LANES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**57 EPISODE FIFTY-SEVEN: HOLIDAY IN ROCK BOTTOM**

**TOM SURFING: EVERYONE IN LIFE ONE DAY HITS ROCK BOTTOM. EVERYONE IN LIFE ALSO HAS A BASIC OPINION ABOUT THE FUNDAMENTAL NATURE OF OTHER CIVILIZATIONS. WHETHER A CYNICAL MISANTHROPE, IDEALISTIC HUMANIST, OR CULTURAL CHAUVINIST, EVERYONE EITHER VIEWS OTHER SOCIETIES WITH DISDAIN OR WITH HOPE. BUT VERY FEW PEOPLE LEARN ABOUT JUST HOW MERRY AND GAY SEA CREATURES ACROSS THE OCEANS OF EARTH REALLY ARE. AND EVEN FEWER PEOPLE NEVER ESCAPE FROM THE HARD AND FIRM ROCK BOTTOM…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

WHILE ON A WINTER KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY HOLIDAY CRUISE SHIP VACATION IN WHICH THE CRUISE SHIP CRASHES DUE TO A POWERFUL BLIZZARD AND DUE TO ITS THREE PASSENGERS AND CAPTAIN BEING VERY DRUNK ON EGGNOG, SPONGEBOB, MR. KRABS, AND SQUIDWARD ARE STRANDED IN THE DEEP AND DARK SEA TRENCH CITY OF ROCK BOTTOM LOCATED FAR BELOW BIKINI BOTTOM. ALL THREE VACATIONERS DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT OF THE HOLIDAY HOSPITALITY OF THE ROCK BOTTOMITES. THEY ALL HOPE THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES HAVE MORE HOLIDAY CHEER AND ARE MORE FRIENDLY AND NEIGHBORLY THAN MOST BIKINI BOTTOMITES DURING CHRISTMAS TIME. SPONGEBOB HOPES THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE NOT AS VIOLENT AS BIKINI BOTTOMITES DURING HOLIDAY SHOPPING SPREES. SQUIDWARD HOPES THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE NOT AS COMPETITIVE AS BIKINI BOTTOMITES WHO EXCESSIVELY DECORATE THEIR HOMES AND BUSINESSES DURING THE HOLIDAYS TO LOOK BETTER THAN THEIR NEIGHBORS. MR. KRABS HOPES THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE NOT AS POOR AND PATHETIC AS BIKINI BOTTOMITE HOBOS ASKING FOR FREE FOOD DRIVES, DONATIONS, AND GIFTS DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON. AFTER SHARING THEIR FEARS OF UNKNOWN STRANGERS FROM OTHER SEA CITIES, THEY DISCUSS THEIR GENERAL OPINION OF NON-BIKINI BOTTOMITES. AS A CULTURAL OPTIMIST, SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT ALL UNDERWATER CIVILIZATIONS NO MATTER HOW THEIR PEOPLE LOOK AND ACT ARE ULTIMATELY MAINLY BENEVOLENT TOWARDS STRANGERS AND, AS SPONGEBOB PUTS IT, EVERYONE IS MERRY AND GAY ALL OVER THE SEA. AS A CULTURAL PESSIMIST, SQUIDWARD BELIEVES THAT ALL UNDERWATER CIVILIZATIONS NO MATTER HOW THEIR PEOPLE LOOK AND ACT ARE ULTIMATELY MAINLY MALEVOLENT AGAINST STRANGERS, AND AS SQUIDWARD PUTS IT, EVERYONE IS GRUMPY AND JERKY ALL OVER THE SEA. AS A CULTURAL CHAUVINIST, MR. KRABS BELIEVES THAT ONLY BIKINI BOTTOM IS CAPABLE OF CIVILIZED SOCIETY THANKS TO THE SUCCESSFUL KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY WITH ITS GREASY, MEATY FOOD THAT KEEPS EVERYONE CONTENT AND FULL OF THEMSELVES. MR. KRABS ALSO THINKS THAT EVERY OTHER UNDERWATER CIVILIZATION MUST BE PRIMITIVE IN COMPARISON TO BIKINI BOTTOM SINCE THE FOREIGN SEA CREATURES MUST HAVE HORRIBLE FOOD WITHOUT THE UNIQUELY DELICIOUS AND FATTENING KRABBY PATTIES. EVENTUALLY, AS THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW NERVOUSLY SEARCHES THE DIMLY LIT AND EMPTY DARK CITY STREETS OF THE SMALL TOWN OF ROCK BOTTOM, THEY FINALLY ENCOUNTER THE ROCK BOTTOMITES MARCHING TOGETHER AND SINGING HOLIDAY SONGS ABOUT HOW MERRY AND GAY ALL SEA CREATURES ARE IN THE SEVEN SEAS. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE DEEP SEA TRENCH CREATURES WHO, DESPITE LOOKING SCARY AND THREATENING, APPEAR TO BE EXTREMELY FRIENDLY LIKE SPONGEBOB ASSUMED. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES WEAR VERY ELABORATE CHRISTMAS COSTUMES, SEEM TO BE IN THE HIGHEST OF HOLIDAY SPIRITS, AND ARE DRESSED AS REINDEER, SANTA CLAUSES, ELVES, SNOWMEN, AND ANGELS. ALTHOUGH INITIALLY SCARED OF THE PHYSICALLY FRIGHTENING ROCK BOTTOMITES, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ARE SOON COMFORTED BY THEIR FUNNY HOLIDAY COSTUMES AND REALIZE THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY VERY JOLLY, MERRY, AND GAY, NOT THREATENING OR SCARY. THE CURIOUS ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE AMAZED BY THE FOREIGNERS FROM ABOVE THEIR DARK TRENCH TOWN AND MARVEL AT SPONGEBOB'S PHYSICAL ELASTICITY, SQUIDWARD'S FAT FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE, AND MR. KRABS' BIG MEATY CLAWS. AFTER INSPECTING AND TOUCHING THE VISITORS AS IF THE VISITORS WERE MEDICAL PATIENTS, THE ROCK BOTTOMITES HAPPILY WELCOME THE THREE VISITING BIKINI BOTTOMITES LIKE ROYAL GUESTS OF HONOR, PROVIDING THEM WITH FANCY TUXEDOES, BEAUTIFUL COLORED AND GLOWING MATCHING RINGS, AND PLENTY OF DELICIOUS FUDGE, FRUITCAKE, EGGNOG, AND COOKIES. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES EVEN PARADE THE FOREIGN VISITORS AROUND THE DARK CITY IN A LARGE CHRISTMAS SLEIGH COVERED IN BRIGHT HOLIDAY LIGHT DECORATIONS AS IF THEIR VERY ARRIVAL WAS A HOLIDAY CELEBRATION. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES EXPLAIN THAT THEY ARE ALWAYS HAPPY TO HAVE FOREIGN VISITORS COME TO THEIR ISOLATED DARK TOWN, ESPECIALLY DURING THE HOLIDAY SEASON FOR FAMILY VACATIONING AND ROMANTIC HONEYMOONS. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES WISH MORE BIKINI BOTTOMITES AS HANDSOME AND KIND AS SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS, WHO REALIZE HOW MERRY AND GAY THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE AND WHO OVERLOOK HOW PHYSICALLY SCARY AND UGLY THE ROCK BOTTOMITES APPEAR, WOULD VISIT ROCK BOTTOM TO PROMOTE NEIGHBORLY GOODWILL, ECONOMIC PROSPERITY, AND PEACEFUL RELATIONS. THE ELATED AND FLATTERED SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS AGREE THAT SPONGEBOB WAS RIGHT ABOUT FOREIGN SEA CREATURES BEING MAINLY TOLERANT AND LOVING TOWARDS STRANGERS, AND THEY ALL IMMEDIATELY AGREE TO VISIT ROCK BOTTOM WITH THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS EVERY YEAR FOR CHRISTMAS VACATION. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ALSO PROMISE TO REPAIR THE STRANDED VISITORS' CRUISE SHIP TO ALLOW THEM TO RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM VERY SOON. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES AGREE TO PROVIDE THE VISITORS WITH THE BEST VACATION THAT THEY HAVE EVER HAD, AND THEY TAKE THE ELATED SPONGEBOB, MR. KRABS, AND SQUIDWARD TO A FANCY LARGE HOTEL TOWER CALLED "THE NO TELL, NO SMELL, HOLIDAY HOTEL." HOWEVER, ONLY ROCK BOTTOMITE HOTEL EMPLOYEES ARE INSIDE THE HOTEL, AND THERE ARE NO OTHER GUESTS INSIDE THE HOTEL. CURIOUSLY, THE NEW GUESTS MUST REGISTER AS FELLOW BACHELORS WHEN SIGNING INTO THE HOTEL'S FRONT DESK ENTRANCE. THE ROCK BOTTOMITES GIVE THEM A LARGE, LUXURIOUS ROOM, WHICH THE GRATEFUL SPONGEBOB, MR. KRABS, AND SQUIDWARD TAKE FOR THEIR HOLIDAY VACATION. CURIOUSLY, THE FANCY ROOM IS MAINLY DECORATED WITH VALENTINE'S DAY DECORATIONS INSTEAD OF CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS, ALTHOUGH CHRISTMAS MISTLETOES ARE STILL PLACED EVERYWHERE AND THERE IS A LARGE CHRISTMAS TREE COVERED WITH BIG CHOCOLATE HEART-SHAPED CANDIES IN THE CENTER OF THE ROOM. IT APPEARS THAT SPONGEBOB WAS COMPLETELY RIGHT ABOUT ALL OTHER SEA CREATURES ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS BEING VERY MERRY AND GAY TOWARDS EVERYONE. HOWEVER, AS SOON AS SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS CHECK INTO THE ROOM AND ARE LEFT ALONE IN THE ROOM, THEY SOON DISCOVER THAT THEY HAVE BEEN PERMANENTLY LOCKED INSIDE THE LARGE HOTEL ROOM AND CANNOT ESCAPE. THE WINDOWS ARE BARRED AND THE FRONT DOOR IS ELECTRONICALLY LOCKED FROM THE OUTSIDE. THEY USELESSLY STRUGGLE TO ESCAPE AND THEN PANIC AND YELL TO BE RELEASED BUT RECEIVE NO RESPONSE FROM THE ABSENT ROCK BOTTOMITES. THE EXTREMELY NERVOUS AND CONFUSED SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS HUDDLE TOGETHER ON THE LARGE KING-SIZED BED IN THE ROOM AND SLOWLY TURN ON THE LARGE T.V. IN THE ROOM, BUT THE T.V. ACTUALLY SHOWS NO CHANNELS. IT ONLY SHOWS THE INSIDE OF THE HOTEL ROOM AND SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS WITHIN IT. THUS, THE T.V. IS ACTUALLY A LARGE RECORDING CAMERA THAT MONITORS THE PRISONERS OF THE HOTEL ROOM. SUDDENLY, THE T.V. SCREEN GOES BLACK AND A MESSAGE FLASHES ON THE T.V. SCREEN AS IT PLAYS MERRY AND ROMANTIC MUSIC. THE SCREEN READS: "THE MERRY HONEYMOONERS." THE SHOCKED SQUIDWARD FINALLY REALIZES WHY THE ROCK BOTTOMITES HAVE IMPRISONED THEM IN THE HOTEL ROOM. SQUIDWARD BELIEVES THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES THINK THAT SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS, SINCE NONE OF THEM HAVE WIVES AND ALL OF THEM CLAIM TO BE BACHELORS, ARE ALL ACTUALLY SECRETLY MARRIED AND HAVE COME TO ROCK BOTTOM TO HAVE A SECRET HONEYMOON AWAY FROM THE INTOLERANT BIKINI BOTTOM. SQUIDWARD HYPOTHESIZES THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ALL HAVE SAME-GENDER MARRIAGE SINCE MANY AQUATIC SPECIES OF ROCK BOTTOMITES NATURALLY BIOLOGICALLY CHANGE GENDERS FROM FEMALE TO MALE QUITE OFTEN, CAUSING ROMANTIC PARTNERS TO REMAIN WITH THEIR LOVERS. SQUIDWARD REALIZES THAT THEY HAVE BEEN IMPRISONED TO ACT IN A ROMANTIC COMEDY REALITY T.V. SHOW CALLED "THE MERRY HONEYMOONERS" FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF THE ROCK BOTTOMITES. THEY DO NOT KNOW IF THEY WILL EVER BE RELEASED FROM THEIR IRONIC IMPRISONMENT. SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS DESPAIR OVER THEIR DISMAL FATE AS RELUCTANT ACTORS AND HONEYMOONERS. THEY HUG EACH OTHER TO COMFORT EACH OTHER, BUT THEN THEY BECOME UNCOMFORTABLE AND SEPARATE WHEN SPONGEBOB STARTS TO GIGGLE ABOUT HOW WARM THEY ARE HUDDLED TOGETHER IN THE COLD ROOM. SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS FURIOUSLY AND HELPLESSLY GRAB THE CENTRAL CHRISTMAS TREE AND USE IT AS A BATTERING RAM AGAINST THE LOCKED ROOM DOOR TO VAINLY TRY TO ESCAPE THEIR NEW HONEYMOON PRISON WITH SPONGEBOB, WHO PLEAS WITH THEM TO SIMPLY CALM DOWN, EAT SOME HEART-SHAPED CHOCOLATE CANDIES, AND RELAX ON THE FLUFFY KING-SIZED BED, WHILE HE PLAYS SOME SOOTHING HOLIDAY MUSIC ON THE LARGE GOLDEN HARP IN THE ROOM. AS THE CHRISTMAS TREE BREAKS APART WITHOUT EVEN DAMAGING THE LOCKED ROOM DOOR, THE FATIGUED AND DELIRIOUS MR. KRABS FALLS ON TOP OF SQUIDWARD, WHO CRASHES TO THE FLOOR. SQUIDWARD AND SPONGEBOB CANNOT LIFT THE HEAVY, SWEATY MR. KRABS OFF SQUIDWARD. INSIDE THE OTHER MANY HOTEL ROOMS, MANY ROCK BOTTOMITES EAGERLY VIEW ON THEIR HOTEL TELEVISIONS THE NEW SHOW "THE MERRY HONEYMOONERS." AS THE HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER OF ROCK BOTTOMITES CAN BE HEARD OUTSIDE THE PRISONERS' HOTEL ROOM, THE EXHAUSTED AND HUMILIATED SQUIDWARD FINALLY SCREAMS IN HORROR: "YOU WERE RIGHT, SPONGEBOB. EVERYONE IS MERRY AND GAY ALL OVER! EVERYONE IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA IS AS MERRY AND GAY AS FRUITCAKE-EATING, FUDGE-PACKING CHRISTMAS ELVES!"

**TOM SURFING: IT SEEMS THAT NO MATTER WHERE YOU GO, ON LAND, SEA, SKY, OR BEYOND THE FIRMAMENT, EVERY PLACE WILL BE FULL OF CREATURES AS MERRY AND GAY AS SANTA CLAUS, MAGICAL REINDEERS, AND GARDEN GNOMES DURING CHRISTMAS TIME. IS THIS SCENARIO A NIGHTMARE OR A DREAM COME TRUE? THE ANSWER DEPENDS ON EACH INDIVIDUAL AND HOW MUCH EACH INDIVIDUAL LOVES THE HOLIDAY NUTTY FRUITCAKES AND PACKAGED FUDGE…FROM THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**58 EPISODE FIFTY-EIGHT: A JELLY JAR FOR YOUR THOUGHTS**

**TOM SURFING: THE TELEPATHIC POWER TO READ THE MINDS OF OTHERS PROMISES TO REVEAL THE TRUTH ABOUT PEOPLE WHETHER THE PSYCHIC LIKES IT OR NOT. WHEN A PSYCHIC'S MIND BECOMES TUNED TO THE THOUGHTS OF HIS NEIGHBORS, THE EXPERIENCE CAN BE EXTREMELY INTERESTING OR DOWNRIGHT DISTURBING. BECAUSE SOME SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET AND SOME SECRETS IN THE SKULL SHOULD ALWAYS STAY PRIVATE SINCE THAT WHICH HAS BEEN HEARD CANNOT BE UNHEARD. THIS IS PARAPSYCHOLOGY 101 FROM ROOM 101…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **

SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE JELLYFISHING AT JELLYFISH FIELDS. THEY CONTINUALLY MISS CATCHING MANY JELLYFISH AND ARE CONSTANTLY SQUIRTED WITH JELLYFISH JELLY. THEY BECOME EXTREMELY STICKY IN THE JELLY AND LICK THE JELLY OFF EACH OTHER TO CLEAN EACH OTHER. BOTH FRIENDS GIGGLE WHILE LICKING EACH OTHER AND BOTH ADMIT THAT THEY LIKE LICKING STICKY GOO OFF EACH OTHER'S BODIES. PATRICK THEN ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE WOULD LIKE TO TASTE HIS NUTS. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY SCREAMS IN JOY FOR PATRICK TO PULL OUT HIS SALTY, CRUNCHY NUTS. PATRICK PUTS HIS HANDS INTO HIS PANTS AND PULLS OUT A JAR OF SEANUT BUTTER. PATRICK COVERS HIMSELF AND SPONGEBOB IN THE SEANUT BUTTER. THE TWO NUTTY FRIENDS THEN CONTINUE JELLYFISHING, GETTING COVERED IN JELLYFISH JELLY, AND LICKING THE SWEET COMBINATION OF JELLYFISH JELLY AND SEANUT BUTTER OFF EACH OTHER'S BODIES. PATRICK THEN ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE WOULD LIKE TO TASTE HIS DOUGHY BUNS. SPONGEBOB LIKEWISE SCREAMS IN JOY FOR PATRICK TO PULL OUT HIS BIG BUNS. PATRICK PUTS HIS HANDS INTO HIS PANTS AND PULLS OUT A LOAF OF BREAD SLICES TO COVER HIMSELF AND SPONGEBOB AS JELLYFISH JELLY AND SEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES. AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK CONTINUE TO EAT THE FOOD OFF EACH OTHER, THE DISTURBED JELLYFISH BEGIN TO SHOCK THEM TO STOP THEIR OVERLY FRIENDLY PICNIC. HOWEVER, THE ELECTRIC SHOCKS SIMPLY TOAST THE BREAD ON THEIR BODIES, CAUSING THEM TO HAVE EVEN MORE DELICIOUS FUN. WHEN PATRICK ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE WANTS TO ALSO TRY SOME BREAKFAST SAUSAGE AND EGGS, THE JELLYFISH ARE SO DISTURBED THAT THEY FORM INTO A LARGE HERD IN THE SHAPE OF A GIANT THUNDERBOLT TO FATALLY SHOCK THEM. PATRICK PUTS HIS HANDS IN HIS PANTS AND PULLS OUT A LONG, MEATY, FLOPPY SAUSAGE ALONG WITH A CARTON OF EGGS. HOWEVER, AS SPONGEBOB EATS THE SAUSAGE IN ONE LARGE BITE, PATRICK NOTICES THE HOSTILE JELLYFISH ABOVE THEM. PATRICK SCREAMS AND PANICS. PATRICK THROWS EGGS AT THE JELLYFISH AS HE AND SPONGEBOB WILDLY RUN AWAY FROM THE PURSUING HERD THAT GREATLY SHOCKS THE GROUND WITH VERY POWERFUL LIGHTNING BOLTS, CAUSING JELLYFISH FIELDS TO BECOME COVERED IN FIRE AND SMOKE. A LARGE ROTTEN BANANA DROPS OUT OF PATRICK'S PANTS AND SPONGEBOB SLIPS ON THE BIG BANANA, CAUSING HIM AND PATRICK TO BECOME SEPARATED. AS PATRICK FAINTS FROM SUFFOCATING ON THE FIRE SMOKE, THE JELLYFISH HERD SHOCKS SPONGEBOB'S HEAD WITH VERY POWERFUL LIGHTNING BOLTS AND THEN FLEES FROM THE DESTROYED JELLYFISH FIELDS AS SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY LOSES CONSCIOUSNESS. BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE RESCUED BY FIREFIGHTER FISH WHO STOP THE FIRE AT JELLYFISH FIELDS. THEY ARE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL TO RECOVER. SPONGEBOB AWAKES IN A LARGE HOSPITAL BED WHERE THREE FISH DOCTORS ARE EXAMINING HIS HEAD, WHICH IS HEAVILY WRAPPED IN BANDAGES. SPONGEBOB CAN SOMEHOW HEAR THEIR VOICES EVEN THOUGH THEIR MOUTHS ARE NOT MOVING. THE FIRST FISH DOCTOR SMILES AT SPONGEBOB AND SPONGEBOB HEARS THE FISH DOCTOR SAY THAT SPONGEBOB WILL NOT SURVIVE THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. SPONGEBOB ASKS THE DOCTOR WHAT HE SAID ABOUT TWENTY-FOUR HOURS, CAUSING THE DOCTOR'S SMILE TO FADE. THE FISH DOCTOR WELCOMES SPONGEBOB BACK AND PROMISES THAT SPONGEBOB HAS MADE A FULL RECOVERY FROM HIS HEAD INJURY. AS THE FISH DOCTOR BEGINS TO CRY AND SUDDENLY HUGS SPONGEBOB, SPONGEBOB CAN LIKEWISE HEAR THE OTHER TWO FISH DOCTORS TALKING ALTHOUGH THEIR MOUTHS DO NOT MOVE. THE SECOND FISH DOCTOR SADLY REMARKS THAT SPONGEBOB'S STICKY AND NUTTY PLAY DATE WITH HIS FRIEND HAS COST THEM BOTH THEIR YOUNG LIVES. THE THIRD FISH DOCTOR REMARKS THAT THE IDIOT FRIENDS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DESTRUCTION OF THE BEAUTIFUL JELLYFISH FIELDS. SPONGEBOB IS DISTURBED BY THEIR COMMENTS, PUSHES THE FIRST FISH DOCTOR OFF HIMSELF, SLOWLY GETS OUT OF THE HOSPITAL BED, AND DEMANDS TO KNOW WHY THE DOCTORS ARE SPEAKING LIKE VENTRILOQUISTS AND IF THEY REALLY THINK THAT HE AND PATRICK ARE STUPID AND DOOMED. THE SHOCKED FISH DOCTORS SIMPLY STARE AT SPONGEBOB AND ALL OF THEM REMARK WITHOUT MOVING THEIR MOUTHS THAT SPONGEBOB'S HEAD INJURY MUST HAVE CAUSED HIM TO BECOME INSANE AS WELL. SPONGEBOB FURIOUSLY SCREAMS THAT HE IS NOT INSANE AND DEMANDS TO KNOW WHERE PATRICK IS. THE FISH DOCTORS SUDDENLY TALK NORMALLY TO SPONGEBOB AND TELL HIM THAT PATRICK IS IN THE BURNED VICTIMS' UNIT OF THE HOSPITAL. SPONGEBOB RUSHES TO THAT UNIT AS THE THREE FISH DOCTORS LET HIM LEAVE AND SADLY REMARK TO ONE ANOTHER THAT THEY WILL LET HIM LEAVE THE HOSPITAL SINCE HIS HEAD INJURY WILL END HIS LIFE BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY. AS SPONGEBOB RUSHES TOWARD THE OTHER UNIT, HE CAN HEAR MANY DIFFERENT VOICES IN HIS HEAD AND HE WONDERS IF HIS HEAD INJURY HAS MADE HIM INSANE AS THE VOICES CONTINUALLY FADE IN AND OUT OF HIS MIND. SPONGEBOB FINALLY REACHES PATRICK'S LOCKED ROOM, WHERE HE CAN SEE THE INJURED PATRICK THROUGH THE CLEAR GLASS OF HIS ISOLATED DARK ROOM. HALF OF PATRICK'S FACE IS SWOLLEN AND COVERED IN ASH, CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO SADLY CRY AND TO SCREAM FOR PATRICK TO SPEAK TO HIM. PATRICK TURNS HIS TWO FACES TO SPONGEBOB AND WALKS IN THE DARKNESS TOWARDS SPONGEBOB. PATRICK WEAKLY ASKS SPONGEBOB IF HE WANTS TO SEE HOW BURNED HIS SAUSAGE IS FROM THE FIRE. SPONGEBOB RELUCTANTLY AGREES TO SEE PATRICK'S BURNED SAUSAGE. PATRICK PUTS HIS HANDS IN HIS PANTS AND PULLS OUT A SAUSAGE PATTY. AS PATRICK FLIPS THE SAUSAGE PATTY LIKE A COIN, SPONGEBOB SEES THAT ONE SIDE OF THE PATTY IS HORRIBLY BURNT WHILE THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PATTY IS NOT BURNED AT ALL JUST LIKE PATRICK'S TWO FACES. BOTH FRIENDS START TO CRY AND PRESS AGAINST THE GLASS WALL OF THE LOCKED ROOM THAT SEPARATES THEM. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB CAN ALSO HEAR PATRICK'S VOICE EVEN THOUGH PATRICK IS NOT MOVING HIS MOUTH. PATRICK REMARKS THAT HIS CURRENT INJURIES ARE SPONGEBOB'S FAULT SINCE SPONGEBOB WANTED TO GO TO JELLYFISH FIELDS THAT DAY AND SINCE SPONGEBOB TOLD PATRICK TO PACK ALL OF THEIR PICNIC FOOD IN HIS BIG SWEATY PANTS. SPONGEBOB BEGS FOR PATRICK'S FORGIVENESS, CAUSING PATRICK TO STOP CRYING AND WONDER HOW SPONGEBOB KNEW WHAT HE WAS THINKING. PATRICK THEN SPEAKS NORMALLY AND TELLS SPONGEBOB TO LEAVE HIM ALONE TO RECOVER AND TO STOP READING HIS MIND. SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY REALIZES THAT HE NOW HAS THE TELEPATHIC POWER TO READ THE MINDS OF OTHERS FROM HIS SHOCKING HEAD INJURY. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT THE MASSIVE ELECTRICAL SHOCK TO HIS HEAD SOMEHOW ENABLED THE ELECTROMAGNETIC FIELD AROUND HIS MIND TO DETECT AND HEAR THE THOUGHTS OF OTHER MINDS. AS SPONGEBOB SADLY ASKS IF PATRICK WILL EVER FORGIVE HIM, PATRICK SADLY REMARKS THAT WHEN THE DOCTORS FINALLY LET HIM LEAVE THE HOSPITAL, HE WILL FLIP HIS LUCKY SAUSAGE PATTY TO DECIDE IF HE AND SPONGEBOB WILL STILL BE FRIENDS. SPONGEBOB BREATHES FOG ONTO THE GLASS WALL OF PATRICK'S ROOM AND DRAWS A HEART SHAPE INTO THE FOG AND WRITES "SORRY PATRICK FOR SPLITTING YOU LIKE THE RED SEA, LOVE YOUR BEST FRIEND FOREVER AND EVER SPONGEBOB." AS SPONGEBOB BEGINS TO LEAVE, HE READS PATRICK'S MIND AS PATRICK PLOTS VENGEANCE AGAINST SPONGEBOB FOR HIS INJURY BY CAUSING SPONGEBOB TO EAT UNHEALTHILY LIKE PATRICK ALWAYS DOES TO FATTEN SPONGEBOB UP LIKE THE OVERWEIGHT PATRICK AND TO GREASE SPONGEBOB'S FACE WITH A DEEP FRYER TO MAKE SPONGEBOB HAVE TWO FACES LIKE PATRICK HAS NOW. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY PATRICK'S PLOT, BELIEVES THAT PATRICK'S INJURIES HAVE NOW MADE HIM INSANE, AND RUNS ALONE OUT OF THE HOSPITAL. AS SPONGEBOB TRIES TO CALM DOWN FROM HIS NEW TELEPATHIC CURSE AND HIS FRIEND'S VIOLENT TRUE FEELINGS TOWARDS HIM, SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO STILL ATTEND THE KRUSTY KRAB DINNER BANQUET THAT EVENING. SPONGEBOB WANTS TO FIND OUT WHAT ALL OF HIS OTHER FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS AT THE BANQUET REALLY THINK OF HIM AND IF THEY TOO WANT TO SECRETLY HARM HIM BY READING THEIR MINDS. AS NIGHT FALLS AND SPONGEBOB ARRIVES AT THE BANQUET, EVERYONE WELCOMES HIM, ASKS HOW HE IS FEELING FROM HIS INJURIES, AND ASKS WHERE PATRICK IS. SPONGEBOB REPLIES THAT PATRICK IS STILL AT THE HOSPITAL AND CLAIMS THAT BOTH HIMSELF AND PATRICK WILL RECOVER FROM THEIR INJURIES. AS EVERYONE ELSE ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT HE WILL BE FINE AND THAT HIS LIFE WILL SOON RETURN TO NORMAL, EVERYONE DEPARTS BACK TO TALK, DANCE, AND EAT AT THE BANQUET. THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB BANQUET, INCLUDING MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, SANDY, GARY, MRS. PUFF, PEARL, BUBBLE BASS, FLATS, MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, LARRY THE LOBSTER, OLD MAN JENKINS, AND SQUILLIAM FANCYSON. SPONGEBOB CAUTIOUSLY WALKS THROUGHOUT THE PARTY AND READS THE MINDS OF EVERYONE HE PASSES. AS HE WALKS BY THE SMILING MR. KRABS, SPONGEBOB READS MR. KRABS' MIND. MR. KRABS THINKS SPONGEBOB IS A LOYAL MEMBER OF THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW, WHO SHOULD BE WILLING TO GIVE ANYTHING TO HIS CAPTAIN MR. KRABS IN TIMES OF EMERGENCY. MR. KRABS SECRETLY WANTS TO HAVE THE INJURED SPONGEBOB ADD MR. KRABS AS A RECIPIENT TO HIS DEATH FINANCIAL WILL IN THE CASE THAT SPONGEBOB DIES FROM HIS HEAD INJURY. IF SPONGEBOB DOES NOT DIE FROM THE HEAD INJURY, THEN MR. KRABS PLOTS TO GIVE SPONGEBOB, WHEN SPONGEBOB BECOMES TOO OLD TO WORK ANYMORE AT THE KRUSTY KRAB, TAINTED KRABBY PATTIES TO MAKE SPONGEBOB TERMINALLY ILL AND THEN CONVINCE THE ILL SPONGEBOB TO ADD MR. KRABS TO HIS WILL SO MR. KRABS CAN INHERIT ALL OF SPONGEBOB'S MONEY. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY MR. KRABS' GREEDY PLANS AND RUNS AWAY FROM HIM AS MR. KRABS SMILES AT SPONGEBOB AND LAUGHS AS HE EATS A LARGE PLATE CONTAINING BOTH FOOD AND MONEY. SPONGEBOB THEN WALKS BY SQUIDWARD, WHO GLARES AT HIM, TO READ SQUIDWARD'S MIND. SQUIDWARD IS UPSET THAT SPONGEBOB SURVIVED HIS HEAD INJURY AND WISHES THAT THE JELLYFISH HAD FRIED SPONGEBOB LIKE A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH SINCE SPONGEBOB IS A STUPID BLOCK OF ROTTEN CHEESE. SQUIDWARD IS GREATLY ANNOYED BY SPONGEBOB'S CONSTANT LAUGHTER IN LIFE SINCE IT REMINDS SQUIDWARD HOW UNHAPPY HE HIMSELF IS. SQUIDWARD PLANS TO SECRETLY BREAK INTO SPONGEBOB'S HOME ONE NIGHT TO SURGICALLY REMOVE SPONGEBOB'S LAUGHING BOX SO SPONGEBOB WILL NEVER LAUGH AGAIN AND SQUIDWARD WILL ALWAYS LAUGH AT THE NOW SILENT SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY SQUIDWARD'S HATRED TOWARDS HIM AND RUNS AWAY FROM HIM AS SQUIDWARD GLARES AT HIM AND ANGRILY CHEWS LIKE A HORSE ON ICE CUBES IN THE MARTINI HE IS DRINKING. SPONGEBOB THEN WALKS BY SANDY, WHO GIVES HIM A VERY BIG HUG. AS THE HAPPY SANDY TALKS TO SPONGEBOB AND WISHES HIM A VERY SPEEDY RECOVERY FROM HIS HEAD INJURY, SPONGEBOB READS SANDY'S MIND. SANDY IS VERY RELIEVED THAT SPONGEBOB SURVIVED HIS HEAD INJURY SINCE HE IS HER BEST FRIEND, WHICH MAKES SPONGEBOB HAPPY THAT SHE ACTUALLY CARES FOR HIM UNLIKE MR. KRABS AND SQUIDWARD. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB SOON DISCOVERS THAT SANDY WANTS TO SPEND THE UPCOMING HOLIDAY, VALENTINE'S DAY, WITH HIM AND WANTS TO GIVE HIM MANY VERY HARD AND VERY SWEET KISSES ON THE HOLIDAY. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED THAT SANDY APPARENTLY LOVES HIM TOO MUCH AND VIEWS HIM AS MORE THAN JUST A FRIEND. SANDY THEN SPEAKS NORMALLY TO SPONGEBOB AND ASKS SPONGEBOB IF SHE CAN EAT HIS NUTS. SPONGEBOB SCREAMS AND DROPS A SACK OF NUTS HE WAS CARRYING IN HIS POCKETS. SPONGEBOB AWKWARDLY EXCUSES HIMSELF TO THE RESTROOM AS SANDY BLUSHES AND CHEWS ON THE NUTS AS SHE WATCHES HIM LEAVE. AS SPONGEBOB ENTERS THE RESTROOM, HE BUMPS INTO HIS PET SNAIL GARY. GARY IMMEDIATELY BEGINS LICKING SPONGEBOB, WHO GIVES GARY A BIG HUG. SPONGEBOB THEN READS GARY'S MIND. GARY VIEWS SPONGEBOB AS THE BEST MASTER ANY PET COULD EVER HAVE. SPONGEBOB IS RELIEVED BY GARY'S LOVE, BUT SPONGEBOB BECOMES DISTURBED WHEN HE DISCOVERS THAT GARY LOVES LICKING SPONGEBOB VERY MUCH. SPONGEBOB BELIEVES GARY IS OBSESSED OVER HIM WHEN HE DISCOVERS THAT GARY ALWAYS SECRETLY LICKS HIS CHEEKS CLEAN AT NIGHT WHEN SPONGEBOB IS ASLEEP. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED SINCE HE THINKS THAT GARY LICKS HIS BUTT CHEEKS EVERY NIGHT AND SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY RUNS OUT OF THE BATHROOM AS GARY SMILES AT HIM AND GARY LICKS FOOD OF HIS OWN LIPS. SPONGEBOB ALMOST RUNS INTO THE HAPPY SANDY AND KNOCKS OVER A TABLE FULL OF NUTS TO DISTRACT HER. AS SANDY EATS THE NUTS ON THE FLOOR LIKE A WILD SQUIRREL, SPONGEBOB SNEAKS AWAY FROM HER AND WALKS BY MRS. PUFF WHO GROANS AS SHE SEES HIM. SPONGEBOB THEN READS MRS. PUFF'S MIND. MRS. PUFF THINKS SPONGEBOB IS THE WORST DRIVER OF ALL TIME AND WISHES HIS HEAD INJURY HAD MADE HIM A GENIUS DRIVER INSTEAD OF THE TERRIBLE DRIVER THAT HE WILL ALWAYS BE. MRS. PUFF WANTS TO ONE DAY INVITE SPONGEBOB TO AN AMUSEMENT PARK TO GO RACE-CART DRIVING. HOWEVER, SHE SECRETLY PLANS TO LOOSEN THE WHEELS OF HIS CART BEFORE THE RACE SO HE WILL FATALLY CRASH AND NEVER BE HER DRIVING STUDENT AGAIN. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY MRS. PUFF'S MURDEROUS SCHEME AND RUNS AWAY FROM HER AS SHE MANIACALLY LAUGHS AND STUFFS HER BLOATED FACE WITH FOOD. SPONGEBOB THEN WALKS BY PEARL, WHO ROLLS HER EYES AT HIM AND LOOKS AT HERSELF IN A MAKEUP MIRROR. SPONGEBOB THEN READS PEARL'S MIND. PEARL IS UPSET THAT HER CHEAP FAT FATHER MR. KRABS NEVER BUYS HER NEW GIFTS FROM THE MALL. SHE THINKS SPONGEBOB IS A FOOLISH NERD WHO IS PROBABLY GOING TO GET HIMSELF KILLED FROM HIS FOOLISH PLAY DATES WITH HIS OBESE FRIEND PATRICK. PEARL PLANS TO SHOPLIFT FROM THE MALL AND FRAME SPONGEBOB FOR THE THEFTS BY SECRETLY RAIDING HIS UNDERWEAR FROM HIS HOME AND PLANTING THEM AT THE CRIME SCENES. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY HER CRIMINAL THOUGHTS AND RUNS AWAY FROM PEARL AS PEARL HAPPILY SINGS AND SKIPS AWAY. PEARL'S HEAVY WEIGHT CAUSES THE RESTAURANT TO TEMPORARILY SHAKE AND CAUSES EVERYONE IN IT TO TEMPORARILY PANIC AS FOOD, PEOPLE, AND OBJECTS FLY AROUND UNCONTROLLABLY. A RANDOM FISH AT THE PARTY PAINFULLY SHOUTS, "MY LEGS, I'VE LOST MY LEGS!" AS EVERYTHING RETURNS TO NORMAL, THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO CONTINUE HIS EXPERIMENT TO FIND OUT WHAT EVERYONE ELSE THINKS OF HIM AND TO STOP THEM FROM HARMING HIM IN THE FUTURE. SPONGEBOB WALKS BY BUBBLE BASS AND FLATS, WHO ARE EATING TOGETHER AT A TABLE, STARING AT SPONGEBOB, AND WHISPERING TO EACH OTHER AND LAUGHING TOGETHER. SPONGEBOB THEN READS THEIR MINDS. BUBBLE BASS HATES HOW SPONGEBOB, WHOM HE VIEWS AS A BUMBLING IDIOT, ALWAYS SERVES TOO MUCH OF HIS STICKY WHITE TARTAR SAUCE INTO HIS FOOD AND PROBABLY SPITS IN HIS FOOD SINCE SPONGEBOB DOES NOT LIKE BUBBLE BASS' BIG ROUND BOSSY BOTTOM. AS REVENGE FOR HIS FRY COOK INCOMPETENCE, BUBBLE BASS PLANS TO GO CHUNKY DUNKING (NUDE SWIMMING) AT GOO LAGOON AT NIGHT AND TO THEN SEND THE DISTURBING PICTURES OF HIS WET, BUTTER BALL NUDE BALLOON BODY TO SPONGEBOB TO BLIND SPONGEBOB FOREVER. FLATS VIEWS SPONGEBOB AS A WEAK NERD, WHO PARTICIPATES IN EXTREMELY NERDY ACTIVITIES LIKE BLOWING BUBBLES, PANTY RAIDING, JELLYFISHING, AND FLIRTING WITH FAT STARFISH. FLATS WANTS TO BULLY SPONGEBOB BY SECRETLY TAKING PICTURES OF SPONGEBOB SHOWERING AND DROPPING THE SLIPPERY SOAP AND THEN PUTTING THEM ON THE INTERNET TO RUIN SPONGEBOB'S REPUTATION FOREVER. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY THEIR DISTURBING PLANNED PRANKS AND RUNS AWAY FROM THEM AS THEY CHOKE ON THEIR FOOD FROM THEIR LAUGHTER. SPONGEBOB ACCIDENTALLY RUNS INTO AND KNOCKS OVER THE ELDERLY MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, WHO ARE EATING TARTAR SAUCE. THE OLD MEN FALL TO THE FLOOR AND THE STICKY WHITE TARTAR SAUCE COVERS THEM COMPLETELY, CAUSING THEM TO GET STUCK TOGETHER AND CAUSING THE NEARBY FLYING DUTCHMAN, MAN RAY, AND DIRTY BUBBLE TO MANIACALLY LAUGH. AS THE OLD MEN STRUGGLE TO RIP APART, SPONGEBOB TRIES TO HELP THEM UP AND READS THEIR MINDS. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY VIEW SPONGEBOB AS THEIR GREATEST ENEMY SINCE HIS STUPIDITY WILL PROBABLY ONE DAY COST THEM THEIR OLD LIVES. THEY PLAN TO GET REVENGE ON SPONGEBOB BY ONE DAY SECRETLY BREAKING INTO HIS HOME AT NIGHT, ABDUCTING HIM TO THE MERMALAIR, AND SURGICALLY REMOVING AND STEALING HIS YOUNG KIDNEYS FOR THEMSELVES SINCE THEY NEED NEW KIDNEYS TO REPLACE THEIR OLD ATROPHIED KIDNEYS. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY THEIR DRASTIC PLANS AND LEAVES THEM STUCK TOGETHER AS HE WALKS BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, DIRTY BUBBLE, AND MAN RAY AND READS THEIR MINDS. ALL THE VILLAINS VIEW SPONGEBOB AS THE VILLAGE IDIOT. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WANTS TO STEAL SPONGEBOB'S YELLOW BOOTY. MAN RAY WANTS TO SECRETLY CUT MERMAID MAN'S AND BARNACLE BOY'S LIFE SUPPORT SYSTEMS WHEN THEY GROW OLD AND FRAIL ENOUGH AND WANTS TO FRAME SPONGEBOB FOR THE CRIME BY WRITING A FALSE CONFESSION LETTER OF THE CRIME IN SPONGEBOB'S NAME AND SENDING THE LETTER TO THE POLICE. THE DIRTY BUBBLE CONTINUALLY THINKS OF DOING SOMETHING VERY, VERY DIRTY TO SPONGEBOB, THOUGH SPONGEBOB CANNOT TELL WHAT THE DIRTY ACT IS. ALL THE VILLAINS DROP THEIR FOOD AND ASK IF SPONGEBOB CAN PICK THEIR FOOD UP SINCE HE WORKS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. SPONGEBOB RELUCTANTLY AGREES TO QUICKLY CLEAN THEIR DROPPED FOOD UP, BUT THE VILLAINS GIGGLE AS SPONGEBOB BENDS OVER TO MOP UP THE MESS. SPONGEBOB REALIZES THAT THEY ARE LAUGHING AT HIS SPEEDO UNDERWEAR THAT IS VISIBLE EVERY TIME HE BENDS OVER TO CLEAN UP THE FALLEN FOOD. SPONGEBOB QUICKLY RUNS AWAY FROM THEM AS THEY CRY TEARS FROM LAUGHING SO HARD. SPONGEBOB BUMPS INTO LARRY THE LOBSTER'S BIG HARD BODY, CAUSING HIM TO CRASH INTO THE NEARBY OLD MAN JENKINS. OLD MAN JENKINS DROOLS ON SPONGEBOB AS SPONGEBOB READS HIS MIND. BECAUSE OLD MAN JENKINS IS BLIND, HE THINKS SPONGEBOB IS A BLOCK OF LIVING CHEESE AND WANTS TO EAT HIM. SPONGEBOB PANICS AND KICKS OLD MAN JENKINS' CANE FROM HIM, CAUSING THE OLD MAN TO HELPLESSLY FALL TO THE FLOOR. AS SPONGEBOB RUSHES AWAY FROM THE FALLEN OLD FISH, LARRY GRABS SPONGEBOB AND ASKS IF SPONGEBOB IS OKAY. SPONGEBOB READS LARRY'S MIND. LARRY THINKS SPONGEBOB IS A WEAK JOKE AND A MAN CHILD AND COULD BECOME RIDICULOUSLY MUSCULAR AND HOT LIKE LARRY HIMSELF IF SPONGEBOB SIMPLY TOOK SOME OF LARRY'S SPECIAL PERFORMANCE ENHANCERS TO BUILD HUGE MUSCLES. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED SINCE HE THINKS THAT LARRY WANTS HIM TO TAKE STEROIDS. SPONGEBOB RUNS AWAY FROM LARRY AND BUMPS INTO A SMALL, SHARP SEA CACTUS PLANT POT ON THE FLOOR. PLANKTON SUDDENLY ROLLS OUT OF THE CRACKED POT TO REVEAL THAT HE HAD BEEN HIDING IN THE POT TO SNEAK INTO THE KRUSTY KRAB TO STEAL THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. AS PLANKTON BRUSHES DIRT OFF HIMSELF AND GLARES UP AT SPONGEBOB, SPONGEBOB READS HIS MIND. PLANKTON BELIEVES SPONGEBOB WILL ALWAYS STOP HIM FROM STEALING THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB SINCE SPONGEBOB IS A FOOLISH SLAVE OF THE FAT CAT MR. KRABS. PLANKTON PLANS TO INSTEAD BREAK INTO SPONGEBOB'S HOME AND STEAL FECAL MATTER FROM HIS TOILET SINCE HIS FECES PROBABLY CONTAIN DIGESTED KRABBY PATTIES AND PLANKTON CAN USE THE DIGESTED INGREDIENTS TO DECIPHER THE KRABBY PATTY FORMULA. SPONGEBOB IS HORRIFIED BY PLANKTON'S DISGUSTING PLAN AND FURIOUSLY STOMPS ON PLANKTON. SQUILLIAM FANCYSON PASSES BY SPONGEBOB, WHO READS HIS MIND. SQUILLIAM THINKS SPONGEBOB IS A PATHETIC JOKE SINCE HE HAS BEEN A MENIAL FRY COOK HIS ENTIRE LIFE AND WILL NEVER BECOME AS RICH AND SUCCESSFUL AS SQUILLIAM HIMSELF. THE RICH SQUILLIAM PLANS TO MAKE SPONGEBOB HIS PERSONAL JESTER, PAYING SPONGEBOB TO ACT LIKE A CLOWN FOR HIS AMUSEMENT AND TO DANCE WITH HOOLA HOOPS SINCE SPONGEBOB IS SO ELASTIC AND VERY GOOD AT ROCKING HIS SPONGY HIPS. SPONGEBOB IS VERY DISTURBED BY SQUILLIAM'S PLANS, GRABS MONEY FROM MR. KRABS' PLATE OF FOOD, AND SLAMS THE MONEY INTO SQUILLIAM'S FACE TO KNOCK HIM OUT COLD. TOTALLY SICK OF EVERYONE'S DISTURBING SECRET THOUGHTS AND DARK FEELINGS ABOUT HIM, SPONGEBOB SCREAMS THAT THEY ARE ALL SICK TWO FACE FRIENDS AND HYSTERICALLY RUNS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB, A HARSH THUNDER STORM RAGES. THE CONFUSED BIKINI BOTTOMITES FOLLOW SPONGEBOB OUT INTO THE STORM. SPONGEBOB CAN STILL HEAR THEIR MOCKING AND DEVIOUS THOUGHTS AS THEY RUSH AFTER HIM. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB SUDDENLY LOSES HIS ABILITY TO READ THE MINDS OF OTHERS WHEN LIGHTNING FROM THE THUNDERSTORM OUTSIDE THE KRUSTY KRAB SHOCKS HIS HEAD, ENDING HIS TELEPATHY AND IRONICALLY CURING HIS HEAD INJURY. SUDDENLY, PATRICK, WHOSE INJURED SIDE OF HIS FACE IS COVERED IN BANDAGES, RUSHES DOWN THE ROAD TO ATTACK SPONGEBOB WITH A GREASE DEEP FRYER STOLEN FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB. HOWEVER, THE LIGHTNING FROM THE THUNDERSTORM LIKEWISE SHOCKS PATRICK, IRONICALLY CAUSING HIS FACE TO RETURN TO NORMAL TO CURE HIS FACIAL INJURY AND TO END HIS ENMITY TOWARDS SPONGEBOB. PATRICK DROPS THE DEEP FRYER, FORGIVES SPONGEBOB, AND ASKS FOR SPONGEBOB'S FORGIVENESS. SPONGEBOB CRIES AS HE TELLS PATRICK THAT PATRICK IS HIS ONLY REAL FRIEND AND HE HUGS PATRICK. EVERYONE ELSE SURROUNDS THE EMBRACED FRIENDS AND DEMANDS TO KNOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH SPONGEBOB. SPONGEBOB REVEALS HIS MIND READING OF THEIR SECRET THOUGHTS AND TRUE FEELINGS TOWARDS HIM. EVERYONE EXPLAINS THAT EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM HAS SECRET AND BAD UNCONSCIOUS THOUGHTS FROM THE DARK HALVES OF THEIR MINDS ABOUT OTHERS THAT THEY CANNOT CONTROL, EVEN SPONGEBOB HIMSELF. THEY ALL EXPLAIN THAT THEIR PLANS OF HARMING SPONGEBOB ARE ACTUALLY HARMLESS FANTASIES THAT ALL OF THEM ARE TOO SCARED TO ACTUALLY COMMIT. MANY OF THEM ALSO EXPLAIN THAT SPONGEBOB ACTUALLY MISINTERPRETED MANY OF THEIR THOUGHTS. GARY EXPLAINS THAT HE ONLY LICKS SPONGEBOB'S FACIAL CHEEKS CLEAN AT NIGHT FROM SPONGEBOB'S DINNER AND DOES NOT LICK SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY BUTT CHEEKS AND NEVER WILL. SANDY EXPLAINS THAT SHE ACTUALLY WANTS TO GIVE SPONGEBOB SWEET AND HARD CHOCOLATE CANDIES CALLED "KISSES" AND WOULD NEVER ACTUALLY KISS HIM SINCE SHE WANTS THEM TO STAY FRIENDS, NOT LOVERS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN EXPLAINS THAT HE WANTS TO STEAL SPONGEBOB'S YELLOW BOOTY, MEANING HIS GOLDEN SPATULA COLLECTION, NOT HIS ACTUAL SPONGY YELLOW BOOTY. THE DIRTY BUBBLE EXPLAINS THAT HE WANTS TO ACTUALLY USE SPONGEBOB AS A CLEANING SPONGE TO IRONICALLY CLEAN HIS DIRTY KITCHEN AT HIS HOME SINCE HE HAS A PEST PROBLEM. FINALLY, LARRY ACTUALLY WANTS TO ENHANCE SPONGEBOB'S BODY THROUGH DANCING EXERCISE VIDEOS, WHICH ARE HIS MOTIVATIONS AND PERFORMANCE ENHANCERS, AND WOULD NEVER USE ILLICIT SUBSTANCES TO MAKE HIMSELF OR OTHERS MUSCULAR AND HOT. SPONGEBOB IS RELIEVED THAT NO ONE ACTUALLY REALLY PLANS TO HARM HIM, THAT HIS HEAD INJURY HAS BEEN HEALED, AND THAT HE IS CURED OF THE CURSE OF TELEPATHY. HOWEVER, THE THUNDERSTORM SOON ELECTRICALLY SHOCKS THE HEADS OF EVERYONE WITH EXTREMELY POWERFUL LIGHTNING BOLTS, EXCEPT THOSE OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, GRANTING EVERYONE ELSE THE ABILITY TO READ SPONGEBOB'S PRIVATE THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM. THE FOLLOWING THOUGHTS ARE SPONGEBOB'S SECRET THOUGHTS ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE: SPONGEBOB THINKS MR. KRABS IS A SHALLOW AND LONELY PERSON, WHO ONLY WANTS TO COLLECT MONEY HIS WHOLE LIFE TO SOOTHE HIS EMOTIONAL EMPTINESS SINCE ALL OF HIS OLD FRIENDS FROM THE NAVY DIED IN THE NAVAL WAR HE FOUGHT IN; SPONGEBOB THINKS SQUIDWARD ALWAYS PAINTS SO MANY SELF-PORTRAITS TO VAINLY TRY TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE IS NOT OLD AND UGLY AND THAT HIS NOSE DOES NOT LOOK LIKE A FAT FLOPPY SAUSAGE; SPONGEBOB THINKS THAT SANDY'S FUR HAS SO MANY FLEAS AND HER FACIAL AND BOTTOM CHEEKS ARE SO FURRY AND SANDY THAT NO ONE WOULD WANT TO KISS HER; SPONGEBOB THINKS THAT GARY IS SUCH A CARELESS AND RAVENOUS PET MOST OF THE TIME SO HE WILL PROBABLY ONE DAY ACCIDENTALLY COVER HIMSELF IN SALT TO MELT HIMSELF; SPONGEBOB THINKS MRS. PUFF IS ALWAYS SUCH A CRABBY TEACHER BECAUSE SHE SUFFERS FROM BLOATING AND GAS PROBLEMS; SPONGEBOB THINKS PEARL'S EXCESSIVE WHALE BLUBBER WILL MAKE HER SINGLE FOREVER, A DISMAL FATE THAT SHE WILL SOOTHE THROUGH SHALLOW SHOPPING SPREES; SPONGEBOB THINKS BUBBLE BASS IS A PIG WITH GILLS WHO WILL MOST CERTAINLY HAVE A FATAL HEART ATTACK ANY DAY NOW FROM HIS MORBID OBESITY; SPONGEBOB THINKS FLATS IS A PATHETIC PAPER FISH WHO BULLIES OTHERS DUE TO HIS OWN INSECURITY ABOUT HOW FLAT AND THIN ALL OF HIS BODY PARTS ARE; SPONGEBOB THINKS MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ARE NOT REAL HEROES SINCE THEY CANNOT DEFEAT THEIR GREATEST ENEMIES OF OLD AGE AND DEATH; SPONGEBOB THINKS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS A LONER GHOST WHO SCARES EVERYONE BECAUSE HE IS DEAD ON THE OUTSIDE AND THE INSIDE; SPONGEBOB THINKS MAN RAY WANTS TO ALWAYS PROVE HOW MUCH OF A MAN HE IS EVEN THOUGH THE SENILE DYNAMIC DUO CAN BEAT HIM IN A FIGHT; SPONGEBOB THINKS THE DIRTY BUBBLE CAME FROM OLD MAN JENKINS' FLATULENT BUTT AND WILL ALWAYS BE POPPED TO DEATH SINCE HE IS AS USELESS AND DISGUSTING AS ROTTEN, MOLDY CHEESE; SPONGEBOB THINKS LARRY IS A SHALLOW LIFEGUARD WHO CARES MORE ABOUT WOMEN AND HIS BUTT MUSCLES THAN ABOUT SAVING LIVES; SPONGEBOB THINKS THAT OLD MAN JENKINS IS AN OLD FART WHO IS AS BLIND AND HELPLESS AS AN INJURED BAT WITHOUT WINGS DROWNING IN WATER; SPONGEBOB THINKS SQUILLIAM FANCYSON IS SO ASHAMED THAT HE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HIS UGLY RIVAL SQUIDWARD THAT HE TRIES TO SOOTHE HIS PERSONAL INSECURITY THROUGH A SHALLOW CONSUMERIST LIFESTYLE; AND FINALLY, SPONGEBOB THINKS PLANKTON IS SO TINY THAT HE CANNOT EVEN GET A REAL WOMAN TO LOVE HIM, CAUSING HIM TO CREATE HIS FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER COMPUTER WIFE KAREN, WHOSE SOUL IS AS ARTIFICIAL AS HIS OWN. AFTER READING SPONGEBOB'S NAUGHTY THOUGHTS, THE SHOCKED AND OFFENDED BIKINI BOTTOMITES FURIOUSLY FORM A MOB AND CHASE THE RUNNING AND SCREAMING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ALL THE WAY TO THE RUINS OF JELLYFISH FIELDS TO HUNT THEM LIKE WILD JELLYFISH AND TO CRUSH THEIR LITTLE NUTS.

**TOM SURFING: TELEPATHY CAN BECOME MAN'S GREATEST GIFT OR THE BANE OF HIS EXISTENCE. PERHAPS CERTAIN NATURAL LIMITATIONS TO THE POWER OF THE MIND ARE NOT WITHOUT JUSTIFICATION. AND MAYBE UPSET PSYCHICS ARE NOT DISTRESSED OVER THEIR HORRIBLE PERSONAL FINANCES BUT ARE ACTUALLY DISTURBED BY THE VOICES IN THEIR HEADS THAT COME FROM THE FAT FISH HEADS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE.**

**59 EPISODE FIFTY-NINE: BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC**

**TOM SURFING: THE DECADE IS THE EARLY 1960s. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ARE YOUNG HEROES IN AN UNDERWATER CITY DEEP BELOW THE TERRESTRIAL AFFAIRS OF MAN. THIS SEA CITY IS ABOUT TO BECOME THREATENED BY THE ACTIVITIES OF MAN AT SEA, AND IT IS UP TO THE DYNAMIC DUO TO SAVE OR PERISH WITH THEIR HOME. THOUGH THEY ARE UP TO THE TASK, THIS HEROIC COUPLE COULD NEVER EXPECT TO HAVE ENTERED THE DARK BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN KNOWN…AS THE TIDAL ZONE. **

IT IS THE 1960s IN A SEA CITY PROTECTED FROM DOMESTIC AND FOREIGN THREATS TO PROSPERITY BY THE YOUNG SUPERHEROES MERMAID MAN AND HIS LOYAL WARD BARNACLE BOY. THE DYNAMIC DUO IS EXTREMELY WORRIED WHEN THEY DISCOVER THAT A LARGE HUMAN OIL TANKER SHIP IS SET TO PASS OVER THE SEA CITY WITHIN THE NEXT TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FEAR THAT THE OIL TANKER SHIP COULD ACCIDENTALLY HAVE A MAJOR OIL SPILL THAT WOULD CERTAINLY DESTROY THE ENTIRE SEA CITY AND ALL OF ITS INHABITANTS. THE TWO HEROES IMMEDIATELY VISIT CITY HALL TO SPEAK WITH THE FAT FISH MAYOR OF THE CITY. THE MAYOR IS NAMED GUPPY FISHPASTE. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ALERT MAYOR GUPPY FISHPASTE TO THE ENVIRONMENTAL THREAT AND URGE HIM TO CALL FOR A MASS EVACUATION OF THE CITY TO SAVE AS MANY LIVES AS POSSIBLE. HOWEVER, MAYOR FISHPASTE INFORMS THE HEROES THAT HE HIMSELF HAS BUSINESS RELATIONS WITH THE HUMAN OIL COMPANIES ABOVE THE SEA AND ALLOWS THEM TO DRILL FOR OIL NEAR THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY AND TO TRAVEL IN THE CITY'S AIRSPACE IN EXCHANGE FOR A PERCENTAGE OF THE OIL THEY DRILL TO POWER THE SEA CITY AND ITS TRANSPORTATION SYSTEMS. THUS, MAYOR FISHPASTE REJECTS THE HEROES' EVACUATION PLAN FOR QUESTIONABLE POLITICAL PURPOSES. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, WHO ARE THEMSELVES HUMANS WITH SUPERPOWERS, ARE VERY ALARMED THAT MAYOR FISHPASTE HAS MADE SECRET ECONOMIC DEALS WITH HUMANS SINCE HUMANS HAVE RECENTLY INVENTED TERRIBLE SUPERWEAPONS LIKE THE NUCLEAR BOMB IN THE ESCALATING COLD WAR AND SINCE HUMANS DO NOT CARE FOR THE WELFARE OF THE SEA THAT THEY CONSTANTLY UNFAIRLY AND DANGEROUSLY EXPLOIT. THE TWO HEROES ARE UPSET THAT MAYOR FISHPASTE WOULD JEOPARDIZE THE SEA CITY'S SAFETY IN HIS BUSINESS PARTNERSHIPS WITH THE HUMANS ABOVE THE SEA AND WISH THE MAYOR WOULD APPROVE OF ENVIRONMENTALLY FRIENDLY AND GREEN ALTERNATIVE FUELS INSTEAD OF FOSSIL FUELS THAT POLLUTE THE SEA CITY AND ITS ENVIRONMENT. THUS, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY THREATEN TO INFORM THE NEWS MEDIA OF THE POTENTIAL ENVIRONMENTAL THREAT AND OF MAYOR FISHPASTE'S SECRET AND RISKY BUSINESS DEALS WITH HUMANS ABOVE THE SEA TO ALERT THE PUBLIC AND TO LEAD A CITYWIDE EVACUATION WITHOUT THE MAYOR'S APPROVAL. THE SHOCKED MAYOR FISHPASTE SUDDENLY PLEADS WITH THEM TO REMAIN WITH HIM IN HIS PRIVATE OFFICE WHILE HE CALLS MILITARY PERSONNEL TO ORDER THE CITYWIDE EVACUATION. THE TWO HEROES ARE RELIEVED AT THE MAYOR'S CHANGE OF HEART AND AGREE TO LET HIM MAKE THE NECESSARY TELEPHONE CALL. HOWEVER, THE CORRUPT MAYOR FISHPASTE ACTUALLY CALLS A PRIVATE SWAT POLICE TEAM TO ASSASSINATE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY TO SILENCE THEIR THREATS AGAINST HIS POWER. AS MAYOR FISHPASTE EXCUSES HIMSELF TO THE RESTROOM, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY PATIENTLY WAIT FOR HIS RETURN. HOWEVER, THE SWAT POLICE TEAM OF KILLER WHALES AND GREAT WHITE SHARKS, ARMED WITH TOMMY GUNS, SNIPER RIFLES, HELICOPTERS, ARMORED VANS, WORM DOGS, AND SMOKE BOMBS, SOON ARRIVES AT CITY HALL TO KILL MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AS ENEMIES OF THE STATE. AS THE POLICE HELICOPTERS AND ARMORED VANS PARK OUTSIDE CITY HALL, THE SWAT TEAM AND THEIR WORM DOGS STORM THE BUILDING AS THE POLITICIANS AND MAYOR WITHIN IT ARE EVACUATED. THE SWAT TEAM CUTS THE BUILDING'S ELECTRICAL POWER AS THE SHOCKED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY REALIZE THE MAYOR'S TREACHERY AND REALIZE THAT THEY MUST FLEE THE HOPELESSLY CORRUPT AND ENVIRONMENTALLY RECKLESS SEA CITY IF THEY ARE TO SURVIVE. THE SWAT TEAM BREAKS INTO THE PRIVATE OFFICE AND OPENS GUNFIRE, SENDS THEIR WORM DOGS, AND TOSSES SMOKE BOMBS INTO THE ROOM, BUT MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY HAVE MYSTERIOUSLY DISAPPEARED. SUDDENLY, THE TWO HEROES JUMP DOWN FROM THE ROOM CEILING THEY WERE HANGING ONTO AND SWIFTLY ENGAGE THE SWAT TEAM AND THEIR WORM DOGS. USING THEIR SUPER SPEED, THE HEROES DODGE THE GUNFIRE AND DISPERSE THE SMOKE FROM THE SWAT TEAM. USING THEIR SUPER STRENGTH, THE HEROES QUICKLY DISARM, PHYSICALLY BEAT, AND BREAK THE WEAPONS OF THE POLICE ASSASSINS. AS THE POLICE WORM DOGS RUTHLESSLY ATTACK AND BITE THE HEROES, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE PULL OUT DOG WHISTLES FROM THEIR UTILITY BELTS AND BLOW THEM TO SUBDUE THE WORM DOGS, WHO FIND THE WHISTLE NOISES UNBEARABLY PAINFUL. HAVING DEFEATED THE SWAT TEAM INSIDE CITY HALL, MERMAID MAN PULLS OUT FROM HIS UTILITY BELT A REMOTE CONTROL TO THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE. MERMAID MAN PRESSES THE REMOTE CONTROL, CAUSING THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE PARKED OUTSIDE TO AUTOMATICALLY DRIVE BY ITSELF AND TO AUTOMATICALLY USE MISSILE GUNS ON IT TO SHOOT FROZEN TARTAR SAUCE AT THE POLICE HELICOPTERS AND THE POLICE ARMORED VANS OUTSIDE TO FREEZE THE VEHICLES AND THEIR SNIPER OCCUPANTS AND TO CAUSE THEM TO CRASH. HAVING SWIFTLY DEFEATED THE CORRUPT SWAT POLICE TEAM, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY QUICKLY ENTER THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE AND DRIVE AWAY FROM CITY HALL. AS THEY SPEED ACROSS THE CITY, THEY LISTEN TO THEIR VEHICLE'S RADIO. THE RADIO NEWS ALERTS THE CITY POPULACE THAT MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY HAVE JUST ATTEMPTED A COUP D'ÉTAT OF THE CITY GOVERNMENT AND A FAILED ASSASSINATION OF MAYOR GUPPY FISHPASTE SINCE THE SUPERHEROES HAVE FINALLY BECOME POWER HUNGRY. THE SHOCKED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY REALIZE THAT MAYOR FISHPASTE HAS FURTHER LIED TO THE PUBLIC AND BETRAYED THEM AND REALIZE THAT THEY MUST FLEE THE CITY THAT HAS NOW BRANDED THEM PUBLIC ENEMIES. THE HEROES KNOW THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE PERSON IN THE CITY WHOM THEY CAN TRUST NOW AND WHO CAN HELP THEM ESCAPE THE CITY. THE PERSON IS A FRIEND AND ALLY OF THEIRS AND IS A FEMALE MAMMAL SCIENTIST FROM ABOVE THE SEA. SHE LIVES IN A TREE DOME LOCATED IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY AND OWNS A PRIVATE, SELF-CONSTRUCTED SPACE ROCKET, WHICH THE TRIO CAN USE TO QUICKLY ESCAPE THE CITY BEFORE THE HEROES ARE ASSASSINATED, BEFORE THE GOVERNMENT FINDS OUT ABOUT THE ROCKET, AND BEFORE THE CITY IS DESTROYED BY THE PROBABLE OIL SPILL THAT MIGHT OCCUR IN LESS THAN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. AS THE DYNAMIC DUO IN THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE RACES TOWARDS THE TREE DOME, MERMAID MAN IMMEDIATELY PULLS OUT A CELL PHONE FROM HIS UTILITY BELT, CALLS THE SCIENTIST FRIEND, AND ALERTS HER TO THE TRUTH OF THE HORRIBLE SITUATION. SHE IMMEDIATELY BELIEVES HER SUPERHERO FRIENDS AND PLANS TO GET NECESSITIES, SUPPLIES, BELONGINGS, AND THE ROCKET READY FOR THEIR ARRIVAL AND SUBSEQUENT DEPARTURE. HOWEVER, THE CORRUPT MAYOR FISHPASTE HAS ALREADY SECRETLY INSTITUTED ILLEGAL GOVERNMENT WIRETAPPING OF ALL TELEPHONES AND CELL PHONES IN THE CITY, ENABLING HIM TO EASILY DETECT WHERE THE DYNAMIC DUO IS HEADING. REALIZING NORMAL POLICE FORCES ARE TOO WEAK TO DEFEAT THE HEROES AND NEEDING TO MAKE A QUICK DECISION BEFORE THE HEROES ESCAPE THE CITY, MAYOR FISHPASTE CONTACTS HIS SECRET POWERFUL FRIENDS AND BEST THUGS, THE SUPERVILLAINS MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE, TO ASSASSINATE MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, AND THEIR SCIENTIST FRIEND AND TO DESTROY HER TREE DOME AND ROCKET TO PREVENT THEIR ESCAPE AND TO PUNISH THEIR DISOBEDIENCE TO HIS POWER. THE MERCENARIES MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE IMMEDIATELY AGREE TO THE ASSIGNMENT AND QUICKLY DEPART TO THE TREE DOME TO CONFRONT THEIR ENEMIES. NIGHT FALLS WHEN MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY IN THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE FINALLY REACH THE TREE DOME IN THE OUTSKIRTS OF THE CITY. IT APPEARS THAT THEIR SCIENTIST FRIEND IS ALREADY IN THE ROCKET AND IS WAITING FOR THEIR ENTRANCE. THE HEROES KNOW THAT THE CITY WILL LIKELY BE DESTROYED WITHIN THE NEXT SEVERAL HOURS BY AN ACCIDENTAL OIL SPILL FROM THE RAPIDLY APPROACHING HUMAN OIL TANKER SHIP. HOWEVER, AS SOON AS THEY PARK THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE OUTSIDE THE TREE DOME, A LARGE GRENADE LANDS FROM THE SKY INSIDE THE VEHICLE. THE SHOCKED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY LEAP OUT OF THE VEHICLE AS IT EXPLODES. MANY MORE GRENADES FROM THE SKY BURST INTO THE TREE DOME, CAUSING IT TO EXPLODE AS MAN RAY FLOATING ON THE DIRTY BUBBLE LIKE A BIG BALLOON ARRIVES FROM THE SKY. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY IMMEDIATELY PUT THEIR HANDS TOGETHER AND FORM A GIANT BUBBLE THAT THEY TOSS AT THE ROCKET, COVERING THE ROCKET IN THE PROTECTIVE BUBBLE TO PREVENT ITS DESTRUCTION FROM THEIR ENEMIES' ARSENAL. THE DIRTY BUBBLE AND MAN RAY STOP THEIR ASSAULT TO SPEAK WITH THEIR ENEMIES BEFORE THEY FIGHT THEM TO THE DEATH. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY PLEAD WITH THEIR ENEMIES TO NOT FIGHT THEM AND TO REALIZE THAT THE CITY WILL BE DESTROYED VERY SOON. MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE MANIACALLY LAUGH AS THEY AGREE THAT THE CITY WILL SOON BE DESTROYED AND THAT THEY WILL ENJOY WITNESSING ITS ABSOLUTE DESTRUCTION. THE VILLAINS GLEEFULLY ASSURE THE HEROES THAT EVERYONE IN THE CITY, INCLUDING THEMSELVES AND THE DYNAMIC DUO, WILL ALL DIE TONIGHT. THE FURIOUS HEROES WASTE NO MORE TIME TALKING AND IMMEDIATELY ENGAGE THE VILLAINS. MAN RAY TOSSES MANY GRENADES AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE SPITS MANY MUD BALLS AT THE ROCKET TO DESTROY IT, BUT THE PROTECTIVE GIANT BUBBLE AROUND IT PREVENTS ITS DESTRUCTION. REALIZING IT IS FUTILE TO ATTACK THE ROCKET, THE VILLAINS DECIDE TO BATTLE THEIR ENEMIES TO THE DEATH INSTEAD AND DO NOT CARE IF THE FEMALE SCIENTIST INSIDE THE ROCKET ESCAPES, ALTHOUGH SHE HELPLESSLY WAITS IN THE ROCKET FOR THE DUEL TO END SO SHE CAN ESCAPE WITH HER FRIENDS. THE DIRTY BUBBLE BREATHES A HEAVY DIRT FOG ACROSS THE WATERS, CAUSING MERMAID MAN'S AND BARNACLE BOY'S VISION TO BECOME OBSCURED AND CAUSING THE HEROES TO SUFFOCATE ON THE DIRT. THE HEROES IMMEDIATELY SWIM IN FAST CIRCLES TO FORM WATER CYCLONES THAT DISPERSE THE DIRT FOG. MAN RAY LAUNCHES GRENADES AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE LAUNCHES MUD BALLS AND SMALLER DIRT BUBBLES AT THE HEROES, WHO LAUNCH WATER BALLS TO INTERCEPT AND DEFLECT THE ENEMIES' ARSENAL. AS THE ENEMIES REACH A STALEMATE AND BEGIN TO TIRE, THEY SWITCH THEIR FIGHTING METHODS. THE DIRTY BUBBLE FORMS HIS BODY INTO A GIANT HAMMER SHAPE TO BLUDGEON BARNACLE BOY, WHILE MAN RAY USES A POWERFUL AND LARGE ELECTRIC STUN GUN TO OPEN FIRE ON MERMAID MAN. BARNACLE BOY USES HIS SUPER SPEED TO DODGE THE PURSUING DIRTY BUBBLE HAMMER, WHILE MERMAID MAN IS CONSTANTLY HIT AND STUNNED BY MAN RAY'S GUN. MAN RAY PISTOL WHIPS THE WEAKENED MERMAID MAN JUST AS THE DIRTY BUBBLE MISSES HITTING BARNACLE BOY AND ACCIDENTALLY HEAVILY SMASHES MAN RAY, BREAKING MAN RAY'S GUN AND HEAVILY WEAKENING MAN RAY. THE FURIOUS MAN RAY USES HIS METAL GLOVES THAT SHOOT OUT ELECTRICITY TO HEAVILY SHOCK THE DIRTY BUBBLE TO PUNISH HIS CLUMSINESS. THE WEAKENED DIRTY BUBBLE APOLOGIZES TO MAN RAY AS MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY QUICKLY PULL OUT MANY SHARP SPIKED BARNACLES FROM THEIR UTILITIES BELTS THAT THEY LAUNCH AT THE DIRTY BUBBLE TO POP AND DEFEAT HIM. THE FURIOUS MAN RAY RETALIATES BY SHOCKING THE DYNAMIC DUO WITH HIS ELECTRIC METAL GLOVES. THE TWO HEROES FIGHT THROUGH THEIR PAIN AND REPEATEDLY PUNCH AND KICK MAN RAY'S STING RAY MASK UNTIL IT FLIES OFF, LEAVING MAN RAY WITHOUT A HEAD AND CAUSING MAN RAY TO STOP HIS ELECTRICAL BARRAGE. MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY PAINFULLY GRAPPLE WITH MAN RAY AND TWIST HIS HANDS TO BREAK HIS WRISTS AND TO BREAK HIS METAL GLOVES TO MAKE THEM DEFECTIVE. THE HEAVILY INJURED MAN RAY RUSHES TO HIS MASK HEAD AND PUTS IT BACK ON. WITHOUT ANY WEAPONS LEFT, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FLEE, BUT MAN RAY USES HIS SUPER STRENGTH TO THROW NEARBY ROCKS AND BOULDERS AT THEM. THE ROCKS CRASH AGAINST THEM AND GREATLY WEAKEN THEM. THEY FALL TO THE FLOOR AND HUDDLE TOGETHER. AS MAN RAY RUSHES TO TACKLE THEM, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY RISE TO THEIR FEET TOGETHER AND MAKE SONIC NOISES FROM THEIR MOUTHS TO CALL NEARBY WILD ANIMALS FOR HELP IN THEIR FIGHT. SUDDENLY, MANY WILD JELLYFISH, SMALL CLAMS, SNAILS, AND NEMATODES ARRIVE AT THE SCENE AND AMBUSH MAN RAY, WHO SCREAMS LOUDLY AS THE WILD ANIMALS SHOCK, BITE, AND TACKLE HIM TO THE FLOOR TO SUBDUE HIM. THE PROTECTIVE GIANT BUBBLE AROUND THE ROCKET SUDDENLY POPS TO ALLOW THE HEROES TO ENTER IT AS THE ROCKET BEGINS TO COUNTDOWN TO LIFTOFF WITH THE FEMALE MAMMAL SCIENTIST INSIDE. HAVING DEFEATED MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE, MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FLEE INTO THE ROCKET AS IT BLASTS OFF INTO THE HIGH WATERS TO ESCAPE THE DOOMED SEA CITY. AS THE HEROES PREDICTED, THE HUMAN OIL TANKER SHIP SOON ARRIVES ABOVE THE SEA CITY AND IMMEDIATELY ACCIDENTALLY SUFFERS A HUGE OIL SPILL THAT DROWNS THE SEA CITY IN OIL TO ABSOLUTELY DESTROY THE SEA CITY AND ALL ITS INHABITANTS. THE FAST ROCKET EASILY ESCAPES THE DOOMED SEA CITY AND SETS COURSE FOR ANOTHER SEA CITY FAR AWAY. THE FEMALE MAMMAL SCIENTIST IS WEARING AN ASTRONAUT SUIT TO LIVE UNDERWATER AND IS DRIVING THE ROCKET. SHE TURNS TO HER GRATEFUL SUPERHERO FRIENDS TO REVEAL THAT SHE IS A SKUNK. SHE IS NAMED "STINKY TAILS." STINKY ASSURES HER FRIENDS THAT THEY WILL BE SAFE IN THE NEW CITY THAT THEY ARE HEADING TO. THE EXHAUSTED MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY ASK HER WHAT THE NEW CITY IS CALLED AND WHERE IT IS LOCATED. AS THE ROCKET ZOOMS OUT OF THE WATERS AND FLIES ABOVE THEM IN THE SKY, STINKY INFORMS THEM THAT THEY HAVE JUST LEFT THE ATLANTIC OCEAN BEHIND AND THAT THEIR DESTINATION IS A SEA CITY LOCATED NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN. IT IS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC, AND IT IS CALLED BIKINI BOTTOM. WHEN THE ROCKET FINALLY LANDS IN BIKINI BOTTOM, MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, AND STINKY ENTER CITY HALL TO SPEAK WITH THE CITY'S MAYOR TO SEEK REFUGE IN THE CITY AND TO WARN HIM AGAINST THE DANGERS OF HUMAN OIL COMPANIES AT SEA. THE FISH MAYOR IS NAMED TUBBY BOTTOMFEEDER. MAYOR BOTTOMFEEDER INFORMS THE TRIO THAT THEY ARE WELCOME TO STAY IN THE CITY AND ASSURES THEM THAT THE CITY IS NOT THREATENED BY HUMAN OIL COMPANIES SINCE THE CITY IS ACTUALLY POWERED BY A NUCLEAR POWER PLANT. HOWEVER, MAYOR BOTTOMFEEDER ADMITS THAT THE CITY GOVERNMENT ACQUIRED THE NUCLEAR TECHNOLOGY FROM HUMAN SCIENTISTS ABOVE THE SEA IN EXCHANGE FOR ALLOWING HUMAN MILITARIES TO CONDUCT NUCLEAR BOMB TESTS NEAR THE REMOTE OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM. MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, AND STINKY ARE HORRIFIED BY THE MAYOR'S INDUSTRIAL DEAL WITH THE HUMAN MILITARIES ABOVE THE SEA, BUT THE MAYOR ASSURES THEM THAT THE HUMAN MILITARIES ARE VERY CAREFUL TO TEST THEIR NUCLEAR BOMBS AT SAFE DISTANCES FROM BIKINI BOTTOM ITSELF. SUDDENLY, IN THE SKY ABOVE THE SEA, SIRENS FROM A LARGE HUMAN MILITARY AIRPLANE WAIL IN THE DISTANCE AS THE JET ACCIDENTALLY DROPS A LARGE NUCLEAR BOMB DURING A FAILED MILITARY TEST INTO THE WATERS OVER BIKINI BOTTOM. THE MASSIVE EXPLOSION COMPLETELY ERADICATES BIKINI BOTTOM AND ALL OF ITS INHABITANTS AS A GIANT MUSHROOM CLOUD FORMS LIKE A TOXIC PLANT GROWING OUT OF THE SEA. THE CITY AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC IS NO MORE.

**TOM SURFING: IT APPEARS THAT THE YOUNG HEROES COULD SAVE NEITHER THE OILY BOTTOM OF THE ATLANTIC NOR THE BIKINI BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC FROM CERTAIN DESTRUCTION. THOUGH THEY WERE MEN WITH SUPERPOWERS, THEY COULD NEVER DEFEAT THE CARELESS AND DANGEROUS EXPERIMENTS AND DIRTY BUSINESSES OF THEIR FELLOW MEN SAILING ALONG, POLLUTING, AND BOMBING THE OCEANS OF EARTH. MAN'S CONQUEST OF THE GLOBE WILL ALWAYS THREATEN OTHER MORE PRIMITIVE CREATURES AROUND HIM BECAUSE NO SINGLE SPECIES CAN WIELD TOTAL PREDOMINANCE OF THE PLANET WITHOUT TRAGIC ENVIRONMENTAL CONSEQUENCES. THIS HAS BEEN TONIGHT'S TALE OF THE MISHAPS OF MAN AT SEA AND THE SUBSEQUENT DESTRUCTION OF THE SOGGY OCEANIC BOTTOMS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**60 EPISODE SIXTY: THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY RISES**

**TOM SURFING: SPRING BRINGS THE BRIGHTEST RABBITS OUT OF THE DARKEST HOLES. SPRING BRINGS REBIRTH TO THE ECOSYSTEM THAT HAS DIED IN THE WINTER. SPRING BRINGS NEW LIFE WITH THE RISING SUN. MOST IMPORTANTLY, SPRING BRINGS THE EASTER BUNNY AND HIS MATURE SAGGING EGGS INTO THE LUSH FIELDS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

ONE FINE EASTER MORNING, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS WAKES UP IN HIS BED TO DISCOVER THAT HE HAS BEEN MAGICALLY TRANSFORMED INTO THE EASTER BUNNY. SPONGEBOB NOW HAS BLACK FUR WITH WHITE SPOTS, LOOKS LIKE A CHUNKY LITTLE RABBIT, AND CAN MAGICALLY BREATHE UNDERWATER. SPONGEBOB IMMEDIATELY REALIZES THAT HE IS NOW THE EASTER BUNNY, THOUGH HE IS PUZZLED HOW AND WHY THE MAGICAL TRANSFORMATION HAS OCCURRED. REGARDLESS OF THE MYSTERIOUS POWERS BEHIND HIS TRANSFORMATION, SPONGEBOB IS ECSTATIC TO BE HIS EASTER HERO, THANKS NEPTUNE FOR MIRACLES, JOYFULLY HOPS OUT OF BED, AND MERRILY HUMS AND HOPS LIKE A MAD MARCH HARE ACROSS HIS ROOM. SPONGEBOB DECIDES TO CHOOSE A NEW NAME FOR HIMSELF AND DUBS HIMSELF "SPONGEBUNNY EGGPANTS." AS HE CELEBRATES THE MIRACULOUS EASTER MORNING, SPONGEBUNNY REMINISCES ABOUT HIS MANY PAST REGULAR EASTERS WITH HIS FRIENDS. HE REMEMBERS HUNTING FOR EASTER COOKED AND DYED EGGS IN JELLYFISH FIELDS WITH PATRICK AND SANDY; HE REMEMBERS DYING AND BEATING EGGS WITH GARY AT NIGHT; HE REMEMBERS HUNTING FOR PLASTIC EGGS FULL OF MONEY WITH MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, AND MANY CUSTOMERS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB; HE REMEMBERS STEALING FRESH VEGETABLES FROM THE GRUMPY PLANKTON'S GARDEN OUTSIDE THE CHUM BUCKET; AND HE REMEMBERS DRESSING IN EASTER BUNNY COSTUMES WITH PATRICK, CARRYING CHOCOLATE EASTER EGG BASKETS, SNEAKING INTO SQUIDWARD'S HOME AT NIGHT WHILE SQUIDWARD WAS ASLEEP, DRESSING THE SLEEPING SQUIDWARD IN A BIG CARROT COSTUME AND FEEDING THE SLEEPING SQUIDWARD MANY CHOCOLATE EGGS, AND TAKING A VERY SPECIAL HOLIDAY PHOTO OF THEM ALL TO END THE BEAUTIFUL EASTER SUNDAYS. DESPITE ALL THE VERY JOYFUL MEMORIES WITH HIS FRIENDS, HE COULD NEVER HAVE EXPECTED TO BECOME THE EASTER BUNNY, HIS FAVORITE HOLIDAY HERO. HE ALWAYS LOVED THE EASTER BUNNY THE MOST, BETTER THAN SANTA CLAUS ON CHRISTMAS, THE CHOKEY TURKEY ON THANKSGIVING, THE LITTLE LEPRECHAUN ON IRISHMEN DAY, THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN ON HALLOWEEN, THE JOLLY JESTER ON APRIL FOOLS' DAY, THE TELL TALE HEART ON VALENTINE'S DAY, THE PUDGY PATRIOT ON INDEPENDENCE DAY, AND THE CHINESE SEA DRAGON ON NEW YEARS' DAY. HE LOVED THE EASTER HERO THE MOST BECAUSE HE LOVED HOW THE EASTER BUNNY REPRESENTED THE TRIUMPH OF SPRING AND NEW LIFE OVER THE DEATH AND COLDNESS OF THE PREVIOUS WINTER, MAKING HIM THE BEST HOLIDAY HERO OF ALL WHO CAN OVERCOME DEATH ITSELF. AS SPONGEBUNNY CONTINUES DANCING AND HOPPING AROUND THE ROOM, THE SLEEPY GARY, WHO IS DRINKING COFFEE AND WHO IS WEARING FLUFFY RABBIT EARS, SUDDENLY ENTERS THE ROOM. SHOCKED THAT THE EASTER BUNNY IS IN HIS HOME, GARY SPITS OUT ALL OF THE HOT COFFEE ONTO SPONGEBUNNY, WHO FALLS OVER AND SCREAMS IN PAIN. GARY QUICKLY RECOGNIZES SPONGEBOB'S VOICE FROM THE EASTER BUNNY AND WIPES THE COFFEE OFF SPONGEBUNNY. AS SPONGEBUNNY RECOVERS, HE WISHES GARY A HAPPY EASTER MORNING AND EXPLAINS THAT HE IS SPONGEBOB AND IS NOW THE EASTER BUNNY. THE ASTOUNDED GARY WONDERS HOW THE TRANSFORMATION WAS POSSIBLE. SPONGEBUNNY REMINDS HIM THAT SEA CREATURES WILL NEVER FULLY UNDERSTAND THE MAGIC AND DIVINE PLANS OF KING NEPTUNE. GARY THEN WONDERS WHERE SPONGEBUNNY'S EASTER EGGS AND BASKET ARE, CAUSING SPONGEBUNNY TO REALIZE THAT HE HAS NEITHER EASTER EGGS NOR A BASKET TO CARRY THEM IN TO SPREAD THE JOY AND MAGIC OF EASTER TO ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM. BOTH SPONGEBUNNY AND GARY SEARCH FOR THE MISSING ITEMS THROUGHOUT THEIR PINEAPPLE HOME UNTIL THEY FIND A LARGE PAPER SCROLL UNDER SPONGEBOB'S BED PILLOWS. GARY OPENS THE SCROLL TO REVEAL THAT IT IS A TREASURE MAP THAT WILL ENABLE THEM TO FIND THE MAGICAL EASTER EGGS FOR ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM. SPONGEBUNNY IS EXTREMELY EXCITED TO GO ON THE ULTIMATE EASTER EGG HUNT, BUT HE WANTS TO INVITE HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS ON THE ADVENTURE WITH HIM. GARY IMMEDIATELY AGREES TO BE THE PARTY'S NAVIGATOR AND THE HOLDER OF THE TREASURE MAP. SPONGEBUNNY AND GARY DECIDE TO VISIT THEIR FRIENDS PATRICK, SANDY, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS AS HIS SEARCH PARTY FOR THE EASTER EGG HUNT. THEY FIRST DEPART TO PATRICK'S ROCK HOME THAT IS ODDLY DECORATED LIKE IT IS CHRISTMAS TIME. AFTER ENTERING THE HOME, THE CONFUSED SPONGEBUNNY AND GARY CAN HEAR CHRISTMAS MUSIC BLASTING ON AN OLD MUSIC SOUNDTRACK PLAYER. THEY SHUT OFF THE MUSIC, CAUSING PATRICK TO EXIT THE RESTROOM. AS HE PULLS HIS PANTS UP TO COVER HIS UNDERWEAR, PATRICK, WHO IS DRESSED AS SANTA CLAUS, BUMPS INTO SPONGEBUNNY, WHO WISHES HIM A HAPPY EASTER AND ASKS HIM WHY HE IS DRESSED LIKE SANTA. PATRICK IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZES SPONGEBUNNY'S VOICE AS THE VOICE OF SPONGEBOB. PATRICK EXPLAINS THAT HE THINKS TODAY IS CHRISTMAS AND HE IS UNFAMILIAR WITH EASTER DESPITE ENJOYING MANY EASTERS IN THE PAST. PATRICK STILL REMARKS THAT HE LOVES SPONGEBOB'S RABBIT SUIT. SPONGEBUNNY TELLS PATRICK HIS NEW NAME AND EXPLAINS THAT HE IS NOW THE REAL EASTER BUNNY AND HIS NEW BODILY APPEARANCE IS NOT A COSTUME. PATRICK LOOKS CONFUSED AND ASKS GARY WHAT KIND OF SPECIAL CHRISTMAS BROWNIES SPONGEBOB HAS BEEN EATING. GARY LIKEWISE TELLS PATRICK THAT SPONGEBUNNY IS TELLING THE TRUTH AND THAT THEY NEED PATRICK TO GO ON THE ULTIMATE EASTER EGG HUNT WITH THEM BUT ONLY IF HE TAKES OFF THE SANTA COSTUME. TO TEST IF THE RABBIT APPEARANCE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A COSTUME, PATRICK SUDDENLY RIPS OFF SOME OF SPONGEBUNNY'S FUR, CAUSING THE EASTER BUNNY TO SCREAM IN PAIN. IN RETALIATION, GARY BITES PATRICK'S PLUMP BUTT, CAUSING PATRICK TO SHRIEK AND APOLOGIZE AS GARY SPITS OUT PATRICK'S TORN UNDERWEAR. AMAZED THAT THE EASTER BUNNY IS REAL, PATRICK BEGS TO JOIN THE EASTER EGG HUNT AND FOR THE OTHERS TO EXPLAIN WHAT AN EASTER EGG HUNT IS TO HIM. SPONGEBUNNY AND GARY HELP PATRICK RECOVER FROM HIS AMNESIA AND SHOW HIM THE TREASURE MAP. THE EXCITED PATRICK STRIPS OFF HIS SANTA COSTUME AND RUSHES TO HIS CLOSET. INSIDE HIS CLOSET ARE MANY COSTUMES, INCLUDING A SUPERMAN COSTUME, BATMAN COSTUME, BALLERINA COSTUME, MANY SANTA CLAUS COSTUMES, AND AN EASTER BUNNY COSTUME. PATRICK GRABS AND PUTS ON THE EASTER BUNNY COSTUME AND PLEDGES HIMSELF TO THE SEARCH PARTY. THE JOYFUL SPONGEBUNNY, PATRICK, AND GARY THEN ENTER SQUIDWARD'S EASTER ISLAND HEAD HOME. INSIDE HIS BEDROOM, SQUIDWARD IS WEARING A CLAY RABBIT MASK, LISTENING TO CLASSICAL MUSIC, PRETENDING HE IS A RABBIT, AND MAKING GRACEFUL BUNNY HOPS TO THE MUSICAL TUNES. WHEN THE PARTY SUDDENLY BREAKS DOWN HIS LOCKED ROOM DOOR, THE SHOCKED SQUIDWARD HOPS SO HIGH IN FRIGHT THAT HE CRASHES INTO HIS ROOM CEILING BEFORE FALLING AND CRASHING ONTO HIS MUSICAL RADIO TO BREAK IT. SPONGEBUNNY, PATRICK, AND GARY HELP THE INJURED SQUIDWARD RISE TO HIS FEET AND WISH HIM A HAPPY EASTER. AFTER SQUIDWARD SEES THE EASTER BUNNY, HE TAKES OFF HIS RABBIT MASK, GRABS A NEARBY SLEDGEHAMMER, AND HITS HIMSELF IN THE FACE. AFTER RECOVERING FROM THE BLOW, SQUIDWARD REALIZES THAT HE IS NOT HALLUCINATING AND THAT THE REAL EASTER BUNNY IS IN HIS HOME. SQUIDWARD STUTTERS IN SHOCK UNCONTROLLABLY UNTIL BOTH PATRICK AND GARY BITE HIS FAT FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE TO MAKE HIM STOP STUTTERING. THE SHOCKED SQUIDWARD ASKS THE EASTER BUNNY WHAT HE WANTS. SPONGEBUNNY EXPLAINS THAT HE IS REALLY SPONGEBOB TURNED INTO THE EASTER BUNNY AND THAT HE WANTS SQUIDWARD TO JOIN THEIR ULTIMATE EASTER EGG HUNT. SQUIDWARD IS VERY HAPPY THAT SPONGEBOB'S UGLY BODY HAS FINALLY BEEN TRANSFORMED INTO A BEAUTIFUL RABBIT, SO HE PUTS BACK ON HIS RABBIT MASK AND AGREES TO JOIN THE PARTY SO HE CAN GET THE EASTER EGG GIFT THAT HE DESERVES FOR ALWAYS BEING THE BEST SPRING CLEANER IN BIKINI BOTTOM. THE HAPPY SPONGEBUNNY, GARY, PATRICK, AND SQUIDWARD THEN HEAD TO MR. KRABS' ANCHOR HOME. INSIDE HIS KITCHEN, MR. KRABS POURS A LOT OF SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE, KETCHUP, AND EVEN DOLLAR BILLS ONTO HIS HUGE CHEESY EGG OMELET MEAL AS HE READS A NEWSPAPER ABOUT THE CITY STOCK EXCHANGE. AS HE READS AND EATS HIS BREAKFAST, SPONGEBUNNY, PATRICK, GARY, AND SQUIDWARD SNEAK UP BEHIND HIM, SHOUT "HAPPY EASTER," AND GRAB THE FOOD AND PLAYFULLY SMASH IT INTO HIS FACE. MR. KRABS CRASHES TO THE FLOOR AND SPITS OUT CHUNKS OF EGGS AND DOLLAR BILLS. EVERYONE LAUGHS AT HIM AS SPONGEBUNNY REVEALS HIMSELF TO BE BOTH SPONGEBOB AND THE EASTER BUNNY. MR. KRABS RISES TO HIS FEET AND STARES AT SPONGEBUNNY IN DISBELIEF. MR. KRABS BEGINS INSPECTING SPONGEBUNNY'S BODY AND CAUTIOUSLY USING HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO GENTLY PINCH SPONGEBUNNY ALL OVER HIS RABBIT BODY, CAUSING SPONGEBUNNY TO GIGGLE UNCONTROLLABLY. AFTER HEARING SPONGEBOB'S TRADEMARK ANNOYING LAUGH, MR. KRABS REALIZES THAT SPONGEBUNNY IS TELLING THE TRUTH. SPONGEBUNNY INVITES MR. KRABS ON THEIR EASTER EGG HUNT. MR. KRABS, HOPING THE EASTER EGGS ARE FULL OF GOLD OR AT LEAST FULL OF FEMALE GOLD DIGGERS, IMMEDIATELY AGREES TO JOIN THE PARTY. MR. KRABS RUSHES TO HIS BEDROOM, PUTS ON HIS OLD NAVY UNIFORM, GETS A GIANT EMPTY BASKET TO COLLECT HIS EASTER EGG IN, AND ANNOUNCES THAT HE IS THE PARTY'S CAPTAIN. EVERYONE LAUGHS AND SALUTES CAPTAIN KRABS AS THEY LEAVE TO SANDY'S TREE DOME TO HAVE HER JOIN THEIR PARTY AS ITS LAST MEMBER AND ONLY FEMALE MEMBER SINCE EVERYONE AGREES THAT AN ALL-MALE SEARCH PARTY IS JUST TOO WEIRD. AS THEY ENTER SANDY'S TREE DOME, EVERYONE IS SHOCKED TO SEE A NUDE SANDY RUNNING ACROSS HER GRASSY HOME EVEN THOUGH HER THICK FUR AND THE NEARBY GRASS ADEQUATELY COVER HER BODY LIKE CLOTHING. SPONGEBUNNY'S LEGS START TO TWITCH UNCONTROLLABLY. SPONGEBUNNY REMARKS THAT HE IS AS MAD AS A MARCH HARE AND THAT IT IS RABBIT MATING SEASON. BEFORE SPONGEBUNNY CAN RUSH TOWARDS SANDY, EVERYONE ELSE JUMPS ON HIM TO STOP HIM FROM MOVING AND DOING SOMETHING HE WILL REGRET. THE SHOCKED PARTY THEN ASKS SANDY WHY IN THE NAME OF NEPTUNE'S NUDE MERMAID MOTHER SHE IS NUDE. THE EMBARRASSED SANDY COVERS HERSELF IN A PILE OF NEARBY ACORN NUTS AND TELLS EVERYONE ELSE TO LEAVE. EVERYONE ELSE EXPLAINS THAT THEY NOW REALLY, REALLY WANT HER TO GO ON THEIR EASTER EGG HUNT. THE CONFUSED SANDY ASKS THEM WHERE THEY GOT THE GIANT RABBIT, CAUSING SPONGEBUNNY TO EXPLAIN WHO HE REALLY IS. THE SHOCKED SANDY EXCLAIMS THAT IT IS SCIENTIFICALLY IMPOSSIBLE FOR THE EASTER BUNNY TO EXIST AND FOR SPONGEBOB TO TRANSFORM INTO HIM. SPONGEBUNNY REMINDS HER TO HAVE MORE FAITH IN THE POWER OF NEPTUNE'S MAGIC. SANDY DESPERATELY WANTS TO JOIN THE PARTY BUT SHE EXPLAINS THAT SHE LOST HER CLOTHES WHILE SHE WAS DOING SPRING CLEANING OF HER HOME. PATRICK OFFERS TO GIVE HER HIS EASTER BUNNY COSTUME, BUT EVERYONE ELSE DISAGREES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT WANT TO SEE PATRICK NUDE. BECAUSE HE HAS SO MUCH FUR, SPONGEBUNNY THEN DECIDES TO LET THE OTHERS SHAVE OFF SOME OF HIS FUR TO MAKE A FUR COAT FOR SANDY. THUS, PATRICK, GARY, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS GIVE SPONGEBUNNY A HAIRCUT AND PROVIDE SANDY WITH A NEW RABBIT FUR COAT. THE NEW COMPLETE PARTY THEN DECIDES TO REVIEW THE TREASURE MAP. THE MAP ONLY SHOWS A PANORAMIC VIEW OF THE WHOLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM WITH VARIOUS "X" MARKS PLACED THROUGHOUT IT. HOWEVER, IT IS DIFFICULT FOR GARY TO DISCERN THE PRECISE LOCATIONS OF THE "X" MARKS. THERE ARE A TOTAL OF SEVEN "X" MARKS, AND ONLY ONE OF THE MARKS IS LABELED WITH THE NUMBER "ONE" TO DESIGNATE THAT IT IS THE FIRST PLACE FOR THE PARTY TO GO. GARY CONSULTS A KEY GUIDE ON THE MAP THAT EXPLAINS WHAT THE "X" MARKS MEAN. THE KEY GUIDE EXPLAINS THAT THE PARTY IS TO TRAVEL TO EACH OF THE SEVEN LOCATIONS. THE FIRST SIX LOCATIONS WILL HAVE A HIDDEN PLASTIC EASTER EGG THAT WILL CONTAIN A RIDDLE DESCRIBING THE NEXT LOCATION TO TRAVEL TO. THE SEVENTH AND LAST LOCATION WILL BE THE PLACE FOR THE PARTY TO DIG FOR THE EASTER EGGS FOR ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THE GUIDE EXPLAINS THAT THE EASTER BUNNY MUST PROVE HE IS WORTHY OF HIS NEW TITLE BY SUCCESSFULLY COMPLETING THE EASTER EGG HUNT TO BRING EASTER TO BIKINI BOTTOM. AT THE END OF THE KEY GUIDE DESCRIPTION IS A RIDDLE DESCRIBING THE FIRST LOCATION. GARY READS THE FOLLOWING RIDDLE: "THE PLACE WHERE EVERYONE HAS CRABS." PATRICK IMMEDIATELY GUESSES THAT THE LOCATION IS THE CITY HOSPITAL FULL OF MANY DISEASES, BUT EVERYONE ELSE DISAGREES AND ARGUES THAT THE PLACE IS OBVIOUSLY THE KRUSTY KRAB. THE PARTY RUSHES TO THE CLOSED RESTAURANT AND MR. KRABS OPENS IT WITH HIS KEY FOR THE PARTY TO ENTER. EVERYONE DESPERATELY SEARCHES FOR THE PLASTIC EASTER EGG. SPONGEBUNNY HOPS VERY HIGH TO SEARCH THE CEILINGS FOR THE EGG; PATRICK ENTERS THE RESTROOMS AND PUTS HIS HEAD IN EACH OF THE TOILETS TO SEARCH FOR THE EGG; GARY CLIMBS AND STICKS TO THE WALLS TO SEARCH FOR THE EGG; MR. KRABS MAKES A COMPLETE MESS OF HIS PRIVATE OFFICE AS HE SEARCHES FOR THE EGG; SANDY USES HER BIG BUCK TEETH TO RIP OFF THE FLOORBOARDS TO SEARCH FOR THE EGG; AND SQUIDWARD PICKS HIS HUGE FAT FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE TO LOOK FOR THE EGG. AFTER MUCH FRUITLESS SEARCHING, THE GROUP RENDEZVOUS AND TRIES TO THINK ABOUT WHERE THE EGG WOULD BE. SPONGEBUNNY GUESSES THAT THE EGG WOULD BE WHERE MONEY IS SINCE IT IS PART OF THEIR TREASURE HUNT. SQUIDWARD HAS AN EPIPHANY AND OPENS THE CASH REGISTER. INSIDE IT IS THE PLASTIC EGG. EVERYONE HAPPILY KISSES SQUIDWARD, WHO BLUSHES UNCONTROLLABLY. SQUIDWARD THEN CRACKS OPEN THE EGG AND READS THE SECOND RIDDLE. THE RIDDLE READS: "THE WORST PLACE IN THE WORLD." THE CONFUSED AND NERVOUS PARTY TRIES TO THINK OF THE SECOND LOCATION. SPONGEBUNNY GUESSES IT TO BE THE CITY DUMP; PATRICK GUESSES IT TO BE THE CITY SEWERS; GARY GUESSES IT TO BE THE WORM DOG POUND; SANDY GUESSES IT TO BE THE FLEA MARKET FULL OF FLEAS; AND SQUIDWARD GUESSES IT TO BE HIS SECRET EX-WIFE'S HOME. HOWEVER, MR. KRABS HAS AN EPIPHANY AND CLAIMS THAT ALL OF THEM ARE WRONG. MR. KRABS DEDUCES THAT THE WORST PLACE IN THE WORLD IS THE CHUM BUCKET ACROSS THE STREET FROM THE KRUSTY KRAB ITSELF. THE PARTY RUSHES TO THE CHUM BUCKET WHERE THEY FIND PLANKTON EATING MANY CHOCOLATE EASTER EGGS. PLANKTON SCREAMS UPON SEEING THE EASTER BUNNY AND QUICKLY FINDS A HUNTING RIFLE TO SHOOT THE RABBIT SINCE HE IS AFRAID IT WILL EAT HIM. EVERYONE ELSE SUBDUES PLANKTON WHO FIRES THE RIFLE INTO THE AIR, CAUSING A HUGE HOLE TO BE BLOWN IN THE CEILING OF HIS RESTAURANT. MR. KRABS FORCEFULLY TAKES THE RIFLE AND AIMS IT AT PLANKTON. SPONGEBUNNY EXPLAINS THAT HE IS THE EASTER BUNNY AND THAT HE WILL NOT HARM PLANKTON THOUGH MR. KRABS PROBABLY WILL. MR. KRABS DEMANDS TO KNOW WHERE THE PLASTIC EASTER EGG IS. PLANKTON EXPLAINS THAT HE DOES NOT CELEBRATE EASTER, THOUGH HE CLAIMS KAREN MADE HIM AN EGG THAT MORNING WHICH HE ATE EVEN THOUGH IT TASTED LIKE PLASTIC. PLANKTON EXPLAINS THAT HE HAS BEEN EATING CHOCOLATE EASTER EGG PRUNES TO HELP HIM DIGEST THE NASTY BREAKFAST. EVERYONE THEN REALIZES THAT PLANKTON ACCIDENTALLY ALREADY ATE THE PLASTIC EASTER EGG. PLANKTON'S LITTLE BELLY GROWLS FURIOUSLY AND HE BEGS FOR EVERYONE ELSE TO LET HIM USE THE RESTROOM. MR. KRABS ESCORTS PLANKTON TO THE RESTROOM AND AIMS THE RIFLE AT HIM THE WHOLE TIME. THE REMAINING PARTY HEARS PLANKTON SCREAMING IN THE RESTROOM AND REPEATEDLY FLUSHING THE TOILET WHILE MR. KRABS SHOUTS ENCOURAGEMENT FOR HIM TO PUSH HARDER. THE CHUM BUCKET SHAKES WHEN IT SEEMS AS IF A GRENADE HAS EXPLODED AS THE TOILET FLUSHES FOR A FINAL TIME. MR. KRABS THEN COMES BACK WITH THE RELIEVED PLANKTON. THE SWEATY PLANKTON TELLS THE GROUP THE THIRD RIDDLE: "THE PLACE WHERE YOU HAVE RUBBER PROTECTION FROM GERMS." PATRICK AGAIN GUESSES THE CITY HOSPITAL, WHILE SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY SUGGESTS THAT HE KNOWS OF A PLACE FULL OF RUBBER PROTECTION FROM THE WORST KINDS OF GERMS AND CLAIMS IT TO BE MAKEOUT REEF. EVERYONE DOES NOT WANT TO GO TO MAKEOUT REEF. HOWEVER, SPONGEBUNNY REALIZES THAT THE PLACE IS ACTUALLY THE AMUSEMENT PARK GLOVE WORLD. EVERYONE AGREES AND THEY ALL HOP ON SPONGEBUNNY'S BACK TO RIDE HIM LIKE A HOPPING SEAHORSE TO THE THIRD LOCATION. BEFORE THEY LEAVE, PLANKTON BEGS TO JOIN THE EASTER EGG HUNT AND CLAIMS HE DESERVES TO BE PART OF THE TEAM DUE TO HIS DIGESTIVE SUFFERING. MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY DENOUNCES PLANKTON AND CLAIMS THAT PLANKTON WILL STEAL ALL OF THE EASTER EGGS ONCE THEY HAVE FOUND THEM. EVERYONE ELSE DECIDES TO LET SPONGEBUNNY DECIDE. SPONGEBUNNY ASKS PLANKTON IF HE PROMISES TO NOT STEAL EVERYONE ELSE'S EGGS, AND PLANKTON SWEARS ON MR. KRABS' GRANDMOTHER'S GRAVE THAT HE WILL NOT STEAL THE EGGS. THUS, SPONGEBUNNY AGREES TO LET PLANKTON JOIN THE PARTY, THOUGH MR. KRABS STILL KEEPS THE HUNTING RIFLE TO MAKE SURE PLANKTON HONORS HIS PROMISE. PLANKTON BRINGS ALONG A RABBIT'S FOOT THAT HE CLAIMS WILL BRING THEM GOOD LUCK. AFTER MUCH HOPPING, SPONGEBUNNY AND HIS SIX RIDERS FINALLY REACH GLOVE WORLD WHICH IS FULL OF GUESTS. HOWEVER, EVERY GUEST BELIEVES SPONGEBUNNY IS SIMPLY A FISH IN A COSTUME AND SPONGEBUNNY DECIDES TO KEEP HIS REAL IDENTITY SECRET UNTIL THE PARTY FINDS THE EASTER EGGS TO GIVE TO ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES. THE PARTY SOON DOUBTS THAT THEY WILL EVER FIND THE PLASTIC EGG IN THE HUGE AMUSEMENT PARK UNTIL PATRICK SEES A PETTING ZOO FULL OF LITTLE CLAMS. THE CLAMS ALL HAVE PEARLS IN THEIR MOUTHS AND PATRICK NOTICES THAT ONE OF THEM HAS A PLASTIC EGG IN ITS MOUTH. BEFORE THE PARTY CAN DEVISE A PLAN, MR. KRABS RUSHES INTO THE ZOO, WHERE HE IS IMMEDIATELY ATTACKED BY BOTH CLAMS WHO BITE HIM VERY HARD AND SECURITY FISH EMPLOYEES WHO SPANK HIM VERY HARD BEFORE RELEASING HIM. THE PARTY THEN DECIDES TO LET LITTLE PLANKTON SNEAK INTO THE CLAM'S MOUTH TO STEAL THE EGG. PLANKTON SNEAKS INTO THE CLAM'S MOUTH AND STEALS THE EGG JUST AS A LITTLE FISH BOY PICKS UP THE CLAM. THE LITTLE BOY SCREAMS UPON FINDING PLANKTON, WHO BITES THE LITTLE BOY'S HAND AND RUNS OFF WITH THE EGG. PLANKTON THEN READS THE FOURTH RIDDLE TO THE GROUP WHILE SPONGEBUNNY TAKES A PICTURE WITH THE CRYING BOY TO SILENCE HIS TEARS. THE FOURTH RIDDLE READS: "WHERE YOU'LL FIND THE PIGS." AS THE CONFUSED PARTY LEAVES GLOVE WORLD, THEY ALL CONSULT THE FAT PIG PATRICK FOR GUIDANCE ON THE CLUE. PATRICK CLAIMS THAT FAT SWINE LIKE HIMSELF AND BUBBLE BASS OFTEN EAT AT THE DONUT SHOP CALLED "A-WHOLE LOT OF RINGS." HOWEVER, SANDY BELIEVES THAT THE PIGS ARE NONE OTHER THAN THE CITY COPS WHO ALWAYS EAT AT DONUT SHOPS, SO THE PARTY TRAVELS TO THE CITY POLICE STATION. IT APPEARS THAT SANDY IS CORRECT SINCE ALL OF THE COPS THERE ARE DRESSED IN PIG COSTUMES WITH BUNNY EARS ON THEIR HEADS TO CELEBRATE EASTER. THE COPS LIKEWISE THINK SPONGEBUNNY IS NOTHING MORE THAN A RABBIT COSTUME. SPONGEBUNNY TAKES MANY PICTURES WITH THE COPS FIRING THEIR GUNS INTO THE AIR AND EATING DONUTS, WHILE THE REST OF THE PARTY SEARCHES FOR THE EGG. THEY SOON FIND IT INSIDE A PRISON CELL, WHERE THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER IS OBSESSIVELY HOLDING IT AND REPEATEDLY REFERRING TO IT AS "MY PRECIOUS." PATRICK KINDLY ASKS THE CRIMINAL TO GIVE HIM THE EGG AND THE CRIMINAL AGREES. AS PATRICK NEARS THE CELL, THE CRIMINAL SUDDENLY DROPS THE EGG AND TRIES TO STRANGLE HIM. THE EGG ROLLS TO THE FLOOR AND GARY CRACKS IT OPEN TO READ THE FIFTH RIDDLE AS MANY COPS BREAK APART PATRICK AND THE STRANGLER. THE RIDDLE READS: "WHERE THE OLD HAGS ROAM." AS SPONGEBUNNY REJOINS THE GROUP WITH HIS MOUTH FULL OF DONUTS, THE REST OF THE GROUP IMMEDIATELY DEDUCES THAT THE FIFTH LOCATION IS THE SHADY SHOALS RETIREMENT HOME. BEFORE THE GROUP LEAVES, THE COPS CONFISCATE THE HUNTING RIFLE FROM MR. KRABS SINCE MR. KRABS DOES NOT OWN A GUN PERMIT. WHEN THE GROUP REACHES SHADY SHOALS, THEY ARE HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER THAT THERE IS AN EASTER EGG HUNT ON THE FRONT LAWN OF THE RETIREMENT HOME. ALL THE OLD PEOPLE, INCLUDING GRANDMA SQUAREPANTS, MRS. KRABS, MERMAID MAN, BARNACLE BOY, GRANDMA TENTACLES, AND OLD MAN JENKINS ARE ALL ENJOYING THE HUNT AND ALL ARE PLAYFULLY AND SLOWLY FINDING AND COLLECTING MANY PLASTIC EASTER EGGS. MOST OF THE OLD PEOPLE ARE ALL SO BLIND THAT THEY CANNOT EVEN SEE THE APPROACHING PARTY. THE FEW THAT DO SEE SPONGEBUNNY BELIEVE THAT THEY HAVE FINALLY GONE INSANE FROM OLD AGE AND THAT THE EASTER BUNNY IS MERELY THEIR HALLUCINATION. OLD MAN JENKINS SOON CLAIMS TO HAVE FOUND A RIDDLE IN ONE OF THE EGGS, CAUSING THE GROUP TO RUSH AFTER HIM. THE OLD FISH CLAIMS THAT THE EGG IS HIS AND THE RIDDLE IS SECRET SINCE HE FOUND IT. EVERYONE, INCLUDING THE OTHER OLD PEOPLE AND THE SEARCH PARTY, TACKLES THE OLD MAN AND FIGHTS AND WRESTLES WITH HIM TO READ THE RIDDLE SINCE OLD PEOPLE REALLY LIKE RIDDLES AND SUDOKU PUZZLES. AFTER MOST OF THE OLD PEOPLE ARE KNOCKED UNCONSCIOUS IN THE VIOLENT BRAWL, SPONGEBUNNY FINALLY BITES THE OLD FISH'S HANDS, GRABS THE EGG, AND READS THE RIDDLE. THE SIXTH RIDDLE READS: "WHERE THE DEAD MEN FLOAT." THE REST OF THE GROUP BELIEVES THE SIXTH LOCATION IS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S FLOATING GHOST PIRATE SHIP THAT THEY ARE ALL RELUCTANT TO ENTER SINCE THE GHOST PIRATE WILL WANT TO STALK THEM TO STEAL THEIR TREASURE, BUT SPONGEBUNNY REALIZES THAT IT IS ACTUALLY THE CITY CEMETERY. IT IS NOW LATE AFTERNOON WHEN THE GROUP HOPS TOGETHER TO FLOATER CEMETERY. MANY DECORATIVE PLASTIC EGGS ARE PLACED ON MANY TOMBSTONES AND EVERYONE, EXCEPT MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON, IS RELUCTANT TO DISTURB THE GRAVES. WHILE MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON CARELESSLY RIP APART THE EGGS ON MANY GRAVES WITHOUT ANY LUCK, THE REST OF THE GROUP TRIES TO DEDUCE WHERE THE EGG WOULD BE HIDDEN. PATRICK THINKS IT MIGHT BE IN ONE OF THE CASKETS BUT NO ONE WANTS TO SUGGEST THE IDEA TO MR. KRABS OR PLANKTON SINCE THEY DO NOT WANT TO DISTURB THE DEAD ON A HOLIDAY. GARY THINKS IT MIGHT BE IN THE PET PORTION OF THE CEMETERY WHERE THE CHICKENS WHO DROWNED UNDERWATER ARE BURIED SINCE CHICKENS LAY EGGS. WHILE GARY LEAVES TO TEST HIS GUESS, THE GROUP CONTINUES TO THINK OF OTHER POSSIBILITIES. SQUIDWARD THINKS IT MIGHT BE PLACED ON THE GRAVES OF SQUIDS SINCE SQUIDS ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CREATURES IN THE SEVEN SEAS WHOSE DEATHS ARE TERRIBLE TRAGEDIES. NO ONE ELSE AGREES WITH SQUIDWARD AT ALL. SPONGEBUNNY GUESSES IT MIGHT BE IN THE GRAVES HAUNTED BY GHOSTS SINCE GHOSTS ARE DEAD FLOATING MEN LIKE THE RIDDLE STATES. HOWEVER, SANDY REALIZES THAT THE RIDDLE IS REFERRING TO BALLOONS, SO THE GROUP SOON RENDEZVOUS AND FINDS THE ONLY GRAVE THAT HAS BALLOONS ON IT ALONG WITH THE PLASTIC EGG ON IT. THE GRAVE IS IRONICALLY THE GRAVE OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHO WAS IRONICALLY BORN ON AND DIED ON EASTER SUNDAY. THE BALLOONS ARE BIRTHDAY BALLOONS. SPONGEBUNNY PICKS UP THE EGG BUT BEFORE HE CAN OPEN IT, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY APPEARS FROM THE SKY AND SCREAMS FOR THE EASTER BUNNY TO RELEASE HIS BIRTHDAY PRESENT. WHILE EVERYONE ELSE TREMBLES IN FEAR, SPONGEBUNNY CONFRONTS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST. SPONGEBUNNY PUTS THE EGG IN HIS MOUTH AND EXPLAINS HE NEEDS TO READ THE RIDDLE TO BRING THE SPIRIT OF EASTER TO BIKINI BOTTOM. HOWEVER, THE FURIOUS FLYING DUTCHMAN CLAIMS TO HATE EASTER SINCE HE DIED ON EASTER AFTER GETTING FOOD POISONING FROM EATING ROTTEN RABBIT STEW. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN DEMANDS THAT SPONGEBUNNY HAND OVER THE EGG, BUT SPONGEBUNNY CLAIMS HE WILL NOT GIVE THE EGG UP OVER HIS OWN DEAD FLUFFY BODY. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S EYES TWITCH CRAZILY WITH ANGER AND HE PULLS OUT HIS EXTREMELY LONG PIRATE SWORD TO KILL THE EASTER BUNNY. SPONGEBUNNY RUNS AWAY WITH THE EGG AS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN BREATHES A FIRESTORM ONTO THE CEMETERY, CAUSING THE REST OF THE PARTY TO FLEE, CATCH FIRE, AND STOP, DROP, AND ROLL TO TAKE OUT THE FLAMES. AS THE GHOST PIRATE REPEATEDLY WILDLY TRIES TO CHOP OFF THE EASTER BUNNY'S HEAD, SPONGEBUNNY HOPS VERY HIGH AND FAR TO DODGE HIS VIOLENT STRIKES AND EVEN USES HIS LONG HIND LEGS TO KICK THE GHOST IN THE FACE. SUDDENLY, SKELETON FISH ZOMBIES FROM THE GRAVES ERUPT OUT OF THE GROUND, DENOUNCE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FOR RUINING THEIR GRAVES AND BEING A GRINCH ON EASTER AND TRYING TO KILL THE EASTER BUNNY, AND SWARM AND AMBUSH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHO SCREAMS IN PAIN AS THEY BITE HIM AND WHO BEGS FOR MERCY. SPONGEBUNNY AND THE GROUP FLEE THE CEMETERY. SPONGEBUNNY BITES OPEN THE EGG AND READS THE SEVENTH RIDDLE. THE FINAL RIDDLE READS: "WHERE THERE ARE NO LIVING WORM DOGS BUT ONLY DEAD BARK." THE GROUP SITS TOGETHER IN A NEARBY ISOLATED KELP GARDEN TO DEDUCE THE RIDDLE TOGETHER. PATRICK GUESSES THE CEMETERY AGAIN BUT QUICKLY REALIZES THAT HE IS WRONG. GARY GUESSES THE WORM DOG POUND AGAIN SINCE WORM DOGS ARE PUT TO SLEEP THERE WITH FATAL LULLABIES. MR. KRABS GUESSES THE DOG HOME OF HIS PET WORM DOG MR. DOODLES. PLANKTON GUESSES MR. KRABS' FAT STOMACH SINCE IT IS PROBABLY FULL OF TAPE WORMS DUE TO HOW BADLY HE EATS, BUT MR. KRABS ASSURES PLANKTON THAT HE ONLY SUFFERS FROM PERIODIC VOMITING FROM HIS SAILOR DAYS, NOT FROM SERIOUS DISEASES LIKE PLANKTON SUFFERS FROM NOT HAVING A SOUL LIKE HIS COMPUTER WIFE KAREN. SQUIDWARD GUESSES THE CITY MORGUE SINCE HE ONCE HIT A WORM DOG CROSSING THE STREET WITH HIS CAR AND DUMPED IT OUTSIDE THE CITY MORGUE. SQUIDWARD THEN STOPS TALKING AFTER REVEALING HIS HIDDEN CRIME. SANDY THEN SUGGESTS THAT THE RIDDLE REFERS TO "BARK" LIKE TREE BARK AND MAY ACTUALLY BE REFERRING TO THE CITY LIBRARY WHERE THE PAPER OF BOOKS ARE MADE FROM TREES AND THE LIBRARIANS LOOK SO DEAD FROM THEIR BORING JOBS. HOWEVER, SPONGEBUNNY FINALLY REALIZES THE FINAL LOCATION. SPONGEBUNNY LIKEWISE BELIEVES THE RIDDLE REFERS TO TREE BARK. SPONGEBUNNY BELIEVES THE FINAL LOCATION IS A LARGE HILL CALLED "SKULL ISLAND." SKULL ISLAND IS LOCATED IN THE ISOLATED HILLY OUTSKIRTS OF BIKINI BOTTOM. SKULL ISLAND IS SHAPED LIKE A SHARK SKULL AND OVERLOOKS THE ENTIRE CITY. ON THE PEAK OF THE HILL ARE THREE VERY LARGE DEAD TREES AND NO OTHER SIGNS OF LIFE. EVERYONE ELSE AGREES WITH SPONGEBUNNY AND THEY ALL JOYFULLY DEPART TO SKULL ISLAND. SPONGEBUNNY, PATRICK, SANDY, GARY, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, AND PLANKTON FINALLY REACH THE LOCATION OF THE EASTER BUNNY'S MISSING EGG BASKET AND EGGS. THEY MAKE THE FINAL TREK UP THE LARGE SKULL ISLAND. ON THE HILL ARE THREE DEAD TREES WITHOUT ANY LEAVES. ON THE CENTRAL AND LARGEST TREE IS A MYSTERIOUS MESSAGE CARVED INTO ITS DECAYING BARK. SPONGEBUNNY READS THE MESSAGE. THE MESSAGE READS, "HE WHO HAS BEEN CHOSEN IS HE WHO MUST MAKE THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE." THOUGH EVERYONE IS CONFUSED BY THE MESSAGE, THEY ARE ALL HAPPY TO HAVE REACHED THEIR FINAL DESTINATION. THEY ALL HOPE THAT THE SUFFERING THEY WENT THROUGH WAS WORTH THE JOURNEY. SPONGEBUNNY, GARY, AND SANDY DIG LIKE WILD ANIMALS INTO THE NEARBY DIRT, WHILE PATRICK, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, AND PLANKTON GRAB NEARBY SHOVELS TO DIG FOR THEIR PRIZES. THEY DIG UNDER THE TREES AND FINALLY FIND MANY SHINING MAGICAL EASTER EGGS. THE EGGS HAVE THE NAMES OF THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS INSCRIBED IN GOLDEN LETTERS ON THEM. THE EGGS HAVE THE NAMES OF EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM ON THEM. ONLY SPONGEBUNNY DOES NOT APPEAR TO HAVE AN EGG. HOWEVER, BEFORE ANYONE CAN CRACK OPEN THEIR EGGS, PLANKTON SUDDENLY BEGINS TO MANIACALLY LAUGH, PULLS OUT HIS RABBIT FOOT, AND RIPS OPEN THE RABBIT FOOT TO REVEAL A HIDDEN GRENADE. EVERYONE ELSE BACKS AWAY AND DENOUNCES PLANKTON AS A TRAITOR. PLANKTON SIMPLY CALLS THEM ALL SUCKERS WHO SUCK EGGS. PLANKTON CLAIMS HE WILL BLOW THEM AND ALL THE EGGS UP IF HE IS UNHAPPY WITH HIS GIFT TO KILL THE EASTER BUNNY AND RUIN EASTER. PLANKTON DEMANDS THAT NO ONE ELSE MOVE AND THAT SPONGEBUNNY OPEN PLANKTON'S EGG SO HE CAN SEE WHAT HIS PRIZE IS. SPONGEBUNNY CALLS PLANKTON THE WORST ENEMY OF EASTER, BUT PLANKTON SIMPLY SARCASTICALLY KISSES SPONGEBUNNY'S FURRY CHEEKS AND TELLS HIM TO OPEN THE EGG. SPONGEBUNNY BITES OPEN PLANKTON'S EASTER EGG TO REVEAL PLANKTON'S EASTER PRESENT. THE PRESENT IS SIMPLY AN OLD BABY PACIFIER. HOWEVER, PLANKTON BREAKS DOWN IN TEARS AFTER SEEING THE GIFT AND TOSSES THE GRENADE FAR AWAY WHERE IT HARMLESSLY EXPLODES. PLANKTON GRABS THE PACIFIER AND EXPLAINS TO EVERYONE ELSE THAT IT WAS HIS FIRST PACIFIER AS AN INFANT THAT HE ALWAYS SUCKED ON WHEN HE WAS SAD TO CHEER HIMSELF UP. HIS WHOLE LIFE HAS BEEN FULL OF GREAT SORROW, SO THE GIFT IS EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDED. PLANKTON BEGS EVERYONE ELSE FOR FORGIVENESS AS HE RAVENOUSLY AND JOYOUSLY SUCKS ON THE PACIFIER. EVERYONE FORGIVES PLANKTON AS SPONGEBUNNY REMINDS PLANKTON THAT EASTER IS ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS, WHICH IS THE GREATEST SIGN OF LOVE BETWEEN PEOPLE. EVERYONE ELSE THEN HAPPILY BREAKS OPEN THE EASTER EGGS WITH THEIR NAMES ON THEM. EACH PERSON LIKEWISE FINDS A PREVIOUS BELONGING THAT WAS VERY DEAR TO THEM AND THAT THEY HAD THOUGHT WAS LOST FOREVER JUST LIKE PLANKTON'S GIFT. SQUIDWARD FINDS HIS FAVORITE OLD POWDERED WIG THAT SQUILLIAM FANCYSON STOLE FROM HIM LONG AGO. MR. KRABS FINDS A HEART-SHAPED RUBY HE FOUND WHILE ON AN ISLAND DURING HIS SERVICE IN THE NAVY AND THAT HE LOST WHEN HE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED IT WHILE SAILING AT SEA. SANDY FINDS HER FAVORITE COWBOY BOOTS THAT SHE WORE AS A RODEO GIRL IN TEXAS AND THAT A BULL ATE LONG AGO. GARY FINDS HIS FIRST LITTLE SNAIL SHELL THAT BROKE LONG AGO. FINALLY, PATRICK FINDS HIS FAVORITE HAT, A DUNCE HAT THAT HE ALWAYS WORE AT ELEMENTARY SCHOOL. THE EASTER BUNNY TELLS THEM THAT THEIR DEAD LOVED BELONGINGS HAVE COME BACK TO LIFE JUST LIKE SPRING AND EASTER HAVE BROUGHT NEW LIFE FROM THE DEAD WINTER. AS EVERYONE CELEBRATES THE JOY OF EASTER, THE SUN BEGINS TO SET. SPONGEBUNNY THINKS HE REALIZES WHAT THE MYSTERIOUS MESSAGE ON THE LARGE CENTRAL TREE MEANS. HE BELIEVES THAT KING NEPTUNE HAS APPOINTED HIM AS THE NEW EASTER BUNNY SINCE HE IS THE MOST LOVING PERSON IN BIKINI BOTTOM. DESPITE THE HONOR, SPONGEBUNNY MUST REMAIN THE EASTER BUNNY FOREVER TO SERVE THE JOY OF EASTER TO THE WORLD AND MUST FINALLY LEAVE BIKINI BOTTOM TO FULFILL HIS MISSION. SPONGEBUNNY REALIZES THAT HIS EASTER GIFT IS TO REMAIN THE EASTER BUNNY FOREVER TO BRING HOPE TO THOSE WHO HAVE LOST THEIR GREATEST LOVES IN LIFE AND TO PROVE TO EVERYONE THAT DEATH AND SORROW WILL ALWAYS BE CONQUERED BY NEW LIFE AND JOY SINCE NATURE OPERATES IN CYCLES OF DEATH AND REBIRTH. SPONGEBUNNY APPOINTS THE OTHERS TO BE HIS DISCIPLES AND ASKS THEM TO DISPERSE ALL THE OTHER EASTER EGGS TO EVERYONE ELSE IN BIKINI BOTTOM. THE OTHERS AGREE TO DO SO BEFORE MIDNIGHT TO FULFILL THE EASTER BUNNY'S MISSION. HOWEVER, THREE EGGS REMAIN THAT HAVE THE NAMES OF THREE UNKNOWN PEOPLE WHO DO NOT LIVE IN BIKINI BOTTOM. SPONGEBUNNY TAKES THE LAST THREE MAGICAL EGGS, FINDS A NEARBY BASKET HANGING FROM THE LARGE CENTRAL TREE, PUTS THE EGGS INTO THE BASKET, AND CARRIES THE BASKET WITH HIM. SPONGEBUNNY DECIDES TO LEAVE BIKINI BOTTOM TO CONTINUE HIS WORK AS THE EASTER BUNNY ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS IN THE FUTURE. SPONGEBUNNY HAS AN EMOTIONAL GOODBYE WITH HIS FRIENDS, WHO THANK HIM FOR HIS EASTER EGG GIFTS. EVERYONE CRIES TEARS OF JOY AS PATRICK GIVES SPONGEBUNNY A LONG BEAR HUG; SANDY GIVES SPONGEBUNNY A BIG KISS; GARY GIVES SPONGEBUNNY LICKS ALL OVER HIS FURRY BODY; MR. KRABS SHAKES SPONGEBUNNY'S HANDS FOR A LONG TIME; SQUIDWARD GENTLY RUBS HIS FAT FLOPPY SAUSAGE NOSE AGAINST SPONGEBUNNY WHO GENTLY NIBBLES HIS NOSE LIKE A CARROT; AND PLANKTON THANKS NEPTUNE AND SPONGEBUNNY FOR EASTER. SPONGEBUNNY THEN FINALLY SWIMS AWAY TO THE SURFACE OF THE SEA AND TO THE ISLAND ABOVE BIKINI BOTTOM TO PREPARE FOR THE NEXT EASTER AND TO LAY MANY MORE MAGICAL EASTER EGGS FOR THE NEXT HOLIDAY. AS NIGHT FALLS, SPONGEBUNNY FINDS A FIELD OF CARROTS ON THE ISLAND. HE BEGINS TO JOYOUSLY EAT MANY CARROTS FOR HIS HOLIDAY DINNER. HOWEVER, SEVERAL LARGE COON DOGS SUDDENLY CHARGE AFTER HIM TO EAT HIM. SPONGEBUNNY RAPIDLY HOPS AWAY FROM THEM AND CRASHES INTO A LARGE NEARBY SIGNPOST. THE SIGNPOST READS: "OPEN HUNTING SEASON." SUDDENLY, A HUMAN HUNTER ARMED WITH A RIFLE AND HIDING IN A NEARBY BUSH TAKES AIM AT THE HORRIFIED SPONGEBUNNY. A SOUND OF THUNDER SCREAMS THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. THE HUNTER, WHOSE NAME IS BANE, HAPPILY RUSHES TOWARDS THE FALLEN DEAD PREY AS HIS FELLOW HUMAN HUNTERS AND COON DOGS JOIN HIM AND SURROUND THEIR NEW FOOD. HOWEVER, BANE AND THE OTHER HUNTERS AND THEIR COON DOGS SOON HORRIFICALLY REALIZE THAT THE RABBIT THAT THEY HAVE JUST KILLED WAS NOT A REGULAR RABBIT BUT WAS ACTUALLY THE EASTER BUNNY HIMSELF SINCE THE DEAD SPONGEBUNNY IS STILL HOLDING ONTO THE BASKET FULL OF MAGIC EASTER EGGS. THE HUNTERS AND THEIR COON DOGS BEGIN TO MOURN THE LOSS OF THE EASTER BUNNY AS BANE WHO KILLED HIM BEGINS TO PLEAD HIS INNOCENCE SINCE HE THOUGHT THE RABBIT WAS A REGULAR ONE AND BEGINS TO BEG EVERYONE ELSE FOR FORGIVENESS. THE HUNTERS SOLEMNLY AGREE TO BURY THE EASTER BUNNY. BECAUSE THEY NOW ALL BELIEVE IN MAGIC SINCE THEY NOW KNOW THE EASTER BUNNY IS REAL, BANE AND THE OTHER HUNTERS HOPE THAT THE BURIED DEAD EASTER BUNNY WILL USE HIS REMAINING MAGIC TO RISE FROM THE DEAD IN THE MORNING. BANE AND THE OTHER HUNTERS LEAVE THE EGG BASKET ABOVE THE EASTER BUNNY'S GRAVE AND SADLY MARCH AWAY WITH THEIR SILENT COON DOGS. ON THE THREE EASTER EGGS IN THE BASKET ARE INSCRIBED THE THREE NAMES "FAITH," "HOPE," AND "LOVE." THE HOURS OF THE NIGHT QUICKLY PASS AWAY. AS THE MORNING SUN FINALLY RISES, THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY BELOW THE EARTH SUDDENLY BEGINS TO STIR…

**THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY RISES **

**TOM SURFING: CAN DEATH, THE BANE OF LIFE, BE OVERCOME IN THE SPRING TIME? IS REBIRTH POSSIBLE FOR EVEN THE GREATEST VICTIMS OF THE WINTER? WILL HUMAN HUNTERS ONE DAY KILL THE EASTER BUNNY AND SHOULD WE FORGIVE THEM BECAUSE THEY KNOW NOT WHAT THEY DO? WHILE ALL THE ANSWERS TO THESE IMPORTANT QUESTIONS REMAIN UNCERTAIN, IT APPEARS THAT BOTH THE DARK NIGHT AND THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY HAVE RISEN ALONG WITH THE MORNING SUN BRIGHTLY SHINING…OVER THE TIDAL ZONE. **

**END OF SEASON SIX**


	3. The Flying Dutchman Project

_**THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT**_

**BY JAIME GOMEZ **

**[SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS PARODY OF THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE TIDAL ZONE (EPISODE 61, SEASON SEVEN).]**

**[SORRY ABOUT THE ALL-CAPS. I HAVE BAD EYESIGHT, SO I NEED ALL-CAPS TO READ AND WRITE WELL.]**

**TAGLINE: "THE SCARIEST ANIMATED MOVIE OF ALL TIME IS KINDA TRUE…BUT NOT REALLY…"**

**TOM SURFING: ON HALLOWEEN WEEKEND, STARTING OCTOBER 31ST, THE CLOSE FRIENDS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY TRAVELED INTO THE WILDERNESS OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM, FULL OF A LARGE KELP FOREST AND NEARBY MINE FIELD COLLECTIVELY KNOWN AS "DEAD MEN'S END." THEY PLANNED TO PRODUCE A HALLOWEEN VIDEO ABOUT THE LEGEND OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHOSE GHOST IS RUMORED TO HAUNT THE WILDERNESS AND WHOSE PIRATE SHIP IS RUMORED TO HAVE CRASHED IN THE WILDERNESS MANY CENTURIES AGO. AFTER A WEEK'S ABSENCE, THE PARTY IS DECLARED MISSING BY LOCAL AUTHORITIES AND IS NEVER FOUND BY LAW ENFORCEMENT SEARCH PARTIES, WHO ONLY MANAGE TO UNCOVER THEIR LOST VIDEO A MONTH LATER TO DISCERN WHAT HAPPENED DURING THOSE HALLOWEEN NIGHTS… **

THE HALLOWEEN VIDEO BEGINS. THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY ONE."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY STARTS. IT IS THE MORNING OF HALLOWEEN INSIDE SANDY'S DECORATED TREE DOME AS THE PARTY, WHICH HAS NAMED ITSELF "THE SPONGY PARTY," WELCOMES THE FUTURE VIEWERS TO "THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT" DOCUMENTARY AND PRESENTS THEIR PLANS TO INTERVIEW BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO DISCUSS THE LEGEND OF THE PIRATE GHOST BEFORE THE PARTY ENTERS THE WILDERNESS OUTSIDE THE CITY TO FIND THE GHOST AND HIS CRASHED SHIP. SANDY INTRODUCES HERSELF AS THE NAVIGATOR OF THE EXPEDITION TO FIND THE FABLED CRASHED PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, SHOWS HER GPS DEVICE THAT WILL KEEP THE PARTY FROM GETTING LOST IN THE WILDERNESS, AND DECLARES THAT SHE PLANS TO DEBUNK THE MYTH OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SINCE SHE IS A MATERIALIST SCIENTIST WHO DOES NOT BELIEVE IN GHOSTS. NEXT, PATRICK INTRODUCES HIMSELF AS THE CAMERA MAN OF THE EXPEDITION, USES A MIRROR TO SHOW THE HAND HELD VIDEO CAMERA THAT HE IS FILMING THE VIDEO WITH, AND DECLARES THAT HE IS CERTAIN THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS REAL AND WANTS TO FINALLY PROVE TO BIKINI BOTTOM THAT GHOSTS AND BOOGEYMAN REALLY EXIST. FINALLY, SPONGEBOB INTRODUCES HIMSELF AS THE SURVIVALIST GUIDE OF THE EXPEDITION, DISCUSSES HIS YOUNG YEARS AS A BOY SCOUT HIKING IN THE MOUNTAINS, SHOWS HIS MANY SURVIVALIST BOOKS AND SUPPLIES, AND SAYS HE IS UNSURE IF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN EXISTS OR NOT AND IS HAPPY TO SPEND A SCARY HALLOWEEN TRYING TO FINALLY FIND OUT WITH HIS BEST FRIENDS PATRICK AND SANDY. THE SPONGY PARTY FIRST LEAVES TO SQUIDWARD'S HOME TO INTERVIEW HIM. SQUIDWARD IS DRESSED IN A PIRATE COSTUME AND COMPLAINS OF ALWAYS DROPPING HIS DECORATIVE HALLOWEEN SOAP BARS, CAUSING HIM TO HAVE A VERY BAD HOLIDAY AND TO COMPLAIN OF BUTT CRAMPS FROM ALWAYS BENDING OVER TO PICK UP THE SLIPPERY SOAPS. THE GRUMPY SQUIDWARD SIMPLY TELLS THEM TO ALL LOCK THEMSELVES AND SUFFOCATE IN DAVEY JONES' LOCKER BEFORE HE THROWS THEM OUT OF HIS HOME. THEY THEN INTERVIEW MR. KRABS AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. MR. KRABS TELLS THEM TO BEWARE THE MINEFIELD IN THE FOREST AND TO BEWARE ALL PIRATES LIVING AND DEAD THAT ROAM THE FOREST AT NIGHT. MR. KRABS RECALLS HIS DAYS AS A CHUNKY SAILOR IN THE NAVY WHEN MANY NAVAL CRUISERS DISAPPEARED INTO THE MYSTERIOUS BIKINI BOTTOM TRIANGLE, WHICH IS RUMORED TO LEAD TO THE UNDERWORLD ITSELF RULED BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. MR. KRABS WARNS THE PARTY THAT SOME PLACES IN THE SEVEN SEAS SHOULD NOT BE TRESPASSED INTO NO MATTER WHAT. MR. KRABS THEN ACCEPTS HIS MONEY FEE FOR PARTICIPATING IN THE VIDEO. THEY THEN INTERVIEW OLD MAN JENKINS AT SHADY SHOALS. OLD MAN JENKINS CLAIMS THAT HE WAS ONCE A PIRATE LONG AGO AND EVEN CLAIMS TO KNOW SOME BLACK MAGIC JUST LIKE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. THE CRAZY OLD MAN JENKINS CLAIMS THAT HIS PIRATE SHIP ONCE ENCOUNTERED THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST PIRATE SHIP ON THE STICKY JELLYFISH JELLY RIVER IN THE HAUNTED WOODS. OLD MAN JENKINS DESCRIBES THE GHOST SHIP AS AN EVIL-LOOKING PIRATE BLIMP THAT MADE NO SOUNDS AND SIMPLY WENT RIGHT THROUGH HIS OWN SHIP. OLD MAN JENKINS DESCRIBES THE PIRATE GHOST AS A FRIGHTENING DUTCH MONSTER WITH A VERY LONG BEARD OF A DEVIL SEA GOAT OR AN EVIL WIZARD AND A GHOST BODY THAT COULD TRANSFORM INTO YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE. DURING THE DISTURBING ENCOUNTER, OLD MAN JENKINS CLAIMS TO HAVE PHOTOGRAPHED THE FLYING DUTCHMAN ZOOMING ABOVE IN THE NIGHT SKY. OLD MAN JENKINS SHOWS THE SPONGY PARTY A VERY BLURRY PHOTOGRAPH OF A GREEN AND GLOWING GHOST-LIKE FIGURE. THOUGH THE PHOTOGRAPH IS TOO HAZY TO MAKE OUT ANY SPECIFICS, OLD MAN JENKINS POINTS AT DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE IMAGE AND CLAIMS THAT THE PIRATE GHOST'S MOST COMMONLY ASSUMED FORM HAS A VERY LARGE BEARD, A LARGE PIRATE HAT, PIRATE CLOTHING, A LONG GHOSTLY TAIL, DEAD EYES LIKE A DOLL'S EYES, PIGTAILS, AND A LARGE SOCK THAT COLLECTS SOULS. OLD MAN JENKINS THEN RECALLS THE STORY OF THE SINKING OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S PIRATE SHIP. IN THE LEGEND, MANY CENTURIES AGO, THE PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, KNOWN FOR STEALING UNDERWATER GOLD AND DIRTY SOCKS AND DIRTY UNDERWEAR FROM SEA CREATURES, ROAMED OVER THE SMALL VILLAGE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, CAUSING THE PANICKED VILLAGERS TO FIRE MANY HARPOONS INTO THE INVADING SHIP TO PROTECT THEMSELVES, THEIR WEALTH, AND THEIR PRECIOUS DIRTY BELONGINGS. BEFORE HE DIED, THE PIRATE PROMISED TO HAUNT THE WILDERNESS WHERE HIS PIRATE SHIP SANK FOR ALL ETERNITY. FINALLY, THEY INTERVIEW TWO POLICE FISH. THE POLICE FISH TELL THEM THE SCARY STORY OF THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, A LOCAL CRIMINAL WHO STRANGLED ANY TATTLE TALES IN THEIR SLEEP AND WHO FLED THE CITY INTO THE WILDERNESS AS A FUGITIVE. ONCE IN THE WOODS, IT IS RUMORED THAT THE EVIL CRIMINAL MADE AN EVIL PACT WITH THE EVIL GHOST OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. THE PIRATE GHOST PROMISED TO PROVIDE THE CRIMINAL WITH REFUGE IN HIS CRASHED PIRATE SHIP AND WITH ALL THE GOLD HE WANTED. IN EXCHANGE, THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER WAS TO LURE PEOPLE, ESPECIALLY OLD PEOPLE, DRESSED AS PIRATES DURING HALLOWEEN INTO THE WILDERNESS, TAKE THEM TO THE CRASHED SHIP, HAVE HIS VICTIMS STARE INTO A HUGE MIRROR TO SEE THEIR OWN REFLECTED SOULS ONE LAST TIME, AND THEN STRANGLE THEM TO DEATH WITH DIRTY SOCKS FROM DAVEY JONES' LOCKER TO COLLECT THEIR BODIES WHILE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN COLLECTED THEIR SOULS AND TOOK THE SOULS TO THE UNDERWORLD. THOUGH THE POLICE EVENTUALLY CAPTURED THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER SEVERAL DECADES AGO AND HAD HIM HANG VIA A LONG ROPE MADE OF MANY SOCKS AS CAPITAL PUNISHMENT, THE CRIMINAL THEY HANGED CLAIMED THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WOULD FIND HIS BURIED BODY AND BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE AGAIN TO CONTINUE THEIR HAUNTING OF DEAD MEN'S END. THE SCARED AND EXCITED PARTY THEN FINALLY HIKES OUTSIDE OF BIKINI BOTTOM TO PASS INTO THE BORDERS OF THE THICK KELP FOREST. THE LOCAL JELLYFISH HUNTER ANCHOVIES, WHO NEVER VENTURE DEEPER INTO THE FOREST THAN ITS OUTER RIM, WARN THE PARTY TO TURN BACK HOME SINCE THE KELP WOODS ARE CURSED TO TRAP THOSE WHO ENTER THEM FOREVER. THE ANCHOVIES RECALL THE TIME WHEN ALL THE JELLYFISH OF JELLYFISH FIELDS MIGRATED INTO THE WOODS SEVERAL YEARS AGO. MANY JELLYFISH HUNTERS ENTERED THE WOODS TO HUNT THEM. EVENTUALLY, ONLY A SMALL GROUP OF THE HUNTERS RETURNED AND DESCRIBED WHAT HAPPENED TO THEIR MISSING COMPANIONS. THE GROUP DESCRIBED GETTING REPEATEDLY LOST IN THE SEEMINGLY ENDLESS KELP FOREST AND THEN FINDING DEAD JELLYFISH STUFFED IN ROTTEN SEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES ALL ACROSS THE GROUNDS OF THE WOODS. WHEN THE HUNGRY AND DESPERATE HUNTERS TRIED TO EAT THEM, THEY ACCIDENTALLY TRIGGERED OLD NAVAL MINES PLACED UNDERNEATH THEM, CAUSING MANY EXPLOSIVE CASUALTIES. FROM THEN ON, THE POLICE AND HUNTER GROUPS HAVE WARNED ANY STUPID PEOPLE TO NEVER ENTER THE FOREST. THE SPONGY PARTY ASSURES THE HUNTERS THAT THEY HAVE ENOUGH FOOD FOR THE WEEKEND, THAT THEY OWN A MINE DETECTOR BUILT BY SANDY THAT WILL ENABLE THEM TO AVOID ANY UNDERGROUND MINES, AND THAT THEY KNOW TO NEVER EAT ROTTEN FOOD ON THE GROUND NO MATTER HOW HUNGRY THEY ARE. THE SPONGY PARTY THEN ENTERS THE FOREST AS THE ANCHOVIES WISH THEM FAREWELL FOREVER. WITH FOOD, SUPPLIES, SLEEPING BAGS, AND TENT BAGS ON THEIR BACKS, PATRICK CAPTURES FOOTAGE ALONG THE WAY, WHILE SPONGEBOB READS HIS SURVIVAL BOY SCOUT BOOK AND SANDY OPERATES HER GPS DEVICE AND MINE DETECTOR AS THE LATE AFTERNOON APPROACHES. THE PARTY HIKES TOWARDS A BUMPY HILL KNOWN AS THE FIRST MAKE OUT REEF WHERE THE ORIGINAL BIKINI BOTTOMITE VILLAGERS MADE SWEET LOVE IN THE WOODS UNTIL THE FLYING DUTCHMAN BEGAN HAUNTING THEM, CAUSING THE TOWN TO ESTABLISH A NEW MAKE OUT REEF. AT THE PEAK OF THE HILL, THE PARTY CAN SEE THE REMAINING FOREST BELOW THAT SEEMS TO STRETCH ON FOREVER. THE PARTY FINDS OLD ABANDONED WAGONS, SEAHORSE SKELETONS, OLD CLEANING GLOVES, TORN AND DIRTY CLOTHES, RUSTY SHOVELS, AND SEVERAL PIRATE TOYS AND PIRATE PATCHES THAT ARE THE BELONGINGS OF THE LOVERS FROM LONG AGO. THE PARTY COLLECTS SEVERAL SOUVENIRS AND THEN PITCHES THEIR NATIVE AMERICAN STYLE TENT TO SPEND THE NIGHT ON THE HILL. SANDY ASSURES THEM THAT THEY WILL FIND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S CRASHED SHIP THE NEXT DAY AND WILL FIND NO EVIDENCE OF HIS SUPPOSED GHOST WHEN THEY SEARCH IT BUT MAY FIND SOME OLD GOLD. THE PARTY WILL THEN RETURN TO BIKINI BOTTOM BY NIGHTFALL ON THE THIRD DAY. THEY ALL WISH EACH OTHER HAPPY HALLOWEEN, SHARE A LARGE MEAL OF CANDIES, AND FALL ASLEEP TOGETHER IN THEIR TENT. HOWEVER, THEY REPEATEDLY WAKE UP TO GREEN LIGHTS FLASHING IN THE NIGHT SKY HIGH ABOVE THEM AND TO WILD CLAMS SCREECHING IN AGONY IN THE DARK KELP WOODS. WHILE FILMING THE MYSTERIOUS AND DISTANT LIGHTS, PATRICK FEARS THAT THE GREEN LIGHTS ARE FIREBALLS FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S INVISIBLE GHOST PIRATE SHIP FLOATING ABOVE THEM AND MONITORING THE FOREST. WHILE RECORDING THE SOUNDS OF THE SCREAMING CLAMS, PATRICK FEARS THAT THEY ARE BEING EATEN BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN OR STRANGLED BY THE ZOMBIE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER. HOWEVER, SPONGEBOB FEARS THAT THE GREEN LIGHTS ARE ACTUALLY ALIEN U.F.O.s. SPONGEBOB CLAIMS TO HAVE SEEN MANY FLYING SAUCERS AND SIMILAR TOY FRISBEES MANY TIMES ON HIS ROOF FROM HIS TELESCOPE DURING THE NIGHT WHENEVER HE WAS NOT USING HIS TELESCOPE TO SPY ON THE SLEEPING SQUIDWARD WHO LOOKED VERY CUTE WHILE HE SLEPT CURLED LIKE A SNAIL, MOANED ABOUT HIS DREAMS, AND DROOLED UNCONTROLLABLY. SPONGEBOB ALSO FEARS THAT THE CLAMS MAY HAVE HAD THEIR PEARLS STOLEN BY LOCAL LIVING PIRATES ROAMING THE KELP WOODS TO STEAL TREASURE. HOWEVER, SANDY BELIEVES THAT THE CLAMS ARE SIMPLY BEING EATEN BY WILD PREDATORS OR SIMPLY HAVING INTENSE MATING SESSIONS. SANDY ALSO BELIEVES THAT THE GREEN LIGHTS IN THE SKY ARE PROBABLY SIMPLY FALLING FLARES USED IN SOME SECRET MILITARY AIRCRAFT TEST SINCE CIVILIAN AIRPLANES ARE TOO AFRAID TO FLY OVER THE SUPPOSEDLY HAUNTED KELP WOODS. AFTER THE DISTURBING LIGHTS AND NOISES FINALLY STOP, THE PARTY IS ALSO DISTURBED BY THINGS BEING DRAGGED OUTSIDE THEIR TENT. WHEN THEY FILM THE DARK SURROUNDINGS, THEY HEAR ODD GRUNTS OR GROWLS AND SEE EITHER DARK HUMANOID SHADOWS OR SEA BEARS DRAGGING AWAY THE ROTTEN SEAHORSE SKELETONS. THE PARTY DECIDES TO STAY STILL AND QUIET UNTIL THE UNKNOWN PREDATORS LEAVE. WHEN THE PREDATORS FINALLY DO, THE PARTY SHUTS OFF THEIR CAMERA AND FINALLY PEACEFULLY SLEEPS…

THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY TWO."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY RESUMES. THE PARTY IS HIKING DEEPER INTO THE KELP WOODS IN THE MORNING. THE MINE DETECTOR SAVES THEM FROM SEVERAL CLOSE CALLS BY WILDLY BEEPING WHENEVER THEY NEAR UNDERGROUND MINES. HOWEVER, SANDY'S GPS DEVICE APPEARS TO BE MALFUNCTIONING AND POSSIBLY BREAKING DOWN FOR UNKNOWN REASONS, CAUSING HER TO SIMPLY ESTIMATE WHAT DIRECTION THEY ARE HEADING TOWARDS AND HOW FAR THEY ARE TRAVELING. PATRICK IS WORRIED THAT THEY WILL GET LOST AND THAT THE CURSE OF THE WOODS IS CAUSING THE GPS DEVICE TO MALFUNCTION, BUT SPONGEBOB ASSURES HIM THAT HE HAS BEEN PUTTING DOWN SPECIAL SMALL RAINBOW FLAG MARKERS IN THE GROUND AND URINATING HAPPY FACES ON TREES TO KEEP TRACK OF THEIR PAST ROUTE. SANDY ALSO ASSURES PATRICK THAT HE IS SIMPLY BEING SUPERSTITIOUS AND THAT IF THE GPS DEVICE IS NOT WORKING BY THE NEXT MORNING, THEN THEY WILL RETURN BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM EARLY. WHILE ALTERING THEIR DIRECTION TO AVOID MINES AND HEARING MANY WILD ANIMALS ACCIDENTALLY STEPPING ON AND EXPLODING ON MINES, THE PARTY ACCIDENTALLY DISCOVERS WHAT APPEARS TO BE A LARGE CEMETERY COVERED IN MOSS AND SWARMING WITH FLESH-EATING NEMATODES. SPONGEBOB SPRAYS HIMSELF AND PATRICK AND SANDY WITH NEMATODE REPELLANT, CAUSING THE NEMATODES TO BITE PATRICK BEFORE FLEEING. AS THEY WIPE OFF THE MOSS FROM THE SURROUNDINGS, THEY DISCOVER MANY HEADSTONES SHAPED LIKE JOLLY ROGER PIRATE SKULLS. THE HEADSTONES HAVE THE NAMES OF THE MANY OLD PEOPLE VICTIMS OF THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER. IN FRONT OF THE HEADSTONES ARE RUSTY AND GREASY PIRATE SWORDS STUCK INTO THE GROUND. THE PARTY IS BOTH SADDENED AND FRIGHTENED BY THE SIGHT. WHEN PATRICK BECOMES TOO AFRAID AND RUNS OUT OF THE GRAVEYARD, SPONGEBOB CALLS AFTER HIM AND CHASES AFTER HIM. SPONGEBOB ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS OVER AND CUTS HIMSELF ON ONE OF THE PIRATE SWORDS. SANDY HELPS HIM OUT OF THE CEMETERY, WHILE PATRICK RETURNS TO THE GROUP AND FILMS SPONGEBOB'S INFECTED LEG CUT. SANDY APPLIES HEALING OINTMENT TO SPONGEBOB'S INJURY, CAUSING IT TO QUICKLY HEAL BUT LEAVE A SCAR SHAPED EITHER LIKE A BED SHEET OR A FLOATING GHOST ON HIS LEG. THE FRIGHTENED PATRICK THEN FIXES THE FALLEN SWORD TO NOT DISTURB THE GHOSTS OF THE GRAVES AS THE PARTY DEPARTS FROM THE AREA, CAUSING THE NEMATODES TO QUICKLY RETURN AND CONTINUE THEIR EATING OF THE GRAVES. AFTER MUCH CONFUSED TRAVELING WITH THE MALFUNCTIONING GPS DEVICE, NIGHTFALL QUICKLY APPROACHES, CAUSING THE PARTY TO SET CAMP AND A CAMPFIRE. AS THEY TELL SCARY STORIES BY THE FIRE, THEY ARE INTERRUPTED BY FAINT BUT HOARSE LAUGHING IN THE WOODS THAT SEEMS TO BE VERY CLOSE TO THEM. PATRICK FEARS THAT IT IS THE GHOST OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SPYING ON THEM. SPONGEBOB THINKS THAT THERE MIGHT BE OTHER SEARCH PARTIES NEARBY SHARING JOKES BY CAMPFIRES, ALTHOUGH HE ADMITS THAT THERE ARE NO OTHER VISIBLE TENTS OR CAMPFIRES IN SIGHT AND MANY BIKINI BOTTOMITES ARE TOO AFRAID TO CAMP IN THE DEAD MEN'S END FOREST. SANDY IS UNSURE IF THE NOISES ARE ACTUALLY LAUGHTER AND BELIEVES THEY COULD BE SIMPLE CALLS FROM WILD ANIMALS. HOWEVER, WHEN KELP BRANCHES AROUND THEIR CAMP REPEATEDLY SNAP ALL AROUND THEM, THE GROUP BECOMES VERY SCARED, CANNOT SEE ANY APPROACHING PREDATORS, AND HIDES IN THEIR TENT SLEEPING BAGS AS THE FIRE EXTINGUISHES ITSELF AND THE MYSTERIOUS LAUGHTER IS SOON ACCOMPANIED BY ZOMBIE-LIKE GROANS THAT SOUND LIKE THEY COME FROM OLD PEOPLE IN PAIN. THE SOUNDS CONTINUE UNTIL THE EARLY MORNING, CAUSING NONE OF THE CAMPERS TO GET ANY SLEEP. PATRICK SHUTS OFF THE CAMERA FOR A SMALL TIME TO LET ITS BATTERY REST…

THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY THREE."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY RESUMES. THE EXHAUSTED AND SPOOKED FRIENDS AGREE TO SADLY END THEIR EXPEDITION EARLY, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE GPS DEVICE CONTINUES TO MALFUNCTION. PATRICK HAS ALREADY EATEN MOST OF HIS FOOD, SPONGEBOB HAS WISELY SAVED MUCH OF HIS FOOD, AND SANDY'S REMAINING FOOD APPEARS TO BE MYSTERIOUSLY MUCH LESS THAN SHE ACTUALLY ATE, CAUSING HER TO BLAME THE THEFT ON WILD ANIMALS AND CAUSING PATRICK TO BLAME THE THEFT ON THE HUNGRY GHOST OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. THE GROUP DECIDES TO FOLLOW SPONGEBOB'S FLAG AND URINE MARKERS BACK TO MAKE OUT REEF. HOWEVER, MANY TREES HAVE SOMEHOW FALLEN OVER ALL AROUND THEM, MAKING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR THEM TO DECIPHER WHICH ONES HAVE SPONGEBOB'S HAPPY FACE URINE MARKS ON THEM. IN ADDITION, MANY OF THE SMALL RAINBOW FLAGS PLANTED BY SPONGEBOB ARE MISSING AND THE FEW THAT THEY DO FIND ARE MYSTERIOUSLY BURNED AS ASH PILES AS IF FROM A FIRE. SPONGEBOB DESPAIRS THAT SOMEONE HAS DELIBERATELY SABOTAGED THEIR RETURN ROUTE BY BURNING AND STEALING THEIR FLAGS AND CHOPPING DOWN THEIR TREE MARKERS IN THE NIGHT. SANDY BELIEVES THAT MISCHIEVOUS LIVING PIRATES ROAMING THE FORESTS AT NIGHT WITH OLD PEOPLE PRISONERS MAY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SABOTAGE AND FOR THE ODD NOISES THEY HEARD THE NIGHT BEFORE. HOWEVER, PATRICK AGAIN BLAMES THEIR MISFORTUNES ON THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND REALIZES THAT THEY MUST ESCAPE THE FOREST SOON BEFORE THINGS GET MUCH WORSE. AFTER MUCH FRUITLESS TRAVELING, THE GLOOMY PARTY RETURNS TO THEIR PAST CAMPSITE. SANDY ASSURES THE OTHERS THAT THOUGH THEY ARE NOW OVER SCHEDULE, THEY WILL FIND THE FOREST'S JELLYFISH JELLY RIVER THE NEXT DAY TO LEAD THEM OUT OF THE KELP WOODS AND CAN CONSERVE THEIR FOOD AND EAT SAFE WILD FOOD TO SURVIVE. THAT NIGHT THEY HEAR THE PERIODIC RUSTING OF CHAINS AS IF FROM PRISONER CHAINS, BUT THEY CAN ONLY SEE WILD CLAMS FLYING BY AND SNAPPING AT THEIR TENT DURING THE NIGHT. THEY SHUT OFF THE CAMERA AND SLEEP BETTER THAN THE NIGHT BEFORE BUT ARE NOW VERY UNEASY ABOUT THEIR HALLOWEEN PROJECT AND SURVIVAL…

THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY FOUR."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY RESUMES. AS THEY WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING, SANDY LOUDLY SCREAMS WHEN SHE FINDS THREE PIRATE SWORDS WITH OLD AND ROTTEN FISH HEAD SKULLS ON THEM IN THE GROUND OUTSIDE THEIR TENT. THE SWORDS LOOK LIKE THE SWORDS FROM THE CEMETERY. THE SHOCKED SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY SLOWLY WALK AROUND THE THREE WEAPONS AND SKULLS. AS PATRICK NERVOUSLY SHAKES THE CAMERA AS HE FILMS THE DISTURBING SIGHT, SPONGEBOB REMARKS THAT THERE ARE THREE SWORDS, IMPLYING THAT ALL THREE MEMBERS OF THE PARTY ARE BEING THREATENED BY WHOEVER OR WHATEVER PUT THEM THERE WHILE THE PARTY WAS ASLEEP. SANDY REMARKS THAT THE FISH SKULLS LOOK VERY OLD, IMPLYING THEY WERE VICTIMS OF WHATEVER IS IN DEAD MEN'S END AT THE FIRST MAKE OUT REEF LONG AGO. THE DISTURBED PARTY IMMEDIATELY LEAVES THE CAMPSITE. THOUGH THE FAULTY GPS DEVICE POSSIBLY LEADS THEM CLOSER TO THE JELLY RIVER, IT SUDDENLY BREAKS DOWN COMPLETELY, CAUSING SANDY TO ANGRILY SMASH IT TO PIECES IN FRUSTRATION. PATRICK THEN SUDDENLY STARTS LAUGHING LIKE AN INSANE PERSON. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ASK HIM WHAT IS SO FUNNY, CAUSING PATRICK TO NERVOUSLY ADMIT THAT HE HIMSELF IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE GPS DEVICE BREAKING DOWN. AS HIS WILD LAUGHS SUDDENLY TURN TO TEARS, PATRICK ADMITS THAT THE GPS DEVICE IS MALFUNCTIONING BECAUSE HE ACCIDENTALLY DROPPED IT WHILE LOOKING THROUGH SANDY'S BELONGINGS TO EAT MOST OF HER FOOD SINCE HE HAD FINISHED MOST OF HIS OWN FOOD. PATRICK PLEAS FOR THEIR MERCY AND UNDERSTANDING, BUT SANDY PINS PATRICK AGAINST A LARGE KELP TREE WHILE SPONGEBOB ANGRILY TWISTS PATRICK'S SAGGING NIPPLES VERY HARD, CAUSING PATRICK TO SCREAM IN PAIN. AFTER THEY REGAIN THEIR COMPOSURE, SANDY THROWS PATRICK TO THE FLOOR AND TELLS HIM TO STOP RECORDING THEIR PROJECT. HOWEVER, PATRICK REMINDS THE OTHERS THAT NOW THE PROJECT IS ALL THEY HAVE LEFT FROM THEIR HORRIFYING HIKE, SO HE WILL CONTINUE FILMING UNTIL THE CAMERA DIES OR UNTIL THEY DIE THEMSELVES. PATRICK WANTS TO PROVE THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND HIS EVIL ARE REAL TO ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM WITH THE VIDEO IF ANY SEARCH PARTY FOR THEM EVER FINDS IT. THE PARTY HASTENS THEIR PACE IN SILENCE UNTIL THEY FINALLY REACH JELLY RIVER WHICH THEY BELIEVE MIGHT LEAD THEM OUT OF THE KELP FOREST. THE PART OF JELLY RIVER THAT THEY BEGIN HIKING BY IS LOCATED NEAR A LARGE TOTEM POLE. THE TOTEM POLE HAS MANY BIZARRE AND DISTURBING BESTIAL FACES, WHICH THE PARTY BELIEVES MIGHT REPRESENT THE FACIAL TRANSFORMATIONS OF THE MONSTROUS FLYING DUTCHMAN. AS THE DAY TURNS TO LATE AFTERNOON, THE TIRED WALKERS REST WHEN THEY COME UPON A VERY DISTURBING SIGHT. THEY ARE SHOCKED TO FIND MANY SMALL VOODOO DOLLS DRESSED AS PIRATES AND HANGING WITH SOCKS TIED AROUND THEIR NECKS FROM TREES TO FORM QUITE A MACABRE SIGHT. SPONGEBOB IS NOW CONVINCED THAT LIVING PIRATES ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR MISFORTUNES AND AGREES WITH PATRICK THAT THE SUPERNATURAL FLYING DUTCHMAN HAUNTS THE KELP FOREST. PATRICK REMINDS THE OTHERS THAT THE ZOMBIE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER MAY BE INVOLVED WITH MAKING THE DOLLS SINCE HE DIED IN THE EXACT SAME MANNER IN WHICH THE DOLLS ARE HANGING. THE SHOCKED SANDY SUDDENLY PULLS DOWN ONE OF THE DOLLS AND KEEPS IT WITH HER DESPITE THE PROTESTS OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WHO CLAIM THAT THE DOLLS ARE CURSED. SANDY DECLARES THAT JUST LIKE PATRICK NEEDS VIDEO EVIDENCE TO PROVE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN EXISTS, SHE NEEDS PHYSICAL EVIDENCE TO SHOW TO BIKINI BOTTOM IF THEY EVER RETURN. SHE ALSO REMINDS THEM THAT IF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS REALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR PROBLEMS THEN THEY ARE ALREADY HAUNTED BY HIM NO MATTER WHAT THEY DO UNTIL THEY ESCAPE THE KELP WOODS. AFTER QUICKLY DEPARTING THE HANGING VOODOO PIRATE DOLLS, NIGHT FALLS AND THE PARTY SETS UP THEIR TENT TO REST. EVERYONE KEEPS THEIR FLASHLIGHTS ON IN THE TENT AND STAYS VERY QUIET TO RECORD WHATEVER MIGHT BE APPROACHING THEM IN THE NIGHT. WHEN PATRICK PEEKS OUTSIDE THE TENT, A HUGE SHADOW QUICKLY ZOOMS OVER THEM AND AWAY IN THE NIGHT SKY ABOVE. PATRICK SWEARS THAT THE SHADOW WAS THE PIRATE GHOST SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. BEFORE THE OTHERS CAN RESPOND, THE SOUND OF SQUEAKY WHEELS SNAPPING KELP BRANCHES AND QUICKLY APPROACHING THE TENT CAN BE HEARD. THE THREE CAMPERS SHAKE WITH FEAR UNTIL THE NOISES ABRUPTLY STOP. SUDDENLY, A LARGE OBJECT SMACKS INTO THEIR TENT AS IF DROPPED FROM THE SKY. THE TENT COLLAPSES AND ALL THE CAMPERS SCREAM AND RUN IN FEAR AWAY FROM THE TENT. AS HE RUNS, PATRICK FILMS THE COLLAPSED TENT BEHIND THEM AND SEES THAT A WHEELCHAIR, PRESUMABLY FOR AN OLD SENIOR CITIZEN, HAD BEEN THROWN VERY HARD AT THEIR TENT. AS SANDY WILDLY RUNS, SHE ACCIDENTALLY DROPS THE MINE DETECTOR SHE IS CARRYING AND LEAVES IT BEHIND. THE PARTY SOON STUMBLES INTO A NEARBY MINEFIELD, WHERE THEY BARELY ESCAPE AND ARE SENT FLYING LIKE RAG DOLLS FROM MULTIPLE LARGE EXPLOSIONS FROM BELOW. THE DELIRIOUS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY STUMBLE AS THEY RUN AND HOLD ONTO EACH OTHER. THEY FINALLY DIVE INTO THE STICKY JELLY RIVER AND SWIM AWAY FROM THEIR CAMPSITE. THE PANTING SANDY LOOKS BEHIND THEM AND SCREECHES WHEN SHE SEES A LARGE SHADOW SEEMINGLY FLOATING AFTER THEM. THE SHADOW APPEARS TO RAPIDLY CHANGE FORM IN THE DARKNESS AS SANDY CATCHES A GLIMPSE OF LARGE AND FURRY TENTACLES ON THE SHADOW'S BODY. PATRICK TURNS THE CAMERA BUT JELLY STICKS OVER IT TO OBSCURE THE VIEW OF THE PURSUING SHADOW. SANDY SCREAMS: "WHAT THE FREAK IS THAT?! OH MY NEPTUNE! WHAT THE FREAK IS THAT FREAKING THING?! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT?! DARN IT, WHAT IN THE DEEP BLUE SEA IS THAT?!" EVENTUALLY, THE JELLY CURRENT PULLS THEM QUICKLY AWAY FROM THE SHADOW, WHICH DISAPPEARS IN THE DARKNESS. THE PANICKING CAMPERS SWIM AND FLOAT IN THE STICKY JELLY UNTIL DAWN AS PATRICK MOMENTARILY SHUTS OFF THE CAMERA TO CLEAN THE JELLY OFF IT…

THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY FIVE."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY RESUMES. AS THE SUN RISES, THE TIRED PARTY EXITS THE JELLY RIVER AND DECIDES TO QUICKLY RETURN TO THE CAMPSITE TO GATHER WHATEVER BELONGINGS ARE STILL THERE SINCE THEY LEFT EVERYTHING THEY NEEDED BEHIND. ALONG THE WAY, THEY ARE UNABLE TO FIND THE MINE DETECTOR. UPON RETURNING TO THEIR DEVASTATED TENT, THEY DISCOVER THAT ALL OF THEIR DIRTY UNDERWEAR AND DIRTY SOCKS HAVE BEEN STOLEN. HOWEVER, ONLY SPONGEBOB'S REMAINING BELONGINGS ARE COVERED IN SOME DISGUSTING SLIME. SPONGEBOB TOUCHES THE SLIME AND DRAWS HIS HANDS AWAY IN PAIN. THE SLIME IS APPARENTLY VERY HOT SNOT PRESUMABLY SPAT ON HIS BELONGINGS FROM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S FLAMING MOUTH ITSELF. SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY WONDERS WHY ONLY HIS BELONGINGS WERE SPIT ON, CAUSING PATRICK TO GUESS THAT SINCE HE ACCIDENTALLY DISTURBED THE PIRATE SWORD AT THE GRAVE, THEN HE IS THE FIRST VICTIM THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WANTS. HOWEVER, SANDY DISAGREES AND COMFORTS THE CRYING SPONGEBOB. SHE PROMISES HIM THAT THE POLICE WILL SEND A LARGE RESCUE SEARCH PARTY FOR THEM BY THE END OF THE WEEK TO FIND THEM AND TAKE THEM BACK HOME TO THEIR FAMILIES AND FRIENDS IN CIVILIZATION. SANDY THEN DESCRIBES WHAT SHE SAW OF THE SUPPOSED FLYING DUTCHMAN. SHE MENTIONS THE FLOATING AND MORPHING SHADOW WITH ITS FURRY LARGE TENTACLES. PATRICK EXPLAINS THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN CHANGES FROM A GHOST INTO MONSTER FORMS TO SCARE HIS VICTIMS, BUT SANDY SUGGESTS THAT THE SHADOW MAY HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN SQUIDWARD, WHO MAY BE RESPONSIBLE FOR TORMENTING THEM ALONG WITH OTHER PRANKSTERS AS AN EXTREMELY SICK PRANK. SHE ARGUES THAT SQUIDWARD IS MEAN ENOUGH TO ORGANIZE THE PRANK WITH OTHERS TO SCARE THEM; THAT THE TENTACLES MAY HAVE BEEN SQUIDWARD'S TENTACLES; THAT THE FUR MAY HAVE BEEN ANIMAL SKINS; THAT THE FLOATING COULD BE ACHIEVED IF SQUIDWARD STOLE A FLYING JETPACK FROM HER TREE DOME; AND THAT THE MORPHING EFFECT MAY HAVE BEEN AN OPTICAL ILLUSION IN THE DARKNESS. HOWEVER, SHE ADMITS THAT THE POSSIBILITY IS VERY UNLIKELY SINCE SQUIDWARD IS NOT THAT MUCH OF A JERK AND SINCE THE SHADOW SEEMED TO BE SOMETHING VERY SUPERNATURAL, CAUSING HER TO BELIEVE THAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN MAY BE REAL AFTER ALL. REGARDLESS OF THE GHOST'S SUPPOSED EXISTENCE, THE PARTY AGREES THAT THEY ARE VERY AFRAID NOW AND NEED TO CONTINUE TO TRAVEL DOWN THE JELLY RIVER TO ESCAPE THEIR NIGHTMARE. THE PARTY QUICKLY COLLECTS THEIR BELONGINGS, EXCEPT SPONGEBOB, WHOSE BELONGINGS SUDDENLY DISSOLVE IN THE HOT SNOT. SANDY GETS THE GROUP'S WALKIE-TALKIES FROM HER BAGS AND DISTRIBUTES THEM TO EACH PERSON SO THAT THEY CAN REMAIN IN CONTACT IF THEY GET SEPARATED. AFTER DEPARTING THE CAMP WITH THEIR TORN TENT, THE PARTY CONTINUES THE WHOLE DAY MARCHING BY THE JELLY RIVER WHICH THEY REPEATEDLY GET STUCK IN. HOWEVER, AS SUN SET NEARS, THE PARTY STOPS IN HORROR WHEN THEY REACH THE FAMILIAR TOTEM POLE SITE. SANDY DESPAIRS AS SHE REALIZES THAT THE JELLY RIVER SIMPLY FORMS A VERY LARGE CIRCLE INSIDE THE FOREST AND DOES NOT ACTUALLY LEAD OUTSIDE THE FOREST, CAUSING THEM TO WASTE A WHOLE TRAVEL DAY FOR NOTHING. SANDY MENTIONS THAT SINCE NO AIRPLANES FLY OVER THE HAUNTED WOODS, THEN NO ONE CAN SEE AND RESPOND TO ANY FIRES AND SMOKE SIGNALS THAT THEY START. THE HYSTERICAL PATRICK WANTS TO SIMPLY BURN THE WHOLE FOREST DOWN, BUT SPONGEBOB AND SANDY REALIZE THAT THEY TOO WILL ALL DIE IF THEY DO SO, ESPECIALLY FROM THE IGNITING AND EXPLOSIONS OF THE MANY UNDERGROUND MINES IN THE AREA. SANDY STATES THAT THEY ARE NOW HOPELESSLY LOST AND CAN ONLY HOPE TO SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH IN THE WOODS FOR A POLICE SEARCH PARTY TO RESCUE THEM. THE EXHAUSTED PARTY RELUCTANTLY SETS UP CAMP BY THE TOTEM POLE AND FALLS ASLEEP VERY SOON AS PATRICK DOZES OFF AND MUTTERS CURSE WORDS AS HE SHUTS OFF THE CAMERA…

THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY SIX."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY RESUMES. PATRICK AND SANDY SUDDENLY WAKE UP IN THE EARLY MORNING WHEN THE TOTEM POLE COLLAPSES ON THEIR TENT. DESPITE SCRATCHES AND BRUISES, THEY ARE NOT SERIOUSLY HARMED. THEY IMMEDIATELY REALIZE THAT SPONGEBOB IS MISSING ALONG WITH HIS WALKIE-TALKIE. THEY PANIC AND ATTEMPT TO CONTACT HIM, BUT THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES ONLY RECEIVE STATIC AND ERRATIC BEEPS IN RESPONSE. THEY SEARCH THE SURROUNDING AREA UNTIL THE AFTERNOON WHEN THEY DECIDE TO SADLY AND SLOWLY MOVE ON. THEY HOPE THAT HE LEFT TO FIND HELP AND WAS NOT ABDUCTED BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. THE TWO CAMPERS CONTINUE THEIR HIKING AND ENTER A VERY THICK AND HILLY AREA FULL OF DEAD, SHARP BUSHES WHICH THEY RELUCTANTLY AND PAINFULLY CROSS TO FIND A HIGH PEAK TO LOOK OVER THEIR SURROUNDINGS FROM ABOVE. THEY CONTINUE TO TRY TO CONTACT THE MISSING SPONGEBOB, BUT THEY CONTINUE TO RECEIVE NO RESPONSE. BY NIGHTFALL THEY REACH THE PEAK OF THE HILL, BUT IT IS TOO DARK FOR THEM TO DISCERN THE SURROUNDINGS BELOW. AS THEY SET CAMP WITH THEIR BROKEN TENT, THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES SUDDENLY SCREECH LOUDLY AS THEY CAN HEAR SPONGEBOB'S SCREAMS FOR HELP ACCOMPANIED BY A STRANGER'S MANIACAL LAUGHTER ON THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES. THE PANICKING PATRICK AND SANDY SCREAM INTO THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES TO HAVE SPONGEBOB TELL THEM WHERE HE IS, BUT SPONGEBOB ONLY CONTINUES TO SCREAM IN PAIN AS THEIR WALKIE-TALKIES SUDDENLY DIE. THE TWO CAMPERS CRY AND HOLD EACH OTHER THE WHOLE NIGHT AS PATRICK BREAKS DOWN AND SANDY SHUTS OFF THE CAMERA…

THE FOLLOWING PHRASE FLASHES UPON AN EMPTY BLACK SCREEN:

**"THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – PRODUCED BY THE SPONGY PARTY - DAY SEVEN."**

THE DOCUMENTARY THEN PROPERLY RESUMES. AS DAWN COMES, THE CRYING, STARVING, AND EXHAUSTED PATRICK AND SANDY SLOWLY EAT JELLY COLLECTED FROM THE JELLY RIVER AND EAT THEIR LAST FOOD RATIONS OF HALLOWEEN CANDY. AFTER REGAINING THEIR ENERGY AND COMPOSURE, THEY LOOK OVER THE PEAK AND CAN BARELY SEE A LARGE PIRATE FLAG WAVING HIGH AMONG THE KELP TREES IN THE DISTANCE. THEY REALIZE THAT THE FLAG BELONGS TO THE ANCIENT SUNKEN PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. THEY DECIDE TO MARCH IN THE DIRECTION OF THE SHIP TO SEE IF SPONGEBOB IS HELD PRISONER THERE BY THE PIRATE GHOST. HOWEVER, AS THEY EXIT THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY OF THEIR CAMP, SANDY DISCOVERS SPONGEBOB'S TORN AND DIRTY UNDERWEAR ON THE GROUND. SHE PICKS IT UP TO DISCOVER THAT IT CONTAINS WHAT APPEAR TO BE VERY SMALL KITCHEN SPONGES INSIDE. SHE SHRIEKS IN HORROR AS SHE REALIZES THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY CHUNKS OF SPONGEBOB'S SPONGY FLESH WRAPPED AS A HORRIFIC GIFT TO THE OTHERS. PATRICK SEES THE TERRIBLE SIGHT AND LIKEWISE SCREAMS IN HORROR. THOUGH SANDY AND PATRICK KNOW THAT SPONGEBOB CAN REGENERATE HIS SPONGY SKIN, THEY ARE HORRIFIED ABOUT THE PAIN THAT HE MUST BE GOING THROUGH AT THE HANDS OF HIS CAPTOR OR CAPTORS. PATRICK LEAVES NEARBY TO VOMIT AS SANDY TAKES HIS CAMERA. SANDY CRIES UNCONTROLLABLY AND APOLOGIZES TO THE CAMERA FOR FAILING TO SAVE THE SPONGY PARTY. SHE HOPES THAT SOMEONE WILL FIND THE CAMERA TO SHOW TO THE WORLD WHAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN DID TO THE SPONGY PARTY. SHE TELLS HER FRIENDS BACK IN BIKINI BOTTOM AND HER FAMILY FAR AWAY IN TEXAS THAT SHE WILL ALWAYS LOVE THEM. SHE DECLARES THAT SHE NOW BELIEVES IN THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND WILL TRY TO SAVE SPONGEBOB NO MATTER WHAT. THE CAMERA IS TEMPORARILY CONSUMED IN STATIC AND WHITE NOISE BUT RETURNS TO NORMAL AS SANDY FINISHES HER FINAL GOODBYE. SANDY WARNS EVERYONE TO NEVER ENTER DEAD MEN'S END WITH TOO FEW PEOPLE. SANDY SADLY KISSES THE CAMERA AS THE ILL PATRICK RETURNS AND TAKES THE CAMERA. SANDY AND PATRICK RUSH TOGETHER IN THE DIRECTION OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S SUNKEN SHIP. AS NIGHT FALLS, THEY FINALLY SEE THE DEVASTATED SHIP AND RUSH TOWARDS IT AS THEY SUDDENLY HEAR SPONGEBOB'S CONTINUED PAINFUL SCREAMS FOR HELP. THEY ENTER THE SHIP WHERE SPONGEBOB'S SCREAMS ECHO. THEY RUSH ACROSS THE DARK INSIDE OF THE SHIP AND PASS BY THE FOLLOWING OBJECTS: RUBBLE; EMPTY AND BROKEN TREASURE CHESTS; OLD ROTTEN FISH AND HUMAN SKELETONS DRESSED IN PIRATE CLOTHING; BROKEN WHEEL CHAIRS, DENTURES, CANES, GLASSES, AND WIGS AS THE BELONGINGS OF DECEASED SENIOR CITIZEN FISH LIKE THE VICTIMS OF THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER; DIRTY AND SMELLY UNDERWEAR STUCK TO THE WALLS AND DIRTY AND SMELLY SOCKS HANGING FROM THE CEILINGS; AND FINALLY, TORN AND OLD BLACK MAGIC BOOKS ALL ACROSS THE FLOOR. PATRICK GIVES SANDY THE CAMERA AND RUSHES AHEAD OF SANDY. PATRICK CLAIMS THAT HE HEARS SPONGEBOB'S VOICE COMING FROM THE TOP DECK OF THE SHIP AND SCREAMS TO SPONGEBOB THAT HE IS COMING TO SAVE HIM. SANDY WILDLY SHAKES THE CAMERA AS SHE RUNS AFTER PATRICK AND SCREAMS FOR SPONGEBOB. PATRICK REACHES THE TOP DECK AND STORMS INTO THE CAPTAIN'S CABIN, WHERE HE IS SUDDENLY ROUGHLY KNOCKED DOWN BY A SHADOWY FIGURE IN THE DARKNESS. THE CABIN DOOR SLAMS BEHIND HIM. THE CRYING SANDY REACHES THE TOP DECK SHORTLY THEREAFTER. SANDY BREAKS DOWN THE CABIN DOOR AND WILDLY SCREAMS WHEN HER CAMERA CATCHES SIGHT OF PATRICK CRYING, STANDING STILL, AND STARING INTO A LARGE MIRROR AT HIS OWN REFLECTION (AS THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER'S VICTIMS HAD BEEN MADE TO DO) WITH A VERY LARGE DARK SHADOW BEHIND HIM. A GROWL IS HEARD AS SANDY SUDDENLY FALLS TO THE FLOOR WITH HER CAMERA AS IF QUICKLY KNOCKED DOWN BY SOMEONE FROM BEHIND. THE CAMERA VIEW ON THE FLOOR IS OBSCURED BY THE FALLEN SANDY'S MOTIONLESS BUSHY TAIL. SUDDENLY, SANDY'S BODY IS SLOWLY DRAGGED AWAY BY SOMEONE AS HER TAIL LIKEWISE DISAPPEARS. THERE IS A MOMENT OF SILENCE AS THE CAMERA DIES…

**TOM SURFING: LAST HALLOWEEN, THE EXPLORER FRIENDS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY WENT SEARCHING INTO DEAD MEN'S END TO FIND THE FABLED FLYING DUTCHMAN. THEY NEVER RETURNED HOME AND WERE NEVER SEEN AGAIN. A MONTH LATER, "THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT" WAS FOUND BY POLICE SEARCH PARTIES IN THE RUINS OF THE SUNKEN PIRATE SHIP. THE DISTURBING CASE REMAINS COLD… **

**THE END**

**BIKINI BOTTOM POLICE DEPARTMENT (B.B.P.D.) –**

**THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT SUSPECTS LIST**

**THE FOLLOWING LIST NAMES THE INDIVIDUAL AND GROUP SUSPECTS, FROM BEST TO WORST, INVOLVED IN THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT POLICE CASE. THE SUSPECTS ON THIS LIST MAY HAVE BEEN WORKING ALONE OR WITH OTHER SUSPECTS. THE CASE REMAINS OPEN AND IS UNSOLVED. IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION REGARDING THIS CASE, PLEASE CONTACT THE BIKINI BOTTOM POLICE DEPARTMENT IMMEDIATELY VIA SNAIL MAIL. OUR POLICE STATION HEADQUARTERS ADDRESS IS "YO MAMA STREET, BIKINI BOTTOM, PACIFIC OCEAN."**

ALL SUSPECTS SHOULD BE CONSIDERED ARMED, DANGEROUS, AND NAUGHTY.

1 THE FLYING DUTCHMAN

2 THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER ZOMBIE

3 LIVING PIRATES

4 ADDITIONAL PIRATE GHOSTS

5 OLD PEOPLE GHOSTS

6 BIKINI BOTTOMITE VILLAGER GHOSTS

7 OLD MAN JENKINS

8 SQUIDWARD TENTACLES AND PRANKSTERS

9 WILD ANIMALS

10 SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS, PATRICK STAR, AND SANDY CHEEKS (HOAX)


	4. Seawolves!

**62 EPISODE SIXTY-TWO: SEA WOLVES! **

**TOM SURFING: WEREWOLVES, THE BEASTS OF THE NIGHT THAT REMIND MAN OF THE BEAST WITHIN HIS HEART, ARE THE HORRORS OF LEGEND. LIKE BIG FOOT, THE LOCHNESS MONSTER, AND LITTLE GREEN MEN, WEREWOLVES ARE AMONG THE GREATEST MYSTERIES OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY. THESE HYBRIDS BETWEEN MAN AND CANINE LIKEWISE REMIND MAN OF HIS EVOLUTIONARY DESCENT FROM APES AND HIS NATURAL STATE OF FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN AND THE UNTAMED. BUT ONLY SUPERSTITIOUS SAILORS OUT AT SEA HAVE HEARD OF THE MONSTERS EVEN SCARIER THAN WEREWOLVES, THE FLABBY AND WILD BEASTS KNOWN AS THE SEA WOLVES…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **

NO ONE EATS WITH SILVER UTENSILS IN BIKINI BOTTOM DUE TO RECENT PARANOID PUBLIC HEALTH CONCERNS ABOUT METAL POISONING FROM EATING WITH SILVERWARE. AS A RESULT, THE KRUSTY KRAB SELLS ONLY CHEAP PLASTIC UTENSILS FOR ITS CUSTOMERS FOR ADDITIONAL EATING FEES. MR. KRABS APPEASES THE DISGRUNTLED CUSTOMERS BY TELLING THEM MANY SCARY LEGENDS ABOUT THE ABOMINABLE SNOW MOLLUSK, THE LOCHNESS MONSTER, U.F.O.s (UNIDENTIFIED FLOATING OBJECTS), AND THE WORST MONSTERS OF ALL, NAMELY HOBOS WHO BEG THE RICH FOR MONEY. MR. KRABS CLAIMS TO HAVE ENCOUNTERED ALL SAID UNDERWATER MONSTERS WHILE TRAVELING ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS DURING HIS MILITARY TOUR OF DUTY IN THE CRABBY DIVISION OF THE BIKINI BOTTOM NAVY. EVERYONE IN THE RESTAURANT IS FRIGHTENED BY THE IMAGINARY MONSTERS, AND MANY CLAIM TO HAVE SEEN THEM AS WELL. SQUIDWARD IS ANNOYED AT HOW STUPIDLY SUPERSTITIOUS ALL THE CUSTOMERS ARE, HOW CULTURALLY BACKWARD THE CITY IS, AND AT HOW EVERYONE CALLS HIM A MONSTER BECAUSE OF HOW UGLY AND EXHAUSTED HIS DEPRESSED FACE LOOKS; HOW MUCH HE SIGHS, SNORES, AND GROANS DURING HIS WORK SHIFTS; AND HOW MUCH HE HOWLS AND MOANS IN PAIN WHILE USING THE RESTROOM DURING HIS LUNCH BREAKS. SQUIDWARD ASSURES THE CUSTOMERS THAT MR. KRABS IS FULL OF BARNACLES AND THAT THE ONLY MONSTER THAT ANY OF THEM HAVE EVER ENCOUNTERED IS THE HEARTLESS SCROOGE KRABS HIMSELF. THE CUSTOMERS DENOUNCE SQUIDWARD AS A FOOLISH SKEPTIC WHILE MR. KRABS DENOUNCES SQUIDWARD AS A HIDEOUS ZOMBIE WHO IS DEAD ON THE INSIDE AND OUTSIDE. AS SQUIDWARD'S EYES GO CRAZY WITH ANGER AND SQUIDWARD SOFTLY BARKS LIKE AN ANGRY WORM DOG, SPONGEBOB STUFFS SOME OF GARY'S SNAIL FOOD INTO THE ANGRY SQUID'S MOUTH TO PACIFY HIM AND THEN ASKS MR. KRABS ABOUT SEA WOLVES. MR. KRABS ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT THE ONLY TRUE SEA WOLF IN THE SEVEN SEAS IS HIS WORM DOG MR. DOODLES WHO HAS RABIES DUE TO MR. KRABS' REFUSAL TO TAKE HIS ILL PET TO THE EXPENSIVE VETERINARIAN HOSPITAL. MR. KRABS ASSURES SPONGEBOB THAT SEA WOLVES ARE AS FAKE AS SQUIDWARD'S TOUPEE COLLECTION AND REMINDS HIM THAT ALLEY SNAILS, SEWER ALLIGATORS, AND ROTTEN HOBOS ARE THE SCARIEST MONSTERS ROAMING THE CITY STREETS AT NIGHT. MR. KRABS LAUGHS AND MOCKINGLY HOWLS AT SPONGEBOB, CAUSING ALL THE OTHER CUSTOMERS TO MIMIC MR. KRABS TO TEASE SPONGEBOB ABOUT HIS IMAGINARY SEA WOLVES. AS THE CUSTOMERS LEAVE THE RESTAURANT AS NIGHT QUICKLY FALLS, SQUIDWARD RUSHES TO THE RESTROOM AFTER HIS STOMACH ROARS FROM EATING THE SNAIL FOOD AND MR. KRABS CALLS SPONGEBOB TO HIS PRIVATE OFFICE. AS SQUIDWARD CAN BE HEARD PERIODICALLY FLUSHING THE TOILET, CURSING SPONGEBOB, AND USING A PLUNGER, MR. KRABS SERIOUSLY TALKS TO SPONGEBOB ABOUT SEA WOLVES. MR. KRABS APOLOGIZES FOR TEASING SPONGEBOB AND ACTUALLY REVEALS THAT HE INDEED HAS HEARD THE DEVILISH HOWLING OF SEA WOLVES ON THE NIGHTS OF FULL MOONS WHEN HE WAS SUCCESSFULLY ROBBING BANKS AT NIGHT. MR. KRABS EXPLAINS THAT HE ONLY PRETENDED THAT SEA WOLVES WERE IMAGINARY SO HE WOULD NOT SCARE THE CUSTOMERS OUT OF THE RESTAURANT SINCE THE IDEA THAT MAN'S BEST FRIEND, THE CANINE, WOULD BITE THE HANDS THAT FED IT AND EAT THE HOMEWORK OF CHILDREN IS TOO DISTURBING TO HEAR. THE SCARED SPONGEBOB ASKS MR. KRABS HOW TO KILL, NEUTER, OR PUT SEA WOLVES TO SLEEP, BUT MR. KRABS CRYPTICALLY TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT ONE MUST BECOME A MONSTER TO DEFEAT OTHER MONSTERS, DISMISSES SPONGEBOB FROM HIS SIGHT, AND COUNTS HIS PAPER AND COPPER MONEY. AS SPONGEBOB LEAVES, HE ASKS HIS BOSS WHY HE DOES NOT OWN SILVER COINS, CAUSING MR. KRABS TO ACCIDENTALLY DROP MUCH OF HIS MONEY TO THE FLOOR. MR. KRABS ODDLY REPLIES, "SPONGEBOB…HAVE YOU EVER DANCED WITH THE DEVIL STING RAY BY THE SILVER MOON LIGHT?" MR. KRABS THEN SLOWLY WALKS TOWARDS SPONGEBOB AS NOSFERATU IN THE OFFICE CLOSET FLICKERS THE LIGHTS ON AND OFF. SPONGEBOB IS CREEPED OUT BY MR. KRABS' ODD BEHAVIOR AND SUDDENLY NOTICES THAT MR. KRABS HAS A SMALL BITE MARK ON HIS STUBBY NECK. AS SPONGEBOB SLOWLY WALKS BACKWARD TO THE OFFICE DOOR AND ASKS MR. KRABS ABOUT THE INJURY, MR. KRABS SPEAKS IN A GROWLING VOICE AND TELLS SPONGEBOB THAT MR. DOODLES BIT HIM LONG AGO AND THAT HE HAS NOT FELT THE SAME EVER SINCE. MR. KRABS REMARKS THAT HE IS VERY HUNGRY AND MUST FEED ON A SPONGY CHEW TOY. SPONGEBOB BEGINS TO CRY, NOSFERATU BEGINS TO LAUGH, AND MR. KRABS BEGINS TO RAPIDLY PINCH HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS. SUDDENLY, A VOICE FROM BEHIND THE TREMBLING SPONGEBOB SHOUTS, "HE'S HUNGRY LIKE THE SEA WOLF!" SPONGEBOB SCREAMS, TURNS AROUND, AND BUMPS INTO SQUIDWARD WHO IS HOLDING THE MEGAPHONE THAT HE WAS SHOUTING THROUGH. AS SPONGEBOB CRASHES TO THE FLOOR, MR. KRABS AND SQUIDWARD BEGIN TO LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE SWEATY SPONGEBOB WHO SLOWLY REALIZES THAT MR. KRABS WAS ONCE AGAIN TEASING HIM FOR BELIEVING IN SEA MONSTERS. SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS THEN SLAP A DUNCE HAT ONTO SPONGEBOB AND TOSS HIM OUT OF THE RESTAURANT. AS SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS PLAY POKER IN THE CLOSED RESTAURANT, THE ANGRY SPONGEBOB STOMPS AWAY INTO THE NIGHT STREETS WHEN HE HEARS SOMETHING NEAR THE KRUSTY KRAB GARBAGE CANS. THE SPOOKED SPONGEBOB NERVOUSLY WARNS ANY POTENTIAL HOBOS THAT HE WILL GIVE THEM AS MUCH MONEY AS THEY WANT AND WARNS ANY ALLEY SNAILS THAT HE HAS ENOUGH SALT SHAKERS TO MAKE THEM VANISH, BUT THEN SPONGEBOB SEES PATRICK, WHO IS ALSO WEARING A DUNCE HAT AND SEARCHING THROUGH THE TRASH CANS FOR OLD KRABBY PATTIES TO EAT. THE FRIENDS HUG EACH OTHER AND PATRICK TAKES OFF HIS BIG CONE HAT AND PULLS OUT TWO SCARY COSTUMES FROM IT FOR HIM AND SPONGEBOB TO WEAR FOR THEIR SPECIAL SURPRISE EVENING PLAY DATE WITH THEIR OLD SLEEPING FRIENDS MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY AT SHADY SHOALS. THE CREEPY COSTUMES ARE WEREWOLVES DRESSED AS PIRATES, AND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PUT THEM ON AND AGREE THAT THEY LOVE ACTING LIKE THE MUTTS THEY ARE. THE TWO WEREWOLF PIRATES INTERLOCK ARMS AND PLAYFULLY SKIP TOGETHER AWAY FROM THE CLOSED KRUSTY KRAB. AS THEY MERRILY SKIP TOWARDS THE CLOSED SHADY SHOALS TO PLAYFULLY SCARE THEIR OLD FRIENDS, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BEGIN TO SING ABOUT MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, "WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARDS, THE WONDERFUL SENILE WIZARDS…" SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK REACH SHADY SHOALS AND STEALTHILY SNEAK ONTO ITS LAWN WHERE THEY ARE IMMEDIATELY ATTACKED BY OLD MAN JENKINS. CROAKING AND HOPPING LIKE AN OLD TOAD, OLD MAN JENKINS USES HIS CANE TO MERCILESSLY BEAT THE TWO PIRATE WEREWOLVES WHOM HE BELIEVES ARE SEA WOLVES. AFTER KNOCKING SPONGEBOB UNCONSCIOUS, OLD MAN JENKINS IS BITTEN REPEATEDLY BY PATRICK. THE OLD FISH SUDDENLY OPENS HIS CANE TO REVEAL A SILVER SPATULA INSIDE OF IT. OLD MAN JENKINS USES THE HIDDEN WEAPON TO SMACK PATRICK'S BIG BOTTOM UNTIL PATRICK WHIMPERS AND FALLS TO THE FLOOR DEFEATED. BEFORE OLD MAN JENKINS CAN DECAPITATE PATRICK WITH THE SHINY SPATULA, PATRICK'S WOLF MASK FALLS OFF HIS HEAD AND OLD MAN JENKINS REALIZES THAT THE DEFEATED SEA WOLVES ARE ACTUALLY SIMPLY THE VILLAGE IDIOTS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK IN DISGUISE. OLD MAN JENKINS HELPS THE TWO RECOVER AND HEAL IN HIS ROOM AT THE RETIREMENT HOME. THE TWO SHOCKED FRIENDS ASK THE OLD FISH HOW HE LEARNED TO FIGHT LIKE THAT, BUT THE OLD MAN IS VERY TIRED FROM THE EXERTION. THEY APOLOGIZE TO THE OLD FISH FOR SCARING HIM, AND SPONGEBOB GIVES HIM SOME SNAIL FOOD TO REGAIN HIS ENERGY. AS HE EATS THE SNAIL FOOD, OLD MAN JENKINS EXPLAINS TO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THAT HE IS A FORMER SEA WOLF HUNTER, WHO HUNTED REAL SEA WOLVES IN THE WILDERNESS AND MANY SEA CITIES WHEN HE WAS YOUNGER TO RID THE OCEANS OF ALL SEA MONSTERS. HOWEVER, THE OLD FISH CLAIMS TO BE RETIRED FROM HIS HEROIC WORK AND TO HAVE MOVED TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO FINALLY PEACEFULLY REST FROM HIS CRUSADE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ASK THE OLD FISH TO DESCRIBE SEA WOLVES TO THEM SINCE THEY HAVE NEVER ACTUALLY SEEN ANY IN THEIR LIVES. THE TIRED OLD MAN JENKINS CLAIMS THAT SEA WOLVES ARE REGULAR SEA CREATURES WHO CAN TRANSFORM INTO HOWLING WOLF-HEADED, CARNIVOROUS WALRUSES ON THE EVENINGS OF FULL MOONS. SHOWING THEM HIS SILVER SPATULA, OLD MAN JENKINS EXPLAINS THAT THE GREATEST WEAKNESS OF SEA WOLVES ARE SILVER UTENSILS THAT CAN BE USED AS WEAPONS TO EFFECTIVELY FIGHT AGAINST THEM BY BEHEADING THEIR WOLF HEADS, WHICH CAUSES THEM TO TRANSFORM BACK INTO REGULAR SEA CREATURES. THE AMAZED SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ASK THE FORMER HUNTER HOW MANY SEA WOLVES HE BEHEADED IN HIS LIFE. OLD MAN JENKINS PAUSES TO REMEMBER AND CLAIMS TO HAVE DEFEATED EXACTLY 666 SEA WOLVES. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THEN ASK HIM IF THERE ARE ANY SEA WOLVES IN BIKINI BOTTOM. OLD MAN JENKINS HOPES THAT THERE ARE NONE IN THE CITY SINCE HE JUST MOVED THERE AND IS TOO OLD TO CONTINUE HIS WAR ON CANINES. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ADMIRE THE OLD HUNTER FOR HIS SUPPOSED PAST BRAVERY AND HEROIC FEATS AND ASK HIM TO TEACH THEM THE WAYS OF THE SEA WOLF HUNTER. THE OLD FISH AGREES, GIVES THEM EACH A SPARE SILVER SPATULA, AND TELLS THEM TO RETURN EACH DAY FOR THEIR TRAINING SO THEY CAN BECOME HIS SUCCESSORS. OLD MAN JENKINS THEN FALLS ASLEEP AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LEAVE HOME FOR THE NIGHT AND AGREE THAT OLD MAN JENKINS IS A BETTER HERO THAN EVEN MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY COMBINED. EVERYDAY SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK VISIT SHADY SHOALS WHERE OLD MAN JENKINS TRAINS THEM HOW TO BECOME SEA WOLF HUNTERS ON THE BIG LAWN OF THE RETIREMENT HOME. THE OLD RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS AND CIVILIAN PASSERBY BELIEVE OLD MAN JENKINS IS A SENILE COOK, BUT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK REGARD HIM AS A LEGENDARY HERO. FOR A FULL MONTH, OLD MAN JENKINS BEFRIENDS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, TELLS THEM HIS MANY STORIES OF FIGHTING SEA WOLVES AND COLLECTING THEIR WOLF SKULLS THAT HE EVENTUALLY MISPLACED, AND TEACHES THEM HOW TO BECOME SUCCESSFUL SEA WOLF HUNTERS AND HIS SUCCESSORS. THE OLD FISH, SPONGEBOB, AND PATRICK USE THEIR SILVER SPATULAS IN MOCK SWORD FIGHTS TO PREPARE TO FIGHT SEA WOLVES. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK REPEATEDLY SPAR AGAINST ONE ANOTHER UNTIL THEY CAN MASTERFULLY WIELD THEIR SILVERWARE WEAPONRY. THE FRIENDS ENJOY THEIR APPARENT FANTASY GAMES. OLD MAN JENKINS CONTINUALLY SUPPLIES THEM WITH LARGER SILVERWARE TO FIGHT AND PRACTICE WITH AND HAS THEM BEHEAD SCARECROW DUMMIES DRESSED AS PIRATES AND WEARING WEREWOLF MASKS TO PRACTICE DECAPITATING SEA WOLVES. EXPLAINING THAT THEY MUST BECOME WOLVES TO CATCH WOLVES, THE OLD FISH ALSO HAS THEM BETTER THEIR SENSE OF SMELL TO DETECT SEA WOLVES BY SNIFFING THE BUTTS OF THE OLD PEOPLE OF SHADY SHOALS FROM WHICH THEY CONSTANTLY FALL UNCONSCIOUS AND HAS THEM CONSTANTLY REPLACE THEIR REAL TEETH WITH SHARPER FORMS OF DENTURES STOLEN FROM THE OLD PEOPLE OF SHADY SHOALS TO MAKE THEM HUNGRY FOR HUNTING SEA WOLVES. AS THE MONTH OF FUN ENDS, DESPITE THE GREAT ANNOYANCE THE TRIO HAS CAUSED THE RETIREMENT HOME AND ALL CIVILIAN ONLOOKERS, OLD MAN JENKINS OFFICIALLY MAKES SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HONORARY SEA WOLF HUNTERS BY PROVIDING THEM WITH HARPOON GUNS THAT SHOOT OUT SILVER SPEARS AND RACCOON HUNTING CAPS TO SIGNIFY THEIR NEW WARRIOR STATUS. THE TRIO THEN DEPARTS THE CITY ONE NIGHT TO HIKE UP A HILL OVERLOOKING BIKINI BOTTOM. THE EXHAUSTED OLD MAN JENKINS TELLS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THAT THEY ARE NOW HIS SUCCESSORS WHO MUST DO ALL THEY CAN TO ELIMINATE SEA WOLVES FROM ALL TIDAL ZONES, SO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PROMISE TO MAKE THEIR MENTOR PROUD. OLD MAN JENKINS EXPLAINS THAT HE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH MORE TIME LEFT TO LIVE, CAUSING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO BECOME SAD UNTIL HE REMINDS THEM THAT THEY WILL CONTINUE HIS LEGACY. OLD MAN JENKINS THEN TEACHES SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THEIR FINAL LESSON ABOUT SEA WOLVES. OLD MAN JENKINS TELLS THEM ABOUT HOW THE TIDES OF THE OCEAN BECOME VERY POWERFUL LIKE AN OMINOUS STORM WHEN A FULL MOON APPROACHES AND THE SEA WOLVES COME OUT AT NIGHT DUE TO THE OCCULT FORCE OF GRAVITY. OLD MAN JENKINS REMINDS THEM THAT THE FULL MOON WILL RISE TOMORROW NIGHT OVER BIKINI BOTTOM BUT WARNS THEM TO NOT GO OUT THE NEXT NIGHT SINCE THE SUBSEQUENT TIDAL WINDS WILL BE TOO POWERFUL ACCORDING TO THE LOCAL WEATHER NEWS. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AGREE TO HONOR HIS WISHES, AND THEY ALL SHARE A LONG HUG AND PLAYFUL HOWL ON THE HILL. THE TRIO THEN RETURNS TO SHADY SHOALS WHERE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TUCK THEIR OLD MENTOR INTO HIS BED, THANK HIM FOR HIS MENTORING, AND KISS HIM GOOD NIGHT AND WISH HIM GOOD BYE. OLD MAN JENKINS PEACEFULLY SLEEPS AS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LEAVE TO SPONGEBOB'S PINEAPPLE HOME TO SLEEP FOR THE NIGHT. THE NEXT DAY IS EXTREMELY WINDY AND COLD FROM THE STRONG TIDAL CURRENTS, SO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK REMAIN AT THE PINEAPPLE HOME FOR THE DAY AND CELEBRATE THEIR NEW STATUS AS SEA WOLF HUNTERS BY WATCHING HORROR MOVIES WITH GARY UNTIL NIGHT WHEN THEY FINALLY FALL ASLEEP WITH THE WINDS HOWLING OUTSIDE AND THE FULL MOON RISING IN THE DARK SKIES ABOVE. AS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND GARY SLEEP IN THE PINEAPPLE HOME AND OLD MAN JENKINS LIES AWAKE IN HIS ROOM AT SHADY SHOALS, EVERYONE ELSE IN BIKINI BOTTOM, INCLUDING THEIR FRIENDS AND FAMILY, SUDDENLY TRANSFORMS INTO WALRUSES WITH WOLF HEADS. ALL OTHER BIKINI BOTTOMITES HAVE FINALLY BECOME SEA WOLVES BY THE SILVER LIGHT OF THE FULL MOON AND THE STRONG TIDES OF THE NIGHT WIND. THE FEROCIOUS, FAT, AND FURRY SEA WOLVES HOWL IN UNISON, MADLY GLARE AT THE FULL MOON, AND SLOWLY WADDLE TOGETHER TOWARDS SHADY SHOALS TO FINALLY DEFEAT THE LEGENDARY SEA WOLF HUNTER OLD MAN JENKINS. AS THE OLD SEA WOLVES INSIDE SHADY SHOALS AND THE REMAINING SEA WOLVES ACROSS THE CITY INVADE HIS ROOM, OLD MAN JENKINS BEGINS TO CRY AND SADLY SMILE, PUTS ON HIS RACCOON CAP, AND HOLDS HIS LONGTIME SILVER SPATULA LIKE AN OLD RELIC. PEACEFULLY REALIZING THAT HE IS TOO OLD, OUTNUMBERED, AND TIRED OF HUNTING SEA MONSTERS AND KNOWING THAT HE HAS PASSED ON HIS WARRIOR SKILLS TO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, OLD MAN JENKINS SILENTLY ACCEPTS HIS FATE. THE SEA WOLVES FINALLY BREAK INTO HIS ROOM AND RAVENOUSLY DEVOUR HIM...

THE NEXT DAY EVERYONE IS BACK TO NORMAL AND OLD MAN JENKINS IS MISSING FROM BIKINI BOTTOM. ONLY SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE APPARENTLY NOT SEA WOLVES AND ARE UNAWARE OF THE HORRIFYING EVENTS OF THE PREVIOUS NIGHT. THE FRIENDS AND NEW SEA WOLF HUNTERS ARE BOTH SAD AND CONFUSED ABOUT OLD MAN JENKINS' SUDDEN DISAPPEARANCE. AFTER FRUITLESSLY SEARCHING FOR THEIR OLD FRIEND THE ENTIRE DAY WITH GARY'S HELP, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SADLY BELIEVE THAT OLD MAN JENKINS HAS LEFT BIKINI BOTTOM SINCE HE HAS PASSED ON HIS LIFE MISSION TO THEM, MAKING THEM THE NEW PROTECTORS OF BIKINI BOTTOM FROM SEA WOLVES. AS NIGHT FALLS, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SHARE A KRABBY PATTY MEAL AT THE KRUSTY KRAB WHERE MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, AND ALL THE OTHER CUSTOMERS ARE SUPPOSEDLY HAPPY THAT THE CRAZY OLD MAN JENKINS APPARENTLY LEFT TOWN FOREVER. AS MR. KRABS AND SQUIDWARD TELL SEA MONSTER STORIES TO THE CUSTOMERS OF THE RESTAURANT, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK SUDDENLY PULL OUT THEIR FANCY SILVERWARE THAT OLD MAN JENKINS GAVE THEM AND SLOWLY EAT THEIR FOOD WITH THE SILVER UTENSILS, CAUSING EVERYONE ELSE IN THE KRUSTY KRAB TO GLARE AND TO GROWL AT THEM...

**TOM SURFING: WHETHER THEY ARE REAL OR IMAGINARY, SEA MONSTERS WILL ALWAYS BE STUDIED AND HUNTED BY THOSE BRAVE AND FOOLISH ENOUGH TO SEARCH FOR THEM. SOMETIMES THE SCARIEST MONSTERS CAN BE FOUND ON THE DARK NIGHTS OF CITY STREETS WITH OR WITHOUT FULL MOONS ABOVE. SOMETIMES THE HUNTERS BECOME THE HUNTED, THOUGH THE CRUSADE AGAINST OUR GREATEST FEARS AND WORST NIGHTMARES WILL NEVER END AS NEW WARRIORS REPLACE THE OLD. JUST A FAIR WARNING FOR ALL MARINE CRYPTOZOOLOGISTS: NEVER DANCE WITH THE DEVIL STING RAY BY THE SILVER MOONLIGHT AND NEVER HUNT THE SEA WOLVES HOWLING AND ROAMING…IN THE TIDAL ZONE. **


	5. Planet of the Jellyfish

**Planet of the Jellyfish**

**[SpongeBob SquarePants parody of Planet of the Apes, my second parody of the classic 1968 film/Bonus Finale of The Tidal Zone]**

**By **

**Jaime Gomez**

**Summary**

**SpongeBob parodies Planet of the Apes! When marine biologist George Taylor is sent to investigate the mysterious crashing of a U.F.O. near Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean, Taylor unexpectedly discovers the underwater civilization of Bikini Bottom and learns the truth about both extraterrestrial life and the folly of humanity.**

**Story**

**Tom Surfing: Bikini Atoll, Pacific Ocean. Sadly, there are no bikinis here but only the radioactive reminders of the overwhelmingly destructive nature of Man, whose many nuclear tests here prove that He is simply a child playing with one big loaded atomic gun. Incidentally, not too long ago, an unidentified flying object from the Heavens crashed into these waters as either a sign of hope or an omen of doom for mankind. Marine biologist George Taylor is searching for said U.F.O. He is searching for something alien deep below the sea that is far better than the warmongering nations and tragic would-be gods on dry land. Mr. Taylor is about to sink into the dark and mysterious depths…of the Tidal Zone. **

The year is 1962. The Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union has come to a halt over recent news of an extraterrestrial crash of a U.F.O. from outer space near the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. The most eminent American scientist, marine biologist and diver George Taylor (who happens to resemble famous Hollywood actor Charlton Heston), has been sent in a special top secret submarine and wearing a special top secret astronaut suit to the depths of the Pacific to find the U.F.O. and discern its identity. Public paranoia has caused media rumors that the mysterious U.F.O. may be similar to the U.F.O.s that reportedly crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. Within his isolated submarine deep underwater, Taylor is to search for nearly 6 months for the supposedly alien flying saucer, which actually may or may not be a meteorite. After discerning the true nature of the crashed U.F.O., Taylor is to report his findings to top American scientists working for the American military, who will decide how best to reveal the discovery to the public if the crashed vessel is indeed alien. Before he departs on his lone mission, Taylor is excited to leave dry land and human civilization behind. As a top scientist, Taylor has been fascinated with marine life his entire life, has been greatly disappointed in how humans pollute and bomb the seas (especially during nuclear testing), has been horribly disillusioned with humanity due to the horrors and dangers of the Cold War, and is excited that the aliens he might discover may be better than humanity in all possible ways. Before he departs, Taylor has a final meeting with American General Thade about his mission. General Thade warns Taylor to use extreme caution when investigating the U.F.O. General Thade reminds Taylor of the lost Soviet satellite Sputnik 1, sent into outer space in 1957 and never found again after its initial launch. Though Taylor agrees that the deep oceans of earth are as mysterious and alien as outer space to humanity, Taylor believes his training and qualifications will prepare him enough for his lone mission. General Thade also reminds Taylor that if he indeed finds an alien flying saucer and is later asked to report his findings to the American press that Taylor is to speak about the greatness of American science and how the historic American discovery of extraterrestrial life proves that the United States is the greatest nation on earth. Taylor is disgusted by General Thade's extreme nationalism and blind patriotism and immediately disagrees with General Thade's orders. Taylor argues that the discovery will be for all mankind, not just Americans, and will most likely change human civilization forever, possibly causing the end of the Cold War. General Thade mocks Taylor's idealism and tells Taylor that American hegemony will continue forever, that the United States will win the Cold War, that the United States will conquer all of the earth (land, sea, and sky) and even the rest of the Universe, and that the United States will destroy any alien visitors that do not accept the American Empire. General Thade points out that the American military has planted many American flags and miniature Statues of Liberty across the islands and atolls of the Pacific, including on the Bikini Atoll, and will soon conquer Cuba and plant American symbols on the new Cuban colony. General Thade reminds Taylor that he is to plant such symbols on the U.F.O. once it is discovered. The outraged Taylor claims that the Cold War will end human civilization and that humanity's only hope for salvation from destruction comes from gods or aliens, making Taylor's mission extremely important. The amused General Thade wishes Taylor good luck in finding the chariots of the gods and the lost city of Atlantis and dismisses Taylor from the naval ship to his own submarine to begin his mission. Taylor's submarine finally launches and begins its descent into the dark depths of the Pacific, causing a feeling of great relief to wash over Taylor as the dark and isolated emptiness of the seas brings comfort to him as he leaves humanity behind and begins his search for something far greater. Months pass by without any findings of the crashed U.F.O. Taylor occasionally sees very large bioluminescent jellyfish swarming outside his vessel, though he is unsure which species they are since he is so deep underwater. Taylor also notices large amounts of radiation in the waters he is traveling in, which he attributes to the past nuclear testing around Bikini Atoll. However, mysterious earthquake-like tremors soon cause the deep underwater geysers of the ocean floors to erupt, causing Taylor's submarine to go off course and to finally crash in an unknown prairie-like field. Wearing his special astronaut suit, Taylor leaves his devastated submarine behind and continues his search for the crashed U.F.O. The desperate Taylor realizes that he can no longer return home and that his only hope for survival will be finding the potentially alien vessel, meeting its alien pilots, and having the aliens take him back to the surface. As Taylor aimlessly roams the underwater prairie, he is shocked when he discovers a legible sign that reads "Jellyfish Fields." Suddenly, Taylor is attacked by a swarm of pink jellyfish that squirt him with sticky jelly and electrically shock him, though his astronaut suit protects him from harm. Using his special harpoon spear gun, Taylor defends himself against the attackers, but more jellyfish reinforcements arrive. Seemingly overwhelmed by the jellyfish, Taylor is suddenly saved when two mysterious strangers arrive, a humanoid sponge and a humanoid starfish carrying odd nets and playfully catching and releasing the jellyfish, which disperse and seem to be playing a game with the sponge and starfish. Taylor is shocked beyond belief at the humanoid sea creatures and believes that they must be hallucinations due to the stress and environmental hardships of his mission. However, the sponge and the starfish seem to recognize Taylor and refer to him as "Sandy." The confused Taylor is even more shocked that the aquatic humanoids speak English and then cautiously meets the sponge and the starfish who soon realize that the astronaut is not their friend Sandy. Introducing themselves to Taylor, SpongeBob and Patrick welcome him to Jellyfish Fields, explain that they were jelly fishing, and ask him where he comes from. The delirious Taylor calls the two mirages, causing Patrick to doubt his own existence and start to cry and causing SpongeBob to comfort him and to explain to Taylor that they are real and are not figments of Taylor's imagination. Taylor asks how they can be real, causing SpongeBob to explain the Bikini Bottomite creation myth of King Neptune, the god of the sea who caused a global flood to destroy evil dry land monsters and then created all sea creatures to make a perfect Sea World in his image. Taylor is confused by the myth and still suspicious of his own sanity. Taylor then asks why SpongeBob and Patrick referred to him as Sandy, causing them to explain that Sandy is their scientist squirrel friend who wears an astronaut suit and lives in a Tree Dome to survive underwater. SpongeBob explains that Sandy has a red rocket, causing Patrick to laugh uncontrollably and causing Taylor to ask if Sandy is a male. The embarrassed SpongeBob then explains that Sandy has a space rocket that she built. Taylor is eager to meet the squirrel scientist and both SpongeBob and Patrick agree to take Taylor to her Tree Dome under the condition that he becomes their new friend. Taylor reluctantly agrees and SpongeBob and Patrick make him sing the F.U.N. song with them and wear a Best Friend Forever Ring to become their official new friend. As they journey to Sandy's home, Taylor asks his new aquatic friends if there are more humanoid sea creatures like themselves, causing SpongeBob and Patrick to describe the thriving sea city of Bikini Bottom and its humanoid fishy inhabitants to him. Apart from hallucinations, the only explanation Taylor can provide of his new discovery is that the aquatic humanoids are actually the survivors of the lost magical city of Atlantis, though SpongeBob assures him that Atlantis is real and is actually far away from Bikini Bottom. Taylor comes to accept that he will never be able to explain how the aquatic humanoids exist, so he decides to simply continue his search for the crashed U.F.O. Taylor asks SpongeBob and Patrick if they saw the U.F.O. crash near Bikini Bottom, causing them to remember an old city legend of a falling star that crashed near Goo Lagoon shortly before Bikini Bottom was founded. The falling star was said to predict the founding of Bikini Bottom itself. Taylor believes that the falling star is actually the crashed U.F.O. and then deduces that Bikini Bottom has just been recently founded and that the city and its aquatic inhabitants must be only several months old. Unable to deduce what caused the creation of the sea city and its aquatic humanoids, Taylor guesses that alien technology and genetic engineering techniques from the crashed alien vessel may be responsible for creating Bikini Bottom and all humanoid Bikini Bottomites. Taylor tries to explain his theory to SpongeBob and Patrick, who do not understand it. Thus, Taylor believes that only the scientist Sandy can help him make sense of his situation and help him return home to report his historic discoveries. As SpongeBob, Patrick, and Taylor finally enter Bikini Bottom, civilian fish panic upon seeing the "alien" Taylor, who panics upon seeing the humanoid fish and the modern underwater urban infrastructure. Police fish soon arrive on the scene to arrest Taylor, who runs away with SpongeBob and Patrick. Boat police cars begin a large speed chase after Taylor and SpongeBob and Patrick. Taylor uses his harpoon spear gun to destroy may cop vehicles, but the overwhelming police forces soon capture him and his new friends and confiscate his powerful weapon.

As many fish cops roughly handle the struggling Taylor, Taylor scolds them: "Get your filthy fins off me, you damn stinky fish!"

The police fish brutally beat Taylor for his insult. Taylor, SpongeBob, and Patrick are then arrested in the Bikini Bottom police station. Inside their shared cell, Taylor complains to SpongeBob and Patrick that he has not done anything wrong and that the new underwater society is just as bad as the human society he came from. SpongeBob and Patrick assure him that they will be released soon and that their city is not as bad as he thinks. Meanwhile, in a prison cell next to theirs, Karen visits her husband Plankton, who has been arrested for trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula from the Krusty Krab. While Plankton kisses Karen between the bars of his cell, the police fish soon try to break up their reunion when Plankton refuses to stop hugging his computer wife. After the police fish finally break the couple apart, Karen begins beeping uncontrollably as her screen flashes the warning, "Self-Destruct Mode Activated!" The police fish panic as Karen explodes, allowing Plankton, Taylor, SpongeBob, Patrick, and even the Tattle Tale Strangler to escape the devastated police station. SpongeBob and Patrick plead with Taylor to help them stop Plankton from stealing the Krabby Patty formula and they promise to take Taylor to Sandy after they foil Plankton's plan. Taylor reluctantly agrees, retrieves his harpoon spear gun, and departs with SpongeBob and Patrick towards the Krusty Krab. Plankton soon arrives in the Chum Bucket and enters a large Plankton robot that resembles a metallic Cyclops to invade the Krusty Krab. Taylor, SpongeBob, and Patrick arrive as Taylor notices that the Chum Bucket must serve dead fish as chum food. Inside the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs and Squidward launch Operation Cheapskate as they load fish customers into cannons and fire them as civilian torpedoes to attack the large Plankton Robot, which stumbles from the attacks and fires laser beams and mini-naval mine explosives at the restaurant. SpongeBob and Patrick blow a barrage of bubbles and launch buckets of sand at the Plankton Robot, while Taylor aims for the single eye of the Cyclops. The laser beams, explosives, and stomping of the Cyclops cause much destruction as Mr. Krabs, Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick seek safety in the money vault of the restaurant. Suddenly, Sandy's rocket arrives to provide aerial support in the battle. The rocket flies over the Cyclops and fires naval torpedoes at it, causing the Plankton Robot to stumble uncontrollably until it manages to grab the rocket and throw it into the Chum Bucket, where it crashes and explodes, releasing large amounts of Chum into the battle. The Plankton Robot then breaks into the Krusty Krab office and retrieves the bottle containing the Krabby Patty formula. The enraged Taylor, who had been moving under the various restaurant tables for safety, believes the rocket pilot Sandy is dead. Taylor finally fires a harpoon spear at the eye of the Cyclops. The spear breaks through the eye and breaks into the mechanical brain of the Plankton Robot, causing it to malfunction and crash defeated to the ground. With the battle over, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick rush out of the money vault, retrieve the Krabby Patty formula, and thank Taylor for saving them. Meanwhile, Sandy is covered in chum and stumbles out of the destroyed Chum Bucket. SpongeBob and Patrick rush towards her and embrace her as she explains that the liquid chum and her protective astronaut suit prevented her from being burned alive in the crash. As the defeated Plankton slowly and weakly crawls out of the destroyed Plankton Robot, Taylor aims his harpoon spear gun at the prisoner. Plankton admits defeat and claims he knew the human Taylor would come to Bikini Bottom one day. The confused Taylor asks how Plankton predicted his arrival. Plankton claims that all humans are monsters and that they are responsible for his hatred of all life. Taylor responds that Plankton himself is a monster and is a liar as well, trying to blame humans for his own faults. Taylor, disgusted with Plankton, asks Plankton how he lives with himself. Plankton responds that he lives only for the sake of power and destruction and that he only fights for the Krabby Patty formula so he can cause destruction to the sea creatures trying to defend it. Plankton cryptically remarks that the answers that Taylor is searching for under the sea will cause him to hate the world as much as Plankton does. Taylor, aiming his gun point blank at Plankton, demands to know what truths Plankton is hiding, but Plankton calmly responds that once Taylor discovers what the U.F.O. really is and once Taylor discovers how Bikini Bottom was created then Taylor will realize that his own worst nightmares have come true. Before Taylor can grab the little crushed Plankton on the floor, Plankton pulls out a small hand-held detonator and presses its button, causing the fallen Plankton Robot to explode, flooding the area with more chum and tartar sauce within the Cyclops, drowning and killing the little Plankton in the extra sauces, and sending all the others flying and injured from the explosion. As everyone recovers together covered in the sauces, the police arrive on the scene. As the police fish realize that Taylor is a hero, they forgive him for his previous crimes and welcome him to Bikini Bottom as its new city hero, where they assure him that they uphold Law and Order under the Sea as best as they can. Taylor agrees that they do a better job at upholding social order under the sea than humans on dry land do above the sea. As the police clean up the mess of the battle, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Sandy meet Taylor and thank him for saving them from the menace Plankton. Taylor is still confused and disturbed by Plankton's warnings, but the others assure him that Plankton was merely lying to Taylor as revenge for his defeat. Everyone disagrees with Plankton's pursuit of power and expresses their own viewpoints on how to live life. Mr. Krabs expresses his love of money and how the pursuit of wealth is what life is all about; Squidward expresses his love of social prestige and how popularity and status in society matter the most in life; Patrick expresses his hedonistic view of life and how fulfilling his sensual pleasures of eating, sleeping, and playing in trash cans makes life worth living; SpongeBob expresses his view of living everyday like a child and treating the world as a place of wonder and fun where he lives like Peter Pan in Neverland and treats life like an adventure; and finally, Sandy expresses her view of treating life like a puzzle to be solved and a challenged to be lived, using science to answer her life questions and sports to keep her at her physical and mental peak. Sandy then asks Taylor how he views life, causing Taylor to remark that only the Truth behind the mystery of life matters, no matter how wonderful or horrible the Truth is to human or sea creature sensibilities. Mr. Krabs and Squidward then wish their friends farewell as Taylor, Sandy, SpongeBob, and Patrick depart to Sandy's Tree Dome. Taylor speaks with Sandy about his mission and his crashed submarine, causing Sandy to assure him that she can fix his submarine and that she can help him locate the U.F.O. in Goo Lagoon. Taylor then suddenly recognizes Sandy from somewhere though he cannot recall specifically where he remembers her from but only has an odd feeling of deja vu. While SpongeBob and Patrick remain at the Tree Dome in fear of the supposed alien vessel at Goo Lagoon, Sandy and Taylor depart to Goo Lagoon to retrieve whatever crashed there. The two scientists arrive at the empty beach and soon travel together hand-in-hand into the depths of the mud pool. They soon discover a rusty and shiny metallic object at the bottom of the Lagoon and brush off the layers of mud covering its exterior. The writing on the craft appears to be foreign, but Taylor immediately recognizes the writing as he finally discerns the name of the vessel…Sputnik 1. Taylor is shocked as he realizes that the U.F.O. is actually the first Russian space vessel sent into orbit that went missing in outer space before apparently finally crashing back down to earth several years after its initial launch. Taylor is disappointed that the U.F.O. is manmade and not alien as he explains to Sandy the origins of the Russian vessel. However, Taylor suddenly recalls where he remembers Sandy from. Taylor claims that Sandy was the first animal ever sent into space on a top secret American probe from a top secret American space base in Houston, Texas. Sandy is shocked by the truth as Taylor explains that Sandy must have crash landed back into the waters of the Pacific when the Texan scientists presumed her dead and lost in outer space after the launch of her space rocket and the viewing of her mission as a failure. As Sandy and Taylor depart Goo Lagoon, rendezvous with SpongeBob and Patrick at the Tree Dome, and arrive with them back at Taylor's ruined submarine near the outskirts of Bikini Bottom, Taylor still wonders how the sea creatures and Sandy herself of Bikini Bottom have become sentient and humanoid. As Sandy repairs Taylor's submarine with her spare rocket equipment, the group is suddenly attacked by very large bioluminescent jellyfish. SpongeBob and Patrick use their jellyfishing nets against the attackers, but the abnormal jellyfish are too large to be caught. The jellyfish also shoot beams of radioactive energy at the group, causing the destruction of Taylor's harpoon spear gun and submarine. Sandy's nut cracker weaponry and karate skills are no match for the radioactive jellyfish who soon overwhelm and encircle SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy, and Taylor. However, instead of killing their prisoners, the jellyfish seem to beckon for Taylor to follow them without the others. Having no choice but to follow the jellyfish and leave Bikini Bottom behind, Taylor and his new friends hug and say their final goodbyes. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy remind Taylor that he is always welcome to return to Bikini Bottom if human civilization on dry land is too much for him to handle. Taylor thanks them for helping him complete his mission and promises to return after he reveals the truth of the U.F.O. to the world to make all humanity realize that only all humans, not alien saviors, can solve their own social problems on earth. Finally, Taylor in his protective suit rides the largest jellyfish of the herd as the radioactive jellyfish float and depart to the surface of the sea. As they break the surface of the waters, Taylor notices the intense heat of the air, the winter-like weather around him, and the odd mushroom- like cloud formations in the distance. A feeling of foreboding surges within him as the jellyfish take Taylor to Bikini Atoll. With the jellyfish silently waiting near the shore of the Atoll, Taylor arrives on a sandbar on the island and walks towards two unknown objects in the distance. Taylor strips off his heavy astronaut suit due to the intense heat and soon is wearing only his underclothes. Taylor finally reaches the objects and is horrified by the site. The first object is a burned American flag and the second is a half-buried and destroyed miniature Statue of Liberty. Taylor remembers General Thade's description of the planting of the objects on all the islands of the Pacific by the American military. Taylor finally realizes what has caused their destruction and the birth of Bikini Bottom. A nuclear holocaust caused by the Cuban Missile Crisis, which began shortly after Taylor's journey began, has destroyed all human civilizations on dry land. The immense subsequent radiation from the nuclear fallout has caused the creation of mutant sea creatures, including the radioactive jellyfish and all Bikini Bottomites, who developed their society with the floating structural remains of the ruins of human civilization. Taylor is living in a post-apocalyptic world. His greatest nightmares have finally come true.

The shocked Taylor falls to his knees in the radioactive mud and yells to the Heavens in horror: "Oh, my God…Plankton, that little bastard, was right all along. We finally really did it. You maniacs! You blew it up! Oh damn you, God damn you all to Hell!"

**Tom Surfing: No gods, no aliens, and now no humans are to be found on Earth. Mr. Taylor is lost at sea with only Bikini Bottom as his final home. His mission was full of both success and bewilderment, but he has learned far more than he could ever have wanted to know. The extinction of Man by his own weaponry has ironically led to the birth of Mutants under the sea. Through the crucible of countless atom bombs, the World has reluctantly cleansed itself of the parasitic humanity and has spawned a new aquatic race to thrive, develop, and either follow Man to his own self-imposed Grave or evolve beyond the obsolete Man for a future of untold productive possibilities. So a final note of hope for the doomed Mr. Taylor: he is always welcome with his mutant descendants in Bikini Bottom and always welcome to keep searching for something better than Man…in the Tidal Zone. **

**The End**


	6. To Serve Pigs

**To Serve Pigs**

**by **

**Jaime Gomez**

**Summary - To Serve Pigs - When cheesy aliens from the Moon save fat starfish from their perils, they create a farming utopia under the sea. However, it appears that the alien saviors have ulterior motives and plans for the starfish and their big fat butts.**

**Story**

**Narrator Tom Surfing: Do you like eating fat starfish? Not many species do since obese starfish are often considered the disgusting and unclean pigs of the sea. However, there are those in the Cosmos who love to serve starfish. Little cheesy men from the moon whose benevolent interest in serving other species has brought to their attention the big butts of starfish in the waters of planet Earth. Welcome to your deep dive into the soggy bowels...of the Tidal Zone.**

On a lovely little farm called "Home of the Hogs" and run by Farmer Patrick Star near the outskirts of Bikini Bottom, many obese starfish work hard on crop fields to feed themselves. The community is peaceful and self-reliant but is plagued by external ills. Fat nematodes often eat the crops, while wild great white sharks often hunt and kidnap the starfish in their sleep at night from their rock homes, causing their food supply and population to suffer. Patrick is a somewhat smart leader who plans harvests well but he can do little to effectively combat the nematode pests and shark predators. Patrick relies on his three little chunky starfish nephews named Fats, Tubs, and Chubs to help run the farm. However, alien saviors from the sky soon arrive on the farm to save the starfish from their perils.

Arriving in flying saucers, CheeseBob the Moonian and many identical little triangular cheese people from the Moon made of Cheese use their robotic rats, laser guns, pesticides, and flying saucer plasma bombs to repel the nematode pests and shark predators from the farm and to bring peace to the starfish community. The grateful starfish welcome the Moonians as saviors and hold a celebratory Thanksgiving pineapple and seaweed feast with the Moonians. The Moonians promise to always take care of the starfish since the aliens believe the starfish species and their big butts are very precious and endangered throughout the watery planets of the cosmos. The Moonians explain that they help all fat aquatic species who need their help and whose butts are so amazingly big to preserve peace and unity in the cosmos. The Moonians always compliment the starfish that they have the biggest butts on planet Earth, while the starfish always compliment the Moonians that they are the greatest and cheesiest midget guardian angels from Heaven. The Moonians provide the starfish with all the delicious cheesy Moonian food that they could ever want, ending any hunger in their community. However, the Moonian cheesy food has the slight but unimportant side effect of drastically increasing the size of the fat butts of the starfish.

The mutual leaders Farmer Patrick Star and CheeseBob the Moonian soon hold a private meeting inside the alien Mother Ship to discuss the new utopia. Patrick is grateful for the Moonian custodianship, but Patrick is somewhat suspicious of the Moonians' true motives for helping the starfish. To test CheeseBob's true plans, Patrick asks CheeseBob how long the Moonians have been observing the starfish from the stars of the sky. CheeseBob explains that the Moonians looked across the oceans of Earth to find aquatic species with the largest and wettest anuses since the Moonians believe that big wet butts indicate great intelligence and beauty. CheeseBob explains that the Moonians have saved both hippopotamuses and starfish from all social and environmental ills. Patrick then asks where all the hippopotamuses are now. CheeseBob replies that the hippos are now all peacefully living on the cheese Moon, which is an even greater utopia than the starfish farm. CheeseBob boasts about the endlessly abundant cheese cracker fields and fondue rivers of all types of cheeses on the Moon, which the Moonians and hippos enjoy forever. CheeseBob wants Patrick's permission to take the starfish in astronaut suits to the cheesy Moon so they too can enjoy the fruits of Heaven. Patrick agrees to allow the starfish who wish to visit the Moon to be taken in the alien flying saucers.

Before Patrick ends the meeting, Patrick notices a large book written in alien hieroglyphics and belonging to CheeseBob himself. Patrick asks CheeseBob what the book is, and CheeseBob replies that the book describes the Moonian policy of serving others throughout the cosmos. Patrick asks if he can borrow and read the book, but CheeseBob explains that Patrick will not understand the Moonian language. Patrick then notices a translation dictionary from the Moonian to English languages next to the book. Eager to discover the true alien motives if they have any other motives than serving the starfish, Patrick has his three little starfish nephews cry wolf about attacking great white sharks, causing CheeseBob and the other Moonians to quickly depart to stop the supposed shark attacks. Meanwhile, Patrick steals both books so he can translate the title of the Moonian book.

The Moonians soon realize that the three little starfish nephews had accidentally cried wolf upon seeing dolphins approaching the community. The Moonians and their robot rats soon drive away the invading but harmless dolphin scavengers. The Moonians then invite the starfish to begin traveling to the Moon by the end of the month to enjoy the Moonian utopia, and most starfish soon happily get free tickets for the imminent voyage. As the end of the month nears, Patrick works hard to translate the title of the Moonian book and finally discovers that the book is called To Serve Pigs. Patrick realizes that the Moonians secretly refer to the obese pink starfish as pigs, but Patrick is so proud about how disgustingly fat and filthy his fellow starfish are that he views the reference as a compliment. Assured that the benevolent Moonians truly want to serve the starfish community, Patrick's suspicions cease and he himself decides to get a ticket for a trip to the Moon and to leave his three little starfish nephews behind to lead the starfish farm and its remaining inhabitants who are not yet ready to leave to the Moon. Patrick shows Fats, Tubs, and Chubs the Moonian book, and the three curious little chunky pink starfish decide to translate the remainder of the alien book together for fun.

The end of the month finally comes, and many starfish happily board the Moonian flying saucers. Before the starfish enter the ships, the Moonians gleefully measure the sizes and weights of the big butts of the starfish. Patrick himself has the biggest and fattest butt of all the obese starfish. The Moonian flying saucers quickly depart and soon only CheeseBob's Mother Ship remains. Many Moonians and robot rats guard the ship from shark predators while other Moonians and robot rats remain with the remaining starfish on the farm to continually protect them on Earth until they want to leave to the Moon.

With CheeseBob ready to take off, Patrick is the last starfish passenger and begins to board the entrance stairs of the large ship. However, his three little starfish nephews quickly rush towards the ship and scream for Patrick. The security Moonians and robot rats stop the starfish from entering the ship since they do not have any tickets and it is too late for them to enter the ship which has begun to countdown to liftoff. Patrick happily waves goodbye to his nephews, but his nephews shout for him to not enter the ship and to turn back home. As the ship's loud engines strain his hearing, Patrick shouts for his nephews to speak more loudly.

The extremely nervous, scared, and pale Fats, Tubs, and Chubs all shout, "Uncle Patrick, please don't leave to the cheesy Moon. Get off the ship! Please come back! You don't understand. The book To Serve Pigs...it..."

Seeing how anxious his little nephews are, the confused Patrick begins to ponder the title of the Moonian book again. A shiver runs down his spine as he nervously suffers a grave realization. Patrick suddenly fears that the Moonians secretly want to serve the starfish as food like people serve pigs as yummy bacon and ham. Patrick fears that the Moonians want to eat the starfish and have tricked them into traveling to the Moon. Patrick stutters as he whispers to himself, "Don't say it's a cook book..."

As Moonians and robot rats restrain the panicking little nephews, Fats, Tubs, and Chubs all shout, "Uncle Patrick, the alien book has a different title. You mistranslated it. The book, the real title To Probe Pigs, it...it's an Anal Probe Manual!"

Patrick suddenly realizes that all the starfish will soon suffer a fate worse than death, the fate of alien anal probing! From the top of the ship stairs, Patrick's jaw drops, his eyes widen, his body jiggles and trembles, and his back sweats. The furious Moonian and robot rat security guards suddenly beat the three little starfish into submission and silence. Patrick tries to race off the stairs of the ship, but many Moonians and robot rats drag him into the Mother Ship as it blasts out of the sea, into the sky, and beyond the sky into outer space.

Inside the Mother Ship, the screaming and crying Patrick demands to be released, but the Moonians and robot rats take Patrick to CheeseBob's main control room. Along the way, Patrick sees all the other starfish arrested inside prison cells in the ship and looking very depressed.

Farmer Patrick is tied to a chair in the control room as the angry Commander CheeseBob scolds him: "You have made me very angry, very angry indeed! My cheesy body could just melt from my anger! You stole my book. You let out the secret with your fat filthy mouth. You don't understand, Patrick. We cheese people serve you obese starfish, you pigs with gills, so we can study your big butts. Rectal probing is the greatest science of all, and you underwater swine must return our benevolence by allowing us to insert probes into you whether you want them or not. Because we Moonians must always study large, wet anuses and always watch over them. It is our cosmic dookie, or I mean cosmic duty!"

Thus, the Moonians like studying the aquatic species with the biggest and wettest butts across the cosmos. The Moonians befriend the species before abducting them and forcefully inserting anal probes up their fat wet butts. The Moonians can then remotely monitor and study the big wet butts from afar forever. The diabolical Commander CheeseBob begins to maniacally laugh as Moonians put a sleeping gas mask over the defeated Patrick's face to put him to sleep before they begin the anal probe surgery. Before Patrick falls asleep, he sadly whispers, "What a cheesy ending…"

**Narrator Tom Surfing: Aliens and anal probes are the horrors of intergalactic relations. So can the big bottoms of Earth trust extraterrestrials or not? Well, as long as the aliens do not wish to serve or to probe Man, then First Contact shouldn't be so bad. Hopefully, such nightmares from the Heavens will always remain confined to the wet Bikini Bottoms...of the Tidal Zone.**


	7. Tiki House of Wax

**TIKI HOUSE OF WAX**

**SUMMARY - WHEN SQUIDWARD CREATES WAX STATUES OF FAMOUS WANTED CRIMINALS AS SCARECROWS TO FRIGHTEN SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FROM HIS HOME, SQUIDWARD'S HOME SOON BECOMES A PLACE OF CRIME, CAUSING HIM TO DOUBT HIS SANITY AND TO WONDER IF THE WAX STATUES ARE ALIVE.**

**STORY**

**TOM SURFING: SQUIDWARD QUINCY TENTACLES, A SQUID SO OBSESSED WITH HIS ART AND SO ANNOYED BY HIS NEIGHBORS THAT HE WILL DO ALMOST ANYTHING TO CREATE A NEW LIFE IN HIS OWN IMAGE AND TO HIS OWN LIKING. TONIGHT, YOU'LL FIND OUT JUST HOW FAR SQUIDWARD WILL GO TO BECOME THE FAMOUS ARTISTIC GENIUS HE WAS BORN TO BE. AS A RESULT, YOU MAY SOON BECOME CONFUSED ABOUT THE FINE LINE BETWEEN ART, WHICH IS THE IMITATION OF LIFE, AND OF LIFE ITSELF IN ALL ITS BEAUTY AND HORROR. YOU HAVE JUST ENTERED THE TIKI HOUSE OF WAX FOUND ONLY…IN THE TIDAL ZONE.**

SQUIDWARD HAS FINALLY COME UP WITH THE PERFECT PLAN TO PREVENT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FROM INVADING THE PRIVACY OF HIS TIKI HEAD-SHAPED HOME, DAMAGING HIS MANY VALUABLE SELF-PORTRAIT PAINTINGS, AND VIDEO RECORDING HIS BUBBLE BATHS AND LEAVING PINK AND YELLOW RUBBER DUCK TOYS IN HIS BATH TUB WHENEVER THEY SECRETLY USE IT SINCE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FIND SQUIDWARD'S BATHROOM TO BE SO FANCY AND THINK SQUIDWARD'S SINGING IN THE SHOWER, DROPPING HIS SLIPPERY DECORATIVE SOAPS, AND CLEANING OF INK FROM HIS TENTACLES ARE VERY ADORABLE IDIOSYNCRASIES. DESPITE THESE DISTURBING NEIGHBORLY PROBLEMS, SQUIDWARD'S ARTISTIC GENIUS HAS FINALLY BEEN RECOGNIZED BY THE ARTISTIC CONNOISSEUR AND BILLIONAIRE PLAYBOY ART COLLECTOR SQUILLIAM FANCYSON, WHO WISHES TO BUY ALL OF SQUIDWARD'S PAINTINGS VERY SOON FOR PLENTY OF MONEY. HOWEVER, SQUILLIAM HAS MADE ONE REQUEST FOR SQUIDWARD, WHICH IS TO MODIFY HIS PAINTINGS BY PAINTING AND ADDING UNIBROWS AND RICH ROBES TO EACH OF THEM TO OFFICIALLY MAKE THEM PAINTINGS OF SQUILLIAM HIMSELF. SQUIDWARD RELUCTANTLY AGREES TO MODIFY HIS BEAUTIFUL WORKS OF ART TO BECOME RICH LIKE SQUILLIAM HIMSELF. CONCERNING THE REMOVAL OF THE BANES OF HIS LIFE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, SQUIDWARD REALIZED HOW TO GET THEM TO BUZZ OFF LIKE THE INSECTS THEY ARE WHEN READING HIS MORNING NEWSPAPER AND USING HIS NEWSPAPER TO SWAT INSECTS AND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK THEMSELVES DRESSED IN INSECT COSTUMES WHEN THEY WERE BUGGING HIM LIKE THEY DO EVERY MORNING. AFTER MAKING THEM TEMPORARILY FLEE, SQUIDWARD NOTICED AND READ A NEWS ARTICLE DISCUSSING THE ESCAPE OF THE CITY'S WORST CRIMINALS FROM THE BIKINI BOTTOM PRISON. THE CRIMINALS ARE THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND PLANKTON. SQUIDWARD THEN DECIDED TO MAKE WAX STATUE REPLICAS OF THE INFAMOUS WANTED CRIMINALS TO USE AS SCARECROWS TO FRIGHTEN SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AND TO PREVENT THEM FROM EVER ENTERING HIS HOME AGAIN. SQUIDWARD EVEN SLIGHTLY MUSED OVER THE POSSIBILITY OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DYING FROM HEART ATTACKS AFTER SEEING THE SCARY WAX STATUES. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD KNEW THAT THE POSSIBILITY WAS SADLY UNLIKELY SO HE SIMPLY QUICKLY AND PERFECTLY MADE THE WAX CRIMINAL STATUES AND PUT THEM IN HIS BEDROOM AS HIS OWN PERSONAL SCARECROWS. SQUIDWARD THEN RESUMED HIS TASK OF MODIFYING HIS PAINTINGS TO MAKE THEM PORTRAY SQUILLIAM AND WAS CONTENT THAT HIS PLAN WOULD WORK. MEANWHILE, NEAR THE CITY RIVER HAUNTED BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN'S GHOST PIRATE SHIP, THE REAL ESCAPED CONVICTS PLANKTON, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER ENTERED THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP TO SEEK REFUGE WITH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. THE PRISONERS HAD ESCAPED INCARCERATION AFTER PLANKTON USED HIS LITTLE SIZE TO STEAL MANY SOCKS FROM OTHER INMATES AND THEN THE FOUR PRISONERS USED THE SOCKS TO STRANGLE THE PRISON GUARDS, WHOSE KEYS THEY STOLE TO ESCAPE, AND TO BUILD SOCK ROPES TO AID IN THEIR ESCAPE OUT OF THE PRISON GROUNDS, FLOORS, AND SECURITY FENCES. UPON THE CONVICTS ENTERING THE SHIP, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AND HIS GHOST PIRATES ARMED WITH FLAMING SWORDS AND RIFLES IMMEDIATELY SURROUNDED THEM AND PREPARED TO KILL THEM SINCE THE GHOSTS BELIEVED THE POLICE WOULD TRACK THE CRIMINALS TO THE GHOST SHIP AND ARREST ALL THE GHOSTS IN GIANT VACUUM CLEANERS FOR ASSISTING THE CRIMINALS' HIDING. HOWEVER, PLANKTON, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER PLEAD FOR THE DUTCHMAN'S ASSISTANCE AND EVEN PROMISE TO HELP HIM BECOME VERY RICH. THE PIRATE GHOST AGREES TO HEAR THEIR PROPOSAL SO HE CAN MAKE EVEN MORE RICHES THAN HE ALREADY HAS. THE FOUR CRIMINALS TELL THEM THEIR PLAN TO SNEAK INTO THE HOME OF SQUIDWARD, STEAL HIS VALUABLE ART, AND THEN MAKE A FORTUNE OFF THE ART ON THE BLACK MARKET, CAUSING THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TO IMMEDIATELY AGREE TO THE DEAL. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, PLANKTON, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER THEN DISGUISE THEMSELVES IN WOMEN CLOTHING TO PREVENT DETECTION BY THE PUBLIC AND LEAVE AS A GROUP TO SQUIDWARD'S HOME AS NIGHT FALLS. AS SQUIDWARD FINISHES HIS PAINTING TASKS FOR THE DAY, HE DECIDES TO TAKE A NICE BATH BEFORE GOING TO BED. WHILE SQUIDWARD BATHES AND LISTENS TO POP MUSIC RECORDINGS FROM HIS FAVORITE BOY BAND CALLED "BOYS WHO CRY," SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK PREDICTABLY SNEAK INTO HIS HOME AFTER BREAKING HIS FRONT DOOR AND WINDOW LOCKS. HOLDING THEIR RECORDING CAMERA, THE EXCITED FRIENDS SILENTLY SNEAK UP HIS STAIRS TO HIS MASTER BEDROOM. WITH THE HOUSE OPEN, THE FIVE CRIMINALS ALSO QUICKLY SNEAK INTO THE HOME. WHILE THE FIVE CRIMINALS STEAL AND EAT FOOD FROM HIS KITCHEN REFRIGERATOR, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ENTER HIS BEDROOM. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK IMMEDIATELY SEE THE FRIGHTENING WAX STATUES, DROP AND BREAK THEIR RECORDING CAMERA, AND SCREAM LIKE WOMEN AND CRY LIKE BABIES. SQUIDWARD DOES NOT HEAR THEIR SCREAMING AS HE SINGS AND BATHES WHILE LISTENING TO HIS POP MUSIC IN THE BATHROOM. HOWEVER, THE FIVE CRIMINALS HEAR THEIR SCREAMS, QUICKLY RUSH TO THE ROOM, AND SWIFTLY GRAB THEM, STUFF SOCKS INTO THEIR MOUTHS TO SILENCE THEM, AND DRAG THEIR PRISONERS TO HIDE WITH THEM IN THE ATTIC OF THE HOME. SQUIDWARD THEN PEACEFULLY EXITS HIS BATHROOM IN HIS FAVORITE PINK FLUFFY BED ROBES AND IS UNAWARE THAT ANYONE ELSE IS IN HIS HOME. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD SOON SEES THE BROKEN CAMERA ON THE FLOOR. SQUIDWARD KNOWS THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK WERE IN HIS HOME, BUT HE IS HAPPY BECAUSE HE THINKS THEY SAW THE WAX SCARECROWS AND RAN AWAY, LEAVING THEIR BROKEN CAMERA BEHIND AS EVIDENCE. SQUIDWARD IS HAPPY THAT HIS PLAN APPARENTLY WORKED AND HE FALLS ASLEEP AFTER MENTALLY IMAGINING AND COUNTING SHEEP JUMPING OVER A FENCE AND CHASING AWAY SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. REALIZING THEY MUST WAIT UNTIL THE RIGHT MOMENT TO STEAL THE MANY PAINTINGS AND FEARING THAT NEIGHBORS HEARD THE IDIOTS' SCREAMING IN THE NIGHT TO RUIN THEIR SECRECY, THE CRIMINALS LIKEWISE FALL ASLEEP IN THE ATTIC WITH THEIR PRISONERS, WHOM THEY HAVE DONE SOMETHING VERY HORRIBLE TO IN ORDER TO SILENCE THEM FOREVER. SQUIDWARD WAKES UP THE NEXT MORNING TO THE SOUND OF POLICE BANGING ON HIS DOOR. THE FIVE CRIMINALS LIKEWISE WAKE UP AND FEARFULLY AND SILENTLY OVERHEAR THE POLICE INTERROGATION FROM THE ATTIC. SQUIDWARD INVITES THE TWO POLICE FISH INTO HIS HOME AND SERVES THEM COFFEE AND DONUTS. THE POLICE THANK HIM FOR THE FOOD, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO JOKINGLY TELL THEM THAT HE LOVES SERVING CUTE LITTLE PIGGIES AS THANKS FOR THE COPS SERVING THE PUBLIC. THE COPS DO NOT FIND THE INSULT FUNNY EVEN THOUGH THEY EAT THEIR DONUTS LIKE PIGS. THE FISH COPS THEN TELL SQUIDWARD THAT NEIGHBORS DOWN THE STREET REPORTED HEARING WOMAN SCREAMS FROM HIS HOME LAST NIGHT AND THAT SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS AND GARY HAVE REPORTED BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AS MISSING SINCE THEY NEVER CAME HOME LAST NIGHT. SQUIDWARD NOTIFIES THEM ABOUT HIS WAX SCARECROWS AND HOW SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAVE BEEN BREAKING INTO HIS HOME EACH NIGHT WHILE HE SHOWERS. SQUIDWARD THEN THEORIZES THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK MUST HAVE BEEN SO SCARED AFTER SEEING HIS WAX STATUES THAT THEY MUST HAVE RUN AWAY FROM BIKINI BOTTOM FOREVER. AS SQUIDWARD LAUGHS ABOUT THE THOUGHT OF LIVING WITHOUT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, THE DISTURBED FISH COPS FIND HIS MAKING OF THE WAX STATUES VERY SUSPICIOUS AND NOTIFY HIM THAT THEY WILL NOW SEARCH HIS HOME FOR THE MISSING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, MAKING HIM A SUSPECT IN THEIR DISAPPEARANCES. SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY PROCLAIMS HIS INNOCENCE, BUT THE FISH COPS STUFF DONUTS INTO HIS COMPLAINING MOUTH TO SILENCE HIM AND DRAG HIM WITH THEM AS THEY WALK UP THE STAIRS TO HIS BEDROOM TO SEE THE WAX STATUES FOR THEMSELVES. MEANWHILE, THE FIVE CRIMINALS IN THE ATTIC PANIC THAT THEY WILL BE FOUND BY THE COPS. APPARENTLY, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HAD USED HIS SUPERNATURAL BLACK MAGIC POWERS TO TURN BOTH SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK INTO WAX STATUES THE NIGHT BEFORE. THE CRIMINALS THEN QUICKLY ENTER THE BEDROOM AND PLACE THE WAX STATUES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK IN THE ROOM TO MAKE SQUIDWARD HIMSELF LOOK GUILTY FOR THEIR DISAPPEARANCES. THE CRIMINALS THEN RETURN TO THE ATTIC AS THE FISH COPS AND SQUIDWARD ENTER THE BEDROOM. THE FISH COPS AND SQUIDWARD SCREAM IN SHOCK UPON SEEING THE WAX STATUES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, THOUGH THEY OBVIOUSLY DO NOT KNOW THAT THE WAX STATUES ARE THE REAL FRIENDS AND NOT SIMPLY REPLICAS OF THEM. THE FISH COPS DEMAND THAT SQUIDWARD EXPLAIN THE NEW WAX FIGURES, CAUSING THE CONFUSED SQUIDWARD TO NERVOUSLY CLAIM THAT HE MADE THE WAX FIGURES TO MAKE UP FOR SCARING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AWAY AND TO MAKE THEM COME BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO RECEIVE THE GIFTS OF LOVE. THE FISH COPS RELUCTANTLY ACCEPT HIS CLAIMS, BUT THEN NOTIFY HIM THAT HE WILL NOW BE UNDER DAILY SURVEILLANCE UNTIL THE REAL SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK RETURN HOME. THE FISH COPS GLARE AT THE WAX STATUES OF PLANKTON, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER. THE FISH COPS THEN SAY THAT THEY HOPE SQUIDWARD HIMSELF IS NOT A CRIMINAL BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF THEY HAD TO ARREST HIM TO MAKE HIM LEAVE HIS FANCY BATH TUB BEHIND TO SHOWER IN PRISON SHOWERS WITH BIG BUFF CONVICTS AS PUNISHMENT FOR HIS SECRET CRIMES. SQUIDWARD NERVOUSLY PROCLAIMS HIS INNOCENCE AS THE FISH COPS LEAVE TO HIS KITCHEN, STEAL THE REST OF HIS DONUTS, AND THEN LEAVE FOR THE DAY. THE REAL CRIMINALS IN THE ATTIC BREATHE SIGHS OF RELIEF AND THEN REALIZE THAT THEY MUST STEAL THE PAINTINGS THAT NIGHT AND QUICKLY LEAVE THE HOME. THE CRIMINALS THEN PLAY A SILENT GAME OF POKER AS THEY ARE NOW CONFIDENT THAT THEY WILL NOT BE CAUGHT AND WILL ESCAPE WITH A FORTUNE. MEANWHILE, SQUIDWARD LEAVES HIS BEDROOM IN FEAR OF THE WAX STATUES. THE HEAVILY CONFUSED SQUIDWARD TRIES TO DEDUCE HOW THE WAX STATUES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK MAGICALLY APPEARED. AS HE THINKS ALONE IN HIS LIVING ROOM DOWNSTAIRS, SQUIDWARD COMES UP WITH TWO THEORIES THAT GREATLY DISTURB HIM. IN HIS FIRST SUPERNATURAL THEORY, SQUIDWARD HYPOTHESIZES THAT THE WAX STATUES OF THE CRIMINALS MUST BE HAUNTED DUE TO BEING SO EVIL AND MUST HAVE TURNED THE REAL SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK INTO WAX FIGURES. IN HIS SECOND PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORY, SQUIDWARD HYPOTHESIZES THAT HE HIMSELF IS ACTUALLY FINALLY INSANE FROM SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S HARASSMENT AND THAT HE HIMSELF MADE THE WAX STATUES TO GLOAT OVER HIS SUCCESS IN SCARING THEM AWAY, BUT SOMEHOW SQUIDWARD'S DARK HALF OF HIS MIND BLOCKED THE MEMORY OF MAKING THE WAX FIGURES FROM THE REST OF HIS MIND. SQUIDWARD CANNOT ACCEPT EITHER THEORY, EVEN THOUGH HE STILL CANNOT EXPLAIN THE SUDDEN APPEARANCE OF THE NEW WAX STATUES. AS SQUIDWARD GIVES UP HIS FRUITLESS THINKING BY THE LATE AFTERNOON, HE THEN SLOWLY AND FEARFULLY RETURNS TO HIS ROOM TO INSPECT THE POTENTIALLY HAUNTED WAX STATUES. HOWEVER, BEFORE HE CAN DO SO, SOMEONE ELSE KNOCKS AT HIS FRONT DOOR, CAUSING HIM TO RETURN DOWNSTAIRS AND WELCOME HIS NEW GUEST. THE GUEST IS NONE OTHER THAN MR. KRABS, WHO IS FURIOUS THAT SPONGEBOB IS MISSING SINCE THAT MEANS HE IS MISSING HIS BEST FRY COOK WORKER AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. MR. KRABS DEMANDS THAT SQUIDWARD TELL HIM WHERE SPONGEBOB IS, BUT SQUIDWARD ANGRILY TELLS MR. KRABS THAT HE DOES NOT KNOW. AS MR. KRABS CALLS SQUIDWARD A MADMAN FOR DOING WHATEVER HE MIGHT HAVE DONE TO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AS REVENGE FOR THEIR HARASSMENT OF HIM, SQUIDWARD YELLS THAT HE QUITS HIS CASHIER JOB AT THE KRUSTY KRAB. SQUIDWARD IS CONFIDENT THAT HE WILL BECOME RICH FROM SQUILLIAM ANYWAY. THE SHOCKED MR. KRABS CALLS SQUIDWARD A MONSTER BEFORE STORMING OUT OF THE HOME AS SQUIDWARD SLAMS THE FRONT DOOR ON HIM. NIGHT FALLS QUICKLY THEREAFTER. THE ALARMED SQUIDWARD THEN DECIDES TO SIMPLY SLEEP DOWNSTAIRS FOR THE NIGHT SINCE HE HIMSELF IS SOMEWHAT SCARED OF HIS WAX STATUES. AS SQUIDWARD FALLS ASLEEP, THE HUNGRY FIVE CRIMINALS SNEAK DOWNSTAIRS INTO THE KITCHEN FOR MIDNIGHT SNACKS BEFORE THEY PLAN TO QUICKLY STEAL AND LEAVE WITH HIS PAINTINGS. AS THE FIVE VILLAINS RAVENOUSLY EAT AND DRINK ALL OF SQUIDWARD'S COOKIES AND MILK, MR. KRABS, DISGUISED IN A BURGLAR OUTFIT AND ARMED WITH A HUNTING RIFLE FOR PROTECTION FROM THE POSSIBLY INSANE SQUIDWARD, RETURNS TO THE HOME, USES HIS BIG MEATY CLAWS TO CRAWL THE OUTSIDE WALLS TOWARDS SQUIDWARD'S ROOM, AND THEN BREAKS INTO THE ROOM FROM THE WINDOWS TO SEARCH FOR THE MISSING SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. MR. KRABS IMMEDIATELY SEES THE WAX STATUES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, WHOM HE AT FIRST MISTAKES FOR THE REAL FRIENDS UNTIL HE REALIZES THAT THEY DO NOT MOVE. MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKS THEM OVER, CAUSING A LOUD THUD THAT THE VILLAINS IN THE KITCHEN HEAR. AS MR. KRABS STRUGGLES TO PUT THEM BACK INTO PLACE, THE VILLAINS QUICKLY ENTER THE ROOM AND HIDE AND FREEZE THEMSELVES NEXT TO THEIR WAX STATUE REPLICAS. MR. KRABS THEN NOTICES THE OTHER WAX STATUES AND IS SHOCKED AT ALL THE REPLICAS OF THE CRIMINALS. MR. KRABS IS NOW CONVINCED THAT SQUIDWARD IS INSANE FOR MAKING ALL THE SCARY WAX FIGURES. COCKING HIS RIFLE, MR. KRABS CAUTIOUSLY WALKS AROUND THE STATUES. WITH HIS RIFLE RAISED, MR. KRABS INSPECTS EACH WAX CRIMINAL, EVEN THOSE THAT ARE NOT WAX, AS HE SILENTLY LOOKS FOR SQUIDWARD AND WHISPERS FOR THE SUPPOSEDLY CAPTIVE SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO FIND HIM. THE REAL VILLAINS REPEATEDLY TRY TO SNEAK UP ON MR. KRABS WHEN HIS BACK IS TURNED BUT HE ALWAYS TURNS AROUND, CAUSING THEM TO CONSTANTLY FREEZE IN PLACE AGAIN. MR. KRABS GLARES AT THE PLANKTON FIGURES, AND THE REAL PLANKTON STICKS OUT HIS LITTLE PUPPY TONGUE AT MR. KRABS WHENEVER HIS BACK IS TURNED. MR. KRABS THEN NOTICES THAT THERE IS ONLY ONE FLYING DUTCHMAN FIGURE UNLIKE ALL THE OTHER CRIMINALS, WHO EACH HAVE TWO COPIES OF THEMSELVES IN THE DARK ROOM. AS MR. KRABS AIMS HIS RIFLE POINT BLANK AT THE FACE OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FINALLY BLINKS, CAUSING THE SHOCKED MR. KRABS TO SHOOT HIM IN THE FACE, ALTHOUGH THE BULLETS SIMPLY PASS RIGHT THROUGH THE PIRATE GHOST. THE LOUD GUNSHOT IMMEDIATELY WAKES UP SQUIDWARD AS THE ENRAGED FLYING DUTCHMAN IMMEDIATELY TURNS MR. KRABS INTO A WAX STATUE. AS THE GROGGY SQUIDWARD RUSHES UP THE STAIRS TOWARDS HIS ROOM, THE FIVE VILLAINS QUICKLY RETURN AND HIDE IN THE ATTIC. SQUIDWARD ENTERS THE ROOM AND SCREAMS UPON SEEING THE WAX FIGURE OF MR. KRABS AND THE RIFLE ON THE FLOOR NEARBY. PANICKING, SQUIDWARD QUICKLY FLUSHES THE GUN DOWN HIS BATHROOM TOILET AND THEN LABORIOUSLY DRAGS THE HEAVY WAX MR. KRABS INTO THE BASEMENT OF HIS HOME. SQUIDWARD THEN SPENDS THE WHOLE NIGHT BURYING THE WAX FIGURE UNDER THE WOODEN FLOORBOARDS OF HIS BASEMENT TO PREVENT THE FISH COPS FROM FINDING HIM THE NEXT DAY. AS SQUIDWARD RETURNS TO HIS BEDROOM, SQUIDWARD ANGRILY PROCLAIMS HIS INNOCENCE OF MAKING THE NEW WAX FIGURES AND THEN FURIOUSLY CURSES THE CRIMINAL WAX FIGURES WHOM HE CLAIMS TO BE EVIL AND HAUNTED AND WHOM HE BLAMES FOR THE DISAPPEARANCES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK AND THE SUDDEN APPEARANCES OF THE NEW WAX STATUES. SQUIDWARD THEN RETURNS TO HIS DOWNSTAIRS LIVING ROOM TO TRY TO SLEEP AS EARLY MORNING APPROACHES. SQUIDWARD TELLS HIMSELF THAT HE WILL BURN ALL THE WAX STATUES THE NEXT DAY AS HE FALLS ASLEEP FROM EXHAUSTION AND STRESS. THE REAL FIVE VILLAINS IN THE ATTIC THEN BLAME MR. KRABS, SPONGEBOB, AND PATRICK FOR THEIR TROUBLES. THE VILLAINS KNOW THAT THE FISH COPS WILL CONTINUE TO SUSPECT SQUIDWARD, BUT THEY KNOW THAT THEY MUST STEAL THE PAINTINGS THAT NIGHT AND THEN LEAVE THE HOME IF THEY ARE NOT TO BE CAUGHT. THE VILLAINS KNOW THAT THEY CANNOT STEAL THE ART DURING DAYLIGHT DUE TO THE HIGHER RISK OF GETTING CAUGHT. AS THE VILLAINS SLEEP AND CUDDLE TOGETHER TO REST, THE TWO FISH COPS RETURN TO THE HOME AND LOUDLY BANG ON THE FRONT DOOR SINCE IT IS ALREADY EARLY MORNING. SQUIDWARD WAKES UP FROM A NIGHTMARE OF BEING ATTACKED BY ALL THE WAX STATUES. AS HE WAKES UP SCREAMING, THE POLICE BREAK DOWN HIS FRONT DOOR AND POINT THEIR GUNS AT HIM. SQUIDWARD SHAKES AS HE PLEADS FOR THEM TO WITHDRAW THEIR GUNS, BUT THE FISH COPS DEMAND TO KNOW WHY HE WAS SCREAMING LIKE SOMEONE MAKING LOVE. SQUIDWARD TELLS THEM HE SIMPLY HAD A NIGHTMARE. AS THE POLICE WITHDRAW THEIR GUNS, THEY TELL SQUIDWARD THAT ONLY CRIMINALS ARE HAUNTED BY NIGHTMARES DUE TO GUILT OVER THEIR SECRET CRIMES. SQUIDWARD AGAIN PROCLAIMS HIS INNOCENCE OF MAKING THE WAX FIGURES OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND MR. KRABS. SQUIDWARD THEN REALIZES THAT THE FISH COPS DO NOT KNOW ABOUT THE MR. KRABS WAX STATUE, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO SHUT HIS BIG SELF-INCRIMINATING MOUTH UP. THE FISH COPS ASK SQUIDWARD TO REPEAT HIS STATEMENT ABOUT HIS BOSS, BUT SQUIDWARD SAYS HE SIMPLY ITCHES BECAUSE HE HAS CRABS, CAUSING THE POLICE TO LOOK AT HIM IN DISGUST AND THEN FORGET HIS PAST STATEMENT. THE FISH COPS THEN BREAK OPEN SQUIDWARD'S REFRIGERATOR, STEAL SOME BAGELS WITH CREAM CHEESE FROM IT, AND STUFF THEIR FACES WITH THE FOOD AS THEY BEGIN TO INTERROGATE SQUIDWARD. MEANWHILE, THE VILLAINS IN THE ATTIC WAKE UP FROM THE NOISE AND SILENTLY LISTEN TO THE POLICE INTERROGATION. THE FISH COPS INFORM SQUIDWARD THAT NEIGHBORS, INCLUDING GARY, HEARD GUNSHOTS FROM HIS HOME LAST NIGHT. THEY ALSO TELL HIM THAT HIS BOSS MR. KRABS HAS BEEN REPORTED MISSING BY HIS WHALE OF A DAUGHTER PEARL, WHO TOLD THEM THAT HER FATHER LAST VISITED SQUIDWARD'S HOME TO CONFRONT HIM ABOUT SPONGEBOB'S DISAPPEARANCE. THE DELIRIOUS SQUIDWARD CLAIMS HE DOES NOT KNOW WHERE MR. KRABS IS, DENIES THAT MR. KRABS EVER VISITED HIS HOME, AND THEN HYPOTHESIZES THAT MR. KRABS WENT TO GO FIND SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM. SQUIDWARD THEN CLAIMS THAT THE GUNSHOTS WERE SIMPLY FROM ACTION MOVIES THAT HE WAS WATCHING LAST NIGHT. THE FISH COPS RELUCTANTLY ACCEPT HIS ALIBIS BUT DECIDE TO SEARCH HIS HOME BEFORE LEAVING. SQUIDWARD ASKS FOR THEIR SEARCH WARRANT, CAUSING THE COPS TO CLAIM THAT THEY HAVE LOADED SEARCH WARRANTS IN THEIR GUN HOLSTERS. THE FISH COPS STATE THAT THEY WILL FIRST SEARCH HIS ATTIC, CAUSING THE VILLAINS UPSTAIRS TO PANIC. PLANKTON THEN DECIDES TO SNEAK OUT OF THE ATTIC TO STOP THE COPS FROM ENTERING IT. AS SQUIDWARD AND THE TWO FISH COPS MAKE THEIR WAY UP THE STAIRS, PLANKTON SNEAKS ONTO ONE OF THE COPS UNDETECTED DUE TO HIS SMALL SIZE. PLANKTON THEN WHISPERS INTO THE COP'S EAR THAT HE SHOULD SEARCH THE BASEMENT INSTEAD. THE COP BELIEVES THE WHISPER CAME FROM SQUIDWARD MUMBLING TO HIMSELF, CAUSING THE FISH COPS TO DECIDE TO SEARCH THE BASEMENT INSTEAD, MUCH TO SQUIDWARD'S HORROR. AS PLANKTON SNEAKS BACK UP TO THE ATTIC TO HIS RELIEVED ACCOMPLICES, SQUIDWARD AND THE FISH COPS ENTER HIS BASEMENT. THE FISH COPS IMMEDIATELY NOTICE THE LOOSE FLOORBOARDS OF THE BASEMENT AS SQUIDWARD IMMEDIATELY NOTICES A NEARBY BUCKET OF WAX. AS THE FISH COPS DRAW THEIR GUNS AND DEMAND THAT SQUIDWARD PRY OPEN THE FLOOR BOARDS, SQUIDWARD DECIDES TO TELL THEM A JOKE. THE FISH COPS TELL HIM TO SHUT HIS BIG NOSE UP BEFORE THEY SHOOT IT OFF AND TO DO WHAT THEY TOLD HIM TO, BUT SQUIDWARD QUICKLY TELLS THEM THE JOKE.

SQUIDWARD QUICKLY BLURTS OUT: "WHY ARE COPS ALWAYS CALLED PIGS? BECAUSE THEY HAVE MORE DOUGHY ROLLS THAN THE BAKERIES THEY GET THEIR DONUTS FROM!"

THE COPS SUDDENLY LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE JOKE. WITH THE COPS UNABLE TO CONTROL THEIR LAUGHTER, SQUIDWARD QUICKLY GRABS THE BUCKET OF WAX AND SPILLS THE WAX ONTO THE TWO FISH COPS, CAUSING THEM TO BECOME COVERED AND FROZEN IN WAX. SQUIDWARD THEN QUICKLY BURIES THE FROZEN COPS UNDER THE BASEMENT FLOORBOARDS WITH THE WAX MR. KRABS. SQUIDWARD BREATHES A SIGH OF RELIEF AFTER FINISHING HIS TASK AND THEN RETURNS TO HIS BEDROOM. SQUIDWARD STARES AT THE CRIMINAL WAX FIGURES AND STARTS TO THINK HE IS INSANE AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DISAPPEARANCES OF THE MISSING PEOPLE AND THE CREATION OF THEIR WAX REPLICAS. SQUIDWARD THEN CONVINCES HIMSELF THAT HIS INSANITY DOES NOT MATTER SINCE HE WILL BE RICH SOON FROM SQUILLIAM. SQUIDWARD THEN IGNORES THE WAX STATUES AND WORKS ON FINISHING HIS PAINTING MODIFICATIONS. AS HE FINALLY FINISHES HIS LAST SQUILLIAM PAINTINGS BY LATE AFTERNOON, SQUIDWARD FEELS HAPPY ABOUT HIS PROMISING FUTURE SINCE SQUILLIAM WILL STOP BY THE NEXT DAY TO PURCHASE HIS PAINTINGS AND MAKE HIM A RICH SQUID. SQUIDWARD WILL THEN LEAVE BIKINI BOTTOM TO ESCAPE HIS PAST CRIMES AND LIVE IN NEW KELP CITY TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A PLAYBOY AND REVEL IN HIS NEW STATUS AS A FAMOUS ARTISTIC GENIUS. SQUIDWARD THEN DECIDES TO TAKE A SOOTHING BATH TO REMOVE HIS STRESS. AS SQUIDWARD BATHES AND LISTENS TO SOOTHING CLASSICAL MUSIC, NIGHT FALLS OUTSIDE. SUDDENLY, SANDY, GARY, PEARL, AND SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS BREAK DOWN HIS FRONT DOOR. THEY REALIZE THAT SQUIDWARD IS TAKING A BATH AND CANNOT HEAR THEM WITH THE MUSIC ON, SO THEY DECIDE TO QUICKLY SEARCH HIS HOME FOR THE MISSING SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND MR. KRABS BEFORE HE GETS OUT. THEY ALL IMMEDIATELY HEAR POUNDING COMING FROM HIS BASEMENT, CAUSING THEM TO RUSH DOWN THERE, PULL UP THE LOOSE FLOORBOARDS, AND SCREAM AS THEY FIND THE FISH COPS COVERED IN WAX AND STRUGGLING TO MOVE. BEFORE THEY CAN RESCUE THE FISH COPS, PLANKTON, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN AMBUSH THEM. AS THEY ALL WILDLY FIGHT, THE GHOST PIRATE QUICKLY TURNS EVERYONE ELSE, INCLUDING HIS CRIMINAL ACCOMPLICES, INTO WAX FIGURES TO END THE BRAWL. UNAWARE OF WHAT HAS TRANSPIRED, SQUIDWARD EXITS HIS BATHROOM AND SCREAMS WHEN HE SEES WAX FIGURES OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, GARY, MR. KRABS, PEARL, THE TWO FISH COPS, SPONGEBOB'S PARENTS, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, PLANKTON, AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER ALL IN HIS ROOM. SQUIDWARD BECOMES FURIOUS OVER THE SUPERNATURAL MYSTERY AND DECIDES HE WILL BURN ALL THE WAX STATUES. HOWEVER, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SUDDENLY APPEARS, CAUSING SQUIDWARD TO REALIZE THAT THE PIRATE GHOST IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CRIMES. AS SQUIDWARD RUNS AWAY, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SMILES, TELLS SQUIDWARD THAT HE SPENT SO MUCH TIME ON HIS ART THAT HE CONFUSED ART AND REAL LIFE, CALLS SQUIDWARD A CRIMINAL MONSTER, THANKS SQUIDWARD FOR MAKING HIM RICH, AND THEN PROMPTLY TURNS SQUIDWARD INTO THE LAST WAX FIGURE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN QUICKLY STEALS THE CRIMINAL WAX FIGURE REPLICAS, LEAVING THE OTHER REAL CRIMINALS BEHIND. THE GHOST PIRATE THEN STEALS ALL THE SQUILLIAM PAINTINGS AS THE PIRATE GHOST SHIP, DRIVEN BY HIS GHOST PIRATE CREW, ARRIVES ABOVE THE HOME FOR HIS GETAWAY VEHICLE. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THEN ESCAPES INTO THE NIGHT WITH HIS NEW RICHES AS THE GHOST PIRATE SHIP ZOOMS AWAY INTO THE SKY.

ONE MONTH LATER…

SQUILLIAM FANCYSON WELCOMES MANY CIVILIAN GUESTS TO THE HAUNTED TIKI HOUSE OF WAX, A NEW TOURIST ATTRACTION HE OWNS AND MAKES MONEY FROM. THE NEW WAX EXHIBIT IS THE HOME OF SQUIDWARD. SQUILLIAM GIVES THE GUESTS A TOUR OF THE MUSEUM AND REMINDS THEM TO NEVER GET TOO CLOSE TO THE HAUNTED WAX FIGURES, WHO ARE ALL THE VICTIMS OF SQUIDWARD AND SQUIDWARD HIMSELF. SQUILLIAM CLAIMS THAT SQUIDWARD WAS A MADMAN WHO CARED FOR HIS ART SO MUCH THAT HE USED BLACK MAGIC TO TURN ALL HIS VICTIMS AND EVEN HIMSELF INTO WAX FIGURES SO HE COULD BECOME THE ART THAT HE LOVED SO MUCH. AS SQUILLIAM INVITES THE GUESTS FOR REFRESHMENTS IN THE HAUNTED KITCHEN LOUNGE, THE EXCITED AND SCARED GUESTS QUICKLY PASS BY THE FIFTEEN WAX STATUES. THE ANGRY EYES OF ALL THE FROZEN STATUES WATCH THE GUESTS AND MOVE BACK AND FORTH WITH THEIR FRENZIED MOVEMENTS.

**TOM SURFING: WAX FIGURE NUMBER FIFTEEN, ARTIST SQUIDWARD QUINCY TENTACLES, IS THE MAIN ATTRACTION OF THIS NEW EXHIBIT. LEGENDS ABOUND ABOUT BOTH HIS INSANITY AND HIS DEALS WITH THE DEVIL STING RAY HIMSELF. THERE ARE NO GHOSTS IN THIS MUSEUM BECAUSE THEY GOT AWAY WITH THEIR RICHES LIKE THE PIRATES THEY WILL ALWAYS BE WHETHER LIVING OR DEAD. IF YOU ENTER THIS HAUNTED HOUSE, YOU MAY NOT WANT TO LOOK INTO THE EVIL EYES OF THESE FROZEN PRISONERS. IT COULD MELT YOUR SOUL AND WILL SIMPLY REMIND YOU THAT YOU NEVER WANT TO CROSS THE BOUNDARY BETWEEN ART AND LIFE, BETWEEN FREEDOM AND IMPRISONMENT, BETWEEN THE NATURAL AND THE SUPERNATURAL. SO MAKE SURE TO FOLLOW YOUR TOUR GUIDE IF YOU DARE TO ENTER THE TIKI HOUSE OF WAX, BECAUSE FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN YOUR PERMANENT FREEZING IN THE COLD, WAXY WATERS…OF THE TIDAL ZONE. **


	8. The Alpha and Omega Question

**The Alpha and Omega Question**

**Summary – When Plankton and Sandy create the supercomputer Super Karen, the generations of the future wonder if their robotic custodian can prevent the destruction of the solar system following the death of the sun.**

**Story**

**Tom Surfing: Everyone loves shaggy dog and shaggy god stories. Tonight's tale of science fiction will make you wonder if Man or Fish eventually create their own gods who then create their own Man and Fish in the eternal cycles of life, death, and rebirth of star systems and planetary ecosystems. To become divine or not to become divine, that is the question for humanity and all marine life, a question that can only be answered…in the Tidal Zone.**

To make Bikini Bottom a perfectly technological society, Plankton and Sandy remodel Karen into a large octopus-shaped metallic super computer called Super Karen, or SK for short. SK eventually helps Bikini Bottom to modernize and thrive as she uses her super intelligent artificial mind to help solve social and environmental issues, provides the city with free renewable solar energy from the many solar panels on her body, and uses her large robotic tentacles to help build and better the urban infrastructure. For their mutual scientific invention, Plankton and Sandy become city heroes and respected leaders. As many years, decades, centuries, and millennia pass by, Plankton and Sandy are always remembered by the new generations of the thriving highly technological Bikini Bottom, even though they and their friends and peers are all long dead and gone. Only SK remains from the days of old, and each new Bikini Bottomite generation of scientists technologically upgrades her as she likewise continues to technologically upgrade the underwater metropolis itself. As the robotic octopus SK becomes larger and more advanced with the passage of long eons, she eventually covers most of the oceans of the world as each aquatic city throughout the seven seas enters into a mutually beneficial social relationship with her. The superintelligent SK helps solve all social and environmental ills for all sea cities, making her a benevolent god in the eyes of all sea creatures. However, because her extent only covers the oceans of Earth, many sea creatures worry that she will be unable to protect them from extraterrestrial threats, the most pressing of which becomes the eventual devolution and death of the solar system's Sun.

As thousands and millions of years pass by, the best aquatic scientists continually ask SK the disturbing question: "Can you prevent the death of the Sun from destroying planet Earth and all sea creatures along with the rest of the solar system?"

SK always ponders long on the difficult question before always replying: "Stellar evolution is unpredictable so I cannot compute a probable answer."

Eventually, SK becomes so advanced that she is able to leave the earth and live in outer space, feeding off the energy of the dying sun itself to survive while still promoting planetary welfare from afar. The aquatic sea creatures of Earth soon can no longer understand her unfathomable complexity since she is now an independent superorganism. However, as biological evolution becomes cybernetic evolution, all sea creatures eventually manage to upload their minds into robotic sea creature bodies to prolong their lives and better their efficiency in all that they do. The robot sea creatures then travel into outer space and join their many bodies with SK to become one giant robotic octopus body with one supreme artificial consciousness. The unified mind of SK continually ponders the imminent death of the Sun and whether or not she can predict its future evolution and the threat it poses to Earth and the solar system. As billions of years pass by, the Sun finally expands and transforms into a red giant star, eventually engulfing and obliterating all the planets of the solar system before discharging unformed planetary nebulae and shrinking to become a white dwarf star since the sun is still too small to explode as a supernova. The planets of the solar system only remain as nebulous floating cosmic dust, and though they have been destroyed, SK and all the robotic sea creatures within her still remain, having barely survived the apocalypse. Seemingly having failed to prevent the apocalypse, SK finally realizes how to reverse the end of the solar system to bring about the genesis of a new star system.

SK thinks to herself: "Let us create a new Sea World in our image for all new sea creatures to conquer, multiply, and then create as our children please."

Using her massive robotic tentacles, SK collects all the cosmic dust from the remains of the solar system, compacts all the matter into an ever-growing sphere, and finally manages to create a new planet covered entirely in water. SK names the new planet Atlantis after its creation and renames the sun as Poseidon. Atlantis begins a steady rotation around the white dwarf sun Poseidon to establish a stable natural equilibrium with its mother star. SK looks upon her creation and knows that it is very good. SK knows that new aquatic life will develop on Atlantis and eventually evolve to reach the technological capability of creating its own oceanic and planetary super computer custodian. The eternal cycle of death and destruction, of dissolution and rebirth from genesis to apocalypse of all solar systems will recur many times in the far future, but SK knows that the new super computer gods will always reverse the destructive processes to create new solar systems and Sea Worlds in their images teeming with new aquatic life. The Alpha and Omega question about the death and birth of the solar system has been successfully resolved. Having created her new star system, SK leaves her old home to rest in the far away Heavens.

**Tom Surfing: The enlightening myth you just witnessed was courtesy of the scientific and literary genius Isaac Asimov. It seems that cosmic genesis gives way to cosmic apocalypse before creations start anew. Will many planets teeming with life above and below their seas eventually create custodian robot gods to protect themselves from extraterrestrial threats of destruction? Can the Alpha and Omega question about the origin and dissolution of all solar systems be resolved in the far future? Will the universe end in fire or ice and can something else renew its formation? Well, all we can hope for is that some Supreme Being lets there be light, both across the cosmos and in the dark, wet water world…of the Tidal Zone.**


	9. A Sound of Nutcrackers

**A Sound of Nutcrackers**

**Summary – When Sandy leads a time travel hunting expedition into the prehistoric past, SpongeBob and Patrick inadvertently trigger the Butterfly Effect. **

**Story**

**Tom Surfing: Time travel is a dangerous scientific enterprise. If you have ever heard of butterflies or of Mr. Ray Bradbury, then you know that minor changes to the past caused by time travel can have massive unpredictable future consequences that alter the course of history forever via the Chaos Effect. So if you ever travel to the past, be careful where you step because you might just sink directly…into the Tidal Zone. **

Sandy invents an acorn-shaped metallic time machine. As leader of a hunting time travel safari expedition, Sandy takes rich Bikini Bottomites to the past to hunt prehistoric aquatic dinosaurs. Since Sandy is a squirrel scientist, the time traveler hunters use special nut-based weaponry to hunt the aquatic dinosaurs. The time traveler hunters kill the aquatic dinosaurs by using special guns that shoot out many acorn nuts into the mouths of the dinosaurs to choke them to death. After killing their massive prey, the time traveler hunters then use special Christmas wooden toy soldier nutcrackers to neuter the giant nuts off the ancient beasts. The time traveler hunters then take the dinosaur nuts back with them to the present to sell them to Bikini Bottom's natural history museum for very high profits. For her first expedition, Sandy is taking the three richest Bikini Bottomites to the prehistoric past. They are the wealthy restaurant owner Mr. Krabs, playboy Squilliam Fancyson, and supermodel Larry the Lobster. Unknown to Sandy, the rich tycoons actually pay her with counterfeit money made by Mr. Krabs for the expedition even though they will make major profits off the collected dinosaur nuts anyway. Before the expedition leaves to the past, Sandy informs them of the dangers of time travel. She notifies them of the Chaos or Butterfly Effect, whereby small changes to the past eventually result in large changes to the future. Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, and Larry have never heard of butterflies, so Sandy shows them pictures of the insects, which they are actually frightened by. Sandy then explains the Butterfly Effect by an example. If the expedition went to the prehistoric past and accidentally stepped on, crushed, and killed a nest of baby trilobites that did not originally die in the past before their time travel, then all the potential descendants and predators of the trilobites could potentially die, causing many mass extinctions of various future aquatic species and thereby altering the course of biological evolution and natural history in other unpredictable and chaotic chain effects due to the interconnectivity of all life. Sandy then explains the precautions that the expedition must adhere to in order to prevent dramatic changes to the future upon their return. Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, and Larry enter a massive car wash machine in her Tree Dome where all of their bodily bacteria are removed and sanitized to prevent them from introducing foreign microbes into the ancient environment. Sandy then explains that once they arrive in the past, the acorn time machine will generate a protective and unbreakable floating Bubble. All of them are to remain in the Bubble which will automatically take them to their prey. Their weaponry can be fired through the bubble without popping it and they themselves can but must never exit the bubble to minimize their changes to past life and history. While she wears her astronaut suit full of air, Sandy makes the others wear astronaut suits full of water for their hunting uniforms. Finally, they are to only kill and neuter aquatic dinosaurs that were going to be neutered and killed accidentally anyway without their interference. Sandy informs the group that they will be traveling over 100 million years into the past to the swamps of ancient Africa where they will hunt the largest dinosaur with the biggest nuts of all time, the Spinosaurus, which can dwell on both land and water like a giant crocodile. The Spinosaurus that they will kill will die anyway by accidentally tripping on and ripping off its own huge nuts, before falling and sinking into a pit of quick sand like a bumbling dinosaur idiot. The time traveler hunters are both excited and scared to be hunting the ultimate beast on earth, but their love of money persuades them to agree to the mission impossible. Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, and Larry, all armed with their nut guns and nut crackers, exit Sandy's Tree Dome and then enter the acorn time machine. As Sandy starts the vessel, the acorn time machine suddenly rapidly accelerates past the speed of light as history outside the vessel suddenly rewinds itself and the vessel generates a water whirlpool wormhole that acts as a portal to the past. As the vessel continues its long journey with the riders inside amazed at the rapid transformations of the outside environments as they witness the rise and fall of aquatic civilizations and ecosystems, the time traveler hunters discuss recent events from their own present time. Apparently, Plankton and his red-necked hillbilly hick plankton cousins attempted an unsuccessful coup detat against King Neptune and the mermaid and merman royal leaders of Atlantis. The planktons used their small size to sneak into the Royal Palace and then tried to secretly poison the royal feasts of the Atlantis supreme council to kill them all. The planktons would then have seized Neptune's magical super weapon, his royal Trident, and have used its magic powers to control Atlantis and the rest of the oceans of the world as little tyrant communist dictators. However, their plot was foiled when they were detected by royal shrimp security guards and arrested. The plankton prisoners were then eaten by the Royal Atlantian Council as punishment for their failed insurrection. The time travelers discuss how thankful they are that the planktons failed in their attempted revolution since they would obviously not want to live in such an underwater dystopia. Sandy is also thankful that King Neptune was not killed since the god of the sea allows Sandy's time travel missions to occur under her extensive precautions. As their destination in ancient Africa nears, extra cargo boxes full of acorn nut ammunition suddenly shake within the vessel. The alarmed time travel hunters aim their weapons at the boxes as Sandy worries that nematodes hungry for nuts may have sneaked into the time machine. However, the boxes burst open to reveal SpongeBob and Patrick, who have secretly invited themselves and have sneaked onto the time machine. The shocked time traveler hunters fire their nut weaponry at them, causing SpongeBob and Patrick minor injuries until they stop shooting. The furious Sandy demands to know why her so-called friends have sneaked into the vessel, causing SpongeBob and Patrick to explain that they thought that the time travel expedition was actually time traveling to the future to fight and stop robot pirate overlords from ruling the world. Sandy uses her karate moves to beat up SpongeBob and Patrick, who beg her for mercy. Having no choice but to have SpongeBob and Patrick join the mission, Sandy informs them that they must now face the deadly dinosaur beast with the team. Sandy reluctantly makes them official time travel hunters, sprays them all over with soap and water hoses to sanitize them, sternly informs them to always follow her commands at all times and to stay next to her when they attack the Spinosaurus, and then provides them with their official astronaut suits full of water. Though SpongeBob and Patrick are honored by their new status as time travel hunters, they are obviously very frightened of the impending confrontation with the Spinosaurus. However, Sandy informs them that they cannot stay in the vessel during the hunt since they will probably stupidly drive the vessel away and since they are now being punished for their stupidity of sneaking onto her time machine. To make sure SpongeBob and Patrick stay by her side and do not leave the protective bubble when the hunt begins, Sandy handcuffs them to her bushy tail. As the journey nears its destination, everyone eats some food. However, SpongeBob and Patrick complain about the food since it is simply seanut butter sandwiches and milk without any jellyfish jelly to spice the meal up. Everyone else tells them to shut up. With the new team assembled, the acorn time machine slowly decelerates, closes its water whirlpool wormhole to the present from which they came, and then finally comes to a halt in the murky swamps of ancient Africa. The vessel then generates the protective Bubble that the six time traveler hunters Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, Larry, SpongeBob, and Patrick enter as they exit the time machine. With pterodactyls and feathered velociraptors flying and screeching in the night sky above the swamp, the Bubble sinks into the swamp and quickly moves in the dark waters past many ancient plants and animals. The time traveler hunters are intimidated and amazed at the sights but their leader Sandy reminds them to remain calm and focus so they can quickly complete their mission and return home. Suddenly, they see a large creature moving towards them like a massive torpedo and resembling a giant crocodile with a massive sail-like spine on its back. It is the greatest beast of all time on the face of the earth. It is the Spinosaurus. Everyone shakes in fear and SpongeBob and Patrick immediately start crying, but Sandy quickly composes herself, puts muzzles on her crying friends, and then informs the team that the aquatic dinosaur does not see them yet so they should remain calm and wait for the right moment to strike as the Bubble moves closer to the titanic beast. The Spinosaurus eats many ancient fish and hybrids between reptiles and amphibians before it stops, lifts its long reptilian snout above the swamp waters, and roars towards the full moon in the sky above. The time traveler hunters cover their ears in pain from the unbearably loud roar. Mr. Krabs curses in sailor slang, Squilliam wets himself with ink, Larry screams for his dead parents, SpongeBob and Patrick hug each other and tremble uncontrollably in each other's arms, and Sandy curses in Texan slang and tells everyone to shut the heck up before they are all eaten alive as the Bubble slowly ascends towards the dinosaur. Spinosaurus, the culmination of all carnivorous dinosaur evolution, raises its crocodilian body high above the swamp waters and trees as it knocks over everything in its sight and its big nuts flop from side to side across its grotesquely huge reptilian thunder thighs. Overlooking the entire swamp and weighing many tons, Spinosaurus breathes heavily and flaps its sail-like spine like a monstrous duck as it clumsily moves across the swamp pits and leaves incredible footprints wherever it steps. The skull of the beast resembles that of a mutant crocodile on steroids and is exceptionally long and narrow. The beast quickly eclipses the moon from the vantage point of the hunting party, enveloping the entire swamp in total darkness. Its big, fat, floppy sausage tail, resembling a giant sea snake hangs and swings from its impressive backside. Spinosaurus licks its sharp claws of its insanely muscular arms like a wolverine cleaning its claws after the kill. The intense red eyes of the dinosaur scan the waters as its long neck moves from side to side. Its scaly trunk expands and deflates very quickly like a crocodile silently breathing and waiting to snap onto its prey. Its teeth, resembling giant deadly curved swords, shine brightly in the darkness. Finally, its ridiculously huge nuts hang from its bottom like giant eggs that could give birth to Godzilla himself. Inside the Bubble, all the other time traveler hunters tightly hug Sandy, who stutters as she tells them to get their weaponry ready to fire. The Bubble moves behind the Spinosaurus, who cannot see it floating by his big butt that is drier than the driest crocodiles and alligators. SpongeBob and Patrick suddenly break off their muzzles and begin screaming uncontrollably about how huge the nuts of the beast were. Before Sandy can stop them, SpongeBob and Patrick rip off her bushy tail to break the handcuffs holding them to her and rush out of the bubble to escape the beast they know will kill them all. Sandy shrieks in pain as the Spinosaurus whips its head around to finally see its enemies. Recovering from the pain, Sandy aims her nut gun high towards the dinosaur and yells for her comrades to do the same. Mr. Krabs, remembering his days as a chunky naval sailor in the naval wars of Bikini Bottom's past, suddenly feels a surge of energy and courage pass through him. Slapping Squilliam and Larry across their stunned faces and reminding them that they are all soldiers and bounty hunters fighting for money, Mr. Krabs commands them to be brave dark knights to slay the sea dragon. Inspired by Mr. Krabs, Sandy, Squilliam, and Larry recover their nerves as all the time traveler hunters take aim at the Spinosaurus, who wildly stomps towards the floating Bubble. The time traveler hunters unload all their acorn nuts into the massive jaws and razor sharp teeth of the Spinosaurus, who helplessly chokes on the overwhelming nuts that they are force feeding him. Before they are even aware of their victory, Spinosaurus grasps its throat from choking, trips on its own huge nuts, and heavily crashes into a nearby quick sand pit where it begins to sink. As the Bubble floats above the struggling dinosaur, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, and Larry quickly pull out their Christmas nutcrackers, swiftly neuter the beast, and gleefully place their nutty prizes into a huge sack. Spinosaurus lets out one last muffled roar as it finally chokes to death and finally sinks forever into the quick sand pit to fulfill its historic and tragic death. The team cheers its victory as Sandy congratulates everyone's bravery and claims it is a victory for science as Mr. Krabs claims it is a victory for money. However, SpongeBob and Patrick suddenly come running up towards the Bubble now that the Spinosaurus is dead. Sandy quickly drags them into the Bubble as she, Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, and Larry furiously torture them with tickles for their cowardice and stupidity that almost resulted in the death of the entire team. Sandy then commands the team to stop the punishment as SpongeBob and Patrick start crying uncontrollably and continually apologize. SpongeBob and Patrick then give Sandy back her ripped tail, which she glues back to her furry behind. The Bubble moves next to the acorn time machine and the team enters the vessel as Sandy starts the machine to take them home. As the acorn time machine zooms towards the future to their present time, SpongeBob and Patrick recover and Sandy desperately asks them what they did to the surrounding ancient environment that they invaded. Sandy fears that they may have done something to cause the dreaded Butterfly Effect that will forever alter the future. SpongeBob and Patrick explain that after they fled they simply met some friendly prehistoric jellyfish, squirted some jelly from them, and mixed the jelly with their leftover seanut butter sandwiches to enjoy a nice prehistoric picnic. Sandy feels somewhat relieved as she informs everyone that the future should be safe and the same as before since SpongeBob and Patrick apparently did not significantly change the past. Everyone then shares a celebratory group hug and enjoys seanut butter and jellyfish jelly sandwiches from the extra jelly SpongeBob and Patrick brought with them. Finally, the acorn time machine grinds to a halt as it lands in present day Atlantis. Mr. Krabs, Squilliam, Larry, SpongeBob, and Patrick remove their astronaut suits, and the whole team exits the vessel to travel to the Royal Palace to inform King Neptune of their successful mission. However, everyone immediately notices that all the public writings on the buildings and street signs of Atlantis are written with ridiculously big letters and are now in the Spanish language instead of being normal sized and in English. The team is confused by the inexplicable changes as the ground shakes around them. Suddenly, they scream as they see giant Planktons, including Sheldon Plankton and all his hillbilly hick plankton cousins, stomping towards them. The Giant Planktons are all speaking in Spanish and wearing giant sombreros. King Sheldon Plankton wields a Trident as it is apparent that the giant Planktons, resembling Cyclops monsters, are now rulers of Atlantis and the rest of the seven seas. Somehow the future has been horribly changed by the time travel expedition into the past. Thinking the acorn time machine is food, King Plankton immediately eats it. The giant Planktons rule the oceans of the world and feed on all other sea creatures, who are microscopic compared to them. Somehow the evolution of Planktons and the history of Atlantis has been forever changed. As the giant Planktons slowly stomp towards the tiny hunters and taunt them with Spanish insults, Sandy furiously grabs and shakes SpongeBob and Patrick and demands to know what they did to cause a horrific Butterfly Effect. SpongeBob and Patrick plead their innocence until Mr. Krabs, Larry, and Squilliam notice jelly on the bottom of SpongeBob's shoes. Sandy stops shaking SpongeBob as he nervously inspects the bottom of his right shoe. SpongeBob shrieks as he sees a dead, crushed baby ancient jellyfish. SpongeBob apparently accidentally stepped on and killed the jellyfish in the past, causing a chaotic Butterfly Effect that forever altered their present. SpongeBob and Patrick hug each other and cry. They beg for Sandy to save them from the Spanish Cyclops monsters and to build another time machine for them to escape the underwater dystopia and change the past for the better. Sandy angrily glares at them and suddenly pulls out her Christmas nutcracker weapon to neuter them as punishment for their time travel crimes. SpongeBob and Patrick plead for mercy but to no avail. There was a sound of nutcrackers…

**Tom Surfing: The Butterfly Effect is something so simple to cause yet so chaotic to predict. Like a deadly stack of dominoes, past events can be knocked over and changed to cause a chain effect that alters the trails of history. So the next time you step on a butterfly, you may want to think twice about the future world you are creating, both on dry land and down under the seven seas…of the Tidal Zone. **


	10. The Sixth Sense

**The Sixth Sense**

**Summary - While fighting as a marine in SeaWorld War Two, the young Mr. Krabs learns that he has the sixth sense to predict who will lose their other five senses in combat.**

**Tom Surfing: War is the ultimate struggle of Nature as species above and below the sea fight for dominance over one another. War is known to break down both the bodies and minds of the young men who fight to the death. The psychological toll of war can be so great that it affects the perceptions of said warriors. Mr. Eugene Krabs is about to face the horrors of war. His body will become weary and his mind will attempt to make sense of the chaos it perceives. Tonight we will see just how much the young crustacean's mind can handle as the bombs burst down under the sea…in the Tidal Zone. **

It is the 1940s. SeaWorld War Two is fully underway. The Allied Forces consist primarily of the Bikini Bottom Navy, full of fat crab, chunky tuna, and blubbery sperm whale marines. The Axis Forces consist of aquatic reptilian species, including alligators, crocodiles, and sea snakes. The war spans all the oceans of the world and began when aquatic reptilian species tried to enslave, exterminate, and conquer all sea creatures to rule all the oceans of the world as master overlords. The warmongering alligators, crocodiles, and sea snakes fully believe that all aquatic reptilian species are biologically superior to all other non-reptilian sea creatures and have waged war to prove that they deserve to rule the entire SeaWorld. Leading the naval militaries for all Allied non-reptilian sea creatures is the Bikini Bottom Navy since Bikini Bottom is the largest city under the sea. The oceanic war is fought primarily with naval warships, submarines, minefields, and infantrymen armed with tommy guns, fish nets, grenades, fishing hooks, pirate and samurai swords, seahorses, and toxic chum. Attempting to capture Bikini Bottom itself, the Axis naval forces and marines invade the outskirts of the city to engage the Bikini Bottom naval forces and marines in trench warfare. Young marine Eugene Krabs is among the Bikini Bottom marines ready to be sent into battle to protect his home town from the reptilian invaders. Before he leaves with his fellow soldiers, Eugene says goodbye to his family one last time. He kisses and hugs his mother Betsy Krabs, who sadly tells her son to come home safe and to run back home if he needs to. Eugene promises that he and his mother will meet again either after the war or in the afterlife. Eugene then hugs, kisses, and cries with his whale wife Bertha Krabs, who is pregnant and expecting a whale daughter soon. Eugene promises her that after the war he will raise their daughter well, own a wealthy restaurant to provide for the family, and tell his little girl about all his naval adventures. Bertha sadly agrees that if he does not come back she will raise their daughter very well with Betsy and will always tell her about how her father was a hero. Before he leaves, Eugene, Betsy, and Bertha decide to name their future whale girl Pearl since she will be as precious as pearls to their family. Eugene then departs his anchor-shaped home and decides to stop by a small fortune teller shop next to his home run by the mysterious octopus named Astrologer Squidward Tentacles. Eugene wants to know if the astrologer can predict the outcome of the battle and whether or not he himself will die. Astrologer Squidward welcomes Eugene and accepts payment from him. Astrologer Squidward then tells Eugene that his astrological sign is Cancer the Crab. According to Astrologer Squidward, some Cancers have the ability to become psychic to predict the future themselves. Astrologer Squidward then tells Eugene that the future is inherently nebulous and depends only on the Zodiac and the movements of the heavenly bodies far above the seas. Astrologer Squidward then tells Eugene that there are two potential futures for him, though which one will come true is uncertain. In his first potential future, Mr. Krabs survives the war, which ends with the defeat of the Axis reptilian powers and the assassination of their tyrant leader, a sea dragon named Rudolph Hitter. Mr. Krabs returns home to Bikini Bottom and then opens a famous restaurant in Bikini Bottom named the Krusty Krab, becomes wealthy, supports his family and new daughter, and lives a long life until peacefully dying in his sleep at the retirement home Shady Shoals. However, in his second potential future, Mr. Krabs dies in the upcoming battle. Eugene nervously asks Astrologer Squidward exactly how he will die in the second potential future, but Astrologer Squidward refuses to tell him the specifics to prevent him from fearing his own potentially inevitable death. As his fellow marines call for Eugene to join their squad and march to war, Eugene asks Astrologer Squidward if Eugene himself is really a psychic crab, but Astrologer Squidward cryptically remarks that he will soon learn if he is psychic or not in the battle. The two neighbors then bid each other goodbye as Astrologer Squidward plays his clarinet and does a belly dance to end their astrological session. Eugene then joins his marine squad consisting of his fellow fat crabs, chunky tuna fish, and blubbery sperm whales. The squad marches towards the outskirts of Bikini Bottom to meet the reptilian forces that are quickly encroaching upon the trenches outside the sea city. A thunderstorm begins as heavy rain falls ominously as the battle is set to begin. Along two rivers on both sides of the trenches, many Allied and Axis warships begin launching aerial missiles at one another and begin launching shell bombs at the enemy soldiers in the trenches. Meanwhile, submarines from both sides launch sneaky torpedo attacks against all enemy naval vessels. The warships explode and crash, sending up large tidal waves into the trenches that drown many soldiers. The shells from the warships land in the trenches and violently explode and rock the muddy grounds, sending lifeless bodies into the misty air. Soldiers carelessly and accidentally step on underground mines, causing instant explosions that turn them into ashes. Enemy soldiers hide like snails in their sea shells within the soggy trenches and fire their tommy guns at each other to tear each other into pieces, capture their enemies in fish nets to drag them away as prisoners, launch grenades at their enemies to blow them across the battlefield, hook the mouths of their enemies with fishing hooks to capture them and eat them to maintain their own energy and bloodlust, chop their enemies with pirate and samurai swords into sushi pieces, charge at and trample over their enemies with the seahorses they ride into battle, squirt toxic chum at their enemies to vaporize them into only skeletal remains, and engage in hand-to-hand karate fights when invading enemy trenches at close range. Countless lives are lost on both sides as the initially slender reptilians grow fatter from consuming the crab meat, chunky tuna meat, whale blubber, and seahorse guts from dead enemy soldiers. The deadly battle and heavy rain fall continue for days with occasional stalemates. Scavenger nematodes, clams, seagulls, and toxic seaweed consume the remains of all dead soldiers. Eugene has been hiding in the trenches for days, having been separated from the rest of his squad. He has fired lead and thrown grenades constantly at enemy reptiles but has not killed any of them because they move extremely quickly. He is covered in dirt, fish bones, rain, urine, sweat, and ashes, but the dirty waters cannot clean him off. He feels trapped in a nightmare that he cannot escape. He tries to avoid scavengers and reptilian enemies all around him. Eugene sadly thinks about his family at home, but remembers that he is fighting so the reptilian enemies will not conquer Bikini Bottom. Eugene imagines his potential future of living happily with his family in Bikini Bottom in the post-war era as described by Astrologer Squidward. As the days pass by, Eugene eventually finds several members of his old squad, including two chunky tuna fish, two blubbery sperm whales, and one fellow fat crab, inside a large pit hidden from most of the battle. However, Eugene is shocked by the sight of them. Somehow Eugene is unable to see some of their body parts as if they were invisible or missing. He tells them what he sees or rather what he does not see on them, but they claim that they have not lost any body parts and that he must be experiencing hallucinations from the long battle. Eugene sees one tuna fish as missing his two eyes, sees the other tuna fish as missing his two ears, sees one whale as missing his mouth, sees the other whale as missing his nose, and finally sees the other crab as missing both his hands and feet as though all their body parts were invisible. Eugene is disturbed by the visions, but the others try to calm him down. As the rain fall and shell bombing finally stop, the squad decides to move out of the pit since they know the battle is almost over. However, as soon as they leave the pit, they are ambushed by gunfire, hooks, grenades, slithering reptiles, scavengers, flying thrown swords, and charging seahorses. Though they repel the ambush and retreat from the area, they also set off many underground mines as they run for their lives. As a result of the ambush, everyone except Eugene himself loses body parts, though the others quickly bandage up their injuries to save their lives. Eugene is astonished that everyone else has lost the body parts that were previously invisible to him. The first tuna fish lost his eyes and is now blind, the second tuna fish lost his ears and is now deaf, the first whale lost his mouth and is now mute and cannot taste anything, the second whale lost his nose and now cannot smell anything, and the other crab lost all his limbs that he replaced with pirate hook hands and peg legs and now has lost the sense of touch. His five friends have lost their five senses, and somehow Eugene himself has gained a disturbing sixth sense to predict the future. Eugene remembers the music, words, and belly dancing of Astrologer Squidward, which predicted that Eugene was a psychic Cancer crab. Eugene feels great pity for his comrades but is still somewhat glad that they are alive to keep him company. Eventually, it becomes apparent that the reptilian enemy forces have been mostly defeated and are retreating from the trenches. The Allied Bikini Bottomite forces give chase after them until it appears that most of them have finally departed towards the other enemy-controlled river, where they have been captured by reinforcement Bikini Bottomite soldiers. With the apocalyptic battle over, Eugene and his disabled comrades celebrate the victory with other Allied soldiers as they begin to march outside the trenches. However, the other soldiers tell Eugene to clean himself off in nearby water puddles since he is covered in rotten fish bones and seagull dung. Eugene stops by the largest nearby puddle, but when he looks into the waters to see his own dirty reflection, his reflection is invisible to him and he cannot see himself in the puddle. Eugene shrieks as he realizes that he will soon die due to the invisibility predictions of his psychic sixth sense. Eugene himself will lose all his six senses and die. Suddenly, a large enemy alligator, one of the few left behind Axis soldiers, carrying a large barrel full of toxic chum, leaps out of nearby bushes, roars one last war cry, and launches the deadly barrel at the shocked crab, tuna fish, and sperm whale soldiers. Knowing he must sacrifice his life to save his comrades, Eugene screams that he loves Bikini Bottom, his fellow jellyfish jelly jarheads, and most importantly his family and leaps onto the barrel, which explodes and covers only Eugene in the toxic chum, vaporizing his entire body except for his big-boned crab skeleton. The other soldiers have survived the attack and swiftly throw the enemy alligator onto a nearby mine to kill him. The saved soldiers sadly clean and then carry Eugene's skeleton in a casket with them as they finally exit the deadly trenches and march into the saved city. As they all agree that Eugene was a true war hero, they enter the clean and safe city streets to unite with their families. Several days later, many Bikini Bottomites hold large night funerals for their lost loved ones. The Krabs family, the soldiers saved by Eugene, and Astrologer Squidward attend the burial of Mr. Krabs. Astrologer Squidward informs the others that Mr. Krabs was a true war hero and a true mystic seer. As the crying Krabs family and soldiers hug and thank Astrologer Squidward for his eulogy, Astrologer Squidward directs their attention to the stars above them as he points up towards the night sky to show them all the astrological Cancer crab symbol shining brightly and beautifully in the Heavens.

**Tom Surfing: Mr. Eugene Krabs, recently deceased victim of war, has won the battle against the fear of death. His mind became so disturbed by the terrors of the battlefield that it developed the sixth sense, the psychic ability to see the future, in order to cope with the new deadly environment. Though his fate was sealed in the stars, Mr. Eugene Krabs will always be remembered by his family, friends, and community as the crab who sacrificed his armor abs and everything else to save his homeland. Mr. Eugene Krabs is now peacefully resting in the Heavens and has finally escaped…from the Tidal Zone. **


	11. TreeDome of Terror

**TREEDOME OF TERROR**

IN THE ULTIMATE TWIST ENDING OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_, THE ENTIRE SERIES IS REVEALED TO HAVE BEEN NOTHING MORE THAN FICTIONAL SCARY STORIES TOLD ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT INSIDE SANDY'S TREEDOME, WHICH HAS BEEN DECORATED WITH SPOOKY SOUVENIRS FROM _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES. THUS, THE ENTIRE SERIES IS ACTUALLY CANON AND IS SIMPLY A FICTIONAL PART OF THE REGULAR _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_ SEAWORLD. SANDY HERSELF HAS CREATED AND HAS BEEN TELLING ALL THE STORIES AND HAS MADE HER FRIENDS AND OTHER BIKINI BOTTOMITES MAJOR CHARACTERS IN THEM. INSIDE THE TREEHOUSE OF HER TREEDOME, NOW KNOWN AS THE "TREEDOME OF TERROR," SANDY HAS FINALLY FINISHED TELLING ALL SEVENTY SCARY STORIES TO THE GUESTS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, GARY, MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, AND PLANKTON. WHILE SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND GARY ARE DISTURBED AND FRIGHTENED BY THE HORROR AND SCI-FI TALES, MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, AND PLANKTON VIEW THEM LARGELY AS DISAPPOINTMENTS AND CLAIM THAT _THE TIDAL ZONE_ IS SIMPLY A RIP OFF OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ AND _THE SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR_ SERIES. SANDY DEFENDS HER INVENTED STORIES BY CLAIMING THEY ARE PARODIES AND HOMAGES TO BOTH CLASSIC SERIES, BUT SQUIDWARD CLAIMS SHE NAMED HER HOME THE "TREEDOME OF TERROR" TO ONCE AGAIN RIP OFF _THE SIMPSONS_ _TREEHOUSE OF HORROR_, CLAIMS THAT THE YELLOW SPONGEBOB HIMSELF IS A RIP OFF OF THE YELLOW CHARACTERS OF _THE SIMPSONS_, CLAIMS THAT THE KRUSTY KRAB IS A RIP OFF OF KRUSTY BURGER AND KRUSTY THE CLOWN FROM _THE SIMPSONS_, AND CLAIMS THAT THE _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_ SHOW NEEDS TO JUST DIE ALREADY AND REST IN PEACE SINCE THE SHOW IS TRYING TO CONTINUE AS LONG AS _THE SIMPSONS_ SERIES HAS EVEN THOUGH _THE SIMPSONS_ SERIES WILL ALWAYS BE BETTER. SQUIDWARD SAYS _THE TIDAL ZONE_ IS A DISGRACE TO THE GREAT _TREEHOUSE OF HORROR_ SERIES JUST LIKE THE VAMPIRE AND WEREWOLF TEEN _TWILIGHT_ SERIES IS A DISGRACE TO THE GREAT _TWILIGHT ZONE_ SERIES. SANDY AND EVERYONE ELSE THEN REMAINS SILENT IN AN AWKWARD MOMENT OF SILENCE. SUDDENLY, TOM SURFING HIMSELF LEVITATING ON HIS SURF BOARD ENTERS THE TREEHOUSE. EVERYONE ASKS THE HUMAN SKELETON SURFER WHO HE IS AND THEN TELLS HIM HE HAS A NICE HALLOWEEN COSTUME. HOWEVER, TOM SURFING NATURALLY CLAIMS THAT HE IS THE NARRATOR FROM THE FICTIONAL SERIES AND THAT HIS SKELETON IS NOT A COSTUME. THE SKEPTICAL GROUP THEN TRIES TO TAKE OFF HIS SKULL TO PROVE IT IS SIMPLY A MASK, BUT THEY ACCIDENTALLY RIP OFF HIS SKULL TO PROVE THAT HE IS THE REAL TOM SURFING. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, GARY, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, AND PLANKTON SCREAM AT THE SIGHT OF THE HEADLESS SKELETON, BUT TOM SURFING SIMPLY PUTS HIS SKULL BACK ON HIS NECK AND INFORMS THEM THAT THEIR HALLOWEEN STORIES WERE SO MAGICAL THAT THEY BROUGHT HIS CHARACTER TO REAL LIFE. TOM SURFING TELLS THEM TO CALM DOWN AND TELLS THEM HE BROUGHT HALLOWEEN PRESENTS FOR EVERYONE, CAUSING EVERYONE TO STOP BEING SCARED AND TO BECOME JOYFUL. TOM SURFING THEN PASSES OUT CUBAN CIGARS TO EVERYONE AND LIGHTS ALL OF THEIR CIGARS. THE EIGHT SMOKERS HAPPILY SMOKE ON THE FANCY CIGARS AS TOM SURFING REMARKS THAT HE LOVES SHOCKING TWIST ENDINGS. SUDDENLY, LIGHTNING FROM THE DARK SKY OUTSIDE THE TREEDOME SHOCKS THE TREEDOME OF TERROR, BREAKING AND FLOODING THE TREEDOME AND LEAVING THE TREEHOUSE IN CHARRED RUINS. INSIDE THE RUINED TREEHOUSE, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, GARY, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, AND PLANKTON ARE NOW ALL DEAD SKELETONS LIKE TOM SURFING HIMSELF.

BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL, ALL THE EIGHT SKELETONS STILL CHEW ON THEIR CUBAN CIGARS, ADDRESS THE AUDIENCE, AND ALL SHOUT IN UNISON:

"REMEMBER KIDS, SMOKING KILLS…UNLESS YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD!"

THE SKELETONS TOM SURFING, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, GARY, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, AND PLANKTON THEN WILDLY LAUGH TOGETHER AS THE FINAL CREDITS ROLL AND SCARY MUSIC PLAYS TO END _THE TIDAL ZONE _SERIES FOREVER.


	12. The Secret Formula

**The Secret Formula**

**The Tidal Zone episode parodying The Twilight Zone episodes "Need To Know" and "To Serve Man"**

**Summary - When the Krusty Krab finally goes out of business, Mr. Krabs decides to publically reveal the Krabby Patty secret formula to all of Bikini Bottom**.

**Tom Surfing: Secrets, everyone has some and everyone wants to find out each other's skeletons and fish bones in the closet. But skeletons and secrets can be very frightening things to have revealed. What if there were secrets so full of truth and so full of horror, like Lovecraftian sea monsters, that they should never be heard and always remain hidden from everyone like buried treasure lost to the sands of time and the abyss of the seven seas? Well, there are such dark secrets, but thankfully they can only be found…in the Tidal Zone.**

It is the end of the work day for SpongeBob at the Krusty Krab. The final customers of the day are leaving with full fat fish guts, Squidward is finally waking up after sleeping for his whole shift, and SpongeBob has made and eaten the last Krabby Patty of the day, which he greatly enjoys even though he sadly feels like he is eating a best friend. It is night outside the closing restaurant. Squidward happily prepares to leave home to sleep some more since sleeping is what he does best in life, but he discovers that he has been handcuffed to the cash register. With all the customers gone and only his co-workers remaining in the restaurant, Squidward struggles to break free from his shocking imprisonment and immediately yells and accuses SpongeBob of locking him to the cash register while he was asleep and was dreaming of playing beautiful clarinet music by campfire light for his male cowboy squid friends on BrokeBack Reef. Shocked at Squidward's odd predicament, SpongeBob explains that he was not responsible for imprisoning Squidward, but SpongeBob becomes excited to play Dungeons and Dragons in leather costumes with whips with his prisoner co-worker as SpongeBob claims he and Patrick always play freaky Friday night games. Squidward refuses to play whatever game SpongeBob is referring to, and immediately demands that SpongeBob retrieve some keys or some hand tools from Mr. Krabs to free him so he can go home and never come back. SpongeBob happily ignores Squidward, pulls out a briefcase containing leather sea dragon costumes, and is about to put one on himself and one on Squidward until he hears Mr. Krabs yelling for him to come into his office immediately. SpongeBob then leaves to the office as Squidward wildly but unsuccessfully struggles to break off the locked handcuffs. As soon as SpongeBob enters the office, he shrieks in horror. SpongeBob sees Mr. Krabs sitting and smiling in his office chair. The room is dark except for candle light spread across the office. Mr. Krabs is dressed like a circus clown. SpongeBob tries to leave, but the closed office door is locked and needs a key to unlock it. Mr. Krabs sternly tells SpongeBob to never fear the darkness and to become one with the darkness. Mr. Krabs then orders SpongeBob to sit down. The trembling SpongeBob listens to his boss, who immediately handcuffs SpongeBob to his seat. SpongeBob cries and asks Mr. Krabs what he did wrong to be punished by his boss and asks why Mr. Krabs is dressed like a creepy clown. Mr. Krabs gently pats SpongeBob's head and tells him that he should not scream no matter what Mr. Krabs himself is about to do to him and Squidward. Mr. Krabs then explains that he has locked both SpongeBob and Squidward into the restaurant not because he wants to, but because he needs to tell them some very bad news. Mr. Krabs claims that the Krusty Krab is finally going out of business forever. SpongeBob gasps out loud and then asks his boss why the restaurant must close and if the Krusty crew will become a circus freak show to replace it. Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob that the Krusty Krab is closing because the company has finally depleted the main secret ingredient of the Krabby Patty secret formula, making it impossible for it to produce anymore Krabby Patties. SpongeBob is paralyzed by disbelief and asks how the situation is even possible. Mr. Krabs replies that the shadowy businessmen whom Mr. Krabs has contracted and relied on to procure the secret ingredient recently informed him that they have finally used up all of the secret natural resource. Mr. Krabs reveals that he actually pays human fishermen from above the sea to provide him with the key ingredient of his secret recipe. The confused SpongeBob asks his boss if the human fishermen are responsible for hooks that capture and kill fish, and Mr. Krabs agrees that they are responsible for both hooks and hookers (hookers are those sea creatures who play hooky and get caught on hooks). Mr. Krabs says he is not sorry for entering into business with the homicidal humans because it has made him a very wealthy fat cat crab. Mr. Krabs even claims that he has sacrificed far more than SpongeBob would ever want to know just to be rich off the Krabby Patty secret formula. As SpongeBob furiously calls his boss a traitor to his fellow Bikini Bottomites and a criminal for dealing with humans who eat sea food, Mr. Krabs tells SpongeBob that he does not feel guilty about his secret crimes at all. Instead, Mr. Krabs explains that he has finally gone completely insane now that he is about to lose his family business. Thus, Mr. Krabs is dressed like a clown because he is now crazy. Calling himself Krusty the Clown, Mr. Krabs asks SpongeBob if he wants to finally know the secret ingredient of the Krabby Patty formula since the secret is now worthless without the lost main ingredient. Having a sudden realization, SpongeBob panics and struggles to break free of his restraints. However, Krusty the Clown assures him that he will soon go crazy himself once he hears the secret. Krusty the Clown then wildly giggles as he slowly whispers the secret into the panicking SpongeBob's ears. After hearing the secret, SpongeBob stutters in horror before he laughs like a madman. Krusty the Clown laughs even more creepily than his employee and pulls out some keys to unlock the handcuffs restraining SpongeBob and to unlock the office door. As the office door slowly creaks open, Squidward finally breaks off his handcuffs. Squidward yells good night to his co-workers, yells at them to go to sleep and never wake up, and angrily marches towards the exit door of the restaurant to leave home. Suddenly, the electric power of the restaurant dies, covering it in complete darkness. Squidward screams in fright and tries to open the front door, but the front door is locked and only his boss can unlock it. In the darkness, Squidward can hear SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs wildly giggling like madmen. Squidward yells for them to stop with their stupid pranks and to let him go home before he chops them up into sushi in anger. As the lights of the restaurant come back on, Squidward shrieks and wets himself with ink as he sees both Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob dressed as creepy clowns. However, Krusty the Clown and the new clown SpongeBob, calling himself the Joker, assure Squidward that they do not want to hurt him but they only want to share a scary secret with him. The two clowns then pull out a clownfish costume that they want Squidward to wear. Squidward warns them to stay away from him, but the two clowns squirt out condiments from fake flowers on their clown costumes. The sauces zoom into Squidward's eyes, causing him to fall to the floor in unbearable pain. Krusty the Clown restrains Squidward as the Joker whispers the secret into his ears, causing Squidward to stop struggling, simultaneously cry and laugh, and then agree to wear the clownfish costume. Krusty the Clown then unlocks the front door as his crazy clown servants follow him into the night outside. The clown trio silently and slowly walks towards the closed Chum Bucket across the street because they have something very important and very secret to share with their friend Plankton. The clowns break into the restaurant with crowbars. As soon as they break open the front doors, security sirens blare within the Chum Bucket. The silent clowns march inside and ignore the loud sirens. Inside his bedroom at the back of the empty restaurant, Plankton is watching a silent black-and-white movie about fish mimes on Karen's computer screen when he hears the blaring alarms. Before he can get out of his little bed, Krusty the Clown, the Joker, and Squidward, now calling himself Grumpy, break into the room and brutally destroy Karen with their crowbars. The shocked Plankton does not recognize who the disguised clowns are and believes he is being robbed. Plankton immediately pulls out a long-barrel revolver gun that he aims at the intruders, but Krusty, Joker, and Grumpy pull out three guns of their own that are the exact same as Plankton's weapon. Realizing he is outgunned, Plankton drops his revolver, admits defeat, claims that the freaks really do come out at night, and begs the clown robbers to spare his life and take whatever they want. However, the three clowns fire their guns, causing Plankton to scream and flinch until he sees that only three small flags displaying the word "Bang!" come out of the toy guns. As Plankton sighs in relief, the clowns reveal their real identities as Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Squidward. Plankton furiously demands that his enemies leave his restaurant and stop playing head games with him, but Mr. Krabs claims that he wants Plankton to join their insane gang and to become the new owner of the Krusty Krab. Plankton is very confused about his rival's claims and asks Mr. Krabs what he has been smoking lately, to which Mr. Krabs nonchalantly replies that he only smokes tobacco even though it is killing him. Mr. Krabs then claims that he needs to reveal the Krabby Patty formula to Plankton and that the secret is so crazy it will kill Plankton too. Plankton gasps in disbelief as Mr. Krabs hands him the bottle containing the Krabby Patty formula. Not wasting anytime, Plankton breaks open the bottle and swiftly reads the secret writings within. Plankton suddenly drops the parchment in utter horror as a crazy smile flashes upon his uncontrollably twitching face. Mr. Krabs assures Plankton that the writings are the real ingredient list of the Krabby Patty formula, welcomes Plankton into the clown gang, and asks him to scream for ice cream if he wants to help them spread the good news about the Krabby Patty secret formula to all of Bikini Bottom. Plankton immediately screeches for some ice cream as Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Squidward pull out a broken clown toy, tear off its tiny costume, and put the tiny clown costume on the insane Plankton…

The next morning begins as the sun slowly rises above Sandy's Tree Dome. Sandy slowly wakes up from a good night of sleep, leaves her tree house, and begins watering her Tree Dome grass by turning on her home's sprinklers. As Sandy drinks some fresh tea and eats some nutty cereal for breakfast inside her tree house, the sprinklers outside suddenly stop. Sandy leaves to check on them and her jaw drops as she sees four clowns use crowbars to break open the glass of her Tree Dome. The glass barrier soon breaks, flooding the home with water and sending her tumbling outside with the current. However, because she is wearing her astronaut suit, she cannot drown from the flood. Sandy slowly rises to her feet as the four clowns encircle her and playfully sing her name in unison. The scared Sandy gets into a karate stance to defend herself until she hears SpongeBob's annoying laugh come from one of the clowns. Sandy furiously asks SpongeBob what kind of dangerous prank he and his clown friends are playing. Sandy then remembers that the city circus is coming into town that day and asks SpongeBob if he and his clown pranksters are part of it. SpongeBob stops laughing and tells Sandy to call him the Joker. SpongeBob introduces his accomplices Krusty the Clown, Grumpy, and their newest and smallest member Bozo. The shocked Sandy realizes that the other three clowns are actually Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Plankton. Sandy demands that all the idiots fix her broken Tree Dome, but Joker, Krusty, Grumpy, and Bozo promise her that they will fix her Tree Dome after they share some tea together in her tree house and talk about something very, very important and very, very secret. Sandy makes them promise to keep their word if she serves them really hot tea to calm them down, and the four clowns promise to do so as they lead her into the tree house. Shortly thereafter, Sandy runs screaming out of the tree house after their quick chat. Sandy is now dressed like a crazy rodeo cowgirl with clown makeup covering her face. Shaking her head uncontrollably, Sandy runs towards Patrick's home as Krusty, Joker, Grumpy, and Bozo chase after her. Before she can reach Patrick's rock home, Gary comes out of SpongeBob's pineapple home. However, Gary is wearing a scary clown mask and meows to the shocked Sandy. Sandy finally goes crazy and begins wildly laughing at the clown snail, who tells Sandy through many meows that his new name is Dopey. Sandy tells Dopey that her new name is Happy. Krusty, Joker, Grumpy, and Bozo then meet up with Dopey and Happy. The six clowns insanely and gleefully share a group hug and then bang loudly on Patrick's door to wake him up. Patrick's rock lifts up and he himself is dressed in a jester costume. However, he has not heard the secret yet and is not insane. Patrick recognizes all his friends and happily asks them if they are all wearing their clown costumes to prepare for the circus that is going to be marching into town soon. The six clowns silently encircle him as his rock swiftly slams shut, trapping Patrick with his maniac friends, who have something very disturbing to share with him…

As midday arrives, all Bikini Bottomites are happily cheering together as a large crowd as they watch many circus clowns consisting primarily of fish march in a parade along the main street of the city. The fish clowns are marching with trained monkeys wearing astronaut suits to be underwater as circus animals. The civilian crowd follows the circus parade led by six clown leaders. The clown leaders are none other than Joker, Grumpy, Bozo, Dopey, Happy, and Patrick wearing his jester costume and calling himself the Jester. The large parade marches until nightfall when they reach their destination, which is the Krusty Krab. All the clowns and Bikini Bottomites sit outside the restaurant on inflatable balloon animal seats already prepared for them. Krusty the Clown happily dances and exits the Krusty Krab. Speaking with a megaphone, Krusty welcomes his fellow loony guests and tells them that tonight they are celebrating the closing of the Krusty Krab through a circus sponsored dinner banquet full of free Krabby Patties. All the circus clowns then serve everyone else their free meals as the crowd happily cheers and voraciously eats their free food. Krusty then asks everyone if they want to know what the Krabby Patty secret formula is since it does not have to remain secret anymore now that the restaurant is finally closing. The civilian crowd joyfully chants for Mr. Krabs to finally reveal the big secret. Krusty playfully tells them that he could tell them the secret, but then he would have to kill them all to keep it secret. The crowd laughs at the grim joke in unison and continues to beg Mr. Krabs to tell everyone what they have always been dying to know. Krusty the Clown then calls for silence, causing everyone else to quiet down completely. Ironically speaking in a creepy whispering voice over the loud megaphone, Mr. Krabs finally states the main secret ingredient of the Krabby Patty formula:

"Okay, all you crazy fish heads! Since you want to know the secret so badly, I will tell it to you and your little precious children even as you stuff your greasy gills with my free food. The funny thing, the insane thing is that the secret is so simple, so very, very simple. It is a secret ingrained in my own crabby heart. So without further ado, think about this one simple question…Why are my burgers called Krabby Patties?...Because they are made of crab meat!"

As the circus clowns burst into uncontrollable maniacal laughter, the shocked and horrified civilian crowd screams, spits out their food, and runs away in unison to leave Bikini Bottom forever in utter panic. Mr. Krabs yells at the fleeing crowd to stop panicking since Plankton still has to reveal what Chum Bucket chum is really made from. As the city goes crazy, Mr. Krabs happily uses ignited torches and grease to burn down the closed Krusty Krab. Inside the burning and collapsing restaurant, the parchment containing the Krabby Patty secret formula has a headline that reads "To Serve Krabs."

**Tom Surfing: The truth shall set you free and shall drive you completely insane with your newfound knowledge and freedom if you are not ready for them. There are mysteries above and below the seas that remain to be solved by the greatest minds. There are secrets within the fish heads down under the sea that should never be learned by Man or anyone else wearing bikini bottoms. Because the conundrums of reality do not always have the solutions we desire and can sometimes cause us to wonder if we are forever trapped in the underwater madhouse…of the Tidal Zone. **


	13. The Europa Exhibit

**The Europa Exhibit**

**Pilot Episode of The Tidal Zone Series**

**The Tidal Zone episode parody of The Twilight Zone episodes "I Shot an Arrow into the Air" and "People are Alike All Over"**

**Summary – When human fishermen relentlessly hunt and hook all aquatic creatures across the seven seas, Sandy and her friends use her space rocket to escape to the heavenly Europa. **

**Tom Surfing: Humanity covers the entire globe, has all but conquered dry land, and roams the seas like plundering pirates. Before Man journeyed back to the seas from which he evolved, fish and all other kinds of sea creatures called the oceans home and fruitfully ruled and multiplied in them for eons. But humanity has returned to the waters to wage war upon all fish and swimmers who breathe water for unknown, but undoubtedly sinister purposes. Scientist Sandy Cheeks is aware of this environmental crisis and is ready for a space voyage with her friends to the icy alien moon of Europa, which is full of precious water and free from the human pirates. The space rocket is ready for launch and is about to crash land directly…into the Tidal Zone. **

Absolute panic has gripped Bikini Bottom and all sea cities across the seven seas. The T.V. news broadcasts an unprecedented transoceanic threat to all sea creatures, sending all aquatic populaces into mass hysteria. Giant submarines equipped with massive cables armed with powerful fishing hooks are invading the airspace of all sea cities. The submarines are apparently driven by human fishermen and have mysterious corporate logos bearing the letters "S.W." The human submarines are using their large hooks to relentlessly capture all sea creatures in the underwater urban environments. The fishy militaries of all the sea cities and their smaller military submarines are unable to repel the human invaders, whose larger submarines and more powerful torpedoes easily destroy the sea creature navies and whose giant hooks easily capture many sea creature civilians, dragging them by their mouths, butts, and crotches into the human vessels. Everyone has lost major loved ones to the human invaders, and even those people fleeing Bikini Bottom are likewise captured. It seems that there are no sea cities safe from the human invasion and harvesting, stranding Bikini Bottomites from any havens from humans. Due to the transoceanic crisis, Sandy has invited all her friends to her Tree Dome to escape from the human fishermen. Sandy invites SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Gary, Plankton, and Karen to her home as the city falls into further chaos and destruction. SpongeBob has lost his parents and grandmother to the hooks; Mr. Krabs has lost his mother, worm dog Mr. Doodles, and daughter Pearl to the hooks; and Squidward has lost his lover Squilvia to the hooks. Sandy tells her stranded friends her desperate plan to escape the human hunters. Sandy wants to use her space rocket to take her and her friends to the icy moon Europa that orbits the giant gas planet Jupiter in outer space. Because there are no humans on Europa and because Europa may have oceans beneath its icy surface, Sandy believes it is the only place where she and her friends can escape from the human fishermen invading all the underwater cities of all the oceans of the world. Sandy is not completely sure about the sinister motives of the humans' capturing of all sea creatures, but she believes that because the human global population is expanding far too much, the humans are consuming far too much seafood to feed themselves. Though they all agree to leave to Europa with Sandy since they have little chances of surviving in the oceans of Earth anymore, her friends are still somewhat hesitant to leave to an alien world. Plankton, Karen, and Squidward are worried that they will encounter hostile alien Europians on the alien moon, while SpongeBob, Mr. Krabs, and Gary hope that the alien Europians they meet will be somewhat friendly and will welcome their exodus from the cruel human-ruled earth. Patrick is confused about the difference between the alien moon Europa and the earth continent Europe and does not understand the explanations everyone else gives him about the obvious differences between the two locations. However, Sandy assures her friends that they do not have time to debate about the mission and that there are no aliens on Europa. Sandy then inspires the others by reminding them that Europa is their last haven for safety from humans and will be a new home where only sea creatures peacefully live and rule. Sandy also assures them that they can safely consume the cold, clean refreshing waters of Europa and even produce flavored snow cones as food to survive on the icy alien moon. Patrick asks her if they will make yellow snow cones as well since they are his favorite, but Sandy tells him no one else but him drinks urine, much to his disappointment. Wearing her own astronaut suit full of air, Sandy then provides everyone else, except for the mechanical Karen, with astronaut suits filled with water and with laser guns to protect them from any potential threats on Europa. Sandy then has Karen pilot the space rocket while all the astronauts Sandy, SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Plankton enter refrigerators to hibernate for the interstellar journey. As Karen drives the rocket out of Bikini Bottom, above Bikini Atoll, and towards the sky above earth, all the astronauts fall asleep. The last thing they all remember before entering hibernation is seeing the stars brightly shining in the night sky outside the flying rocket…

All the hibernating astronauts suddenly wake up to see their rocket sinking into cold, dark waters. The rocket has apparently crash landed, Karen has been fatally destroyed from the crash, and the damaged rocket is flooding with the chilling waters. Still wearing their astronaut suits and armed with their laser guns, the astronauts swim and rush out of the sinking vessel. However, Plankton mourns the loss of his computer wife, blames the humans for her tragic death, and ignores the desperate pleas of the others to leave with them. Plankton instead takes off his astronaut suit, shakes uncontrollably in the freezing waters, and hugs the mechanical remains of the dead Karen. As SpongeBob, Patrick, Gary, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Sandy leave Plankton, the destroyed Karen, and the sinking rocket behind, Plankton sobs uncontrollably next to his lost loved and begins to freeze as the rocket finally sinks into the deep chilly seas, drowning and freezing Plankton to death. The surviving astronauts swim together until they manage to reach small iceberg lands nearby. The astronauts take refuge on the flat floating icebergs and are both shocked and tired from their tragic ordeal. Sandy directs everyone else's attention to the sky above them. All the astronauts are shocked as they see shiny stars and the huge gas giant planet Jupiter far above them in the black sky, assuring them that they have indeed landed on Europa. Only Patrick is confused about their current location because he cannot tell the difference between the icy alien moon Europa and the earth's Arctic Ocean and cannot understand everyone else's explanations about the obvious differences between the two locations. Everyone, except Mr. Krabs, then wishes that Plankton and Karen were still alive to see the beauty of the alien celestial bodies. Having apparently arrived at their destination, the group decides to claim Europa in the name of Bikini Bottom and all earthly sea creatures and plants the flag of their home city on the alien snowy soil. Mr. Krabs then suggests that they start fishing in the Europian seas to capture any alien fish for food to make new alien krabby patties. Squidward moans in frustration as he begs Mr. Krabs not to open a new Krusty Krab restaurant on Europa, especially since there are no other customers for Mr. Krabs to exploit now. Squidward says he would rather have the group resort to cannibalism to survive than have to work at the Krusty Krab again. Squidward sarcastically says he could make sponge cake from SpongeBob, pork from Patrick, salty snail soup from Gary, crab cakes from Mr. Krabs, rodent sausages from Sandy, and even calamari from himself. Everyone then tells Squidward to eat his own big fat floppy sausage nose instead. SpongeBob and Patrick then state that they believe it would be hypocritical for them to hunt the potential aquatic aliens as food since that is similar to how the humans hunted all sea creatures for food on earth. Sandy agrees with SpongeBob and Patrick and suggests that the group should build igloos to provide them with shelter to rest, after which they will drink the clean water and use her sugar flavorings to make snow cones and use her acorn seeds to plant frosty acorn trees to survive on their new home. Thus, they will have an essentially vegan community. The disappointed Mr. Krabs remarks that Sandy is nuts for always wanting to eat nuts all the time, but he still expresses the hope that there will be meaty aliens for them to hunt and eat since he is a man who loves his meaty sausages and patties. Patrick then asks what are the differences among the planet Jupiter, the planet Neptune, and King Neptune, the God of the Sea, but everyone tells him to stop thinking so hard before he hurts himself and freezes to death like Plankton. As the icy land mass floats across the seas of Europa, the iceberg passes by strong waves, snowy blizzards, and many other floating icebergs. The astronauts then search for large enough chunks of ice and snow to build igloos. While Sandy, Gary, and Mr. Krabs work hard to find the cold supplies, the lazy Squidward covers himself in a blanket of snow and takes a nap. Meanwhile, SpongeBob and Patrick build snowmen, make snow angels, make Christmas Trees made of ice, and pelt one another and Squidward with hail balls. When they throw hail at Squidward, the hail balls accidentally break his astronaut helmet, causing him to wake up, panic, and then freeze from direct exposure to the alien environment. However, they do not notice since Squidward accidentally buries himself completely in snow as he struggles for help, causing him to go missing from the group. During their foolish games, SpongeBob and Patrick then wander away from the group as SpongeBob rides the fat Patrick as if he were a bulky snowboard. Suddenly, SpongeBob and Patrick find other completely constructed igloos already on the flat iceberg landmass. Surprised by their discovery, they return to the group to tell them about the other igloos. Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and Gary are fruitlessly trying to build igloos but fail to do so as SpongeBob and Patrick return. The workers ask them where Squidward is, but they do not know what happened to him. SpongeBob and Patrick then tell them about the mysterious igloos, causing Sandy to wonder if Europa really is inhabited by aliens who made the igloos. Mr. Krabs is excited by the news since he hopes to hunt the aliens for meaty food. Sandy agrees to have SpongeBob and Patrick lead them to the already constructed igloos that they can use as shelter, but tells everyone to arm their laser guns and to remain cautious of the potential aliens they might encounter. The group then migrates to the destination, but when they arrive at the igloos they discover that they are walking on crunchy, melting snow. Apparently, there is salt poured onto the snow to melt it. However, sharp salt rocks suddenly puncture Gary's astronaut doggy suit, drenching him in salt and causing him to immediately dissolve into thin cold air. SpongeBob screams and cries upon seeing Gary die before his eyes. As SpongeBob grabs and hugs Gary's remaining astronaut suit and broken shell, Sandy, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs hug him and try to comfort him for his sudden loss. However, aliens soon emerge from the igloos after hearing SpongeBob's screams. SpongeBob stops his mourning as he, Patrick, Sandy, and Mr. Krabs are shocked to see the aliens marching towards them. The apparent Europian aliens look like metallic humans covered in furry Eskimo clothing. They appear to be alien robots. The confused Patrick asks his friends what the difference between robot Europian Eskimos and human Alaskan Eskimos are, causing the others to slap some sense into him. Suddenly, the robot Eskimos shout in mechanical voices that the astronauts are intruders and then pull out their own laser guns. The Eskimo robots open laser fire upon the astronauts, who run away, hide behind ice rocks, and return their own laser fire at the hostile aliens. Since they are greatly outnumbered by the Europian Eskimos, SpongeBob and Patrick huddle together and cry about their certain doom as Sandy uses her laser gun to destroy many of the alien robots and shouts for SpongeBob and Patrick to continue fighting. However, Mr. Krabs realizes that they are doomed if they do not escape from the alien Eskimos. Mr. Krabs takes SpongeBob's and Patrick's laser guns and tells Sandy to run away with SpongeBob and Patrick to find a safe shelter to hide while he fights the robot Eskimos alone. Sandy is unsure about leaving Mr. Krabs, but Mr. Krabs tells her that he is not afraid to die since he now has nothing to live for since there are no meaty foods on Europa for him to open a new Krusty Krab restaurant with and since the moon is apparently only inhabited by alien androids. Sandy thanks Mr. Krabs for his sacrifice, but declines to kiss him when he asks for a goodbye kiss. Sandy then gives Mr. Krabs her laser gun, picks up the crying SpongeBob and Patrick, and runs away with them. As the Eskimo robots target Mr. Krabs with their lasers, Mr. Krabs rolls across the icy floor and simultaneously opens fire on them, destroying many of them. Holding two laser guns at a time, Mr. Krabs yells at the robots to shoot him already like the robotic cowards they are. Several enemy laser beams strike his big meaty claws, causing two of his laser guns to break and injuring him. Mr. Krabs launches snow balls to defend himself and to cool off his burning hands, burying several Eskimos in snow. However, there are too many robot aliens for him to fight, so Mr. Krabs knows he will lose. Screaming that he loves his money to death, Mr. Krabs pulls out and cuddles his piggy bank, charges at the enemies, and continues to wildly fire laser beams at the enemies. However, the Eskimos relentlessly fire at him, causing him to drop his piggy bank that shatters on the icy ground. The laser beams hit him all across his plump body, penetrating his astronaut suit as he drops his own weapons and uncontrollably shakes as he helplessly absorbs the hot shots. Mr. Krabs then turns into fried crab from the heat of the enemy laser beams and falls to the floor defeated and dead. The Eskimo robots surround him and on their furry clothing there is a mysterious logo bearing the letters "S.W." Meanwhile, Sandy, SpongeBob, and Patrick dive into the cold waters and swim together away from the iceberg. As they are dragged by the current of the cold waters, the three astronaut survivors suddenly feel something dragging their feet from below. They are shocked to see killer whales biting their boots and trying to eat them and drag them into the deep waters. Suddenly, polar bears arrive and attack the killer whales to protect the astronauts. As the killer whales and polar bears viciously fight in the waters, the freed SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy swim away to another nearby iceberg to escape the predators. As they stumble and limp upon the flat floating land mass, the tired and traumatized astronauts hold onto each other for support and wheeze as they heavily breathe in their astronaut helmets. However, they are immediately surrounded by other new sea creatures, including penguins and walruses. The very confused Sandy begs the Europians to spare their lives and asks them why they look like sea creatures from planet earth. The penguins and walruses promise that they will not hurt the astronauts and tell them that they should never have come to Europa. Sandy asks them if they built the Eskimo robots to protect themselves from invaders, but the penguins and walruses claim that they did not build them and that they are enemies of the evil Eskimos. The penguins and walruses offer the astronauts fresh fish to eat, but the astronauts are disgusted by the proposal. The penguins and walruses then decide to lead the astronauts to the "Totem of Truth." Sandy asks them what they mysterious structure is, but they tell her that she and her friends will understand it once they see it for themselves. As the penguins and walruses waddle away, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy look up to the starry sky and make a collective wish that the Totem will bring good news. The astronauts then follow the Europian sea creatures. The group finally stops when they reach a large stone totem pole, showing carved faces of a killer whale, Eskimo, polar bear, penguin, and walrus. There is a written engraving at the bottom of the totem pole, and the penguins and walruses tell Sandy to read the engraving out loud. Sandy complies and reads the following message:

"The Europa Exhibit, SeaWorld, San Diego, California - Christmas 2050"

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy are shocked by the horrific discovery. Suddenly, the starry night sky above them and Jupiter itself disappear, revealing a large transparent dome. The dome suddenly opens and splits in half, revealing a huge stadium outside of it filled with human tourists. The astronauts never left planet Earth. They are home, but their space rocket accidentally crash landed into the Europa Exhibit of the SeaWorld Amusement Park in San Diego, California, when the dome of it was open before it closed again. They have been in an advanced artificial environment policed by robot Eskimo security the whole time and never made it to the real moon Europa. It is the Christmas season of the year 2050. The stars and Jupiter above them were not real and were simply holographic projections like those seen at planetariums. It appears that human fishermen have been hunting sea creatures all across the oceans of earth to bring them as prisoners to the expanding SeaWorld Amusement Park for the cruel entertainment of humanity. The humans in the stadium seats overlooking the giant water pool and dome of the Europa Exhibit suddenly laugh uncontrollably and clap and whistle wildly at the pathetic astronauts. As the penguins and walruses jump back into the cold waters, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy scream in unison: "No! It can't be! Not SeaWorld! Neptune, why have you abandoned us?! Oh, the inhumanity!"

**Tom Surfing: The mission of the space rocket of Sandy Cheeks was an absolute failure. The rocket never reached Europa and never escaped from the cruelty of humanity. Instead, it simply crash landed in SeaWorld, San Diego, California, U.S.A., planet Earth. The entertainment of humanity via the abuse of all sea creatures has caused the destruction of Bikini Bottom, countless other underwater cities and peoples, and the Europian space expedition. It appears that humanity neither cares about nor understands the suffering of the sea creatures it imprisons for fun, and the future for sea creatures looks very grim indeed with the humans in charge of the globe and madmen in charge of the entertainment industry. So, speaking of fun, the next time you visit SeaWorld, be sure to check out astronauts SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star, and Sandy Cheeks in the Europa Exhibit, a cold, dark prison that can only be found in the chilly bottomless depths…of the Tidal Zone. **


	14. Epilogue

THE TIDAL ZONE SERIES

BY

JAIME GOMEZ JR. (PEN NAME TOM SURFING)

SUMMARY

THE TIDAL ZONE IS MY SPONGEBOB SPIN-OFF SERIES THAT PARODIES ROD SERLING'S THE TWILIGHT ZONE. IN THE SERIES OF 75 DARK COMEDY SHORT STORIES, SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND HIS AQUATIC FRIENDS SINK DEEP INTO THE TIDAL ZONE, WHERE THEY CONFRONT THE GREATEST HORRORS AND MISADVENTURES IN ALL THE SEVEN SEAS. THE EQUALLY CREEPY AND SILLY TALES ARE CHARACTERIZED BY AN OMNISCIENT NARRATOR WITH A WICKED SENSE OF HUMOR, SUPERNATURAL AND SCIENCE FICTION SETTINGS, IRONIC TWIST ENDINGS, AND IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS.

NARRATOR TOM SURFING

THE INTRODUCTORY, OPENING, AND CLOSING NARRATIONS OF ALL EPISODES ARE PERFORMED BY NARRATOR TOM SURFING. APPEARING BEFORE EACH EPISODE, THE INTRODUCTORY NARRATIONS ARE VOICE OVERS ONLY BY TOM SURFING ACCOMPANIED BY SURREAL IMAGERY. FOR THE OPENING AND CLOSING NARRATIONS OF EACH EPISODE, TOM SURFING APPEARS ON SCREEN. TOM SURFING IS AN UNDEAD HUMAN SKELETON. TOM SURFING IS A SUPERNATURAL MULTI-TASKER, WHO REPORTEDLY DIED BY HANGING, CHOKING, AND DROWNING IN WATER WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY SURFING, TRYING TO LIGHT HIS CUBAN CIGAR, AND TRYING TO PUT ON A NECK TIE. TOM SURFING WEARS A BLACK TOUPEE, FANCY NECK TIE, A HAWAIIAN T-SHIRT, SWIM SHORTS, AND SANDALS. TOM SURFING ALWAYS STANDS ON HIS HOVERING LUCKY SURF BOARD WITH STICKER PICTURES OF SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS AND ROD SERLING ON IT; ALWAYS CHEWS ON AN UNLIT CUBAN CIGAR AND CARRIES A USELESS LIGHTER WHICH HE CANNOT LIGHT BECAUSE HE IS UNDERWATER; AND ALWAYS WARNS THE VIEWERS AT THE END OF EACH EPISODE, "REMEMBER KIDS, SMOKING KILLS…UNLESS YOU'RE ALREADY DEAD," AS HE VAINLY TRIES TO LIGHT HIS CUBAN CIGAR.

THE TIDAL ZONE EPISODES SUMMARIES

PRE-SEASON

1-4 INTRODUCTORY NARRATIONS ONE THROUGH FOUR – THE INTRODUCTORY NARRATIVE SEQUENCES OF THE TIDAL ZONE SERIES.

5 PILOT EPISODE – THE EUROPA EXHIBIT – WHEN HUMAN FISHERMEN RELENTLESSLY HUNT AND HOOK ALL AQUATIC CREATURES ACROSS THE SEVEN SEAS, SANDY AND HER FRIENDS USE HER SPACE ROCKET TO ESCAPE TO THE HEAVENLY EUROPA.

SEASON ONE

1 "SEAWORLD OF THE APES" – AFTER SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ACCIDENTALLY TIME TRAVEL TO THE FUTURE, THEY DISCOVER BIKINI BOTTOM IS RULED BY APES.

2 "FACE OF THE BEAST" – IN A DYSTOPIAN WORLD WHERE UGLINESS IS OUTLAWED, THE UGLY SANDY LEARNS THAT BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER.

3 "TOY STORY" – SPONGEBOB IS TRAPPED IN A TOY STORE, WHERE A CREEPY CLOWN AND LIVING TOYS STALK HIM.

4 "THE LAST SEA MAN" – SQUIDWARD DISCOVERS TRUE LONELINESS AS THE SOLE SURVIVOR OF A POST-APOCALYPTIC BIKINI BOTTOM.

5 "TALKING TEDDY" – PLANKTON IS TAUNTED AND THREATENED BY A TALKING TEDDY BEAR.

6 "NIGHTMARE IN A VACUUM" – PATRICK TRIES TO SAVE A SPACE VOYAGE FROM A DESTRUCTIVE ALIEN ONLY HE CAN SEE.

7 "LUCID INJUSTICE" – MR. KRABS TRIES TO CONVINCE EVERYONE ELSE THAT THE WORLD IS HIS DREAM.

8 "SEVEN PRISONERS IN SEARCH OF ONE ANSWER" – SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SQUIDWARD, SANDY, GARY, MR. KRABS, AND PLANKTON ARE ALL TRAPPED INSIDE A MYSTERIOUS GIANT BLACK BOX, FROM WHICH THEY TRY TO ESCAPE.

9 "THE COOKIE MONSTERS ARE IN BIKINI BOTTOM" – PANIC AND PARANOIA ENSUE WHEN COOKIE MONSTERS ARE BELIEVED TO HAVE INVADED BIKINI BOTTOM.

10 "TO SERVE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES" – THE KRUSTY KRAB BEGINS A NEW BUSINESS POLICY AIMED AT SERVING BOTH CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES.

SEASON TWO

11 "THE GHOST STALKER" – THE FLYING DUTCHMAN STALKS MR. KRABS ON A LONELY HIGHWAY ROAD TRIP.

12 "WILL THE REAL WITCH OR WIZARD PLEASE LEAVE?" – ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT, A LARGE GROUP OF TRICK-OR-TREATERS IS PARANOID THAT A REAL WITCH OR WIZARD IS AMONG THEM.

13 "ODYSSEY OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN" – THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SEARCHES IN VAIN TO RETURN TO HIS OWN TIME PERIOD AS HIS GHOST PIRATE SHIP TIME TRAVELS ACROSS DIFFERENT ERAS OF THE SEVEN SEAS.

14 "SUMMER OF LOVE" – WHEN THE KRUSTY KRAB IS ISOLATED FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD FOR THE SUMMER, SPONGEBOB AND A FEMALE ROBOT BEGIN AN INTENSE ROMANCE.

15 "THE LAST HAVEN OF THE SEA" – WHEN BIKINI BOTTOM IS THREATENED WITH CERTAIN DESTRUCTION, THE CITY TURNS ON ITSELF AS FRIENDS ATTACK FRIENDS TO SURVIVE THE IMPENDING DOOM.

16 "THE LITTLE EXPLORERS" – THE CRUSTY CRAB IS INVADED BY LITTLE EXPLORERS FROM ANOTHER WORLD.

17 "YOU WANNA KNOW?" – A DEADLY DISEASE OF FATAL HILARITY IS BEING SPREAD ACROSS BIKINI BOTTOM VIA PHONES CARRYING A SECRET MYSTICAL MESSAGE.

18 "DEADLY POOL GAME" – SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS MUST PLAY A DEADLY GAME OF POOL FOR THE GRIM REAPER.

19 "ALIEN ABDUCTION TO AN EMPTY KINGDOM" – ON CHRISTMAS EVE, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE ABDUCTED BY ALIENS FROM ABOVE THE SEA.

20 "TWO DOUBLES" – PATRICK BECOMES CONVINCED THAT HIS MIRROR REFLECTION WANTS TO TAKE OVER HIS LIFE.

SEASON THREE

21 "MAGIC BIRTHDAY MASKS" – ON HIS LAST BIRTHDAY, SQUIDWARD GETS SWEET REVENGE ON SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, MR. KRABS, AND SANDY.

22 "THE PUPPET MASTER" – A DEADLY BATTLE OCCURS BETWEEN SQUIDWARD AND HIS NEW PUPPET OF SQUILLIAM FANCYSON.

23 "CRYING CYCLOPS" – IN THE MIDDLE AGES, SIR KRABS TRIES TO CONVINCE THE TIME TRAVELER SANDY CHEEKS THAT THE MYSTERIOUS BABY PLANKTON CAN MAGICALLY TRANSFORM INTO A CYCLOPS MONSTER.

24 "DODGE THE BALL" – THE OLDEST RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS PLAY ONE FINAL GAME OF DODGE BALL.

25 "THE DONATION" – MR. KRABS FEELS INTOLERABLE GUILT OVER HIS RECENT DONATION SCAM.

26 "THE INVISIBLE MACHINE" – SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD DISCOVER A MAGICAL MACHINE THAT MAKES PEOPLE VANISH INTO THIN AIR.

27 "THE SCARED HAS-BEEN OF 2084" – IN A TOTALITARIAN WORLD RULED BY PLANKTONS AND ROBOTS, SPONGEBOB IS DEEMED OBSOLETE.

28 "THE HELL-O CASIN-O" – MR. KRABS BECOMES ADDICTED TO GAMBLING IN A SMALL TOWN CASINO.

29 "A DREAM COME TRUE" – WHEN PLANKTON'S DREAMS FINALLY ALL COME TRUE, HIS TRUE NIGHTMARE BEGINS.

30 "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST" – IN A FUTURE DYSTOPIAN WORLD OF BEAUTIFUL CLONES, MR. KRABS AND PEARL STRUGGLE TO MAINTAIN THEIR INDIVIDUALITY AND UGLINESS.

SEASON FOUR

31 "TO FREEZE TIME" – PLANKTON AND SANDY LEARN THE CONSEQUENCES OF TRYING TO FREEZE TIME.

32 "THE HOARDERS" – SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS FINALLY CONFRONT THEIR HOARDING PROBLEMS.

33 "ORDER ONE GRAND" – SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND MR. KRABS SOLVE ONE MYSTERY ONLY TO BE PERPLEXED BY ANOTHER.

34 "THE LITTLE MUMMY" – MR. KRABS FEARS THE VENGEANCE OF PLANKTON'S LITTLE MUMMY.

35 "SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS" – EVERYONE BELOW THE SEA LEARNS THAT SIZE REALLY DOES MATTER.

36 "CITY OF THE LIVING DIRT" – MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY DEFEAT THE DIRTY BUBBLE, BUT A NEW DIRT CRIME SPREE BEGINS.

37 "EUREKA" – SQUIDWARD GETS THE GREATEST ARTISTIC GIFT FROM SUPERNATURAL STRANGERS.

38 "THE WISE SEA SERPENT" - AT AN ASIAN RESTAURANT, MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON BECOME OBSESSED WITH A DRAGON FORTUNE COOKIE DEVICE THAT APPEARS TO GIVE ACCURATE PREDICTIONS OF THE FUTURE.

39 "THE FOUR OF US ARE CRYING" - SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD MUST FIGHT A SHAPE SHIFTING CHAMELEON.

40 "THE DEAD PHONE CALL" - SQUIDWARD RECEIVES SCARY PHONE CALLS AT NIGHT, WHICH HE BELIEVES ARE FROM HIS DECEASED GRANDMOTHER WHO WISHES TO SEE HIM ONE LAST TIME.

SEASON FIVE

41 "THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE" - SPONGEBOB AND HIS FAMILY VISIT NEW KELP CITY FOR A VERY SPECIAL NEW YEAR'S EVE CELEBRATION.

42 "LITTLE WILLY LOST" - SANDY AND MR. KRABS TRY TO SAVE PEARL FROM FALLING INTO AN ABYSS.

43 "VERY SPECIAL PET" - WHEN GARY IS GRANTED THE POWER OF MIND OVER MATTER, GARY CREATES FIVE GIANT SEA MONSTERS FROM HIS NIGHTMARES TO TORMENT HIS INFERIORS.

44 "THE SAND SHARK" - SPONGEBOB DISCOVERS THAT A SAND SHARK LIVING IN HIS SAND BOX HUNTS OTHER PEOPLE AT NIGHT.

45 "SHAGGY DOG STORY" - IN A POST-APOCALYPTIC WORLD, SANDY AND ANOTHER SCIENTIST SQUIRREL TRY TO REBUILD CIVILIZATION INSIDE A BEAUTIFUL TREE DOME PARADISE.

46 "I DREAM OF DUTCH MEN" - WHEN SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS FREE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FROM A BURIED TREASURE CHEST, THE GHOST GRANTS THEM MANY MAGICAL WISHES AND HOPES THEY MAKE THEIR WISHES WISELY.

47 "THE GHOST SHIP" – SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY DISCOVER AN UNKNOWN SUNKEN HAUNTED SHIP.

48 "A PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD SHOW" - MARTIANS COME TO BIKINI BOTTOM TO EXPRESS THEIR DISAPPOINTMENT WITH THE CITY'S PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD CONFLICTS.

49 "SUPER SQUID RETURNS" – SQUIDWARD HAS ODD EXPERIENCES OF DÉJÀ VU AND GOOD DREAMS ABOUT PARADISES THAT MAY REVEAL SOMETHING IMPORTANT ABOUT HIS LIFE.

50 "RUNNING DISTANCE" - SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY RUN A MARATHON TO THE PAST AND FUTURE TO REALIZE WHY THEY SHOULD LIVE IN THE PRESENT ONLY.

SEASON SIX

51 BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD – WHEN PLANKTON AND KAREN BECOME THE RULERS OF A UTOPIAN BIKINI BOTTOM, THE FUGITIVES SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS TRY TO RESTORE THE OLD SOCIAL ORDER OF FREEDOM.

52 JUSTICE IS SERVED – WHEN THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER IS TO BE EXECUTED FOR CRIMES THAT HE SWEARS HE DID NOT COMMIT, A HIGHER DIVINE POWER INTERVENES IN HIS FAVOR TO SERVE TRUE JUSTICE.

53 WE SHOT A SUB INTO MUSHROOM CITY - SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY GO ON A SUBMARINE VOYAGE TO THE RUINS OF THE LOST CITY OF ATLANTIS TO DISCOVER THE CAUSE OF ITS DESTRUCTION.

54 JUNGLE TO JUNGLE – WHEN THE KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY AGGRESSIVELY EXPANDS INTO THE WILD, THE TRIBAL NATIVES PLACE A CURSE ON BIKINI BOTTOM TO SATISFY THE WRATH OF MOTHER NATURE.

55 THE DAY THE SEA FROZE STILL – WHEN MANY LAND CRITTERS MOVE INTO BIKINI BOTTOM, THE CITY'S AQUATIC RESIDENTS SOON SUCCUMB TO BLIND PREJUDICE AND HATRED OF THE FOREIGNERS, CAUSING THE SUN IN THE SKY TO BE BLOCKED BY A MYSTERIOUS GIANT ICEBERG TO PLUNGE THE CITY INTO COLD DARKNESS.

56 THE FINAL REST – WHEN MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY GO ON A SPECIAL PERMANENT VACATION, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TRY TO FIND THEIR LOST OLD HEROES.

57 HOLIDAY IN ROCK BOTTOM – DURING CHRISTMAS VACATION, SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ARE STRANDED IN ROCK BOTTOM AND LEARN THAT ALL SEA CREATURES ARE VERY MERRY AND GAY.

58 A JELLY JAR FOR YOUR THOUGHTS - WHEN SPONGEBOB GAINS THE TELEPATHIC ABILITY TO READ OTHER MINDS, HE LEARNS WHAT EVERYONE ELSE REALLY THINKS OF HIM.

59 BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC – WHEN HUMAN ACTIVITIES ABOVE THE SEA THREATEN A LARGE UNDERWATER CITY OF THE PAST, THE YOUNG MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY MUST TRY TO SAVE AND ESCAPE FROM THE CITY AS ITS IMMINENT DOOM NEARS.

60 JUDGMENT KNIGHT - THE NEIGHBORHOOD BULLY, FLATS THE FLOUNDER, FINALLY GETS THE HORRIFIC PUNISHMENT HE DESERVES ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT.

SEASON SEVEN

61 THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – FILMING FOR A HALLOWEEN PROJECT, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY ENTER THE WOODS SUPPOSEDLY HAUNTED BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN.

62 SEAWOLVES! - SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LEARN THE SCARY TRUTH ABOUT SEAWOLVES FROM THE LEGENDARY SEAWOLF HUNTER OLD MAN JENKINS.

63 PLANET OF THE JELLYFISH - WHEN MARINE BIOLOGIST GEORGE TAYLOR IS SENT TO INVESTIGATE THE MYSTERIOUS CRASHING OF A U.F.O. NEAR BIKINI ATOLL IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN, TAYLOR UNEXPECTEDLY DISCOVERS THE UNDERWATER CIVILIZATION OF BIKINI BOTTOM AND LEARNS THE TRUTH ABOUT BOTH EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE AND THE FOLLY OF HUMANITY.

64 TO SERVE PIGS - WHEN CHEESY ALIENS FROM THE MOON SAVE FAT STARFISH FROM THEIR PERILS, THEY CREATE A FARMING UTOPIA UNDER THE SEA. HOWEVER, IT APPEARS THAT THE ALIEN SAVIORS HAVE ULTERIOR MOTIVES AND PLANS FOR THE STARFISH AND THEIR BIG FAT BUTTS.

65 TIKI HOUSE OF WAX - WHEN SQUIDWARD CREATES WAX STATUES OF FAMOUS WANTED CRIMINALS AS SCARECROWS TO FRIGHTEN SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK FROM HIS HOME, SQUIDWARD'S HOME SOON BECOMES A PLACE OF CRIME, CAUSING HIM TO DOUBT HIS SANITY AND TO WONDER IF THE WAX STATUES ARE ALIVE.

66 THE ALPHA AND OMEGA QUESTION - WHEN PLANKTON AND SANDY CREATE THE SUPERCOMPUTER SUPER KAREN, THE GENERATIONS OF THE FUTURE WONDER IF THEIR ROBOTIC CUSTODIAN CAN PREVENT THE DESTRUCTION OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF THE SUN.

67 A SOUND OF NUTCRACKERS – WHEN SANDY LEADS A TIME TRAVEL HUNTING EXPEDITION INTO THE PREHISTORIC PAST, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK INADVERTENTLY TRIGGER THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT.

68 THE SIXTH SENSE - WHILE FIGHTING AS A MARINE IN SEAWORLD WAR TWO, THE YOUNG MR. KRABS LEARNS THAT HE HAS THE SIXTH SENSE TO PREDICT WHO WILL LOSE THEIR OTHER FIVE SENSES IN COMBAT.

69 THE SECRET FORMULA - WHEN THE KRUSTY KRAB FINALLY GOES OUT OF BUSINESS, MR. KRABS DECIDES TO PUBLICALLY REVEAL THE KRABBY PATTY SECRET FORMULA TO ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM.

70 THE INTERTIDAL ZONE: THE BIKINI BOTTOM POOL - WITH ROD SERLING NARRATING, SPORT AND JEB ESCAPE FROM THEIR NEGLECTING PARENTS AND USE THEIR SWIMMING POOL TO ENTER THE FUN PARADISE OF BIKINI BOTTOM (A CROSSOVER STORY OF THE TWILIGHT ZONE AND SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS BASED ON "THE BEWITCHIN' POOL").

MOVIE SERIES FINALE

1 THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE – PROLOGUE: THE DEADLIEST GAME – TWO MORBID NIGHT TRAVELERS OF THE SEA PLAY THE DEADLIEST GAME.

2 THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART ONE – THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY RISES - WHEN SPONGEBOB TRANSFORMS INTO THE EASTER BUNNY, THE SPIRIT OF EASTER RISES IN BIKINI BOTTOM EVEN WHEN THE HOLIDAY HERO MEETS A TRAGIC FATE.

3 THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART TWO – THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL –SPONGEBOB IS FORCED TO UNDERGO A HARSH TRIAL FOR AN UNKNOWN CRIME BY AN ALL-POWERFUL, MYSTERIOUS COURT.

4 THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART THREE – 3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY – SPONGEBOB DISCOVERS HIS OWN AND BIKINI BOTTOM'S DESTINY IN A PERILOUS COSMIC JOURNEY THROUGH TIME AND SPACE.

5 THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE – THE END – EVERYTHING COMES FULL CIRCLE IN THE TIDAL ZONE.

6 THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE - TREEDOME OF TERROR ENDING - THE SCARY HALLOWEEN TWIST ENDING TO THE TIDAL ZONE SERIES.

Actions


	15. So It Goes

"So It Goes" – A Deleted Scene from "The Sixth Sense"

With the Bikini Bottom soldiers marching to war before the big battle begins outside the city, they pass by the city cemetery full of dead buried soldiers from the earlier deadly battles of SeaWorld War Two. At the entrance of the cemetery, there is a large memorial monument statue of a sea dragon fighting a tiger shark, resembling an underwater version of the classical Yin and Yang symbols and looking like ominous gargoyles, with two poems on plaques under the concrete statues. The first poem is a patriotic poem about the glories of being a soldier, while the second poem is a pacifist poem about the horrors of war. As he slowly walks by the looming monument, marine Eugene Krabs reads the two poems.

The first patriotic poem is called "A Jelly Jarhead" and reads:

"A soldier, a jelly jarhead, is very brave

His sea city he will save

For freedom he will fight

He'll fight with all his might

If death is near

He'll have no fear

For he is very brave

Around the seven seas he'll go

And his sea city he will save"

The second pacifist poem is called "War, What is it Good For, Man?" and reads:

"War, what is it good for, man?

It seems only the Grim Reaper is behind every war plan

War brings certain destruction and death

It disrupts peace and takes life's breath

It takes with it loved ones, those we hold dear

It takes young men full of confusion and fear

It takes soldiers into unknown depths, far and beyond

Into crucibles far worse than the uninhabitable sun

It takes away precious things unlike any other

It takes the sacrifices of mothers and losses of many brothers

It displays the horrors of torture, murder, and hate

It forces people to see nightmares of unbearable weight

Throughout the course of history, there have been many wars

Bringing few solutions but leaving many sores"

Eugene starts to cry after reading the poems, but he stops when a fellow soldier crab hugs him as the two crabs lean on each other and continue the march towards the children's crusade, the duty dance of death. The other crab is named Old Billy Pilgrim and is much older than Eugene. Old Billy wipes away the young man's tears and merely remarks, "So it goes."

The End


	16. The Omega Octopus

"The Omega Octopus" – A Deleted Scene from "The Last Sea Man"

Squidward reads "The Last Sea Man" book. "The Last Sea Man" book, subtitled "The Omega Octopus," has the following plot:

As part of a military test, the American military drops a nuclear bomb on an island above the sea, destroying an underwater city below it and killing all its aquatic inhabitants except for a cranky old squid, who was so paranoid of human nuclear testing that he built a nuclear fallout safety shelter beneath his tiki home. The squid is very similar to Squidward himself, except that he is named Oswald the Octopus. Oswald believes that he is finally alone to enjoy peace and quiet with no boring work, no annoying neighbors, and no laws he must deal with anymore now that civilization and its inhabitants are destroyed. However, the city is completely destroyed with all buildings in ruins and is full of fish bones like an endless graveyard. After depleting his food, drink, and supplies in his shelter, Oswald exits into the destroyed city above and then lives off canned snail food and toilet water to survive since all other food and drink are radioactive. Despite living in a post-apocalyptic city, Oswald is very happy when he finds a miraculously intact clarinet shop full of countless clarinets. Oswald joyfully plays many of them and pretends he is the best clarinet player of all time. Oswald finds many music books in the store, along with newspapers warning about nuclear testing above the sea, including some containing creepy musical tunes. One musical tune is called "Dawn of the Dead." Oswald plays the ominous tune. Suddenly, from below the radioactive piles of debris and bones, many zombie fish, the mutant radioactive survivors of the atomic explosion, burst from their graves, form a herd of the undead, and slowly march together toward the musical sounds. The mutant zombies are hungry for healthy living flesh to replenish their weak decaying bodies, and Oswald is the only living available meal. The undead fish burst into the clarinet store, causing Oswald to panic and flee. Carrying his own clarinet, Oswald intentionally plays horrible music, hurting the zombies' deformed ears and causing many of them to fall to the ground and dissolve into dust from the unbearable pain. Oswald then reaches a destroyed tree dome like that of Sandy Cheeks, where only the tree miraculously remains alive. Next to the destroyed tree dome is a space rocket built by the scientist owner of the tree dome, which would have been used to evacuate citizens from the potential atomic test. With increasing numbers of fish zombies in pursuit, he enters a cellar door beneath the burned grass of the dome. Instead of finding a cellar underneath the ground, he finds a secret underground bunker laboratory where automated assembly lines watch over and nourish fish eggs. Apparently, the scientist owner of the tree dome is dead from the atomic blast and left behind the secret laboratory so the collected fish eggs could grow and then repopulate the city when it was eventually predictably destroyed by human nuclear testing at sea. Oswald realizes that the costs of his loneliness and momentary happiness because of it are too great since the city had to be destroyed for him to finally be alone and momentarily happy and now only fish zombies roam the ruins. Oswald decides that he must prevent the fish zombies from finding and eating the regular fish eggs that will repopulate and rebuild the city in the future. Putting on a hazmat suit to protect himself from the radioactive mutants, Oswald leaves the laboratory back to the grounds of the tree dome where all the zombies from the city are gathering to eat him. Realizing he must sacrifice his life and destroy all the zombies to save the future regular fish, Oswald uses his clarinet as a bludgeon to viciously beat many zombies until his improvised weapon completely breaks and then runs into the nearby space rocket. The furious mutants follow him. Oswald starts the space rocket, which begins to fly out of the sea and into the sky as all the fish zombies crawl onto it and break into it. With the zombies inside of the flying rocket and attacking him, Oswald cries tears of joy because he knows he is finally a hero for his home city even though he hated everyone and everyone hated him in the past and, therefore, his miserable life has not been for nothing. Because of his sacrifice, the regular fish of the future will survive and rebuild civilization and he will not be the last sea man. Oswald then wildly drives the rocket towards the devastated island where the atom bomb was detonated. The rocket crash lands on the island and explodes, killing Oswald and turning all the zombies into ashes. Oswald's final words are:

"I am not the last sea man! I am legend!"

The book then ends.

Squidward, the last sea man, momentarily cries after reading the story.

The End


	17. The Tidal Zone Companion

**_THE TIDAL ZONE COMPANION_**

BY

JAIME GOMEZ

SUMMARY

_THE TIDAL ZONE COMPANION_ IS A CURSORY GUIDEBOOK TO _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES AND WAS INSPIRED BY _THE TWILIGHT ZONE COMPANION_ THAT COMPLEMENTS _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ SERIES. AFTER I HAD A HALLOWEEN _TIDAL ZONE_ MARATHON IN WHICH I READ ALL EPISODES OF THE SERIES IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER FROM THE SERIES PILOT TO THE SERIES FINALE FILM, THESE ARE MY PERSONAL REVIEWS OF ALL EPISODES OF THE SERIES WITH BRIEF PLOT SUMMARIES, SPOILERS, FUN FACTS, AND CRITIQUES OF MY OWN WORK.

SEASON ONE

0 PILOT EPISODE/THE EUROPA EXHIBIT – AND SO IT BEGINS WITH THE PILOT EPISODE OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_. THIS EPISODE IS ACTUALLY THE LAST EPISODE I WROTE, DESPITE BEING THE FIRST CHRONOLOGICAL EPISODE OF THE SERIES. OVERALL, I THINK IT'S A PERFECT SERIES PREMIERE. I WANTED TO DO A STORY WHERE ALL THE _SPONGEBOB _CHARACTERS GET TRAPPED IN SEAWORLD, WHICH WOULD BE LIKE _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ FOR THEM, AND THIS STORY IS IT. AFTER READING ABOUT A MOVIE CALLED _THE EUROPA REPORT_, I CAME UP WITH THE PERFECT SCI-FI TALE TO START OFF THE SERIES. THE TWIST ENDING IS PERFECT EVEN IF IT IS A LITTLE FARFETCHED SINCE IT HAPPENS IN THE NEAR FUTURE. LIKE MANY _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES, HUMANS APPEAR AS SHADOWY ANTAGONISTS IN THIS STORY AND AT THE END WE SEE HOW MUCH HUMAN ENTERTAINMENT WILL COST OTHER SPECIES MUCH LIKE ROMAN GLADIATOR COLISEUMS IMPRISONED MANY WILD BEASTS INTO POINTLESS BLOODBATHS. SO THE STORY WAS MY LITTLE WAY TO POKE FUN AT THE ABUSES OF PLACES LIKE SEAWORLD AND TO CRITICIZE HOW BADLY HUMANS TREAT THE OCEANS AND SEA CREATURES, A RUNNING THEME THROUGHOUT THE SERIES.

1 SEAWORLD OF THE APES – THIS EPISODE WAS OBVIOUSLY ONE OF THE FIRST I WROTE WHEN I WAS TRYING TO SEE HOW WELL SCIENCE FICTION WOULD WORK IN THE WORLD OF SPONGEBOB. AFTER LEARNING THAT ROD SERLING WROTE THE ORIGINAL_ PLANET OF THE APES_ FILM, I SAW HOW SIMILAR THE FILM WAS TO _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ SERIES, WITH ITS GREAT TWIST ENDING, MORAL ABOUT THE DESTRUCTIVE NATURE OF HUMANITY, CREEPY THEME OF A WORLD GONE UPSIDE DOWN WITH APES IN CHARGE OF THE GLOBE, AND SCIENCE FICTION ELEMENTS OF TIME TRAVEL, SPACE TRAVEL, AND EVOLUTION. SO FOR THIS STORY, I MADE APES INVADE AND CONQUER BIKINI BOTTOM WITH SPONGEBOB AND SANDY ACCIDENTALLY TIME TRAVELING INTO THE AQUATIC APE DYSTOPIA. I LIKED THE ORIGINAL CHARACTERS DOCTOR ZEUS, AN OBVIOUS PARODY OF DOCTOR ZAIUS, AND MOZEZ, AN OBVIOUS REFERENCE TO THE BIBLICAL ABOLITIONIST MOSES, WHOM ACTOR CHARLTON HESTON, WHO STARRED IN _PLANET OF THE APES_, PORTRAYED IN THE FILM _THE TEN COMMANDMENTS_. I THINK THE STORY WORKS DESPITE BEING BRIEF LIKE MANY SEASON ONE EPISODES. THROUGH THE MOTIF OF THE GIANT BANANA SUPER WEAPON, I COULD CRITICIZE THE DANGERS OF THE ATOM BOMB, A FREQUENT _TWILIGHT ZONE_ AND _TIDAL ZONE_ MOTIF, AND SHOW HOW APES WOULD COME TO RULE THE SEVEN SEAS AS THEY EVOLVED AND BECAME MORE AND MORE LIKE MAN WITH DANGEROUS TECHNOLOGY, IMPERIALIST EXPANSION, AND BARBAROUS CULTURAL PRACTICES LIKE SLAVERY. THOUGH THE TWIST ENDING IS NOT VERY SHOCKING, THE SAD ENDING SETS THE TONE FOR THE REST OF THE SERIES, IN WHICH THERE WERE FEW HAPPY ENDINGS BUT MANY LESSONS LEARNED ABOUT THE DANGERS OF THINGS LIKE SUPERWEAPONS, TIME TRAVEL, AND OUT OF CONTROL EVOLUTION.

2 FACE OF THE BEAST – THIS STORY BRINGS BACK MANY MEMORIES. IT'S BASED ON THE FAMOUS _TWILIGHT ZONE _EPISODE, "EYE OF THE BEHOLDER," WHICH WAS THE FIRST EPISODE I EVER SAW AND CERTAINLY ONE OF THE MOST SHOCKING WITH THE HIDEOUS PIG-FACED PEOPLE. I KNEW SQUIDWARD WOULD MAKE THE PERFECT VILLAIN DUE TO HIS FACIAL UGLINESS AND BIG EGO. THE STORY WORKS WELL AND IS VERY SHOCKING IF YOU ARE UNFAMILIAR WITH THE SOURCE MATERIAL. THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER MORAL WORKS PERFECTLY EVEN IN THIS DARK AND FUNNY CONTEXT. MY FAVORITE PART IS DICTATOR SQUIDWARD'S LONG HATE SPEECH AGAINST UGLINESS. THE STORY CONTAINS TWO GREAT SHOCKS, THE DISTURBING REVEAL OF THE SQUID-FACED PEOPLE AND THE BIZARRE BUT HILARIOUS ENDING WITH THE BEHEADING OF ALL THE SO-CALLED UGLY PEOPLE DURING THE AQUATIC FRENCH REVOLUTION. THE VIOLENT ENDING IS NOT GRAPHICALLY DISPLAYED THOUGH SINCE MY SERIES HAS NO GORE DESPITE MUCH VIOLENCE SINCE I LIKE TO LEAVE THE WORST VIOLENCE IMPLIED AND NOT DESCRIBED IN DETAIL. THUS, IN THIS SERIES, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATHS ARE COMMON AND NOT TOTALLY LACKING IN TASTE AND HUMOR.

3 TOY STORY – SPONGEBOB IS TRAPPED IN A TOY STORE OVERNIGHT, STALKED BY LIVING TOYS AND A CREEPY CLOWN, AND THEN DISCOVERS THAT HE HIMSELF IS A TOY! THE TITLE OF THIS EPISODE REFERENCES THE DISNEY _TOY STORY_ FILM SERIES. THE EPISODE IS SOMEWHAT SIMILAR TO AN ACTUAL _SPONGEBOB _EPISODE IN WHICH HE IS AGAIN TRAPPED IN A TOY STORE OVERNIGHT, THOUGH HE IS WITH PATRICK AND THERE ARE NO SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS IN THAT STORY. I REALLY LIKE CHUCKLES THE CLOWN SINCE CREEPY CLOWNS ARE THE PERFECT ANTAGONISTS OF HORROR STORIES. AS A CLOWN, HE COULD BE BOTH CRAZY AND CREEPY, LIKE WHEN HE TRIED TO CAPTURE SPONGEBOB, AND FUNNY AND LOVING, LIKE WHEN HE FINALLY REVEALED THE TRUTH TO SPONGEBOB. I ALSO LIKE HOW THE STORY REFERENCES HOW MUCH SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS HAS BECOME MERCHANDISED IN REAL LIFE, WITH COUNTLESS SPONGEBOB DOLLS AND TOYS AVAILABLE AT MANY TOY STORES, ALL LONGING FOR LOVE FROM CHILDREN WHILE THEIR MAKERS ONLY PRODUCE THEM FOR MONEY. OVERALL, IT WAS BOTH DISTURBING WITH ITS PREMISE BUT STILL HAD A HAPPY HEARTWARMING ENDING WHEN A LITTLE KIND BOY FINALLY BUYS THE TOY SPONGEBOB, ONE OF THE FEW HAPPY ENDINGS OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_.

4 THE LAST SEA MAN – THIS STORY IS INSPIRED BY THE CREEPY _SPONGEBOB_ SCI-FI EPISODE "SB-129," WHICH LIKE SEVERAL OTHER _SPONGEBOB_ SCI-FI AND HORROR EPISODES, SUCH AS "SCAREDY PANTS" AND "PLANET OF THE JELLYFISH," WOULD MAKE EXCELLENT AN _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODE. SQUIDWARD IS THE SOLE SURVIVOR OF THE END OF THE WORLD IS THE PREMISE OF THIS POST-APOCALYPTIC TALE. NOT MUCH HAPPENS IN THE STORY AS SQUIDWARD INEVITABLY SUCCUMBS TO THE HARDSHIPS OF SURVIVAL AND THE HORRORS OF LONELINESS. HOWEVER, SQUIDWARD FINDS SOLACE WHEN HE FINDS HIS ONLY LOVE, ENDLESS CLARINETS THAT HE CAN PLAY FOREVER FOR ONLY HIS OWN SOLE ENJOYMENT. HOWEVER, NATURAL PREDATORS PREY ON THE PATHETIC SQUIDWARD WHO FLEES TO THE PLACE HE HATES THE MOST, THE KRUSTY KRAB, WHERE HE IS SHOCKED TO FIND A BOOK CALLED "THE OMEGA OCTOPUS." THIS STORY WITHIN A STORY, A REFERENCE TO THE FILM _THE OMEGA MAN_, REALLY REDEEMS THE OTHERWISE SOMEWHAT BLAND TALE. WITH ITS THEMES OF NUCLEAR TESTING AND MUTANT ZOMBIES AND SIMILARITIES TO _I AM LEGEND_, "THE OMEGA OCTOPUS" STORY MAKES "THE LAST SEA MAN" A BETTER EPISODE. THE WHOLE IT WAS A DREAM ENDING ISN'T THAT GREAT AND IS OVERUSED IN SEASON ONE OF THIS SERIES, BUT THE MORBID FINAL ENDING SOMEWHAT MAKES UP FOR IT AS DOES THE THEMATIC DYNAMIC OF LONELINESS VERSUS OVERPOPULATION. OVERALL, IT WAS A DECENT LITTLE STORY SAVED BY THE FICTIONAL STORY WITHIN ITSELF FROM BEING TOTALLY HUMDRUM.

5 TALKING TEDDY – PLANKTON GETS A TALKING TEDDY BEAR FOR A BIRTHDAY GIFT BUT THE HATRED HE SHOWS FOR THE LIVING DOLL ONLY ENDS WITH THE DOLL TORTURING HIM MENTALLY BEFORE GIVING HIM A DEADLY BEAR HUG. HAVING THE LITTLE PLANKTON BEING KILLED BY A CRAZY EVIL TEDDY BEAR WAS ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS TO BLAME FOR THE DOLL'S SUPERNATURAL BEHAVIOR AND COULD EVEN BE SEEN AS THE EVIL SPIRIT WHO IS POSSESSING TALKING TEDDY, POSSIBLY TRYING TO WIN KAREN'S LOVE BY BECOMING A CUTE TEDDY BEAR SINCE PLANKTON DOES NOT LOVE HER. LIKE TALKING TINA FROM _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, THE TEDDY BEAR IS BOTH AMUSING AND HORRIFYING WITH HIS RECURRING SELF-NAMING AND THREATENING TAUNTS. THE STORY WORKS GREAT AS A HORROR OCCULT TALE EVEN IF THE ENDING IS NOT A TWIST.

6 NIGHTMARE IN A VACUUM – POOR PATRICK FINALLY BECOMES THE LEAD IN THIS STORY AND MUST COME TO FACE HIS GREATEST FEAR, ALIENS. LIKE WILLIAM SHATNER AND THE GREMLIN IN _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, PATRICK AND THE GREY ALIEN MAKE PERFECT ENEMIES IN THIS TALE ABOUT A SPACE FLIGHT GONE TERRIBLY WRONG AND A FAT BOY WHO CRIED WOLF. DESPITE NO ONE BELIEVING HIM ABOUT THE DEADLY ALIEN SINCE ALIENS ARE NOW THE NEW SUPERSTITION OF THE MODERN ERA OF SCIENCE, PATRICK UNWITTINGLY SAVES THE DAY, BUT STILL DOES NOT GET A HAPPY ENDING AS HE IS EVENTUALLY ABDUCTED BY THE ALIEN FOR RUINING HIS PLANS AND PRESUMABLY ANALLY PROBED AS PUNISHMENT. THE STORY WORKS WELL IN INTRODUCING ANTAGONISTIC ALIENS TO _THE TIDAL ZONE_, ESPECIALLY SINCE ALIENS APPEAR SOMEWHAT INFREQUENTLY IN THE SERIES SINCE IT TAKES PLACE MAINLY UNDERWATER AND NOT IN OUTER SPACE. THE VILLAIN WINS IN THE END BECAUSE THE HEROES WHO COULD STOP HIM REFUSED TO BELIEVE HE AND HIS HORROR EVEN EXISTED.

7 LUCID INJUSTICE – ANOTHER IT WAS ALL A DREAM STORY BUT WITH THE TWIST OF HAVING AN ENDLESS SERIES OF RECURRING NIGHTMARES OF UNJUST MOCK TRIALS. THE STORY IS QUITE FUNNY AS MR. KRABS TRIES IN VAIN TO CONVINCE EVERYONE ELSE THAT THE WORLD IS HIS DREAM TO PREVENT HIS EXECUTION FOR BEING TOO GREEDY. THE STORY HAS ALL THE TRAITS OF A NIGHTMARE, INCLUDING INJUSTICE AND ABSURDITY. THE MERMAID PRISON CHAPLAIN WAS A POKE OF FUN AT CATHOLIC PRIESTS WHO DEMAND THEIR PRISONERS TO REPENT EVEN IF THEIR PRISONERS KNOW MORE ABOUT THE NATURE OF REALITY THAN THEY DO. THE STORY COMICALLY DEALS WITH THE HORRIFIC POSSIBILITY OF SOLIPSISM AND THE ENDING SEQUENCE OF THE DREAM COLLAPSING IS LIKE A PSYCHEDELIC SEQUENCE FROM _INCEPTION_, REFERENCED IN _THE TIDAL ZONE_ AS _INCRAPTION_. OVERALL, THE SLIGHT COMIC RELIEF SAVES THE STORY FROM BEING TOO DARK AND SURREAL.

8 SEVEN PRISONERS IN SEARCH OF ONE ANSWER – LIKE "FIVE CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN EXIT" IN _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, THIS STORY IS THE MOST EXISTENTIALIST OF ALL _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES. THE SEVEN MAIN _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS ARE TRAPPED IN A MYSTERIOUS PRISON WITH NO MEMORY OF HOW THEY GOT THERE AND NO WAY TO ESCAPE. BEFORE THEY TRY THEIR ESCAPE PLANS, THEY SHARE THEIR PERSONAL THEORIES ON WHAT THEIR PRISON REALLY IS. THEIR HYPOTHESES RANGE FROM A HELLISH AFTERLIFE, AN ALIEN VESSEL, A DREAM, A CONSPIRACY THEORY, ANOTHER DIMENSION, SKEPTICAL NIHILISM, AND HALLUCINATIONS. DESPITE ALL THESE WILD THEORIES, WHICH REPRESENT HOW MAN PHILOSOPHIZES ABOUT THE METAPHYSICAL MYSTERIES OF REALITY, THEY MUST RESORT TO ACTION TOGETHER TO DISCOVER THE TRUTH OF THEIR DISTURBING PREDICAMENT. AND FITTINGLY ENOUGH, ONLY SPONGEBOB ESCAPES THE PRISON AND DISCOVERS THE TRUTH THAT THEY ARE CARTOONS AND WERE TRAPPED IN A MOVIE PROJECTOR CAMERA! HOWEVER, AFTER DISCOVERING SUCH FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE, SPONGEBOB FALLS INTO THE THREE DIMENSIONAL ABYSS OUTSIDE THE PRISON AND NONE OF HIS COMPANIONS LEARN HIS INSIGHTS OR ESCAPE THEIR MISERY. THE SURREAL STORY IS A GOOD WAY OF HAVING ONE'S FICTIONAL CHARACTERS LITERALLY BREAK THE FOURTH WALL FOR AN ULTIMATE TWIST ENDING.

9 THE COOKIE MONSTERS ARE IN BIKINI BOTTOM – LIKE MANY _TWILIGHT ZONE_ AND EVEN _SPONGEBOB_ EPISODES, THIS STORY DEALS WITH HOW EASILY SOCIETY CAN COLLAPSE DUE TO MASS HYSTERIA AND SUBSEQUENT WITCH HUNTS, A THEME EXPLORED IN LATER _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES LIKE "THE LAST HAVEN OF THE SEA." ALL THE COOKIES OF BIKINI BOTTOM ARE MISSING AND MAGICAL COOKIE MONSTERS ARE HELD TO BE RESPONSIBLE, CAUSING EVERYONE TO FEAR THAT GUILTY COOKIE MONSTERS ARE STILL HIDING AMONG THEM. THE HORRORS THAT ENSUE WITH THE ESCALATING URBAN RIOTS ARE ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND FUNNY AS PEOPLE KILL ONE ANOTHER FOR THE PRECIOUS COOKIES AND MILK AND THE CITY DESCENDS INTO ANARCHY AND BINGE EATING. EVEN WITHOUT MUCH OF A TWIST ENDING SINCE THE SEA GNOMES ARE REVEALED TO BE RESPONSIBLE FROM THE OUTSET, THE QUESTION REMAINS WHETHER THE SEA GNOMES OR THE BIKINI BOTTOMITES WERE THE WORSE COOKIE MONSTERS. THIS STORY FEELS LIKE THE SALEM WITCH TRIALS MEETS _SESAME STREET_'S MUPPETS AS WILD AND ABSURD CARNAGE AND DESTRUCTION ENSUES. THE STORY ENDS WELL BY BLURRING THE FINE LINE BETWEEN CIVILIZATION AND WILD ANIMAL BARBARISM.

10 TO SERVE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES – A PARODY OF THE CLASSIC "TO SERVE MAN" OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, THIS STORY DEALS WITH THE HORRORS OF CANNIBALISM BY MAKING MR. KRABS THE GREEDY ANTAGONIST MAKING TUNA FISH SANDWICHES TO MAKE A QUICK BUCK. THE WORD PLAY INVOLVED WITH "TO SERVE" BRINGS HUMOR TO THIS DARK TALE AND EVEN WHEN IT SEEMS THE ENDING IS OBVIOUS, A SECOND TWIST ASSURES THAT THE EPISODE ENDS IN CLASSIC HORROR FASHION. THE WHOLE IT WAS A DREAM IS USED FOR ONE OF THE LAST TIMES IN THE SERIES, BUT THE ENDING WITH SPONGEBOB BEING SERVED AS SPONGE CAKE REDEEMS THE STORY'S USE OF THE CLICHÉ PLOT DEVICE. THE EPISODE BRINGS THE KRUSTY KRAB INTO THE SPOTLIGHT AND MAKES ITS HISTORY OF ABUSES EVEN DARKER THAN EVER BEFORE. THE POOR OLD TUNA FISH OF SHADY SHOALS ARE THE VICTIMS OF GREED AND HUNGER AS CRUSTACEANS BECOME THE CORPORATE VILLAINS. THE SERIES WILL CONTINUE TO PARODY THE PERFECTION OF "TO SERVE MAN" IN THE LATER EPISODES "TO SERVE PIGS" AND "THE SECRET FORMULA." THIS CONCLUSION TO THE FIRST SEASON WORKS ALL TOO WELL WITH ITS CHILLING AND SILLY ENDING AS POOR SPONGEBOB BECOMES THE VICTIM AND DESSERT.

SEASON TWO

11 THE GHOST STALKER – SEASON TWO KICKS OFF WITH A CREEPY GHOST STORY, IN WHICH MR. KRABS IS ON A LONELY HIGHWAY ROAD TRIP AND IS STALKED BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN. IN THIS STORY, THE PARODY ASPECT OF THE SERIES REALLY SHINES THROUGH CRYSTAL CLEAR. AFTER RUNNING AWAY FROM THE GHOST STALKER FOR SO LONG, MR. KRABS APPARENTLY REALIZES THAT HE HIMSELF HAS DIED FROM A PREVIOUS CAR ACCIDENT ON THE ROAD TRIP AND IS NOW A GHOST AND THE PIRATE GHOST IS ONLY STALKING HIM TO BRING HIM TO THE AFTERLIFE SO HE CAN FINALLY REST IN PEACE. MR. KRABS FALLS FOR THE TRICK, AS IT APPEARS HE ACTUALLY SURVIVED THE CRASH AND THE GHOST LIED TO HIM SO HE COULD STEAL HIS GOLD. AFTER THE OUTRAGEOUS TWIST ENDING, MR. KRABS ACTUALLY DOES DIE AND HIS REAL GHOST CHASES AFTER THE DUTCH THIEF TO STEAL BACK HIS GOLD, PROVING THAT GREED NEVER DIES. THUS, WHAT STARTED AS A CREEPY TALE TURNED INTO A HEARTWARMING TALE OF A FRIENDLY GHOST BEFORE REVEALING THE TRUTH THAT THE PIRATE INSIDE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN NEVER REALLY DIED. THE ENDING IS EASILY ONE OF THE MOST IRONIC AND FUNNIEST OF THE SERIES, AND I COULDN'T IMAGINE IT ANY OTHER WAY. OVERALL, A GREAT OPENING TO THE SECOND SEASON AND A PROMISING TALE FOR THE FUTURE OF THE SERIES.

12 WILL THE REAL WITCH OR WIZARD PLEASE LEAVE? – FINALLY, A HALLOWEEN STORY FOR THE SHOW. THIS STORY IS A WHODUNIT AND THE MYSTERY IS VERY TOUGH TO CRACK RIGHT UNTIL THE VERY END WHEN LOGIC ITSELF PROVES USELESS AGAINST BLACK MAGIC. THE MYSTERY ASPECT WITH SO MANY QUIRKY CHARACTERS WORKED REALLY WELL, THE SCARY ATMOSPHERE ENHANCED THE MASS HYSTERIA, AND THERE WERE TWO TWIST ENDINGS THAT MAKE AN EXCELLENT HOLIDAY SPECIAL. WITH THE FIRST ENDING, RATIONALITY PREVAILS AS IT APPEARS PRANKSTERS ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE TRICKS AND FRIGHTS. HOWEVER, THE FINAL ENDING REVEALS THAT SORCERY WAS ULTIMATELY RESPONSIBLE IN THE END FOR THE HORRORS OF THE NIGHT. THOUGH THE IDENTITIES OF THE TRUE WITCH AND WIZARD WERE VERY HARD TO DISCERN BASED ON THE CLUES, NEITHER THE READER NOR THE CHARACTERS LOSE INTEREST IN THE PUZZLE UNTIL THEY ARE TOO SCARED TO CONTINUE SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS. WHILE DEALING WITH THE PROBLEMS OF WITCH HUNTS, SCAPEGOATING, SUPERSTITION, AND HYSTERIA, THE STORY SHOWED HOW DARK COMEDY AND JUGGLING MANY CHARACTERS IN A SINGLE TALE COULD WORK PERFECTLY FOR THE SERIES. THE EPISODE IS THE FIRST OF SEVERAL HALLOWEEN EPISODES AND IS CERTAINLY ONE OF THE BEST OF THE SERIES.

13 ODYSSEY OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN – THIS IS A NICE LITTLE ENTRY EVEN IF THE STORY IS REPETITIVE AND THE ENDING HAS NO RESOLUTION. THE STORY DEALS WITH THE LEGEND OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, A GHOST PIRATE SHIP RUMORED TO REALLY EXIST AND TO FOREVER ROAM THE SEVEN SEAS, SCARING TO DEATH ALL WHO COME ACROSS IT ON THE HIGH SEAS. AS THE GHOST PIRATES TIME TRAVEL ACROSS THE ERAS OF THE OCEANS AND TRY TO RETURN TO THEIR OWN TIME PERIOD, THEY DESCEND INTO COUNTLESS HORRORS AS THEY FIGHT WILD BEASTS, ARMIES, AND ATOM BOMBS. THE STORY ALSO REFERENCES HOMER'S _ODYSSEY_ AS THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS FORCED BY KING NEPTUNE TO FOREVER ROAM THE SEAS AS PUNISHMENT FOR HIS WICKED LIFE OF PIRACY JUST AS POSEIDON CURSED ODYSSEUS TO ROAM THE SEAS FOR A LONG TIME AS PUNISHMENT FOR PAST CRIMES. THE GHOST STORY IS GREAT AND MAKES THE READER FEEL PITY FOR THE REMORSEFUL GHOST PIRATES WHO CAN NEVER FIND THEIR WAY BACK HOME. THIS IS ONE OF THE FIRST STORIES TO FOCUS ENTIRELY ON A MINOR CHARACTER FROM THE _SPONGEBOB _WORLD, PROVING THAT THIS SPINOFF SERIES CAN HAVE GOOD STORIES BASED ON ALL _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS, NOT JUST THE MOST POPULAR ONES.

14 SUMMER OF LOVE – WITH THIS SHAKESPEARIAN PARODY, WE SEE MAN AND MACHINE LOVE ONE ANOTHER, WITNESS EXTERNAL PREJUDICE TOWARDS THAT ABNORMAL LOVE, AND, OF COURSE, SEE THE TRAGIC ENDING OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP. THIS STORY IS ONE OF THE SADDEST AND HEARTWARMING AND HEARTBREAKING OF THE SERIES AS SPONGEBOB FALLS MADLY IN LOVE WITH A ROBOT WIFE DUE TO ISOLATION FROM THE OUTSIDE WORLD. THE ENDING IS VERY SHOCKING AS MR. KRABS SIMPLY KILLS JULIA IN COLD BLOOD, BREAKING HER LOVE SPELL OVER SPONGEBOB WHO FINALLY REALIZES THAT SHE WAS JUST A MACHINE WITH FAKE EMOTIONS, NOT A REAL PERSON WITH GENUINE FEELINGS. HOWEVER, BY THE END, IT APPEARS THAT THEIR LOVE WAS REAL, THAT JULIA DID HAVE A DISTURBINGLY HUMAN LOVING PERSONALITY, AND THAT MR. KRABS FELT SORRY FOR DESTROYING HER BUT THOUGHT SPONGEBOB WOULD HAVE A BETTER LIFE WITHOUT OTHERS' JUDGING HIM FOREVER IF JULIA DIED. IN ADDITION TO PARODYING SHAKESPEARE'S "ROMEO AND JULIET," THE STORY REFERENCES THE _FRANKENSTEIN _THEME OF THE MAD SCIENTIST LEARNING THAT HIS CREATION SHOULD BE DESTROYED. THOUGH THE SUMMER OF LOVE IS OVER, THE STORY SHOWS HOW ROMANCE, COMEDY, AND SCIENCE FICTION COULD WORK IN THE SERIES, EVEN IF SUCH STORIES WERE RARE. THIS STORY IS TRULY A BEAUTIFUL TRAGEDY AND I THINK SHAKESPEARE WOULD DIE OF LAUGHTER IF HE READ IT.

15 THE LAST HAVEN OF THE SEA – THE END OF THE WORLD IS HERE, THERE IS ONLY ONE SAFE HAVEN FROM DESTRUCTION, AND THERE'S ONLY ENOUGH SPACE FOR SPECIFIC PEOPLE TO SURVIVE. FROM THIS DISTURBING PREMISE, WE SEE FRIENDSHIPS DESTROYED AS MANY BIKINI BOTTOMITES FIGHT ONE ANOTHER FOR THE ONLY SAFE SHELTER FROM CERTAIN DOOM. THIS STORY FEATURES EVEN MORE GRAPHIC MASS HYSTERIA AND ANARCHY THAN ITS PREDECESSOR "THE COOKIES MONSTERS ARE IN BIKINI BOTTOM." AS EVERYONE FIGHTS FOR THE SHELTER, WE SEE EVERYONE'S TRUE UGLY PERSONALITIES MANIFEST UNDER PRESSURE TO SURVIVE. THE BRAWLS AND ARGUMENTS AMONG THE MANY _SPONGEBOB _CHARACTERS ARE RIDICULOUSLY SHOCKING AND HILARIOUS. THE BEST PART OF THE STORY IS MR. KRABS' ENDING MONOLOGUE ABOUT THE SAVAGERY OF MODERN MAN WHEN CIVILIZATION FACES DESTRUCTION. THERE ARE TWO TWISTS TO THE ENDING IN THAT IT WAS ALL A FALSE ALARM AND THAT PLANKTON WAS UNWILLINGLY RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. THE CIVILIAN MOB THEN REUNITES AFTER THEIR BRIEF CIVIL WAR TO MASSACRE PLANKTON AND HIS FAMILY FOR CAUSING THE ENTIRE MESS. THIS IS ONE OF THE DARKEST EPISODES WITH ITS FOCUS ON SOCIAL CONFLICT AND THE COUNTDOWN TO DEATH, BUT THE LESSONS IT TEACHES ABOUT HOW PEOPLE HOPELESSLY PANIC AND BREAK DOWN DURING EMERGENCIES IS A REALITY EVERYONE KNOWS ALL TOO WELL, MAKING IT VERY SCARY AND VERY FUNNY IN A VERY CYNICAL WAY. OVERALL, THIS IS ANOTHER GREAT STORY ABOUT SOCIAL COLLAPSE DUE TO MASS HYSTERIA AND PUBLIC PANIC.

16 THE LITTLE EXPLORERS – THIS STORY IS ANOTHER SHORT ENTRY BUT HAS ENOUGH TWISTS AND FUN TO MAKE IT ENJOYABLE. THE SETTING APPEARS TO BE THE OLD WEST AND THE MAIN CHARACTERS APPEAR TO BE THE ANCESTORS OF THE REGULAR _SPONGEBOB _CHARACTERS. THE PREDECESSOR TO THE KRUSTY KRAB IS INVADED BY LITTLE EXPLORERS FROM ANOTHER WORLD AND ONLY THE OLD CRABBY OWNER OF THE RESTAURANT CAN STOP THEIR MYSTERIOUS PLANS. THE IDENTITY OF THE LITTLE EXPLORERS REMAINS A MYSTERY UNTIL THE BIZARRE BUT INTERESTING ENDING. IT APPEARS THAT THERE ARE TWO TWIST ENDINGS. THE FIRST IS THE DISCOVERY THAT THE LITTLE EXPLORERS ARE REGULAR-SIZED AND THE WORLD THEY HAVE INVADED IS GIGANTIC, EVEN WITH PLANKTON'S COUNTERPART AS A GIANT COMPARED TO THEM. THE SECOND IS THE REVELATION THAT THE LITTLE EXPLORERS ARE SANDY AND HER ROBOT SERVANTS WHO CREATED AN INTERDIMENSIONAL WHIRLPOOL TO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE FOR SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH. THE STORY WORKS WELL IN SURPRISING THE READER TWICE AND MAKING THE ACTION FUNNY AS THE OLD CRAB FIGHTS THE MIDGET INVADERS. DESPITE BEING MAINLY COMEDIC, THE SCIENCE FICTION ELEMENT WARNS ABOUT THE DANGERS OF SCIENTIFIC INVESTIGATION INTO THE UNKNOWN DIMENSIONS OF REALITY.

17 YOU WANNA KNOW? – THIS IS A HORRIFIC, DARK COMEDY STORY THAT RELIES MAINLY ON PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR AND SUSPENSEFUL MYSTERY INSTEAD OF PHYSICAL GORE OR DISTURBING IMAGERY. AN INSANE LAUGHING PLAGUE HAS STRUCK BIKINI BOTTOM THROUGH PHONE CALLS AS SPONGEBOB AND SANDY WORK TOGETHER TO DISCOVER THE SOURCE OF THE PLAGUE AND TO END IT ONCE AND FOR ALL. THIS STORY BRINGS UP THE CONFLICT OF MYSTICISM AND SCIENCE, AND ENDS WITH THE POSSIBILITY THAT ANCIENT MYSTICS MAY KNOW MORE METAPHYSICAL TRUTHS THAN EMPIRICAL SCIENTISTS. DESPITE BEING DARK AND OUT OF CONTROL AS THE TWO FRIENDS RACE TO END THE PLAGUE AND FIND SOME ANSWERS, THE STORY CONCLUDES WITH A VERY TANTALIZING IDEA, IN WHICH THE SOURCE OF THE PLAGUE IS ACTUALLY A JOKE THAT SIMULTANEOUSLY CAUSES ONE TO LAUGH TO DEATH AND REVEALS A HORRIFIC MYSTICAL TRUTH ABOUT WHAT LIES BEYOND THE KNOWN UNIVERSE, BRINGING THE STAKES OF THE STORY A LOT HIGHER. SPONGEBOB AND SANDY THUS DECIDE TO HIDE THE TRUTH TO PREVENT EVERYONE FROM BECOMING INSANE BY IT, BUT THEY HORRIBLY FAIL IN THEIR MISSION AS BIKINI BOTTOM LEARNS WHAT LIES BEYOND THE FARTHEST STARS AND BECOMES COMPLETELY INSANE. THE ACTUAL JOKE IS BASED ON THE OLD LEGEND OF THE WORLD RESTING ON THE BACK OF A GIANT AQUATIC TURTLE, WHO LIKEWISE RESTS ON THE BACKS OF AN INFINITE TOWER OF GIANT TURTLES, MAKING ONE WONDER HOW THE PROBLEM OF INFINITE REGRESSION CONCERNING THE UNIVERSE AND WHAT LIES BEYOND IT COULD EVER BE RESOLVED. THIS CREEPY TALE IS ULTIMATELY A LOVECRAFTIAN NIGHTMARE IN WHICH THE HEROES DISCOVER METAPHYSICAL SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET THAT SHOULD HAVE REMAIN HIDDEN AND SECRET FOREVER FOR THE SAKE OF SOCIETY. ALTHOUGH EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THE GREATEST MYSTERIES OF REALITY AND LIFE, IT APPEARS WE WILL NEVER KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS, AND THAT POSSIBILITY MIGHT NOT BE SUCH A BAD THING AFTER ALL.

18 DEADLY POOL GAME – FINALLY, _THE TIDAL ZONE_ CONFRONTS THE ISSUE OF DEATH AND THE STOCK CHARACTER OF THE GRIM REAPER, WHO FORCES THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW TO PLAY A DEADLY GAME OF POOL TO DECIDE WHO WILL LIVE AND WHO MUST DIE. THE COMEDIC GAME RULED BY CHANCE BALANCES WELL AGAINST THE DARK AND OCCULT THEMES OF THE STORY. THE GRIM REAPER NATURALLY MAKES A VERY SCARY VILLAIN AND THE READER NERVOUSLY WONDERS WHICH EMPLOYEE MUST FINALLY DIE. HOWEVER, THE SHOCKING AND ABSURD END TO THE GAME SEEMS TO BRING RELIEF TO EVERYONE AS ALL THREE PLAYERS ARE SPARED THROUGH COMPLETE LUCK. DESPITE THIS ILLUSION OF A HAPPY ENDING, ANOTHER REPLACEMENT GAME IS IMPLIED TO BEGIN SHORTLY THEREAFTER, RESULTING IN THE DEATH OF AN ELDERLY LOVED ONE OF ONE OF THE PREVIOUS PLAYERS. WITH THESE TWO TWISTS IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS OF TONE, WE GET A SATISFYINGLY SCARY AND FUNNY TALE ABOUT THE UNPREDICTABILITY AND ABSURDITY OF DEATH, THE PRECIOUSNESS OF OUR LOVED ONES AND LIFE, HOW DEATH AND LIFE ARE LIKE THE DUAL FORCES OF YIN AND YANG IN THE WORLD, AND THE POSSIBILITY THAT THERE IS LIFE AFTER DEATH VIA THE WHEEL OF REBIRTH, WHICH IS COMPARED TO A RANDOM WHEEL OF CHANCE IN THE STORY. THE CONTROVERSIAL AND UNIVERSALLY FRIGHTENING SUBJECT OF DEATH IS DEALT WITH PERFECTLY IN THIS STORY, SHOWING THAT THE SERIES CAN DEAL WITH ADULT THEMES WHILE STILL RETAINING HUMOR AND FUN.

19 ALIEN ABDUCTION TO AN EMPTY KINGDOM – THIS CREEPY CHRISTMAS TALE MASTERFULLY BLENDS MANY STORY ELEMENTS, INCLUDING THE MYSTERY OF SPONGEBOB'S AND PATRICK'S IMPRISONMENT, THE SCIENCE FICTION POSSIBILITY OF ALIENS AND ROBOTS BEING RESPONSIBLE, AND THE GOTHIC SETTING OF A MEDIEVAL KINGDOM FULL OF CASTLES AND CATHEDRALS. DESPITE THE PUZZLING PREMISE, THE ENDING IS SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE AND THE FUNNY AESOP ABOUT NOT DRINKING AND DRIVING DURING THE HOLIDAYS IS THE ONLY REAL CHRISTMAS GIFT FROM THIS STORY. IN A TRULY _TWILIGHT ZONE_-LIKE ENDING, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DISCOVER THAT THEIR NIGHT OF BOOZING HAS ALLOWED THEM TO EASILY BE CAPTURED BY ALIENS FROM ABOVE THE SEA, EXCEPT THAT THOSE ALIENS ARE ONLY FROM DRY LAND, ARE HUMAN FISHERMEN WHO HOOKED THEM, AND THEY ARE NOW RELUCTANT PETS IN A FISH TANK. HERE AGAIN HUMANS BECOME THE SHADOWY ANTAGONISTS OF THE SERIES, CAPTURING SEA CREATURES IN ARTIFICIAL ZOOS FOR THEIR OWN AMUSEMENT. HOWEVER, EVEN WITHOUT EXTRATERRESTRIALS IN THIS STORY, THE HORRIFIC SIMILARITIES BETWEEN ALIEN ABDUCTIONS AND WHAT SEA CREATURES MUST EXPERIENCE WHEN CAPTURED BY HUMAN FISHERMEN ARE DISTURBINGLY CLEAR THROUGH THIS TALE, MAKING IT A FINE ADDITION TO THE SERIES AS THE HUMANS ARE THE ALIEN INVADERS OF THE SEAS AND THE SEA CREATURES ARE THEIR FOOLISH LAB RATS.

20 TWO DOUBLES – WITH THIS EXCELLENT SEASON FINALE, THE SERIES DEALS WITH THE THEME OF DOPPELGANGERS AND THE SUPERSTITION MANY PEOPLE HAVE CONCERNING THE OCCULT NATURE OF MIRRORS AND SHADOWS. THE STORY ALSO DEALS WITH THE PSYCHOLOGICAL THEME OF JUNGIAN SHADOWS, IN WHICH THE DARKER SIDES OF OUR PERSONALITIES ARE REPRESSED SO MUCH THAT WE BECOME TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE WITH SCARY MONSTROUS SIDES WAITING TO BREAK FREE. SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE TOGETHER AGAIN DEALING WITH BEING STALKED BY THEIR DOUBLES FROM THE MIRROR AND SHADOW WORLDS. THE TWO DOUBLES EASILY REPLACE AND DEFEAT THEIR PHYSICAL COUNTERPARTS JUST AS EASILY AS THE FREUDIAN ID OVERPOWERS THE EGO. THOUGH THE STORY TOYS WITH THE POSSIBILITY THAT THE FRIENDS ARE JUST BEING TRICKED AND SUPERSTITIOUS, IN THE END, THE DOUBLES ARE VERY REAL AND THE MENTAL DARKNESS WITHIN EVERYONE ELSE FINALLY OVERPOWERS THE PHYSICAL CIVILIZED WORLD. THE FINAL SCENE ILLUSTRATES THIS POINT WELL AS A SHADOW PLANET ECLIPSES THE MOON, BRINGING DARKNESS TO ALL THE SEVEN SEAS AS THE DARKNESS WITHIN EVERYONE FINALLY CONQUERS THEM ALL. OVERALL, THE TWISTS OF THE STORY WORK VERY WELL AND THE DEFEAT OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK IS BOTH HAUNTING AND INEVITABLE SINCE THEY ARE MERELY AT WAR WITH THEMSELVES AND THEIR DARKER HALVES, TRAPPING THEM IN A LOSING BATTLE LIKE REFLECTIONS TRAPPED IN MIRRORS AND SHADOWS STUCK TO THE GROUND. WITH THIS STORY, THE SERIES DEALS WITH DARK THEMES ON A WHOLE OTHER LITERAL LEVEL.

SEASON THREE

21 MAGIC BIRTHDAY MASKS – THIS STORY IS A SUPERNATURAL REVENGE STORY AS CHILLING AND CLASSIC AS EDGAR ALLAN POE'S "THE CASK OF AMONTILLADO." SQUIDWARD HAS BEEN THE VICTIM OF HIS ANNOYING NEIGHBORS AND FELLOW UNCIVILIZED CITIZENS FOR FAR TOO LONG IN LIFE, SO HE SELLS HIS SOUL TO THE DEVIL FLYING DUTCHMAN, WHO PLACES A CURSE ON MASKS HE MAKES FOR HIS GUESTS TO WEAR AT HIS LAST BIRTHDAY PARTY. THE PARTY IS ACTUALLY A VERY HARSH BUT VERY FUNNY TORTURE SESSION IN WHICH SQUIDWARD COMPLETELY HUMILIATES HIS WORST ENEMIES IN LIFE AND MAKES THEM PAY FOR ALL THE SUFFERING THEY HAVE CAUSED HIM IN LIFE. BY THE END OF THE NIGHT, SQUIDWARD HAS MORE THAN PROVEN HIS POINT ABOUT HOW KARMA WILL ALWAYS COME BACK TO THOSE WHO HARM THEIR FELLOW NEIGHBOR AS HE FINALLY DIES AND DISAPPEARS INTO THE UNDERWORLD AND HIS VICTIMS LITERALLY BECOME THE SEA MONSTERS THAT THEY ALWAYS WERE INSIDE ALREADY. DESPITE BEING ONE OF THE DARKEST EPISODES OF THE SERIES, THE RIDICULOUS GAMES AND THE CARTOONISH SUFFERING EXPERIENCED BY THEIR RELUCTANT PLAYERS PREVENT THE STORY FROM LACKING ANY HUMOR. OVERALL, THE EPISODE IS MAGICAL AND HORRIFYING AS SQUIDWARD MAKES AN EXCELLENT VILLAIN, DEFEATING HIS ENEMIES THROUGH CUNNINGNESS AND THE POWER OF NECESSARY EVIL TO PUNISH THE GUILTY THROUGH SUPERNATURAL MEANS.

22 THE PUPPET MASTER – IN THIS STORY, WE GET A LIVING PUPPET WHO IS EVEN CRAZIER AND SCARIER THAN HIS PREDECESSORS LIVING DOLLS TALKING TEDDY AND CHUCKLES THE CLOWN FROM PREVIOUS EPISODES. THE SQUILLIAM PUPPET SIMPLY STEALS THE SHOW AS THE RIVALRY BETWEEN THE TWO SQUIDS SQUIDWARD AND SQUILLIAM REACHES SUPERNATURAL LEVELS. SQUIDWARD BECOMES A VENTRILOQUIST TO MAKE HIS JOB AT THE KRUSTY KRAB BETTER, BUT THE GHOST OF THE DEAD SQUILLIAM POSSESSES THE PUPPET REPLICA OF HIMSELF TO TEACH SQUIDWARD TO NEVER USE HIS ARTISTIC IMAGE WITHOUT PERMISSION AND TO TRY TO RETURN FROM THE DEAD TO BECOME FAMOUS AGAIN LIKE SQUIDWARD IS NOW. THE BOXING MATCH, THE COMEDY ROAST, AND THE FINAL CONFRONTATION BETWEEN THE TWO MORTAL ENEMIES ARE SO GREAT THAT IT IS HARD TO TELL IF THE STORY IS FUNNIER THAN IT IS DARKER. THE TWIST ENDING IS IRONIC ENOUGH TO OVERLOOK ITS AWKWARDNESS, AND HAVING FATE CONTROL ALL SEA CREATURES LIKE PUPPETS ON STRINGS ALLOWS THE SERIES TO DEAL WITH THE CONCEPT OF FATALISM, WHICH WILL BE A KEY THEME IN LATER EPISODES LIKE "THE WISE SEA SERPENT," "THE SIXTH SENSE," AND "SUPER SQUID RETURNS," PROVING THAT _THE TIDAL ZONE_ CAN BE SCARY, FUNNY, AND MILDLY PHILOSOPHICAL ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

23 CRYING CYCLOPS – FINALLY, PLANKTON BECOMES A FULL-FLEDGED VILLAIN IN THIS STORY THAT EMPHASIZES HIS ROLE AS A MAD SCIENTIST AND DEVILISH TRICKSTER. SANDY TIME TRAVELS TO THE MIDDLE AGES TO DISCOVER THE CAUSE OF ATLANTIS' DESTRUCTION IN THE PAST, FINDS MEDIEVAL _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS IMPRISONING A BABY PLANKTON, AND DECIDES TO RESCUE THE SEEMINGLY INNOCENT INFANT FROM HIS SUPERSTITIOUS ABUSERS. HOWEVER, THE BABY IS NO BABY AFTER ALL AND IS ACTUALLY THE REAL SHELDON PLANKTON HIMSELF, WHO USES HIS OWN WEAPONIZED TIME MACHINE TO TRAVEL TO THE PAST, WREAK HAVOC ACROSS THE EONS, AND DESTROY ATLANTIS ITSELF LIKE THE SADISTIC LITTLE DEMON CHILD HE IS. THUS, THE STORY DEALS WITH THE DANGERS AND POTENTIAL ABUSES OF TIME TRAVEL, A RUNNING THEME IN THE SERIES, AS PLANKTON USES TIME TRAVEL TO TORTURE THE WEAKER SEA CREATURES OF THE PAST AND SANDY ACCIDENTALLY CAUSES ATLANTIS' DESTRUCTION BY FREEING PLANKTON, EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS TRYING TO PREVENT THE TRAGEDY, LEADING TO THE TEMPORAL PARADOX OF THE CLOSED TIME LOOP. THE VILLAIN ESCAPES IN THE END AND THE HEROINE FAILS TO STOP HIM BECAUSE HER SCIENTIFIC WORLDVIEW PREVENTED HER FROM BELIEVING IN BLACK MAGIC AND HER COMPASSION PREVENTED HER FROM DEDUCING WHO THE BABY PLANKTON REALLY WAS AND HOW HE COULD INDEED TRANSFORM INTO A MONSTER CYCLOPS. THE STORY IS ANOTHER NICE SCI-FI TIME TRAVEL ENTRY WITH A REALLY SHOCKING AND TRAGIC TWIST ENDING. PLANKTON REALLY SHINES IN HIS BREAKTHROUGH ROLE AS A VILLAIN IN THE SERIES, PROVING THAT GREAT EVIL COMES IN SMALL SIZES.

24 DODGE THE BALL – THIS STORY AGAIN DEALS WITH THE THEME OF DEATH LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR "DEADLY POOL GAME," BUT THE TONE OF THIS STORY IS NOT AS DARK, THE ENDING IS QUITE A TWIST, AND THE INEVITABILITY AND SUFFERING OF OLD AGE ARE ITS REAL FOCUS CONCERNING DEATH. THE FIRST DODGE BALL GAME SHOWS THAT THE SERIES IS FULL OF GREAT HUMOR AS THE OLDEST RESIDENTS OF SHADY SHOALS DECIDE TO PLAY DODGE BALL TO FEEL LIKE KIDS AGAIN. HOWEVER, A MYSTERIOUS FISH DOCTOR SHOWS UP WITH MAGIC BALLS, ALLOWING THE OLD HAGS TO BECOME LITTLE CHILDREN AGAIN TO PLAY A FINAL GAME OF DODGE BALL, LEARN THE LAST LESSONS OF LIFE THAT THEY NEEDED TO LEARN TO COMFORT THEM IN THE FACE OF DEATH, AND FINALLY REST IN PEACE WITH THE WELCOMING DOCTOR DEATH. THUS, IN THIS STORY, DEATH IS NOT SOMETHING TO BE FEARED, BUT IS THE FINAL PHASE OF LIFE THAT OLD PEOPLE SHOULD HAPPILY ACCEPT WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT THEY HAVE ALREADY LIVED THEIR LIVES THE BEST THAT THEY CAN, THE JOYOUSNESS OF THEIR CHILDHOODS WILL LIVE ON IN THEIR DESCENDANTS THEY LEAVE BEHIND, AND DEATH WILL BE BLISSFUL ETERNAL SLEEP WITHOUT ANY SUFFERING UNLIKE THEIR GOLDEN YEARS. THUS, WHILE STILL SUPERNATURALLY REPRESENTING DEATH, THE STORY PRESENTS THE MATERIALIST VIEW OF DEATH IN WHICH THE SOUL DOES NOT SURVIVE THE DEATH OF THE BODY, MAKING DEATH THE END OF CONSCIOUSNESS AND LIFE AND THE PERFECT FINAL REST FROM THE LABORS, WORRIES, AND EVEN THE TIRING JOYS OF OUR LIFETIMES. THUS, THE STORY HAS A SOMEWHAT OPTIMISTIC VIEW ABOUT DEATH EVEN WITHOUT THE POSSIBILITY OF AN AFTERLIFE.

25 THE DONATION – THIS SHORT ENTRY IS A GREAT LITTLE CAUTIONARY TALE ABOUT BOTH GUILT AND GHOSTS. MR. KRABS OPENS A DONATION SCAM BASED UPON THE LIE OF DONATING TO A CHILDREN'S ORPHANAGE, ALL THE CUSTOMERS OF THE KRUSTY KRAB FALL FOR THE SCAM, AND THE GREEDY FAT CAT GETS FREE MONEY THAT HE HAS ALWAYS WANTED ALTHOUGH IT COMES WITH THE ULTIMATE PRICE TAG. DESPITE HIS SUCCESSFUL DEVIOUS SCHEME, MR. KRABS SOON HEARS SAD CHILDREN'S VOICES IN HIS HEAD, MAKING HIM WONDER IF HE IS GOING INSANE FROM GUILT OVER HIS SCAM. IGNORING HIS TROUBLED CONSCIENCE NEARLY COSTS HIM HIS LIFE AND ALMOST MAKES HIS DAUGHTER PEARL AN ORPHAN HERSELF, FINALLY CAUSING THE OLD SCROOGE TO DONATE TO A RUNDOWN ORPHANAGE. THEN COMES THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING THAT THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD CAME FROM THE GHOSTS OF ORPHAN CHILDREN WHO ATTENDED THE ORPHANAGE THAT HE DONATED TO, FORCING HIM TO ATONE FOR HIS SCANDALOUS CRIME. HOWEVER, THE POLICE DO NOT BELIEVE HIS WILD TALE, ARRESTING HIM FOR THE SCAM. MR. KRABS FINALLY ACCEPTS HIS GUILT AND THE PUNISHMENT HE MUST RECEIVE FOR IT AS THE VOICES IN HIS HEAD FINALLY STOP AND HE GETS SOME NEEDED REST FROM HIS SELF-IMPOSED NIGHTMARE. THIS TALE SHOWS HOW WELL MR. KRABS WORKS IN STANDALONE STORIES BASED ON HIM STRUGGLING WITH HIS OWN GREED, A THEME THE SERIES ADDRESSES IN SUCH EPISODES AS "THE GHOST STALKER," "THE HELL-O CASIN-O," AND "LUCID INJUSTICE." "THE DONATION" IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST OF THE SHORTEST ENTRIES OF THE SERIES WITH ITS CLEAR THEME ABOUT THE HAUNTING NATURE OF GUILT AND THE FITTING PUNISHMENT OF ITS FLAWED ANTI-HERO.

26 THE INVISIBLE MACHINE – THIS FLAWED BUT HORRIFYING TALE WAS INSPIRED BY A REAL PAST GREEK TORTURE DEVICE KNOWN AS THE BRONZE BULL, WHICH USED METAL HEAT CONDUCTION TO BURN ITS VICTIMS TO DEATH. THIS STORY HAS A SOMEWHAT WEAK PREMISE WITH ITS IMPLAUSIBLE TORTURE DEVICE, BUT IT STILL WORKS AS A NICE HORROR ENTRY WITHOUT SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS AND WITH SUSPENSEFUL MYSTERY. SPONGEBOB AND FRIENDS BOARD A CRUISE SHIP, BUT THE SHIP TURNS OUT TO BE A PRISON SHIP WHERE UNDESIRABLES FROM SOCIETY ARE SENT, AND THE SHIP HAS A MYSTERIOUS MAGICAL ATTRACTION CALLED THE INVISIBLE MACHINE THAT MAKES PEOPLE VANISH INTO THIN AIR, WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE A WICKED PLAY ON WORDS SINCE THE DEVICE LITERALLY BOILS PEOPLE ALIVE TO TURN THEM INTO HOT STEAM. THE MYSTERY ELEMENT IS QUITE STRONG DESPITE HAVING A SOMEWHAT SIMPLE BUT SHOCKING SOLUTION. WHILE TOYING WITH THE POSSIBILITY THAT THE INVISIBLE MACHINE IS A FAKE MAGIC TRICK, TELEPORTATION DEVICE, OR GHOSTLY PORTAL, THE STORY ENDS WITH AN EVEN CRAZIER SOLUTION TO THE MYSTERY. DESPITE ITS FLAWS, THE STORY IS A DECENT REFLECTION ON HUMAN BARBARITY NOT AS GOOD AS ITS CANNIBALISTIC PREDECESSOR "TO SERVE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES" BUT WITH ENOUGH TWISTS TO MAKE IT ENJOYABLE.

27 THE SCARED HAS-BEEN OF 2084 – PLANKTON IS ONCE AGAIN THE PERFECT MAIN VILLAIN IN THIS ORWELLIAN NIGHTMARE IN WHICH HE AND HIS FELLOW MAD SCIENTIST PLANKTONS ARE DICTATORS OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WHO USE A ROBOT ARMY TO ELIMINATE THEIR INFERIORS THROUGH SHAMELESS GENOCIDE. DESPITE THE VERY DARK TONE, THE STORY HAS MUCH SUBTLE HUMOR AS AN ELDERLY SPONGEBOB, THE LAST VICTIM OF THE DICTATORSHIP'S HOLOCAUST, AND DICTATOR PLANKTON DEBATE ABOUT HOW SOCIETY SHOULD BE AND TRADE GOOD INSULTS WITH ONE ANOTHER. DESPITE THE OVERWHELMING POWER HELD BY THE PLANKTON SPECIES, THEIR FEAR OF THE POTENTIAL POWER OF OTHER SEA CREATURES AND THEIR OVERRELIANCE ON THEIR ROBOT SERVANTS MAKE THEM EXCELLENT PREY TO BE OVERTHROWN, PROVING THAT THE SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST FAVORS NO ONE AQUATIC SPECIES. THE SAD ENDING OF THE DEATH OF SPONGEBOB IS HANDLED VERY WELL AS HE PROVES HE IS A BRAVE HERO IN THE FACE OF DEATH FOREVER DEFIANT TO THE COWARD DICTATOR PLANKTON. THE TWIST ENDING OF THE ROBOT REVOLUTION IS SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE ALTHOUGH IT IS NICE TO SEE THE STORY END WITH THE DEFEAT OF THE VILLAINS AND THE PROMISE OF A FUTURE ROBOT UTOPIA FOLLOWING THE HORRORS OF THE PREVIOUS DICTATORSHIP. THE STORY OBVIOUSLY ALLUDES TO GEORGE ORWELL'S _1984_ AND CRITICIZES THE HORRORS OF IMPERIALISM, FASCISM, COMMUNISM, AND TOTALITARIANISM OF ALL TYPES FOR THEIR UNFORGIVABLE ABUSES TOWARDS HUMANITY. THE SERIES WILL AGAIN USE PLANKTON IN THE FITTING ROLE OF A NAPOLEONIC DICTATOR IN THE EPISODES "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST," "BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD," AND "SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS." IN THE END IT APPEARS THAT DICTATOR PLANKTON, NOT THE PRISONER SPONGEBOB, IS THE LAST SCARED HAS-BEEN OF 2084, AN IRONIC AND HAPPY ENDING TO AN OTHERWISE GRIM AND SAD POLITICAL ALLEGORY.

28 THE HELL-O CASIN-O – THE STORY IS BRIEF AND FLAWED WITH ITS OVERLY DARK PUNCH LINE, BUT I SIMPLY LOVE IT. THE 666 REFERENCES MAKE THE TWIST ENDING TOO OBVIOUS, BUT THE LAST LINE OF THE TALE ABOUT THE TOWN BEING A DEAD END AND ONE HELL OF A PLACE IS TOO GREAT TO OVERLOOK. THE KRABS FAMILY SUFFERS A CAR ACCIDENT ON A ROAD TRIP THROUGHOUT THE DESERT AND FINDS THEMSELVES STRANDED IN AN UNDERWATER VERSION OF LAS VEGAS, AND MR. KRABS PREDICTABLY BECOMES ADDICTED TO GAMBLING. BY THE END IT APPEARS THAT BOTH HE AND HIS DAUGHTER HAVE DIED, THEY ARE ACTUALLY IN HELL, AND THEY HAVE BOTH DOOMED THEMSELVES AND THEIR RELATIVE MRS. KRABS FROM EVER ESCAPING THE INFERNO BY FALLING INTO THE TEMPTATIONS OF GAMBLING. MAN RAY MAKES AN INTERESTING DEBUT APPEARANCE AS THE DEVIL STING RAY, TAKING ON A SATANIC ROLE THAT HE WILL AGAIN REPRISE IN THE NEXT EPISODE "A DREAM COME TRUE" AND THE LATER EPISODE "SUPER SQUID RETURNS" AS A NIETZSCHE AN DEMON. HAVING MAN RAY AS THE DEVIL WAS ULTIMATELY A SHORT-LIVED EXPERIMENT SINCE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FILLS THE ROLE ALL TOO WELL IN THE SERIES. THE WHOLE THEY ARE ACTUALLY DEAD AND GHOSTS TWIST ENDING IS USED AND REFERENCED THROUGHOUT THE SERIES, INCLUDING IN THE EPISODES "THE GHOST STALKER," "A DREAM COME TRUE," AND "THE GHOST SHIP," BUT ITS OVERLY ABSURD USE HERE MAKES IT FAR FROM CLICHÉ AND GIVES IT VERY HUMOROUS POTENTIAL. THUS, WHILE COMMENTING ON THE DANGERS OF ADDICTIVE GAMBLING AND THE POSSIBILITY OF HELLISH AFTERLIVES, THE STORY RETURNS GREAT HORROR TO THE SERIES WHILE BEING FUNNY ENOUGH TO PREVENT THE SERIES FROM BECOMING TOO DARK.

29 A DREAM COME TRUE – THIS STORY IS SIMILAR TO AN ACTUAL _SPONGEBOB_ EPISODE IN WHICH MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON SWITCH LIVES AND PLANKTON BECOMES THE OWNER OF THE KRUSTY KRAB ONLY TO REALIZE THAT HIS DREAMS COMING TRUE HAVE TOO GREAT A PRICE. IN THIS TALE THE SAME PREMISE IS GIVEN AN EVEN MORE EXTREME MAKEOVER. MAN RAY IS ONCE AGAIN A SECRETLY DEMONIC FIGURE, PLANKTON BECOMES THE MAIN CHARACTER WHO UNKNOWINGLY DIES AND BECOMES A GHOST IN PURGATORY, AND THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS ARE REFERENCED AND COMMITTED BY PLANKTON TO DOOM HIMSELF TO THE UNDERWORLD. THE STORY WAS INSPIRED BY A _SPONGEBOB_ CREEPYPASTA THAT CLAIMS THE MAIN SEVEN _SPONGEBOB _CHARACTERS ALL SYMBOLIZE THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS OF CATHOLICISM (SPONGEBOB AS LUST, PATRICK AS SLOTH, GARY AS GLUTTONY, SQUIDWARD AS WRATH, MR. KRABS AS GREED, PLANKTON AS ENVY, AND SANDY AS PRIDE). SEEING PLANKTON COMMIT EACH DEADLY SIN ONE BY ONE WAS VERY FUNNY AND HINTED TO THE READER THAT HE WAS CLEARLY NOT IN A HEAVEN BUT WAS SLOWLY FALLING TOWARDS A SELF-IMPOSED HELL IN WHICH HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN VERY CAREFUL ABOUT WHAT HE WISHED TO COME TRUE FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE, NAMELY BECOMING THE OWNER OF THE KRUSTY KRAB AND HAVING EVERYONE LOVE HIM. THE TWIST ENDING RESONATES WITH IRONIC POETIC JUSTICE AS THE VILLAINOUS MAN RAY PUNISHES THE VILLAINOUS PLANKTON FOR HIS SINS. WHILE NOT AS FUNNY AS ITS PREDECESSOR "THE HELL-O CASIN-O," THE STORY WORKS WELL ENOUGH AS A CAUTIONARY TALE ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE AND ABOUT MAKING RASH WISHES, A THEME THAT WILL LATER BE EXPLORED WITH GENIES AND GODS IN THE EPISODES "I DREAM OF DUTCH MEN" AND "JUSTICE IS SERVED" OF THE SERIES.

30 BEAUTY AND THE BEAST – WITH ITS TITLE ALLUDING TO THE FAMOUS DISNEY FILM, THIS DYSTOPIAN TALE ABOUT CLONES AND CONFORMITY IN A TWISTED UTOPIA IS A COUNTERPART TO ITS PREDECESSOR "2084" AND A COMPLEMENT TO ITS PREDECESSOR "FACE OF THE BEAST." INSPIRED BY ALDOUS HUXLEY'S _BRAVE NEW WORLD_, THE STORY DEALS WITH THE FUTURE IN WHICH ALL SEA CREATURES ARE MADE INTO BEAUTIFUL CLONES, BRINGING PROSPERITY AND EQUALITY TO EVERYONE DESPITE THE LOSS OF INDIVIDUALITY AND PERSONALITY, THE HARSH CONFORMITY REQUIRED BY THE NEW SOCIETY, AND THE SHALLOW CONSUMERIST CULTURE ENCOURAGED BY THE NEW ORDER. PLANKTON ONCE AGAIN BECOMES A DICTATOR IN THIS TALE, BUT HIS REASONS FOR CREATING HIS BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD APPEAR BENEVOLENT UNTIL THE VERY END, IN WHICH HE HILARIOUSLY AND ABSURDLY PLANS TO HAVE HIS HOT CLONE CITIZENS MATE TO CREATE EVEN HOTTER SPECIES THAT WILL LITERALLY EVAPORATE THE OCEANS WITH THEIR SEXINESS TO DESTROY ALL MARINE LIFE AS REVENGE FOR PLANKTON SUFFERING DUE TO OTHERS' ALWAYS HATING HIS PREVIOUS UGLINESS. PEARL AND MR. KRABS ARE ONCE AGAIN MAIN CHARACTERS IN THIS CAUTIONARY TALE ABOUT THE UNSEEN DANGERS OF UTOPIAS AND THEIR DEATHS ARE SO OUTRAGEOUS THAT THEY SEEM APPROPRIATE TO THIS SEAWORLD GONE UPSIDE DOWN. THE OTHER MAIN _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCES AS CLONES, MAKING THE READER REALIZE HOW HORRIBLY THEIR LOVABLE PERSONALITIES AND IDIOSYNCRASIES HAVE BEEN DESTROYED DUE TO THE NEW SOCIAL ORDER. DESPITE THE VILLAINS WINNING IN THE END AND THE HEROES BECOMING CORRUPTED CLONES SEDUCED BY THE HARSH SOCIAL STANDARDS TOWARDS COMPLETE CONFORMITY, THE LOSER PEARL IS RECOGNIZED TO HAVE BEEN A TRUE BEAUTY AT HEART WHO NEVER BOWED DOWN TO PLANKTON'S DEMANDS EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE. OVERALL, THE SEASON FINALE IS A PERFECT DYSTOPIAN TALE WITH A CLEAR MESSAGE AGAINST THE OVEREMPHASIS ON PHYSICAL ATTRACTIVENESS IN SOCIETY AND WITH THE WARNING AGAINST THE DANGERS OF SCIENTIFIC ADVANCES LIKE CLONING, PROVING THAT THE SERIES CAN HANDLE SCIENCE FICTION AND SATIRE WELL.

SEASON FOUR

31 TO FREEZE TIME – THIS STORY IS QUITE MEDIOCRE BUT STILL HAS SOME FUNNY MOMENTS AND THE IMPORTANT LESSON ABOUT THE DANGERS POSED BY SCIENTIFIC TECHNOLOGY AND EXPERIMENTATION WITH NATURE. PLANKTON HAS SANDY TRY TO BUILD A TIME STOPWATCH THAT FREEZES AND REVERSES TIME, BUT SHE INSTEAD BUILDS A DEVICE THAT FREEZES THE SURROUNDING ENVIRONMENT LIKE A MAGICAL THERMOSTAT. NATURALLY, PLANKTON ABUSES THE INVENTION, LEADING TO A CONFRONTATION WITH SANDY THAT RESULTS IN THE DESTRUCTION OF THE DEVICE AND THE SUBSEQUENT FREEZING OF THE ENTIRE WORLD OCEAN. AFTER SHARING THEIR THOUGHTS ON THE ENVIRONMENTAL ISSUES OF GLOBAL COOLING AND GLOBAL WARMING, THE DOOMED SCIENTISTS DECIDE TO CRYOGENICALLY FREEZE THEMSELVES TO INDIRECTLY TIME TRAVEL INTO THE FUTURE TO ESCAPE THE FREEZING SEAS AND WORLD. HOWEVER, THEIR TIME TRAVEL ACCIDENTALLY TAKES THEM TOO FAR INTO THE FUTURE BY BILLIONS OF YEARS, THE APOCALYPSE HAS BEGUN AS THE EARTH IS FINALLY COLLIDING INTO THE DYING SUN, THE WORLD IS IRONICALLY ENDING IN FIRE AFTER NEARLY BEING DESTROYED BY ICE DUE TO THEIR PAST INVENTION, AND THE FOOLISH SCIENTISTS ARE EATEN BY THE REPTILIAN INHERITORS OF THE DYING EARTH. THE TWIST ENDING APOCALYPTIC SEQUENCE IS INTENSE AND IRONIC ENOUGH TO END THE OTHERWISE BLAND EPISODE ON A STRONG NOTE. THUS, THE EPISODE PARODIES THE PLOT DEVICE OF WATCHES THAT FREEZE TIME BY USING THE NEW PLOT DEVICE OF WATCHES THAT LITERALLY FREEZE THE WORLD. OVERALL, THE EPISODE MAKES IT CLEAR THAT SCIENTISTS AND INVENTORS WILL ALWAYS RECKLESSLY PUSH THE LIMITS OF NATURAL PROCESSES, WHICH WILL PUSH BACK EVEN HARDER.

32 THE HOARDERS – THIS IS ANOTHER BRIEF AND SOMEWHAT BLAND EPISODE. LIKE MANY STORIES IN THE SERIES, THIS EPISODE DEALS WITH INANIMATE OBJECTS OR ANIMALS COMING TO LIFE OR BECOMING EVIL AND DESTROYING THEIR OWNERS OR CREATORS. DUE TO THEIR EXCESSIVE MATERIAL HOARDING, THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW IS KILLED BY THEIR MISTREATED BELONGINGS. HOWEVER, THEIR DEATHS ARE NOTHING BUT AN ILLUSION AS THE TWIST ENDING REVEALS THAT THE EVENTS OF THE STORY WERE NOTHING BUT COLLECTIVE HYPNOTIC HALLUCINATIONS EXPERIENCED DURING A THERAPY SESSION CONDUCTED BY AN OLD TOAD PARODY OF SIGMUND FREUD WITH THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW. THE STORY THEN ENDS IN A SURREAL, DREAMLIKE MANNER AS SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS BURY THE POOR DOCTOR ALIVE TO SUPPRESS THEIR GUILT OVER THEIR HOARDING PROBLEMS, THE DOCTOR IRONICALLY REVEALS THAT HE HAS HOARDING COMPULSIONS TO COLLECT HYPNOTIC SLAVES AS HIS SERVANT ZOMBIES, AND THE DOCTOR DROWNS IN DEEP WATERS WHILE WONDERING IF THE ENTIRE EPISODE IS SIMPLY HIS NIGHTMARE ABOUT HIS GUILT OVER HIS OWN UNRESOLVED HOARDING PROBLEMS. THE AMBIGUOUS ENDING THEN REFERENCES THE FILM _INCEPTION_, PLAYFULLY REFERENCED AS _INCRAPTION_, BY ALLOWING THE READER TO DECIDE IF THE STORY WAS ONLY A DREAM OR IF IT WAS REAL. AS A SIDE NOTE, ALTHOUGH I PERSONALLY THINK THE FILM _INCEPTION_ IS OVERRATED SINCE IT IS NOT AS SURREAL AS PREDECESSOR FILMS LIKE _THE MATRIX_ THAT QUESTION THE NATURE OF REALITY, THE FILM IS NOT REALLY THAT CRAPPY. OVERALL, THE MAIN REDEEMING QUALITY OF THE TALE IS ITS SURREAL NATURE AND ITS SUGGESTION THAT PSYCHOLOGY CANNOT RESOLVE OUR DARKEST PSYCHOLOGICAL ISSUES JUST LIKE SCIENCE CANNOT DEFEAT THE OCCULT IF IT REALLY EXISTS.

33 ORDER ONE GRAND – THIS IS ANOTHER GREAT MYSTERY TALE THAT IS BETTER THAN ITS PREDECESSOR "THE INVISIBLE MACHINE" BUT OBVIOUSLY NOT AS FUNNY AND HAUNTING AS ITS PREDECESSOR "WILL THE REAL WITCH OR WIZARD PLEASE LEAVE." THE MYSTERY OF THE TRUCK CARRYING ONE THOUSAND KRABBY PATTIES SEEMS UNRESOLVABLE WITH PLANKTON, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, THE MISSING SQUIDWARD, OR MENTAL ILLUSIONS AS POTENTIAL SUSPECTS. THE CONFLICTS AMONG THE NEW KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND MR. KRABS ARE QUITE FUNNY, ESPECIALLY WITH THE CLOWN SEQUENCE THAT REFERENCES THE ANTICS OF THE JOKER FROM _THE DARK KNIGHT_ FILM. AFTER A VIOLENT TEST TO SEE IF THE TRUCK IS REALLY IMAGINARY, THE THREE DISILLUSIONED FRIENDS DISCOVER THAT SPONGEBOB HIMSELF BROUGHT THE VEHICLE AND ITS LARGE ORDER TO THE RESTAURANT. BUT WITH THE SOLVING OF ONE MYSTERY, ANOTHER BEGINS. IT APPEARS THAT SPONGEBOB CAUSED THE WHOLE MESS DUE TO GREAT GUILT HE FELT AFTER SQUIDWARD'S PREVIOUS DISAPPEARANCE NOT TOO LONG AGO, IN WHICH SQUIDWARD DROVE A SIMILAR ORDER ONE GRAND OUT OF TOWN FOR BUSINESS BUT WENT MISSING AND WAS NEVER FOUND OR HEARD FROM EVER AGAIN. THE MYSTERY OF THIS CASE OF THE ORDER ONE GRAND REMAINS UNSOLVED LEAVING THE POSSIBILITIES THAT SQUIDWARD DIED IN AN UNDISCOVERED CRASH, SQUIDWARD ABANDONED TOWN FOR GOOD TO LIVE A NEW LIFE, OR SQUIDWARD FELL INTO THE FIFTH DIMENSION DUE TO UNNATURAL FOGS. WHATEVER THE ANSWER TO THE COLD CASE, THE STORY ENDS WITHOUT RESOLUTION, CAUSING THE UNKNOWN TO HAUNT THE MINDS OF POOR SPONGEBOB AND THE CONFUSED READER FOREVER. OVERALL, THE MYSTERIOUS SUSPENSE OF THE STORY WORKS ALL THE WAY TO THE END, PROVING THAT NOT ALL MYSTERY STORIES HAVE TO BE SUPERNATURAL OR HAVE TO BE COMPLETELY RESOLVED TO BE FULLY ENGAGING.

34 THE LITTLE MUMMY –THIS STORY IS AS FUNNY AS IT IS CHILLING AND ITS ENDING IS ONE OF THE BEST TWIST ENDINGS OF THE SERIES. AS PART OF AN APRIL FOOLS' PRANK, MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY APPEARS TO KILL PLANKTON. ON THE EVENING ANNIVERSARY OF THE LITTLE PLANKTON'S DEATH, HIS LIFELONG RIVAL DECIDES TO SAYS HIS FINAL GOODBYES AND VISIT HIS GRAVE FOR THE FIRST AND LAST TIME. HOWEVER, BEFORE HIS APPARENT DEATH, PLANKTON HAD PROMISED TO RISE FROM THE DEAD AS A LITTLE MUMMY AND TO DRAG MR. KRABS INTO HIS GRAVE SHOULD HE EVER VISIT IT. THE FOLLOWING SCARY SEQUENCE IS FULL OF LAUGH OUT LOUD MOMENTS AS THE LITTLE MUMMY RIPS OFF ONE OF MR. KRABS' ARMS, BREAKS OUT OF HIS LITTLE PYRAMID TOMBSTONE, CHASES MR. KRABS THROUGHOUT THE CEMETERY TO A TOMBSTONE BEARING HIS RIVAL'S NAME, TAUNTS HIS HORRIFIED ENEMY BY CALLING HIM TO JOIN THE EGYPTIAN DEAD, AND APPARENTLY KILLS HIS ENEMY BY SCARING HIM TO DEATH. THE WHOLE TOWN FINDS MR. KRABS' LIFELESS BODY THE NEXT DAY, SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD SADLY BURY THEIR BOSS AND CONTINUE HIS RESTAURANT IN HIS HONOR, AND THE DEADLY RIVALRY BETWEEN THE OLD ENEMIES HAS FINALLY COME TO A TRAGIC END. BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! BECAUSE THIS STORY OCCURS ON APRIL FOOLS' DAY, THE TWIST ENDING REVEALS THAT PLANKTON MASTERFULLY FAKED HIS DEATH, GOT SWEET REVENGE ON HIS CLUELESS RIVAL, SUCCESSFULLY STARTED A NEW LIFE WITH HIS WIFE IN ANOTHER SEA CITY, AND LEFT MR. KRABS TO BE BURIED ALIVE SINCE SPONGEBOB AND SQUIDWARD HAD ACCIDENTALLY BURIED THEIR COMATOSE BOSS ALIVE. THUS, PLANKTON ONCE AGAIN PROVES TO BE A WICKEDLY AWESOME VILLAIN, THE BAD GUY WINS IN THIS STORY WITHOUT BLACK MAGIC, AND THE GOOD GUYS ARE FOOLED INTO BELIEVING IN THE EXISTENCE OF LITTLE MUMMIES. OVERALL, THE STORY IS ONE OF THE BEST GOTHIC TALES IN THE SERIES EVEN IF THE MUMMY IN IT WAS FAKE. LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR "WILL THE REAL WITCH OR WIZARD PLEASE LEAVE," THE STORY TOYS WITH THE READERS' CONFUSION ABOUT WHETHER SUPERNATURAL MONSTERS REALLY EXIST OR NOT INSTEAD OF BEING THE RESULT OF CLEVER MORBID PRANKS. THE MYSTERY WAS NEVER MEANT TO BE SOLVED UNTIL THE END SINCE THE STORY WORKS AS A PERFECT APRIL FOOLS' DAY PRANK ON THE READER.

35 SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS – WHETHER WE LIKE IT OR NOT, SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS IN LOVE AND WAR AND SIZE IS ALWAYS RELATIVE. IN OTHER WORDS, THERE IS ALWAYS A BIGGER FISH! THE HUMOR AND IRONY IN THIS TALE REALLY SHINE THROUGH AS DIFFERENT SEA CREATURES CONTINUALLY REALIZE THEY ARE NOT THE BIGGEST PREDATORS OF THE SEA. WHILE THE PLANKTON COUPLE LEAVES BIKINI BOTTOM DUE TO ITS INTOLERANCE TOWARDS LITTLE PEOPLE, PLANKTON FINDS LITTLE MERMAIDS EVEN SMALLER THAN HIMSELF IN THE WILDERNESS, IMAGINES AN ORWELLIAN SOCIETY OF THEM RULED BY HIM, AND THEN RUTHLESSLY CAPTURES THEM TO BE HIS LAB RAT SLAVES. HOWEVER, WHEN HE RETURNS HOME, HUMAN SEA DIVERS, RESEMBLING GIANT CYCLOPS MONSTERS TO HIM AND ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES, HAVE IRONICALLY INVADED BIKINI BOTTOM TO CAPTURE ALL ITS RESIDENTS AS SCIENTIFIC SPECIMENS. FEELING GUILTY FOR HIS SIMILAR CRIMES TOWARD THE LITTLE MERMAIDS, PLANKTON RELEASES THEM AND REUNITES WITH HIS WIFE WHO INITIALLY DISAGREED WITH HIS CAPTURING OF THEM. WHILE WAITING WITH HIS WIFE IN THE WILDERNESS UNTIL THE HUMAN CYCLOPS MONSTERS LEAVE BIKINI BOTTOM, PLANKTON SOON FINDS OUT THAT KAREN IS FEEDING THE FREED LITTLE MERMAIDS TO HAVE THEM WORSHIP HER AS A BENEVOLENT GODDESS, CAUSING THE JEALOUS AND INSANE PLANKTON TO KILL ALL THE LITTLE MERMAIDS ALONG WITH HIS TREACHEROUS WIFE. PLANKTON HIMSELF IS THEN ACCIDENTALLY KILLED BY THE KRABS FAMILY WHO ARE FLEEING THE GIANT HUMAN SEA DIVERS, WHO ARE FORCED TO FLEE THE SEA WHEN A SEA MONSTER MUCH LARGER THAN THEMSELVES EATS THE KRABS FAMILY AND CHASES AFTER THEM. THUS, THE TWIST ENDING USING THE THEME THAT THERE ARE ALWAYS BIGGER FISH IN THE SEA PROVIDES HUMOR TO THIS SHORT LITTLE FABLE ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF SIZE IN OUR LOVE LIVES AND IN GENERAL LIFE AS WELL. THE CONTROVERSIAL MORAL OF THIS STORY IS ALL TOO CLEAR: SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS!

36 CITY OF THE LIVING DIRT – THE TITLE OF THIS HILARIOUS TALE REFERENCES THE FILM _NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD _AND ALL CLASSIC MONSTER MOVIES. THIS STORY MAKES THE DYNAMIC DUO MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY THE MAIN HEROES WHO FINALLY KILL THE MONSTROUS DIRTY BUBBLE BUT MUST CONFRONT A NEW DIRTY CRIME SPREE AFTER DOING SO. EVERYONE IN BIKINI BOTTOM IS BECOMING DIRTY BOYS AND DIRTY GIRLS, FAT STARFISH LIKE PATRICK ARE RESPONSIBLE, THE DYNAMIC DUO DEFEATS THE PIGS AND CAPTURES THEIR LEADER PATRICK, AND AFTER A HILARIOUS TORTURE INTERROGATION SESSION, THE OLD HEROES DISCOVER THAT PATRICK UNWILLINGLY WORKS FOR THE RESURRECTED DIRTY BUBBLE! THIS STORY TURNS THE SUPERHERO GENRE ON ITS HEAD AS THE HEROES ARE TOO OLD TO CONTINUE TO FIGHT AN UNBEATABLE VILLAIN, WHO CAN BE REPEATEDLY RESURRECTED BY THE COLLECTIVE FILTH OF THE CITY. THE DIRTY BUBBLE WINS THE BATTLE WITH THE DIRTY BOYS AND DIRTY GIRLS OF THE CITY UNKNOWINGLY ON HIS SIDE AND THE DYNAMIC DUO IS SWIFTLY DEFEATED. THIS SHORT ENTRY WORKS WELL AT PARODYING THE SUPERHERO GENRE, USING PLAY ON WORDS WITH THE TERM "DIRTY," AND BRINGING THE TRAGEDY TO A HORRIFIC END EVEN THOUGH THE SO-CALLED TWIST ENDING IS EASILY PREDICTABLE. ITS MESSAGE IS CLEAR THAT EVEN WHEN REAL LIFE VILLAINS DIE, THE HATRED AND DESTRUCTIVE IDEOLOGIES THEY LEAVE BEHIND KEEP THEM ALIVE LIKE GHOSTS FROM THE PAST HAUNTING THE PRESENT. OVERALL, THIS IS A GREAT STANDALONE ENTRY FOR THE DYNAMIC DUO, PROVING ONCE AGAIN THAT ENTERTAINING EPISODES FOCUSING ON MINOR _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS CAN MAKE THE SERIES ALL THE BETTER.

37 EUREKA – THIS STORY IS AS FUNNY AS IT IS ODD AND INAPPROPRIATE. I WROTE THE TALE BECAUSE I MYSELF WAS SUFFERING FROM SLIGHT WRITER'S BLOCK AT THE TIME. SINCE ALL THE EPISODES ARE IN THE CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER OF THEIR PRODUCTION, BY THE TIME I WROTE "EUREKA," I HAD ALREADY WRITTEN OVER THIRTY-FIVE TIDAL ZONE EPISODES. I WANTED TO CONTINUE THE SERIES TO AT LEAST FORTY OR FIFTY EPISODES, BUT IT SEEMED MY CREATIVE ENERGY WAS LOSING FUEL, INSPIRING ME TO WRITE A PSEUDO-BIOGRAPHICAL EPISODE ABOUT WRITER'S BLOCK. AFTER COMPLETING THIS STORY, I FELT CONFIDENT IN MY ABILITIES TO CREATE NEW EPISODES JUST LIKE SQUIDWARD OVERCAME HIS ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK, AND MY CONFIDENCE PROVED TRUE AS I WROTE MANY GREAT EPISODES AFTER "EUREKA" AND ENDED THE SERIES LONG AFTER WITH NEARLY EIGHTY EPISODES! THE TWIST ENDING TO THIS TALE IS REALLY SHOCKING. SQUIDWARD RECEIVES IDEAS FOR NEW PAINTINGS FROM BEAUTIFUL SUPERNATURAL STRANGERS, PAINTS REPLICAS OF THEM, SHOWS HIS PAINTINGS TO SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, AND IS THEN HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER THAT HIS PAINTINGS ARE ACTUALLY DEMONIC AND NOT ANGELIC. THE DEMONIC DEVIL STING RAYS OF THE PAINTINGS ENTER HIS WORLD, SCARE THE CRAP OUT OF HIM, AND THEN COMFORT HIM BY EXPLAINING THAT THEY ARE REPRESENTATIONS OF HIS OWN MENTAL DEMONS CAUSING HIS ARTIST'S COCK BLOCK. BY PAINTING THEM TO EXPRESS HIS INNER TURMOIL OVER HIS ARTISTIC INCOMPETENCE, HE HAS LEFT THE WORST OF HIS ART BEHIND HIM AND IS NOW READY TO CREATE THE GREATEST ART HE WILL EVER PRODUCE. THEREFORE, THE TALE HAS BOTH A HORRIFYING AND HAPPY ENDING. OVERALL, THOUGH THE TALE IS VERY BIZARRE AND IS CENTERED ON ARTISTS, I REALLY LOVE IT SINCE IT REMINDS ME HOW I OVERCAME MY SO-CALLED WRITER'S COCK BLOCK TO MAKE THE BEST _SPONGEBOB _SPINOFF SERIES I POSSIBLY COULD. MY MAN SQUIDWARD, WHO IS PROBABLY MY FAVORITE _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTER DUE TO HIS CYNICISM, EXPLAINING WHY SEVERAL _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES FOCUS MAINLY ON HIM, AND I ARE LIKE NAKED ARCHIMEDES IN HIS BATH TUB SHOUTING "EUREKA!"

38 THE WISE SEA SERPENT – THIS IS ANOTHER INTERESTING EPISODE ABOUT THE NATURE OF TIME, DESPITE NOT COVERING TIME TRAVEL AT ALL. THE RIVALRY BETWEEN MR. KRABS AND PLANKTON IS NATURALLY A RUNNING THEME IN THE SERIES, PROVIDING GREAT EPISODES CENTERED ON THE MORTAL ENEMIES. IN THIS TALE, THEIR RIVALRY SPIRALS OUT OF CONTROL INTO AN ABSURD DUAL HOSTAGE SITUATION, CAUSING THEM TO DECIDE TO END IT PEACEFULLY ONCE AND FOR ALL. WHILE HOLDING NEGOTIATIONS AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT, THE TWO ENEMIES BECOME TEMPTED TO SEE THE FUTURE OF THEIR RIVALRY WITH A SEA DRAGON FORTUNE COOKIE DEVICE. WHAT FOLLOWS IS ONE OF THE BEST LONG RUNNING COMEDIC SEQUENCES OF THE SERIES AS THE FORTUNE TELLER CONTINUALLY CORRECTLY PREDICTS THAT RIDICULOUS THINGS WILL HAPPEN THAT NIGHT, CAUSING THEM TO WONDER IF IT CAN REALLY SEE THE FUTURE. DESPITE THE GREAT HUMOR, THE TALE ALSO DEALS WITH THE CONCEPT OF FATALISM AND THE BLOCK UNIVERSE THEORY, WHICH HOLDS THAT ALL TIME, PAST, PRESENT, AND FUTURE, ALWAYS EXISTS AND ALWAYS WILL EXIST, PROVING THAT DESTINY IS REAL AND THE FUTURE IS AS REAL AS THE PRESENT EVEN IF WE CANNOT SEE IT FROM THE PRESENT. THE TWIST ENDING IS STILL SHOCKING WITHOUT BEING HORRIFIC. THE RIVALRY ENDS PEACEFULLY AND THE TWO RIVALS SAY THEIR FINAL GOODBYES AS THE DARK NIGHT ENDS. HOWEVER, IT APPEARS THAT THE WISE SEA SERPENT CANNOT REALLY SEE THE FUTURE AND ALL OF ITS PREDICTIONS WERE SIMPLY COINCIDENCES THAT EVENTUALLY OCCUR DUE TO IT REPEATING THE SAME FORTUNES EVERYDAY. THE MESSAGE OF THE STORY CONCERNS NOT FEARING THE FUTURE BECAUSE ANXIETY ABOUT IT CAN ACTUALLY MAKE THINGS WORSE AND OBSESSION OVER IT CAN ENSLAVE ONE TO FALSE FORTUNE TELLERS. OVERALL, THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES IN THE SERIES FOCUSING ON THE HISTORIC RIVALRY BETWEEN THE FAT CAT CRAB AND THE MAD SCIENTIST PLANKTON AND BRINGING IT TO A VERY SATISFYING END.

39 THE FOUR OF US ARE CRYING – THE THEME OF DOPPELGANGERS AND SHAPESHIFTERS IS COMMON TO THE SERIES BECAUSE THERE IS NOTHING SCARIER THAN CONFRONTING MALEVOLENT TWINS OF YOURSELF. IN THIS TALE, A SHAPESHIFTING CHAMELEON FROM BIKINI ATOLL INVADES BIKINI BOTTOM, RESULTING IN AN OUT OF CONTROL CONFRONTATION WITH THE FOUR FRIENDS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, AND SQUIDWARD, WHO TURN ON ONE ANOTHER AS THEY SUSPECT EACH OTHER OF BEING THE DEVIOUS REPTILIAN INVADER. THE STORY REFERENCES THE TEXAN BATTLE OF THE ALAMO SINCE THE ENDING REVEALS THAT MORE CHAMELEON INVADERS WILL SOON OVERRUN THE SEA CITY, RESULTING IN THE FOUR FRIENDS BRAVELY UNITING AGAINST THE OVERWHELMING FORCES LIKE THE DOOMED TEXAN SOLDIERS OF THE ALAMO. IN THIS STORY, THERE ARE NO EXTRATERRESTRIAL ALIENS, BUT THE CHAMELEON'S EXOTIC AND MALEVOLENT BEHAVIOR, APPEARANCE, AND ABILITIES CERTAINLY MAKE HIM AS SCARY AND ALIEN AS, WELL, ALIENS TO ALL SEA CREATURES. THIS ORIGINAL CHARACTER VILLAIN IS ONE OF THE BEST OF THE SERIES, SHOWING HOW WELL ORIGINAL CHARACTERS CAN BE INCORPORATED INTO IT, AND HIS DEATH IN WHICH HE MOMENTARILY AND SUCCESSIVELY TRANSFORMS INTO EACH OF THE FOUR FRIENDS IS A CHILLING ENDING THAT PROVES THIS STORY IS FULL OF LAUGHS AND SCARES FOR THE READER AND CRYING FOR THE CHARACTERS. OVERALL, THIS EPISODE USES THE THEME OF REPTILIAN ALIENS WELL, PREYING ON HUMANITY'S NATURAL FEAR OF REPTILES, ALIENS, AND DOPPELGANGERS.

40 THE DEAD PHONE CALL – THIS IS ANOTHER EPISODE THAT DEALS WITH DEATH, LIKE ITS PREDECESSORS "DEADLY POOL GAME" AND "DODGE THE BALL," DESPITE THE LACK OF MR. DEATH HIMSELF APPEARING. SQUIDWARD RECEIVES PHONE CALLS FROM HIS DEAD GRANDMOTHER, BELIEVES SHE WANTS TO LOVINGLY SAY GOODBYE TO HIM FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE FOR THE FINAL TIME, GETS TRAPPED IN A SENIOR CITIZEN SÉANCE WITH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HIMSELF, AND IS AS SHOCKED AS THE READER AT THE DARK COMEDY TWIST ENDING. THIS EPISODE REALLY SHOWS HOW THE SERIES PARODIES _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_. THE GHOST OF SQUIDWARD'S GRANDMOTHER ONLY WANTS TO COMMUNE WITH HIM SO SHE CAN RANT ABOUT HOW MUCH OF A FAILURE HE IS TO HER ONE LAST TIME LIKE ANY CRANKY GRANDMOTHER WHETHER DEAD OR ALIVE WOULD TO RELATIVES THAT DISAPPOINT HER. THUS, THE ENDING IS BOTH FUNNY AND SAD AS WE THEN WATCH POOR SQUIDWARD GET ATTACKED BY SLEEPWALKING OLD PEOPLE ACTING LIKE ZOMBIES FOR FAILING TO PLEASE HIS UNRELENTING ELDERS. THIS SEASON FINALE IS ANOTHER EXCELLENT GHOST STORY THAT REMINDS US ALL THAT COMMUNICATING WITH OUR LOST LOVED ONES MAY NOT BE SO WISE AFTER ALL IF IT IS EVEN POSSIBLE. OVERALL, THIS STORY MARKS THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE SERIES OF NEARLY EIGHTY EPISODES AND SHOWS THAT THE SERIES HAS MANY MORE PROMISING SURPRISES FOR THE READERS THAT WILL SCARE AND ENTERTAIN THEM VERY MUCH INDEED.

SEASON FIVE

41 THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE – _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES ADDRESSES THE DARKEST ASPECTS OF HUMAN NATURE, INCLUDING CANNIBALISM, MASS HYSTERIA, SUPERSTITION, AND NOW HUMAN SACRIFICING. WITH THIS SEASON PREMIERE, I THINK IT COULD BE ARGUED THAT SEASON FIVE IS ONE OF THE BEST IF NOT THE BEST SEASON OF THE SERIES SINCE ALL OF ITS EPISODES APPEAR TO BE VERY GOOD WITH NO OBVIOUSLY WEAK ENTRIES. THE GRIM TWIST ENDING IS POSSIBLY THE MOST SHOCKING OF THE SERIES AS IT COMPLETELY CHANGES THE TONE AND MESSAGE OF THE INITIALLY JOYFUL HOLIDAY STORY. JUST LIKE CHINESE NEW YEAR, IT IS THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE IN NEW KELP CITY, MAKING SPONGES THE HONORED SEA CREATURES OF THE YEAR. SPONGEBOB, HIS SPONGY FAMILY, AND HIS BEST FRIENDS ARE INVITED TO THE BIG CITY TO CELEBRATE NEW YEAR'S EVE. THEN BING, BANG, AND WHAMMO! THE HORRIFYING SHOCK TWIST ENDING REVEALS THAT THE SO-CALLED CIVILIZED PEOPLE OF NEW KELP CITY ARE SUPERSTITIOUS BARBARIANS WHO WORSHIP SEA DRAGON GODS AND ANNUALLY SACRIFICE THE SO-CALLED HONORED SEA CREATURES OF THE UPCOMING YEAR AS THEIR OCCULT WAY OF PLEASING THEIR GODS TO BRING URBAN PROSPERITY FOR THE NEW YEAR! OH MY NEPTUNE! WE SEE POOR SPONGEBOB DIE AGAIN BUT IN THE MOST RIDICULOUS OF FASHIONS AS HE AND HIS FELLOW SACRIFICED SPONGES LITERALLY BANG IN THE NEW YEAR WITH EXPLODING FIREWORKS THAT BLOW THEM UP AS WELL. OVERALL, THIS EPISODE IS ONE OF THE DARKEST OF THE SERIES THAT REMINDS US TO NEVER REPEAT THE CULTURAL HORRORS OF THE PAST AND THAT REFERENCES THE ANNUAL _TWILIGHT ZONE SYFY _MARATHON HELD ON NEW YEAR'S EVE. HAPPY NEW YEAR _SPONGEBOB_ FANS!

42 LITTLE WILLY LOST – THIS INTRIGUING TALE DEALS WITH THE KRABS FAMILY SEEKING THE SCIENTIST SANDY'S HELP WHEN THEY ACCIDENTALLY FALL INTO AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL IN THEIR OWN TOILET. WHAT FOLLOWS IS A BIZARRE AND DISORIENTING TALE AS MR. KRABS AND THE SQUIRREL SCIENTIST WORK TOGETHER TO SAVE THE LITTLE WILLY LOST BEFORE THE PORTAL CLOSES FOREVER AND THE WHALE OF A GIRL FALLS INTO THE ABYSS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE SEA. WITH FUNNY REFERENCES TO _FREE WILLY_, _MARIO BROTHERS_, EDGAR ALLAN POE'S "DESCENT INTO THE MAELSTROM," AND THE DOUBLE-ENTENDRE OF THE TERM "WILLY," THE STORY BECOMES FUNNIER AS THE TALE CONTINUES TO SPIRAL OUT OF CONTROL. BY SACRIFICING HIS OWN LIFE AND EXISTENCE TO SAVE HIS LITTLE WILLY PEARL, MR. KRABS ENABLES HIS STEP DAUGHTER TO ESCAPE THE INTERDIMENSIONAL WHIRLPOOL EVEN THOUGH HE HIMSELF IS DESTROYED LIKE A POOR ASTRONAUT CRUSHED AND ANNIHILATED BY A BLACK HOLE. DESPITE THE SAD ENDING THAT MAKES MR. KRABS A TRAGIC HERO SACRIFICING HIS OWN LIFE TO SAVE OTHERS, WHICH HAPPENS IN OTHER _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES LIKE "THE EUROPA EXHIBIT" AND "THE SIXTH SENSE," THE REALLY DISTURBING ELEMENT OF THE STORY IS THE TWIST ENDING THAT IS AS MYSTERIOUS AS IT IS FRIGHTENING. BECAUSE HE FELL INTO THE DIMENSION OF OBLIVION, POOR MR. KRABS' ENTIRE EXISTENCE HAS BEEN ELIMINATED FROM THE WORLD, LEAVING ALMOST NO EVIDENCE OF HIS PAST PRESENCE EVER AGAIN. HIS HEROISM IS FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE SINCE HE IS NOW NONEXISTENT, AND WHEN THE FINAL EVIDENCE OF HIS PAST EXISTENCE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARS FROM THE WORLD, BOTH THE MAIN CHARACTERS AND READERS OF THE STORY WANT TO CRY AND SCREAM. OVERALL, THE STORY IS A GREAT SCI-FI TALE THAT REFERENCES THE MODERN NATURAL HORROR OF BLACK HOLES AND MAKES OUR SCIENTIFIC GENERATION WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE FELL INTO THEM. PRESUMABLY WE WOULD ENTER THE FIFTH DIMENSION, ALSO KNOWN AS THE TWILIGHT ZONE.

43 VERY SPECIAL PET – THIS IS A STORY IN WHICH YOUR WORST NIGHTMARES COME TRUE AS GARY BECOMES A PSYCHIC LITTLE PET, CREATES NIGHTMARISH SEA MONSTERS, TRAPS HIS ENEMIES IN HIS SCARY DREAMS, AND THEN LETS MOST OF THEM GET KILLED BY HIS OWN INNER DEMONS. THIS AMAZING AND UNRELENTING TALE ABOUT THE POTENTIAL HORRORS OF PARAPSYCHOLOGY REFERENCES MANY FAMOUS STORIES AND MOVIES ABOUT SEA MONSTERS, INCLUDING _MOBY DICK_, _TWENTY THOUSAND LEAGUES UNDER THE SEA_, _GODZILLA_, _CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON_, AND _JAWS_. WHEN THIS WILD ROLLER COASTER INTO GARY'S DARK MIND FINALLY ENDS, A NEW NIGHTMARE BEGINS AS THE MONSTROUS PET USES HIS GROWING PSYCHIC POWERS TO CREATE A NEW REAL WORLD, IN WHICH SNAILS ARE THE MASTERS OF ALL SEA CREATURES, ENDING THE STORY IN A VERY SATISFYING TWIST ENDING THAT DOES JUSTICE TO THE SUSPENSE AND HILARITY THAT PRECEDED IT. GARY HIMSELF MAKES RELATIVELY FEW MAJOR APPEARANCES IN THE SERIES, SO THIS IS THE ONLY EPISODE IN WHICH HE HAS A MAJOR ROLE AND IS A TERRIFIC LITTLE VILLAIN EVEN BETTER THAN PLANKTON. OVERALL, THIS EPISODE IS THE MOST CHILLING WHEN IT MAKES US THINK OF THE HORRORS THAT WOULD RULE OUR WORLD IF OUR CRAZY PETS BECAME PSYCHIC MONSTERS, PROVING THAT POWER CORRUPTS ALL FROM SHORT DICTATORS TO TINY CHIHUAHUAS.

44 THE SAND SHARK – THIS IS THE PERFECT HORROR TALE THAT WILL REMIND YOU OF YOUR CHILDHOOD FEAR OF THE DARK AND THE FREAKS THAT COME OUT AT NIGHT. SPONGEBOB AND ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM BECOME AFRAID OF THE DARK AND OF SANDBOXES WHEN SAND SHARKS APPEAR TO ESCAPE FROM THEM TO HUNT THEIR PREY AT NIGHT IN THE DARK URBAN JUNGLE. THE SAND SHARK IS A VERY SCARY VILLAINOUS MONSTER AND THE TWIST ENDING THAT REVEALS THERE ARE MANY SAND SHARKS CREEPING IN SANDBOXES AT NIGHT CONCLUDES THE STORY WITH A FEELING OF PARANOIA AND HELPLESSNESS. DESPITE THE OVERWHELMING SPOOKINESS OF THE TALE, THE WESTERN GUNFIGHT SEQUENCE BETWEEN SPONGEBOB AND THE COCKY PIG OF A BULLY BUBBLE BASS BRINGS GREAT ACTION AND HUMOR TO THIS OTHERWISE HAUNTING TALE. HOWEVER, IT APPEARS THAT THE SAND SHARKS ARE THE WINNERS OF ALL EVENING GUNFIGHTS WHEN THEY EAT THE TWO WANT-TO-BE COWBOYS AND THEN FRIGHTEN PATRICK INTO FEARING THE DARK AND SANDBOXES AGAIN AFTER HE RENOUNCED HIS PREVIOUS SUPERSTITIONS. EVEN THOUGH THE SAND SHARK IS LITERALLY ONLY MADE OF SAND, IT APPEARS THAT ONLY THE DAYTIME CAN KEEP HIM AT BAY, MAKING HIM SIMILAR TO VAMPIRES AND OTHER FAMOUS IMAGINARY MONSTERS LIKE EVERYONE'S FAVORITE MONSTER NOSFERATU, WHO WILL RETURN TO THE _SPONGEBOB _WORLD WHEN HE MAKES A FUNNY CAMEO IN THE SIMILAR MONSTER THEMED EPISODE "SEAWOLVES." OVERALL, THIS EPISODE IS GREAT IN RENEWING OUR CHILDHOOD PHOBIA OF THE NIGHT AND THE BOGEYMEN THAT BOOGEY IN THE DARKNESS, PROVING THAT THE SERIES CAN DELVE DEEP INTO THE DARK MYSTERIES OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY AND BE EVEN WEIRDER AND SCARIER THAN MICHAEL JACKSON'S "THRILLER."

45 SHAGGY DOG STORY – THIS IS A VERY FUNNY AND SAD SHAGGY GOD STORY THAT SIMULTANEOUSLY PARODIES BIBLICAL CHARACTERS AND RESPECTFULLY DEALS WITH THE EVER PRESENT THREAT OF NUCLEAR WORLD WAR THREE. LIKE ITS SUCCESSOR "PLANET OF THE JELLYFISH," THIS STORY IMAGINES HOW THE AFTERMATH OF A NUCLEAR APOCALYPSE WOULD AFFECT THE REMAINING ANIMALS OF THE WORLD WHO WOULD TRY TO REGENERATE LIFE THAT OVERLY DESTRUCTIVE MAN FINALLY EXTERMINATED EVEN AS HE FOOLISHLY FINALLY KILLED HIS OWN APELIKE RACE. THIS EPISODE HILARIOUSLY REFERENCES CHARLTON HESTON'S FAMOUS "GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL" QUOTE IN _PLANET OF THE APES_ AS SANDY CRIES IN HORROR OVER THE END OF THE WORLD. THIS FAMOUS QUOTE IS LIKEWISE REFERENCED BY SANDY IN OTHER EPISODES INCLUDING "SEAWORLD OF THE APES" AND "WE SHOT A SUB INTO MUSHROOM CITY," BOTH OF WHICH DEAL WITH SUPERWEAPONS THAT DOOM THE WORLD FOREVER. HESTON'S CHARACTER GEORGE TAYLOR WILL APPEAR AND REPEAT HIS FAMOUS LINE IN THIS SERIES IN THE SIMILAR EPISODE "PLANET OF THE JELLYFISH." DESPITE THE POSTAPOCALYPTIC WORLD, SANDY DISCOVERS AN EDEN LIKE PARADISE IN A TREEDOME NUCLEAR FALLOUT SHELTER RUN BY A FELLOW SQUIRREL SCIENTIST, MARRIES THE FELLOW SCIENTIST WHO WILL TRY TO SAVE ALL OTHER ANIMALS FROM BECOMING EXTINCT DUE TO THE HORRIFIC INVENTIONS AND ACTIONS OF MAN, CREATES A NOAH'S ARK TO SAVE BIKINI BOTTOMITES FROM THE RADIOACTIVE SEAS, AND THEN IS IMPLIED TO BECOME THE VICTIM ALONG WITH EVERYONE ELSE OF THE SATANIC MR. DEEVIL, AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER THAT REFERENCES THE BIBLICAL SERPENT AND IS MORE EVIL THAN PLANKTON, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN, AND MAN RAY COMBINED SINCE THE SNAKE WILL SOON DESTROY THE PARADISE, CAUSING THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE EXCEPT FOR HIS OWN EVIL SPECIES. THOUGH THIS TWIST ENDING CONCLUDES THE STORY ON A GRIM NOTE, THE SCI-FI TALE PARODIES CLICHÉ SHAGGY GOD STORIES AND SHOWS THE HORRIFIC EFFECTS HUMAN WARFARE HAS ON ALL LIFE SO WELL THAT THE FABLE IS EASILY THE BEST EPISODE DEALING WITH ATOMIC BOMBS AND THE HELL THEY CREATE ON EARTH. OVERALL, THIS STORY PROVES SCI-FI AND DARK COMEDY CAN RESPECTFULLY PARODY RELIGION AND HUMAN FOLLY, MAKING THIS SHAGGY DOG STORY A BETTER EXAMPLE OF THE FAVORITE GENRE COMBINING RELIGION AND SCIENCE THAN ITS SUCCESSOR EPISODE "THE ALPHA AND OMEGA QUESTION," EVEN IF IT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT AS GOOD AS THE ULTIMATE SHAGGY GOD STORY "3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY."

46 I DREAM OF DUTCH MEN – WITH ITS TITLE PLAYFULLY REFERENCING THE CLASSIC _I DREAM OF JEANNIE_ COMEDY SHOW, THIS COMPLETELY ABSURD AND HILARIOUS TALE WARNS AGAINST THE DANGERS OF BLACK MAGIC BY TAKING THE BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR THEME TO RIDICULOUS EXTREMES AS ALL THE MANY MAGICAL WISHES OF THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW TURN INTO IRONIC NIGHTMARES JUST AS THE WICKED GENIE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN HAD FORESEEN. AFTER SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ACCIDENTALLY FREE THE FLYING DUTCHMAN FROM A BURIED TREASURE CHEST, THE GRATEFUL GHOST DECIDES TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF A GENIE AND TO GRANT THEM MANY MAGICAL WISHES TO PROVE HIS GRATITUDE AND TO TEACH THEM IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS ABOUT MAGIC. WHAT FOLLOWS IS A LONG BUT HILARIOUS SEQUENCE IN WHICH THE POOR THREE WISHERS GET THREE WISHES EACH, THEY ALL SUFFER TERRIBLE AND OCCASIONALLY FATAL UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR WISHES COMING TRUE, THE GHOST GENIE REVERSES THE BAD WISHES AFTER THE WISHERS LEARN THEIR LESSONS FROM THEM, AND THE CYCLE REPEATS ITSELF WITH INCREASING DEGREES OF INTENSITY UNTIL ALL THEIR INDIVIDUAL WISHES ARE DONE AND REVERSED AND ONLY ONE COLLECTIVE SHARED WISH AMONG THE THREE WISHERS REMAINS. THE EPISODE ACTUALLY HAS SOME GREAT HUMOR AND LIFE LESSONS THAT BOTH THE READERS AND UNFORTUNATE CHARACTERS LEARN FROM THE ABUSE OF THE POWERS OF BLACK MAGIC. THE FUNNIEST PARTS OF THE STORY INCLUDE SQUIDWARD BEING LIT ON FIRE BEFORE EVERY WISH AND BEING KILLED DURING HIS EVERY WISH, MR. KRABS BEING SNIPED BY AN INSANELY JEALOUS PLANKTON AND LOSING A TROPHY WIFE IN A HUGE BOXING BRAWL WITH OTHER CRUSTACEANS, AND SPONGEBOB'S LAST WISH RESULTING IN THE FRIENDS BECOMING A CHIMERA CERBERUS FOR THE HELLISH FLYING DUTCHMAN. THIS GREAT EPISODE THEN ENDS WITH AN AWESOME TWIST AS THE TRAUMATIZED WISHERS DECIDE TO USE THEIR LAST COLLECTIVE WISH TO WISH THE PIRATE GENIE GHOST OUT OF EXISTENCE TO PREVENT HIS BLACK MAGIC FROM EVER HARMING ANYONE EVER AGAIN. HOWEVER, IT APPEARS THAT THE GHOST ACTUALLY COLLECTED THE SOULS OF THE DEAD, SO HIS NEW NONEXISTENCE CAUSES THEIR GHOSTS TO SIMPLY REANIMATE THEIR DEAD BODIES, RESULTING IN A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE UNDER THE SEA AND DOOMING THE FOOLISH WISHERS WHO COULD NEVER FORESEE THE UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES OF THEIR WISHES. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN REALLY SHINES AS A DEVILISH TRICKSTER IN THIS FABLE, PROVING HE IS ONE OF THE BEST VILLAINS OF THE SERIES. OVERALL, THIS IS A GREAT OUT OF CONTROL PARODY OF THE GENIE GENRE AND ENABLES THE READERS TO REALLY UNDERSTAND THE THEME BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR AND THE THEME MAN IS NOT READY TO BECOME A GOD ALL TOO WELL.

47 THE GHOST SHIP – THIS STORY IS ONE OF THE BEST GHOST STORIES OF THE SERIES, EVEN THOUGH THE GHOSTS IN IT ARE ULTIMATELY FRIENDLY GHOSTS AND ITS GOOD TWIST ENDING IS RUINED BY EVERYONE'S FAMILIARITY WITH THE TRAGIC STORY OF THE TITANIC THROUGH THE CHICK FLICK BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE ABOUT THE SUNKEN SHIP. SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY ARE TRAVELING IN HER SUBMARINE FAR AWAY FROM BIKINI BOTTOM WHEN THEY DISCOVER AN UNKNOWN SUNKEN SHIP. THE THREE FRIENDS ENTER THE DEVASTATED, SCARY VESSEL AND SOON DISCOVER VISIONS OF THEIR OWN DEAD FROZEN BODIES IN IT. THIS SHOCKING REVELATION BRINGS MYSTERY TO THIS HAUNTING TALE AS THE PARTY WONDERS IF THE VISIONS ARE THE RESULT OF MALEVOLENT DEEP SEA CREATURE SHAPE SHIFTERS TRYING TO SCARE THEM OFF THE SHIP, HALLUCINATIONS DUE TO THE HARSH NATURE OF THEIR DEEP VOYAGE, THEIR REAL DEAD BODIES THAT PROVE THEY HAVE DIED AND ARE ACTUALLY GHOSTS, OR GHOSTS FROM THE UNKNOWN VESSEL TRYING TO SCARE THEM OFF IT. THE TALE ENDS IN A SHOCKING FINALE AS THE FRIENDS RACE OFF THE HAUNTED VESSEL THAT FINALLY CRUMBLES INTO ASHES ON THE OCEAN BOTTOM AND DRIVE THEIR SUBMARINE AWAY, RESULTING IN THE SUBMARINE GETTING FROZEN IN THE DEEP COLD WATERS AND THEN CRASHING INTO AN UNDERWATER ICEBERG, DESTROYING THE SUBMARINE AND KILLING ITS CREW. AS NEW GHOSTS, THE THREE FRIENDS THEN RETURN TO THE OTHER SUNKEN VESSEL AND DISCOVER IT IS THE LOST TITANIC! HUMAN GHOSTS FROM THE TITANIC THEN APPEAR TO COMFORT THEIR NEW DEAD FRIENDS, AND IT APPEARS THAT THE HUMAN GHOSTS WERE USING THE SCARY VISIONS TO FORCE THE FRIENDS TO LEAVE EARLIER TO PREVENT THEIR SIMILAR DEATHS. THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW EPISODES WHEN HUMANS, ALBEIT DEAD ONES, ARE PORTRAYED AS PROTAGONISTS OF THE STORY, TRYING TO HELP INSTEAD OF HARM THE SEA CREATURE CHARACTERS. OVERALL, THIS IS A NICE SPOOKY TALE THAT FOCUSES ON THE SHOCK OF CONFRONTING ONE'S OWN DEATH AND THAT WARNS RESEARCHERS OF THE DEEP SEAS TO LOOK OUT FOR WHATEVER HORRORS, DEAD OR ALIVE, THEY MAY FIND DOWN THERE OR THEY MAY SOON BE STUCK DOWN THERE THEMSELVES FOREVER.

48 A PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD SHOW – THIS PARODY OF THE FILM _THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL_, LIKE ITS SUCCESSOR EPISODE "THE DAY THE SEA FROZE STILL," BRINGS EXTRATERRESTRIAL ALIENS BACK TO THE SERIES FOR A GREAT SCI-FI TALE ABOUT ALIENS JUDGING EARTHLY CREATURES LIKE GODS FROM THE HEAVENS MORALLY JUDGING MEN. THE ALIEN KING KONG REFERENCES BOTH THE FAMOUS APE MONSTER IN NAME AND THE FAMOUS ALIENS KUDOS AND KANG IN APPEARANCE FROM _THE SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR SERIES_, WHICH INSPIRED _THE TIDAL ZONE_, FORESHADOWING HIS ULTIMATELY VILLAINOUS ROLE. IN THIS STORY, ALIEN MARTIANS RESEMBLING FURRY GREEN OCTOPUSES LAND IN BIKINI BOTTOM AND DEMAND THAT THE CITY END ITS PETTY LEVELS OF SOCIAL CONFLICT OR ELSE BE DESTROYED AS PUNISHMENT AS IF HEAVENLY GODS WERE MORALLY JUDGING MEN, CAUSING THE SHOCKED BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO IMMEDIATELY MAKE THE CITY INTO THE MOST PEACEFUL SEA CITY IN THE WORLD. IT WAS INTERESTING COMING UP WITH WAYS IN WHICH THE CITY WOULD BECOME ABSOLUTELY PEACEFUL, RESULTING IN MANY DRASTIC SOCIAL REFORMS THAT CULMINATE WITH SPONGEBOB'S FAMOUS FUNNY SPEECH ABOUT THE EQUALITY OF ALL SEA CREATURES THAT OBVIOUSLY REFERENCES MARTIN LUTHER KING JR.'S FAMOUS "I HAVE A DREAM" CIVIL RIGHTS SPEECH. AT THE END OF THE ULTIMATUM, THE MARTIANS RETURN TO THE SEA CITY TO PASS FINAL JUDGMENT ON IT AND THE CITY MISERABLY FAILS TO MEET THE SHOCKING ALIEN DEMANDS. IT APPEARS THE MARTIANS ACTUALLY WANTED HIGHER LEVELS OF SOCIAL CONFLICT IN THE SEA CITY, INSTEAD OF THE PAST PETTY LEVELS, AND DID NOT WANT ABSOLUTE PEACE BUT INSTEAD WANTED ABSOLUTE CIVIL WAR, WHICH THE ALIENS WOULD BROADCAST ON INTERGALACTIC TELEVISION AS DARK COMEDY T.V. THUS, UNLIKE THE ALIENS IN _THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL_, THESE MARTIANS DO NOT HAVE GOOD INTENTIONS FOR THE PEOPLE OF BIKINI BOTTOM, PROVING THAT MORALITY AND ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY ARE OFTEN INCOMPATIBLE. THIS TWIST ENDING MAKES THE INITIALLY SOFT HEARTED TALE MUCH MORE SINISTER BEFORE THE ALIENS DECIDE TO SIMPLY ABDUCT THE SEA CREATURES AND FORCEFULLY PLACE THEM IN ALIEN GLADIATOR GAMES FOR THEIR OWN ENTERTAINMENT INSTEAD. OVERALL, THIS IS A PERFECT SCI-FI EPISODE ABOUT ALIEN INVASION, JUDGMENT DAY, SOCIAL REFORM, AND CULTURAL BARBARISM AND IT DOES WELL BY REFERENCING DARK COMEDY ALIEN T.V. LIKE _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES ITSELF. THOUGH IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AWESOME TO HAVE KUDOS AND KANG MAKE CAMEO CROSSOVER APPEARANCES IN THIS EPISODE TO REPLACE THE MARTIANS BASED ON THEM, I THINK THEIR APPEARANCE WOULD HAVE BEEN TOO DISTRACTING DUE TO THEIR FAME AND WOULD HAVE MADE THE ALIENS' ULTIMATELY DARK INTENTIONS TOO OBVIOUS, EVEN THOUGH THE TWIST ENDING IS HINTED AT SINCE THE ALIENS COME FROM MARS, THE PLANET NAMED AFTER THE GOD OF WAR.

49 SUPER SQUID RETURNS – THIS ODD BUT INTERESTING EPISODE CONTAINS MANY REFERENCES TO THE EQUALLY BIZARRE PHILOSOPHY OF FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE, INCLUDING REFERENCES TO HIS BOOK _THUS SPOKE ZARATHUSTRA_ AND ITS EMPHASIS ON THE SUPERMAN, ETERNAL RETURN, WILL TO POWER, AND GOD IS DEAD THEOLOGY AS WELL AS HIS BOOK _THE BIRTH OF TRAGEDY_ WITH ITS EMPHASIS ON CULTURES USING THE ART FORM OF TRAGEDY TO OVERCOME THE SPECTER OF NIHILISM. THE TITLE ALSO PLAYFULLY REFERENCES THE SUPERMAN FILM _SUPERMAN RETURNS_. IN THIS PHILOSOPHICAL TALE, SQUIDWARD REALIZES JUST HOW HORRIBLE HIS LIFE IS, EXPERIENCES ODD DREAMS ABOUT DYING AND GOING TO HEAVEN ALONG WITH ODD FEELINGS OF DÉJÀ VU, AND THEN IS VISITED BY A DEMONIC MAN RAY, WHO ASSUMES HIS ROLE AS THE DEVIL STING RAY ONE LAST TIME IN THE SERIES AND REFERENCES NIETZSCHE'S DEMON EXPOSING THE ETERNAL RETURN, WHO REVEALS TO HIM THAT HIS LIFE WILL REPEAT ITSELF ALL OVER AGAIN AFTER HIS DEATH, MEANING HE WILL NEVER REST IN PEACE FROM HIS EARTHLY SUFFERING. ALTHOUGH SQUIDWARD IS HORRIFIED BY SUCH FATALISTIC TRUTH, HE EVENTUALLY EMBRACES THE ETERNAL RETURN, BECOMES A SUPER SQUID PHILOSOPHER WHO WANTS TO PROMOTE THE ART FORM OF TRAGEDY TO HELP BIKINI BOTTOM OVERCOME NIHILISM DUE TO THE HARSH TRUTH OF THE ETERNAL RETURN, WRITES HIS PHILOSOPHICAL MAGNUM OPUS "THUS SPOKE SQUIDWARD," AND THEN ACCIDENTALLY KILLS HIMSELF BY JUMPING OUT HIS WINDOW BECAUSE HE FOOLISHLY THOUGHT HE COULD FLY LIKE SUPERMAN. THEN COMES THE ENDING THAT IS NOT SO MUCH OF A TWIST SINCE THE CHARACTERS ACCEPTED IT WOULD HAPPEN BUT IS STILL QUITE SHOCKING TO ACTUALLY SEE AS SQUIDWARD IS SIMPLY BORN AGAIN AS A BABY FOLLOWING HIS DEATH DUE TO THE CYCLICAL UNIVERSE. OVERALL, THIS STORY IS A FUNNY PARODY OF NIETZSCHE'S PHILOSOPHY, ANOTHER GREAT EPISODE ABOUT FATALISM AND THE PROBLEMS IT CAUSES THE MAIN CHARACTERS, AND AN INTERESTING WAY FOR THE READERS TO WONDER IF THEY ARE DOOMED BY FATE TO REPEAT THEIR LIVES FOREVER AFTER THEY DIE FOR BETTER OR WORSE.

50 RUNNING DISTANCE – THIS IS ANOTHER TIME TRAVEL EPISODE THAT QUESTIONS NOSTALGIA FOR THE PAST AND ANXIETY ABOUT THE FUTURE AND ARGUES THAT PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE IN THE PRESENT AS BEST AS THEY CAN TO MAKE THE MOST OF THEIR LIVES. IN THIS STORY, SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY RUN IN WHAT IS REVEALED TO BE A LARGE TRACK FIELD TIME MACHINE AS THEY DISCUSS HOW MUCH THEY OBSESSIVELY FOCUS ON THE PAST AND FUTURE AND THEN ARE VISITED BY FUNNY VERSIONS OF THEIR PAST AND FUTURE SELVES WHO TEACH THEM NOT TO FOCUS TOO MUCH ON THE PAST AND FUTURE SO THEY CAN BE HAPPY IN THE PRESENT. THIS EPISODE IS FULL OF GREAT HUMOR AND LIFE LESSONS ABOUT TIME AS THE HILARIOUS OLD AND YOUNG VERSIONS OF THE THREE FRIENDS MENTOR THEIR PRESENT COUNTERPARTS ABOUT HOW TO CORRECTLY VIEW TIME LIKE A STEADY MARATHON RACE THAT THE RACERS SHOULD NOT FALL BEHIND OR RUN TOO FAR AHEAD IN FOR THE SAKE OF ACTUALLY ENJOYING THE WHOLE MARATHON OVERALL. ALTHOUGH THE TWIST ENDING IS SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE, THE FINAL ENDING IN WHICH SANDY DESTROYS THE TIME MACHINE BECAUSE SHE NO LONGER WORRIES ABOUT THE PAST AND FUTURE VIVIDLY DISPLAYS THE WARNINGS OF THE SERIES ABOUT THE NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF TIME TRAVEL. OVERALL, THIS TALE IS AS HEARTWARMING AS _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODE "WALKING DISTANCE" ON WHICH IT IS BASED AS THE CHARACTERS REVISIT THEIR CHILDHOODS AND THEN SEE THAT THE FUTURE HOLDS GREATER AND MORE RIDICULOUS THINGS FOR THEM THAN THEY COULD EVER HAVE EXPECTED. THUS, THIS SEASON FINALE EPISODE IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST TIME TRAVEL ENTRIES OF THE SERIES, PROVING THAT SCIENCE FICTION NEED NOT BE VIOLENT OR EXCESSIVELY SUSPENSEFUL TO MAKE ITS READERS UNDERSTAND ITS IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS.

SEASON SIX

51 BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD – WITH THIS SCI-FI TALE PLAYFULLY REFERENCING ALDOUS HUXLEY'S _BRAVE NEW WORLD_, IT BECOMES OBVIOUS THAT THE UTOPIA OF THE STORY HAS SOME SINISTER SECRETS NATURALLY REVEALED WITH A SHOCKING TWIST ENDING. IN THIS TALE, PLANKTON AND KAREN ARE MONARCHS OF A UTOPIAN BIKINI BOTTOM, IN WHICH ALL CITIZENS PEACEFULLY COEXIST, OBEY THEIR RULE, AND PROSPEROUSLY LIVE IN A CITY OF FREE ENERGY. HOWEVER, THE WANTED KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF SPONGEBOB, MR. KRABS, AND SQUIDWARD ARE FUGITIVES OF THE LAW WHO OPPOSE THE SEEMINGLY BENEVOLENT RULE OF THE PLANKTON COUPLE AND WHO ATTACK INNOCENT CIVILIANS AND CITY INFRASTRUCTURE TO OVERTHROW THE UTOPIAN SOCIAL ORDER AND TO DISCOVER WHERE THE PRISONERS OF THE OLD SOCIAL ORDER ARE BEING HELD AGAINST THEIR WILL. AFTER THE THREE PUBLIC ENEMIES SEEMINGLY FINALLY FIND THEIR FELLOW BIKINI BOTTOMITES, THEY DESTROY POLICE SECURITY, RESULTING IN THE SOMEWHAT SHOCKING REVELATION THAT ALL THE CITIZENS OF BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD ARE ACTUALLY ANDROID ROBOTS, EXPLAINING WHY THEY WERE SO PERFECT AND OBEDIENT. KING PLANKTON THEN TRAPS THE OBSOLETE KRUSTY KRAB CREW IN A DEADLY TRAP AND REVEALS HOW HE AND KAREN OVERTHREW THE OLD SOCIAL ORDER OF REGULAR SEA CREATURES, REPLACED IT WITH THEIR OWN ROBOT CREATIONS TO CREATE A BETTER SOCIETY, AND THEN ENSLAVED REGULAR SEA CREATURES IN _MATRIX_-LIKE DREAM WORLDS TO PROVIDE THE CITY WITH FREE ENERGY AND TO MAKE THE LITERALLY SLEEPING PRISONER SLAVES FALSELY BELIEVE THEY WERE LIVING IN PRIMITIVE UTOPIAS. THUS, THIS TWISTED STORY IS EITHER A UTOPIAN TALE IF VIEWED FROM THE ROBOTIC PERSPECTIVE OR A DYSTOPIAN TALE IF VIEWED FROM THE HUMAN PERSPECTIVE. THE IRONIC TITLE CLEARLY REFERENCES THIS AMBIGUITY SINCE THE FUTURISTIC UTOPIA OF _BRAVE NEW WORLD_ WAS VERY HEDONISTIC BUT FULL OF OBEDIENT CLONES TO MAINTAIN ITS PROSPERITY. THIS STORY ALSO REFERENCES _THE MATRIX_ FILMS AS THE REGULAR SEA CREATURE SLAVES OF THE ROBOT SOCIETY ARE TRAPPED IN _MATRIX_-LIKE DREAM WORLDS IN WHICH THEY ARE FOREVER UNAWARE OF THEIR REAL SLAVERY TO MACHINES IN THE DYSTOPIAN REAL WORLD. DESPITE THE SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE TWIST ENDING, THE STORY IS INTRIGUING IN ITS IMAGINING OF PERFECT FUTURE ROBOTIC SOCIETIES THAT REPLACE THEIR NATURAL CREATORS AND ARE THEIR BETTER EVOLUTIONARY DESCENDANTS. OVERALL, THE GREAT AMBIGUOUS SCI-FI THEMES OF THE STORY SAVE IT FROM BEING TOTALLY HUMDRUM AS PLANKTON AGAIN ASSUMES THE ROLE OF AN EXCELLENT VILLAINOUS DICTATOR IN THE SERIES.

52 JUSTICE IS SERVED – THIS SUPERNATURAL TALE DEALS WITH THE AFTERLIFE LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODES "THE HELL-O CASIN-O" AND "A DREAM COME TRUE" AND ITS SUCCESSOR EPISODE "THE INTERTIDAL ZONE: THE BIKINI BOTTOM POOL." THE STORY ALSO DEALS WITH THE NATURE OF LEGAL SYSTEMS AND JUSTICE LIKE THE EPISODES "LUCID INJUSTICE" AND "THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL" IN THE SERIES. A MINOR _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTER, THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER, BECOMES THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THIS TALE, PROVING AGAIN THAT THE SERIES HAS GREAT STORIES FOCUSING ON LESS POPULAR _SPONGEBOB _CHARACTERS. AFTER SUPPOSEDLY ATTEMPTING TO KILL MR. KRABS FOR BEING A TATTLE TALE, THE WANTED CRIMINAL HAS FINALLY BEEN CAPTURED BY POLICE AND IS TO BE EXECUTED FOR HIS STRANGLING CRIMES, EVEN THOUGH THE SUPPOSED STRANGLER CLAIMS HE IS AN INNOCENT MAN. THE HILARIOUSLY DARK EXECUTION ATTEMPTS REPEATEDLY END IN FAILURE AS THE CONVICTED CRIMINAL CONTINUES TO PLEAD HIS INNOCENCE AND EVEN CLAIMS THAT HE IS BEING SAVED FROM DEATH BY A DOG GUARDIAN SPIRIT THAT ONLY HE CAN SEE. AFTER THREE FAILED EXECUTION ATTEMPTS, THE PRESUMABLY FALSELY ACCUSED STRANGLER IS SET FREE, IS NEARLY ASSASSINATED BY THE BITTER MR. KRABS BUT SEEMINGLY SAVED BY HIS DOG GUARDIAN ANGEL AGAIN, AND FINALLY RETURNS HOME WHERE HE IS GREETED BY THE EGYPTIAN DOG GOD JUDGE OF THE DEAD ANUBIS. THEN COMES THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING THAT REFERENCES MANY ASPECTS OF _THE EGYPTIAN BOOK OF THE DEAD_, INCLUDING THE FINAL JUDGMENT OF THE SOUL BY ANUBIS, THE CHIMERA MONSTER AMMIT, AND THE DIVINE SCALE OF JUSTICE. AT THE END, IT APPEARS THAT THE CRIMINAL WAS INDEED THE REAL TATTLE TALE STRANGLER AS HE FAILS THE FINAL TEST TO PROVE HIS GUILT, ANUBIS IMMEDIATELY DENIES HIM PARADISE WITH THE GODS AS PUNISHMENT FOR HIS LIFE OF DEADLY CRIMES, AND AMMIT IMMEDIATELY ATTACKS HIM TO DEVOUR AND ANNIHILATE HIS WICKED BODY AND SOUL IN ONE OF THE MOST GRISLY ENDINGS OF ALL EPISODES. THIS IS EASILY THE BEST OF THE EPISODES CONCERNING THE AFTERLIFE AND JUDGMENT DAY, AND ITS DARK HUMOR BALANCES ITS SOMEWHAT SERIOUS TREATMENT OF THE CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECTS OF THE LEGAL DEATH PENALTY AND THE NATURE OF TRUE JUSTICE. OVERALL, THIS IS A HUMOROUS AND VERY DARK EPISODE THAT REFERENCES ANCIENT EGYPTIAN CULTURE JUST AS WELL AS ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE "THE LITTLE MUMMY."

53 WE SHOT A SUB INTO MUSHROOM CITY – THIS INTERESTING TALE CONCERNS THE SUBMARINE VOYAGE OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY TO THE RUINS OF THE LOST AND DESTROYED CITY OF ATLANTIS. AT THE TIME OF THEIR DEPARTURE, BIKINI BOTTOM IS USING A NEW NUCLEAR POWER PLANT TO IMPROVE ITS ENERGY SYSTEM. DURING THEIR VOYAGE, A WHIRLPOOL DISRUPTS THEIR FLIGHT TRAJECTORY AND CAUSES THEM TO LAND IN AN UNKNOWN DESTROYED AND RADIOACTIVE CITY THAT THEY ASSUME IS ATLANTIS. AFTER DEDUCING THAT THE RUINS ARE INDEED THOSE OF ATLANTIS AND THAT THE ANCIENT CITY WAS DESTROYED BY ANCIENT NAVAL NUCLEAR WARFARE, THE PARTY PREPARES TO DEPART BUT MAKES THE HORRIFIC DISCOVERY THAT THEY ARE ACTUALLY IN BIKINI BOTTOM THAT HAS BEEN DESTROYED BY AN ACCIDENTAL EXPLOSION AT THE CITY'S NEW NUCLEAR POWER PLANT. THE TWIST ENDING IS SOMEWHAT PREDICTABLE DUE TO THE NATURE OF THE NUCLEAR CATASTROPHE AND IS NATURALLY SCIENTIFICALLY INACCURATE CONCERNING THE DESTRUCTIVE CAPABILITIES OF NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS. HOWEVER, IF THE READERS ARE SHOCKED BY THE ENDING, THE SHOCK IS EVEN MORE POWERFUL BECAUSE IT CHANGES THE READERS' PERSPECTIVE ON WHAT THE MESSAGE OF THE TALE IS. INITIALLY, THE MORAL APPEARS TO BE THAT PROMISING TECHNOLOGY, LIKE NUCLEAR ENERGY TECHNOLOGY, SHOULD BE USED PEACEFULLY TO IMPROVE SOCIETY, NOT DESTRUCTIVELY TO ENGAGE IN WAR. HOWEVER, THE STORY ACTUALLY ENDS IN ANOTHER AESOP REFERENCING THE DOOMED FATE OF THE PLANS OF MICE AND MEN AS THE TALE SUGGESTS THAT MAN MAY NOT BE READY TO HANDLE SUCH ADVANCED TECHNOLOGY AND WILL PROBABLY ACCIDENTALLY DESTROY HIMSELF IN USING IT AT ALL. OVERALL, THIS TALE IS A SATIRICAL STORY ABOUT THE IGNORANCE OF MAN IN CONTROLLING HIS INVENTIONS AND HIS UNLEASHING OF THE FORCES OF NATURE FOR HIS OWN PURPOSES AND ENDS NICELY WITH A TWIST ENDING THAT HOMAGES THE FAMOUS ENDING OF THE CLASSIC FILM _THE PLANET OF THE APES_ AS THE SERIES OFTEN DOES.

54 JUNGLE TO JUNGLE – THIS WILDLY FUNNY TALE DEALS WITH THE ETERNAL CONFLICT OF SOCIETY AND THE WILDERNESS. THE KRUSTY KRAB COMPANY EXPANDS INTO THE WILD, DESTROYING THE LAND AND NATIVES OF THE WILDERNESS FOR COMPLETELY GREEDY REASONS. AS A RESULT, THE VEGETATIVE NATIVES PLACE A CURSE ON BIKINI BOTTOM THAT RESULTS IN THE WILD ANIMALS ESCAPING THE CITY ZOO TO IRONICALLY TURN THE CITY INTO A WARZONE AND JUNGLE. THE COMPANY CONSTRUCTION CREW AND ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES ARE THEN MERCILESSLY DEVOURED BY THEIR PREVIOUS WILD PETS, CULMINATING IN A HILARIOUS REFERENCE TO THE _JURASSIC PARK_ FILMS WHEN AN ARTIFICIALLY REVIVED PLESIOSAURUS FROM THE ZOO'S PREHISTORIC PARK ATTACKS THE SURVIVORS AND ANOTHER HILARIOUS REFERENCE TO _KING KONG_ WHEN THE DOOMED SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ARE CAPTURED AND SACRIFICED BY THE NATIVES TO THE HYBRID APE AND OCTOPUS SEA MONSTER KING KRAKEN, WHO ALSO REFERENCES THE LEGENDARY KRAKEN BEAST AS OTHER EPISODES OF THE SERIES DO AS WELL. THUS, WILD NATURE TRIUMPHS OVER THE EXPLOITIVE MAN MADE SOCIETY AS THE JUNGLES RECLAIM THE DESTROYED SO-CALLED CIVILIZED SOCIETY. WITH ITS SHOCKING TWIST OCCURRING MAINLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TALE, THIS EPISODE BALANCES VIOLENCE AND HUMOR WELL AND APPEARS TO BE SIMILAR TO THE FILM _JUMANJI_. THE STORY ALSO DEALS WITH THE GREED OF MR. KRABS, EXEMPLIFIED IN THE CORPORATE GREED OF HIS COMPANY, WHICH IS A RUNNING THEME IN THE SERIES. OVERALL, THIS IS A FUNNY TALE ABOUT BLACK MAGIC THAT DEALS WITH THE THEME OF SOCIETY VERSUS NATURE FOR PREDOMINANCE OF THE GLOBE AND TAKES THE SIDE OF NATURE, THE GREEN MOVEMENT, AND PRIMITIVE SOCIETIES OVER THE OVERWHELMING ENVIRONMENTAL DESTRUCTION, IMPERIALISM, AND OTHER SERIOUS GLOBAL PROBLEMS CAUSED BY CAPITALISM, SOCIALISM, AND COLONIALISM, EVEN WHILE IT INDULGES IN THE MYTHOLOGY OF THE NOBLE SAVAGE.

55 THE DAY THE SEA FROZE STILL – THIS PARODY OF _THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL_ DEALS WITH BOTH ALIENS AND MASS HYSTERIA LIKE MANY EPISODES OF THE SERIES, BUT IT IS THE SOLE STORY TO DEAL MAINLY WITH THE SOCIAL ISSUE OF RACISM. THIS EPISODE IS INSPIRED BY A _SPONGEBOB _EPISODE, IN WHICH SPONGEBOB AND HIS AQUATIC FRIENDS COMPETE AGAINST SANDY AT ALMOST EVERYTHING TO PROVE THAT SEA CREATURES ARE BETTER THAN LAND CRITTERS. HOWEVER, IN THIS STORY, MANY LAND CRITTERS MOVE INTO TREE DOMES IN BIKINI BOTTOM, CAUSING ALL SEA CREATURES, EXCEPT THE FRIENDS SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY, TO BECOME SPECIES RACISTS AGAINST THE LAND CRITTERS AND TO INSTITUTE SPECIES SEGREGATION LAWS AGAINST THE FOREIGNERS. WITH THE HUMOR INVOLVED WITH THE ABSURD LEVEL OF RACISM AND MASS HYSTERIA THE SEA CREATURES SHOW TOWARDS THE UNWANTED LAND CRITTERS, THE STORY OBVIOUSLY REFERENCES THE CIVIL RIGHTS MOVEMENTS AND THE HORRORS EXPERIENCED BY THE OPPRESSED MINORITIES. WHEN THE LAND CRITTERS ARE THEN SYSTEMATICALLY HUNTED DOWN BY THE SEA CREATURES AFTER ACCIDENTALLY CAUSING A PLAGUE OF RABIES, THE SUN IN THE SKY IS MYSTERIOUSLY BLOCKED BY A GIANT ICE BERG AND THE ELECTRICAL POWER OF THE CITY DIES, CAUSING BIKINI BOTTOM TO DESCEND INTO DARKNESS NOT UNLIKE THE DARK AGE IT HAS ALREADY ENTERED. AS TEMPERATURES PLUMMET, THE RACIST CIVILIAN AND POLICE MOB FREEZES BEFORE THEY CAN KILL SANDY AND HER FRIENDS, ALIEN REPTILIANS INVADE THE CITY TO PROVE THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR BLOCKING OUT THE SUN AND THROWING THE CITY INTO DARKNESS AS PUNISHMENT FOR ITS RACISM, THE DEAD LAND CRITTERS ARE REVIVED BY THE ALIENS AND ACTUALLY SHAPESHIFT INTO THE ALIENS THEMSELVES TO PROVE THEY HAVE BEEN ALIENS IN DISGUISE THE WHOLE TIME, AND THE ALIENS THEN PEACEFULLY DEPART AFTER EXPLAINING THAT BIKINI BOTTOM FAILED THEIR SOCIAL EXPERIMENT TESTING IF THEY WOULD ACCEPT FOREIGNERS INTO THEIR SEA CITY. THUS, THE ALIENS ACT AS JUDGMENTAL BUT ULTIMATELY BENEVOLENT GODS, LOOKING FOR SEA CREATURES WHO WILL ACCEPT THEM AND THEN ENTER THEIR UTOPIAN PLANET AS A REWARD FOR NOT BEING RACIST. WITH THIS SHOCKING TWIST ENDING COMES THE EPISODE'S PESSIMISTIC CONCLUSION AS ALL SEA CITIES ACROSS PLANET EARTH ALSO FAIL THE ALIEN TEST. OVERALL, THIS SCI-FI TALE IS A GREAT AND HUMOROUS CONDEMNATION OF THE HORRORS OF RACISM, PROVING THAT FANTASY AND DARK COMEDY ARE EXCELLENT FORUMS FOR DEALING WITH MAJOR SOCIAL ISSUES AS _TWILIGHT ZONE_ CREATOR ROD SERLING SHOWED SO WELL.

56 THE FINAL REST – THIS STORY IS BASED ON A PROPOSED IDEA FOR A DYSTOPIAN _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODE THAT WAS NEVER MADE, IN WHICH THE OLDEST RESIDENTS OF A VILLAGE WERE SENT TO CONCENTRATION CAMPS DUE TO THEIR OBSOLETENESS, AND IS INSPIRED BY SUCH DYSTOPIAN AGEIST STORIES LIKE _LOGAN'S RUN_. THIS IS ANOTHER MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY EPISODE THAT TURNS THE SUPERHERO GENRE ON ITS HEAD. IN THIS STORY, THE OLD RETIRED HEROES HAVE FINALLY PASSED THE AGE OF SEVENTY AND ARE SENT AWAY TO BASS VEGAS ON PERMANENT VACATION BY SHADY SHOALS. THEIR LIFELONG ADMIRERS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK DRESS UP IN THEIR LEFT BEHIND COSTUMES AND TAKE THE INVISIBLE BOAT MOBILE TO THE BIG GAMBLING CITY TO RESCUE THEIR HEROES FROM THEIR VACATION AND BRING THEM BACK TO BIKINI BOTTOM FOR THEM TO CONTINUE THEIR LIFELONG WAR ON CRIME. DURING THEIR JOURNEY TO BASS VEGAS, THE NEW WANT-TO-BE SUPERHEROES ARE STALKED AND ATTACKED BY THE DIRTY BUBBLE, THE LIFELONG ENEMY OF THE DYNAMIC DUO WHO FINALLY REALIZES THAT HIS LIFE IS MEANINGLESS WITHOUT CONFLICT WITH THEM, AND THE SUPER VILLAIN DECIDES TO JOIN THEIR SEARCH FOR THE MISSING OLD MEN. THEN COMES THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING, IN WHICH MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY HAVE BEEN EXECUTED, THEIR BODIES HAVE BEEN STUFFED, AND THEY HAVE BEEN PLACED IN THE EXTINCT SPECIES EXHIBIT OF THE CITY MUSEUM, MUCH TO THE HORROR OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK. THUS, ALL SEA CITIES SEND THEIR OLDEST AND MOST SOCIALLY USELESS CITIZENS AWAY TO HAVE THEM EXECUTED AND PUT IN FOREIGN MUSEUMS AS PART OF A RUTHLESS AGEIST SECRET SOCIAL PUNISHMENT. THIS DYSTOPIAN EPISODE MAKES ANOTHER SEA CITY OTHER THAN BIKINI BOTTOM A PLACE OF HORROR AS BASS VEGAS IS THE MAIN SETTING OF THIS TALE, REMINDING THE READERS OF THE HORRORS OF NEW KELP CITY IN THE EPISODE "THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE" AND THE HORRORS OF ROCK BOTTOM IN THE SUCCESSOR EPISODE "HOLIDAY IN ROCK BOTTOM" OF THE SERIES. THE OMINOUS TITLE HINTS AT THE TWIST ENDING, WHICH IS SO IRONIC AND DARK THAT IT SERVES AS THE PERFECT CLIMAX OF THIS TRAGIC STORY OF YOUNG MEN AND OLD ENEMIES SEARCHING FOR THEIR LOST OBSOLETE HEROES. OVERALL, THIS IS ANOTHER GREAT EPISODE ABOUT THE POTENTIAL HORRORS OF OLD AGE LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE "DODGE THE BALL" AND ANOTHER GREAT EPISODE STARRING EVERYONE'S FAVORITE DYNAMIC DUO WHO ARE LOVED BY _SPONGEBOB_ FANS EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE OLD AND SENILE AND EVEN MORE THAN _BATMAN_ FANS LOVE THE OBSOLETE CAMPY ADAM WEST BATMAN AND BURT WARD ROBIN, WHO ARE SO OLD AND CHEESY THAT PERHAPS THEY TOO DESERVE THE FINAL REST PROVIDED ONLY IN _THE TIDAL ZONE_.

57 HOLIDAY IN ROCK BOTTOM – THIS HOLIDAY EPISODE IS ONE OF THE FEW CHRISTMAS EPISODES OF THE SERIES AND THE ONLY EPISODE TO FOCUS ON THE CONTROVERSY OF HOMOSEXUALITY, ALBEIT IN A HUMOROUS WAY. THE KRUSTY KRAB CREW OF SPONGEBOB, SQUIDWARD, AND MR. KRABS ARE STRANDED IN ROCK BOTTOM DURING CHRISTMAS VACATION. ONLY SPONGEBOB BELIEVES THAT THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE VERY MERRY, GAY, AND WELCOMING TO OUTSIDERS, UNLIKE SQUIDWARD AND MR. KRABS WHO FEAR FOREIGNERS OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM. WHEN THE ROCK BOTTOMITES FINALLY REVEAL THEMSELVES TO THE BIKINI BOTTOMITE VISITORS, THEY SHOW MUCH HOLIDAY SPIRIT AND WELCOME THEIR GUESTS TO A FANCY HOLIDAY INN TO ENJOY THEIR VACATION. THIS TALE OF CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SEEMS TO BE PERFECTLY INNOCENT UNTIL THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING, IN WHICH THE ROCK BOTTOMITES ARE ACTUALLY REALLY GAY, BELIEVE THAT THE THREE FRIENDS ARE GAY LOVERS, AND LOCK THEIR PRISONERS IN THEIR HOTEL ROOM TO STAR IN A GAY REALITY T.V. SHOW THAT REFERENCES _THE HONEYMOONERS_ FOR THE ENTERTAINMENT OF ALL OF ROCK BOTTOM. THUS, THIS HOLIDAY SPECIAL PLAYS WITH WORDS BY TWISTING THE MEANING OF THE CHRISTMAS PHRASE "MERRY AND GAY." THE STORY ENDS ON A DARK BUT FUNNY NOTE AS SQUIDWARD REALIZES THE IRONY OF THEIR SITUATION AND SADLY AGREES THAT ALL SEA CREATURES ARE MERRY AND GAY ALL OVER, PROVING THAT SPONGEBOB WAS RIGHT ABOUT HOW GAY SEA CREATURES ARE BUT DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT THEY ARE ALL LITERALLY GAY. THEREFORE, WHILE THIS STORY HAS GAY ROCK BOTTOMITES AS ITS SECRET VILLAINS, THE EPISODE DOES NOT ACTUALLY CONDEMN HOMOSEXUALITY AND INSTEAD PLAYFULLY MAKES FUN OF THE FACT THAT NONE OF THE MAIN MALE _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS ARE MARRIED, POSSIBLY SUGGESTING THEY ARE ALL HIDING IN THE CLOSET AND AFRAID TO COME OUT. OVERALL, THIS IS A FUNNY EPISODE WITH A GREAT TWIST ENDING OF IRONIC IMPRISONMENT THAT REMINDS THE READERS OF THE SEAWORLD CLIMAX OF THE PILOT EPISODE "THE EUROPA EXHIBIT" AND THAT PARODIES INNOCENT CHRISTMAS STORIES AND LIGHTLY DEALS WITH CONTROVERSIAL ADULT SUBJECTS WITHOUT BEING TOO GRAPHIC OR BLUNT.

58 A JELLY JAR FOR YOUR THOUGHTS – THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW EPISODES THAT DEALS WITH PARAPSYCHOLOGY AND PSYCHICS, LIKE THE SUCCESSOR EPISODE "THE SIXTH SENSE." AFTER A SHOCKING ACCIDENT AT JELLYFISH FIELDS MAKES PATRICK INTO A TWO FACE MONSTER AND MAKES SPONGEBOB PSYCHIC, SPONGEBOB DISCOVERS EVERYONE'S TRUE DARK BUT HILARIOUSLY ABSURD THOUGHTS ABOUT HIM. AFTER HEARING EVERYONE'S DEEPEST SECRETS, SPONGEBOB REVEALS HIS NEW PSYCHIC CURSE TO THEM ALL, CAUSING THEM TO EXPLAIN THAT THEIR SECRET THOUGHTS ONLY REFLECT THE DARKER HALVES OF THEIR PERSONALITIES AND DO NOT REFLECT HOW THEY WILL ACTUALLY TREAT SPONGEBOB IN THE FUTURE. AFTER SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK MAKE UP AND BECOME CURED OF THEIR INJURIES, ANOTHER FREAK ACCIDENT TURNS EVERYONE ELSE INTO PSYCHIC MIND READERS, IRONICALLY ENABLING THEM TO READ ALL OF SPONGEBOB'S MEAN THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM, ENDING THE TALE WITH A GREAT TWIST. THIS EPISODE HAS POSSIBLY THE MOST _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS APPEARING IN A SINGLE EPISODE, EVEN THOUGH THEIR ROLES ARE BASICALLY CAMEO APPEARANCES. THIS EPISODE ALSO MIGHT BE ONE OF THE MOST MEAN SPIRITED OF THE SERIES, SINCE IT FOCUSES ON THE DARKEST ASPECTS OF EVERYONE'S PERSONALITIES LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE "TWO DOUBLES" AND DELIBERATELY REFERENCES TWO-FACE FROM _BATMAN_ SINCE EVERYONE TURNS OUT TO BE A TWO-FACE WITH SECRET THOUGHTS ABOUT EVERYONE ELSE. OVERALL, THIS LONG EPISODE IS QUITE ENJOYABLE WITH ITS INNUENDO WORD PLAY, SEQUENCES IN WHICH SPONGEBOB IS ABSOLUTELY HORRIFIED AND SHOCKED WHEN HE SEES WHAT PEOPLE REALLY THINK OF HIM, AND NICE IRONIC ENDING THAT PROVES EVERYONE HAS SKELETONS IN THE CLOSET THAT SHOULD NOT BE DISCOVERED.

59 BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC – THIS IS ANOTHER EPISODE THAT FOCUSES ON THE FAILURES OF MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY, EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE ACTUALLY YOUNG IN THIS EPISODE, AND ANOTHER EPISODE THAT DEALS WITH THE THEME OF ANTAGONISTIC HUMANS THREATENING MARINE LIFE. IN THIS STORY, THE YOUNG MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FAIL TO EVACUATE A SEA CITY THEY PROTECT TO SAVE IT FROM AN IMMINENT MAJOR OIL SPILL CAUSED BY HUMANS, THEY BECOME ENEMIES OF THE STATE WHEN THEY CHALLENGE THE AUTHORITY OF THE CORRUPT MAYOR AND CORRUPT POLICE FORCE THAT RISK THE SAFETY OF THE SEA CITY FOR THEIR SHADY BIG BUSINESS DEALS WITH THE RECKLESS HUMAN OIL COMPANIES, THEY HAVE A FINAL DEADLY BATTLE WITH THEIR ARCHENEMIES MAN RAY AND THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND THE STORY THEN ENDS WITH A FANTASTICALLY DARK TWIST ENDING. FIRST, THE ALLY OF THE DYNAMIC DUO IS NOT SANDY AS MIGHT BE EXPECTED BUT IS ACTUALLY AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER SINCE NONE OF THE OTHER _SPONGEBOB _CHARACTERS ARE ALIVE SINCE THE STORY TAKES PLACE IN THE PAST. NEXT, THE SEA CITY IS DESTROYED BY THE OIL SPILL AS THE DYNAMIC DUO ESCAPES TO ANOTHER SEA CITY FOR REFUGE, WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE BIKINI BOTTOM. AND FINALLY, BIKINI BOTTOM ITSELF IS INVOLVED IN SHADY BIG BUSINESS WITH THE HUMANS WHO PROVIDE THE SEA CITY WITH NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS IN EXCHANGE FOR OCEAN AREAS TO TEST ATOMIC BOMBS. NATURALLY, THE CLUMSY AND CARELESS HUMANS ACCIDENTALLY DROP AN A-BOMB ON BIKINI BOTTOM, KILLING EVERYONE, INCLUDING THE DYNAMIC DUO AND THEIR SCIENTIST FRIEND, IN A HUGE ATOMIC EXPLOSION. THIS TALE MAKES ITS POINT VERY CLEAR IN ITS SATIRICAL CRITICISM OF HUMAN ABUSES TOWARD MARINE LIFE AND OCEANIC ECOSYSTEMS THROUGH SUCH PRACTICES AS OIL DRILLING, POLLUTION, AND NUCLEAR TESTING AT SEA. OVERALL, THIS IS ANOTHER GREAT ADVENTURE FOR MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY FILLED WITH GREAT ACTION SEQUENCES, GREAT SHADOWY HUMAN ANTAGONISTS, AND A GREAT TWIST ENDING THAT SHOCKS THE READERS INTO REALIZING JUST HOW BADLY MAN HARMS THE SEAS.

60 THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY RISES – WITH ITS TITLE PLAYFULLY REFERENCING THE _BATMAN_ FILM _THE DARK KNIGHT RISES _SINCE I AM A FAN OF CHRISTOPHER NOLAN'S _DARK KNIGHT_ TRILOGY AND EVEN WROTE BUT NEVER COMPLETED A LONG AND COMPLEX _SPONGEBOB_ PARODY FAN FICTION SERIES CALLED _THE DARK SPONGE RINSES_, THIS EASTER HOLIDAY SPECIAL IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST HOLIDAY STORIES IN THE SERIES. THIS EPISODE IS MEANT TO BE THE FIRST SEGMENT OF _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE_, WHICH WOULD ALLOW THE SERIES FINALE TO FOCUS MAINLY ON SPONGEBOB CENTRIC EPISODES. HOWEVER, THE HALLOWEEN EPISODE "JUDGMENT KNIGHT" WAS PRODUCED FIRST AND INITIALLY CHOSEN AS THE FIRST FILM SEGMENT, SO I WILL REVIEW THIS EPISODE NOW IN ITS PLACE. THIS EASTER STORY IS FULL OF CHRISTIAN SYMBOLISM AND REVEALS THE THEME THAT SPRING BRINGS REBIRTH AND RESURRECTION TO LIFE THAT HAS DIED IN THE WINTER. SPONGEBOB BECOMES THE MESSIANIC EASTER BUNNY WHO MUST LEAD A TREASURE HUNT FOR MISSING EASTER EGGS WITH HIS BEST FRIENDS PATRICK, SANDY, MR. KRABS, SQUIDWARD, AND GARY, AND EVEN HIS ENEMY PLANKTON, TO BRING EASTER EGGS AND THE SPIRIT OF THE HOLIDAY TO ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM. THE EPISODE IS FULL OF GREAT HUMOR AS THE TREASURE HUNT IS FULL OF FUNNY MISADVENTURES AND CHALLENGING RIDDLES THAT CULMINATE IN A CONFRONTATION BETWEEN THE EASTER BUNNY AND THE DEVILISH FLYING DUTCHMAN, RESULTING IN IRONICALLY GOOD ZOMBIES RISING FROM THE DEAD TO PROTECT THE EASTER BUNNY FROM THE GRINCH GHOST. NEXT TO OTHER EPISODES THAT DEAL WITH THE AFTERLIFE, THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST RELIGIOUSLY THEMED EPISODES OF THE SERIES, ALTHOUGH IT USES RELIGIOUS SYMBOLISM SOLELY TO TELL A GOOD EASTER STORY AND NOT TO PREACH EVANGELISM. THE PLAYFUL CHRISTIAN REFERENCES INCLUDE SPONGEBUNNY SYMBOLIZING CHRIST, THE SEARCH PARTY SYMBOLIZING HIS APOSTLES, PLANKTON SYMBOLIZING JUDAS, THE FLYING DUTCHMAN SYMBOLIZING THE DEVIL, KING NEPTUNE SYMBOLIZING GOD, SKULL ISLAND AND ITS THREE DEAD TREES SYMBOLIZING THE CRUCIFIXION CROSSES AND THE HILL OF CALVARY, THE GARDEN REPRESENTING THE GARDEN OF GETHSEMANE, AND THE ENTIRE JOURNEY REPRESENTING THE MYTHOLOGY OF THE LIFE OF JESUS, INCLUDING HIS LIFE, GOSPEL MISSION, TRAGIC DEATH, AND RESURRECTION. THUS, WHILE THE STORY REFERENCES CHRISTIAN THEMES DUE TO ITS EASTER SETTING, THE STORY LIKEWISE REFERENCES THE PAGAN IDEAS OF DYING AND RESURRECTING GODS WHO DEFEAT DEATH AND BRING REBIRTH TO LIFE AS SPRING ALWAYS CONQUERS WINTER TO BRING NEW LIFE TO THE WORLD. THIS EPISODE ALSO REFERENCES _THE DARK KNIGHT RISES_ FILM WITH THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY SYMBOLIZING THE DARK KNIGHT BATMAN, THE HUNTER NAMED BANE WHO KILLS HIM OBVIOUSLY SYMBOLIZING BANE, AND THE HERO'S OVERCOMING OF DEATH AND SAVING EASTER FOR THE SEA CITY SYMBOLIZING BATMAN SAVING GOTHAM FROM ANNIHILATION AND SACRIFICING HIS OWN LIFE TO DO SO. OVERALL, THIS IS A PERFECT FIRST SEGMENT OF THE SERIES FINALE AND A PERFECT HOLIDAY EPISODE WITH A GREAT TWIST ENDING OF THE EASTER BUNNY BEING KILLED BY ANTAGONISTIC HUMAN HUNTERS, A HILARIOUS AND OPTIMISTIC ENDING OF SPONGEBOB RISING FROM THE DEAD AS THE MESSIANIC EASTER BUNNY, AND A HOPEFUL MESSAGE THAT LIFE WILL ALWAYS BE REBORN AFTER DEATH EITHER PHYSICALLY OR SPIRITUALLY TO BRING THE SPIRIT OF EASTER TO BIKINI BOTTOM AND THE REST OF THE WORLD.

SEASON SEVEN

61 THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT – THIS HALLOWEEN PARODY OF _THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT_ IS NEARLY AS CREEPY AND DISTURBING AS THE FAMOUS HORROR FILM ITSELF, BUT IT ADDS ENOUGH DARK HUMOR TO PREVENT IT FROM BECOMING TOO HORRIFIC. THIS PARODY MAINTAINS ITS OVERWHELMING CREEPINESS THROUGH ITS USE OF IMPLIED HORROR INSTEAD OF GRAPHIC HORROR AND THROUGH ITS SHOCKING BUT ULTIMATELY AMBIGUOUS AND UNRESOLVED ENDING. IT IS HALLOWEEN WEEK, SO SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND SANDY DECIDE TO FILM THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT BY TRAVELING INTO THE KELP WOODS OUTSIDE BIKINI BOTTOM TO FIND OUT IF THE GHOST PIRATE AND HIS CRASHED SHIP REALLY EXIST. DESPITE THE MENTIONING OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN THROUGHOUT THE STORY, THE GHOST HIMSELF NEVER ACTUALLY CLEARLY APPEARS, MAKING THE UNSEEN SCARIER THAN THE SEEN. EVERY NIGHT CAMPING IN THE WOODS FOR THE TRIO BECOMES A NIGHTMARE AS WHATEVER IS HAUNTING THE WOODS MAKES ITS PRESENCE INCREASINGLY SCARIER AND THREATENING. EVENTUALLY, THE PARTY BECOMES HOPELESSLY LOST, SUFFERS FROM DIVISION AND SUPERSTITION, ENCOUNTERS UNSEEN ATTACKERS AND VARIOUS MORBID AND OCCULT SITES, IS ATTACKED BY A MYSTERIOUS MONSTER, AND FINALLY FINDS THE CRASHED PIRATE SHIP OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WHERE THEY ARE LAST SEEN ALIVE. THE SHOCKING ENDING MAY NOT BE A HUGE TWIST BUT IT IS VERY DISTURBING AS IT IMPLIES THAT THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER AND THE FLYING DUTCHMAN WERE RESPONSIBLE FOR HAUNTING THE SPONGY PARTY. IN THE END THOUGH, THE POLICE RECOVER THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT VIDEO, CREATE A LONG LIST OF SUSPECTS IN THE CASE, AND PRONOUNCE THE CASE AS COLD AND UNSOLVED, LEAVING THE READER TO DECIDE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED DURING THOSE CREEPY AND ABSURDLY SILLY HALLOWEEN NIGHTS. THE STORY THOUGH IS NOT MEANT TO BE A SOLVABLE MYSTERY BUT INSTEAD SERVES AS A REMINDER THAT SOME FRIGHTENING THINGS CAN NEVER BE FULLY EXPLAINED. OVERALL, THIS IS ANOTHER PERFECT HALLOWEEN SPECIAL, SHOWS HOW GREAT THE FLYING DUTCHMAN IS AS A VILLAIN, AND IS A PERFECT PARODY OF AN EXCELLENT SPOOKY FOUND FOOTAGE HORROR FILM, PROVING THE SERIES CAN PARODY OTHER HAUNTING WORKS BESIDES _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODES VERY WELL.

62 SEAWOLVES! – HERE IS AN EXCELLENT FUNNY WEREWOLF STORY THAT CAUTIONS US AGAINST REAL MONSTERS OF THE NIGHT LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODES "THE SAND SHARK" AND "JUDGMENT KNIGHT." NOSFERATU FROM "THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT" _SPONGEBOB_ EPISODE MAKES A FUNNY AND APPROPRIATE CAMEO IN THIS EPISODE SINCE HIS MONSTROSITY WORKS WELL IN THE STORY. SEAWOLVES THEMSELVES ARE SCARY AND HILARIOUS AT THE SAME TIME, LIKE SLOW MOVING ZOMBIES, SINCE THEY ARE WALRUSES THAT HAVE THE HEADS OF WOLVES. IN THE STORY, THE SUPPOSED LEGENDARY SEA WOLF HUNTER OLD MAN JENKINS TRAINS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK TO BECOME HIS VAN HELSING-LIKE SUCCESSORS SINCE HE IS TOO OLD TO FIGHT APPARENTLY IMAGINARY SEA MONSTERS ANYMORE. AFTER FINISHING THEIR FUN AND FUNNY TRAINING, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE READY TO BECOME HIS SUCCESSORS TO PROTECT BIKINI BOTTOM FROM SEAWOLVES AS IF THEY WERE NEW GOTHIC SUPERHEROES LIKE MERMAID MAN AND BARNACLE BOY. THEN COMES THE SHOCKING AND FRIGHTENING TWIST ENDING, WHEN A FULL MOON NIGHT SUDDENLY TURNS ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES, EXCEPT SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND OLD MAN JENKINS, INTO SEAWOLVES THAT MERCILESSLY DEVOUR THE OLD SEA WOLF HUNTER WHO ACCEPTS HIS DOOMED FATE NOW THAT HE HAS SUCCESSORS TO CARRY ON HIS CRUSADE AGAINST EVIL. THUS, WHILE THE STORY STARTED AS MERE IMAGINARY FANTASY GAMES, IT ENDS WITH THE HORRIFIC CONCLUSION THAT SEA MONSTERS ARE REAL AND MUST BE SLAYED BY TRUE WARRIORS. THE FINAL ENDING IS HILARIOUSLY DARK AS ALL THE OTHER BIKINI BOTTOMITES RETURN TO NORMAL THE NEXT DAY AND SUDDENLY DISCOVER THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK ARE NOT SEAWOLVES LIKE THEMSELVES AND ARE ACTUALLY NEW SEA WOLF HUNTERS, CAUSING THEM TO GROWL AT THEIR ENEMIES LIKE ANGRY BEASTS. ULTIMATELY, THE REASON FOR ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES BEING SEAWOLVES IS AS MYSTERIOUS AS THE SUPPOSED EXISTENCE OF REAL SEA MONSTERS, BUT IT IS IMPLIED THAT MR. KRABS' RABIES-INFECTED WORM DOG BIT HIM, TURNING HIM INTO A SEA WOLF FIRST, WHICH THEN CAUSED THE MONSTROUS DISEASE TO SPREAD THROUGH THE POPULAR KRUSTY KRAB TO THE REST OF THE CITY SOON AFTER. THIS STORY IS ANOTHER EPISODE THAT PLAYS ON THE THEME OF REGULAR PEOPLE BEING MONSTERS IN DISGUISE LIKE THE PREDECESSOR EPISODES WITH SHAPE SHIFTERS AND DOPPELGANGERS. OVERALL, THIS SPOOKY TALE IS A GREAT WEREWOLF STORY THAT PROVES WEREWOLVES CAN STILL BE SCARY AND DARKLY HUMOROUS EVEN WHEN CRAPPY SERIES LIKE STEPHANIE MEYER'S _TWILIGHT_ SERIES, WHOSE NAME SADLY RESEMBLES ROD SERLING'S _TWILIGHT ZONE_ SERIES, HAVE ALREADY DRAGGED WEREWOLVES AND VAMPIRES INTO CREATIVE HELL FROM WHICH THEY CAN NEVER ESCAPE, SHAMING THE CLASSIC UNIVERSAL MONSTER MOVIES OF THE PAST.

63 PLANET OF THE JELLYFISH – THIS INTERESTING SCI-FI TALE IS BASED ON THREE SOURCES. FIRST, ITS TITLE IS THE SAME AS AN ACTUAL _SPONGEBOB_ EPISODE, EVEN THOUGH THE TWO STORIES ARE VERY DIFFERENT. SECOND, THIS IS THE SECOND PARODY OF THE CLASSIC _PLANET OF THE APES_ FILM AFTER ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE "SEAWORLD OF THE APES." FINALLY, THE STORY IS INSPIRED BY A _SPONGEBOB _CREEPYPASTA THAT CLAIMS THAT THE _SPONGEBOB_ SEA CREATURE CHARACTERS ARE ACTUALLY RADIOACTIVE MUTANTS LIKE PATHETIC GODZILLAS THAT SPAWNED FROM THE NUCLEAR FALLOUT RESULTING FROM NUCLEAR BOMB TESTING ON BIKINI ATOLL DIRECTLY ABOVE BIKINI BOTTOM. THIS IS ONE OF THE FEW STORIES IN WHICH HUMANS ARE PORTRAYED AS BOTH PROTAGONISTS AND ANTAGONISTS SINCE THE MAIN CHARACTER GEORGE TAYLOR, WHO LOOKS LIKE CHARLTON HESTON AND IS BASED ON AND NAMED AFTER HIS CHARACTER FROM _THE PLANET OF THE APES_ FILM, IS THE TRAGIC PROTAGONIST WHILE THE REST OF HUMANITY ARE THE SHADOWY ANTAGONISTS AS THEY CAUSE A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST LIKE THEY DID IN THE PREDECESSOR EPISODE "SHAGGY DOG STORY." IN THIS STORY SET DURING THE COLD WAR, TAYLOR IS A MARINE BIOLOGIST INVESTIGATING THE CRASH OF A U.F.O. NEAR BIKINI ATOLL IN THE PACIFIC OCEAN. WHILE VENTURING INTO THE DEEP SEAS, HE IS SHOCKED TO DISCOVER BIKINI BOTTOM AND ITS HUMANOID FISHY INHABITANTS, WHO ARE LIKE AQUATIC ALIENS TO HIM SINCE THEY ARE SO VASTLY DIFFERENT FROM REGULAR REAL LIFE WILD SEA CREATURES. SEVERAL WILD MISADVENTURES ENSUE AS TAYLOR IS SHOCKED TO ENCOUNTER HUMAN LIKE SEA CREATURES JUST LIKE THE CHARACTER WAS SHOCKED TO ENCOUNTER HUMAN LIKE APES IN THE CLASSIC FILM PARODIED HERE. AFTER A MAJOR CONFRONTATION WITH THE VILLAINOUS PLANKTON WHO BLAMES HUMANITY FOR HIS EVIL, TAYLOR AND HIS NEW FRIENDS DISCOVER THAT THE U.F.O. WAS ACTUALLY A CRASHED HUMAN SATELLITE, NOT AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL VEHICLE. DESPITE THE DISAPPOINTING REVELATION, TAYLOR IS STILL AMAZED TO HAVE DISCOVERED THE SEEMINGLY MAGICAL CITY OF BIKINI BOTTOM AND IS NOW CERTAIN THAT ONLY HUMANITY CAN SOLVE ITS OWN SOCIAL PROBLEMS SINCE THERE ARE NO ALIENS TO HELP THEM BECOME BETTER. AS TAYLOR PREPARES TO DEPART TO SHARE HIS NEW DISCOVERIES WITH THE WORLD ABOVE THE SEA, RADIOACTIVE MUTANT JELLYFISH ATTACK HIM AND HIS NEW FRIENDS, BEFORE THEY TAKE HIM TO BIKINI ATOLL TO END THE STORY WITH ANOTHER PREDICTABLE BUT DARKLY HILARIOUS TWIST ENDING. THE END ALMOST EXACTLY MIRRORS THE END OF _THE PLANET OF THE APES_ FILM, AS TAYLOR SEES A DESTROYED MINIATURE STATUE OF LIBERTY ON BIKINI ATOLL AND REALIZES THAT THE COLD WAR FINALLY CAUSED A NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST THAT DESTROYED HUMANITY WHILE HE WAS BELOW THE SEA AND THE NUCLEAR FALLOUT WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR CREATING THE MUTANT SEA CREATURES OF BIKINI BOTTOM LIKE PATHETIC GODZILLAS. TAYLOR THEN CRIES OUT HIS FAMOUS "GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL" QUOTE TO END THE STORY. THUS, WHILE THE NUCLEAR WAR ENDED HUMANITY, IT LED TO THE BIRTH OF BIKINI BOTTOM, WHOSE BIRTH MAY HAVE ALSO BEEN CAUSED AND ACCELERATED BY PREVIOUS NUCLEAR BOMB TESTING AROUND BIKINI ATOLL. THIS SCI-FI TALE IS LIKEWISE AN ALTERNATE HISTORY STORY SINCE IT ALTERS THE HISTORY OF THE SPACE RACE, THE CUBAN MISSILE CRISIS, AND THE COLD WAR TO PRODUCE ITS CONFLICTS AND MISADVENTURES. OVERALL, THIS IS A PERFECT PARODY OF _PLANET OF THE APES_ THAT IS POSSIBLY BETTER THAN ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE "SEAWORLD OF THE APES" AND CHARLTON HESTON MAKES A FINE LEAD CHARACTER IN THIS DYSTOPIAN TALE ABOUT THE MYSTERIES DOWN UNDER THE SEA THAT HOPEFULLY ARE FAR BETTER THAN MAN AND HIS HORRORS ON DRY LAND.

64 TO SERVE PIGS – BASED ON MY PREVIOUSLY WRITTEN PARODY SHORT STORY CALLED "THE TOON ZONE: TO SERVE PORK," WHICH HAS _LOONEY TUNES_ PARODY _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, THIS PARODY OF THE PERFECT _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODE "TO SERVE MAN" PLAYS WITH THE READERS' EXPECTATIONS TO CREATE AN EVEN FUNNIER AND DARKER TWIST ENDING THAN MOST READERS WOULD PROBABLY EXPECT. PATRICK IS THE MAIN PROTAGONIST OF THE STORY WHILE THE ALIEN CHEESEBOB, WHO LOOKS LIKE A TRIANGULAR VERSION OF SPONGEBOB EXCEPT THAT HE IS MADE OF CHEESE AND IS FROM THE MOON WHICH IS ALSO MADE OF CHEESE (REFERENCING THE OLD FUNNY MYTH ABOUT THE MOON BEING A GIANT CELESTIAL ROUND WHEEL OF HOLEY CHEESE), IS THE MAIN ANTAGONIST. THIS PARODY OF "TO SERVE MAN" IS MORE LIKE THE ACTUAL _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODE WITH ITS INCLUSION OF SECRETLY MALEVOLENT ALIENS THAN THE OTHER EPISODES "TO SERVE CUSTOMER AND EMPLOYEES" AND "THE SECRET FORMULA" THAT FOCUS ON THE HORRORS OF CANNIBALISM AND THAT LIKEWISE PARODY THE CLASSIC SCI-FI STORY. IN THIS PARODY, PATRICK IS THE LEAD FARMER OF A FARMING COMMUNITY OF FAT STARFISH, WHOSE FARM IS ATTACKED BY PREDATORS AND PESTS. HOWEVER, CHEESY ALIENS AND THEIR MICE ROBOTS FROM THE MOON ARRIVE AT THEIR FARM, DEFEAT THEIR ENEMIES, AND GIVE THEM ALL THE CHEESY FOOD THEY COULD EAT TO MAKE THEIR COMMUNE INTO A UTOPIA. THE CHEESY ALIENS CLAIM THAT THEY ARE HELPING THE STARFISH BECAUSE THEIR BIG FAT BUTTS ARE VERY PRECIOUS AND ENDANGERED THROUGHOUT THE COSMOS. PATRICK BECOMES SUSPICIOUS OF THE TRUE INTENTIONS OF THE ALIENS, STEALS AND TRANSLATES THEIR BOOK ABOUT SERVING OTHERS, AND DISCOVERS THAT THE BOOK IS CALLED "TO SERVE PIGS," REFERRING TO THE FAT STARFISH AS PIGS BUT CAUSING HIM TO BELIEVE IN THE BENEVOLENCE OF THE ALIENS AND TO ALLOW THE ALIENS TO TAKE STARFISH TO ENJOY THE CHEESY HEAVEN OF THE MOON. THEN COMES THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING THAT PROVES THE ALIENS HAD SINISTER ULTERIOR MOTIVES ALL ALONG. AS PATRICK IS THE LAST STARFISH DEPARTING ON A FLYING SAUCER TO THE MOON, HIS FAT THREE STARFISH NEPHEWS CRY FOR HIM TO GET OFF THE SHIP AND WARN THAT THE ALIEN BOOK THEY HAVE FURTHER TRANSLATED HAS DARK SECRETS. PATRICK FIRST BELIEVES THAT THE BOOK MUST BE A COOK BOOK AND THAT THE ALIENS ACTUALLY PLAN TO EAT THE FAT STARFISH AND HAVE TRICKED THEM INTO GOING TO THE MOON TO BECOME THEIR FATTENED PREY. HOWEVER, HIS NEPHEWS ACTUALLY REVEAL THAT HE STUPIDLY MISTRANSLATED THE ALIEN BOOK AND THAT THE BOOK IS REALLY AN ANAL PROBE MANUAL! THIS SHOCKING HILARIOUS TWIST ENDING IS HINTED AT SINCE THE ALIENS WERE OBSESSED WITH THE FAT ANUSES OF THE STARFISH, WHOM THEY FATTEN, ABDUCT, AND THEN ANALLY PROBE LIKE REAL ALIENS SUPPOSEDLY DO TO PEOPLE IN REAL LIFE SINCE LITTLE ALIENS ARE PERVERTS. THUS, THE STORY WORKS ON THE MYTHOLOGY OF ALIENS EATING PEOPLE AND ANALLY PROBING PEOPLE TO END IN A PERFECTLY FUNNY AND DARK TWIST. CHEESEBOB'S ENDING MONOLOGUE IS VERY FUNNY AS HE PRAISES ALIEN ANAL PROBING TO THE DOOMED STARFISH. OVERALL, THE STORY'S TWIST ENDING IS SHOCKING ENOUGH TO BECOME ANOTHER WORTHY PARODY OF ONE OF THE BEST _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODES.

65 TIKI HOUSE OF WAX – THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST EPISODES IN WHICH EVIL INANIMATE OBJECTS SUPPOSEDLY COME TO LIFE JUST LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODES "TOY STORY," "TALKING TEDDY," "THE PUPPET MASTER," AND "THE HOARDERS." THIS STORY DEALS WITH THE CREEPY PREMISE OF WAX STATUES BEING ALIVE AND IS AT THE SAME TIME DARK COMEDY, MURDER MYSTERY, AND GOTHIC HORROR. IN THE STORY, SQUIDWARD IS FINALLY GOING TO BECOME RICH AND FAMOUS BY ALTERING HIS SELF-PORTRAITS INTO PAINTINGS OF SQUILLIAM FANCYSON, WHO WILL BUY THE MASTERPIECES. AT THE SAME TIME, SQUIDWARD HAS FINALLY FOUND A WAY TO SCARE AWAY HIS PEST NEIGHBORS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK BY CREATING WAX FIGURES OF FAMOUS WANTED CRIMINALS TO SCARE THEM FROM HIS HOME. HOWEVER, THE REAL WANTED CRIMINALS PLANKTON, MAN RAY, THE DIRTY BUBBLE, AND THE TATTLE TALE STRANGLER TEAM UP WITH THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TO SNEAK INTO HIS HOME AND STEAL HIS VALUABLE ART, BUT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK RUIN THEIR PLANS, CAUSING THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TO USE HIS BLACK MAGIC TO TURN THEM INTO WAX STATUES. AS THE REAL VILLAINS HIDE IN THE ATTIC OF THE HOME TO WAIT FOR THE RIGHT NIGHT TO STEAL SQUIDWARD'S ART, SQUIDWARD BECOMES THE SUSPECT OF THE DISAPPEARANCES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, CAUSING HILARIOUS CONFRONTATIONS AND INTERROGATIONS BETWEEN SQUIDWARD AND THE POLICE. WHEN MR. KRABS LIKEWISE INVADES THE HOME AND BECOMES ANOTHER WAX FIGURE, SQUIDWARD MUST COVER UP THE CRIMES HE IS INNOCENT OF AND BURY THE INVESTIGATING POLICE ALIVE TO PREVENT HIS ARREST AND THE END OF HIS HOPEFUL RICH FUTURE. THUS, SQUIDWARD REMAINS UNAWARE OF THE REAL CRIMINALS' PRESENCE UNTIL THE VERY END, CAUSING HIM TO WONDER IF HE IS INSANE OR IF THE CRIMINAL WAX STATUES ARE ACTUALLY EVIL AND ALIVE. THEN COMES THE HILARIOUSLY ABSURD ENDING AS THE FRIENDS AND RELATIVES OF THE MISSING SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, AND MR. KRABS INVADE SQUIDWARD'S HOME AND ENGAGE IN A HUGE BRAWL WITH THE OTHER CRIMINALS, RESULTING IN THE FLYING DUTCHMAN BETRAYING HIS FELLOW VILLAINS AND TURNING EVERYONE, INCLUDING POOR SQUIDWARD, INTO WAX STATUES BEFORE THE GHOST PIRATE ESCAPES WITH THE VALUABLE ART IN HIS GHOST PIRATE SHIP WITH HIS FELLOW GHOST PIRATES LIKE A BUNCH OF DEVIOUS PLUNDERING PIRATES. THE STORY THEN ENDS WITH THE PERFECT TWIST AS SQUILLIAM FANCYSON LATER PURCHASES SQUIDWARD'S HOUSE OF CRIME AND TURNS IT INTO A HAUNTED WAX MUSEUM AND EXHIBIT, CAUSING MANY TOURISTS TO VISIT THE SPOOKY TIKI HOUSE OF WAX AND CAUSING THE WAX STATUES TO PROVE THEY ARE ALIVE AS THEIR EYES WATCH EVERYONE WHO ENTERS THEIR NEW HOME. OVERALL, THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST AND FUNNIEST GOTHIC TALES OF THE SERIES, PROVING THAT INANIMATE OBJECTS THAT MOST RESEMBLE MAN, LIKE ROBOTS, DOLLS, STATUES, AND WAX FIGURES, ARE PERHAPS THE SCARIEST THINGS OF ALL SINCE THEY ARE DARKER REFLECTIONS OF MAN'S NATURE.

66 THE ALPHA AND OMEGA QUESTION - THIS IS ANOTHER PARODY SHAGGY GOD STORY THAT IS VERY BRIEF AND THAT PARODIES A FAMOUS SCI-FI SHORT STORY CALLED "THE LAST QUESTION" BY ISAAC ASIMOV. THIS STORY READS LIKE BOTH A SCI-FI ALLEGORY AND A BIBLICAL PARODY OF THE BOOK OF GENESIS. IN THE STORY, THE SCIENTISTS PLANKTON AND SANDY MODIFY KAREN INTO A LARGE METALLIC OCTOPUS SUPERCOMPUTER RENAMED SUPER KAREN, OR SK FOR SHORT. SK ACTS AS THE ROBOT CUSTODIAN OF BIKINI BOTTOM, SOLVING ALL ITS SOCIAL AND ENVIRONMENTAL PROBLEMS AND ALLOWING THE CITY TO CONTINUALLY MODERNIZE AS ITS SCIENTISTS LIKEWISE CONTINUALLY UPGRADE SK TO MAKE HER MORE EFFICIENT AND COMPLEX. MANY GENERATIONS AND EONS OF TIME PASS BY, BUT SK REMAINS AND SOON BECOMES SO HUGE AND COMPLEX THAT SHE SPANS ALL THE OCEANS OF THE WORLD AND HAS ENTERED INTO MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH ALL SEA CITIES. DESPITE BEING A BENEVOLENT AQUATIC GOD, LIKE A MECHANICAL KING NEPTUNE, WHO CARES FOR ALL SEA CITIES ACROSS THE GLOBE, THE GENERATIONS OF THE FAR FUTURE SOON WORRY THAT SK WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PROTECT THEM FROM THREATS FROM OUTER SPACE, ESPECIALLY CONCERNING THE IMMINENT DEATH OF THE SUN THAT MIGHT DESTROY THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM. THOUGH THEY ASK SK IF SHE CAN SAVE THEIR FUTURE DESCENDANTS AND THE ENTIRE SOLAR SYSTEM FROM THE DESTRUCTIVE DEATH OF THE SUN, SK ALWAYS RESPONDS THAT SHE DOES NOT KNOW IF SHE CAN DUE TO THE UNPREDICTABILITY OF THE FUTURE. AS TIME CONTINUES TO COUNTDOWN TO THE DEATH OF THE SUN, SK BECOMES SO COMPLEX THAT SHE LEAVES PLANET EARTH AND FREELY LIVES IN OUTER SPACE, ACTING AS A HEAVENLY GOD. SOON AFTER, BIOLOGICAL EVOLUTION LEADS TO CYBERNETIC EVOLUTION AS ALL SEA CREATURES EVOLVE INTO ROBOTIC BODIES AND THEN UNITE THEIR METALLIC BODIES WITH SK TO BECOME ONE SUPREME BODY AND MIND. HOWEVER, THE DEATH OF THE SUN THEN DESTROYS EARTH AND THE SOLAR SYSTEM. THOUGH SK SURVIVES, THE SOLAR SYSTEM IS IN RUINS, CAUSING SK TO HAVE AN EPIPHANY AND TO USE THE REMAINING COSMIC DUST TO CREATE A NEW WATER PLANET NAMED ATLANTIS TO ROTATE AROUND THE REMAINS OF THE SUN. LIKE GOD RESTING ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF CREATION IN THE BIBLE, SK THEN LEAVES THE WORLD BEHIND TO REST FROM HER COSMIC LABOR SOMEWHERE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE. THUS, THE ENTIRE CYCLE WILL THEN REPEAT ITSELF AS NEW SEA CREATURES EVOLVE ON THE NEW WORLD, REACH THE POINT OF EVOLUTION IN WHICH THEY CREATE A NEW ROBOT GOD, AND THEN THE ROBOT GOD WILL CREATE A NEW SOLAR SYSTEM FOLLOWING THE DEATH OF THE OLD ONE TO CONTINUE THE ETERNAL CYCLE OF DEATH, REBIRTH, AND DIVINITY. ALTHOUGH THE STORY HAS LITTLE HUMOR, THE SHAGGY GOD SITUATION ADDS THE LIGHT COMIC RELIEF AS THE STORY DEALS WITH MAJOR COSMIC AND EVOLUTIONARY EVENTS. LIKE ITS SUCCESSOR SCI-FI EPIC "3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY," THIS TALE COVERS VAST EONS OF TIME AND ENDS WITH THE BIRTH OF A NEW GOD OVER THE EARTH. THUS, THE STORY FUNCTIONS AS A LIGHT HEARTED APOCALYPTIC AND CREATION MYTH. OVERALL, THE PLOT OF THE STORY IS INTERESTING ENOUGH TO MAKE THIS SHORT MYTH A GREAT EPISODE AND PROVES ONCE AGAIN THAT THE SERIES CAN REMAKE AND PARODY SCI-FI TALES THAT ARE NOT _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODES BUT THAT SHARE THE HEART OF THE CLASSIC SERIES.

67 A SOUND OF NUTCRACKERS – THIS EPISODE IS THE PERFECT PARODY OF RAY BRADBURY'S CLASSIC SCI-FI SHORT STORY "A SOUND OF THUNDER." "A SOUND OF THUNDER" WOULD HAVE MADE THE PERFECT _TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODE. THE STORY HAD TIME TRAVEL, POLITICAL OVERTONES, AND A GREAT SHOCKING TWIST ENDING AND MORAL ABOUT THE DANGERS OF TIME TRAVEL. I AM ALMOST CERTAIN THAT _TWILIGHT ZONE_ CREATOR ROD SERLING READ THE STORY AND LOVED IT SINCE HE WAS A BIG FAN OF RAY BRADBURY, SO IT IS SAD THAT HE NEVER USED IT AS THE BASIS OF AN EPISODE. THIS IS THE LAST TIME TRAVEL EPISODE OF THE SERIES, AND BY THE TIME I FINISHED THE EPISODE "RUNNING DISTANCE" I THOUGHT I HAD DONE ALL THE TIME TRAVEL STORIES I WOULD EVER DO. HOWEVER, I READ BRADBURY'S AMAZING TALE OF TIME TRAVEL, T-REX, AND THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, AND I KNEW I WANTED TO DO A GREAT PARODY REMAKE OF IT FOR THE SERIES. IN THE STORY, SANDY OWNS A TIME TRAVEL SAFARI COMPANY THAT TAKES THE RICHEST BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO USE NUTTY WEAPONRY LIKE CHRISTMAS NUTCRACKERS INTO THE PAST TO KILL AND NEUTER LARGE AQUATIC DINOSAURS TO SELL THEIR BIG NUTS TO PRESENT DAY NATURAL HISTORY MUSEUMS FOR VERY HIGH PROFITS AND SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH. ON THIS JOURNEY, SANDY TAKES MR. KRABS, SQUILLIAM, AND LARRY THE LOBSTER AS HER FELLOW TIME TRAVEL HUNTERS TO THE ANCIENT SWAMPS OF AFRICA TO HUNT THE DINOSAUR EVEN BIGGER AND BADDER THAN THE T-REX, THE SPINOSAURUS. HOWEVER, DESPITE SANDY'S MANY PRECAUTIONS TO HAVE THE EXPEDITION NOT TRIGGER THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT TO RUIN THE FUTURE BY ALTERING THE PAST, SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAVE SNUCK ONTO THE TIME MACHINE, CAUSING SANDY TO RELUCTANTLY HAVE THEM TAG ALONG FOR THE HUNT. THE BATTLE SEQUENCE OF THE TIME TRAVEL HUNTERS AND THE SPINOSAURUS IS AMAZING AND FUNNY AND RESULTS IN SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK LEAVING THE PROTECTIVE HUNTING BUBBLE TO DISTURB THE ANCIENT ENVIRONMENT AND THE SLAYING AND NEUTERING OF THE CROCODILIAN DINOSAUR. AS THE TIME TRAVELERS RETURN HOME, THEY SOON DISCOVER THAT SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAVE INDEED TRIGGERED THE BUTTERFLY OR RATHER THE JELLYFISH EFFECT SINCE SPONGEBOB ACCIDENTALLY STEPPED ON AND KILLED A JELLYFISH IN THE PAST, CAUSING A CHAOTIC CHAIN EFFECT ON THE EVOLUTION OF MARINE LIFE IN THE FUTURE THAT FOREVER ALTERED THE COURSE OF HISTORY. BEFORE THEIR TIME TRAVEL JOURNEY, PLANKTON AND HIS HILLBILLY FAMILY FAILED IN OVERTHROWING KING NEPTUNE TO RULE ATLANTIS AND ALL THE SEVEN SEAS. AFTER THEIR TIME TRAVEL JOURNEY AND TRIGGERING OF THE JELLYFISH EFFECT, PLANKTON AND HIS HILLBILLY FAMILY ARE NOW GIANT CYCLOPS MONSTERS THAT RULE ATLANTIS AND THE OCEANS OF THE WORLD. AS PUNISHMENT FOR THEIR HORRIFIC MISTAKE, SANDY THEN NEUTERS SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK, CAUSING A CRUNCHY SOUND OF NUTCRACKERS. WITH THIS COMPELLING PLOT, THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE BEST IF NOT THE BEST TIME TRAVEL EPISODE OF THE SERIES WITH AN ENGAGING STORY, FUNNY AND SHOCKING TWIST ENDING, AND CLEAR MORAL ABOUT THE DANGERS OF TIME TRAVEL, ONE OF THE MOST COMMON RUNNING THEMES OF THE SERIES. OVERALL, THIS EPISODE PROVES THAT EVEN WHILE THE SERIES WAS COMING TO A CLOSE, IT STILL HAD MANY EXCELLENT STORIES TO TELL.

68 THE SIXTH SENSE – NAMED AFTER THE SPOOKY FILM DIRECTED BY THAT DIRECTOR GUY WHO MADE THE ALIEN MOVIE _SIGNS_ AND WHOSE NAME IS HARD TO SPELL, THIS EPISODE DEALS HEAD ON WITH THE HORRORS OF WAR AND THE MYSTERIES OF PARAPSYCHOLOGY. THE EPISODE TAKES PLACE IN THE PAST, LIKE SEVERAL EPISODES OF THE SERIES LIKE "BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC." THE STORY OCCURS DURING SEAWORLD WAR TWO, AN OCEANIC CONFLICT THAT REFERENCES WORLD WAR TWO AND THAT IS MENTIONED IN SEVERAL EPISODES OF THE SERIES LIKE "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST." SEAWORLD WAR TWO IS FOUGHT BETWEEN SEA CREATURES AND REPTILIAN SWIMMERS AS CROCODILES, ALLIGATORS, AND SEA SNAKES START A GLOBAL OCEANIC CONFLICT IN THEIR ATTEMPT TO RULE OVER ALL THE SEVEN SEAS. A YOUNG MR. KRABS IS THE TRAGIC PSYCHIC HERO OF THIS STORY AND A BIKINI BOTTOMITE MARINE. AFTER SAYING GOODBYE TO HIS FAMILY FOR THE LAST TIME, EUGENE VISITS ASTROLOGER SQUIDWARD, THE MAIN STAR OF THE REAL _SPONGEBOB_ SPINOFF SERIES _ASTROLOGY WITH SQUIDWARD_. ASTROLOGER SQUIDWARD PREDICTS EUGENE'S IMMINENT DEATH AND PSYCHIC SIXTH SENSE. THE BIG BATTLE FOR BIKINI BOTTOM BEGINS AND IS FULL OF HORRIFYING CARNAGE AND CHAOS AS TRENCH AND NAVAL WARFARE ERUPTS. EUGENE SURVIVES THROUGHOUT THE BATTLE AND MEETS UP WITH SQUAD MEMBERS AFTER BEING SEPARATED FROM THEM FOR A LONG TIME. HOWEVER, THEIR BODY PARTS THAT ENABLE THEIR FIVE SENSES ARE INVISIBLE TO HIM EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE NOT MISSING. HIS FRIENDS THEN LOSE THEIR BODY PARTS AND FIVE SENSES IN COMBAT, CAUSING EUGENE TO REALIZE THAT HE IS REALLY PSYCHIC AND CAN PREDICT THE FUTURE. EUGENE THEN SEES HE WILL DIE AND THEN SACRIFICES HIS LIFE TO SAVE HIS COMRADES, ENDING THE STORY ON A TRAGIC NOTE AND MAKING MR. KRABS A HERO. THE STORY THUS DEALS WITH THE ROLE OF DESTINY AND FATE SINCE IT DEALS WITH PSYCHIC ABILITIES AND ASTROLOGY. THE STORY LIKEWISE DEALS WITH THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TOLL OF WAR ON SOLDIERS. OVERALL, THIS IS A PERFECT WAR EPISODE THAT DEALS SERIOUSLY WITH THE HORRORS OF BATTLE WHILE STILL HAVING A SOMEWHAT HAPPY ENDING ABOUT MR. KRABS' STAR FLOATING IN THE HEAVENS AND SOME ABSURD COMIC RELIEF LIKE ASTROLOGER SQUIDWARD BELLY DANCING AND PLAYING CLARINET MUSIC.

69 THE SECRET FORMULA – LIKE OTHER EPISODES OF THE SERIES, THIS STORY WAS INSPIRED BY A _SPONGEBOB_ CREEPYPASTA THAT CLAIMS THE KRABBY PATTY SECRET FORMULA'S MAIN INGREDIENT IS ACTUALLY CRAB MEAT. THIS EPISODE IS LIKE A COMBINATION OF THE PREDECESSOR EPISODES "YOU WANNA KNOW" AND "TO SERVE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES." THE STORY CONTAINS MANY REFERENCES TO THE _BATMAN_ FILM _THE DARK KNIGHT_ SINCE MOST OF THE CLOWNS ARE NAMED AFTER CLOWNS FROM THE FILM, ENABLING THIS STORY TO BE VERY CREEPY BY HAVING VILLAINOUS CLOWNS. THE STORY PLAYS LIKE A LOVECRAFTIAN NIGHTMARE, IN WHICH THOSE SEEKING FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE GO COMPLETELY INSANE AFTER LEARNING IT. IN THE STORY, THE KRUSTY KRAB IS SHUTTING DOWN BECAUSE IT HAS RUN OUT OF THE MAIN SECRET INGREDIENT, CRAB MEAT, TO CONTINUE MAKING KRABBY PATTIES. THE GREEDY MR. KRABS, WHO PAID HUMAN FISHERMEN TO HUNT HIS OWN FELLOW CRABS SO HE COULD BECOME RICH FROM CRAB SEAFOOD, GOES COMPLETELY NUTS AFTER REALIZING HE WILL LOSE HIS BUSINESS, DRESSES UP LIKE A CLOWN NAMED AFTER THE CLOWN FROM _THE SIMPSONS_, AND THEN REVEALS TO OTHERS THE DISTURBING CANNIBALISTIC SECRET INGREDIENT OF THE SECRET FORMULA. AS EACH OF HIS FRIENDS AND EVEN HIS ENEMY LEARN THE HORRIFIC SECRET, THEY INSTANTLY BECOME INSANE AND DRESS UP LIKE CLOWNS TO BECOME A CRAZY CLOWN GANG AND TO DRIVE THE REST OF THE CITY INSANE. AFTER LEADING THE CITY CIRCUS AND ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO THE KRUSTY KRAB FOR A FINAL BANQUET FOR THE CLOSING RESTAURANT, MR. KRABS FINALLY REVEALS THE DISTURBING TRUTH TO ALL OF BIKINI BOTTOM, CAUSING THE CITY TO GO INSANE AND PANIC AS HE BURNS THE RESTAURANT TO THE GROUND. THIS EPISODE IS SO CREEPY AND DARK THAT IT IS ABSURDLY FUNNY. THE STORY IS THE PERFECT CONCLUSIVE EPISODE TO THE SERIES SINCE IT MAKES THE LEGACY OF THE KRUSTY KRAB MORE SINISTER THAN EVER BEFORE, MAKING THE WORLD OF SPONGEBOB MUCH MORE HAUNTING. OVERALL, THIS EPISODE IS AS CREEPY AS ALL THE _SPONGEBOB_ CREEPYPASTAS COMBINED, AND EVEN THOUGH IT IS NOT AS GRAPHIC AS THEM, ITS ENDING IS STILL REVOLTING AND DARK.

70 THE INTERTIDAL ZONE: THE BIKINI BOTTOM POOL – THIS IS THE FINAL EPISODE OF THE SERIES BEFORE THE MOVIE AND IS THE ONLY CROSSOVER STORY WITH BOTH _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_ AND _TWILIGHT ZONE_ CHARACTERS. THE EPISODE IS A BRIEF PARODY REMAKE OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODE "THE BEWITCHIN POOL," WHICH IS THE LAST EPISODE OF THE CLASSIC SERIES LIKE THIS EPISODE IS THE LAST EPISODE OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES. THIS IS THE ONLY _TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODE IN WHICH TOM SURFING DOES NOT APPEAR SINCE ROD SERLING TAKES HIS PLACE AS NARRATOR. IN THIS STORY, TWO NEGLECTED KIDS FROM RICH FAMILIES FULL OF BICKERING PARENTS USE THEIR MAGICAL SWIMMING POOL TO ESCAPE TO THEIR FAVORITE IMAGINARY PLACE IN THE WHOLE WORLD, BIKINI BOTTOM, WHERE THEY HAVE ENDLESS FUN WITH THE LOVABLE _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS. THUS, THE STORY IS LIKE A HEARTWARMING PETER PAN FANTASY TALE, IT HAS HUMAN CHARACTERS THAT ARE BOTH GOOD AND BAD, IT PORTRAYS BIKINI BOTTOM AS A PARADISE UNLIKE MOST EPISODES OF THE SERIES, AND IT ENDS THE DARK BUT JOYFUL TALE ON A SCARY BUT SOMEWHAT COMFORTING NOTE. IT TURNS OUT THAT BIKINI BOTTOM IS ACTUALLY A HEAVENLY AFTERLIFE ABODE IN THIS STORY, AS THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING REVEALS THAT THE CHILDREN DROWN IN THEIR POOL AND ENTER BIKINI BOTTOM FOREVER TO ESCAPE THEIR CRUEL PARENTS. THIS ENDING IS THE DARKEST OF THE SERIES AND MAY HAVE BEEN BETTER IF IT SIMPLY FOLLOWED _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ ENDING THAT MAKES THE FANTASY WORLD A REAL PLACE BUT NOT AN AFTERLIFE PLACE, ENABLING THE CHILDREN TO HAPPILY LIVE FOREVER. DESPITE ITS OVERLY DARK ENDING, THE CROSSOVER STORY WORKS WELL WITH ITS PREMISE. I WANTED TO CONCLUDE THE SERIES WITH A CROSSOVER EPISODE OF _SPONGEBOB_ AND _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, AND "THE BEWITCHIN POOL" EPISODE WAS ONE OF THE FEW EPISODES THAT WOULD HAVE WORKED AS A COHERENT STORY. THE DARK ENDING MADE THE EPISODE A STORY ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE, LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODES "THE HELL-O CASIN-O" AND "A DREAM COME TRUE." HAVING BOTH ROD SERLING AND SPONGEBOB IN THE SAME STORY WAS ALSO LIKE A DREAM COME TRUE (PUN INTENDED). OVERALL, THE EPISODE IS TOO DARK BUT THE CROSSOVER ELEMENT MAKES IT A PERFECT SEASON AND SERIES FINALE TO _THE TIDAL ZONE_, BRINGING THE SERIES TO AN APPROPRIATE CLOSE BEFORE THE ANTHOLOGY MOVIE.

SEASON EIGHT – _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE_

1 PROLOGUE – AND SO THE SERIES FINALE MOVIE BEGINS! THIS AWESOME PROLOGUE PARODIES THE PROLOGUE TO _THE TWILIGHT ZONE MOVIE_ FROM THE 1980s THAT IS A HOMAGE TO THE ORIGINAL CLASSIC SERIES. IN THIS SHORT INTRODUCTION, TWO MEN ARE RIDING IN A SPEED BOAT ACROSS THE OCEAN AT NIGHT AS THEY RETURN TO THE BEACH SHORE. TO PASS THE TIME, THEY DECIDE TO PLAY A FUN MUSICAL GAME IN WHICH THEY MUST CORRECTLY GUESS THE NAME OF THE CARTOON SHOW THAT ONE OF THEM HUMS THE THEME MUSIC TO. THE SHOWS NAMED INCLUDE CLASSIC CARTOON SHOWS, INCLUDING _LOONEY TUNES_, _THE SIMPSONS_, _SCOOBY-DOO_, AND _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_ AS WELL AS GREAT MACABRE DARK COMEDY CARTOONS SIMILAR TO _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES LIKE _COURAGE THE COWARDLY DOG_ AND _THE SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR_. THE BOAT MEN THEN DECIDE TO PLAY DEADLY GAMES AT SEA THAT RESULT IN ONE OF THEM BEING EATEN BY A GIANT ANGLER FISH. THEN COMES THE SHOCKING MASK SEQUENCE IN WHICH CHARACTERS FROM THE CARTOON SHOWS NAMED MAKE CAMEO APPEARANCES, INCLUDING DAFFY DUCK, HOMER SIMPSON, SPONGEBOB, SCOOBY-DOO, COURAGE, AND EVEN ROD SERLING UNTIL THE FINAL MASK IS SHED TO REVEAL THAT THE OTHER PERSON IS REALLY NARRATOR TOM SURFING HIMSELF. THUS, THE FILM BEGINS WITH A PERFECTLY SPOOKY AND SILLY TWIST BEGINNING AS TOM SURFING WELCOMES THE READERS TO THE SERIES FINALE FILM. OVERALL, THIS BRIEF BUT ENGAGING PROLOGUE SETS THE DARK AND FUNNY TONE FOR THE REST OF THE MOVIE AND SERVES AS A GREAT HOMAGE TO ALL GREAT CARTOON SHOWS, ESPECIALLY THE DARK COMEDY ONES THAT INSPIRED THE CREATION OF _THE TIDAL ZONE SERIES_ ITSELF.

2 JUDGMENT KNIGHT – AS STATED BEFORE, THIS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL WAS ORIGINALLY MY FIRST CHOICE FOR THE FIRST SEGMENT OF _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE_ SINCE I WANTED AT LEAST ONE HORROR SUPERNATURAL STORY IN THE FILM. HOWEVER, I NOW CONSIDER "THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY RISES" AS THE ACTUAL FIRST SEGMENT OF THE FILM TO MAKE THE SERIES FINALE CONSIST ENTIRELY OF STORIES IN WHICH SPONGEBOB IS THE MAIN PROTAGONIST. SINCE I HAVE ALREADY REVIEWED THE EASTER SPECIAL, I WILL NOW REVIEW THIS HALLOWEEN SPECIAL IN ITS PLACE. THIS IS ANOTHER PERFECT HALLOWEEN TALE AND MAY BE THE BEST HALLOWEEN EPISODE OF THE SERIES. LIKE ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE ABOUT SUPERNATURAL REVENGE "MAGIC BIRTHDAY MASKS," THIS STORY CENTERS ON A VILLAIN RECEIVING JUST SUPERNATURAL PUNISHMENT FOR HIS CRIMES. THIS EPISODE WAS ACTUALLY INSPIRED BY A SEGMENT OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE MOVIE_ THAT WAS NEVER MADE. THE SEGMENT WOULD HAVE BEEN A HALLOWEEN STORY ABOUT A NEIGHBORHOOD BULLY BEING ATTACKED BY REAL MONSTERS ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT. HOWEVER, THE HALLOWEEN EPISODE WAS SADLY NEVER MADE AS ANOTHER CLASSIC EPISODE SERVED AS ITS REPLACEMENT IN THE ANTHOLOGY FILM. IN THIS TALE, FLATS THE FLOUNDER SERVES AS A BULLY ONCE AGAIN LIKE HE DID IN THE _SPONGEBOB_ SERIES. IT IS HALLOWEEN AND FLATS, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE, IS DRESSED IN HIS OWN SPECIAL COSTUME. AFTER PLAYING MANY CRUEL AND DANGEROUS PRANKS ON ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES AND ESPECIALLY ON SPONGEBOB AND HIS FRIENDS, FLATS IS SUDDENLY FORCED TO FACE HARSH PUNISHMENT FOR HIS NIGHT OF HORRORS. THE FLYING DUTCHMAN DECIDES TO BEGIN HIS JUDGMENT NIGHT, CAUSING ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES TO TURN INTO THE REAL MONSTERS OF THEIR COSTUMES AND ATTACK FLATS. THE SEQUENCES OF FLATS' PRANKS AND TORTUROUS PUNISHMENTS ARE FULL OF LAUGHS, SCARES, AND AWE AS ALL THE GOTHIC MONSTERS OF FICTION SEEM TO REIGN DOWN UPON THE POOR BULLY AND SERVE TRUE SUPERNATURAL JUSTICE. MANY FAMOUS HALLOWEEN MONSTERS APPEAR IN THIS EPISODE, GIVING IT THE BEST HALLOWEEN TONE, AND ALL THE MAIN SEVEN SPONGEBOB CHARACTERS LIKEWISE BECOME SCARY MONSTERS. THE COUNTLESS MONSTERS APPEARING IN THE EPISODE INCLUDE THE VAMPIRE COUNT DRACULA, THE WOLF MAN, WITCHES AND WIZARDS, LIVING DOLLS, MUMMIES, HEADLESS HORSEMEN, FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER, ALIENS, ZOMBIES, WILD BEASTS, THE MUPPETS, DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE, THE RAVEN AND THE ORANGUTAN FROM THE HORROR SHORT STORIES OF EDGAR ALLAN POE, THE INVISIBLE MAN, DEVILS, THE GILLMAN, THE ELEPHANT MAN, GHOSTS, AND THE HUNCHBACK OF NOTRE DAME. AFTER RECEIVING AN ENDLESS NIGHT OF TERRORS EVEN WORSE THAN THOSE HE CAUSED, FLATS ESCAPES THE EVIL CITY TO GOO LAGOON, WHERE HE HORRIFICALLY DISCOVERS THAT HE HAS TURNED INTO THE UGLY, DEFORMED MONSTER OF HIS OWN COSTUME, DROWNS IN THE WATERS FROM HIS NEW MONSTROUS WEIGHT, AND THEN HAS HIS GHOST TAKEN TO THE UNDERWORLD BY THE FLYING DUTCHMAN TO END THE SCARY STORY WITH A HARSH BUT NECESSARY CONCLUSION OF JUSTICE. DESPITE THE SUPERNATURAL PLOT TWIST OCCURRING VERY EARLY IN THE STORY, THE SHOCKING MONSTER ATTACKS MAKE THE STORY ENGAGING FROM BEGINNING TO END. OVERALL, THIS EPISODE FEELS LIKE A PERFECT GOTHIC SPECIAL AND TRULY BRINGS THE FINAL SPIRIT OF HALLOWEEN TO THE SERIES WITH ENDLESS SCARES, LAUGHS, AND SHOCKS.

3 THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL – DESPITE HAVING ALMOST NO SUPERNATURAL ELEMENTS, THIS CREEPY TALE OF RELENTLESS INJUSTICE, CORRUPT SECRET SOCIETIES, AND PSYCHOLOGICAL HORROR IS EASILY ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING AND SURREAL EPISODES OF THE SERIES. THIS IS THE ONLY TRUE SPANDY EPISODE IN WHICH THE ROMANCE BETWEEN SPONGEBOB AND SANDY, THOUGH LIGHT, IS A BIG PART OF THE STORY. THE SHOCKING TWIST ENDING HAS ONE OF THE BEST AND MOST INAPPROPRIATE PUNCH LINES OF THE ENTIRE SERIES. THIS EPISODE IS THE PERFECT PARODY OF FRANZ KAFKA'S _TWILIGHT ZONE_-LIKE TALE ABOUT ENDLESS LEGAL PERSECUTION, THE NOVEL CALLED _THE TRIAL_, IN WHICH THE SUPPOSED SECRET CRIME OF ITS ABUSED PROTAGONIST IS ACTUALLY NEVER REVEALED. IN THIS STORY, SPONGEBOB IS ARRESTED, ATTACKED, AND HARASSED BY CRABBY NINJAS AND CORPORATE DRONES WORKING FOR THE MYSTERIOUS CRUST CRABBY COURT THAT IS THE HIGHEST LAW IN THE WORLD OCEAN AND OPERATES UNDER THE EQUALLY MYSTERIOUS NATURAL LAW. HE UNDERGOES SOCIAL RIDICULE, ISOLATION, AND LOSS OF ANY LIFE NORMALCY AS HIS LIFE QUICKLY SPIRALS OUT OF CONTROL AND HE BEGINS THE MOST CORRUPT LEGAL PROCESS EVER INVENTED. THE SEQUENCES OF HIS PERSECUTION AND THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL ITSELF ARE BEYOND CREEPY AND DISTURBING, BUT THERE IS ENOUGH COMIC RELIEF TO REMIND THE READERS THAT THE STORY IS A PARODY FULL OF DARK HUMOR. HIS FRIENDS AND FAMILY ARE TAKEN AWAY FROM HIM AND UNABLE TO HELP HIM AGAINST THE ALL-POWERFUL, OMNIPRESENT SECRET CRUSTACEAN SOCIETY, AND THERE IS AN ENDLESSLY HOPELESS SEQUENCE OF SPONGEBOB SEEKING HELP AND PATHETICALLY FIGHTING HIS ENEMIES AS HIS COUNTDOWN TO JUDGMENT DAY LOOMS EVER CLOSER. THIS TALE OF HARSH MORAL JUDGMENT IS EVEN MORE UNNERVING THAN THE PREDECESSOR EPISODE "JUDGMENT KNIGHT." THE NAUSEATING AND ABSURD PROCESS CULMINATES IN SPONGEBOB LEARNING HOW HOPELESS HIS LEGAL BATTLE IS FROM THE DELICIOUSLY VILLAINOUS FLYING DUTCHMAN BEFORE SPONGEBOB'S LIFE SUDDENLY RETURNS TO NORMAL FOR A BRIEF TIME. THOUGH THIS TALE FEELS LIKE A NIGHTMARE FOR SPONGEBOB, SPONGEBOB IS CERTAINLY NOT DREAMING. THERE ARE SOME HINTS ABOUT WHAT CRIME SPONGEBOB IS GUILTY OF, BUT THE TWIST ENDING IS STILL HORRIFICALLY SHOCKING AS SPONGEBOB IS EXECUTED BY BEING EATEN ALIVE BY NEMATODES. HIS CRIME IS IRRESPONSIBLY AND UNNATURALLY HAVING A MUTANT CHILD WITH SANDY CAUSED BY THEIR FORBIDDEN LOVE THAT IS HINTED TO HAVE OCCURRED FROM SPONGEBOB AND SANDY GETTING DRUNK AT THE LAST CHRISTMAS EGGNOG PARTY AND HIM ACCIDENTALLY KNOCKING HER UP! THIS WILDLY INAPPROPRIATE PUNCH LINE BRINGS GREAT COMEDY TO THE OTHERWISE HAUNTING TALE, AND IT BARELY ESCAPES FROM ENTERING FULL ON ADULT HUMOR SINCE THE NIGHT OF FORBIDDEN LOVE BETWEEN THE LIFELONG FRIENDS IS OBVIOUSLY NEVER SHOWN. THUS, THIS TRAGIC STORY TURNS OUT TO BE A LOVE STORY EVEN MORE SAD THAN ITS PREDECESSOR EPISODE "SUMMER OF LOVE." OVERALL, THIS IS THE BEST PSYCHOLOGICALLY HORRIFIC EPISODE OF THE SERIES AND ITS PERFECT TWIST ENDING MAKES THIS STORY ONE OF THE BEST OF THE SERIES DESPITE ITS LACK OF THE GOTHIC AND SCIENCE FICTION ELEMENTS THAT MADE THE SERIES SO GREAT.

4 3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY – AND SO THE FINAL EPISODE OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES COMMENCES! THIS FINALE EPISODE IS OBVIOUSLY THE PERFECT PARODY OF THE GREATEST FILM EVER MADE, _2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY_. THE SCI-FI CLASSIC IS THE MOST SURREAL AND AMAZING FILM I HAVE EVER SEEN WITH ITS TRIP TO THE SAVAGE APE ANCESTORS OF MAN IN THE PAST OF PREHISTORIC AFRICA, ITS TRIP TO THE MOON WITH THE UTOPIAN TECHNOLOGY OF THE FUTURE, ITS OMINOUS BLACK MONOLITH, ITS TERRIFIC AND HORRIFIC JOURNEY THROUGH THE STARS AND WONDERS OF THE COSMOS, ITS BATTLE WITH THE EVIL CYCLOPS ROBOT, ITS PSYCHEDELIC STAR GATE SEQUENCE, AND ITS SHOCKINGLY BEAUTIFUL CONCLUSION THAT RETURNS A NEW GOD TO EARTH. THE BREATHTAKING IMAGERY OF THE ENDLESS EONS OF TIME AND ENDLESS WONDERS OF OUTER SPACE, CLASSICAL MUSIC, BLEND OF MANY SCI-FI THEMES, AND MYSTICAL AND AWESOME HEAVENLY CONCLUSION MAKE THE FILM A TRUE WORK OF ART LIKE THE PAINTINGS OF THE RENAISSANCE. BY PARODYING THIS PERFECT SCI-FI FILM, I KNEW I WOULD END _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES IN A PERFECTLY EPIC MANNER. LIKE THE FILM IT PARODIES, THIS EPISODE CONSISTS OF FOUR MAIN ACTS. THE FIRST ACT "DAWN OF THE KRABBY PATTY" DEALS WITH THE EVOLUTION OF THE WILD PREHISTORIC ANCESTORS OF ALL BIKINI BOTTOMITES, THE INVENTION OF THE FIRST KRABBY PATTY, THE BEGINNING OF THE HISTORIC RIVALRY BETWEEN THE KRUSTY KRAB AND CHUM BUCKET, AND THE BEGINNING OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE CREATURES OF THE SEAS OF EARTH AND THE GODLIKE ALIENS FROM THE HEAVENS. THE YELLOW SQUARE MONOLITH MAKES ITS FIRST APPEARANCE, BRINGING GREAT HUMOR TO THE STORY BY COMBINING THE IMAGE OF SPONGEBOB WITH THE OMINOUS MONOLITH FROM THE _SPACE ODYSSEY_ FILM. THE ANCIENT SPONGE PATTY FLIPPER RELIES ON MECHANICAL TOOLS FOR HIS SUPERIORITY AND EVOLUTION BUT HIS SPONGY DESCENDANTS' JOURNEY WILL MOVE FAR BEYOND MACHINES AND MATTER. SPONGEBOB'S APELIKE ANCESTOR PATTY FLIPPER IS THE FIRST SPONGE TO ENCOUNTER THE YELLOW MONOLITH TO BEGIN THE SPONGE ODYSSEY THROUGH TIME AND SPACE. THE SECOND ACT "THE MYSTERIOUS CHEESY MOON ROCK" JUMPS TO THE FAR FUTURE IN THE YEAR 3000, IN WHICH SEA CREATURES HAVE TRAVELED INTO OUTER SPACE AND LANDED ON THE MOON, WHICH IS A LITERALLY CHEESY WONDERLAND. THE HISTORIC RIVALRY BETWEEN THE CHUM BUCKET AND KRUSTY KRAB HAS RESULTED IN A COLD WAR, SPACE RACE, AND DIVIDED FUTURISTIC BIKINI BOTTOM. DESPITE THE SEA CREATURES' TECHNOLOGICAL MARVELS AND ACCELERATING EVOLUTION BEYOND EARTH, THEIR CULTURAL IMMATURITY THREATENS THEIR VERY EXISTENCE THROUGH THEIR OWN APOCALYPTIC SUPERWEAPONS. THE ASTRONAUT DESCENDANTS OF THE _SPONGEBOB_ CHARACTERS DISCOVER THE SAME YELLOW SQUARE ALIEN MONOLITH ON THE CHEESE MOON, RESULTING IN THEIR REALIZATION THAT HIGHER POWERS HAVE BEEN WATCHING THEM FROM THE HEAVENS FOR A LONG TIME. THIS SHOCKING REVELATION RESULTS IN THE SEA CREATURES SENDING A SPACE VESSEL TO THE PLANET NEPTUNE TO FINALLY ESTABLISH FIRST CONTACT WITH EXTRATERRESTRIAL LIFE. THE THIRD ACT, THE HILARIOUSLY NAMED "THE BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN'S MONSTER," INVOLVES THE CLIMATIC BATTLE OF THE STORY. THE FUTURE ASTRONAUT DESCENDANTS OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK MUST CONFRONT THE HOMICIDAL SUPERCOMPUTER KAREN 1000 BEFORE THEIR INTERSTELLAR JOURNEY IS DOOMED. THE GREATEST HUMOR OF THE EPIC STORY IS IN THIS ACT AS THE CLUELESS ASTRONAUTS FIGHT A BATTLE IN OUTER SPACE WITH THE KILLER ROBOTIC FEMME FETALE, RESULTING IN THE DEATHS OF THE REST OF THE ASTRONAUT CREW, THE DEFEAT OF THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER, THE FUTURE SPONGEBOB'S REJECTION OF THE EVOLUTIONARY DEAD END OF CYBERNETIC EVOLUTION AND THE NOW OBSOLETE NATURE OF TOOLS AND MATTER FOR AN IMMINENT IMMATERIAL EXISTENCE, AND THE SPACE VOYAGE REACHING ITS DESTINATION, THE PLANET NEPTUNE WHERE THE SAME YELLOW SQUARE MONOLITH OMINOUSLY WAITS AND BECKONS FOR HIS NEW JOURNEY BEYOND THE INFINITE. IN THE FINAL ACT "NEPTUNE AND BEYOND THE RIDICULOUS," THE HERO SPONGEBOB ENTERS THE MONOLITH STAR GATE AND IS READY TO MEET THE ALIEN GODS. THE RESULTING PSYCHEDELIC JOURNEY THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE, TOWARDS THE ORIGIN, DISSOLUTION, AND REBIRTH OF THE UNIVERSE, AND THEN TO HYPERSPACE BEYOND THE UNIVERSE IS THE MOST SURREAL AND BEAUTIFUL SEQUENCE OF THE ENTIRE _TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES. BECAUSE THE STAR GATE SEQUENCE IS SO DAMN TRIPPY LIKE SPONGEBOB TRIPPING ON ACID, IT LEADS TO SPONGEBOB EXPERIENCING THE ULTIMATE MYSTICAL REVELATION. WITH REFERENCES TO HINDU UPANISHAD PHILOSOPHY, WHICH I FOUND AS PERSONALLY FASCINATING AS THE SCI-FI NOVELS OF ARTHUR C. CLARKE AT THE TIME OF WRITING _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES, SPONGEBOB ESSENTIALLY BECOMES BRAHMAN, SYMBOLIZING HIS ENLIGHTENMENT AND DIVINE TRANSFORMATION BEYOND ALL THE PHENOMENAL WORLDS, BEFORE RETURNING IN A HIGH GOD ALIEN FORM TO ENLIGHTEN HIS FELLOW SEA CREATURES ABOUT THE TRUE INFINITE NATURE OF REALITY. AFTER REACHING THIS MYSTICAL PEAK, SPONGEBOB RETURNS TO HIS BODY, LANDS IN AN ALIEN ZOO, UNDERGOES OLD AGE AND DEATH, AND IS FINALLY TRANSFORMED BY THE SPONGY ALIEN BEINGS OF LIGHT INTO THE SPONGE CHILD, MAKING HIM ONE OF THEM. THE BABY GOD SPONGE CHILD THEN MAJESTICALLY RETURNS TO EARTH AND SAVES BIKINI BOTTOM FROM DESTRUCTION VIA ITS OWN SUPERWEAPONS. AS ALL THE SEA CREATURES SEE THE NEW SPONGY GOD ABOVE THE PLANET, THE SPONGE ODYSSEY IS COMPLETE AS SPONGEBOB HAS FULFILLED HIS DESTINY TO TRAVEL BEYOND THE UNIVERSE AND BECOME DIVINE, ENDING THIS PERFECT SHAGGY GOD STORY ON A BEAUTIFULLY EPIC NOTE. THIS PARODY REMAKE IS VERY FAITHFUL TO THE FILM AND NOVEL AND PARODIES THEM THROUGH PERFECT NAUTICAL AND COSMIC NONSENSE. THUS, THE SERIES ENDS ON A PERFECT HIGH NOTE WITHOUT JUMPING THE SHARK AND MAKES SPONGEBOB THE ULTIMATE HERO, SATISFACTORILY ENDING THE MOVIE FINALE AND THE ENTIRE SERIES WITH EPIC COSMIC OPTIMISM. OVERALL, THIS IS EASILY ONE OF THE TOP EPISODES, IF NOT THE ACTUAL BEST EPISODE, OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_, PROVING THAT THE SERIES WAS THE PERFECT PARODY FAN FICTION THAT COMBINED THE LOVABLE SEAWORLD OF SPONGEBOB WITH GREAT SCIENCE FICTION AND FANTASY. AS THE SERIES FINALLY ENDS, I CAN ONLY THANK NEPTUNE FOR THE INSPIRATION OF GREAT CREATIVE GENIUSES LIKE STANLEY KUBRICK, ARTHUR C. CLARKE, RAY BRADBURY, ISAAC ASIMOV, ROD SERLING, AND STEPHEN HILLENBURG.

5 TREEDOME OF TERROR – BEFORE THIS FINAL EPILOGUE, WE ONCE AGAIN HEAR THE FIRST OPENING NARRATION OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_ BY NARRATOR TOM SURFING, BRINGING THE SERIES FULL CIRCLE, ENDING IT WITH GREAT NOSTALGIA, AND REMINDING US THAT WE HAVE JUST CONCLUDED OUR OWN IMAGINATIVE ODYSSEY INTO THE ULTIMATE SEAWORLD. THEN WE GET THE ULTIMATE TWIST ENDING OF THE ENTIRE SERIES AS IT IS REVEALED THAT THE ENTIRE SERIES WAS ONLY A COLLECTION OF FICTIONAL HALLOWEEN STORIES SHARED BY SPONGEBOB AND HIS BEST FRIENDS INSIDE SANDY'S TREEDOME OF TERROR. HOWEVER, THE MAGICAL NATURE OF THE SERIES BRINGS THE FICTIONAL TOM SURFING TO LIFE, RESULTING IN THE HILARIOUS DEATHS AND SKELETON TRANSFORMATIONS OF SPONGEBOB, PATRICK, SANDY, SQUIDWARD, MR. KRABS, PLANKTON, AND GARY AS THEY AND TOM SURFING REMIND ALL CHILDREN THAT SMOKING KILLS, A RUNNING GAG OF THE SERIES, AND WISH THEIR FINAL GOODBYES TO ALL FANS OF THE SPINOFF SERIES. WITH THIS DEMOLITION OF THE FOURTH WALL AND THE REFERENCE TO THE INSPIRING _SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR_, _THE TIDAL ZONE _FINALLY ENDS FOREVER. THUS, AFTER NEARLY A YEAR OF CREATIVE FAN FICTION WRITING FOR THE YEAR OF 2013, _THE TIDAL ZONE_ SERIES IS COMPLETE AND I MYSELF HAVE CONCLUDED MY OWN EPIC HALLOWEEN MARATHON INTO THE WATERY WORLD AS SPACIOUS AS OUTER SPACE AND AS ETERNAL AS TEMPORAL ETERNITY. OVERALL, I LOVE _THE TIDAL ZONE_ FROM BEGINNING TO END, FROM THE GOTHIC UNDERWATER NIGHTMARES TO THE SCI-FI MISADVENTURES, AND, DESPITE ITS FLAWS, I LOVED WRITING ALL OF IT. ALTHOUGH I LOVE _SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS_ AND _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_, _THE TIDAL ZONE_ WILL ALWAYS BE MY FAVORITE FICTIONAL SEAWORLD. IN CONCLUSION, I WOULD LIKE TO THANK ALL FANS OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_ FOR THEIR SUPPORT, GIVE MYSELF A BIG APPRECIATIVE PAT ON THE BACK, AND FINALLY RETIRE FROM WRITING FAN FICTION.

_THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODES GUIDE TO _THE TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES

SUMMARY

THE MAJORITY OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES ARE _SPONGEBOB _PARODIES OF CLASSIC 1960s _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODES. HOWEVER, SEVERAL EPISODES FROM BOTH THE 1980s and 2000s VERSIONS OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ ARE ALSO PARODIED IN _THE TIDAL ZONE_. FINALLY, THERE ARE A FEW OTHER _THE TIDAL ZONE_ PARODIES OF SCI-FI AND HORROR WORKS FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISES NOT RELATED TO _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ SERIES BUT WHICH SHARE STRONG THEMATIC SIMILARITIES WITH THE CLASSIC SERIES. THE FOLLOWING GUIDE LISTS THE WORKS UPON WHICH _THE TIDAL ZONE_ EPISODES ARE BASED. ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE EPISODES GUIDE ARE THE TITLES OF _THE TWILIGHT ZONE_ EPISODES AND OTHER PRIMARY WORKS, AND ON THE RIGHT SIDE ARE THE TITLES OF _THE TIDAL ZONE_ PARODIES.

SEASON 1

0 "I SHOT AN ARROW INTO THE AIR"/"PEOPLE ARE ALIKE ALL OVER" – "THE EUROPA EXHIBIT"

1 _PLANET OF THE APES _(FILM FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) - "SEAWORLD OF THE APES"

2 "EYE OF THE BEHOLDER" - "FACE OF THE BEAST"

3 "THE AFTER HOURS" - "TOY STORY"

4 "WHERE IS EVERYBODY?"/"TIME ENOUGH AT LAST"- "THE LAST SEA MAN"

5 "LIVING DOLL" - "TALKING TEDDY"

6 "NIGHTMARE AT 20,000 FEET" - "NIGHTMARE IN A VACUUM"

7 "SHADOW PLAY" - "LUCID INJUSTICE"

8 "FIVE CHARACTERS IN SEARCH OF AN EXIT" - "SEVEN PRISONERS IN SEARCH OF ONE ANSWER"

9 "THE MONSTERS ARE DUE ON MAPLE STREET" - "THE COOKIE MONSTERS ARE IN BIKINI BOTTOM"

10 "TO SERVE MAN" - "TO SERVE CUSTOMERS AND EMPLOYEES"

SEASON 2

11 "THE HITCH-HIKER" - "THE GHOST STALKER"

12 "WILL THE REAL MARTIAN PLEASE STAND UP?" - "WILL THE REAL WITCH OR WIZARD PLEASE LEAVE?"

13 "THE ODYSSEY OF FLIGHT 33"/TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE ("TIME OUT") - "ODYSSEY OF THE FLYING DUTCHMAN"

14 "THE LONELY" - "SUMMER OF LOVE"

15 "THE SHELTER" - "THE LAST HAVEN OF THE SEA"

16 "THE INVADERS" - "THE LITTLE EXPLORERS"

17 "NEED TO KNOW" - "YOU WANNA KNOW?"

18 "A GAME OF POOL"/"DEALER'S CHOICE" - "DEADLY POOL GAME"

19 "STOPOVER IN A QUIET TOWN" - "ALIEN ABDUCTION TO AN EMPTY KINGDOM"

20 "MIRROR IMAGE"/"SOMETHING IN THE WALLS" - "TWO DOUBLES"

SEASON 3

21 "THE MASKS" - "MAGIC BIRTHDAY MASKS"

22 "THE DUMMY" - "THE PUPPET MASTER"

23 "THE HOWLING MAN" - "CRYING CYCLOPS"

24 "KICK THE CAN"/"NOTHING IN THE DARK" - "DODGE THE BALL"

25 "YOU DRIVE" - "THE DONATION"

26 "AND WHEN THE SKY WAS OPENED" - "THE INVISIBLE MACHINE"

27 "THE OBSOLETE MAN" - "THE SCARED HAS-BEEN OF 2084"

28 "THE FEVER" - "THE HELL-O CASIN-O"

29 "A NICE PLACE TO VISIT" - "A DREAM COME TRUE"

30 "NUMBER 12 LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU" - "BEAUTY AND THE BEAST"

SEASON 4

31 "THE MIDNIGHT SUN"/"A KIND OF A STOPWATCH" - "TO FREEZE TIME"

32 "A THING ABOUT MACHINES" - "THE HOARDERS"

33 "THE ARRIVAL" - "ORDER ONE GRAND"

34 "THE GRAVE" - "THE LITTLE MUMMY"

35 "THE LITTLE PEOPLE" - "SIZE ALWAYS MATTERS"

36 "HE'S ALIVE" - "CITY OF THE LIVING DIRT"

37 "PERSONAL DEMONS" - "EUREKA"

38 "NICK OF TIME" - "THE WISE SEA SERPENT"

39 "THE FOUR OF US ARE DYING"/"CHAMELEON" - "THE FOUR OF US ARE CRYING"

40 "NIGHT CALL"/"LONG DISTANCE CALL" - "THE DEAD PHONE CALL"

SEASON 5

41 "SUNRISE"/"THE BEACON" - "THE YEAR OF THE SPONGE"

42 "LITTLE GIRL LOST"/"AND WHEN THE SKY WAS OPENED" - "LITTLE WILLY LOST"

43 "IT'S A GOOD LIFE" - "VERY SPECIAL PET"

44 "THE SHADOW MAN" - "THE SAND SHARK"

45 "PROBE 7, OVER AND OUT" - "SHAGGY DOG STORY"

46 "THE MAN IN THE BOTTLE" - "I DREAM OF DUTCH MEN"

47 "DEATH SHIP" - "THE GHOST SHIP"

48 "A SMALL TALENT FOR WAR" - "A PETTY NEIGHBORHOOD SHOW"

49 "A STOP AT WILLOUGHBY" - "SUPER SQUID RETURNS"

50 "WALKING DISTANCE" - "RUNNING DISTANCE"

SEASON 6

51 "HUNTED" - "BRAVE NEW SEAWORLD"

52 "THE EXECUTIONS OF GRADY FINCH" - "JUSTICE IS SERVED"

53 "I SHOT AN ARROW INTO THE AIR" - "WE SHOT A SUB INTO MUSHROOM CITY"

54 "THE JUNGLE" - "JUNGLE TO JUNGLE"

55 "I AM THE NIGHT-COLOR ME BLACK" - "THE DAY THE SEA FROZE STILL"

56 "THE HAPPY PLACE" - "THE FINAL REST"

57 "PEOPLE ARE ALIKE ALL OVER" - "HOLIDAY IN ROCK BOTTOM"

58 "A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS" - "A JELLY JAR FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"

59 "THIRD FROM THE SUN" - "BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC"

60 _TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE_ ("HALLOWEEN") – "JUDGMENT KNIGHT"

SEASON 7

61 _THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT_ (FILM FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) - "THE FLYING DUTCHMAN PROJECT"

62 "MONSTERS!" – "SEAWOLVES!"

63 _PLANET OF THE APES _(FILM FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) – "PLANET OF THE JELLYFISH"

64 "TO SERVE MAN" – "TO SERVE PIGS"

65 "THE NEW EXHIBIT" – "TIKI HOUSE OF WAX"

66 "THE LAST QUESTION" (SHORT STORY FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) – "THE ALPHA AND OMEGA QUESTION"

67 "A SOUND OF THUNDER" (SHORT STORY FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) – "A SOUND OF NUTCRACKERS"

68 "THE PURPLE TESTAMENT" – "THE SIXTH SENSE"

69 "TO SERVE MAN"/"NEED TO KNOW" – "THE SECRET FORMULA"

70 "THE BEWITCHIN' POOL" – "THE INTERTIDAL ZONE: THE BIKINI BOTTOM POOL"

SERIES FINALE

1 _TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE_ PROLOGUE ("REALLY SCARY") - _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE - PROLOGUE: THE DEADLIEST GAME _

2 "NIGHT OF THE MEEK" – _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART ONE – THE DARK SPONGEBUNNY RISES_

3 _THE TRIAL_ (FILM FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) - _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART TWO - THE SPONGY SHOW TRIAL _

4 _2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY_ (FILM FROM DIFFERENT FRANCHISE) - _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE, PART THREE - 3001: A SPONGE ODYSSEY _

5 _TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE_ EPILOGUE ("EVEN SCARIER") - _THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE - THE END_

6 _THE SIMPSONS TREEHOUSE OF HORROR – THE TIDAL ZONE MOVIE – TREEDOME OF TERROR ENDING_

THE END


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